286: Gen-Hair Reveal & There Can Only Be One

Summary

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Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help

Episode 286: Gen-Hair Reveal & There Can Only Be One

Release Date: May 4, 2026
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Producer: Headgum

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Overview

This episode of We're Here to Help features Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds returning for a lighthearted, advice-driven show rooted in their signature banter and bits. The pair tackle listener questions about personal self-revelation, friendly rivalry, and creative problem-solving. Major topics include revealing a hidden hair system, playful competition over a shared name in a boxing class, and a follow-up about tricking tourists with fake fun facts.

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Main Discussion Segments

1. Catching Up & Setting the Tone (00:36–07:40)

• Jake and Gareth reconnect after a period of busyness, sharing personal anecdotes about work, parenting, and the joy/burden of occasional indulgence (beers, late dinners, airport bar customs).
• Notable Quote (03:29, Jake):
  "You pour me a cold beer in a chilled glass. I become timeless."
• Plan for a future laid-back, beer-fueled work meeting inspires the show’s tone: "your friendly, advice-giving uncles at the bar."

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2. Caller #1 – Mitch's "Gen-Hair Reveal": Leaning Into Baldness (14:23–26:53)

Theme:
How to reveal to friends and family that a hair system (toupee) has been in use for a year–with style and humor.

Mitch’s Situation

• Mitch (34, Atlanta) has worn a glued-on hairpiece for a year, which looks real but is burdensome to maintain and costly.
• He wants to quit and seek a fun, memorable way to "come out" as bald.

Key Ideas & Advice

• Jake & Gareth’s Pitch:
  • Play it as a surprise reveal at a family event or party in a way that’s both shocking and funny.
  • Jake suggests: Create a scenario in which Mitch fakes an illness at a family gathering, leaves for a shower (to remove the hairpiece), and returns nonchalant—bald, claiming, "It was just gas."

    Jake: "You don't mention the hair. They go, 'Wait, where's your hair?' and you go, 'I don't know...I was feeling sick, then I went in there.'" (20:50)

  • Gareth suggests: Or make it a big reveal during a beach trip—pretend to have a shark “bite off” the hair while swimming, then emerge bald and confused.

    Jake: "Come running out like this. 'Oh my god, I think I was just attacked by a shark...Am I bleeding?' And then you go, 'Oh wow, just ate my wig. All right, what's going on, everybody?'" (26:10)

Memorable Moments

• The "restaurant with a shower" riff leads to playful speculation about which fast food place might allow it (23:26).
• Final consensus: Use a family beach gathering to stage a "shark attack" reveal, letting the kids in on the joke for camera documentation and to avoid scaring them.

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3. Caller #2 – Casey vs. Casey: There Can Only Be One (35:00–54:43)

Theme:
How to assert nickname dominance in a boxing class where two members share the same name.

Casey’s Situation

• Casey (25, Boston) has joined a new gym/boxing class where another, more established member also goes by Casey.
• The coach has asked new-Casey to adopt a nickname for clarity, but she prefers to keep her name.

Key Ideas & Advice

• First Pitch:
  • Jake: Challenge the other Casey to a boxing match for the rights to the name.

    Jake: "Whoever lands the most blows is Casey; the other…nickname is called 'Thumped.'" (39:11)

  • Casey reveals the other "Casey" just uses her initials—real name Kathleen.
• Alternate Solution:
  • Propose a series of class challenges or "KC Olympics" measured by boxing or fitness benchmarks, after some months of training.

    B: "You train like an animal…then you do a spar, jump rope endurance, who gets the name." (48:27)

• Forfeit Route:
  • If unable to win a challenge, consider rebranding with a custom nickname—Lil Mac (from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!), KO Casey, or wear "Casey" merch to lay claim to the name.

    Gareth: "If you show up in the Casey Merchant, that's a big, they can't take that away from you..." (43:36)

• Consensus:
  • Use the rivalry as motivation to improve fitness, spice up the class, and either win the name or adopt a fun nickname—making it an uplifting, Rocky-style underdog journey.

Memorable Quotes

• Gareth (On Rocky): "Nobody thought Rocky was going to do it. I don't even think Rocky thought he was going to do it. So it's not strange for you to feel the same way."
• Casey: "I want to be Casey, but like, I just don't see a situation where that can happen." (47:24)
• Jake: "If you want that name, it can't be you play rock-paper-scissors in the back corner." (42:01)

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4. Caller #3 – Hannah's London Update: Fake Fun Facts for Visitors (54:53–63:27)

Theme:
How to enjoy having visitors in a new city (London) without repeating the tourist grind—by mixing in invented "facts."

Hannah’s Update

• Previously sought ideas for livening up tours for visiting friends and family.
• Reported on success with slipping in subtle, believable fake facts:
  • "Clowns were banned from Piccadilly Circus in 1883."
  • "Big Ben was named for Queen Elizabeth's favorite horse."

Host Feedback

• Jake & Gareth encourage "escalation"—to telling increasingly absurd facts until someone calls her bluff.

  Jake: "Every day the lie gets crazier and crazier, so on the last day, they literally go, 'What are you talking about?'" (58:10)

• Suggestions for outlandish lies, e.g., England used to be in France, or the Thames was once full of gators.
• Advice: Make the stories fun and challenging to spot, and consider recording or sending voice memos of the best ones to the show.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Jake (On Advice): "Maybe this is advice to the audience, too…let's just have a work meeting where we sit down. We're disgusting. We're absolutely…" (06:03)
• Gareth (On Name Competition): "You are Rocky. Look at other Casey as Apollo." (42:12)
• Jake (On Playful Lies for Tourists): "I think the lies have to get to the point where if they believe it, they're wacky." (59:41)

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Key Timestamps

• Beer Stories & Setting the Vibe: 00:36–07:40
• Mitch's Hair System Dilemma: 14:23–26:53
• Casey vs. Casey Name Duel: 35:00–54:43
• Hannah’s London Fun Fact Follow-up: 54:53–63:27

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Tone & Style

• Warm, irreverent, and deeply playful, the episode stays true to the show's promise: barstool advice from tipsy uncles who care—but don't take themselves or their "expertise" too seriously.
• The hosts bring out comedic storytelling in callers, and their riffs routinely spiral into absurd, yet oddly actionable, solutions.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Revelations—whether about hair systems or gym identities—can be opportunities for creativity, playfulness, and, ultimately, self-acceptance.
• Friendly competition is less about "winning" and more about community, motivation, and fun narratives to share.
• Making up silly facts is a delightful way to break the monotony of being a host to tourists.

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Closing

An episode packed with laughter, encouragement, and original "advice" that always serves to make life lighter—if not actually more organized.

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(Advertisements, show credits, and promotional segments are omitted from this summary as per instructions.)

Transcript

[A]

This is a Headgum podcast. This is a Headgum podcast. And we are.

[B]

We are back. Ah, buddy.

[A]

Oh, buddy, buddy. It's been a minute, Gareth.

[B]

It has been. It's.

[A]

The process has changed.

[B]

The past couple months has been way less regular.

[A]

Agreed.

[B]

But you've been so busy. I mean, you've really been like.

[A]

It's been crazy.

[B]

Old school Jake. Busy.

[A]

Agreed. And it hadn't been that way in a long time. No, but I. Last night was the end. I presented Chris Miller and Phil Lord an award at the City Year banquet, and that was the end. And then my kids came with me and we had. They gave us like a town car. And I decided rather than go home, I was like, guys, want to go out to dinner? And I ripped a couple beers with my kids. I was like, oh, I'm just viewing this now. Like a hangout night. It was, you know, 9:30 at night, and they go, can we get ice cream? And I was like, I want that too. Yeah.

[B]

You have such a better energy level maybe than I. I don't know, like that. To me, I would be like, as soon as I can get home, I want to go home. You.

[A]

Well, I wanted to.

[B]

Huh. Still.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

By the way, you throw a couple beers in, I could probably make it what it was. Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I was like, you know, I could go home. I'm tired. And I was like, well, we could go get a nice dinner. And then I was like, you know, what if we got sushi? I'm getting some Japanese beer.

[B]

Yeah, I.

[A]

Let's party.

[B]

I started doing a joke about, I was in Wisconsin once, and I was at the airport bar and I was closing out my tab, and the bartender was like, do you want it to go cup? And I was like, what? She was like, do you want it to go cup for your wine? And I was like, what? What do you mean? And she's like, you could go walk around the airport with it.

[A]

Yes, I do. Wait, where was that? Cuz that feels Louisiana.

[B]

I think it was Madison, because I

[A]

had that the first time when I was at New Orleans. We did. When I did 21 Jump Street, I was ripping like a poor boy in some cocktail. And I was trying to go fast, and the waitress goes, I'll give you a cup to go. And I go, I'm going on the streets. And she goes, totally legal here. And I'm like, my next three days were a blur.

[B]

Oh, yeah. When you realize, yeah, New Orleans rule is no glass. That's the only no glass. Everything just no glass. Yeah.

[A]

You're like, okay, just walk out with a cold beer.

[B]

But when you just. When I could just walk around an airport or just like anywhere.

[A]

If you.

[B]

If we went back to like 1880, where it's like, I could just kind of walk around, I wouldn't get hammered, would not abuse it, both be dead.

[A]

We wouldn't survive the 1880s. We would. I mean, we would be dead so fast.

[B]

Without question.

[A]

I will tell you, though, you know, you and I are men of a certain age and we go through a lot of phases. The new phase that has been.

[B]

I'm excited.

[A]

Multi years has been health based. We're not the guys we used to be. Right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You have. You pour me a cold beer in a chilled glass. I become timeless.

[B]

Now, what are you saying?

[A]

Once I taste that, I go like, oh, I've pretended I don't love this

[B]

as much as I was just about to say, I.

[A]

That this is an everyday friend of mine.

[B]

What happens is I need to forget how good beer is really. Because, like, if I. When I'm out, I now will, like, have a tequila and soda. And it's not as me. No, but soda. For years, a beer. And I will go, but the problem is once either I have the Midwest tongue. Once one hits, I'm like, I could do 14.

[A]

And Gareth, I ordered the second one. Halfway through the first one. Yeah. My daughter goes, no. Laughs. She goes, you're not even done yet. And I go like this, sweetheart, that's just not an issue right now. And then I had to realize, like, all right, I'm not with.

[B]

No, you do.

[A]

I was like, all right, you have

[B]

to clamp it down too. I need to. I need the. Because you and I, when we did the. We did the New York Times photo shoot thing, yes, we drank. We were drinking beers and we were both getting the taste and we both ready to go.

[A]

You had to leave.

[B]

I had to leave. But. But. But what we were both saying is we're going to continue this party at home.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And independently. But our break. And I came back down to earth and I was like, it's just four o'.

[C]

Clock.

[B]

You should not be housing beers. But while I was riding high, I was like, I should be. I should go get four tall boys.

[A]

You know what? We've said it before, and I'm going to say it again. And maybe this is advice to the audience too. I don't know. Maybe this is. You know what this is, Gareth, I'm now gonna talk about something you and I texted about and laughed so the premise of our show is you go to a bar, you have a couple of beers with your drunk uncles, and they give you advice. So the one thing I'm going to give advice to right now, and I'm going to propose you and I do it, is let's find a time this summer and maybe it's closer to where you live. Maybe it's closer to where I live. I don't know yet. Where we just have a work meeting where we're discussing the state affairs of the show.

[B]

We're disgusting.

[A]

As you can tell, my brain's already at the bar.

[B]

Let's have a work meeting where we sit down. We're disgusting. We're absolutely.

[A]

Once I said you and me, my brain said, it's disgusting. It's disgusting. No one can see this. So funny.

[B]

You couldn't even say disgusting without letting it slip. How horrible we will be if it's

[A]

you and me alone in a. But now the. If it's late at night and we're really tired, it won't be. We'll have a couple and then we. 4:00pm yes. Where it's like, how you doing? We both go, good. How's the day? Great. What do you got tomorrow morning? Nothing really.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

And we go, you know what we got? We got from 4 until 10pm yes. From 4 until 5, it's going to be. We're going to seem to be normal. Then at 5, you know what it should be? If there's like a fun game on too, that we both want to see. And then all of a sudden we're like, we're here from five until eight.

[B]

Well, I have like two months where I'm pretty much home. So let's. Mayor. June. Let's do it. It May or June.

[A]

I'm off work, essentially. Let's press.

[B]

Fucking go.

[A]

Let's fucking go.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

You don't also do what you want. Crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are the Cubs brewers playing? I'm sure they are, because we could actually.

[B]

The problem is I'm going to have to then pretend.

[A]

You have to do shows somewhere.

[B]

No, I'm going to have to pretend that I know what's going. I don't watch baseball, so I'll have to. Okay, that's fine.

[A]

Either wear jerseys, whatever game this year.

[B]

But also we could just do.

[A]

We could do it at a bar.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I think.

[A]

Let's do that. And then we don't have to fake it at all.

[B]

That's what I.

[A]

We'll make bets, we'll Talk.

[B]

I want to be able to order. You know, this is the other thing I like on the road right now, trying to be so healthy. And then it is. It's like two drinks and my. My opener. Luke gets nachos for the drive and I'm like, when he orders them, I'm like, salad.

[A]

What are you, a 13 year old boy?

[B]

Salad. Thank you. Salad.

[A]

Because I want it.

[B]

Yeah, because. Because I actually do like the taste of this spring lettuce.

[A]

And it makes me feel better. I feel better.

[B]

I know what I'm putting in my body. Plus, no late night eating. Then we're driving.

[A]

Not even hungry. At midnight.

[B]

It's 12. We're driving. He takes out these cold, soggy, gross nachos. I'm just sort of like, can I

[A]

have a couple of them?

[B]

I ate most of them.

[A]

Yes, because he ate what he wanted already.

[B]

I'm just like, heartburn at 4am like, you're not a man.

[A]

Guys, everybody enjoy the show. Just want to mention that all new episodes are released a day early on Hulu.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

We are also having. Our back catalog is going to be on hulu. We're about 20 at a time. So if you have not checked us out on Hulu, then check us out on Hulu. Gareth, Jesse, are we saying any lies?

[B]

No. And you can get season one, season two, we're gonna have a nice melange on Hulu. But the day early, I mean, there's a lot of advantages.

[A]

Here's another thing. People going, well, I don't have hulu. You got YouTube because we're there too.

[B]

Yeah, Hulu a day early. YouTube for stragglers.

[A]

And also you go, I don't have that. Oh, I got Patreon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They go, I don't have that. What do you want?

[B]

Yeah, okay, Jake, we're trying to be inclusive and you're yelling at them, but I think you're right. It's just.

[A]

Look, watch this show anywhere.

[B]

There's a lot of options. Okay?

[A]

Lose early.

[B]

Hulu's early.

[A]

Audio day of YouTube, day of Patreon. No ads.

[B]

So here's the way to remember it. Hulu new so Nulu.

[A]

It's not the way to remember. They also have back catalog stuff.

[B]

Okay, then that we call. Yeah. All right. It's falling apart. And we are brought to you by booking dot com. Look, it helps you get it ridiculous, right? You can find exactly what you're booking for. Jake, we've Talked about how greatbooking.com is a lot. Traveling with your family, work. Go ahead.

[A]

Well, I've got a question for the audience here. June 19, is that the date for the.

[B]

I believe so.

[A]

The live show in Omaha. We got people in the Midwest who are nearby who go, I want to take a little trip and see something. But where would I stay? Well, go to booking.com because it makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home. That's just, that's not just generically right or right for somebody, but ridiculously right for you.

[B]

Well, also, Omaha, a fantastic city surrounded by fantastic. I don't know why you said thank you, Steve, but you just live there. But it, there's. You could get vacation rentals. You could turn it into a few days. I mean, who knows?

[A]

Hey, Steve, if people come to Omaha for this little trip and they book on booking.com and they turn it into a three day thing, what are a few things they should do besides see you guys live? Well, obviously we have the best zoo in the country. In the world. I think maybe Find exactly what you're booking for booking.combooking. yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com booking.com helps you get it ridiculously right. So you can find exactly what you're booking for. G man, you're on the road constantly. The hotel you're in. Did the show book it or did you book it using booking.com?

[B]

you know what I've been doing, Jake, is I have to switch hotels so often that I started asking the clubs if they'll just give me a buyout and then I'll find a hotel that's in between the places. I'll go to booking.com I'll find a place that is kind of equidistant and I get a couple nights in the same hotel. They couldn't make it easier.

[A]

Booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals from across the US you can find exactly what you're booking for. There's something for everyone, even those who are impossible to please. I would say of this trio, no, I'm impossible to please.

[B]

Is that right? Yeah, I think Steven's also like that. But that's what booking.com does. Now, Steve, if people where would be somewhere you would go on a vacation where you would use booking.com oh, when

[A]

I'm, whenever I'm traveling to Point Pleasant, West Virginia to go to the Mothman

[B]

Festival, I would always use booking.com.

[A]

find exactly what you're booking for booking.combooking. yeah. Book today on the site or in the app.

[B]

And we're brought to you by Rocket Money.

[A]

Rocket Money. We all know what Rocket Money is.

[B]

Well, we've worked with Rocket Money a lot, Jake, because it is the. It is the. The app that finds the unwanted subscriptions you're still paying for and tells you, hey, what are you doing? You don't need this. Do you know that you signed up for this and you go, I actually don't think that I did.

[A]

Stevie, what is Rocket Money saved you on? I'll tell you what, like, legit. I was paying for an actors. An old commercial acting service called Actors Access. This is, I think, has been for like a decade. They were charging me $15 a month for about over, like, 12 to 15 years. What I discovered is if a company closes, there are still accounts. And they, of course, I had no idea that was real. I was not like, oh, I'm stopping users. I didn't renew. So Rocket Money, everybody is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. And Jake, let Rocket go ahead.

[B]

It has saved people over $880 million in canceled subscriptions. Average thousands of that.

[A]

Thousands. I'm thousands that like, club. So let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join@rocket money.com help. That's rocket money.com help. Rocket money.com help. Hello.

[B]

Hello there.

[A]

How are you?

[C]

I'm doing well. How about you guys?

[A]

Doing great. What's your first name?

[C]

My name is Mitch.

[A]

Mitch. Where you come from, Mitch?

[C]

I am just outside of Atlanta.

[A]

Atl. How old are you, Mitch?

[C]

I just turned 34 last week, actually.

[A]

I love it. If there was a book written about your life, Mitch, what. What would the title be?

[C]

Oh, my God. You think I'd be prepared for this?

[A]

No, I want you to be. I just want you to think off the top.

[C]

Let's see. I have an album title that I would call my own album.

[A]

Let's hear that.

[C]

I was gonna go with Easily Amused.

[A]

Easily Amused. I like that. And why do you think you're easily amused?

[C]

That's a good question. Sounds like something my therapist should ask me. I don't know. I just, you know, just am.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Go help things.

[C]

They're amusing. I don't know.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Or you know what the name of your book, Things are Amusing.

[B]

Yeah, I like that even better. Yeah.

[A]

The album is Easily Amused. The book is Things are Amusing.

[B]

That is actually. It's a nice puzzle. I like it. Yeah.

[A]

All right, Mitch, what can we do for you?

[C]

All right, so some background. 34, as I just told you, and for the past year or so, I've been wearing a hair system. So if you're not familiar, a hair system is basically just like a glorified toupee that, like, a special stylist will kind of size it.

[B]

Or is it snappy?

[C]

That's exactly. No, it's the glue one.

[A]

Okay, so you have to shave your head, but then when you do the whole glue thing, if you, like, wash it and comb it, it looks real.

[C]

It looks, like, pretty indistinguishable.

[A]

I know. I've seen.

[C]

You would never really know unless, like, you, like, inspect it closely.

[A]

Yeah, but it looks like. But you do the whole thing once it's glued on you, like, blow dry. I watched this whole guy do it, and at the beginning, he's talking, and then he takes it off and it's shocking.

[B]

Oh, I. I did a thing with this. This dentist named Dr. Brady. I went to his office and he was, like, doing this little. Where he gave me a ton of nitrous. And then during it, he. He and I. I literally was like. I was like, yeah, you have great hair, or whatever. And he's like, oh, it's a whole thing. And I was like, what? And he goes, snap, snap. And he. Bro. And I was like, oh, my God.

[C]

While you were under nitrous, I. I'll

[B]

tell you, this picture just doing a bunch of nitrous was very strange.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, so keep going. This is amazing so far. Keep going.

[A]

Question before we go any further, just so I know, if the answer is no, we move on. Are you comfortable sending photos? Can we see this or no?

[C]

Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

Great.

[C]

Can I, like, blare my face?

[A]

Yeah, of course. And you're comfortable post it?

[C]

Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

Okay, great. And then. All right, so keep going. I don't know if we're going to get to that, if that's important for this thing, but go ahead, Gareth, what are you going to say?

[B]

Well, did you see the boxer the other day who got punt? He got rocked in the head and his hair system went off.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

No, but that's hilarious. That's like my. My greatest fear.

[B]

Okay, keep going, Mitch.

[A]

All right, Mitch, back to you.

[D]

All right.

[C]

Yes. I've been wearing it for about the past year. It's pretty indistinguishable. Like, no one can really tell unless you, like, look super close. And, like, that has never really happened. There's been a couple comments about, like, My hair looks different, but that's about the extent of it. So over the past year, it's just. It's be kind of becoming just a pain to maintain. Like you gotta take it off and wash it and clean it.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You got like rebuzz your head. You got to replace them every, like, I don't know, four to six months, give or take. And then you got to get that new one kind of like recut and styled and all of that. So all that to say? My question is, I'm kind of considering. Just stop wearing it and embrace the baldness.

[A]

I like this.

[C]

So I kind of want a fun way I can reveal to my friends and my family that I'm actually bald and I've been wearing this hair system

[B]

for the past year, so. Great. Well, can I ask a question? How much does each one. How much are you putting into this? Is this a lot?

[C]

Yeah. So the, the hair itself can be anywhere from, like, you can get a cheap one, I guess for maybe 100 bucks. They go upwards of like $1,000.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Okay, so this is a great pitch to your family. A fun reveal that I was doing this and now it's over. And I think the place want to go is the Gareth dentist moment. I think we want a big reveal at a strange time.

[B]

You know what, I'm gonna call it Jake the Gen hair reveal. I think we do it like a party.

[A]

Agreed. But I think he goes to the bathroom in the middle and comes back with no hair.

[B]

I like that he. How hard is it to take it off?

[C]

It's like glued on there pretty well. But I could kind of.

[B]

I think you do a half glue and during the event, halfway through you stop, you make a little speech and you yank it off. Okay, everyone's done. Silence.

[A]

Well, I don't think he wants to be the center of it. Like, it's. That's a little. I think we do something. What if we do something like this? You're with your family at a thing and pretend to have like a stomachache and go like, I'm feeling a little bit sick. And my room's like, you okay? Like you're having dinner at your family or whatever. You go, yeah, I think I gotta go to the bathroom. And then they're like, oh, you're like, I think I might barf or I don't know. Then you go, do you mind if I take a shower after? Okay. I've just feel. And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then go and maybe try to figure out like, you're A detect. Like they're detectives. What? Like, maybe it's something I ate. Is it the chicken? Is anyone else feeling sick? So everybody, like, I'm feeling dizzy. I'm feel sweaty. Whoa, do I feel hot? So it becomes a thing. Go to the bathroom, come back and go, with no hair. It was a false alarm. I just farted.

[C]

Like, I don't realize the hair is gone.

[A]

Exactly. You don't. You don't mention. They go, what? You go, it was just gas. And then somebody goes, wait, where's your hair? And you go, like. And you have 10. Like, you go, I don't know. I was feeling sick. I went in there.

[C]

And that's what was wrong with me.

[A]

I farted. I guess my hair fell off. But I feel great now. I feel like myself. Then they go like, mitch, what the hell is going on? And you keep doubling down. You go, I don't know. I thought I had bad chicken, but I feel better now. Maybe it wasn't the fart. Maybe it was the hair. And then finally go, I was wearing an earpiece. Now I'm done. And then be really casual about it. Move on. What else is going on?

[C]

My family would actually love that. We love a good fart joke too.

[A]

But that is, like, if you really play it up, you've been having some stomach issues. Anybody else, like, and it's been going on. Everyone's like, you good? Yeah, I just been cramping up. Anybody else cramping up with somebody else might go, like, I don't. I haven't been feeling like myself. Something's going on, man. Maybe it's the flu. Maybe. What is it, Covid again? Oh, Jesus. Everything. God damn. Then you go, like, I'm feeling dizzy.

[B]

What if you did this? Go ahead.

[C]

Obviously said you kind of like, the long con. Like, start planting the seeds, like, weeks in advance. Like, I've been having, like, some stomach problems. Like, I haven't been feeling myself.

[A]

Yeah. I might go to.

[C]

And then it all kind of builds up to that moment.

[A]

Yes. And so we want the family to be getting a little worried where you're like, I'm gonna make an appointment. I think I'm gonna go to, like, a. The doctor. Like a gut dog. I don't know. What does it feel like? It's feeling like something wants to, like, pop off my body. Huh. Maybe you holding me down.

[B]

What if.

[A]

Maybe it's a head thing.

[B]

What if. What if you had a call?

[A]

I have a terrible headache.

[B]

I like, what's going on.

[A]

I don't know. Like, my scalp was really hurting me. It is.

[B]

Yeah, maybe you do.

[C]

You can say it's Dr. Mo.

[A]

Dr. Mo is right.

[B]

You can say it. But with Dr. Mo, it's not associated with a show. Those guys passed away.

[C]

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

[B]

What if you. What if you. Now you're pitching this as after dinner, right, Jake?

[A]

Or middle dinner.

[B]

What if you do it at the restaurant? What if you're out.

[A]

He's got a shower. So the glue, you have to shower

[B]

to get it off.

[A]

Glue is a whole thing. It's gonna take like, 30 minutes.

[B]

Oh, okay, okay, okay. All right.

[A]

That's what I mean. The reveal. I don't think. It's not the snaps.

[B]

Yeah, right, right, right. Okay. Right.

[A]

This is like a really nice hairpiece.

[B]

Okay, okay. All right.

[C]

I can find a restaurant with a shower.

[A]

No, just do it at home. I mean, what we're really looking for is just wait.

[B]

I agree.

[C]

He's.

[B]

I agree. No, but can we just enjoy for a second what he just said? I could find a restaurant with a shower. Where? The Arby's. Where the. Are they letting you hose down my guy?

[C]

I don't even use the shower at Arby's

[B]

restaurant. Yeah, we would need a party at 9 for Friday night, 8pm hey, do you. I checked your website. Do you guys have a shower?

[A]

So, Mitch, what do you think about faking an illness and a big reveal, and then when you come out, you're just talking about being better.

[C]

Yeah, I like it. It's like the, like, play the long game, like having stomach problems for a while, and then it kind of all builds up to, like. At a restaurant sometime, you have to go for, like, a big event. Like, Like a parent's birthday.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But they're making it go.

[A]

It's gonna end up being a huge family laugh if you execute it. Right. So the bigger the event.

[C]

Yeah, better. Yeah.

[A]

And then when people come out the game of the players, you do not acknowledge the hair at all, but you're feeling a lot better.

[B]

Best case scenario is, like, if it was something to do with your parents and it takes place at their house, because then it's during the event. You can do it and everyone is still there, right?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

Is anything like that coming up for you?

[C]

Oh, actually, in April, my stepdad is turning 70, so a bunch of us are going to the beach.

[A]

Yes. This is it.

[B]

Like 12 people.

[A]

Oh, you know the other thing you can do?

[C]

Tons of showers in the water.

[B]

Ocean. Go in the ocean. Oh, go in the Ocean.

[A]

Go in the ocean.

[B]

This is the best.

[A]

Yes. Take a swim, and when you come out, the hairpiece is in your pocket and you're using the ocean water to scrub your head.

[B]

Yes. And then what you want to do is the. It's the Baywatch.

[A]

Wait, I have an idea. Rather than being sick, the ocean. You got attacked by a shark. Come running out like this. Oh, my God. Oh, I got one. You go, I. I think I was just attacked by a shark. I was attacked by a shark. I saw a great way. And they be like, what is going on? And then they go, you. I felt it bite at the top of my head. It bit my head. It bit my head. Am I bleeding? Am I bleeding? And they go like, no, no, wait. What do you. I was attacked. I saw. It bit my head. And they're like, no, but, Mitch, it took all your hair.

[B]

Oh, I'm bald.

[C]

Oh, that's right.

[A]

I was wearing a hairpiece. Am I bleeding? No, but the shark ate your hair. And you go, no, no, it was a hair. Am I bleeding? No. And then you go, oh, wow. Just ate my wig. All right, what's going on, everybody?

[B]

I can't tell.

[C]

You saved my life.

[B]

How.

[A]

Saved my life.

[B]

How great to go. I mean, we were looking for a restaurant with a shower.

[A]

We got God's bath. You gotta do this.

[C]

All right. I like the shark attack for sure.

[A]

Is there any hesitation? Yeah, go ahead.

[C]

It's a small one. I have two young nieces who will be there, so I don't want to freak them out being thinking they're sharks in the ocean. Maybe I'll just tell them ahead of time.

[A]

You tell them ahead of time.

[C]

Yeah, there's a bit coming.

[B]

So don't be alarmed at the beach.

[A]

Their parent, who you also tell, like, one person who oversees the kids films it.

[B]

Yes, please. Okay, so if they film it on

[A]

their phone, so the kids and them are part of it, and they're allowed to be laughing because what we're really just looking to confuse is the older people.

[C]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

I'm very.

[A]

And then you just stick in the thing over and over. But am I bleeding?

[B]

Jake, give. Jake, give him a rehearsal. I mean, let's.

[A]

Okay, let's hear. Yeah. So Mitch. You're Mitch. Let's see how you do it.

[C]

All right.

[A]

You are coming out of the water. Gareth and I are gonna be to your stepdad and your stepmom or your mom and your stepdad.

[C]

I was gonna say that'd be a weird family dynamic.

[B]

Don't worry about It.

[A]

All right, so, Mitch, come out of the water.

[C]

Oh, my God. That was crazy. I think. I think I got attacked by a shark.

[B]

What? What do you mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Did you see it?

[C]

Yeah, it's, like, latched on the top of my head.

[A]

Wait, here's how we set it up. Mitch, from the water, you have to. When you've got it all done, move your arms and legs and start getting attention from the water and go like, ah.

[B]

Ah.

[A]

Okay, so they're all looking at you and then come running out. Okay, start it again.

[C]

All right, got it.

[A]

Mitch.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

Help.

[A]

Mitch.

[C]

Oh, my God. Oh, that was crazy.

[A]

Where's your hair?

[C]

No, I got attacked by a shark.

[A]

What? Where's your hair?

[C]

No, no, the shark bit me.

[A]

You're. Mitch, you don't have any.

[C]

It latched onto my head.

[A]

What are you saying? Bit off your hair?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You don't see it.

[A]

That's not how it works. Your hair isn't like one big piece. You don't know that. You're in good shape.

[B]

I'm picturing, you know that scene where I'm dying? You know that scene where Daniel Craig as James Bond comes out of the water and he's got those, like, tight little braids, like. Yeah, Mitch, Mitch, running out of the water.

[A]

It's so good. All right, Mitch, this is a absolute home run.

[B]

Make sure someone films it. Mitch, please, for the love of God.

[A]

All right, thank you, Fred. And please follow up with us. Thank you for the comb and also, good job getting rid of that piece, man. Just lean in. Yes. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you want to know what's great about Squarespace, Gareth Reynolds, tell them about your website.

[B]

Well, every. I. I keep building different websites because it's so easy with Squarespace, but I. I've been working with Squarespace for a while. Could not be more user friendly. They make it very easy. And your website looks great. And we've built multiple websites on this show because it's so easy. They really. They help you find the domain. They help you get.

[A]

By the way, hereto help. Pod.com is our show website that is constantly evolving. And one thing I want to say, and that's a Squarespace. Guys, check out the website because it's starting to evolve a little bit. So we've gotten emails from people being like, where do I find the blank in the blank? Well, go to heretohelppod.com, which is a Squarespace website, to get all the answers you need. Squarespace gives you everything you need. It's got cutting edge design. It's got. You can put donations on there. Fun. Directly on your website if you want.

[B]

You can put content on there. There's also is the SEO tools which for a while I just kept saying it and I didn't know what it was, but I don't know what it is. I'm going to tell you. It's search engine optimization. So it's like if someone's looking for what you provide, they help you get higher in the search, which can be huge.

[C]

Cool.

[A]

I think optimization is good. There you go.

[B]

Wow. Coming in at the end.

[A]

So check out squarespace.com Gil sent me Ah, Ms. Gil. Can we get a taste of Gil Buchanan reading the end of this copy?

[B]

Jake Johnson, SEO Tools. Talk about being left behind in the search. That would be Gilbyu, Canada. An island by himself. Things are still going good. I've been talking into a microphone, but it's actually a shoe. I'm still in the closet waiting for someone to come find me.

[A]

But actually Gil, it looks like your microphone is not plugged in, brother.

[B]

So sorry, I didn't understand how that was. Anyway, squarespace slash Gil Sent me. We're back.

[A]

Save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain using Gil Sent me.

[B]

We're back baby. Hello.

[A]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com. booking helps you get it ridiculously right, so you can find exactly what you're booking for.

[B]

So we all have different things we're looking for. If you're traveling. I travel a lot for work. Younger people, they travel for other things. I guess they call them hobbies or maybe they're influencing. I don't know how it works, but booking.com makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home that's not just generically right or right for someone else, but ridiculously right for you.

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

Hello.

[D]

Hello there.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

How are you?

[D]

Good, how are you?

[B]

Oh, we're doing great. Can we get your name, please?

[D]

My name is Casey.

[B]

Hi, Casey. Where are you calling from, Casey?

[D]

I'm in Boston.

[B]

Boston. Beautiful. Where in Boston? I went to school there. I went to Emerson.

[D]

I'm near, like downtown Boston.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

Yep. Nice. General, no specifics. Near downtown crossing.

[D]

Ish. Near like South Station.

[B]

Nope. Okay, Casey, roughly how old are you? Sorry, I'm gonna jump in there and

[A]

just save James, my fireman uncle. Tommy's over there.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. What department's he with?

[A]

South Washington.

[B]

Okay, Casey, are you from Boston?

[D]

I say that I am, but I'm from like 30 minutes outside.

[A]

Yeah, you don't have a lick of an accent, honey.

[B]

And then Jake's accent, on a scale of 1 to 10, obviously 10 being

[A]

non existent, from Tommy, my fireman uncle. Then I got Bobby's over there, over there by Duncan.

[B]

I'll be Honest. This might be your best accent, and it's still not great, but there are.

[A]

It's starting to fade. So I'm waiting for you to tell me to shut up and get the Casey.

[B]

Get the jersey up in the rafters. How old are you, Casey? You could even just give us a rough estimation. Might help.

[D]

I'm 25.

[B]

25. All right, Casey. Boston downtown crossing Uncle Tommy. Fire department doesn't exist. What can we do for you?

[D]

So, like I said, I'm from, like, 30 minutes outside of Boston, but I just moved into the city, and because of that, I joined a new gym. And one of the perks of the gym is they have, like, a bunch of different classes. And I just joined a boxing class.

[B]

Great.

[D]

Rocky is, like, one of my favorite movies. Growing up, I was, like, super excited to join this class. When I joined, everyone introduced themselves and come to find out there's another Casey in that class now. I love my name, and I think it's fun to meet another Casey because, like, we're few and far between. I haven't met a lot in my life. The only issue is that she's been in the class for much longer than I have, and she has, like, a friendship with the coach that I haven't formed yet, if that makes sense. And so when we're in the class and, like, he asks us to do something, he'll just say out our name. And it's like that bit where we both turn our heads, and we were like, oh. Like, oh, which one? It's getting annoying.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And he actually finally, like, my last class, said, like, something kind of has to change. And he said to me that I have to find a new nickname. And like I said, I like my name. I don't want a nickname. So I guess my question is, like, how would I assert my dominance over the other Casey so that I'm the only Casey?

[B]

You don't even want a nickname pitch you want to use?

[D]

No, I mean, like, if I can't, I mean, I'd like to, but if I can't, I guess, like, what would be a nickname for me?

[A]

Well, hold on, Casey. That's two questions. So the first one you were going was really crazy, and then Gareth tried to bring you back to reality, and I think you changed. I think your first question was, how do I assert my dominance so that I'm the only Casey?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that. What question do you. I mean, don't listen to us. We're here to help you. We might not be able to. No.

[B]

And I Was just saying that's where you weren't going. So if that's where you're going, go ahead.

[A]

But what is the actual question you're calling with today? And then we could try to help.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, my main goal is to be, like, the only Casey in that class.

[A]

All right, I got a pitch.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

It's a boxing gym, right?

[D]

It's not. We have, like, a boxing class within, like, the normal gym.

[A]

Yeah. Fight for the name.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Challenger Casey off. Casey say, I will fight you to be called. Oh, she would. Okay, don't fight.

[D]

He's been there for years.

[A]

All right, she's in there for years.

[B]

And I thought about it out of the gate, though. What a pitch. But, I mean, I want that so bad.

[A]

I want to be Casey. And she goes, I'm Casey. You go, well, how about this one round? Whoever lands the most blows is Casey. And the other one has to come up with a nickname. And that nickname is called Thumped.

[B]

But. But what if we to that. What if we challenge other Casey to something, but it isn't for the name?

[A]

Ooh, I have an idea. Yeah, go ahead. Gareth.

[B]

No, no. Yeah, go on. That's it.

[A]

But going off of Gareth. Pitch. What if you guys. The coach comes up with a day of challenges?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That work for the whole class. So, like, if you're doing. If it's a workout class and you're doing, like, jabs, and then you're going under that rope thing. I know this because I boxed a little bit. Casey.

[B]

Yeah. I heard you blow your knee out on your own wrestling a dummy.

[A]

That's gabbling with a dummy on a podcast, you dumb.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

But you got. You could ask the coach to put together a competition day. And who does better in class is Casey. And the other one's new nickname is number two.

[D]

Well, so she's been doing this for years. I've joined maybe a month and a half ago.

[A]

Listen, kid.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're talking about dominance.

[B]

You need a pep talk.

[A]

No, but you might be right in that she's greater than you. But you don't go. So there's a lion pack, and I want to be the alpha dog of this lion pack. But there's this guy, Scarface, and he's, like, the best. But how do I do it? And we go fight Scarface. You go. Yeah, I'd lose challenge coverage. I would lose. Well, then maybe you ain't the lead dog. Maybe you number two.

[B]

I. Look, I like that. You could also go the route of where we do you could challenge her to some comp. Like. I'm thinking of when Michael Jordan in the last dance is throwing the quarters against the wall. Yeah. I mean, it's the greatest basketball player of all time and he's basically given up all of his skills just to gamble quarters or money on a quarters game with the security team. So is there something where we could also, like, is there a pool at the gym?

[D]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

We're in the city.

[B]

Is there something else we could do there that's just like simpler? Like ping pong ball into a solo cup? Like something like that where we challenge her to stuff like that?

[A]

Yeah, but here's the catch with this Casey. This is what I'm feeling, too. So you are the new one. So. Yeah, she's Casey.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now, I'm just saying this now, the premise of this, that people would. Can get mad about. But if you came into a bar and we were your uncles or friends of the family, I'm telling you straight up, if you want that name, it can't be. You play goofball. You play rock paper, scissors in the back corner.

[B]

By the way, Jake, Casey has already revealed to us that Rocky is her. I mean, is there a greater underdog story than Rocky? I mean, Casey, you are Rocky. Look at other cases. Apollo.

[A]

Yeah. Or the Russian.

[B]

Or the Russian. Colgan or Tommy Gunn. Although that one's a weird1. The 5 was weird, but Casey, do

[A]

you kind of see where we're going on this?

[D]

Yeah, I guess. My only thing is, and I didn't share this piece of information, is that her name is isn't Casey. That's a nickname.

[A]

Big piece, kid.

[B]

Okay, I got a pitch.

[D]

Yeah. My name is legally Casey. Her name, like, that's like her initials. Like, her name begins with the K and the last name begins with the

[A]

C. Oh, she's literally K. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her name. Yeah. Okay.

[D]

My birth certificate is Casey.

[B]

Well, I don't know if we can, you know, bring in the birth certificates, but I don't. I don't hate.

[A]

This is. It's. But it's a really dorky play at a boxing gym.

[B]

Here's what I've got.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

We're talking about Apollo. The sparkle, the shine, the marketing. Casey. If you start showing up, maybe in some Casey merch, it's going to be hard to take it away from you. If you have a headband merch that says Casey on it, if you. I'm guessing you don't wear gloves. Obviously these are or Are there gloves or it's just kind of shadow boxing?

[D]

No, I have boxing gloves.

[B]

I would maybe think about putting some bedazzled Casey on. Right? You could get a shirt made that's like. Just says, like, you know, Casey.

[A]

I'm Casey.

[B]

Yeah. Knockout Casey. Casey. The knockout something headband.

[A]

Go. Jimmy McMahon style. Have it white and in black ink just right. Casey.

[B]

Casey. I think if you show up in the Casey Merchant, that's a big. They can't take that away from you because you're super pot committed. And the other girl isn't even named Casey.

[A]

Oh, what is. What is the K in Casey short for?

[D]

Do you know Kathleen?

[A]

Okay, so get her. Kathleen Merch.

[D]

She doesn't like her. She doesn't like her name, and she doesn't like any, like, the nicknames for that either.

[A]

Why are you taking a boxing class?

[D]

Well, like I said, Rocky's like, I think a great movie franchise, and I just want to feel, like, strong.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And, like, I want to be able

[A]

to, like, beat someone up that's cool as hell. What about a nickname of Rocky?

[B]

What about Clubber? Clever Lang.

[D]

Rocky? Feels like I'm putting too much pressure on myself to, like, be Rocky. And, like, I'd love to be one day, but, like, I'm just very much

[A]

not at that sense that you like Clubber.

[B]

Clubber's just a pitch, but that's Mr. T. And it's great. He's great in the movie. We could also go with truth. We could go with fists. We could go with punch Out. We could go with K O. Casey.

[A]

Big Mike.

[B]

We could go with Big Mike.

[D]

Lomac.

[B]

We could go to Low Mac. You like that one?

[D]

That's, like, what I was thinking, but I didn't want to, like, give a nickname to myself because, like, that feels kind of late.

[A]

It's like, listen, we're giving it to you. Yeah.

[B]

Now you have evidence of two grown men giving this.

[A]

What you say is you go like this. Hey, do you mind calling me? Because there's two cases by my nickname, and they'll go. What's your nickname? Let me pitch you a couple here. Glass Joe. Piston, Honda, Pistons.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Don. Flamenco. Great. Tiger.

[B]

Tiger's good. Eye of the tiger.

[A]

How about Bald Bull?

[B]

Now, see, Jake, at some point you're going to reveal your source, and I already know it.

[A]

But keep going, Mr. Sandman.

[B]

Sandman's good because you're putting people to sleep.

[A]

Super macho man.

[B]

Macho woman.

[A]

Bear hugger.

[B]

The bear.

[A]

Mad clown.

[B]

It's just a crazy pitch.

[A]

Or Mike Tyson. This is all for Mike Tyson's punch?

[B]

Yeah. Jake just walked you through all the levels of Mike Tyson's punch.

[A]

Okay, what do you think? Do you like any of those?

[D]

I. I mean, like, not to like. I like Lil Mac. Like, I feel like that's fun because I'm like 5:1. Like, I am like short.

[A]

But who's Matt?

[D]

He's wiry. Well, that was the, that was one of the characters.

[A]

Oh, how about this?

[D]

Little Mac.

[B]

Mac is the main guy, right?

[A]

Hold on, hold on.

[D]

Yeah, hold on.

[A]

She's Casey. You're Little Casey. You're 5 1.

[D]

She's shorter than me.

[A]

She's shorter.

[B]

Fighter.

[D]

That's like, you know that, that might be not, might not be a deal breaker, but like 4:11 on like Casey,

[B]

I wish you could just see Jake's body lay.

[A]

This is too much.

[B]

Jake just rubbed his face like a cop who lost the lead that was going to get him to solve it.

[A]

Well, you also, Casey, you can't beat up a 4 foot 11 lady at a boxing gym.

[D]

You should see her. No like her ar. No.

[B]

So, okay, so she's bigger than anybody

[A]

in that boxing gym. Taller than five' two. Or is it?

[B]

I got an idea. Why don't you take another woman's name from the boxing gym? May you become her. Casey, let's just, let's just put you in that alpha role.

[A]

How about Lucy?

[B]

I like Lil. C. Oh, it's not a. Yeah, it seems like you're kind of married to Little Mac. I don't hate it, but I still.

[D]

I like, I like Lil. See, again, I guess my thing is I wanted. I like my name. I like Casey. Okay, so I wanted to be Casey, but like, I just don't. I don't see a situation where that I can.

[B]

Yeah, you're not gonna fight her. So if we're, we're kind of jumping ship on that. That is what it is.

[A]

But you also don't want to challenge her to any sort of competition in class. You think she's gonna win at everything.

[D]

Well, I mean, if it's like, like you said, like ping pong. Like I could, I could.

[A]

Yeah, but why would you challenge ping pong in a boxing class?

[B]

You know, we could do.

[D]

I think.

[B]

Well, what we could do is this. We could put you on the clock for a couple of months, Casey, and you train like a animal. And when you get to the end of that, that's cool. You challenge her to like an endurance of jump rope. A. Like you go to the arcade and you hit one of those punching things and whoever gets the highest score. And then you, like, race each other and maybe you even do one round. But if not, you're going for some endurance stuff. And you set up the KC Olympics.

[A]

But we give you a couple of the Casey Olympics.

[B]

We give you a couple months to montage it up.

[D]

Rocky Movie 4.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes. So. But I think Gareth is totally right. Casey. What we could do is you could say to Casey 1.0 and the teacher, I'm looking to get in better shape. I just started here. I think there could be a fun thing we can do. Casey, I respect the hell out of you. I think you're so good in here. You're so strong. You might be 4 11, but I think you could whip my ass. Is there something we could do for motivation together? If you guys are interested, and that is have a challenge of who gets the Casey name? And in six months from now, coach, could you run us through some challenges in class? And so I could train really hard knowing. And if I happen to win, then I'm Casey in class and you're Kathleen or whatever you want to be. And if you win, which it seems like you're going to win because it's your name, it's your territory, you've been here longer. Then I will be Little Mac.

[B]

It's good motivation for training.

[A]

If I'm Casey, I have fun with it because I go, I'm gonna get in much better shape, too.

[B]

That's the other thing I was going to say. It kind of ingratiates you into their. The class a little bit more. So even if you lose, you know,

[A]

now you're a little Mac.

[B]

You're a little Mac. But we kind. You got a better rapport. We understand.

[A]

And most likely during the thing. Yeah, most likely, you'll earn a different nickname in. That's probably like Casey, too.

[B]

Yep. And then we're going to come up with some merch and we'll call you too.

[D]

I like that. That's fun.

[B]

So how do you feel about that, Casey? You're basically, the pitch we're landing on is you're going to go to other Casey and the teacher and you're going to say, first the teacher maybe. Or do we want to train a little bit for maybe we. No. Yeah. Let's go to the teacher.

[A]

Go to the teacher and say, is this something that you would have fun with with me? And is this something you think Casey could do? And the whole class can be part of it, too, if you want but like that day, everybody could partake in the challenge. But is this something you'd be willing to do with me?

[B]

The Casey challenge?

[D]

He's fun. I think he'd be down.

[A]

You know, I think this is good. Casey, you know what I think we need to do really fast? When you go to the gym and you have a class with this guy, what is, how's the structure of the class? What do you guys actually do?

[D]

So like half of its cardio.

[A]

Hold on. But what kind of cardio?

[D]

So like the. On the bags doing like the jumping jacks. Jump ropes.

[A]

Okay. Oh, inspiring.

[D]

With. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. And so he has. Does he have mitts?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so there's probably something he could do with timed mitts. Because what I want you to then pitch them is rather than will you run this whole curriculum and create this whole extra thing for me? Me, me, me, me, me. And you do all the work and he goes like, I'm running a gym. You go, can we do a thing where you time us and whoever hits the mitts more, whoever does, you know, more jumping jacks, whoever does the stuff that you already do. But she and I compete in six months and these are the metrics of the thing. It's what you already do. And then maybe spar.

[B]

I think you could definitely do that too.

[A]

I think really what you got to do is spar for one round.

[D]

It's got to be at least six months in advance. Because I gotta agreed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But that Casey we're talking about. Can I challenge Casey to a three minute round where we spar in six months from now? And the winner gets the name? And if I check it out, she gets the name. And then if the coach says I'm okay with it, if she is, go great. And then you go really hat in hand to her and you say, I respect the hell out of you. I think you're so much better than me. I just moved to Boston. I'm trying to get better. I also would love to have a funny way to do this thing, but I would love to challenge you to a sparring match if you're interested. If you're not, I'm backing off. But what we want is her to go. Yeah, I'd love it.

[B]

And it's Rocky. You're Rocky. You're gonna be your favorite movie. It's great motivation. Look at the end of the day, worst case, you're going to be called Lil Mack or two or whatever.

[A]

Or you're gonna lose the first round and you guys do a sequel.

[B]

Yeah, Forever. Endless sequels. You've got a franchise there, but. But either way, you're gonna get in great shape. It's great motivation. And you know what? I'll tell you what. Nobody thought Rocky was going to do it. I don't even think Rocky thought he was going to do it. So it's not strange for you to feel the same way. But just maybe, Casey.

[A]

Totally just maybe.

[D]

Yeah. I think. I think with having that on the line, like my. My namesake on the line, it would definitely. It pushed me, for sure.

[B]

So let's do it. Why don't we start. Open the conversation. Open the conversation, you know, and let us know how it goes. But even if they. If they say yeah, then let's just start training. And then you could give us an update as we lead up to the time when you're gonna fight for your name.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, that feels good.

[B]

All right. Where are your Mickeys?

[D]

I appreciate you guys.

[B]

You got two Mickeys.

[D]

I appreciate it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We appreciate you. This is gonna potentially work. I don't know if you're gonna win, but this is gonna work.

[B]

Yeah, you're gonna get a good shape.

[D]

That's what it's all about.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And guess what, Casey? Just like Rocky. We don't know if Rocky's gonna beat a pow. That's what makes the movie exciting.

[B]

Shitty. Done at first.

[A]

So good luck. You want to be Casey, but you're going against the real Casey. I hope you win, man.

[B]

Yep. And. And whatever you do, do not let a big Russian in the class. Because then other cases,

[D]

if I die, I die at that. Yeah, right.

[A]

I think we have different roles, though, Gareth.

[C]

If you're.

[B]

You want to be Mickey, you want to be Apollo.

[A]

I'm Paulie.

[B]

You are 100%.

[A]

What are you gonna do? Hey, look at Knocko Rock. I'm Paulie. He's a bum. Sweet.

[B]

Jesse here. This next call is a follow up from episode 278, the Real London.

[A]

Hello.

[D]

Hi, guys.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

How are you? We know you're a follow up, but that's all we know. So what was the first call? What's your name? And then we'll get into the update.

[D]

Yeah, I'm Hannah. I called a couple weeks ago because I just moved to London and I've been really lucky to have so many people visit, but I've been annoyed with being a tour guide.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Up.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So the problem was, Hannah, was you just moved from Boston. Correct.

[D]

Chicago.

[A]

That's what I thought.

[B]

Big.

[A]

Damn it. I thought it was going to be one of those impressive polls. Like, I got a beautiful moment. I know.

[B]

You took a good swing.

[A]

I was going after the. Wow, what a memory. And I was gonna go to no big deal.

[B]

I was really gonna be.

[A]

Wow, my brain works. It's amazing.

[B]

It's called recall.

[A]

Yeah, it's our. My brain. It's just this tricky thing. It's amazing. All right, so Hannah and then, what, were visiting too much and you didn't want to be a tour guide. Is that correct? Walk us through the problem again. What we pitched and what you did.

[D]

Yeah, I was really excited for everyone to be here and visit, and it was all close friends and good family, but I was just getting frustrated with having to go to the same really crowded touristy spots over and over again, which I know is just part of it, but I was hoping we could find a solution, and I think we did. We talked about doing some fake fun facts about all of these really popular tourist destinations. And then at the end of the day, we would all be at a pub, and I would just ask them if they either caught my fake fun facts or if they found or thought anything sounded off or you suggested Jake have a list and ask them everything that I went over, like, a quiz almost.

[A]

I think that's cool.

[D]

Yeah. But we are really into trivia, so I thought it would be fun to just, like, flip a couple, not too many fake fun facts in and see if anything seemed off. And I did it.

[A]

You did do it?

[D]

I did do it with my brother and his girlfriend. Great people to do it with. They have a great sense of humor. And we sat at the pub, and I said, all right, I've given you one each day. Does anything sound crazy? But it was, you know, it was kind of tough for them to tell what it was because they did receive a lot of facts.

[B]

Well, what were some of the. What were some of the whammy facts you threw out there?

[D]

So they were just believable enough? I think one of them was actually. I think they both were. From you, Gareth. One was that clowns were banned in Piccadilly circus in, like, 1883. And they were like, oh, yeah.

[A]

They're like, oh, interesting.

[B]

Kind of funny, Weird.

[D]

Okay, they did think it was weird.

[B]

What was another one?

[D]

The other one was. So the Big Ben is the name of the bell inside the Elizabeth Tower, and it's named Ben after Queen Elizabeth's favorite horse. So the fake fun fact there was Ben was not Queen Elizabeth's horse.

[A]

So pretty good. You know what I would do Can I. Can I pitch on our pitch?

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Every day the lie gets crazier and crazier. So on the last day, they literally go, what are you talking about?

[B]

I agree.

[A]

And then you think like, you. But you. It's got to get. Every day, you got to push to see how far you can get so that one of them you can go like, England actually started 219 years ago. It used to be in an aquarium in France.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah. Like, you know, England was actually Two words until 65 years ago.

[A]

Yeah. It was ing land. It was the England, because the ing people were here originally.

[B]

And then Winston Churchill was the one who combined it.

[A]

But the funny thing is because he was drunk.

[B]

He did it because he was drunk,

[A]

and he goes like, england. And they go like this. It's England. But he said England. Everybody laughed, and then now it's England.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I just look at you and go, I don't think that's true. And you go, half of the I've been saying is online. I'm not your sister.

[B]

I think, because the Big Ben one, it's fun, but I'm like, I would not be like, hold on a minute.

[A]

I would get lost in the sauce. And then after, when you went like, yeah, by the way, that was a trick. I'll go, I don't care.

[B]

Yeah, like, cool.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember when I said that those bricks were from 1917? They were from 1815. I'd go like this.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't even remember. I was looking at my phone.

[B]

Oh, well.

[A]

So I think the lies have to get to the point where if they believe it, they're wacky.

[B]

Yep. I think so too. I think so too. Yeah, go ahead.

[D]

My next visitor is my mom, so I'm not gonna trick my sweet mom,

[A]

but yes,

[B]

enjoy your life.

[A]

Life.

[B]

Come on, sister. Mom.

[A]

You could really push it. Hannah, give me three of the weirdest lies you could tell about London right off the top of the jack. Don't even get insecure. Just start talking.

[D]

I don't think that quickly, but I can give you some more. Gareth, that the team was name was originally called the Times, but the accent is so crazy that everyone calls it the Chains. That one's still good.

[A]

I think that's a day one.

[B]

Yeah, that's a day, I think. Now that we're here, I want to

[A]

see what you come up with. Hannah. I think the Thames and Thames is good, but then I want to see, like, you know, what else could it come up? I want to hear that in the river Thames. There used to be great white sharks.

[B]

Yeah. Gators.

[A]

And they were all. They were gators and sharks. It used to be a true swamp. But the original term gator came from

[B]

River Thames, and that's where they used to throw convicts. They used to just toss them in

[A]

the Thames before they sent them all to Australia, they used to send them in the Thames, and the saying was, throw them in the Thames and they end up down under.

[B]

Yeah. And then that's why Australia is called down Under.

[A]

Yeah. Meaning a gator would take you down under and take your life from you. So when they. When we created Australia, or didn't create it, but when we sent our companies there, we said, we're sending you down under.

[B]

I think that's very good.

[A]

And they went like, wow. And you go, yeah. They used to call it the. It was like the bloody red river Thames. And what you really want is your mom to be in a restaurant with waiter and go, well, we have had a wonderful time. I heard all about the river towns where the crocodiles killed all those people that they then sent to Australia down under.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the person.

[B]

That's a great one, your daughter, is a liar.

[A]

That's what we're looking for, Hannah. And if it happens on day one, she goes, what are you talking about? You go, well, the truth is, I haven't done any homework, Mom. I'm just making these up. So you want to just do this together? Should we just hang out in London? Did.

[D]

Oh, that's really funny. No, that's good. I'm not that funny. But I really like the one about bringing about the sharks and the down under. And, Yeah, I think just getting a little crazier with it.

[A]

Yeah, a little crazier with it. But also, Hannah, I think part of the fun is. Let's hear yours. Yeah. So think about it a little bit. And with your mom, you got the gator one, but I think you got some stuff cooking in you, Hannah. Let's see when you open that oven, what bun you pull out. You know what I mean? We know what mine and what Gareth looks like, but what does Hannah's bun look like?

[D]

Right? Right. How about I continue to think about it and then maybe I can send you a picture of some fake fun facts I come up with for my mom's visit.

[A]

I love it. You know what I would love, rather than a picture, A voice note, but, yeah.

[B]

When is mom coming in?

[D]

Mom will be here in, like, two weeks, beginning of April.

[A]

While you think of them, send us voice notes. We'll include it at the end of this and then follow up with us after Mama. We'll hear how they did.

[B]

Perfect.

[D]

Okay, that's great.

[B]

And wait, hold on. Before you go in. I do believe it's a bell ring. I believe we're escalating for another bell ring, but I think we. Big Ben, this one, right, Jake?

[A]

Yeah, I think so.

[B]

I think.

[D]

Yeah, definitely a bell ring.

[B]

I think. I think what we're saying, the goal is to get caught. So just keep pushing it until someone's like, hey, Hannah, you okay?

[A]

Yeah, this is right.

[D]

All right, great. No, that's fine. Thanks, guys. I'll send a voice now.

[B]

All right, thank you.

[D]

Bye.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod Gmail. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[B]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[A]

That was a hit gum podcast. That was a hit gun podcast.

[B]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[A]

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that was Us now on Headgum.

[B]

Each episode, we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This is us.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[A]

Are we gonna cry?

[B]

Yes, a little bit.

[A]

Are we gonna laugh a lot?

[B]

A whole lot.

[A]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.