285: Martin, We Can Hear You & The Noon Raccoon (with Jessy Hodges)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We're Here to Help" (Episode 285: Martin, We Can Hear You & The Noon Raccoon)

Date: April 29, 2026
Host: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Jessy Hodges
Podcast Network: Headgum

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Episode Overview

This episode of "We're Here to Help" features actor Jessy Hodges as a guest alongside regular hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The trio dives into a mixture of irreverent banter, personal anecdotes from their current and past collaborations, and dives into two hilariously specific listener dilemmas—one about disruptive counting in a community band, and another about resisting the temptation to eat your lunch too early at work. The episode is packed with comedic chemistry, memorable quips, and collaborative problem-solving that is both heartfelt and lighthearted.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up & Plugging the New Show (00:47–11:00)

• Jake and Jessy's Dynamic:
  • Longtime friends and co-stars in an upcoming Apple TV+ show Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed.
  • They describe the show's style and plot—a propulsive, stylish thriller featuring Tatiana Maslany, with Jake and Jessy as supporting leads.
  • Jessy: “It’s like a very propulsive thriller that’s got some funny stuff in it...David Gordon Green’s directing is sexy.” (01:36)
• Behind-the-Scenes Banter:
  • The “wet sandwich” inside joke explained—Jessy is “regular” until you realize the complexity beneath.
  • Exchange about a personalized (and somewhat inappropriate) wrap gift sweatshirt Jake gave Jessy, resulting in good-natured mock-offense.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • Jake: “All of that goes without saying. Now, let me kick this sandwich a little bit.” (05:33)
    • Jessy (on Jake’s gift): “If I didn’t like the person, I would say, thank you so much. This is so thoughtful. I really appreciate it. I love Jake so much. I got the truth that I said, how dare you. This gift is disgusting.” (08:40–09:10)

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2. Listener Problem #1: The Distracting “Mouth Counters” in Community Band (14:01–43:01)

Caller Megan from Columbus, Ohio

Problem: Multiple people in her community band count rests loudly during practice, disrupting her ability to focus and play.

• Clarifying the Scene (16:55–19:44):

  • Megan plays clarinet in a large community band (100+ players, high school-style instruments).
  • Jake and Gareth, unfamiliar with big bands, joke about instrument sections and band sizes.

• Problem Breakdown (21:26–24:28):

  • Counting out loud usually happens during long rest measures.
  • Jessy equates it to an actor mouthing someone else’s lines during a performance—technically eager, but deeply annoying.

• Advice Pitches:

  1. Talk to the Conductor? (22:49–26:25)
     • Initially suggested, but Megan doubts it’ll work due to the band's relaxed, non-audition culture.
  2. Fight Fire with Fire – Counter-Counting: (27:06–29:39)
     • Gareth proposes Megan should count even louder to demonstrate how distracting it is. Megan is skeptical: “I feared you would say this.” (27:18)
  3. Humorous Passive Engagement – The Band Pin Solution: (31:05–43:01)
     • Jake and Jessy devise a plan to make custom “band pins” with band values (B.A.N.D. = Be a good sport, Always have fun, Never count out loud, Don’t count out loud).
     • Distribute pins anonymously as a fun inside joke to subtly call out mouth counting.
     • Jessy: “I think that the pin is so good because it’s not passive aggressive. It’s just like, it’s just funny because here’s what it’s saying...We have a collective problem.” (37:13)
     • Megan brainstorms distributing them via a former member so she doesn’t seem like an instigator.

• Memorable Moment:

  • “Martin, we can hear you!”—a phrase coined for the hypothetical 80-year-old bandmate whose counting is especially audible, which becomes the unofficial title for the first segment. (37:00)

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3. Listener Problem #2: Lunch Theft from...Yourself? (48:22–72:22)

Caller Grant from South Carolina

Problem: Grant packs his own lunch to eat more healthily at work, but can't resist eating it well before lunchtime—sometimes before work even starts.

• Problem Exploration (49:53–55:28):

  • He keeps eating his lunch and snacks early, leaving nothing for lunch hour.
  • The hosts riff on Grant's “food noise,” with Jessy sharing her own constant snacking habits.
  • Gareth pushes for clarity on Grant’s real goal: “What is the goal? Are you trying to lose weight and that’s why your grazing is a problem?” (52:53)

• Advice Pitches:

  1. Lockbox Solution: (55:37–58:38)
     • Jessy suggests a programmable kitchen lockbox so Grant can’t access his lunch before a set time.
     • Jake looks up models online, pointing out possible cons: “You could technically just smash it open.”
     • Grant worries, “Can I break into it? Is it that easy to smash open?” (58:20)
  2. Accountability Buddy: (59:09–59:47)
     • Gareth proposes entrusting lunch to a work friend, but Grant isn’t thrilled: “There's gonna be some shame in this, I guess.”
  3. “Noon Raccoon” Bet: (60:44–72:22)
     • Jake’s high-stakes solution: If Grant fails and eats the lunch early, he must record himself in a “raccoon” video admitting his lack of willpower—a public, shame-based deterrent.
     • “I'm not a man, I’m a raccoon man.” (67:42)
     • Bet details: Don't touch the lunch before noon, or film and submit the raccoon video. If he wins, he gets a fun hat as a reward.
     • Grant nervously agrees to the bet: “God, it sounds like hell. So sure.” (68:13)

• Memorable Banter & Quotes:

  • Gareth: “We’ll call you the Noon Raccoon.” (67:43)
  • Jake: “If you break into the safe, call us back because you’re an animal and we got a bigger problem.” (60:05)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Friendship & Collaboration:

  • Jake: “You instantly became one of my favorite humans on planet Earth... Made that show so unthinkably fun.” (05:22)

• On The Band Pin Solution:

  • Jessy: “You could be like, ‘You know what? I count out loud sometimes.’ I know you don't, Megan, but you could say that.” (37:30)

• On Self-Control:

  • Jake: “You’re not a raccoon in a garbage can. You got to relax a little bit.” (60:05)
  • Jake (to Grant): “I don’t think you need the goddamn safe... If your little raccoon hands go in that bag and take one little bite... you owe us a video.” (66:38–67:42)

• Memorable Episode Title Moments:

  • Jessy: “‘Martin, we can hear you!’ We can hear you. This is... everyone can hear you.” (37:00)
  • Gareth: “We’ll call you the Noon Raccoon.” (67:43)

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Key Takeaways & Tone

• The tone is fast, playful, and deeply improvisational, mixing real friendship with silly stakes.
• The guest, Jessy Hodges, fits seamlessly into the dynamic—her eccentricities and candor elevate the episode’s humor and heart.
• Rather than offering generic advice, the hosts and Jessy create collaborative, creative, and memorable solutions—like the "Never Count Out Loud" pins and the "Noon Raccoon" challenge—that reflect their ethos: help SHOULD be lighthearted, community-driven, and a little bit ridiculous.

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Important Segment Timestamps

| Description | Time | |------------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Welcoming Jessy Hodges & Show Plug | 00:47-11:00 | | Listener Call #1: The Counting Bandmates | 14:01-43:01 | | - Band Dynamics & Problem Setup | 14:01-24:28 | | - Pin Solution Brainstorm | 31:05-43:01 | | Listener Call #2: The Lunch-Eating Dilemma | 48:22-72:22 | | - Exploring the “food noise” & solution pitches | 49:53-55:28 | | - Lockbox, Accountability Buddy, “Noon Raccoon” Bet | 55:37-72:22 |

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For New Listeners

If you missed the episode:

• Expect sharp-witted, affectionate ribbing mixed with surprisingly actionable advice.
• Listener dilemmas are treated as both comedy sketches and real-life challenges.
• Solutions are group-thought, sometimes involving playful dares or props.
• Even “low-stakes” issues become rich sources for recurring jokes (like “Martin, we can hear you!” and “Noon Raccoon”).

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Final Thoughts

Episode 285 is a classic slice of “We’re Here to Help,” showcasing the warmth, humor, and creativity of Jake, Gareth, and guest Jessy Hodges. From offbeat gifts and inside jokes to custom band pins and the raccoon test of willpower, it’s an hour-plus of inventive support and contagious laughter.

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Notable closing quote:
Jessy (to Grant): “Nothing feels better than proving Jake Johnson wrong. So you can do this. And you’re gonna really enjoy it.” (71:03)

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. And we are back. We got a fun episode today with a dear friend of mine. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the show Jesse Hodges.

[Jesse Hodges]

Oh, I could not be happier to be here, Jesse.

[Jake Johnson]

We already did our calls. You crushed it. Thanks. We're doing this after that. Great work. Great work. Really fun calls. Yeah.

[Jesse Hodges]

I Love those calls.

[Jake Johnson]

Ms. Hodges.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what I want to ask you about. You and I are on a television show, television show coming out May 20th on Apple called Maximum Pleasure, Guaranteed. The great David Gordon Green directed the pilot. The great David Rosen wrote it and crushed it. Would you tell this audience a little bit about the show, what you like about it? What the whole. Why people should tune into Apple to watch our show. We're going to start doing press together soon, but this is the unofficial kickoff.

[Jesse Hodges]

Oh, man. I mean, it's gonna be easy because I love this show.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, same.

[Jesse Hodges]

I love what I've seen. I loved making it. It's like a very propulsive thriller that's got some funny stuff in it, and it's so. I don't know if this makes me sound old to say it, but it's so stylish. Totally. Like, David Gordon Green's directing is sexy.

[Jake Johnson]

Totally.

[Jesse Hodges]

It's got a point of view. Tatiana Maslany is the lead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She.

[Jesse Hodges]

She's incredible.

[Jake Johnson]

Such a talented person.

[Jesse Hodges]

She's such a talented person. Jake's okay. He did okay.

[Jake Johnson]

You and me are there kicking dirt?

[Jesse Hodges]

It's about a. It's about a lady who's going through a divorce and a custody situation with me and Jake, basically. And play the new couple. We play the new couple, and she sort of gets involved, gets, like, pulled into this underworld of sex and crime that she doesn't know how to get out of.

[Jake Johnson]

It's really good. You're great in it. It's a lot of fun.

[Jesse Hodges]

Thanks. So are you. I really, really love it. I really love it.

[Jake Johnson]

Me, too. And then you and I became pretty good buds in New York, didn't we? We became. We really did a lot of debates.

[Jesse Hodges]

A lot of debates. I did feel. Well. What does that mean, Jake?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Jesse, in my opinion, Gareth is a button.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pusher button comes up in the episode

[Jake Johnson]

a little bit, then fully denies it.

[Jesse Hodges]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

Remember when I called Jesse a wet sandwich?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you want to know where that comes from?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Because he thinks she's just a regular old plain Jane. She's like, who, me? I'm just the most regular plain Jane there is.

[Jesse Hodges]

Everybody else in the whole world.

[Jake Johnson]

And Jelly, she's like, I'm just a regular old thing. Everybody else is so crazy. And so you start thinking around her. Well, she's a regular plain Jane. I must be insane. But when I'm around her, the nights are insane, these conversations are crazy, the behavior seems wild. And then you go, I know the thing you're not. You're a sandwich. That seems normal, but it was, like, dipped in sauces. It's like one of those, like. You know those sandwiches where they're like. Then we take the sandwich and we dip it in, like, the meat stock. We deep fry it, and you go, it's delicious. But that's not a regular old sandwich. It looks like a sandwich, but it's been dipped in meat stock.

[Jesse Hodges]

I think Jake was not anticipating the amount of pushback he was going to get from me every step of the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's fair.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm talking about, hey, Jesse, nice to meet you. Push me.

[Jesse Hodges]

I bet it's nice to meet me.

[Jake Johnson]

I bet you're like, hey, I'm really excited you're in it. Why? What have you seen that I've been in? Huh? You said you're a fan. What have you seen?

[Jesse Hodges]

No, that I would never do. I wouldn't do that.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, on one of our walks, you said, you told me you were excited I was in it. Why? What have you seen? You go, you told me you didn't watch Barry. So what did you see? And I went, like, did I?

[Jesse Hodges]

I don't think if I did that. I did that into the friendship.

[Jake Johnson]

At least that was deep into the friendship. Smart to do it on a Deep into the friendship.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Grant]

That's good.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah. We just. We just, you know, we got along so well that we did not get along very well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If that happens.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then Jesse did another thing to me that's never happened in the history of my life. First of all, I need to be very clear. I. I adore you, Jesse. You know that.

[Jesse Hodges]

I love you.

[Jake Johnson]

Instantly became one of my favorite humans on planet Earth. Made that show so unthinkably fun. You're so talented. It was great to work with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here we go.

[Jake Johnson]

All of that goes without saying. Now, let.

[Jesse Hodges]

Let me.

[Jake Johnson]

Let me kick this sandwich a little bit.

[Jesse Hodges]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth. I did something so sweet.

[Jesse Hodges]

Oh, God.

[Jake Johnson]

When we wrapped, oh. I decided to get her a rap gift.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

So I made a shirt, like, a custom little sweatshirt. We had lunch at some Chinese place,

[Jesse Hodges]

some strange place Jake chose in Glendale.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric took him.

[Jake Johnson]

Eric did take Me first. And the first thing she said is, every time I go out with you, you're taking me to another Chinese place. Do you eat anything besides Chinese food? We went to Jamaica, Queens. Where were we? In Flushing or Jamaica?

[Jesse Hodges]

We were in Flushing.

[Jake Johnson]

We went to Flush. Went to a great Chinese place there.

[Jesse Hodges]

We went to a Chinese place in Williamsburg. We went to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is interesting. I didn't know that he was. This is Eric.

[Jake Johnson]

Eric.

[Megan]

This is.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a whole.

[Jesse Hodges]

I could get started on a whole nother tangent about the Chinese food diet, but.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but that's all. Eric's influence on me. Little brothered that. But. So I go. Here you go. Sweet. Jesse, I just want to say what a wonderful time we had. And I got you a gift. Yeah, I got her a little funny sweatshirt of an inside joke we had.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you remember your response, Jesse?

[Jesse Hodges]

I think it was something to the effect of, you got me a piece of trash I need to throw away now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was something. No, what was the. I guess you can't. You give context if you could, but you can.

[Jesse Hodges]

I will. I'm going to give some context.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Jesse Hodges]

So it's not so joke.

[Jake Johnson]

Gotta be a piece of trash I could throw away. Is that what I think? So is the craziest response to receiving a gift in the history of receiving gifts.

[Jesse Hodges]

Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, thank you for a piece of trash I can throw away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I think, Jesse, go ahead.

[Jesse Hodges]

Can you tell that there's more to this story?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Always you tell.

[Jesse Hodges]

There's always. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, he hit you with the. He dropped the nuke. And now he's like, let's talk about how we got here.

[Jake Johnson]

Right, Right.

[Jesse Hodges]

He go. So this inside joke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is important to your case.

[Jesse Hodges]

It's about three to four sentences long in the middle of a sweatshirt. It's a lot of text.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jesse Hodges]

It involves a mega. A list celebrity who I happen to be friends with. It's bizarrely kind of sexual. Like, there are. There are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake.

[Grant]

Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're arguing. Crumbling. Keep going.

[Jake Johnson]

She's. She's got.

[Jesse Hodges]

She's a good lawyer you don't feel good about. And then, I mean, does it say your name? Yeah, well, it's. It's like your name. Shortened, rather. Oh, Jay Chimp. It says Jay Chimp.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Jesse Hodges]

Which is how he refers to himself.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's all around something that I don't

[Jesse Hodges]

feel comfortable wearing out. It's a lot. It was a lot. But, you know, let me just. Let me just say. Let me just say. Would I say you gave me trash to just anyone no. If I didn't like the person, I would say, thank you so much. This is so thoughtful. I really appreciate it. I love Jake so much. I got the truth that I said, how dare you. This gift is disgusting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's big.

[Jake Johnson]

And Jesse, that is why I love you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesse wins.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Jesse wins.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love you.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, what have you done with the sweatshirt? Did you throw it away or do you still have it?

[Jesse Hodges]

No, I still have it. It's. It's on a top shelf in my closet. But I did have the thought that I could cut out the text, maybe put it in a little frame as, like, one of the many little pieces of weird shit I have in my office.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, thoughts on the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, there we go. Okay. I wasn't sure how that was going to go, because if someone cuts your sweater apart, you know that's a move. But if they're framing at one point,

[Jake Johnson]

if you ever go to an art class, we had a smock at one point. That was a businessman shirt.

[Jesse Hodges]

That's right. That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a time you just reused where you'd wear some adult accountant's shirt backwards and be like, let's paint Joe Rats.

[Jake Johnson]

Smack, smack.

[Jesse Hodges]

Crazy, crazy. I forgot about that.

[Jake Johnson]

Everybody check out our show on Hulu. It drops a day early and there's also back catalog episodes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right. So we're here to help. Is now on Hulu a day early. If you want to listen to the back catalog, we're dropping those from season one and season two. It's just. Join us. Let's go.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Casper Mattresses.

[Gareth Reynolds]

People always say you spend a third of your time asleep. Well, I listen. I'm in my mattress in my bed, not in my mattress. I'm on my mattress in my bed as often as I can be.

[Jake Johnson]

I've taken sleep very seriously. I'm starting to sleep a little bit and holy mackerel, do I like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com booking.com helps you get it ridiculously right so you can find exactly what you're booking for. G man. You're on the road constantly. The hotel you're in. Did the show book it or did you book it using booking.com?

[Gareth Reynolds]

you know what I've Jake is I have to switch hotels so often that I've started asking the clubs if they'll just give me a buyout. And then I'll find a hotel that's in between the places I'll go to. Booking.com I'll find a place that is kind of equidistant and I get a couple nights in the same hotel. They couldn't make it easier.

[Jake Johnson]

Booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals from across the US you can find exactly what you're booking for. There's something for everyone, even those who are impossible. I would say this trio. No, I'm impossible to please.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that right? Yeah, I think Steven's also like that. But that's what booking.com does. Now Steve, if people where would be somewhere you would go on a vacation where you would use booking.com oh, when I'm.

[Jake Johnson]

Whenever I'm traveling to Point Pleasant, West

[Grant]

Virginia to go to the Mothman festival,

[Jake Johnson]

I would always use booking.com find exactly what you're booking for booking.com booking. Yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com booking helps you get it ridiculously right so you can find exactly what you're booking for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we all have different things we're looking for if you're traveling. I travel a lot for work. You know, younger people, they travel for other things. I guess they call them hobbies or maybe they're influencing. I don't know how it works, but booking.com makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home that's not just generically right or right for someone else, but ridiculously right for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens, your sleep light rise early mother or your high maintenance group chat. I got one of those. You can find exactly what you're Booking for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

Hello.

[Megan]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

How are you? What a soothing start to this call. Your voices.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very nice.

[Megan]

Wow. Thank you so much. I am doing great. I'm so excited to be here. How are you guys?

[Jake Johnson]

We're great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we get your name, please?

[Megan]

Yeah, my name is Megan.

[Jake Johnson]

Megan. Where are you calling from, Megan?

[Megan]

I'm calling from Columbus, Ohio.

[Jake Johnson]

You ever go by Meg?

[Megan]

No, but you can do that.

[Jake Johnson]

Feels weird now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Megan]

So right.

[Jake Johnson]

Not right. So, Megan from Columbus, Ohio, you obviously have the G man, Gareth Reynolds. Give a shout out. G Man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello there, Meg. Pleasure, as always. Hey, Meg. I just tested out the Meg thing. Don't love it either.

[Jake Johnson]

It doesn't quite work.

[Megan]

Yeah, it's just not right for some reason.

[Grant]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But we have a special guest from the show I just did, the Apple show that's coming out May 20th called Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed. This woman plays my new wife on the show. And boy, did we become friends, didn't we? Jesse Hodges.

[Jesse Hodges]

Oh, God, we really did.

[Jake Johnson]

We really did spend time together.

[Jesse Hodges]

We spent too much time together.

[Jake Johnson]

Too much time. And so Jesse Hodges is here. She's very smart. Some would describe her if she was a food as a wet sandwich.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quickly, does she know about the moped event that was on that show, wasn't it?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Oh, when I lost my phone, Jesse. And ended up robbing her, running around and then driving somebody's scooter.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah, I thought you were gonna say when you lost your mind, but either one.

[Jake Johnson]

Megan, we are now about you. Can you tell us the problem today?

[Megan]

Okay, so a little bit of setup here for you. I am in a community band group, so there are like over a hundred of us playing, you know, your classic high school band instruments. And it's a really good time. I really enjoy it. People are easy to get along with. They're awesome musicians. So everything is great. Except for the problem that I'm calling in for today, which is that when we are playing the music, there are like multiple people who sit around me that will count the rest out loud while we're playing. And it's really distracting because you can hear them counting out loud. Sometimes they're not counting correctly. And it's just really challenging to kind of keep up with while you're hearing all these people, like, whisper yell counts around you. So my problem is, how can I get them to stop counting the rest out loud while we play music?

[Jesse Hodges]

Oh, this is the perfect thing for me to be here for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank God.

[Jesse Hodges]

My ideal. This is. Okay, so. But have you spoken to the band director about it?

[Megan]

I haven't. I don't know if he knows that it's happening because there are so many people. And I don't know if he can hear it from where he stands. So I haven't tried that yet.

[Jesse Hodges]

My sister has a doctorate in choral conducting. This is what she does for a living. And she would want to know if people in her choir or band were doing this. And I don't. This cannot be proper conduct.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, I have a question before we get in the weeds here with a doctrine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Same question.

[Jake Johnson]

Go for it. What's happening? Gareth and I are a little bit dumber. What does this mean, a band of a hundred people playing high school instruments? A band's five people. If it's a hippie band, nine tops. And three of them are just hitting bongos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The show's just.

[Grant]

Just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There needs to be a window for one of us to go. This is really stupid.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Like, look, here's the reality. You and Jesse are in the master class right now. Now I need you to go to the guys who are hanging outside smoking and not in class and going, huh?

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So what does this mean? You're in a band with a hundred people.

[Megan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

So are you with me? Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake. I think you let her off too easy. I mean, in my head, we were just about to abandon three to five people, tops.

[Jesse Hodges]

You guys have never seen a high school band? I mean, I've. No. Megan, are you talking about the high school band?

[Jake Johnson]

Like, the marching band?

[Jesse Hodges]

Could be.

[Grant]

So it's.

[Megan]

That's why I said high school instruments. I was trying to help you guys out. Like, think back to when you were in high school, maybe skipping class or doing whatever. If they were, I'll think back to

[Jake Johnson]

all five years of them.

[Jesse Hodges]

Okay, great.

[Grant]

Perfect.

[Megan]

So, yeah, it could be it. If you're thinking marching band. Think that. But then take the marching out of it. So it's like that many people, but we're all sitting inside in, like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you Doing it for.

[Jake Johnson]

They're not room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's the event like?

[Grant]

Just for fun,

[Megan]

A few times a year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How much money they making, though? Where's the cheddar?

[Jake Johnson]

But, Megan, is there, like, 10 guitarist players? Are you talking.

[Jesse Hodges]

Oh, no, there's no guitar. There's no guitar in band. We're talking trumpets. We're talking trombone. We're talking tubas. We're talking percussion. It's all.

[Jake Johnson]

I hear what you're saying.

[Jesse Hodges]

Are there even any woodwinds? Is there. Are there clarinets?

[Megan]

Yes. Yes, I am a clarinet.

[Jesse Hodges]

That's what I was gonna. You're a clarinet. I used to play the oboe. Yeah, I was.

[Megan]

Oh, that's lovely.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course you played the oboe.

[Jesse Hodges]

It's a very difficult instrument.

[Jake Johnson]

You're an oboe. That's your new nickname.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oboe. For those of us who don't know

[Jake Johnson]

what an oboe is, just look at Jesse. You know what? If you don't know what a oboe is, Google Jesse Hodges.

[Jesse Hodges]

That's so rude. But somehow a compliment feels like a compliment. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

My real sister. I think Jesse Hodges looks like my sister.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, that was a weird distinction until you cleaned out real sister.

[Jake Johnson]

Dan and I came out to. They came to New York, and we all hung together. And when we were hanging out, it did look like three siblings.

[Jesse Hodges]

Uhhuh.

[Jake Johnson]

She played the obo too.

[Jesse Hodges]

No way.

[Jake Johnson]

I swear to God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? What?

[Jake Johnson]

You swear to God?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You should have a better grasp of all this. I should be the one completely lost. But instead, we both are.

[Jesse Hodges]

G. You never played an instrument in high school.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, you heard I masturbated in the car once. That was it. I. That's an offair call back.

[Jake Johnson]

It's gonna be one of those days

[Gareth Reynolds]

we haven't recorded in a while. Okay, so I get. I get the band set up, and the issue is that people are counting in a distracting way.

[Jesse Hodges]

Megan, I think you should do a little. Can you. Because I think I know what you're talking about. But can you show Jake or can you. Can you show sound out what. What you're talking about? Like, give them an example.

[Megan]

Yeah, for sure. So I didn't include this. I was trying to keep it concise. But I'm happy to elaborate. So when. When you're playing these sorts of, like, pieces as a band with so many people, sometimes your instrument or, like, a few different instruments at a time has, like, kind of a long period where you're not playing. Right. So these might be, like, eight measures of rest, for example, where, you know, you're. You're supposed to count these measures of rest in your head.

[Jake Johnson]

So it's insane that somebody sitting next to you doing their count.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

You're like, I'm working on my flute right now. I'm. I'm jamming out and I gotta hear your dumbass say, three, four, five. That's.

[Jesse Hodges]

You know what? You know what it's the equivalent of in our industry? The equivalent is mouthing someone else's lines while they're talking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Say that. Right.

[Jesse Hodges]

That's what it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which is one of my favorite things to notice.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, if you ever watch a play and someone's like, yeah, totally.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah, it's.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. What's impressive is at least they know the lines.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sounds like we got a. Sounds like we got a line mouth throw over here.

[Jesse Hodges]

Pose, too.

[Jake Johnson]

Austin. Seeing what happens, kind of odd.

[Jesse Hodges]

Okay, so. Well, I don't want to, you know, take charge here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, go ahead. You're doing great.

[Jesse Hodges]

I just think you've got to tell the conductor, and this is. This is his or her problem. Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, the reason you call on a show like this is because it's our problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jesse Hodges]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

And so, Mags, what have you already done?

[Megan]

Honestly, not really much of anything other than try to ignore it, but I kind of can't ignore it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. It's getting out of control. And this group is a just for fun league of adults who. What, you guys do it on, like, a regular, like, a Wednesday night? How many days a week? I want to know the stakes of things and the vibe.

[Megan]

Okay. Yeah. So once a week, we get together to rehearse, and then we do concerts a few times a year. It's just for fun. The stakes are low. People are anywhere from, like, in their 20s to in their 80s. Like, it's a whole vibe and it is open to anyone. So no audition. You can just come play. And honestly, there are so many of us that we can't accept new people because we don't have more space. So we're really crowded as well. So people are, like, right next to you, so you can hear everything.

[Jesse Hodges]

This is so cute.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And what percentage of people are. What do we call it? Counting. Mouth counting. Is there a term for this kind of behavior?

[Jesse Hodges]

Counting?

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah.

[Megan]

Counting out loud.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So the issue is there's. What percentage of. You got about 100 people in the band, you said?

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So how many people are Coling?

[Megan]

I can hear probably three or four just right around me. But that. I don't know. There could be others on the other side of the band too.

[Jake Johnson]

So we're talking about 10%.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Could be more than that.

[Megan]

Maybe, I hate to say it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That are bothering you.

[Jesse Hodges]

Can I. Can I ask a question? Are they other clarinetists or are they in other sections?

[Jake Johnson]

Other sections.

[Megan]

It's both there. A couple of them are other clarinetists.

[Jake Johnson]

But can I jump in, Megan? Because she asked that like it was a really smart question. Well, you think it's like just clarinetists are counting.

[Jesse Hodges]

Well, okay, so if it's. You have a little bit more to say within your own section versus it was a celebration. Am I right in that, Megan? Like you guys could kind of get together as clarinetists and be like, this is. This is our new game plan. As opposed to like you're not telling trumpets what to do. Am I right?

[Megan]

Yeah, so you are right. But part of my problem though is that there are people even within the clarinet section that I have no clue who they are. I don't even know their names. It would be kind of weird for me to just be like, hey, how many?

[Gareth Reynolds]

How many are in the clarinet section?

[Megan]

There are probably like between 15 and 20 of us.

[Jesse Hodges]

Crazy. That's a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Too many.

[Jake Johnson]

Too many clarinets.

[Megan]

It's pretty wild.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We don't know anything. And that's way too many. I mean, I think three or four is fair.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, without knowing anything, I'd say five tops.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Five tops. Totally.

[Jake Johnson]

But that's not what this call's about. Gareth, really fast, your first pitch. Get us started. How do we get Megan out of this? Because I'll tell you what the pitch isn't going to be even though. Jesse, I think you're right. Talk to the conductor.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah, I'll tell you why I realized when I said it.

[Jake Johnson]

If that could have been the move, she would have done that. Is that second or no,

[Megan]

you know, I'm not opposed to it, but I don't know if it will solve the problem because he tries to keep it really casual since it's just a community band. Like, I don't know how much he is going to. I don't know if he would address the band for this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Anarchy.

[Jesse Hodges]

This is anarchy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're still anarchy. Yeah, this is anarchy. Because you can't just keep inviting every. I mean, again, I'm not even saying you need to have an audition, but you. Someone needs to be in charge. I mean, it is him.

[Jake Johnson]

But.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But, but I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

No one's gonna.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

So then Jake figure out how to do this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The only way to show the error of the mouth counter ways is to become a louder mouth counter.

[Jesse Hodges]

Oh.

[Megan]

So I feared you would say this,

[Gareth Reynolds]

but, Meg, I know. And Megan, I know you fear it, but the only. I mean, I. There are other pitches, but you need to show the error of the ways by distracting the others to say, hey, you like mouth counting?

[Jake Johnson]

I'll beat off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jesse Hodges]

Or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or even just if you're loud and you're doing what they're doing to you.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth and Jesse, will you guys create a. And Megan, you guys, too. You guys create a normal beat, and I'm gonna give a pitch of what I would recommend doing it. So do the one through four or one through eight count. Whatever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm leave that to Jesse and Megan.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Jesse Hodges]

One, two, three, four. One.

[Jake Johnson]

Megan, we need you here, pal.

[Jesse Hodges]

Four. One, two.

[Megan]

Wait, I don't understand.

[Jake Johnson]

Megan, you're with Jesse creating the count.

[Jesse Hodges]

Do you like that? You're the. You're the pro, so I can also follow you.

[Megan]

No, that was great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Megan]

That was great.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna do what I think you should do.

[Jesse Hodges]

Okay.

[Megan]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Grant]

Three.

[Megan]

Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

One.

[Jesse Hodges]

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Okay, so this is.

[Jake Johnson]

It's all.

[Jesse Hodges]

This is a thing that happens on Zoom.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Jesse Hodges]

This is why you can't do music practice on Zoom.

[Jake Johnson]

Really?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we had it, though.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesse happened with. No, this happened with the Judd Apatow call, with the woman who called in as the singer was like, don't cry for me, Argentina. I remember in the end, a lot of people wrote it and they're like, you guys are mad at her. It's a Zoom thing, you idiots.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

What does that mean? Zoom won't let you connect musically for some crazy reason.

[Grant]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Minor delay.

[Jesse Hodges]

I guess there's a delay you cannot count and say. Have you ever tried to sing Happy Birthday on Zoom?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Grant]

Nope.

[Jesse Hodges]

You can't do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You guys didn't do it for the pandemic? No.

[Jesse Hodges]

I realized everyone, like, it was all really weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Just as different. Different. Go ahead, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just went to, like, three Zoom parties. Like, I would get drunk with a friend of mine on Zoom, but anytime I was in, like, a. You want to go to another room? I was like, I can't do this.

[Jake Johnson]

Want to do a happy hour? I was like, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was like, no.

[Jesse Hodges]

I'm drinking in the bathtub, full Passover seders on Zoom, and it' hear what that sounds like.

[Jake Johnson]

So Megan, going to you for a second. The bad. The. The loud counter is interesting. I'm going to give another pitch that's in the same category, but I need a question beforehand. Are you looking for friends with these people? Are you just doing it to play?

[Megan]

I don't think that I want to alienate people. Like, I don't want to become the weird one by.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Megan]

In solving this problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tough.

[Jake Johnson]

That's my pitch. Was going to be the weird one. Literally yell, shut up. Stop counting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Everybody gets tense, and you go, I can't think straight. And everyone goes, whoa. But everybody will stop counting. But you don't want to do that.

[Megan]

I don't think so.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, moving on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are people reading off of music at this? Yes. Right?

[Megan]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, I got a pitch, please. Is the music. Is the sheet music going to be placed there when people walk into the room?

[Megan]

No, they already have it in their folders. But it's another clarinet player who assembles all of the folders, like, at the start of the season. So if you're thinking something about editing, like, the music itself, I might have an in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not thinking about that. I'm thinking on the sheet music, put in a couple sheets that say, no mouth counting on big pieces of paper.

[Jesse Hodges]

That is a good idea in the music.

[Jake Johnson]

So that on the top, it says, please, no mouth counting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Or. Or they. Or they just go. They, like, turn the page. And when it's not clarinet time, they see a big piece of paper that's been snuck in that says, no mouth counting.

[Megan]

Ooh.

[Jake Johnson]

How about this? What if. Go ahead, Jesse.

[Jesse Hodges]

Okay, wait. I have a thought, too. Okay, so what if we pretend. So what we're trying to do, we're trying to not alienate people. We're trying to not hurt people's feelings. So we're just gonna pretend mouth counting is normal. Cause also, when you're first learning an instrument, maybe it is when you're, like, 7 years old. So what if you make that not the problem? You go, guys, this is a huge band, and it's so echoey in here. Normally, mouth counting totally fine, but in here, it just creates too much noise. There's too much sound. Do we all agree, like, so you're kind of making the problem outside of the years going, this is something that's happening to us.

[Jake Johnson]

I think there's something interesting there. What about also something like this? And this would cost you a teeny bit of money.

[Grant]

Me?

[Jake Johnson]

You make pins. And the pins say, one, I will play my hardest. Two, I will be a good band member. Three, I will try not to mouth count.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Four, have fun so that you don't seem like a psycho.

[Jake Johnson]

Four, I will have fun Five, rinse and repeat. And as a fun thing, you make those and you hand them and then be like, I am the top of it. Go like, I am a member of the community band. Yay. So, like, those are, like, the fun codes. And in there's buried. People have to go like, yeah. Mouth count.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm trying my hardest not to. I'm not in trouble, but I'm gonna try hard. Try to practice. I'm gonna try to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could do the. The little acronym. You could do band, and you could do B, A, N. And then the last one is. Don't mouth count.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yes. Don't count. Don't count out loud. I don't think Mouth count. Don't count out loud.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, again, you are more than welcome to clean up our terminology.

[Jesse Hodges]

Be a good sport. Always have. Always have fun.

[Jake Johnson]

Hold on. That's so good. What's N? Never complain or. No, no, I like, be a good sport. Always have fun. Never

[Megan]

double down on the counter.

[Jesse Hodges]

Never count out loud.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Never count.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, that's so funny. Actually.

[Jesse Hodges]

Never count out loud. Don't count out loud.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, that is

[Gareth Reynolds]

the first.

[Megan]

I think it might need to be repeated.

[Jake Johnson]

But by the way, when you make

[Jesse Hodges]

these pins for everyone. This is a great idea, Jake.

[Grant]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Because if you do the. Thanks, Jesse.

[Jesse Hodges]

I never thought I'd say it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Something Jake's never heard from Jesse.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you realize I got thrown there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it was. I don't think I've ever seen you actually be tossed that hard. And you were like.

[Jake Johnson]

I thought for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She was like, well, God, Jesse, thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

I thought what she was gonna say this, like, wow, that's, like, from a really stupid person. Like, fine. But what really worked was the band thing I came up with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you could also. I think if we replayed it, you would hear the shock could be a little. I don't want to say insulting, but. Wow, Jake, that was something helpful.

[Jesse Hodges]

He's usually just a little too extreme for me, but this, I think, is really good.

[Jake Johnson]

What is that? The name of my autobiography. He's usually a little too extreme for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So other quotes.

[Jake Johnson]

Megan, what do you think about the pin that says, like, on the top, I'm a member of the community, whatever it's called. And then banned. Be a good sport. A. Always have fun and never count out loud. D, don't count out loud. You know, so it's funny, but fun and everybody gets one.

[Megan]

Yeah. I think that this could be a good idea, because most of the people do not count out loud. And, like, are more serious musicians. So I think when those people receive the pins, they're like, wait, what? Like people are doing this? Then I could maybe win other people.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Jesse Hodges]

People are going to be on your side for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In a 100 person band. I'll bet you other people are dealing with this too and you just don't notice.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, but they'll also all think it's really funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it is funny at the end. To do it nice is funny.

[Jake Johnson]

But then if somebody does count, all you've got to do then is smile and point to your pin pin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or hand them a pin.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then they go in their seat next time.

[Jake Johnson]

Because then it's not being mean, it's saying, hey, N D, babe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, babe, the N and D. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And if somebody's, if it's an 80 year old and they're like, I'm lost. You go count out loud. But you know what the pin's about. You know what we're trying to do here, babe. We don't always pull it off, but what we're trying to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know why we had to bring in a sad 80 year old. I mean, Jesus, he kind of lost

[Jesse Hodges]

me on that one. But that's.

[Jake Johnson]

So what would Jesse, what would you do to the 80 year old who's counting?

[Jesse Hodges]

Help to the 80 year old who's Counting out loud?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

1, 2, 3.

[Jesse Hodges]

Hand them the pin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

1, 2. I can't read words. Just music.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, you can't do it quietly either, pal.

[Jesse Hodges]

You go, martin, we can hear you. We can hear you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have nothing but this.

[Jake Johnson]

Martin, we can hear you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is.

[Jesse Hodges]

Everyone can hear you.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, title. Martin, we can hear you.

[Jesse Hodges]

But I think that the pin is so good because it's not, it's not passive aggressive. It's just like, it's just funny because here's what it's saying to me. It's saying, you know what? We have a collective problem.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jesse Hodges]

This is something for all of us to take care of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jesse Hodges]

And you could even be, if you wanted to be like self effacing or whatever, you could be like, you know what? I count out loud sometimes. I know you don't, Megan, but you could, you could say that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do we want. I, I feel like we don't want Megan attached to this movement, do we? How are we going to get these into the community? And my thinking is you buy a Megan, which they don't cost a lot, and you put them on like a table for when people walk in as Sort of a new thing as a gift.

[Megan]

You know, I'm thinking about it, and I have a friend who used to be a part of the band, but then it actually got too big, and she tried to rejoin it for this upcoming concert and was told she couldn't. So I'm wondering if maybe I could get that friend to show up with the pins as a little hey, miss you gift. And then she's not in the band right now, so then she just leaves. And then people have pins, so it could be workable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

I do, too. I also don't think it's a big deal if you get these pins. It's a nice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't either. I don't either.

[Jake Johnson]

You're being funny. You're insane. But it's just saying, like, I just want to do something for the community. You don't need to wear a pin. But I thought it'd be fun if we all had a pin.

[Jesse Hodges]

It's likable.

[Jake Johnson]

You can all wear it to practice together. And if somebody doesn't want to, they don't have to. But you're like. So one of the things you do is, like, Wednesday night, honey, my name's Martin. I'm gonna go to the thing. I gotta get my pin on.

[Jesse Hodges]

It's fun, and I don't know if Jake's gonna think I'm going too far again. But you don't have to tell anybody that you wrote the text on the pin. You could be like, I was looking at fun band pins. This is a band problem.

[Jake Johnson]

This I love.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like, it's a known issue.

[Jesse Hodges]

I saw these and loved them. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

So it's not about the community thing. It's just a funny. I love my band.

[Grant]

Yeah.

[Jesse Hodges]

Band.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's great.

[Jesse Hodges]

Best.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, totally.

[Megan]

That's really funny.

[Jake Johnson]

80s.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yes. Me too. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

80s or 90s, where you're like, you found these vintage pins.

[Megan]

Oh, vintage. That's a good idea.

[Jake Johnson]

And, you know, they're cool. You just got a bunch of them if anybody wants them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, they don't sell one pin. You gotta buy 50.

[Megan]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

So I just have these pins if anybody wants them. I just thought they were cute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also so true.

[Jesse Hodges]

Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

But also just so true.

[Jesse Hodges]

But it's like, I've never seen a truer pin. I had to buy 200. I've never seen such a true pit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just bought 200 and put them on everyone's seat. Because it's like, such a commandment.

[Megan]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Just such a funny bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's so funny. Like, it's really light, and then the last two are, like, really important. It's distracting,

[Jesse Hodges]

I think.

[Megan]

Fundamental.

[Jake Johnson]

Megan, you gonna do this? Big cat, you gonna do this?

[Megan]

I think that I might do some research into obtaining said pins.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great video with it. Yeah.

[Megan]

About what if. What if I got some pins? Like, a few different designs. Like, what if some of them were maybe more normal? Like, people make, like, little hearts out of music shapes or whatever. It's pretty nervous. But, like, so you're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Megan]

Only some of them are the never.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's great. You've got some that are like, I love my bandmates. Like, band is everything

[Jesse Hodges]

out loud.

[Jake Johnson]

And you know what you do? You give a gift to. You give a gift to the band before the next performance.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's like, I'm just so excited. You don't have to wear it. No pressure. But, you know, there's. I just wanted to make. I just wanted to get everything. One of them just goes like. Clarinets have the biggest reads.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Trumpet players know how to blow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Chorus never bore us. And then, like, to certain people, just, like, don't count out loud.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but

[Gareth Reynolds]

it's a randomized handing out.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, it's randomized, but there's 70% of them are the don't count out loud. There's just some other funny ones.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But I'm talking 70 to 80 are the same pin. But there's a few select other ones that are random.

[Jesse Hodges]

But that's right, like, don't go, like, 30% on the.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't you don't. Don't get lost in the sauce here.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

We have a message.

[Megan]

Okay. We got to get the message out.

[Jesse Hodges]

Make your message known.

[Jake Johnson]

70 to 80% don't count.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So two of them are just. Two of them are just like, band is fun. I love band. Don't count out loud.

[Jesse Hodges]

Never count out loud.

[Jake Johnson]

And then a few of them are, like, weird and sexual.

[Megan]

Maybe. I might have to boycott that one.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Jesse Hodges]

I support you, Megan.

[Jake Johnson]

I support you. I think that was a bad idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I shouldn't have suggested that. Yeah. Trumpets were blowjobs. I apologize.

[Jake Johnson]

Megan, follow up with us, please.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. We want to see.

[Megan]

Thank you so much for your help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we want to hear about.

[Megan]

Okay.

[Jesse Hodges]

Good luck, Megan.

[Megan]

Excellent. Thank you, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't blow this. That could be one of those.

[Megan]

Okay. I'll try not to.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, that can.

[Megan]

Oh, that's good. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't. Don't blow this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cannot believe that.

[Megan]

Great Last minute addition right there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth did not think that was how this would end. Thank you very much, Megan.

[Megan]

Amazing. Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you want to know what's great about Squarespace. Squarespace. Gareth Reynolds, tell them about your website.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, every, I, I keep building different websites because it's so easy with Squarespace, but I, I've been working with Squarespace for a while. Could not be more user friendly. They make it very easy and your website looks great. And we've built multiple websites on this show because it's so easy. They really, they help you find the domain, they help you get.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, here to help. Pod.com is our show website that is constantly evolving. And one thing I want to say, and that's a Squarespace. Guys, check out the website because it's starting to evolve a little bit. So we've gotten emails from people being like, where do I find the blank? In the blank? Well, go to heretohelp pod.com which is a Squarespace website to get all the answers you need. Squarespace gives you everything you need. It's got cutting edge design. It's got. You can put donations on there. Fun directly on your website if you want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can put content on there. There's also is the SEO tools which for a while I just kept saying it and I didn't know what it was, but I don't know what it is. I'm gonna tell you, it's search engine optimization. So it's like if someone's looking for what you provide, they help you get higher in the search, which can be huge.

[Jake Johnson]

That's cool. I think optimization is good. There you go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Coming in at the end.

[Jake Johnson]

So check out squarespace.com Gil sent me. Ah, Ms. Gil. Can we get a taste of Gil Buchanan reading the end of this copy?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake Johnson, SEO Tools. Talk about being left behind in the search. That would be Gilbyu Canada. An island by himself. Things are still going good. I've been talking into a microphone, but it's actually a shoe. I'm still in the closet waiting for someone to come find me.

[Jake Johnson]

But actually, Gil, it looks like your microphone is not plugged in, brother.

[Grant]

Sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So sorry. I didn't understand how that was. Anyway, Squarespace slash. Gil sent me. We're back.

[Jake Johnson]

Save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain using Gil sent me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're back, baby. Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com booking helps you get it ridiculously right. So you can find it exactly what you're booking for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we all have different things we're looking for if you're traveling. I travel a lot for work. Younger people, they travel for other things. I guess they call them hobbies or maybe they're influencing. I don't know how it works, but booking.com makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home that's not just generically right or right for someone else, but ridiculously right for you.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Quince. Lately I've been more intentional What I wear day to day, leaning into pieces that feel easy, comfortable and put together just makes getting dressed simpler. Quince has been my go to. The fabrics feel elevated, the fits are clean and everything just works without needing to overthink it. This is real talk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Literally tomorrow, going on the road for about 11 days and it's all quints. It's all quints. If it's not quints, it's because it's soon to be quints. It makes getting dressed easy. And I know that maybe sounds wild to some people, but Quince is my go to. I know that I look as good as I can.

[Jake Johnson]

I have bought probably nine Quint shirts. I do a bunch of the black T shirts and lately I've done the short sleeve collared shirts and I'll tell you why. I can wear it on the pod. I could wear it out socially to a lunch easy, but I could also wear it to a business event.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not kidding. I have a closet rack in my Honda Odyssey. This is getting sad, but I do. And it's just all Quint's stuff. Refresh your everyday with luxury. You'll actually use head to quince.com here to help for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q, U I n c e.com/here to help. For free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/here to help.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello.

[Grant]

Oh, hey.

[Jake Johnson]

How you doing?

[Grant]

Hello, Yellow. Good.

[Jake Johnson]

Name, please.

[Grant]

My name is Grant, 30. I'm from South Carolina.

[Jake Johnson]

Grant 30, South Carolina. You got the me and the g man, of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Grant.

[Grant]

Hey.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you got my friend Jesse Hodges, who stars in the new show that's coming out on Apple called Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed. She's great. Hey, I love the show if you have apple. By the way, do you have apple? Just curious about what's.

[Grant]

I will get it for this show because now we are friends.

[Jesse Hodges]

Free trial. See? See how.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but wait until May 20th. That's when we. Come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Grant]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

What's up, buddy?

[Grant]

Okay, so I kind of have this problem where I. I can't stop eating my lunch.

[Jake Johnson]

That's not a problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's called lunch, my man.

[Jake Johnson]

It's called I can't stop going to the bathroom once a day. That's good. Just do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can't stop drinking my water.

[Jake Johnson]

I did this other crazy thing at night. I lay down with a blanket on me and my eyes closed for like six to nine hours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I go to a weird spot I don't tell anyone about.

[Jake Johnson]

I have visions, man.

[Jesse Hodges]

What do you mean? Problem with your lunch? What's the problem?

[Grant]

Okay, okay. So I guess, yeah, okay. My problem started about two months ago. I decided to start packing my lunch and bringing it to work.

[Jesse Hodges]

Great idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Back to hell.

[Grant]

I save money, but also I eat better. Like, totally. So. But I can't manage to get to lunch. Like, I can't manage to make it to lunchtime.

[Jake Johnson]

Packing like an animal all. Oh, yeah, you're grazing, brother.

[Jesse Hodges]

You have a lot of. You have. You have food noise. You know what that is?

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, no.

[Jesse Hodges]

It's when you can't stop thinking about food. When. When you go on a GLP1, like Ozempic or whatever, it cuts out the food noise in your head that's going like, I want to eat. I want to eat. I want to eat. I want to eat. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh. So are you eating your lunch before lunch? Is that what you're saying?

[Grant]

Yeah. It used to be that I would bring my lunch. Like, it started off, I would bring it and put it in the work fridge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Grant]

And then I just go get it at like, 11 and eat it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What time. What time you getting into work? What time's lunch?

[Grant]

Okay. I get there at 8:30. Lunch would preferably be 12, but it's just. I'm getting worse. It's like it started at 11, I'd go get it. Now I'm not taking it to the fridge. I just put it on my desk and eat it. And sometimes I just. Just. Sometimes I just eat it on the way to work.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Jesse, remember how the first one you said this was a perfect call for you?

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

This is also a perfect call for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know,

[Megan]

Grant.

[Jesse Hodges]

I also love to eat. And I eat about every 30 minutes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesse and I hung out a ton in New York. We. Since we've been home. We took a hike. She'll have a little Power Bar in the car. She'll have like a pull a banana out of her back pocket in the middle of the hike. Not a lot, but she's just constantly brazen.

[Jesse Hodges]

I keep cashews in my pocket.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. In a bag.

[Jesse Hodges]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Hope so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Just loose shoes. Loose. Okay.

[Jesse Hodges]

I'm honestly shocked I don't have something to reach for right now to show you. Wait, so Grant. So. Okay. I feel like I said the food noise thing and I want to apologize for that because I don't know that that's what's going on here. And then I was jumping to conclusions. Maybe you gotta pack yourself some snacks. Are you hungry? You need to eat.

[Jake Johnson]

In between mom response and this, I do not think is right. She's hungry.

[Megan]

I eat the snacks.

[Grant]

I eat the snacks. I plow the snacks.

[Jesse Hodges]

What's wrong with eating the snacks? You need to eat the snacks, Jesse.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, stop being such a mom in Long island right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I. Hold on. Jesse might not be wrong.

[Grant]

Hard.

[Jake Johnson]

But Grant needs to eat the snacks and then the lunch and then the after lunch snacks. But Grant, the after work snacks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Grant, what's the goal here? What are you going for? Are you trying to lose weight and that's why your grazing is a problem?

[Jesse Hodges]

That's underneath the question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. What is the goal?

[Grant]

So it's. It's multi part. I. I can't be eating the food that I'm eating and not get a strange look occasionally. But like, also I have a perfectly sized lunch. Like, I even bring snacks knowing I'll snack on it. But I mean like whatever I bring, I just eat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Grant, what was that?

[Grant]

I'm making it. What part?

[Jesse Hodges]

Something about the food you eat?

[Grant]

Yeah, it's.

[Megan]

It's.

[Grant]

It's a full meal. It's like it's not light.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you eating?

[Jesse Hodges]

We must know. I need ideas.

[Grant]

Okay. Like. Like one day I brought in, like, Easter leftovers. So I had Easter ham and, like, on a sandwich, full course meal, had the Mac and cheese.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's not regular. But that's not regular, right? You're not regularly coming in.

[Jake Johnson]

He doesn't eat Easter ham every day. No, Gareth, he has it after Easter. It's called Easter leftovers. The man eats big lunch.

[Jesse Hodges]

What?

[Jake Johnson]

Why are we killing this man on

[Gareth Reynolds]

m. I'll be honest. Once he said he brought in Easter ham and bread, I started. Things changed for me a little bit. But. Okay, I'll. I'll.

[Jesse Hodges]

Okay, wait. Can I ask you a couple.

[Jake Johnson]

But I think. You know what? Hold on. I think this is a simple problem and tell me if I'm wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

More ham.

[Jake Johnson]

You bring a lunch, you would like to eat it at lunch like a regular person. You can't stop yourself, and you eat it all throughout the day, and then you have no lunch. So you. Your simple question is, can you guys help me create weird things so that I don't eat my goddamn lunch before lunch?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but I. I think that's right, but I think what Jesse was pitching is why not just eat your lunch

[Jake Johnson]

and bring more snacks?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why not, I don't know, bring another lunch. Bring a morning lunch call.

[Jake Johnson]

If you wanted to have 10 lunches, he would have 10 lunches.

[Jesse Hodges]

Bring some celery and some goddamn. Some stuffed crunch on control, not the

[Jake Johnson]

fucking graze all day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He doesn't have control, Jake. He does a GLP1.

[Jake Johnson]

Grant, jump in. What do you want here? You want to be pitched to be eating all day? Do you want more snack ideas? We could also have Steve Berg call you and curate nine snacks every hour. Grant, you need to tell this team of people right now specifically what you're looking for. My tone is aggressive, but if I'm wrong, don't. Just listen to me. We want to hear from you.

[Grant]

I am eating. I have the. I'm already eating the perfect amount of food. I just need to eat it later. How do I stop myself from eating my sack lunch too early?

[Jesse Hodges]

You get one of those boxes and you lock your lunch in it and you program it with, I don't know, your phone or your computer. Something that you then can't. It's like a brick for your cell phone, but they have these. My sister. I'm talking about my sister again. She used to lock cookies in a box

[Jake Johnson]

so she couldn't get to them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The idea of trying to hack your lockbox for cookies, that's a little thing.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yeah, exactly. And It'll unlock it. Like you can just set the time for it to unlock.

[Jake Johnson]

If that's true. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard that they have the. Yes. Okay, I just googled it. This timer locker. Food containers. Grant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Grant.

[Grant]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

You put food in anything, you set a timer. Kitchen safe, clear box with a digital.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who's. Whose safe is in the fridge. Someone put a safe in the fridge.

[Jake Johnson]

So, man, now look, it says the pros and cons to these, these little save timers. And it's a photo of a bunch of cookies in a container. It says it's popular. It's kitchen safe, you know, clear box. And it goes pros. It's effective, removes will popper. It's good for you late night eating. It stops all that cons of it. You could technically just smash it open.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's another con if it's in a public space.

[Jesse Hodges]

I mean, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like the idea though.

[Jake Johnson]

But also, this is what's so stupid about robots and AI it has to write in. Well, there is a con, let me tell you. You can smash open your stupid little plastic. Thank you, robot. It is true. I could take a hammer and smash it open and eat my cookies, but

[Gareth Reynolds]

that's also at work. That's stupid, you know. Grant, you okay? As he's hammering through his cookies.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm trying to get my Easter ham.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Give me my ham, give me my ham.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what would happen if Hurricane Steve. Brother, I wanted my ham. My vegan ham.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got to get into this thing.

[Jake Johnson]

Get those little sweet treats.

[Jesse Hodges]

So at least money's on the line. You should get a top notch one. You should get an expensive one. You don't want to bust that getting

[Jake Johnson]

a, a little safe keeping thing that you keep. And you put it in there. And when co workers ask, you're honest, you go, I'm having a willpower. I'm having a willpower problem.

[Grant]

Okay, I could probably take that social hit, but can I break into it? I mean, is it that easy to smash open?

[Jesse Hodges]

It would look really weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But Grant, it's at that level where you, you think you will smash into your. Your sandwich safe at work.

[Grant]

It's only a matter of time. Yeah, I get there.

[Jesse Hodges]

Now to the food noise thing. Then I'm worried about it controlling your life.

[Grant]

Okay, now I feel bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you have a friend at work? I don't mean to sound, you know, depressing, but is there someone you're friends with at work that you're sharing this problem with?

[Megan]

Share it.

[Grant]

No, this is uniquely mine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But there's someone, is there someone you at work that you're social with?

[Grant]

That's a buddy, like an accountability buddy? Yeah. I can get one of those.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you're going to give that person your safe. I think you're going to put your safe in like a travel pack with a couple of ice packs and that person is going to keep your food safe under their desk. So there are two ports of call before you could break into that. That you're gonna have to beat up your friend to break into your safe.

[Grant]

Okay. I think that could work. Yeah. I mean, not. Yeah, yeah, I can, I can get a person to assist thing.

[Jesse Hodges]

Sounds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't sound happy about it.

[Grant]

It's a lot of. There is gonna be some shame in this. I guess.

[Jake Johnson]

There's gonna be some. What, what?

[Grant]

She has no willpower though.

[Jake Johnson]

Hold on, hold on, Grant. I wouldn't go to the other person. I don't agree with this.

[Grant]

I.

[Jake Johnson]

You're not going to break into the goddamn safe. You're not a raccoon in a garbage can. You got to relax a little bit. You're. If you break into the safe, call us back because you're an animal and we got a bigger problem. You're just snacking because it's easy to snack. If you get a little safe for your food and you break into it, the first thing you need to do when you do that is you need to film yourself doing it. We are going to post it and you need to apologize and say, I'm no 30 year old man in South Carolina. I'm a raccoon dumpster food.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because you know what, Grant, what Jake is pitching I think is right. And again, no pressure here, but if you sign a verbal contract with us that says we're going to give you the food safe, you're going to put the food safe in your fridge. If you break into that the next day at work, 12 o' clock the next day that you. If you do that, you're going to allow us to send you a raccoon costume and you're going to wear it to work the next day.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm going to tell you why this works. Grant.

[Jesse Hodges]

I don't love this, Grant. And I just want to make that clear. I don't love this.

[Jake Johnson]

And I also want to tell. And I also want to tell the audience something because I know what your comments are going to be a little bit false. 100 they're gonna go, you were there. You're supposed to Help be uncles in a bar. This is actually what Gareth and I would advise each other. If Gareth came to me and goes, hey, man, for real, it wouldn't be about food. But if he went, this was more probably back in the day. If he goes, the drinking and is out of control, man. And I'd go, what do you mean? He goes, I'm starting at noon and I up a meeting yesterday. Or if I said the same to him and I go, like, you know, man, I started smoking weed in the morning and I had an audition and I blew it. I can't stop. He would go, okay, let's make a deal. If you smoke before 5pm, you need to let me film you going in a diaper. I'm a little baby and I can't stop smoking this because I love the taste of Miller Light and the guy who films it has free access. I did a thing with Berg where he lost a bet and he had to. I have footage which I'll only post if he allows in my backyard. He has to jump up and down and wave his arms and go, what was the best? I don't even remember. I. I literally saw it about a month ago going through old photos where he goes, I'm a dunce. I'm a dunce. I'm a dice. I feel like I see that for like 15 seconds. And so what that will do, Grant, is you'll go, I'm dying for a bite of that Easter ham. And then you'll go, ah, I'll have to put a raccoon mask on and say, I'm a little raccoon who scavengers for food because I have no self control. I don't want the ham that bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. I mean, I. Jesse, you jump in and with some.

[Jesse Hodges]

Well, I want to.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you what, Jesse, I want

[Jesse Hodges]

to hear where Granny maybe just snack more.

[Jake Johnson]

You're a growing boy.

[Jesse Hodges]

I will tell in my head. Yes, I'm going, this guy needs to snack more. But I have some thoughts on snacking, but I don't want to get us too off track.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jesse Hodges]

Grant, where are you? How do you feel about this raccoon thing? This? I'm a little concerned about the shame.

[Grant]

The raccoon thing would work. That sounds like my worst nightmare.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Grant]

Yeah.

[Megan]

It's not that serious.

[Grant]

Like, I just. It is there and I do want it. You know what I mean? That's very raccoon behavior.

[Jake Johnson]

Fairy raccoon behavior is right. Yeah, you're right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Grant. Grant, I think that if you start doing this, it'll start to become normal. So you just have to get through the 10 day, two week phase, whatever it is, where you're having that issue. Now to Jesse.

[Jake Johnson]

That's right, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To Jesse Point. What if you did bring yourself some cheat celery for the first week? So in these times when you're hungry, you could just fill that raccoon belly with some greens that are not gonna taste good, they're not gonna be satisfying, but they are gonna.

[Jesse Hodges]

Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just basically that technique to belly connection.

[Jake Johnson]

Distract the raccoon.

[Grant]

I love celery. Celery's great, actually.

[Jesse Hodges]

And it cause it. Because also if like, I don't know, maybe work's a little boring, maybe there's a little anxiety, maybe, whatever. Like right now I'm holding a fidget toy and all I do is fidget with it all day long. So maybe you have a little bit of a compulsive thing happening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Grant would eat his.

[Jake Johnson]

Hold on, Gareth. Are you getting a sense of what my New York job was like with this woman? Now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not, I'm not. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna jump into someone else's party and you know, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

But remember I went a little crazy.

[Jesse Hodges]

Thank you, Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

And all this stuff. Well, there was somebody I was hanging out with all the time. She just pulls out little fidget toys all of a sudden. I've never seen her use a fidget toy before this moment.

[Jesse Hodges]

Look, I've got a lot of solutions.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's good.

[Jesse Hodges]

I have problems and I have solutions.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, that's the name of your memoir.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Jake Johnson]

I've never seen you use a fidgety until this second. Now I've seen it three times in a minute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's a sponsor.

[Jesse Hodges]

Am I completely off? Am I completely off? Like, is it a little bit of like a compulsive, anxious thing?

[Grant]

You would probably be more that than bored. Because I'm, I'm working. Like, I can take calls and do tons of stuff. Total missing at the same time. No, I mean, like maybe stress. Maybe possibly stress. But also.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, he just likes eating. Jesse. Feels like a misstep. You want to bring up that weird toy again? The little Rubik Gold Rubik's.

[Jesse Hodges]

I'm all good. Look, I can recover. I wasn't right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I got my toy to get through it.

[Jake Johnson]

That a girl

[Gareth Reynolds]

now. Okay, should we rubber to road this? Grant, are you going to get yourself a food safe?

[Grant]

Yes, I can do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you going to do it? Because there's a hesitation. Huh?

[Grant]

No. Does it fit in the fridge? Like, is it like, fridge size?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It's not like a bank safe.

[Jake Johnson]

You're not getting a vault you can get on Amazon. It just looks like a container that you would put cookies in. A little plastic container. And at the top there's just, like, a little code. They're probably costing you under 20 bucks. But. But, Grant, here's the reality. I don't even think you need the goddamn safe. And here's what I'm gonna say. Here we go.

[Jesse Hodges]

Here we go.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's why I'm gonna say it. Do you agree that if you snack before noon, you'll make a little raccoon video for us? If he snaps, Jesse.

[Jesse Hodges]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If.

[Jake Johnson]

You know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, God.

[Jake Johnson]

If you. You eat your goddamn lunch Now. If you bring another thing of snack. Hey, man, we're saying a diet show king. Do whatever the goddamn you want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay?

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, the issue is, you're bringing a bag lunch, you're eating it early. Your bag lunch goes in the fridge. If your little raccoon hands go in that bag and take one little bite of crumb or anything on that piece of. You owe us a video that not even in an outfit that says, I'm a raccoon man. I'm a raccoon man. Make up a little dance. Go. Put your hands in front of it and go. These little grubby claws reach into my bag lunch and eat before noon. Because I'm no man. I'm a raccoon man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll call you the Noon Raccoon.

[Jake Johnson]

The noon Raccoon.

[Jesse Hodges]

The Noon Raccoon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I think that video should be filmed at work by a co worker. I want to add some more steaks.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think we need more steaks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And I just don't say steaks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's gonna get hungry. I'm sorry. I'll back up. I'll meet myself.

[Megan]

Come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're right. Everybody's right. Jake, you were cooking. Sorry, I don't mean to make you salivate.

[Grant]

I'm very comfortable. Yeah, I'm good.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you agree to this?

[Grant]

God, it sounds like hell. So sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so.

[Grant]

Well, that's what it takes. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Do we have your word on your honor? This is real starting tomorrow?

[Grant]

Yeah, it's real starting tomorrow.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you a man of your word?

[Jesse Hodges]

Oh, God.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, Gareth and I made a bet where he almost had to get a tattoo of Brett Favre saying MVP in a Minnesota Vikings Jersey. And he was going to do it because he's a man of his word. So this is what we would do in a bar as your friend, Grant. But if you're not a man of your word, we're wasting our time.

[Grant]

All right. Okay. Blood packed? Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Grant, what time do you want to say? You wait and don't eat until then. You decide the time, not us.

[Grant]

12 o'. Clock.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So are you allowed to bring snacks?

[Grant]

Yes, but I feel like it has to be distinctly separate.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So you will have a bag of lunch. You will have another snack thing. They are separate. Don't get gray area with your. And go. I was storing my snack in my lunch bag.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Separate bags. Yeah.

[Grant]

I don't leave a snack at work.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Grant]

And then bring lunch.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly. Right. Whatever goes in that fridge is your. Is your lunch bag. Snacks are dry. Agree or disagree.

[Megan]

Great.

[Grant]

Yeah.

[Megan]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Are we on?

[Grant]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

How long do you want this bet to go for? We don't have to do this indefinitely. You want to start tomorrow, April 14, and go until May 14 and call us then?

[Grant]

Yeah, I think that's good. I think that's long enough for me to hopefully not want to eat my lunch.

[Jake Johnson]

And you only work Monday through Friday, correct?

[Grant]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

So starting Tuesday, April 14, going till May 14, this is an official bet. Doesn't work on the weekends. If you win, we're going to send you a hat. You know what we'll do if you win? We're going to send you one of these Adopt a chimp hats. You'll get a free piece of merch. All right, so you get something. Then if you lose, you owe us a video, brother. And I'm going to tell you, we're going to post that video. We're going to talk about it a lot, and we're going to laugh. It's going to get some Grant. It's going to get Grant. It's going to get some traction. McKin. Grant, you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake's nickname has been rule book for a while because you just saw what happens. Jake was being a little passive. Then he locked in at the end here. He's closed the deal,

[Grant]

you know?

[Jake Johnson]

And if Grant signs Grant, I can

[Jesse Hodges]

tell you that nothing feels better than proving Jake Johnson wrong. So you can do this. And you're gonna really enjoy it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And because guess what, Grant?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think you're gonna pull it off, baby boy. You little raccoon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

With your grubby little raccoon clothes, just get that little nose in the garbage, you little raccoon. Around like a rat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Grant, this is Bullet.

[Jake Johnson]

I got two people right now in Thailand who are on my side. We have fans there. Jesse.

[Jesse Hodges]

Yuck. Not Thailand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You repulsed by the. Do not.

[Jake Johnson]

Do not say yuck to Thailand. It's a beautiful country.

[Jesse Hodges]

It's my favorite place I've ever visited.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Delicious food.

[Jesse Hodges]

You.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Grant, we're on brother game.

[Grant]

All right, I'll call back.

[Jake Johnson]

Love it. See?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, bye.

[Grant]

Oh, bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, love you.

[Jesse Hodges]

Love you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love you.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Jake Johnson]

That was a Headgum podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[Jake Johnson]

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that was us now on Headgum.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Each episode, we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show.

[Jesse Hodges]

This is us.

[Jake Johnson]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[Jake Johnson]

Are we gonna cry?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, a little bit.

[Jake Johnson]

Are we gonna laugh a lot?

[Gareth Reynolds]

A whole lot.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to. That was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.