223: The Voice & A Forrest Gump Shrimp Boat

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "We're Here to Help"

Episode 223: The Voice & A Forrest Gump Shrimp Boat
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Date: October 27, 2025
Guest Callers: Margaret, Zoe, Brian, Brock

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds dive into the heart of their "friendly bartender" style advice show, tackling quirky, heartfelt, and sometimes bizarre listener problems. This week, they help Margaret, an internationally-rooted caller struggling with her own accent identity (in a segment humorously likened to "The Voice"), try to untangle Zoe's houseboat saga involving her mother's endlessly unready "Forrest Gump shrimp boat," and revisit the fallout from their podcast's legendary pickleball showdown.

As always, the episode blends genuine attempts at helpfulness with silly bits, character impressions, and the kind of affectionate banter that only 15 years of friendship can foster.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The YouTube Debate & Podcast Community (01:30–13:33)

• Jake & Gareth reflect on the evolution of the show: From experimental audio podcasts to considering video content and building a "clubhouse" community on Patreon.
• Jake expresses skepticism about video podcasting:
  “The idea of having a video out there, that’s like you and me yucking it up...you’re like, 900 views out in Winnipeg.” (03:47, Jake)
• Gareth defends the multi-format approach:
  “There’s some people who only watch podcasts...Some people like to listen to it and then watch it as well.” (06:38, Gareth)
• Both hosts agree to let the audience guide future video efforts, emphasizing their core group's loyalty and direct interaction with listeners.

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2. Caller #1: Margaret and “The Voice” Accent Challenge (17:47–44:52)

Background (17:47–20:57)

• Margaret, 27, an Icelander living in Denmark, calls in about her "embarrassing problem":
• She’s picked up various accents due to living internationally and struggles with "slipping" into the accent of whoever she's talking to, worrying it’s awkward or performative.
• Her dilemma: Should she just pick one accent and stick with it?

Memorable Exchange & Banter

• Jake & Gareth request live accent demos:
  “Let’s do this, we’re going to get the same accent.” (24:32, Jake)
  “She was so much better than you expected her to be.” (27:13, Jake)

The “Voice” Auditions (32:21–37:36)

Margaret cycles through four accent options, using the same test phrase:

• International: “This is me, Margaret. This is my natural voice. I have legs from my ankles to my ears. I don’t have potato picking legs.”
  “Very good. A little robotic, it felt like you kinda sounded like AI to me.” (33:16, Jake)
• Icelandic: Margaret’s true native accent.
• Towards English: Neutral British-influenced accent.
• Danish (for fun): Margaret pokes fun at typical Danish English.

Hosts’ Advice & Solution

• Decision: Let the audience vote!
  “Why not have the audience vote?...Let the masses decide.” (28:45, Gareth)
• Both agree all her accents are impressive, likening her skill to "selecting a font."
• Margaret’s flexibility is praised as a killer voiceover asset.

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3. Icelandic Hair Legend Interlude (40:41–44:52)

• Margaret shares a photo of a famous Icelandic runner with a unique comb-over, leading into a round of comedic descriptions and more accent performances.
• Quote:
  “His hair, clearly, the sides are fine, but then we have a full on coma head. But instead of just Caesar’ing it up, he’s decided to allow a little bit more length in the center denial zone.” (41:44, Gareth)
• Backstory includes rumors about this legend running in front of cars for insurance.

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4. Caller #2: Zoe’s Houseboat Predicament — “The Forrest Gump Shrimp Boat” (47:29–69:15)

Background

• Zoe, from Portland, OR, shares her mom's “houseboat” saga:
  • Mom’s boyfriend Drago (Serbian, eccentric, well-off) bought a derelict boat for her “forever home.”
  • Project is months overdue; Mom's nomadic between sisters, family patience fading.
• Drago’s quirks:
  • Builder, refuses outside help
  • Barely uses his phone or email ("He just got a phone in the last few years." 58:49, Zoe)
• Jake and Gareth love the cinematic, odd-couple love story behind Zoe’s mom and Drago:
  “She’s like a super hippie...chunky necklaces. I love these two together.” (61:47, Jake)

The Real Ask

• Zoe’s plea: How to get Drago to hire help (or convince her mom to rent an apartment); also, stop her mom from "crashing" at Zoe's place for weeks.
• Hosts’ Solution:
  • Pitch a fake calendar photoshoot:
    “Some old friends of mine, L Word producers, are thinking of doing a calendar...they want to use a houseboat.” (57:41, Jake)
    “Get Drago to send finished photos to earn the feature—no actual event needed.”
  • Alternatively, create a fake event/deadline to drive action.
• Result: Zoe agrees to try, recognizing it’s the best shot even if success isn’t guaranteed.

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5. Pickleball Championship Fallout: Follow-Up with Brian & On-the-Scene Fan Brock (70:13–89:25)

Brian Recaps His Pickleball Loss (70:13–80:55)

• Brian, recent “Pickle and Chips” championship loser, calls to recap the match.
• Candid about his lack of preparation (“No excuses…Sometimes you just eat crow.” 73:01, Brian).
• Gareth & Jake rib him for relying on natural athleticism and not taking it seriously ("He wanted to lose—by losing, he's winning." 75:53, Gareth).
• A plan for a Rocky-style rematch is hatched:
  “What about getting in the best shape of your life?...What if we saw what a year does of discipline?” (79:19, Jake)

Brock, Superfan on the Scene (81:08–89:25)

• Brock, a fan who drove his family to the Pickleball match, describes experiencing the finale:
  • Showed up late (“Missed most of the match”), was nevertheless enthusiastic and stood out as (possibly) the only true stranger in attendance.
• Shares observations of the players (Taylor: “looked prepared”; Brian: “looked tuckered out"), teases about the small crowd, and is warmly celebrated by the hosts.
• Hosts express hope for more fan involvement and a true rematch.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "It's like we're selecting a font, Margaret." (38:34, Jake) – on her accent performance.
• "He brought it down into a little bit of a tailed wave...The gel factor is high." (42:09, Gareth) – on the Icelandic hair legend.
• "What if we started posting on YouTube again—would you guys leave the Patreon? Their response was overwhelmingly, 'We’re not here just for the videos.'" (05:51, Jake)
• "The point is to go far...You would murder—what was that? You still are murdering me. And I'm not breaking up." (02:24, Gareth & Jake) – about their friendship’s humor.
• "It's a Forrest Gump shrimp boat. This is not what I pictured at all. It was set to be scrapped before he purchased it." (51:47, Zoe & Jake) – on the state of the houseboat.
• "I want one piece of meat to get between a bear and a wolf and I want to see who eats it." (80:37, Jake) – about a potential pickleball rematch.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• YouTube vs Patreon Discussion: 01:30–13:33
• Margaret “The Voice” Accent Dilemma: 17:47–44:52
  • Accent ‘auditions’ & audience voting: 32:21–39:02
  • Icelandic hair legend detour: 40:41–44:52
• Zoe's Houseboat/Drago Story: 47:29–69:15
• Pickleball Follow-up with Brian: 70:13–80:55
• Brock the Fan's Field Report: 81:08–89:25

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Overall Tone & Style

Jake and Gareth maintain their breezy, irreverent banter throughout the episode with frequent, affectionate ribbing—both towards each other and their callers. The tone is consistently humorous, with the hosts’ advice cycling between fully sincere and gently farcical. Callers are met with genuine warmth and memorable moments emerge when the hosts improvise scenes, challenge listeners to audience participation (voting, story-writing), and playfully roast themselves and their guests.

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For New Listeners

This episode showcases everything the show promises: weird problems, funny advice-giving, and the kind of lengthily digressive but always-hearted dialogue that keeps fans loyal regardless of platform or format. Whether you’re here for the “advice,” the bits, or just the friendship, you’ll find plenty in this episode to enjoy.

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Transcript

[A]

This is a headgun podcast. Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[B]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[A]

Well, I dig the mattress, and I want to be in a T Mobile commercial like you teach me. So, Dana.

[B]

Oh, no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[A]

Wow. Impressive. Let me. T Mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[B]

Nice. Jeffrey, you heard them.

[A]

T Mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for launch?

[B]

Dude, my work here is done with 24 monthly bill credits on experience beyond.

[A]

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[B]

No, no, no, no, no. It's funny, though. It's like we're chat that. It's like, all right, here we go. And we podcast.

[A]

Well, Garrett, we do so many of these.

[B]

I know. Well, we just got a long one today.

[A]

Outside of my family, I think I see your face the most these days.

[B]

I. It did dawn on me today, I was like. When I was watching. I was watching the episode. This episode that we're doing the intro for we'd recorded today, and we're recording an intro at night. And I was like, yeah, we really. We're in it some days. Well, let me.

[A]

Let me get a little sweet in this evening.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

It's been nice spending all this time with you in the last couple of years.

[B]

I couldn't agree more.

[A]

I love it. I mean, we've always been friends, but you and I.

[B]

Different level.

[A]

It's. We were always friends where we would go to a bar and be like, man, I sure like that guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we would do mean sports texts.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Where we'd get too far, but we'd both go.

[B]

You. You would murder. I mean, what was that?

[A]

You still are murdering me. And I'm not breaking up.

[B]

The point is to go far.

[C]

Is.

[B]

God, that murdered me.

[C]

But.

[B]

No, but that really is so fun.

[A]

Man.

[B]

I know, man. And now bringing Bergie and Eric in. But I agree, it is true. It's like we've found a again. It's weird because it's like as you get older, you find ways to see your friends through work sometimes, especially in this. But that. That's what this is. And it is the best.

[A]

So it really is enjoyable. It's fun. And speaking of, I want to bring something up that, you know, you've been on one side and I was on the other. But what I've really found, especially with Eric and Steve being part of the community and now doing their own show on Fridays, and I will say pulling good numbers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, they just have, like, now a real show. Our audience stuck with us. Our audience sticks with us during our core group. First of all, a good thank you to them.

[B]

Y.

[A]

But we experiment on Wednesdays. Wednesdays, we try new things, and they stick with us. And I decided at the end of season one that I was like, I think we should be done with YouTube.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And you were like, I don't think so.

[B]

Two keys got to get turned.

[A]

Yeah. You're like, why not put it out there? And my reason for not putting out there is I was like, the numbers are low. I don't know how many people are watching there. And I'm like, you know, we do good audio. And I was like, the idea of having a video out there, that's like you and me yucking it up. And you're like, 900 views out in Winnipeg. But you were the real life Gil Buchanan and his brother, Jerry Buchanan.

[B]

Well, well, the thing about YouTube is that it, you know, he. Entertain. Competing in the. Against everybody.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Is different.

[A]

Yeah. But it's also.

[B]

And it can feel different, but.

[A]

But also the difference. The YouTube podcast, the in person, it's a whole different animal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I don't want to do.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I love our Zoom podcast. I love that it is like a radio show.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But I threw out on Patreon and just said because the Patreon community is also. And this seems like I'm just shucking and jiving for more people to join. But the truth is, it's not. It's becoming its own galaxy. I was also against Patreon at the beginning.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I was like, we're not trying to go like, give us more of your coins.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're like, actually, it's a pretty cool thing. And I was like, we're not doing it.

[B]

Well, like I said, now I love it. It is. It's the clubhouse.

[A]

It's like, yeah, I look all the time. I comment. I also can just post certain things. I've put, like, old stuff of you and me up there, old, you know, old pilots up, and you're just. Just throw anything there. And the people give direct feedback. And so I said to that community, if we started releasing YouTube videos again, would you guys leave the Patreon? And I know you don't know this because you don't look at our Patreon. I mean, I'm posting in there, you're posting on there. But their response was overwhelmingly. We're not here just for the videos.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I guess when I'm asking the base of listeners if you guys care or not, and if it is something that. If it's true that I'm wrong and this is not a radio show and I'm a boomer, then I'll make a little apology. We put at the beginning of every video where I go, hey, this is Jake Johnson. I am a boomer, and I was wrong about this. We're back on YouTube. But if it's more like, who cares? It's a radio show. I listen to it in my ear and I like it this way. But if you want it, then go to our YouTube and subscribe, and we will see if people are there, Karen. And then if we do it, watch those videos and comment, let's see if we can get thrown into the fucking algorithm, which we.

[B]

There's some people who only watch podcasts.

[A]

I know. Well, that's right. Yeah.

[B]

Which I.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

Yeah. Which I don't. I don't really understand, but I don't.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, like you said, I mean.

[A]

We'Re different, but this is not. Remember when I had that talk with Neil Brennan and he said, this is tv? I gave it a lot of thought and I'm like, I don't think so.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, this is not meant for tv. This is in your ear while you're driving or, like, if you're doing chores or you're just doing your day tv, there should be production. It shouldn't be you and me staring at a screen with black mics and headphones in.

[B]

I. I think about that all the time with, like. With anything that. Anything you put out where you're like, I'm putting a lot of care into this. I really. Some thought, like, I just recorded my special, and it's like, I don't know where it'll end up, how it'll do. I do know there are people who Literally lay in bed and, like, watch people cook and are gonna do way better than me, without question. And they're just literally like, it's a gross cake, and that is gonna be far better. And I also know, as someone who watches it, consumes it, I know it. There are times where I'm, like, scrolling through my phone and I'm like, this is just entertaining. This guy is awesome.

[A]

Hey, as you know, Gareth, I sent to the group chat, you, me, Eric, and Steve. They were sending stuff about something I can't remember, and you and I were obviously doing what we do and talking about how terrible it was. And I said, it's. These are insulting videos. And then I said, the video of these women farting in cups. Oh, well, what that did to my algorithm.

[B]

No, you got to be careful, too. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

What does that even mean? What are you getting now?

[A]

All I get are surprise farts and videos. And yes, it's funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I'm telling you that I'm like, I'll just be sitting there scrolling. I'll be on a plane. I'll be like, what am I doing? I'll be like, I don't even know why I'm on Instagram. Then I'll see somebody and they'll be like, I gotta tell you, I'm an Italian. I love cooking. I love. I'm like, what?

[B]

Daniel Day Lewis is sitting down next.

[A]

To you, studying the great works, and you. You see why the work is different.

[B]

Try to get farts off my algorithm. I'm a huge fan.

[A]

Yeah, I like watching you play.

[B]

I like watching you.

[A]

Oh, he's reading Shakespeare. I'm cry, laughing at somebody farting in a bed. By the way, sir, I like watching you play.

[B]

I love what you play. You're not on Bluetooth. Oh, I'm not. Oh, that's interesting.

[A]

Oh, my God. Everybody's hearing this.

[B]

Oh, I thought it was on blue. That's interesting. This is very interesting. No, I think it'll be good.

[A]

Embarrassing.

[B]

I think it'll be good. I really do. I. I think, you know, I. And people like it. People that. Some people like to do both. Some people like to listen to it and then watch it as well. So.

[A]

Yeah, so we'll leave it a little bit up to the crowd a little bit. If we'll do it, we'll kind of figure it out. It'll probably be season three, I think is for us, we'll probably start early January. Ish.

[B]

Yeah. So we could probably help these.

[A]

Yeah, we'll. We'll end this year strong. And then if we start again, we'll start in early January and we'll just kind of post everything at once. Probably in the past, who knows?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But also if people don't care, that's a fine response too because as somebody who likes studying the numbers and I like paying attention to the audience, it's the same group. So I'm like, if you guys are kind of like, it's. I'm not gonna. I don't care.

[B]

I think there's people who probably will re. Engage if we go on YouTube as well. I think there's. You know, I really do.

[A]

Different.

[B]

Yeah, I do. I think there's just a group of people who just consume like that.

[A]

But.

[B]

Yeah, but anyway, we. This episode is a bl.

[A]

We.

[B]

We had to re record this intro because there was so much going on in the other one that was just alluding to this one. But this is a really. We really enjoyed the hell out of this.

[A]

Well, we. We've got a woman, Margaret comes on who's a true star. Yeah, she Stargit Stargate. She's such a winner. And she's. But I gotta say, man, we've had so many winners recently. And so. And this Friday evening at seven o'. Clock. Gareth, it's been. You're on east coast time.

[B]

Yeah. Indianapolis will throw you.

[A]

I for sure thought Indianapolis was central.

[B]

There are some cities and states out there where you're like, what are you doing? Yeah, Indianapolis, east coast.

[A]

By the way, nice looking hotel room. Big daddy.

[B]

This is a good one. Yeah, I've been doing Holiday Inns. So you'll love this. Then we'll let it go. There was a guy who came to my show and he basically hooked me. I won't get into too much, but he hooked me up with a loophole where I get hotels quite cheap now by being considered like, I get an employee rate. So I. I mainly stay at this one type of hotel. I'm sure I've already said what it is. It's middle of the road for sure. And then this one, I had two days off, so I did a nice one. And I like. The only thing I don't like about nice hotels is you can't. There's just. They wanted. They bring you everything. Like you. There's not like an ironing board. You got to call for it. There's.

[A]

Yeah, I know what you're saying.

[B]

There's just stuff where I'm like, there's no. I can't do my own laundry that you've. They'd have to come pick it up. So I'm waiting.

[A]

Like, there's laundry places that have laundry. Oh, because you're on the road so much.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You're doing laundry in hotels.

[B]

Oh, buddy. Really? Not only am I doing it hotel, it's like my favorite day. I'm like, oh, yes. My items. Oh, yeah. It's dark and sad and depressed.

[A]

So you live out of 12 months. How many months you on the road here? Road dog?

[B]

It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. It's got to be close to half.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It.

[B]

I don't want to do it.

[A]

No. I guess this is my. This New York club has been kicking my ass. I'm like, I didn't get it because.

[B]

Well, you're doing. But you're doing the flight back and forth too. And that is east coast. West coast flying is also quite tagged.

[A]

It's mental.

[B]

Yes. That is you. I. I don't think people understand like you. I come back after a flight or a long drive and I mean, I.

[A]

Have dog food same.

[B]

I am so I'm rabbit gone.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

I also feel trash.

[A]

I feel like I'm slightly in a lucid dream attempt. Okay, I've gotta go. I'm taking my daughters out and I.

[B]

Just got the this so funny that you're getting. You're getting pulled from your podcast.

[A]

I I all of a su felt the presence of something staring at me and in the darkness I saw finger to watch. Let's go, buddy boy. Time you're done having fun with your friend in your weird closet.

[B]

You're getting pulled. All right, well, everyone enjoy and let us know about YouTube. But without further further ado and we are brought to you by Angry Orchard. Angry Orchard Hard Cider. Welcome to freaky season. Officially, Angry Orchard has partnered with the Jason universe this fall to bring some new sweet treats. You're getting a new limited edition Glow in the Dark thriller pack that includes four unique flavors, including blood orange inspired by the Jason special collectible Jason Crisp Apple 16 ounce and 24 ounce cans. And last but not least, just in time for movie nights Sweet Revenge, a 13 minute short vignette that brings Jason back to the screen for the first time in 16 years. Directed by Mike P. Nelson. Grab Freaky good cider from Angry orchard@angry orchard.com Halloween. And while you're there, watch the new Jason vignette Sweet Revenge and shop the collab merch.

[A]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Acorns Early Acorns early is something that I use with my kids because I think it is important for kids to learn financial literacy as soon as possible.

[B]

Look, I love to regale you all with stories about me and money. When I was a child, I remember when I wanted to buy Grayskull, the castle where he man lived. It was $11. This is the 40s, it was $11. And I thought I could lay down two ones and that that would be $11. And I remember the guy at Winkies in Wisconsin, he would look to me and he was like, that's not $11. And I was like it. I didn't know anything about money as a child. As I got older, I started to learn, you know, had lemonade stands, all that stuff. But if you want to teach your kids a better way to be with money than a kid who thinks the two ones next to each other is $11, you can teach them that hard work pays off with Acorns Early. It's going to make it easy. Your kids don't have to learn the money lessons the hard way like I did that day at Winkies in Wisconsin.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Gareth and I send money to each other via Zell when we are in the hole to the other guy. The easiest way to do it is Zelle. We both use it. We both know that it works. Pay and or request. Request money. Send me some money via Zell. Why? Because you owed to me, little rat. Time to send me the money you owe me. My brother, the great Danny J and I do something for each other that to us it's sincere and it's sweet. We always Send each other money as gifts and we do it randomly and we use Zell. We'll just. Every once in a while he'll get $7.50 from me with a big subject that says, you deserve it. And even though he sends me money back, I know in his heart of hearts for a moment, when he saw that $7.50 on a Tuesday morning at 7 before work, he thought, my brother loves me. And sure. When he sends me less back, do I think my brother loves me less? Sure, maybe a little.

[B]

Whether it's a big moment or a small moment, Zell is here for you so you can be there for them when it counts. Send money with Zell. Hello? Hello?

[C]

Hey, can you hear me?

[B]

Yeah, how are you?

[C]

I'm good. How are you?

[B]

Good. What's your name please?

[C]

Margaret.

[B]

Margaret. Margaret, where are you calling from, please?

[C]

Margaret also works. I'm calling from Denmark.

[B]

Denmark, Cool. Might be our first Dane.

[C]

I'm not Danish.

[B]

Okay. What's your rough age here, Margaret?

[C]

I'm 27.

[B]

27 now. Are you? Where are you from?

[C]

I'm from Iceland.

[B]

Oh, what a great place.

[A]

Have you ever been to Greenland?

[C]

No. I can try to get in contact with the one lister though.

[A]

Please, if anybody can find that son of a bitch, I just want to say thank you.

[B]

We just want to make sure they're okay at this point.

[A]

By the way, Margaret, I spent a little bit of time in your beautiful country.

[B]

The best.

[A]

With the great Jason Schwarzman. We were dressed as astronauts and hanging out for three or four days and boy, what an island you guys got. That is a gorgeous place to be.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Agreed.

[B]

Well, not only did you stay in.

[C]

The capital or travel around.

[A]

We did stay in the capital and we drove around.

[B]

You kind of have to go to capital.

[A]

It was just the architecture. I loved everything I loved. I'll tell you what I didn't love. The food.

[B]

A lot of puff.

[A]

Yeah, a lot of food that I gotta. I gotta say, I looked at it.

[B]

You're giving us a bad rep. A lot of puffin.

[C]

You said this about the puffin thing before, man. I don't know anyone that eats puffin.

[A]

I don't know anybody either. It is a tourist.

[B]

They are certainly pawning, puffing off on the tourists. Then they must have a good. They must have a guy who knows when a rubes walking by to put out that puffin deal sign. Yeah.

[A]

Think there's a lot of puffing dealing, buddy.

[B]

I'm telling you, 80% of the places we went to there was puffing. Puffing stews. Puffing this.

[C]

You were not in the right cases, man.

[B]

No, actually, now more I think about it, I think it was. I don't know where you were going. Detroit.

[A]

It was Pumpkin.

[B]

Pumpkin.

[A]

Now I'm getting it. Now I get it.

[B]

Margaret soup. That's.

[A]

Margaret. What can we do for you?

[C]

Okay, I have a fairly embarrassing problem.

[A]

Great. Called the right place.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

I hope so. So, as you guys know, I'm from Iceland. I live in Denmark. I lived in the UK for a while, and I go to very international school.

[A]

I could tell.

[B]

Stop.

[C]

And I could.

[A]

You didn't know where she was from? I did know where she was from.

[B]

Stop it. Go ahead, keep going.

[C]

So I've never really had an Icelandic accent because I learned English very young, and it feels very performative if I speak with my acquired English accent.

[A]

Give us your English accent and.

[C]

Oh, I would have to. So the thing is, I kind of veer towards whichever person I'm speaking with.

[A]

Okay. But should give us an example. So when you speak with an Icelandic accent, it sounds performative? Is that what you were saying?

[C]

It just sounds funny.

[A]

So give us a taste of it. Let's just say I love listening to the podcast. We're here to help.

[C]

Oh, I do. I definitely love listening to the podcast. It's so good, and it's really funny.

[A]

Was that the accent?

[C]

Yes, it is.

[B]

That was good.

[A]

That was pretty good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I feel like I'm back in seventh grade.

[B]

Would make no sense. You're from Chicago and what? The other option would be your Danish accent and your English accent.

[C]

Oh, the English accent probably is.

[B]

Let's have a listen.

[C]

I mean, it definitely feels awkward. If I try.

[B]

You'll get there. Takes a couple swings sometimes.

[C]

Yeah. And I lived in the north as well, so it's quite different.

[B]

There you go, Sarah.

[A]

That was different, no.

[B]

Yeah, it was. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

It slips in. It's quite like. To be fair, it's not very prevalent. It's definitely not the most accent you've heard of a person coming from the north of England.

[B]

Still leaning.

[A]

A quick two minutes and talk about school together, you and me.

[C]

Where am I from now?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I don't know What? International school. I'm like, one of the coolest guys in the school. My name is Raj.

[B]

All right, I'm jumping. Two minutes of this. We want listeners. We're not trying to get rid of them.

[A]

Okay. So I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette and watch the local games.

[B]

Go to a doctor about your throat and Your mouth. Because there's some major issues happening there.

[A]

You don't understand the culture.

[B]

I do, as a matter of fact. What you just did was. What?

[A]

No, I did what?

[B]

It was crazy. I. I mean, if people could only see the contortions going on in the upper half of it.

[A]

It was a nearly perfect accent.

[B]

Disturbing.

[A]

Somebody who was born in Cape Town, raised in Amsterdam, went to Ireland, went to Scotland. School, dude, you just don't get. And his family's.

[B]

And his epileptic. And someone put a strobe light on.

[A]

Yeah, everybody. Everybody needs to relax a little bit.

[B]

We've got international school.

[A]

I'm the DJ of the prom.

[B]

I'm going to jump in and save a friend of mine who's drowning right now. So, Margaret, what. What exactly is the problem? Or give us any more details. Lead us along.

[C]

So it isn't necessarily a problem if I'm speaking to someone that's a native English speaker. So if I veer towards someone coming from the US or from the uk, that's fine. But as soon as I hear someone talking with. With a German accent or an Indian accent or anything, it's going to be a problem that I slide in.

[A]

Right, so you just copy accents?

[B]

Yeah. You're a chameleon.

[A]

Yes, interesting.

[B]

Chameleon.

[A]

My brother does this and it's not a joke.

[B]

I kind of do, too. Like, if I talk to my mother, I start going like. Yeah, no, it's different, though.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

Not a word, Jake. So. So, so what exactly are you looking for help with right now?

[C]

So I think if you guys could just help me choose one to stick with, at least if I'm talking to someone that isn't a native English speaker.

[B]

Well, what about this?

[C]

So just a baseline, this one?

[A]

No, this is the international one. Margaret, I want you to repeat. I want you to repeat after me. Gareth, please don't interrupt for.

[B]

Well, no, I'm going to interrupt because I know exactly where this is headed. Just make it.

[C]

We don't.

[A]

This is.

[B]

Just make it a clean. Whatever you're doing, you don't need to involve my mother, which I know.

[A]

I'm not going to invite your mom.

[B]

Not invite. Involve. Oh, what do you mean?

[A]

O. I thought we were talking invite. No, Margaret, repeat after me. My name is Margaret. Yeah, copy the accent.

[C]

Which English.

[A]

And just like I want you to. We're going to get the same accent.

[B]

Be leading the accent portion of this.

[A]

Jake, just. Margaret, please. My name is Margaret. Yeah.

[C]

My name is Margaret.

[A]

Yeah, I'm the host of this Prom dance? Yeah.

[C]

Oh, my God. I'm the host. Of what?

[A]

The prom dance? Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I'm the host of this prom dance. Yeah.

[A]

I'm really cool. I love smoking cigarettes.

[C]

Oh, I'm really cool. I love smoking cigarettes.

[A]

If there was a cross. Margaret, you're doing good. Hold on, you're right there.

[B]

It's Jason's the problem. You're doing great.

[A]

If there's a crime in town, I'll be the one to solve it.

[B]

What?

[C]

Oh. If there's a crime in town, I'll be the one to solve it.

[A]

I got legs from my ankles to my ears. See?

[C]

What do I have from my ankles to my ears.

[A]

I got legs from my ankles to my ears.

[B]

Just hurry.

[C]

I got legs from my ankles to my ears. Yes.

[A]

Okay, Margaret, lean into this accent with everybody you talk to.

[B]

What are you trying to do, Margaret, you to say, I need to lose.

[A]

10 friends in four days lead into this. Gareth, pretend you just met her. Margaret, be Margaret. You guys are on a date. You met on Bumble.

[B]

Oh, hey, how's it going?

[C]

Hi, I'm Margaret.

[B]

Hi, I'm Gareth from Bumble.

[C]

Hi. How far do your legs go?

[B]

What's the question?

[C]

My legs go from my ankles to my ears. Yeah.

[B]

No, they don't think it's going very well.

[A]

It is fire. Keep it going a little bit longer.

[B]

All right. Do you wanna do I like crime? No, not particularly. I'm pretty much opposed to it. Unless it's, you know. We're trying to redistribute the. In our messages, you seemed kind of. Where are you from exactly?

[A]

Planet Earth.

[C]

Yeah, that's for me to know and you to find out.

[A]

Oh, Margaret, you're on fire.

[B]

With what? In what way?

[A]

Perfect. If I was on a day with you, my head would explode from the.

[B]

She's gonna explain her job.

[A]

I'll get on a knee and give you a wedding ring.

[B]

What are you talking about? First of all, you're married. Just because you went to international school, you don't get to have maritime.

[A]

Law wise, it's different thing. So, Margaret, what do you think about just creating a new accent? Is that a bad pitch?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I mean, it's not the worst one.

[B]

Margaret, be honest now, because otherwise you're gonna keep going and then you're gonna be doing this and your tongue's gonna hurt.

[A]

She was so much better than you expected her to be.

[B]

She's great.

[A]

Would you admit even starting the dating going. How long are your legs?

[B]

Yeah, she's great. She's got her lines down the voices. 10 out of 10. No doubt. But I think we're trying to think of a long, long term solution here, which is not. Not fake. A third choice. I mean, you're really looking. You're trying to pick which one is your main gear.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I mean, well, we know you're good at accents.

[B]

Yeah. I kind of don't mind your chameleon ways, but if you're looking for a leader, let's hear. I. I'm gonna say no to Icelandic, but, I mean, we're biased. We're Americans. But I think the soft English one sounds very neutral. It feels very clear. And then if you're going to be speaking in other languages, you can just lean into those.

[A]

But, Margaret, are. Are we. Is this. Are we trying to. Is. Are we trying to lock in on which one is best? Is that what we're doing? Because if you can do them all, I'm trying to figure out how we could help. If you can do them all. You want to just pick one today?

[B]

I got a pitch.

[C]

Yeah. I kind of just want to pick one because if I'm in a conversation, like at school, for instance, there is a person there that lived in England for a long period of time, so she has a very pronounced English accent.

[A]

So let's do this.

[C]

Speaking to someone else. Yes.

[A]

First, let's hear Gareth's pitch.

[B]

I think we're gonna need to hear the accents.

[A]

Me too. That's.

[B]

Why not have the audience vote?

[A]

You want to have them vote or you want us to pick right now?

[B]

I think we have them vote. Let the people. Let the masses decide. I mean, that is an international.

[A]

That's crazy. Yeah, but you're right. So let's do this. Let's narrow it down to the top three.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So now, Margaret, what we can't have you do right now is get a little nervous and go, I don't know. I don't know. What should I say? You do know what to say.

[B]

She's did. The spotlight is not too big for Margaret.

[A]

No. Margaret's a killer. So now we're not worried about what.

[B]

Legs from her ankles to her ears.

[A]

Yeah. So feel free to just. You do. That's cool. I got short ones. My mom used to call them potato legs.

[B]

Focus.

[A]

And she said, I have the kind of body I could always pick up a potato from any position I was at. And I went like, that hurts my feelings. And she goes, they're just stubby little potato. My legs are just. There's. They're nothing to look at the idea. Me and shorts. You go like this.

[B]

How old are you when she says that, my whole life, the idea that.

[A]

She goes like this makes a lot of sense. She goes like this, Ah, you got the polish legs. And I go, what are Polish legs? And she goes, potato pickers. And I go, what? She goes, you're meant to be in a field picking potatoes. You barely have to bend your knees to get them. Them.

[B]

And I went, huh?

[A]

These are what they refer to as potato pickers.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

I've never heard a woman go like, I got. I can't wait to marry a man with potato picking legs.

[B]

No, no. It's like, yeah, no, your wife's not in it for the legs.

[A]

Not one person's been turned on by the term potato picking legs.

[B]

Well, I mean, not to, not to come down on you even harder, but you're what I would say your wife's favorite interaction you and I had was where I, I, I shot you down pretty hard about.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Looking like a make a Wish kid who was gonna go hang out with real basketball players.

[A]

Gareth came over, I was wearing shorts and a basketball top. And he said without, even without just. He walked and said, hey, everybody. He goes, jesus Christ, you look like a make a wish kid playing basketball. A grown up was your wish. And my wife fell on the floor laughing. So back to you, Margaret. It. Let's think of a line, okay? It could be whatever line you want it to be. And I want you then to say with the accents you use the most that you identify as real accents. We're going to number them and we're going to get your top three. And then the community is going to vote on which one you lock in. And then we want you to lock in on that. That for six months, no changing. Three months, no changing unless you're speaking.

[B]

In another dial, unless you're doing an actual different language, but that is. We'll pick your baseline.

[A]

If you slip out of it, you're a phony. Go back to your real one. But we're gonna say this is your actual voice. And the other ones, you're putting them on.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Is that what you want?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. One of them could possibly be the Osmo cigarettes at the club beyond Ploy Billions.

[B]

Why?

[A]

It doesn't have to be.

[B]

It won't be.

[A]

That's our secret. Like, you know, you go to In N Out and they have like, secret stuff on the menu. Yeah, that's going to be on the secret menu for what?

[B]

When, when will it be utilized and helpful Maybe Patreon.

[C]

If I accidentally slip.

[B]

Maybe Patreon. Let's start. What should we call this one? The first one.

[C]

The first one would be international.

[B]

Okay, so let's hear the international. And we need a line of dialogue. Why don't we say something along the lines of. This is me, Margaret. This is my natural voice.

[A]

My legs go from my. This is me, Margaret. This is my natural voice. My legs go from my ankles to my ears.

[B]

Okay, there you go. That is the line.

[A]

And then after that. But you, sir, have potato picking legs.

[B]

Okay, there's the. It is. Just let Jake. Let Jake unearth some of his potato trauma here too. Why not, huh? Let's have some fun. Okay, so the line. Go ahead. Whenever you're ready. International.

[C]

This is me, Margaret. This is my natural voice. I have legs from my ankles to my ears. I don't have potato picking legs.

[A]

I will say.

[B]

Very good.

[A]

A little robotic, it felt like. And you kind of sounded like AI to me. Let's just be honest now. Okay, well, look, it sounded like an AI person who I've calling in and they go like, hi, the person you're calling is not here. Can I answer any of your questions? I do not have potato pick.

[B]

When you say operator, they're just like, I. Fortunately, I need some more information before I can send you to an actual person.

[A]

So that's one.

[C]

I was just scared of forgetting my line.

[B]

You're great.

[A]

Okay, then you want to. You want to do that one again?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. I'm not being mean. I just. I have to give an honest opinion. This shows very much like the voice.

[C]

No, I know, I know.

[B]

This is the voice right now.

[A]

Yeah. This is the act.

[B]

We're more the voice than the voice right now.

[A]

Yeah. That's the singing competition.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We were picking accents.

[A]

We're doing a voice.

[B]

We're picking your voice. All right, do it again.

[C]

This is me, Margaret. This is my natural voice. I have legs from my ankles to my ears. Oh. And I don't have potato picking legs.

[A]

Really good. Way less AI. You're adding a lot of heat on Margaret.

[B]

That's. I mean, it's.

[C]

Yeah, I think it's because I'm also choosing to do that, like, because I often say it without the Icelandic accent, so it's easier for people to understand. Make a conscious decision not to say.

[B]

Margaret, because what would we call Accent 2?

[C]

Accent 2 would be Icelandic.

[A]

Okay, let's hear that.

[C]

This is me, Margaret. This is my natural voice. I have legs from my ankles to my ears. I don't have potato picking legs.

[A]

You are great with accents.

[B]

Very good. I mean, that's here. Okay, that's great. Let's hear. Let's hear the third one. And what would you call it?

[C]

Towards English.

[B]

Towards it.

[A]

What does that mean? Oh, towards. I thought you said two words. English. I was like lady. That's one word.

[C]

Almost the word not.

[A]

Two words come from English.

[B]

English. I'm not from here. Three words.

[A]

Peace.

[B]

Towards English. Go ahead.

[C]

This is me, Margaret. This is my natural voice. I have legs from my ankles to my ears and I don't have potato picking legs.

[A]

English is really standard and clean to you.

[B]

This is. She's in Denmark. This is. But I will say three great options.

[A]

You got a fourth?

[C]

I mean, I could do a Danish one, but that's mainly to make fun of Danish people.

[B]

Let's try that. But let's hear it.

[C]

This is me, Margaret. This is my natural voice. I have legs from my ankles to my ears. I don't have potato picking legs.

[B]

Like a Jake impression.

[A]

Now do.

[C]

And then they will say, yeah, you can just speak English. Our English is actually perfect.

[B]

The attitude.

[A]

Margaret, will you then give me really quick international school that we've been working on together with these lines just to hear it?

[C]

This is me, Margaret. This is my natural voice. I have legs from my ankles to my ears. I don't have potato picking legs.

[A]

Excellent. I think we have three great options. The first one, nightmare. Fourth international.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Give us really quick international. Just say I don't have potato picket legs.

[C]

International, I don't have potato picking legs.

[A]

Two Icelandic, same line.

[C]

I don't have potato picking legs.

[A]

Three English, same line.

[C]

I don't have potato picking legs.

[A]

We are going to put something up. Jesse, when the episode airs, will you jump in with the producer? Jesse, It'll be we need to pick slash Margaret's accent or however you want to do it. And then we'll have slash the voice.

[B]

And then we'll have you on. Talk about the one that's been decided on.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we'll hear it and we'll hear it.

[A]

And then we need you to live in this for a while.

[B]

Do you have. Do we want to weigh in at all? Do you have an opinion?

[A]

Me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you have an opinion?

[B]

I do.

[A]

What's yours?

[B]

I like international.

[A]

Can I hear international one more time? Can you say, I'm the host of this prom. I love smoking cigarettes and doing cool things.

[C]

Yeah. I'm the host of this prom night. Is it that one?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I'm the host of this prom night. I really like doing cool things and smoking cigarettes.

[A]

Okay. And that was international. That's the one you like, Gareth?

[B]

I do, yeah.

[A]

Can I hear Icelandic as that?

[C]

Yeah. I'm the host of this prom night. I really like cool things and smoking cigarettes.

[A]

Okay. Can I hear that in the. Towards English?

[C]

Yeah. I'm the host of this prom night. I really like cool things and smoking cigarettes.

[B]

First of all, Margaret, what a great feature to have.

[A]

Yes. And I will tell you.

[C]

It'S like.

[B]

Selecting a font, Margaret.

[A]

It's exactly what it's like. I have spent the last 20 years of my life on set a lot. You're a killer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're doing voiceover, this is. It is like selecting a font with you. It's. They're always consistent and they're good.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I like all of them. I'm leaning in towards English. Icelandic is great, but you're so Icelandic then that if you ever come off, I'm gonna think you're a phony.

[B]

Well, what I like about international is that it's kind of a blend that can fit. Fit most regions.

[A]

You know what if I ever. If anybody want there. And don't use AI. If anybody gets excited and wants to write a fake one page memoir called My Days in International School, Margaret, can we send it to you and will you record it as a voice note? And we'll have our first audiobook.

[C]

100%.

[B]

We do have a great. It is. It is very malleable and great.

[A]

So anybody who gets excited and wants to write it, just make sure there's a bunch of different characters from different regions talking so that Margaret has to do the voices.

[B]

Yeah, like a. It could be a cafeteria conversation at International School.

[A]

I think that's right. The. The protagonist is a woman named Margaret. She's at international school. The coolest guy in school is a guy named G. Jake.

[B]

Whoa. What a slip. Almost got me there, huh?

[A]

The bad boy is Gareth.

[B]

Oh, excuse me. Cool.

[A]

Yeah. But the cool football player, middle linebacker, Jake.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He's got those potato with potato picking legs.

[A]

It's hard to tackle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, Margaret, this is great. We're gonna bring you back on. You're awesome.

[B]

You're awesome. Way to go. We'll have a vote and we'll talk to action.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

Maybe this is unnecessary, but while we've got you, Margaret, Margaret actually emailed in about something else which is related to the man in the iron hair. This was months ago, but do you guys want to see a picture that she sent in? Since we have a minute.

[A]

Of course we do.

[B]

Okay, let me, let me just pull it up.

[C]

Oh, I hope you're gonna love this.

[A]

Walk us through what we're looking at.

[C]

Jeffrey's Atlantic legend. So it was about the episode with a guy with a comb over from the back to the front, right? And there was a man fairly well known in the northern part of Iceland, that was Iran. And he rocked his hairstyle, but with the additive of a hair clip of bobby pin in the front.

[B]

First of all, how great is ice? The fuck?

[A]

God, is he great. Gareth, what are we looking at here?

[B]

Jake? I'm not sure if I could tell us what we're looking at here. I mean, first of all, how great is Iceland where we have famous runners? Those were the days. All right, well, what we're looking at is obviously a man living in a complete universe of full denial. He's holding a trophy like it's a sipping cup. First of all, an intense Icelandic stare down the barrel.

[A]

He does look like with crazy hair.

[B]

If he kept going down on people forever. His. His hair, clearly the sides are fine, but then we have a full on coma head. But instead of trying to just kind of Caesar it up, he's decided to allow a little bit more length in the center denial zone.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

And he's brought it down into a little bit of a tailed wave. The gel factor is high wild. And so he has like the Superman curl up front, but it's really pronounced.

[A]

Hey, Margaret, do you remember your lines from earlier?

[C]

I think so.

[A]

Can you. What's this guy's name?

[C]

Y the runner.

[A]

Can you do the same thing but change Margaret to his name and say it as we look at this picture.

[C]

As him or as me?

[A]

As him with a voice, with the voice, same lines. Can we hear that as international but his name instead of yours?

[C]

This is me. Yo on. This is my natural speaking voice. I have legs from my ankles to my ears. I don't have potato papers.

[A]

Can we hear it Icelandic, please?

[C]

This is me. Yoel Slippery. This is my natural speaking voice. I have legs from my ankles to my ears. I don't have potatoes. Potato pickers.

[A]

Can we hear it in English?

[C]

This is me. Y this is my natural speaking voice. I have legs from my uncles to my ears and I don't have potato pickers.

[A]

If it's him, I want Icelandic 100%. If it's you, I want English.

[C]

Of course you do.

[A]

Of course. And that's the differ, but that's the difference.

[B]

This man is.

[A]

He's wonderful, everybody. Great we lose.

[C]

He was rumored to run in front of cars to let them hit him for insurance.

[A]

Of course he was.

[B]

Of course he was. Jake. Yes, of course.

[A]

You know who he was?

[B]

Who?

[A]

My first professor.

[B]

No. What the hell?

[A]

All right, wait, Margaret, what's his name again? My professor. Admit young sloppily.

[B]

Who didn't have potato pickers.

[A]

He used to run in front of Ottom automobiles and get hit for money.

[B]

And if they missed him, he would take his hair and they would grab the bumper and they drag him so he could get insurance.

[A]

He was the first man who taught me how to comb my hair so that I was the cool guy hosting the prom, smoking like cigarettes.

[B]

A watercolor of a big wave.

[A]

I will always. This is at his memorial. I will always love him the most out of all. The man who was my teachers. Margaret, thank you for the call.

[B]

Thank you, Margaret.

[A]

Everybody go vote.

[B]

I'll be in touch. And we're brought to you by Zell. Life is full of little moments when sending money makes a big difference. So whether you're pitching in for the last minute group gift or you're trying to send some money to a friend's kid or for college or whatever it is, it doesn't matter. Zell has got you. When it counts. Send money with Zell. Recently I'm going to tell you about a Zell moment I had. I was hanging out with my family. We were all having a delicious dinner and this is my brother and his family. I don't have a family. I have a cat, but I wasn't hanging out with my cat. And we were all eating and we were doing the thing when you argue over the tab and all that sort of stuff and you're doing that and I just sat back and I thought, you know what? I'm gonna shoot my brother Azell right now. And paid for it. Didn't even fight. We came to peaceful terms, which is so rare now. So whether it is a big moment or a small moment such as that, Zell is here for you so you can be there for them when it counts. Send Money with Zell Zelle.com when it counts. Zell. Anyway. Brought to you by Kachava oh my Lord. I have told you over and over again people how much I love cachava. This is the greatest protein powder I've ever come into contact with. Nutrition off the charts. It's delicious. I have it in my hotel room right now while I'm on the road. Really is just for your whole body. Great nutrition. I, I mix it Sometimes in with my smoothies, sometimes I just do it with some water, with some oat milk, whatever it is. But it's all day energy because it's got five key vitamins and minerals. Keeps things regular with the fiber, the probiotics and the enzymes. Replenishes your muscles, your protein. You need the electrolytes, B vitamins. I cannot say enough good about cachava. Right now I'm rocking the chocolate, the rocklet, but I love their chai. I drink it every day. I have cachava every single day. But their flavors are chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, coconut, asahi and strawberry, which is their latest one. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm maybe a little partial to that one. One your future self will thank you. Go to kachava.com and use code here to help for 15% off. Your next order. That's K A C h a v a.com cava.com code here to help for 15% off. Hello.

[E]

Hi.

[B]

Hi. Welcome to the show. Can we get your name, please?

[E]

Hi, I'm Zoe.

[B]

Hi, Zoe. Zoe, where are you calling from today day?

[E]

I'm in Portland, Oregon.

[B]

How beautiful, Portland. You got Jake, you got Gary.

[A]

Zoe, you're going as Gary.

[B]

No, you're right, Gareth. Zoe, when you're a kid, is there a show that you felt was a show that really made a huge impact on you? What was your favorite TV show growing up?

[E]

Probably the L word.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Good lord, Zoe, way to go.

[E]

Really coming out on.

[B]

Yeah, you're tv. I'll tell you what. We really. I think that that is as.

[A]

And how old were you when, how old were you when you first saw it?

[E]

About 11.

[A]

And what did it mean for you at 11? Look at me asking the hard hitting questions.

[B]

Daitlin.

[E]

I think it's in the name.

[A]

You said like, you were like.

[B]

That'S great. So that, I mean, there you go.

[A]

You know what? Similar. Mine was, mine was small wonder. And I think for the same reasons. It's right there in the name. I'm a small wonder.

[B]

Mine was taxi. Same thing. I was like, I want to get a tax license.

[A]

I thought, I want to live in a little closet, wear a cute dress and people think of me as a robot who's a small wonder.

[B]

All right, well, Zoe, we've really, we've.

[A]

Really gone off the rails.

[B]

We've gone off the rails real fast. So, Portland. Zoe, what is going on? What can we help you with?

[E]

So basically my mom has been on this like houseboat rental journey for the Last few years. And her boyfriend very sweetly purchased her a boat to make, like, the boat of her dreams. Her forever home, sort of. Which is very nice.

[B]

Jumping in. There's a lot. I know. You're like, this is normalized for you. For us, you're like, okay, there's a lot.

[A]

It's hard not to interrupt this one.

[B]

Okay. But keep going.

[A]

A lot of good stuff. Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

So this was back in May, and so in April, she moved out, stay with her sister for a couple weeks. That was like, the line. In a couple weeks, he'll have renovated this boat and it'll be ready to move in now.

[C]

October.

[E]

Well, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Very sweet. And by himself as well. He refuses to hire any help with it. He is 66. My mom is 69, which is, of course, young, and she's going to live forever, but things are slowing down a bit. And. Yeah. So that was back in May, and it's October now, and she's still bouncing between sisters who are all in their 70s. 70s, and they are getting pretty sick of each other. And the boat's not ready.

[B]

So what is this?

[A]

Well, before that, Garf or Gary, what is the specific question? Because this is an interesting setup.

[E]

Yeah. And I feel kind of bad because I'm worried he won't be able to help. I kind of would like Drago to hire some help or maybe convince my mom to rent an apartment.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

Zoe.

[A]

His name is.

[E]

Drago.

[B]

Zoe, the details. Wait, Zoe, are you.

[C]

Are you actually going to let us release this with this name? Because you said you were going to give him a fake name, and I can't do this beeping thing that we did before.

[E]

Just do it. Whatever. He's off the grid. You can't find him.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Because Drago is an eccentric millionaire. Yes.

[E]

He. He has a lot of money.

[A]

Does he want to produce a podcast?

[B]

Does he want to buy us a helicopter so we can go to Cape Town and watch people crap?

[A]

I got a lot of ideas I'd like to talk to Drago about, but.

[D]

He'S, you know, he's.

[E]

He's doing well.

[A]

Does he want to build us a boat? We'll go to Africa that way.

[B]

No problem. We'll flotilla.

[E]

The boat is not a luxurious. I don't know if I have to tell you this about houseboats. They're not ideal, but it's. It's not. Yeah, it's more boat than we're seeing it.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's a forest gump shrimp BO boat. This is not what I pictured it was actually.

[E]

It was set to be scrapped before he purchased it.

[A]

I love this.

[B]

It's just wild.

[A]

And what's that photo beneath of a heart over someone's face? Oh, what am I looking? Oh, it's a baby. That's a baby?

[E]

Yeah. I felt crazy.

[A]

I didn't know what to make of that stomach.

[B]

I think that there's a baby.

[A]

A baby's wearing a crop top, which makes sense as a baby. It doesn't if it's an adult.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So I think the. The point of this text is not the baby looks like it's being held with.

[A]

That's an adult. If that's something your mom sent to Drago, I'm like, abort. Just get out of this situation. That's gross. If it's a baby, it's cute. The.

[B]

The text says, this is between you and your mother, I believe. How is the boat coming? And your mother replies, two more weeks. I think I have to go to a sister's name. Need a break from San Jose and you weeks, huh? With a crying, laughing emoji. And she says, lol. So the inside joke here is that pause.

[A]

But then she sends you a photo of a baby with her Got out. What is that?

[B]

That baby does look like.

[E]

It's like it's a new cousin. It's very exciting.

[A]

Okay, so there's a baby. Everyone's excited about that baby.

[E]

Yeah. I didn't know how much to sort of crop a screenshot of the text for you guys, but I'll draw.

[A]

I'll drop it. I'll it drop.

[C]

Drop it.

[B]

So now we're back with mom. How long until the bathroom is done? You ask. I am worried. Exclamation point. Maybe three weeks. Ugh. Here's a crazy idea. You say, what if he hired help, question mark. Thoughtful emoji.

[E]

Yeah. And wouldn't you know it, the did not respond.

[A]

Oh, I love that. I love referring to mom as the.

[B]

I mean, I do.

[A]

So it adds heat. Okay, Gareth, I'm gonna start referring to you as the I.

[B]

Thank you. And I welcome it.

[A]

And you could call me the. You are the. Call me the.

[B]

You are the.

[A]

I'm being me in a go. The is getting hot.

[B]

Done.

[A]

My nickname on this show is the.

[B]

The is matadrago. So essentially, what we're dealing with here. Zoe, Curly, and the. Ah. Oh, my. It sounds like an L Word episode title. I. What we're dealing with is a houseboat that seems like it'll never be finished because Drago is a drag ass. He's putting the dragon. Drago is. Your mom is 25% like that one. It was terror. I'm out. I want to get.

[A]

Agreed. Okay.

[B]

Your mother is allowing it because it's a gift. You recognize? The reality is that this guy needs some help. Help to turn this shrimp boat into a houseboat.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But it is an endless project. And so your mother is sort of couch surfing while this all goes on and seemingly can't confront him to get this thing done.

[A]

Crazy.

[E]

You got it. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, how do we get Drago to want to finish this houseboat? And your mother has no interest in the confrontation, obviously. She seems to be avoiding it pretty hard.

[E]

I would say that seems right. It's difficult to get sort of an answer out of her. How much she's asked.

[A]

Zoe, this is a great setup.

[B]

Great.

[A]

But you are right to say this is a tricky one. And I'll tell you why. Because you're not your mom. And we. So if this was mom, call it in. But we are. We are trying to fix a third party problem. And we will pitch on it. This is a tricky one.

[B]

I have a pitch.

[A]

Go ahead, Garf.

[B]

I think what we should do is either let's pick an event where we want to host a little party on this.

[A]

Great idea.

[B]

So Mom's birthday.

[A]

No, it's got to be yours.

[B]

Your birthday.

[A]

What do you have? Hold on. Zoe, what is something you have coming up up in about six weeks? How about this? Do you guys do Thanksgiving as a family together?

[E]

We're doing Thanksgiving in Portland. My partner. But we'll do Christmas.

[A]

But Christmas is far. What do you want to say? We want to do Christmas on the houseboat and send invitations.

[E]

I fear she would just say no.

[A]

Understood. Yeah.

[B]

What. What if. Is there anything coming up for you that is like your partner anniversary? Is that up at all? Does she know what your anniversary would be?

[A]

I've got one, too. Let me. Let me pitch on this because we're right in a zone. So where.

[B]

What.

[A]

What state is the house boat in?

[E]

California.

[A]

Where in California?

[E]

Bay area.

[A]

Okay. What if we did something like this? Say, mom, I'm working on this project with these guys in la. They were looking to do a photo shoot. They've got this model. Is there any way we could use. They're looking for a houseboat. This guy Steve Berg, he's a calendar model. He's a hunk. And they're looking for boat themed photos. Is. Do you know when yours will be done? And if so, could you have Drago send Finished photos. And the reason is he finishes, he sends the photos and then we go in another direction. Direction.

[E]

So we're not getting Berg on the boat.

[A]

We might look, if we get it, we might put Berg on the boat. But just to move this ahead, to get him excited and go, I know this is crazy and do, if you don't want to do it, you don't want to do it. But some old friends of mine, L Word producers are putting together a photo shoot of this hunky guy that, that shockingly, the ladies are loving. And they're thinking about doing a second calendar because the first one was so successful.

[B]

Nautical.

[A]

Oh, great. And they want to put him on a houseboat. And I know you have one. Can you, as soon as it's finished, have Drago send finished photos in? It's, you know, it would be really exciting. It'd be really fun. They'll really feature the boat. They'll make it look really great. And then, and in the end, go. The calendar fell apart because sales for the first one were so low.

[B]

I think I like that. I think, why don't you go directly to Drago? Yeah, why don't you go to Drago? Because.

[A]

Okay, so why is the hesitation?

[E]

I don't think I have his phone number. He just got a phone in the last few years.

[A]

I love that for Dragon.

[B]

But why don't have an email somewhere?

[A]

Email? Oh, he might not check emails.

[B]

I, I, Why not? When, when, how often do you see your mother?

[E]

Like a few times a year.

[B]

When is the next time you're going to see her? And I'm assuming her and Drago live in the same area.

[E]

They don't. They've been long distance for about 20 years.

[B]

Where does Drago.

[A]

Beach?

[B]

He lives in Laguna beach.

[A]

You said 20 years.

[B]

Where does she live? The Bay area.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Hang on a second. I feel like this is actually about Drago's. Like they're a little insecure. They're like once the houseboat is done, they have to live together.

[A]

Oh, Jesse.

[E]

They don't.

[A]

No.

[E]

He would stay in Laguna.

[A]

Okay, okay, nevermind.

[B]

Look, I think you're right, Jesse. I really thought I was an odd.

[A]

I did too. I thought you were earning the swee sweetness of your nickname.

[B]

You're right to sniff around that area. But let's. I think the more that we pull this thread, the more that we're not going to understand it.

[A]

I think that's correct. Also, why did your mom die? But why did your mom move out of her place?

[E]

Because she thought the boat would be ready in a couple weeks.

[A]

That's insane. Another thing that insane, being in a 20 year long distance relationship with a guy named Drago who doesn't have a phone.

[B]

I mean, how do you communicate?

[A]

You put letters on a pigeon that's got. He doesn't have an email and he just got a phone. You're in a longest relationship.

[B]

You know email.

[C]

They email.

[E]

They send really long emails to each other.

[B]

Zoe, is that. And I just. Just. This is off. There's no point. Is this a functioning relationship?

[A]

That's not for us.

[E]

They seem really happy, honestly.

[B]

How often are they seeing each other?

[A]

He was your neighbor growing up.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. How did make the move? I can't. Garrett. Now I need to know.

[E]

Well, my mom actually did.

[A]

How did she make the move? No.

[E]

Well, I was taking fruit from his tree outside.

[A]

Holy crisis. Is it real life?

[B]

This is like.

[E]

He told me I had to ask his permission and I was horrible as a child. I said no and I refused. So then she used it as an excuse you to talk to him.

[A]

Is Drago. Did he used to be hot as hell?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

A great looking guy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Accent?

[E]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

From where?

[B]

Czech Republic?

[C]

Serbia.

[A]

Serbia. Give a. Give me a vibe of his.

[B]

Look, you can't go out there. Peek my guava.

[E]

Sort of like a. Like a Pierce Brosman.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

Give me a. Give me a taste of your mom. Give her her a comp.

[E]

She is like a super hippie. Oh, like wearing flowing sort of chunky necklace.

[A]

I love these two together. He didn't have that type in Serbia.

[B]

No.

[A]

I never meet a woman like you.

[B]

You cannot wear chunky necklace where I come from.

[A]

Yeah, you smell like. You smell like garnola.

[C]

I'm interrupting you.

[A]

Natalie.

[B]

Thanks, Natalie. Good work.

[A]

Good job. Good job.

[B]

Permission to come aboard, Chris? Granted.

[A]

But my first character, who's Serbian, did not go to international school. He's from Serbia.

[B]

Okay, let's. Let's let Natalie do her thing here, buddy.

[C]

So, Zoe, when you wrote in, you said recently my mom suggest suggested staying with me for quote unquote, about two weeks up in Oregon. Please, please help me convince Drago to hire help. So there's your clean question.

[A]

Okay, thanks.

[C]

How are we gonna stop her from living with you for two weeks and.

[E]

Get on that boat?

[A]

Great. Hey, Natalie. We asked you for direction before, to jump in when we were going off the wire. And you just did, lady.

[B]

Well done.

[A]

I'm gonna ask you really quick. You want to hear the Serbian accents a little bit more?

[C]

Maybe later.

[B]

Chunky necklace.

[A]

Smell like granola.

[B]

What?

[A]

You smell like. I've lost.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Damn it.

[B]

Oh, my God. Is it.

[A]

It got Scottish.

[B]

Yeah, you brave hearted. So really, we're just trying to get. Look, I think we're trying to get him to hire people by suggesting that there is a pending event or a deadline.

[A]

I have an idea. Gareth, go. Can we get his email? Zoe? We'll email him from the show.

[E]

Yeah, I could find it.

[A]

And. Why don't we do this? We know you. We are hosting a photo shoot.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And we are wondering. We know you have a. A house, but we're wondering when it will be complete and if possible, would you be open to a Hollywood photo shoot? Taking pics of Steve Berg. Very classy. Some on the boat eating shrimp.

[B]

I think. I think this is right. I think we get him. I think. Let us initiate with him. You put us in touch, you know, we could figure out the specifics, but something like that. We want to have Steve Berg do a shot shoot. We'll email.

[A]

And we don't mention the podcast.

[B]

No, totally don't. Nope.

[A]

We. We are a calendar making production and.

[B]

We'Ve just sort of started to do calendars with this one model. He's a little bigger, but women seem to be swooning and one of not.

[A]

Going to sink the boat.

[B]

One of those things that we are now excited for is a. A sailor shoot. And we know Zoe, we're old friends and we really would love the boat. When do you think it'll be ready?

[A]

And again, no pressure.

[B]

No pressure.

[A]

But only Zoe was talking about. She sent us photos and told us. We think it looks so great.

[B]

Yep.

[E]

Yeah, I love it. I have one caveat, which is you might want to come up with how me, a biologist from Portland, knows these LA producers doing a photo shoot.

[A]

Well, where'd you grow up? Up?

[E]

Laguna.

[A]

Hey, babe, guess what? You see how the pieces of this beautiful mind come together? So did we.

[B]

Guess what?

[A]

We grew up, went to high school together.

[B]

Steve Berg is from Laguna. The model.

[A]

He's not.

[B]

He is.

[A]

That body type's not from Laguna.

[B]

He's a beach boy.

[A]

You went to high school with these guys?

[B]

Okay?

[A]

You vouch for them. These are great guys.

[E]

Okay?

[A]

Real sweet guys. And guess what you do. Here's how we started. So, Zoe, you put an email with helpfulpodgmail.com dragos and yours. You initiate, you go like, hey, Drago, these are friends of mine who I grew up with. They're doing this thing. Not sure if you're interested. If not no big deal.

[B]

Not with. Don't do the helpful pod, though.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

Because we don't want.

[A]

He's not going to link it. He's not going to link helpful pod to. We're here to help, okay? We're not putting our names in it. It'll be sweet, Jesse.

[B]

Absolutely. Okay.

[A]

All right, so. But, Zoe. So what do you think? In this zone? You tell us.

[E]

I like it. I'm. I don't know how optimistic I am, but I think it's the best thing that I've heard from anyone's mind.

[A]

Hey, you know what? That's the whole premise of this goddamn thing. That's why we keep stats and have a bell. We ring a lot of times. It doesn't work, kid.

[B]

I think we can get this there.

[A]

Yeah, but also, Zoe, let me tell you this. We fail more than we win in life.

[B]

Not true. We've been doing real good.

[A]

But Gareth, listen, let me tell you something. And this is advice from my generation to yours. You know, you want to be a baseball player. The best ever of all time had about 401 year. That means out of 10 at bats, they got out six times. If we're four out of 10, we're the best ever.

[B]

I. I think what Jake's trying to say is that we will try our damnedest.

[A]

If you're 2 out of 10, you'll be in the minor leagues. You still got a life.

[B]

He's still talking.

[A]

Go to Mexico and play.

[B]

Now. Nobody really knows what he's saying, but.

[A]

He'S in the Doctor.

[B]

What we're trying to say is that led us initiate with him. We'll try. I think she connects us. Yes. I think if we open this thread with him, I bet you we can get him. I think we can make him feel the heat if he's ever going to finish. And then if he isn't, then it might be worth having a conversation with your mother where you're just like, you know, the next. The next portal.

[A]

Let's not get to the next yet. No, let's not get there, all right? We're at the meal, let's not talk dessert.

[B]

You're right.

[A]

Zoe, what are you thinking? What are you going to do? You take the charge.

[E]

I love it. You guys are genius. I think it's going to be amazing.

[A]

And so what are you going to write in that email? And do you want to do it right now?

[B]

Yes.

[E]

Well, it might take me a minute to find his email.

[A]

That's fair. Okay, here's what I will say, though. I couldn't even hear Serbian in my head. I wanted to go out with a Serbian line, and all I was hearing was Mel Gibson's freedom.

[B]

Well, why don't you try it? Think of Daniel Day.

[A]

Right? To email.

[B]

Okay, so I really apologize.

[A]

Let me.

[E]

I'll text my mom to ask for his email.

[A]

I do.

[B]

So bad. It's so bad.

[A]

It's. Cottonwas.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

I definitely hate it.

[B]

What is.

[A]

I'm from Serbia. I'm not, though.

[B]

Oh, all right, so apologies for what? Obviously, the war crime that just took place here. But text your mom, get the email, and let's go from there.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Just get them on the hook for us.

[E]

Yeah, perfect. I'll just say, hey, these guys from high school have a question for you, and I'll kind of let you guys take it.

[A]

I love that. That's a great idea.

[B]

Perfect, Zoe.

[D]

Perfect.

[B]

We're gonna get your mom living on this goddamn houseboat or into an apartment. Okay? One of the two is gonna happen.

[E]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. You guys are great. Great.

[B]

Jake, do you want to say farewell in Serbian?

[A]

You do it first.

[B]

Take care, Zoe. I think we're going to solve your problem.

[A]

That's all I'm saying. And I'll see you at the next time of the round.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Found. Found it. No, all I've got to say is definitely found it. Lost it again.

[B]

Oh, my God. All right, Zoe, thank you.

[E]

This is.

[B]

Hello. Hello there.

[A]

Up, brother.

[B]

Beautiful Barry White. Basie voice. We missed last week on a followup.

[A]

So, Brian, we know the match occurred. Everybody, this is Brian. Ever. You guys all know from Pickle and Chips. Yeah, the classic. Our super bowl, if you will.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, Brian, first of all, we watched you play. You did pretty good. You were pretty good. He beat you pretty bad, though.

[B]

No, let me say this real quick, Jake. I had a show the night that this episode came out, and there was a chatter. People were very. Some people hadn't finished it and were like, how does it go? I hadn't listened to it, but people were excited.

[A]

Can I tell you another thing? Brian and Gareth in our audience.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just did an interview for pickleball.com.

[B]

Oh, right, right.

[A]

They reached out to me because they want to do us. They want to cover the story for the Dink. And they said, could we be first? The community's really excited. And I said, we got to wait on that. But I got something pretty big, and I asked the writer to listen. He loved it. He's doing an entire story just on this match with quotes. He watched it. He thought both you guys did great. And he thought it was good for the spot sport. And I said, tell me why? And he said, because it goes to show that even though the thing with pickleballs, they say anybody can do it.

[B]

There'S levels to this game, which we saw, which. Well, first of all, Brian, that has to be. I mean, you're getting actual coverage now for the. The pickle and championship. So that's big. But I think to where Jake was leading us. You know, we watched it. How. How do you. How do you feel like it all went? I mean, we've already. We've talked about it.

[A]

You know, Bry guy, take the wheel. Walk us through the whole thing. Your whole experience day.

[B]

The drink.

[A]

The drinking was a surprise.

[B]

It's an interesting twist.

[A]

It. We used to play fris ball competitively. We would never drink before.

[B]

Now we wouldn't drink after we were so gassed.

[F]

I mean, the day kind of. Well, I mean, the night before was a little bit. A little rough. You know, it's my Friday or my Saturday, basically.

[B]

So what does that mean?

[F]

Usually the, you know, have a few adult beverages, stay up a little later with the wife than normal and then.

[B]

But hold on, let me share.

[F]

The dog was definitely mandatory before the match.

[B]

Let me jump in here, Jake. Because when he started, it sounded like he was talking about like I had a work event, I had to be go. But he's just saying he can't take a night off and drink a Friday.

[A]

But I'll tell you this. But it's not an excuse.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

If you want to drink before a match. God bless you.

[F]

Yeah, there was no. No excuses. Like I said, sometimes you just eat crow.

[A]

Agreed. I respect that. So you showed up. You get there. How were you feeling before the match started?

[F]

I was.

[A]

I was feeling.

[F]

I was ready. I was hyped up.

[A]

That's nice to know. Okay, so now let me ask you something. Let me ask you something real because you are going back to the old NFL days when I really loved the game. There's a guy named Pac Man Jones.

[B]

Tell us your history with the wedding.

[A]

Not just. I'm not going on a tangent, but you might want. I mean, but I've always loved the Pac Man Jones type.

[B]

How much did you love him? A lot. To the point where.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Finish it.

[B]

To the point where. He used to refer to himself as Pac man in the frisbol league. He would call himself Pac man all the time. He would. We would Play and I will out.

[A]

Listen, it's intimidating.

[B]

Jake was very. Jake could. Jake was better when the Frisbee would be in the air grabbing it away from you than anyone. But he's still. He would refer to himself as Pac man in. In first person all the time.

[A]

Well, Pac man get that first. But here's what I would say, Brian. So you had Pac Man Jones vibes. Deep down, did you think you were going to win or did you think he's probably going to beat me? Me, I don't want any spin. I just want the truth now. Really. Just for me.

[F]

So we agreed and to. To just rally a little bit before we played.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

Against each other and we, you know, I was. I was like, okay, he can play a little bit. He could play. Mind you, I didn't know he. He has a really good serve is what he has.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

He has a serve with a lot of spin and a pretty decent.

[A]

Hard to deal with.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But let him go.

[F]

Let him go and pinned you back to where you're, you know, pretty far behind the line and he controls just return and he can. And he can charge the net and I wasn't expecting that. I didn't know that platform that you play with.

[B]

Brian. Brian, allow me to just jump in here and say what some of.

[F]

Yes, sir.

[B]

Just. It's kind of furthering the earlier point about the Friday night drink. You knew this was. Was coming. Now, I'm not saying you need to hire a coach, but it seems like you approached like considering what's on the line. It seems like you approach this with very little practice to get ready for. It seems like this day was not taken very serious.

[A]

Although the stakes are pretty high. Brian.

[B]

Well, that's why I'm gonna at one point accuse him of. He's got a Whopper.

[E]

That's how much.

[B]

That's how he's got a Whopper. That's the problem here.

[A]

You might total right.

[B]

He's got a Whopper. Well, you can't give the.

[A]

Listen, you might be totally. He wanted to lose by losing. He's winning.

[B]

Does it. He goes, what? What's the worst that happened? Everyone knows I gotta walk.

[A]

Everybody goes like this. Oh, look.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

All right. Whoa, Brian. Did Gareth just nail what this is really about voice?

[B]

This guy's all. He's king, baby.

[F]

I had nothing. Well, that's my initials. So I was gone. I was BK all my life. So I will give you.

[A]

He ain't BKG Jr. No. Are you a double meat?

[B]

He's the impossible.

[A]

Whopper no, he isn't.

[B]

No, that's not really impossible.

[A]

You and are the impossible Whopper with.

[B]

Like vegan cheese and no cheese either. No sauce either.

[A]

He gives us stomach aches.

[B]

Yeah, half a bun.

[A]

And then lately I'm the guy with no bun, which is even worse. I'm a lettuce rap, Brian. So yeah, we're getting to the meat of this. Go ahead.

[F]

No, I just, you know, there's. Well, the one thing that I had and I, I'm not. There's no excuses. I took the loss nights. Yeah, I respect that 1000%. He was the better guy that showed up that day. I should have taken it a lot more serious than I did.

[B]

Okay, Brian, let me ask you this because the one thing people always ask after any kind of big hyped like this one is are you going to do it again? Do you think there's any chance of a rematch? Are you going to start playing ball? I mean, but we could. A year from now he could train and maybe give Taylor a much bigger run for his money. I mean, who knows if we'll still be involved. But I'm curious.

[F]

I was kind of shocked that, you know, like I'm a, I'm a good sport. I'm not a sore loser. So you know when, when you're, Everybody knows when it comes to athletics and things like that, you know you're not going to win every match. Whether it was sport, doesn't matter what sport.

[A]

You know who else said that? Pac Man Jones.

[B]

I don't believe he did.

[A]

Keep going, Brian.

[F]

But Taylor, right after the match he said we're definitely having a rematch.

[A]

Ooh, did this piss you off or is it all just a gag? Cause if it's a gag, we got a caller waiting in the waiting room who's got dirty underpants on that we need to help figure out what to do with them.

[B]

Yeah, it won't wash them.

[F]

It hurts the ego a little bit.

[A]

But enough to fire you up or is this the end?

[F]

No, it definitely I, I enjoy pickleball. It's fun and it brought back some competitiveness that I probably, you know, just other than when I go and play golf or something like that than that I, that I like and a little fire. I'm definitely, I won't pressure him and make it mandatory to have a rematch. No, but he wants, I definitely would like to rematch him.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

And I will, I will definitely.

[B]

It'll be a different game.

[A]

Here's what we're going to do really fast. We're not going to put stakes on the new match. We're not going to discuss it yet. But here's what I'm going to propose to you. Because, Brian, what about getting in the best shape of your life?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What about bringing back Brian the athlete? You're only 42 years young, my king.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What if we saw what a year does of discipline? A year of bishops.

[B]

A year just even showing up and playing pickle ball more. You'll drop LBs, you'll get better. He's not going to see it coming. Coming. I think it's this.

[F]

This all started or it started a thing with, you know, my buddies and I. Now everybody wants to be, you know, a pickleball professional.

[A]

Okay, so why don't you start playing? If anybody who is in the Arizona area is a coach and wants to work with Brian, reach out to us. We'll connect. And why don't you see what you can get involved in, Brian Ryan, you know what I really hope happens just on a human level? I hope this motivates you. I hope you get in great shape. And I'd love to see what happens if you guys play again February, ish. And you feel like you're at your peak again, maybe March. And I would love to see a match where you two guys actually battle. I want to see two. I want to see two animals.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

I want one piece of meat to get between a bear and a wolf and I want to see who is eats it.

[F]

You got it.

[B]

Keep in mind Jake has a chimp head behind it. All right, Brian, get at it and keep us posted. And text Taylor after this and be like, all right, I just did my follow up. When are we doing the dinner?

[F]

You got it.

[A]

I will. Thanks for being on the show, brother.

[B]

Yeah, for real.

[F]

Appreciate you guys.

[A]

Appreciate it. Thank you, buddy.

[F]

All right, guys, anytime.

[B]

Okay. All right, well, all right, bye.

[C]

Okay, you guys want to do five minutes with the fan?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hello.

[F]

Hello.

[D]

Hello.

[B]

Hello. Hello. Can we get your name, please?

[D]

My name is Brock.

[B]

Brock. Brock, we know you were at the. The Fame, Pickle and Chip championships. We don't know much else but you. We first of all, huge respect. Respect?

[A]

Yeah, for sure. Did you go to Target and buy a Gareth vest?

[D]

I did not.

[A]

Oh, good.

[D]

The vest made it to the Pickle and Chip class.

[A]

I saw you in a photo with the vest. I believe so.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, so now, Brock, do us a favor and walk us through your experience of the match. All your thoughts. This will close us out on this saga for now. But. But let this audience Know what it was like to be there and what you saw with your eyes and to.

[D]

Encourage more fan participation in random events.

[A]

I agree.

[D]

So I saw on Instagram that it was about 30 minutes away in Queen Creek. I live in Chandler, Arizona. And so with some encouragement from a buddy who's also a license listener and my loving, supportive wife who also listens to the podcast.

[A]

Wow, look at that family. I like that.

[D]

Yeah, I texted her and I said, hey, I knew she was at the gym. I said, if I come by and pick you guys up, like the kids from school, I'll come swing by and let's drive out to Queen Creek. So we did. And look, I'm almost afraid to tell you because I don't want it to be a huge light down, but I missed most of the match.

[A]

No, it's not allowed.

[C]

I did.

[A]

It's not. He drove with his family.

[B]

Why were you late?

[D]

Yeah, because the kids had school.

[B]

It was a bit of a drive.

[A]

So this is a weird super.

[D]

I showed up with my sign.

[C]

I'm.

[D]

I'm a random guy walking up to, you know, and. And I catch like the last couple hits, and then I go back, wrangle the family. My two young kids, 4 and 6. And, you know, it wasn't a tough sell to the. To the wife, but the kids are like, why are we at this?

[B]

I get completely fair question.

[A]

Yeah, agreed. Who are these men?

[B]

Why.

[A]

Yeah, why are they.

[B]

Why are you watching pickleball?

[D]

Why the sudden interest in a pickleball match?

[A]

So this is good stuff, Brock.

[D]

You know, I walk up, the family's all gathered, they kind of clock me again. I have the sign unfurled.

[B]

What does the sign say again? Just so we know, Team Taylor.

[D]

And then I had a couple of quotes. Make it swift, teach Brian a lesson.

[B]

As well as we're here to help cheer, it's also amazing to be like, podcast because Brian has stuff, buddy. Brian has people there too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he does. People. His people.

[D]

Was sorely needed.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And.

[D]

And realistically, I. I'm all for an underdog story. Right. I'm team. I hope everyone has fun. You know, as long as we're all enjoying ourselves, go for it. That being said, there was no chance.

[A]

I. I mean, okay, if I had.

[D]

To place money on it. Taylor all the way.

[A]

Taylor is. Taylor just killed him.

[B]

I.

[D]

And unfortunately, what I was hoping for was a little more from Brian so that it lasted longer and I could have caught.

[A]

I think, hey, Brock, I think we all were brother.

[B]

Yeah. But he was super late. So that's why he was like, oh, I got to see like five.

[A]

Wanted to see a better match.

[B]

We all did. But again, I. Shut up. I don't know if you know this.

[A]

Brock, but pickleball.com is covering this goddamn story.

[D]

Well, I'm not really, you know, one for showing up to random pickleball matches and just watching.

[A]

Hey, from your history, Brock, I would disagree with that statement.

[B]

Yeah. As far as we know, you're the.

[A]

Only guy on planet earth who does this.

[B]

Did you expect more pe. More fans to be there, Bro, I did. Yeah.

[D]

Truthfully, I did. They had T shirts, right? Taylor's face on a T shirt. And I couldn't wrestle one off of grandma, but I thought I represented.

[A]

Did you feel weird?

[B]

Yes. Who did you sit next to?

[D]

But I had to own it. When I got there, they had the vest laying out on a picnic table, and I got approached by a bunch of different people. It all kind of came at me a little fast. I believe one of the moms said, you know, we've been dealing with this level of competition between, you know, with. I'm guessing it was Taylor. You know, Taylor's mom could have been Brian's mom or.

[A]

Yeah, I understand she didn't introduce herself.

[D]

A relative, but they said, you know, we've been dealing with this for 30, 40 years. And I said, I, I understand that. Got to talk to Taylor and Brian.

[A]

Hold on. Your thoughts on the guys? Brock, your thoughts on the guys?

[D]

Okay, Taylor showed up, he's dressed, he had all the swag and the gear.

[B]

Right.

[D]

And he just looked prepared. And honestly, not that winded, not that sweaty. Whereas my man Brian, bright guy, the guy's guy, he was, he, he was a little tuckered out.

[B]

Well, we just talked to him. Yeah, he drank and never played before.

[F]

Exactly.

[D]

And it was hot. That's the thing. Phoenix, you know, adjacent area, it was about 95 degrees.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[D]

I was sweating. Just walking up, you know, nothing to do with nerves, just straight up.

[A]

Great, Brock.

[D]

And, and as much as I wanted to give him a hug, I. I didn't.

[A]

Disgusting juice on me. Also, Brock, the thing you got to know about Brian, he's got a huge dick.

[B]

Well, we're, we. We haven't gotten the full print on it.

[A]

Sounds good, Brock. So you saw it. What we've really learned in the follow ups now, this being our third, is Taylor destroyed him. There was no chance. He was in shape. He looked right. Brian talked a big game and got eaten up. What I hope this motivates for Brian. Because I do believe when I was watching Brian mover on that court, he is naturally athletic.

[B]

Yeah. There's an athlete in there.

[C]

If he.

[A]

If he brings back the animal and he practices with his buddies and he gets out there and he starts playing in six months, we could have a real rematch. But right now it's varsity versus jv.

[D]

Brian and I need to train together.

[B]

I don't think you're hearing exactly what Jake's saying, but we need you to show up to the event again.

[A]

Actually, Brian, Brock, that's exactly what I'm saying.

[B]

Now, Brock, one more question before we let you go. But again, we really do appreciate you.

[A]

Not only showing Brock you're a real.

[B]

Winner, giving us a little more context. You said you're about a half hour. You were about a half hour from the match.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're about a half hour from Chandler.

[D]

From Pink Creek.

[B]

Okay. You live in Chandler?

[F]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Cause I had a show there the other night, and I'm curious if you made the drive to nowhere. Nowhere at a more appropriate time to see my show or if you drove 30 minutes rushing to go.

[D]

You know, I wanted to be there, but my wife was out of town for work.

[A]

I had both of the kids.

[D]

And again, I'm not gonna bring them to your show.

[B]

A random pickleball match for strangers by himself.

[A]

Brock, we appreciate the rock.

[B]

Love you. Thank you.

[A]

You're the best, buddy. Next time.

[D]

All right, thank you, guys.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Bye, bud.

[A]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[B]

We're here Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[C]

All video episodes of season one are.

[A]

Available now on Patreon, and season two.

[C]

Video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod.