265: A Noticeable Boner & Accordion Mistress (with Michael Angarano)

Summary

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"We're Here to Help" Episode 265: A Noticeable Boner & Accordion Mistress

Date: February 25, 2026
Guests: Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, Michael Angarano

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Episode Overview

This episode continues the candid, comedic advisory tradition of Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds, joined by guest (and old friend) Michael Angarano. The main themes circle around two notably odd (and highly entertaining) listener problems: one about problematic workplace napping-erections, and another about one man’s quest to own and play an accordion despite his wife’s objections. The trio offers laughs, surprisingly practical advice, a deep-dive into wrestling boners, and proposes heartfelt (and hilarious) solutions.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

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1. Catching Up with Michael Angarano

(03:13–14:33)

• Reunion & Career Reflections
  • Jake and Michael reminisce about filming Ceremony (2011, dir. Max Winkler) and Michael’s iconic Cadillac days.
  • Touch on working together on Minx (now on Netflix).
• Wild Stories from Filming in China
  • Michael shares stories about filming The Forbidden Kingdom with Jackie Chan and Jet Li, directed by legendary choreographer Yuen Woo-ping.
  • Insane martial arts training with only two weeks’ notice: “I had two weeks. So I was like this little Italian kid, 19 years old, out in China... I was really just struggling hard. And I would train for eight hours a day.” (05:04–06:15, Angarano)
  • Getting almost choked for real on set: “Wo Ping, who barely spoke English, comes up to me. Woo Ping. And he just goes, 'Michael, your eye.' And then he goes, 'Almost died.'” (06:40–07:12, Angarano)
• Jackie Chan: A Living Legend
  • On Jackie’s charm and massive entourage: “Really, really charming... always traveled with, like, a posse. Like, a huge amount of people... and always invited me out to dinner with his whole crew.” (07:43–08:19, Angarano)
  • Anecdote: Jackie leaves mid-filming for a one-day commercial: “Do you know how much they pay me? $10 million. Shampoo. And I was like, great. I guess I would go to Hong Kong.” (09:09–09:55)

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2. Caller #1: Greg’s Workplace Nap Boners

(14:33–40:18)

Problem Setup

• Greg, 33, works in a small office; he unpredictably gets extremely tired and has to nap—each time leading to a full erection, which he insists is not sexual.
  • “Every single time this happens, I become fully erect. Just... So.” (15:40, Greg)
  • “You pass out at work and get rock hard.” (15:50, Jake)
• He’s seen doctors; no cause found. Now, he seeks advice on how to conceal these episodes from coworkers.

Laughter, Empathy, and Can-It-Really-Happen?

• The guys try to clarify: “Is this a problem outside work?” (road trips, at home—yes).
• Greg: “It's just this one specific feeling of where I can't help but close my eyes... I get it. Yeah, happens every time.” (21:38, Greg)
• Quick side quest on wrestling boners (see below).

Memorable Advice & Solutions

• Tuck and Cover (Clothing Strategies)
  • Tuck before sleep, wear loose/long shirts, untuck for naps, or add a “night shirt.”
    • “You gotta preemptively move that dick in a position, assuming it's gonna get hard. So tuck your dick into the top of your pants before you go to bed.” (21:49, Jake)
• Constriction Approaches
  • Extra-tight underwear, women’s girdle, athletic cup: “If you wear an athletic cup... and you get one of those old school… But you make sure it's tight enough that it's not moving.” (29:08–29:41, Jake)
• Physical Distraction
  • Draping a sweater or using a lap napkin.
  • “You have a sweater that you take off over your button down… you don't throw it on the back of your chair. It's on your lap.” (23:20, Angarano)
• Cold Deterrent
  • Crack-cold packs in pants as a “chill-down” Boner Blocker.

Hilarious Side-Tangent: The Wrestling Boner Debate

(31:00–37:49)

• Michael insists wrestling boners are frequent; Jake is skeptical.
  • “Wrestlers have boners, Jake. Let him live.” (30:47, Gareth)
• They bet on whether there's verifiable video evidence, and actually search YouTube live on the show.
• Michael wins: “Mike, I owe you a dinner. And I will tell whoever serving us the reason I'm paying tonight ... because I didn't think wrestlers got boners. And they in fact sometimes do.” (36:54, Jake)

Practical Outro

• Greg commits to trying the cup and reporting back:
  • “Probably the most effective would be the cup, but the most feasible is the sweater... I'll give it a shot.” (38:36–39:27, Greg)
  • Hosts urge him to call back with results for “science.”

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3. Caller #2: Accordion Ambitions vs. The Wife

(43:34–62:13)

Problem Setup

• Greg (again? or new Greg?) wants to learn the accordion. Wife is adamantly against it—says he’s already “loud and annoying.”
  • “She says… I’m already pretty loud and annoying as it is.” (46:10, Greg)
• Also admits to being a “hobby guy” (bought a mandolin, rarely played it), which wife resents.

Insightful Dialogue

• Team probes: Can you learn outside the house? (Yes—detached garage, guest room, even at work.)
• Gareth: “If you wanted to do the above board version... you say to her, I'm going to get the accordion, I'm going to practice when I can in the garage way away from you, and in six months I'm gonna audition for you. And if you don't like where I'm at... you can nix it. And if you think I'm actually on the path ... maybe I can keep my hobby going.” (53:08–53:59, Gareth)
• Jake goes full “secret mistress”:
  • “You're going to put on a show for her... at a certain point you're trying to have your mistress and your wife have a three way.” (50:34–50:52, Jake)
• Michael: Only buy an accordion if you're committed—get lessons, set goals, de-clutter your hobby junk.

Actionable Solution

• The "Voice-Style" Challenge
  • Greg gets lessons for a set period (three to six months).
  • Develop skills in secret or with his wife’s knowledge (choose his path).
  • Audition for wife (and the podcast hosts) at the end; if he passes, he keeps the accordion.
  • If he fails, he must immediately sell it (and other “hobby graveyard” items like the mandolin and samurai sword).
• Hosts even offer to help connect him with a local accordion teacher from the listener base.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Workplace Boners:
  • “So the problem comes… every single time this happens, I become fully erect. Just... so.” (15:37–15:40, Greg)
• On Solutions:
  • “Let's create a cold barrier of the nuts.” (25:53, Jake)
  • “If you wear an athletic cup... that's built to protect it, so it doesn't get kneed or kicked. If you’re getting out of that, I don't know what to tell you.” (29:08–29:41, Jake)
• On Hidden Hobbies:
  • “You are building to a... show for her that is a total surprise... play her a love song under a spotlight.” (50:36–51:16, Jake)
• On Hobby Hoarding:
  • “Sell all the extra stuff you got. I think all your little hobby guys... you're letting her know this isn't what it used to be, the samurai sword...” (59:10–59:24, Gareth)
• On Wrestling Boners:
  • “Can we say this too? Whoever ends up having to pay [the dinner bet] has to tell the server why they're paying.” (31:53, Gareth)

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Memorable, Absurd, & Heartfelt Moments

• Live YouTube Deep Dive: The hosts and Michael go all-in on the “wrestling boner” internet bet—a sustained comedic highlight with Jake eating crow with good grace.
• Callers' Willingness for Science: Greg, faced with odd but genuinely tricky dilemmas, volunteers himself for “workplace cup” experiments.
• Refined Relatability: Throughout, the trio deftly balance empathy and comedy—encouraging actionable, honest communication... without ever getting self-serious.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:13–14:33] — Michael Angarano’s China/Forbidden Kingdom experiences
• [14:33–40:18] — Caller Greg: Work naps & problematic erections
• [31:00–37:49] — Wrestling boner bet and live video investigation
• [43:34–62:13] — Caller (also Greg?): Accordion ambitions and marriage negotiation
• [53:00–55:30] — Constructing the “Voice-style” challenge for hobby accountability
• [59:10–60:00] — De-cluttering to prove seriousness about hobbies

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Tone & Delivery

The trio’s dynamic is playful, open, self-deprecating, and always prioritizing the absurd, even with deeply personal or embarrassing quandaries. Colloquial, irreverent, but ultimately kind.

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Summary for New Listeners

If you missed this episode, you missed a deeply funny, surprisingly wise romp through male physiology, the perils of niche musical ambition, and one of the all-time greatest on-air wrestling boner disputes. The advice is as good as the laughs—sometimes both astounding and practical, often both at once. The chemistry between Jake, Gareth, and Michael makes the personal universal, the embarrassing empowering, and the ridiculous genuinely useful.

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Want in on the next round? Email your problems to [e-mail]. Just be ready for science, sweater-draping, and the possibility of your own Voice competition.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This is a Headgun podcast. This episode is sponsored by the great Squarespace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We love Squarespace here at the show. We are constantly using Squarespace to build different websites for the show that support the show, that support or corroborate some of the show's bs. Again, we've never promised. We're very good at giving advice, but Squarespace helps corroborate what we're going for.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

And we are back with a new episode, Gareth and I. And very special guest, a guy who I did a movie with in. Do you remember what year, Michael?

[Michael Angarano]

Like 2009, 2011.

[Jake Johnson]

Directed by the great Max Winkler, called Ceremony. If you haven't seen it, I think you should go see it. Michael crushes it as the lead of that one. Michael used to come to my house in Atwater driving a Cadillac and we

[Michael Angarano]

would rehearse the Cat, the Caddy days.

[Jake Johnson]

I remember the. That was great to see a young actor pull up. I was like, Gareth, when he first came over, it was 20 years old, a kid.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

He's like, oh, this actor's gonna come in. Wow, you guys are gonna work a little bit. And Winkler's like, he's a great actor. He's crazy. I can't wait to meet Beautiful Cadillac. I was like, oh, I like this man a lot. This man and I are gonna be friends.

[Michael Angarano]

Not many people drive a Cadillac who are under. Not many people in general, but especially under the age of like 45.

[Jake Johnson]

No. And then we were on. We didn't get to work together for a while. And then we did Minx together, which is now on Netflix. And then, Michael, what was the story you told me? The More power, Michael. That was.

[Michael Angarano]

That was.

[Jake Johnson]

I did it because, by the way, I say it all the time, but I'm just by myself. If I'm lifting weights or something, I'll go, Jesus Christ. More power, Michael.

[Michael Angarano]

That. So I did a movie called the Forbidden Kingdom with Jackie Chan and Jet Li and what?

[Jake Johnson]

It's just crazy. You work with Jackie Chan.

[Michael Angarano]

The only time, the first and only time they've ever worked together. So it was a big deal. It was. We shot the film in China over six months. I was in China for a hundred some odd days where I learned kung fu. Master Wu Ping, who directed, you know, all the. So many famous martial arts movies from the, you know, 70s and 80s and you know, choreographed the Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. You know, this master choreographer, he was also the fight choreographer on the film. So it was like the three headed dragon of the. All of these guys. And I have to learn kung fu in the movie. And they, unlike, you know, Keanu Reeves and Laurence Fishburne who had like months and months of training. I had two weeks. So I was like this little Italian kid, 19 years old, out in China with my, my cousin Joe handing me like apples and Gatorade. Off to the side. I was just, like, really just struggling hard. And I would work, I would. I would train for eight hours a day.

[Jake Johnson]

And.

[Michael Angarano]

And sometimes I would just, like, they would give me these. These things to do. And eventually they were like, michael, God.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Michael Angarano]

Yo, look.

[Jake Johnson]

Looks good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look good.

[Michael Angarano]

But more power. More power. And I'm like, man, Jackie, I'm struggling, man. I can barely get to here. Like, I don't.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you mean?

[Michael Angarano]

Like, more power.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ha.

[Greg]

And.

[Michael Angarano]

And one time. One time they told me this was true. Woo Ping. Who barely spoke English, but they had to, like, strangle me in the movie. And there was no, like, trick to it. They really put a rope around my neck. Somebody put their foot on my back and was like, you know, choking me. And he comes up to me. Woo Ping. And he just goes, michael, your eye. And then he goes. Almost died.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Michael Angarano]

And it, you know, it was real. I was getting, like, choked out on camera.

[Jake Johnson]

Almost to die as a direction, you know, Worst direction you could ever get as an actor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It sounds like a John Wayne Gacy trick.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. That's what it sounds like.

[Jake Johnson]

You're going to almost. I'm going to put this around your neck. I'm going, chuggy. You're almost going to die. But it's for a movie in China.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you go. You're just moving me. That is crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

And what was Jackie Chan like on set? What's his vibe?

[Michael Angarano]

Really, really charming. Like, the easiest guy to talk to and hang out with. Very funny. Always traveled with, like, a posse. Like, a huge amount of people. Like, you know, dozens of people following him around. And, you know, always invited me out to dinner with his whole crew. With his. Of course I went. I had nothing to do. Of course I would.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. So you traveled around and hung in China with Jackie Chan and his crew.

[Michael Angarano]

Whole crew. For months.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesus.

[Michael Angarano]

For months. And like, you know, when.

[Greg]

When we.

[Michael Angarano]

Because we traveled a lot for filming.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so when.

[Michael Angarano]

When we went through these airports, you always knew Jackie was coming because it was literally like the Beatles. It was like a crowd of hundreds of people surrounding him, recognizing him.

[Jake Johnson]

Incredible.

[Michael Angarano]

And following him through this airport. And then you would look to the. You know, to the left and, like, Jet Li is there with his sunglasses and hat. And, like, one other guy he's with,

[Gareth Reynolds]

he must have loved.

[Michael Angarano]

Very, very different, humble Jackie once.

[Jake Johnson]

I think it'd be. It'd be nice for Judd. He's like, yeah, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's like, great. He goes shot. He's probably shoplifting he's like, this is awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

I could kind of do whatever. I can just relax, do whatever. Hey guys. Can you believe there's Jackie J. Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There was.

[Jake Johnson]

Go get a photo of them.

[Michael Angarano]

There was, you know, there was just so many.

[Greg]

There's.

[Michael Angarano]

It was just crazy, man. It was just so crazy. Oh, Jackie told me this once. He was like, yeah, no, I have to go to Hong Kong this weekend. He was, oh, like we were shooting these crazy days, like 16 hour days, like doing, you know, out in the hundred degree weather, just like shooting these fight scenes. And it was like really hard. It was physically crazy. And he would be traveling to like Paris the next day over the weekend coming back and like one day he told me he was doing the commercial in Hong Kong. And I was like, man, why? He's like, one day of filming, do you know how much they pay me? I was like, I don't know how much he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

$10 million.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesus Christ.

[Michael Angarano]

Shampoo. And I was like, great. You know, I guess I would go to Hong Kong.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I mean, yeah. So the would I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the right number.

[Michael Angarano]

Come back.

[Jake Johnson]

That's. That's the right number.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I probably go. I'd go lower, but I wouldn't, I wouldn't push for it.

[Jake Johnson]

I would go significantly lower.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lot lower.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what they're paying me? 280 bucks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Free shampoo, two free bottles.

[Jake Johnson]

Free flight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Free flight.

[Jake Johnson]

I can upgrade on my own, but they're getting me there. Michael, thank you for doing this. Let's have some fun. Let's take some call. This episode of the podcast has been brought to you by Dell. Have you been waiting for the perfect time to upgrade your tech? Good news. The wait is over. Dell Tech Day's annual sales event is here and we're celebrating our best customers with fantastic deals on the latest PCs like the Dell 14 plus with Intel Core Ultra processors.

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Greg]

Hey, fellas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey. How are you? Can we get your name, please?

[Greg]

Yeah, my name is Greg.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Greg.

[Greg]

33.

[Gareth Reynolds]

33.

[Michael Angarano]

And I'm from.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Vicky.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Greg, you got. You've worked this all out ahead of time with yourself, haven't you? So why don't you tell us what's. What's going on?

[Greg]

Yeah, so I get very, very tired at work to the point where I'm, like, falling asleep at my desk and, like, physically can't keep my eyes open. Lasts for about 20 minutes. I've been to the doctor, gotten tests and shit, and they can't figure it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you falling asleep, however, right now, Greg, you sound a little.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, fair question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that. A little tired, to be honest.

[Jake Johnson]

Greg, are you getting sleepy now?

[Michael Angarano]

It's like you're yawning through the cell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You don't have to do this.

[Greg]

I mean, this did happen to me earlier this morning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

You sound like you're just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So the problem comes.

[Greg]

Well, yeah, but that's actually not the issue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Greg]

The issue is that every single time this happens, I become fully erect. Just. Just. So.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, hold on. Killer. You pass out at work and get rock hard.

[Greg]

I looked it up. It's actually scientific. It happens. It's like what morning wood comes from. But, like, you have to be really, really tired.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting. What do you do?

[Greg]

So I. So I work in an office.

[Jake Johnson]

I was glad you didn't say a preschool. I was gonna say cut the call, Natalie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a judge.

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Greg]

I work in the small office with six people, so people just all around me, like, we're right a foot away from me.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a nightmare.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Greg]

It really is not fun.

[Jake Johnson]

No. This is really embarrassing. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Obviously, nobody has seen. I think. I hope. Also I should mention this is nothing sexual, like. Yeah, it's the last thing on my mind. I'm just.

[Jake Johnson]

It's just.

[Greg]

Hey, Greg.

[Jake Johnson]

Greg. It's something sexual.

[Michael Angarano]

Well, but.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

Something sexual.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake.

[Michael Angarano]

Something's going on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We know that, but sometimes that thing is doing. It's on its own mission that is detached completely from whatever your mission is. Like.

[Jake Johnson]

But to say it's nothing sexual feels like a bit. Yeah, I get.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But, like, when you wake up, like,

[Greg]

you say, I'm pouring through the idea of a nap.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When, when you wake up in the morning, you're like, what's your deal, dude? You know, what do you do? You know your penis is on its own little kick. Okay. Anyway, keep going, Greg.

[Greg]

So, yeah, as I said, very close quarters. So I can't really adjust.

[Michael Angarano]

No.

[Greg]

Because it's kind of obvious and I really want in these moments to get up and take a walk, to wake myself up, but I obviously can't do that.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah.

[Greg]

So I guess my question for you is I can't help with the, this falling asleep and the boner thing is just science. So how do I conceal my, my, my boners from my co workers?

[Jake Johnson]

Feels like that should be on a coffee mug somewhere. How do I conceal from my co workers?

[Michael Angarano]

Maybe being honest.

[Jake Johnson]

No, we're not going. Let's just say that would not work. If I work next to somebody and they go, I'm sorry, I fall asleep and take naps and I'm not going to talk about that. I'm going to act like that's not weird and I get a big boner when I'm doing it, but it is not sexual. So when I stand up to wake up, you're gonna, you're gonna see a big old boner. I'm not going like, thank you for being honest, Greg. I'm gonna go like, first problem, why you fall asleep?

[Michael Angarano]

We've gotta just eliminate honesty.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I agreed. I don't think there's a win here with honesty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna take a woodwalk, everybody.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Michael Angarano]

It happened again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, let me.

[Jake Johnson]

Why do we pretend that, first of all, it's normal to fall asleep at work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's great that you've carved that out for yourself.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed. But that's not just to be able to be like, I pass out at work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's great. If anything, the takeaway from this should be more people should be like, I have this thing. Yes, I need a 20 minute nap.

[Jake Johnson]

What is it that you. Because the one way to solve it is let's not sleep at work.

[Greg]

Yeah. I can't help it. It's not like I, I choose to fall asleep at my desk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, well, this is. Go ahead.

[Greg]

This is a problem that's not confined to the workspace. Like you just.

[Jake Johnson]

So you get so tired you need a nap.

[Greg]

Road trips and stuff. Like if I'm driving for a. Gotta pull over because obviously. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, so even if you sleep the whole night and what did the doctor say?

[Greg]

Yeah, they said, I don't know, they didn't really Say anything. I got my blood test and.

[Andrea]

Nothing.

[Greg]

And they just said nothing came up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, look, work is cool. I love that he went to the doctor. What'd they say? I don't know. Nothing.

[Greg]

They said nothing came up, and that was it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so you don't have a medical issue, but you do have. You have carved out this. This situation where your work will let you nap for 20 minutes. And I think that's great. So we're trying to preserve that.

[Greg]

I never said. Oh, no. Did I. Did I say that? I did not mean to say that. I say I'm trying to fight to stay awake at my desk.

[Jake Johnson]

I got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but. But you do fall asleep every day.

[Michael Angarano]

Not.

[Greg]

It's not every day. I mean.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but what he's saying is it's not like the boss is not like, yeah, right. That' something that's happening to him. He doesn't know why. He doesn't care about us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a different. Yeah, it's a different.

[Michael Angarano]

There's no dialogue with the boss about, like, hey, man, this is happening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So we are just accepting Greg is asleep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So let's move past that, because guess what? We can't either. We're not doctors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me ask.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, owners is fine, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ask one question. How often are you trying to relieve the problem outside of the office?

[Greg]

Enough.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Greg]

Daily, on average? Once a day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

That's enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Plenty.

[Greg]

Not every day, but.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but you masturbate plenty.

[Michael Angarano]

Yeah. Can I ask a question? Are you. Is this problem. You said you're falling asleep, but are you falling asleep and waking up erect in other circumstances, or is that only. You know what I'm saying? Like, when you fall asleep on the long drive, are you waking up with a boner? With a boner?

[Andrea]

Yeah.

[Greg]

It's just this one specific feeling of where I can't. I can't help but close my eyes and. I get it. Yeah, happens every time.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. I got a pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do, too.

[Jake Johnson]

I think what I like about you, Greg, is you got some stuff cooking that you just lean into and accept. They're gonna pass out. You're gonna be safe about it. You're gonna pull over. You're also. Dick's gonna get rock hard. And that's just the reality of it. So the question you asked us, that we're gonna pitch on is how do I conceal it? You gotta preemptively move that dick in a position, assuming it's gonna get hard. So tuck your dick into the top of your pants before you go to Bed. Was it the same pitch?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Tuck, tuck. You gotta tuck.

[Jake Johnson]

So while you're sleeping, it's, it's like it's already going into the glove.

[Greg]

It comes undone, you know, it's like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What comes undone?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, he tries to tuck in, you know. Yeah, I understand. I don't.

[Greg]

Yeah, I'm not always hard. So it, you know, it can fall out of the, it can fall out of the way.

[Michael Angarano]

What about like a loose, a loose shirt? Like an untucked shirt. Oh, lousy shirt.

[Greg]

Okay. Just an extra long shirt that you can just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a good zone.

[Jake Johnson]

It's basically this pitch would be called the night shirt that you have a shirt and when you nap, you untuck, knowing if you have to stand up, the night shirt kind of goes to the top of the thighs. But another pitch in the zone of the night shirt. What about excessively tight underpants?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a good pitch. Could be a twofer.

[Michael Angarano]

I also have, I think something similar to the, to my first idea, my first thought. You know, I don't know what you're. Presumably you're in Vancouver, you said, gets a little chilly. You have, you have a sweater that you take off over your, your button down.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Michael Angarano]

And you know, you don't, you don't, you don't throw it on the back of your chair. It's on your lap. It's on your lap.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your shoulder.

[Michael Angarano]

It's on your lap. You know when you almost use it as like a makeshift kind of, you know.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I got an idea going off of that. How about this? Greg become a fanny pack guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's good too.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's. One hand is reaching into the fanny pack, the other is going underneath and adjusting. That all people are seeing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't love that people are going to think he's, he's pack jacking.

[Greg]

Well, I gotta have some chapstick in there. I gotta bring something.

[Jake Johnson]

You're, you're searching or what you could also do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we're getting on to something with the COVID the scene of the crime here. What you could also do is just always have like, like have a snack in front of you and just have a napkin that you've always kind of laid on your lap so that it's like if anyone came over, they'd be like, oh, he just ate. So he's got a, you know, a lap napkin.

[Jake Johnson]

I like that.

[Greg]

I think my co workers would probably be like, why are you doing this all of a sudden?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Every day you're napping.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you eating? Gareth. We're in Greg's world.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're right. Go ahead, Jake Cook.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Gags World. So what about this? Here's a thought. You're not gonna like it at first, and it's gonna seem like a joke, but it's not one. What about when you're starting to fall asleep and you know it's happened? You take one of those packs that you can break and they get really cold, put it in your pants so you're falling asleep, ice out your dick. If that pack is on your balls when the blood starts to flow and you get in that REM sleep and

[Gareth Reynolds]

relax and he's been out for two

[Jake Johnson]

hours, but, like, he gets. It's got to be deep sleep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, something.

[Jake Johnson]

So all of a sudden. Yeah, I think he's. I think he's getting deep sleep fast and his body's going like. Like, let's just move all the blood around and relax. Well, all of a sudden, there's a chill in those nuts. I think you. I think you're a guy who gets into deep sleep fast. So.

[Greg]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's create a cold barrier of the nuts.

[Michael Angarano]

That is an idea.

[Greg]

So it's an ice pack that you snap and it becomes cold.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You punch it. Yeah. And it. So like, you don't have to. You don't have to have a freezer with you. You just go like, jesus Christ, I'm getting tired. Punch. Then all the little things start going.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Move around a little bit. Go to the bathroom, cup it all around your stuff, let those eyes close and just see if it's a little bit cold. If it gets less hard.

[Greg]

If it gets. Yeah. Okay. Wouldn't my co workers see me put it into my pants?

[Jake Johnson]

Don't they see you sitting there asleep with a big dick?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

When you're in hell, you got to figure out how to get out of the fire sometimes.

[Andrea]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe we just have him wear with Eric or.

[Greg]

I truly have no idea what to do.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I get it's a tough one, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Michael Angarano]

So you're dealing with. You know, my first suggestion would be, you know, you feel yourself going to sleep. You get up and you go for a walk. You just stave off the sleep. But that seems to be off the table he's dealing with.

[Jake Johnson]

He's going to fall asleep.

[Greg]

It's not fully off the table. I could. I think I could feel like. I feel like I could probably. I don't know. It's happened so many times that I'm just like. I feel like many Times, I don't know. That's a good idea, though.

[Michael Angarano]

Look, but I also then, you know, if that, then you're. Then you're too. Concealment or deterrence? Concealment or deterrence. Jake's idea is deterrence.

[Jake Johnson]

Right. Or concealment. Because the other thing that I'm thinking, Greg, is you could literally get like a very. And you're not going to like this. But then when it's. Here's what I'm going to tell you right now about these pitches. You're not going to love any of these. So this is not going to be a pitch where you're like, awesome, I just eat a gyro and then my dick doesn't get hard while I fall asleep at work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Try it.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not going to work that way. So what I'm kind of saying is, what if we got a women's medium girdle that you put on and it is so tight from knees to hips that you're like, ah, it's uncomfortable. Well, that's the price you have to pay if you're falling asleep at work and you don't want to get a big boner. That there's no place for that guy to go

[Gareth Reynolds]

there.

[Greg]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There is something to real constriction that I think will limit that.

[Jake Johnson]

They do this, they do this on sets. They'll have like, you can put your dick in a little like weird sock.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

They could basically go like, you know, there's ways to go like, this is weird, you know.

[Michael Angarano]

You know, to, to that point too, if you don't want to do full girdle. But it's to Jake's point from before. It's like you do two pairs of underwear. You do one really tighty, whitey tight pair, and then you do your conventional pair, whatever. It's like you're talking about constriction or you just do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You do just do a sock or two. You just take like some. Yeah, like a couple smaller socks and you just wrap it in. If you go to the bathroom when you're getting doz, wrap it up real quick. Then you got your nap socks.

[Greg]

My nap socks.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, you could also do that. Okay, I think here's here. Then here's another zone. I guarantee if you wear an athletic cup. Oh my God, the kind you wear in sports, and you get one of

[Gareth Reynolds]

those old school work cup is pretty good work.

[Jake Johnson]

But you make sure it's tight enough that it's not moving.

[Michael Angarano]

A jock strap.

[Jake Johnson]

A jock strap that is so snug. In the back. It doesn't move when the blood starts going there, there's nowhere to go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't get caught.

[Michael Angarano]

He's not getting out of there either.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, nothing's getting in. Nothing's getting out. You've got a barrier.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. It's built to protect it so it doesn't get kneed or kicked. So if you're getting out of that. I don't know what to tell you, but let's get you. Let's get you in a athletic cup. That's like, MMA level, right? Have you ever seen a gun in mma? If I get a ball, I'm not

[Greg]

that impressive, but I.

[Michael Angarano]

Yes, you have, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake in his garage. Yeah, Jake the dummy in your garage when you wrestle it sometimes you said it would get very erotic back there.

[Michael Angarano]

Well, like when you watch wrestling. You know, the guy.

[Jake Johnson]

The guy, like, go, go on, Michael.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

You're saying.

[Jake Johnson]

I forgot what I was gonna say.

[Michael Angarano]

I forgot what.

[Jake Johnson]

I know you didn't remember.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay?

[Jake Johnson]

You remembered we were recording.

[Michael Angarano]

Yeah, and I. And I saw the look on your face the split second once I started,

[Gareth Reynolds]

like, michael, what are you talking about? Good on you for recognizing that face and stopping, because the amount of times I see that go. I'll just finish the thought.

[Jake Johnson]

But hold on, Michael, hold on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let him go.

[Jake Johnson]

Wrestlers have boners, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let him live.

[Michael Angarano]

Okay, don't act like I'm the crazy one, because I'm acknowledging that wrestlers get boners when they wrestle each other.

[Jake Johnson]

Which ones, Michael?

[Michael Angarano]

Not like professional wrestlers. I'm talking, like, you know, you and your friends wrestling. No, you mean, like, I never said that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

High school wrestling, but.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, Michael, you're acting like this is well known.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you talking about, like, I've never known college wrestling?

[Michael Angarano]

Okay, it's friction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, now. Now, hold on, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

This is not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As we're saying. The thing has a mind of its own. So sometimes, right, there's, like, something. I'm not even gonna say what I was gonna say. How about that? Michael, you got to be on your own here. I'm about to get your back. But, Jacob, murder me.

[Jake Johnson]

But hold on. But just for real, we could go on YouTube right now and Google college wrestling boners. I don't think you're getting any videos.

[Michael Angarano]

How much you want to bet?

[Jake Johnson]

Dinner? All right, I'll.

[Michael Angarano]

I'll fully take you up on that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, can we say this?

[Jake Johnson]

Videos?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we say this, too? Can I add a bit to the. The dinner bet? Yeah, whoever ends up having to pay has to tell the server why they're paying.

[Jake Johnson]

Deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

If you said has to wear a cup, I was going to say, no, that's a great. You gotta. I had to pay because I didn't think there was going to be wrestlers boners. And Mike would have to say because I thought there would be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Now we have to actually be fair. When we see this video, we both know what we're saying. So if it's just in the title and there's some weird thing, it's actual competitive wrestling, that one of the members has such a big boner that it's noticeable under the. A noticeable boner.

[Michael Angarano]

Noticeable boner. I think this is like an easy dinner. I really do.

[Jake Johnson]

I feel like it's an easy dinner for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I will say. Greg. Greg. I think cup is really good. I also still really do like the sweater drape. I think that's a. A very easy one for you to get away with. As Michael said, you're. You're there. It's not weird to bring a jacket or a sweater to work. You know, you have. You could even do the tie around the waist look for sometimes just to sort of see set up. This is a thing you do sometimes.

[Greg]

Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I think. And then it's not crazy to have it just draped there. And then when it's time for your walk and you got the full mast, that's when you employ the tuck. The tuck can be used there. No problem.

[Jake Johnson]

I think this is right. Yes.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yes.

[Greg]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Voice]

Googling wrestling bonus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Natalie, Just Google wrestling bar.

[Jake Johnson]

You saying that in an angry tone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Furious.

[Jake Johnson]

Reminds me of just what life is about. We're supposed to be Googling wrestling boners.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's called the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, YouTube has wrestler boners.

[Michael Angarano]

This is what I mean.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will you click on one, Natalie? Greg, we're solving a different problem. Can you just sit tight for a second? Palace. The only way you know how to sit.

[Jake Johnson]

And obviously this will be on our website and we'll post this on Instagram with no context.

[Sponsor Voice]

I mean, which one would you like to do?

[Jake Johnson]

The first one that says wrestling boner. 1.7 million views from.

[Michael Angarano]

That's a lot of views.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, here we go.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Two guys are wrestling. They're college wrestling. They. There's. There's no sound to this anyway. It doesn't need to be the guy on tops. Blacks dominating the guy on purple. I'm not seeing a noticeable boner. Yeah, but their genitals are covered.

[Michael Angarano]

Feel like college level.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. It feels Collegiate.

[Jake Johnson]

Why is it so long? We can't watch this whole thing.

[Michael Angarano]

No video.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just fast.

[Jake Johnson]

I made it to X speed. Where exactly is this? Do you see any comments are.

[Michael Angarano]

But it's no wonder he has a boner. They've been, you know, grinding and a

[Gareth Reynolds]

lot of friction at the speed too. But how do you get one when

[Sponsor Voice]

you're in this much pain?

[Jake Johnson]

You're not pain as well as if you're not attracted to the other person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on, hold on a second.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know that. That looks like a cup to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I don't think that was a boner, but I definitely. I think I see the beginnings now. It's just. It's a big package. I don't think it's a boner.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's.

[Michael Angarano]

Yeah, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what we gotta do. Let's cut this off for a while. We can't do the whole show on this. Michael. We will finish our bed on a separate. We will both watch a couple videos. From what we saw in the video for anybody who's just driving in their car. The very normal morning for you're driving to work. We just watched a video. Two 20 year old wrestlers wrestling. They looked exactly like the same guy, but purple at one point it was. It was like a guy wrestling himself, which is hot. He was out back. Yeah. And he didn't have what looked like a boner, but yes, he had an impressive protrusion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He had a great penis.

[Jake Johnson]

It looked good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Someone should have draped a sweater over him while he was wrestling.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And I did actually find it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. Great. Yeah. Let's have a look. Hang on, Jake. I have a feeling it'll be a dinner on you.

[Jake Johnson]

I do too. Well, there's just so many videos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, there's a channel. There's a channel.

[Jake Johnson]

I didn't think there was going to be a channel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, crikey. I think I saw it.

[Michael Angarano]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, wait, can you go to regular speed, Natalie? Because they were about to hit the important part. Oh, yeah, Jake. Oh man, that is.

[Jake Johnson]

He has a boner. And what happened to everybody listening is you couldn't tell they were wrestling. But he did stand up at the end to kind of go back to his corner and in his little leotard there was a. There was a boner. Mike, I owe you a dinner. And I will tell the whoever serving us the reason I'm paying tonight when the bill comes is because I didn't think wrestlers got boners. And they in fact sometimes do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're human.

[Michael Angarano]

I think it's more than sometimes I,

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's so.

[Michael Angarano]

I think it's fre. That's why I'm surprised you took the other end of that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, we have.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. That's what, what? 90 of the time, wrestlers are wrestling with boners, Mike, you're gonna live in this zone.

[Michael Angarano]

Listen, if it's more, if it's more than 50, that's a decent amount.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

You think 50% of the time two men are wrestling, one has a boner. Michael, that's madness.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean it. I might start watching wwe. I bet you did.

[Jake Johnson]

I, I, I never felt a boner, and they never got a boner when I was doing Jiu Jitsu. No boners. There's a lot of friction. Well, I wonder if it is If I felt. Michael, if I was doing Jiu Jitsu and I felt a boner. Cancel the match. I'm done. I'm literally going like this. Hey, hey, hey. Cut, cut.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, hey.

[Jake Johnson]

Almost like an assault charge. It doesn't matter. I tap. I'm going tap. And then he goes, you want to run again? I go, no, sir. You have a boner. You think 50 of the time people wrestle, they get boners, Mike.

[Michael Angarano]

I don't know about 50, but, I

[Jake Johnson]

mean, you're just a walking boner, are you? Have you had a boner? This whole zoom, there's friction. You've been moving around. You have a full boner, Michael.

[Michael Angarano]

I just have a sweater covering my, my lap.

[Jake Johnson]

I think we realize you get way more boners than me. Greg, we've gone down a strange path here. We've given you a lot of pitches. What are you thinking you're going to do about these boners?

[Greg]

I mean, probably the most effective would be the cup, but the most feasible is the sweater.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, start with sweater.

[Greg]

Probably gonna go with this weather.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have cup in the back pocket.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah.

[Greg]

If it, if the sweater doesn't work, I'll have to forego some comfortable. Comfortable.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I would actually like you to do, Greg, if you don't mind like that. We've spent a long time on this call with you. Right. We're gonna air it. We're doing all this stuff. Is there any chance you could try the cup first? Because here's why. The sweater is a solution. You know, you can still kind of see a boner under the sweatshirt, but I'm really curious if the cup will fix it.

[Greg]

Okay, yeah, I'll give it a shot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

You wear it. And then the next time you take a nap and wake up with that cup, will you call us back?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let us know if you get one. And if you do, if it's visible

[Jake Johnson]

and what happened, could you get a boner with the cup and then go like, I'm gonna do the stand up that I want to do and walk around to wake up and it's fine because my boner is covered by this cup.

[Greg]

Yeah, I'll do that.

[Jake Johnson]

You're a man of science now, so experiment a little bit for research. This is all now for research. Okay, thanks, my friend.

[Michael Angarano]

As soon as you do it, good luck.

[Jake Johnson]

But Greg, make sure it's a really tight fitting cup.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

All right.

[Greg]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna. I'm gonna make sure it's the right one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks, buddy.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Awesome, dude. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Wayfair. The new year is here. Get back into an at home routine you love and elevate your space with Wayfair. From bedding and mattresses to storage solutions for every home in the house, Wayfair is your one stop shop. Refresh your living room with accent pillows, mirrors and faux plants. For way less.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When my mother comes over, is going, oh, you need one of these. You need one of those, you know? So I used Wayfair to get some like end tables for. For lamps, I guess you would call that home decor. I'm not doing an all around refresh, but that's up to you if you'd like to do that. But they offer a ton of stuff at Wayfair. It's very easy to shop there. You really get a sense of what it is, what it'll look like, its size, all those things. And really they have everything. I could not believe the amount of stuff that they had on their Everything. Literally everything.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, Squarespace, how we love you. Squarespace is where you go to create an online present to appear profound, professional. You launch your passion project with Squarespace. We love Squarespace. We use Squarespace all the time. My website, garrethrels.com is a Squarespace website. We use Squarespace to help people on the show build their. Well, honestly, to corroborate their fibs and their white lies. We use Squarespace for that sometimes, but other times people will use Squarespace for trying to build up their business online. I was working with someone who we were going to start a whole ear business and it completely fell apart. But we were going to use Squarespace because there's no other place to go. It's an all in one website platform that is designed to help you stand out and succeed online.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Michael Angarano]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And he'd be like. He'd go. And I was like, hate this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's a different.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll pay for this to stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a different vibe.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we get your name please?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yes, this is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is great. Yep. Ready to go. How are you? Congrats on your massage boners, guys. Anyway, my name is Dan.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry. Sorry you had to hear all that. That was processing the previous call. My guy. Where are you calling from?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Calling from, let's say coastal Virginia.

[Jake Johnson]

Virginia. Actually, I got a question for you, Greg.

[Greg]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you think. Is your name Greg Celine? Yeah. Oh, do you think Greg's Greg? Real honest question. Do you think two straight men wrestling, do you think more than 50% of the time or less than 50% of the time one of them gets a boner?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

I think it would depend on where their hands going.

[Jake Johnson]

They're wrestling. It's like. It's like a collegiate Oklahoma versus Iowa. Did you say hands only?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Man, that's a great. Don't they wear cups? So how would you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How would you know this guy? Buddy, you just. Hey, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you, Greg.

[Greg]

We could have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could have saved us a half hour.

[Jake Johnson]

What a great comment you just made. When you heard hear the episode, it'll all make perfect sense. You're here with me and Gareth and a dear friend and a great actor who's with Me on Minx coming to Netflix as well as say the name of the show again, Michael Devil in Disguise on Peacock. Right now, the great Michael Angorado. How are you, Greg?

[Greg]

Nice.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Hello. I'm doing well. How are you?

[Jake Johnson]

Good, man, good. So, Greg, take over. What's the problem? What can we do for you today?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah, thanks. So I really want to get. I really want to buy an accordion. Okay. The only hang up is that, well, I'm, you know, very typical.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not weird, it's just more with this show. Every call is so different.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just great. It's a great start. It's just. It's great.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a great. Just going from all the bumpers in the wrestling with such a 180 from my brain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I really want to buy an accordion. I really want to buy an accordion.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Really want to buy an accordion.

[Jake Johnson]

But what about your Boner? Okay, so you really want to buy an accordion?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah, so I, I def. I want to buy one. Right? And it's not a money issue. It's strictly my wife, you know, classic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does not want to classic everyone else.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Allow me to buy one. Right? Yeah. You know, just like everybody else trying to buy an accordion out there, my wife doesn't want it. She says, in her words, I'm already pretty loud and annoying as it is.

[Jake Johnson]

So I think we all get that about ourselves as well and fully relate.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Right. Right. So. But yeah, that, that's kind of the crux of it. I'm a. I'm a huge Weird Al fan. Have been my whole life. And on top of that, I like my family a long time ago, comes from Germany. We went to Bavaria a couple years ago and we were able to see a polka band, you know, and everything. And I was like, oh, I gotta get one of these. But again, my wife is vehement that I not get one.

[Jake Johnson]

So the specific, first of all, great setup. The specific question is what? How we help convince your wife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How do we.

[Jake Johnson]

Right?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

How do we. How do we. I would never say trick, of course, but how do we convince my wife that I a won't be allowed. Annoying.

[Greg]

Can I say I don't know?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Sure, you'll figure it out. Anyway.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You know that call started with us asking you if you knew wrestlers could get boners, right?

[Greg]

That's.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

That's very true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could say asshole.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

I think you can say. I think you can say Boner though, on tv, right? I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

You can. There was a character named Boner, do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's True. Do you know how to play the piano or the accordion or.

[Jake Johnson]

So I.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Actually, when I was a kid, I learned piano, you know, had to take lessons, played a little trumpet in high school, and then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Greg.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As far as the applicable skill set to an accordion, are you bringing anything to the. Because I think there's a difference between. I want to transition my skills to an accordion where it'll be. You can hear music right away, versus my husband wants to learn how to play the accordion. To me, they're different.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that is true, by the way.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

So I. I do also own a mandolin, and with the. You know, I bought it with the idea that I would learn to play it, and I never really learned how to play it, and so. But I think. Right. The problem is, is that stringed instruments aren't for me, but maybe things with buttons, you know, might be more my.

[Greg]

My speed.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, I got a question for you.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you have a zone where you could be practicing this thing away from her or. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

We have a. Yeah, we have a detached garage as well as, like, a. Like a guest room that's, like, kind of. This is the side of the house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a garage.

[Jake Johnson]

But. And, yeah, but. And financially, are you guys in a situation. I have no idea how much an accordion costs, but is this an individual decision, or do you guys have to discuss a purchase like this, or can you go get an accordion? It's not a big deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

I mean, to buy, like, a good one, I'm looking at, like. Like the 6 to 800 range, which, like, could I, like, just go out and buy it? Yes, something of that.

[Michael Angarano]

Well, you already bought a mandolin and never did anything with it.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Well, it's true, but the mandolin was only, like, 200 bucks, so sell it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could sell them, and.

[Michael Angarano]

That's a good question.

[Jake Johnson]

But is it. But it might not be about money, guys. Money might not be the issue. So.

[Michael Angarano]

Because he want to play a small part in the. In the argument against. This is one of your impulse buys, Greg. Like, we already here.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Here's the zone.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm pitching.

[Greg]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm going. I'm going in a slightly different direction of the negotiation. The money I sold 800 worth. I. the end, she's gonna go. I didn't say, don't get it because you're bad with money. I said, don't get it because you're loud and annoying.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah. Bingo.

[Jake Johnson]

I think we live in the world where you have an affair with an accordion and.

[Greg]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

It's being. It's a. Being presented to the point at a certain point you're trying to have your mistress and your wife have a three way. So you are building to a. Basically eight months away. You're going to put on a show for her that is a total surprise.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

It's going to be all songs for her and she's gonna go, what the hell? Like for your next anniversary. But you secretly get an accordion. You get it in a place where she doesn't see it. You learn and practice the accordion, and then you play her a love song under a spotlight.

[Greg]

Okay.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah. I mean, that's actually pretty interesting

[Greg]

because

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

I do have like, like my. I. I work in an office and I do have like an hour lunch break every day.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead.

[Michael Angarano]

It's all you need.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a. It's a work accordion.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah. Yeah. The only thing is, like, where would I keep it? I don't know if I can keep it at my desk in your car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Car.

[Jake Johnson]

How big is the accordion?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but it big.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

I mean, it's like a suitcase size.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I think it's one of these. Dude, you. You carried it around the trunk like a vent.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah.

[Greg]

And.

[Jake Johnson]

And you practice outside or you practice in your car.

[Greg]

Oh, yeah.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

This is not a bad idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like it.

[Jake Johnson]

I want this thing to be your little secret thing.

[Michael Angarano]

Right?

[Greg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You involve her in this.

[Michael Angarano]

Drop it, never bring it up ever again.

[Andrea]

It.

[Jake Johnson]

But it doesn't even affect her life. It doesn't come home.

[Michael Angarano]

Exactly.

[Jake Johnson]

She never sees it. She doesn't have to hear about you going, oh, I just figured something out with my accordion. I think it's partly. I think partly for her. She's like, yuck. Like, that's how my wife feels about video games. If I was like. She said to me when we started dating, if I ever come home and you're like sitting on the ground playing a first shooter video game, sitting on the ground. I don't know if I can. But you know that like the guy sitting there being like. She's like, I just don't think I could ever, like, have sex with you again. She's like, there's something about these men doing this. It's just not for me. I think partly she's like, I just don't want to see my husband or be at dinner and have him go like. You go like, hey, honey, how was work? Good. How about you? Good. I've been practicing my accordion. I just don't think she wants that life. I Am.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

That's fair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like it. My pitch was going to be before that, which is just kind of a version of this. It feels. Are you kind of a hobby guy, Greg does It feels like maybe you get involved and then don't follow through. Maybe. Yes.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

And I think that's part of what also adds to the frustration from my wife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, you know. Yeah. If you wanted to do the above board version, the above board version could be. It's very similar to what Jake pitch. But you say to her, look, I'm going to get the accordion, I'm going to practice when I can in the garage way away from you, and in six months I'm gonna audition for you. And if you don't like where I'm at with this skill, love this, you can nix it. And if you think I'm actually on the path to something, maybe I can keep my hobby going.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

That's actually really good.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that's really good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Because then it puts, you know, there's a. It helps you on a timetable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

And it, and it forces me to actually, you know, focus for once on something. So.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Michael Angarano]

Your wife work, Greg?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yes. Yeah. She's a. She's a paramedic.

[Greg]

Huh.

[Michael Angarano]

So she's probably. There are hours where she's not in the house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah, yeah, there's. Yeah, yeah. She works like 24 hour shifts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, that's your. That's accordion time. Yeah, yeah. Just non stop. A lot of practice around the clock.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. But Greg, what I really love that Gareth said that I think is a big win here because I think there's. Without talking to her, there's probably some factors we're not seeing and part of it might be she just doesn't like the accordion too. She. You're picking up too many hobbies. Three, she doesn't want a dusty old accordion in the house. Make it a chat, make it a challenge. And if in six months time you're not doing blank, you sell the mandolin, you sell the accordion, you sell the blank. There's a whole list of things. So she goes, great, you know what, if you do it great too, do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does she like the show, the Voice at all, Greg?

[Greg]

Not.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Not really.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Doesn't matter.

[Jake Johnson]

I think they.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Doesn't like. She doesn't really watch it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't we do it like the voice? She gets to turn around and decide if you're. If you're going ahead six months like this.

[Jake Johnson]

Why don't we do this? It's October 24th right now. November, December, January February, March, April 24th, Angarano, Gareth, myself, your wife will all be on a zoom. You'll play a song, Ask. Videos will be off. If we think you're good and you should keep going, we turn our video on. You need three of the high stakes. You need three of the four.

[Greg]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

But it's bad. You list it that day for sale.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

But I could, in theory, just learn like Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ain't going to Hollywood with Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, my guy. You think Michael Buble is turning his chair around?

[Jake Johnson]

If I hear, yeah, but I go, what's the point? This is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Why are you getting an accordion to

[Michael Angarano]

play Twinkle, Twinkle, Twinkle?

[Jake Johnson]

I think you got it because you said you loved Weird Al.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You loved something about polka music.

[Greg]

Huh?

[Jake Johnson]

I don't want to hear Twinkle, Twinkle. My screen stays.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely.

[Michael Angarano]

I would, I would. If you're doing it. One of my suggestions, above board suggestions would be you get the thing. The rule is you get. You never get to play it in inside of your house. You get lessons, you go full board. You go and you get lessons. It's never played. You learn it from a professional.

[Greg]

Yeah, that's.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

That's a good point.

[Greg]

That's.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah. From what I've been reading, that's what a lot of people do is, you know, they don't. They don't just kind of wing it. They.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, well, we can. You got some options.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We can merge those two. You can go get lessons and at six months, you can have the audition with us.

[Greg]

Us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And if you pass, you get the accordion.

[Jake Johnson]

Why don't we do that in three months?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

Because then you don't have to be great. Let's do three months of lessons that you don't tell even your wife about. Or you can, whatever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Michael Angarano]

Jake is really into the idea of the discretion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I want a surprise for her. What I'm looking for is all of a sudden she hears, wait, what are we doing? So there's this podcast and then we play her. And what is this? Here's why. And she goes, wait, you've been doing what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you know what we could do. I worry. I worried she'd think there'd be like an affair. But you don't have to tell her about this. You could just say you're going to get that.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

I wanted to learn how to play an accordion. I don't think the chances of an

[Jake Johnson]

affair,

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

But either way to her that I want to play an accordion and I listen to Weird Al on the Radio.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, I get it, Greg. You're hot to try. Well, why don't we go with that? Why don't you go take the lessons at three months, you can borrow your instructor's accordion. You can even do it from there. Do a zoom. The four of us are on, and if two or if three of the four zooms get turned on, you get to buy an accordion.

[Jake Johnson]

And we will break it. We will break it down to your wife, too. And we will have her on before that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And we'll have a big chat with her, and we'll all get on the same page and say, let's make him earn this one, because we're not having another mandolin situation.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah. And I would even. I. I will. I think I can add right to this, you know, maybe to the pot that I. Because obviously I'm gonna, like, have to tell her, hey, I'm. I'm gonna take lessons or whatever.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

I think, like, I can probably sell the mandolin now, you know, to kind of show that, like, I'm willing to not.

[Jake Johnson]

I love this.

[Michael Angarano]

Now you're serious about the accordion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Like, I don't want to just, like, keep adding hobbies.

[Jake Johnson]

Greg. I would do something. I would sell all the extra stuff you got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think all your little hobby guys,

[Jake Johnson]

you're letting her know this isn't what

[Gareth Reynolds]

it used to be, the samurai sword. All the stuff that's in the.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Have a samurai sword.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you're selling the samurai sword.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Greg, we know you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We know you're selling the bearded dragon tank.

[Jake Johnson]

All these things.

[Michael Angarano]

Greg, there's the samurai sword on the mantle behind him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He looks up at it one last.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

I don't want it. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not. He's like that.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

In all fairness, it was a gift. I never bought it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good to myself.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, we're. What we're suggesting is get rid of a bunch of the stuff you don't need.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Because what we're trying to prove to her with our version of this competition is this ain't the same old guy. This one means a lot to you.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah, Yeah. I think that could work. I think that's honestly what she probably needs to see, and maybe that is what she's thinking, right? Is this guy has too many hobbies.

[Michael Angarano]

And honestly, Greg, it could be a good thing for you to see if you are serious about it. Maybe you get a month and a half in and you're like, you know what?

[Jake Johnson]

This is true. This is.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah.

[Michael Angarano]

This is not me. I'm not an accordion Guy.

[Jake Johnson]

But then if that's the case, come back on and do you got to tell us?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

[Jake Johnson]

This is. I gotta tell you, and I know it seems weird to say it because we're part of the pitch. This is a good solution.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah. Honestly, I wasn't sure how you guys were gonna, you know, figure this out, but that I, I, you know, I think that's a pretty pretty, you know, solid formula. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Let me ask you a quick question. You gonna talk to your wife about this soon, or are you gonna do more secretive? What's your play?

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

I definitely am gonna pitch that to her because I think she would be on board with that.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah, I definitely think she'd be on board.

[Jake Johnson]

What zone are you in? And I'm gonna say this. Why? So we have a really strange reach on this show that we found. We got a lot of listeners in different places, and the community is strong. There might be an accordion player near you who's willing to volunteer time. So what's your zone? What's your. Where. Where are you? Kind of, again, I felt like coastal Virginia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

So kind of a. Like Virginia Beach, Hampton Roads area.

[Jake Johnson]

So anything in that zone where. So it's not too long of a drive. If you're an accordion player and you have an accordion and. And you want to volunteer some lessons, we would love to have you on the show. We would love to hear how it goes. We'd love to record some of the lessons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'd love for them to be free.

[Jake Johnson]

Patreon. Yeah, and we'll kind of see what happens. But, Greg, either way, follow up with us, please.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Absolutely. Yeah. Definitely. No, this has been. This is great.

[Greg]

This is good.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is what we do, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you for doing the show, brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. Michael, please. Thank you, guys.

[Michael Angarano]

This was nice.

[Jake Johnson]

It's really fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Greg, Bye.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

All right, thank you.

[Michael Angarano]

Bye.

[Greg (continued) / Accordion Caller]

Yeah, this is perfect. Look forward to it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, we're leaving, Greg. Thanks. Call's over. Okay, bye.

[Swathi]

Hey, guys. My name is Andrea. I'm a big fan of the show. I have been listening since early and season one. I love the humor. I love the problems. I enjoy everything you do. But yet there was one day when I didn't because I was wanting to scream to the top of my legs, my lungs. Don't send people into holes, please. I just needed to tell you about this because it made me deeply worried, uncomfortable. Best case, you're gonna win a Darwin's award, but worst case, you're really going to hurt somebody. These Holes are actually called confined spaces, and you can look them up in OSHA O S H A as confined spaces. The issue is, in those holes, you may lack oxygen, you may have toxic fumes. If there's water, there may be vapors. So you don't know what's in them unless you can measure it, which. Which in no means that wasn't the case for this call. And you might get really hurt. And then usually people could faint and get hurt, and then the next person goes down to get them, and they also faint and get hurt because it's the same air that's a trap. And there's been plenty of sad incidents about this in farming, in industry. I work in an industry where we have history of these things.

[Jake Johnson]

Things.

[Swathi]

And I'm deeply aware, and it sounds like you're not. So please don't be sending people into holes. They're confined spaces. They might hurt themselves, they might hurt other people around them, and just don't do that anymore. Thank you.

[Andrea]

Hi, I'm Swathi from India and I live in Copenhagen, Denmark, right now. I'm a student here and I've been living here for about two and a half years now. I just wanted to send you a little voice note expressing how much gratitude I have for Jake Garrett, the previous producers, the current producers, the callers, and everyone who makes this show so incredible. I started listening to the podcast about two years ago when I was just after. I just got kicked out of. Of my place, of my old place, and I was just moving in and I was homeless for a little bit, so times were rough as fuck and I was jobless as well, and somehow I stumbled upon this thing and it's. It's been a constant. And did I get upset when you guys took a break? Yeah. But did I somehow manage by listening to Jake and Gareth being on other podcasts? Yes, absolutely. Yes. Yeah. It's just been such a constant. It has taken me through tough times, easy times, happy times, sad times, everything. I've lost a grandma, I've lost some friends, I've gained many. And through everything, y' all have somehow managed to make me laugh, smile, giggle. Yeah. So amazing job. I was just listening to the get in the Hole and Piano Time is Piano Time episode and just how so sweet y' all were to checkpill our group and just. Just how wonderful that call was reminded me of why I keep listening and how much I appreciate this part. And that is all. Hope you have a great week and yeah, hopefully. Harvey, call us home. Bye. Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[Michael Angarano]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions Executive Producer Producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis Associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master

[Gareth Reynolds]

by Chris Faller Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Jake Johnson]

That was a Hitgum podcast. That was a Hitgum podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds and I have a new podcast on Headgum called Next. We have now this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't because you now legally have to listen to the show. That's how law works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business. The Doughboys play a game called Meal or no Meal, and Steph Tola and I go head to head on a thought provoking game called Guess that Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds and we probably have more fun than we should, but it's a great time and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next we have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast app.