We're Here to Help – Episode 241: "Get His A** UP & Soup To Go" (with Dakota Fanning)
Date: December 17, 2025
Host(s): Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Dakota Fanning
Episode Overview
This episode features actor Dakota Fanning joining hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds for two lively advice sessions with callers. The group grapples with practical relationship and life conundrums: a partner’s infuriating snooze-button habit and a pregnant woman’s quest for impossible-to-take-home French onion soup. Along the way, they share film set stories, riff on the quirks of restaurant policies, and treat listeners to their trademark blend of earnest advice and sharp, absurdist humor.
Main Discussion Points & Insights
1. Welcoming Dakota Fanning & Indie Film Tales
-
[01:00–08:10]
- Jake introduces Dakota as a friend and collaborator, bantering about recent and upcoming film projects, including working with indie financier “Danny J.”
- Lighthearted recollections of filming in Alaska with Joe Swanberg, stories about working (and being slightly out-of-focus) in films, and the dynamic of actor siblings on set.
- Memorable story: Dan’s mad dash to ride a mechanical bull in an empty Anchorage bar, culminating with jokes about fame and bull-riding videos.
Quote:
"There's no getting rid of them, is there? Get out of this photo shoot, bitch."
—Jake Johnson to Dakota, joking about siblings, [05:38]
2. Dakota’s Recent Work
- [08:13–09:00]
- Dakota shares news about her upcoming series "All Her Fault," shot in Melbourne, Australia, with Sarah Snook, Jake Lacy, and Michael Peña.
- She expresses excitement about the cast and the project’s mysterious tone.
3. Caller #1: Ronnie and the Revenge of the Snooze Alarm
- [13:00–38:56]
- Setup: Ronnie (Canadian in London, originally from Yukon) describes her husband’s endless 5am snooze-button ritual, keeping her awake for hours and ruining her sleep. She seeks advice on stopping him.
- Dakota’s Perspective: Admits to her own “optimistic alarm setting,” sympathizing with both sides, and confesses, "I like the feeling of waking up and knowing it’s not quite time yet." [20:00]
- Hosts’ Approaches:
- Jake’s Pitch: Go “full crazy” one night—start snoozing her own alarm from 1am to 7am to mirror the experience back to her husband. [21:58]
- Dakota’s Pitch: More measured—start at 4am, systematically escalate if needed. "He just has to stop doing it." [21:43]
- Dan’s Pitch: Next time he snoozes, force him up: "Lights on, covers off, glass of water to the face if necessary!" [24:02]
- Escalation Option: Use an air horn at 5am or play a stern recorded message from Dakota.
- Acting Out Scenarios: The crew role-plays wake-up confrontations, culminating in Dakota recording a "get your ass up" message for Ronnie to use.
- Resolution & Tone: Dakota advocates for directness: "You have to get a little aggressive... you mean business here." [34:03]
- Notable Plan: Dakota records for Ronnie:
"Brian, this is Dakota Fanning. Wake the fuck up at 5 or stop setting your alarm for 5. Ronnie is over this shit and it’s a problem. Wake up at 5 or set your alarm for 7. Thank you." [37:15]
- Follow-up Promise: Ronnie vows to try the advice (“military-style wake-up” or recorded Dakota alarm), and will report back on the outcome.
4. Caller #2: Bethany vs. The Soup Integrity Doctrine
- [39:15–60:50]
- Setup: Bethany, a pregnant Chicagoan, craves her favorite neighborhood French onion soup, but the restaurant refuses to offer it to-go, citing “integrity of the soup.” Desperate, she seeks a workaround.
- Group’s Reactions:
- Jake: Outraged at policy—"Once you buy something... it’s not up to them. They've sold it!" [43:13]
- Dakota: Validates Bethany’s frustration and pitches a loophole: "Sit down like you’re going to eat it, bring your own to-go containers, and transfer the soup yourself. Make eye contact with the rule-enforcer!" [46:16, 54:54]
- Dan: Offers to go in-person, schmooze or “bribe” the staff, and secure a special dispensation (though with a comedic, over-the-top threat of public health inspection).
- Role-Playing and Solutions: Dakota takes on the restaurant owner’s persona, stonewalling Dan’s request, underscoring the futility of negotiation—but her “bring your own Tupperware and stare them down” solution remains the top pick.
- Signature Advice:
"There's no cut. They cannot tell you that you cannot bring your own glassware... they can’t tell you that, Bethany, are you willing to do it?"
—Dakota Fanning, [57:36] - Alternative Suggestions:
- “Healthy, friendly bribe” to the kitchen—perhaps a bottle of whiskey (Jesse/Jake)
- Express extreme pregnancy woes to guilt restaurant staff into relenting (Jake)
- Get Dan (the “Big Cat”) to personally intervene if other tactics fail
- Bethany's Choice: Prefers to try the bribe/diplomatic route via her husband, aiming for a long-term solution.
5. Closing Banter and Promises of Follow-ups
- Both Ronnie and Bethany commit to trying the advice and following up with the show.
- Jake, Dan, and Dakota sign off with warmth, anticipating a return episode and more press for their Alaska movie.
- Listeners are encouraged to send in updates and new questions.
Notable Quotes & Moments
-
On the universal pain of the snooze alarm:
"It’s almost every day... this is fucking madness. Are you kidding me?"
—Jake Johnson reacting to Dakota’s habit, [19:54] -
On taking back control:
"Lights on, covers off. This is what you're doing to me every single morning. Stop."
—Dakota Fanning’s proposed script for Ronnie, [32:58] -
On soup integrity:
"We don’t serve ketchup here. Why? Because we’re adorable."
—Jake Johnson on restaurant’s policy, [52:02] -
On looped alarm vengeance:
"Natalie, when we sent it, could you put that [Dakota wakeup message] on a loop so it just keeps going over and over."
—Jake Johnson, [37:44] -
On hosts’ chemistry:
"Do you notice how quickly Dan and I agreed and we dropped all the other stuff and... your tone is more a little bit quieter."
—Jake Johnson observing Dakota’s no-nonsense clarity, [33:34]
Timestamps for Key Segments
| Segment | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Welcoming Dakota & Alaska bull tales | 01:00–08:10 | | Dakota talks about "All Her Fault" | 08:13–09:00 | | Caller #1: Ronnie vs. Brian’s Snooze Alarm | | | – Ronnie introduces problem | 13:00 | | – Dakota’s confessions | 17:00 | | – Advice pitches escalation | 21:43–25:14 | | – Acting out confrontations | 29:34–37:15 | | – Dakota’s “wake up” recording | 37:15–38:03 | | Caller #2: Bethany & Soup To Go | | | – Bethany presents dilemma | 41:39 | | – Hosts pitch solutions | 46:07–58:14 | | – Role-play w/ Dakota as owner | 52:22–54:45 | | – Bethany chooses strategy | 59:34–60:10 | | Sign off/Call for listener follow-ups | 60:50–61:17 |
Episode Tone and Language
The episode is informal, quick-witted, and deliberately silly at times, with the hosts and guest never hesitating to riff, role-play, or get outrageous for the sake of entertainment. Dakota Fanning’s sincerity and playfulness blend seamlessly with the hosts’ irreverent style, especially when she lays down direct, “enough is enough” advice or gamely plays along in comedic scenarios. The spirit is supportive—even when the solutions are tongue-in-cheek.
Final Thoughts
Those who missed this episode will appreciate the mix of genuine, if unconventional, problem-solving and the comedic rapport among the cast. Whether it’s dealing with a sleep-disturbing partner or crusading for righteous soup access, the show’s takeaway is clear: sometimes the most satisfying answer is direct, a little petty, and, when possible, accompanied by a friend (or Dakota Fanning herself) backing you up.
To Call In:
Email your question to helpfulpod@gmail.com.
Bonus Quote for Posterity:
"It’s salmon season and I’m the grizzly. Get out of the river."
—Jake Johnson, imagining Ronnie’s revenge wakeup line, [27:55]