312: Listen To Your Body & Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Summary

We're Here to Help

Episode 312: Listen To Your Body & Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Date: August 3, 2026
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds

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Episode Overview

This episode is classic Jake and Gareth: a blend of ridiculous bits and genuine attempts at helping callers through a variety of everyday problems—with laughs, digressions, and a healthy dollop of weirdness. The central topics range from how to truthfully and amusingly explain an embarrassing injury, to delicately handling awkward adult-bed-squeak situations involving family, and a follow-up on a previous caller’s tribute tattoo for her late father. As always, their style is a mix of irreverent, sensitive, and deeply supportive banter.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. The Gray Cookoff & Community Vibes

Starts ~01:19

• Jake and Gareth recap the aftermath of their recent live-streamed "gray cookoff," full of inside jokes and discussion of “The Dink” and their Patreon community (“Adam was cooking the whole time and Steve was standing around drinking a lot of wine talking about the band Pavement.” – Jake, 01:56).
• Jake shares how being on a press tour has made him feel more connected and comfortable with their podcasting community:

  “I have loved how on fire the show is right now… I have loved how much the community is interacting…” (Jake, 03:55)

• There's a running bit about fans referencing the podcast out in public—even when Jake is on other shows, like Seth Meyers or Kimmel.

2. Caller 1: Sydney and the “Itch Injury” Dilemma

Call starts ~11:23

• Sydney, a 27-year-old working at a car wash in Hudson, Wisconsin, needs advice. She injured her arm (in a sling) reaching to scratch her back, and is looking for a “good, funny, and quick lie” to tell nosy customers.
• The actual cause: “I couldn’t reach the part of my back that was itchy, and so I tried to force my arm back there, and then I heard a pop.” (Sydney, 13:46)
• After some teasing, Jake and Gareth flip her real story into a heroic and epic tale:

  “I gotta be honest, if I’m you, I just say, itching my back…” (Jake, 14:58) “Call yourself a hero. Just do it. Don’t be afraid of success.” (Jake, 16:31)

Supportive Roleplay & Performance Coaching

15:40 – 31:30

• Extended, hilarious improvised roleplay as they coach Sydney through confidently telling the story:
  • Jake: “This old arm? You know that spot in your back, impossible for an average person? I had an itch there and I busted my arm to get there…” (15:51)
  • Gareth: “I think Jake deserves the Congressional Medal of Honor for his valiant service in trying to make itching your back sound like it was D-Day.” (16:48)
• Theme: Own what happened with pride. Turn the embarrassment into a legendary tale.
• Gareth’s advice: “Imagine that we’re talking to a legend… the first person who climbed Everest.” (25:14)
• They encourage Sydney to use performance techniques: breathy delivery, rhetorical questions, direct eye contact, and “hero energy.”
• Notable Moment: By the end, Sydney nails the performance—delivering a dramatic version of her story that had everyone cheering her on.
• Serious Advice:
  • “When your body starts to hurt, stop doing that. That's your body's way of saying, you’re not supposed to go there.” (Jake, 32:05)
  • “If your body is giving you a warning sign, listen to it.” (Jake, 32:21)

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3. Caller 2: Zach’s “Squeaky Bed” Family Dilemma

Call starts ~37:51

• Zach, a single father and animator from Columbus, Ohio, calls in about his 25-year-old niece who lives with him—her bed creaks loudly (for “rhythmic” reasons) above his living room. He wants to discreetly fix the situation, as he also has three young daughters in the house.
• The challenge: Find a way to fix the squeak or alert his niece without making it awkward.

Solutions (Mostly Unhinged)

• Jake’s First Pitch: Subtly “break” and then fix the bed to repair the squeak.
• Gareth’s “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” Plan:

  “Set up a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, loosen the screws so when the squeaky machine happens… the legs drop. That gives you a new in.” (Gareth, 41:39)

• Jake’s More Subtle Solution: Get the kids to mention the squeak:

  “Why don’t you ask the 2-year-old to ask her one day, ‘why is your bed so squeaky?’” (Jake, 43:37)

• They walk through humorous roleplays, including using the kids as unwitting messengers, and never quite manage a sensible adult solution.
  • Gareth: “Why don’t you… take a hammer and you kind of tap into the drywall… give it a pound… so it looks like the headboard is creating the problem…” (44:43)
  • Jake: “That’s the equivalent of saying, ‘as I was cleaning your sheets, I noticed a wet spot.’” (46:57)
• Consensus: Let the kids innocently bring up the squeak to the niece.
  • Jake: “If somehow the game would be tricking the five year old into thinking it was her question…” (45:12)
• They ask Zach to roleplay the conversation with his daughters (52:01), which has everyone in stitches.
• Request: Zach is asked to record audio/video of the “squeaky bed conversation” for follow-up.

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4. Caller Follow-Up: Jessica’s Tribute Tattoo (“Genitalia” Call)

Call starts ~54:57

• Jessica, following up from episode 300, shares design ideas for a tattoo to honor her late Italian father, Nicola.
• They review her four pasta-themed tattoo designs in real time.
  • Gareth: “For anyone just listening, there’s some basil, some pasta in the shape of a heart, and we’ve got some sauce at the bottom, and then your father’s name—the O is a meatball per the pitch…” (57:05)
• Comedic banter: Jake and Gareth can’t help but riff on meatballs, meat sauce, tattoo placement, and the hazards of inner-arm ‘turkey neck’ in old age.
  • Jake: “What you don’t want with the turkey neck, you don’t want those noodles in that red sauce dripping down your arm as you’re waving at somebody…” (62:41)
• Group picks option #1 as the winner.
• Heartfelt Advice: When the tattoo is done, “the grief period has ended,” and it’s time to celebrate her dad’s legacy with positivity.
  • Jake: “Whenever you’re sad, you touch [the tattoo] and you move on.” (64:40)
• Memorable closer: Jessica tells a beloved “dad joke” about her father driving without lenses in his glasses (66:05).
  • Gareth: “That is so fucking funny.” (66:28)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Jake on embracing embarrassment:

“Call yourself a hero. Just do it. Don’t be afraid of success.” (16:31)

Gareth on Sydney’s attitude:

“I think Jake deserves the Congressional Medal of Honor for his valiant service in trying to make itching your back sound like it was D-Day.” (16:48)

On how to handle your body’s warning signs:

“If your body is giving you a warning sign, listen to it.” (Jake, 32:21)

On tattoo placement and aging:

“What you don’t want with the turkey neck, you don’t want those noodles in that red sauce dripping down your arm as you’re waving at somebody…” (Jake, 62:41)

On family awkwardness:

“That's the equivalent of saying, 'as I was cleaning your sheets, I noticed a wet spot near the genital areas of the sheet.'” (Jake, 46:57)

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Useful Timestamps

• Recap of Patreon/press tour & community chat: 01:19 – 07:30
• Caller 1 (Sydney): Car wash, arm injury, how to tell the story: 11:23 – 33:39
• Performance coaching/roleplays with Sydney: 14:00 – 31:31
• Caller 2 (Zach): Squeaky bed embarrassment: 37:51 – 54:53
• Zach roleplays conversation with his kids: ~52:01
• Caller follow-up (Jessica): Tribute tattoo review: 54:57 – 66:46

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Episode Themes & Tone

• Empowerment through humor: The hosts take embarrassing or tough situations and, with improv and roleplay, show callers how to own their story with pride or use laughter to regain control.
• Family & boundaries: How to approach awkward family topics with sensitivity (and mischief).
• Community: Recurring reverence for the devoted listeners who make the show feel like a “corner turned.”
• Relatability: Many bits turn on the fact that everyone deals with body mishaps, family weirdness, and the difficult process of grieving and memorializing.

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Listener Takeaways

• Don’t be embarrassed by the truth—own it and have fun with it.
• Humor can be a bridge in tough conversations, especially with family.
• Tattoo advice: choose meaningful design and placement, but also consider how your body will age!
• Always listen to your body, and don’t ignore pain or warning signs.
• If you need help, you might not get perfect answers—but you’ll get the best (and funniest) they’ve got.

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Final Words

This episode is a quintessential blend of irreverence and warmth: coaching listeners through awkwardness, celebrating the power of self-mockery, and encouraging creative, honest approaches to life’s weirdest moments. Jake and Gareth—true to their “friendly local bartender/tipsy uncle” dynamic—bring encouragement, plenty of laughs, and the assurance that you’re not alone in the struggle.

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To submit your own question: [e-mail]
Watch or listen early Sundays and Tuesdays on Hulu, or check YouTube and Patreon.

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Summary by GPT-4, Podcast Summarizer

Transcript

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

This is a Headgum podcast. This is a Headgum podcast.

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[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are. You just. It's just.

[Jake Johnson]

I just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where she scored the intro.

[Jake Johnson]

It just ruined an intro.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Without further. There's a lot of. This is actually a dude.

[Jake Johnson]

This is all a dude. You know what? We talked about it a little bit, but what's happening. What we haven't really talked about a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, true.

[Jake Johnson]

The gray cook off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. We got so caught up in the dink, we went right into Dink Press together.

[Jake Johnson]

But we did. The night we did. It was unthinkably fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We did. It was a 7 hour and 20 minute stream. We weren't there for all of it, but Patreon had access to 7 hours and 20 minutes.

[Jake Johnson]

Now, just to set people up a little bit. And Gareth, if you think I'm spoiling or I think you're spoiling, cut the other guy off, okay? But one of the funniest takeaways for me was in getting the comments and hearing from the people that there was like a four hour cooking session. And the overall sentiment, Gareth, was that Adam was cooking the whole time and Steve was standing around drinking a lot of wine, talking about the band Pavement.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We heard that he talked about Pavement quite a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, what has been happening with all this madness? What is going on? What happened?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's hard to explain because the bet was he gets a cookbook. Steve does if he wins. If he doesn't, he can't talk about food for six months.

[Jake Johnson]

And. Are we being too severe?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, let's enjoy it for a minute and then we can see if we want to scale back. But Adam mopped the floor with him, to be quite frank.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you're going right to the end.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no. Why don't we tell each other if we're going too far?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, cut that. Cut that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But we. As we led up to it, there were high stakes. Bird gets a cookbook. If he loses, he can't talk about food for six months. And yeah, it. When we showed up, the vibe was that Adam was sweaty and working and Berg had a buzz going, a good

[Jake Johnson]

buzz going, but so confident.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ex.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And not only day of as I told you, leading up to it, just the level of he's gonna overdo it. Johnson's got these simple tastes.

[Jake Johnson]

He's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's gonna cater to pallets that you guys don't have.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'll also tell you another thing that happened that day is we did three hours of recording in studio together and we had some. We got some bangers coming out on this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was just. It was a phenomenal day.

[Jake Johnson]

I gotta say, I have loved how on fire the show is right now. I have loved how much the community is interacting. I love that people are complaining about certain things and then people are pushing back and they're sending voice notes. I was just, you know, I, I said in the other one. But I've been on a pretty big press tour and I've said to you this in the past where you'd be like, I'm on the road. The show's hidden well. The Daily show, for example, we do. You do no pre interview for that, so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, there's nothing.

[Jake Johnson]

Nothing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was a great. People should watch that because Costa, as you call it.

[Jake Johnson]

Costa's coming on our show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mike Costa is hilarious.

[Jake Johnson]

So funny. But it happened with there. I did a thing for batches, which is a. A whole network these people have created. But the host of it, we were doing some game it and Mary Steenbergen, and then she brings up the pod. I didn't. And she goes. I go, oh, that's a nice callback. She goes, oh, I'm a huge fan. I'm four behind. So many people along the way would be. I met Seth Meyers, one of the segment producers in the back is like, oh, what's going on with your mom? And I go, oh, you saw Kimmel? And they go like this.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

No, no.

[Jake Johnson]

I listen to the podcast and they're like, don't say anything. I'm three behind. I was like, oh, this shit started to spread. People on the street in New York would do the, you know, big fan dude to be kind of like, thanks, brother. And then they would go like, dude, I'm in it. I'm in it. I'm like episode 250.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah, it is. It's out there.

[Jake Johnson]

It's starting to rumble a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When you come out of a colonoscopy and a guy that you don't know at all and only have two seconds with says he loves the pod. He's a Huge. We're here to help fan.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. Something's happening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Something's happening.

[Jake Johnson]

We have. We have started to turn the corner. I felt it on this and I also felt during this press tour because of this podcast, I was different because I was partly talking to our audience because I'm like, I'm doing these things. But, you know, like another thing that happened that I do think is connected to our pod. I got heckled when I walked out on Seth Meyers. That is such a weird. Here to help new girl fan where you're like, it was a younger woman. I walked out and she goes and then gave a high five to the woman next to her. And I thought, fucking awesome. Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought. I wasn't gonna say anything, but I thought you were maybe more at ease with this stuff. Not that you're stressed out about it, but it's a thing. But you were like. You just were killing it. It just seemed like you were very comfortable in the pocket.

[Jake Johnson]

And I think a lot of it.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

A lot.

[Jake Johnson]

We. Well, not only that, we're doing a press tour all the time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right.

[Jake Johnson]

And we have a base and our base is supportive. So I know the base is going to check out your movie. I know the base is going to watch this press. I know the bass is with us

[Gareth Reynolds]

and watch the Dink. I mean, yes, but really.

[Jake Johnson]

But I know. But for that, I'm pushing the Dink to everybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know.

[Jake Johnson]

But while I was there, I'm like. But I am deep down talking to our group a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You did a great job too. You brought up the show a lot. You did a great job. It was really, you. You covered a lot. Cuz you have a lot of going on. You covered a lot of ground very well. So I don't know. I bet. Are you tired?

[Jake Johnson]

Exhausted, man.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, you were going non stop.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, I got to get off, but tell everyone about your movie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My movie's called Give it Up. Jake's in it. Jake's hilarious in it. And Berg's in it. You. We're taking it on tour in August, going across the country. We're literally hitting 12 cities. We might be adding more, but go to giveitupfilm.com and now we can say without further.

[Jake Johnson]

Enjoy the ads, everybody. There's a lot of them.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Shh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't say that.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

I am legit watching this. This feels like something our podcast should have been producing. I would love to see the best dunkers dunk. We need to discuss the dunk contest and we might need to lower it into a six foot dunk contest presented by Shaquille o'.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Who are you talking to, please? Excuse me. Hello?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah, hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look alive. Showtime.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Awesome. Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. Hello.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who are you talking to, please?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, this is Sydney.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Sydney.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who are you talking to? Sydney, we all heard you.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

What do you mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Never mind. How old are you, Sydney?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

27.

[Gareth Reynolds]

27.

[Jake Johnson]

My partner's right. Who are you chatting with?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I got nervous. Garreth and Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

Sydney, who you Gavin with in that room of yours?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Names?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, it's my boss.

[Jake Johnson]

So, yeah, you're at work right now?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah, I am at work right now.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. No more to be on my break, Sydney. No more talking to anybody in that room except for us three. Deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No more lies either.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

That's a deal. I got you.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Where are you calling from?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Wisconsin.

[Jake Johnson]

What part?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Hudson.

[Jake Johnson]

Your thoughts, Gareth?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Hudson. On the border of Wisconsin and Minnesota.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's why I don't care for it. It's right at the edge there.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah, well, I mean, I was born and raised in Minnesota, so move on.

[Jake Johnson]

Sydney, what do you do for work? What do you do for work?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I work at a car wash.

[Jake Johnson]

Cool. We got somebody together. Yeah, truthfully.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Sydney, what's happening?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Okay, so I recently injured my arm and I have to wear a sling for a couple more weeks. And a lot of my job involves retail with nosy customers, so I've had about 50% ask me what happened, and then 10% ask me if a boyfriend did this and if they need to go beat him up. And I've told my doctor, my dad, and my sister that it happened at the gym, but the real reason is kind of embarrassing, so I need a good, funny and quick lie to tell people when they ask. I have told some that I was mauled by a bear, but then they freak out too much, so that's too big.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, well, obviously we need to know the real reason.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. In order to help us.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Doctors.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I knew you Were going to ask that. Yeah. I couldn't reach the part of my back that was itchy, and so I tried to force my arm back there, and then I heard a pop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sydney.

[Jake Johnson]

Who are you? Me? That's how all my injuries occur.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sydney, I think you've just changed. Itching. For everyone listening to the show who knew that it needed a safety net. What is the injury?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

It's just like a. It was like a spray. Well, they said it's probably just a muscle strain, but I still can't really move my arms.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, you're in a full cast. We're seeing your back.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So you just couldn't get to that one corner, and it was itching like crazy, and you went to the. You Jiu Jitsu'd yourself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You basically knocked yourself out. You armed guard yourself.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yes, my roommates did ask why I didn't just use the corner of a door.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I mean.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, we've all seen bears. There's. There's a way.

[Jake Johnson]

And so your question is now, when people ask what happened to your arm? I. I. Honestly, if I'm you, I just say, itching my back and then don't. If they follow. I know, but you don't even. You just let them get there. They go, what happened? Your boyfriend will kick your ass. You go like this. Nah, I was itching. But do it like. You're tough. I was itching. He'd be like, what was I doing? Nah, I was itching my back. And then go like this. Wink and go like this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Work.

[Jake Johnson]

Go like this. Wink and go like this. But I got it. And go. Ain't nothing gonna stop me from getting that itch quickly. Scratched it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did you get it?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yes, I did indeed.

[Jake Johnson]

So I do this. You know what I do, Sydney? Ask me what happened to my arm. Pretend you're somebody.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, what happened to your arm?

[Jake Johnson]

My. This old arm. You know, that smaller. Your back is impossible to get through for an average person. That little hole that nobody could ever get to. Yeah, I had an itch there, and I busted my arm to get there, but I.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

You.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You injured your arm itching yourself?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I went.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why are you saying it like.

[Jake Johnson]

I went to the Bermuda Triangle of my back. I bent my arm backwards, but I did the impossible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Jake Johnson]

I did the impossible. Not all heroes win.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You said call yourself a hero. Just do it. Just do what?

[Jake Johnson]

Don't be afraid of success.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you talking about?

[Jake Johnson]

Never quit. That's my kind of thought. Gareth, what is your take on that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I. Listen I think Jake is. Jake deserves the Congressional Medal of Honor for his valiant service and trying to make itching your back sound like it was D day.

[Jake Johnson]

But let's now see, Sydney, I'm gonna ask you, and I want your impression of me doing your coolest version of making it sound badass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It.

[Jake Johnson]

Badass. Like the kind of itch that you need to break your arm to get to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I don't want any laughing. I want toughness.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

All right.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so pretend we're at the car wash. Oh, hey, hunch. I just need this crow wash off my car.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, yeah, well, we can help you with that.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, what happened to the arm? Did a boyfriend do it to you?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

No, no boyfriend. You know, I just. I had this itch on my back and I stretched my arm and I got it.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you mean?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I got the itch, but I lost the arm in the process.

[Jake Johnson]

Carrot. This is cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you out of What? Are you drunk? No, there's no way I lost the

[Jake Johnson]

arm, but I got the itch. Not all heroes wear capes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They do wear slings. No, I know. That is. I love that. Is that what that does? Is that. You know what this is? This is why she called. That is a pov. Changing statement. You now start picturing this person through a whole different prison. Yeah, I. It's.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Huh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't do business with this person.

[Jake Johnson]

You're the customer, Sydney. You're. You try another spin at it. But. Same idea. You got the fucking itch that nobody could get to and let them know how hard it is. And that you quite literally dislocated your arm to get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, and maybe. And maybe you. Maybe, if you want to lay it on thicker, you did this so other people know you're a cautionary tale.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Or.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Okay, there ain't.

[Jake Johnson]

There ain't no part of your body you can't scratch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And ligaments ain't going to stop you because you did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Gary.

[Jake Johnson]

She got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I hit her. Sydney, can I just get the usual wash and wax?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. We can get that started for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What happened to the arm?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Well, you know how average people can't reach their whole back if they have an itch? I could reach it. I got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got the itch.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I got the job done.

[Jake Johnson]

How did you hurt your arm?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

By reaching that spot that average people can't reach. I did it. You didn't do it. I did it, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What. What happened?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

It popped. My arm popped while I was scratching the itch.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Okay.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

But I got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Way to go.

[Jake Johnson]

Come on, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna be honest. I'm coming around.

[Jake Johnson]

You're doing such a good job, Sydney.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm coming around.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My pitches. My pitches are lies. I. And I think. I gotta be honest. Pretty good now. It's pretty.

[Jake Johnson]

It's because of her performance. You were watching my performance. And mine was bad. Hers is better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I also think that when I first heard it. It's so crazy. But the. I think maybe it is. It's like if the snake eats its tail. This is. You can't do the funniest thing.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And own it in a way of bravery.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. It's starting to work for me a little.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's do this really fast. Sydney. Natalie, you mind hopping on. What's that? Will you pretend you're at the gas station. I want how you would do it. And. Or at the car wash. And you ask Sydney about her arm. And let's see what happens.

[Natalie (Producer)]

I would never ask someone why their arm is in a sling. The are these people doing?

[Jake Johnson]

Pretend you're being social. You're in with.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Thank you, Natalie.

[Jake Johnson]

Pretend you do pretend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not crazy.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Ask a strange person what's why they're Chopper five.

[Jake Johnson]

My brother would ask everybody. Every person.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Your brother is insane. Also.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chopper 5 is not insane. And he's in the chopper.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe when it came to equipment, he bought the weirdest setup imaginable for some reason.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Facts.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's just try it. Natalie, pretend you're being social at the car washing. You're worried about her. Okay. In three, two, let's see what happens.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, hi.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Are you okay? What's. What's going on with your arm?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, well. Have you ever had an itch that you just can't scratch because your arm doesn't reach all the way down your back?

[Natalie (Producer)]

No, I'm very flexible.

[Jake Johnson]

Get on. Get out of this car wash. Get out of here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're a nightmare, fancy pants.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what, Sydney? You're in a golden zone. We're gonna do one more, you and me, so that your confidence is back to where it needs to be. Garrett and I are coming in together as two guys. We just pulled up. We're driving the we're here to help van. We're getting a car washed. We see you. We walk in. He and I are gabbing. And let's do this scene. And Sydney, do it for real and sell it, because we are going to ask you to have your phone Ready? And try to record it if it ever happens. But let's. Oh yeah, let's try one. Sydney, Gareth and I just got out. We are walking. Gareth, if you want to do any small talk before we get to the counter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, they.

[Jake Johnson]

Three, two and just got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I got the tropical flavored air freshener. That's my favorite of the trees.

[Jake Johnson]

Why are you talking that way?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, sorry. I was talking to my friend Ralph here. It's been a cervic and negative. A crazy thing to say. Can we get one while you're doing voices? Garrett, we got the van out there. Whoa, Ralph, are we here to help?

[Jake Johnson]

Van?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, so we're here to help.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Van.

[Jake Johnson]

So why would Ralph and Donnie be driving a we're here to help van?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is crazy right now. We'll talk about it later. Can't you see the lady's been under duress recently?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I understand. Hey, honey. What happened to the arm?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Are you guys good?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, we're good. But why is the arm in a swing?

[Jake Johnson]

What's going on?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Well, you know, I just. I couldn't reach that itch at the middle of my back, so I tried to force it and you know, I did the job. I got it done, but broke the arm in the process.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you mean, sweetheart? You broke your arm itching back?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah. Haven't you ever had an itch that bad?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, for sure. Of course.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

And you didn't break your arm?

[Jake Johnson]

No, I always stop when the pressure gets too hard on the elbow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I think every. You know, your body has a breaking point where you're limitations are kind of self proposed.

[Jake Johnson]

It warns you, kid, doesn't it?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

You know, I just. I don't know how to listen to my body. So I. I forced it and it was too much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I gotta jump in. Jake, we've lost it. Because I agree.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Her confidence, that was horrible.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it went sideways.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It all went sideways when you. When you.

[Jake Johnson]

We were about to end the call, then you blew it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You blew it.

[Natalie (Producer)]

You like, brought in croco and blew it.

[Jake Johnson]

Get out of here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Sydney. So sorry you had to hear that. Sydney, this is what I want you to imagine when this is brought up. And this is kind of where you were at one point. Imagine that we're talking to a legend. The first person who climbed Everest.

[Jake Johnson]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Someone who has. You remember that guy Felix, whatever his name was? He jumped from space for Red Bull. It's almost like you look out the window and the light just kind of hits your eyes. And you kind of nod to yourself and just kind of go, you're unbelievable. Yeah, I got it. And I paid the ultimate price.

[Jake Johnson]

But Gareth is right, you're unbelievable, Sidney.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You climbed Everest. That's the level of intensity and the cadence of pride. So let's just try again. And remember, part of what's fun about this is these are throwaway conversations. These are people who are coming into the car wash. This is about you enjoying yourself a little bit. So it is a strange way to hurt your arm. But you know what? You actually discovered an element that is sort of created nuclear fusion. You are a hero. Your name is going to be in history books. Give yourself that level of self aggrandizement.

[Jake Johnson]

So let's go again. I'm gonna stay in the van.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stand the. Hey there. Can we get the van? Wash my buddies in there.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, yeah. Is it under 7ft tall?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's okay. He's screaming for some reason. What'd you say, hun?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Sorry, is it under 7ft tall?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get me out. Yeah, it is. Don't worry about him. He's fine. The window's down a little bit. He's a bit of a drama guy. All right. He's gonna be in there. We'll both probably be in there when you wash it, but yeah, full wash. Let's wax it too. It's obvious. Got the big decal on it. We're here to help. Hell of a show. Whoa. You're not doing the washing, are you?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

No, not doing that. We got somebody else in there, you

[Gareth Reynolds]

know, you wouldn't be able to.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What. What, what happened? Huh?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah, you know, I. I had this itch in the middle of my back and I couldn't reach it for a little while, but I. I tried and I worked hard and I did it and I. I got. I got the itch scratched. It worked.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I'm gonna jump in. Cindy, I'm gonna give you a note. You know what I want?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Warmer?

[Jake Johnson]

No, breathier. And slower. Okay, try again. Right to where. Gareth, will you set her up into it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Whoa. Hey. What. What happened to the arm there? Kid, it's in a sling.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, the arm.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Well, I. I had an itch in the middle of my back and I stretched my arm back there. You know, it took a while and. And then I. I heard a pop, but I got the itch. I got it.

[Jake Johnson]

So it's Any one more note because you are good at taking notes and you are right there. One last element you need to do is you need to ask yourself questions and then answer them. Example, this arm, let me tell you. You ever had an itch? I have also.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would other people be able to get it?

[Jake Johnson]

Probably not exactly right. So this same rhythm, that breathiness, that confidence, that pace. But throw in a couple questions, take a beat, answer it, continue. Gareth, you mind setting her up?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, all right. So let's just get it. Oh, hey, what's. What happened to the arm there, kid?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

My arm. Oh, my arm. Yeah. Well, have you ever had an itch that you can't scratch, you just can't reach it? I've had that. You know, I've had it last week, and I brought my arm back there, and I was trying to itch this, and, you know, I did. I did get it. I got it. I got it. The itching went away. But my arm. Have you ever heard a pop when you've turned the wrong way, then you can't walk the rest of the day? I heard a pop when I was snatching my back, but the pop was in my arm. And now I can't move it.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, this is excellent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're right there. Let's do one more, and then we'll end it.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

You're so good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A little. You know, doctors said they've never seen anyone fight so hard for.

[Jake Johnson]

This is right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, your cadence is perfect.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just, you know, like, a lot of people would have stopped trying. Not me. I pushed, and boy, am I glad I did. So, same thing. Let's just go one more. You're right there. Hey, kid. Whoa. Came in for a car wash. Now I'm all questions. What happened to your arm there? Why is it in the old sling?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, well, I'm all right right now. All right handed. Yeah. The arm. My arm. Have you ever. You ever had an itch that you just can't scratch? You can't reach it? Well, I've had that. I had it last week, and I tried, you know, I did my best. It took a long time. It took a lot of effort. I got my arm back there. Have you ever twisted the wrong way and then you have back pain the rest of the day? Well, I did that with my arm. I just stretched it the wrong way trying to reach that scratch. Climb in Everest. And I pushed myself, heard a pop, got the itch, and I can't move my arm now.

[Jake Johnson]

Excellent. Sydney. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How do you feel about doing this?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I think it's pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. And you know what? You're gonna get asked a lot. Keep Building off of it, you know?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Gotcha.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Doctors have never seen anyone fight so hard like me.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that. Just. Just picture yourself putting the flag in the peak of Everest in, like, the 30s.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Sydney, good job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep us posted.

[Jake Johnson]

One last piece of advice to you from your uncles on this one. Next time you got that itch, use a wall.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

When your body starts to hurt, stop doing that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's your body's way of saying, you're not supposed to go there.

[Jake Johnson]

It's too far away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a crazy thing. I'm gonna teach you a lesson soon.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're gonna miss when your biggest pain was an itch.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So if your body is giving you a warning sign, listen to it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But that's just us off record.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. You know, you could also do. You could do one after somebody asks. You could tell them, like, you're teaching them where you could go. Like, you ever had an itch in your back and you can't reach it and your arm's giving you a warning sign, but you don't listen. You push through it till your arm pops out of place and you got to wear a sling? Well, here's my message to you. Listen to your body. That itch is too far away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And I also. If I could leave you with one note, at some point, say hero, question mark to yourself.

[Jake Johnson]

Agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See where you go.

[Jake Johnson]

And then just. You could also. Hero, question mark, and then make direct eye contact and just slowly nod yes, hero, hero. And then go like this. Not for me to say. That's for the history books to decide.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let history write that name down.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly that. Yeah. Hey, Cindy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're in a record one, Sydney. Let us hear it.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, we'll do. Go get him. Thank you.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Okay, bye.

[Jake Johnson]

August is the perfect time to hit reset before the autumn rush begins. And honestly, I can't think of a better place to start than my closet. God damn it. That's why I love shopping at Quince. Quince is all about fewer, better choices. Their clothes are made with premium materials, built to last and designed to become the ones you reach for day after day. These are facts of life. I never heard of quints before this podcast. Now I wear quince 65% of the time. I like the shirts and I like the jeans. You can wear whatever you want and buy whatever you like. This old alley cat likes the shirts, the T shirts, and the jeans. I'm a fan of Quince.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quint specializes in everyday staples that work harder. Ultra soft organic cotton tees. A premium Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Versatile, timeless. Transition seamlessly from a casual workday to a dinner out. I rock Quince all the time. I just I love quince clothes. We talk about it often.

[Jake Johnson]

Upgrade your every day. Download the Quince app for App Exclusive offers or go to quints.com here to help. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's quince q u I n c e dot com here to help and

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

I started using Mint Mobile years ago. Now at this point could not be easier. All the things you would be worried about if you are leaving your phone company you do need to worry about. The only thing you need to worry about is how you're going to keep all that money in your pocket and have people not notice the bulge. Sorry, this is taking a strange direction but but it's true. Mint Mobile is just going to save you money.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

Honestly, it's a great sponsor because it works. It's worked great for us. We've used it for Whatever that party was. Wigs and ties or something like that. I want to say wigs and salmon. I know it's not that, but that would be a heck of a party. You got to bring salmon and wear a wig. That feels like an Alaska type party, by the way, themed party idea. Wigs and salmon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. How are you?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I'm good. How are you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great. You sound a lot like Jesse, I'm not gonna lie to you. What is your name, please? I mean, you sound like my name, like Jesse. Wait, hold on, Jesse.

[Jake Johnson]

Jump on, Zach. Will you guys do a little intro, just the two of you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have a conversation. Jesse, do the work here. Hey, can I get your name, please?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Hi, my name is Zach.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I'm Jesse. Are you guys having fun?

[Jake Johnson]

I want to keep hearing. I'm not sure if I see him as the same. Keep going, Jess.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Zach, where are you from?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I'm from Columbus, Ohio.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Columbus, Ohio.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Yep. Nice. That's where my dad grew up.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

That's true.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Hello, son.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Hello. I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

I. I see him as different. Thank you for doing that, Jesse. Zach.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take care, Jesse.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Bye.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's closer. It's close. It's close.

[Jake Johnson]

It's close. Zach from Columbus, what can we do for you today, buddy?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

So I have a bit of a dilemma. I have a niece that lives with me who is 25 years old. I'm a single father of three kids, so I'm, you know, home alone a lot. But she has her boyfriend come over to the house and stay the night sometimes, which is no big deal. I like the guy. But lately, I have not been able to watch TV in my living room because I can hear the bed squeaking rhythmically in the room above me. So, yeah, so I. Which is no big deal. But I guess my dilemma is how do I. How do I get her to maybe be a little more quiet or fix that squeaky bed without telling her that I have heard it?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, this is interesting. Zach, walk me through again the living situation. You said roommate.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Yeah, that's my niece.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She lives in the bedroom above the living room.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Correct.

[Jake Johnson]

And what's her age range?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

She is 25.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And is she in there alone?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

She lives here alone, but her boyfriend is over there when it's squeaking.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so your 25 year old niece is upstairs, as they used to say. As Chuck Worley used to say, I connection making whoopy. And how do we, how do we tell her? We can all hear it, right.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Without letting her know that I have heard it.

[Jake Johnson]

Understood. 100%. And how many other family members live in the house?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I have three little girls myself. They're toddlers.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh my gosh. So you got three toddlers? You got. By the way, you got three. And you're allowing your niece to be there?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

It's a.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

It's a very women filled house.

[Jake Johnson]

Lucky man. So this is a tough one, Gareth, because what we don't want to do is shame a 25 year old, especially coming from her uncle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it's uncomfortable in every way. It's uncomfortable for you to be like, hey, you too loud. What do you do for that?

[Jake Johnson]

We gotta fix the problem.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I actually work from home. I'm an animator.

[Gareth Reynolds]

An animator, okay. Do you ever take work calls?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I do, yeah. I'm actually, I had to leave the house today so that I could take this call. I didn't want her to hear me.

[Jake Johnson]

Respect. You know what my first pitch is, Zach?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

What?

[Jake Johnson]

When she's away, take one of the legs off the bed and break it. So that could definitely work. Actually, the bed's on a weird angle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I actually. Jake, this leads me. This is.

[Jake Johnson]

Go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. I think we're gonna have to set up a Chitty Chitty bang bang. Which is, which is he goes up there when she's not there and he really loosens the screws on the bed so that when the squeaky machine happens, we chitty Chitty bang bang. The legs drop. That way it gives you a new heightened in. Zach, what the hell was that? And then you can sort of be

[Jake Johnson]

like, look, no, the second half of this is going to be bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

After you said look, jump in. But if you set up a bed break.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Zach, your thoughts?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I, I feel like that could work. I, I had a similar idea, but I, I feel like all that's going to happen is it would fall back on me to fix. Fix the bed or replace it.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, it probably would.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But what we could do in fixing it is take the squeak out.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

That's true. Get some WD40 in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And also gives you.

[Jake Johnson]

It gets you a chance to look, we're not. You can't tell a 25 year old not to make will be in her home.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

True.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not like you're hearing the moaning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, but he's hearing the. Well, he knows. Are you?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I'm avoiding the proximity, so I understand. I'm sure if I got close I might be able to.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting. So there's no. How old are your kids?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Seven. Five and two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy. And you're doing this. Are you full time alone with the kids?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

50. 50.

[Gareth Reynolds]

50.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

50.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, question for you. When the two year old, whose memory can she talk?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Why don't you ask the 2 year old to ask her one day, why is your bed so squeaky or room so nice?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

That's a pretty good idea, right?

[Jake Johnson]

Because when the way you could do it is let her go in there one day and say you could jump on the bed and then she jumps on the bed and then go in there and go like really squeaky.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Huh?

[Jake Johnson]

And she'll go, yeah. Then later you say you should go ask her why her bed is so squeaky and say you hear it squeaking all the time when she's in there with her boyfriend. If it. Because if a two year old says it, you're gonna go, oh, you wanna know what? Or you know, we're doing in there, we're just playing. And then she's gonna go, my 2 year old is hearing this. This is a nightmare. And then that's not embarrassing because it's a kid. And the kid, you just frame it in a way where you're having her ask a really funny quote like, and just ask her those questions. Like, kid doesn't know. It's not like a two year old's gonna go like, I'm doing this because my dad went on a podcast. Think about 2 year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you could feed the 2 year old.

[Jake Johnson]

Got the brain of a dog. Got the brain of a dog. I wouldn't feel bad doing this to my dog.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

That's true. Yeah. I don't know if the 2 year old would be able to remember it, but the middle child might be able to also not rat me out.

[Jake Johnson]

So the five. But here's what you don't want to do. The five year old, don't say that. I told you. We don't want to put any weirdness on it. But if you could say if somehow the game would be, in my opinion, Zach is tricking the five year old into thinking it was her question. And she's going to get to the bottom of it.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Because if she goes like this, my dad asked or if she's thinking, I'm not allowed to tell my dad and she's trying to hold in a lie. Not worth it.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

That's a good point.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think exactly? Where's your head at?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I feel like. I feel like that could definitely solve the squeakiness. If there were any other sounds, like thumping, like maybe the headboard hitting the wall, how would I handle that? Same thing with the kids jumping on the bed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got a pitch.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't you. Okay. She. When she's gone, move the bed a little bit. Take a. I could already tell Jake's not gonna enjoy where I'm going, But where the. Where the headboard meets the wall, like, it. Does it have posts or is it a headboard? It's a headboard, but it has, like the. It has corners.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Correct.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. I want you to. When she's gone, move the bed a little bit. And you're. This. This is going to get cleaned up, but you take a hammer, and you kind of tap into the drywall a little bit, and you give it a pound on each part of it, and you get dust to drop there so it looks like the headboard is creating the problem. And then you. Few days later, you'll say, hey, I had to go in your room for something. I noticed that the headboard is starting to kind of go through the wall a little bit. I guess it's from movement, but if you could try to limit that. I'm going to come in and kind of patch the walls up.

[Jake Johnson]

Garrett, that's so embarrassing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's a. I mean, listen, that's like.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, that's the equivalent of saying, like. As I was cleaning your sheets, I noticed a wet spot near the genital areas of the sheet. If you could please not do the wetting of the areas near your genitals, I would greatly appreciate it because it does soak through to the mattress.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, I got another pitch.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've got to keep swinging. Hire a maid for the day. Get a maid. Make sure she.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Hold on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Make sure she knows the maid's coming in. Right. Oh, we're getting a maid tomorrow. Whatever. The maid comes in, and you're going to say that the maid said there's a lot of dust from the drywall under the bed.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm going to go to you. Zach, what do you think about this Hyuran made or creating a hole in the drywall pitch?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I think it could work, and then I would have to just patch it up. I don't know. If she would correlate the two.

[Jake Johnson]

To be honest with you, you might just knock a hole in drywall and patch it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Remain neutral. I gotta be honest. I gotta be honest. I got. I like Jake's. I gotta be honest. I'm really into the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I think the next. I think the next time that he's coming over that you. You're. I mean, is he coming over every night?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

About three times a week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so the next time that you hear that you have a definitive he's coming over and she leaves the house, you go get that goddamn Allen wrench and you go up there and you loosen the.

[Jake Johnson]

But no, no, it's not to break, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

This is where we're different. I would. First of all, Zach, is it the kind of mattress that you can loosen the legs or the backboard?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I'm not sure, maybe.

[Jake Johnson]

Because if it is, I'm not loosening till break. I'm loosening so that it gets even louder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm loosening so we. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. There's a bang. And then he's able to be like, look, that was crazy. I. What you do in your time is your business.

[Jake Johnson]

But he doesn't want that confrontation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he's not confronting her about. He's confronting. I mean, he's softly confronted.

[Jake Johnson]

Zach, where are you at here? Because I'm not going to argue with Gareth if you're liking it, if you're looking for the bed to break in order to give you an excuse to confront, we could go down that road. But I need you to feel like.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Yeah, I feel like the kid route might be better because they kind of look up to her as an older sibling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And so there is the other version, because now do you mind the confrontation or do you not want a confrontation?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I don't mind it, but I feel like, as an uncle, we've got a pretty decent relationship since we're close enough in age that I'm trying to avoid that side of it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so we're looking to go away from that talk at all. I think I was saying that to Gareth then, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just thought maybe he would hear the Chitty shitty Bang Bang. And I know.

[Jake Johnson]

I know you really want Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and so do I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's got Bang Bang at the end, which I think we've kind of just glossed over how kismet that is, but go ahead.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Have a good call, Zach.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, you're still part of it. You're Never gonna stop talking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What an empty threat. You guys figure this out?

[Jake Johnson]

An empty threat from either of us. I'll just remain quiet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll let you handle this one.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Mine.

[Jake Johnson]

My empty threat is I'll remain neutral.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what this is? This is two surgeons over an open body, like, trying to figure it out. And sometimes.

[Jake Johnson]

You didn't go to med school.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who, like, have watched a lot about med school. Not a lot. They watched ER a couple times. Honestly, one of them probably played in medical stuff. And then the bodies. There's, like. There's just a pulse that's slowly increasing, and we're starting to get a little more heightened. Handing each other utensils. And then when the other one makes a cut, it's like, well, that's going to fuck the whole thing up.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Zach, what zone do you want to go down here? We've given a few roads, but in order to really start painting this painting, I think we need a little bit from you, sir.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I think going down the kid route might be best. They will. I think they'll be decent actors, and I won't make a big deal about it being a secret. And I think she would listen to them.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, and how would you go about doing it? What's your game plan?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

They do like to go into her room when she's not home and just see if she's in there. So maybe I can lead them in there. They can be silly and jump on the bed, and I could make a comment about how wobbly and squeaky it is.

[Jake Johnson]

Fun. Okay, great. And then how are you going to lead that to getting them to ask her? Will you do us a favor? Will you do both voices? Will you do you and your kids to give us a sense of how this is going to go down?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Okay, let me see.

[Jake Johnson]

The performance of the kids does not need to be excellent.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Okay. Hey, guys, let's go see if your niece is home. We'll jump on in, see what she's doing in the room.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Okay, let's go in. Oh.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Oh. Doesn't look like she's here, but, hey, we could jump on the bed really quick.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Okay.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

All right. Why don't you guys climb on up there? Oh, that sure is. That's squeaky, isn't it? That's pretty loud. You can hear it hitting the wall, too.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

It is kind of squeaky, huh? Maybe we should say something to her when she gets home, just to let her know how loud it is and that, you know, we can hear it in the other rooms.

[Jake Johnson]

This is Great.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Oh yeah, we should try that. And I feel like I'll probably have to remind them like you said, memory of a goldfish.

[Jake Johnson]

But a reminding. A reminding is really easy because then you could also go. You could gaslight a little bit. Didn't you want to bring something up to her?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

That's a good point. They might just stare at me blankly

[Jake Johnson]

and then go about going back

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You go prep it then you can even prep it when you have a second. By the way, your kid voice was phenomenal.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very good.

[Jake Johnson]

I like both performances. I found it very enjoyable. I could have listen longer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I like that. I mean, unfortunately this does scream for again, not saying pay the tab. But I am saying you really could include us in this process a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

I would love to feel the videos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a lot of off mic work that I think could be very beneficial not only to you, but to the show a little bit here, Zach. So if you could record maybe on an audio file the squeaky bed talking to the kids about how we can kind of bring this up, that might be a very enjoyable curtain peeling for us if possible.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

I can do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Zach, please follow up with us. We're very interested.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get. Get that part for sure. And then sure.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The timing wise you're gonna have to figure out. But I definitely think, you know, prep them.

[Jake Johnson]

I would love to hear the kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would love to hear you.

[Jake Johnson]

You talking to them about it and

[Gareth Reynolds]

hearing you getting the kids ready for the show going to be probably the meat of this whole situation here.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

All right. Yeah, I can definitely do that. They're used to me recording silly videos with them, so I'm sure they won't

[Jake Johnson]

think anything of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When are you going to start doing this?

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Hopefully this week, man. I'm trying to get my living room back. Just be able to watch some tv.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, that sounds fair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, well go get him, Zach, and keep us posted. And please record it. Please don't. Don't be one of these ones that we just don't hear from again. Please come back to us, baby.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Absolutely. And thank you guys for the help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, see you, bud.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Take care.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sweet Jesse here. This next call is a follow up from episode 300, Jen Italia.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Hello,

[Jake Johnson]

Guy? Who is this? It's a follow up.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Hi, I am a follow up. I'm the one. I'm Genitalia, the one that called you guys to get create a tattoo for me.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh my God. Yes, she was gonna get a tattoo. Cause your dad Died.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, right. Last in studio, right? Yeah, yeah. And actually, it's fitting that it's food related.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. And your dad was an Italian and it was gonna be spaghetti based.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

And I don't remember the genitalia part.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Nope.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I said, right.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

It's the only part of genitalia. It's not fun. That's right. It was a call and everything dropped out and we just heard about genitalia

[Gareth Reynolds]

and Gareth, and I was like, yes, okay, stop recording. Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, I'm literally interested in a reality.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take this call of the card out of it.

[Jake Johnson]

This is awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is cool.

[Jake Johnson]

This is awesome. Are there photos?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

This is our job. Oh, now genitalia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's your problem? Oh, your father passed that stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so what did you say the word genitalia before? Keep saying so keep going. Take over. How did we end? Where you. What? What did we say? What did you do? Where you at? Floor is yours.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah. So I created some images for you guys to take a look at. I sent them in. I'm not sure if you're able to have a look at the.

[Jake Johnson]

But. So you have not at this point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Another caller crashed our server earlier.

[Jake Johnson]

You have not at this. This point tattooed anything?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. I love it. Tell me your first name again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jenny.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Jessica. I was. My. My nickname was Poopy. We kind of laughed at that a little bit from my.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Jessica, let's see these images. Okay. Beautiful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow. Okay, so yeah, your father was Nicola.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, I love that tattoo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is great. So for anyone just listening, there's some basil. It's like some pasta in the shape of a heart. And we've got some sauce at the bottom. And then your father's name. The O is a meatball, per the pitch. And it just says your father's name inside the pasta heart and it says Nicola. It's very nice.

[Jake Johnson]

Jessica, where would you get this genitalia?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I was thinking arm or leg.

[Jake Johnson]

As a lady with a lot of tattoos, what do you think?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesse, that is the daddest you've ever done. And I loved it. That is so funny. That is such a good bit. That is.

[Jake Johnson]

I had to show my age first. I'm looking at dad tattoos, old Italian dad jokes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That rope a dope was perfect as a woman with a lot of tattoos. Just this.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think?

[Natalie (Producer)]

Yeah, I think. I think it'll go. I mean, it's small.

[Jake Johnson]

Where. Where do you think it should go on her bod?

[Natalie (Producer)]

I don't know. I have to see her body to be able to.

[Jake Johnson]

Now that's good. Producer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you heard Natalie.

[Jake Johnson]

You heard the producer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was neither of the men.

[Natalie (Producer)]

If you have an open spot on your arm that has more tattoos around it, I would probably put it with others.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I have a sweet little spot on both my arms. I just have to choose which one. But I'm going leaning towards arms.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so that's one. Let's see option number doach.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay. We're seeing the second option here. Very similar. It's. Except the pasta is. The spaghetti's in the middle of the heart.

[Jake Johnson]

It looks like a chicken meatball to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It kind of looks like a fancy dish, but it's still a heart. It says Nicola, no meatball.

[Jake Johnson]

O.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which I'm going to be honest, I like.

[Jake Johnson]

Me too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's. It's similar.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll say this. I'm more one than two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am, too.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, can we see the third option?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, third option. Very similar. This time it's.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm more one than three.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I'm. I'm so far one. I like the meat collar.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what you're missing. It just says the name with a little bit of meat sauce. The meat sauce looks like cherry sauce. I'm a pass on this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. The meatballs in the corner, it looks like the basil is growing out of it.

[Jake Johnson]

It's Disney's confused.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It does the.

[Natalie (Producer)]

The way the penny is like the holes are at the top.

[Jake Johnson]

The holes are weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, the holes are weird.

[Jake Johnson]

It also doesn't look like a meatball. It looks like a pile of everything on. This one's terrible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake's really turning on the meatball. This one that was.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a chicken meat. One is actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One is great. Well, the meatball being a no.

[Jake Johnson]

Is it only the three?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, Jessica, this is a trick people do in Hollywood. When you test for a show. They put sometimes three actors up to the studio in the network to decide. And what they do is a lot of times they put the one they want up and then they show two other meatballs that they don't want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For some of us who weren't aware of this tactic in the business, Jessica, that's a tough thing to hear, but keep going.

[Jake Johnson]

I've been both. I've been in the middle of a test being like, you're literally looking at your phone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mitch had this story with Will Arnett when he booked Joe. He goes into the waiting room. He goes, you Got it. And then he looks over, and the other actors are sitting there, and he's like, I mean, all of you.

[Jake Johnson]

Everybody's. This is gonna be great. It's without question the first one.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Oh, Jesse said there's a fourth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, there's a fourth.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Hang on, hang on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on.

[Jake Johnson]

We're gonna see one more jazz, but

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's gonna be hard to beat one.

[Jake Johnson]

One's really good. And that's the same colors you're gonna do.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah. But I was thinking color.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love it.

[Jake Johnson]

It looks retro. It looks 50s. It looks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And I think Jake's right. The meatball. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, that's interesting, isn't it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

Four just got in the game. So this is. The pasta is all over the background. The Nicola's in the middle, the meatball. The only problem with this one is it looks like the meatball's been murdered.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It looks.

[Natalie (Producer)]

I would not do this one.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a dead body. And the marinara sauce looks like the blood coming out of the dead meatball. I'm leaning with Nat Attack. I'm going. One final answer. I'm ready to lock it in. Garrett.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Lock in one. I think one's the one, Jesse.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Okay. That's what I was leaning more towards, too.

[Natalie (Producer)]

Yeah. Number one is good. Four. That's not gonna translate.

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And also, the. The pot. That much pasta in the heart is very busy. It's gonna hurt, like.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So, Jess, we are all locking in on one. What do you say?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Perfect. That's the one I was leaning towards as well. So that. That's great. Yeah.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

What arm?

[Jake Johnson]

Let's talk really fast. You thinking right arm? Less left arm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And when.

[Jake Johnson]

And when. I got a couple of questions about arm, and let's find the position. We're going to put this on your body.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I want it to be a spot I can see. So I'm thinking my inner arm. There's a sweet spot, like, right. Right there.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so you're talking about, like, the bicep in our arm, the lower half near the bottom. Think about as we age, and that area gets a little bit more. Flap those noodles in your 60s and 70s. If it's there, that's gonna be gross.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. If you let your arms become noodles, it's gonna be a whole weird.

[Jake Johnson]

No matter what happens, at a certain point, that's gonna sag that. The bottom of the arm is gonna turkey neck a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And again, for some of us who have tattoos on our inner bicep, this Again, is tough to hear. There's a lot of tough revelations.

[Jake Johnson]

What you don't want with the turkey neck, you don't want those noodles in that red sauce dripping down your arm as you're waving at somebody going like, let's come this way.

[Natalie (Producer)]

She's not gonna do it in that position. The bottom is gonna be by her elbow.

[Jake Johnson]

The bottom is gonna be by her elbow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look here. Here's the move. Just never say, come this way and you can avoid this problem because that is.

[Jake Johnson]

There's no way it's gonna be that way. She wants to read it, so she

[Natalie (Producer)]

wants to see it.

[Jake Johnson]

So tell us the position. Where is the bottom of the heart gonna be on your arm?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

The bottom would be kind. The crevice of the arm is like where you get blood tests. That's where the bottom.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I hear what you're saying. I was wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I saw what you saw. But.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. This way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Christ.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that a recola tattoo?

[Jake Johnson]

That is some saggy you're talking about. It starts in the middle arm goes south and ends where you draw blood. That's a beautiful. That.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that you go on. Left arm or right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nice. That at the bottom, the sauce is where the blood will come out. I mean, it's a little meta, but.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you going right arm or left arm?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Right arm.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

When are you doing this?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I have a appointment booked next week, so. Next week.

[Jake Johnson]

And you remember our deal about when this tattoo is on your arm?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I did, yeah. Time to stop.

[Jake Johnson]

The grief period has ended.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's over.

[Jake Johnson]

You've entered a new phase.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah. Get my spark back.

[Jake Johnson]

And when you have moments where you're like, I miss my dog.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Life goes on, baby girl. You can't sit around. You can't sit around in a bowl of pasta and cry your whole life, honey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's Berg's job.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's really. There is the moment when that too gets on your arm whenever you're sad, you touch it and you move on.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Exactly. That's the whole point of it too, is to give me a little smile.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that. Jess, I think you're in very good shape. Gareth, you got anything you want to say?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I think it's very nice and I think it looks great. So go get them and then keep us posted.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I will. I'll send pictures. And I actually wanted to say one thing, like, speaking of smiles, too, I know that there's been a lot of comments lately, like some negative comments going around, but you guys are absolutely awesome. You make tons of people happy. Tons of people laugh, clearly. And that's what this whole thing was about. So I appreciate your time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So one last of us who weren't aware of all the negative comments. This has been a third revelation on the call. That's tough to hear.

[Jake Johnson]

So one last thing before we go, little lady. Take us out with a good goodbye, Jesse. The floor is yours, Little lady. What? What do we got, little lady?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please. The call for us, Jessica.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

What do you got?

[Jake Johnson]

All right, take us out. You know what? Do it. Do us one quick favor. Okay, I'm gonna. This is gonna be a turn. I don't know how it's gonna work. You got a funny story about your dad, one of those legendary dad stories, something he did that's ridiculous that you think about, and you go like, oh, my God, he was the best.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

I have a ton. Yeah, I have one I can think of that comes to mind.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. You want to share it?

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Sure, sure. There was one time that he was complaining about his glasses. He was driving around everywhere. He's like, I can't see. I can see what's going on. And then he ended up going to the optometrist, I think it's called the Glasses Doctor. And he realized that there was no lenses in his glasses. They popped out. So the whole time he was driving everywhere. Old gentleman with no glasses.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is so fucking funny.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a great one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is good. My glasses are broken. Yeah, they are.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I can't see. My eyes are broken.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You screwed me.

[Jake Johnson]

I wanted my money back. Jessica, thank you for the call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go get them. Keep us posted.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Thank you. Love you guys so much. Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Just want to mention that all new episodes are released a day early on Hulu.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

We are also having. Our back catalog is going to be on Hulu. We're going to do about 20 at a time. So if you have not checked us out on Hulu, then check us out on Hulu. Gareth, Jesse, are we saying any lies?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. And you can get season one, season two. We're going to have a nice melange on Hulu. But the day early, I mean, there's a lot of advantage.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's another thing. Here's another thing. People going, well, I don't have hulu. You got YouTube. Because we're there, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Hulu a day early. YouTube for stragglers.

[Jake Johnson]

And also you go, I don't have that. Well, we got Patreon.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

They go, I don't have that. What do you want?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay. Jake, we're trying to be inclusive and you're yelling at them, but I think you're right. It's just.

[Jake Johnson]

Look, you can watch this show anywhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a lot of options, okay?

[Jake Johnson]

Don't lose. Early Hulu's early audio day of YouTube day of Patreon. No ads.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's the way to remember it. Hulu New so Nulu, it's not the way to remember.

[Jake Johnson]

They also have back catalog stuff. Okay, then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That we call. Yeah. All right. It's falling apart.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelp pod to see our entire catalog.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associated associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strielecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Progressive Insurance Ad Voice]

That was a Headgum podcast. What's up, everybody?

[Jake Johnson]

I'm Kyle Mooney.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what's up, everybody?

[Jake Johnson]

I'm back behind and man. Ooh, I got. We got something to tell you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a brand new podcast on Headgum.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

That's right.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's called what's Our Podcast?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast should be about.

[Zach (Caller) / Jesse Thurston (Producer)]

Yeah, we don't.

[Jake Johnson]

So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about. And then we try that.

[Sydney / Jessica (Callers)]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Guests like Mark Marin, Jack Black, Brittany Brosi, Kate Berlant, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter and Tim Bal, Landon Axler, Joy, Joanie McGre, and Dender and Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday, so subscribe to what's Our Podcast? On YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah, I'm going to go do it right now.

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