262: One and Done & 45 Minutes to Bedtime (with Karley Sciortino)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We're Here to Help" – Episode 262

Title: One and Done & 45 Minutes to Bedtime (with Karley Sciortino)
Release Date: February 18, 2026
Host(s): Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Karley Sciortino (writer, host, creator of "Hotline" on Substack)

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Jake and Gareth welcome writer and sex/relationship advice expert Karley Sciortino. The trio fields two candid, unique listener calls: one from Penny in the UK, who wants advice on discreetly gifting her "uptight" mom a vibrator ("one and done"), and another from Tracy in Germany, who seeks a way to add some romantic spark and smooth the transition from routine to intimacy in her marriage ("45 minutes to bedtime"). Throughout, the conversation is lighthearted and open, balancing humor with sincere advice on sex, communication, and the occasional awkward family moment.

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Guest Introduction: Karley Sciortino

[02:13–07:40]

• Jake & Karley reminisce about their Alaska film shoot and a treacherous mountain hike.
  • Memorable moment [04:10]: Karley describes watching Jake climb the final peak in the wrong clothes while onlookers wonder, “Is that the guy from New Girl?”
• Karley's Work:
  • Just launched "Hotline" on Substack, an audio & written project exploring “sex, dating, and relationships.”
  • Offers “open-sourced sex advice,” bringing in coaches and diverse voices.
  • Wrote “I Want Your Sex” (premiered at Sundance, starring Olivia Wilde).
  • Instagram: @carlyslutever—a handle she regrets now that she’s older, but can’t shake.

Notable Quotes:

• Karley on Instagram handles:
  "Would you want to be like, Jake Slutever in your 40s?" – Karley, [07:20]
• Jake jokes:
  "I would love to be a slut. Instead, I'm a heavy dude climbing the side of a mountain in the wrong shape." – Jake, [07:38]

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Caller #1: Penny (Surrey, UK) – "One and Done"

[11:48–42:28]

Penny’s Situation

• Just bought a house with her fiancé.
• Describes her mother as “lovely, selfless...but a prude,” stuck in a sexless 35-year marriage.
• Believes her mom’s quality of life would improve with a “good orgasm.”
• Question: How can she give her mom a vibrator in a way that isn’t awkward, and ideally, in a ‘one-and-done’ manner?

Key Discussion Points

• Taboo & Family:
  Penny struggles with wanting to help her mom without making their relationship awkward, and wants an approach that doesn't need repeated conversations.
• The 'Perfect Gift' Dilemma:
  • Karley suggests picking a tasteful, non-phallic, “pretty” vibrator (like a gold, velvet-lined clitoral stimulator).
    • "There is really beautiful, pink, glow-massagers..." – Jake, [17:13]
    • “I got her something…like a velvet little bag. It almost looks like a piece of jewelry... A tiny ball that’s a clitoral stimulator.” – Karley, [17:16]
• Funny vs. Sincere Approaches:
  • Jake jokes about buying a multi-use “foot massager” and writing “great for shoulders, backs, AND vaginas” [19:38], but Penny wants something direct, not open to misinterpretation.
  • Penny insists on a “sucking” toy (targeting clitoral stimulation), but Karley warns, “the sucking ones are polarizing” and a classic vibrator is likely “less intimidating” [20:45–20:59].
• Delivery Strategies:
  • Ideas include pretending an order was sent by accident, or claiming she has an extra because of wedding gifts or work perks, to normalize the transfer.
    • Penny relays an anecdote about her parents already mistakenly opening her lube delivery, which led to mutual family embarrassment and silence [23:23].
  • Karley and Gareth suggest, “Say you got two, or you’re passing extras along” [24:18].
• Bridal/Wedding Angle:
  • Weaving the gift into a bridal shower context so it’s less “pointed,” and more about group inclusion. Jake floats having mom join the joke by requiring bridal party “reviews” for a group gift [29:05].
    • “It’s youthful, it’s fun, it’s crazy, it’s a bunch of gals.” – Jake, [30:17]
  • Concerns about mom taking the group gift literally or talking about it with the wrong people.
• Directness vs. Subterfuge:
  • Ultimately, after many schemes, the group agrees simplicity is best:
    • Give the gift without ceremony; no faux-accidents, just honesty.
    • “If you keep saying ‘one and done,’ I don’t think you should go in low status… lessen the… shame or uptightness or weirdness… model the behavior for her where it’s just not a big deal.” – Karley, [32:54–34:18]
• Avoiding Dad:
  • Consensus: Don't involve dad—mom might just want it for her own use, without added embarrassment [39:31].
• Best Tactic for Penny:
  • Buy a straightforward, classic vibrator, present it lightly and directly to her mom, state simply:
    “This is a vibrator I use, I love it, it works. I think you’d love it, too.” – Jake, [41:17]
  • Don't follow up or push—“one and done” means it’s mom’s choice after that.

Notable Quotes:

• Penny:
  “I could not talk to my mum about that. I can talk to my dad about that. So, like, my dad's more of an open book. So I know that, like, the bedroom's dry." [15:00]
• Karley (on shame):
  "What we want your mom to feel ultimately is less shame or uptightness or weirdness around the idea of sexuality. You can model the behavior—this is not a big deal." [33:19]
• Gareth:
  “I think, to the earlier point, don’t swing for the fences. Nothing too ambitious, nothing that looks intimidating.” [41:47]
• Final advice:
  “Do not wander, do not make it emotional, do not make it about other stuff. Simply: I love this product, I think you will, too.” – Jake, [42:11]

---

Caller #2: Tracy (Germany) – "45 Minutes to Bedtime"

[47:00–72:30]

Tracy’s Situation

• Married 13 years, one toddler (3 years old).
• Lives a busy life; evenings are for “organizing the week” over the kitchen table.
• She and her (German) husband are both “not romantic,” and initiating sex is awkward—usually one says, “I’ll go to bed in 45 minutes,” which has become the clunky DTF signal.
• Once they get to the bedroom, things are comfortable, but the transition from “robots at the table” to intimate partners is missing.

Key Discussion Points

• Awkward Signaling:
  Tracy wants a way to make the transition natural, flirtatious, or fun rather than “robotic.”
• Physical vs. Verbal Initiation:
  • Karley suggests physical cues: light touching, hand on neck—leaning into body language, since words feel awkward [54:09].
• Games, Props, & Signals:
  • Jake and Gareth pitch the “bang candle” (light it when you’re in the mood; blowing it out signals time to go) [56:30].
  • References to New Girl: the mug signal for a sexual “go.”
  • Karley relays advice from Esther Perel: “the bowl and the keys” system—a physical reminder and invitation.
  • Tracy loves the idea of a playful, unspoken code [58:24].
• Roleplay Solution – Meet Chloe:
  • Jake encourages Tracy to create a “sexy American character”—they dub her “Chloe the Housekeeper.”
    • “When the kid goes to bed, you put the apron on. That's the signal.” – Jake, [68:53]
    • Chloe can be activated through a text, a costume (apron/feather duster), or a joke, sparking roleplay and breaking routine.
  • Tracy embraces this as “perfect.” She plans to put on the apron after her daughter’s bedtime; if her husband sees “the apron,” he knows it’s time for fun, not scheduling.
• Communicating Desires Post-Baby:
  • Tracy reveals her husband stopped initiating after years of rebuffed attempts during her postpartum period; she now wants to take the lead and make it silly, light, and “out of their rut” [65:39].
  • Karley and Gareth reinforce: state what you want clearly; use play and novelty to interrupt the old cycles.

Notable Quotes:

• Jake (humor):
  "You’ve got 13 thrusts." – [51:41]
• Karley (on props):
  “The way to transition to a more sexual vibe is through touch… engage in a more physical way because it sounds like, physically, you guys feel really comfortable. Verbally, you don’t.” – [54:09]
• Tracy (on using the apron signal):
  “This is perfect. I will do this. Yeah.” – [68:53]
• Jake’s summary advice:
  "Are you actually going to do this? That if you're wearing the apron... tonight what you do is... you put the apron on." – [68:53]

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Key Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Jake’s jealousy over Karley’s Instagram handle:
  “My dream is that somebody thinks of me as a slut.” [07:34]
• Penny on parental embarrassment:
  “There was a short period of time where me and my fiancé were living at my parents’ house... I ordered lube on Amazon…” [23:23]
• Tracy’s robotic, German-accented negotiation:
  "I am going to go to bed in 45 minutes." [49:10]
• Jake’s roleplay vision:
  “I just want to hear out of that German accent out of Tracy’s mouth, ‘My stockings are burning off,’ or whatever…” [59:57]
• Karley’s core advice:
  “You have to give your mom a vibrator, then.” [40:26]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Guest Intro & Banter: 02:13–07:40
• Penny's Call (Vibrator for Mom): 11:48–42:28
• Discussion of Sex Toy Gift Tactics: 15:00–41:00
• Key Advice/Resolution for Penny: 40:26–42:30
• Tracy's Call (Transition to Sex): 47:00–72:30
• Discussion of Signals/Props/Roleplay: 54:09–71:28
• Resolution and Tracy's Plan: 68:53–72:28

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Final Takeaways

• Humor and candor disarm taboo. The group uses playful language (“sexually prolific,” “bang candle,” “robotic kitchen meetings”) to make difficult topics less intimidating.
• Directness > Overthinking: Both callers benefitted most from straightforward honesty, not elaborate schemes.
• Props, play, and physical cues can bridge awkward conversational gaps in romantic/sexual communication.
• “One and Done” is sometimes the best policy—do what you can without dwelling or demanding a reaction, especially with family.

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Episode Mood:
Warm, irreverent, frank, supportive—punctuated with quick-witted humor and real talk about sex, intimacy, and family awkwardness.

Best Quote to Capture Episode Spirit:
"What we want your mom to feel ultimately is less shame or uptightness or weirdness around the idea of sexuality. ... You can model the behavior for her where it's just not a big deal."
– Karley Sciortino [33:19]

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Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is sponsored by the great Squarespace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We love Squarespace here at the show. We are constantly using Squarespace to build different websites for the show that support the show, that support or corroborate some of the show's bs. Again, we've never promised. We're very good at giving advice, but Squarespace helps corroborate what we're going for.

[Jake Johnson]

We have a new website that's not for us. It's for Hot Takes. Some members of the community have written in, we've been on an email chain and they wanted to start a web and we wanted to do it for Hot Takes. So this is a Squarespace made website.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Squarespace offers tons of stuff. They offer cutting edge design. So your website is going to look cool, beautiful, dare I say SEO tools, search engine optimization. It's important. It's how people find you. You've got your domain recommendations, donations, videos, subscriptions. They are offering all this stuff on their website.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Carly Sortino]

Verbo Care is here 247 to help make every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, support is ready whenever you reach out. From the moment you book to the.

[Jake Johnson]

Moment you head home.

[Carly Sortino]

We're here to help things run smoothly because a great trip starts with the right support. And hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a headgum podcast.

[Tracy]

We're here to go.

[Jake Johnson]

We're here, here, here, here, here.

[Tracy]

We're here to help. We're here to help.

[Jake Johnson]

And we are back. We've got a special guest today, Carly Sortino. Did I say that correctly? Yeah. Pretty good.

[Carly Sortino]

Pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well done.

[Carly Sortino]

Asked me how to say it.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, but I was nervous because I've always said it's. I always do the sc. So the shortino seems insane to me. There's no way.

[Carly Sortino]

I know it's. It's Italian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Better that than the correction on the show though.

[Jake Johnson]

That's correct.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

So Carly and I did the movie together in Alaska. The sun never sets. It's going to premiere at south by Southwest. We had a ton of fun together. We took a crazy hike together.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah, we climbed a mountain.

[Jake Johnson]

We climbed a mountain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How big?

[Jake Johnson]

Big.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Big is a great answer.

[Carly Sortino]

It was pretty. It took like hours. And honestly, Jake made it to the top of the mountain, which I. There was a moment where I Was wondering if I was just gonna watch you die. I was like, he's. You were like.

[Jake Johnson]

I felt similar, to be honest. I had started it. That you're talking about the final peak.

[Carly Sortino]

The final peak. I didn't get to the final peak.

[Jake Johnson]

But we, you and I hiked for a real two hours or so, straight up. Way harder than I think either of us thought.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah. Everyone was like, it's the runyon of Alaska. And we were like, okay. We showed up in sneakers. Everyone's like in gear with ice pixels.

[Jake Johnson]

But that end was scary.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah. I was surprised that you did it. And there was a lot of people who kind of made it like 90% and then watched the brave people kind of. You had to kind of scramble up like a straight rock almost and then slide down on your butt. So people I was standing with, watching you were definitely like, is that guy, like wearing the right shoes? Like, people were like. And then they were like, is that the guy from the new girl?

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, it is.

[Carly Sortino]

We're like, are we gonna him fall to his death?

[Jake Johnson]

That guy from the new girl, is he wearing slacks?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Has he got dress pants on?

[Jake Johnson]

So, Carly, you just, you are a writer. You hosted a show on Vice for years. You've got a new podcast coming out. What are you up to, lady?

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah, so it's a. You know, I've taken a page out of your guys book. It's a substack, so it's primarily written in a newsletter, but part of what substack does is you can release audio episodes through your substack.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, that's cool.

[Carly Sortino]

Also called podcasts, I suppose, but no video. You can do video too.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you can. Cool.

[Carly Sortino]

It's actually a pretty cool platform. It's like multi. It's multimedia. But basically everything you do gets mailed to your mailing list. So maybe you guys should join.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Definitely.

[Carly Sortino]

But it's all an exploration of sex, dating and relationships. And part of what I'm gonna do is. Or what I'm doing sex and relationship advice, but in a kind of open sourced way where like, you know, I got questions and then I answer them, but often I can't answer them myself, so I bring in like dating coaches or just like, that's fun. Sexually prolific people, you know, like open sourced sex advice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Basically, sexually prolific is to be invited somewhere because you're sexually prolific is a real honor.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it is a great term. Carly.

[Carly Sortino]

I was gonna say slutty, but I feel like that gets you, like, I don't know, you know, if you post it on social media. Like the meta overlords, like, get. You get in trouble, you're gonna get killed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you wrote a movie called I want your Sex that just premiered at Sundance with Olivia Wilde as well as a lot of others. How was that experience as a professional screenwriter at Sundance?

[Carly Sortino]

It was honestly so exciting. It was surreal. I mean, you guys know the business. I wrote this movie 13 years ago.

[Jake Johnson]

That'S so long to get made.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Carly Sortino]

So it was just bizarre to see it on screen after all of these years. And so great. And I. I know you obviously know Olivia. She's like, just a total incredible person. So funny and so talented. Genius actor. So she, like, is so fun to watch.

[Jake Johnson]

Carly, where can people find your new project? How do they find it?

[Carly Sortino]

It's my substack is called Hotline, so if you look up my name, Carly Schwartino on substack, it's there. And I'm so excited to. To have you.

[Jake Johnson]

And what is your. How can they find you on Instagram, too?

[Carly Sortino]

I'm Carly Slutever. I'm. I kind of regret that. This was a long time ago, but now it's stuck with me for life, so.

[Jake Johnson]

Right. Well, that's what your old show was. Why do you regret it now? People get mad at you in the comments.

[Carly Sortino]

I mean, no. Would you want to be like, Jake sled ever in your 40s? I'm just like, okay, I'm in my 40s now.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake would.

[Jake Johnson]

I would sexually considered it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want to be sexually prolific on Instagram.

[Jake Johnson]

My dream is that somebody thinks of me as a slut.

[Carly Sortino]

Everyone's like, it's a mindset. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, for some people. For me, it's just like, not for Jake doesn't work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the mountain beach.

[Jake Johnson]

He gets there. I would love to be a slut. Instead, I'm a heavy dude climbing the side of a mountain in the wrong shape.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everyone thinks you're gonna die. Everyone's holding their breath as you.

[Jake Johnson]

I've seen it on tv. Why is he doing this? And while I'm doing it, I'm going, why am I doing this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lot of eyeballs. A lot of eyeballs. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then my knees hitting weird. And I go, like, seizing up, seizing up. Just once I wish somebody was like, look at that slot on the side of the mountain. All right, let's take this call. This episode is brought to you by Walden University. Think you're too busy to earn the degree you've always wanted at Walden University? You get the W and win your time back. With tempo learning, you're in control. No weekly deadlines, no rigid schedules. Just the flexibility to earn your degree on your terms, at your pace and within your budget. For over 50 years, Walden University has helped working adults turn ambition into action through flexible distance learning. Today, our mission is simple. Provide access to education for professionals ready to level up and create real change.

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[Jake Johnson]

Hello.

[Tracy]

Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi. How are you?

[Penny]

I'm good.

[Jake Johnson]

How are you? Good, how are you? Ooh, accent. So you've got Gareth and I, but then you've got a special guest. She wrote the movie I want your Sex starring Olivia Wilde, and she's in the movie that we just made in Alaska. Ladies and gentlemen, Carly Shortino is with us.

[Carly Sortino]

Hello.

[Penny]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi. So can we get your name, please?

[Penny]

Hi, my name is Penny.

[Jake Johnson]

Penny. Where are you calling from, Penny?

[Penny]

I'm calling from Surrey in the uk.

[Jake Johnson]

The uk and what's something about you, Penny, that we don't know that might help us?

[Penny]

I've just moved into my first home with my fiance.

[Jake Johnson]

Ah, moved into. How long you been dating this guy?

[Penny]

We've been together for six years.

[Jake Johnson]

Six years and just moved in for the first time together?

[Penny]

No, we were renting. We just bought our first.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, respect. Okay, so you guys have lived together, but you just bought a property together. That's a big jump. Yeah.

[Stephen Berg]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No backing out of money.

[Jake Johnson]

No backing out. Yeah. So I could still back out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you can't. It's gonna be a huge pain.

[Jake Johnson]

It would be a big pain. So before we get into this, Carly, you got any pre questions? You want to throw a penny or should we hear what she's got to say? No.

[Carly Sortino]

I'm so curious.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Penny, take it away.

[Penny]

Okay, I want to preface it by just saying, like, my mum is just a really, like, lovely, caring, selfless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's a good guy, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

She's a great guy, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's a great guy.

[Penny]

She's great, but she's a prude.

[Jake Johnson]

Mom's a prude.

[Penny]

Like, yeah, she's a prude. And I think she's living, like, a sexless marriage.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not sexually prolific.

[Penny]

Yeah. And my Parents have been together like 35 years. They're the best. Like, I don't want to be poorly of my parents because I do think they are amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

They're great guys, but they don't have sex.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But they're not making any more guys. Go ahead.

[Penny]

Yeah, yeah. No more. And I genuinely think my mom's life would just be better if she, like, had a good orgasm. So I'm like, how can I buy my mum a vibrator without actually buying her a vibrator and making it really obvious? And what's the best way to do it? Because I think we have, like a one and done window. Otherwise if I keep bringing it up, I seem like a sex pest.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a good question. So how do we. So Mom's a great guy, but mom and dad, they're not having sex. You're not saying you're going to try to get mom and dad to fuck. You're just going like, how do I get mom to masturbate?

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So dad, out of the question. That. That big boy. We're not trying to rev his engine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. By an outside engine.

[Penny]

You can't be involved. Like, sure.

[Jake Johnson]

It's true.

[Penny]

You know, it's. I'm not saying, like, let's make my mom masturbate all the time. I'm saying, like, let's give them a little leg up. Literally up the sex room.

[Carly Sortino]

Can I ask a question? Do you know that she hasn't had an orgasm in a while? That she doesn't have a vibrator? Like, these are things you've talked about enough that, you know. Okay.

[Penny]

I could not talk to my mum about that. I can talk to my dad about that. So, like, my dad's more of an open book. So I know that, like, the bedroom's dry.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And you could just tell from mom's vibe there's certain people. I'm with you, Penny.

[Penny]

I was gonna say she doesn't have the, like, post nut glow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get it all out here, Penny, because these terms are not gonna be thrown around when we get mom for the sit down. Post nuts.

[Jake Johnson]

Follow up with Mom. So the question then becomes, how do we get Mom a vibrator? And. Or is that the specific question? Or how do we get mom to nut.

[Penny]

Yeah, I mean, I think a vibrator is the answer. I think they help. So maybe that's like the shoe in.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? Do you have one in mind? Do you, like, is there one you specifically think you want to go with?

[Penny]

Just, like, just a good simulator okay, there we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's clit stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm surprised you haven't said a mom braider yet, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I sat on my vibe Raider pun, so you're welcome. Interesting. I mean, Carly, this seems like you would be able to.

[Jake Johnson]

You've got a good producing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Carly Sortino]

Okay. Interestingly, without going into too much detail, I have been in a similar situation where I gave a older family member of mine a vibrator. And here's. And I know I knew that they had never had one before. And what I did is I gave it to them as a gift. I mailed it to them so that they, you know, I didn't have to be there with them if they felt awkward. But if there's like an event in which you have to give your mom something, a birthday, blah, blah, blah. What I did is I got her something that was like, very specifically sort of like fancy and innocuous. Like, you're not going for, like, you know, something hugely phallic, something like big and scary.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, there is really beautiful pink glow massagers.

[Carly Sortino]

I actually got her something where it was like a very beautiful sex toy, where it was like, it's gold. It comes wrapped in like a velvet little, like, bag. It's like a kind of fancy. And then it's like in a little box. It almost looks like a piece of jewelry, you know, and it's just like a tiny, small metal ball that is a clitoral stimulator. And if you make it into something like. Actually, I think this would be a good Valentine's Day present. Like, if you make it into something that feels like ritualized. And so many of these toys now are marketed in like a self care component, you know? Like, I think it would be nice, like, to just give her this with like.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that is crazy marketing.

[Penny]

Yeah, I don't think I could buy my mom a vibration for Valentine.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I'm with you, Penny. I don't think I would do it on Valentine's Day either. And I wouldn't do it with a box of chocolates. Because if I had as an adult, if one of my kids got me a version of a vibrator, a vibrating vagina, and a box of chocolates on Valentine's Day. I would go, are you out of your mind, honey?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I'll be in the room for two days.

[Jake Johnson]

Way less, unfortunately, one hour. Give me about nine minutes and then I'm gonna be really not upset with you anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got noodle legs and just chocolate all over your mouth.

[Jake Johnson]

And I didn't use the vibrator. I just ate all the chocolate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ate the vibrator?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. First of all, the chocolate was good. The vagina tasted disgusting. And they go like, dad, you're not supposed to eat everything, you animal.

[Stephen Berg]

Oh.

[Jake Johnson]

So. But, Penny, what do you think? So that we've got our soft. I gotta say, Carly's pitch is really smart. It's really thoughtful, and it worked in her life. What about. Here's another version. Maybe it's stupid. I remember the early vibrator days were just like weird massagers. And I say that because my sister used to have foot surgeries or leg surgeries. And so my mom went to the Sharper Image and got this foot massager that was, I think, 12 by 12. You put your feet on it. I think all of us were just putting our genitals on that thing and turning it on. And you were like, it just turned into a masturbating machine. So maybe there's. You send her one of the ones that are also massagers for sore muscles. And then as a joke, go great for shoulders, backs and vaginas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think, I think on Amazon.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, you did not like that?

[Penny]

I think you were just using the product wrong. Do you think that exists? You think there's something which, like, sucks your shoulders and sucks your vagina as well?

[Jake Johnson]

It doesn't. Did you say suck?

[Carly Sortino]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

No. I'm not talking about something that's sucking the vagina.

[Penny]

Or second, I don't want a vibrating thing. I don't want to buy her a foot massaging plate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Penny]

But I can't go back. I can't do it again.

[Jake Johnson]

I love that Penny's getting mad.

[Carly Sortino]

Wait, wait. I'm so confused. You want to get her one of the sucking ones?

[Penny]

Yeah, like a good one. The thing is, I don't want to buy something and then pointless. I've had to, like, deal with the embarrassment of if she ever wants to talk about has like, I don't want to have to do this again. It has to be like a one and done situation. Okay, so that's why I'm kind of like, all right, maybe talk to my dad. Because I think I could be candid with my dad.

[Jake Johnson]

I also think it's shocking you're insisting on having one of them be the sucking ones as opposed to a straight up massager. I think if your mom hasn't come.

[Penny]

In a while around. I've tried a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Carly Sortino]

The sucking ones, I would say, are polarizing.

[Jake Johnson]

I, I, I for your mom.

[Carly Sortino]

The sucking ones, I think that the vibrators are more ones that vibrates. Appeal to like a broader.

[Jake Johnson]

That lady on a dryer. It'll work. That's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That honestly is talking about a machine.

[Jake Johnson]

That sucks her vagina. Benny, are you nuts?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, talking about a 70 year old woman who hasn't come in 40. She might take a vacuum on her crouch.

[Penny]

Yeah, she's not 70.

[Tracy]

She's 50.

[Jake Johnson]

She's only 50. How old are you, Penny?

[Penny]

30.

[Jake Johnson]

And she's been married for. You said 35 years.

[Penny]

My parents have been together for 35 years.

[Jake Johnson]

They got together at 15. Wow.

[Penny]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what's humbling about this, Gareth, is that she's our age.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What were. I was picturing like, you know, she's got to lay down. We've got to be very careful.

[Jake Johnson]

I was picturing Mrs. Doubtfire. I'm not picturing a 50 year old lady. 50.

[Penny]

Nice, young.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, I got.

[Carly Sortino]

This is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got a couple. I got a couple thoughts.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The first is to not only defend what Jake's saying, but it does feel like a way in. I think on Amazon sometimes the vibrators are disguised as back massagers, so. They are. It's not. It's not a crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

But we're Talking about a 50 year old woman now, Gareth. I'm going to the sucker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ. Thanks for jumping ship.

[Jake Johnson]

You're gone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know you want to do the dad in, but maybe a way to help the conversation with the dad in, or even the one with the mom is what if you accidentally like on. On some of the places where I order stuff or like on Shopify or whatever it's called. There's a few addresses I have there. What if on you, you pretend that you meant to order something to your place under your name, but you send it to your parents place instead. And then when you're there with your dad or your mom, you're confused as to what it could be and you open it up and you kind of present it a little bashful, but then that opens you up to the conversation. Like if it were to be your dad, you open it up and you go, oh my God, I did not mean to order this here, but I'll be honest, dad, this is something I think you and mom could use.

[Jake Johnson]

It's getting it in the house and then you leave it there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh no. Then you can just be like, we can order you one or you can keep this one. We're just off to the races with the honey.

[Jake Johnson]

You're a firecracker. And that's what I like about you. What are your thoughts?

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's gonna murder me, right?

[Penny]

I actually have a perfect example of.

[Tracy]

Why this won't work.

[Penny]

So there was a short period of time where me and my fiance were living at my parents house. And for context, all of my family have the same initials, so we all start with P and we all have the same surname. And I ordered lube on Amazon. So my mum opens it just saying P Donker star and then she gives it to my dad because she's like, oh my gosh, it's lube. Like I shouldn't have opened that. And then my dad just like knocks on the bedroom door and it's like, hi, Penny, I opened your package. Mum opened your packaging correctly and then just like threw the Amazon package in and it was never spoken about again. So there has been instances where wrong package has happened and while it could work. And then my other thought is like, why don't I just say I accidentally bought two and do you want this? Because she does love like a freebie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's English.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah, yeah, I was actually going to suggest that too. Where it's like, is there a way of being like I have for context, when I gave this person the vibrator, I, I, because of my job I get sent vibrators a lot. And so I did give the context of like I have extra. You know what I mean? Why don't you say that like you got given this as a gift from a friend. Does she want it? Like, do you know what I mean?

[Jake Johnson]

If you're like, the gift is interesting.

[Carly Sortino]

But I don't, when you keep saying like one and done, I don't really know what you mean. It's like, do you feel like you want to see? Because it does seem like you have a pretty specific idea of what you want to do. Do you want to have an interaction with her around this? Like, do you definitely want to talk to her about it?

[Penny]

No, When I say like one and done, I just mean like I never want to bring it up again.

[Jake Johnson]

I want to like, yeah, you want the suction on the vagina and you want to finish and throw it away.

[Penny]

But I mean it's like a, I don't want to have to bring this up again. You know, if I say talk to my dad once, I don't want to talk about it again. If I talk to my mom once, I don't want to talk about it again. If it's thousand interactions, then I don't want to have a discussion again because Then it makes it seem like I'm really, really obsessed with my parents sex life. Which I'm not. What I'm obsessed with is like my mum just being karma.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Penny]

Because she's just like so uptight. She's so highly strong, she's so busy, she's always like running around, she's always doing something. She wakes up at 6am, she gets home at 7pm, she makes dinner, she.

[Jake Johnson]

Doesn'T have time to masturbate. Yeah, what is she gonna. Yeah, you're not wrong. I gotta tell you though, this call for me, Penny, very clear, you're doing a great job. The problem is solvable. But this would be my personal nightmare. Talking to my mother about the vibrator actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, and when I think about what.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna pitch to you, this feels like a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It seems like you would rather. You'd rather go. I'll talk to her. You'd rather go the route of your father as the end. It seems like, Penny, you have a much. That seems like you want to go that direction.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't love that, Penny.

[Carly Sortino]

Well, can you get your dad to give it to her?

[Penny]

That's kind of what that is what I'm wondering.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't love it, Penny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here, let me give the as good of a pitch as I can and you can then say you don't like it. Penny. What if you say to your dad, look, mom's been really uptight. I've had a couple conversations with her where it's been tense, haven't loved it. I gotta be honest, upon reflecting. I think there is a solution and I want you to try to deliver it. I'm just gonna. But I got you this. I've been reading about it. I think mom just needs a big O. I'm not trying to get into anything, but here you go, you give it to her, use it with her, whatever. I just think we're all going to be a little happier if she calms down via the downstairs.

[Jake Johnson]

Penny, do you want to go or should I go?

[Penny]

No, I mean I. That genuinely is kind of what I was thinking. As in because like my mum doesn't drink, but my dad drinks. So I could like go over, have a couple of gin and tonic and then be like, look, I've just been thinking about something and then like say something akin to that and see like what my dad's response.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But bring it with you if you're talking about just a one and done. Have the gun in the bag.

[Penny]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, go.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I give the other Side of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Penny]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I was talking to Penny here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're allowed to. It's a safe space.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you. Here's what, here's what worries me about that. Whenever we go to a third person to get something done, something gets lost in translation. And I'll tell you what I wouldn't want if I were a 50 year old woman in a sexless marriage. I would not want my husband coming to me with a vibrator that my daughter gave because I'm uptight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The daughter part. You know what?

[Jake Johnson]

You know what? But you know what the biggest, the, the biggest thing to turn me off would be? We've all been talking about that. You have to nut I would go like, I'm not gonna. Not to spite you guys. I'll hold this until the day I die. I hate that you guys think you know the solution. Well, how about this? If I didn't have to work from 7am to 8am and if I got treated a little bit better, maybe I would want to do that. So I think we are putting him in a tough spot. You in a tough spot. And guess what he's going to do if the going gets tough and his wife is not happy with that? He's going to go. Penny made me do it. I think there's. I think there's. Go ahead, Penny.

[Penny]

Like the other thought is, so I'm getting married this year. What if. Then I just like act like they were just a load of bridal showers?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

But here. So here's. Can I give you a pitch that's gonna seem like I'm making a joke, but I mean it. Bridal shower gifts. You pretend you want your mom in your group with the mom. She doesn't have to hang out all the time, but she's in your party, right? So you have your girlfriends. Those are the main group. But your mom's also one of your friends. And you go, one of my friends is giving us all these things, Mom. But here's the insane part. We all have to use it and write like a little joke review. So I'm only gonna do. Will you promise me you'll do it and use it? I'm so embarrassed to do this, Mom. But we all have to. It's like her thing. She wants all the bridesmaids to like experience this together. Is that something you're comfortable with? It's so embarrassing, but I'm going to do it, Mom. Will you do this with me on this? Not with me, but will you do it on your own as part of this thing with me for my bridal thing.

[Penny]

Yeah. I don't even think that's bad.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't.

[Penny]

Because she just feels like it's part.

[Jake Johnson]

Of the wedding and it's hers, and she goes, I'm part of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's youthful.

[Jake Johnson]

It's youthful. It's fun. It's crazy. It's a bunch of gals. Carly, go ahead. What are you thinking?

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah, I think it's like, the thing is, often people want permission to be able to talk about these things, but they just feel really uncomfortable or really uptight or really embarrassed. So I find that if there's a way to interject some, like, humor and lightness, that's the way. Right? So if it's just like, everyone's doing this, it's funny, it's so much better than, like, there's a problem. There's an orgasm problem.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, will you partake in this with us? And if you're not gonna, mom, just tell me. But I said I thought you would be cool with it.

[Carly Sortino]

What of all of these things are you into thus far?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but I hear you, Penny. It does. It got a little messy, but I also think it would have been really fun, and it could have worked big. That's what I like about Gareth's pitch.

[Penny]

I do think they're, like, getting her involved. Like, it's something with the wedding, like. Like someone bought them to talk about because she does want to be involved, and she is really involved with the wedding. And I feel like all my friends are, like, a. A bit ott, so it wouldn't be, like, something that bizarre over the top.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, okay. So your friends are. But here's my fear for you, Penny. Would your mom ever talk to one of these girls at the party and go, like, I did the suction vagina like you? And they go, okay, nice talking to you. You're a weirdo. And that's what we don't want to have happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And again, we're putting it on people in the bridal party that, you know, there's a little bit of an unknown there.

[Jake Johnson]

How about. What about something like this? What about something like this, Penny? You heard this thing. You talked to your mom about it. That is very ott. But, like, you and your girls, you guys are ott. But it was this woman talking and saying what a new tradition that they're doing with women is when a woman gets married, her and her mother get matching vibrators and experience on their own freedom outside pleasure, outside of a man. And you were Wondering if your mother wanted to do that because you're OTT and so's mom and you're trying to do something.

[Carly Sortino]

Chocolates were bad. You thought the chocolates were bad. That is so much more extreme. Getting matching vibrators with your mom.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, agreed. Okay, pass.

[Carly Sortino]

I don't know. I think that maybe we're over complicating things. Because if you're saying, like, you want it to be one and done, I don't think you should go in low status because then you can't. If she's like, I have no idea, then you've, like, lost your chance. Like, is there a way to just go back to basics and have it be like, I, I got given this. I have more than one. I thought you might be interested. I really like it.

[Jake Johnson]

That's interesting. This is the good old fashioned two for one.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah, like, just like, lessen the. Because I think that what's going to make her defensive is if, like, to Jake's point, it feels like there's been conversation around her uptightness or the fact that she needs, like, needs to come. Like, let's not have her. Let's not make her feel like there's something wrong with her. Like, I think going in lightness, making it clear, like, this is not a big deal because what we want your mom to feel ultimately is less shame or uptightness or weirdness around the idea of, like, sexuality, talking about sex, having sex, coming using a toy. It's like you can model the behavior for her where it's just like, this is not a big deal. Oh, like, isn't this amazing? Like, I. My friends got me this and I got two. Or I got so many of these for my wedding that, like, I'm giving them away now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's pretty good, too.

[Jake Johnson]

What about going off of this, Penny? Because the only thing, what I don't want to have happen is I don't want mom to get it and go, thanks, and then never use it. So I like the oneand done thing of having a conversation to kind of push in the direction. What about something weird where you say, mom, I was gifted something that's so awkward and weird. It's a mother and daughter matching down mom and daughter.

[Penny]

That makes it weird.

[Jake Johnson]

It's weird. The call's weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, everybody cool out.

[Jake Johnson]

I am cool. But Penny, we can't pretend this isn't weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Penny, watch out.

[Penny]

Kenny's raising his voice. I can't understand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrap it around a brick and throw it through a window.

[Jake Johnson]

No, but here's what I'm saying, any conversation you're going to lead out with your mom about having her come is inherently weird. So what I'm not a believer in is this idea of just having a cool old chat. Because if you were the kind of people that could have just had a cool old chat, it would have happened. What I think needs to happen is you got to say, mom, I got a matching set. I want you to have it. But would you ever use this? Because I'm going to use mine. And if she goes, no, go, why not? And she goes, I don't use those. I go, you never have. You're gonna live 80 years on this rock, end up in a little box, and you've never done it. And then go, when was the last time you nodded? And I go, I know what I want for my wedding. I don't want a silver. I don't want silverware. I want you to use this. Leave it at that. What if last Harley's thoughts were positive?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. You're getting warmer.

[Carly Sortino]

Why was it warmer? I think we're getting warmer because that's.

[Jake Johnson]

A one and done.

[Penny]

I do, like. I do just, like, wish there was, like, less taboo generally around the discussion because, like, I don't think it's weird. I talk to my friends about it. Like, me and my best friend, like, we are basically, like, upgrading vibrators at the same time. Because one of the bus will be like, I just bought this. It's really good. Buy it. And then the other one's like, okay, I just bought it. It's really good.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I have an idea. I have an ide idea. Send your mom a email. Do you email or text with her?

[Penny]

Facebook chat.

[Jake Johnson]

Facebook chat. I don't know. That's the same thing, though, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So, okay, how about this? Write to her at the top. It's your best friend's name. So what's your best friend's name? If you want to give a fake one, I don't care.

[Penny]

Jenny.

[Jake Johnson]

That was the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why did you do it? Like forest gump J.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Penny. That crazy dude and Jennai. Yeah, that was. Everything has been really confident. Cool. That was the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Moving on. So send on Facebook chat Jenna and then go, Got a new, like, hey, girl. Hey. Got a new vibrator. It's the best. Send her the link. Go. This one is as good as it gets by, you know, Penny. Then after go, hey, mom sent that to meant I screwed up. Jenny and I send each other. We upgrade. I know, this is so embarrassing. I can't believe I'm Facebook chain this with my mom. But also, if you're in the market, it is the best one we've ever had.

[Penny]

I mean, it could work.

[Jake Johnson]

Could work. Honey, that's pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's the only thing I like.

[Jake Johnson]

You need to not go use the vibrator. Get back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, I'm gonna. The problem there is you're making it that she has to order. I have one last thought. I mean, there's a lot of options here. What if you just. Since you're saying you want to avoid the taboo nature of all of this, you want. You. You don't know whether you want to talk to mom or to dad. What if you just bit the fucking bullet? You're. You have the wedding coming up. There's a great. That's a great scapegoat for a lot of this stuff. You have one, you bring it over, and to both your parents you say, look, I'm not trying to make anything strange, but I've been given a lot of these because the wedding's coming up. I have an extra one. I really think you two might enjoy this. Mom, it could be for you. You guys could use it. I'm just gonna leave it here, have a good time, and you leave, let them go.

[Penny]

And that is what I. Yeah, that's what I think is like, is that just the most straightforward way to deal with it? That it's not like trying some weird scheme? Do I just have this very frank conversation where I'm like, okay, I got this. Do you want it?

[Jake Johnson]

Let's do this. Let's hear what you would say to your parents. Yeah.

[Penny]

I'd be like.

[Jake Johnson]

Not be like, just say like, hey, mom, hey, dad. Let's live it now.

[Penny]

Hey, mom, hey, mom and dad. Yeah, I just got this and like, I don't really need it. I thought you guys might like it. I'll just leave it here if you want to use it. If you don't, just threaten the bin.

[Jake Johnson]

I know that feels like it's going in the bin. Yeah. I also don't think dad needs to be involved in this.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah, I don't. I think.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know why dad's involved.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I would go directly to mom, go, hey, Mom, I got two of these. I ordered one, I got an extra one. I'm giving it to you. I hope you use it. I think you would love it. Knock your socks off your 50 year old feet.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah. Because I think that incorporating your dad, it's like, maybe she wants to use this toy without him. You know what I mean? Like.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed.

[Carly Sortino]

Let's not make it feel like it's a joint.

[Jake Johnson]

Embarrassing.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

If they're. If they're not with each other right now and it's not working between them, she can work on her own. They can figure their out later. That gets complicated.

[Carly Sortino]

Yes.

[Penny]

Yeah.

[Carly Sortino]

I think it's like, just be as. I mean, you came here saying that you wanted to give your mom a vibrator. So it's like that. Just. You have to give your mom a vibrator then.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I mean?

[Carly Sortino]

Yes. I mean, you could literally mail it to her from, like a random address. Like, you know what I mean? And so it's like an anonymous vibrator coming in the mail. But I kind of think, like, just go for it. Just be like, do you want this vibrator?

[Jake Johnson]

It's good. I. I think Carly is right. Penny. I think you're gonna have to have an awkward moment of your life. So I think you gotta just suck it up. Get a favorite vibrator that you think would work for your mom. Go to her when she's alone. I don't. You think you do it via text? Even though I always pitch that, I think this is in person. Go. Hey, mom, this is a vibrator I use. I love it works. I would like to give it to you, and I hope you use it. End a discussion. If you don't, you can't follow up. That's a one and done. If she doesn't want to use it, that's between her and her vagina merch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ. What a run.

[Jake Johnson]

Merch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I.

[Jake Johnson]

But that is very clean. You called in. We're giving it to you straight. You give it to her. I don't think you create a lie. You say, I like it. It works. I want to give it to you. I love you. I think you would enjoy it. Your mom's going to be like, this is the weirdest Wednesday I have had. I hate this. You're gonna leave, she's gonna go, and then all of a sudden, it's gonna be a little koi fish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I think to the earlier point as well, don't swing for the fences. Something that is just. Nothing too ambitious. Something that doesn't look intimidating.

[Jake Johnson]

I think, Penny, what you gonna do here, girl?

[Penny]

Yeah, I think I just have to.

[Tracy]

Like, pull off the plaster.

[Jake Johnson]

I think it could work, but you gotta be really careful with that pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a targeted strike.

[Penny]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Do not wander do not make it emotional. Do not make it about other stuff. Simply. I love this product. I think you will too.

[Carly Sortino]

Yes. We're not trying to fix her in the pit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mom, you're annoying. Take this. It sucks.

[Jake Johnson]

Nope, I like this product. I think you will too.

[Penny]

Okay. I'll try my best.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, bye.

[Carly Sortino]

Good luck.

[Jake Johnson]

Good luck.

[Tracy]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel like I need a vibrator.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Wayfair. The new year is here. Get back into an at home routine you love and elevate your space with Wayfair. From bedding and mattresses to storage solutions for every home in the house, Wayfair is your one stop shop. Refresh your living room with accent pillows, mirrors and faux plants. For way less.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Are brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, Squarespace, how we love you. Squarespace is where you go to create an online present to appear professional. You launch your passion project with Squarespace. We love Squarespace. We use Squarespace all the time. My website, GarethReynolds.com is a Squarespace website. We use Squarespace to help people on the show build their. Well, honestly, to corroborate their fibs and their white lies. We use Squarespace for that sometimes. But other times people will use Squarespace for trying to build up their business online. I was working with someone who we were going to start a whole ear business and it completely fell apart. But we were going to use Squarespace because there's no other place to go. It's an all in one website platform that is designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Ready to stop paying more than you have to. New customers can make the switch today and for a limited time get unlimited premium wireless for just $15 a month. Switch [e-mail] heretohelp that's mintmobile.com heretohelp upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for 12 month plan required, $15 a month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only over 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. Capable device required. Availability, speed and coverage varies. Additional terms apply. See mintmobile.com hello.

[Tracy]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. How are you?

[Jake Johnson]

What a voice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Soft, interesting, intriguing.

[Jake Johnson]

Holy cow with the high.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's your name?

[Tracy]

I'm Tracy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, Tracy. Where are you calling from, Tracy?

[Tracy]

I'm from Germany.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Germany? Is that where you're. You're living in Germany?

[Tracy]

Yeah, I'm living in Germany.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. How old are you roughly, Tracy?

[Tracy]

33.

[Gareth Reynolds]

33. Well, you got Jake and myself as usual. And we have a very special guest helper. We have Carly Sortino joining us today. You've got three of us. What's Going on. Traci, what can we help you with?

[Tracy]

Yeah, amazing. Thank you so much. I'm hoping you can help me. My problem is I am married, and we've been married for about 13 years. We have a daughter. She's 3 years old, and we are very busy people. My husband owns his own company, and I like to. We just have a lot going on. So the only time we have together is in the evenings, and that's when we talk together. And usually we're, like, organizing our week. And usually we give each other a signal that we are dtf. And, yeah, the awkward thing is we're both really not romantic, and we don't know how to. I'm asking for advice. How can I move us from the organizational conversation and into the bedroom conversation and move us from the kitchen to the bedroom?

[Jake Johnson]

I don't get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is your question, how do you make that signal clear? Or how do you kind of open up so it's a little less pragmatic?

[Tracy]

Yeah, the signal, I think, is pretty clear from both of us. It's just super awkward because we're just sitting at the kitchen table.

[Jake Johnson]

And what is the signal, Tracy?

[Tracy]

Usually it's like, I'm gonna go to bed in about 45 minutes.

[Jake Johnson]

And then 45 minutes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is how I picture German fornication.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. But even still, this is good. If. If I was talking to my wife and she wanted to have sex, and she goes like, I'm going to go to bed in 45 minutes. I go like, what do you want me to do for the next 45 minutes? Am I coming with you now?

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Or in 45 minutes? Are we talking then? Does that mean in 45 minutes you're looking to have sex?

[Tracy]

That is the signal. Signal saying that I have 45 minutes, and I have nothing planned.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, from now, I'm gonna be a countdown. 45 minutes. I got 45 minutes to kill. You want to help kill time with me?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Tracy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And what does he say in response? I will be going to bed in eight minutes. And you go like, can we say 20 minutes? So you shake and sign a contract. How does that. What is. How. What's his response in that? How do you guys negotiate?

[Tracy]

He usually says, that's enough time.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you go in the room and you guys have sex.

[Tracy]

Well, that's the thing. We just stare at each other, and then one of us has to come up with a way how to stand up and go into the bedroom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How long have you been married? Yeah.

[Carly Sortino]

Are you, like, is it because you're trying to keep the kid from understanding what you're talking about.

[Jake Johnson]

The kids asleep? Okay.

[Tracy]

Yeah. It's like a mood killer. I don't know. I am not romantic. My husband's not romantic. I've. He's also German, so he speaks German. And I. I am American, actually.

[Jake Johnson]

So did you go to international school when you say you're American. I'm American. I've never heard an accent like yours in America.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, man.

[Tracy]

I lived there for a very long time. I know. I can't.

[Jake Johnson]

I get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your sex life's lived there for a long time too.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So the question trades.

[Stephen Berg]

I'm just.

[Jake Johnson]

First of all, I love this call. We're gonna help you on this. It's gonna seem like I'm bullying a little bit because I'm trying to understand what's happening. The. Your question is, is you and your husband sitting at the kitchen table like a couple of robots facing each other? One of you goes, I'm going bed in 45 minutes. And the other one goes, math is enough time. Then you sit there, and one of you goes, shall we stand up?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you do you, in the other.

[Jake Johnson]

Room, have robotic animal sex I've ever heard of in my life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we are. I am inserted.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. You've got 13 thrusts. So my question, Tracy, is the question, how do we change the talk at that kitchen table?

[Tracy]

Yeah. Yeah. How do we change the mood?

[Jake Johnson]

How. Okay, so basically your question. So, and if I'm leading you incorrectly when you say, how do I change the mood? How do you and your husband start flirting?

[Tracy]

Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's a good transition.

[Jake Johnson]

Because.

[Tracy]

Very awkward just to say. Yeah, go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

You're sitting in the kitchen. You're doing scheduling. You go, I would like to have sex tonight. From that moment to the bedroom. Neither you guys have any tools. Besides, I've got 45 minutes, and then I'm going to bed.

[Carly Sortino]

Can I ask one more question, which is. Is. Because it does sound extremely awkward and. And, like, a little tense. But then once you guys are in the bedroom having sex, is it. Does it feel natural then? Is it the literal speaking and negotiation of the transition?

[Tracy]

Yeah, absolutely. It's just a transition that's awkward.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so once it starts, it's fun. And then what is your guys's vibe together at the beginning of sex? In the taking off your clothes, getting it started? Are you guys in your own little galaxies, not talking? Or are you guys. Have you guys already started some version of connection?

[Tracy]

We started a version of connection then, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But sometimes you're not American with that accent. How long have you been living in Germany? You and I graduated together at international school. You and every one of my accents are for sure, brother and sister. How long have you lived in Germany?

[Tracy]

13 years.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And you speak German, too?

[Tracy]

Yeah. Yeah. That's why I have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I understand.

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

That's cool as hell, actually. Now I'm jealous. Okay. So, Tracy, the bedroom talk that you guys kind of exist in, have you ever tried to bring that to the kitchen?

[Tracy]

Well, we don't really talk while we're having sex, so I don't know how to bring that in.

[Carly Sortino]

Well, I was going to say in. My guess was that you didn't talk during sex either. And, like, if you're communicating better with your bodies, right, if that's where you feel comfortable. But neither of you are, like, super verbal. Like, maybe the way to transition into a more sexual vibe is through touch, you know? Like, I feel like that, to me, is always the easiest one. Where it's like, rather than being like, you know, count down to the amount of minutes before you're asleep. It's just like getting up and you're cleaning and you're like, putting a hand on your husband, the back of his neck, you know, and it's just engaging in a sort of more physical way because it sounds like physically, you guys feel really comfortable. Verbally, you don't. You feel more awkward.

[Tracy]

Yeah, that actually. Yeah, that's exactly right.

[Jake Johnson]

What about blindfolding them? We just found out you guys aren't great at talking. What about blindfold both of you guys? And go, I want. Here, I have an idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where's your penis?

[Jake Johnson]

I want to play a game with you. And go. He'll go, okay, why? And you go, for fun. He goes, what is fun? You go, trust me, I used to be American. Blindfold on you and him, you're both sitting in the dark. Then I got. I'm going to go to bed in 45 minutes. He goes, I understand. And go, no taking off the blindfold. Then you guys gotta use each other's hands. Clanging around from the kitchen to the bedroom, all touching, laughing, goofing around until you get in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I smashed a pindo. Oh, I bashed my knee.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you thinking here, Gareth?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got a list. I got some options. I'm gonna go with the very. Just as a man stuff. That would work very well on me. If you came behind him and just whispered I'm ready in his ear and then went to the bedroom. You could Also have some signals. One could be you're wearing something sexy and you just kind of show your top, or you pull your boob out. You could also come out of the bathroom.

[Jake Johnson]

That was way better, Gareth, until you finished it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what a lot of partners say. You could also do the classic, go to the bedroom, open the door, you have lingerie on. I also think you could pass a note that says something. But maybe I'm going to invent. I'm going to invent something. Maybe you guys have something called a bang candle, and you have it, and since your kid can't read, you write on there some German version of bang candle. And when the candle's lit, it's just a candle. But when one of you walks over and blows the candle out, it's the signal to the other, like, there's a new pope that it's time to.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's fun. A shared thing. A shared thing in the house. Either you could do a candle. You could do kind of anything. I think on New Girl, we did this. I think there was a storyline that there was, like, a mug you leave out. Yeah. And that if the mug is left out facing in one direction, that means it's a go for one.

[Carly Sortino]

Yes. I. There was an Esther Perel thing about this too, where it was like a. A bowl, and, like, you each have a key or whatever. You each have something, and then, like, if you put yours in the bowl, then it's inviting them to put theirs in the bowl. And if there's two in the bowl.

[Jake Johnson]

Then, you know, then, like.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah. And then it's on and it removes, I guess. But I don't know if this is your problem, but this is helpful for people who are nervous initiating because they feel like they're gonna be rejected. But it sounds like you guys are both, like, pretty much always down. If the other person is like, you know, it doesn't seem like there's much vulnerability about being denied or rejected. It seems like it's more just about introducing a comfort. But is. I don't know. Does this seem helpful at all, any of these mugs bowls ideas?

[Tracy]

Yeah, totally. I love the idea of having a signal that's perfect for me. It would eliminate the awkward conversation of when we're going to go to bed.

[Jake Johnson]

That would work. Tracy, I want to try something with you because I think we got a winner there, and I think we'll all be happy there. I want to try to create a character for you to play. Sexy Tracy from America.

[Carly Sortino]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And I want you to initiate role playing with this guy. I want to get you to sigh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The loaded sigh that just came out of Tracy.

[Jake Johnson]

But I want to see Tracy, if we can create right now just a sexy version of Tracy. And she's flirty and she's fun and she's romantic, and she is not awkward. And then maybe we have. Does your husband speak English?

[Tracy]

No, not at all.

[Jake Johnson]

That's too bad. I was gonna love him a little bit. Yeah, a little. That might be enough for us.

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Because maybe we could have him come on, too, and give him a little workshop. But what do you think about creating a little sexy character that we could all create right now together and just run you through your side of the character? I think in the end, we're gonna win with the bowl. I think we do the keys in the bowl or whatever you wanna do. That's gonna be a winner. But I think we might have a grand slam here, too. Tracy, if you wanna play this game. But I don't know. What do you think?

[Tracy]

Yeah, I think that's a. It's a good idea. I don't know where to begin.

[Jake Johnson]

That's why you have us, Carly. What should her name be? We're going to create a sex character for Tracy, and she's going to just initiate. So next time, rather than say, in 45 minutes, I'm going to bed. I want something where her husband's doing the dishes. And I just want to hear out of that German accent out of Tracy's mouth, my stockings are burning off, or whatever we come up with. And she tries it. He turns, and all of a sudden you're a Russian spy or something. And the game is on.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah, I feel like Chloe. Like, what's a good erotic. You know what I mean?

[Jake Johnson]

Like erotic fun.

[Carly Sortino]

Chloe's fun. A name with confidence. Monica. I was a Chloe or Monica.

[Jake Johnson]

Monica's. I would say Monica's way less fun. Mon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like Chloe.

[Carly Sortino]

Really? Okay, Chloe.

[Jake Johnson]

Tracy, what do you think about this creation of a character that you're going to create? What do you like more, Chloe or Monica?

[Tracy]

I like Chloe. Okay, sounds good.

[Jake Johnson]

Really quickly, what does Chloe do for work? Tracy. So one quick thing, Tracy. You got to know how I work here. As you know, by the way that I do this show, there's no thoughts. You gotta talk before thinking. As soon as I hear and thought, we're dead. First thing that comes to your mind, if it's wrong, we'll all call it out. If it's right. Holy. We're off and running. But we can't stop and think about it. Tracy, what does Chloe do for a living?

[Tracy]

She cleans houses.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, she does. Carly. Yes, she does.

[Tracy]

Carly.

[Jake Johnson]

That was a big no from Carly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, Carly for you. Why is that a no?

[Carly Sortino]

I was expecting, like, espionage, you know, like escort, like some kind of assert. Like, there's this idea of, like, try putting on a character who's, like, assertive and in a position of kind of power or manipulation. But maid is also. We could do house cleaner. Like, the maid version could be kind of hot.

[Jake Johnson]

What's the difference is the maid outfit is opposed to straight up cleaning a house. You think of the maid is who does no chores.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I'm exhausted from all the chores. Now I'm really going to bed.

[Jake Johnson]

I have 45 minutes before I pass out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm sorry. I'm exhausted.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you've got one more scrubber to do. So, Tracy, but you said housekeeper. What is that? And I think your instincts are interesting here. So what do you think about that housekeeper? Is it somebody who's doing a lot of chores or is it the maid outfit?

[Tracy]

I was just thinking of, like, the power dynamic of having some job that was a little bit less than my husband, because that's kind of a dynamic.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so the dynamic is you, like, when he's a little bit more in control and.

[Tracy]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So I would. Could potentially cue him up to this via, like, a text and say, tonight, when the kid goes to bed, I want to play a game where I'm the housekeeper, and I don't want to just do it in the bedroom. I want to start in the kitchen. If you wrote that to him, Tracy, do you think he would go, are you okay? Or do you think he would say great?

[Tracy]

He would. He would be very excited. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, he'd be very excited. Isn't that interesting? Carly, your thoughts.

[Carly Sortino]

You're coming around the idea of text because his text more comfortable. It feels like the. The issue is like the. Literally the instigating, but just like the moment, but then once that the seal is broken, that you can kind of get into it. So maybe, like, text is good or even, like, you know, you're worried about being the one initiating. Could you. Sometimes it's easier to say things during sex than outside of them, you know, so it's like, I always feel like once you get into a sexual vibe, it's good to, like, bring up things that are hard to bring up otherwise.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or post coital even.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah, yeah. And like, there's some version of, like, you Know, I love when you initiate. And, like, it would just be so hot for me if, like, when we're in the kitchen, if you just, like, like, come and drag me to the bedroom or whatever. And so it's like giving him the responsibility for the future.

[Jake Johnson]

That's interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Carly Sortino]

I mean, yes, But I like the texting, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love the texting, sexting.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Tracy, what do you think about work? I think we're getting someplace interesting, just in my opinion. I hope you agree, Tracy, but what do you think about a text saying, I want to try something different tonight after the kid goes to bed? I want to start a role playing game as soon as we see each other, where I'm the housekeeper, you're whoever you want to be. When you finish and you're in the bedroom, say, I would like you. Maybe we start doing this more often, where we just initiate the game and it starts in the kitchen so that we don't have to initiate it and then start in the bedroom. I think it could be fun. What do you think of that as an idea, and do you feel comfortable doing that?

[Tracy]

You guys are helping me so much more than I thought. I think in combination. See, my husband doesn't initiate anymore because I had a baby. I shot him down a lot over the last three years. So now I feel like it's all in me. And if I have, like, some signal, then he will know, and then he can initiate it.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Tracy.

[Tracy]

I love that we could start in the kitchen.

[Jake Johnson]

Tracy, what if the signal was something that Chloe was wearing? What if there's an apron.

[Carly Sortino]

Or, like.

[Jake Johnson]

Those plastic gloves or the little feather duster and one of you just to start the game and the characters could change. But all he needs to do then in the kitchen is if he's looking at you, go like, these dishes are not going to clean themselves.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's awfully dusty on the shelf where we put the mugs.

[Jake Johnson]

And that just means the game is starting. You don't actually have to do the chores.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This place is so dirty.

[Jake Johnson]

But if he just says that, and then if you went like this, I don't think it's that dirty. That means I'm not playing along.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The sheets are soiled. Oh, sorry. My watch is set to a half hour from now.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't get into the time again. That's gonna kill us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's play.

[Jake Johnson]

It's gonna hurt us. But tr. Apart from the time thing, that is just going to then be a sex game. Going back to I might have to clean the sheets in 45 minutes. What do you think of a text starting a game that you just create? Chloe. Chloe the housekeeper. If any of you does anything Chloe related, that means it's on. Because then all he's got to say to initiate is, oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to pay last week.

[Tracy]

Love this. Yes. Yes. I don't want, like, a lot of dialogue because I don't know how to do that, but just not gonna need a lot words.

[Jake Johnson]

Depends who you're with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not anyone on this call for me.

[Jake Johnson]

You better be doing monologues here, kid.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It takes nothing.

[Jake Johnson]

It better be almost Shakespeare at the park level.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll have your hand on the apron. I'll be like, no need to throw it on.

[Jake Johnson]

On mine. She'll go like this. Before we go to the bedroom, I go, well, you haven't done the bathrooms, Chloe. The living room's a mess.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you just gonna load the dishwasher and not put it on a cycle?

[Jake Johnson]

I just got off the call with your manager. You've been late three days in a row cloth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I asked them to send the deal girl.

[Carly Sortino]

You can't improvise her. Like, it goes off the rails.

[Jake Johnson]

It goes up the rails and it enters a bit world where you don't want to be in. Nah, you got. You got comedy wins. So do you want to start with a text message?

[Tracy]

I think. I think I can also just. Well, yeah, maybe text would be more flirty and just tell them what the signal is and. Yeah, my new character, Chloe, and just explain it to him. And I think I would do the apron. I like that idea that that's the signal.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you going to actually do this? That if you're wearing the apron and then you don't have to do the. Tonight what you do is when the kid goes to bed, you put the apron on.

[Tracy]

Yeah, exactly. This is perfect. I will. I will do this. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Incredible.

[Carly Sortino]

Because it's playful, then it's sexy, and it kind of sounds like you guys just have to get back into the swing of things because I think that's very relatable where it's like you get out of the swing of. You get out of the routine of having sex as much, whether it's for. Because of a baby or whatever. But then, like, once you get back into it, it feels like the. The cortisol levels will decrease and you will just. It'll be. There'll be an ease to it again, but it just sounds like you're out of your rhythm. So this will be like a fun way of adding Lightness to it.

[Jake Johnson]

And you know what I would pitch, Tracy? And this is what I would pitch while having sex or after you got the apron. You're Chloe. Well, who the is he? Because then what he could do is all of a sudden, you put the kid to bed, or he does. You're in the kitchen, and you look over and go, like, look at Collided wearing his fedora cap. Right. Because then we got to create. Who is he? Because he's got to be able to initiate, too, where all of a sudden, he's got his hat on. And you go like, there's old Clyde with that cap on again. And then you each have a character that you've created, which means I'm good if you are.

[Tracy]

Okay.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah. It'd be interesting to see what he comes up with. You might learn a lot about him through this.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed.

[Carly Sortino]

Hopefully his character is a turn on, though.

[Jake Johnson]

But say it doesn't have to have anything to do with housekeeping, because he doesn't. You don't want his just to be adding on to yours. If he's like, I don't care about Clyde. I want to be a zookeeper, Then you go like, all right, my man.

[Carly Sortino]

Well, maybe you're cleaning his house and he's giving you instructions, you know, like, you didn't clean this well enough, so now you have to be punished. Just throwing out ideas.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, that seems kind of wheelhouse, Tracy. So, Tracy, what do you think you're gonna actually do? I think we got a winner here. Walk us through it.

[Tracy]

I'm going to introduce the character of Chloe and see. Kind of test the water, see how my husband responds to that. And then we can grow off of that if he wants a character too. But I really want to have some type of signal with. I think I'll put an apron on after my kid goes to bed, and then he will know. And then we will start. Like, we won't sit down and start organizing things. We'll just. Just start with the.

[Penny]

Yeah.

[Tracy]

With the fun time. And I think that would help us a lot to get out of that rhythm of sitting down organization. Okay, robots, how are we gonna get to the next thing?

[Jake Johnson]

I think this is going to be a happy ending, Tracy. I think this is gonna work.

[Carly Sortino]

Me too. Oh, my gosh.

[Jake Johnson]

I think so, too. I think it sounds nice. Will you.

[Tracy]

Thank you guys so much.

[Jake Johnson]

Tracy, please follow up, even if it goes sideways.

[Carly Sortino]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

If you're like, he wasn't rolling with Chloe and I got nervous, call back. We'll have Carly back on. And we'll pitch again.

[Tracy]

Oh, my gosh. I think it's gonna go well, but I will, definitely. Yeah.

[Carly Sortino]

Have fun. And good luck.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, are you gonna. When are you gonna do it for the first time? Tonight?

[Tracy]

No, it's way too late. Tonight in Germany. Tomorrow.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Tomorrow. Okay. You're doing it tomorrow night?

[Tracy]

Yes. I'll let you know.

[Jake Johnson]

That's great news.

[Tracy]

Thank you again.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye, Tracy.

[Tracy]

Bye.

[Carly Sortino]

Have fun.

[Tracy]

Bye. Thank you. Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com to. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strill. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Carly Sortino]

That was a Hitgum podcast. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpop.

[Stephen Berg]

Well, good afternoon. This is your little friend, Stephen Berg, and this is a message going out to all you fantastically brilliant vasectomy doctors. I have a little proposal for you all. My wonderful friend and brother, Gareth Reynolds is looking to get a vasectomy done because he is making the choice to not bring children into this world. And you know what? I respect that opinion. Nobody wants a bunch of little garrets running around. Boy, try saying triple Gareth with a lisp. That's not easy. Nobody wants a bunch of little garrets running around when Gareth himself doesn't want that. So, doctors out there, what we are looking for, what we are wanting, if possible, is for you to give our friend Gareth a vasectomy. Now. We'll pay for it. He's got cobra. He's got great insurance. That's not the issue. Here comes the little angle we're taking. We would like to document this on a little thing called videotape. This is a plea. This is a call to all vasectomy doctors in the lower 48 in the United States. Please, oh, please, let our little friend Gareth Reynolds get a vasectomy and let us videotape it. We're talking a high eight. You know, like a gritty, you know, it'll look good, it'll be classy, it'll be artsy. You will come off looking like an absolute hero. That's a burgundy tea. Thank you. Enjoy this message and enjoy this episode. Bye Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds and I have a new podcast on Head gum called Next we have. Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't because you now legally have to listen to the show. That's how law works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge yellow Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business. The doughboys play a game called Meal or no Meal. And Steph, Tola and I go head to head on a thought provoking game called Guess that sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should, but it's a great time and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next we have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast, Apple.