See If It Sticks & Sock On The Door (with Tatiana Maslany)

Summary

We're Here to Help

Podcast: We're Here to Help
Host: Headgum (Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds)
Episode: See If It Sticks & Sock On The Door (with Tatiana Maslany)
Date: July 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode delivers a characteristically irreverent, heartfelt, and solutions-oriented installment of "We're Here to Help." Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds are joined by guest Tatiana Maslany (Orphan Black, She-Hulk), along with friend Steve Berg. Listeners call in seeking help with two hilarious dilemmas:

1. Accidentally making their therapist wear a man bun forever
2. Finding creative ways to get an adult daughter to move out of the house.

The episode is rich with comedic riffing, personal anecdotes, playful advice, and the signature mix of earnestness and absurdity that defines the show.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tatiana Maslany on Acting & Internet Feedback

(01:36–08:36)

• Jake and Tatiana reflect on dealing with public and internet feedback, especially for women in the entertainment industry and Marvel projects.
  • Tatiana: “Let me tell you about being a lady on camera…” (02:26)
  • Jake: “You entered the Marvel world as a character.” (02:50)
• Tatiana shares how acting in "Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed" encourages experimentation, thanks to director David Gordon Green.
  • She appreciates being able to make "strange human behavior" choices, describing her style as seeking authenticity, not repeating takes, and testing the edges:

    “I don't like to do anything twice, right? … I like to do stuff that's completely opposite and sort of test the edges of it.” – Tatiana Maslany (07:40)

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2. Caller Sloan: The Therapist & The Man Bun Problem

Problem Presented

• Sloan confesses she complimented her male therapist’s new low, balletic man bun—now, two months later, he won’t stop wearing it. She feels responsible and wants to reverse the trend.

Key Jokes & Descriptions

• Steve Berg and Tatiana help visualize the bun:

  "We're talking about a very tight… balletic style. Slick back into a chignon at the low… nape… right behind the ears." – Tatiana Maslany (14:04)

• “He presents like he rock climbs, but he never wears shoes – just socks.” – Sloan (15:45–16:18)

Brainstormed Solutions

• Pitch 1: Escalate the compliments (mean-side, for comedy):
  • Jake suggests actively encouraging weirder looks—perms, curls, even a monk’s tonsure—to see how far the compliments influence him.

    “Let’s get this man permed up… student became the teacher.” – Jake Johnson (21:36)

• Pitch 2: The 'Mirror' Technique:
  • Steve proposes Sloan should show up to therapy with her hair styled in the same bun.

    “The mimic routine… Two guys in the same group of friends can't hit both of mustaches at a time.” – Jake Johnson (25:24, 25:41)

• Pitch 3: Socks Only:
  • Tatiana suggests Sloan mimic the therapist’s no-shoes habit, shifting the attention.

    “I think you go in socks. Regular, but socks.” – Tatiana Maslany (26:09)

• Pitch 4: Go Direct—The 'Dream' & Gentle Redirect:
  • Jake pushes for the subtle manipulation: Sincerely reminisce about his old ponytail, claim to “miss” it, ideally nudging him back to the previous style (29:13).
  • Tatiana warns: “I’m scared of him getting heart eyes…” (29:13)
• Pitch 5: The Traction Alopecia Threat (The Winner):
  • Tatiana’s "traction alopecia" advice wins Sloan’s heart: Warn the therapist that pulling hair too tight can cause baldness—using her brother’s “case” as an example.
    • "You know, my brother has long hair… he's been pulling it back too tight… the hair transplant is so expensive." – Sloan, rehearsing (34:32)

Notable Moment

“I promise you, I think this will work… Lawrence is going to hear it, get a stomachache… all he’s gonna be thinking about is, I gotta get this ponytail off.” – Jake Johnson (36:41)

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3. Caller Karen: Wanting the Adult Daughter Out

Problem Presented

• Karen, 47, says her 23-year-old daughter still lives at home. The goal: get her to move out without being mean.

Key Details & Context

• Daughter has a good job, boyfriend, is rarely home—house is just "free storage and crash pad."
• “She’s a good kid. There’s no reason for me to be like ‘get out now’.” – Karen (43:07)

Brainstormed Solutions

• Pitch 1: Charge Market Rent, Secretly Save It:
  • Jake suggests charging the daughter full market rent for the room, then secretly saving it as a nest egg for her first place.

    “Whatever the going rate is for a room in a house in Denver by September 1st… and she’ll be like, are you kidding?” – Jake Johnson (44:05)

• Pitch 2: Become the Annoying Roommate:
  • Tatiana proposes Karen start acting like an immature, messy roommate—dressing young, playing loud music, leaving dirty dishes and clothes around.

    “You get a baseball cap… a bunch of frozen pizzas… a boombox… you start acting like the roommate that she would not want to have…” – Tatiana Maslany (45:15)

• Pitch 3: The Adult Content Shock (Sock on the Door):
  • Jake and Tatiana escalate to mortification: Leave “bedroom props” (swing, lingerie, dildos, lubes) around the house; demand the daughter text before coming home.

    “If she came home and there was something… a prop from the bedroom in the living room, a swing… an empty… condom wrapper… She starts going, oh my God…” – Jake Johnson (47:03)

  • “Leave a sock on the front door. Even when she comes home… there’s a sock on the front door. I can’t go in.” – Tatiana Maslany (47:57)
  • Go full “Home Alone” and position cutouts of people apparently engaged in adult activities:

    “You can even Home Alone style… get a bunch of mannequins that look like they’re fucking in all of the rooms.” – Tatiana Maslany (48:18)

• Escalations & Personal Touches:
  • Steve’s sexy calendar, cardboard cutouts in lingerie, and leaving items in the daughter's own room.

    “If the third or fourth one doesn’t work, you gotta leave one [a sex toy] in her room. Then she’s got to think my mother masturbated in my bed.” – Jake Johnson (53:00)

• Book Titles for Her Memoir:
  • “Look, I Stepped In It Again”; the joke: the sequel—"I Made My Daughter Disappear." (54:06)

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4. Listener Follow-Up: The Silverware Solution

Problem Recap

• Taylor from New Orleans follows up about his issue with constantly throwing away household silverware.

Solution Used & Results

• Personalized the silverware by naming and decorating them ("Forky, Knifey, and Spoony") and carried them in a fanny pack.

  “I think I combined… personalizing the silverware, giving them names, and I had to like keep them on my body…” – Taylor (55:35)

• Result: The embarrassment cured him—he now “sees” his utensils and doesn’t throw them away.

Hosts’ Response

• “Of all the follow-ups that have succeeded, this—I'm most surprised.” – Gareth Reynolds (58:52)
• Emotional takeaway: “You’re seeing Forky, Spoony and Knifey, and therefore you will not throw them out. And that fixed the issue. That’s what this whole circus is about, folks.” – Jake Johnson (59:36)

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Notable Quotes

• “[On feedback as a female lead] Oh, yeah. Let me tell you about being a lady on camera.” – Tatiana Maslany (02:26)
• “Every time I look at my phone, there’d be a picture of a pizza, and he’d be like, hey, Pizza Johnson, here’s another slice. And I'd be like, a friend is like this.” – Jake Johnson (04:33)
• “Lawrence… he presents as a rock climber… I’ve never seen him wear shoes. He’s always wearing just socks.” – Sloan (15:45)
• “I think he should go full tonsure.” – Tatiana Maslany (23:56)
• “Mirror is exciting… the mimic routine.” – Jake Johnson (25:13, 25:48)
• “Have you ever heard of traction alopecia? … You start to get a receding hairline.” – Tatiana Maslany (31:26)
• “Leave a sock on the front door… I can't go in yet.” – Tatiana Maslany (47:57)
• “If the third or fourth one doesn’t work, you gotta leave one in her room. And then she’s got to think my mother masturbated in my bed.” – Jake Johnson (53:00)
• “You’re seeing Forky, Spoony and Knifey, and therefore you will not throw them out. And that fixed the issue.” – Jake Johnson (59:36)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Tatiana on Acting & Internet Feedback: 01:36–08:36
• Caller Sloan—Therapist Man Bun Dilemma: 12:00–37:04
  • Problem explained: 12:43
  • Bun description: 14:00
  • Solutions brainstorm: 21:36–36:41
  • Sloan rehearses her approach: 34:32
• Caller Karen—How to Get Adult Daughter Out: 41:57–54:18
  • Problem explained: 41:57
  • Prank roommate solution: 45:15
  • Shock & awe solutions ("Sock on the door," props): 47:03–48:18
  • “Escalate to daughter’s room” suggestion: 53:00
• Listener Follow-Up: Silverware Story: 54:31–61:40

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Episode Tone & Flow

The tone is consistently comedic, self-deprecating, and conspiratorial. The hosts and guests riff off each other, including absurd pitches and vivid scenario-building, but always circle back to practical (or at least actionable) advice. The language is informal and playful, and the atmosphere is that of old friends both clowning and sincerely trying to help strangers.

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For New Listeners

If you enjoy advice shows that blur the line between actual solutions and ridiculous bits, with strong comedic chemistry and a heart for their callers (and plenty of celebrity anecdotes), this episode is a perfect introduction. The advice is often as entertaining for its delivery as its content, and the guests/hosts are quick to build on each other's jokes and escalate the scenarios, creating running gags that define the show's appeal.

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Episode Title Reference

• “See If It Sticks” refers both to the “throw the bun on the wall and see if it sticks” advice and the overall experimental, trial-and-error approach to giving advice.
• “Sock On The Door” is the classic horror-for-your-child strategy to reclaim your post-parental household.

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Follow-Up Requests

Both callers were asked to follow up with results and (where legally possible!) photo evidence of their strategies in action for future episodes.

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For fans of comedic advice podcasts, sitcom improvisation, and candid, unscripted celebrity banter, this episode is a must-listen.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This is a headgun podcast.

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[Jake Johnson]

And we are back. We're here with Stevie Berg and the star of Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, Tatiana Maslany. Tatiana, how you doing?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Great to meet you, Jake. I'm great. How are you doing?

[Jake Johnson]

Great to go through a gnarly divorce.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I feel like we need to be reintroduced to each other after what we

[Jake Johnson]

went every time after that. How you doing?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm good. How are you doing?

[Jake Johnson]

Good. How have you. Your experience of the show? Where are you at with it?

[Tatiana Maslany]

It's so nice to be on something that people maybe are enjoying like that the resounding feedback isn't like, I hate you. Get off my screen. How dare you?

[Jake Johnson]

When have you ever heard that girl so much.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, my God.

[Caller or Guest]

Or what?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, yeah. Let me tell you about being a lady on camera. Let me tell you about you.

[Jake Johnson]

It's so much anger I get.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I get there's. Yeah. I mean, there's the marvel. The marvel. As soon as you step toe in that.

[Jake Johnson]

In that world, I was thinking orphan books. So. Yes.

[Tatiana Maslany]

No, Orphan Black is the kind queer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Tatiana Maslany]

The kind queer young women and men and.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that's right. You entered the Marvel world as a character.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That's where people get mad.

[Jake Johnson]

Stevie.

[Steve Berg]

Yes, Jacob.

[Jake Johnson]

You just binged the show. Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed.

[Steve Berg]

I did.

[Jake Johnson]

Steve's our resident critic.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will tell you, I love it. Here's my biggest critique. Is that. I didn't know. I forgot that Apple released week to week, and, boy, was that an abrupt stop. I was.

[Jake Johnson]

People are pissed away.

[Steve Berg]

Well, you know, it's. It's. In a way, I like it, but I wasn't ready for it. And, boy, was I like, whoa, wait, I just crushed five episodes. I'm cruising, having the time of life. I mean, I'm on. I'm on for the ride. I have to say, I absolutely love the show. And I'm not trying to just blow smoke, because usually I'm very harsh on Jake, but this is so.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, Steve, why don't you tell Tatiana what you did to me when I booked a new girl?

[Steve Berg]

Look, I'm. An amazing thing happened when Jake booked new girl, so we booked it. We celebrated. We're old buddies. I'm like, buddy, this is huge. What a break. And one of the first things he responses, he notes he got was he needs to immediately lose 10 pounds before we start.

[Jake Johnson]

10 to 15. They said, we need you to lose 15 pounds before we shoot the pilot in, like, 30 days. No, they said you're a little bit too heavy to be a potential love interest.

[Steve Berg]

I feel like it was less time than that.

[Jake Johnson]

Less time than that.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm mad at them. That's not okay.

[Steve Berg]

I showed up at his house, and he was like. Because, you know, he was a guy who liked lasagna and stuff, and he was melting cheese and putting spaghetti sauce on it, and it was so pathetic. I named him Pizza Johnson. And all I did was send him pictures of delicious food for, like, 30 days.

[Jake Johnson]

This is true. Every time I look at my phone, there'd be a picture of a pizza, and he'd be like, hey, Pizza Johnson, here's another slice. And I'd be like, a friend is like this.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, I relate to this because I had a scene partner once who was, like, fasting for our sex scene. And I was so mad because I was just like, you're not even going to be in the room. You're going to be totally out checked out. And so I ate two burritos in front of him.

[Jake Johnson]

Good for you. You get it.

[Steve Berg]

Well, you have to humiliate your friends and scene partners sometimes in order just to put a mirror up to himself.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I got to tell you, Tatiana, in terms of how sweet of a scene partner is, that's the reason why I ate so much before our sex scene.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Great. I'm gl. I was so happy.

[Jake Johnson]

I didn't want you to feel any pressure.

[Tatiana Maslany]

No, all I felt was Came off

[Jake Johnson]

you to go, we're fine. I could like, smell the gyro on his.

[Steve Berg]

You looked full, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

You looked like you had just eaten. That was exactly what I was like. I know that.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You kept going delicious.

[Jake Johnson]

And then after cut down, go, ooh. There was something in between my teeth.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, don't worry, now I've got it between my teeth.

[Jake Johnson]

As somebody who loved acting with you, Tatiana, how would you describe your acting style and how did you come to it? Because you are. You are very different than other scene partners I've worked with.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Really?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Caller Sloan]

But how would.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're very. Each take is very different and you have to be present with you. And you also do something that. And I mean this as like a true compliment, but you're okay in scenes to experiment and have moments that aren't necessarily feeling tonally right.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Or you're like, as just like an old school, you know, shuck, like salesman Willy Loman. I'm like, every take has to be usable or they'll fire me. I need every take for the editor to go, that's usable. And you would do stuff where I'm like, we're going really slow here. But then you would ramp up and I'd be like, it is authentic to the way humans talk.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But I was like, but she's very bold and very confident.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I love that.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm wondering if that's something that is a choice, if that's something that was trained into you because it was. It's a joy to act with. And it cuts together beautifully.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I mean, I think what was. Okay, a few things this project specifically felt like, because we were starting with like, David Gordon Green, who literally tells you, like, sing opera on that line. And you're like, why?

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

I don't know.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And it just like allows for this kind of like, strange human behavior that I think. I think sometimes, like, what he likes is like the moment after. So you do something like, absurd, and then your face kind of changes or your scene partner goes like. And then he can use that reaction in whatever way he wants to. And I think like. So I think like the kind of off putting nature of his direction, off putting being like the joy of it, I think really set that up. But also, you said to me early that you're like, Paula's kind of nuts. And I was like, yes, okay, great. If Carl thinks Paula's nuts, then I have license to go nuts. I have license to make things very strange for him. You know, like, for Because I was like. And also that like that for me has been something I've like wanted to incorporate into my work for a long time is like, I don't like to do anything twice, right? I will do that. But like I like to do stuff that's completely opposite and sort of test the edges of it. But when you said that, I was like, great license to absolutely fuck with this guy. But it was so fun.

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[Steve Berg]

Hello?

[Caller Karen]

Hey. Hey.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey. How are you?

[Caller Sloan]

I'm stoked to be here.

[Caller Karen]

I'm good.

[Caller Sloan]

How are you guys doing?

[Caller or Guest]

Good.

[Caller Karen]

We're gonna.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we get your first name, please?

[Caller Sloan]

Yes, my name is Sloan.

[Jake Johnson]

Sloan. Where are you calling from, Sloan?

[Caller Sloan]

I'll just say I'm in the Pacific Northwest.

[Jake Johnson]

I know Steve Burke loves the Pacific Northwest.

[Steve Berg]

Northwest, yeah. Bigfoot, you know, all kinds of wonderful things. Twin Peaks, great days. Love it. Do you want me to go on? I. I could. I. I could go on.

[Jake Johnson]

I was waiting.

[Steve Berg]

The famous Yakima Washington. Oh, okay. Okay. Sloan is. You're. You're up. It's your line.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Sloan, you are here with the great Steve Berg and the great Tatiana Masana. You got some hitters on you. So I think we're.

[Caller Sloan]

No way.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah. So what can we do for you today?

[Caller Sloan]

Well, I better locked in. I'm starstruck. Well, I am calling in. I complimented my male therapist man bun and now he won't stop wearing it. Oh. So I go to a Male therapist. He has long hair.

[Jake Johnson]

You like this bun?

[Caller Karen]

Okay.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm just immediately horrified for this guy.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Keep golden. Slow.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm holding it back.

[Caller Sloan]

So I go to my therapist. He has long hair. I would say it's past his shoulders. Not super long, but past his shoulders. I've been going to him for a few years. He's incredible. He's an amazing therapist. But I've only ever seen his hair in a ponytail and maybe straight down once or twice. But then two months ago, I go in for my weekly appointment and he's rocking a man bun for the first time. But it's not just your normal man bun. I'm trying to describe it. It sits very low on his head. It's twisted, really tight. No part, straight back. I said in an example photo for reference, if it's helpful.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, that's not what I was expecting.

[Steve Berg]

No, neither.

[Tatiana Maslany]

It's gorgeous.

[Jake Johnson]

Tatiana, can you try to describe this for the people who are commuting?

[Tatiana Maslany]

We're talking about a very tight and if this is true, a very type balletic style. Slick back into a chignon at the low at the nape, almost of the neck, right behind the ears.

[Caller or Guest]

Great.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And. But you said that this. This part. This part's having a little fun with it. You said this one went straight back.

[Caller Sloan]

Yes. So the photo is a part, but in real life, no part straight back.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. But that tight and that low

[Caller Sloan]

and that hair color.

[Caller or Guest]

Weird.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, very helpful. Sloan, are you. Back to you.

[Caller Sloan]

So I come in. I'm very surprised. I'm falling behind him from the waiting room to the room, just staring at this bun. I told him I really liked it at the time. I liked it. You know, when someone mixes up their look, it's nice to see something new. You should know I am a big complimenter. So I definitely over complimented the bun. I didn't think anything of it. He seemed to really appreciate it. But then, since then, I've gone in every week for two months. I've been keeping track every week like a normal person. And this has become his daily look. And I do genuinely feel responsible. And so my question is, how can I get my therapist to stop wearing a man bun after I said I liked it?

[Jake Johnson]

Sloan, a excellent setup. This makes perfect sense. Really clean problem. I think we can help here.

[Steve Berg]

Can I ask a context question, please? Now what is the rest of this therapist attire? Like, what's his style? What's his vibe?

[Jake Johnson]

Great question.

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah, so he's like 40. I don't know if he Rock climbs. But he presents like he does. I've also never seen him whip, by

[Jake Johnson]

the way, I got presented as a rock climber is perfect.

[Steve Berg]

Yes.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, yeah. Whether you rock the lifestyle or not,

[Jake Johnson]

who this guy is physically, he might not have a cow. Yeah. His hand. But he presents as a rock climber.

[Steve Berg]

So he's kind of like. He's more like granola. As opposed to, like, New Agey.

[Caller Sloan]

Exactly.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Caller Sloan]

And I do think this is crucial. I've never seen him wear shoes. He's always wearing just socks.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, boy.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, oh, boy. Okay.

[Caller Sloan]

He's great. If this gets out. He's amazing. It's just.

[Jake Johnson]

We're just talking about his look as a therapist. That's all you need from a therapist is they help you. And it sounds like he is, but we're just talking about his look right now. Can we give him a name?

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah, let's call him Lawrence.

[Jake Johnson]

Lawrence.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Great name.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so. And then really quickly about Lawrence. And you know, on this show, we've got the term baby boy or great guy. He sounds like a great guy. We no longer have to talk about how great he is. But how is he as a therapist? Now we can be honest. He's not going to listen.

[Caller Sloan]

He's genuinely amazing. I used to have a different therapist. I'm kind. I mean, if we want to be real, I'm kind of a man hater besides the two men on this call. And I was like, we'll just see how this goes. I heard good things about him, and he's amazing and very grateful for him.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so, Tatiana, early on, what are you feeling? Where are you at? Where's your head at?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I immediately flushed with red because the feeling of, like, being complimented, and then, like, you're like, yeah, I do look really good. And then, like, that becomes your whole thing. I just relate so much to that. And I also feel like my skin peels back thinking about it. Embarrassing. Being embarrassed. Yes. But I'm curious about the style of therapy. Is this the kind of thing where you feel like the dynamic is part of the conversation? Like, I've had therapists where. Where the interaction between you two becomes, like, the material that you're using to work? Do you know what I mean?

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah. Wow. Great question.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Where you, like, confront things through. You're like, hey, that really pissed me off when you said that. And then. And then you discuss why, and then that becomes like, I don't know. It's very daunting.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's very interesting, Sloan, because you said that you give A lot of compliments. There's a big thing that I have about empty words of validation. It's a big thing in Hollywood, but it's the amount of people overly compliment each other on a set or in a thing, and then you know, nobody means it. It's hard to feel where your fucking feet are standing on the ground.

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you think there's a chance Lawrence is doing a really weird form of therapy to you to get you insane? Because by the way, that's not a man bun. That's a weird haircut that slicked back with it tight in the back. And then whatever that term you use, Tatiana, the Japanese name. I think you gave it a French. French. A crazy look for a male therapist. I thought you were doing on the top loose.

[Steve Berg]

Yoga instructor.

[Jake Johnson]

Yoga instructor. That is not like a few spaghetti strands flipping around.

[Steve Berg]

That's like the simple thing.

[Caller Sloan]

Which would be fine with me.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed. But so really quickly. Yeah, go ahead, Tati.

[Tatiana Maslany]

No, no, please go.

[Caller Sloan]

Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

You go, you go.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Well, I was just thinking, does this upset you, this hairdo? Like, are you distracted by it?

[Caller Sloan]

I am. I really, I'm losing sleep.

[Caller or Guest]

No.

[Caller Sloan]

But I do actually feel responsible. And at first I was like, am I being so self centered? I give one. I've only ever given him one compliment, by the way. Like physical compliment, crazy to do. The one time I give him a compliment, I probably overdid it. We actually had a heart to heart a little bit of putting his hair. And then I week after week I go, surely this can't be because I gave him a compliment. But two months in, I'm convinced.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, well, what was the heart to heart about his hair? Sly.

[Caller Sloan]

So I say, wow, your hair's in a bun. I really like it. And he says, wow, thanks. You know, I don't really ever know what to do with my hair. I struggle with my hair. I wish my hair wasn't so straight. I never know what to do with it. Thank you so much.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, no. And then you are the cause.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah. You did this. You done did it.

[Caller Sloan]

I know.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, and then what happened?

[Caller Sloan]

I need to right by wrong.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So then how did that. And then you probably doubled down. Did you keep going? No, it looks so good like this. Or what'd you say then?

[Caller Sloan]

Well, he was like, sometimes, for the record, he never talks about himself. And all of a sudden we're talking about reappin and gabbing about his hair. He's like, I. Sometimes I think I should put two pieces out in the front, but my hair is too Straight.

[Tatiana Maslany]

This is like 90s 90s girl style. Like the two. The two, like.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Gelled strands.

[Podcast Guest or Narrator]

Oh, no.

[Steve Berg]

If you're like, you run an art gallery or something like that.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Totally. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. So what. What do you say to Lawrence when he says that?

[Caller Sloan]

For some reason. Thank God he didn't listen to me. Here, I said you could get a perm if you want him to be curly or he could curl it. Huh. I've never thought of getting a perm. It got on top of me. I. I got carried away.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, okay.

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a pitch. Sloan, this is not. This is. I got a nice side and I got a mean side, and the main side's coming out first. I say we fuck with him and you start seeing how far the compliments could go. And let's get this man permed up. Then let's get him kinky hair in every few months. Let's start complimenting. And then at a certain point, you could say, hey, Lawrence, the student became the teacher. Oh, my bad. You gotta have a little bit of a base. Your hair looks insane.

[Steve Berg]

I accept checks.

[Jake Johnson]

I have been dog walking you through the park, homeboy, and it's getting out of control. That is a pitch slump. It's a long play. It is for massing with him and for comedy. But to see how far your compliments can go, that's literally just pitch number one. But let's not live in it. But I do want to hear, Sloan, your first thought when you hear that.

[Caller Sloan]

You know, it's in my wheelhouse. I can give a compliment. So, you know, we could definitely do that. He will say he will give pushback. He did say I've never thought of a per. And then the other week, I said, I'm watching Love Island. He immediately goes, I will never watch that. So he'll say, okay, if he wants to do something or not.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, Sloan going to you really fast. What are three looks? You think you could push Lawrence to that? He might actually do.

[Caller Sloan]

I mean, I think we could get him to start curling his hair because he didn't like that it was straight.

[Steve Berg]

Please.

[Jake Johnson]

We could get Garrett's care curling cream.

[Steve Berg]

Garrett has a guy went through a

[Jake Johnson]

phase that is now done. But we can get the same creams. Okay, that's one.

[Caller Sloan]

That's two. We could get maybe. Well, I don't want to go too far. A scrunchie. Maybe we cover that up.

[Jake Johnson]

Scrunchy.

[Steve Berg]

That's fun.

[Jake Johnson]

And then. Tatiana. Steve, you got an option? What's something. We got curling here. What'd you say?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Look wise.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah. What shape?

[Steve Berg]

Sides.

[Caller Sloan]

Hey, hey.

[Steve Berg]

You see it? You see it? It's a thing. It's a thing.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, also, mullet.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, yeah, Classic.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I think he should go full toncher.

[Jake Johnson]

What's that? What's that?

[Tatiana Maslany]

That's the monk thing where they shave. Just the little circle in the back of the head. Yeah, I think you can feel that.

[Steve Berg]

That's the crim. That's like the apex. Like, we won in a dramatic way.

[Tatiana Maslany]

When you got that she tonsure. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what you say. We've gone too far.

[Steve Berg]

My kid.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Go get yourself.

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

They bring a mirror and hold on to him.

[Caller Karen]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I was just thinking.

[Jake Johnson]

So that's just one option. But Sloan, if it's okay with you, I want to put that to the side. And now go to the nicer side and see if there's another way there. Unless you want to buy that car and we'll get you off the lot. On it.

[Caller Sloan]

Where. Yes, I'd like to see option B. But option one's a good, strong start.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so Steve or Tatiana, do you have any pitch ideas? Now we got a sense of Lawrence. We've got. We got a sense of Sloan. She want. She complimented him. Obviously. We know the whole setup. What would you pitch to her to help her get out of this situation?

[Steve Berg]

I mean, the first thing that comes to my brain is for her to go in with the exact same bun until he says something. Oh, really? Like. And just to show him, like, you know. And did you see. I mean, I think I'll probably.

[Jake Johnson]

Mirror is exciting.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. I think going with a mirror exercise. You know, I've been so taken with your bun. I'm sorry. I'm trying to co opt your look. However, here we are.

[Jake Johnson]

Or Steve, you don't even say anything.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like if you're wearing, like a tight, cute tee.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then a friend of yours starts wearing the same one and you're making a bold choice to go that tight.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Or a mustache. As a man, you a mustache. And another friend goes a mustache. One of you's got to get rid of it.

[Steve Berg]

That's exactly right.

[Jake Johnson]

Two guys in the same group of friends can't hit both of mustaches at a.

[Steve Berg]

That's ridiculous. Yeah. It can't happen.

[Jake Johnson]

The mimic. Sloan, what do you think of the mimic routine?

[Caller Sloan]

I'm. I'm more than happy to do that. I will just maybe have to really flick it back. I do have some bangs and layers, but I think we could really slip that back in.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Caller Sloan]

With some product, I might look a little greasy, but I'm more than willing to do that.

[Progressive Ad Voice]

That's fine.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And then. Tatiana, where are you at? You got a pitch?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Me? I am at. I think you go in socks. Regular, but socks.

[Steve Berg]

I love this.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you just start one thing.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Just start one thing and see, because the socks to. To me indicate that this guy is not. He's not changing for nobody. He started at socks.

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Like he. He's. He's himself.

[Caller Sloan]

Yes.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm no longer worried about him, to be honest with you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I feel like this is a man who knows who he is, kind of.

[Jake Johnson]

But he changed so hard with his hair.

[Tatiana Maslany]

True.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So it's just straight.

[Steve Berg]

I can't do anything with it.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I think you bring in some scissors and say, you know how you and I are. Are shearing my lawn? Wait, what?

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, what?

[Steve Berg]

No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You know how we're shearing my psychological lawn get better.

[Jake Johnson]

We're.

[Tatiana Maslany]

We're shearing the sheep skin of my.

[Jake Johnson]

That's cool.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Lamb of psychology. And I just run at him with scissors.

[Jake Johnson]

I feel like we're back on set now.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I know exactly this. You said, go off. This is where we're going.

[Jake Johnson]

So the other is murder him with scissors.

[Progressive Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

No, cut his hair, but aggressively.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I say. Oh, that's. I didn't get.

[Steve Berg]

Chop it off.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Chop it off and run out the window with that little chignon. Or toss it at the wall, see

[Jake Johnson]

if it sticks as hard as you can.

[Tatiana Maslany]

If it sticks, it's done.

[Jake Johnson]

This thing is ridiculous. It's like a McDonald's hamburger pickle. We used to throw them on the roof, and it would stay up there for months of the car. No. I lived across the street from McDonald's. And we would go in, like, a back corner. You take the pickles off and throw them on the ceiling, and they would Liter stick and stay up there forever. They would never fall. It would be like reverse gum.

[Podcast Guest or Narrator]

We'd be like.

[Jake Johnson]

They'd be like 50. 50 little pickles on the ceiling forever. Sloan, I got one other pitch for you here. What if we started. You started talking about a hairstyle that you just saw. You use it as an example in one of the stories that you really liked on men. And then said to him, would you ever try that? And really complimented it. And complimented him away from this look and back to his other look. Because right now. Because right now, I do believe it was your compliment that got us here. And so there might Be a way to do it without nagging his new look. But to go, like, to say something. You know what I was thinking? I had like a dream and this isn't it, but you had your old hair and it looked so good. And then he goes, oh, really? Be like, I gotta say, kind of missed it. I thought it looked so handsome on you. And he'll go, oh, really? And then go, anyway, let's move on this.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm scared of him getting heart eyes with this kind of talk.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, interesting.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, I fully agree. I feel like from day one, as soon as. As soon as a guy is changing his physical appearance, I'm like, oh, what have I done?

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

What did I do?

[Jake Johnson]

Whoopsie. Sloan, what do you think of that? Is there any possibility there's vibage from Lawrence.

[Caller Sloan]

You know, I mentally prepared for some questions you had asked. Didn't see this one coming, but I

[Jake Johnson]

just heard hard eyes and I think Tatiana's right.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm worried.

[Caller Sloan]

No, there's. There's definitely no vibe, truly. There's no vibage. But, like, I. If we go that route, I would need to soften it, you know? Can't be like, you look so hot with that pony looks.

[Tatiana Maslany]

So, you know.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Sloan, give us a pitch. Tell us how you would say to him that. Let's just hear your tone that you're not his hair good right now, but it used to be a lot better. What was his old look? You said it was just a loose ponytail.

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

How could we get him, in your words to go back to that? You compliment the old look more than the new one.

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah, well, I like the dream idea. I could come in and say, hey, I'm not sleeping well, and I've been having bad dreams. Weird. You were in one of them, if you want to know.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, of course I do.

[Caller Sloan]

You know, we've been going. I haven't seen you for like three years, so I think my brain puts you in, you know, your ponytail look. So you're in a ponytail look. And I was able to fall back asleep once I saw that pony.

[Jake Johnson]

It's kind of great. This is awesome.

[Caller Sloan]

I love it.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you could also say, but one thing I think you're missing, in my opinion, is I gotta tell you, Lance, I think it looked better playfully, like, as a friend, I gotta say, I said, I missed. I saw the ponytail. You went back to that look. And I gotta say, I think I preferred it.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I have one other patch.

[Jake Johnson]

Go.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Have you ever heard of traction alopecia? It's when you straight slick your hair back too much that ballerinas get it, that you start to get a receding hairline.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that threat.

[Jake Johnson]

That threat the hell out of a man.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. Especially a man who's so concerned about his hair. Like.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed.

[Steve Berg]

I mean, that'll work.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so now going to you, Sloan, we got a lot of pitches. We got with him a little bit. We got the mirror, we got you show up in just socks. We got grab scissors and just cut that thing off. We've got the pretend dream. And then compliment his old look. And you also tell him you heard from your friend about this thing where ballerinas get it, where he should just be careful because it creates a pushed back hairline and it might lead to baldness. Sloan, what are you going to do? One of these is going to work for you.

[Caller Sloan]

Wow. Thank you guys so much for the options. I think it was the last pits at the finish line. I think I could easily come in and say, you know, my brother has long hair, and you're not going to believe what's happening. He's been pulling it back too tight. And the hair transplant is so expensive. We're all pitching in. I could really tell how stressful this is. Great.

[Steve Berg]

We have a kickstarter going.

[Jake Johnson]

This is cool. If I'm a man who does that and I care enough about my look to talk to others about it, I'm gonna go. Wait, what? Yeah, if you pull back too much, it could pull the hairs out. It's a whole thing. It's, you know, traction alopecia. That's it.

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah. Maybe we double down on the bun part. Then he might not even do the pony. Maybe I do. He was losing in the back and the front with the tight.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But then I would definitely say, if I were you, he went to whatever would be a dermatologist. I don't know what the hair specialist is called. And they said it's because he was slicking it back and his pony was too tight. He's gonna have a loose ass pony for the next day. I can guarantee it. I guarantee it.

[Steve Berg]

You have a lot of give.

[Tatiana Maslany]

It's gonna be slopping all around.

[Jake Johnson]

It's gonna be. He's gonna have loose hair. Yeah. Sloan, are you gonna do this?

[Caller Sloan]

The question. I will 100 do this last question for you. Do I say, hey, I got concerned, I thought of you and I had to tell you, or do I just casually say I'm a little stressed out this week?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, let's do my brother's hair let's do this for a second. Tatiana, you mind being Lawrence?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, yeah, I rock climb. I actually rock climb, though, so it'll be hard for me to pretend like I don't.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's run the scene a little bit. Just try one and then we'll talk about it and see how it felt.

[Caller Sloan]

Okay, great.

[Jake Johnson]

So whenever you're ready, you're walking into the office and you're seeing each other.

[Caller Sloan]

Oh, hey, Lawrence.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Hey, Sloan. It's me, Lawrence.

[Caller Sloan]

Lawrence.

[Caller Karen]

What's up?

[Caller Sloan]

How's the week been?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, man, so good. I got. I got a bunch of new ponytail holders and they are working out great rainbow style. One for every occasion. How are you, though?

[Caller Sloan]

Love it. I'm really stressed out. It's been a crazy family week. Lots of stuff going on with my brother. He. You know what, his hair is kind of like yours. He does a pullback. He does kind of a really tight.

[Tatiana Maslany]

It's a great look. It's a great look. As we all know, it's a classic.

[Caller Sloan]

And you guys kind of remind me of each other. He's so great. And he went to the hair dermatologist and they said, do you wear this hair every day? Because your hairline's gone back about 2 inches and a quarter inch. And the whole family's really torn up about it and it's been really stressful and wow, he's losing hair in the front and the back and in the back. In the back, especially.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Why the back?

[Caller Sloan]

It's just twisting it. He's.

[Tatiana Maslany]

He's.

[Caller Sloan]

And he's twisting it throughout the day. I mean, it's just his wrist.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Does he look really cool? Like he still looks cool

[Steve Berg]

as a

[Jake Johnson]

40 year old man at that point,

[Tatiana Maslany]

I don't know what men think.

[Jake Johnson]

There's no.

[Tatiana Maslany]

In my humble experience, men just want to look cool.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, I agree, I agree. But knowing baldness and it going back.

[Tatiana Maslany]

All right, all right. Oh, no. My greatest fear.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I'm gonna take testosterone and get stronger.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm gonna be on what's it, Peptides.

[Jake Johnson]

Sloan, I promise you, I think this will work. I think what you did was perfect exactly how you did it. Feels really strong.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I think Lawrence is going to hear it, get a stomachache, maybe ask you a question or two, get quiet and then go, great. Well, what else is going on with work? And in his head, all he's gonna be thinking about is, I gotta get this. I gotta get Sloane out here so I can take this ponytail off.

[Progressive Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And as soon as you go, hands going back, get off, off and loosen. Loose and loosen.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're right.

[Caller Sloan]

Perfect. I will. I will do it this week when I see him.

[Jake Johnson]

When are you seeing him?

[Caller Sloan]

God.

[Caller Karen]

You know what?

[Caller Sloan]

Actually canceled this week, but I'm seeing him next week.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Can you try to do something? Can you try to voice note your side of it?

[Caller Sloan]

Like during or after? Or after?

[Jake Johnson]

If you could? During. It would be great if you had your phone on you, but if that's too hard, don't do it. And then please follow up with us.

[Caller Sloan]

Okay, I will definitely follow up. Little nervous about recording my therapist, but

[Jake Johnson]

if not actually a legality situation. Legality stuff. We get a lot of comments on that. Yeah. It's just so entertaining. But it is illegal. But yes,

[Caller Sloan]

I will. Thank you guys so much.

[Steve Berg]

Thanks, bud.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, thank you.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Hello.

[Caller Karen]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

How are you?

[Caller Karen]

Good. How are you?

[Jake Johnson]

Good. Can we get your name, please?

[Caller Karen]

Yeah, it's Karen.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Karen. Where are you calling from, Karen?

[Caller Karen]

Yeah, I'm calling from Denver, Colorado.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, Karen, what's your age range?

[Caller Karen]

I'll tell you, it's 47.

[Jake Johnson]

You're just a kid, Karen. From down 47. And if there was a book written about your life, what would it be called?

[Caller Karen]

Probably something like. Look, I stepped in it again.

[Steve Berg]

That's a great title. I'd read that.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Is it you on the COVID Like,

[Caller Karen]

yeah, literally, like, stepping in it.

[Jake Johnson]

If that's at the airport, I'm buying.

[Steve Berg]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm like, I forgot headphones. I don't want to spend 40 bucks on these little wired pieces of.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Wait, can you make it so that. So that you're. The title is taking up the whole page. You're on the side. You put your foot in the word it.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Your foot is disappearing into the word

[Steve Berg]

it, and it's like brown and mushy. I'm sorry. That was too graphic.

[Jake Johnson]

Tatiana's hate.

[Caller Sloan]

Steve's fit.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, I hate mine, too.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Karen, you're here with the great Steve Berg and Tatiana Maslany. You got some hitters. It's our second call. We're feeling good, so take over.

[Caller Sloan]

Wow.

[Caller Karen]

Okay. So I had my kid when I was 24, and it was kind of like a oops, surprise, you know, Wasn't really prepared for it. But my main thing was, like, you know, I'll be 42. When she's 18, she'll be out of the house.

[Caller Sloan]

Woohoo. Right.

[Caller Karen]

I'm doing it right. Well, I'm 47 and she's almost 23

[Caller Sloan]

and she's still here.

[Caller Karen]

So I need some creative ideas about how maybe to like, push this little baby bird out the nest without being mean. Mama bird.

[Jake Johnson]

Understood.

[Steve Berg]

Well, here I come back. Context, questions, Karen, is this. Is it financially motivated or fear of leaving the nest from your daughter?

[Caller Karen]

I don't know if it's fear or just kind of like laziness. I mean, she's got a good job, she makes money, she's got a boyfriend, she's literally never here. She's basically just like storing all her

[Caller Sloan]

in my house, so I honestly would

[Caller Karen]

love the extra space. So, okay, you know, maybe it's.

[Caller Sloan]

Maybe it's time.

[Caller Karen]

But also, like he said, she's a good kid. There's no reason for me to be like, get out now.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, she's a great guy.

[Caller Karen]

So he's a great guy. Real great guy.

[Jake Johnson]

She's a great guy. We're not against her, but we got to get her out of the house. 22 years old. It is. This is a generational thing. It sure is my generation. You were all out of the house at 18.

[Caller Sloan]

Oh, right, right.

[Caller Karen]

I was like, yeah, never looked back either. Like, get me out of here. Couldn't wait.

[Jake Johnson]

Came back for a summer with Eve, it would be, oh, you're back. Here, you're a visitor. It's not the same. You're kind of a bum.

[Caller Karen]

Yes. And so, you know, we charge her a little bit of rent, but we don't want her money. We want her money to go

[Caller Sloan]

to

[Caller Karen]

another place to live.

[Caller Sloan]

You know what I mean?

[Jake Johnson]

Here's my first pitch. Before we get into any questions, here's just. Just because you said money, I thought I got a charge, a real rent. So whatever the going rate is for that room, she has to pay. But what she doesn't know is you're putting it in a bank account for her, but she does not know this. And when she gets her own place, you give it back to her and it's money and like a high interest, you know, return, very safe. And that's a down payment for her place. But all she knows is you're saying, whatever the going rate is for a room in a house in Denver by September 1st, kid, we're gonna need to charge you, whatever that is, 1800 bucks or 2. And she'll be like, are you kidding? And be like, I'm sorry, but we might, we're gonna start renting it out to somebody and then if she stays, then she's just putting money aside for her first purchase. But I do think that's gonna motivate her to go because if she's paying the same, why the hell would she live with her mom?

[Caller Sloan]

Right? Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, go ahead.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I have a pitch.

[Caller Sloan]

So I'm ready.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I think you go, go to the shopping mall and you invest in some, some, some 20 year old clothing. You get a baseball cap, you turn it to the side, you got a little jersey.

[Steve Berg]

Yes.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You, you get a bunch of frozen pizzas. You get a bunch of like a boombox and you start acting like the roommate that she would not want to have. You leave your clothes everywhere, you leave dishes in the sink.

[Caller Karen]

You become to read my main complaints about her.

[Tatiana Maslany]

There you go. You let them pile up and you become, you become the bad roommate and she's going to go, I can't deal with it anymore.

[Jake Johnson]

Very interesting. I got another one going for that. Karen. I like that a lot.

[Caller Karen]

Okay, I like that one too.

[Jake Johnson]

Karen, what is your relationship status currently? You married? You single?

[Caller Sloan]

Oh, married, Married. Yeah.

[Caller Karen]

Yeah, there's a guy.

[Jake Johnson]

There's a guy. Okay. Has this. It's been the same guy for a while.

[Caller Sloan]

Oh yeah, same guy for a while.

[Caller Karen]

Not, not baby daddy, though, that's fine.

[Jake Johnson]

But a guy where she sees as a dad or a stepdad. She has that mother dad vibe with you too. Correct. This is exactly what I was hoping for. One of the reasons I would assume at the young age of 47 you want the place to yourself is. Look, I hate to say it in embarrassment, but sexual exploration, you know, you never know. I'm not talking to a 90 year old woman.

[Caller Sloan]

No, no, no, not at all.

[Jake Johnson]

From the kids vibe, she's going, yeah, but from your guys's vibe, maybe you do.

[Caller Karen]

I guarantee you it would take just once. If she came home and caught us doing that. She's like, I'm out.

[Jake Johnson]

What if all of a sudden she came home and there was something, a prop from the bedroom in the living room, A swing, anything weird swing from

[Tatiana Maslany]

the bedroom, a weird seat or something,

[Jake Johnson]

you plug in near it and she goes, what is this? And she, you go, it's. You know what, it's when your dad and I are in the house alone, that's our business. And she goes, what? An empty. A condom wrapper, a pair of underpants. And she starts going, oh my God. And then you say to her, hey, we need a Heads up when you're coming home. And she goes, why? And you go, I don't want to talk about it with you. But do me a favor. Give us at least a 20 minute heads up before you just enter the house these days. And then go, we're going through a phase.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Or leave a sock on the front door. Yes.

[Caller Karen]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

To eat.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Even when she comes home, she's like, oh, I just want to have a nice day after hanging out with my boyfriend. I just want to go on the computer at home. There's a sock on the front door. I can't go in.

[Jake Johnson]

I can't go in yet.

[Steve Berg]

There's no way. This doesn't work.

[Caller Karen]

Oh, no kidding. Yeah.

[Caller Sloan]

Oh, oh.

[Caller Karen]

She will be horrified if there's a sock on the door.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You can even home alone style, put the blinds in all the windows, light them from behind, and get a bunch of mannequins that look like they're fucking in all of the rooms.

[Jake Johnson]

Like a swingers party.

[Tatiana Maslany]

A key party,

[Jake Johnson]

by the way, that would work so fast.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

If I came back and Eve, there was what looked like 40 different people in her apartment, I'd be like, yeah, I'm moving on.

[Steve Berg]

I'm leaving the country.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gone.

[Caller Karen]

I do have some cardboard cutouts I could maybe get creative with.

[Tatiana Maslany]

This is great. You just attach them to a little train strings down.

[Caller Karen]

Get like one of those strap on thingies.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, you can get a lot of those strap on things.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna do something, actually. I'm gonna pitch something really simple when you. You just said strap on. Leave a dildo in the living room, huh? Yeah, leave a dildo in the living room. Put some lotion on it.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So it looks like it's been you. And then she sees that.

[Caller Karen]

Well, you know what? I do have the Steve Berg calendar. I could be that out with some. Some, you know, toys and let her connect the dots.

[Steve Berg]

There we go, sister. And that's. And that's just believable.

[Jake Johnson]

I made a bet 20 years ago, and the loser of the bet had to do a photo shoot where they weren't being funny, they were being sexy. It was, you have to not try to be fun. It's you when you are turning somebody on.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, great.

[Jake Johnson]

And Steve Lawson, we did a calendar.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

I thought, like, I'm so funny. It's gonna be funny. Women had a very different reaction. The women loved the calendar.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That's great.

[Steve Berg]

What are you gonna do?

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

What are you gonna do?

[Jake Johnson]

So Karen is an Owner of the calendar.

[Tatiana Maslany]

The calendar speaks for itself. Just put one photo in each room

[Caller Karen]

with a little like Cuba Ky jelly here, maybe a dildo here. Hey, Karen, this is still be like,

[Jake Johnson]

oh, if you do this, you are such a winner. I hear June is a very hot month and I only know that from the people who have emailed in the show. But if you leave June open and you have jelly and a dildo or a vibrator and she walks in and sees Steve Berg sitting on a doing a picnic other masturbated about it, she gone. She's literally she's gone.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And if she's not gone then, then just lube up all the floors so she can't stand anywhere for long. For very long.

[Caller Karen]

Oh my God, I think we have a winner here.

[Tatiana Maslany]

She's going to be the one who is steps in it.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

What.

[Steve Berg]

Great call back.

[Jake Johnson]

Win the call.

[Caller Karen]

Oh, I love it. I love it. This is perfect.

[Jake Johnson]

Going to you. What are you gonna do?

[Caller Karen]

I'm gonna do that. I got the calendar, I got the. I mean this is really like just stuff I've got around the house, you know.

[Steve Berg]

Oh my God. Oh my God.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Use what you have. Please.

[Jake Johnson]

Please take a photo of the setup and then please follow up after you're done. And then look, if she comes home and doesn't do it, do it again.

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah, okay, you got.

[Caller Karen]

I have cardboard cutouts of Jackson, Sons of Anarchy and Special Agent Dale Cooper. So I can put them throughout the house and maybe like put some thongs on their head.

[Jake Johnson]

Just make it look like I'm going

[Caller Karen]

wild with these cutouts and for some

[Tatiana Maslany]

reason play Rocking around the Christmas Tree.

[Steve Berg]

Yes.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And let her make the inferences.

[Caller Sloan]

Yeah, right.

[Caller Karen]

It's subtle if she doesn't get it, but then we have bigger problems.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, totally.

[Jake Johnson]

But this is such.

[Caller Karen]

Where I will start.

[Steve Berg]

And if this is.

[Caller Karen]

We can.

[Steve Berg]

I can fly to Denver and be like. As she comes home, I can be walking out like, oh, hey, nice to meet you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, this is.

[Caller Karen]

She's like, wait a minute, you're not my dad or my stepdad,

[Jake Johnson]

but you are mom's daddy.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Follow up with us. This would be a massive way. If she doesn't move out, keep heightening it and let us know how you hide it. And if she does, I'll start kind

[Caller Karen]

of subtle and just kind of move on and I'll. I'll keep you guys posted. This is a fantastic idea.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna tell you, if the third or fourth one doesn't work, you gotta leave one in her room. And then she's got to think my mother masturbated in my bed.

[Caller Karen]

Oh, my God.

[Tatiana Maslany]

She's got to think it. She's got to think it.

[Caller Karen]

You know, if I want the space, I gotta. I gotta do what I gotta do.

[Jake Johnson]

You gotta say. I'll just say really fast just to sell my dad Crocco out. Because when I moved in with him in my 20s, I opened a drawer in his room, and there was a bathing of that lame man, a tilde, and a Polaroid of one of his old girlfriends. I did go like.

[Steve Berg]

Like, whoa.

[Jake Johnson]

But I also say I didn't move out.

[Steve Berg]

That's an indictment on you, Jake, though.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, look, yeah,

[Steve Berg]

I think this is gonna work.

[Jake Johnson]

But I will say the reason I told that story is if that Vaseline went in the room I was sleeping, I would have moved out.

[Caller Karen]

Okay, well, yeah, I mean, some things are gonna have to happen in that room. It's not pretty, but it's life.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, that's.

[Jake Johnson]

Grow up, kid. Hey, mom, great.

[Caller Karen]

I want to be some stuff.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I want the book about your life to be I Made My Daughter Disappear.

[Caller Karen]

That'll be the sequel.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Thank you for the call. Follow up with us.

[Caller Karen]

Oh, thank you. I will. Thank you guys.

[Caller Sloan]

Pleasure talking to y'.

[Caller or Guest]

All.

[Steve Berg]

Bye, Karen.

[Caller Sloan]

Bye.

[Caller Karen]

Bye.

[Caller or Guest]

Hello. Hello. Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

We know this is a follow up. That's all we know. Please tell us who this is, what your original call was, what we pitched, and what you did. The floor is yours.

[Caller or Guest]

All right. This is Taylor from New Orleans. I'm the proud father of Forky, Knifey, and Spoony. I called in originally because I have a chronic issue of throwing away silverware. Oh, yeah, and your pitches were along the lines of trying to embarrass me or shame me at first, like, telling me to go to, like, Applebee's or Chili's. And I think half you. Gareth told me, like, I'd have to steal silverware or something. But where we landed was me personalizing the silverware. I think I combined, like, two of this. Me personalizing the silverware, giving them names, and I had to, like, keep them on my body, like, for a week.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, like a bank test or something

[Caller or Guest]

you do in high school?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, like the egg test. Okay, that's all right. Okay. Interesting. So, Taylor, what did you end up doing?

[Caller or Guest]

So I did the pitch. I would say to mostly completion. I sent in some pics. I don't know if y' all have them, but I took a fork, a spoon, and a knife. I named them.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi, Gareth. What Are we looking at.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

We are. We are in the pocket. We are looking at a knife, a spoon and a fork, all with different colored tape.

[Jake Johnson]

Or neckties. I would like to call them neckties.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Sure. Or ties. And each utensil has a smiley face or sort of a jovial face. The spoon, the surface area. The advantage was really taken because it got hair, bigger eyes and. And a bigger nose. So they are all the way has

[Jake Johnson]

like Bart Simpson hair.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Yeah. The fork does kind of have a

[Jake Johnson]

spiky hairdo and so little gross. You used Sharpie and then ate it.

[Caller or Guest]

Well, I didn't use them. I didn't use them.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Oh, what'd you do? You just carried them around? We just kind of.

[Progressive Ad Voice]

Oh, I.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

So I mean, I'm not like walking

[Caller or Guest]

around the world eating full meals all the time.

[Jake Johnson]

You created these. Attitude created these three as. And what do you name them? Forky.

[Caller or Guest]

And I put them in a fanny pack. Yeah. And I put them in a fanny pack. And I went. I went out in the world with the fanny pack.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Caller or Guest]

And so I went to like. I went to things. I went to a birthday party for kids. I coach basketball. I went to basketball practice with it. And so why it worked was because I was shamed and embarrassed for how the explanation I had to give of why I was equipped.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

So, Taylor, if I may just. Just walk us through the average interaction. I'm going to be someone coming up to you and just explain what's going on in the shameful way you did. Hey, Taylor. Whoa. Fanny pack. What's with that?

[Caller or Guest]

I mean, I just straightforward with it. I was just like, I have. These are. I took. I would take them out, show them. They would be more confused as to why that's what's inside the fanny pack. And then I would explain to them that I have a problem was throwing away silverware.

[Jake Johnson]

I called in a podcast, by the way.

[Caller or Guest]

This is what they told me to do. And I think I sent in a voice memo for that was at the end of a few episodes ago. But ultimately the reason it's working is because I do. I have this moment, this half a second moment when I'm like scraping a dish or something that I'm like, I hold the utensil and I see it. You know, I actually see the utensil for who it is in that moment. And I'm like, I can't throw this away, Jake. And I don't.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you for this, Jake.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

I'm gonna be honest with you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Of all the. Of all the follow Ups. It's nice that we're in a zone where I don't even really remember the pitch because I'm seeing it.

[Progressive Ad Voice]

I'm like, yeah.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Saying of all the. Of all the follow ups that have succeeded this, I'm most surprised.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I'm not surprised. You know what? I am shot. We wonder why. And it's something you said, Taylor, that, well, I love. You're seeing them. Yeah, For a show about a bunch. A couple of idiots calling in from a bunch of weirdos across this great world of ours. You're seeing Forky, Spoony and Knifey, and therefore you will not throw them out. And that fixed the issue. That's what this whole circus is about, folks.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Shocking. Shocking. Excuse me while I ring the bell.

[Caller Sloan]

Taylor.

[Jake Johnson]

Sometimes people get mad at us, lots of times. And they think that we're stupid all the time. But sometimes you go to this circus and you go, I just saw something magical.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

We are drunks on a tightrope, Taylor.

[Jake Johnson]

This is great. Great, brother.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Well, okay, I told.

[Caller or Guest]

And then I had other people come out when I told them this. They're like, oh, yeah, Like, I lived with my brother for a couple years and he was like, oh, yeah, like, you were throwing away so much silverware. I had to buy silverware multiple times when you lived with me.

[Jake Johnson]

But that problem is now over.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Real quick question before we let you go, Taylor. Where are Knifey, Forky and Spoony now?

[Caller or Guest]

They were in my backpack in the fanny pack for the longest time. Literally. Just took them out a couple days ago.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Where are they now?

[Caller or Guest]

But they're still in their pure. Their pure form. I have not, like, untaped them or.

[Jake Johnson]

I'd like you to do their faces off, Taylor. You know what? I'd like you to do it elf on a shelf once in a year.

[Caller or Guest]

Oh, my goodness.

[Jake Johnson]

Just put them up in your house.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Can I. Can I pitch on Jake's pitch? Seasonal outfits. I want Halloween costumes. I want Christmas themed.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

I want Valentine's Day. I want fourth of July. Patriotism.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, man. You gotta do a little bit of work with these three. They're gonna be with you for the rest of life, Taylor.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Keep them alive.

[Jake Johnson]

And then in your will, you got to give them to somebody and ask that you be honored in a way that they also have to dress them up for holidays.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Have whoever inherits them follow up with us. Thanks for the call. Thanks for trusting us. Thanks for walking around with a fanny pack with silverware in it. And I appreciate you guys.

[Caller or Guest]

Couldn't have done it without y'. All.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Hey, everybody. We just want to remind you, if you want to watch new episodes of We're Here to Help, it drops a day early on Hulu, so you can watch the new episode a day early. And we're also dropping a bunch of older episodes from season one and season two, so get involved.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

Theme song by all Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Whitney or Alexa]

That was a Hitgum podcast. Hey, everyone, this is Whitney and Alexa, AKA the popcorn Queen and King.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, guys. We just wanted to thank you so much for all the love and support you've shown our family.

[Whitney or Alexa]

As many of you know from episodes 224 and 231, we're navigating Alexa's second kidney transplant journey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that journey has really inspired us to create the Arana Kidney Recovery Foundation.

[Whitney or Alexa]

That's right. The foundation helps transplant families with everyday expenses during recovery so they could focus on what's most important. Healing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, whether it's lodging, transportation, groceries, or other essential expenses, we're here to help lighten the load.

[Whitney or Alexa]

If you'd like to support our mission, you can learn more or donate at a R a n a krf.org that's aranakrf.org thank you so much for being such an incredible community.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And thank you for always being there to help.

[Whitney or Alexa]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[Steve Berg]

Sterling K. Brown.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.

[Whitney or Alexa]

Each episode, we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This is us.

[Progressive Ad Voice]

That's right.

[Whitney or Alexa]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[Progressive Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

Are we gon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Caller or Guest]

A little bit.

[Jake Johnson]

Are we gonna laugh a lot?

[Caller or Guest]

A whole lot.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what I'm hoping.

[Caller or Guest]

Man.

[Progressive Ad Voice]

Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.

[Podcast Guest or Narrator]

Welcome to a magical place where dice are rolled and stories are told. Welcome to the Fantastic Castle.

[Progressive Ad Voice]

Hi there.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

I'm Caldwell.

[Podcast Guest or Narrator]

You might know me from NADpod, but now I am teaming up with my friends Kiana, Raj and Bree.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Hi everybody. Hello everyone.

[Podcast Guest or Narrator]

For an all new take on Dungeons and Dragons cooperative storytelling shows. And this one is for the whole family. Fantastic Castle has all the excitement of D and D without the cussing and filthy jokes that make most other D and D shows guilty as charged. Awkward for kids and parents to live listen to together. New episodes drop every Friday, so subscribe to us on [e-mail] fantasticcastle or check us out wherever you get your podcasts. So come join the adventure because everyone is welcome in the Fantastic Castle.

[Podcast Host or Narrator]

See you there.