311: Too Ugly To Stuff & Your Car's A Toilet (with Gil Ozeri)

Summary

Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help — Ep. 311

Episode Title: Too Ugly To Stuff & Your Car's A Toilet (with Gil Ozeri)
Podcast: We're Here to Help
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Gil Ozeri
Date: July 29, 2026

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Episode Overview

This jam-packed episode brings comedian and writer Gil Ozeri into the "We're Here to Help" fold alongside hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show’s theme remains playful “bad advice,” as they take on two particularly strange yet hilarious listener dilemmas: one involving suspected genital fakery, the other a relentless avian assault on a car. The trio break down each problem with signature irreverence, empathy, and plenty of punchlines.

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Guest Intro: Who is Gil Ozeri?

[00:39–08:15]

• Gareth and Jake welcome Gil, reflecting on his comedy journey:
  • Began at UCB New York, forming the “Hot Sauce” group with Ben Schwartz and Adam Pally (02:14).
  • Transitioned from performer to writer, landing on “Happy Endings” thanks to Adam Pally (“He submits my script to the fucking good dude...I got hired as a writer’s assistant..." – Gil, 03:16).
  • Wrote for “Brooklyn Nine-Nine,” “Big Mouth,” and is now working on “100%” with Nick Kroll and others.
• Gil also co-hosts a satirical podcast “Good Science” with Anthony Atamanuik, lampooning misinformation and “manosphere” personalities (“...the podcast is basically as if it were released by the Health and Human Services Department. So it’s a lot of misinformation and conspiracies.” – Gil, 07:40).

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Advice Call #1: Is My Friend’s Dick Fake?

[11:50–45:28]

Setup:

• Caller Tom (from London, almost 40) suspects his long-lost friend (“Dirk Diggler”) is posting fake, enormous bulge pics online after years apart.
• Tom wants advice on sincerely asking if Dirk’s genital display is natural, “stuffed,” or surgically enhanced:
  • “How do I genuinely ask my friend if his dick is real?” – Tom, 13:18.

The Investigation:

• Tom describes Dirk’s transformation from “normal bloke” to bodybuilder posting increasingly explicit, seemingly unfeasible underwear shots.
• The hosts and Gil provide detailed, comic, blow-by-blow live descriptions of Tom’s “forensic evidence”:
  • “It looks like a salami from Katz’s Deli. It’s enormous.” – Gil, 17:44
  • “Now, his balls are cantaloupe, like, head size. And his dick is wrapping around toward his ass.” – Gil, 19:31
  • “You could put like a fucking turkey dinner on that. That’s insane.” – Gil, 20:36
• Questions over the realism due to rapid body and bulge changes.

Theories and Segment Highlights:

• Suspects raised: stuffing, penile surgery, extreme ‘mass for show’, or body dysmorphia. They note the “ugliness” and peculiar shapes as adding to its believability:
  • “I think it’s too ugly to stuff. I don’t think anyone would stuff like that.” – Gareth, 29:27
• “If you’re going to stuff it, wouldn’t you make it beautiful?” becomes a recurring bit.
• Cultural aside: Discussions of UK urinals and gym etiquette; the general rarity of seeing a “miracle hog” like this.

Advice Brainstorm

How to ask the question:

• Gil suggests the classic “compliment sandwich”:
  • “I feel like always, you know, soften him up and say, ‘I love what you’ve got down there.' Or, ‘I love the pictures, man. But I gotta ask...’” – Gil, 27:17
• Gareth and Jake float the “Zoom workout” ploy — fake interest in fitness advice to get a glimpse “in motion.”
• Alternately, just admit penis envy and request supplementation advice:
  • “Maybe coming from a personal standpoint…‘I have a smaller penis. It’s been really difficult…’” – Gareth, 30:16
  • Gil warns, “Now you’re putting in writing, hey, man, I have a small penis, right?” – Gil, 30:33
• Pitch #3: invent a fake documentary (“Fascinating Appendages”) and ask for an interview.

Drafting the Text (42:26–45:28):

• They painstakingly compose a message for Tom to send Dirk, balancing directness, vulnerability, and plausible deniability:
  • “I was speaking to a doctor who suggested a couple of routes I can go down, but some of it sounds a little experimental. Injecting stuff into my penis. If yours is natural, cool. Forget I asked…” – Text draft as read aloud, 44:24
• Tom sends it; the hosts demand a screenshot as “payment.”

Notable Quotes:

• “Enron was too big to fail. This is too ugly to stuff.” – Gareth, 29:32
• “This is the Da Vinci Code. Ron Howard and Tommy Hanks would get lost in this and do three sequels.” – Gareth, 36:15

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Advice Call #2: The Car that Became a Toilet (Bird Attack!)

[48:10–68:38]

Setup:

• Shannon from Burlington, VT, is being terrorized by hundreds of crows who, for several months each year, absolutely devastate her parked car with guano — so much so that the car wash staff refuse to clean it.
  • “They come in the middle of the night. I’ll wake up and my car is just plastered in bird shit.” – Shannon, 48:47
  • “I have to park in my paid spot…under these trees” (48:53).
• Show and tell: Shannon shares incriminating photos. Gil describes them in vivid horror:
  • “It is covered. Riddled, in fact, with dog. I think it’s snowing outside, but I can’t tell.” – Gil, 51:00

The Problem:

• Frozen bird droppings, ruined paint, unsafe windshield, neighborhood spectacle.
• “Your car looks 20 years old.” – Gareth, 53:24

Brainstormed Solutions:

1. Redirect the Crows:

   • Seed/shiny objects on neighbor’s car to deflect the “attack,” though this is quickly voted down as unsportsmanlike.

2. Be Friend, Not Foe:

   • Research shows crows are brilliant, can recognize faces, hold grudges for 12 years, and even “work shifts” picking up garbage in Scandinavia (55:01–55:19).
   • “What I don’t want to do is put it on another person’s car... But, if they’re only there for two weeks out of the year...” – Gareth, 55:14

3. Physical Barriers:

   • Car cover/tarp, tent, or “umbrella top.” But freezing weather complicates using and cleaning tarps (“...I’m going to come out to a frozen piece of tarp covered in frozen shit...” – Shannon, 58:10).
   • Gil suggests devices that emit sounds to deter animals, as he used for raccoons (59:44).

4. Appeal to the Crows:

   • Jake: “What if, when you see the crows, you make a plea to them and you try to communicate with them?” (61:31)
   • Shannon prepares a heartfelt address:
     • “I respect you guys. I’ve never done anything to you...I just really want you guys to give me the respect that I’m trying to give you.” – Shannon, 66:13

5. Science Experiment:

   • Place a decal or family portrait of the crows on the car; speculate whether crows would recognize and avoid soiling their “kin” (63:19–63:33).

6. Escalating Interventions:

   • Start with the (cheap) personal plea, escalate to shiny objects/offerings, then sound deterrents or a “car tent.”

Notable Quotes:

• “Your car is ruined. So we can be a little experimental.” – Gareth, 64:02
• “We, as humans, this whole last decade or so is how smart crows are. Let’s see…They are also birds. Stupid ass birds.” – Jake & Gareth, 67:39

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Memorable Moments & Humor

• The team’s long riff on the grotesque detail of “Dirk’s” bulge, complete with comparisons to salami, cranberry sauce, and Thanksgiving dinner. (“Like dick is fighting to find his asshole.” – Gareth, 19:38)
• Absurd solutions: inventing fake documentaries, Zoom workout ambushes, “crow family” sympathy decals, or giving the birds an earnest TED Talk.
• Gil’s vivid, almost poetic photo descriptions.
• Real moments of empathy: taking callers’ sincere desire to resolve (however ridiculous) their predicaments at face value, and matching them in sincerity by the episode's end.

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Major Timestamps

• 00:39 — Guest intro / Gil’s comedy journey
• 11:50 — Tom’s “is it real?” dilemma
• 17:00–20:00 — Forensic analysis of Dirk’s before/after pics
• 27:00–38:00 — Brainstorming ways to ask “is it real?”
• 41:14–45:28 — Drafting and finalizing “the dick text”
• 48:10 — Shannon introduces crow-poop car saga
• 51:00–53:00 — Horrific photo descriptions
• 54:02–67:16 — Brainstorming crow solutions
• 66:13 — Shannon delivers her plea to the crows

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Tone & Takeaways

The tone is wildly irreverent yet compassionate—no question is too absurd to get full-hearted attention and creative, if occasionally unhinged, advice. The trio’s willingness to role-play, improvise, and “workshop” both the message for tight-lipped friends and the plea to menacing wildlife demonstrates why their brand of help is equal parts joke and genuine attempt at human connection.

“We're Here to Help” might not change your life, but it will make you laugh at your problems—and maybe even solve them.

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Notable Quote (Final Word):

“I think it’s too ugly to stuff.”
— Gareth, [29:27]

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For video episodes and back catalog, visit Hulu or their Patreon. Exit ad and credits omitted.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This is a Headgum podcast. This is a Headgum podcast. And we are back, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've got our guest, Gil Ozeri. We just did two calls that were, I'm gonna be honest, visually wild.

Stunning. Yes.

Gil, thoughts? Takeaways, Lessons.

[Gil Ozeri]

I mean, I found the. The. I found the problems to be very similar in nature, that someone was saying, oh, I had this disgusting issue about myself.

[Tom (Caller)]

Right.

[Gil Ozeri]

I need help sort of coping with this thing that I can't change. And I need some. I need both. And both people came at it with love and reason and saying, hey, I really need to help with this problem. And I know it might not, you know, change anything, but I'm going to try to sort of plead to the empathy of the other person. So I liked that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I did, too. So, Gil, I've been a fan of yours for a long time. You've been deep in the comedy scene for a long time.

[Gil Ozeri]

Right back at you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks, my friend. And then you were on hoops with us.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And now you're starting to have a nice big moment. It started a couple years ago from my point of view.

Hmm.

That's sweet of you to say with that. Whatever the Ryan Murphy, all those shows are. When you started jumping into those, where I was like, okay, Gilly.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, that was nice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will you walk us through this audience how you kind of started your improv journey into where you're at now and then be promoting what you're doing, too? Sure.

[Gil Ozeri]

I started at UCB in New York. I came up with Ben Schwartz and Adam Pally around that time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so you three were a show. Did you guys meet in classes? How did you three become a thing?

[Gil Ozeri]

We met in classes. Me and Ben met in Paul Scheer's class. And I'm not sure how Ben and Adam, but, yeah, we had a group called Hot Sauce together. We had a sketch show. We did some improv, and, yeah, we came up together. And then eventually, in 2011, I moved out to LA for happy endings. Worked on Happy Endings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you came out as a writer for that?

[Gil Ozeri]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Tom (Caller)]

I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I wrote a show.

I've got a question for you, then. So the three of you were a group? Cause I remember hearing about that group. So then did people in that group just start moving to la? Is that what broke up the group? And you were the last one to do the move out?

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Gil Ozeri]

It was sort of like, you know, in steps, kind of. I think Ben had moved out first and then Adam and then me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. And then Pally gets Happy Endings.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yep. Pallie gets happy endings. He submits my script to the fucking good dude. To Cat. I know the best dude to Casp. And I got hired as a writer's assistant for the first season and then a writer for season two.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, so you did the real grind up.

[Gil Ozeri]

I did the grind up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is the most stressful job. People writers.

[Gil Ozeri]

I was terrible. I was terrible at it then. It didn't know how to use final drafts, hated to listen to people, would not write notes. I was terrible.

[Tom (Caller)]

Awful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's also the. It's almost the stenographer of the room where so much stuff gets said. And there are. I've seen so many moments in rooms where someone's like, what? What was that part? And a writer's assistant trying to find it and.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, yeah, hold on a second. Wait a second. I wasn't on the Internet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The level of empathy you feel is like, oh, God, please.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you'd come up as a performer. So then you made to a writer being like, yeah, all right, I can do this.

[Gil Ozeri]

I think so. In the room when I was a writer's assistant. And then sort of like. Because I had sort of experience on stage and stuff, I was able to sort of pitch jokes in the room. And then got hired as a writer and then worked on Brooklyn Nine nine after Happy Endings.

[Jake Johnson]

And then as a writer.

[Gil Ozeri]

As a writer.

[Jake Johnson]

So what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm doing a show with Dan and Luke.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What should I expect?

[Gil Ozeri]

You should expect greatness. I love the pilot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we just did the pilot.

[Jake Johnson]

Luke.

[Gil Ozeri]

Luke is such a funny curmudgeon. The funniest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Luke is the least happy person I've ever seen on set.

Oh, Lord.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I had to write to like Melissa from Brooklyn 99 and Andy and go like. Cuz he. I'd literally be doing a take. I took photos of him eventually.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where he would be standing where like my performance is physically hurting you. And then he would walk over and go like, pretty good. And then he would say a line. His joke writing is so good.

[Gil Ozeri]

It's really good. He's really, really funny and really smart and so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dan Gore.

[Gil Ozeri]

Y Y Dan. But Luke also is just the. He's just a very sweet curmudgeon. So like, you know, under everything. He's got a. A nice heart to. So you did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You were on the staff for that?

[Gil Ozeri]

I was on the staff for that. Then I worked on. I wrote on Big Mouth. I mean, and you know, acting throughout, but Big Mouth for like the entire Run of big mouth.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gil Ozeri]

And now I'm writing on a show and acting on a show called 100% with Kroll, NickRoll and Gabe Leadman. Do you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah. So that's about. That's. We just started shooting last week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And who's in that show with you guys? I just was.

[Gil Ozeri]

Vanessa Bayer, Sam Richardson, Jason Manzoukas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great cast.

[Gil Ozeri]

Diane Lane, Lisa Gilroy. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you got the Murderers Row.

[Gil Ozeri]

Diane Lane and Nick are gonna have a thing somehow. Nick wrote a thing where he's dating. Can you believe that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the most embarrassing part of our business. And it happened to me in Self Reliance when I was the writer, the director, and the star. And then I wrote Anna Kendrick to be in love with me. And I'd be like. She'd be like, so what is my character. I like about your character here? And I'd be like, well, it's in the wr.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And there'd be moments where I'm like, this is.

[Jake Johnson]

And me. You've seen me, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You love it.

This is a gross business.

So awkward.

And so you're also acting in it, too.

[Gil Ozeri]

I'm acting, Yeah. I play Vanessa's husband in it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, great. And when did you start transitioning more into getting more like, you're really funny on social media, too.

[Gil Ozeri]

That's very.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You started pushing on that pretty hard too, which is.

[Gil Ozeri]

I did. I was just like, I feel that Hollywood is burning, and I just sort of like covering my bases just in case I'm like, oh, maybe I should have, like, you know, some sort of relationship with, you know, people on the Internet, direct directly, without having to go through some. Yeah, so that's. That's why that started.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love it. And what's the podcast you're doing, too?

[Gil Ozeri]

Oh, yeah. So the podcast is with my best friend, Anthony Atamanic.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He had that show on Comedy Central.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes. Called the President show where he played Donald Trump. And so now this one is called Good Science. Yeah. He's an amazing impressionist Show. He plays RFK Jr. And the podcast is. And I play, like, an unfiltered manosphere comedian type. And the podcast is basically as if it were released by the Health and Human Services Department. So it's a lot of. A lot of misinformation and conspiracies and stuff like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's really funny. Well, Gil, thank you for joining. Been happy to watch your rise y.

And great work.

[Jake Johnson]

Appreciate it.

[Gil Ozeri]

Thank you. This is so much fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Kyle Mooney]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Tom (Caller)]

Hello. Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it's foreign. Can we get your name, please?

[Tom (Caller)]

Yeah, my name. Well, the name I'm going with is Tom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tom, okay. And Tom. How old are you, Tom?

[Tom (Caller)]

I'm coming up to 40.

[Gareth Reynolds]

40. And where in England are you calling from, Tom?

[Tom (Caller)]

I'm calling from London. How did you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a friend who went to international school and he sort of has given me an ear towards these languages and these accent and these dialects. Yeah, he's here with us now. Yeah.

Are you an English bloke?

Me? Yeah.

[Tom (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we'll do you have an English accent on the spot, mate.

[Tom (Caller)]

Fake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tom and fake.

Hold on.

Yeah, go on. What's going on then, Tommy?

You all right, Gil?

[Jake Johnson]

You got an English.

[Gil Ozeri]

Of course I do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've got a couple of real Brits over there. Wow.

All right, Tom, what can we do

[Jake Johnson]

for you today, bud?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Tom, we got to tell you, we have our guest, Gil Ozeri is with us today.

[Gil Ozeri]

You're going to get.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're going to get a lot of great help. We're all American but we want to help you. We believe in helping People outside of this country. So what is going on, Tom? What can we help you with?

[Tom (Caller)]

It's great to meet you all. Thanks for taking my call. Long time listener, first time caller, and to be honest, I have a problem that I think only you guys can help with. Can I start with the question or should I give you some background?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do whatever you want, bud, mate.

[Tom (Caller)]

Okay, thank you. How do I genuinely ask my friend if his dick is real?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? Don't start with a question.

Hey, Gil.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Florida floor is yours. Any thoughts?

[Gil Ozeri]

What does that mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great question. Yeah, we're not.

[Tom (Caller)]

I have suspicions that my friend's dick is fake and I'm hoping that you guys can help me get a sincere answer out of him. I'll give you a bit. I'll give you a bit of background. That's okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's probably going to be helpful.

[Tom (Caller)]

So my friend, I knew him really well, like 10 years ago. We, we were pretty close, but he moved away. He now lives in another country and he has really got into bodybuilding. He's constantly taking pictures shirtless and they've kind of just been getting more and more explicit. They started off just, just of his torso, then just of his ankles and legs and calves.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Tom (Caller)]

Then they sort of like merged in the middle and we started to get pictures of. Of the middle region, I guess. And it's. It's insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're talking about it. He's got a. He's posting photos of a python.

[Tom (Caller)]

It's the size of a baby's arm, publicly, publicly on social media. And I do not buy it. But my issue is that I could, I'm happy to ask him. You know, we're like, we're, we're. I'm separate enough to not worry about breaking ties with him, but I am so invested enough that I need to get the real answer is when he's

[Gareth Reynolds]

posting these, he's not just posting like solo hog, he's posting like full body. And you're just zoned in on the package.

[Tom (Caller)]

I don't know if I'm. If I'm finding the fascination or if anyone would. Looking at the pictures, I've sent a few in. I'm not sure if you can see.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've never been more excited for a

[Tom (Caller)]

dong when I knew him. Just to sort of explain, there was no sign of this. None at all. He would always wear shorts, he would always wear very tight clothing, skinny jeans, the lot. And, you know, I think we would have noticed. Okay, the pictures that you're. That I've sent through though, tell a bit of a different story. So I've sent in like a few that give you an idea of when I knew him and you know. No, no sign of.

[Gil Ozeri]

Wow. There's a before and after.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gil, will you describe what you're seeing when we see each pic for a

[Jake Johnson]

lot of people listening while driving. Absolutely.

[Gil Ozeri]

Justice. Oh, there it is. Okay, so there's a man sitting in what looks to be a throne. And he has tight khaki shorts on. He's slightly burly, not in a bad way, in a nice way. He's got a hat on, a linen sort of see through shirt, white. And I can't. His hand is in front of his crotch, so it's hard to tell. But he looks like a nice thick man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he's kind of bearish.

Yeah, but not like a bodybuilder to me.

[Gil Ozeri]

No, not a bodybuilder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, next pick.

[Gil Ozeri]

Next pick is a man who's clearly on vacation. He's wearing. Or maybe in a Mexican restaurant. He has a sombrero on and what looks to be like some sort of Rorschach shirt. Oh, no, it's a dog shirt. Like a Tommy Bahamas pit bull shirt and shorts. And no, there's. Again, he's. You can't really tell. There's no outline in the crotch area to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, but shoulders and arms look big. Maybe a little test out here.

[Gil Ozeri]

He looks bigger. He looks bigger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He is getting stronger.

[Gil Ozeri]

Okay. Now he's more lean. This is another picture. He has a tank top on. He's opening a vitamin water with some heft. So he's. And there's his crotch. There's a slight outline in his crotch. I don't know, it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But not much.

[Gil Ozeri]

It's hard to tell. Not much. But now he's gotten leaner and fitter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But I will.

He appears to have a whistle.

[Gil Ozeri]

No, no, no. This is a joke. This has got to be a joke.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, all right.

[Shannon (Caller)]

This is.

[Gil Ozeri]

Okay. He is now in a gym and he's completely nude except for underwear and his. He's wearing gray under gray undies. And his cock looks like. It looks like. Holy mother. It looks like a salami from Katz's Deli. It's enormous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He is strong now and leaning nearly

[Gil Ozeri]

on steroids hanging down halfway to his knees. No, that's a joke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This can't even be.

[Gil Ozeri]

Can't be real. Now that looks like. It looks like he's got a cat in his underwear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it says three weeks. No gym, can't sleep Even though I'm exhausted. Started home workout soon. This is. He's got a monster in his.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

This cannot do.

[Gil Ozeri]

This is like, fake. It almost reads as a joke.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, slow down on these pics, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want Gil to describe them.

[Gil Ozeri]

Okay, now he's in a sauna. He's got his arms up to show us his pits. It says chest day. Done. I killed it. He's wearing black tight underwear. And his cock keeps getting thicker somehow. Not longer, just thicker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe shorter.

[Gil Ozeri]

Maybe shorter. And it looks like a can of cranberry sauce if you ask me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed. He also looks different. His face, his body. He's a different man because of the skin.

[Gil Ozeri]

He's got a beard now, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's different.

I haven't made it past the groin. This is possible.

Not you, Gareth.

[Gil Ozeri]

Berserk. Now his dick is. He's in. Looks like in front of a fireplace. He's standing again in underwear. Flexing. Says crushing dad. Home workout number two. Now this is where he gets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, this is no dad workout.

[Jake Johnson]

This is no dad. His balls are.

[Gil Ozeri]

His balls are cantaloupe, like, head size. And his dick is wrapping around towards his ass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like dick is fighting to find his asshole.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, it's. Fighting is going to do bad things

[Gareth Reynolds]

to his own backside.

[Gil Ozeri]

It looks like he has, like, two. Two dicks now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It looks like he looks like a monster all of a sudden. And also, the junk this dude is on for steroids. He's on another level of bodybuilding.

Yeah, he's definitely got some junk for

[Gil Ozeri]

a shot from up top. It's coming down again. His now. All right. It's making. That's the reason. It's making his dick look even bigger because it's up from. It's like a crane shot. Weekend workout done. About damn time. I got one in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

His face looks different, too. Because of the jug.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, it does.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He looks. His shred.

[Gil Ozeri]

No, no. This is crazy. Okay, so now he's in his kitchen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It has an elbow.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, it almost.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a shelf.

[Gil Ozeri]

It's a shelf.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could put a cup of coffee on the top of that.

It has a joint.

[Gil Ozeri]

A cup of coffee. You could put like a fucking turkey dinner on that. That's insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could put Thanksgiving dinner.

[Gil Ozeri]

Thanksgiving dinner. And now he's got.

[Jake Johnson]

He's eating.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, he's eating something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And his arms are massive.

His arms.

I have to say, Gary, yes, his dick is enormous, but his arms are massive.

I've not left the homeland.

[Gil Ozeri]

It doesn't make sense because it looks like wow. That's craz. That's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on one second, Gil. Tom.

[Tom (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is 100% real life.

[Tom (Caller)]

Yes. As far as I'm. He. He even posts ones where he's acknowledging it, which I didn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Saying what?

[Tom (Caller)]

Not embarrassed anymore. The thing for me is that it changes shape.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There also might be different blood flows. Guys.

[Gil Ozeri]

It looks sort of like a. Like a flipper. Like, it's sort of like got, like, a curvature to it at the tip.

[Jake Johnson]

Now it also looks like an anteater's nose.

[Gil Ozeri]

An anteater?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gil Ozeri]

Or an elephant's trunk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's probably got its own diet. He probably feeds mice.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes. Yeah. Maybe it's like the Little Prince. It's following a little mouse right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's so cool. If he feeds his dick mice and little baby rats.

[Jake Johnson]

He likes to watch it eat them. He likes to watch.

[Gil Ozeri]

Hey, I got. I need another bag of crickets for

[Gareth Reynolds]

my, like, weird guys who had snakes here. Like, when you're in, like, middle school, they'll be like, you want to watch it eat a mouse?

[Jake Johnson]

You'd be like, yeah, no, no, no, thanks. This sounds like a nightmare.

[Gil Ozeri]

I can't tell where he is right now. He's in his basement, maybe. And he's wearing again. It's just another flex picture.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can see the veins from his

shoulders as he's gotten more and more jacked. His dick has gotten bigger.

I will say why the opposite does occur.

[Gil Ozeri]

That's what I've heard, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Tom (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we've always said that about, like, Mark McGuire when we were growing up, that, like, he had all those big muscles, but he had tiny balls. Probably he and Canseco. No disrespect, if Jose listens. I know Mark doesn't,

[Jake Johnson]

but we do

[Gareth Reynolds]

have a fighting shot with Jose.

Knowing that Mark McGuire doesn't listen is quite a metric.

No, there's no way Mark McGuire is into this. There's a chance Jose's right now going like this. That guy Gail's pretty good. There's no way he's watching the video feed, though. Gareth. Okay, so, Tom, before we get into this, just to organize this a little bit, because this is getting a little crazy. You believe. What are we calling this guy? What's your friend's name?

His name's.

[Tom (Caller)]

I've gone to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Tom (Caller)]

Gone for Dirk. I've gone to Dirk Diggler, please.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Dirk Diggler. So Dirk is an old friend of yours. When we saw earlier, he looked regular. He moved away. And where did he Move again.

[Tom (Caller)]

He moved abroad, Overseas to America.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so he's in America. And did he have some sort of a nervous breakdown? Midlife crisis? What started the junk, do you know?

[Tom (Caller)]

I don't think so. He's got a wife and kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, how many kids does he have?

[Tom (Caller)]

Oh, two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. And then a few years back, just to catch everybody up and to slow things down a little bit because those pictures were jarring.

That's a lot.

You just started jarring in the sense

that it looks like a full jar.

Yeah, well, it's. I mean it's a, it's an enormous penis, as you know, Tom. And he's on an enormous amount of junk with steroids. So he just started working out. Did you ever talk to him about these workouts or did you just see the pics and be like, whoa, Dirk's getting big.

[Tom (Caller)]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, he, he was like, as you can see from the pictures, he was always quite a muscly guy, but

[Gareth Reynolds]

he just exploded another level in America.

[Tom (Caller)]

Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When you guys were friends back in the day, you know, people casually make references to the zone of size of dick they have. Guy friends will. Sometimes people go like, you know, like I'm a mid sized sedan or ain't nothing special. Or they'll go like, I'm throw you in a Camry.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but people will.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Men will sometimes put a car around their dick and then you'll have a. Sometimes a little guy going like, oh, I got a Ford Bronco down here. And you're like interested.

A Pinto. Don't hit it hard.

But bay will get. Give you signs of what they got.

[Gil Ozeri]

Cooking segue.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, also I got one of those

[Gareth Reynolds]

electric scooters, those limes.

I'm alive. But also English culture. If you go to a bar, they really have never invested in the infrastructure of dividers. So it's a lot more common to see someone's penis in England than it

is or Wrigley Field.

Yeah. Oh, you're right. Yeah.

So Tom, did you ever see this penis back in the day?

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Tom (Caller)]

I'm a pretty sporty guy, but we never did sports together. But I've seen my fair share of, you know, guys getting changed and I've never seen anything like this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Tom (Caller)]

To just to just add some validity to it as well. There are literally, if you, if you. I did some research into the underwear that he's wearing. The free longer underwear. I don't know if I can say the name of the brand. And there are literally dozens of people who all post similar pictures of themselves on that site for reviews.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, well, maybe he's just got a big old dick, guys.

Maybe. But. Well, let me ask you this, Tom. Are we classifying. There's two versions. There's one where he's stuffing these underwear, and there's another where he's had some kind of procedure or something.

Oh, that's interesting.

Like, because there is. I mean, again, we are dealing with. If he's gonna be honest.

If he's stuffing it, he's doing a bad job stuffing it.

That's the biggest penis I've ever seen. Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, no, I think there's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You just said that so excitedly, I didn't know how to respond.

[Gil Ozeri]

I. I personally think it's. It's. It looks fake to me. I can't see a world where it's real unless they're. Yeah. Maybe it's some sort of surgery. But in terms of, like, asking your friend of, like, whether you know how to do that, I think there's, like, a number of ways you could go about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, let's hear the first pitch. So let's start pitching.

[Gil Ozeri]

Gil, to me, I would say start with a compliment. I feel like always, you know, soften. Soften him up and say, I love. Look, I love what you've got down there. Or I love what I'm seeing. You know, I love. I love the shape of you. No, I like. I like. I like the pictures, man. But I gotta ask. Come on. I feel like he knows, right? I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How often do you see him, Tom?

[Tom (Caller)]

I haven't seen him in years. And that's. That's kind of why I feel comfortable asking him, because I'm not learning the biggest bridge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Well, so I. Tom, what are your thoughts? You think. What do you think is going on here? Stuffed surgery. Real dick. Talk to us for a little bit. You know him better. Where's your gut at?

[Tom (Caller)]

I. I thought it was stuffed. My initial thought was stuffed.

[Shannon (Caller)]

And.

[Tom (Caller)]

And, you know, I've shown a couple of friends, and they're 50. 50. I think the. The thing that really, like, gave it some. Some validity was the fact that he started to pop up on, like, the review sites. Yeah. And started to, like, post a bit more like, personally, I'm not. I'm not ashamed of. I'm not going to be ashamed of this anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that's. I agree, by the way. I agree with this. And here's why I'm gonna go away from stuffed. The penis is big. Yes. It's also ugly, isn't it? So if you're going to, like, that's a scary penis. We've all said, why would you.

[Jake Johnson]

Why would.

[Gil Ozeri]

Why wouldn't you make a beautiful penis? You're saying, yeah, the shape.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're all like, ew, it looks like an anteater or an elephant. That's what I would do if I

[Gil Ozeri]

had to stuff my penis. I'd make it ugly. And I'd be like, I'm so ashamed. And then everyone would be like, oh, my God, it's real.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is.

[Jake Johnson]

That's actually interesting, the idea of being

[Gareth Reynolds]

like, look, if you stuff, like what is considered a large penis, people might try to poke holes. If you go, oh, it belongs in a museum to be studied, then you go, nobody.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, that's an interesting thing. It's so ugly that you think it must be real, but you also, deep down, have to go, it's got the biggest dick I've ever seen in my life. It's ugly as hell, but it is. What is the biggest dickies ever. And I'll tell, dicks of that size are more for other men. And so, from what I understand, weightlifting,

[Gil Ozeri]

the same stuff that you're saying makes me think that if you do ask him, he will say it is real. You know? Well, what if you won't give you a real answer?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if you ask him? What if you say you're trying to grow your penis? What if you start hitting him up with. You have.

You do it, brother.

I have a smaller penis. It's been really difficult.

It's ugly, too.

Yeah. You have a. You have a problem in your pants. How did you get yours there? I'm looking at some online pills and stuff, you know, some seem a little sketchy. Do you vet the things you take? If you take. You know, maybe coming from a personal standpoint.

[Gil Ozeri]

Gareth. Here's why. Here's the problem with that, because now you're putting in writing, hey, man, I have a small penis, right? You're putting that. You're putting that out there.

[Whitney]

Phone call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's listen.

Or a voice note that disappears.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You just said.

Yeah, right.

[Gil Ozeri]

Snapchat.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, Snapchat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You cannot have a quote going. My dick is in great shape.

Let me tell you my dream. My dream scenario. And I know it's impossible, but I do just maybe. Maybe, Tom, you'll be. My dream scenario is you ask him for workout advice and you go work out with him. And I know you're in separate countries, but you get to have him hit the showers with you.

Okay, so everything. It's not realistic. But what is realistic is what you started, which I love. Maybe there's a world where you do a workout where you go like, hey, man, I'm trying to get in shape. Can we. Can you train me? And I've done this with Rudy Garcia, my trainer. Mind you, he doesn't have a dick like Dirk, but we've done zoom workouts together where I've been in a hotel. And then you could go like, what the fuck?

[Gil Ozeri]

Have you done zoom showers together?

[Jake Johnson]

Nah. Nah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

And if I have, I'll never talk about it here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But wait, I think there's actually. There is a way to do this. If you ask him to give you a couple zoom workouts so that you can start getting into shape, he will probably show up in gym shorts or something. And you look, he has the Liberty Bell down there. You're going to be able to tell if it's moving or not. So if you're like, how do you do a thrust? You're gonna see this thing dinging and dong.

How it moves.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's. You're gonna see movement or if it's got life.

[Gil Ozeri]

Lifelike movement.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tom, we're in a spot here where I kind of like the idea of complimenting them. I also kind of like the idea where you say, I'm looking to do something similar and do a workout.

[Tom (Caller)]

Or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I liked what Gareth was saying. It's as you're working out, go like, hey, man, is that thing real? Or you could also say you're thinking of doing some steroids. Has it changed your penis in this zone? Is there anything you're liking? Let's hear you talk for a little bit, pal.

[Tom (Caller)]

I like it all, I think. I think me going down the steroids and I've got a small dick is probably the best route because I think it's. It somewhat opens it up, doesn't it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you willing to do that?

[Tom (Caller)]

Yeah, 100%. The crux of this for me is getting a genuine response. I need to know if it's real. I don't mind if, if. If, you know, I don't just want a response that. That he's. He's already dishing out to the public. I. I need to know you want real talk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's also. And I like where we're headed. I don't want to throw us off. There's also the alt version where you kind of say, you know, his dick's a little smaller than yours. Does he Want anything to make it big? You could dish out some advice, the

[Jake Johnson]

insulting version, or send a photo with

[Gareth Reynolds]

a huge fake dick in yours and

[Jake Johnson]

go, hey, little guy.

[Gil Ozeri]

I have a follow up question to Tom and that is, have you thought about what your response is going to be once you find it? Let's say you do find out and he says it's real. How would you react in that moment? Would you be like, holy shit, that's incredible. Or like, that's something's wrong with you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I gotta. I got another pitch. Not to. Another pitch. Could be. You could say you're working for like ITV or something in the UK on a production of fascinating appendages and you're in pre production and you were wondering if he would be interested in being featured over the size of his enormous dong. You could be like, there's a woman who. Hold on. There's a woman who has a finger coming out of her ear.

I know you're taking this seriously and I know you're not doing a bit here because I know your face changes when it's just a bit. Walk us through the logic of this one, babe.

So the logic is this.

He has a fake job as a TV show on a show. And then when the guy goes, sure, can I talk to a producer? He goes, just stop.

Say, we're in the. Listen, we're. We don't have a lot of money, but can we just have. Can. My friend and I, I'll join as the producer. I'll get on this zoom and we'll do it.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I'll be like, hey, listen, can we see it? Can we have a look at it? Can we see. How can I see a third of it?

This is if I'm the guy with the big dick in the steroids. I'm afraid of my friend from London who pretends to be on a show about weird. Tom, going back to you from Gil's question, what. What would your response be? If it's real.

[Tom (Caller)]

Good for you, man. Good for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You just want to know.

[Tom (Caller)]

I just want to know. I just, you know, it's, it's. I think, I think it's. A lot of people are wondering about my fascination with it, but hopefully you guys are on board with it now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We are.

[Tom (Caller)]

You can see the fascination there, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have no, I have no. I'm not questioning your fascination at all. It's a. It's one of the wonders of the world. You gotta find out. Here's what I would consider if I were you.

This Is. He's right. This is the pyramids.

It's too much.

This is the pants pyramid.

[Gil Ozeri]

This is Da Vinci Code.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Da Vinci Code.

This is Ron Howard and Tommy Hanks would get lost in this and do three sequels.

Yeah.

So, Tom, here's where I think we're at. Tell me if you agree, because this is where I felt like you were going and I'm looking to get you in this course. Couldn't get you out of the lot. You said you were okay to do it via text and talk about how your dick is smaller and ask him point blank is his real. If it is, and it's totally natural, cool. But if there's anything he has done to enhance it. You're not positive about the steroids, but off the record, could he give you any advice? Is it supplements? Is there anything he's done or is he just stuffing it? Because if that's real, he'd be like, man, if I could just get a couple of inches, I'd be thrilled. You got yards, brother. So what do you think, Tom, about that text?

[Tom (Caller)]

I see. That sounds perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bring your phone out, brother.

[Tom (Caller)]

I've got it. I've got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gil, will you start the first draft and then do it nice and slow? Tom, I need you to write this and then if you approve, send it to him now. And then the way you can pay the tab at this bar for us, which we would appreciate, the free drinks, is send us a screen grab of this sent to him and then the follow up will be the response to you, Tom.

Love it.

[Gil Ozeri]

I think a good way to start is. Hi, Dirk. Hope you're well. I've been following you recently and I'm loving some of you. I'm loving some of the pictures I'm seeing. You look like you're in great shape and your family life seems phenomenal. I'm writing because personally I am having some trouble getting into shape myself

[Jake Johnson]

and

[Gil Ozeri]

I wanted to know where, say, oh, especially around, I would say, the, the, my nether region. And I was wondering, I might, I feel like I might be undersized compared to some of my friends, especially seeing your pictures. And I wonder if you have any advice about, or like, I was wondering if you did anything to enhance it or. That is just something that God has given you as a gift. Again, hope you're well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we. When you're ready, Tom, hear that back into your words and see where we're at with the text.

[Tom (Caller)]

Yeah, let me just flesh it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, do your thing, man.

I, I, I Mean, it's hard to exist in a world where something like that is real.

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I honestly, I'm leaning towards real.

[Gil Ozeri]

You are?

[Jake Johnson]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I am. I think it's too ugly to stuff. I do. I don't think anyone would stuff like that.

Enron was too big to fail. This is too ugly to stuff.

But like that. The one where the balls looked was disgusting and the dick was wrapping around his hip.

[Gil Ozeri]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're going after such a small fetish audience if that's what you're going for. I think he's more like, I have a disgusting, huge dick dick.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gil Ozeri]

And I'm not afraid.

[Shannon (Caller)]

And that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That really. I mean, not to people having fun, but I mean, it.

[Shannon (Caller)]

It.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. That is an alarming, alarming.

I mean, I tell you what the nightmare of meeting a woman in a bar and having a tiny dick. The other nightmare is she pulls your pants down and goes, no, gracias.

[Gil Ozeri]

It's too big.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not only let me screams and jumps out a window.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah. Punches him maybe. Well, Jake, I. I have to ask you. What? Why do you think then. The earlier pictures.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know. I was thinking that too.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah. What is that? So what's that about? Do you think that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't have an answer because it doesn't make sense. You would have seen that huge monster in those early picks.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, but he might have been.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He might have been, you know, he might have. Tying it down if he was finding liberation. Yeah.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He might have had a whole system of rubber bands. And that's just a fact.

Like, he is like Gulliver and Gulliver's Travels.

But there could have been a whole

[Jake Johnson]

thing that you're like rubber bands and

[Gil Ozeri]

his head is just bright red.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Just thinking, please don't get hard. Or it's gonna. It's just like a giant.

[Jake Johnson]

Like.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

People are dying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tom, when you're ready, read it to us, bud.

[Tom (Caller)]

Okay, I've got. Hi, Dirk. Hope you and the family are well. I've been following your progress and you're in great shape. I'm writing because I'm having trouble getting into shape myself. Especially around my nether regions. I feel like I might be undersized, especially after seeing your pictures. I wonder if there's anything I could be doing to get closer to your size.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We need a little bit harder.

Here's what I might do.

Yeah.

I might. I would maybe say you've looked online and have had and have, like, something to the effect of I'm about to go down a dangerous Route with this.

I love.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is there something you've taken that you like?

I've. I was talking to a doctor who said there are some injections that might help me, but it sounds a little suspect.

[Gil Ozeri]

Sounds like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you done anything?

[Gil Ozeri]

The more specifics you have, the more real it sounds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If that is natural, cool. If it's a something you have done. Can you tell me specifically what you're using?

This is good.

[Gil Ozeri]

Also, no pressure. If you don't want to answer, I totally understand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed. Tom, what do you think of that?

[Tom (Caller)]

I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely, Big Daddy. And then read it. And then we're going to get out of here because we got to get to the next call.

[Tom (Caller)]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And let's just go from the top again. Sorry. I know it's a little bit longer, but there's a rhythm to this text.

[Tom (Caller)]

Hi, Dirk. Hope you and the family are well. I've been following your progress and you're in great shape. I'm writing because personally I'm having trouble getting in shape myself, especially around my nether regions. I feel like I might be undersized, especially after seeing your pictures or if there's anything I could be doing to get closer to your size. I was speaking to a doctor who suggested a couple of routes I could go down. If yours is natural, cool. Forget I asked. Also, no pressure. If you don't want to talk about

[Gareth Reynolds]

it, do we want to say specifically, I'm talking about my penis nether region.

The only thing I would say is after you're saying, talking to the doctor, say some of it sounds a little too experimental, but I don't know, question mark, something like that.

I'm scared of injecting stuff into my penis, but if some. But just because he's injecting so much into that body of his, man, you don't want him to go, like the way to get big thighs. You're talking about the hog.

[Gil Ozeri]

Maybe it's like some of this sounds a little scary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Some of this sounds a little bit scary to inject something into my penis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But let me know if I'm being crazy here.

Yep, I think that's right. Let's say penis.

Let's just. At the end, just read that last line.

The last line could be, I'm talking about my penis. All the best.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm talking about

[Gil Ozeri]

sincerely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then, Tom, we got to hear it one more time. I know I keep saying we're about to get out of this, but we're close. This is going to be a very effective text.

[Tom (Caller)]

I've got one shot at this. I've got absolutely one shot at this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is 8 mile, and I'm not just talking about what's in his pants.

Let's hear it when you're ready.

[Tom (Caller)]

Hi, Dirk. Hope you're in the family. Well, I've been following your progress and you're in great shape. I'm writing because personally I'm having trouble getting in shape myself, especially around my nether regions. I feel like I might be undersized, especially after seeing your pictures. I wonder if there's anything that I could be doing to get closer to your size. I was speaking to a doctor who suggested a couple of routes I can go down, but some of it sounds a little experimental. Injecting stuff into my penis. If yours is natural, cool. Forget I asked. Also, no pressure. If you don't want to speak about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we're all the best.

And then we're like, yeah, yeah, that's great, man. Hit sand. Do us a favor and pay that tab. Send us that screen grab. And then, Tom, best wishes, brother.

You gotta let us know. We all must know. I can't walk around knowing that's out there.

If he happens to text right away, just call back. Yeah, we're gonna be on for the next hour and a half or so.

[Tom (Caller)]

Okay, thank you, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, bud.

Thanks, buddy.

[Tom (Caller)]

Wow.

[Gil Ozeri]

Unbelievable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. You know what Squarespace is and so do you. It's where you can build a website. You want to see how it works? Go to garethreynolds.com I love Gareth, but he is not a technically sound individual and he built that website himself.

They really are the best. They make you stand out. Your website looks professional and there's all these things they can help you with. They can help you with the SEO tools, your cutting edge design, your dome mains, your donations, your videos, you know, whatever it is that is really squarespace is there for you. They make you look the part. And again, it's easy. Nobody's gonna go to your Squarespace website and be like, boy, this guy mailed it in. I've worked with Squarespace for a long time. Every website I am associated with, which is quite a few of them, completely Squarespace only. I'm a Squarespace only fellow. What can I say? So go to squarespace.com GilSentMe for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code GILSENTME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website. Or domain.

[Kyle Mooney]

Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no.

[Jake Johnson]

It's all.

[Kyle Mooney]

You're Kyle Mooney. Yeah, sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah. And we host the show what's our podcast here on Headgum. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick ass person online. Like you're skateboarding through the Internet or you're like you're surfing through the web. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. I like that it's all in one place. I don't. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like, different stores or something. It's just all, well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like a. Do I need another type of website to like, find the right pictures or to like another type of website to upload? You know, it's all in one place. The video or the audio or like. No, I want.

[Jake Johnson]

It makes it easy.

[Kyle Mooney]

Make it easy on me, please. Yes. And you can do all those things. Photos, videos, changing fonts, you know, I mean, the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. They're SEO tools, which. I know what those are. And their custom domains. Oh, let's come up with a domain right now.

[Tom (Caller)]

Let's see.

[Kyle Mooney]

I wonder if it exists. Www.friendsmeetingfriends. friendsmeetingfriends.com that's an original thing that we came up with. Friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out squarespace.com headgum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HEADGUM. Save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. How are you?

[Shannon (Caller)]

Good. How are you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good, thank you. Can we get your name, please?

[Shannon (Caller)]

Yeah. My name is Shannon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, Shannon. Where are you calling from, Shannon? Roughly?

[Shannon (Caller)]

I'm calling from Burlington, Vermont.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, what a town. Burlington is the best. You ever been there, Gil?

[Gil Ozeri]

I have not. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's awesome. Jake.

[Shannon (Caller)]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, well, you got Shannon, you got me, you got Gil Ozeri joining us today as our guest helper. Got Jake Johnson. Why don't you just jump into it? What's going on?

[Shannon (Caller)]

Okay, so I've got a very unique problem we've got. In the fall and the winter, we have this murder of Crows that comes through and they come in the middle of the night. They come with no warning whatsoever, very sporadically. And I pay for my parking spot, so I can't park on the street. I have to park in my paid spot in my lot underneath this large amount of trees. And every so often in the middle of the night, I'll wake up in the morning and my car is just absolutely plastered in bird shit. And it happens at least twice a week between the months of maybe like November and May or no, probably, like, I'd say, yeah, yeah, like November and maybe. And I have no idea when they're going to come. I have no warning, so I can't park anywhere else. And I can't go to the car wash, because when I go to the car wash, the people yell at me and tell me that they can't clean my car because there's too much bird shit on my car and they are incapable of cleaning it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've never heard of that at all.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Yeah, yeah, I know. I. I said. I said, am I supposed to bring you a clean car to the car wash? I thought this was what I was supposed to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And they said. Too disgusted.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Yeah, they literally did. They. They shamed me. They. It was horrible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That would really hurt myself.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Anyways, it did it very much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your stuff is too disgusting to clean. And I'm like, I'm just dropping off some shirts at the cleaners. And they went like, pit smell too bad.

[Tom (Caller)]

Like,

[Gareth Reynolds]

you nuts? You guys want to see some pictures?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Yes, today, please show the picture.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's see.

Gil, you want to break down what we're seeing again?

[Gil Ozeri]

Oh, my God. God, it looks. Okay, so there's a car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It looks.

[Gil Ozeri]

This is in December, and it is covered. Riddled, in fact, with dog. I think it's snowing outside, but I can't tell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a different thing.

There's a bunch of retrievers in the tree.

There's dog shitting from the sky. Is a nightmare.

[Tom (Caller)]

Sorry.

[Gil Ozeri]

There was so much that I thought it had to be a bigger animal.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gil Ozeri]

And the security guard at the bank said people have been taking pictures of it all day. I think I have to move because I don't know how to stop the crows. They are too powerful.

[Tom (Caller)]

Agreed.

[Gil Ozeri]

It is completely. It's. Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my Lord.

It honestly looks like if someone could paintball bird.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you got.

Yes.

Annihilated it.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, it's covered. Okay. It's covered. All right. And this is a view from inside the car. And there's all over the window. And then now it's inside the car. The windshield. There's about, I would say, you know, close to between 50 and 100 spots.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Gil Ozeri]

Bird spots.

[Shannon (Caller)]

It's a safety hazard. I can't see through my windshield. And the. And the. You can't clean it because it freezes.

[Gil Ozeri]

Oh, that's the other part. It's cold.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't believe I'm on the car wash's side.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, look.

[Gil Ozeri]

Okay, so now we're in the car wash now. And it looked. Or is that snow?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's snow.

[Gil Ozeri]

That's snow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, that's snow. And the yellow little droplets are the dumps. But I forgot all about the ice factor you're talking about. You're gonna need one of those scrapers to scrape the ice off your windshield. And there's crow everywhere. This is a disgusting mess.

This is really bad.

[Gil Ozeri]

This is tough.

[Shannon (Caller)]

It's bad. So the first. The first couple times it happened, I took my car to the gas station and I used, you know, the little, like, setups they have just to. Yeah. And I. And I did. I did my best. I did what I could. And it made it drivable. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it ain't.

[Shannon (Caller)]

But, you know, after. Yeah. And it's. It ruins. It's ruining the paint on my car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it gives you those gross streaks. Those things are disgusting.

I would also imagine after a season of frozen crow, your car's paints cannot be doing.

You're losing value for sure.

[Shannon (Caller)]

And I just bought this car as well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's crazy.

That car looks 20 years old to me.

Without question. It's like your car smokes.

[Tom (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Whitney]

Agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And lives in a casino where you can smell and is outside in the Arizona sun all the time.

[Gil Ozeri]

And also is covered in bird.

[Tom (Caller)]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Shannon, to get to it, we could all keep piling onto this car. But what's the point? What have you done to try to stop the crows at this point? Because the hard thing I'm going to tell you from my point of view right now, same after doing this show, is we don't know when the crows come.

[Shannon (Caller)]

That's the thing. So I'm. I'm. I'm at the point where I'm thinking, can I. Can I put them onto my neighbors? Can I try to put a bunch of shiny items or bird seed onto my neighbor's cars so they go over there? Or do I try to lure them,

[Gil Ozeri]

give the problem to someone?

[Shannon (Caller)]

Or do I try to befriend the crows? Because, you know, there's that thing where you can. You can make crows befriend you, apparently.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, crows are a member.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Then they won't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crows are unthinkably smart.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that.

[Jake Johnson]

You know.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah, they are very smart. Which makes me think they're doing it on purpose.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it could be. I read this really interesting thing in Either. I think it was Norway where they're doing a thing that if a crow drops off a piece of garbage into the garbage, it could go to another area and get a little feed.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, like, if it picks up a cigarette butt and puts it in, that was another thing.

[Gil Ozeri]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If someone running for president just said they'd do that, they would get my vote.

[Tom (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd be single issue.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's go.

How cool is that? A bunch of crows cleaning up the garbage.

Amazing.

That's the city I want to live in. But you have like. Literally, you're like, the crows are at work, guys. Everyone, don't go on that street. I've been working all day, man. I'm beat, tired.

[Jake Johnson]

I work all day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got nothing to save. All I do is get food deed at the end of my shift.

[Gil Ozeri]

I guess it beats on that car all day, right?

[Jake Johnson]

You know what it beats?

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you sit on a tree hoping food falls in my mouth like my kid does.

Hey, you know, she leaves spaghetti out. I'm supposed to pick up the garbage. There's all things crazy.

My life's a nightmare. Okay, so I like what you're kind of saying, Shannon. So if we think about how smart crows are, what I don't want to do is I don't want to put it on another person's car because then they might call and we might have another problem. But I. If they're only there for two weeks out of the year. Do you see the crows any other time? Like, are they around? But it's only two weeks of taking hard shits.

[Shannon (Caller)]

It's. It's like two months.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's two months. Okay, so.

[Shannon (Caller)]

But they. They're not there the whole time. They just come at every, like, Rand family every so often in those. In that frame.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it's your car specifically. So is there a tree branch above you? Are you beneath a certain. Are they all living somewhere or like, is it. Do you park under their home?

[Shannon (Caller)]

Yes, but it's a designated spot, so I can't park anywhere else.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You. You can't complain to the people who are booking the spot and say, look, here's where I'm at. You've got to move me. Like, let this be Someone else's problem

[Shannon (Caller)]

there then.

[Gil Ozeri]

Or cut down the branch maybe maybe they can pay. Oh, it's the whole tree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really quick, really quick on this one. For the first time I tried to cheat a little bit and I googled and I tried to write how to this is why dyslexia is funny. How to attract crows. But I've also been you guys. But I wrote how to attract crowd. And as we've been talking I looked down and it said spread the word. Promote on social media. And I was like, that's crazy. And then I got street performance. Start with a strong opening act, interact with masterminds and keep energy high. And I literally thought this is some of the dumb.

[Jake Johnson]

My pitch is going to be keep

[Gareth Reynolds]

your energy up and get a crowd. I mean you really got a strong opening is going to be really going

[Jake Johnson]

to gather for that maybe do a

[Gil Ozeri]

two for one kind of thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shannon, why not a car cover? Why not? Is there not a cover you could throw over your car? I know it's a pain in the ass, but if you.

[Shannon (Caller)]

No, see, I thought of this but then I'm going to be come out to a frozen A piece of right Tarp covered in frozen that I then

[Gareth Reynolds]

have to pick up off to drive also gross.

[Shannon (Caller)]

And then put back on covered in frozen wood.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

Well, go ahead Jake and then I'll ask my question.

[Gil Ozeri]

Go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I, I was thinking more of a pitch that's a weird invention. Like the idea of an umbrella top.

[Gil Ozeri]

Oh, like, like a, yeah, like a top.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like we just something that you create. Like a portable garage.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That just for those two months you suction it on the top of your car. Like a little tent actually.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Wait, that's good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A little tent is actually good too. If you could put, if you could have the room to do a little tent. I don't want to talk away from car umbrella. But yeah, something like that would be great.

Or get up in those trees and put a little tarp under their butts.

[Gil Ozeri]

Well, you, that's so basically diapers. You know that I, I, I had this problem with like raccoons in my backyard and there's like little devices you could plug into or like dig deep. You know, you put them in the ground and they make a sound that like annoys the raccoon. Maybe there's something you could put in the tree that just like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, what was your issue with raccoons? Really fast.

[Gil Ozeri]

They were just coming back and eating. We have like an orange tree and every time they would fall they Would just like, eat the. Like leave tons of oranges and shit everywhere.

[Tom (Caller)]

Everywhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And how'd you get rid of the raccoons?

[Gil Ozeri]

With this. These little, like, sat. Like they have like a. They have like a sensor. So every time, like an animal passes by them, it like, emits some like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is really quickly to the woman whose grandparents have been overrun by the raccoons. We just did a follow up. I know you're listening. Do Gill's advice. Try the sensor. Put it inside their attic and all around their house and let's see if that works. Shannon, back to you for a second. What do you think about creating some sort of a device thing or a sound thing to make that tree? Because you could also get like, you could use something in your car and point like a. A light sensor up there. So when the crows come to this tree, we're maybe trying to just get them to move away from the tree. What do you think of that as an idea?

[Shannon (Caller)]

Yeah, I think that could work.

[Tom (Caller)]

That's.

[Shannon (Caller)]

That's a good. That's a good plan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have an idea. I have an idea. That's stupid, but there might be something to this because our pitches right now are kind of reasonable, but I don't think she's going to do them.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Yeah, no, the umbrella. The umbrella.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's probably my favorite.

[Gil Ozeri]

Is my favorite too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Here.

Here's something that. Again, I'm not standing behind this. I'm hoping this gets heightened and pitched on and gets better. It's going to sound like a joke, but it's not a joke. But it is not thought out enough. And there's no real second half. What if when you see the crows, you make a plea to them and you try to communicate with them where you point at the car and you have seeds for them. Like you're throwing food further away from them and you do a physical dance. You get. You trying to get real into the hocus pocus of this whole world and

[Jake Johnson]

you're leading with them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're saying like, like I give you seeds.

I don't think you want to give seeds because let's say it doesn't work. You're fueling the problem a little bit. But I like the idea of some offerings. I think some shiny offerings, some things like that might be a good idea. I like the umbrella. I also think that we can. I can even do this off air with you. I can call this car wash and be like, you're my client. And the idea that you're rejecting someone because we're not doing that.

[Jake Johnson]

Go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, you know, we could also do. What if we created something on the top of the car that looked like a. This is a little weird, but what if we did a picture of a crow baby? A baby crow?

[Gil Ozeri]

Crows felt bad.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, if their crows are smart. Like, we had a crow in our backyard and there was a nest, and the baby fel. Fell out of the nest and died. And we did nothing. But my wife then, trying to be sweet, took the dead baby bird and buried it. Well, the crows thought we did something to its baby and hounded our asses for. I'm might be exaggerating, but I think about a month. Wow.

They did a study where they can remember stuff up to 12 years.

They get praised. Yeah. So we could try to find something where they might be smart enough. Where your car's a toilet. And how do we change the toilet into. It's a photo of them. It's their family.

[Jake Johnson]

So just to see how smart these

[Gareth Reynolds]

sons of a are, we turned it into a science experiment.

[Gil Ozeri]

Maybe get a decal of a family

[Jake Johnson]

of crows that goes on the top

[Gareth Reynolds]

and they go like, I gotta take a shit. I'm go to the toilet. And then they go like this. What am I looking at?

[Gil Ozeri]

That's my son.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe take a photo of them and then put that on the top of your car each day in that period when you leave. And it's simple. You could just put it into the car and close the car doors so it gets like sealed on just so they go one. And then if one of them takes a shit out of them, the older crow goes like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't shit on us. Another Subaru. It's a city full of Subarus I.

I couldn't even figure out what make or model it was, it was covered in so much shit. The good news is, Shannon, you are playing with house money. I'm not. Unfortunately, your car. Your car is ruined. So. So we can be a little experimental. So I do think my first instinct is try to offer up some shiny things, some peanuts, some stuff like that, and see if that maybe dissuades Gil.

What are you thinking?

[Gil Ozeri]

I'm thinking the tent thing. I don't know how far you're. You're parked or talking to the people and saying, can you offer me maybe a different spot? But, like, if I don't know how close you are parked to the other people. But like a beach tent, you know, where you just put the poles on each side and it's just higher up, sort of like a car park. And now you just park under it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm thinking, weird out. Have a long conversation with them, nobody around. Throw a voice note on pay the tab so we could hear you. Talk to them, ask them to stop shitting on your car. So you respect them in their community, but it's ruining your vibe. And then the next step is I'd put a photo of them on the car. But the question to you, Shannon, is what do you think?

[Shannon (Caller)]

Well, I'm, I'm always going to go for the cheapest option because, you know, I'm, I'm a poor grad school students, so I'm, I'm going to start with Jake's solution and I think I'm going to try fleeing to them. But I'm also, I'm also going to go with Gareth and try to, I'm going to try to give them some offerings in the process of my pleas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like this. Give us an example then, Shannon, Just off the top of your head,

[Tom (Caller)]

hear

[Gareth Reynolds]

what you might say to them. Close your eyes for a second. Forget you're on this podcast.

[Tom (Caller)]

Who gives a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who gives a shit? We could cut this too. So there's a real chance this is just for us and nobody else on a zoom, but pretend. Put yourself there and talk to them real. Don't think about being funny or clever crows don't get your sense of humor. And I'll tell you what, they're not going to listen to this goddamn podcast. But what could you say to them? Pretend they can understand you.

[Tom (Caller)]

You

[Shannon (Caller)]

all right? Let me think. Probably be something like, I, I respect you guys. I've never done anything to you. I, I was afraid of you for a long time, but I've come to understand you and your ways, and this is just not, it's just not cool at this point because I just want, I want to have a mutual symbiotic relationship. I really just want to get along. I want us to coexist. I'm willing to supply you with whatever you'd like to bring you joy. If you please, just promise to stop making my life miserable for these two, three months out of the year. It's just really hard for me and I just really want you guys to give me the respect that I'm trying to give you all I'm asking for, please.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's gonna work.

[Gil Ozeri]

Very reasonable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, we all see how smart crows are. They're in Sweden picking up garbage, right? They hold grudges for 12 years. We, as humans, this Whole last decade or so is how smart crows are. Let's see.

They are also birds.

Stupid ass birds.

So they are. But. But I do think there's a world

tone to understand her tone. Be pointing at your car and go like, no, no, I.

Let's listen, Shannon, start with this. See where you get to and call back. And if the crows are ignoring you, we can start pitching on maybe a little more of what Gil's talking about. I do think the idea of, like, a tent or something like that, part of why that will be good too, is because that tells the parking people, hey, guess what? I'm taking matters into my own hand. I mean, this is.

Let's start with the speech and then follow up.

Start with the speech, the plea.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Okay, Sounds like a plan. Thanks, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That speech you just said.

Yeah?

I think it's really nice. I don't know if it'll work. I don't know if crows are gonna listen, but I know they should.

There's a world where you get a crow costume and do it in that. All right, Shannon. Thanks a bunch. Talk to you later.

Not the worst idea.

[Shannon (Caller)]

It's not the worst idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Think about it. You can order it real quick. Take care, Shannon. Thanks a lot. Put on a crow outfit.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Thanks, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're all signing over.

[Shannon (Caller)]

Okay, thank you.

[Tom (Caller)]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye.

[Shannon (Caller)]

All right, thanks. Bye,

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everybody. Check out our show on Hulu. It drops a day early and there's also back catalog episodes.

That's right. So we're here to Help is now on Hulu a day early. If you want to listen to the back catalog, we're dropping those from season one and season two. It's just. Join us. Let's go.

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only. And all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Whitney]

That was a Headgum podcast.

[Tom (Caller)]

Foreign.

[Whitney]

Hey, everyone. This is Whitney and Alexa, AKA the Popcorn Queen and King.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, guys. We just wanted to thank you so much for all the love and support you've shown our family.

[Whitney]

As many of you know from episodes 224 and 231, we're navigating Alexa's second kidney transplant journey.

[Jake Johnson]

And that journey has really inspired us to create the Arana Kidney Recovery Foundation.

[Whitney]

That's right. The foundation helps transplant families with everyday expenses during recovery so they could focus on what's most important. Healing.

[Jake Johnson]

Now, whether it's lodging, transportation, groceries, or other essential expenses, we're here to help lighten the load.

[Whitney]

If you'd like to support our mission, you can learn more or donate at A R A N a k r f dot org. That's aranakrf.org thank you so much for being such an incredible community.

[Jake Johnson]

And thank you for always being there to help. What's up, everybody?

[Kyle Mooney]

I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up, everybody? I'm back. Bell and Man. Ooh, I got. We got something to tell you. Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes. It's a brand new podcast on Headgum. That's right. And it's called what's Our Podcast? Yep. And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast should be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about, and then we try it. Yep. Guests like Mark Maron, Jack Black, Brittany Broski, Caper Land, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter and Tim Balt, Landon Axler, Jory, Joanie McGreeves, and Dender and Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday, so subscribe to what's Our Podcast? On YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah, I'm gonna go do it right now.