We're Here to Help – Episode 251: "A Bridge To Trash & Poop Plinko"

Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Date: January 19, 2026

Overview

This lively installment of We're Here to Help features hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds dispensing their signature blend of sincere and silly advice to callers with personal dilemmas. Despite repeatedly claiming they are unqualified, Jake and Gareth tackle a series of offbeat situations—ranging from awkward gift exchanges to creative solutions for a persistent bird poop problem and updates on previous neighborly entanglements. With their casual banter, the episode orbits around themes of healthy boundaries, friendship etiquette, and the creative use of calendars and bird decoys.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Jake’s Vegas Flu Misadventures (00:45–09:12)

• Jake begins by sharing his misadventures of catching the flu during a family trip to Las Vegas, reflecting on the challenge of being sick in the least restful of cities.
• Discusses over-the-counter medicine abuse, the ubiquity of cigarette smoke in Vegas, and the cultural shift post-smoking bans (“Once there’s a new rule, everyone just does it”—Jake, 05:10).
• The hosts trade childhood stories about dismissive parenting during injury and illness, and Jake muses on improvised parenting strategies.

2. Call 1: “Bridge to Trash” — The Overzealous Gift-Giver (15:42–33:01)

The Dilemma

• Caller “Amy” (16:03): A woman in Texas wants advice on ending an awkward ongoing gift exchange with a friend-of-a-friend ("Charles") who continues to give them personal, thoughtful gifts for holidays—including Valentine’s Day.
  • “The mutual obligation of giving gifts—it just needs to stop with this person.” (16:18)

Discussion & Advice

• Hosts are baffled and amused by the intensity and specificity of Charles’s gifts and especially him scheduling gift drop-offs.
  • “Valentine’s Day to a friend of a friend is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.” —Jake (17:22)
  • “The get together is a very interesting detail.” —Gareth (19:06)
• Jake suggests directness: sending out a group message declaring "no gifts this year" or pivoting to charity donations as a socially acceptable boundary. (21:30–22:57)
• The hosts brainstorm creative "exit" strategies, including gifting him with a show-branded “bird calendar” as a subtle hint, then escalating to oddball or outright trash items if the issue persists.
  • “The bird calendar is the bridge to trash.” —Jake (31:01)
  • “Turning you into the worst gift givers possible is pretty good and fun... just give him garbage.” —Gareth (28:02)

Notable Segment

• Memorable Solution Pitch: Using the bird calendar repeatedly, then moving to increasingly odd or unwanted regifts, and asking Amy to record the moment for the show. (25:43–29:10)
• Quote: “Let’s punch down. Let's have him go, ‘Amy gives some really weird stuff.’ I think she gave trash!” —Jake (28:45)

3. Call 2: “Poop Plinko” — The Bird Poop Problem (36:51–51:46)

The Dilemma

• Caller Mike from Charleston, SC (36:54): A bird repeatedly perches and defecates on the same section of Mike’s tall front window, leaving a mess ("worse last year… he would drop it right on the door handle", 41:41).

Discussion & Advice

• Jake and Gareth, aided by photos from Mike, riff on the "targeted" nature of the bird’s behavior, likening the poop streak to “Plinko.”
• Possible friction between Mike’s dog and the bird is humorously analyzed ("I think it's attacking the dog through the anus" —Jake, 40:13).
• Various solutions are pitched:
  • First Attempt: Relocating the bird by enticing it to a proper birdhouse in a nearby tree (“You’re offering him the opportunity of a lifetime… just gotta go to the oak tree, get off my glass.” —Jake, 43:00)
  • The Owl Decoy: Placing a realistic fake owl near the problem area to scare the bird away. The importance of realism and proper positioning is emphasized.
    • “Spare no expense. Don’t get it out of a claw machine... We want him to go, ‘What the—there’s an owl in my toilet!’” —Jake (46:14)
    • “We want the bird to go, ‘Ah, someone’s in there.’” —Gareth (47:01)
  • Community Help: If the owl fails, the show offers to enlist artist “Rob” or the community to build a custom solution.

Notable Moments

• “It’s like Plinko. He’s doing Plinko.” —Gareth (41:21)
• Mike is asked to document the owl attempt, and, if that fails, to reconnect for crowd-sourced help.

4. Call 3: Follow-Up — Neighborly Boundaries & the Handsy Porch (53:30–68:58)

The Dilemma (Update)

• Caller Katie, 36 weeks pregnant (53:30): Updates the hosts on her prior query—keeping her overly-familiar neighbor “Sunny” from being the first to visit her newborn after hospital discharge.

Update & Revelations

• Recaps team’s prior advice: decoy baked goods outside and a realistic baby doll in the living room as deterrents.
• Shares a new revelation—a secret from her husband: he inadvertently discovered Sunny being "serviced" by his wife late at night on their front porch.
  • “I heard the unmistakable sounds of a man receiving some sort of sexual pleasure on his front porch.” —Katie relaying her husband’s words (62:29)
  • “For anyone who’s not understanding—Sunny got jerked off on the porch by his wife.” —Gareth (63:25)
• Debates whether this social awkwardness will now keep Sunny away or, conversely, if he’ll overcompensate in friendliness.
• Katie affirms she has purchased a decoy baby and is ready to use the “coffee cake on the doorstep” tactic as a polite deterrent.
• Extended riffing on womb comfort, donut sponsorship (“Entenmann’s please reach out”), and the surreal nature of the neighbor’s behaviors.

Notable Quotes

• “Womb to tomb in Jake!” —Katie (55:57)
• “He can’t get caught getting his hog yanked and then just be like, ‘the baby's born, let me meet her!’” —Jake (64:18)
• “You've got a moat. We've got a moat.” —Gareth (66:19), referring to the layered boundaries in place

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On awkward gift exchanges:
  “You’re heightening a game you don’t want to heighten. Let’s punch down. I literally think she gave trash.” —Jake (28:45)

• On Plinko poop:
  "It's like Plinko. He’s doing Plinko." —Gareth (41:21)

• On a targeted bird:
  “Spare no expense... We want this guy to be at a music festival, run to the porta potty, see somebody in there and go, 'Ah, someone’s in there.’” —Jake (46:40–47:01)

• On neighborly weirdness:
  "Womb to tomb in Jake!" —Katie (55:57)
  “He can’t get caught getting his hog yanked and then just be like, 'the baby's born, let me meet her!'” —Jake (64:18)
  “Sunny’s a bit of a Glazer.” —Gareth, playing on the donut theme (63:36)

Important Timestamps

• 00:45 — Jake’s Vegas Flu recap
• 15:42 — Call 1: Amy, the awkward gift exchange
• 23:28 — The “bird calendar” solution is devised
• 28:07–31:02 — “Bridge to Trash” strategy outlined
• 36:51 — Call 2: Mike, the bird poop problem (“Poop Plinko”)
• 41:21 — Plinko analogy and dog-bird dynamics
• 46:14–47:01 — Owl solution, “someone’s in there” analogy
• 53:30 — Call 3: Katie’s neighbor update
• 62:29 — The porch revelation
• 66:19 — “You’ve got a moat. We’ve got a moat.” —Gareth

Tone & Style

The episode pivots between sincere problem-solving and comedic tangents. Jake’s direct but warm approach to advice (“aggressive-aggressive or nothing”), Gareth’s penchant for playful escalation, and the playful, improvisational back-and-forth create a relatable, laughter-filled environment—reminiscent of a well-meaning but slightly unhinged family gathering.

Conclusion

Episode 251 demonstrates We're Here to Help at its best: sharp, irreverent, but always aiming to empower listeners to draw healthy boundaries—with a side of bird calendars and well-meaning nonsense. The eclectic advice, full of left turns and community spirit, ensures that listeners leave entertained and (sometimes) a little bit wiser.

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