WEIRD Here To Help: MILF Pants & The Witch Dietitian

Summary

Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help – WEIRD Here To Help: MILF Pants & The Witch Dietitian

Date: April 24, 2026 | Hosts: Eric Edelstein & Steve Berg | Network: Headgum

---

Overview of the Episode

This episode of “Weird Here to Help” is a wild, irreverent ride, packed with personal anecdotes and advice for listeners calling in with their quirkiest and most heartfelt dilemmas. Hosts Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg navigate topics ranging from unfortunate tick bites in unfortunate places, to the life and afterlife of breakup sweatpants, and even merge nutritional science with witchcraft. With their trademark banter, supportive outlook, and a willingness to get weird (and sometimes genuinely helpful), they create an open, funny, welcoming space for callers and listeners alike.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter + Tick Trauma

[00:25–12:55]

• Steve’s Mushroom Hunting Misadventure:

  • Steve shares his stories about morel mushroom hunting in Nebraska, waxing poetic on the limited morel season and the culinary joys of wild mushrooms.
  • The joy comes with a harrowing price: a tick makes its way to his “twig.” In a frank and hilarious segment, Steve details his panic, removal methods, and late-night WebMD anxiety.
    • Memorable Quote:
      • “I’m just going to come out with saying it. A tick on my junk? … I had to dig my fingernails in there, grabbed that, got it out, hurt like unholy hell.” – Steve ([03:40])

• Tick Fears, Paranoia & Laughter:

  • Eric reveals a profound fear of ticks, and the two riff on Lyme disease, conspiracy theories, and Steve’s ongoing, anxious watch for “the bullseye.”
    • Quote:
      • “You ooze sexuality… The tick’s like, if I’m gonna go out, I’m gonna go out on the best.” – Eric ([04:02])
  • Humorous suggestions about protective measures (“wrap your dick like the mummy”) and the worthiness of taking risks for food.

---

2. Caller 1: Emmy and the MILF Pants Saga

[13:01–40:09]

• Introducing Emmy:

  • Emmy calls in from the South, naming “Better Call Saul” as her favorite TV show, “Jane Eyre” as her book, and “Rumours” by Fleetwood Mac as album of choice.

• MILF Pants—A Bizarre Breakup:

  • Emmy recounts receiving sweatpants emblazoned “MILF” (which, in this context, stands for “Man, I Love Frisbee”) from her boyfriend, only to be dumped two minutes later.
    • Quote:
      • “Literally two minutes after…he gave me the pants, he broke up with me.” – Emmy ([16:46])
  • The hosts immediately take Emmy’s side, declare her ex (“Chad”) persona non grata, and ridicule the weird “parting gift.”

• How to Handle the MILF Pants:

  • Steve and Eric brainstorm:
    • Revenge plot: Creating an effigy, a girls’ night, and burning the pants.
    • Transformative plot: Start a real “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” with friends (and the hosts!), turning breakup grief into an ongoing, healing, and hilarious ritual.
    • Cleansing: Use sage, palo santo; “get the Chad stank off them.”
    • Turn the joke on the ex: Have Eric and Steve wear and post pictures in the pants; let “Chad” see two giant, hilarious character actors rocking his bizarre gift.
      • Quote:
        • “If you cryptically post two giant character actors wearing the MILF pants on your Instagram…he’ll be so utterly confused and upset.” – Eric ([29:03])

• Closing Words to Emmy:

  • The hosts invite Emmy to send them the pants, push her to make the pants a “totem” of absurd freedom, and promise that future partners will be better.
    • Quote:
      • “Look at the pants as a gift that…shows this guy was nuts. And we get the final say.” – Eric ([39:50])

---

3. Caller 2: Kelly the Witch Dietitian

[40:17–66:23]

• Introducing Kelly:

  • Kelly, from Georgia, describes herself as a dietitian specializing in migraines and identifies as a “hedge witch.”

• Her Dilemma: Blending Science & Witchcraft in Practice

  • Kelly seeks advice on integrating her witchcraft (mainly energy work, herbalism, and ritual) with her evidence-based dietitian work—without losing professional credibility.
    • Quote:
      • “…I have no idea if I can mix those two things, if there’s a world where that’s possible. And if so, how would I do that without losing credibility?” – Kelly ([43:31])

• Advice & Encouragement:

  • The hosts are delighted and supportive. They encourage her to:
    • Explore case-by-case openness, using subtlety and intuition to “vibe check” clients.
    • Successfully blend practices as many do—offering spiritual/holistic elements to those open to them.
    • Consider starting a separate online presence (e.g., Instagram or Substack) for witchcraft offerings.
    • Build her voice on the show’s Patreon (invited to do live advice and “healing” as a witch for listeners struggling with migraines).
      • Quotes:
        • “There’s a whole lot of people that would want to deal with somebody that’s coming with a witch background…a whole other lane or a Substack.” – Eric ([59:15])
        • “You drip feed it into your website and then…monitor the results and then you can slowly add on.” – Steve ([58:14])
        • “Kelly, I think you are so invited to come do a dry run on the Me and Eric show…Let’s try it out.” – Steve ([64:16])

• Witchcraft & Science Are Not Mutually Exclusive:

  • The hosts (and Kelly) discuss how many witchy herbal practices are now scientifically validated (“wormwood kills parasites”), and urge her to follow her calling.
    • Quote:
      • “A lot of witchcraft…is just science under another name.” – Eric ([54:09])

• Outcome:

  • Kelly is left empowered, excited to embrace her “full self,” and motivated to reach out to clients seeking both scientific and magical healing for migraines.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You ooze sexuality… The tick’s like, if I’m gonna go out, I’m gonna go out on the best."
  – Eric Edelstein ([04:02])

• "Literally two minutes after…he gave me the pants, he broke up with me."
  – Emmy ([16:46])

• "If you cryptically post two giant character actors wearing the MILF pants on your Instagram…he’ll be so utterly confused and upset."
  – Eric ([29:03])

• "A lot of witchcraft…is just science under another name."
  – Eric ([54:09])

• “You drip feed it into your website and then…monitor the results and then you can slowly add on.”
  – Steve ([58:14])

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment | |--------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:25–12:55 | Opening Banter & Steve’s Tick Incident | | 13:01–40:09 | Caller: Emmy and the Story of the MILF Pants | | 40:17–66:23 | Caller: Kelly – The Witch Dietitian's Professional Identity Dilemma | | select | Throughout | Notable host banter, encouragement, and advice |

---

Episode Tone & Takeaways

• Tone: Playful, candid, supportive, at times irreverently graphic, ultimately empathetic and empowering.
• Takeaways:
  • Turn personal traumas or bizarre romantic gestures into lasting, joyful rituals with friends. Humor heals.
  • You can blend tradition and intuition—magic and science—if you’re deliberate, subtle, and true to yourself.
  • The “Weird Here to Help” community is set up for anyone who feels “other” or wants nonjudgmental support.

---

For Listeners Who Missed the Show:
Expect personal stories so odd (yet relatable) you may cringe, laugh, or want to join in—and advice columns that run on both empathy and absurdity. If you recently received breakup-themed loungewear or are pondering your professional identity as a dietician/witch, this one’s for you.

---

Want to call in with your own dilemma? Email: [e-mail]

Interested in more weirdness, bonus content, or joining Kelly’s witchy migraine advice debut?
Check out their Patreon and follow along for more healing-in-progress.

Transcript

[A]

This is a headgum podcast.

[B]

We're here to help.

[A]

We're here. We're here.

[B]

Here, here, here, here too Help, help. Win, win, win.

[A]

We're here to help. We're here to help.

[B]

Welcome back to another episode of Weird. Here to help with the wonderful Eric Edelstein and me. Let's little Stevie Berg. Eric, how are you doing today, my friend?

[A]

I'm so good, buddy. I'm so happy to be in here with you.

[B]

Oh yeah, look at us. A couple of musicians just making jazz, figuring it out as we go. There's no plan, there's no sheet music. We're just feeling the space and compliment each other with a little saxophone here upright bass move.

[A]

You're thelonious punk, dude.

[B]

It's so thelonious punk.

[A]

Steve, I'll say this. These are some of the best calls we've ever had.

[B]

We had. Yeah, the, the calls you're Barry to hear are so good. I'm. I'm just wowed. They're truly some of the best ones I think we've ever had, to be honest.

[A]

But and, and it's a lot of ways they helped us.

[B]

They. Well, they always do. Eric. We are, we're work some progress. Absolutely. Eric. I don't know if I mentioned I, I have, I wanted to save it for the show, but I had an interesting week. Give me a little bit. So this time of year in the Midwest, in the heartland of America, it is morel mushroom season. Eric, have you ever had a morel mushroom? Oh, I love them.

[A]

I do a dry fry.

[B]

There's nothing better.

[A]

Throw them in the pan, let the water come out, then you add the oil, then you add the balsamic wine. Steve.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you're wearing cheap socks because

[A]

they're gonna get knocked right off.

[B]

Well, you get. So the morels are the one mushroom, I think. And truffles that you cannot grow. They can't.

[A]

They.

[B]

You have to pick them naturally. And so there's about a, you know, anywhere from a 7 to 10 day window where they pop up. So every year since I moved back to Nebraska, I go out with a couple buddies and we go morel hunting. And it is so fun. You're on all fours. You're having to do a lot of, you know, work. You're. But you're finding these. And I got a grip of morels already processed brine, put in the freezer for a later use. This weekend I'm gonna do a nice risotto with them. A risotto with morel mushroom flavoring. You just can't beat it. However, Eric, buddy, when you're on all fours in your middle of the forest in eastern Nebraska, you're gonna pick up some ticks.

[A]

Oh no, don't, don't do this.

[B]

Okay? And I'm prepared. You know, as a fly fisherman, I've had ticks on me plenty of times. You know, so the whole protocol is you come home, you get your clothes right into the washing machine, you take your shoes, you leave them outside, which I forgot to do. My wife wasn't too happy about it. But I did a very thorough tick check. You know, all over the old body and everything looked fine. I found one on my shoulder. Got that thing off, flushed it down

[A]

the toilet on your skin, sucking your blood.

[B]

It was. Well, when I took my shirt off, I thought crawling from like my back to the shoulder in the mirror. And so I got rid of it anyways, you know, 24 hours goes by. No, I wake up in the middle of the night too. You know, you're an older. When you get older you start. You have to pee in the middle of the night. Plus I do a lot of hydration and I go to take a pee, I take a number one and I find. I don't know how to say it gently. I'm just going to come out with saying it. A tick on my junk? No, no, Eric, I had a tick. I'm not going to like get more specific than that. There was a.

[A]

You have to.

[B]

There was a listeners demand on my privacy on my bathroom parts and it,

[A]

I mean, on the twig or the berries?

[B]

The twig, dude. It was like.

[A]

What were you doing on all fours out there that there's a tick on your dick?

[B]

Well, they could. They, they, they crawl up and they get. And they, they, they'll hide in different places and crevices and then they'll move around on your body.

[A]

I never felt it Calendar. It was very excited. You ooze sexuality. It's like I'm going to go out the best the tick can go out

[B]

on, I'll tell you. I shriek.

[A]

Oh my God. I would scream. What did you do when.

[B]

Well, okay, I flipped out. I actually did. I like went to a fucking complete panic. I was like, well, I'm. They're gonna have to cut my dick off. You know, like I really like, you know that.

[A]

Anyway, I had.

[B]

Well, come on. I had been asleep too. So this is like, you know, I would. It was like 3:30 in the morning, the witching hour. I find this tick on there and it is burrowed, not all the way. So I'm like fucking panicking at first. I'm like, do I get a lighter? And then I'm like, dude, I'm not putting fire next to, you know, my, my baby maker. And you know, I didn't know what to do, so I just kind of like dug my fingernails in there, grabbed that, got it out, hurt like unholy hell, and I flushed that goddamn thing down toilet, put a, put a bandaid on, and then sat in bed all night wondering if I have Lymes. Lyme's disease. That's, that was my week. How's your week going?

[A]

I'm speechless. Because don't you have to like, screw them out counterclockwise or get fire? I, I think, yeah, because otherwise they can stay in there and keep sucking if you don't take them out properly. That's what terrifies me.

[B]

There is definitely, like a protocol, however. It's 3:30 in the morning and all I knew is like, this thing's got to come out right now. I wasn't gonna go on like WebMD and look up, like, I would remove.

[A]

Got a lighter and lit your dick on fire.

[B]

You would put flame right to your, like, situation.

[A]

I have not said this. I'm always reticent to say things I'm afraid of. I'm terrified of ticks.

[B]

Me too. We all love them.

[A]

We went to the Hudson Valley this summer.

[B]

Our friend Taylor was there.

[A]

And I would not hike because I'm so afraid of ticks.

[B]

Oh, you can't let it. You see, you can't let something keep you out of nature, man.

[A]

Ticks will. I'm sorry. I'll, I'll walk on the street. I'll get an exercise bike. I, I, I'm so freaked out by these things. And I'm so freaked out by Lyme disease and this new thing. I'll let, I'll kind of laugh. I'll feel horrible. But what if you have that tick bite that makes you not like meat anymore? It makes you allergic to me.

[B]

That allergies to red meat. I mean.

[A]

Yeah, that's a thing.

[B]

No, I know, I know.

[A]

So all these guys are getting, then they have to turn into vegans, which

[B]

is kind of, it's hilarious.

[A]

I'm sorry. It's sort of hilarious to someone going in and having to like, oh, get the seitan, the cashew cheese because they

[B]

can't do meat, you know, like two weeks ago. It's funny, I saw that, like, this is absolutely not true, that there Was like, some paranoid people saying, like, chicks were in a CIA, like, development thing that they were gonna release in Russia during the Cold War. Like, they said they developed Lyme. CIA developed Lyme's disease, which.

[A]

I dipped my toe in that water.

[B]

I've read.

[A]

I mean, they didn't have ticks like this 40, 50 years ago. They didn't have Lyme disease. 40.

[B]

But I think it's more. More.

[A]

Christopher Maloney from Law and Order. I watched that commercial of Lyme disease. It's real and it's not fun. And I get so scared every time Christopher Maloney comes on my TV talking about Lyme disease.

[B]

I don't want it. Well, see, basically, I had the. The Damocles around my neck right? Now I have an albatross around my neck because I'm just sitting here waiting to see if this little tick bite turns into the bullseye, which means you have Lyme disease.

[A]

So you're just looking at your dick all the time.

[B]

I'm just looking at my dick. I'm looking at my dick right now. No, I'm just kidding.

[A]

I'm able to get through four callers today, and I want you to be honest, because I can't see the waist down. Did you look at your dick today while we were podcasting?

[B]

No, I didn't. I didn't. No.

[A]

That's the difference between you and me. I'd be so terrified, right when I hit stop.

[B]

I'm going to be just.

[A]

Did you wake up your wife when you found the ticket?

[B]

She.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, she could hear me, like, flustered in the bathroom. She's like, hey, like, are you okay in there?

[A]

I'm like, what kind of sounds are you making? Give it to us, please.

[B]

Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck. Shit. Oh. Oh, God.

[A]

That needs to be someone's ringtone right there.

[B]

Grab that out.

[A]

Put in your ringtone. We're gonna make lemons out of lemonade.

[B]

I literally laid in bed and, like, are they gonna have to cast. Am I gonna have to go to the hospital, get castrated the next day? Like, first off, I looked up, like, it doesn't matter where it is. Like, thank God, so they're not going to have to take my dick off. Which I was worried about that. I'm not going to lie. But I am now on the watch I'm on. I'm on the clock to see if I have Lyme disease.

[A]

So this is a worry about this. And not to be too in the weeds, but was it at Least on

[B]

the note business, not the business. It was not on the business end of the situation. I feel so bad that now everyone's having to have this horrible picture in their head of, oh, they've already been

[A]

visualizing your dick since the calendar came out.

[B]

But this is like, I'm truly like, shit, I don't want to have Lyme disease, man. Like, that's, like, really bad.

[A]

So we just met a witch that can heal people with dietary stuff and migraines. I'm sure if, heaven forbid, I don't think you have it. I think the bullseye would have already showed up. But if you do, we now have a witch that is a healer that can help you. And I'm excited.

[B]

Steve Berg, you were just on the show. Weird. Here to help. I know this is kind of weird that I'm reaching out to you, but I know you do some witchcraft and I was wondering. I have a tick on my. I had a tick on my dick. Is there something you could do? She's like, later, pervert. Like, yeah, there's no way.

[A]

So when you were you able to go back to sleep and then what happened when you woke up?

[B]

Not really. It was fitful sleep, man. I'm still catching up. It was like. I woke up immediately was like, reading online about it. I did not sleep well because in my head and, you know, I was in that kind of hypnagogic, you know, waking, you know, weird thing. I was just like, I'm gonna. They're, like, gonna have to, like, do some to my junk, and I don't like that. Like, I'd rather just have Lyme disease as opposed to them having, like, do some weird procedure on my junk. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

So you just suck her off?

[B]

I ripped it off. It was in. So it was like kind of not all the way burrowed in where it was, like, buried in there, but it was, like, in there. It was not easy to get off, by the way. Like, it really wasn't. And it hurt like fucking hell. There's a lot of nerve endings down there. I'm sorry that this is the most graphic intro we'll probably ever do.

[A]

Look, this is life. This is life. You broke it. You bought it with us, and we needed to know this.

[B]

Here's the upside. I got a grip of golden top morels that are so beautiful. I will post the pictures on the Patreon because I'm so proud of them. But, man, overall, like, food's always going to win out and it was worth It. Even if I get Lyme's disease, because, man, morels are hard to find and they're so delicious. And let me tell you, if you've never had morels in a risotto, folks, find some of the morels or go out hunting yourself, because maybe you'll know. Well, yeah, I mean, you might get a ticket.

[A]

I know you. You're insane. I know you're going to go out morel hunting next year, aren't you?

[B]

I'm going. I'm going this Sunday.

[A]

You're insane. If you don't wrap your dick like the mummy, I don't know what to do with you. Like, they'll.

[B]

They'll.

[A]

There's. Wrap your whole body in the mummy wrapped in plastic, like, Buddy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love you so much for going back out there. I'm such a Brady cat. I wouldn't do it again. I'm such of you, but please wrap yourself up so well.

[B]

I'll be better. I'll actually use the tick spray. That's toxic. The de. Whatever. Like that, like, makes gives you, like, you know, bad diseases later in life. But, like, yeah, I think in this case, I'm going to have to put the weird chemicals all over my pants and stuff because I don't. I don't want to go through that again because a tick in the dick, folks, don't recommend. Don't try it. Like, a lot of things you want to experience in life, this is not one of them. It was sheer panic. I thought I was going to have to caster it myself. Yeah, it was not a great situation, but, you know, overall, I got a freezer full of morels, and I'm very excited about it. And, Eric, should we get into these colors so we can stop talking about my junk for a second?

[A]

I don't think we have a choice.

[B]

Folks, without further ado, we give you this episode of Weird. Here. I thought you guys. Say it with me. Let's do that again. Let's do it again. Eric looks exhausted right now. I think this story. I'm worried.

[A]

I'm a worried.

[B]

You look like a worried mother right now. I'm gonna get a. I'm gonna get a lecture off the air. I can already feel it. Oh, my God. But I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble. But, folks, enjoy this episode. We had a blast doing it. And have a great rest of your day without further ado. Weird here to help.

[A]

Weird here to help.

[B]

Every once in a while in someone's life, there comes a time where you actually need help. And when you need help, the there's only one place to go, and that is Weird. Here to help with Eric Edelstein and little Stevie Berg. Caller, how are you doing? Welcome to Weird. Here to help with my buddy Eric. Eric. And I. And myself. I'm here too. Obviously. That goes without saying. I didn't really need to point that out. I'm an asshole. Sorry.

[A]

Best intro ever. Best intro ever.

[B]

Not very eloquent. I blame my speech impediment. Try having a lisp and doing introing a show. Not easy, folks. Call her my friend. What is your name? Where are you calling from? And if you had to tell us what your favorite movie slash TV show is? Book and album are just so we get a sense of. You are. We'd love to hear it.

[C]

Hi, I'm Emmy. I can't believe I'm here. I'm so excited.

[B]

I'm very happy to have you. I love your name too.

[A]

That. Never known about.

[B]

Just. No, it's just a fun name.

[A]

I've never known a bad Jack. Never known a Bad. Never known about Emmy. They're all great.

[B]

I've known a bunch of bad Chads.

[A]

No Jack. I've never known a bad Jack.

[B]

No, I know. I'm just saying. I'm just adding that. Chad's. Chad's. Be careful.

[A]

Oh, yeah. They'll stab you right in the back. You won't even see it coming. Chad. What the fuck?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, Chad. Why? That's my girlfriend.

[A]

My God.

[B]

Okay, sorry. Emmy, talk to me about some of your favorites and also what region or area are you calling from? If you're comfortable sharing that.

[C]

I'm calling from the South.

[B]

Ooh, I love the South.

[C]

Yes. And let's see. It was. Favorite show is Better Call Saul.

[B]

Great. We love that.

[C]

Oh, the best Favorite. Oh, what were the other ones? Book is Jane Eyre.

[B]

Classic favorite.

[C]

Yeah. And then favorite album.

[A]

Ah.

[C]

I feel like I always panic when people ask.

[B]

I know it's tough. It's rare.

[C]

Let's go with rumors. I'm seeing Stevie.

[B]

Oh, are you really?

[D]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, hell yeah.

[A]

That's so cool.

[B]

Friend of the show, Stevie Nick.

[A]

We wish. But she still got it. She's still got her fastball. Comes in 102. And we're hoping. Let's be honest, we're hoping that she and Buckingham start getting along better. There's. There's some thawing in the relationship, Steve.

[C]

I know.

[A]

I think it's finally.

[B]

I blame Lindsay. I'll be honest. There is. There is. Don't iron it out.

[A]

And I think it's all in Lindsay. I support Stevie. This pod sports Stevie, 100% Lindsay.

[B]

Friend of the show, Stevie Nicks.

[A]

This is Stevie Nicks team podcast.

[B]

So, Emmy, I'm guessing you probably called for another purpose other than you talking about the wonders of Stevie Nicks. How can my friend Eric and I help you today?

[C]

Okay, this is definitely a weird one. So a couple weeks ago, my boyfriend gave me these sweatpants that I sent in a picture of that say MILF on the butt, which is obviously. Obviously.

[A]

Was it his choice? Did you get sweatpants or did you ask for them?

[B]

And are you a mother? Are you a mother even?

[C]

I'm not a mother. It doesn't stand for what you'd think it stands for. Man, I love frisbee, which it says on the leg. Cause he is a frisbee player. Oh, I knew these pants were coming.

[A]

I was very excited about that.

[B]

Those are sick. We're looking at these pictures of these pants.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And they look thin, too. Like, you can wear them in the spring or early summer, too, which I like.

[D]

They're.

[C]

They're a little thick, but they're pretty fun.

[B]

Well, I wash them enough times.

[A]

Like, that rug, too. That's a classic rug there. Really ties the room together.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

I love the rug.

[C]

The problem is, and this was quite a plot twist. Like, two minutes after he gave me the pants, he broke up with me.

[A]

What?

[B]

Fuck him.

[A]

Hold on. Literally two minutes after

[C]

it. It was. I'm not getting, like, no more than three to four.

[A]

How weird.

[B]

You know? You know what?

[A]

But what's his first name?

[C]

We can. We can call him Chad if we need it.

[B]

Yeah, okay. Okay. Let's call him Chad. Dude, that's such a Chad thing to do. So I. I'm without, you know, getting too personal or divulging it. Explain to me the mechanics of giving someone a gift. It's like, hey, I got these sweatpants I want you to support, you know? I love ultimate Frisbee, by the way. I think we should see other people. Like, how does that work?

[C]

It was basically that it was super confusing. He, like, came in and he seemed normal, and he gave me the pants and seemed really excited and, like, was super nice. And I asked how he was, and he was like, I had a lot of my. I've had a lot on my mind this week. I don't think I can be in a relationship anymore.

[B]

Why give me the pants then?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

As a parting gift. Like, is it like the gold watch? When you retire from a company, like,

[C]

okay, it was really strange. It was really, really bizarre. And I, like, kind of blacked out the pants until maybe like 15 minutes after he left. And I was like, why did he give me those pants?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So is it ultimate? Is it ultimate Frisbee? He plays?

[C]

Yes, he plays ultimate.

[B]

Wow. That is the quintessential 1990s stoner activity, which I. I would say even above Hacky Sack man. Like, you know, that was probably number one.

[A]

Be right in his head. I really.

[B]

Oh, he will.

[A]

Trust me. I'm gonna say this. I think you already know it. I'm glad you're free of this guy. Fuck, Chad. This is a. This is a barnacle on the soul. Someone that has that kind of behavior, you're so much better than. And I know it hurts, but, like, I'm glad he's out of your life because this is crazy. And I don't doubt somebody that's as unhinged and kind of seeming bipolar is going to try to come back. And do not let him back in. Tell him to take his Frisbee and fuck off. Right, Steve?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We don't like this guy for you. You deserve so much better than this insane behavior.

[B]

That's cruel.

[C]

It was really bizarre. Yeah. I'm feeling very sad, but I am feeling sorry.

[B]

When did the way it happened.

[C]

I don't have any.

[B]

No, he will try. How crazy.

[A]

He will try and you do not. You can even give him back the sweats. But they are nice, thick sweat pants.

[B]

Eric has a history of giving like a. Giving purple blouses to all his exes before.

[A]

It's a party gift, Steve.

[B]

It's a party gift.

[A]

Prince wore purple. They can wear purple.

[B]

Hey, Betsy, I thought this blouse look really. By the way, I'm out of here. Marking your territory.

[A]

Yeah, I leave a purple blouse wherever I've been. They're all over Eagle Rock.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Even like doctors I don't go to anymore. I give him purple blouse.

[B]

No, just what I do.

[A]

And you weren't really supposed to be there. Steve. We'll talk afterward.

[B]

Sorry about that.

[A]

Too late.

[B]

Can't. I'm probably gonna get a purple blast FedEx to me tomorrow morning. Yeah, that I wronged the Eric on the air.

[A]

Send the Purple Blast Omaha 5XL.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Sorry. Sorry.

[B]

Oh, no. No.

[A]

Emmy, are you looking to host a semi hit podcast giving advice?

[B]

No. Emmy, don't take my job. I got two cats to feed.

[E]

Yes. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you want to know what's great about Squarespace? Gareth Reynolds, tell them about your website.

[F]

Well, every, I, I keep building different websites because it's so easy with Squarespace, but I, I've been working with Squarespace for a while. Could not be more user friendly. They make it very easy and your website looks great. And we've built multiple websites on this show because it's so easy. They really, they help you find the domain, they help you get.

[B]

By the way, here to help.

[E]

Pod.com is our show website that is constantly evolving. And one thing I want to say, and that's a squarespace. Guys, check out the website because it's starting to evolve a little bit. So we've gotten emails from people being

[B]

like, where do I find the blank in the blank?

[E]

Well, go to heretohelppod.com which is a squarespace website, to get all the answers you need. Squarespace gives you everything you need. It's got cutting edge design. It's got. You can put donations on there. Fun directly on your website if you want.

[F]

You can put content on there. There's also is the SEO tools which for a while I just kept saying it and I didn't know what it was, but I don't know what it is. I'm gonna tell you. It's search engine optimization. So it's like if someone's looking for what you provide, they help you get higher in the search, which can be huge.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

I think optimization is good.

[E]

There you go.

[F]

Wow. Coming in at the end.

[E]

So check out squarespace.com Gil sent me. Ms. Gil, can we get a taste of Gil Buchanan reading the end of this copy?

[F]

Jake Johnson, SEO Tools. Talk about being left behind in the search. That would be Gilbyu, Canada. An island by himself. Things are still going good. I've been talking into a microphone, but it's actually a shoe. I'm still in the closet waiting for someone to come find me.

[E]

But actually, Gil, it looks like your microphone is not plugged in, brother.

[F]

So sorry, I didn't understand how that was. Anyway, Squarespace slash. Gil sent me.

[A]

We're back.

[E]

Save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain using Gil sent me.

[F]

We're back, baby. Hello.

[E]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com. booking helps you get it ridiculously right so you can find exactly what you're booking for.

[F]

So we all have different things we're looking for if you're traveling. I travel a lot for work. Younger people, they travel for other things. I guess they call them hobbies. Or maybe they're influencing. I don't know how it works, but booking.com makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home that's not just generically right or right for someone else, but ridiculously right for you.

[E]

Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens, your sleep light rise, early mother, or your high maintenance group chat, I got one of those. You can find exactly what you're booking for.

[F]

You're going to make them feel comfortable. You're going to feel comfortable. You're going to know what you're getting. And that is really something. Again, I just cannot say enough that booking.com provides booking.com offers a wide array of hotel and vacation rentals across the us so you can find exactly what you're booking for. There's something for everyone, even those who are impossible to please. So find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com, booking.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Book today on site or in the app.

[E]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Quint. Lately I've been more intentional about what I wear day to day. Leaning into pieces that feel easy, comfortable and put together just makes getting dressed simpler. Quince has been my go to. The fabrics feel elevated, the fits are clean and everything just works without needing to overthink it. This is real talk.

[F]

Literally tomorrow, going on the road for about 11 days and it's all quints. It's all quints. If it's not quints, it's because it's soon to be quints. It makes getting dressed easy. And I know that maybe sounds wild to some people, but quints is my go to. I know that I look as good as I can.

[E]

I have bought probably nine Quint shirts. I do a bunch of the black T shirts and lately I've done the short sleeve collared shirts. And I'll tell you why. I can wear it on the pod. I could wear it out socially to a lunch easy, but I could also wear it to a business event.

[F]

I'm not kidding. I have a closet rack in my Honda Odyssey. This is getting sad, but I do. And it's just all Quint's stuff. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to Quince.com here to help for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q u I n c.com here to help for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com here to help.

[B]

Now. Okay Amy, so What I'm gathering without you actually coming out and saying it is you have these pants which symbolize a relationship that causes grief.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

There are two ways I see you could go about doing this. One is the revenge plot where you do something to these pants. Such as create an effigy of this Chad. Invite some friends over, get a nice bottle of Chablis, maybe some light crudite and some Southwestern egg rolls, and then you light that fucking effigy. All female energy should be there. Not one F. Of course.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

It should be all you and your sisters. That is kind of like the. The. You know, an opening gambit for a revenge plot. Now, Eric, if you don't mind, I like to pitch something that's a little more fun and making lemons into lemonade.

[A]

EBay.

[B]

That's interesting. I didn't have that. Eric, Eric, pour on that thread a little more. So what I was thinking when you were talking about the pants, it hit my. It hit me like there was a movie that came in about 20 years. Something. Something in the Traveling Jean. The Traveling, Traveling Pants. The Traveling Pants.

[C]

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

[B]

That's exactly right. What if you form a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and you and your close friends and it could be like. Like cousins, you can. You could. The farther you can send these pants away and like, they. They travel the world. Would be amazing. But you should start your own Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. You wear them for the first month. This is part of the grooming process. It's part of the healing process to get over Chad, to like Chad. I'm not going to let this object cause me grief. I'm going to wear these and laugh and create a great bit for me and my friends.

[A]

You wear.

[B]

It's like. It's like these things travel for a month. The owner, you know, whoever has it for the month gets to wear them, gets to do whatever they want them. Then you wash them and you send to the next sister.

[C]

I do kind of like it. Yeah.

[B]

The.

[C]

The question that I've been sort of like, grappling with, which you basically hit the nail on the head, is what do I do with these pants? They also feel. Because I have other things that he gave me that don't have, like, this weird energy attached to them. Like the pants feel cursed.

[B]

They're.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, but we're gonna undo that. We are gonna undo that.

[C]

Great.

[A]

If you haven't burned sage and palo Santo all around those pants yet, do it.

[B]

Eric's right about that.

[C]

I Haven't done any. Any sage done.

[A]

Incense is sacred. Yeah.

[B]

Eric and I are gonna. Are gonna. People are gonna start at a certain point claiming that we're working for big Sage. We're getting, like, some sage sponsorship. It's the cure over a lot of things Eric and I recommend. But I do think Eric's right. Purify those pants. Get that Chad stank off them. Because, I mean, like, he's got the ultimate Frisbee sweat, which is like a stress sweat that don't smell. No, it smells. Know.

[A]

And. But here's what I'll say. I think we already know this. These pants are a gift. And wonderful. Because the pants prove his insanity. And there's maybe a chance he could have wriggled his way back in. Steve and I both want to beat him up. I know that's not our best selves. We try to be better, but that's where I lucky. I don't know where to symbolize that you're never, ever, ever going to deal with this again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think if you start viewing the pants as a hilarious gift and it's already brought you to our podcast. And we're so glad to know you. The other thing I'll say is I agree. The sister of the traveling pants, Steve and I are in touch with our divine feminine. We're okay with these pants getting a little bit stretched out. I think Steve and I would both love to take a picture of us in these. Oh, yeah.

[C]

I love this idea.

[A]

Really filling in that. That MILF background. And if you cryptically post two giant character actors wearing the MILF pants on your Instagram because, you know, he's.

[B]

This is great.

[A]

Somebody that gives pants in a up is a lurker. Oh, I bet. Guarantee he's got a bur.

[B]

Yeah, he's got a bur.

[A]

I bet he's got a burner. He's looking through friends like, my wife will try to like. I want to see what so and so's doing. I'm like, why? Why? I'm like, why don't I unfall him? No, no, I want to see. He's lurking. Someone that gives breakup sweatpants is a lurker creep. And if you post two giant character actors, I'll tell you what I'd love it for the publicity from your Instagram page. I got a fun show coming out May 21 called the Bros on Netflix.

[B]

Eric's looking to get out there. Yeah.

[A]

I'm. If you post a picture of me in the MILF sweatpants and say my Friend Eric has a show coming out on Netflix May 21st. Please watch. He'll be so utterly confused and upset. And that's really what we normally we try to go to our better angels. Steve, your next episode of Ghosts or the spinoff you just post when Steve's new thing is airing with Steve Burr can really fill out some MILF sweat. You have MILF energy, Steve.

[B]

I'm just going to let you know that. Well, I shouldn't say I know because that sounds very cocky, but I mean, I don't know, but like, no, you're a milf.

[A]

You are, Steve. Like, I could totally see Unreal Housewives assault.

[B]

Well, I am a. I'm about as sassy as a cop. I am a sassafras over here. Are you kidding me, dude? Yeah.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Well, I will say I think doing kind of like the first instinct always is to destroy them in some kind of like, way where you're like, ah, got revenge. I find the revenge to not be satisfied. I really don't.

[C]

Yeah, that was my first instinct. And I, I do kind of like the idea now of doing something to like, cleanse them and like, send them on their way and sort of have a little bit of like, that was a good relationship at the time and now we're done.

[B]

Like, do you have a. Do you have like, where you live? Because I know, like, you know, the way people are now. It's like your friends are spread out all over the country or all over the world, whatever. But do you have a core group of friends who you love, like sisters or brothers that live close to.

[C]

I do have some really good friends here and I. Some family here too. And I, I could do. I could definitely also like, mail the pants to other friends around the country.

[B]

That's. That's exactly right. However, I think if you want to start doing this, you have a little party at your house and just say like, I have. I want to, you know, like, this is a party. It's not. There is a purpose behind the party. I'm keeping the purpose of the party a little bit secret. But please come bring a covered dish if you want. Or a 12 pack. You know, you should always bring something. You know, you guys have the hospitality down south.

[A]

You're not animals.

[B]

No, I never come empty handed, but like, I did. I think having an event and then at the end holding come out wearing the pants, tell the story. They probably already know the story and then say, I'm asking some of you if you'd like to, to participate in the sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And not only that, when they come in, they're going to be a little confused because they're going to see a top flight charcuterie board being served on a frizz. A frisbee. They're going to be high quality appetizers served on a frisbee. And they won't quite know why. I love that idea. Pants come out.

[B]

Why is this?

[A]

We are ab. We are taking it to 10 with this guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We don't like him. If you're listening now, friend, you're not a friend of this show. You'll never be a friend of this show. If you come up to me in a bar. I'm not going to be affable.

[B]

No.

[A]

And I'm always a. I won't be affle with you because you hurt my friend. And I can't wait to try these pants on. And I'll be honest, I've been doing some eating. I'm getting ready for fall. I'm gonna fill them out real well. Steve's gonna fill em out real well.

[B]

Yeah, real well.

[A]

And we are going to turn these pants into a megaton weapon.

[B]

I'll tell you what, I'd like to get ahold of these pants. I'd like to get them on, get my, get my gardening shirt on. And I will take some great photos of me like pruning my tomato plants on a hot summer day. And then this chair be like, oh my God.

[A]

Oh, is this the new calendar? Steve, Steve.

[B]

I'm just saying. I'm just saying the pants might have to make an appearance in these. Cause like, look, let's get back at this. Chad.

[C]

I think it into the calendar. I'd die, dude.

[B]

I'll tell you this right, I'll tell you this right now, people. What they were send these pants to Eric. And I let Eric and I take them for a test spin. Then we'll send them back to you. And then. And also, if. If you wouldn't mind inducting Eric and I into the sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I know I would take it as a great honor.

[C]

You are obviously, of course, part of the sisterhood.

[B]

Oh, oh my God.

[A]

We're so into the sisterhood.

[B]

This is so good. This is so good.

[A]

We love it. We love it. We're in touch with our divine.

[B]

I also, this is the way I think, you know, because like, revenge to me has a negative connotation in a negative spirit where it is temporary relief. I don't think it helps Long term, I think taking a. Like a moment like this where you were. You were clearly wronged. It was done inappropriate. Turning it into a, like, a lifetime bit that you and your friends can laugh about. Because the last thing Chad wants you doing is laughing at him. And this is. This is actually, that's what we're doing. It's revenge. And also, you're creating a fun, hilarious inside joke with your buddies also, I mean, like, I gotta tell you, get these. I mean, we'll give you the addresses off the. Off the air, but, like, Eric and I can't wait to get in these pants.

[A]

Oh, I can't wait.

[C]

Oh, my God. I love the idea of getting pants so much. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it's gonna be so fun. And the other thing, I'd say unblock them. When the pan pictures start going, it's gonna truly drive him nuts. He's like, why are character actors. Why is the guy that died in everything wearing the pants? I thought I was being cool. We're like, no, Chad, this proves your insanity. I personally think you're bipolar. I think you're a nut. I'm so glad you're away from Emmy. But I'm wearing the pants now. And then Steve's gonna wear the pants,

[B]

and then I'll Ultimate Frisbee dork. Like, get out of town.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

I mean, there's nothing wrong with Ultimate Frisbee I played. It's very fun. However, like, I mean, I don't like this guy. He's giving me Ultimate Frisbee a bad name. First off, I think he should be banned from the organization. I'll write a letter. I'll write a letter. I know, I know. Todd over at Ultimate Frisbee National association, he's going to get a sternly written

[A]

Chuck Schumer style letter for me because we can trace. Whoever's making these pants probably knows Chad and he should be banned from Ultimate.

[B]

I agree. I agree.

[A]

He should be the Pete Rose of Ultimate Frisbee. Get him out of organizing a really cool pair of pants.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. I love this. I also love Eric's idea of creating that theme, that sort of subtle theme of the, like putting baba ganoush in a frisbee. I mean, my God, if I go to. If I go to a party where someone serves baba ganoush and appetizers on a Frisbee, I'm like, I don't know what this is about, but I like it a lot.

[A]

I'd be very glad to come out. It's the greatest payoff ever.

[B]

It really is. Oh, this is clean cut. This is so fun. And I had to tell you, Emmy, like, I know I'm gonna throw in and speak for Eric on this. We genuinely really want to wear these pants.

[C]

Fantastic. I in my head I was like, maybe Steve will want to wear the pants. The fact that both of you wear the pants.

[A]

You manifested us.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, we're both wearing them. Yeah, we're both wearing them. Like, you know, it's like, look, I've tried to get Eric to wear certain articles of clothing and he's always been like, buddy, I love you. I'm a hard knowing that you, my friend, offer some MILF pants. And Eric's like, yes, please. How do I get these?

[A]

There's a MILF in me waiting to come out. And finally there is here I say

[B]

beautiful, beautiful lives inside of you. Let's let. And also you might be doing, you might be bringing something out in Eric and I, you know, like we're, we're like Eric and I are going to get even further in touch with our divine feminine. So this is like a two way street. We hope we're helping you.

[A]

We thank you.

[B]

Boy, you're giving us a gift.

[C]

Amazing. I love this plan. I really love it.

[B]

This is so good.

[A]

And if you need it, it is written. So we're going to give you the address off air and then it's starting and then I'll send them to Steve and then I'll get take good pictures off Jess. Rona take great pictures of me in the pants. They'll go to Steve, they'll go to all your friends. And then I think you start posting them because you should win this episode of the podcast here she got to self promote.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It'll start driving him. It will. And that we have weaponized these pants that prove his insanity. Oh, I love it. Talk about making the greatest lemonade ever.

[B]

But God, this could be like a seat like an ABC movie of the week in like 1992, you know what I'm saying? Like, this is so good. I love it.

[A]

Finally, Steve, we can play ourselves.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Before this would be Chad Lowe. And you know it would be Chad

[B]

Lowe is in a lot of us,

[A]

Everett Howell or something. But finally the big guys get to be the leads and we are in the sisterhood of the travelers.

[B]

You and I are the Tom Skerritt's this time, Eric. Oh, so grateful. Yay. Oh, friend. Well, I'll tell you what. We will give you, you know, right to the the show where you wrote in this thing. And Eric and I will give you our P.O. boxes. You can send those off any old time. I. I will. I'll get. I'll get in those pants asap. And I know Eric and I will. Eric will, too. I mean, like, I could have been. I've never been this excited to wear an article clothing. Fuck, Chad. Fuck ultimate Frisbee. This is how we win and have a great bit. I think going the revenge route, it's too easy, and I feel like it's not. It will be. It'll be temporarily satisfying. This is a bit forever. And I'm telling you, I like turning

[C]

it into a bit that. That feels really, really fun. And it feels like it's going to get the, like, negativity out of the paint.

[B]

It will become. I mean, these things will be in the Smithsonian in 2077. I guarantee it.

[A]

Yeah. And Steve Berg knows how to smolder, and he's going to smolder in these pants.

[C]

Fantastic.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Look out, look out, folks. Hide the kids. Hide the wife. I love.

[A]

All right. We met one more great Emmy. Emmys are undefeated.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

This was such a great call, Emmy. And we can't wait to get started with this diabolical, glorious, full of love revenge part.

[B]

So good.

[D]

So much.

[C]

I really.

[A]

Oh, you're the best. So good talking.

[B]

Emmy, you're a gem. Take care of yourself, sister. And also, there is a better man out there for you or a woman, whoever, either way. But there is a better partner for you out there. This guy blew it. Blew it. And it's going to be the big regret of your life. So if you can take that grief, put it to the side for a while and start saying, this might have been the best thing that's ever happened to me.

[C]

All right, thank you guys so much. I can't wait to see you.

[A]

The pants are a totem of that.

[B]

Yeah, they are.

[A]

Yeah. Pants prove it. Look at the pants as a gift that, like this shows this guy was nuts. And we get the final say.

[B]

Absolutely. You nailed it. You nailed it, Emmy. You're the best. Hit us back up with where and we'll tell you. We're going to send the pants. We're excited to get those babies on.

[C]

Amazing. Thank you all so much.

[B]

All right, sister, you rock. Take care. I love you.

[C]

All right, y', all, too. Bye.

[A]

Oh, wow. Caller, hello. What is your name? Where are you calling from? And please give us your favorite movie slash premium television show, musical album and a book or anthology series.

[D]

Hello, My name's Kelly. I'm in Georgia and the state and the country. And my favorite book that I would take would be the complete works of E. Cummings.

[B]

Oh, yes. Nice, Nice.

[A]

This is why we do it. Now we know where.

[D]

Unfortunately, it sounds a little pretentious, but.

[B]

No, we like pretension.

[A]

Capitalization is for suckers. We love this. Yes.

[D]

So that would be my book album would be Elton John's Greatest Hits.

[B]

I'm good with that. I'm good with that. I'm a big Elton Johnson.

[A]

I love Elton John.

[B]

I do, I do.

[D]

Yeah. Hard to beat Benny and the Jets. I think it's fun.

[B]

It's good fun. It's toe tapping.

[D]

Yeah. And then TV show I'm going to go with would be shit.

[A]

Ooh, that's two in a row for Schitt's Creek.

[B]

Did you say Schitt's Creek, Kelly?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Oh, fun.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of Schitt's Creek talk here. Yeah. Fun show. Catherine o'. Hare. We love it. We love it.

[A]

Chris Elliott. We love the Levies. It's a great show.

[B]

Big fan of the Levies. Friends of the show, the Levies. So, Kelly, here's a question. Why or how can Eric and I help you today?

[D]

Okay, so I am going through sort of a professional identity crisis, so I'm hoping you can help me kind of sort through things.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Just a little context. I am a dietitian. I specialize in helping people with migraine. And, you know, I own my own practice, so I'm kind of just doing my own thing. And I love my job, I love what I do. I'm also, outside of that, a witch.

[A]

Oh, welcome home. You are a home friend.

[B]

Pull up a chair and a glass of hot cider. We're gonna get into brass tacks here. You're a witch. Now, may I ask what kind of witchcraft you practice? There's many kinds of hedge witches. There's, you know, death witch, which I just met for the first time, but what kind of witch are you?

[D]

Yes, I feel very at home. I feel like this is the only place I could ask this question, but I identify mostly as a hedge witch. Kind of eclectic, but yeah, that's kind of where I relate most.

[B]

That's good. And hedge witch, for the listeners that you kind of borrow from a host of different prayers. You work with a lot like elemental spirits and nature. Am I right about that?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah. I know a Dana Newkirk. She's a hedge witch. A very Powerful one too. Good, good buddy of mine. Well, this is great. So like, you're a dietitian, you're helping people, and you're a witch, which I know witches help people too, so you're already a wonderful person in my eyes. Now how. What is your quandary here?

[D]

So my question is, you know, as. As dietitians and you know, for. Just, for me personally, being very, you know, evidence based and science based is important to me in my professional career. And at the same time, I also feel very called to practice more outwardly as a witch and maybe professionally in some capacity. But I have no idea if I can mix those two things, if there's a world where that's possible. And if so, like, how. How would I do that without losing credibility?

[B]

Right, I hear you. That is tricky because I mean, the thing is, I mean, you're using like two holistic practices, you know, like, I mean, being a dietitian, you know, I suppose could be considered holistic and you

[A]

know, like, especially for migraines. I mean, I think, Kelly. And again, you're in the right podcast. I think there's a way to combine all of this and get even more credibility. And where are you located? Sorry? ADD Georgia.

[D]

Yeah, Georgia.

[A]

Georgia. But are you like city Georgia, like Atlanta? Ish.

[D]

I'm not. I'm in more of a rural area, but I practice online, so.

[A]

Oh, okay, perfect.

[D]

Just like this.

[A]

Okay, that's amazing then, because, you know, the hippie and the woo woo you can find anywhere. And the first example I have is my sister's a therapist, but also not unlike you, a heck of a healer. And she started. She was very nervous about doing it. She started incorporating tarot in her practice and her practice exploded. She's amazing at this stuff. She has a gift and I think she had kind of the same worries you had, but instead it only helped. And I think, you know, help me if I'm wrong. Witchcraft has always been a healing practice, and to bring that in and to kind of bring it into your practice more for those that are into it, I think would only give you more credibility with the right people, I. E. Listeners to this show and. Or the hosts of the show, so you can kind of open that up to the people that are into it. And then also while staying in a strictly scientific lane for migraines and for dietitian work, I think, like, I think you. I think it's. It's easier than perhaps it used to be to kind of allow all this stuff in and especially if you're working online, people are going to be open and into this and you can give advice that they don't even have to know is coming from a witchcraft background. It can just be like, oh, that's really cool. And they're going to think it's science not knowing. Well, it's science, but it's from years, thousands of years of witchcraft that's been proven to help.

[E]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Brian Farrell, a dear friend of mine and the podcast uses Mint Mobile and says he sees zero difference and has no idea why more people aren't switching. He had, I think Sprint or AT T, one of the big ones. And I said, tell me what you think. And he said, honestly, it's just as good. The difference is it's way less money.

[F]

After years of overpaying for wireless, I, like many others, got fed up with crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees and all these free perks and I switched to Mint Mobile. You really are shocked when you realize how much Mint Mobile saves you. Wireless does not have to cost what you think that it used to. So you should stop overpaying for wireless just because that's how it's always been. I was like that for so long. I was in the matrix. Goofy Mint exists purely to fix that old mindset. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month. They have it all. They have the high speed data, the unlimited talk, the text delivered on the nation's largest 5G. Bring your phone, your number, you activate it with an ESIM in minutes. I did all this and you start saving immediately. There's no long term contracts, there's no hassle. So you could ditch the overpriced wireless, get three months of a premium wireless service from mint mobile for 15 bucks a month. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop [e-mail] here to help. That's mintmobile.com here to help. Upfront payment of $45 for three months. Five gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first three months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra cement Mobile for details.

[B]

Yeah, I think in like, I wonder if it's like a case by case basis, like depending on the client. Like you know, if it's like a, you know, some kind of stuffy conservative like you know, dude, it may not be, you know, like, I mean you can kind of, I bet like Eric, for example, like I bet your sister was like Kind of sussing people out. Not just offering tarot to, like, you know, any Tom, Dick, or Harry. I think, like, I think he got to, like, maybe like, you know, do a little vibe check with the person, and maybe then you're like, I open minded. And then kind of like. And maybe also not framing it as like, all right, now we're going to do a little witchcraft, you know, I'm saying, Yeah, I think like children.

[A]

Here's your migraine.

[B]

Now let me put on my little.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And the number one thing that makes it all okay and brings people in and keeps them staying is results. So I go and I get a lot of shit from the boys, as well I should for going to a lot of hippie dippy healing practices and doctors.

[B]

But, I mean, like, Eric. Eric will go to, like, a van to get a colonoscopy on Ventura Boulevard in the Valley. So, I mean, we have a group

[A]

on and we have a leg to stand on here. It helped. But, like, one of the places I go to lately is this doctor deep in the Valley, the center of integrative medicine, and he does a lot of really hippie witchy stuff. I've gone there and I've gotten a laser IV where they run your blood throughout.

[B]

That's not real.

[A]

It's real, buddy. It's helped a ton. It gets rid of parasites. A lot of this stuff is science that's undiscovered from my perspective. But the people I see in there doing it are conservative older folks you would not expect. But they have been so helped by this. They probably don't tell their friends, yeah, I'm going in and getting my blood drawn through a laser. But they were skeptical and kind of at wit's end and hurting. And then this stuff helped them a lot. So there's some surprising people in there getting a laser IV that you would not expect. And I think you could have very much the same results. So if I may, I'm not asking to give away some free game here. Can you kind of explain the connection between being a dietitian and migraines? Like, what is the connection? Maybe there's people listening right now. We can kind of get you doing a little bit of a therapy session here to let some of our listeners know who may be plagued by migraines, what they can do in terms of what they're eating and consuming to help.

[B]

Please tell me it's eat a lot of spaghetti. That's what I want to hear, Steve.

[D]

Yes, it is.

[B]

Just eat pasta every day.

[A]

Oh, my Goodness, Steve. Damn it. It'll definitely help your mood. Sorry.

[B]

It would help my mood, which I get grouchy sometimes if I don't have spaghetti.

[A]

He does.

[B]

Sorry. Go ahead, Go ahead.

[A]

Naughty little boy.

[D]

Well, a lot of the work that I do is around helping people support all of the different systems within the body that influence migraine, because your overall health influences how severe your migraine is and how vulnerable you are to triggers and that type of thing. So you can support your gut brain connection with food and your hormone health and of course, blood sugar. So. So that's a lot of the work that I do with my people is helping them figure out which system or systems are off that are making things harder for them.

[B]

Now, let me ask you this. Here's the second part to the question. That's the dietitian part of you. You, as a witch, how would you go about integrating the hedge witchery? I shouldn't. Witchery. That's probably not a way to say it, but you know what I mean. How would you. How would you apply being a hedge witch to helping someone with a migraine, for example?

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I have done this a little bit with clients who are open to it, and I. I also have kind of like a group program, online space, too. So that's another thing. I'm working with a lot of people at once sometimes, but I, you know, I. I do practice some energy work, so that's something I've done with some people. Herbs, like the. More like medicinal, spiritual properties of herbs is something that.

[B]

Like weed.

[A]

Don't enable him. Don't enable him. Kelly, please.

[B]

I'm just asking.

[A]

Why Just lie. That's something I love not to show up here stoned.

[B]

He's doing a good job. I'm not stoned. That's.

[A]

Yeah. Be careful, friend.

[B]

Never touch this.

[D]

Of course. No.

[A]

Okay, so, Greg, almond weed in Atlanta. It was amazing.

[B]

Okay, so it kind of makes sense. So basically, it's like. It's just kind of like an alternative to, like, you know, mainstream science, basically. And that's really what being a witch is. Right. You know, in a way, like, you're, like Eric said, a healer, and you're, you know, using different elements of nature to help people psychologically and physically.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Well, and again, Steve and I know you and I will go back and forth sometimes. This stuff is, to me, science that's undiscovered. And let me give an example from my own life of something that has helped me a lot. For thousands of years, witches have used wormwood, you Know, that we think about from absinthe. But they have used wormwood for protection, banishing negative energies and enhancing divination. Well, in the last 40, 50 years, doctors have started using wormwood for parasites. I now take wormwood daily. So this is something witches have been right about in their practice for thousands of years. And it took a long time for science to be like, oh, wait, wormwood actually kills parasites. The reason so many people have had good results, getting weird and drinking absinthe and writing poetry is because the wormwood was actually killing parasites that were making them sick. So I think this kind of proves the point of, like, there's a lot of witchcraft that's just science under another name. What do you think about that, Kelly?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

I mean, I do fully agree with that. I think, you know, magic and all of that, you know, to an extent, is just something that we don't have an explanation for yet. Science we can't explain.

[A]

Thank you.

[D]

I'm definitely with you there. And, you know, I'm always with this stuff, especially with, you know, migraine, where it's so hard to get results sometimes, you know, for people and help them feel better. Like, if there's something that you can try that isn't gonna harm you but might help you or at least be neutral, then, you know.

[B]

I agree.

[C]

Shot.

[B]

I agree. I think it's for being real talk. I think it's gonna be how you frame it. I think if you, like every once all, you may have a client like, ooh, which if it was me, you know, and you're helping me with science with my migraine, and you're like, hey, I'm gonna try some witchcraft shit. And I'll be like, yes, please, let's fucking party. But like, you're not gonna get weirdos like Eric or I every time. So let's pretend you're like having a suburban, you know, just kind of a normie come in, Georgia guy coming in, migraines. Absolutely. Probably listens to Garth Brooks, you know, like he. And that's fine if we're lucky. If we're lucky. But, you know, he's. He's wanting kind of like that traditional thing. I do think there's a way where you can weave in some of your witchy stuff, but I think it's going to be how you frame it. I think if you say, now, I'm going to try some occult, like, witchcraft shit, they're like, out of here. I'm getting out of here.

[A]

I went in there with a migraine and she Said she was a witch. How do I call the Better Business Bureau now? She didn't have a broom or a hat. I didn't know her fight wasn't great. I mean, it's already clearly very intuitive, and I think you can kind of suss out who you lean into with this. But I think for you and your path you're on, the more you amalgamate this stuff and not worry about what people think, your spirit and your practice will kind of soar. Like, you know, you're probably meant to bring all this stuff together, and it brings so much wisdom. Just look at the wormwood example. That's something that people laughed at. Now it's science, and we know it helps people a ton. And I think that that's just the tip of the iceberg for stuff that witches have been doing for a long time that are only now we find out the roots in it.

[B]

Right? And I think because of being a dietitian, like, look, if you're. If my cardiologist is like, all right, Steve, well, you have. Your aorta is completely screwed now. We're gonna try some wormwood. I'd be like, okay, get me out of here. But, like, because you're a dietitian and you're helping with migraines, I think, like. Like, you're going to be able to weave this in to your practice very seamlessly, but it's going to be all how you frame it. You know what I'm saying? And you can ask them if they're comfortable trying it. Like, well, you know, sometimes my clients and I, just, to get out of our headspace, will pull some cards from a tarot deck. Would that be something you're interested in doing? And they may say, no, thank you, and that's cool.

[A]

I'm so scared.

[B]

I mean, you're probably gonna get some of those, too. But I do think, like, just, like, taking. Cause, like, look, there's all these, like, the. Unfortunately, still to this day, when most people hear, oh, I'm a witch, they think you're, like, some kind of Satan worshiper. That is just the unfortunate truth. So Eric and I are obviously, like, on a different page. We understand that witches are, like, for the most part, awesome people. Like, right. You know, healers. Yeah, healers, man. And so. But I do think it's gonna be how you frame it, and I think you don't need to, like. I think, like, asking permission to try something experimental is also good. Like, where. Where are you at right now, Kelly? Like. Like, talk to me like, you Know,

[D]

yeah, I, I, I like that. I guess my only small follow up question would be like, how can I signal to people like, you know, with my, you know, content I post online or like my newsletters and things, how do I signal to people that this can be part of what I do, but it doesn't have to be without freaking people out.

[B]

Yeah, that is a great question. Like, how do you start integrating this into the like into the about you portion of your website? You know, delicately and slowly? I think delicately, it's, I think that is a drip feed thing. I think like you're saying you start small and just, I don't think you would give it a label. Like, don't say like, sometimes I will try hedge witchery on people. I don't think that's gonna play really great. But I think if you say like, look, sometimes to clear the air we bring out a, you know, dividend or like some kind of form of divination where, whether it be tarot throwing the I Ching bones or a pendulum or even a Ouija board, like, you know, I just, I think you, you drip feed it into your website and then kind of monitor the results and then you can slowly add on to that. You know, I wouldn't just go whole hog on it though, right away and just like no graphics of you running a broom or anything like that, or

[A]

stirring a cauldron, but perhaps, you know, do a slow drip for your main one. There is no reason you could not start your own burner Instagram feed. Burner Instagram feeds are not just for checking out what exes are doing. You could start your own Instagram feed perhaps that doesn't even have your face on it. Of like if, if I had a migraine issue, there's a whole lot of people that would want to deal with somebody that's coming with a witch background and stuff that's been maligned before but is now proven to be correct. I think there's a whole other lane or a substack that you can really kind of start leaning into the witch side of your personality because I think it needs to come out. I think that's part of why you're calling today is that you're feeling the pull. And I listen to stuff like that and I think if you start a parallel or different kind of identity online with that, whether it's substack, Instagram, Patreon, whatever else, I think that there's a lot of people that'd be interested in it. We'd certainly be thrilled to have you on the Patreon, if you feel like taking some calls or starting to lean into that, we don't have to see your face. And then starting to build, in addition to the clients you already have, that you're coming from a dietitian based science based practice that this other kind of science comes in.

[B]

Eric, I was just gonna say what you said. Kelly, I'd like to offer this to you if you would like to come on the Patreon, because we do some. We do some experimental things over there, and I think this is a perfect fit. What if you came on and we did some, like, kind of roleplay things where Eric and I were clients and you. I mean, like, like, look, I got a million things wrong with me. I could, you know, and I'm. I can also. I also, like, I am a, as Eric will tell you, one of the best crisis trauma actors known to man. That's really my first love. No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.

[A]

He is. No, he's good. They love at seventh Aventus.

[B]

They said they hired me out. They hire me at hospital.

[A]

I guarantee you. What if we have listeners struggling with migraines? And to say we have somebody we're lucky enough to know that can really help. And then you can lead with the witch there, because people, they broke it, they bought it with us. If there are listeners, they're great with this.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, you can go heavy witchcraft on it.

[A]

Yeah, you can be the witch.

[D]

I love that.

[A]

Right? And we'd love to have you. We're about to start a regular live Patreon show. And if you want to jump in and start to do some healing, I think it would really help people. And I think it'd also be a way for you to start this new chapter in your life kind of leaning into this, because if it's knocking on your door, you want to answer it and you're being nudged this way, and I believe in things bigger than ourselves that are pushing you there.

[B]

And for when you come and deal with Eric and I, if you want, if you feel like going to your local butcher and grabbing a large chunk of dry ice and putting into a vat of water behind you, I'm not gonna be mad at that.

[F]

I'm sorry.

[B]

I'm not gonna be mad.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[C]

Just for you guys, I will.

[A]

Yeah, I also do whatever you want, but we.

[B]

I'm a dry ice fiend. I love dry ice.

[A]

But there is. I have a friend that's into. People are scared. I had a Friend who's into great music. And Steve and I are big time into this band called LA Witch, and they just played here. I'm like, buddy, I know what your soul needs. Come on down to Sid the Cat auditorium in Pasadena. He's like, man, I'm not going anywhere near anything with the word witch in it. And I'm like, are you kidding me? He's like, I don't want to be around witches.

[B]

What a baby.

[A]

It was Pasadena parents that had to get babysitters to see LA Witch. Like, but this guy's so scared of the term witch. Kelly, it's interesting this just happened. I see kind of what you're up against.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think coming on with us is a great step toward that. If you come on, you be Kelly the witch and help people out and. And everyone's happier and everyone gets to benefit. And it's the first steps toward you really walking in this.

[B]

Yep. And you know, you know, you know what's interesting, Kelly, is that I would say the vast majority of people who are practicing witchcraft and anything, anything in paganism are down south. Tennessee, Kentucky. I mean, you guys have this, like, really great, like, traditional folk magic scene down south. And I mean, I know Kentucky, for example, is like, has the most pagan communities of anywhere in the United States. You would think it'd be like Southern California. Not even close. Down south, they are much more experimental. So I think your likelihood of hitting success rates with clients is going to be really high. So I love this. I think, I think you are so invited to come do a dry run on the Me and Eric show, and we would. Let's try it out. Let's see. Let's. Let's, you know, and like, it'll be a good practice for you to give some, like, feedback in real time before you, you know, potentially, you know, practice on a client.

[D]

Yeah, I. I would love that so much. I think being able to, you know, actually talk with people and try helping people.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

With. With this side of things would be exciting. I also love the idea of. I mean, I already have a set substack that I'm not using for this thing, so I can start using that. I love all of these ideas.

[B]

Oh, good. I'm so. Well, I'm really excited about this because I think, look, I mean, like, right on any, like, any. Anytime someone's doing a job or they're helping people, I'm like, bravo, Good for you. We should all be doing something like that. But I like that you're experimenting with some of this esoteric angles on this stuff. I think it's great. Why not? Like, it's also. Also, it's fun. And like, you. You can't put a price tag on fun. Fun is a noble goal. But, like, I mean, Kelly, is there anything else you feel like Eric and I can potentially, like, you know, help suggest? Like, where are you at right now? You feel good, or you still a little, like, I don't know?

[D]

Yeah, no, I'm. I'm feeling really good. I'm excited about this. I'm excited to, you know, hopefully chat with people and start incorporating some of this in different ways. So, yeah, I think this sounds great.

[A]

Okay, so here's what I'm gonna say. Listeners, right now, now listening. If you have an issue with migraines, please write in. We're here to helpmail.com because we are lucky enough to have. Kelly is going to join us on Patreon, and we want to talk to you and have you talk to Kelly, and we're going to embark on this wonderful world of witchery healing together. So if you are dealing with migraines, you're in the right place. We're all here to help. And Kelly's just the newest helper. So this is all happening, friends. It's all happening.

[B]

This is great. Kelly, Heidi, there was Kelly.

[A]

I said it.

[D]

It's spoken into existence.

[A]

So just get ready to help. You're a helper now, too.

[B]

Yeah. You're on call. You will have a beeper appear at your front door, and when we need you, we will pay you.

[D]

Yeah, sounds great.

[A]

And thank you for not telling Steve he can be cured by spaghetti. Finally, some honesty in this podcast.

[B]

I can. That's soul food, dog.

[A]

Oh, stop it. That gluten.

[B]

I'm gonna cure myself tonight with a nice red sauce.

[A]

All right, Kelly, you see what I have to deal with now? Okay, Kelly, this is to be continued, and we can't wait to bring you on. Patreon listeners, if you're dealing with migraines, we want to know, because we're gonna cure them with Kelly. Thank you. We're here to help. We're here to help. It's hosted by Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@weird heretohelpmail.com

[D]

hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[B]

Sterling K. Brown.

[A]

And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that was us now on Headgum.

[C]

Each episode, we're going to go into

[D]

a deep dive from our show.

[A]

This is us that's right.

[C]

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes

[D]

with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[A]

Are we going to cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot? A whole lot.

[B]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.