272: Trash Night Buffet & Fancy Football (with Aya Cash)

Summary

We're Here to Help – Episode 272: "Trash Night Buffet & Fancy Football" (with Aya Cash)

Release Date: March 18, 2026

Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds

Guest: Aya Cash

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Episode Overview

In this episode of We're Here to Help, hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds are joined by actress Aya Cash (known for "You're the Worst" and her upcoming Broadway run) to field listener calls seeking advice on neighborly disputes and fantasy football etiquette. The tone is irreverent, playful, occasionally absurd, but always supportive—blending practical suggestions with comedic improvisation. Two main callers seek help: one with passive-aggressive bear-related trash problems, and another with the challenge of collecting fantasy football winnings from a sluggish group chat.

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Guest Introduction: Aya Cash

• Aya and Gareth reminisce about working together on “You’re the Worst.”
• Aya jokes about never getting over her time on the show:

  "It's kind of like the ex you can never get over. I'm like, when do I get to do that again? Oh, once in your lifetime, if you're lucky." (02:07 – Aya Cash)

• Jake inquires about Aya’s background, leading to a hilarious retelling of her artsy San Francisco upbringing, including an "arts high school" filled with classic ‘90s misadventures (“a lot of weed,” “drinking 40s,” a rogue assistant principal with a water bra).
• Discussion about her path from theater-obsessed teenager to Broadway actress—especially the ironic reality that you have to "get famous" to be in Shakespeare in the Park.

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Segment 1: Trash Night Buffet – Bears and Neighborly Neglect

[Start: 11:33]

Caller: Aaron from Breckenridge, Colorado

The Problem

Aaron, a self-professed classically Midwestern transplant, describes living in a Colorado mountain town where neighbors’ failure to secure trash leads to bear invasions—resulting in Aaron cleaning both their trash and bear scat from her own yard.

"We're over here cleaning up other people's garbage, which is disgusting. And then also scooping giant piles of bear poop into our garbage." (13:40 – Aaron)

Key Points of Discussion

• The hosts want a specific question; Aaron asks simply, “How do I get them to stop?”
• Her attempts at passive aggression (dirty looks) haven’t worked.
• Her husband suggests texting neighbors directly; they do a "half-assed" job when they show up.

Advice & Comedic Brainstorming

• Jake’s Initial Pitch:
  Buy an electric leaf blower and blow all the trash back onto the neighbors. "Just put it all right in your head." (15:20 – Jake)

• Aya’s Improvement:
  Do it covertly at night—punish, but never get caught. “I’m a petty bitch; this would drive me crazy, and I would find some way to punish. But never let it go back to you.” (15:36 – Aya)

• Tangents on disguising oneself in a bear suit; concern over Ring cameras.

• Fantasy Solution:
  Stage a bear chase, wear a boot, claim you were injured as a result of their "trash night buffet," and use this as leverage.

• The group realizes some strategies (“fake bear chase”) would make local news in a small town—too risky.

• Jake’s Passive-Aggressive Real-World Solution:
  Leave a sign:

  "Do not put your trash out at night. It’s a rule. It’s attracting bears. Be respectful." (21:32 – Jake Johnson)

• Discussion of leaving “a smear of blood on the neighbor’s door” (Passover-style) as an inside joke about warning.

• Final Consensus:
  Jake’s actionable advice: Next time the trash and bear mess end up in Aaron’s yard, don’t clean it all—shovel the “bear” (excrement) and trash right onto the responsible neighbor’s doorstep or right by their driver's side door.

  “Shovel the bear, throw it right at their doorstep... On top of it, like a cherry on top of a sundae, all the bear.” (23:55 – Jake Johnson)

• The group encourages Aaron to film the act (POV GoPro if possible) for the podcast.

  “I would gladly film it.” (26:06 – Aaron)

Notable Quotes

• Aya: "If this voice matches this face, you can do whatever you want. You just gotta do it quiet because no one will suspect you." (15:36)
• Jake (on escalation): “Would you film yourself putting the garbage in their yard and the bear... so if you get caught, you say, ‘I’m doing this for a podcast.’” (25:07)

[End of segment: 28:14]

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Segment 2: Fancy Football – Collecting on Fantasy League Debts

[Start: 30:05]

Caller: Rachel from Minneapolis, Minnesota

The Problem

Rachel had a hard-fought victory in her friends-and-family fantasy football league. The prize ($20 per participant) remains unpaid by more than half the members—including her championship rival, her brother (the league commissioner), and various parental acquaintances.

"How do I ask them for money now?... We kind of already did the whole thing." (33:20 – Rachel)

Key Points of Discussion

• Jake rants that the league was run poorly (“The commissioner has to get the money first!”) (33:43)
• Rachel emphasizes the awkwardness due to the league being mostly family/friends and older people.
• Aya playfully confesses her confusion between “fancy football” and “fantasy football,” but supports Rachel’s claim to the prize.
• Jake and Gareth riff on fantasy football as a community-building absurdity (“the Dungeons & Dragons-ification of football”); Aya supports community and silly group traditions.

Advice & Action Plan

• Jake's Big Idea:
  Record a video message—threatening but fun—to demand payment, leveraging the show’s notoriety.
• The group does multiple “takes” of an improvised video, experimenting with degrees of threat, sarcasm, and sincerity.
• Aya jokes:

  “I once didn’t pay a debt and I can’t walk now. I can’t tell the story because it’s a legal issue. But if you want to be able to walk, you pay your debts.” (46:43 – Aya Cash)

• Jake promises that if Rachel doesn’t get paid, the podcast will cover the missing amount and become her “debt collectors.”
• They encourage Rachel to pick whichever version (tough love or earnest) best fits the group.
• Multiple riffs about Broadway actors from Minneapolis’ Guthrie Theater showing up to “act tough” at debtors' doors.
• Rachel ultimately records her own bold video message to her group.

“Listen here, everybody. You owe me some money. My Venmo is Rachel-Danis-01. This league was grueling… I beat all of you guys throughout the whole season... $20. By my birthday, January 25th, I'm turning 30. Send me the money or else.” (55:27 – Rachel)

• The hosts delight in her transformation from sheepish to assertive, “slowly, incrementally got her there.” (56:05 – Gareth)
• Jake requests Rachel send screen grabs of any colorful responses from the group.

[End of segment: 56:49]

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Notable and Memorable Moments

• Aya cash hilariously improvising alternate identities with the group, e.g., "Street Drugs, Wet Butt and Water Bra: Attorneys at Law." (49:47)
• Jake repeatedly distracted by the idea that "chimps in the wild" have begun "wearing masks while committing crimes" (17:27 and 37:14), to the confusion/delight of everyone else.
• The segment with Rachel includes group role-play, faux legal threats, and the promise of ongoing podcast support (even offering to call individual league members if necessary).
• Jake and Gareth’s improvisational style keeps the tone light and encourages genuine participation from callers.
• Aya note-perfect, weaving between deadpan humor and “real” advice, always with a mischievous edge.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & "You're the Worst" reminiscence – 01:24 to 02:21
• Aya's arts school/childhood stories – 02:33 to 05:56
• Caller 1: Aaron's bear trash problem – 11:33 to 28:14
• Passive-aggressive and "petty covert ops" pitches – 15:36 to 18:48
• GoPro/planning phase for bear shoveling – 25:07 to 28:14
• Caller 2: Rachel’s fantasy football debt issue – 30:05 to 56:49
• Multiple “takes” on Rachel's video pitch – 43:29 to 55:03
• Rachel’s final, tough video message – 55:27 to 55:48
• Wrap up & podcast closing banter – 56:49 to end

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Final Thoughts

We're Here to Help continues its blend of empathetic advice and deadpan comedy, transforming basic dilemmas into creative opportunities for petty justice or cathartic self-expression—always somehow managing to make the caller laugh and feel supported. Aya Cash proves a natural fit, injecting extra wit and charm—and giving listeners license to indulge their own “petty bitch” selves in the name of progress.

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For listeners:
Even if you don't have neighborly bear issues or unpaid fantasy debts, you'll find practical suggestions, plenty of laughs, and a recurring reminder from Aya, Jake, and Gareth that sometimes the best help is just having someone in your corner—armed with both reason and ridiculousness.

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Notable Quotes Quick List:

• "It's kind of like the ex you can never get over." (02:07 – Aya Cash)
• "I’m a petty bitch; this would drive me crazy." (15:36 – Aya Cash)
• "Shovel the bear, throw it right at their doorstep… like a cherry on top of a sundae, all the bear." (23:55 – Jake Johnson)
• "I once didn’t pay a debt and I can’t walk now." (46:43 – Aya Cash)
• "Listen here, everybody. You owe me some money... $20. By my birthday, January 25th, I'm turning 30. Send me the money or else." (55:27 – Rachel)

(For more content or to call in: [e-mail])

Transcript

[Aya Cash]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a Headgun podcast.

[Howie Mandel]

Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie do it. Gaming team take on Gilly the King and Wallow267's million dollars gaming in an epic global gaming league video game showdown.

[Jake Johnson]

4.

[Howie Mandel]

Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against Neo right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com everybody games.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you for joining our podcast today.

[Aya Cash]

Nice to meet you both.

[Jake Johnson]

Nice to meet you too.

[Aya Cash]

I've met you, Gareth, and I feel like. Jake, I've just heard lots about you.

[Jake Johnson]

Back at you. I feel like we've met each other and then I realized when we saw each other we haven't, but I feel like we have.

[Aya Cash]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

How do you and Mr. Gareth know each other?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're the worst. I wrote on the final season of youf're the Worst, which is. I cannot recommend that show enough to people like that that really. I don't know how you feel about it, Aya, but I mean, I was a fan of it and then wrote on the last season and it was just of all the things I've worked on, that to me was just such a great show that I. Every time anyone asks for show recommendations, I just say, that show is so well written, so well performed. But I don't know, I mean, how do you feel about that time?

[Aya Cash]

Those people. Now I can tell you the truth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Aya Cash]

Let's tell some stories. No, I mean, I still. It's. Unfortunately, I. You know, it's kind of like the X you can never get over. I'm like, when do I get to do that again? Oh, once. Once in your lifetime, if you're lucky. Great.

[Jake Johnson]

What's your story with how you got into everything? What was the. What was the beginning? Oh, come on, girl. Give it. So what was the arc? A little bit here.

[Aya Cash]

Needy child. Only child.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, only child. From where?

[Aya Cash]

From San Francisco.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh. City? Marin.

[Rachel Danis]

Around.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Aya Cash]

I said San Francisco.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, shots are fired. Shots are fired.

[Jake Johnson]

Where? In San Fran. I know it a little bit. I've been vacationing there a lot. I like it.

[Aya Cash]

I. I grew up kind of all over because I have divorced parents, but a big chunk was spent on 19th and Castro, so. In the Castro.

[Jake Johnson]

Look at you now. I understand the cool paint job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's right.

[Jake Johnson]

Now at first I was like, that's a weird choice. Now I'm like 19s in Castro.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Aya Cash]

No, I am a send up. I am a Portlandia episode set in San Francisco.

[Jake Johnson]

So grew up in San Fran.

[Aya Cash]

Yeah, grew up in San Fran and went to arts high school. So by, by high school I knew I wanted to be an actor. I auditioned because I was small and my family said, you better get into a public school where you're not going to get beat up. So.

[Jake Johnson]

Because you're a little guy.

[Aya Cash]

Because I'm a little one.

[Jake Johnson]

And so then high school, you're like, I think I want to do this acting thing. Yeah, Arts high school.

[Aya Cash]

Arts high school. Which was.

[Jake Johnson]

What does that mean? So no math, no science.

[Aya Cash]

No, it meant math and science and a lot of weed. It was like not a. You know, we. I remember everyone drinking 40s at one point at school and the teacher came in and found us, but only the person who was taking a sip got in trouble. It was a very.

[Jake Johnson]

This is what I would think about in art school, to be honest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That sounds awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

I've got 12 year old daughters and we're just starting to look at the junior high, high school world. And I've heard, you know, another dad was like, our daughter's going to. They were all in the same volleyball team. He goes, we're thinking about an art school. And I literally, my image was a bunch of kids smoking joints, drinking beer and the teacher going like, dude, I'm not here to fucking judge because I party too. And I'm like, get out of here. Judge. These are 14 year old kids.

[Aya Cash]

Our assistant principal, I remember, got arrested or fired for. She'd been using the company card and she. I remember she bought a water bra. I remember that was a big school. Like that's how she got caught you okay. So women sometimes enhance. If you've ever seen a show I've ever been in, they're often not mine.

[Jake Johnson]

Like a water. Like a water bed on your chest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I kind of want one of those just for myself.

[Aya Cash]

Like sacks of water. I feel like this was a 90s thing. Like sacks of water to sit in your bra to, you know, give a.

[Jake Johnson]

I was just given the nickname Wet, but I think we got a nickname for you. Wet Chest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're big into nicknames here. I. Or sorry. Water bra.

[Jake Johnson]

You might be Water bra.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Water bra.

[Aya Cash]

Real appropriate for the street drugs doing.

[Jake Johnson]

Now I'm wet, but you're Water bra.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So Water bra. You go to arts high school.

[Aya Cash]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you're liking it.

[Rachel Danis]

Then.

[Aya Cash]

Then college, you know, I started doing. I thought I was gonna go and do Shakespeare around the country and, like, live the life of exactly what you

[Jake Johnson]

think comes from San Francisco, but, like, a true actor. Theater in the park.

[Aya Cash]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Acting, acting, acting. Black turtlenecks, Black box theaters.

[Aya Cash]

Oh, definitely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Aya Cash]

Like dance shoes. When I'm not dancing.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Interesting. A lot of movement. A lot of acting classes with movement.

[Aya Cash]

The idea movement, eyel all of the above.

[Jake Johnson]

Then what happens? How do you get in the world of TV and all that fun stuff?

[Aya Cash]

Oh, I was just broke. And also, you have to be famous to be in Shakespeare in the Park. So I was like, for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

It's the funniest part of going back to New York and seeing plays. And you're like, guys, go to la, get on tv, and then come back.

[Aya Cash]

Well, honestly, that was my plan. I was like, oh, also, I was, you know, I was a waitress. So I was waitressing and realized that as I started to do theater in New York, which was incredible, I would make more waitressing than doing plays. So I just started to say, like, oh, I need to stop doing as many plays and start, you know, dying on Law and Order.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then now you're on Broadway.

[Jake Johnson]

You're on Broadway, I'm on Broadway.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Finally doing Giant.

[Rachel Danis]

Mm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is that? I mean, now you're the person who is coming to New York, the star to do plays.

[Aya Cash]

I mean, fuck, yeah. I want to be that person that that little girl comes to see in the audience and is like, she's not that great. Oh, she's on tv. That's why she got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the dream. It's the total dream.

[Jake Johnson]

It's embarrassing. That's the dream. They're not great. Yeah, but they've been on TV a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're successful.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, they got a little bit of money. Good for them. And it opens. We just saw March 11th.

[Aya Cash]

March 11th.

[Jake Johnson]

No, the show starts performances March 11th. Yeah, that's coming up.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then that opens March 26th.

[Aya Cash]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm just looking at a text. I never get info like this. Natalie just sent it. She was excited.

[Aya Cash]

Hey, you got the inside track.

[Jake Johnson]

So who's in the show with you? What's it about?

[Aya Cash]

It's John Lithgow plays Roald Dahl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Aya Cash]

So we're going to get a lot of people who are really excited to see Roald Dahl. They love the witches. And then, boom. Antisemitism. It's a very smart, very funny, but also a very topical play about antisemitism. And responsibility of the Jewish Diaspora. How do I make it sound less fun?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's getting close. No.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, let's start. Let's start this terrible show. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Squarespace.

[Gareth Reynolds (ad reads)]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Rachel Danis]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, who are you please?

[Aaron]

Hi, my name's Aaron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi Aaron, thank you for calling. Where are you calling from?

[Aaron]

I am calling from Breckenridge, Colorado.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Colorado. Beautiful. Roughly how old are we, Aaron? What are we dealing with?

[Aaron]

41. I'll just be straightforward there, thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A kid got a very useful Erin,

[Aaron]

I've been told that before you do,

[Gareth Reynolds]

you've got Jake, you've got myself and we have a special guest helper, we have Aya Cash joining us. So we will get this solved. So what's going on, Aaron? What can we help you with?

[Aaron]

Well, my location is key to the story. So I live in Breckenridge which is a mountain town in Colorado. Mountain resort town is beautiful. We've got gorgeous views, kind of crazy weather. But mostly we have a lot of wildlife. So that's kind of what this calls about, sort of. We've got bears which is kind of the main wildlife that comes in this story. So we all know what to do with our trash. The bears love the trash. They love pretty much anything that smells like food. So grills anything like food related. If you leave it out, the bears are going to get into it and so it's definitely going to attract them. So we all know what to do. We've got bear proof cans. You're not supposed to set your trash cans out the night before. And for some reason the people in my neighborhood do not get the memo even though most of them have lived here for like decades, like they know what to do. But what happens is lucky for us, our neighbors will leave their trash out the night before and then the bears will always get into them. And then for whatever reason, the bears really love to dine in our yard. And then also do what bears do after they die. Leave it in our driveway. So basically we're left cleaning up people stuff and bear stuff after this happens. So I don't know why. And the neighbors, they'll leave their cans out and then they'll see that they're knocked over. But then all the trash is in our yard, and so they don't think that they need to clean it up because it's not in their yard. It's not their problem. So we're over here cleaning up other people's garbage, which is disgusting. And then also scooping giant piles of bear poop into our garbage.

[Jake Johnson]

This is interesting, Erin. So what is the specific. I like the setup a lot. It's very clean, not clean, but I have an image of it. What is the specific question we could help you with today?

[Aaron]

So my question is, what do we do to get this to stop? I am classically Midwestern. I'm not from here. I'm from Minnesota. And so passive aggression is my go to. And so I do a whole lot of just like shooting daggers over their houses while I'm cleaning up the garbage. But anything.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you what, if I left my garbage out and a bear ate it and in somebody else's yard and some little lady with from the Midwest was giving me dirty looks while cleaning up my garbage in my fine. Yeah, fair trade.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kind of best case scenario.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, fair trade. You don't like me. I'm not cleaning up bear.

[Aaron]

Yeah, it feels like maybe they're just winning all around. My husband always tells me to not clean it up. Text them, tell them they need to come over and get it and every once in a while they will. But it's like a half assed cleanup. It's not like they're doing it the way that they would in their own yard.

[Jake Johnson]

What about really fast? You can get a 250 electric leaf blower.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, trash blow.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's really. How aggressive do you want to get? That's a pretty good one.

[Jake Johnson]

Just put it all right in your head.

[Aaron]

Very anti.

[Rachel Danis]

Passive aggressive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's aggressive. Aggressive.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah. What were you going to say?

[Aya Cash]

Do you hear this voice? If this voice matches this face, you can do whatever you want. You just got to do it quiet because no one will suspect you. So I think leaf blower calls too much attention. I think you go real. I'm a petty bitch like this would drive me crazy, and I would find some way to punish. But never let it go back to you. Interesting. I think. I think leaf blower is the right idea in terms of getting it on their property somehow. But I think you got to be real covert and they'll never know.

[Jake Johnson]

That's really interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I think of it like we. Obviously, if it was on their yard, they would have a totally different opinion. So part of me thinks maybe you just do the full move and you just. You know, when it happens, just move everything there that. I guess it's a little dangerous with the bear.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. It's. Well, it's dangerous and it's work.

[Aya Cash]

You take. You take the leftovers out of the container, meaning you. You don't let the bear tip the. The trash cans. You go over. When they come out, you tip them in their yard.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that a lot. That's really good night.

[Aaron]

And then as aggressive as it comes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but.

[Jake Johnson]

But here's why it's passive, Aaron. You do it in the secrecy of night.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In a bear costume, you.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, so. But you. I hear. I actually think this is crazy. But it would be really. It could work if in the middle of the night, you see it, you sneak out. You gotta be careful of ring cameras. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the thing.

[Jake Johnson]

Because everybody's got a camera right now. And, man, you would be on one of those shows, like Bad Neighbor shows on, like, true tv. If I saw in true TV a lady in a bear outfit knocking over my garbage, I'd be like, that's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you do want to maybe be a little disguised in this.

[Jake Johnson]

But this is neither here nor there. But have you guys seen the thing that there's chimpanzees in the wild who've been wearing masks while committing crimes. Moving on. Neither here nor there. But I. What do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You didn't even give us a chance, Jake.

[Aya Cash]

It's like conspiracy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's very interest. Interesting. It's not over.

[Jake Johnson]

Who cares? That's not what this call's about. This is about bears in a front yard in Colorado. But you know, what about chimps literally creating mass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is what, just to be anonymous? He has a blind spot for chimps, to be quite honest with you. So he just floated that out there, thinking, hey, maybe everyone's into this, and then realized his algorithm is just catering towards him in a strange direction.

[Jake Johnson]

That's exactly right. But when you're talking about being a petty and doing something on the sly, what are some possible pitches

[Aya Cash]

to do

[Jake Johnson]

for this like that, because my kind of thought is aggression on aggression. But you're right that with her voice and face and who she is, the middle of the night thing is a very good idea. But it's scary because of a ring camera. If you get caught on that, that's a living nightmare. So what we need to do is we need to get this garbage so it stops going in Aaron's yard and so that the bears stop eating it. And in her yard. What is the way we could. Go ahead, Aaron.

[Aaron]

The other thing that kind of has me not wanting to do that is that I don't want the bears here. Like, I mean, they're fun to look at, right? But if part of the reason why I clean it up so quickly and don't leave it for them to, like, come over and you are yard. I don't really want to attract more bears.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so we want them to cap their trash, right?

[Rachel Danis]

Or just follow the rules.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about this? What about if we fake a bear chase? What about if you're wearing, like, a boot? You know when, like, people get hurt and they have to wear the boot? You wear the boot. You come over next door, you tell these people that you've been capping your trash. Like, the rules are you're a rule follower. The last thing you wanted to do was come over here and have to say this. But the fact that the bears are going over there because they're running trash night buffets. You were out there, There was a cub. You saw it. The mama chased you around the house. You twisted your ankle. Sorry, gotta cap the trash.

[Jake Johnson]

It's pretty good.

[Aaron]

I don't know if I'm that good of an actor.

[Rachel Danis]

You guys are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got two phenomenal actors on this.

[Jake Johnson]

Aaron, let's see this. Aya, I want you to play the neighbor.

[Aya Cash]

Okay?

[Jake Johnson]

Aaron, I want you to just try with Aya and see how it would go if you're telling her she's got a cap or trash because you were attacked by a bear the previous night.

[Aaron]

Hold on. It's not just one neighbor. It's like multiples.

[Jake Johnson]

You gotta go, kid. You're going one at a time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You almost got killed.

[Aya Cash]

And then you ask for help. You ask, you say to them, you say to the first neighbor that you get, you say, will you please help me?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, what if we do this via email? Do you have everybody's info?

[Aaron]

I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

So you got to do it or

[Aaron]

people are doing this are not my people.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, but what about is this could this be a letter you. You hand to people? Or is this. You want to go door to door and knock?

[Aaron]

I don't want to go door to door. And not.

[Jake Johnson]

So you buy your letter. We can't go through the husband, Gareth. He's not on the call.

[Aaron]

Guys, if there's a bear attack in our town, it's like front page news.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Exactly.

[Rachel Danis]

Not exactly.

[Jake Johnson]

That hurts us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It does hurt us.

[Rachel Danis]

Yeah.

[Aya Cash]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. So let's move away from bear.

[Gareth Reynolds (ad reads)]

It's not a bear attack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a bear chase.

[Aya Cash]

What if you. Okay, if you don't feel like you can do this in person, what if you just leave a trail of blood from their trash cans to your yard? Do you think they'd notice?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you don't come outside for two weeks.

[Aya Cash]

Exactly.

[Rachel Danis]

That.

[Aaron]

That appeals to me. From the passive aggressive standpoint, for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

I have a really passive aggressive one you could do.

[Rachel Danis]

Ooh.

[Jake Johnson]

Create signs that you hang up at night that says, do not put your trash out at night. It's a rule. It's attracting bears. Be respectful. I hated that.

[Aya Cash]

I like it as a. As. As real advice. Just waiting for the turn.

[Jake Johnson]

You're right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that was. And you also left a pause, too.

[Jake Johnson]

Waiting for the turn is right. But. But the idea of leaving signage out, that's really passive aggressive. Really? And really. Like, hey, clean up after yourself.

[Aya Cash]

But maybe one bloody hand on the door. Like Passover. Right? Like just like a smear of blood down the neighbor's door.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, here's what I gotta say. Here's what I'm afraid.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just the corpse on the porch.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what I'm afraid of. The blood. Because I loved the bear chase thing. I thought that was going to work. But the reality of it is, is I think people. We can't have the neighbors laugh this off and think they're in on the game of it. Because if we can't get away with a bear chase me, which I really thought was going to be the win. But if she's saying if there's a bear chase, it's front page news. I'll tell you what, there's bears in Altadena. I live right in Pasadena for bear chases me. I'm not calling the police. It's not front page news.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that is.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we're not talking about a grizzly attack. You're saying, like, if I go back yard, we have raccoons and a raccoon kind of gets a fucking, like, yar at me. I'm not calling the news. Yeah, but I was nearly attacked by a raccoon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So wild statement. Okay, what if we did this?

[Gareth Reynolds (ad reads)]

This.

[Jake Johnson]

What if we called it local newspaper and say there was a bear chase?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I'm really into it. What if we get bear costume, we video the chase and we send it to news and then if anyone finds out, they realize they're living next to a psycho.

[Jake Johnson]

I have an idea. I have an idea, actually, I have a passive aggressive idea that's annoying, but pointed. Don't clean up all the garbage when it gets in your yard. You don't want the bare back. Shovel the bear, throw it right at their doorstep. Whoever's garbage it is right outside of their door, there's just a bunch of bear.

[Aaron]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or smear it on the lid of the trash.

[Jake Johnson]

Right? Because. But here, what I'm looking for here is I cleaned up your garbage again, but by you up this bear. Bringing bear here, that's your responsibility. So I'm gonna put it right near the. The driver's side door of the car, all over the ground. So you can't get in the car. You have to go like, ah, there's bear all over here. And you go, yeah, because you left the garbage out. And then if that doesn't work, you put all the garbage that was theirs, shovel it right by their driver's side door of their car. Especially if one of them has to go to the work in the morning. And on top of it, like a cherry on top of a sundae, all the bear.

[Aaron]

I like it. I like that a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not.

[Jake Johnson]

Would you actually do that? In terms of liking it, I would,

[Aaron]

but probably in the COVID of night.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Aaron]

Confrontation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I think that's right. I don't. Yeah, I don't think you want. That's aggressive. Aggressive. If you walk into your neighbor's yard and put on their car, passive aggressive is you sneak into it.

[Jake Johnson]

Would you. This is a real question here, Aaron. And this is make or break. If we lock in on this, would you film yourself putting the garbage in their yard and the be. So if you get caught, you say, they go, what are you doing? You go, I'm doing this for a podcast.

[Aaron]

Yeah, no, I would totally film it for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Because that is something I would love to hear. Just even like the breathing and like the shoveling at the end of this episode. Just like that. And then going like when Aaron. I want to hear Aaron go like this. Oh, my God, it's a big pile of bear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, what Jake is asking for, I think. And I would Love is a GoPro on the head POV. But if we can't get that just a distant film.

[Aaron]

I live in a ski town. Of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please.

[Jake Johnson]

GoPro would be glare with just and. And talk about everything while it's happening by the. This is another bamboo. This is from the baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Enjoy your.

[Aaron]

I would gladly film it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so is this something you're gonna do next Garbage Attack?

[Aaron]

Yes, next Garbage Attack. I'm on it.

[Jake Johnson]

Aya, your thoughts?

[Aya Cash]

I'm all in. I love this.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Aya Cash]

I love this. I think this is the right choice. You found. You know what I'm realizing? You found the thing she wants to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Because

[Aya Cash]

I think that's. That's most important.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, that's the feel real good about it. That's the premise of this show.

[Aya Cash]

I should listen.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not about us. It's about the callers.

[Aaron]

Yes, yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you have listened. I. We know. We know. You're playing it off like you're not.

[Jake Johnson]

Huge fan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huge fan. Huge fan. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So Aaron, what are you gonna do? Walk us through it?

[Aaron]

I'm. I'm definitely. Next time I get this mess in my yard, which probably won't be long.

[Rachel Danis]

Unless.

[Aaron]

So the bears are hibernating supposedly right now, but they came out for Christmas, so I'm pretty sure they're going to be continuing to feast and everywhere.

[Rachel Danis]

So.

[Jake Johnson]

And so just do me a favor, just because you got that great accent and that great voice, really narrate what you're doing while you're cleaning. Don't be afraid to over talk.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Just kind of say what you see kind of thing.

[Aaron]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

No intercepts.

[Aaron]

Yeah, I'm on it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, great. And then if you could send us that, we will post it along and we'll, you know, put the whole thing up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Up and pixel the face out then.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, well, pixel. Well, it's going to be a GoPro.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh well. POV. So remember, not on your face POV.

[Jake Johnson]

We don't want just her face, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Part of me does too. Part of me wants that challenge Jake. That.

[Aaron]

Enjoy your bear witch. I can do a switch around.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. By the way, a couple switch rounds would be fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, look, just coverage would be great. Get a medium, a wide.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, if you could.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you have a crane? We'd love to, Dalian. No, that's great. I think that's a real win. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Then follow up with us because there might be some reaction from the neighbors. And if there is, call us before you do anything and we'll talk you through and we'll come up with a good plan. And worst case scenario, will as a show, write a letter. We'll pretend to be a city.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, you think a bear attack makes the news?

[Jake Johnson]

We can get to the news.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Buckle up for this.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we can get to the local news, but we have to keep it passive aggressive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Aaron]

No, I think this is the perfect blend of passive and aggressive.

[Jake Johnson]

I do, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're happier in this one.

[Jake Johnson]

Aaron, thank you for the call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, Aaron.

[Aaron]

Thank you, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

With Verbocare, help is always ready before,

[Aaron]

during, and after your stay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've planned for the plot twists, so support is always available because a great trip starts with peace of mind.

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[Gareth Reynolds (ad reads)]

Hello.

[Rachel Danis]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds (ad reads)]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's your name, please?

[Rachel Danis]

I'm Rachel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, Rachel. Where are you calling from?

[Rachel Danis]

Minneapolis, Minnesota.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Beautiful. Beautiful. And, Rachel, how old are we talking about?

[Rachel Danis]

I turned 30 in a couple weeks on the 25th.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's great. Good for you. Well, well, Rachel, I'm not gonna lie. You've got Jake, you've got myself. But that's not gonna make headlines. What is gonna make headlines is we have a Broadway actress. The great Aya Cash is on the list to join.

[Aya Cash]

Turn that who into an ooh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Jake Johnson]

That's merch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's merch. So, Rachel, what is going on?

[Rachel Danis]

Okay, so like many people, I joined a fantasy football league this year. And obviously that takes a lot of effort and work to get to the championship weekend. If you've ever been part of a fantasy football league before. It's a lot of care and dedication, guys, to make sure you set your lineups every week. And this fantasy football league that I joined is a group of family friends. So it's mostly like my parents friends, and they're kind of connected through my younger brother, like their age group, his buddies, and then those parents, like, they all became friends. So I'm close to this group. Like, I know all these people. Like, we've spent time together over the years, but they're not like my best closest friends. So throughout the time of the season, you know, there's some friendly banter happening in the group chat and all the things. But gets to championship weekend and I'm like feeling great. I've had a great season. Dijon Robinson is my guy. And we get to the last day and I now have a 1% chance of winning. Like, I completely dropped. Like, the percentages just went so low. So I'm like super bummed, like, probably not going to win. And then Monday night game comes around and Bijan absolutely goes off and the person that I'm playing against, his team is not doing so great. So I'm like super pumped again, like, trying to throw some banter in the chat to be like, guys, tune in, great game happening. And I end up winning the whole league, which super exciting. Again, lots of work winning fantasy football. Like, you gotta really be on top of it. But then my brother, who's the commissioner of the league, sends out a text, like, congratulating me, like, Rachel is the winner. And I send a little like, yay to the fans, thank you for all the support, you know, again, trying to keep it friendly and light and fun. And I send my Venmo because everyone is supposed to pay me, the winner, $20. And I only received like a handful of people paying me the money. And the reason I need your help is because it's kind of like awkward because these are like my parents friends, my brother's friends, his, like their siblings and stuff. And of course, like, I know them all, but it's like, how do I ask them for money now? Like, we kind of already did the

[Jake Johnson]

whole thing, but it's your money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake is the perfect person for this.

[Jake Johnson]

This is crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake will show up and break knees.

[Jake Johnson]

This is crazy. I hate this. First of all, the league was run poorly. Yeah, Just had this. Gareth and I, we, we were. We used to run. We didn't do fantasy football, but we did a whole betting league. The commissioner has to get the Money first.

[Rachel Danis]

I know.

[Jake Johnson]

You cannot ask people to pay later. It's insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Asking losers for money is tough.

[Rachel Danis]

Hasn't paid me as the person I was playing against in the championship. Just saying.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course not.

[Rachel Danis]

Of course not. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So here's my first pitch. Rachel, first of all, you got anything jumps out. You seem to be a huge fantasy football fan.

[Aya Cash]

Yeah, I understood. I understood money at the end.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bijan Robinson. You're a fan of his.

[Rachel Danis]

Yes.

[Aya Cash]

Also, I thought at first it was fancy football, and I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm in a fancy football league,

[Aya Cash]

so. Yeah. So I'm gonna be super helpful with this. But I do understand money, so I

[Jake Johnson]

will say also, I. I have never played fantasy football, so I'm like you. I don't know the rules of it. I've never been into it. I feel like it's the Dungeons and Dragons occasion of football. I've had people where you're sitting there watching a game, and they'll go like, jesus. Alan Robinson with the catch. He's on my team.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, dude.

[Jake Johnson]

And I go like, I what? Shut up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That has absolutely A game. That has ruined it. Ruined public watchings.

[Jake Johnson]

Dude, I'm. I'm wearing a ramp shirt, but I'm cheering for the Lions. Why? Because they're on my team. You don't have a team.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's tough for me because I. I got a roof. Aaron Jones, because he's on my team, but he's played against my team.

[Jake Johnson]

It kills me, dude. I've got through defense. I don't know what you're talking. It really feels the same. My brother, growing up, always played Dungeons and Dragons with his buddies, and he was the older brother, and I wasn't allowed to play. So I just have these memories of these, like, three guys being like, well, I'm a warlock and a dragon. And me being like, what is this? This is not a cool Friday night.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

And now it's turned the whole NFL. You'll be at a bar, and it's all people just being like, oh, dude, I have him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I benched him. What was he thinking?

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you another person who does that is Rob. Natalie's husband sent Gareth and I a few texts being like, dude, I love this game. I benched him. Who cares? I don't care. Who cares who you bench?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Jake's way of getting him off that text.

[Aya Cash]

I gotta say. I gotta say, I'm gonna go opposite view here, knowing nothing about fantasy football, but I do love, like, small community, like, people investing in shit that doesn't matter really intensely and like, bonding and creating your own language around it. Like, I honestly think, like, it's not. When it's dealing with even assholes who aren't paying you your money. Like, it's. It's creating community. And I'm for that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You.

[Jake Johnson]

You're for. As a bold political statement. You are for community.

[Aya Cash]

Cancel me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I am not afraid.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not afraid to be myself here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love fancy football and I'm not afraid to scream it a lot, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

I would put real money behind a league of fancy football. And it's the fanciest football players who, during the game, like wide receivers, where you're like, that dance, you know, after catching was very fancy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what it would be? You know, when they walk to the locker room, their outfits have become all the. Like, there's this whole thing fancy football is. You get points for who you start with the outfits. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But also certain players, the way they're wearing their uniform these days with, like, the elbow gloves and the wrist club, you're like, it's getting fancy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is fancy.

[Jake Johnson]

So. But, Rachel, this isn't about this, and it's not about chimps wearing masks to commit crimes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Rachel Danis]

Oh, God.

[Jake Johnson]

This isn't about. They do, Jake. And the question I have for you, Gareth, is how do they know to make their faces anonymous if they're not us?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just. I just. Let's do the call. We can side about this. Yeah, exactly.

[Jake Johnson]

So you know what? My first pitch to you, Rachel, is this.

[Rachel Danis]

Talk to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We.

[Jake Johnson]

We write a letter as a group signed by the. The four of us and this podcast, demanding the money come by a certain time or a threat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm pretty. I'm pretty close to that myself. I was going to say one of two things. Add me to the group and I'll write as a. An attorney that we need the money. We're not playing any games. But what we could also do, Jake, is if we make a.

[Jake Johnson]

Make a video, would you have everybody's email?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Jake, you know what we could do?

[Rachel Danis]

We could definitely get it. Yeah, we could definitely.

[Jake Johnson]

We could do a video right now and send a video to everybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love it.

[Rachel Danis]

Oh, my God, I would die. Well, and, like, my brother loves you guys, too. So I specifically told. Didn't tell him about this because otherwise, Okay, I think he would have gone. You know, he would have gone and told everyone, and it would have ruined the whole thing. So I think that that definitely could work. But I also. I mean, the writing in As a lawyer, good vibes. The video always going to be fun. And I think that would definitely work.

[Jake Johnson]

Rachel, what do you think of if right now we made a video to the group that you. We could send as its own clip. And you just send that and ask your brother to please send this to everybody?

[Rachel Danis]

Yeah, I mean, and we don't mention.

[Jake Johnson]

And we don't mention you. We almost do it in the vein of, hey, fantasy football people.

[Rachel Danis]

Or how it's not fancy football people.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, sure. But it's. It's almost like. And I hate to say Gareth is going to get annoyed, but the way Piggly and Mo used to do things, almost just a video. The three of us are making sure that you just send to the group.

[Rachel Danis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think of that, Rachel?

[Rachel Danis]

Well, I did write in on my email that if you guys can't help Piggly, Piggly and Mo could help.

[Aya Cash]

So.

[Jake Johnson]

So you did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They passed. They passed. They drowned.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you. Well, that's a long story.

[Aya Cash]

And street drugs and water bra.

[Jake Johnson]

So if that's the law firm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, we're street drugs, wet butt and water. Water bra. Attorneys at law.

[Jake Johnson]

So if we make this video, Rachel, will you have your brother send it to everybody? And will you then how many people are in the league?

[Rachel Danis]

I think it's probably like 15 people.

[Jake Johnson]

15. And how many people have paid right now?

[Rachel Danis]

Like less than half.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you talking about six? Yeah, the numbers matter to me.

[Rachel Danis]

Okay, fair enough. Six.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so double check that. So if we got in terms of a bell ring, if we got 13 of the 15 to pay, you feel like it was. You want 15 out of 15?

[Rachel Danis]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, you're right.

[Aya Cash]

What if Jake pays the extra that we don't get?

[Jake Johnson]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All the money's gonna come in then.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, you're right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake will be showing up at doorsteps.

[Aaron]

Hey.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, pal. What the.

[Rachel Danis]

You love Minneapolis.

[Aya Cash]

I hear you

[Jake Johnson]

freezing out here, you son of a. Johnson, send the 20 bucks. You're a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

$20? My flight cost a thousand.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Rachel, here's what we're gonna do. If we don't get to 15 out of 15 by February 1st, the show's gonna pay you.

[Rachel Danis]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

And then what we're gonna do is we are gonna follow up with these people indefinitely. And it's going to be. We're going to be a collection agency.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was going to say Jake. We could have John. We could have John put some sort of lawyer letterhead together.

[Jake Johnson]

We will. By the way, what we're Going to do Rachel is we will take your debt right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So now it's our problem. So Rachel's fine now and we're fine.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna call this show Rachel. You're gonna get fully reimbursed. You're gonna get whatever. Tell us how many done. You are now covered. It is our debt. It is not your debt. We are gonna make a video right now and Gareth and I. This is our debt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we are at.

[Rachel Danis]

It was actually a hundred dollar buy in. Actually. No, that's. That's awesome. I love it.

[Jake Johnson]

So what is the name of this league?

[Rachel Danis]

Okay, so it's the BFF League because. Because nobody knows each other. No, exactly. The three families, their last names, like our last names. B starts with A B. And then the other two, their last name starts with F. So it's B and Rachel.

[Jake Johnson]

How could they pay you? Because you can't ask for money without a specific way of payment. So what is your Venmo name? And we can beat this out.

[Rachel Danis]

Okay, great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, by the way, it's actually might be okay to keep it. What's worst case scenario, someone's like, here's $10.

[Jake Johnson]

Anybody wants to send Rachel and Minneapolis money, we're not stopping you. But it's a crazy decision.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We get half though. We took your debt.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, what's your Venmo name?

[Aaron]

Okay.

[Rachel Danis]

I'm trying to just make sure that I get it right. And now of course, it's not letting me log in. I think it's just Rachel.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Rachel Danis]

Rachel dash Danis. B, A N, I S. D. A

[Jake Johnson]

N I s. Right.

[Rachel Danis]

D as in dog.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Rachel Danis]

Oh, A N as in Nancy.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Rachel Danis]

I s. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so Rachel dash Danis.

[Rachel Danis]

Okay, one sec. It's getting me. It's getting me. And then dash zero one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And is the dash an underscore? Just a dash.

[Rachel Danis]

Just your classic dash. And is it a picture of you with a coffee? It's about coke, but yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's you, Rachel.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so let's test your one, guys, let's make a video. We are trying to get everybody in the BFF league to pay Rachel the money they owe. We need this by.

[Rachel Danis]

You know, you can say my birthday. That'd be a good day. January 25th. That's a couple weeks.

[Jake Johnson]

January 25th.

[Rachel Danis]

Yep. I'm really showcasing a lot of my personal information here.

[Aya Cash]

Identity stolen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly, some guys just.

[Jake Johnson]

He's like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Logging in right now. There we are.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so also my Social Security is 391.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm with Chase Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So, Gareth, do you want to start us, introduce our group?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

And then I jump in. Whenever you feel like it. Let's try to make this whole thing under a minute and a half, okay? How's that feel?

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. All right. Ready? Hello, people of the BFF Fantasy Slash Fancy Football League. You have Jake Johnson, Aya Cash, and myself, Gareth Reynolds, here today to talk about a very serious issue, which is paying your fantasy football debts.

[Jake Johnson]

Aya,

[Aya Cash]

what happens when you don't pay your debts? Think about it.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, what happens?

[Aya Cash]

I don't know. I pay all my debts because I'm a good person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Exactly. I am.

[Jake Johnson]

But what happens if you don't?

[Aya Cash]

Well, what happens if you don't is you're publicly humiliated on a very, very popular podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You listen to it, and that's where

[Jake Johnson]

we're at right now, folks. Six out of the 15 of you have paid Rachel your 20 fee. We're not talking about a lot of money, we're talking about $20. But we are talking about something more important than that, and that is if you sign up for a league with a fee, pay the fee. It's insane. This is garbage.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think the whole thing here is that if you do win a league, the last thing you want is to have your winner's circle moment spent worrying

[Jake Johnson]

about where that money is, especially on your birthday. So we, as a show is tape. We have taken over Rachel's debt, so she's paid up. So it's not her problem problem. It's our problem. It's America's problem. It's one guy in Greenland's problem. It's a couple people in time who

[Aya Cash]

make a lot of money, who need that money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on. Stick to the plan. Stick to the plan.

[Gareth Reynolds (ad reads)]

Sorry, sorry.

[Aya Cash]

I don't think the right move is to be like, hey, these rich people

[Gareth Reynolds]

took on the debt.

[Jake Johnson]

She's right. Let's start over from the beginning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here we go.

[Jake Johnson]

You're right. Just say you're start over. And three, two, one. Garrett. Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

BFF Fantasy Football League. Great to meet you. My name is Gareth Reynolds, joined by Jake Johnson from the hit podcast we're here to help. And also, Aya Cash. That's right, she's on Broadway. And we're here to talk about a very serious issue today, which is paying the winner when you don't win the fantasy football league.

[Jake Johnson]

Aya,

[Aya Cash]

you know, I once didn't pay a debt and I can't walk now.

[Jake Johnson]

That's true.

[Aya Cash]

I can't tell the story because it's a Legal issue. But if you want to be able to walk, you pay your debts. And that's the lesson I learned.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you threatening them?

[Aya Cash]

I'm not threatening because I'm a small person and apparently can't walk anymore really fast myself.

[Jake Johnson]

Is it?

[Aya Cash]

But I got people in Minneapolis because I studied at the Guthrie Theater.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Beautiful place.

[Aya Cash]

No, I know people. I know actors. And you know what actors can do?

[Aaron]

Act.

[Aya Cash]

Act tough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Jake Johnson]

You can get a bunch of actors acting tough.

[Aya Cash]

So if you don't want people from the Guthrie Theater coming and threatening and very resonant voices, then maybe you should pay your debt.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's start over one more time. Aya, will you. Will you start us. And start us with the Guthrie Theater. I think we hit something. Good.

[Aaron]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

But let's go. Let's just start with that tone you're on and see what happens.

[Aya Cash]

Normally, I ask for SAG minimum for improv, but today I'm giving it for free. And you know why? Because Rachel has already been ripped off. So we're working for her today. My name is Aya Cash, and I'm here to ask for some. Some cash from all of you at the BFF Fancy Fantasy Football League. I'm trained as an actor. You might not be able to tell right now, but normally I'm pretty good at this. And I went to school in Minneapolis at the Guthrie Theater, a place that doesn't train you for improv but does for Shakespeare. So. So I'll be doing a monologue after the show to prove my worth.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's hear a little bit of it now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Something from Midsummer would be great.

[Aya Cash]

I played Hermia once and Perdita. Also Helena Perdida's from another show.

[Jake Johnson]

This feels crazy.

[Aya Cash]

You know what? This is just for Rachel, so I'm not going to give it to you here, but if you want to see it, you can pay her back and I will give you a monologue. I'm not. Not on cameo, but I will cameo for you.

[Jake Johnson]

I would say let's not offer that, because we are just trying to recoup. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rachel. Rachel.

[Ad Voice]

Help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think what everyone's trying to say is pay the money to Rachel.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, let's go one more time from the start.

[Rachel Danis]

Let's confirm. Seven people. Seven. Seven people. Okay.

[Aya Cash]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Thank you for confirming that. So we need.

[Rachel Danis]

I knew you'd need that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep, I do need that, and I really appreciate that. I'm gonna get us started really fast. Let's just see what happens. Three, two, bigly. And. Hey, bff. Football league. We were brought in by Rachel Danis. That's Rachel Dash Danis. D A N I S Dash zero one. That's her, Venmo. She hasn't been paid by eight. Out of the people in this league, seven of you have. So you guys are off the hook. You play a fantasy league, you should pay. Of course. So this is really to the 8 remaining. This isn't a threat. Although. Aya, what were you saying about your training?

[Aya Cash]

Oh, I just mentioned that I happen to study at the Guthrie Theater, so I know quite a few actors in the town of Minneapolis and the Twin Cities who could possibly show up your door and act real tough if. If the debt is not paid back. But that's not a threat.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it's just what's reality, Gareth? You got anything to say?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I got a threat. Listen, you're not gonna pay. Yeah, you are. You're gonna pay in one way or another. We're not playing any more games. Give Rachel the money. It was all fun when you were making your little fake team. Now that it's the real world, you got a problem. Rachel dash Danis. Dash 01. Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think, Rachel? Let's get some real notes on this. No, what do you think of. But what do you really think of that one? If it goes out to everybody? What we're trying to get is 8 out of 15 people seeing it.

[Aaron]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

And going, yeah, I owe the 20 on Venmo. Not going. That was fun.

[Rachel Danis]

True. No, I think the threats really do that for us.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Rachel Danis]

I like. I like the acting. Tough. I think that was a great, you know, great pitch by, like, the three theater folks that were gonna rally up to knock on the doors. I think that's great. Yeah, no, I'm. I'm loving all of this. You guys are doing great.

[Jake Johnson]

I want to do one more, actually. Sorry. If everybody's okay with that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Hey, everybody. In the BFF league, this is about the end of the league. Rachel Danis has called into our podcast. We're here to help. And it's about. We were doing an episode about paying your dues at the end and people who join leagues and finally getting the payment out. So what we're hoping for is those who haven't paid, please pay. Rachel, is there anything you would like to say?

[Rachel Danis]

Well, y', all, I think, you know, that this is a really grueling, fancy football league. We all are obsessed with football and, you know, making sure our lineups are set, even though I basically beat every single one of you pretty handily throughout the whole season. Came to the championship weekend, and Dijon Robinson, he really came through for me. And sorry, Nick just didn't do it for you. And I think it's time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rachel, let's lock into the. Yeah, go ahead. There's an overall message.

[Jake Johnson]

There's a little. What's happening. What we just learned is there's some shit talking. So I think part of the people. People aren't paying is they're like, she got nasty. It's a friend league. It's. I'm 70. I'm on an Android phone. This one girl's mean.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's talking shit in her plea for money.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't want to give her money. She's mean to me.

[Rachel Danis]

Okay, okay, I'll try again. I'll try. I'll try again. I'll try again.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Will you do this one with her so we can add a little bit of Guthrie training a little bit there? See if you guys can do this. Just.

[Aya Cash]

You want me to coach her?

[Jake Johnson]

No, be in it with her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And by the way, just for the record, Rachel, when you say fantasy, it definitely sounds like fancy.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Rachel Danis]

Oh, God.

[Jake Johnson]

And let's. Rachel, let's see if we can get this whole thing done in a minute. Three, two. Let's do it.

[Rachel Danis]

Hey, guys. Rachel here, part of your fantasy football

[Aya Cash]

league and supported by Aya Cash, Broadway actress.

[Rachel Danis]

Yes. And I haven't received all the money, and I really love you guys, and I know everyone has their. Has their stuff. It's the holidays, and, you know, I just was hoping you could pay me when I'm owed for. For winning, because it was a big, big win. So. Yeah.

[Aya Cash]

Hey, Rachel, isn't it your birthday coming up?

[Aaron]

Oh, my gosh.

[Rachel Danis]

It's my birthday coming up. I'm about to turn 30. Oh, my God.

[Aya Cash]

30 is a big deal.

[Rachel Danis]

It is.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Aya Cash]

You know, it'd be nice. Nice gift for you is if all your friends who you had a really good time playing this league with just, you know, paid with their owed.

[Rachel Danis]

Yeah, it'd be the perfect gift.

[Jake Johnson]

How could they pay

[Rachel Danis]

on Venmo? Yeah. Rachel-Danis-01 on Venmo. $20. Just easy. 20 bucks. What you owe me. Be great.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, thoughts?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I. Yeah, I mean, how do you feel, Rachel? I think we've got options. I think that's a pretty good. That's the most concise one.

[Rachel Danis]

Yeah, we definitely have options. I kind of like the mean one better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's an interesting. You've got that truly coming Out.

[Aya Cash]

We're understanding more how this happens.

[Jake Johnson]

You want one nasty one, Rachel, and then we'll get off. We'll send you clips of that one and the nasty one, and then you pick.

[Rachel Danis]

Sure, that sounds great.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so the floor is going to be yours. Make sure you say your Venmo address. And again, the show covers it if you don't get it. So be yourself here.

[Aaron]

All right?

[Jake Johnson]

And we will send you that last one and we will send you this one and then you're gonna decide.

[Aaron]

Great.

[Rachel Danis]

Perfect.

[Jake Johnson]

Three, two. Good luck.

[Rachel Danis]

Listen here, everybody. You owe me some money. My Venmo Is rachel-danis01. This league was grueling. It was tough. I beat all of you guys throughout the whole season and none of you are going to pay me. Come on, I deserve it. 20. 20 bucks. By my birthday, January 25th, I'm turning 30. Send me the money or else.

[Jake Johnson]

I kind of thought that was great, actually. That was perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what I love? You know what I love? This started with us being like, we'll do it for you. And now she's just dropping a video to all these people. We slowly, incrementally got her there. She's like you, Jordan.

[Jake Johnson]

But by the way, if I got that email, I'd be like her, but I would send the 20 bucks. Yeah, no, now I'm scared again, Rachel, you can't be. So we're gonna send you the last two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you pick, but you pick.

[Jake Johnson]

But that last one's real.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's pretty good.

[Rachel Danis]

Yeah, it's pretty good from a heart.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you also want to get paid. I mean, this is going to get you paid. We want to get paid.

[Jake Johnson]

You. You promise no matter what, you will send one of them and send a screen grab of people's responses, please, not just your brothers, but I want one of those in. I want one of those older people with the green phones. I want to hear how they respond to this. Will you send. You promise either this one or the second to last one?

[Rachel Danis]

Of course. Yes, I promise.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you're going to send us the money?

[Rachel Danis]

Yeah, I feel it.

[Jake Johnson]

After. After the 25th call back in, we'll do a follow up, we'll find out how many did and then we'll cover the remainder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And by the way, I'm not.

[Jake Johnson]

What we might end up doing is calling people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was just gonna say, not above doing a one on one call a couple times to really shake the tree.

[Jake Johnson]

We will shake the tree until we get 15 out of 15.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Rachel Danis]

I love it. Thank you guys so much. You guys are awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, Rachel.

[Jake Johnson]

Aya, thank you for joining our podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, Aya. Great work.

[Jake Johnson]

All your training has paid off there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a reason Broadway just got easier.

[Aya Cash]

Come see giants.

[Krista]

We're here to help people. Krista from Pennsylvania here. I just have to tell you a little story. I was on my way to pick up my daughter from school yesterday, you know, before I have to switch it to Tate McCrae and Olivia Dean when she gets in the car listening to the toe orgy episode as some jackass pulls out in front of me on the way. Then there's a right turn that normally I would take to avoid the red lights and the stop signs and the traffic in town, but this jackass went that way and I didn't want to be behind him anymore, so I went straight, finding myself at the exact moment that you guys started talking about it. Find myself passing the house of the kid that rumor had it put peanut butter on his junk in high school and had his dog lick it off right as you guys started talking about it. And I find out that it's all a lie. Craziness. Just had to share. Love your podcast

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Fall, theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth you stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Aya Cash]

That was a Headgum podcast. That was a Headgum podcast. Hey, everyone, this is Natalie and this is Charlie. We're from the podcast Exploration Live. It's really funny. It's really good. It's really, really very good. And now we have a YouTube channel to go with it.

[Charlie]

That's exactly right, Natalie. You can watch full video episodes of our podcast exploration [e-mail]t. that means that in addition to the audio component. You're also getting a video component.

[Aya Cash]

Component.

[Charlie]

Exactly. Where you're seeing our reactions, what kind of clothes we're wearing, you know, and there's a whole suite of dynamics and physical expressions that you can really only get from a full video.

[Aya Cash]

Body language experts to the front.

[Charlie]

Exactly. So come check out Xperson Live, either audio or video.