233: Breaking and Entenmann's & Tat-Two

Summary

We're Here to Help — Episode 233: "Breaking and Entenmann's & Tat-Two"

Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Release Date: November 24, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode of We're Here to Help, hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds tackle two wildly memorable listener dilemmas: one involving boundary-challenged neighbors who crash baby homecomings, and another featuring a well-intended dog tattoo that looks, unfortunately, like male anatomy. While not fully qualified, the hosts lace their advice with genuine care, plenty of laughter, and outrageous brainstorming. Across both calls (broken up by banter and wild pitches), recurring themes include community, boundaries, creative solutions, and—above all—the absurdities of everyday life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kidney Donor Emails & Community Update

[03:47–08:11]

• Jake shares the stunning news that two listeners have genuinely offered to donate a kidney after a previous episode’s call for organ donors (04:06).
• The hosts riff on the ethics and risks of “organ donor match games” as podcast content:
  • “Are you suggesting we literally pick a personality?” – Gareth (04:39)
  • “That’s organ porn. This is pork.” – Gareth (04:48)
• They consider follow-up episodes featuring the donor process.
• Brief tangent: Jesse Eisenberg supposedly also donated a kidney, and Gareth jokes about being on the donor list himself.

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2. Gareth Coaches a Nine-Year-Old on Writing a Wedding Speech

[08:06–12:02]

• Gareth tells Jake he’s helping a nine-year-old prepare a wedding speech, and they roleplay the session, poking fun at the earnestness of child-coaching.
• They debate how honest, jokey, or “bad boy” Gareth should be in his mentorship.
• Memorable meta-moment: Jake questions the safety and logistics of a grown man Zooming with a kid, leading to a hysterical but sincere discussion about keeping parents present and making everyone comfortable:
  • “There's not a chance a nine-year-old boy should be on a Zoom with you talking jokes.” – Jake (10:43)

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3. Caller #1: “Breaking and Entenmann’s” — The Overly Friendly Neighbor

[16:17–42:18] Caller: Katie from San Diego
Issue: Geriatric neighbor “Sunny” shows up uninvited each time Katie brings a newborn home, making himself among the first to meet her baby—even ahead of close friends.

Main Points:

• Katie’s had three pregnancies in the same house; Sunny’s crashed both “baby homecoming” days so far (20:02, 21:49).
• She describes Sunny as a nice but lonely man in his 70s who helps himself to visits, even letting himself in without knocking.
• Katie’s main question: “How do I kindly... make it so Sunny isn’t one of the first people who meets my brand-new baby?” (24:47)

Advice and Brainstorming:

• Gareth’s “Coffee Cake on the Porch” idea:

  • Create a “resting, help yourself” station with coffee cake and a guestbook, signaling well-wishers to leave notes instead of entering (26:21).
  • Jake interjects: “We're not going to pitch extra work for a pregnant woman.” (27:10)

• Katie reveals her dad’s balloon-naming tradition tips Sunny off (28:10).

• The Decoy Baby Plan:

  • Jake & Gareth riff on setting out a very realistic baby doll as decoy, so Sunny thinks he’s met the newborn while Mom and real baby rest in private (31:41, 32:11).
  • “You get a fake baby before... your three-year-old and your 18-month-old get to play with it because you’re using the baby to teach them how to be big brothers...” – Jake (32:09)
  • “He sees the baby. He has no idea the difference.” – Jake (33:03)

• Escalating to Comedy:

  • Home Alone-style sound effects (36:52), booby traps, and, as Gareth coins it, “Breaking and Entenmann’s” for the title (38:58).

Caller’s Conclusion:

• Katie decides to blend their ideas: “I love it. I’m gonna have the in-laws buy the Entenmann's, drop them on the porch, put a little note. I'll also buy the baby doll... just in case.” (39:16)
• Both hosts applaud her “fun mom vibe” and decisive energy (40:07, 40:18).

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4. Caller #2: “Tat-Two” — The Unfortunate Dog Tattoo

[45:01–71:34] Caller: Katie from Phoenix
Issue: A flash-tattoo fundraiser dog outline on her upper arm looks unmistakably like a penis—especially when part is covered by her work T-shirt.

Problem Details:

• Katie described the tattoo: “It basically looks like the outline of a dog sitting down.” But with certain shirts, “People keep thinking my tattoo is a penis.” (47:08)
• “When I first got home... I was like, oh, shit... that looks like a penis.” – Katie (49:39)
• At work as a nurse, multiple coworkers have pointed it out; rolling up her sleeve slightly lessens but doesn’t fix the issue.

Advice and Brainstorming:

• Add the Dog’s Name (“Styx”): Not favored, as “Styx” itself sounds ambiguous (51:32).

• Tattoo on a Tattoo:

  • “If you add a little color, like he’s sitting at the park... shade up a little bit and color in the dog...” – Jake (52:23)

• Focus on Realism:

  • Use realistic brown spots to match her dog, but test it first with marker (55:10).
  • “Just get a marker. Have your fiancé do the shading the way it looks on the dog for now...” – Gareth (59:51)

• Community Input:

  • Katie agrees to submit a photo of her actual dog, and the hosts suggest professional tattoo artists could submit their cover-up ideas, culminating in a three-finalist, Shark Tank–style segment (“Tat-Two”) (66:06–69:06).
  • “Let's have three people come on, who know the tattoo cover-up business, pitch Katie three options. Finalist gets something.” – Gareth (67:00)

• Test-Run Results Reveal a New Dilemma:

  • Katie returns with mock-ups; brown shading fixes the “dick” issue up close, but “from a distance, it looks like a turd coming out of your... (arm).” (63:14, 63:15)
  • Jake: “You went from dick to turd—this ain't it, Katie.” (63:28)

Next Steps:

• Post tattoo images to social media, request artist submissions, and plan a future “Tat-Two” segment with finalists. Katie is open to a total transformation: “My goal is that it looks cool. I don't care if it's still a dog.” (65:53)

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5. Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On organ donor listeners:
  “This is organ porn. This is pork.” – Gareth (04:48)
• On neighbor boundaries:
  “Old neighbor should not be one of the first people to meet all your kids who's not in your life. That is weird behavior.” – Jake (25:17)
• On tattoo misfires:
  “You don't dress up the penis. That's never the right idea.” – Jake (50:37) “It looks like a poop dick.” – Gareth (64:21)
• On creative problem-solving:
  "Worst case for you, best case for us, he’s like—those people are out of their minds." – Gareth (35:41)
• On Katie’s parenting:
  “You got fun mom vibes... but you’re in charge. We felt like your kids throughout this call, in the best way possible.” – Gareth (40:19)
• On embracing the ridiculous:
  “If you filmed it... how funny that would be.” – Jake (34:51) “Why not solve it by having Sunny look at a fake baby thinking that he just saw his new neighbor baby?” – Gareth (34:57)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Kidney Donor Community Update: 03:47–08:11
• Wedding Speech Coaching Banter: 08:06–12:02
• Caller 1 — Breaking and Entenmann’s (Katie/Sunny): 16:17–42:18
• Caller 2 — Tat-Two (Katie/Dog Penis Tattoo): 45:01–71:34

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Episode Flow, Tone & Takeaways

Jake and Gareth maintain their trademark blend of warmth, mischief, and sincerity—dropping heartfelt advice in the middle of wild tangents and comedic bits. They champion community spirit (whether with organ donors or tattoo artists), creative boundaries, and the value of rolling with life’s weirdest (and most embarrassing) dilemmas. And, as always, they invite listeners to both participate and laugh at the unpredictable ride.

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For follow-ups and to participate in “Tat-Two,” listeners are encouraged to submit cover-up designs!

“We’re gonna get this dick off your arm before your wedding.” – Jake (61:13)
“This is the show. You got a penis on your arm, you’re getting married—let’s go get you out of this.” – Gareth (61:27)

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Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

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[Katie]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Katie]

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[Katie]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Katie]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Katie]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Katie]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Katie]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Katie]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Katie]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Katie]

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[Jake Johnson]

Sounds like my family drama.

[Katie]

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[Jake Johnson]

To T mobile.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

You look good.

[Jake Johnson]

About you too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He looked nice. Really? A little gray beard? Yeah, you look good.

[Jake Johnson]

Getting older?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nah, but you got good. You got good salt and pepper.

[Jake Johnson]

What's going on with you, buddy?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm hammered. No.

[Jake Johnson]

Have you been loosening up?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

You deserve it, man. You've been on a grind, brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know, but I'm. I. I haven't been. I have like. You know what? I've been doing like this whole week because I've been like. I'M gonna have some wine tonight, and I'll have sips and then I'll pass.

[Jake Johnson]

After 45 minutes last night, first time in ages, I was like, you know what? I'm cracking a bottle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I had half a glass. I was like, delicious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's pathetic.

[Jake Johnson]

I was exhausted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's. It's like if I. If I could push through to, like, a half bottle, then I'm like, all right, now we're moot. But I. I can't even get there.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I feel the same way. Well, I also think you and I have both been traveling a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it really does take it out of you.

[Jake Johnson]

I gotta say something that's gonna excite you and the community.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen to you.

[Jake Johnson]

You're gonna like. You're a showman always. Gareth, what do you got? Old world showman, man. I should be living out of a tent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are. Yeah, you really are.

[Jake Johnson]

In another lifetime, I traveled around and lived out of a tent and would say, isn't this the best, everybody?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you know, you'd have. You live like a. Like, ruined top hat and some rats, and people would be like, this guy's.

[Jake Johnson]

He. Let me tell you, I got an idea. I got an idea. Now that we're in Missouri, that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That you need to write a. A time, like a period piece where you were in the 1840s, like, working out of a tent.

[Jake Johnson]

I would love it. Let me tell you something that's going to. That's going to be exciting. Gareth. We've had two different people write in and offer, without joking, to donate a kidney. Your thoughts?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a weird email.

[Jake Johnson]

A great email.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now we got to get the match, though. Well, so we don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what I'm doing in the real world. I forwarded them to the caller, and I said, this is a little bit more intense than the friendship game. So anybody who writes in, I'm gonna just send to you. You do some vetting, and if there are people you like, and it's more than one, as of now we've got two. Then we're gonna bring them onto the show, and then we're gonna do a game.

[Katie]

Wait, wait.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you suggesting that if there's. If there's more than one match, that we literally are going to pick a personality?

[Jake Johnson]

I think the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, this is.

[Jake Johnson]

That's. The.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is organ porn. This is pork.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, that's what this goddamn community is about. Didn't my brother create a website called we need to Pick?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but I don't know if that was an Oregon. Yeah, honestly.

[Jake Johnson]

Name one. Name one. Which photo of Steve to put in the calendar. By the way, that calendar. You did not look at the email I sent you, Gareth. No, I know. That's just one photo. Morgan made a comp calendar.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I saw.

[Jake Johnson]

Did you look?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth. There are Steve Berg quotes in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is.

[Jake Johnson]

So funny. She did such a good job with that calendar there. Each month there's just a different quote. Are you. Are you seeing it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Just read a couple.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't give them all away in Steve voice.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's just something so appealing about Saturn. Great planet.

[Jake Johnson]

What month? You have to say the month first.

[Gareth Reynolds]

October.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, hold on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait. I think that just. I think I just got a screenshot of one of them.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no, no, no. Sorry. Stop. Come on, chill, dude.

[Jake Johnson]

Remember the showman thing? I'm in a tent right now, rain's hitting us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm an audience of nine people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm the guy who ate some dimes, and you're like, wait, those are not. Oh, we want to hear January. Yeah, I had dinner with a psychic once. Super stressful.

[Jake Johnson]

Give me another one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's skip ahead. Let's see what we got a little later in the year here. What do we go to April? Song, dance or battle? A professional needs to be ready for all three. I mean, it is.

[Jake Johnson]

It's the calendar of the year, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is like he's Brad Pitt. Demand more gargoyles on your local buildings. What?

[Jake Johnson]

Demand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, one more.

[Jake Johnson]

This is it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's get lost together.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, Steve Berg, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, but what do you think of this kidney business?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I mean, if we have an embarrassment of kidneys, that's crazy. But it's also.

[Jake Johnson]

Massive news for the show and for what this team's all about. We might be part of somebody needing a kidney. Someone in this community going, I'm interested. Figured out if they're a match. Having them all on the show. Now you talk about a follow up, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, to have a kidney party. Shocking. Well, you know, Jesse Eisenberg just gave up a kidney.

[Jake Johnson]

He did?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

How do you know that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's a friend. No, he did. Like, someone needed a kidney, so he donated it.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We should have him call in. Well, if we're talking about how do.

[Jake Johnson]

You always insert yourself in things? And I say you're never gonna do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, will you put your name on the list?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you doing?

[Jake Johnson]

Producing. I'm producing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I want to talk to you.

[Jake Johnson]

Off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what I Am doing on Saturday, working on a wedding speech with a nine year old.

[Jake Johnson]

You are?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That's happening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God, this show's the best. Just. It's your first session. Yeah. All right, so that's going to be. That'll be on Patreon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

On Monday. So if you want to hear that, go to the Patreon and you're going to record all of it. Just. Will you put all of it up unedited?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I'll just.

[Jake Johnson]

Do a follow up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't even think we use it until we can, you know, a little further down the line, but. Yeah, I know. So we're. You know, the kid has some nerves. But.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Saturday, we're chatting. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that's just round one.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. But let's do this now, really quickly. We can't go long because this is an intro. We. Everybody's gonna say, get to the show. Yeah. But here we are. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't just go. Showman.

[Jake Johnson]

Pigley and motem. Not what I was saying. Let's do a little practice round. I'm the little boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

In three, two. Piggly and no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I'm gonna. The first thing is gonna be a lot of like, well, what do you want to say about your dad? So there's gonna be personal information, you know. Okay. All right. You don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

Do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you love about your dad and his fiance's relationship?

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know. Huh? I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think this is going to work, Little boy.

[Jake Johnson]

Garrett. Come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just call me Garrett.

[Jake Johnson]

Garrett. Yeah, I dropped the H. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. I really don't know. I. A lot. I'm going to be vetting him and I'm going to be. I think we'll get there.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I pitch. Can I pitch an idea?

[Katie]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right, go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

Come in with three soft jokes about dads getting married.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not going to come in with them.

[Jake Johnson]

Why not?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because I wanna. I wanna get. I wanna get the lay of the land. I want to get the layer.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're going school? Guidance counselor. Cool guy. I wear a hoodie. I got a beard. What's up, man? I get it too Pat backwards. Are you going bad boy?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna. I'm not going. Good boy, dummy.

[Jake Johnson]

Damn.

[Katie]

Damn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're going bad boy. As I coach. I just started. Shit. Well, the dad's gonna be there too.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course he is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of course he is. I. As soon as I said that, I was like, Imagine if he was. Yeah, absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

There's not a chance a nine year old boy should be on a zoom with you talking jokes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not anything about being anything other than let's just be very secure for everybody.

[Jake Johnson]

Not for you, just for the boy. No one's worried about you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For everybody.

[Jake Johnson]

What would be when I used to do. Why do you want the dad there? What's your concern? I don't even have a concern for everybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want the boy to feel as comfortable as possible.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you want. You are the boy and you want you to feel comfortable. You said forever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't want anyone stealing from me. When I used to do what I used to, it's like I start giving him jokes from my special because I'm worried it'll Never Air.

[Jake Johnson]

Williams Jr. But that was my rhythm, so that was my joke. Little guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you're adding too many fucking words. You know, Take a five. When I used to do kids birthday parties, that was the, that was the thing. It was like you like if sometimes you would have like it, sometimes it would just be like you and a birthday kid. And I remember the first time that I was like, all right, I'll go check out your fish tank. And then I was like, no, don't do that. I was like, you don't go alone right away. I was like, no, you get. Parents should always be here.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

Should we jump into the show?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, wait, do we have to set it up at all?

[Jake Johnson]

What's the setup? It's just a Monday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, everybody, enjoy this.

[Jake Johnson]

Enjoy the show, everybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whatever they do.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of the podcast we're here to Help is brought to you by the great Quince Cold Mornings holiday plans. This is when I just want my wardrobe to be simple. Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things I'll actually wear. For me, that's quince. And the bonus quince pieces make great gifts too. For this holiday season. You want to give something away. You want to give a gift, you want to put some things under the tree and you don't know what, go to quince.com I really love quince.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got some corduroy pants, black corduroy pants that I'm rocking this holiday season that look good. And there's a little room for the girth that I'll be putting on. My name's Almost Girth. For the record, if you're thinking of.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Zell. If you need to give money to somebody or send money to somebody or somebody needs to send money to you, it's tacky to say, hey, give me money. But it's not to request it on Zell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So my mother just flew to the United States and I decided to upgrade her flight and, and she, she wouldn't hear of it. She did not. My mother and I have many issues when it comes to splitting things. And I said, you know what? Instead of arguing this, I'm just going to use Zell. And you know what? It worked. It ended everything. But it's little moments like that that Zelle is there for when you're sending money and it makes a big difference. You know when you were trying to sneak money into your mother's bank account because she wants to fight you on whether or not she's going to pay for it. It just makes it so easy. Zelle is here for you, so you can be there for them when it counts.

[Jake Johnson]

Send Money with Zell. Zell.com. hello.

[Katie]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

How you doing?

[Katie]

I am wonderful. How are you guys?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we're doing good. Gareth is a little sick, but I'm feeling good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel great.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we get your name, please?

[Katie]

Yeah, my name's Katie.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Katie, how you doing? Hey, Katie.

[Katie]

I am great. I could barely sleep last night. I was so excited.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really?

[Jake Johnson]

It's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh boy.

[Katie]

Yeah, I'm also pregnant, so there's pregnancy, insomnia, but I do credit some of it to you guys.

[Jake Johnson]

Baby number one, two, three, four, nine, ten. Where you at here?

[Katie]

Katie, number three.

[Jake Johnson]

How old are one and two? How are we doing here?

[Katie]

One turned three last Monday and number two is 18 months old.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow, Katie, you're a crazy person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're moving.

[Jake Johnson]

You're gonna have three under four.

[Katie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three under three and a half.

[Jake Johnson]

You're a wiring woman and I respect the hell out of it. You got boys or girls? What do we got for one and two?

[Katie]

I got two boys and he's gonna be a girl.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, look at you. You got two crazy guys and a young lady. Katie, where are you calling from?

[Katie]

I'm from North County, San Diego.

[Jake Johnson]

Beautiful San Diego. There's a great casino right off the five. I used to go to quite out in Oceanside. But this isn't about that. Katie from San Diego, you got three kids coming up. You couldn't sleep last night at about 4am when you were tossing and turning, what were you thinking about?

[Katie]

I was worried that I was going to start my pitch with okay so. Because I want hot take. Got me, man.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, so let's start it for sure with okay so. And I'm asking everybody coming up after hearing, hearing this, let's lean into the okay comma so merch. Just because it's a hot take doesn't mean it's wrong. So hot take it. Do what you gotta do, Katie. Okay? So take us away.

[Katie]

Okay, so I. It feels good. It just feels right.

[Jake Johnson]

It feels good.

[Katie]

I'm not on a high school presentation today. I'm talking to a couple of great dudes. I'm gonna be relaxed, you know?

[Jake Johnson]

That's exactly right. Relax, chill out. I' say have a drink. Have a drink.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's fine.

[Katie]

Well, I, I. Ironically, my question has to do with my three pregnancies and. Well, let's start here. My husband and I moved into our house three and a half years ago.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Katie]

And as you know, Mel, I'm on my third pregnancy in this house.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a fertile house.

[Katie]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Especially if you're like, we're not trying. We didn't want kids.

[Katie]

Yeah. Yeah. So my question is, how do I stop getting pregnant?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got an answer. I got eight answers.

[Katie]

So we live in a pretty geriatric neighborhood, which, for the most part, is great. My next door neighbor on the left, she'll watch my kids when I go to the OB appointments. She'll feed our cats. She's great. Yeah. The other neighbors, they're, you know, very friendly. Say hi. Pretty much to themselves. My issues with the neighbor to the right of me, again, very nice man. He has been into our house two times. Both times uninvited and both times the day I came home from the hospital with my brand new baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you mean uninvited?

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Katie]

I mean, he showed. Well, the very first one, our parents had been here meeting the new baby. We just got home from the hospital.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, he's excited.

[Katie]

They leave. I'm in the bedroom trying to figure out the pumps, the crying baby, all this stuff. And my husband comes in and says, hey, Donnie and his wife are here to meet the baby.

[Jake Johnson]

His name is Donnie?

[Katie]

No, we're calling him Sonny.

[Jake Johnson]

Sonny, okay. I love that name.

[Katie]

Sunny and his wife are here to meet the baby. And I said, no. Like, we literally got home two hours ago.

[Jake Johnson]

I also don't know this whole band. Yeah, yeah.

[Katie]

Like, we say hi. He hasn't watched. He hasn't helped with our cats or anything.

[Jake Johnson]

I understand this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How old are we calling. How old is sunny?

[Jake Johnson]

76.

[Katie]

Probably right around there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Katie]

Probably right around there.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Katie]

And my husband, I said, no, but he had brought his wife, who is in poorer health. And so it was a big. And my husband was like, it's a big deal that she came all the way over here. I can't turn him away. I was like, all right, fine. I put some clothes on, I bring out the baby. It felt like Presenting my child to, like, the king and queen, you know? This is so weird. Fast forward 18 months. Our families are here the day we come home from the hospital. They walk out the door, and we got a little window right next to the front door. And I'm sitting there nursing, and I see Sunny walking up the front walkway. And he opens the door, lets himself in. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Katie.

[Katie]

Heard you had the baby.

[Jake Johnson]

Katie, give me a quick taste. How does Sunny dress?

[Katie]

If you catch him in the mornings outside on his front porch, he's in black and red flannel pajamas, full length. And during the rest of the day, it's the high hike, khaki pants, shirt tucked in, belt. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's he wearing when he comes over to see the baby?

[Katie]

Not the jammies.

[Jake Johnson]

He's coming ready.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And did he bring his wife with him the last time as well?

[Katie]

No, her health has gotten worse. She's less mobile. So the second time it was just him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, but.

[Katie]

So I asked my husband because I thought about con into the podcast and I didn't want it to be a simple fix. Oh, just tell your husband to say no. So I asked my husband, I said, babe, we got a baby coming in February. What are you gonna do when he comes over? And he said, nothing. I'm gonna open the door. Well, then I gotta call the podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, this is interesting. So, Katie, first of all, next time you come on the podcast, sleep before. You did a wonderful job. Yeah, you couldn't crush that anymore. Now let me ask you a question that the audience is gonna think, who cares if this old timer comes in? His wife's slowly leaving him, he's lonely, as, let's be honest, I'm gonna be a Sunny in my 70s. That's a very me move. Yes to hello Not. I'm not gonna babysit or watch the cat. We have no relationship. But the baby's here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Any food?

[Jake Johnson]

I should meet the baby.

[Katie]

I. I understand. I had a feeling you'd probably ask that. And I. Could I just say, yeah, come in? Yes. But part of this is the deep down Katie thing. Man, my closest friends wouldn't even come over the day I come home from the hospital. Those are the people I want to meet. My baby first. It's wild.

[Jake Johnson]

You don't want Sunny to be the first person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I completely get that.

[Jake Johnson]

I get that too, as well as aren't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I don't know anything, but aren't you supposed to be a little wary of germs? Germs, like, very early on, kids can't get sick.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah. It's like two months or something.

[Katie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's part of. I don't remember if he wanted to hold the baby the first time. I know the second time I was feeding, but he still kind of stood there, wanted to see it. And so I pop the baby off and get him out of the COVID.

[Jake Johnson]

And he held the baby.

[Katie]

I. I can't remember if he did the first time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's okay. All right.

[Jake Johnson]

Sonny's a wild man. Okay, so your specific question today is what, Katie?

[Katie]

My specific question is, come early February, how do I kindly but, you know, succinctly firmly make it so that Sunny isn't one of the first people who meets my brand new baby?

[Jake Johnson]

Here's.

[Katie]

He's not of our lives.

[Jake Johnson]

This is great. This is a perfect type of problem for our show because guess what? It is serious.

[Katie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Old neighbor should not be one of the first people to meet all your kids who's not in your life. That is weird behavior. This world is full of weird behavior.

[Katie]

Yeah. And to your point, it's a different generation. You get lonely when you're older.

[Jake Johnson]

That's not your problem.

[Katie]

Right, right, right. It's my problem now, which is why I'm calling in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's also a weird precedent has been set. That's why he now feels comfortable doing this. So we have to kind of change.

[Jake Johnson]

Walks in without.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he cannot be Kramering in on baby day. But I also think preserving his feelings. Now, let me ask you this. Are we allowed to include your husband in our plotting here, or are we just leaving him? He's too much of a pushover where he's just gonna wilt no matter what he does.

[Katie]

Yeah, yeah. I think he's too much of a pushover.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we're gonna leave him out.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. I got some pitches.

[Jake Johnson]

Please.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Ready? I'm gonna start sweet here. And what we could do is we could start just put some coffee cake on the porch with some Saran Wrap over it and a sign that says, mom and baby doing great resting. Help yourself to some cake like it's for anyone who's coming over. Like, it's not a sunny specific problem. So it's just kind of a way of saying, hey, thanks for coming by. And you can even put out a little. You know how people, like, get their weddings? They'll have a little book where you can write something kind in there. You could put out a little book and say, please leave your sweet thoughts for mom and Baby in here. Thanks so much. Something like that.

[Katie]

Hey, Gareth. Garrett. Garrett. Who's baking this cake?

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Entamins is it ain't me. And to men's is baking this cake.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Katie, before we go down these Gareth pitches, here's what we're not going to pitch for a pregnant woman to do for sunny. Extra work. All right? We don't want her to do extra work. She's. She's got two kids. Three and 18 months. This woman's tired. She's got a baby growing. Taking all the nutrients out of her body and stealing it for her little self.

[Katie]

Talking the life out of me.

[Jake Johnson]

That little baby, that little girl. I love her. She's selfish. She's taking the mom eats. That little girl goes mine. Little nightmare.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was insensitive and I, I. And I thought about you getting an intimate. I still think a baby book on the porch can work.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And a sign that says, I will.

[Jake Johnson]

Say.

[Katie]

All jokes aside. That's a good pitch. It's a good pitch because it's a way to let them know, yes, we're good. I guess.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Katie]

Right. Slightly more context is the reason he knows that we're home is because when our parents will tell our parents, hey, we're in discharge today. They show up. My dad likes getting those little gold foil balloons spelling out the name of the baby, hanging it right outside our front door.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And you know what? That invites old guys over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like.

[Katie]

I know. I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Smoke coming out of the chimney.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Katie]

Yeah. It's a sweet tradition. So I don't want to say, hey, don't do that for baby number three. Because I love coming home and seeing that. For babies one and two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Katie]

But that's the. That's how he knows we're home. So I wonder if I could even get my. My parents or my in laws to drop something because they're going to come over and decorate anyway.

[Jake Johnson]

We can. We can.

[Katie]

It's not a bad pitch.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's something I want to think about happening early. Your baby's not coming till February. It's October. November, December, January, February. So we got a little bit of time.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Maybe there is a way to write an anonymous note and tape it on Sonny's door.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are we saying there?

[Jake Johnson]

No visitors when the babies come. Afraid.

[Katie]

How anonymous can that be?

[Jake Johnson]

From you're right.

[Katie]

Neighborhood. Who else riding that is writing that note?

[Jake Johnson]

Look, it was a bad. But what I'm trying to get to is this.

[Katie]

You like the notes on the door. I get it.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what I like. I want him to know no one's mad at you. Get your germy old ass out of here. Because. And I get. He's lonely, he's bored. He's watching his beautiful wife disappear from this rock. What a nightmare. Then when you see new life, how exciting. But Sonny, he ain't part of this family. So we'll come visit you when it's time, but don't visit us. How about this? A note to all neighbors. The baby's coming in February. Planning on going door to door for anybody wants to meet her once we're. Once mom and baby are all settled in.

[Katie]

Katie, I don't want to go to the door. I don't want to go.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could also just put up a sign that says no visitors that day if you wanted to be. But I got another one here. Here's. This next one is crazy because we are playing with house money because Sunny only comes over. I mean, he's like the baby groundhog. He only comes over when it's time. Yeah, he makes us. What? Why don't we just try to lay the foundation? Because I don't know if you're going for like a cool dozen to kids here, so this might be a problem for the next 10 years. What if when he comes over, which he will, you take a. A doll, one of your kids dolls, you have it in a blanket like a baby, a fake one.

[Katie]

I got sons. I don't have a kid's doll. I can get one. Keep going, keep going, keep going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You get one, it's in the blanket. Sonny comes over, wants to see the baby, you walk up and you dad.

[Jake Johnson]

Walks up, Mom's asleep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If we can. If we can lean on husband, great. If not, you walk over with the fake baby in the cloth and the blanket. He comes over, he wants to take a look, you pull it down.

[Jake Johnson]

Great idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He sees that it's not a real baby and you wake and go, the real one's sleeping.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop that. The ending was so insane. The beginning was such a good. Katie, here's what, here's what I think you do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I agree with this already.

[Katie]

Wild.

[Jake Johnson]

You get a fake baby before, right? And guess what? Your 3 year old and your 18 month old get to play with it because you're using the baby to teach them how to be big brothers to the baby.

[Katie]

That's true. That's true.

[Jake Johnson]

So they learn how to hold the baby. You get a realistic one and then you get them to learn how to tuck the Baby in and hang with the baby and see how the new baby's not going to take any attention away from them. They're going to be a whole group. But that baby's room is in the living room near the front door. And it's just an area where you could say to the boys, hey, guys, does your little sister need anything? So they start getting ready to be big brothers the day the baby's born. Downstairs, you set up the baby with blankets over everything, only a tiny bit of its face exposed. When he comes over, you have either your parents or your husband go, like, thanks so much for coming, Sunny. It means the world to us. And he goes, I want to see mom. You go, mom's asleep, but the baby's over here. And you got to be really quiet. She's sleeping. And he looks over at the fake baby and goes, just gorgeous. And then you get. Your husband goes, hey, Sonny, you're one of the first people in the world to meet all of our kids. And he goes, it means a lot to me. And then he goes, get your old ass out of here. They give each other a hug. Sonny checks on his list, met another baby. He'll never listen to this podcast. Everybody wins. You tell your husband, don't even tell me when his old ass comes. Nobody's feelings are hurt. Your kids get practice with the baby. He sees the baby. He has no idea the difference.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're setting up like a little nativity scene.

[Jake Johnson]

Basically, yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You just put a little fake baby in the blankets, show it to Sunny. He's not gonna. He's not allowed to hold it.

[Jake Johnson]

And look, Katie, we get. We know you now. You don't want to do any. Any extra work, but you got to prepare these boys for a little sister because guess what? They'll jump right on her head.

[Katie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

These little animals got to learn rules, especially the three year old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

He burns his little eight. Well, he murders his little brother. He can't do that with a newborn.

[Katie]

Oh, it's so true. Have you met him?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's him.

[Katie]

That's him.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth and I are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we are. It's insane. It's just. We are chips. Jake loves chimps because we're monkeys.

[Jake Johnson]

So what we got to do, Katie, is get a little baby doll, start teaching these boys how to be big brothers. Really nice, easy stuff for them. But what you're really doing is you're setting up a shrine for Sunny to stay out of the bedroom with you and your daughter. Yeah, Katie, what do you think, man?

[Katie]

You guys think in the best way. I came in here hard. I don't want to come in for the principle of the thing.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Katie]

Just the principle of it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Katie]

And now you got me thinking he could come and not meet the baby. I would be laughing in the bedroom.

[Jake Johnson]

If you filmed it. If you filmed it. You know how funny that would be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Katie, here's the thing.

[Katie]

What part of it is the worst?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Katie, this problem can be solved the easy way, but why not solve it the fun way? Why not solve it by having Sonny look at a fake baby thinking that he just saw his new neighbor baby? And even, worst case scenario, if he notices that it's a fake baby, let him walk home wondering what the hell just happened. Because the truth is an inappropriate move, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

So true, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's an inappropriate move.

[Katie]

Just commit. Yeah, just commit to the bit. So hard that he's like, after three kids under four, she.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Worst case for you. Best case for us is that he's like. Like, those people are out of their minds.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. But by the way, Katie, here's another thing you can do. And also, when he comes, try to get your husband to film it just for the fun of it, for the show. But, you know, it could be really great to have happen if you're awake and you're just feeling like this guy at a certain point, move the blanket away so it's very clear. It's a doll, but don't break.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And, Katie, with your. If you have any hesitation about filming, allow me to. To put that to bed. Because you can film anyone over 70 years old and they have no idea. They don't understand they're being filmed. They don't get it. They hold their phones like that when they text. There's you. So you.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He can be filmed for this moment. And. And in the moment, if you're like, I want to just dial this up to 11 just for the show's sake, please do. But if not, just film him looking at a fake doll, thinking it's a baby walking home, feeling fulfilled.

[Jake Johnson]

One last pitch, Katie. If you don't want to do any of that work, you could just play this on a speaker by your door. Get out of here. No visitors. Get out of here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You.

[Katie]

The Home Alone bit by the door.

[Jake Johnson]

I literally wrote Home Alone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

We could just record a bunch of, get out of here, you filthy animal. The mother's sleeping.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or we literally could just have you play the clip from Home Alone on a loop.

[Katie]

Said, you owe me 10%. Oh, gosh.

[Jake Johnson]

Keep that change. You Filthy animal.

[Katie]

I, I love the pitch. I don't think it would stop him. I think he'd be like, hey, you got some weird fan by your front door. Let me come on in.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Katie, what do you think about doing the baby land the point here? I think fake baby's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do too.

[Katie]

This, I love it. I'm thinking a couple things.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Katie]

I think in a combination, okay. Have the in laws put the entrance through the door, just put a little note. Mom and baby are doing great. He will probably still come because that's who he is.

[Jake Johnson]

He'll eat the cake and walk in with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eat the whole.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you what, you know what? You could say, Love that. Put, put the cakes and say, please, no visitors. Mom and baby are sleeping. If he still comes in him with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The fake, though, I, I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I, I, the idea that he eats a bunch of cake and then comes.

[Jake Johnson]

I also think there's a world where if you have a sign that says no visitors, if he comes in, when he walks in the door, set a booby trap on top of it where water falls on his head.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you really want to fully home alone? You want to fully break it and enter it?

[Jake Johnson]

I was gonna say tar and feathering, but I don't want to hurt him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't you heat the do up a bunch so that his hand burns.

[Jake Johnson]

Break a bunch of Christmas tree decorations.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hit him with a paint can, drop.

[Katie]

An iron story cars all over the floor, slip on them.

[Jake Johnson]

If he's breaking into your home with a note that says, don't come in. I want a thing to turn honey falls on his head and then throw feathers at him. It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, this call is called breaking an intimate.

[Katie]

Thank you, G. I can always count on you. I was wondering what could possibly be the name of this call? And there you are showing up all the time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Katie, So what do you, what do you think? Katie, what do you, yeah, what do you think you're gonna go with. You have a real, you have a dealer's choice here.

[Katie]

Oh, I got a plethora. So here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna have the in laws by the intimates drop her on the porch, put a little note. I don't want to put a no visitor sign. Just, you know, I don't want to do it. So we'll just drop the note. Mom and baby are doing great. Hopefully that triggers something. I'm also going to buy the baby doll because, Jake, to your point My sons are animals.

[Jake Johnson]

That's right.

[Katie]

And they gotta learn how to handle little baby. Have it ready that day in the high likelihood that he sees the intamins and goes, oh, great, she's home. I'm gonna go over.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Katie]

And if Finn. I got the little baby doll there.

[Jake Johnson]

This is.

[Katie]

I'll have my husband hide in the room. This is. I like this play.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. You know, guess what? First of all, Katie, you're hell of a guest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Great guest.

[Katie]

Thank you, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'll tell you another thing. And this is only because it's morning for us and I'm a little bit tired. You got a great mom vibe about you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I mean, girl?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, Very.

[Jake Johnson]

You got fun mom vibes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got fun mom vibes. But you know what else you are is like you're in charge. You're in char.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, that's exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We felt like your kids throughout this call in the best way possible.

[Jake Johnson]

It's going to be very easy for your kids to be teenagers and go like you. Hey, are you. Are you smoking vapes?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And they're going to go, no, but you're going to smell it all over them. They're going to bust them. There's going to be a whole thing. These kids are going to have a very fun go of it with you.

[Katie]

Yeah, no, it's a high compliment. Thank you very much.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you're. Well. Hey, Katie, wait.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got to pitch too real quick.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't we. When we know he's coming over, let's have the husband film or someone film him. But why don't we also put a phone in the crib, recording facing upwards so we get the baby pov. And this is just me being greedy. If possible. I love it either way. We just want it to be filmed. But what matters most is that Sunny walks back either A, thinking he's seen a baby or B, thinking, I'm never going over there again.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And the other thing that I want for sure is this is a really weird request. I would like this community to meet your daughter before Sunny. Maybe.

[Katie]

I don't even know what that means.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't even. Sunny's. Sunny's trying to be first. Let's beat. We got thousands of people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we send your baby around like my vest?

[Jake Johnson]

We got a guy in Greenland.

[Katie]

Can we screw you, Sunny. I've had thousands of people meet my.

[Jake Johnson]

Baby already so late.

[Gareth Reynolds]

These are.

[Jake Johnson]

These are thousands.

[Katie]

There's a guy in Greenland who met my baby before you.

[Jake Johnson]

So long.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Katie, follow up with us, please, seriously, in this one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And good luck.

[Katie]

I absolutely will. Thank you guys. You made my day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Nicely. And we are brought to you by Angry Orchard. Angry Orchard Hard Cider. Welcome to Freaky season. Officially, Angry Orchard has partnered with the Jason universe this fall to bring some new sweet treats. You're getting a new limited edition Glow in the dark thriller pack that includes four unique flavors including blood orange, inspired by the Jason special collectible Jason Crisp Apple 16 oz and 24 oz. Cans. And last but not least, just in time for movie nights, Sweet Revenge, a 13 minute short vignette that brings Jason back to the screen for the first time in 16 years. Directed by Mike P. Nelson. Grab Freaky good cider from Angry orchard@angry orchard.com Halloween and while you're there, watch the new Jason vignette Sweet Revenge and shop the collab merch. And we are brought to you by Sundays for dogs. Look, we've talked about this before. I've talked about this before. When it comes to dog food, it seems like you have to make an easy choice. You can either have fresh and healthy or you can have the easy to store and serve, but never both. But what if I told you listeners you don't have to choose anymore, thanks to Sundays. Sundays is a fresh air dried dog food made from clean ingredients. The recipes are customized based on the needs of your dog. So you give the size, the breed, the allergies, activities levels, all, all that stuff. And Sundays does not require thawing refrigeration preparation. They're just like little, just like little chewy pieces. I know, I think I just described food, but it's a little different. But you do, you just pour and serve it. That's it. So I got sundaes for my girlfriend's dog. You could tell the difference after using it for a minute you're like, am I crazy? But then you're like, no. These dogs have more energy. You could tell they're itching less, less. They just seem healthier. You can tell when you're putting good stuff in your dog's bodies. And I definitely noticed the difference with my girlfriend's dogs when I last visited her. So Sunday's holiday sale is going on right now. Go to sundaysfordogs.com here to help and get 50% off your first order. Or you can use code here to help. 50 at checkout. 50. That's 50% off your first order at Sundays for dogs.com here to help.

[Jake Johnson]

Help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't miss out On Sunday's best sale of the year at Sundays for dogs dot com. Here to help or use code hereto help 50 at checkout. Hello.

[Katie]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. How are you?

[Katie]

I'm doing good. How are you guys?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great, thank you. Welcome to the show. Can we get your name, please?

[Katie]

Sure. My name's Katie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, Katie. And where are you calling from, Katie?

[Jake Johnson]

Katie?

[Katie]

I am calling from Phoenix.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come from Phoenix. And, Katie, we've kind of been bringing back the questions for the audience. Let me ask you this. Let's say you are. You lose your phone, you don't know where it is. You had it that day. What's the first thing you do in order to try to locate it?

[Katie]

Honestly, probably not the most efficient answer, but I would just go blindly searching through my house, assuming it's, like, in the refrigerator or something.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, you search the house. It's not there. Then what?

[Katie]

But it's not in my house.

[Jake Johnson]

You knew you headed it. You were out earlier, but you don't know how to get back to where you were out. You were out at a restaurant somebody took you to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And you don't even know where it was. You're in a strange city.

[Katie]

Okay, you know what I would do? What I would do is find a buddy and I would have them call my phone. Phone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How are you going to tell them?

[Katie]

Oh, shoot. Well, I track down maybe a stranger. I'm alone in a hotel. No one else is there.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. We changed it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And you're tired. You worked 14 hours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And you're flying the next day.

[Katie]

It's like an unsolvable problem.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it doesn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, they're not. No, they're not.

[Jake Johnson]

Katie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. No Katie. That's good enough. We appreciate it. Jake went on quite a mission. All right, Katie. What? Katie from Phoenix. What can we do? What's going on? Going on.

[Katie]

Okay, so just quick backstory. I got a tattoo of a dog on the back of my arm about a year ago.

[Jake Johnson]

Same with Gareth.

[Katie]

And it's like one of those. What was that?

[Jake Johnson]

Same with Gareth, but the front of his arm.

[Katie]

Really? Maybe it's. Maybe we're matching.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe.

[Katie]

I don't think so, though. So it's like one of those single line tattoos. So it basically looks like the outline of a dog sitting down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Katie]

And I got this specific one because the shop was doing a flash tattoo fundraiser for the animal shelter. And this one looks a lot like my actual dog. So problem is that from a bit of a distance and, like, especially if I'm wearing a shirt that Covers the top of the tattoo, which I have to wear at work, by the way. People keep thinking that my tattoo is a penis.

[Jake Johnson]

I am.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was hoping. I was hoping we'd get to see this tricep. Holy.

[Jake Johnson]

It looks like a penis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And not only does it look like a penis. Wait, Jake, not only does. Can you zoom in again there for us, Nat? Not only does it look like a penis, Jake. I know there's a tail on the dog, which makes it looks like a tongue or something else is coming out.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like an inchworm is coming out of a penis.

[Katie]

Yeah, and that's people's follow up question. All the time they're like, I thought it was a penis, but then I was really wondering what was dangling from it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, this really looks like a penis.

[Jake Johnson]

Actually, Katie, will you describe exactly what the tattoo looks like for our commuters and our audio listeners who are not near IG or our website?

[Katie]

Wow. Sure. So it looks like as if the dog was sitting down and you were looking at it from the back. And then it's like, like the outline of the dog. So it's got its tail at the bottom. It's like round and. And bulbous at the bottom, like the dog's hip. And then it comes up, you see the ears and everything. It's like a whole outline.

[Jake Johnson]

The way they clips when you look at the whole thing, it works. But those are also the things around the head of an uncircumcised penis. Looks just like a penis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Katie. It's a real problem. I mean, this is a great problem.

[Katie]

It's a pickle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is a real pickle ball.

[Jake Johnson]

I wouldn't call this one a pickle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. It isn't a pick whopper.

[Katie]

I would.

[Jake Johnson]

I would choose another term.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boy. So what. What? I. I mean, how long have you known this is going on?

[Jake Johnson]

And have you come up with a shirt and some.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you come up.

[Jake Johnson]

Why do you have a penis on your arm?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you come up with any. Have you come up with any resolutions of your own? I mean, I'm excited to pitch on it, but it is. You're right.

[Jake Johnson]

Instincts are right, Gareth. We need a little. What, Katie, what have you done when you. How. What was the first thing. Who was the first person that let you know and made you go, oh, it looks like a penis when I'm at work. What was that?

[Katie]

Yeah, so. No, so when I first got home, honestly, when I got the tattoo, I was looking at it, like from my kitchen. There's a mirror kind of far away. And I was like, oh, shit. Shoot, that looks like a penis. I said something to my fiance. Everyone else was like, no, it looks fine. And then the first time someone said something to me, I was visiting a friend for her birthday, and her husband was like, your tattoo looks like a penis.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, no. By the way, that person's a good friend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Katie]

Yes, I agree. I agree. And then I got a new job. I'm a nurse. I work at a hospital. I got a new job four months ago. Since starting there, when I wear this work T shirt that covers the top, four different people have said something to me now. So I now cuff my shirt at work so you can see the whole thing. It's slightly better, but not great.

[Jake Johnson]

Understood. And you don't need to. We have to figure this out.

[Katie]

Yeah, my dog has. Oh, go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you go.

[Katie]

I was just gonna say my dog has, like, these two spots on his butt. They're like little brown spots. And so, my friend.

[Jake Johnson]

We're not putting warts on the penis. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We don't want to make it worse.

[Jake Johnson]

You don't dress up the penis. That's never the right idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No more. No.

[Jake Johnson]

You don't want an infected penis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It is just going to look like a herped penis.

[Jake Johnson]

Why would a nurse have a herped penis?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, if any occupation could have it, you could be like, I'm the best at this, but you don't want.

[Jake Johnson]

To be in a hospital. And then you're like, my nurse has a penis on her arm and it has an infection.

[Katie]

No. And if six people have already said something to me, like, in my. Since I've had it, there's so many more that have not said something but noticed it.

[Jake Johnson]

I think this is right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, I'm going to start. Start.

[Katie]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's your dog's name?

[Katie]

His name is Sticks. Like the band or like the rivers, small?

[Jake Johnson]

Sticks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sticks is not helpful with my sticks.

[Katie]

S, T, Y, X. He had that name when we adopted him.

[Jake Johnson]

You want to put Sticks the name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sticks the dog and under it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Katie]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't love it, but I hear you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I don't love that its name Sticks because it sounds like a way to say penis.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, his nickname is hilarious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So what do you think about a tattoo on a tattoo?

[Katie]

A tattoo on a tattoo?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Like, here was my.

[Katie]

I'm open to all ideas.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so here's what I was thinking. Natalie, can you please put up the photo of the penis? If you take where those hips are, they're Inside those little circle hips. And you draw a line on either side and create a horizon and do a little shading. You could make it seem. If you add a little color, like he's sitting at the park.

[Katie]

Like, under. Oh, I see what you're saying.

[Jake Johnson]

So you go from the hips, you do a horizontal line, and then you shade up a little bit, and you color in the dog. So what colors? What color is sticks? What does he look like?

[Katie]

He's mostly white, and then he has some brown.

[Jake Johnson]

So I would white and brown with a little bit of, like, a grassy thing he's sitting on. And the horizon is like. Or you do a beach with the ocean. So right now, balls near him. Nope, right now. Because what you're just looking at is a weird drawing. It just looks like a dick. I think you're gonna have to color in and bring out the dog on the art of it so that he's sitting on grass, he's looking at something, and the whole thing could finish right above his ears. I'm not talking about a huge tent, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And they could do it in an artful way where, like, the colors fade. So you don't need the whole wraparound. You don't need a whole sleeve. I think we just need some color, and we need to change it around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what really penises the dog's ass is the two little loopties where the tail forms. Because that makes it look.

[Jake Johnson]

I know it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those are like urethra.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, that there. Interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That makes it look like the meatus, I believe is the medical term. So that is your problem zone. I'm trying to think if you shaded. If there was a way to. Of like, if you kind of drew a line there, does that make it a lot less dickish?

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know either. It's hard to see. You might want to start here's. Do you have any other animals?

[Katie]

No, just the dog.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not. I wouldn't do another difference, thinking you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Could put a cat near it or something. But I think Jake's right. I mean, I don't want to. It. It's really the fact that it's outlined really it up. And it's where. Like you said, it's that one where you kind of do you. The. The. The tattoo needle was on you the entire time, so it was never lifted up. So there's a couple loop Ds that really just get. Make it look like the head and then the. The hole.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what another thing that you could do. If you didn't want to do my exterior thing, you could. I'll tell you what would change it to me is if it got filled in with color.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's kind of what I thought you were going with a little bit as well.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, yeah, but I was. But I meant the X. You might be able to do it without the xt, without the landscape, and just have somebody go in and fully make it look like a dog with the exact colors and get somebody who's good, who can make it look like hairs. If penises don't have dog hairs on them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you. If you got. If the looped. If the loops were shaded in and that I think goes. And the tails shaded, I think that goes a long way.

[Katie]

And the other thing is I am getting married next year, so it's like I'm scared of making it worse for wedding photos.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I agree with this because I assume you're going to be sleeveless in that gown. Am I correct? Correct.

[Katie]

You are correct.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Jesus Christ, Katie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, look, put yourself in a situation. Look, we've got. We've got it there already. It. I agree. I hear you on. But what color is your dog?

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what I need to see before you ask that question, Gareth, because it is the same question. Can you send Natalie the photo that was the inspiration for the tattoo of the dog?

[Katie]

Oh, yeah, sure, cuz.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's see what the actual dog.

[Katie]

There wasn't, was it? You said it was flash. Yes, well, it wasn't an inspiration.

[Jake Johnson]

That's true.

[Katie]

But it does look a lot like my actual dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now we're saying, so send us. Send us a dog picture.

[Katie]

Means that the artist already has these drawings done and they just put them on as many people want as want them. So there could be like 10 other people with this exact same tattoo walking around with penises on their arms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but it's the place. It's the placement. It's that you. It's that you did it.

[Jake Johnson]

It.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the placement. It's right there on the tricep. It's not great.

[Jake Johnson]

So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But let's see if we can see.

[Jake Johnson]

A picture photo of your dog and we could see the colors, you know, and Natalie jumping on this one. You're a tattoo expert.

[Katie]

I don't think I'm an expert. I would say this one's. And you should just pick something else that's bigger and darker that will go over it.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting. This is. That's a nat attack.

[Katie]

You do that animal, you Like, I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mean, let's say you're in the jungle.

[Katie]

Yeah. If you're in the jungle, what animal.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you want to see?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Make it that one? I think, I think coloring in the dog is going to do. I think that would solve. I think that would solve it.

[Jake Johnson]

But let's take a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But.

[Jake Johnson]

Go ahead, Katie. Well, we got to see the dog, because imagine a colored in dog, but only the bottom half. It might just look like a strangest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ass dick color the whole dog.

[Jake Johnson]

Katie, are you sending that dog or are we.

[Katie]

Yeah, I'm working on it right now.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Because I just want to see it. I think there, because there's tattoo artists, you're in the Phoenix area. I bet we can get somebody who could do photo realistic, because if it clearly looks like the bottom half of a dog and they do a very good job, that's a little bit like that. That drawing to that tattoo is a little bit like Shel Silverstein esque. It's not totally realistic, but it's very art form. Maybe there's a way where we can almost get like a photorealistic interior of a dog. So you go, there's no question. That's the bottom half of an animal.

[Katie]

Okay, I just sent the picture.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, let's see. Oh, yeah, that's gonna work great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Actually. This is, I think, maybe very helpful because. Yes, go ahead. Say why.

[Jake Johnson]

Yo. That's it. So the dog is a white dog. It's kind of like a dirty white.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is per.

[Jake Johnson]

Has on its butt, going into the tail, a huge. Which could only be called brown birthmark.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The, the brown spots, the cowish brown spots on your dog as well are going to cover up it, Are going to cover up the problem zone because it is.

[Jake Johnson]

It's so dog. And if they can make that white with a little bit of those gray.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like on the spine, you don't even need to. I don't even think you need to do the white part of it. I think your skin is the white part of it. You could just put the brown shading on the head of the do dog and on the butt of the dog.

[Jake Johnson]

I would do the white shading.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's up to you. I, I, whatever you think, but I think you could get away with your skin being the color. So it's not. I think you could just do it with some brown shading on the spots where your dog has it. That's going to cover up the pee.

[Jake Johnson]

Holes because that will totally cover up that part of it. And it covers up the, the hip part. On the left side, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Too. Yeah.

[Katie]

Right. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So now it's your dog.

[Jake Johnson]

But Katie, hold on. Do this for us. So if you're going to do it, have them draw it on you first.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Katie]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And then call us again. Take a photo with the drawing on, why don't you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What. What you could do is.

[Jake Johnson]

Why don't. You just have to. You got to do it in phases here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just get a marker. And do. Have your fiance do the shading, the way it looks on the dollar dog for now. Take a picture of that and then let's have a conversation after that. But I think that'll do it.

[Jake Johnson]

This is going to work. And this. The question becomes, Katie, do we want to do the white, the dirty white, or do we just need the brown birthmark?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can do both, but I. Let's start with the brown birthmark because it's the least amount of ink added.

[Jake Johnson]

And you go exactly where that is because that covers the loop which is creating our. What's the term you use, Gareth?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Meus.

[Jake Johnson]

You're going to cover up the meus on the one side and you're going to cover up the left hip, which creates the ring of the penis of the uncircumcised hog as goofball. Right, Doctor? They would call it a Whopper junior.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, let's not do that again.

[Jake Johnson]

So I think the dog is a big fix, Katie. A big fix. What do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're lucky with this butt cheek shading.

[Katie]

I know. Okay. I like that idea. I feel like that's a good place to start and see what it looks like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Katie]

I love it.

[Jake Johnson]

Katie, I'm gonna just say this to you and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. You called the right place.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Katie]

I know, I know. I feel good about this. Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna get you out of this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was probably good for you to meet us.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it was good for you to meet us. We're gonna get this dick off your arm before your wedding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not gonna be a problem.

[Katie]

Thank you so much.

[Jake Johnson]

This is what we do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks, Katie.

[Katie]

Thanks, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye. This is what we do is so true.

[Jake Johnson]

This is the show. You got a penis on your arm. You're getting married. Let's go get you out of this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's talk. This is the show. Hello. Hi. Hi. How are you?

[Jake Johnson]

Good.

[Katie]

How are you guys?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. Welcome back. We know you're a followup. That's all we know know. Who are you? What is happening?

[Katie]

Yeah, I'm Katie. I called in about the dog tattoo. That looks like a penis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just talking about you.

[Jake Johnson]

What were you saying?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just was. I was explaining like. Like we just said the last call was perfect for. I was like, the perfect encapsulation of an issue for our show is this. And it really looked like a dog, so. Okay, Katie, so you got your dog. Dogs. You got the dog tattoo when the sleeve is down, when you're nursing completely looks like a penis with something coming out of the meatus. What's going on?

[Katie]

Okay, so you guys wanted me to. You sent me with homework to have my fiance draw some brown spots on the dog that look like my actual dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Cool.

[Katie]

And so I had him do that and then sent them back in to Natalie.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we get to see her approving before the tat. Oh, and you got a. Some words have been added above the dog.

[Katie]

Oh, yeah, He. He had some fun with it. But my dog's name is Stick, so he wrote dicks at the bottom.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I would.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not seeing that one.

[Jake Johnson]

So we see the one that says bad. It's brown on the ears. He did a good job. And brown. I'm a little worried about this, to be honest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. Agree.

[Jake Johnson]

There's something about it.

[Katie]

Yeah. So I also sent one from a distance because that was the main issue.

[Jake Johnson]

That looks like a sick dick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, honestly, Jake, do you want to know what my new concern is? Looks like it went in.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, looks like.

[Katie]

Looks like a turd.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It looks like an. It looks like an analed penis.

[Jake Johnson]

You went from dick to turd. This ain't it, Katie.

[Katie]

It looks really good close up, honestly. But you like it. The problem is not resolved close up, but from. Since it's almost worse.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's the thing. It's. This helps the tattoo a lot, but when you're, as Garis says, which is insane to call being a nurse nursing, because obviously it's not nursing. That's something else. But it looks like you got a turd coming out of your. What? Nursing means you're breastfeeding a baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dude, you know what? This is just.

[Jake Johnson]

It does.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're not gonna. You're not. And I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, homeboy, that's nursing seen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I just want to say thank you to all the first responders. You're the heroes. I'm going to bag some pots.

[Jake Johnson]

But, Katie, we can't put a turd coming out of your arm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It does look like a poop.

[Jake Johnson]

That's insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It looks like a poop dick.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop saying that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I'm just being Very clear with our audience. Jake someone.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, hold. Let's stay on this pick for a little bit. This is a full body pick where we got the turd dick coming out of the arm. The answer to this is a big no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The only thing that I could think of is this was a thought I had for the first round, but just a. The word dog and an arrow pointing to it. No. Or a little puppy, like a. A smaller dog next to that dog. That shows it's dog time on the arm.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't. I don't love that. Can we see the one where it goes closer to the tat? Okay, Katie, you obviously have G's pitch there. The reason I'm really strong against that is I don't think we want to get, like, a little bit ironic with, like, a dog and an arrow. This is on your body forever, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It looks like a dick.

[Katie]

Yeah, looks like my arm.

[Jake Johnson]

I know.

[Katie]

Like, if it was on somewhere else, I would not be opposed to the arrow thing because it's kind of fun, funny, but it's on my arm is the problem.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we do something? Can we try something with you, Katie? And that is.

[Katie]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we post just this image and can we ask tattoo artists to see what they can do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you care if it ends up not being a dog tattoo?

[Katie]

No, I honestly don't at all. I think my goal is that it looks cool. Like, I don't want a tattoo on my arm, that people are like, wow, that's terrible. My dad's one of those people that's like, you're gon regret it. And I don't want him to be right, so I'm totally for that.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm. I'm your dad, so I. Yeah, that's my vibe with it too. Gareth has a green Bay packer tattoo on his arm, and when he becomes an adult man, he's going to regret it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrong.

[Jake Johnson]

That happened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrong. And by the way, Katie, Jake is obviously taking a shot in my direction. He's trying to bury the lead here. I'm very proud of my Packer tattoo. I'm part owner. I make decisions in the front office. But still, let's keep this focused on you.

[Jake Johnson]

What I'm thinking is, Gareth, if we got, like, a real artist to pitch on it, you know how, like, the tails coming out. But what if they did all around with different things so that it becomes just something else and beautif or something. Flower or something?

[Katie]

How about this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake and I don't want to drive our producers crazy. With this pitch. Okay. We could take three submissions from tattoo artists and Shark Tank. What?

[Jake Johnson]

The holy friendship game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. What is that.

[Jake Johnson]

What is that terrible show called? Like, Ink Matt Master.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah, right. Yes, yes. And we get three people to come in. We could give them a. We could say, winner gets something.

[Jake Johnson]

I love this. Ink Master.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We. And winner gets something. And we just have three people. Come on. Who know the tattoo. Cover up business pitch. Katie on three options. Katie. Bachelors. It picks a winner. To be clear, this is not. These people wouldn't actually be doing the tattooing themselves. Correct. So they don't have to be local.

[Jake Johnson]

No, they don't have to be local. Local.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on. They would.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Katie, where are you located again?

[Katie]

I'm in Phoenix.

[Jake Johnson]

It would be nice if it's in the Phoenix area.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, let's. My. My thinking was at least in Arizona, maybe my thinking was they just give us the idea, and then we go.

[Jake Johnson]

Take that to another tattoo artist.

[Katie]

I like that. It's a little weird to take an idea sketched by another artist to it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not even another artist.

[Jake Johnson]

A question for you, Katie. How far would you be willing to travel for a tat?

[Katie]

I mean, I'm down to travel.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Katie]

Like, within reason. I feel like I don't want to go to, like, Alaska, but, you know, I'm willing to travel within reason. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, we. We have a fan in Greenland, but you're not going there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we don't. We can't even locate this person. This person. Just listening. This person is ghosting us. It's very bizarre.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm obsessed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As you should be.

[Katie]

Well, I mean, I like driving. Distance to California U.

[Jake Johnson]

Get on jet suite X, one of the best airlines on planet Earth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

West coast pitches, we get three people. We could, like, you're saying we could post it on Instagram. This is great. And we just have three people.

[Katie]

I love this regionally.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you come back, and then Katie films it. She can film the experience on the phone. You can get that. Pop that on Patreon. And then she could tell us what's going on.

[Jake Johnson]

Katie, are you down? I love that. The first annual Ink Masters.

[Katie]

Yes. I'm so excited.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's talk for a second title. Is Ink Masters wrong?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

What if we called it Bar Rescue? What if we called it the Prophet?

[Gareth Reynolds]

These are. These shows exist, and they're great shows.

[Jake Johnson]

How about Dancing with the Stars now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't understand.

[Jake Johnson]

Understand. Different strokes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Jake Johnson]

Mr. Belvedere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Small wonder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now we are the same age. Wings.

[Jake Johnson]

Wings. So Gareth, what should the title of the show be? We both know you're better at this than me. How about the pictures? Like Mr. Belvedere, which is dog tattoo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we spell two twins. Wo.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, Katie, your thoughts?

[Katie]

There it is. I like that a lot. I was over here trying to think of puns because I'm a big pun fan.

[Jake Johnson]

And that is so you love when Gareth throws out the puns, huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You better buckle up for this dentist call.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Natalie, what do you think about tattoo?

[Katie]

Like, take two?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

[Jake Johnson]

That's for Natalie. That's a 10 out of 10.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is. That is. That is. That is Natalie's five star rating. If.

[Jake Johnson]

If Natalie goes. Goes unenthusiastically. That's fine. You've won.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Cuz normally she'd go. It's really stupid.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, she'll go, don't do that. Yeah, that to her right now. She's going, wow, is he good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, No, I feel it.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Natalie, are you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel the praise.

[Jake Johnson]

Question. Are you Eve Johnson?

[Katie]

Am I who?

[Gareth Reynolds]

My mom.

[Jake Johnson]

Is it 1986 and I don't.

[Katie]

I don't know if we would have survived if I was your mom.

[Jake Johnson]

Look, Mommy, I'll make you laugh. Wonder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the Small Wonder reboot I want to see.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, mom, look at what I can do with my stomach. Hey, mom, watch. See this chicken? Watch how I eat it with no hands.

[Katie]

Busy.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, mom, watch when I pull both my ears the other direction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ow. Ow.

[Jake Johnson]

It really hurts.

[Katie]

I have two boys already. I don't need another boy.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, watch this. When I run into. I'm a. I'm a man. I'm 47.

[Katie]

Katie, thanks for the call.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks, Katie.

[Katie]

Hey, guys, my name is Kelsey. I just finished the follow up with Popcorn King, and I can hear the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wheels turning on the kidney donation idea.

[Katie]

And I think the podcast has even.

[Gareth Reynolds]

More potential than just one person.

[Katie]

Many years ago, there was a Grey's Anatomy episode. I can't remember the exact specifics, but. But essentially the one person who needed an organ, their people didn't have the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right blood type or whatever, so they expanded it out. And so essentially someone else needed a lung transplant.

[Katie]

And so the person who needed the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kidney, their partner donated the lung to the other person, and the other person.

[Katie]

Donated the kidney to them, but they widened that. So circle out to almost like eight people. So all of these different donors donated to a stranger, but in doing so, their person got what they needed. And so I think my imagination is telling me that the community is going to want to help more than just one person. I think you're going to get an overwhelming response. And I also think that there might be more people who listen who need help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so I think this can be.

[Katie]

Even bigger than you're imagining. Just a thumb.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help you, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth you stand up on the road, go to Gareth Rent reynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Katie]

All video episodes of season one are.

[Jake Johnson]

Available now on Patreon and season two.

[Katie]

Video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod what's going on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's Lamorne Morris and Hannah Simone and we host the Mess Around a New Girl Rewatch Podcast Podcast now on Headgum.

[Jake Johnson]

Now here's the thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Every single week we chat about an episode of New Girl and we really get into it. Like we get up in there. We get up in there, you know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

[Katie]

That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield and Damon Waynes Jr. And your dad. We talked to your dad on this show as well.

[Katie]

Make sure you subscribe to the Mess around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.