284: Hot Tub Guitar Chat & The Loin Tingler!

Summary

We’re Here to Help – Episode 284: Hot Tub Guitar Chat & The Loin Tingler! Headgum | April 27, 2026

Episode Overview In this lively episode, hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds invite listeners into their world of offbeat friendship, abundant banter, and problem-solving—well, their best attempt at it. They take on listener calls covering unique conundrums: how to reign in an overzealous Airbnb host dad, how to respectfully let loose at a Renaissance fair wedding, and an update from a previous caller trying to stay sober at a family event. The duo’s comedic digressions, playful ribbing, and attempts at helpful advice are on full display, offering both entertainment and the occasional nugget of genuine insight.

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Main Segments & Notable Moments

Pantsless Podcasting & Home Comforts (00:40–06:05)

• Jake and Gareth riff about the unique joy of recording remotely, confessing to pantless podcasting:
  • Jake admits: “I'm not wearing pants.” (01:20)
  • A jovial "leg contest" ensues with guest Jesse, humorously comparing skin tone and leg hair, with Gareth crowning Jake the winner:
    • “The winner of the leg contest is Jake.” – Gareth (06:05)
• Sets the relaxed, irreverent vibe for the episode.

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Caller #1: Amber – “The Over-friendly Hot Tub Dad” (12:15–32:02)

Situation: Amber, 38, from NJ, seeks advice about her parents' new Airbnb venture. Her dad’s “extremely friendly” (but not creepy!) social habits may infringe on guests’ privacy, including giving in-depth property tours and even hoping to join hot tub sessions.

Key Discussion Points

• Gareth and Jake immediately relate to the scenario, noting that too much host interaction can swiftly turn guests off.
• Gareth’s solution:
  • “You're gonna have to have a conversation with your dad, and you're gonna have to explain that...the hosting element is simply providing the space.” (14:52)
  • Suggests including a note in the ‘welcome binder’ offering optional social experiences, so friendliness is opt-in, not default.
• Jake’s idea:
  • Produce a quirky welcome video with Amber's dad, to channel his hospitality into a controlled, optional format.
    • “Film dad making a little welcome video so he sort of gets the FaceTime production.” (16:36)
• Hot idea: The "Green/Red Sign" system outside guest doors:
  • “If my dad sees you, he's gonna come over and chat you up... But if you put red, he understands you're looking for a quieter stay.” (19:07–19:43)
• Amber worries about boundaries—could her dad go overboard (e.g. singing, joining hot tub uninvited)? Jake proposes a fake tough-love contract, outlining exactly what’s allowed and not as a host.
• Memorable Bit: The parody of Progressive’s "Dr. Rick" parent-coaching commercials—applying the “no one wants to see you play guitar in the hot tub” principle.
• Resolution:
  • Amber will create a “privacy signal” sign, print out clear guidelines, and get her mom to reinforce boundaries.
    • “The guests would appreciate that they have the option.” – Amber (26:19)
  • The hosts invite her to follow up with the results.
• Notable Quote:
  • Jake: “You got to understand you’re opening a business, not a friend cabinet.” (32:02)

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Caller #2: Danny – “The Loin Tingler” and Renaissance Wedding Prep (36:46–61:22)

Situation: Calling from the Philippines, Danny (teacher, 37, lives in Pacific NW) is gearing up for a co-worker's Renaissance fair-themed wedding. He's unsure how wild he and his friends can get with costumes and character play while still respecting the couple’s big day.

Key Discussion Points

• Danny describes the wedding’s elaborate medieval theme—costumes, custom titles (e.g. “Bard of Honor,” “Master of Revels”).
  • “One thing...my co-worker wants to dress like Shrek. Not green, just Shrek’s outfit.” – Danny (38:44)
• Gareth and Jake brainstorm instantly:
  • The character “The Poet/Lover”—big white shirt, mask, handing out printed scroll poems, whispering sweet lines to all (especially grandmas).
    • “I want Danny...to everybody of age to in their loins. Feel a tingle. Let's hear.” – Jake (51:08)
  • Recurring motif: Danny will be “The Loin Tingler,” a mysterious, seductive poet whose comedic mission is to “tingle loins,” not just for women, but everyone.
  • Prop ideas: feather quill, inkwell, mask for shyness + anonymity, sack of coins, elixir bottle (possibly with rum), “Wizard’s Flower” (weed).
  • Practice scenes: Danny role-plays introductions as The Loin Tingler, receiving live feedback and encouragement from the hosts.
• Important Advice:
  • Don’t get drunk and lose your thread; mix in water between ‘elixirs.’
  • Key is full commitment and playful mystery—mask on, “you’re The Loin Tingler,” mask off, back to Danny, the teacher.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Jake: “You look like how we imagine Shakespeare.” (61:11)
  • Gareth: “The loin is the soul’s groin.” (55:07)
  • Jake (on role commitment): “Once you create the character, never break.” (44:49)
• Danny will report back after the fall wedding with a costume and video call.

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Caller #3: Red – The Sober Trickster: Vision Board Loophole Update (61:46–68:38)

Background: Returning caller "Red" had previously asked for advice on hiding his year of sobriety from his wife’s grandmother—his “drinking buddy”—during her husband’s funeral.

Key Discussion Points

• Recap: Red was advised to create plausible cover stories (diet, non-alcoholic drinks) or try a "spit backpack" (spitting drinks rather than swallowing).
• Red’s Attempt: He jury-rigged a hydration backpack to spit into—“I bought a silicon pipe and a valve on the end...I could spit into it and it would hold the whiskey.” (64:44)
• Mishap: Attempting to sneak the pack on his body for a flight, it leaks and soaks his clothes, forcing a backup plan.
• Success: Managed sobriety by nursing tea (“hot toddy” without whiskey), staying near others’ drinks, and being the designated driver. Grandma never caught on.
• Celebratory spirit:
  • Gareth: “Whether this works or not, this is go with the amazing. Go wild.” (65:03)
  • Jake: “It was a single. It works great.” (67:12)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment/Quote | |------------|-----------------------------------------------| | 00:40 | Pantsless banter & “leg contest” | | 12:15 | Amber’s Airbnb Dad Conundrum starts | | 14:51–15:41| Airbnb host boundaries & creative solutions | | 19:07–19:43| Green/Red Privacy Signal description | | 23:05 | Progressive commercial analogy/comedy | | 36:46 | Call with Danny, Renaissance wedding setup | | 44:11–44:49| The Loin Tingler character instructions | | 51:08 | “I want Danny...everyone’s loins, feel a tingle” | | 55:07 | “The loin is the soul’s groin.” – Gareth | | 61:46 | Red’s Sober Trickster Follow-up | | 64:44 | DIY Spit Backpack Explanation | | 67:12 | Hosts react to the outcome |

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Notable Quotes

• Jake: “You got to understand you’re opening a business, not a friend cabinet.” (32:02)
• Gareth: “The loin is the soul’s groin.” (55:07)
• Amber: “The guests would appreciate that they have the option [for social interaction].” (26:19)
• Jake (re: costume commitment): “Once you create the character, never break.” (44:49)
• Gareth (on the Renaissance character): “I think you have a little bit of your elixir going...something in a little apothecary bottle for yourself.” (46:39)
• Red: “I bought a silicon pipe and a valve on the end to change the valve around so instead of drinking, I could spit into it and it would hold the whiskey.” (64:44)
• Jake (on successful sobriety concealment): “It was a single. It works great.” (67:12)

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

• Loose, playful, but unexpectedly thoughtful.
• Emphasis on creative solutions that balance kindness with practicality.
• Frequent encouragement for listeners to be transparent but also to protect their own needs.
• Recurring bits and improvisation tied directly into advice—blurring the line between joke and real-life intervention.
• Strong rapport with callers, who keep the energy up and roll with the absurdity.

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Summary:
This episode’s humor leans into joyful absurdity—yet the underlying warmth and practical thinking from Jake and Gareth stand out. Whether you’re tamping down a parent’s over-hospitality, becoming the life (and mystery) of the party, or engineering a loophole for self-care, We’re Here to Help finds the funny in the everyday while still actually helping.

Transcript

[A]

This is a Headgum podcast. This is a Headgum podcast. And we are back. Jake, what's your idea, Gareth?

[B]

Well, Jesse revealed something during the break and I don't know if you want to talk about this, but we talk a lot of times about the beauty of being able to do this show from our closets, our hotel.

[A]

You son of a. After Gareth left, Jesse revealed.

[B]

Jesse revealed that. Jesse revealed that a pee break

[C]

on

[B]

a pee break about a half hour ago that you shut your camera off. And the reason you shut your camera off was why Jake?

[A]

Well, because we. Why Jake decided to take a bathroom.

[B]

Why? Why the camera go off, buddy? Because you had to stand up of. What's going on?

[A]

I'm not wearing pants.

[B]

All right, so what's going on over there? What are we talking? Because you are unembarrassed sometimes when you're wearing your little USA shorts.

[A]

I'll tell you what's going on.

[B]

That's a terrifying, terrifying angle.

[A]

I can't believe the flexibility of this stray cat.

[B]

Please sound the.

[A]

Oh, that was a nightmare. That was injuries. Oh, that was something I, you know, my body.

[B]

You look like you just came from a one night stand. You look like you just had a one night stand and you're about to make breakfast for your suitor.

[A]

Yeah, well, what happened is. And what I love about this show is, you know, we haven't recorded a little bit. We went a little early today. We started at 8am So I thought, you know, let's just go to work and have a little bit of fun. And what I love the reason why this has gotten so much more fun when we're not going in studio as much is we don't have to get dressed and drive over. And I thought, well, I'm wearing a sweatshirt. I was wearing this this morning with the kids and the wife as we were getting ready. Then everybody was leaving for school and I thought I could throw pants on.

[B]

What, what do we.

[A]

What.

[B]

What is on the bottom half right now?

[A]

Boxer briefs.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Your outfit. It is. It is. Why this doesn't feel like work. I mean, what you're wearing, what you're wearing right now is what you run to get the paper in.

[A]

Yes. What I'm wearing right now is as much of a home outfit as there could be. We're. This is a sweatshirt that was some product that came our way from some company that is a sponsor. I don't remember which one it is right now, but it's comfortable as hell. And no pants, no socks for this show. I don't think pants are necessary.

[B]

I agree completely. This doesn't feel like yesterday.

[A]

I'm not like interviewing Obama where I'm like, I should have slacks on.

[B]

Yesterday when we did our. We did a run of intros and I was pantless. But I didn't get busted.

[A]

I didn't know.

[B]

Yeah, I was in a hotel pantless.

[A]

But I'm surprised you had any clothes on. Were you not doing yoga that day enough?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

What percentage of days are you guys pantsless? I think you should each.

[E]

I.

[A]

Not a lot. I mostly have shorts on.

[B]

I mostly have some respectable bottoms. Because of the reason you turned the camera off. Because you're going to get to the

[A]

bathroom and you're going to see the bottom half and I don't want my butt in boxer briefs to appear because I know Gareth would make fun of me.

[B]

Never. What'd you say, Jesse? Well, yesterday you were pantsless. Jake, you were pantsless today. It doesn't sound like something that happens a lot. So, like, what's going on this week that suddenly everybody's pants?

[A]

Well, you know what it is.

[B]

I know what it is with Jake. What you've been going to set, you've been shooting. There's a whole lot of. You gotta. Like you said, you gotta dressed up. You're going to work.

[A]

No, I think what's going on with me is my hours have been intense and I'm tired.

[B]

Yeah. So. But still.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's the. And then I go back to work tomorrow morning, so my. Everything's been off. Let me ask you a question, Jesse. Have you ever done this without pants on?

[C]

No.

[B]

Stand up right now. Stand up without further.

[A]

You're not allowed to. Without further ado. Yeah, you. Since we're Wayne and G. Are you wearing pants?

[B]

Yes, I'm wearing pants. Stand up. I'm wearing shorts right now.

[A]

Are the shorts underpants? Okay? They're actual shorts.

[B]

Look at this.

[A]

Let's see your legs too. Here, baby.

[B]

I got pants on. I got like, I'm on the east coast. Yeah, well, Jesse, just. Jesse, I mean, you look like you're a boy on a can of paint with this outfit. Now that. This is actually my version of what Jake is talking about. I feel like this is sort of a little boy outfit, which shouldn't matter. Like you should be at the end of a pier throwing rocks.

[A]

Hey, Gareth, I want a quick contest. Jesse, let's have a leg off. Yes, let's both put a leg up. Gareth, judge us like the meat sacks we are.

[B]

Jesse, I want you to smooth, pale, skinny Jake. Jake, much, much better skin tone. It's nice that Jake's like olivey. Jesse, you're pale as shit.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Also, Jake, hairless. You almost look like a swimmer. Jesse, good hair. I am going to be totally honest with you two. And I shocked at what I'm about to say. The winner of the leg contest is Jake. Yeah.

[A]

Just want to mention that all new episodes are released a day early on Hulu.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

We are also having. Our back catalog is going to be on Hulu. We're doing about 20 at a time. So if you have not checked us out on Hulu, then check us out on Hulu. Gareth. Jesse, are we saying any lies?

[B]

No. And you can get season one, season two. We're going to have a nice melange on Hulu. But the day early, I mean, there's a lot of.

[A]

Here's another thing. Here's another thing. People going, well, I don't have hulu. You got YouTube. Because we're there too.

[B]

Yeah, Hulu a day early. YouTube for stragglers.

[A]

And also you go, I don't have that. Oh, we got Patreon.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

They go, I don't have that. What do you want?

[B]

Yeah, okay, Jake, we're. We're trying to be inclusive and you're yelling at them, but I think you're right. It's just.

[A]

Look, watch this show anywhere.

[B]

There's a lot of options. Okay.

[A]

Hulu early.

[B]

Hulu early.

[A]

Audio day of YouTube, day of Patreon. No ads.

[B]

Here's the way to remember it. Hulu knew, so. Nulu,

[A]

it's not the way to remember. They also have back catalog stuff.

[B]

Okay, then. That we call. Yeah. All right. It's falling apart.

[A]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Casper Mattresses. You know when you just had one of those days, you give a presentation and the Internet cuts out. Then you go on a date and it's awful. He or she looks nothing like the goddamn picture. He makes you pay. He talks about his ex the whole time. No matter what happens, you can always go home to your Casper with snow technology to keep you cool no matter what.

[B]

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[B]

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[A]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com booking.com helps you get it ridiculously right so you can find exactly what you're booking for. Gman. You're on the road constantly. The hotel you're in, did the show book it or did you book it using booking.com?

[B]

you know what I've been doing, Jake, is I have to switch hotels so often that I started asking the clubs if they'll just give me a buyout and then I'll find a hotel that's in between the places I'll go to. Booking.com, i'll find a place that is kind of equidistant and I get a couple nights in the same hotel. They couldn't make it easier.

[A]

Booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals from across the US you can find exactly what you're booking for. There's something for everyone, even those who are impossible to please. I would say this trio. No, I'm impossible to please.

[B]

Is that right? Yeah, I think Steven's also like that. But that's what booking.com does. Now Steve, if people where would be somewhere you would go on a vacation where you would use booking.com.

[A]

oh, when I'm, whenever I'm traveling to

[B]

Point Pleasant, West Virginia to go to

[A]

the Mothman Festival, I would always use booking.com. find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com booking. Yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. Yes. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you want to know what's great about Squarespace, Gareth Reynolds, tell them about your website.

[B]

Well, every I, I keep building different websites because it's so easy with Squarespace, but I, I've been working with Squarespace for a while. Could not be more user friendly. They make it very easy and your website looks great and we've built multiple websites on this show because it's so easy. They really, they help you find the domain, they help you get.

[A]

By the way, here to help. Pod.com is our show website that is constantly evolving and one thing I want to say, and that's a Squarespace. Guys, check out the website because it's starting to evolve a little bit. So we've gotten emails from people being like, where do I find the blank? In the blank. Well, go to here to help pod.com, which is a Squarespace website, to get all the answers you need. Squarespace gives you everything you need. It's got cutting edge design. It's got. You can put donations on there, fund directly on your website if you want.

[B]

You can put content on there. There's also is the SEO tools, which for a while I just kept saying it and I didn't know what it was, but I don't know what it is. I'm gonna tell you. It's search engine optimization. So it's like if someone's looking for what you provide, they help you get higher in the search, which can be huge.

[A]

That's cool. I think optimization is good. There you go.

[B]

Wow. Coming in at the end.

[A]

So check out squarespace.com. gil sent me. Ah, Ms. Gil. Can we get a taste of Gil Buchanan reading the end of this copy?

[B]

Jake Johnson, SEO Tools. Talk about being left behind in the search. That would be Gilbyu, Canada. An island by himself. Things are still going good. I've been talking into a microphone, but it's actually a shoe. I'm still in the closet waiting for someone to come find me, but actually,

[A]

Gil, it looks like your microphone is not plugged in, brother.

[B]

So sorry, I didn't understand how that was. Anyway, Squarespace slash. Gil sent me. We're back.

[A]

Save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain using Gil sent me.

[B]

We're back, baby. Hello.

[D]

Hello, Hello.

[B]

Hi. How are you?

[D]

Good. How are you?

[B]

Good. Welcome to the show, America's number one podcast. I don't know if Hulu knows that. Can we get your name, please?

[D]

Sure. My name is Amber.

[B]

Amber, where are you calling from, Amber?

[D]

Calling from New Jersey.

[B]

New Jersey. We're in New Jersey. Roughly. What are we talking about?

[D]

It's like a commuter suburb outside of New York City.

[B]

How old are you, Amber?

[D]

I'm 38.

[B]

38. All right, Amber, New Jersey. 38. What's going on? What can we help you with?

[D]

Yeah, so my parents, they live on a couple hundred acres in the Adirondacks, and they're turning. They're turning part of their house into an Airbnb. It is a great property. It's near a lot of tourism, so I think it makes sense. The problem is that my dad is extremely friendly. He's not creepy. He's just enthusiastically helpful. And I think his version of hosting would be greeting every guest, giving them a tour of the property, explaining how the heat works in detail. And honestly, I think he would socialize in the hot tub if given the opportunity.

[B]

Oh, my God. So, as you may agree, this is. I relate to this so strongly. And the last part you said gave me chills.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And, you know, most airbnb guests, they want their privacy, so for sure, I'm worried they're going to get bad reviews because of the surprise hospitality. So my question is, how do I help them set expectations or boundaries before they go live? They should be opening it in, like, two months in the spring so that guests know what they're booking. And my dad doesn't accidentally tank any ratings by participating in their stay.

[B]

This is a very interesting.

[A]

Very good. By the way. And also, Amber, really well done.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Very clean. Not gonna be easy, but I get the problem.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Yeah, I got a couple ideas here already.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because I've had this happen before where you get that energy. There also is this. You know, you kind of do need that person at times. Like, you'll. There'll be an issue or something, and you need to contact them. So there's something that is. You're too aloof and you actually need the host's assistance, or there is. I don't need blueberries from your garden. That's good for you, but I actually enjoy my privacy.

[A]

I need you out of here.

[B]

I need you out of here. So I would. This is what I would pitch. I would pitch two things for your dad. First of all, you're gonna have to have a conversation with your dad, and you're gonna have to explain that if this is a business thing, he needs to understand that the hosting element is simply providing the space. These people, for the most part, are not expecting any finer touch than that. But maybe what we can do is your dad can put in the, like, welcome Bible that every Airbnb has with the WI fi, the heating, air conditioning instructions, all that stuff he can put in there. If you would like an extra hosting experience, I can come over with a bottle of wine and. And I can sort of walk you around the area. It's beautiful. And give you some ideas of activities to do whenever you need it.

[A]

Optional checklist.

[B]

Yes, I could come over, walk you through the optional checklist. Just because it's going to be a little easier than writing it all down.

[A]

You know, we could do that. Dad might have fun With Amber, what if on his airbnb he says, please let me know? He goes, my daughter said, I have to do this because I'm too friendly. If you want any interaction or no interaction. Retired around chatty. But my sweet. My sweet daughter Amber said, some people aren't looking for that.

[B]

I love that. But here's my new pitch. What if you tell your dad to put a DVD player and have it hooked up on the TV in the place, and you film dad making a little welcome video so he sort of gets the FaceTime production that he do it on your.

[A]

By the way. You do it on your phone.

[B]

You do it on your phone, and it's him greeting the people, telling him he's excited to be there.

[A]

Style welcome.

[B]

Yeah. Giving them some options of things to do around the area. And if you have any further questions, as you can see, I'm a very amiable guy.

[A]

And, Amber, you can do jump cuts in it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Where he goes, like, well, here you can get the coffee. And then cut to. He's in the hot tub. He goes, or take a dip.

[B]

How about this, Jake? Let's do this. Let's have her film a thing. This is the pitch you don't have to do.

[A]

Kyle cuts it.

[B]

Kyle cuts it. We. We make it a little. We add just a slight bit of production to it with some B roll.

[A]

So we have an editor who can probably help you if you sent the stuff. So that's a pitch. And the pitch on that one is we sent. We make a video for your dad that he can. Well, that wouldn't be a dvd.

[B]

It doesn't have to be.

[A]

You know what it could be? It could be like a scanner or something.

[B]

Yeah. We could get a queue on there.

[A]

Just when you hear that, Amber, what are your first thoughts?

[D]

I like it because it. We can set the expectation that there could be more. I guess I'm a little nervous about my dad then being like, hey, did you watch the video? Or, like, still the interaction piece, because they're gonna be there. They're gonna be on site. They're pretty much there all the time.

[A]

Well, because this could also make your dad feel like, well, I just did this really fun thing. What'd you think? And then being like, I think I want to stay here and not talk to you. I didn't even watch the stupid video, you goofball.

[B]

Here's what. Here's what I might say. I still think we could do the video because I think it purges your dad of some of the entertainment value that he wants to give the guests. But I've always found this a bit strange. If you get in like a. Like a lift or something like that, and they're like, there's an option of, do you want to talk to the driver or something? And I'm always like, that's so weird to be like, no. You know, because you're right there with the person. But what we could do is we could put a little placard on the outside of the place. Almost like, do you want housekeeping or anything? It just says it there.

[A]

If you want social or not, do.

[B]

Yes. Something to that effect. And you turn. You got a red part of the sign, which you turn around. If you want none of your dad and you want a green. If there's any part of you that's like, hey, maybe the guy should come over for.

[A]

And you know what could be funny about that, Amber? If you make the sign that say like, hi, welcome. I'm the owner's daughter. My dad is very social, very sweet guy. If you put green, hang green outside of your door, that means you are open to. If my dad sees you, he's gonna come over and chat you up. But if you put red, he understands you're looking for a quieter stay and he will respect your social boundaries. So green if you're an extrovert, red if you're an introvert.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Sincerely, Amber, his daughter, who.

[B]

And I think. And then I think the part you're talking about as well is you need to just say to your dad, like, look, this is. Nobody is expecting to see you. Now, that doesn't mean that there aren't going to people. People who aren't open to you kind of recommending things or saying hello. But we need to come up with clear boundaries because you are foregoing this being your place. This is now a rental property.

[A]

Amber, your thoughts on this?

[D]

I like this. I think this is definitely going to be helpful. I know my. My mom's worried that my dad's too friendly, so, yeah, she's definitely part of it. The signal is, I think, gonna be good.

[A]

You like the signal more than the video?

[D]

I mean, I think they both work as like, like setting people up for success.

[A]

But I'll tell you what I don't think we want to do. We don't want to go too hard because then people are going to go. Yeah, there's a video and a sign. Jesus Christ. This guy. Psychopath.

[B]

Yeah, I think Jake's right. We might want to. I think he's right. It seems like you're leaning sign.

[D]

I think the sign. The only other thing I'm thinking and I don't know, is kind of like the boundaries to what the interactions are like, Meaning what? You know, is it like. Like, it could be walking the land and the property and kind of seeing the sights. Like, I kind of want to limit my dad to, like, you could do these. Have, you know, have a short conversation, offer the, you know, a tour of the property, but don't, like, sit them down and play some music for them or something, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So your dad's Eric.

[D]

Oh, yes.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

So here's my. Here's a quick pitch for you. Here's a different. This is a different way to skin it. I would maybe write and print out in fine print a part of the Airbnb schedule and go, hey, dad, have you seen this? And have them go, what, honey? And go. They can ask for a refund if they feel their privacy has been infringed on. And that means in article A talked to for more than three minutes, unsolicited, overly social. And he's like, what? And they go. Airbnb wants it very clear this is not a way to socialize. You are renting out your place like a hotel. And if people overstep these nine clauses. Dad. Like, for example, dad, it says here in the contract, you are allowed to walk them around in torrent, but you can't play them a song unsolicited. And they go. You are allowed to say, enjoy the hot tub. You're not allowed to jump in with them.

[B]

What do you think of that? Because. Answer that, Amber, because I have a tweak on that. Maybe, but go ahead.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I definitely can educate them. I could have my mom reinforced. I think she's reading a book about how to set up an Airbnb.

[B]

So that's helpful.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so that is a minor fiber. And I think it's helpful because, again, you are sort of saying this is a business decision. Here's going to be my pitch on how we further solidify that. If you want, we set it up that your dad and Eric are on a call at the same time, and we pretend that Eric has an Airbnb where he kind of brings voice to some of the things that. Things that Jake is saying. As a previous Airbnb owner, he's a real social guy. He made the mistake a couple times of wanting to be involved in their lives a little too much, got into a fight and lost his Airbnb.

[A]

You're talking about Having Eric call the dad.

[B]

I'm talking about the dad. Calling the show

[A]

Sideways. Eric's a wild animal, Gareth. You can't plan for a while.

[B]

You know better than me.

[A]

Okay, he'll go like this. This is how that'll go.

[B]

But can we. It's acting. He's also an actor.

[A]

I know. You need a script. This is how it would go.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right, Garrett, so you be you, and I'll be Eric.

[B]

I'll be the dad.

[A]

You be the dad. So the setup is clear, right?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Hey, so I just want to let you know one thing, man. I did just like you. You can't overly socialize. Because people these days, Jim, let me tell you, they are soft, man.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

They don't want the good stuff, man. But I could tell, dude, you're a great guy, and you have a great soul. And you, man, you are a light. And if you have a song to play, then, brother man, play it, because you're a light. You might be one of the greatest guys I have ever met. And if one of these people doesn't want that light, then you shine the light on a man. So I was one time in Topanga Canyon and cleaners. Eric, hold on, man, I'm talking. But remember, I was at this Topanga cleaners, and this person said to me, hey, man, what is that stain? And I said, it's Taziki sauce from a gyro. Okay, I got charred. I'm talking, I got Gareth. You know, there's truth to that.

[B]

I, I, I thought he could maybe pull off the this happened to me. But as you say it, obviously I could see it very clearly.

[A]

I don't think we go that route.

[B]

Okay, okay, so we could.

[A]

Which, which do you like? Because I also have the hard one on one. Let's get real, talk dad. But we've got dad video. We've got dad sign. We've got fake contract. We've got hard one on one. Or just because it's been said, we try to connect your dad and Eric,

[B]

what are you thinking? Out of the ones Jake just laid out there.

[D]

Okay. I think that the sign makes sense because. And I think that the guests would appreciate that they have the option.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

So that kind of, like, builds up the rapport with the guests because we want them to have good ratings, right?

[B]

Yep.

[D]

And the experience that they want, and then I think coupled with some sort of, like, printout and, like, getting my mom involved and, like, walking them through, like, this is really what you can do, and this is what you can't do and just making sure, like, showing them I'm invested and, like, want to make sure they're set up for success. I think those you are.

[B]

When you say the can and can't, you mean your mother talking to your father about what he can and can't do.

[D]

I mean, I could either set her up to do it or I could be up there visiting.

[B]

You do it is.

[A]

And you know what I think you should do, Amber? I think you should film it with your phone. And I think you should have a buzzer thing. And when your dad starts going in a direction that's bad, you go like, you know what it reminds me of those really funny car commercials about. Or not car commercial insurance or something where it's all those old guys and old women.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The progressives is like Bill Glass. Yeah. Nobody wants you doing that. And it's like, okay, it's.

[B]

That is exactly what it is.

[A]

Your dad just needs a little bit of progressive help.

[B]

Your dad has to be the Bill Glass who you're the Bill Glass to your dad's young person.

[A]

With all versa allowed, my man.

[B]

Yeah, I think that's exactly right.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So.

[B]

But the sign is a good.

[D]

He'll be open.

[A]

Well, look, maybe show them those commercials to start. Maybe get online and show them. And he goes by watching. And you go, there's something I want to talk to you about about running this Airbnb. And I go, you know how this commercial is pretty funny? And he goes, it is. And it's funny. You go, that's you in the Airbnb King. And he goes, no. Yeah. Nobody wants to hear you play guitar in the hot tub. They don't. No,

[B]

it's so.

[A]

It's.

[B]

It's. I. Amber, it's a real problem. I hear it is so funny to picture your dad trying to go over there and play music. And by the way, also just picturing how supportive Eric would eventually be when your dad just said one thing in retort. But. But I think offer the. Sign. Offer the. The. The conference. And I do think Jake's right. That is actually a very good visualization of this issue over friendly becomes enemy real quick in the Airbnb world.

[A]

Agreed.

[D]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

Right. So, Amber, walk us through really quick. We've given you a lot on this one because you had a juicy problem.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Will you tell us. Will you tell us what you think you're going to do and how you're going to do it?

[D]

Yeah. So I'm gonna go visit them in a couple of weeks. And that's where I'm gonna have the conversation about how they think it's gonna go down and, like, walking them through, like, some of the Airbnb points.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

And I think I'll have something printed out. Like, they'll appreciate that. It was, like, work, and I love that.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Will you send us the thing you printed out?

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

Great. Keep going.

[D]

Okay. And then I'm gonna. I'll have a really nice sign, I don't know, on Etsy or something made that is like the. You know, I'd love to learn more. I don't know, I'd love to learn more about the property or open to connecting with the host or something like that. That's like the. I like the red and green and put that outside because I feel like my dad's just gonna be, like, walking by the entrance and, like, pecking on it. Yeah, but, you know, separate entrance.

[B]

Well, maybe get two made. And also, the thing that is. The thing that's great about the privacy pleas in hotels is that it's always respected. So it is a line. It's fully a rule, and it's respected. They'll. They'll leave you alone for four days, but keep going, Amber.

[D]

Yeah. And I think just the sign. I'll definitely talk to them about how they're going to, like, what the book is, where they, like, give them recommendations and explain, you know, how to use everything, make sure that they're set up with that. You know, I could. If they're really interested, they could record the video. But again, we don't want it to be too much, so I think it's just like, diving in deeper into how they're thinking about it, and. And then they just. We gotta kind of go live and see how it works and. And get that first review. Right.

[B]

That's good. And then I think you tell your mom that if he breaks this rule to let you know. And then I think you call in and we make a fake email from the guests to the Airbnb about their experience, and we could shock him back in line.

[A]

I think that's right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. So that's our. That's our contingency. But I think you do that lead up, and it's almost like a Scared Straight. It's like, look, you want to have this work? It's. You got to understand you're opening a business, not a friend cabinet.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So true.

[B]

Yeah. And worst case, we'll fly Eric there and, you know, they fight each other. I don't know. Okay. Amber. Well, go off with that. Go off with that. If there's anything you film or any, you know, anything like that you want to send the show, we'd appreciate it. We can have a follow up, but. But keep us posted.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[D]

Will do.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Appreciate it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com. booking helps you get it ridiculously right, so you can find exactly what you're booking for.

[B]

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[A]

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[A]

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[C]

Hello.

[B]

Hi, how are you?

[E]

Good.

[C]

How are you doing?

[B]

Good. What's your name please? You're on the show we're here to help Jake and Gareth. We're both here. What's your name? Who are you?

[C]

Hi, I'm gonna go with Denny.

[B]

Denny.

[C]

Danny.

[B]

Danny. I was gonna say Denny's a weird, like, fake name. Where are you fake calling from, Danny?

[C]

I live in the Pacific Northwest, but I'm calling from the Philippines today.

[B]

Okay. How old are you?

[C]

37.

[B]

37. Why are you in the Philippines? Is that part of the problem?

[C]

No, unrelated, I'm just on vacation.

[B]

Oh, you're on vacation. So you're ruining the vacation by calling here to help figure out the vacation.

[C]

Even better.

[B]

Yeah, that's all right. Danny, what is going on that you had to call us from the Philippines?

[C]

So I, along with five of my co workers, have been invited to another co workers Renaissance fair themed wedding.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

And I'm trying to figure out how to make it as fun as possible while still respecting his big day.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

So are you. You're saying how much can you swing for the fences in your Ren Fair character? That like the posse, how wild can you get while still making the wedding not about you?

[C]

That's exactly it.

[A]

Yeah, you nailed that, Gareth.

[B]

Well, what are you. What are the things? What? What feels too far? What are the things you're thinking of so far?

[D]

I also just to jump in, I also took pictures, some screenshots from your friend's wedding website that you sent so that the guys could get an idea.

[B]

Yeah, let's have a look.

[C]

Okay, perfect.

[D]

I just.

[C]

Can we share that publicly?

[D]

No, no, no, we're not going to. We'll scratch out names and stuff.

[C]

Okay, great. Okay.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[C]

One of my co workers had a funny idea. Like, I think one thing that's on like the. The low end, the easy side is he wants to dress like Shrek. Not green like Shrek, but just wear the outfit that Shrek wears, which I think is funny, but a little bit, you know, not. Not super exciting.

[B]

Yeah, agree. That sounds pretty standard, right?

[C]

Yeah, exactly. It's basically perfectly.

[A]

Danny, I gotta jump in because we're acting like a lot of this is normal and I'm just catching up to what's happening visually. I don't think I got it when you pitched. I thought Gareth made it clean so I could understand. They want you guys to dress up like you're a medieval. Everybody's gotta wear these like traveling rogue

[B]

clothes at their wedding friend fair attire. Well, the ones we're looking at for those listening is we're looking at a druid costume, which sort of looks like I guess. Evening messenger.

[A]

A traveling go to TJ Maxx, go to the medieval section.

[B]

Red dress for less. A rogue. They all. Honestly,

[A]

you could go too far, Danny Prince.

[B]

All too far is an interesting one too.

[A]

If you could be a witch, I would.

[B]

What is the other screenshot, Natalie? Is that just like, a list of the options? Oh, great. The wedding party. Okay, I don't know how much to read of this because we don't want them to know.

[A]

Wait, are we allowed? What can't we post on this?

[D]

I'm going to black out the names, but I think that this is fine to read the description of this bard of Honor and Master of rebel.

[A]

Are you fine with that, Danny?

[C]

Sure.

[A]

I. Yeah, we'll take away the name

[C]

feelings, but I think it's me. Fine.

[B]

I think it's a. Listen, we're here to support and make it better and make sure that nobody ruins the wedding.

[A]

So here we read what they've sure.

[B]

Under Bard of Honor, we've got the Stealer of hearts and Spinner of illusions. The Bard of Honor brews elixirs that could awaken ancient gods, crafts fashioned out of rebellion, and pokes dead things with a stick just to check it off the list. Whether moving through a kitchen or a dance floor, she wields the same reckless grace, turning meals into feasts, steps into stories and foes into friends. In every stitch, sip and story, the bard leaves gilded memories in shimmering cloud. Somehow always scented faintly of teak wood, jasmine and Tabasco.

[A]

Tabasco? Yuck.

[B]

That. That smell is wild. Then we've got our Master of Revels. A conductor of chaos and curator of good times. The Master of Revels turns every gathering into a spectacle worth retelling. A carefree showman with a professor's brain and a daredevil's heart. He commands drones, rides motorcycles like a challenge is amazing. Upgrades any party into a legendary status. Equal parts professor and party starter.

[A]

I am the commander of the drones.

[B]

Run. He and the party. So he arrives like a spark to dry tinder, quickly turning strangers into accomplices. Under his watch. Laughter flies, spirits soar, and the party achieves controlled.

[A]

Excuse me. I'm the commander of the Xbox controller.

[B]

I am the drone commander.

[A]

Okay, Danny, this is good stuff. Congratulations to the pair. I'm glad you guys found each other. You guys seem perfect.

[B]

It's gonna be great.

[A]

So you got. You got invited to this wedding? Are you into this Renaissance fair attire? Is this something your whole group's into? Or are you more like me and you go like. Wait. What

[C]

yeah, absolutely not. None of us have been to a Renaissance fair before.

[A]

Okay, so this is so random. And the what is the commander of the drones? Is he your friend or is she your friend?

[C]

Those two, I believe, are like the bride of honor,

[A]

husband and wife. Okay, so who.

[C]

I might. I might be mistaken about that, but. But the husband, the groom, is my friend and coworker.

[A]

Okay, so he's your. He's your bud. You got invited to this thing, and he's a good bud. You're going, and you want to show respect.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Are you married? Are you going with a wife or a girlfriend? Are you going alone or what?

[C]

No, just alone, but with that. That group of my other five co workers.

[A]

Okay, so, Danny, your play is the Renaissance bachelor.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

I'm talking about the white shirt that's button unbuttoned all the way to your stomach. You're the poet. You're the wordsmith. You're walking around, like, with every lady you see, especially the grandmas, like the mother in laws, you go like, hello, me fair lady. Have I not seen something as beautiful as you before? And then do, like, a weird bow. You have a rose in your mouth.

[B]

You know what you should also have is you should have, like, a feather and a fake inkwell and just print a bunch of little poems that you have rolled up into scrolls before the wedding.

[A]

Write them.

[B]

You fake write and hand them out.

[A]

You look at them and you go like, oh, my fair lady. You go like this. Bing, bing, bing. And you hand to them and it's all the same exact.

[B]

Hope they don't share.

[C]

Renaissance business card.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then you have another one that says, like, meet at your hut. Like, it's your hotel room. And you're always trying to, like, bring ladies back to your dwelling.

[B]

Oh, yeah, your chambers. You could also have, like, an elixir that's got a little bit of, like, rum in it or something like that for yourself.

[A]

You should also have, like, a really flamboyant little dance and laugh that, like, you're the poet and the lover. And then be like, you know what

[B]

else you should have is, like, a little fake bird that you can put on your finger sometimes and just sort of hold out there like it's your council.

[A]

And once you create the character, never break.

[B]

Yeah. You know what else? And this you could pitch to one of your other buddies. He could just have a falconer's glove and his falcon flew off, and he's sort of heartbroken for the whole event. He's looking for Mortimer, one Of who? Yeah.

[A]

One of you could be looking for more. One of you could be the guy who was recently arrested.

[B]

How about a recently released wizard?

[A]

Wizard. Con man. You're a wizard, but you don't have any abilities.

[B]

His spells. His face just runs a pyramid. Got caught for the first pyramid scheme.

[A]

So.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

I am a wizard. Okay, so you're right.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, so this one is going to work, though.

[B]

What I need from you to start off, and you will get a piece of the moon.

[A]

What are you thinking about these early pitches, Danny?

[C]

I am loving everything I'm hearing. I knew that you guys were going to be able to help me out with this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is there one you're kind of jumping on to? What? Let's. Let's make sure you're happy here.

[C]

I kind of like the poet angle and having, you know, little scrolls with some little poems ready to go.

[A]

Okay. I love that too. And then I think that's being a full on, trying to dance with all the women. Just be like the lover of the night.

[C]

Yeah, I. I think I can probably manage. I just. I'm also, like, very curious what the general crowd's gonna be like here. I don't know too many of his. His friends outside of work, and I haven't met a lot of his family, so that's kind of a little bit of an unknown at this point.

[B]

I'll tell you, though.

[A]

Yeah, go ahead.

[B]

Well, I. This is what I would say. I would think, look, you're gonna get a mixed bag. You're gonna get people who are like, this is weird. If I were you, I would lean in. Being comfortable at this event is going to be a lot more fun than being like these two wackos.

[A]

Also being a little drunk.

[B]

I would. I think you have a little bit of your elixir going. You know, maybe it's a rum and coke, but something in a little apothecary bottle for yourself.

[A]

You need a lot of elixir.

[B]

Yeah, you might need a lot of elixir. Hopefully they have an open elixir, but

[A]

I would bring my own. I would have, like.

[B]

That's what I mean. I would bring a little like a corked bottle almost exactly.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Something like that.

[A]

You're walking around with it. It's spilling a little bit.

[B]

Oh, I like that actually, a lot. Having sort of like a buccaneer picture where you kind of be sloshy and

[A]

you walk by to others and you go like.

[B]

Yeah, you have a little like. Like a little lambskin mead holder or something. Around yourself too.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, you could have a little red wine in there.

[A]

Here's what I would consider doing. Have a little mask too, because these things are harder to really commit to being ridiculous. But if you had like a little mask that covered your eyes slightly, it would just make your day a lot easier.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I actually like that a lot.

[A]

Right. Where you're like, well, I'm the poet. I'm like by night, I'm the secret poet. I'm the lover.

[B]

When I used to do kids parties, if your face was covered in, it's easier. Opened you up a lot more to being a douche.

[A]

It's what? It's easier.

[B]

Yeah, I like that a lot. Like a little like kind of like Lone Ranger mask or something.

[A]

Exactly. Right. Just a little mystery.

[B]

Yeah. And by the way, you're single, you're out. That's gonna add an element of like.

[A]

This is gonna be a. This is gonna be a fun finish.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

And let's do something really fast.

[D]

Let's.

[A]

Let's hear a taste of this character. Let's hear how you do the voice.

[C]

Okay, let me think here.

[A]

Now paint the picture of him a little bit. Let us know how you're gonna look.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And visualize this.

[C]

So I'm thinking it's got a little bit of a princess bride kind of vibe to it.

[B]

Right.

[C]

I like the idea of like a Zorro mask.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And then probably big flowy white shirt with big frilly sleeves and maybe unbuttoned all the way down to my belly button.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[C]

And then maybe, I guess maybe like a big belt. I kind of would like to wear a sword or something like that too.

[B]

Oh, maybe I'll say this. How about a dagger? Because a sword I could see being a real pain in the ass, Especially

[A]

with some of that elixir. Gets too much in. You just sit weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are you gonna do with your hair, Danny?

[C]

I have like a.

[A]

Hair's gonna be just like sort of

[C]

a regular mullet right now.

[A]

Okay. Have you. Would you consider doing a full blow dryer? Or would you maybe consider a perm?

[B]

Oh, or a headband? Like a kind of like.

[A]

I don't have these headband.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't want that. Like hips. I don't want the hipster.

[C]

Curly hair.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, I have curly hair. So it would not take a lot to get my hair pretty big. I just would have to basically run my hands through it and hope for a little bit of humidity.

[A]

Okay. But what about like the blow dried look so you look a little bit like a beautiful prince.

[B]

Blow it out.

[C]

Okay. Like I belong on, like, a romance novel. I think I can probably make that.

[A]

Because you're the lover. We don't want you to be the. This is why I don't want the hipster band. I don't want you to be the one where we're not looking for everybody to go like, oh, my God, we love Danny. I want some people to go like, what is that guy? And I want some of the men to go, he's threatening. And you go to the women folk. Of course I am to.

[B]

I think we're going for the same vibe as we want. We want you to be sought after.

[A]

Well, also, in the days of the medieval times, the greatest threat to a happily married man was the poet, the lover. Because he could spin a tail that a simple man couldn't. And he would woo the women's underpants right off.

[B]

Now, let me just. Hold on real quick, Dan. I just want.

[A]

Melt away.

[B]

If you had a weird accent, that would be enough to play it off as fact.

[A]

Probably weird. Just the accent. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[B]

There we go. Just wanted to get to the bottom of that. Thank you.

[A]

Believe it or not, there was no research.

[B]

Good. Good commitment, though, because it felt real to not only us, but you as well.

[A]

I believed it until you caught. Once you started slowing me down, I did get embarrassed.

[B]

The maidens wonder if this rapscallion's tongue not only works in literature, but perhaps in other ways that could be advantageous

[A]

for the poet, the lover, the dancer.

[B]

Yes. Is he only spitting tails?

[A]

Yes, but. So what I don't want is the funny frat guy at a wedding who's like, I'm silly. And I put my tie around my head and I'm crazy. And everybody goes like, oh, my God, he hasn't grown up, but he's fun. I want.

[B]

Oh, yes. Oh, Romeo.

[A]

He's gonna make love to all the women here.

[B]

Yep. And then the men.

[A]

And then the men. And then he's gonna make love to Everybody here over 18.

[B]

He's. As if Game of Thrones was a man.

[A]

Yes. I want Danny, this lover boy to everybody of age to in their loins. Feel a tingle. Let's hear.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. The Loin Tingler. I can do that.

[A]

You're the Loin Tingler? Danny.

[B]

My favorite wrestler.

[A]

Danny, your character that you only introduce yourself to, and that's later in the evening after you've had some elixir, is. Shall I tell you my real name?

[B]

Yes. And should Reveal my identity.

[A]

And they'll go, yeah. When I take this mask up, they go, what is it, Dan? And you go, it's the loin tingler.

[B]

I'm the loin tingler.

[A]

And then you do the dance in, like, a weird little spit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you can be a little flamboyant as the loin tingling. You're completely tingling every loin, brother.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I like that. It's not only women who are in danger of your sexual advances. It's the gentleman. You ask a grandpa guy sitting there go, can I have this dance? It's Whitney Houston. And he goes, huh? And you go, I'm the loin table.

[B]

And then you throw a little fairy dust upon him. Come with me.

[A]

And then somebody goes, that's my grandpa. He's not interested. And you go. He goes, sonny.

[B]

Excuse me. And then you hand him a scroll. Ta ta.

[A]

So, Danny, are you liking this as much as we are? We're in love with the loin ting.

[C]

I'm loving it. I'm loving it. I think the next steps. I kind of got to, like, find some of these. These props because I'm loving the idea of having of weird vessel for my drinks. I'm thinking I need like, some kind of little. Little sack full of jingling coins or something like that.

[B]

Yes. Duck.

[A]

Agreed. And I think this is more important, these little trickets than the outfit. I think the outfit is really just that white shirt. You said open, opened. And then like, some brown pants that are.

[B]

And maybe a little leathery vest. But I do think the mask is key.

[A]

The mask and all the little toys you got. And that way, when you want to be chill for a photo, you're not overstepping.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You're just in basically medieval gear. And then all of a sudden, you put the mask on and become the lord.

[B]

And by the way, you're able to commit because of the mask. You really are. You can go a little bigger because you have. You're not yourself. People aren't gonna be sure who you are.

[A]

And the mask is off. You're Danny.

[B]

Yep. Who's an accountant or whatever. We haven't even found out yet.

[A]

What do you do for work, Danny?

[C]

I'm a teacher.

[A]

So you're a teacher. And then when the mask comes on, the loins will play.

[B]

I'm the loin.

[A]

You love to tickle an older grow. Has anyone tickled that groin lately?

[B]

I think loin. We're saying loin. You said you shifted the groin.

[A]

Groin. Yeah.

[B]

No, now I think you're now, now, again, we're getting into a dangerous. You can't show up as a wedding with a mascot and be the groin tickler.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

He's gonna be in the newspaper. He's gonna have to live in the Philippines.

[A]

That's what it is. What's a loin, baby? It's the same thing. We tickling the buzz.

[B]

Different. It's a different.

[A]

It's an ambiguous uglies at this thing.

[B]

The loin is the soul's groin.

[A]

You're talking about actual groin tickle in the area.

[B]

And I'm telling you, no. Hard.

[C]

No, I think whatever we call it, it's getting tickled.

[B]

Agreed.

[A]

So, Danny, let's hear this guy a little bit.

[B]

Okay, let's hear that. I already know what. Go ahead.

[A]

Wait, you want to go first, Garrett?

[B]

No, no, no. I think after. I think I know where we need to go for our next step, because this is important. This just became super important.

[A]

I agree. I love this.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So hit us with a little bit of the language here.

[C]

Okay, so you guys are looking for kind of the. The character boy.

[B]

Yeah, let's hear him a little.

[A]

Let's hear a rough draft. We can give notes.

[B]

Do you want to be maybe a maiden or a man at the wedding? Jake. No, you just want to hear.

[A]

I want to see him. I don't want us to get weird.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay, so let's try it. Hello, fair maidens. What brings you to this lovely event tonight? Are you enjoying the flowing mead as much as I am?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's really nice. It's such a wonderful wedding.

[C]

Yes, I see that you're. I'm. I'm losing it.

[A]

Danny, you're doing great, Danny, so good.

[B]

I promise you, you're doing great. And the more that you warm into it, the better it'll get.

[A]

Let's do it again. Gareth and I are two women at the wedding of. Around your age. You don't know us. You're at the bar area. The wedding just happened. The party's just started. You just put the mask on.

[C]

Okay. Now. Gone.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh. Who are you, fair maidens? I. I don't believe I've had the pleasure of making your acquaintance.

[B]

Oh, I'm Melissa.

[A]

I'm Sarah. We know the. We went to college with the bride.

[C]

Would you perchance, enjoy a sip from my elixir jar?

[A]

Oh. What is it? I've only been drinking wine.

[C]

It's elixir.

[B]

Okay, sure, yeah, maybe.

[A]

But what is it that you're doing?

[E]

Who.

[A]

What is.

[B]

Who are you. What are you dressed as.

[C]

Oh, you maybe know me by the name the Loin Tingler.

[A]

The what?

[B]

Is it,

[A]

Money in the bank. You don't need any notes.

[B]

Thankfully not physically. Because I'm sure someone was trying to lead you in that direction. But, yes, this is great. I'm gonna make. I'm gonna add a couple.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm gonna add a couple things to this. You should, because it'll probably be open bar. I would get a lot of, like, dollar coins so that you can have a ducket bag and be tipping in golden in. In coins or just in nickels and. Well, I don't love that. Coins. Yeah. Yeah. And then I also. I'm gonna say that you. Every time you get a drink at the bar, you put it into your lambskin. So you're always sipping out of the lamb skin. Commitment wise. And I would maybe bring extras so that if someone's interested, you could say to one of their potential suitors, here, you could have this. This you could fill. You know, put your wine in here. It's more fun to drink that way.

[A]

I think that. And Danny, I think this is really fun.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Question for you. Are you an individual who smokes weed at weddings?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. That's what I assumed, what I was going to say. No. One of the things is you could offer people where you could go, like. Because a lot of times at weddings, people are like, you know, I don't really smoke weed, but I would tonight. It's fun. When you're introducing people as the Loin Tingler. You could go, like, perhaps you want to partake in some of my. And show them and go, medicine.

[B]

Or the Wizard's Flower.

[A]

The Wizard's Flower. So that you're the weirdo, but you're also the guy who's bringing weed to the party.

[B]

Also the Wizard's Flower. Would you like me to put some Wizard's flower in a mini scroll?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And then they go like this.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And then they go, come with me. We can have a toke off the Wizards flower.

[B]

Yes. And I'm gonna say two other things, Danny and I've had to learn this lesson over time. You can't get too hammered. You're. Because you've got to keep it above board. Mix water in as well. Because the last thing we want is for the guy who started off in first place, the whole day to be lapped over and over again because he loses the thread. Wally's too busy getting hammered from his mead as the Loin Tingler. So that's the first Part. And then the second part, I would say is I definitely have the scrolls have that ready to go. I saw on what Natalie showed us that we have a minute until this wedding. Is that right?

[C]

Yeah, it's. It's in the fall, so I got some time.

[B]

So I'm going to pitch that you put together your loin tingler ensemble. And before we're getting to the wedding, we do a follow up and we have him on video. Jake. And we walk through and we just get a catch up and we can get any last minute.

[A]

I think that's a great idea.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

What do you think, Danny? I mean, I think this is a home run.

[C]

I think it sounds amazing. What do you think for facial hair?

[A]

What do you got? Currently

[C]

nothing. I normally have a mustache. I could grow like a big one and kind of curl it on the sides, but I'm almost imagining like maybe like a little skinny mustache.

[A]

Yeah, I think. I think the Raleigh fingers is really nice. I think the skinny one's really nice.

[B]

Why don't you show up in the Raleigh fingers? If we love it, we'll keep it. If not, we can tell you to pare it down.

[A]

Yeah, but we're just. We're. It just has to be period.

[C]

Period.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Right.

[A]

You know, I just don't. We can't have a.

[C]

Accuracy. Yes.

[A]

So you just have to. You have to look like how we imagine William Shakespeare.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

A haired Shakespeare.

[C]

Oh, I'm. Yeah, I'm excited about. This is gonna be great.

[A]

Danny, please follow up with us, bud.

[C]

Absolutely. Thank you guys so much.

[A]

All right, buddy. Bud. Enjoy your trip.

[B]

Yeah,

[C]

thanks. Take.

[B]

Sweet Jesse here. This next call is a follow up from episode 229, Vision Board Loophole with Ophelia Lovabond.

[E]

Hello.

[B]

Hi. Hi. How are you?

[E]

I'm good, thank you. How are you?

[B]

Good, thank you. Can we get. It's all coming back to me now. Can we get your name, please?

[E]

You can. My name is Ryan.

[C]

Red.

[B]

Red. Okay, Red. And we know you're a follow up. We. I think we kind of know what the follow up is, but why don't you just remind us who you are? The first call, where we left you and how it went.

[E]

Yeah. So I was on the call with Ophelia and I needed help trying to hide the fact that I was staying sober from my wife's grandmother, who was my drinking partner.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

And then when were you gonna. And what was. What did you and grandma do together? You guys would always drink. What? And tell us a little Bit about that again for people who aren't gonna go back and listen to the first call.

[E]

Yeah. So we always used to buy each other a bottle of whiskey and we would drink whiskey all day, play card games. But I had on my vision board to stay sober for a year.

[B]

Right.

[E]

And unfortunately her husband passed away and I thought we'd be drinking quite heavily and I needed help. Help on how I would trick her into thinking I was drinking.

[A]

Right. And so have you since our call, before we get into what we pitched you, have you seen her since I

[E]

saw her since the last call, yes.

[C]

Okay, great.

[B]

So hold on, hold on.

[A]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna save that for a little bit. What did we pitch for you to do? And which did you like is the solution?

[E]

So I got. Gareth said to say I was on a diet so I couldn't drink. Jake, I think you were saying to get non alcoholic beers and whiskey. And Ophelia came up with the idea to either get spittoons around the house or to create a backpack where I could spit the alcohol through into a container.

[A]

And what did you like? What did you. What was your plan? Yes.

[E]

Well, I decided to say it and I went with trying to create a backpack that I could spit the alcohol into.

[A]

Oh, you're the best. Oh, we have an image.

[B]

Red.

[A]

Oh my God, you did it.

[B]

Oh, you took it like a camel pack running backpack, but you turned it into a spit bag.

[A]

This is so great. Red.

[E]

So I used to have one, but my dog chewed it. So I needed a anyways and I thought, this will work.

[A]

Okay, so this is red. Describe what it is.

[E]

So it's what runners or cyclists use as a backpack. And it's like a 2 or 3 liter silicon container on the inside.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[E]

You use to drink the water. So I bought a silicon pipe and a valve on the end to change the valve around so instead of drinking, I could spit into it and it would hold the whiskey.

[B]

Okay, so just to be clear, it has a straw coming out of the bag and you reverse engineered the bag straw so that instead of sucking, you were spitting.

[A]

Amazing.

[B]

That's correct.

[A]

Wow. Everybody who's listening on audio, we will post this on our socials.

[B]

And also anyone who's listening, this is. This is how you do it. Whether this works or not, this is go with the amazing. Go wild.

[A]

Agreed. So, Red, walk us through when you visited grandma, walk us through what you were wearing. How did it go? Take your time, Give us all the details. Let's get a real picture of this.

[E]

So I have recently lost quite a bit of weight so I was going to wear a. A size or two up and wear it on my front so it looked like I still had a bit of a belly so I could get away with it.

[C]

It.

[B]

This is just awesome.

[E]

We only flew carry on and my wife said it's not going to fit in the backpack. So I thought I would be smart and try and smuggle it down in the car. Ride down I wore it on my front and filled it with water to drink out of. I just switched the valve and it didn't fit in the bag and it started leaking so I had to abandon it before we got on the plane.

[B]

Oh, so you didn't even get it. Damn it.

[E]

No, but I, I did try, unfortunately.

[B]

Damn it.

[A]

Well, that's so what happened with grandma.

[E]

So the. On the day of the funeral I was the designated driver so I managed to get out of drinking okay. But at the house I would stay very close to my brother in law and anytime he had a drink in front of him, I would pull it close to myself to make it look like it was mine. And I obviously it was Canada in November, it was freezing. So I decided to try and make a hot toddy and pretend to pour whiskey in my tea.

[A]

That works.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

So I managed to get away with it and grandma didn't suspect anything.

[B]

And did you fake drunk?

[E]

No, I didn't. I think, I think like you said yourselves is that there was so much going on and I obviously wasn't the center of attention. There was so many things for her to keep busy with that I was just kind of in the background and could easily slide through.

[A]

All right, so it worked. We almost had an absolute home run.

[B]

I want to actually talk about.

[A]

It's a single. It works great.

[B]

It worked. I mean, look, if it worked, it worked. That's all we want. We want to ring the bell. But real quick, now that we're going back and realizing that you didn't pull off the pitch, we were very excited about. You filled it with water before the flight. You said I just want to hear that again.

[A]

Makes no sense.

[E]

I'm in Sheffield and it was a three hour drive to the airport in London. My wife said that A wouldn't fit in the carry on because there's the two of us and my daughter and we only had two carry ons and she said it wouldn't work. So I wanted to prove her wrong. So by doing this, I wore it under a hoodie on my front, filled it with water and was drinking it on the way down, and it leaked and went all over my trousers. And I had to get new trousers before the flight, so I gotcha.

[B]

So it's a wild way to pull it. I could listen to him say words that end in Y or e. Well,

[A]

look, my man, we appreciate it. It's a heck of a device you created. I'm glad it worked. I do think this is a bell ring, but it was because of us.

[B]

I. I agree. And before I ring, it was the whiskey Monkey Shoulder. It was, yes, because they ended up sending us a bunch of that. So we should say thank you to Monkey Shoulder, especially now that you're in the chimp business. But I'm gonna ring the bell.

[A]

Yeah. Brad, we appreciate you, buddy. Thank you.

[C]

You.

[E]

Thank you very much.

[B]

Way to go, Red.

[E]

Thank you.

[A]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] here to help pod to see our entire, entire catalog.

[B]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strlecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[A]

That was a Headgum podcast.

[D]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[A]

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.

[B]

Each episode, we're gonna go into a

[D]

deep dive from our show. This is us.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[A]

Are we gonna cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot.

[B]

A whole lot.

[A]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.