We're Here to Help — Episode 242: The First Annual Helpies
Podcast: We're Here to Help
Host: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Date: December 22, 2025
Episode Overview
In a special year-end episode, Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds host the first-ever "Helpies," an irreverent but heartfelt awards ceremony to honor their favorite listeners, questions, stories, and guests from the past year of We're Here to Help. Drawing parallels to the Oscars, Blockbuster Awards, and even the infamous Spike TV awards, the hosts celebrate their show's unique community with signature humor, memorable moments, and genuine appreciation for their audience. Winners receive the coveted Steve Berg "hunk" calendar— because, as the guys say, “it’s the ultimate trophy.”
Key Segments & Insights
Introduction: The Spirit of the Helpies (01:39)
- Jake and Gareth introduce the Helpies as both a joke and an earnest thank you to their listeners.
- Announcement: Winners will each receive a Steve Berg calendar; just 500 printed and selling fast.
- Quote (Jake): "The Helpies is about warmth... and reflection." (11:19)
- The hosts promise a bigger and better third year for the podcast without a break between seasons.
Awards Categories & Winners
Best International Caller (03:48–11:13)
Nominees:
- Rolly (UK, accosted by “the shit on me lady”)
- Hardik (India, neighbors stole parking spot)
- Margaret (Iceland, choosing an accent for dating apps)
Winner: Rolly (UK)
- Rolly joins live, shares how the story of the "shit on me lady" has made him a local celebrity.
- Quote (Rolly): "I would so much rather have this than Men’s Choice." (07:03)
- Hosts joke about sending a calendar to Rolly and the infamous old lady.
Memorable Moment:
- Jake: "We're going to send you two [calendars]... One for her." (11:02)
Best Sports Call (11:29–26:09)
Nominees:
- Alex & Jack (disagreement over floor hockey ranking)
- Aaron & Sophie (season ticket saga)
- Taylor & Brian (Pickle and Chip Classic pickleball)
Winner: Taylor & Brian (Pickleball)
- Brian and (eventually) Taylor join live, recounting the infamous Thanksgiving "bikini bottoms" dinner wager and family reactions.
- Quote (Brian): "We were on the verge of disaster for the entire meal... most of the family is [scarred]." (17:09)
- Banter over whether in-laws should also receive calendars and ideas for a "2026 Brian" calendar.
Jake:
"Brian, how did it feel being the main course at Thanksgiving dinner?" (18:13)
Best Animal Call (26:10–34:28)
Nominees:
- Aubrey (fed cat earwax)
- Mateo (falling in love with a duck, Gandalf)
- Rebecca, Susan & James (feeding raccoons by hand)
Winner: Mateo (The Duck Saga)
- Mateo updates: Gandalf the duck stopped bothering him after deploying a fake stuffed duck decoy.
- Quote (Jake, excited): "Which means... we did not kill the duck!" (33:17)
- Discussion of signature podcast obsession with animal stories and merch ideas: “I love that duck’s penis.” (Gareth, 28:43)
Memorable Moment:
- Gareth: "I'll put this weird dick onto somebody else." (33:25)
Best Follow-Up (34:32–42:54)
Nominees:
- Tom (the first intern, psych ward story)
- Zach (made his friends poop in the woods)
- Mr. Hot Takes (viral school segment, "Wall of Flames")
Winner: Mr. Hot Takes
- Live acceptance with trademark jacket and bits.
- Suggestion to send calendars to neighbors addressed from Steve Berg, greatly amusing the hosts.
- Quote (Mr. Hot Takes): "I'm going to tell my students this is the Nobel Prize of podcasting." (38:24)
Memorable Moments:
- “I already bought two calendars for bits.” (Mr. Hot Takes, 38:59)
- Extended brainstorming on escalating calendar pranks.
Best Song (42:54–53:12)
Nominees:
- The Ballad of Mrs. Gingerbread (Irene)
- 22nd Pilot (Ben)
- Don't Cry for Me Argentina (Aaron, Gareth, & Judd Apatow)
Winner: The Ballad of Mrs. Gingerbread (Irene)
- Irene shares a bittersweet update: she and Derek broke up and the eponymous cat now lives with him.
- Hosts offer commiseration and multiple calendars as consolation, joking about "unringing the bell."
- Quote (Irene): "I love you, Mrs. Gingerbread... I always will. I wrote a ballad about you." (51:13)
Best Guest Helper (53:33–56:48)
Nominees:
- Cat Reitman
- Lamorne Morris
- Justin Long
Winner: Cat Reitman
- Victory speech is classic Cat: “Best Guest Helper! In your face. And let’s be honest, I am helping. Regular Mother Teresa type.” (56:04)
- Group discusses other memorable guest appearances.
Best Caller (56:52–61:13)
Nominees:
- Regina (Finger foods at the orgy)
- Heather (Smart people are kryptonite)
- Connor (Epic Spray Mess—Airbnb roommate saga)
- Kate (Long Island "Lisa")
- Paige (Mannequin for Dennehy)
- Professor Dr. T. Squeeze (Coppertone memoir)
Winner: Connor ("Spray Mess"/Airbnb Roommate Hero)
- Acceptance speech (audio): “You too can win a helpy if you move to a random Airbnb and everything goes wrong!” (59:50)
- Connor is moving to Texas, setting up future shenanigans.
Top Call (61:13–69:19)
Nominees:
- Chris (boss's ostrich land tickets)
- Emma (masturbated while cat-sitting)
- Robert (brother might not be circumcised)
- Angelica (haunted dolls)
- Stone Road (no foot fetish)
- Nick (dirty towels in the sauna)
Winner: Robert (Circumcision Mystery)
- Unable to appear, but responds with: "Oh, wow. Really? That's crazy. Send me the number to call and I'll try to find time." (64:51)
- Jake and Gareth reflect on the sheer weirdness and success of the segment.
The Ceremony's Surreal Finale (69:19–End)
The Steve Berg Calendar & Custom Trophies
- Rob Miranda reveals a 3D-printed Steve Berg head, which stuns the hosts and devolves into banter about what to actually do with it—plant herbs, frame photos, commission mini-Berg awards.
- Suggestion (Gareth): "Maybe next year, we could make little Berg trophies. And that is the Helpy." (68:45)
Final Thanks and Reflections
- Jake and Gareth express heartfelt gratitude to their audience, callers, producers, and each other.
- Callers and community highlighted as the true heart of the show.
- Quote (Jake): “We’ve done about 250 of these and without people like you calling in with energy, Gareth and I would be bored of each other.” (42:18)
- Announced: The Helpies will be an annual tradition.
Notable Quotes & Key Moments
- Jake (helpies ethos): "The Helpies is about warmth... and reflection." (11:19)
- Rolly (Best International Caller): "I would so much rather have this than Men’s Choice." (07:03)
- Brian (Pickleball): "We were on the verge of disaster for the entire meal... most of the family is [scarred]." (17:09)
- Mr. Hot Takes: "I'm going to tell my students this is the Nobel Prize of podcasting." (38:24)
- Irene (Mrs. Gingerbread): "I love you, Mrs. Gingerbread... I wrote a ballad about you." (51:13)
- Cat Reitman: "Best Guest Helper! In your face. And let’s be honest, I am helping. Regular Mother Teresa type." (56:04)
- Connor (Best Caller, via audio): "You too can win a helpy if you move to a random Airbnb and everything goes wrong!" (59:50)
Timestamps – Key Segments
- Introduction/Set-Up: (01:39)
- Best International Caller: (03:48–11:13)
- Best Sports Call: (11:29–26:09)
- Best Animal Call: (26:10–34:28)
- Best Follow-Up: (34:32–42:54)
- Best Song: (42:54–53:12)
- Best Guest Helper: (53:33–56:48)
- Best Caller: (56:52–61:13)
- Top Call/Grand Finale & Steve Berg Calendar Madness: (61:13–69:19)
- Final Thanks & Farewell: (69:59–End)
Closing Thoughts
The inaugural Helpies is part loving roast, part community hug, and part bizarre podcast fever dream. Jake and Gareth’s blend of sincerity, chaotic energy, and running inside jokes turns a podcast "award show" into an ode to their fans and each other, celebrating everything from crank-calling teachers to duck obsessions. If you’ve never listened, this episode gives a hilarious yet honest glimpse into why We’re Here to Help has built such a dedicated following.