295: Confronting The Whistler & Picker Flicker

Summary

We're Here to Help — Episode 295: Confronting The Whistler & Picker Flicker

Release Date: June 3, 2026
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Main Theme: Navigating bizarre and disruptive coworker habits in the workplace with humor, camaraderie, and crowd-sourced advice.

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Episode Overview

Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds return with a workplace-themed episode, riffing on the sponsored Hulu series Not Suitable for Work—using it as a springboard to address real listener dilemmas about unusual and disruptive coworker behaviors.
The core of the episode revolves around two workplace advice calls:

1. Dealing with a tone-deaf, compulsively whistling coworker in a small Kentucky office (“Confronting the Whistler”)
2. Investigating and addressing an ongoing booger-flicking mystery in a Massachusetts veterinary clinic (“Picker Flicker”)

The hosts balance their signature absurdist banter and storytelling with earnest, creative problem-solving, never shying away from the grotesque or the awkward.

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Segment 1: Setting the Theme — Workplace Comedy & Work Histories

Timestamps: 00:38–07:33

• Context: Launching the episode with cross-plugs for Hulu’s Not Suitable for Work and their own office experiences.
• Jake reminisces about Mindy Kaling's early days in NYC theater:

  “Mindy Kaling had created a show called Matt and Ben... it blew up in a way everybody in New York was talking about." (01:34)

• Self-deprecating tales: Jake and Gareth joke about their inability to conform to ‘real office life.’

  “All we've done is prove Natalie right... I've never tucked in my shirt.” (06:20)

• Fantasy Office Bosses: Imagining themselves as chill (or deluded) supervisors.

  “My vibe? Find good people and you go, if you're good, do it. I believe in you. And then you gotta keep an eye on stuff, but, you know... chill. Nice. Sweet. Drunk. Very drunk.” (07:09, Gareth)

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Segment 2: Call 1 — Confronting the Whistler

Timestamps: 13:11–32:04

Introduction to the Dilemma

• Caller: Luke from rural western Kentucky
• Problem: A coworker (mid-30s, not a direct report) incessantly whistles—loudly and off-key—while wearing earbuds, making the small, echoey office unbearable.
• Evidence: Luke shares a surreptitious audio recording of the whistling.

  Memorable Reaction:
  Jake: “This would drive me nuts... It sounds like an animal dying.” (16:41)

The Scope

• Constant, unpredictable whistling, especially in the afternoons; sometimes accompanied by loud fingernail drumming.
• Failed attempts at subtle feedback via jokes from both Luke and the boss.
• Luke’s position: Senior to the whistler, but not the boss.

Key Quotes — The Whistling Experience

• “It sounds like a broken teakettle almost... Like an ice pick digging into my brain.” (14:13, Luke)
• “It’s crazy because every time it happens, it sounds really ugly... sounds like a bird that would wake you up and you’d be furious.” (16:41, Jake)

Advice & Pitch Session

• Direct Approach Option:

  Jake: “Send her this [audio] clip and go, ‘FYI, this is what I hear while you’re listening to music. Any chance we could cool it on the whistling?’” (21:20)

• Indirect/Environmental Solutions:
  • Fire-with-Fire: Luke starts whistling aggressively to reflect how intrusive it is (“Make her experience the same thing.” 23:03, Gareth).
  • Office Music: Suggest unobtrusive background music to mask or deter whistling.
  • Involve the Boss:

    “Say to the boss, hey, can I play you something?... I want you to know why my production is slipping... I need you to know.” (25:08, Jake)

  • Dual Offender Setup: Ask the boss to address two noise-makers (Luke and whistler) in a group, so it doesn’t feel like a targeted confrontation.

    Gareth: “Can you sit us both down and say that her whistling and my playing drums with pencils... are distracting?” (27:10)

Resolution & Follow-Up Plan

• Multi-pronged Tactics: Luke is encouraged to combine documenting the nuisance, creative confrontation, and seeking boss mediation.

  Gareth: “I would love to hear you doing some distracting stuff... then maybe we can get a recording of you talking to your boss.” (30:23)

• Validation:

  Jake: “That was driving me bananas.” Gareth: “I felt crazy.” (29:09, Jake & Gareth once the sound stops)

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Segment 3: Call 2 — Picker Flicker: The Booger Bandit Case

Timestamps: 35:53–58:49

Introduction to the Mystery

• Caller: Emily from Massachusetts
• Problem: For five years, someone at her vet clinic has been regularly picking their nose and flicking boogers onto the inside of the staff bathroom door—despite shared employee-only use and an assumed threshold for grossness.

  Emily: “Someone has been flicking boogers onto the bathroom door... we want to find out who's doing it.” (36:59)

Further Details & Investigation

• Five historic boogers currently stuck, most recent above the door; about one new booger per month.

• Top suspect: A part-time employee in her 30s who doesn’t wash her hands after using the bathroom.

  Gareth: “See, I'm already... pointing my finger in this filthy handed booger flickers direction.” (43:17)

• Emily’s desk is directly outside the bathroom, allowing for some basic surveillance.

Advice & Scheme Building

• Surveillance and Process of Elimination:

  • Take dated photos or videos of the bathroom door before and after each shift to track new boogers and correlate with bathroom usage.

    “Every day, when you get to work... inspect the walls.” (44:37, Jake)

  • Monitor which staff are present the day a new booger appears.

• Ransom Note Tactics:

  • Send an anonymous, magazine-cutout ransom note to the main suspect’s lockbox:

    “We all know you’re flicking boogers on the bathroom wall.” (57:11, Emily)

  • Or distribute several to avoid seeming accusatory if unsure of culprit.

    Jake: “Let the lady cook a little bit... Let her do her thing.” (57:09)

• Other Creative Suggestions:

  • Leave a “found money in the stall” note to lure self-IDs (45:45, Jake)
  • Place tissues in stall with a sign; ultimately rejected as likely to embolden the culprit.

Debate on Confrontation vs. Subtlety

• Hosts discuss the futility of direct confrontation with someone shameless enough to be a serial booger flicker.

  Emily: “I feel like confronting them directly... Like no one’s ever going to admit that they are the booger flicker.” (54:39)

• Consensus forms around sending an anonymous, unsettling note.

Next Steps & Follow-Up

• Emily commits to “the ransom note,” making several, and promises to report back.

  “Probably this weekend I’ll grab some magazines or something and cut out the letters... put it in like her [lockbox] so she won’t know who did it... wait for her to find it when she comes in, see what happens.” (57:50, Emily)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

On Surviving Office Life

• “Trained seals for hoagies we didn’t get is pretty much what [Natalie] pictured.” (05:48, Gareth)
• “My vibe? Nice. Sweet. Drunk. Very drunk.” (07:09, Gareth)

On The Booger Bandit

• “You know it’s her. You’re the hot-headed cop who gets in trouble because you hold me back.” (43:28, Jake)
• “Just crazy enough to work. Emily, you’re under arrest. So Emily, your desk is right by the door. That’s a pretty big piece of information, right?” (48:54, Jake)

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Key Takeaways / Practical Advice

For Whistling Coworkers:

• Use audio evidence to make your case more neutral and concrete.
• Enlist workplace allies (including your boss).
• Consider both direct (friendly but firm request) and indirect (“mirror” behavior, general office solutions) strategies.

For Mystery Hygiene Offenders:

• Gather thorough evidence before confrontation.
• Try anonymous notes or involve trusted colleagues as soft intermediaries.
• Accept that some solutions are imperfect, but creative crowd-sourcing and documentation can make a difference.

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Episode Insights & Tone

• The discussion transitions between deadpan and farcical, repeatedly highlighting the absurdities lurking within everyday office life.
• Both calls spark empathy and laughter, with advice rooted in common sense but embellished with playful escalation and performative absurdity (“magazine ransom note," “noise arms race”).
• The hosts remind listeners that, while amusing, these situations wear down real people, and their intent is to relieve workplace suffering (and audiences' stress) through group catharsis.

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Further Listening

• Check out Not Suitable for Work on Hulu for more workplace chaos.
• Send your own dilemmas to [e-mail] for a chance to be featured.

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This summary captures the spirit, humor, and actionable wisdom of episode 295—ideal for listeners seeking solutions or solidarity in their own weird workplaces.

Transcript

[A]

This is a headgum podcast.

[B]

And we're brought to you by Not Suitable for work.

[A]

Follow 5work obsessed 20 somethings in Murray Hill as they career chase, survive heartbreak and take on the ultimate challenge, the New York City housing market.

[B]

That's right, Jake, from executive producer Mindy Kaling. Picture your 20s in New York. Big dreams, questionable choices and barely making the rent. Not Suitable for Work is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers terms apply.

[A]

Enjoy it everybody.

[B]

We love it. And we are back. And oh my Lord, we are excited. We this is a special episode, Jake, because we are talking about Not Suitable for Work, a new Mindy Kaling Hulu workplace comedy show that looks like it has a phenomenal ensemble cast, some recognizable people, some new faces.

[A]

Anything Mindy Kaling does is a win. Yeah, I remember Mindy Kaling. Mindy Kali has to come on our show. I remember talking to Natalie. We were trying to schedule it.

[B]

I think she's quite busy, but I do think it's.

[A]

It eventually happened. Yeah, she. I first heard of Mindy Kaling back in New York when I was doing a two man improv show with Oliver Raleigh, the man who created our theme song. And Mindy Kalin had created a show called Matt and Ben about Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

[B]

Right. Yeah. Right.

[A]

That thing blew up in a way everybody in New York was talking about. It was like these two girls, these two women in their early 20s, they play Madden Ben and it's about Matt and Ben's story. Oliver and I used to talk about when we were working on a show, the goal was hit play.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the hit play was we just got to do what Matt and Ben did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so we'd be like, oh, that's how it works. You're do. Because they were all around the same theaters. They were like in the Lower east side. We'd be like, wait, Matt and Ben was here? And then they're like, yeah, like, what's going on now? They're like, I guess they're in Los Angeles now. I was like, h. How do we get from our show the Midwesterners back to Kronig? How do we turn this into Mad and Ben?

[B]

I know.

[A]

And then Mindy was, you know, on

[B]

the off, she literally does Matt and Ben. And you're like, we should have just done Matt and Ben.

[A]

It's exactly right. I was like, yeah. And then I think we probably tried to do something like that. We were like, dude, will do Madden Ben too. And like nine people in the audience were like, really not that great.

[B]

It's like a lot of the charms gone.

[A]

All the charms that you guys are being aggressive.

[C]

All the.

[A]

It's mean spirited. It's all you guys being mean to each other and laughing

[B]

with terrible Boston accents. Well, yeah, but she keeps making hits. But Not Suitable for Work is. Is streaming on Hulu. They're sponsoring this episode. And so this episode we're doing workplace calls. We have a couple great workplace calls that are, you know, about. How do you manage a.

[A]

Our show's. Our show. You know, you're guys for our audience. It's going to feel very the same.

[B]

Oh, these are great calls.

[A]

These are just us. But it's in a workplace. But everybody check out Mindy's show.

[B]

Oh, by the way, anything that woman

[A]

touches is very quickly.

[B]

When I was talking to Natalie about the intro, she had quite a laugh when she said, if you and Jake have ever worked in an office, you can talk about that like you guys have ever worked. I've never heard her laugh harder.

[A]

I've worked in an office.

[B]

That's what I said to her. So we've both worked in offices.

[A]

You know, I got. I worked in an office in New York. It was a. I can't remember the name of the place now, but it was like a health place. And I got really busted by my boss. What I was doing is I was filling out. I was taken from the old school yellow pages and filling out addresses so we could send people the mailing list. Right. And she said like, okay, let's you just sit in a room all day and just write down addresses and stuff, these things. And I was like, great. And the pace I was going was so slow. And then she came in, she's like, you.

[B]

So you.

[A]

You did like 40 addresses in an hour. And I was like, did. I was at it. And mind you, I didn't have like screens back then.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just sitting in a room.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thinking I was going fast.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then she goes, you know, we could do something fun. And I go, what? And she goes, let's have a contest. Who can do more in 30 minutes? And if you win, I'll buy you any lunch you want in New York, Gareth, I think I might have done 10,000 in 30 minutes. And I was so stupid. I didn't see she setting me up. And she goes like a horse. So you did like 215 and 30 minutes. And I was like, how many did you.

[B]

You owe me.

[A]

You owe me lunch. And she goes, and from 9am until 11:30. You did like 13. And I literally was like, I understand what you did there.

[B]

That's tough. You've figured out how I operate.

[A]

As I was bragging about beating her,

[B]

I realized she was like, she just realized you're ceiling and all she had to do is get you a hoagie.

[A]

And she didn't even get me the hoagie. It was the pace you're going.

[B]

By the way, I think when we talk, I think when I pushed back on Natalie about us working in offices, this is what she would have pictured. When we consider working at offices, trained seals for hoagies we didn't get is pretty much what she pictured.

[A]

That's sad. She was laughing because we weren't actually.

[B]

We've never been walking around, like, handing papers to someone and being like, let me know about that. By 3:30, like, you and I have been there. Like, I spent cereal and the envelope.

[A]

Garrett, your version.

[B]

All we've done is prove Natalie right hand paper. I've never tucked in my shirt.

[A]

Let me know about that.

[B]

Let me know about that. By 3:30 and I, like, have to move through cubicles.

[A]

Let me know.

[B]

High. High five someone.

[A]

They're like, wow, he's a very good boss.

[B]

Wow, that guy is really on tough.

[A]

Is your fantasy office guy that you're a really cool boss?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

What would be your work hard, play hard. Is that true? So David, Brett.

[B]

No, no, no. That's all. That's. No nothing, do nothing.

[A]

No, mine would be work hard, play hard, be the man. Yeah. Kind of thing.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He didn't know anything. No. I always try to be a good, but, you know, you got to get stuff.

[A]

What's your vibe? What's your vibe?

[B]

I think, like Amy said the other night, like, you find good people and you go, you. If you're good, do it. I believe in you. And then you got to keep an eye on stuff. But, you know, chill. Nice. Sweet. Drunk. Very drunk. All right, everybody. The show is not suitable for work. You can watch it now. Great ensemble cast from the great Mindy Kaling. Hulu. Check it out.

[A]

Just want to mention that all new episodes are released a day early on Hulu.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

We are also having our back catalog is going to be on Hulu. We're doing about 20 at a time. So if you have not checked us out on Hulu, then check us out on Hulu. Gareth, Jesse, are we saying any lies?

[B]

No. And you can get season one, Season two, we're gonna have a nice melange on Hulu. But the day Early. I mean, there's a lot of advantages.

[A]

Here's another thing. Here's another thing. People going, well, I don't have hulu. You got YouTube because we're there too.

[B]

Yeah, Hulu a day early. YouTube for stragglers.

[A]

And also you go, I don't have that. Oh, we got Patreon.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They go, I don't have that. What do you want?

[B]

Yeah, okay, Jake, we're trying to be inclusive and you're yelling at them, but I think you're right. It's just.

[A]

Look, watch this show anywhere.

[B]

There's a lot of options, okay?

[A]

Hulu's early.

[B]

Hulu's early.

[A]

Audio Day of YouTube. Day of Patreon. No ads.

[B]

Here's the way to remember it. Hulu knew.

[A]

So Nulu, it's not the way to remember. They also have back catalog stuff.

[B]

Okay, then that we call. Yeah. All right. It's falling apart. And we are brought to you by not suitable for work from executive producer,

[A]

the great Mindy Kalin. Not suitable Machine a hit. Machine is right. Getting a life is a group effort. Mindy Kalin doesn't miss. She's a killer.

[B]

That's right, Jake. From executive producer Mindy Kaling. Picture your 20s in New York. Big dreams, questionable choices, and barely making the rent. Oh, that's good, right? That's not suitable for work. This cast on this show is phenomenal. You're following five work obsessed 20 somethings in Murray Hill as they chase their careers, survive heartbreak, take on the ultimate challenge, the New York City housing market.

[A]

So it is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers terms apply.

[B]

Yeah. Great.

[A]

We think you guys are gonna absolutely love it.

[B]

You will? Okay. All right.

[A]

That's impressive.

[B]

That feels good.

[A]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Booking.com. booking.com helps you get it ridiculously right. So you can find exactly what you're booking for G man, you're on the road constantly. The hotel you're in, did the show book it or did you book it using booking.com?

[B]

you know what I've been doing, Jake, is I have to switch hotels so often that I started asking the clubs if they'll just give me a buyout and then I'll find a hotel that's in between the places. I'll go to booking.com I'll find a place that is kind of equidistant and I get a couple nights in the same hotel. They couldn't make it easier.

[A]

Well, I've got a question for the audience here. June 19th. Is that the date for the Believe so Steve live show in Omaha? We got people in the Midwest who are nearby who go, I want to take a little trip and see something. But where would I stay? Well, go to booking.com because it makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home. That's just, that's not just generically right or right for somebody, but ridiculously right for you.

[B]

Well also Omaha, a fantastic city surrounded by fantastic. I don't know why you said they you Steve, but you just live there. But it there's. You could get vacation rentals. You could turn it into a few days. I mean who knows?

[A]

Hey Steve, if people come to Omaha for this little trip and they book on booking.com and they turn it into a three day thing, what are a few things they should do besides see you guys live?

[B]

Well, obviously we have the best zoo in the country.

[C]

In the world.

[A]

I think maybe find exactly what you're booking for booking.com booking. Yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Wayfair. I bought a robot vacuum on that cleans itself. It's a self cleaning robot vacuum and I love it. The thing goes around, vacuums the floor, then takes itself home to its little portal. I'm a fan of it. Wayfair's got everything you want. It's got outdoor seating, grills, it's got outdoor furniture. Over 20 million 5 stars reviews.

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[C]

I'm good.

[A]

Can we get your name please?

[C]

This is Luke.

[A]

Hey Luke, where are you calling from?

[C]

Well, I'm pretty sure you've never heard of the town, but it's a rural part of western Kentucky called the Jackson Purchase.

[A]

Cool. I spent some time in Paducah.

[C]

Okay. Yeah, that's the nearest, like, big city. We're in Murray. If you've been to Paducah, you might have heard of Murray State.

[A]

I was 17. Luke, how old are you?

[C]

I am 43.

[A]

Luke, what do we got today, brother?

[C]

All right, so this is an issue with a co worker. I started a new job this year, and it's local here for a contractor in town. So it's a small office. We've got like 10 employees total. There's three of us in the office where I'm at full time, and it's a great team. Love it. But I've got a co worker, so let me just kind of back up a second. The office is an old veterinarian's clinic, so it's pretty sparse building. Yeah, it's cinder block walls, linoleum floors, thin doors, so everything's very audible. You can hear everything going on in every part of the building. And one of our employees likes to wear her earbuds and listen to music, take calls, but she whistles along with her music. And that's fine, really, if they were along with the music, but I'm pretty sure she's tone deaf, and so when she whistles, it sounds like a broken teakettle almost. She can't carry a tune, and it just almost sounds like an ice pick digging into my brain.

[B]

Now, we do have a recording of the whistling, so whenever you guys want to hear.

[A]

Wait, Luke, you recorded us?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Good stuff, man.

[B]

Let's hear this whistle. You got to kind of wait for it.

[D]

Oh,

[B]

This is.

[A]

I want to keep hearing Gareth. This would drive me nuts.

[B]

Nuts.

[A]

But let's keep listening. Let's live in Luke's probe. Imagine you're working to drive you crazy. It's not constant.

[B]

Sure isn't.

[C]

It's very intermittent.

[B]

Yeah. Which is annoying.

[C]

It comes and goes. I think somewhere around a minute and a half into the recording. It.

[A]

It's okay. I'm appreciating because we're getting a real sense of what it is. It's not a nightmare. That's a nightmare.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

It's crazy because every time it happens, I'd. Sounds really ugly. You're right to say she's got a bad.

[B]

It's really bad.

[A]

I hate this.

[B]

I do, too.

[A]

There's no good whistle, but. No, no. Sounds like a Animal dying. It.

[B]

It does. It sounds like. It's like a bird that would wake you up and you'd be furious.

[A]

Or like a baby raccoon or like a squirrel fight.

[C]

It's pretty obnoxious. It.

[A]

Yeah, look, this is.

[C]

It comes and goes every few seconds and.

[A]

Yeah, you're telling me this is all day.

[C]

This is mostly in the afternoons, but pretty much all day every day.

[A]

Okay, really fast, Jesse, before Luke keeps talking. Can you keep this on a loop for this whole call in the background that we have to hear it too, until we pitch out of it.

[B]

We've got to earn it.

[A]

Let's all. Let's all go to. Let's all be in the. Together. Okay.

[B]

We're working. We gotta listen to it too. Yeah. Oh, for God's sake.

[C]

Okay. I was getting a break from that.

[A]

Well, look, you're gonna. But we gotta. Sometimes you gotta get in their. To get out of the toilet, as Gareth likes to say.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So.

[C]

For sure.

[A]

So walk us through more of what's going on with this. When did it start? How long has it been going on?

[B]

This is a shit.

[C]

It started. Well, I started the job in late December, so about three months ago. And it's been a constant thing. So I don't want to be like a jerk that's like, hey, no whistling. Take your earbuds out. But I can't deal with this. It's like we have a co worker from another office that came for one day and she came to me at the end of the day. She's like, how do you not blow your brains out listening to this?

[A]

Okay, and what have you.

[B]

What have you tried?

[A]

Are you the boss or. She's the boss. Who's higher up?

[C]

I'm a bit higher up. She. We have one owner and we both technically report directly to her or to him.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But I'm a little bit her senior, so.

[A]

Okay. It's club, but it's close.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

It's not.

[C]

It's a pretty informal relationship since it's a small office and I want to keep harmony and everybody kind of friendly. Of course, there's only two people in the office with me, so we don't need any. But

[A]

what have you up to this point. What did you just say? Kills me,

[B]

the fact that he has to listen to this.

[A]

I know, but what we're trying to do is we're. We're seeing how hard it is to even focus. So. Luke.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I want the audience, when they go, like, you know, just to feel what the Problem is, very rarely does everybody get to live in the issue. So what have you tried, Luke?

[C]

Yeah, I've tried making light comments like, hey, what are you listening to? I don't recognize that tune. And our boss, he has made little comments like, oh, I see a pack of dogs waiting out at the door with all that whistling. It seems to follow on deaf ears a little bit.

[B]

So, okay, damn. I mean, that is. That's tough to hear because that is a swing. I mean, you have tried to make some allusions to the fact that, hey, shut up. And this person. So this person is oblivious to the negative impact, obviously, even when you bring it up, they're like, whatever.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. She also clicks her fingernails quite loudly on her desk, which is more tolerable.

[A]

Are we hearing that, too?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What is that click?

[B]

Yeah, that's the nails.

[C]

That's her drumming her very long fingernails on her desk.

[B]

Oh, this whole thing.

[A]

What is the.

[C]

All the problems. I know.

[A]

I get you. How old is our whistler?

[C]

Mid-30s.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And you've never directly said anything yet, right?

[C]

I have not. And I mean, I guess I could, but it just seems like a confrontation that I'd like to avoid. So that's kind of why I wanted to pitch to you guys.

[A]

I've got a pitch. I've got a pitch.

[B]

Go.

[A]

All right, so. Well, I'm trying to figure out how to make this not about you, so. And it's only you guys in the office, because here's what I want you to do. I want you to send her this clip and go, FYI, this is my what I hear while you're listening to music. Any chance we could cool it on the whistling? If not, I hear you. Not looking to start trouble with you. Happy to be co workers, but I know you've got a whole sound system going on and you're just a member of the band, but no, this is the show I'm getting.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. That's certainly a direct approach. And I'm not. I'm not close to that idea. I'm just kind of hoping to find a way to make it feel like it was.

[B]

You say that she's whistling in the

[C]

afternoon mostly, I think when things slow down a little bit, calls going on.

[B]

Does she have the AirPods in in the morning part?

[C]

Yeah, we just use our cell phones for our office phone.

[B]

But. So she's using. So. But. So she's not listening to music all day?

[C]

I don't think so. I'm not sure. I mean, sometimes it happens in the morning. It could be. It's like every couple of hours she gets on a tangent and starts. All right, the intermittent whistling.

[B]

Here's one pitch for you. You start whistling. You start.

[C]

But.

[B]

But if in the morning there's less of it. Luke is aggressively whistling throughout the day.

[A]

You're saying fire with fire.

[B]

I'm saying make her. Because whistling is one of those things. You know what it's like? It's like when someone is playing guitar, they love it. But you're like ruining everything.

[A]

You're ruining a party.

[B]

Everything is now. You are the focus. You are ruining this conversation. Pleasure is unable to exist anymore because of your selfish decision.

[A]

I agree with this.

[B]

I'm friends with a whistler and I did confront the whistler and I was like I said, we've abandoned whistling. We don't do it anymore. It's not a thing where this, this is for when people used to whittle. Whittle and whistling, those used to be activities. We now have phones, we have music. You don't need to be sharing this whole process with everyone else. So. But I think aggressive whistling on your end. And I'm going to also say you got to maybe try to get another employee to do it too. We're sending a message without sending a message that whistling in this office is really fucking annoying. And we're gonna see if that does anything. If that doesn't do anything, I would also pitch. Some offices just play music throughout the day. Let's add a little music to the office. Just playing on a speaker of some kind that sort of drowns it out in a non distracting way when the whistling starts.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Or how about we do this on. What if you sent this to the boss and said, can we have a discussion anonymously about noise complaints? Consider in our office. I don't want to handle heads up because I don't want to create confrontation. But anybody who hears this is going to go, that's an issue. And go, look, I don't. I like working with her, but I'm having. Oh, you know what I would do? Say to the boss, hey, can I play you something? And go. I'm getting a lot less work done.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I want to, but I keep getting. I need you to know why my production is slipping. I'm not used to this, but every time I hear this whistle, I'm distracted from the work I have to do. And then I'm restarting my brain. So do you have a solution for me? Should I bring headphones in? Should I have a noise machine? But I just need you to know. And I'm sending you this clip, too. You send it as an email. I am not telling anybody they can't do what they want to do in their work. I'm just letting you know my work is suffering because of this. And I need you to know that as the boss.

[C]

Okay. That's a. I think. Sorry. I think that would solve it. I think maybe taking a multi tiered approach, because I like the idea of playing music to kind of drown things out maybe. And I. I can try whistling, or maybe I just start playing this clip out loud through a speaker in my office and be like, oh, I'm just whistling along and see if that's actually not.

[A]

But here's the problem. You're gonna drive yourself crazy.

[B]

And it's almost like you're a fan of whistling. Suddenly it's crazier to be like, if she hears it, she's like, what are you doing? Like, I'm listening to you whistling.

[A]

Yeah, it's like that. Also say she has headphones on, so she's not going to hear these little whistles. You're just going to hear these and her new whistles.

[B]

Yeah, you're. You're doubling your problem. I think.

[A]

I think the move is very clear. You say to your boss, hey, just so you know this, it's a very noisy office. He'll go, I know. You go, I'm fine with everything. There's whistling that's going on that I. I don't feel like it's my place to do a confrontation, but it is messing with me. Can I play you the clip and you tell me if you think I'm being out of line or if I need to just suck this up, or if we could ask people to stop whistling so it's their job.

[B]

Here's another option. How close are you with the boss? Who would be saying this?

[C]

Pretty close. I mean, we're very friendly.

[B]

Okay. This might not work, but if they're. If you're close enough, I would say, hey, I want to confront whoever, but I don't really want to single them out. Can you sit us both down and say that her whistling and my playing drums with pencils on my desk is distracting. Other people in the workplace love that. So that you are kind of go. And then that way, right in this session, you go, you know, I. Sorry. It's like a thing I do. I. I never noticed that. It's kind of annoying to other people, but I've heard it before. Sorry. And then whistler has to also go, gosh, you know what? Yeah, I. I don't know I'm doing it either. I'm sorry, you know, but there's a company.

[A]

There's an email from the boss getting on both of you.

[B]

That's good. Yes.

[A]

We just turned. Jesse just stopped playing it. And my brain is working better.

[B]

I agree.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That was driving me bananas.

[B]

I felt crazy. Yeah, it's a lot.

[C]

I'm glad to have you guys reaffirm how maddening it is.

[B]

Dude, it's nuts. You're living in a crazy place and you're sort of. It's been normalized.

[A]

Here's what I do. If I'm you, when your boss is at work, I want you to bring two drumsticks to work and start banging the desk. I'm not kidding. And go like. While you're at work. So it's just like. And then every once in a while, go like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I want you to listen to the sounds James Brown makes, and I want you to nuts. But put headphones on, fake it. And just literally while you're working, every once in a while at a very offbeat, go like. And it should be loud enough where it's jarring. And if somebody goes, what are you doing? Going like, I'm sorry. I threw these headphones on because I was hearing so much. And then it just goes like. And he goes, this can't happen. And you go, should we just make

[B]

a rule there's a noise ordinance?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

If you want to listen to something, you can listen to it, but outward expression is a no, no.

[A]

You get in trouble, and therefore she needs to stop.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

If he tells you that and you go, you go, my apologies. I honestly didn't know. That's embarrassing. Then go later. Hey, is it okay that she's whistling, though? And he goes, is she sending the clip?

[C]

Yeah, I like it. I think. I think my boss would also work with me if I say, like, here's my plan. I'm gonna get noisy. Feel free to complain publicly about both of us.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Do that.

[C]

Yeah. Let me. I think I'll give that a shot. That sounds awesome.

[A]

Great. This is great.

[B]

I would love for it. Just because I fell in love with our earlier audio evidence of one of our follow ups. Jake, I would love to hear you doing some distracting stuff, which is laying the groundwork. Right. Let's hear you be annoying at work. And then maybe we can get a recording of you talking to your boss. We could just get your side of it. But you sort of explaining the situation a little bit and then. Then we can have our actual follow up and see if it stops. I do think you putting another body on the sword is the right move.

[A]

I think that's right.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

[B]

I appreciate that you like it, Luke.

[C]

I do. I'm excited. I'm excited to do it.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Plus, I don't mind being a little bit obnoxious myself, so.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Enjoy it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what you could do? I mean, if you really wanted to go for it. I used to live with a guy who had a drum pad and drumsticks and he would be drumming on that. And, I mean, it drove me absolutely fucking bonkers. Like, you're learning the drums.

[C]

Yeah. I've got a daughter who went through piano lessons and I'm familiar with the music practice and how it's not necessarily a soothing feeling.

[A]

So I think we're in good shape.

[C]

Man.

[B]

I get out of here. Yeah.

[A]

I just take the win.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, Luke, let us know.

[C]

Yeah. Thanks, guys. I'll talk to you, buddy, and follow up.

[A]

This episode of the POD is brought to you by Quince. If you're wondering who makes the shirt I'm wearing right now, if you're going, Whoa. JKJ's arms and shoulders and chest look slimish, but his arms look bigish and his shoulders look thickish. Oh, it's because of Quince.

[B]

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[B]

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[A]

the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. You guys all know what Squarespace is. Squarespace is where you can build your own website. You want to see what they look like, go to garethreynolds.com I think another one that was from our show is Suits and wigs. Another one was the fake restaurant or the fake cooking class that woman went to Shark bites or something like that. I think we've created a lot of fake websites. Our website Helpful Pod, Squarespace. So yeah, we are fans.

[B]

They make it too easy to seem real and professional. That's, that's Their problem because we all. Many of our pitches on we're here to help are. Hey, we could just make a Squarespace site. Places for merch, places for videos. They help you with the SEO tools. Yes, I know what that stands for. All these things. If you want your website to look legitimate, you want people to take you seriously. Squarespace. I'll never stop working with and using Squarespace.

[A]

So go to squarespace.com Gil sent me. Remember. Oh, Gilly Beans for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or a domain.

[B]

Hello.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

How are you?

[D]

Good, how are you?

[A]

Great.

[B]

Welcome to the show, Jake, America's number one podcast. Let's say it, screw it. Can we get your back to that? Can we get your name, please?

[D]

My name is Emily.

[B]

Emily. Okay.

[A]

Where are you gonna say Emily? I actually miss Catchphrase Gareth.

[B]

You know who. You know. You know who I get asked about every now and then? Gil Buchanan.

[A]

Gil Buchanan. Every now and then.

[B]

Talk about feeling a while ago. Emily, where are you calling from today?

[D]

I'm calling from Massachusetts.

[B]

Oh, I was literally just there two nights ago. Yeah, that's all I got for you. How old are you, Emily?

[D]

I'm 30.

[B]

30. What do you do for work, Emily? What are you doing?

[D]

I work at a vet clinic.

[B]

Oh, beautiful. Thank you for doing that. And that's it. I'm out of stuff. What is going on? What can we help you with today?

[D]

So at the vet clinic I work at for the past five or so years, someone has been flicking boogers onto the bathroom door in the employee bathroom, and we want to find out who's doing it.

[A]

It's disgusting.

[B]

As you know.

[A]

I hate this.

[B]

Emily, I'm going to be honest with you. We have not. We've not really. We've recorded a little bit. This is our first real session back for a minute because Jake's been pretty busy. It's nice to be back. It's nice to hear Back to the world. We're trying to find the booger bandit.

[A]

This is. Honestly, this might be our first booger call.

[B]

I think it's gross. Well, but Jake, you know, as men, sometimes you. When you hit a stall in a public, you are like, what?

[A]

They're.

[B]

What is going on in here? I mean, we are animals.

[A]

I agree. Every once in a while there's one. Emily, that is vile. So this is a shared bathroom space?

[D]

Yes. With just employees.

[A]

I'm gonna tell you this right now. I don't wanna see a picture?

[B]

Jesse, is there a picture?

[A]

I don't wanna post it. I don't wanna see it. I think people might barf myself.

[B]

Chelsea, is there a picture out there? We don't have it, thankfully.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, Emily.

[D]

It'll come out good on the picture.

[A]

It's good.

[B]

So, Emily, Jake looks like he's doing his taxes.

[A]

How many boogers are on the wall?

[D]

So on the door, there's four. And then the most recent one is above the door.

[A]

Oh, I understand what you're saying. So it's like. I was thinking of it more like in Seattle, they have this, like, bubble gum wall where everybody sticks their bubble gum on a wall. It's just one guy. And it's not every day. It's just every once in a while, he puts a big booger on. This is a. This is like one of those burglars who takes a dump in your house before he leaves. You guys hear about those old burglars back in the day where they.

[B]

Yeah, they just, like, add insult to injury.

[A]

They're like, I'm gonna rob you, and then I'm gonna leave a dump with no toilet paper.

[B]

Crap burglars. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Like, could you imagine the thought process?

[B]

No toilet paper.

[A]

You imagine being that guy's partner and go like, the you doing?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you come back here.

[B]

Come back with, like, a case full of spoils and gems. And then also be like, and I've done the thing again.

[A]

Or you're in the back of the van and you go, what smells?

[B]

Oh, I crapped and didn't wipe. Good robbery.

[A]

How about this, my king? Wipe your filthy butt.

[B]

Don't.

[A]

Just don't. Yeah. Hold it. How fast are you. This isn't what this call's about, Emily.

[B]

No, but it's true. When you have to do, like, a performance, your body shuts that part of you off. The idea that after a robbery. Yeah, I guess you're on a high. Maybe. Anyway, Emily. Okay, so. So we've got about five little piles on the walls of this mucus person. I feel pretty confident saying it's a man, but I don't know. We don't want to get too into that.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

What else? What else can you tell us?

[D]

It happens, like, maybe once a month, and we don't work with a lot of men.

[B]

When we were looking at this email, Natalie made a point of telling me that this is a thing that happens in women's bathrooms. It's good to hear because it happens in men's.

[A]

Bathrooms. Is that true? That's what she said.

[B]

She's not on the call right now, so she can't defend herself, but she made a point of telling me that. Look, Jake, it's where we are all animals. I mean, you know, it's. I'm surprised by that. Cause I think I do.

[A]

I'm not actually.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So Emily. Sorry, I'm just trying to wrap my head around how we could possibly help on this one. So you work at a vet clinic. Is one of the jobs cleaning the anal glands of the dogs?

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you know what that is, Gareth?

[B]

Yeah, the. Yeah, you gotta.

[A]

Emily, will you describe to our audience how you do that job?

[D]

So usually put a glove on your finger, some lube, and put your finger in their butt to squeeze their anal glands.

[B]

Does this call not good enough for you, Jake?

[A]

And then something, it shoots out a little bit and it's got a really crazy smell, correct?

[D]

Oh yeah. It smells like fishy almost.

[A]

And fishy. Yeah. So fishy is a wild term to say out of like a beagle's butt.

[B]

Obviously family could have gone without. Yeah.

[A]

Agreed to think about a fishy smell coming out of like a German shepherd's butt.

[B]

Christ, this is. We are running towards Gross's. Call the show.

[A]

How about a pug's butt? Where you go like this. What's in there? Fishiness. So Emily, you're used to some pretty gnarly stuff.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And so somebody who's doing this, in my opinion, at that work environment. This is a fu. This is very similar to you're going to rob a place and before you go, you're dropping some heat off in the toilet. So here's my question to you. You said it happens about once a month.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So this doesn't feel like the kind of crime that would happen from an everyday worker.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is there somebody who comes in periodically? I don't know the terms in a vet, but like who's your regular staff? We don't need names. And then who are your bi weekly drop off, you know, vials of something? You got any of those type of characters in that office?

[D]

Not really, but our top contender is a part time worker who doesn't wash her hands when she goes to the bathroom afterwards.

[A]

Okay, so what do we know about that? Now, mind you, everybody, before everybody gets there, undies in a bunch of. We're not accusing this person yet. View this as we're detectives. Okay, so everybody just take it easy. I'M just trying to get to the bottom of this one, buddy.

[B]

I get it. Because see, I'm already, I'm pointing my finger in this filthy handed booger flickers direction.

[A]

But we don't know yet. You know it's her. You're the hot headed cop who gets

[B]

in trouble because you hold me back.

[A]

So Emily, the one who doesn't wash their hands, can you tell us about this individual?

[D]

I mean, they're in their 30s and they only work the middle of the week.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And they don't really care about anything obviously, since they don't wash their hands.

[A]

Okay, and what have you done to figure out who this person is?

[D]

We have tried to narrow it down by like whiffling the door and getting the boogers off before like the weekend since we're only open one day and it's like half the staff and like things like that. But it just happens so randomly that we can't pin it down.

[A]

So here's an idea of how to do it. Here's my first pitch. I want you every day to, when you get to work in the morning, the first thing you do, inspect the walls.

[B]

I, I would say take a picture. Every day, let's take a little picture.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Or a video even.

[B]

Or a video. Just something to hold on to to corroborate and make extra sure.

[A]

But you're making sure. And then in the video, say the date. So if it's today, you go like March 26, 8am no boogers. Then at the end of the day you do the same.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

And this is going to be. Yeah. When you're accusing somebody of this, this is to go back to the detective thing that Gary said. We need a case, that we need the jury to agree with us. So we can't go too fast on this because what we're going to then narrow it down to the day it happened and on that day, if it happens, whoever didn't go to the bathroom that day is not a suspect.

[B]

What if we, if, okay, when there is an employee, you're going to have to time this one out again. Like we're saying there's a little patience with this one.

[A]

Oh, I have a quick idea.

[B]

Go.

[A]

The next time you see a booger in their wall, you go, you put a sign up that says, whoever was using this bathroom, could you please contact me? Found money in the stall. So if you tell me how and then they go, or found something cool, interesting one, if it's yours, want to give it back. So they go like I was in there. You know, the booger happened that day. Now, you could narrow it down to eight people.

[B]

Another option is a dry erase. So we take a dry erase marker to the wall, and we start circling the boogers and we write on the wall, we will find you something like that.

[A]

You don't want to. I don't think we want to challenge somebody like this because they know they can't put a camera in the toilet.

[B]

Here's the follow up, just different pitch you. On the day that employee comes in, we pretend one of the 50 employees who probably quit. I mean, 50 is a lot of employees. I'm sure there's a good amount of turnover. We tell our prime suspect that employee got fired because we're pretty sure they were wiping boogers on the wall in the stall.

[A]

So you're trying to get them to confess because they feel so bad.

[B]

No, you're just trying to say to them, hey, there is a non booger wiping culture in this place. Watch your boogers.

[A]

But I think the kind of animal that does that is doing that to say you, Emily.

[B]

That's gonna be tough.

[D]

I agree.

[A]

You agree?

[D]

I think they wouldn't care about getting fired.

[A]

No, I think it's a little boogers onto the wall. I think so. And it's a really disrespectful thing because, you know, everybody has to see it.

[B]

It Box of tissues that says, don't wipe your boogers on the wall. Use this, please.

[A]

I think you're getting more boogers. Okay, so, Emily, you got 50 employees, but you think it's potentially one dirty hands, McGee, tell me why.

[D]

I just feel like someone who doesn't wash their hands is probably going to pick their nose and just put it on the wall.

[B]

How do you know? How do you know they don't wash their hands?

[D]

Yeah, like, the toilet is flushed and they're walking. Like, as the toilet's flushing, they're walking out the door.

[A]

So you're too fast. One more thing here before I go. How close is your desk to the bathroom door? You can hear when they walk out after a flush, Emily.

[D]

It's right next to it.

[A]

Oh, so you see everybody who goes in and out? Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, Emily, has anybody ever said to you, you got a lot of boogers in that nose of yours?

[B]

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

[D]

You think it's me?

[B]

Emily calls the show because it shows everyone that she works with that she's on the trail of figuring out the booger wiper. But the whole time, it's been coming from inside the nose.

[A]

Insider nose.

[D]

That'd be crazy.

[A]

Just crazy enough to work. Emily, you're under arrest. So Emily, your desk is right by the door. That's a pretty big piece of information, right?

[B]

It's helpful.

[A]

Yeah, it's helpful. Is there anything else that's helpful to this case?

[D]

I don't think so.

[A]

So anybody who goes in that bathroom, you see? Correct, Correct. So walk in the bathroom. So this is very clear every time that day. So. Well, first let's narrow it down to one person. Dirty hands. When dirty hands is at work, you look before on the walls. No boogers. When dirty hands goes to the bathroom, you know what Emily does after catches a sniff of those fireworks?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

She walks out. You walk in.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Check the walls.

[B]

Video. Video the day video before employee suspect walks in.

[A]

Yeah. And then throughout the day, if we've got, you're doing that with her and then all of a sudden one day there's a booger on the wall and it wasn't from her, she's off the list. Then we need another suspect. Because I'll tell you what we can't do in a bathroom like this, which is the clear one, is we can't put a camera in there, we can't do a sign about boogers. Because the kind of person that's doing this is already saying, I know legally

[B]

there's privacy, Jack, but okay, I think this works. How do you feel about it, Emily? Because I do have a follow up question. If we like this, I think it

[D]

could work, but I don't know what I would say.

[B]

That's my question.

[D]

They asked me why I was following them into the bathroom every time.

[A]

Well, well then you call back. But the first, this is a, this could be a two parter.

[B]

Okay, all right, I like that.

[A]

But what, what would you, what's your follow up? What would you say then, Gareth?

[B]

Yeah, my follow up is, okay, we know who the booger wiper is. What are you going to say to booger wiper confrontation. What's that?

[A]

Confrontation.

[B]

I agree, I agree, it has to

[A]

be, hey, will you do us a favor? I know you wipe your boogers on the wall and they go, huh, could you just do me a favor? And I don't mind if you wipe boogers on the wall, that's your weird thing. But you just have to clean them off because I'm out here doing anal glands at dogs and what I don't want to do is also clean your boogers off the wall. So do me a favor. Kathy. And just clean the boogers you put on the wall. Or here's even something smarter. Kathy. Put them in fucking toilet paper and flush them down the toilet. B. Wash your hands after you take a dump and I'll tell you why. Fuck me. You're wiping your butt. So maybe that's getting on your hands. Yeah. And then you're out here giving treats to dogs. Yeah.

[B]

1820s dentistry. I mean, it's crazy to work in a medical facility and to not be.

[A]

It just shows how we treat our animals.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you, sir. Thank you.

[A]

So you're cutting the cat open and all of a sudden you got the

[B]

founder of a chimp charity.

[A]

Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen.

[B]

Ladies and gentlemen. Available whenever. I adopted a chimp with Jason Gary.

[A]

You don't have this hat. You're a sucker.

[B]

There should be an asterisk on the back that said Gareth did very little. But no. I have an idea on what we could do with the follow up. But I do think that is.

[A]

What's your idea on the follow up? Let's hear.

[B]

I mean, how many people are in on this conspiracy that you feel comfortable talking to about it?

[A]

Fair question.

[D]

Like four or five.

[B]

Four or five. Okay. My pitch would be Emily is going to find out if we can confirm that this person is the booger wiper. If this person is the booger wiper, we have Emily and who she would view as the most confident person in the inner circle. Because I'll be honest, Emily, I agree. I don't think it should be you. And we're going to have that person do a soft confrontation.

[A]

Or, you know, you could also do, you could do fast. You could go up to the woman who you think it is and go, hey, there's all these rumors going around that people are wiping boogers on their walls of the bathroom. You haven't seen any. Correct? Because I'm getting accused of this and I'm not an animal that's disgusted.

[B]

I, I think that opens up just

[A]

everybody talk to everybody at work and go. So people are saying, these are people. Someone's wiping boogers on the wall. I think it has to be some sort of splatter.

[B]

Well, this is, I, this is what I would say. This opens the pot. What we could do is we could have two other people in the inner circle call back in with Emily and we can walk them through a fake confrontation where one of them accuses the other one of being the booger wiper in front of the actual booger wiper to show, hey, if you get Caught in the trap as the booger wiper you're gonna get.

[A]

Oh, here's another thing we could do. You could leave an anonymous note that says, I know you wipe boogers on the bathroom wall. Stop.

[B]

I like that a lot. I actually.

[C]

Not her.

[B]

I think that's.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

That's my number. I. I would put it. I would put it under the wiper of the car. Just.

[A]

Or how about this? Half the employees get a note card that says, stop wiping your boogers on the bathroom wall. You go, I don't. And then guess what? You're not guilty. Emily, you talk a little bit. Where are you at? We've given some ideas here.

[D]

I feel like confronting them directly. Like no one's ever going to admit that they are the booger flicker.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

You wouldn't be. I feel like you wouldn't get to tell that they're lying.

[B]

Okay, keep going.

[D]

But I like. Like the ransom note being like, I know what you're doing.

[A]

Wait, go on. You need to be a little bit more specific. Yeah.

[D]

And you feel like I could go crazy and just do the typing. Like typing the letter and being like, I know that you're flicking boogers onto the bathroom wall.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

And just like leave it at their desk.

[A]

By the way. You don't even need a threat. No, I know. With weird caps.

[B]

I honestly, I.

[A]

Small lowercase K and lowercase big Ow. I know.

[B]

I'm going to pitch magazine cutout letters. I want to go old school. Old school.

[A]

I respect the hell out of that ransom.

[B]

I want to go old school letter. Non detectable anything. I think it just amps up crazy. This is who. And you're with a crazier.

[A]

I know you are. Flicking with no g boogers on the bathroom wall.

[B]

I know you're the picker. Flicker. Stop it.

[A]

Very clear what it is. Stop with the boogers on the. And then go like this because it's gross.

[B]

You're gross. And then. You know what?

[D]

Wash your hands.

[B]

Also wash your hands.

[A]

I don't think we. I don't think we double down.

[B]

Okay, I respect that too.

[A]

The next thing could be. I know you don't wash your hands after dumping gross. But this is one thing.

[B]

If we have to write a second hand watch.

[A]

But Emily, you gonna do this?

[D]

Yeah, I'm gonna do it.

[B]

Here's what I recommend.

[A]

Here's what I recommend. Do the magazine like Gary said. But then make a photocopy of it so there's a few copies because we're not positive it's her and I would maybe put it in three different people's desks. Okay, we don't know it's her, Garrett. I don't. What? You know what? I don't want to go back to. You're in Massachusetts. I don't want to go back to Salem. This ain't a witch trial. I want to burn a lady at the stake because she's going off her instinct a little bit. Let the lady cook a little bit. Let her do her thing.

[B]

So, hey, if Emily likes, I'm down. I just think it's funny.

[A]

I'd rather go.

[B]

Two people are gonna be like, what's happening?

[A]

Fine. Fine. Then they'll go, you know what I would do if I got a note at work saying, I know you flick your boogers on the wall. That's not something I do.

[B]

I mean, but then it.

[A]

It wrongly accused. So Emily going to you. What specifically are you going to do? If it's the letter, what are you going to write? If you do the letter, we need an image of it. But take over. Tell us when you're go do it, how you're going to do it. If it's the letter and you deliver it, how you're going to deliver it, take over. Gareth and I are not going to talk for the next 60 seconds.

[D]

So probably this weekend I'll grab some magazines or something and cut out the letters and I'll put. We all know you're flicking boogers on the bathroom wall. And then I'll put it in like her. We have, like, lock boxes for our stuff. And I'll put it in there so she won't know who did it. And wait for her to find it when she comes in. See what happens.

[A]

I think that's pretty good, Gareth.

[B]

I like it. Yeah, as long as you have that. That a side of feeling confident it's her, which I would monitor on that on that day. But either way, if you think it's her, we'll know. Well, Emily, initiate the plan, follow up. I mean, you know, this is a wild one, but I definitely think this will help.

[D]

All right, have a good day.

[A]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod g gmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[B]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a hit gum podcast

[C]

and

[B]

we're brought to you by Not Suitable

[A]

for Work from executive producer Mindy Kaling. Not Suitable for Work. Getting a Life is a group effort.

[B]

Not Suitable for Work is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers terms apply.

[A]

Enjoy it, everybody.

[B]

We love it. Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[A]

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.

[B]

Each episode, we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show.

[D]

This is Us.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[A]

Are we gonna cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot?

[C]

A whole lot.

[A]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to. That was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.