215: Best Advice Vol 2: Make It Your Own (with Cat Reitman)

Summary

Podcast Summary

We're Here to Help

Episode 215: Best Advice Vol 2: Make It Your Own (with Cat Reitman)

Release Date: October 8, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Cat Reitman (Workin’ Moms)

Episode Overview

This episode of We're Here to Help centers on callers (and emailers) sharing the best advice they’ve ever received—either from Jake & Gareth, another source, or life experience. The episode features notable Canadian actress, writer, and director Cat Reitman as a guest “helper,” joining in on banter, listener stories, and personal confessionals. Returning to their “Best Advice” format, the hosts reflect on the value of adapting advice for your own life, making things fun, and knowing when to take a risk. The episode maintains the show’s signature spontaneous, comedic energy, filled with stories from show business, parenting, and the hosts’ shared history.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

[00:19–07:19] Intro & Welcome Cat Reitman

• Hosts sing Cat Reitman’s praises: Jake and Gareth express genuine affection and admiration for Cat, noting her comedic chops and talents.
  • “She is so good at doing that sort of stuff. She's the best. I've known her forever...” (Gareth, 01:28)
• Quick nostalgia for their roots in experimental, alt-comedy and how the podcast scratches that creative itch, just like black box theater used to.

[07:20–14:41] Caller 1: Whitney—“Make Oatmeal Your Own”

• Caller: Whitney
• Issue: Can’t stand the consistency of oatmeal, even though she loves the smell and oatmeal cookies.
• Breakthrough Advice: A coworker showed her that straying from instructions—using much less water—resulted in an oatmeal she could enjoy, with a cookie-dough-like texture.
  • Whitney: “Sometimes the exact directions are not the right directions.” (13:34)
  • Jake: “I love that. Actually, I fully agree with that.” (13:39)
• Takeaway: Personalizing even trivial advice can unlock joy or satisfaction; “make it your own” isn’t just for cooking.

[16:05–25:16] Caller 2: Katie—“Make It Fun for Yourself & Your Kids”

• Caller: Katie from Raleigh, NC
• Issue: Struggling to get her 5-year-old son to floss daily.
• Application of Old Advice: Inspired by an older “Long Island Lisa” call (a mom created a fun character for her daughter), Katie invents “Dr. Brunhilde,” a German dentist persona, to make flossing fun.
  • “Every night I come in with the floss, like, pick thing and say, ‘Oh, hello, child. This is Dr. Brunhilda here. To Fluffy, your tea.’” (Katie, 21:17)
• Additional Parenting Tips: Is careful not to “overshadow” mom with the fun character; “prize box” rewards are actually piggyback rides and playful attention, not material goods.
• Hosts & Cat Chime In: Cat shares her own breakfast musical improv to entice her child to eat, reflecting how adaptability and playfulness help in parenting.
• Takeaway: Imagination, play, and flexibility can transform daily drudgery—advice and routines are most effective when customized for your family.

[32:00–41:37] Caller 3: Sophie—“Ask for What You Want When You Have Nothing To Lose”

• Caller: Sophie (pseudonym)
• Issue: Had two job offers—one boring but stable, one “bad boy” job that was cooler but riskier with lower pay.
• Advice Received: Her boyfriend suggests asking the “bad boy” company for something “ridiculous”—i.e., a much bigger signing bonus matching the offer gap.
  • “If you have nothing to lose, I guess ask for something crazy, and if they give it to you, you get what you want.” (Sophie, 40:57)
• Result: Company gives her a $20k sign-on bonus (“That’s a real bonus bonus.” —Jake, 37:16)
• Aftermath: The job winds up being terrible, but Sophie lands on her feet later.
• Hosts’ Take: Sometimes, taking a bold swing makes sense if you have a safety net, but don’t mistake a “big offer” for long-term happiness.

[42:22–47:19] Listener Email & Bad Advice Section

• Email from Carly: Veteran teacher shares that if you need to pass gas in class, do it behind the most annoying or mean student so they get blamed. Jake and Cat share similar (but less effective) bad advice stories from childhood (“Just make sounds so no one knows it was you”—Jake, 43:12).
• Discussion: The funniest or worst advice can sometimes backfire spectacularly—leading to more humiliation, not less.

[44:33–50:29] The Gang’s Own “Worst Advice Received”

• Cat’s Story: Her famous director father told her after an audition, “don’t be afraid to go for it”—which results in her ambushing casting directors with unsolicited extra takes, and bombing.
  • “I can do it a few different ways… And before they could respond, I just started again...” (Cat, 45:48)
• Jake’s Story: Mom told him that if you know someone’s name, they won’t hurt you. Attempting this in a fight, he randomly calls a bully “Chris Cook,” which fails utterly: “And he goes, you’re absolutely right. He knocked me to the ground and beat up my friend.” (Jake, 49:41)
• Gareth’s Story: Early LA advice: don’t be “too familiar” with audition sides—so he would barely prepare, which killed several auditions.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Adapting Advice & Rules:
  “Sometimes the exact directions are not the right directions.”
  — Whitney (13:34)

• On Playful Parenting:
  “Every night I come in with the floss, like, pick thing and say, ‘Oh, hello, child. This is Dr. Brunhilda here. To Fluffy, your tea.’”
  — Katie (21:17)

• On Negotiating With Nothing to Lose:
  “If you have nothing to lose, I guess ask for something crazy, and if they give it to you, you get what you want.”
  — Sophie (40:57)

• On Audition Fails:
  “I can do it a few different ways… And before they could respond, I just started again...”
  — Cat Reitman (45:48)

• On Getting Beat Up for Using the Wrong Name:
  “You’re Chris Cook.” “You’re absolutely right. [He] knocked me to the ground and beat up my friend.”
  — Jake Johnson (49:41)

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Additional Highlights

• [28:00+] Cat & Gareth reminisce about humiliating TV press experiences: Both share the pain of bombing a ceremonial first pitch at a White Sox game while dressed as a bride and groom as a PR stunt for “The Real Wedding Crashers”—and getting epically booed.
• [42:22+] Teachers’ secret tricks: Carly’s 13-year “passing gas” trick and Jake’s failed childhood advice.
• [50:31+] The crew agrees that bad audition stories, and the weird advice that leads to them, could fill entire episodes.

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Thematic Takeaways

• Following instructions “by the book” isn’t always the best path—know when to experiment and personalize advice for your situation.
• Use humor and imagination to make tedious or difficult tasks (especially with kids) easier and more joyful.
• Sometimes seizing an unexpected opportunity—if you have a safety net—can pay off in surprising ways, even if the immediate outcome doesn’t last.
• Not all advice is created equal—learning which rules to break (and how) is part of growing up, parenting, and building a creative life.

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Most Memorable Segment Timestamps

• Whitney’s Oatmeal Fix & Advice – 09:26–14:41
• Katie’s Parenting/Flossing Story – 17:22–25:16
• Sophie’s Job Negotiation Story – 32:00–41:37
• Bad Advice Roundtable: 44:33–50:29

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Tone & Style

The episode is loose, conversational, and full of comedic tangents. The trio blend genuine advice with self-deprecating humor, constantly riffing, doing characters, and scanning for the absurd in everyday struggles. Their dynamic is “friendly bartender meets silly improv night”—equal parts sincere and irreverently goofy.

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Final Reflection

Whether it’s getting kids to floss, negotiating your salary, or just surviving public embarrassment, the episode consistently circles back to the lesson: “Make it your own.” Not all advice is one-size-fits-all—trust yourself to play, experiment, and adapt. And, when in doubt (or if you need to survive a booing baseball crowd), at least leave with a hilarious story.

Transcript

[A]

And we are back with one of the true stars of our show.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

One of the funniest people on planet Earth.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And rapidly becoming one of my favorite people.

[B]

Truly the best. She's the best.

[A]

Such a winner.

[B]

The best, the nicest, the best. And always, always shooting so good.

[A]

We texted her afterwards because she's somebody like Eric and Steve. I'm not afraid to say, come back on the show. Come back on the show. Danny J, my brother, come back on the show. Justin Long, I could push him a little bit. The new girl cast, I can't push. Lamorne. I could push. But Zoe, I can't just say, come back on the show. She'll be like, I would love to. Let's get lunch.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Max will go, do I have to do the zoom thing? I'm like, yes.

[B]

The idea that you're opposed to zoom.

[A]

I know, it's crazy. But Kat Reitman is somebody because she's more your friend. I don't feel comfortable. I want to push her hard. I want her on all the time. I want her to.

[B]

She seemed to say that she was down for that. I mean, that seems want her to.

[A]

Have her own day.

[B]

She. No, now you're pushing. Now you're Jing. No, but she. She. She is down. But she. You know, it. That is the thing. It's like, I think that's the ultimate compliment you can give to someone is that they just have chemistry with, like, everybody. And she is so good at doing that sort of stuff. She's the best. I've known her forever, and I swear to you, I remember being at her place with her husband, and they were showing me, like, this, like, sizzle reel for working moms.

[C]

And.

[B]

And, I mean, we were just get so used to getting rejected all the time that I was like, all right, maybe. And then it was like, two years later, I was like, jesus Christ. Like, what is happening over here?

[A]

She blew up.

[B]

Yeah. But she deserves to. I mean, she is truly. And you got to remember, she's like. She gets into it on this episode a little bit. She's from a family of just, you know, incredibly talented people. And. But she is the best. So we're very lucky to have her today.

[A]

This episode, we're doing the other format where people are calling in with the best advice they've ever had.

[B]

Yes. So your advice that the show has inspired them, like, there's a. You know, a number of them are advice we've given. They've taken it. How did that apply to their real lives?

[A]

And this one, we're doing less ads because it's fully sponsored by Rocket Money. So we appreciate Rocket money.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And we also like these because then it's less ads.

[B]

Well, and Jake, with all the money you save with rocket money, you could end up going and buying yourself a little Parmesan. Coming to a live show and having me sign it. That's happening all the time now.

[A]

Anybody going to Gar show, everybody bring Parmesan. And if anybody listening is having Gareth come, please Parmesan the floor before he gets on stage.

[B]

That clubs will not appreciate that most comedy clubs do smell like there's been Parmesan on the floor for a while. I'll tell you the stage I was on last night, towards the end of the show, I just looked down, I was like, this, this needs to get cleaned. This is really. This is crazy. This is actually crazy.

[A]

I was back in New York and I guess I'm doing this thing. So I've been there a lot. And I was remembering the. The way I started my career was doing two person shows with Oliver Raleigh, who does our theme song. We did the show called the Midwesterners and we used to rent out theater spaces in the Lower east side. And I was googling them. They're all gone. But they were these spaces created in like the early 90s. There was like the beginning of alt comedy. Just these like cool people would get these tiny little creative spaces like surf reality or collective unconscious and they would just host. You could just rent them and do whatever you wanted. These like little 80 seat theaters.

[B]

Yeah. Like little black socks or whatever.

[A]

Yeah, they were so great.

[B]

Oh, the best.

[A]

They all, like, the guys riding it all had like weird dreads. You know, everything smelled like bad weed.

[B]

And you were so. The idea that you were getting on a stage was. It was everything so exciting.

[A]

It's so scary.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The amount of prayers I would do at that place were like as like literal friends are coming in and I'm in a corner being like, dear God or anybody up there, please help me.

[D]

This is.

[A]

This means the world to me. My arms are shaking. I'm like sipping vodka to control myself, to literally then do dumb characters.

[B]

Well, you think back on that material and you're like, the material was horrible. The joy I felt over horrible material. It is, it is upsetting that that doesn't exist as much as it did. But then that's really like.

[A]

Or maybe it does.

[B]

Well, it does because the Internet is the black box now. Like being able to just put your own stuff out there.

[A]

But maybe there Are people still doing these theaters there? Are we just. I, my. I'm just. I'm not part of the community, but I bet there's a bunch of people still doing it there.

[B]

There are. Think it's now like we were saying with the zoom. It's like, you know, you can do it. Yeah. You can just do. You could. It's not a black box, it's a green screen. They still exist and it still is.

[A]

You know, just a new way of doing, like, for example, this podcast, which has become a really fun way to just be creative and make stuff.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Back in the day, if it was pre Internet and we were still doing everything we were doing, you, me, Eric and Steve would probably have a version of a sketch show that we performed at a theater in LA just so we could all be writing something, getting together and rehearsing it. But we're able to jump in our hotel rooms and do it. Yeah, but especially when we do those chats or this morning, it's just. It's the same energy as it was back then where it feels other than Hollywood, it feels other than the grind. But you're making. It's all the same muscle.

[B]

Totally. I mean, it's just. I don't know. I really do think, like, I love it. I do too. And I think that's the thing. It's like being able to do it with your friends that you met through this stuff is the best. Which reminds us that people should go check out weird here to help if you haven't already. They all have do it again. Go listen again.

[A]

But that's going to be everyone. We're going to do on that every other Friday. We're going to do a Weird here to help with the Kings, Steve and Eric.

[B]

The best moment from that episode is when when Eric says he can solve the old man spirit following the woman around so simply. That call. I'll never stop thinking about it. But wait, before we start the show.

[A]

Though, Jake, no, we don't have time. Come on, it's showtime, baby. Without further I want to do Ado. Damn it.

[B]

Hello.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Hi. Welcome.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Well, you know, we're. We're calling. We're waiting to hear if you have been inspired by the show or what this call is about. But I will say you have Jake, you have me, but you also have Meow. Truly. Jake, don't do that. Truly. One of our favorite, maybe the most requested guest helper in the history of the show.

[D]

Guest help.

[B]

The great cat Rightman is here.

[D]

Meow Meow.

[C]

Oh, thank God.

[B]

Thank God. Oh, thank God is so funny. Oh, thank God. So funny.

[C]

Well, no, because I, like, I hear that you guys miss her a lot, and so I get to talk to her.

[B]

Oh, well, that's nice. I. It would also make sense if you were like, oh, good. Someone to tell them they're wrong.

[D]

Someone.

[A]

I wouldn't describe you, Cat.

[C]

Oh, there's a lot of reasons.

[D]

I wouldn't describe you.

[B]

Can we get your name, please, caller?

[C]

Yes, it's Whitney.

[B]

Hi, Whitney. Welcome aboard.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

All right, Whitney, so what's going on? You tell us where we're at with it, whatever's happening.

[C]

Well, you. You had sent out an email asking for people to come in with, like, the best advice they were given. And I was contacted by sweet, sweet Jessie, some very specific instructions, and here I am.

[B]

Okay, well, what is the advice that you were given that helped you? What was the situation you were in?

[C]

I mean, it's. It's pretty niche and not probably something that a lot of people have, but I cannot stand the consistency of oatmeal. Like, it just looks so disgusting. I don't know if I saw Corky's Revenge where I think they made fake puke out of, like, oatmeal. And so, like, it just forever turned me off. Like, no. And I used to work in an office where with the free coffee and everything, they would also give, like, free oatmeal. Like those little instant oatmeal packets.

[B]

Oh, sure. Okay. That makes more sense. I was picturing, like, meets a cauldron of gruel.

[A]

What year are you living in?

[C]

Vat of gruel, ready to go at all times.

[A]

That makes more sense. No, the little companies. Yeah.

[D]

Whitney, my gut means that you are not alone. I have a feeling there is a huge contingency of people who are totally grueling, grossed out by the consistency of oatmeal. Not alone.

[C]

Yeah, right, right. And so I would get in the summer. Not the summer months.

[D]

Good for you, Jake.

[C]

I mean, good. That's fantastic. You can go anywhere you want and order oatmeal and be happy.

[A]

It doesn't look like barf to me, Whitney.

[B]

Okay, James, you have a different opinion than Whitney's.

[A]

As the great Tiff Whip says, who cares?

[B]

When that happened, you admitted it. Completely undercut the show.

[A]

Yeah, I agree. I'm doing a bad.

[C]

Jesse, I gotta go. Just kidding.

[D]

No quotes needed. No quotes needed there. So you think oatmeal grosses you out?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Right. Oatmeal grosses me out. But I would Because I used to live in the Northwest in the winter months. Man, everybody was eating that oatmeal, and it smelled so amazing, and I had food envy. Like, I would love to enjoy this oatmeal that you wanted to eat.

[B]

The puke.

[A]

This is a turn, Whitney. So you like this because it smells so good?

[C]

Oh, yeah. I love oatmeal cookies. Right? It was just not to be my.

[A]

Dad right now, Whitney.

[B]

But, honey, close your eyes.

[A]

Well, there's a very simple solution.

[B]

Close your eyes and eat. Hold on.

[D]

Jake, is that the sound of your dad? I love his voice.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Whitney, what do you like?

[A]

You like the smell? You want the food. You don't like the way it looks? We got two beautiful things they're called.

[C]

But it was also the consistency. It was the consistency.

[A]

So in your mind, want the mouth taste, Right?

[C]

I don't want the feel.

[A]

I understand.

[C]

Yeah, the mouth feel.

[A]

Okay, I got the mouth feel. That's what I meant. Right.

[C]

So one day I'm in there, and speaking of dad advice, a co worker came in and I was, you know, lamenting about my oatmeal thing. And he goes, I don't want to, like, patronize you or whatever. He goes, but can I make you the oatmeal the way I make it for my children? And I was like, I'll try anything at this point. I'll try anything at this point. And so literally the answer. And maybe this is because I'm also a rule follower. So I was making the oatmeal two instructions, which just made it too soupy and too gross. He added, like, two tablespoons of hot water. That's it. And now it's the consistency of cookie dough. And I could get on board all day long. And I ate it. And now I enjoy instant oatmeal.

[A]

That's actually interesting.

[D]

Totally. Winnie, my youngest son, cannot touch oatmeal unless it's the same exact consistency. Kind of like very, very dry. You could pick it up like a pancake.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Gross.

[D]

I kind of get it.

[C]

Yeah. You put it like 2 tablespoons of water, you kind of stir it together, and it kind of clumps up. And now it's like a bite, a single bite, or maybe two of, like, oatmeal cookie dough. And then I'm on board. I can get involved with that.

[B]

I'm happy you have, you know, found your way. But just to be clear, puke can have a consistency like that. I mean, like a dehydrated.

[A]

Yeah, if you're dehydrated You've barfed a pancake.

[B]

Not a pancake, but after a minute, it could form a pancake. Sure.

[A]

That's. Honest to God, that's scary.

[B]

Yeah. Anyway, I mean, I've never.

[C]

I've never had dry vomit like that. So I want you to go check somebody.

[A]

So, Whitney, if you could.

[B]

Puke can be dry. Go ahead.

[A]

If you could boil the advice you've heard about this, that worked for you into a sentence or two that has less.

[D]

You could fit on a hat.

[A]

Yes. That has less to do with oatmeal. But as an idea of advice that perhaps our audience can take with them, who would that be, in your opinion?

[C]

Sometimes the exact directions are not the right direction.

[A]

I love that. Actually, I fully agree with that.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

Your thoughts, you seem a little bit skeptical. Agreed.

[D]

I'm not sure.

[A]

Such a win.

[D]

Oh, you guys really like it. I feel like I should get on board.

[B]

No, no, go ahead.

[A]

What's your opinion?

[C]

Well, I guess what I would. And maybe the asterisk to it, you know, is that this is only when it comes to food.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Because they keep saying, like, baking is a science and everything like that. Like, sometimes the exact instructions aren't the right instructions.

[A]

Totally. When it comes to food. Totally agree with this.

[B]

Or it could just be make it your own. Yes, make it your own.

[A]

Way less cool, though. Way more generic.

[B]

But it's not just about food.

[A]

It's about everything.

[B]

It's about everything.

[A]

Hers was specifically live love life kind of thing.

[D]

Sort of a. Sort of a. Just do it.

[B]

There you go.

[C]

Just Nike it.

[A]

So, Whitney, I think this is a great call and great usage of the new format. Very interesting. Appreciate it.

[B]

Well done. Well done, Whitney.

[D]

Slim dog.

[C]

Well, I'm glad. Gareth, come back to Vegas. I'll come back and see you again.

[A]

What did you two crazy kids do in Vegas?

[B]

You don't even want to know.

[D]

Just do it.

[B]

Yeah, I think I did a show. I think I did a show for 54 people and went to the hotel.

[C]

Yeah. One guy tap danced on stage because he thought it was his moment.

[B]

I opened. I opened the show up because it was so precarious. Make it your own. Thanks for the call, Whitney. See you soon, babe. Bye.

[A]

Oh, you ready for another Good stuff, Gareth?

[C]

Here you go, Gareth.

[D]

Just side note. I love you so much.

[B]

Well, we Vegas, this our old stop aground.

[D]

Oh, my God. Where we met.

[B]

Where we met. Hello.

[A]

The show I didn't get. You're better for it. You're better.

[B]

I think it worked out Okay.

[A]

I wanted it bad.

[B]

I think it worked out.

[A]

The three of us in Vegas. Could you imagine?

[D]

Can you imagine? Here we go.

[A]

Am I right?

[B]

The butterfly effect. If you'd been on the real Wedding Crashers.

[D]

Not canceled.

[B]

Yeah, no pro.

[A]

Still cancel.

[B]

Still canceled. Let's be honest. Hello there.

[A]

This was weird.

[B]

Terrible caller. Hi.

[C]

Hi, guys.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hey.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

Hi. Well, welcome. We know that this is a little bit of a different episode, so if you have good advice you were given, walk us through the situation, what you were told, or if you've employed advice from the show, let us know that. And I should let you know it's not just gonna be Jake and myself, which is good news for you because we also have the great Cat Reitman.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Hi, Cat.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Sorry.

[D]

Hey, cutie. How are you?

[C]

I'm great.

[D]

What's your name?

[C]

Katie.

[A]

Jake. Oh, I thought you were talking to me with that setup. Hey, cutie. How are you? What's your name? Catier. I thought we were alone at a bar all of a sudden, pal.

[D]

My name is Jake.

[A]

Jake.

[D]

Hi. Katie.

[A]

Katie, we've met before, dear.

[B]

She's talking to.

[D]

By the way, this is how you discover I have Alzheimer's. I'm like, where am I?

[B]

Hi, cutie. Over and over again to Jake.

[A]

How are you doing? I'll take it.

[B]

Not good.

[A]

At my age, I'll take it.

[B]

Hey, cutie. Katie, where are you calling from?

[C]

I am calling from Raleigh, North Carolina.

[B]

Beautiful. Right on. And what? Walk us through. What? What do you have?

[C]

Well, since Cats there, I'll say it's like a little bit of, like, a work and mom's vibe to my story.

[D]

Here we.

[B]

Good show. Kat Reitman, Working Moms. What didn't you do on that project? I'll tell you what she didn't do. Crafty. Everything else she did. Go ahead, Katie.

[D]

Take it easy.

[A]

Still on Netflix.

[B]

Still on Netflix.

[C]

Yes. It's amazing. Have rewatched multiple times. All right, so I'll get right into it. I basically employed, like, the entire premise from the episode that you all did where Kate called in about her daughter Darcy, who only wanted to hang out with Long Island Lisa because, you know, she made. She made it super fun, but it was a little bit too fun. So my problem was that.

[B]

Hold on real quick, Katie. We should probably tell Kat the frame of reference. So basically, we had a caller who, for fun with her daughter, came up with a character called Long Island Lisa. And her daughter loved it so much that she couldn't just be regular mom.

[A]

The Kid didn't want to hang out with.

[B]

She was typecast.

[D]

Oh, that's fantastic.

[A]

The kid would ask for Long Island Lisa, and then when it would be mom, the kid would be like, the game's not as fun.

[B]

Yeah. So she sort of felt her. Her actions.

[A]

She got insecure about the character.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So they became greater than her.

[B]

Katie, what was your situation with this and what happened?

[C]

So I will just say to kind of round that out, that the great advice that Jake and Gareth gave was you need to be super fun too. So, like, come back into the storyline as Kate, AKA mommy, and, like, have a lollipop and, like, make it so that she wants you there too. So I basically took what Kate did and made sure to incorporate Jake and Gareth's advice and the whole thing. So my five year old has two cavities, so I was shamed into making sure that he's flossing every day. My bad.

[D]

Get out of here. Get out of here. No one's doing that.

[B]

Right.

[C]

I know. Well, now we are, so let me tell you about it. So I was like, all right, this kid hates flossing. He's like screaming and fighting me every night. I gotta make this more fun. And so I created a character called Dr. Brunhilde, who is a German dentist who visits our home every evening.

[A]

Pause, pause.

[B]

Katie.

[C]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Can we hear the voice?

[C]

Obviously, I'm super prepared. I will tell you. It's giving a little of Jake's like, international student mixed with like, maybe miss is Doubtfire. It's definitely a very offensive German accent.

[A]

All my characters, my accent work. All my characters have gone to international school, and that's why it's hard to tell where they're from specifically.

[B]

They're terrible. They're not accurate, and they all sound the same.

[A]

Not true.

[D]

Sort of a neutral international.

[A]

No. Yeah, but characters are from places. So for example, yeah, I do a great cockney.

[B]

Let's hear it.

[A]

I'm over there F in cathedral. Really? Got to be over the head. Nickels and dimes. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. All right. Can we just hear like a traditional English from me? Yeah, keep it going.

[A]

Really? I'm going to go to the Australian. Oh, you really put me on the spot here, big daddy. Well, let's hear it over there in the outback. Yeah, because I gotta go punch a kangaroo in the goddamn face. But my characters, some of the time they were three went to the same school.

[B]

International school. African teachers one time mentioned international school was why their accent was a little hard to distinguish. And Jake has Not let it.

[A]

All my characters grew up with German kids, Japanese kids. So they're like, it's hard for the outside, but in the community, we know exactly where everybody's from. But this is more about your German voice.

[D]

I'd love to hear it.

[C]

I'm ready.

[A]

Same. What's your taste?

[C]

Every night I come in with the floss, like, pick thing and say, oh, hello, child. This is Dr. Brunhilda here. To Fluffy, your tea.

[D]

Excellent, excellent.

[B]

It's great.

[D]

What does the child do?

[A]

Flosses.

[B]

Freaks out.

[C]

So then. No, he loves it. He thinks it's hilarious. Right? Because I'm not in there, like, yelling at him to floss. He thinks it's super funny. And one of the great benefits of being a kid when you actually go to the dentist is, like, you know, you get that little prize box where you get to take a toy or something, right? So here's where Jake and Gareth's advice come in, is that I'm like, I can't make Dr. Brunhilde, like, so fun and funny that he wants me to do this voice all the time, because, honestly, it kind of hurts my throat. So the prize box is delivered by.

[A]

Mom like, it was normal.

[D]

Well, because I got a complicated little guy, too, where I have to, like, I have to sing breakfast stuff. Where I have to. I do. I'm doing, like, improv, you know, musical improv when you're, like, rhyming stuff. I'm doing that all through breakfast just to get my little guy, like, getting on it, you know? He eats when I do it. He joins. He jumps on.

[A]

Can we get a taste?

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Pretend Gareth is the little guy.

[D]

Come on, Gareth. Are you ready for your oatmeal?

[B]

I'm not eating it. It tastes like puke.

[D]

Oh, really? Because I'm pretty sure that oatmeal is how you score. How do you score? You eat your oatmeal. You eat some more. It's a little of that.

[A]

Pretty good, by the way. There's a rhythm to it. It's very 80s 90s hip hop.

[D]

Totally, totally.

[A]

Yeah. But by the way, the spoon to do.

[D]

To do Liam all of a sudden is like. My little guy is like, okay.

[A]

He's like, I'll. I'll eat some breakfast, Mom.

[D]

Totally. He's like, I want this. Go. Give me some more. Totally. So, Katie, it worked. But you don't want to be doing it all the damn time.

[A]

Yeah, I get it.

[B]

So you bring out the prize box.

[A]

But mom brings out the prize box.

[C]

Yeah, right, exactly. Jake. So I bring out the prize box, but I'm actually not giving him toys every night because, like, no, who has money?

[D]

Oh, my God, you can't be doing that. Yeah, no.

[C]

So I make it, like, fun. I basically pretend to be like a race car or a jet and give him a piggyback ride, like around our upstairs. And that's his prize for flossing. And it takes 20 seconds and mommy does it. So it's super fun and he loves it.

[B]

How old is he, Katie?

[C]

He's 5.

[D]

16.

[A]

He's a little bit.

[B]

Here's. Here's just. I think it's all working for you. I'll throw a little. I'll tack on something else. If at some point he wants more prizes, what you could do is start a little voucher thing. He gets a coupon at the end of every flossing, and Friday he gets to go to the prize box with his five vouchers.

[D]

That's great.

[A]

Like a Dave and Busters.

[D]

Yep, I will.

[C]

He's, like, evolved a little as a German dentist because my 5 year old's in kindergarten, you know, so he's learning to read. And so her world has expanded a little bit that if he asks, like, he wants her to stay for book time at the end of the night, then she's working on her English, so she will read like a few sentences, you know, being like, the truck went to the store. And so then he gets to help her read the book, too. So overall, it's been a huge, huge win. But I couldn't have done it without.

[A]

When you were in this problem, you really thought about the show and you said, I think I'm gonna use that advice.

[C]

Yes, absolutely. Like, I remembered Long Island Lisa.

[A]

Incredible.

[C]

And how she made everything fun. And it was like, all due to the show. I'm a OG listener. Been here. We appreciate you.

[A]

Katie.

[B]

Katie. We actually have Long Island Lisa here to say hi. I'm kidding. We don't have that.

[C]

But.

[B]

No, we don't. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break your heart.

[C]

It's okay.

[B]

Thank you, Katie. Appreciate that.

[A]

Thanks, Katie. Great call, Katie.

[C]

Bye, guys.

[A]

That is goodbye.

[B]

Goodbye.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

By the way, I did something like that, that bit you just did. I did the James Corden show years ago, and it was at the end of the segment, and Chris Pratt, we were doing Jurassic World. He stood up and he was making an announcement to the crowd. And the bit felt like he was gonna do the Oprah thing where he. I go like, you know, like, everyone's got a gift. And he was like, hey, everybody. And I go under. Your seats are tickets to the premiere. I thought it was gonna get a big laugh, but it's just disappointing. People got excited. And then I had to go, like. He turned back, and he was like, no, we. And I was like, I literally don't.

[B]

Know why I yelled that.

[C]

That.

[A]

And then he was like. And he was like, so nice. He was like, oh, good, so we are giving you. And I was like, sitting there while still on tv, being like, yeah, I literally wish I hadn't have screamed a joke that didn't land for no reason.

[B]

By the way, on the Real Wedding Crash.

[A]

You would have been perfect.

[D]

You would have been perfect.

[B]

That is so funny to have to sit there.

[D]

And then literally.

[A]

And when the commercial went on, I went like, yo, dude, sorry about that.

[B]

If it was lame.

[A]

And he was like, what? I was like, well, you were doing the thing that the studio asked you to do, and I yelled something over you and took away. And he was like, oh, it's all good. And I was like, yeah, just. If anybody's pissed off by that, I do apologize. And everyone was like, all right, guys, good show. I was like, yeah. Again, that one moment at the end, I'm really sorry about. To everybody.

[D]

Everyone's like, please stop doing that voice.

[A]

I'm like, I can't. I don't feel comfortable because I blew it. But everything else was fine. Yeah.

[B]

Having. Having to leave there just like, yeah, it was pretty bad.

[A]

No, acknowledge it in the car, texting, being like to the like, again, all good. Really fun seeing everybody. Good luck in Japan. Sorry I did that thing at the end and everyone being like, thanks, man. Yeah, we'll see you soon.

[B]

Nobody's saying anything about it.

[A]

It's a humiliation.

[D]

No. Being expected to suddenly be able to do press is a crazy thing, actually.

[A]

Especially when you're not part of the machine.

[D]

Yep. Yep.

[A]

It's crazy doing it. And they're like, are you free Wednesday? Do this thing? And you're like, yeah. And you're like, I don't have any. I don't. I don't remember the project.

[D]

No. And all you want to do is do bits and get people laughing. And then you're like, oh, there's real things happening.

[A]

Oh, you guys were told stuff to do. I should just shut the fuck up.

[D]

That's right. That's right.

[B]

That is so fucking funny to me. But real quick, Kat, when we did do the Real Wedding Crashers, do you remember the bit of press we did at the White Sox game.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

This was. We were supposed to be a bride and groom.

[D]

Not that I like that saying, but.

[B]

No act is fun. We were out on the mound, and Cat was supposed to. I was gonna, like, throw out the first pitch, and then Cat is supposed to take the.

[D]

Slow down. What am I wearing? Dress.

[A]

So you guys were supposed to be getting married.

[B]

Well, we're supposed to be.

[D]

We're flown to Chicago, and they're like. And this is like, you know, look, it's Ashton Kutcher and Jason Goldberg. The guy's responsible for Punk'd. And all you gotta do is play it cool and be super funny and relatable. And Gareth and I are like 24 years old, and we're on this plane being like, yeah, we can do this, right? We have no experience. We made a show where we crashed six weddings for NBC, and it was a hidden camera show. So we're flown to Vegas or to Chicago to promote it. We go to a White Sox game where I am dressed as a bride and Garrett is dressed as a groom. And it was that we had just been married or were about to go get married. It's within. Within the day. But first, because we're such die hard White Sox fans, they're allowing me, the bride, to throw the opening pitch. I have no experience throwing balls in the opening.

[B]

It was actually. I was gon. And then the bride is like, hold on a minute.

[D]

Wait a minute.

[B]

She won out, takes it, and then she uncorks.

[D]

It's her story. And we're supposed to be real. We're supposed to play this real. Like, he throws it. I'm like, no, man, I want to throw it. I take it from him. I'm supposed to nail it across the plate. That didn't happen. And then. And Gareth gets it, and we're so jacked up. Cause it's a full house.

[B]

House.

[D]

And what we didn't. What we didn't anticipate is that if you do not get that ball across the booed. Holy Jake. They booed so hard. I cried. Like, they boost hard.

[A]

I've had to throw out the first pitch. It's scary.

[B]

Oh, you've done it. Oh, yes.

[D]

You did great.

[A]

But it's scary. I've practiced. It's scary. Oh, I'm sure you. If you don't do it, especially in Chicago, it's like Chicago after taking it from your husband because you want you one hop it. And the crowd boos you hard, hard.

[D]

And Gareth and I are like. And all of A sudden, it's supposed to be like a flip. And they're like, check out the wedding. If you liked this bit, you sure will. Like, the wedding crashes, but they're booing so loud. And Gareth and I have flipped to this mode.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Where we're waving and smiling and they're booing us and throwing stuff now. No way. So we honk and go back to our sad hotel, where I think we get, like, one night and then they fly us home the next morning. And I remember we went to a bar close to our hotel, and we're just like. That was okay. It wasn't that bad, right?

[A]

It wasn't that bad.

[B]

We were cordoning. We were both like, look, look, look, look. People got emotional, which is a reaction.

[D]

That's what they wanted. Actually, if you think about it, the.

[A]

Spin of a Miss is so shocking.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

It was. At 24 hours.

[D]

But also the nature of that show. It was always a little bit like who was gonna get picked to do press. It was always like you were trying to prove that you were the one who could do it.

[A]

Oh, you wanted to press.

[D]

Gareth and I were like, we did it. We got it. We're being flown to Chicago.

[B]

We thought we were supposed to be a big deal. Yeah.

[D]

And it was bombed.

[B]

That we. At the time, it felt like it, but it sure wasn't.

[D]

It sure wasn't.

[A]

That is a heartbreaking story.

[B]

It was wild.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That whole show, every part of that.

[D]

Show, every part of that show, it was like our trauma. Our trauma center.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Ready for one more?

[B]

Sure. Hello.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Hi. Welcome to the show. I'm good. How are you?

[C]

Good, thank you.

[B]

Great. What is your name, please?

[C]

I'm gonna go with Sophie.

[B]

All right, Sophie. Perfect. All right, Sophie. So we know that you're either gonna talk about great advice you were given or advice you pinched from the show. I will say you're lucky, because it's not just Jake and myself, but the great Cat Reitman is also here.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Fan favorite.

[C]

Hi, Cat.

[D]

Oh, hi, honey.

[C]

How are you?

[A]

Good. How are you?

[C]

I'm great.

[B]

No, Jake, she just went through this.

[A]

Sorry, Jake. She said honey.

[B]

Jake.

[A]

I was like, we just been talking.

[B]

Jake. It would make no sense on, like, eight levels. Greed.

[A]

Okay, Sophie, she has dementia.

[D]

Look, she's doing what she can.

[A]

She's trying. She keeps touching her ears.

[D]

It's true.

[B]

Sophie, are we doing advice that you were given by someone else or from the show?

[C]

From someone else.

[B]

Okay, so why don't you tell Us, the setup and what the advice was and how it worked out.

[C]

Okay, great. So I had two job offers at the time, and one, I'm sorry, bragger.

[B]

No big deal.

[D]

Don't even need work.

[A]

I'm, like, so rich. I don't need it. But everyone wanted to hire me, and I was like, okay, this is a problem. I have too much money. Okay, so you got two job offers.

[C]

Yep. So one was from a more. Kind of boring, but much more stable, you know, kind of finance firm. Kind of a job I could do in my sleep. Not, you know, exciting, but a better package.

[D]

Look at you.

[C]

I'm just saying, it just wasn't, you know, any kind of anything exciting. But the other one was. It's more exciting. Was more of a wild card, though.

[B]

But it was the bad boy.

[C]

Cooler. Better. Yeah. It was the job I wanted, and. But the package wasn't as great.

[A]

Why make those lips?

[B]

You know, just. It's the bad boy, but he's.

[D]

Sorry, can I see the bad boy? Why are you doing that?

[A]

He literally. You said. Sophie. That was it. You go. The bad boy. The one I want, he goes like this. So it's Ricky Gervais. A little bit in the.

[B]

Yeah, it's a little. Yeah. All right. David Brent. David.

[A]

It's a little David. That's what.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

That's what it is.

[D]

Would you just take one moment and describe who this bad boy is and what his mode of transportation is?

[B]

Well, you heard her. I mean, look, you've got the. You've got the regular guy. Sure. Yeah. Great. He looks good. He's got everything we want. You described him as having a better package. There's some stability. But then you got the bad boy. The bad boy. He's at the bar. He's asking what the deals are. He's tipping 50 cents. He doesn't care. He's out bait. Not allowed to vape in the bar car. He's vaping. Maybe too drunk to take the moped home. He'll figure it out.

[A]

Also, he's cheap and he has a small dick. The other guy's got a better package. This guy's asking for deals.

[B]

Yeah, the bad boy. Your bad boy sucks the bad boy.

[A]

This was not the bad way. We all.

[D]

Stop biting your lip.

[B]

Hey, tell you what. Sorry. You want to take a risk, go ahead.

[A]

All right?

[B]

This exists on nothing, but the package is decent.

[A]

The package gets the job done. It's similar to my moped. It'll get you from point A to point B.

[B]

Well, I'm not even Getting accident because it will die get you there. But the neighborhood, yeah, you there fast.

[A]

And it won't be powerful.

[B]

Hey, tail umbrellas to pick my teeth.

[D]

Like a toothpick if you put your vape away, sir.

[B]

Oh, sorry. You don't like donuts?

[D]

Donut flavor?

[A]

No, the donut loop.

[B]

Terrible. I was thinking smell, but yeah, this.

[D]

Man runs on Duncan.

[A]

I hate the people with the vapes who do like the tricks where they, like, push a circuit here. It's like, okay, Star wars bar. Sophie, you had two job offers, one from finance and one from a bad boy. And walk us through the advice. You got the decision and what happened.

[C]

Yeah, so my. My. My boyfriend, we had actually just started dating, he said, well, why don't you ask, you know, the cool job for something ridiculous, and if they give it to you, great. If they don't, just, you know, go to the other thing.

[A]

And I respect the hell out of that.

[B]

Great.

[C]

Right. And so I did. And. And they delivered. They gave me like a.

[A]

Well, hold on, Sophie, what'd you. What'd you ask?

[C]

Well, I told them that there was a. Basically a big discrepancy or big difference kind of between the offer. I told them what the difference was, and they said, all right, let's see what we can do.

[D]

I think it was like.

[C]

I mean, I'm not sure what the difference was, but at the end of the day, I got a $20,000 sign on bonus, which, just to give you some context, it's amazing. My offer was like, right at 100k. Like, we're not talking hundreds of thousands of dollars.

[A]

That's a real bonus bonus.

[C]

Yeah, it was crazy, right? So anyway, it worked out. It was great advice. And give us a taste.

[A]

Really, just give us a taste, if you don't mind. Sophie, what is this bad boy gig? If one is financed.

[C]

I. Just to be clear, Garrett said bad boy.

[B]

Quit the mirror. Tell us why. It's. It's the bad boy. What did it do? It's vaping. It's locking the bathroom. It's in there for a while. What's it doing? Go ahead.

[D]

All I want. Before she answers, all I want is for her to be like, I am in party birthday party clown. No, literally, it's exciting. Makes a difference.

[A]

Really fast. So before you go, Garrett just keeps throwing out the weirdest lines. Why would the bad boy lock the bathroom door?

[B]

Hey, you don't even want to know.

[A]

I'm asking, though. I want to know.

[B]

I'm afraid I'm not gonna tell you.

[A]

But I'M gonna push on it.

[D]

Did you develop a new accent?

[B]

I have diarrhea. That's what I figured.

[A]

I knew it was bathroom related.

[B]

I ate Wendy's chili and it ran right through me. Yeah, I'm sick. I'm sick.

[A]

I have ibs. The truth of the matter is, is when I eat cuz my ibs, my chrome. I need to use the bathroom. I'm gonna use a lot of toilet paper.

[B]

Excuse me. Hey, I'm peeking my head out.

[A]

The bad boy has kids and the bad boy never light a mess.

[B]

Excuse me, would you mind asking them if they have another roll of toilet paper? The bad boy's in town.

[A]

Oh, God.

[D]

Don't sniff at the end of it. Don't tell me he's in town. And for the love of God, both of you need to take it down and I'll draw. I'm getting off the zoom. It's become too much.

[A]

I'll tell you.

[B]

Don't like the deep end.

[A]

No. Here's what's happening here. She's getting so turned on, her head's gonna pop off.

[B]

I'm gonna.

[D]

Turn the air conditioner on both moped.

[A]

Both these guys have ibs, by the way.

[B]

I don't have an air conditioner, but I do have an oscillating fan.

[A]

No, you don't have an air conditioner. You have ibs, and you're locked in the bathroom. So it's just a hot box.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

What do you want with vape smoke that smells like donuts?

[B]

Yeah, you can be thankful for that donut hum.

[A]

By the way, if I'm in that apartment with you, my man, I'm begging you to smoke some more vapes. I'm like anything besides this diarrhea smell. Just blow donut in my face.

[B]

Oh, he likes the bad boys stink. I get you.

[D]

Sophie has just got it on mute and she's just mouthing to her boyfriend. I regret this. I regret calling Sophie Hank.

[A]

Every listener.

[D]

Every listener. Sophie. So you take the bonus. Are you happy at the new gig? Are you glad you went through with it?

[C]

Okay, funny enough, it was the worst job I've ever had.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[D]

Bad boys have, like, sa.

[A]

Of course they do.

[C]

I should have known that they weren't. I mean, then Covid hit very soon after, so it actually. And then I, you know, I landed at a job I'm very happy with. So at the end of the day, everything. Everything worked out. But yeah, no, it sucks.

[A]

A nightmare. So do us a favor, Sophie, if you can, can you Boil down the advice to one to two lines that our audience can take with them from this. That is not this job specific. But if the advice you were given and you used was a one to two line, what would it be?

[C]

Let's see. If you have nothing to lose, I guess ask for something crazy, and if they give it to you, you get what you want.

[A]

It's cool.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Definitely not merch, but it is cool.

[C]

I know. Now I'm trying to think of a hack.

[A]

I think it's accurate if you got.

[B]

A backup swing for the offenses.

[A]

Yeah, but that's the right. I. I agree with that.

[D]

That's weird. Analogies. You mixed up a baseball one.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I supposed to stick in one analogy? I don't play by rules.

[A]

I'm a bad boy. Sophie, thank you for the call.

[C]

Thanks, guys.

[A]

See you.

[B]

Thank you, Sophie.

[D]

It would have been great if you were like, thank you, Sophie. And it was just like, like, what.

[A]

Is the sound of episode 210? We're used to it.

[C]

It.

[B]

Yeah, we don't need them here to do the show.

[A]

Callers literally go, all right, guys, could you stop have. Not enough. Enough.

[B]

Oh, we've had people do this thing.

[A]

Like, these ideas aren't great.

[B]

I don't know. Yeah, we've had people literally be like, no, I don't. No, not that either.

[A]

We're not doing any of this. And we're like, right on. Thank you for the call.

[B]

We're like, all right, we'll see you later.

[A]

Nat, we got another one. Where are we at here?

[C]

I have some emails that people sent in.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's do it. Going.

[B]

Okay. Do you wanna. You. You want me to read this?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this is an email. Best advice email from Carly. My first year teaching, an older teacher told me, when you have to fart while teaching, do it behind the most annoying kid or the one that picks on the other kids. Someone. It stinks. Everyone thinks it was them. I've been doing it for 13 years, and it works like a charm. That is shocking. Crazy. When I. Sometimes when you think of the other side of, like. Like the teacher's experience. Yeah, it's crazy. Totally like that they're hung.

[D]

I only wish. I only wish that there was another detail that's like, these kindergarteners never see it coming. Like, you just want to hear that. They're like tiny, innocent kids.

[A]

College gave me advice about farting in school. Okay. And she told me, because I remember asking. I must have been in first or Second grade. And I was like, so what do you do?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And she said, just start making sounds. And so the fart is one of the sounds, and I'm not kidding. I did it. And it backfired to such an insane degree.

[D]

What happened?

[A]

So imagine a sound.

[D]

Give me the sound.

[A]

So, second grade, all the kids are looking at the teacher. Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I go. Everybody turns and they go up and everybody's going like, huh? All eyes on me. The teacher's now mad at me for interrupting, where she goes, like, why did you do that? And I'm trying to play it off, like, did what?

[B]

Right?

[D]

Are you crazy?

[B]

Worst.

[A]

Are you like, my. I didn't fart. I mean, if anything, say that.

[D]

Pretty sure I didn't fart.

[A]

Excuse me.

[B]

So you're just scatting, and then in the break, it is horrendous.

[A]

Your butt just scattered.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because, I mean, from your mouth.

[B]

That would be another way to do one of these, if we wanted. Is the worst advice you've employed.

[A]

I got some for you, too. What is some bad advice you guys have gotten in your life or bad advice you've ever been given?

[D]

So I was raised by my father, who both of you know, was very much a man who always was like, don't be afraid to go for it. Don't be afraid to show him what you got. Like, my father was a film director, and so he was on the other side of an audition, which was the job I was trying and failing at for most of my life. And so when he would run an audition, like, he got to see actors and they would leave. And so he would always say to me after my auditions, don't be afraid after an audition to say, you know, I can do it a few different ways and just go for it. And I remember being like, okay, okay, I can do that. Because, you know, we all drive home from auditions being like, ugh, maybe I should have just swung for the fences, right?

[A]

I left something on the table.

[D]

I don't know. And I'm not a particularly strong auditioner as it is, and the story confirms it. But I went in, I bombed at something, and they, you know, they did the thank you very much, and I went to leave, and all of a sudden I went, you know, I can do it a few different ways. And before they could respond, I just started again, not considering that there's a reader who has to.

[A]

Wait, hold on. You said, I can do it a few different ways. Pause.

[D]

And you started. Jake, I don't Even think I paused. I was so scared that they were gonna be like, no, really, we're good. Thank you.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

I was like, I'm not gonna give them the chance. And so I started right away, but except this one, I'm swimming for the fences. So now I'm a big character. Now I'm big. And I think I'm standing all of a sudden, which. I hate standing in auditions.

[A]

I hate standing in audition.

[D]

Okay, let me sit, please. And then the reader opposite me has got no fucking idea what's going on. So he's like, oh, okay, okay, okay. We're going again. And I think this time I'm gonna improvise. So the reader has no idea when to come in, when to go out. It goes on for too long. Cause I'm really trying to find it. And then at the end, they're silent. They haven't laughed once. They have not laughed. Not even a smile. And I said, thank you so much.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

And I turned and walked out. And I called my dad on the drive home and was like, I don't know if that worked. I don't think that was the right advice. I don't think that worked.

[A]

Please tell me you remember what the project was.

[D]

Oh, God. It was pilot season, Jake. So it was probably some. Cause all I went in for was Best Friends, so it was probably like, imagine.

[A]

It was like the friend on an ABC show.

[D]

Yeah, totally. Like, let me guess, you're talking about Jake again. Honestly, you have it bad. You know, whatever it was, I just went big.

[A]

That is a great story.

[B]

That is so goddamn funny.

[D]

It's so humilia.

[B]

You know, the auditioning is so horrendous. But you must have also, like, halfway through that, been like, I don't think this is working.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But you're still going, you know, so you're like, oh, totally.

[D]

I was not gifted with that. You know, there's some actors who, like, go in and you can tell they, like, turn off. Like, I imagine when I watch someone like Adam Driver in Girls, I imagine he goes in and he just turns off the fourth wall. He's not even aware of people watching him. And it's what makes him brilliant. I wasn't gifted with that, that I'm very aware of everyone.

[B]

Very aware of everyone.

[D]

Like, when you're shooting something, aren't you aware, like, if the boom guy is laughing or something? You're like, okay, I got something going on.

[B]

It's a little easier once you get to the thing. Like, if you're in the thing, it's a little. When you're like, I want the work, and you are very aware of what's happening, to be able to lock in is very difficult. Difficult and leads to many nightmares.

[A]

My mom once told me that if you know somebody's name, they. They'll never hurt you or beat you up. So if it's like, if you're. If you're in trouble and you know their name in their family, they're more responsible for what they're going to do. So being raised with that, knowing, like, all right, if you're in a bad spot, try to find a link so they know that I know that. Them and my buddy Kent and I were playing in a park, and these three older kids came up and they were bullying him and me. But, you know, he was getting it worse. And I knew, like, they're gonna beat my buddy up, and they were going hard on him. And I remembered my mom's advice, but I didn't know this kid's name. And so I literally just sat there and said, like, come on. And a name appeared. And I go, hey, man, I know who you are. And he goes, who am I? And I. You're Chris Cook. And he goes, you're absolutely right. He knocked me to the ground and beat up my friend. And afterwards, my buddy Kent goes, what was that? And I go, I thought his name was Chris Cook. And he goes, like, I don't think his name was Chris Cook. And I go, like, I don't think it works if you get the wrong name.

[B]

But what I was trying to do.

[A]

Was help us there, my man.

[B]

But he just starts scatting to fart.

[A]

I was like, garrett, you got any?

[B]

I mean, I. Mine will live in the shadow of Cat. I just thought of my. When I first came out to la, someone said, don't be too familiar with the sides. Have read them once. And I probably for four years, was like, wow, this is going bad.

[A]

Don't be familiar with this.

[B]

Yeah. He was like, dropping, and you'll find. And I was like, okay. And I, for years, was like, what the. I feel like I should probably start to learn this a little bit more.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Terrible advice.

[B]

Terrible. And that's why I have books in real life. Crashers.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. Just embarrassing audition stories. Could be it alone. We could go on for hours on just that.

[A]

Yeah. It's humiliating. All right, Kat, well, thank you for joining on this show.

[B]

Thank you, Katherine. You're the best.

[C]

It's Joanna from Canada. I'd like to Nominate an episode of We're Here to Help. This is all the way back from season one. It was the episode with the baby dolls in the wall where Angelica's dad found these dolls in an abandoned house. And when Jake and Gareth looked at a picture of the creepy baby dolls zip tied around their necks, they saw themselves in the dolls and they embodied Ginger Picnic and big fat baby. And the commentary they had as the dolls was the funniest thing I've ever heard. So thanks. Love the pod. Okay, I don't know why we're even debating this, because, you know, we all.

[A]

Know the best episode. Boobs are the Sauce.

[C]

Man.

[A]

It's gotta be that one.

[D]

It was too funny.

[B]

It was too good.

[A]

Boobs are in the Sauce. Hi, my name is Brennan.

[B]

My nominee for best episode, best caller.

[A]

Episode 11, less finger foods at the Orgy.

[C]

I mean, come on.

[A]

I mean, the title, great title.

[B]

The layers of the episode, the ridiculousness.

[A]

Of the situation, and the way that Jake and Gareth pulled the layers back. I mean, I've listened to this episode multiple times alone.

[B]

I. I've shown it to people when.

[A]

I'm introducing to them the show Shout Out Me and the quote in the.

[B]

Delivery of Jake saying, I just ate too much chili. Does anyone want to fuck me?

[A]

My friends and I still love it. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[D]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis.

[B]

Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by J. James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the Road, go to garethreynolds. Com. Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.