We're Here to Help – Episode 235

“Rye of the Tiger & Kevin Don't Like Deli Meats” (December 1, 2025)
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds

Overview

In this lively episode, Jake and Gareth field their signature “bartender-uncle” style advice to a cast of unique callers. With topics ranging from preparing for a drinking-heavy cruise, to explaining a dislike for cold deli meat, to an update on a backyard grave dilemma, the hosts blend sincere attempts to help with their trademark riffing and wild bits. Notable moments include the debut of Gareth’s project coaching a nine-year-old best man and a “Rye of the Tiger” drinking montage challenge.

The Helpy Awards: Listener Participation (01:10–05:14)

Jake and Gareth kick things off by hyping the first International Helpy Awards—a playful end-of-year celebration of their community’s best calls.

• Categories include: Best Caller, Best Guest Helper, Best Animal Call, Best Song, Best International Call, Top Call (03:07)
• Instructions: Listeners should email nominations—be specific about the episode and segment—to helpfulpod@gmail.com by Dec 7.
• Gareth jokes about surprising Jake with Steve Berg in a tux as a guest host (04:14).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “The only problem is…after the initial minute you’d be cracking up, and then I would have to go, ‘But now what are we doing?’” – Jake (04:28)

Gareth Coaches a Nine-Year-Old Best Man (05:14–11:16)

Gareth updates listeners on his ongoing project: helping Keith’s nine-year-old son write a best man speech for Keith’s upcoming wedding.

• The goal: Kid gives a surprise speech; friend of the family acts as moral support.
• Gareth describes winning the kid’s trust, pitching jokes, and lightening his nerves.
• Sample jokes include “She sleeps in the garage” cracks about the new stepmom, and Lucky Bear the stuffed animal “giving a speech” (08:46).
• Jake likens it to a Dodo rescue video: awkward at first, but “by the end, it’s hopping and frolicking” (06:41).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “He started off and he was like—I mean, think about being a kid, how weird…And then I’m there. I was shiny. I mean, I just had moisturized.” – Gareth (07:22)
  • “You ever watch a dodo video? ... At the end, it’s hopping and frolicking. I think we will get there, but right now we’re in the ‘it’s okay’ stage.” – Jake (06:41)

Caller #1: Vicki Prepares for a Boozy Family Cruise

Theme: “Rye of the Tiger” (17:34–33:53)

The Call

Vicki, a 23-year-old teacher from Arkansas, is nervous about an upcoming cruise with her heavy-drinking boyfriend and his parents. She’s a lightweight—“drunk after two Seagram’s Escapes”—and doesn’t want to be the first one drunk every night. Seeks advice on “training” for higher alcohol tolerance, or faking it.

Hosts’ Advice

• Jake: Suggests a “Rocky-style” alcohol tolerance training montage—start slow, have a nightly drink, escalate to more on weekends (20:13, 27:05).
  • “I’m talking a Rocky montage. Rather than working out, she’s building tolerance. We got a big fight in June on a boat. We gotta start training.” (20:42)
• Gareth: Advocates for strategic loopholes—order the weakest drink, secretly switch to non-alcoholic versions, and carb up before drinking (21:43, 24:35).
• Both recommend safe experimentation to learn her limits, plus “fake” food poisoning as an excuse to sit out a night if needed (24:12).
• Suggestions for Vicki to send voice memos of her “training” progress; plan is dubbed “Rye of the Tiger” (32:57).
• Gareth: “Maybe a little wine with dinner is the move…find your little loopholes, and you keep the water going.” (29:47)
• Vicki agrees to document her journey, prompting musical parody requests (“cover of Rye of the Tiger”) (33:03).

Notable Quotes

• “You need to build your tolerance... The only way to train: Get the booze in!” – Jake (20:31)
• “If you want to see me and the nine year old boy, we’re going to put it all unedited on the Patreon.” – Gareth (11:16)

Special Segment: Vicki’s First Voice Memo (34:26)

Vicki checks in during her “training”—sneaking a Blue Hawaiian, alone and giggling (“…it’s really tasty, but only after you swallow it…”), hiding from her boyfriend to keep her project a surprise.

Caller #2: Kevin’s Aversion to Cold Deli Meats

Theme: “Kevin Don’t Like Deli Meats” (35:25–53:28)

The Call

Kevin from Raleigh, almost 50, is plagued by social awkwardness due to his refusal to eat cold sandwiches, especially with deli meats. Beef jerky and PB&J are fine; cold cuts “turn his stomach.” Family and friends find it odd, probe for explanations, and he wants a slicker way to handle it.

Hosts’ Advice

• The guys probe for the root cause (“Do you like sushi? No. Fish? Only fried.”), ultimately clarifying it’s about “uncooked” cold meats.
• Jake and Gareth propose several social dodge solutions:
  • Blame an “allergy to cold meats.”
  • Blame food poisoning and lifelong aversion.
  • Carry business cards to hand out (“I don’t like cold deli meats. I know it’s weird. For more, listen to episode 235 of We’re Here to Help.”) (45:46–47:51)
• Jake: “What if you made business cards that said, ‘I don’t eat cold meat. It’s not that interesting. Let’s not spend the day talking about it…’” (46:32)
• Kevin is delighted and plans to print the cards.
• Extended riffing on logic, leftovers, food temp preferences (“Do you eat cold spaghetti? No. Cold chicken? Maybe a drumstick, not salad.”) (50:45–52:10).

Notable Quotes

• “You can eat a slab of jerky but not cold meat? It’s throwing me…” – Gareth (39:34)
• “This is a psychological issue—and it’s a fun psychological issue. It invokes people wanting to get to the bottom of it. I’ll tell you what’s not a fun issue: stomach issues you don’t even fully know.” – Jake (43:43)
• Gareth’s summary: “It’s taking something puzzling and making it funny, interesting, and intriguing.” (47:26)

Callback: Olivia’s Backyard Grave Situation

Follow-up to Episode 188: “Digging up Orville” (55:31–63:01)

Olivia from Ohio gives an update on the infamous headstone she found on her property. Her fiancé Nick originally wanted to dig up the grave and bring the headstone inside, prompting a debate and a deluge of listener feedback (“he’ll go to prison!” vs “it’s your property!”).

Resolution:

• Nick lost interest in the exhumation. Olivia planted a Korean lilac bush and set up a little garden shrine with a bench and candles.
• “There was an old stump on top of the grave, so I dug it up and I planted a Korean lilac bush…then I put this cute little white bench and chairs…it almost looks like a fairy garden.” – Olivia (58:14)
• The solution is deemed “very classy,” and the hosts are proud of their role.
• “Above the body of a guy, the headstone is being preserved, there’s a nice coffee drinking area…we got a good place.” – Gareth (61:35)
• Bell-ringing and celebratory beatboxing ensue.

Lightning Round: Listener Note on Kidney Donation (63:06–64:10)

Rachel, referencing a prior call, shares her family’s experience with domino (paired) kidney transplants, encourages living donation, and offers support to anyone considering it.

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• “Why does that man shine? I see reflective…” – Gareth, imitating the 9-year-old’s confusion about his moisturized skin (07:42)
• “You need to start training…big fight in June on a boat.” – Jake (20:42)
• “Unfortunately, my body took a trip to the wet county…” – Gareth, riffing on Vicki’s quest to buy alcohol (26:10)
• “It’s throwing me that you’ll eat a bag of meat, but not cold, same temperature meat.” – Gareth to Kevin (39:34)
• “Make the cards. Send us a picture of the card.” – Gareth, on the business-card solution for Kevin (52:44)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Helpy Awards Info & Categories | 01:10–05:14 | | Nine-Year-Old Best Man Speech Update | 05:14–11:16 | | Vicki’s Cruise Drinking Dilemma “Rye of the Tiger”| 17:34–33:53 | | Vicki’s First Voice Memo | 34:26 | | Kevin Don’t Like Deli Meats | 35:25–53:28 | | Olivia’s Backyard Grave Shrine Update | 55:31–63:01 | | Kidney Donation Listener Note | 63:06–64:10 |

Episode Tone

Warm, irreverent, rambling, and witty, with plenty of self-deprecating asides and quick pivots from “real” advice to outrageous bits.

Final Thoughts

This episode exemplifies “We’re Here to Help” at its best: blending real warmth with absurd, sometimes wildly impractical advice, always in service of camaraderie, honesty, and laughter. The hosts never guarantee perfect guidance—but make “the best they’ve got” highly entertaining. Whether you need to prep for party parents, own your weird food lines, or create a backyard memorial, Jake and Gareth are, as always, in your corner.