WEIRD Here To Help: Banshee Teams Meetings & Rose Quartz Lawn Care

Summary

We're Here to Help — "WEIRD Here To Help: Banshee Teams Meetings & Rose Quartz Lawn Care"

Date: April 10, 2026
Hosts: Eric Edelstein & Steve Berg
Featured Callers: Casey (San Francisco), Stephanie (“Mountain West Flyover State”)

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Main Theme / Episode Overview

In this episode of "We're Here to Help," Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg dive into two delightfully odd listener problems: a possibly supernatural technical glitch involving mysterious voices on Microsoft Teams, and the unexpected jackpot of rose quartz filling a caller’s yard. The hosts blend earnest, sometimes whimsical advice with warm, rambling rapport, incorporating personal anecdotes, deep dives into folklore, and a surprising flair for small business consulting. The episode’s lighthearted, banter-driven style—part self-deprecating, part big-hearted—frames the wildness of their listeners’ questions, keeping things both grounded and gleefully off-kilter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. 90s Nostalgia & Coffee Shop Culture

[01:10–08:35]

• Steve shares his rediscovery of 1990s coffeehouse culture in Omaha, inspired by indie rock and nostalgia for pre-smartphone socializing.
• Discussion of the benefits of analog life: reading more, less reliance on phones, deeper conversations, and accountability. Eric muses about banning phones in coffee shops for a purer, 90s-ish experience.
• Both reflect on the 90s as an era of better connections—"We all got along fine. It’s...accountability...when you were analog." (Steve, 04:26)
• Steve describes diving back into the world of thrift stores, Dickies, and retro T-shirts, declaring, "I'm going full 90s indie rock, coffee house vibe. This is my new era." [02:07]

2. Music, Baseball, and 80s/90s Love

[05:34–08:31]

• The hosts recall hearing 90s grunge at a Dodger game, debate the ideal stadium “walk-on” song, and show off their mutual love of Portland’s New Shoes ("I Can't Wait").
• "Everyone put on New Shoes and I defy you to not have it turn your day around." (Steve, 07:12)
• Touch on the comfort of certain music in daily tasks and finding solace in “toe-tapping, versatile music” (Steve, 07:31); friendly discussion about pulling dried rice off clothing (Eric: "How do they get there?"; Steve: "You leave rice everywhere you go. It’s a trail of rice...").

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CALLER #1: Casey and the Banshee/Teams Meeting Mystery

A. Caller Profile & Rapid-Fire Q&A

[09:58–13:45]

• Casey is a long-time listener from San Francisco. She, her sisters, and the hosts instantly bond over shared San Francisco experiences.
• Hosts ask “desert island” picks for album, show/movie, and book:
  • Album: Joni Mitchell's Blue ("We're team Joni over here.” — Steve, 11:02)
  • TV Show: Gilmore Girls (leading to an unexpected trivia tangent about Luke’s baseball career)
  • Book: When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi (poignant memoir about life and mortality)
• Eric proposes starting a listener-driven book club (the “Wackadoo Book Club/Cult”).

B. The Tech Haunting: Unexplained Teams Meeting Screams

[13:48–20:06]

• Casey recounts her workplace issue: during Microsoft Teams calls, co-workers report strange yelling or conversation snippets coming through her audio—sounds she herself cannot hear. This happens in different rooms and equipment, only when she’s unmuted.
• Attempts to record the sounds have failed (“it eludes the recording”—Steve, 15:57).
• The issue then appears during a cell phone call with her sister, outside of work, in Golden Gate Park, and again later on her personal phone.

C. Paranormal, IT, or Prank? Theories Fly

[17:02–21:21]

• Eric jokingly relays his “doctor” (see: colonic therapist) who claims angels/aliens communicate via ChatGPT—a wild theory that amuses and unnerves Steve.
• Steve asks careful questions about Casey’s work and any possible CIA/federal ties, then draws a wry parallel to “Havana syndrome” and psychic phenomena: “It almost sounds like there's like an energy weapon being directed more than it's supernatural.” (Steve, 19:09)
• Casey references listening to Irish folklore podcasts and her family’s “O’” surname—potentially linking her experience to the banshee myth (a spirit whose scream warns of death in Irish culture).

D. Folkloric Solutions & Practical Advice

[21:32–41:23]

• Steve gives a primer on the fae, banshees, and folklore, considering both literal and metaphorical interpretations of the omen.
• Eric: “Do you meditate?” (27:04) — both hosts recommend mindfulness for psychic defense.
• Steve prescribes bringing iron (historically considered a fae/banshee repellent) to key locations: "Get a hunk of iron, the most pure iron you can find.” (Steve, 27:16)
• They suggest setting intentions, meditating with music that grounds Casey (e.g., Joni Mitchell), and updating/reinstalling Teams.
• IT solutions: Have the company’s tech look into it, ensure security updates, and try to record/document the event.
• Eric: “If it doesn't clear up, ... a meeting with us on Teams and confront the ghosts. Do a little... Ghostbusting in person.” (29:00)
• Steve proposes a threefold protocol: (1) iron for fae, (2) IT troubleshooting, (3) possibly clearing the “psychic passenger” by intention-setting/meditation.

Notable Quotes

• “Bring in the iron and set some intentions. Meditate with Joni. …Release it with love.” (Eric, 28:54)
• “I feel stumped...I think this is a part one. You’re going to have to do a threefold defense system.” (Steve, 32:22 & 33:27)
• “We’re not done with this. That’s the opening gambit.” (Steve, 41:23)

E. To Be Continued…

• Casey agrees to try these solutions, keep in touch, and potentially return for a follow-up—making this journey a multi-part epic.

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CALLER #2: Stephanie and the Rose Quartz Lawn Conundrum

A. Caller Profile / Chislick and Anonymity

[42:06–47:06]

• Stephanie calls from a self-described “Mountain West flyover state” and requests anonymity, which Steve tries (poorly) to respect.
• Desert island picks:
  • Album: Mumford & Sons’ “Prize Fighter”
  • Show/Movie: Harry Potter
  • Book: Pride and Prejudice

B. The Rose Quartz Motherlode

[47:06–54:56]

• Stephanie’s yard is filled with large pieces of rose quartz, easily unearthed by her family. She’s uncertain how to best use, care for, or capitalize on this resource.
• Both hosts—self-identified “geode boys”—are giddy: “This yard is just willy-nilly, haphazardly has rose quartz strewn about. Like, you couldn't mow that lawn.” (Steve, 47:56)
• They assert the value and power of quartz—scientifically (via its piezoelectric property) and spiritually (for emotional and physical healing, per New Age beliefs).

C. Advice: Family Business, Crafting, and Community Good

• Steve, drawing on his grandfather’s stone-polishing hobby, outlines a business plan:
  • Collect and polish the quartz (with either a professional service or a home stone grinder)
  • Consider selling via Etsy, eBay, or at local farmers’ markets
  • Turn this into a family affair, “gamifying” the collection with kids and even incorporating Stephanie’s husband’s laser engraving side hustle (e.g., logo-engraved rose quartz).
• Eric: “I truly think start polishing this. You have a healthy chunk of rose quartz to start a fun little business... listeners will be excited to get rose quartz from you.”
• Both offer to promote Stephanie’s quartz business on the podcast and be her first customers.

Notable Quotes

• “You could drive a semi truck full of this rose quartz to Sedona and make thousands of dollars.” (Steve, 50:27)
• “Rose quartz is known as the stone of unconditional love, used in crystal healing to promote...inner healing...and environmental harmony.” (Eric, 51:12)
• “You're sitting on a virtual gold mine, potentially, Eric.” (Steve, 50:57)

D. Pitching Names and Narratives

[57:39–62:03]

• Brainstorm for business names:
  • “Garden of Quartz” (Stephanie’s suggestion, quickly deemed their favorite)
  • “People’s Quartz/Courts” (Steve)
  • “Rose Knows”/”Quartz & Roses”
• The hosts urge using a backstory to market the pieces: “Sometimes when you’re buying things, you’re buying a story.” (Eric, 57:26)
• Offer voiceover services, packaging suggestions (pressed roses with each order), and more, setting up seeds for an ongoing pod tie-in as the business grows.

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Memorable Moments & Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “Sometimes you get a wrong guitar and it’s the right note.” (Eric, 09:09)
• “Assault, battery.” (Steve, 04:14 — on dealing with noisy coffee shop Teams calls)
• “If the 90s comes back, bring with it, like, hey, we didn’t have phones in the 90s—it’s not allowed here.” (Eric, 04:15)
• “This is a psychic disturbance…You gotta really clear your energy.” (Eric, 26:52)
• “Get a hunk of iron...every manifestation of the fae.” (Steve, 27:16)
• “I feel stumped…You’re gonna have to do a threefold defense system here.” (Steve, 33:27)
• “This is a part one. We are not done with this.” (Steve, 41:23)
• “You could drive a semi truck of rose quartz to Sedona and make thousands of dollars.” (Steve, 50:27)
• “Garden of Quartz…that’s the one to beat right now.” (Steve, 61:04)

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Important Timestamps

• [01:10] – 90s/coffee shop nostalgia begins
• [09:58] – Caller #1: Casey intro
• [10:40] – Desert island picks / bonding
• [14:11] – Teams haunting story
• [21:06] – Banshee folklore explains
• [27:16] – Iron as magical defense
• [32:18] – Tech troubleshooting suggested
• [33:27] – Multi-pronged solution; “part one” status
• [42:06] – Caller #2: Stephanie intro
• [47:06] – Rose quartz yard discovered
• [51:12] – Rose quartz healing properties
• [54:56] – Family business plan/side hustle advice
• [57:39] – Business name pitches
• [61:04] – “Garden of Quartz” chosen

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Summary Tone & Style

The episode blends genuine curiosity, playful skepticism, and a willingness to explore the mystical, the entrepreneurial, and the absurd—equal parts buddy comedy and late-night advice show. Eric and Steve’s riff-heavy warmth creates a safe, supportive, and bizarrely knowledgeable space for listeners’ weirdest dilemmas.

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Episode Takeaways

• For tech mystery/Banshee hauntings: Combine practical IT troubleshooting with personal rituals (iron, meditation, intention-setting), and seek both mundane and mystical support.
• For surplus rose quartz: Embrace the blessing as a business opportunity, involve the family, and give it a personal story and name—“Garden of Quartz” marks a great start.
• For everyone: Sometimes, the best you can offer is an open mind, a little folklore, and a sense of humor. And a little Joni Mitchell.

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Summary by Podcast Summarizer AI. For more advice (serious or silly), listen to "We're Here To Help" on your favorite podcast app.

Transcript

[Eric Edelstein]

Hacks is back for its fifth and final season. And so is the Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners Lucia Aniello, Paul W. Downs and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy winning comedy series on each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writers room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hacks streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to the Hacks podcast on HBO Max or watch wherever you get your podcasts. We're here to help.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

We're here to help.

[Eric Edelstein]

Ladies and gentlemen, we're so excited to be back in your ears or your car speakers or your collective subconscious, wherever you may be. Steve and I are here for you. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for another episode of We're Here to Help.

[Steve Burke]

My God, we harmonized, Eric. We harmonized there. That was perfect.

[Eric Edelstein]

We always harmonize, buddy.

[Steve Burke]

I will say when we. Whenever you do like a podcast or something and like organically people are gonna do like the say the same thing at the same time. It never works out. That worked out. It'll never be better than that going forward. So you heard the best of what we have. Eric, I want to tell you something. Let me tell you something, Lisa. I'm switching gears. I'm fast giving no switch away. I want to. So look, in the 1990s, Eric, you know, I was very into like indie rock and kind of like punk rock culture. And I lived in Lawrence, Kansas, and I used to go to coffee shops. I mean, living in. Living in the same town as William S. Burroughs and a lot of the beat poets that would come through there, their coffee shops are very important. Lawrence, Kansas. And somewhere along the way, Eric, I lost touch with going into coffee shops. But Eric, no more. Because recently I have found this place in downtown Omaha called Sozo. Sozo. It's called Sozo.

[Eric Edelstein]

How's that spelled?

[Steve Burke]

S O Z O. And it is an old 1990s vibed out coffee shop that's underground. And I have found my new home. I'm going to start going there multiple times a week. I went there like, you know what, I got to get out of the house. I gotta do some work. And sometimes my kitty cats will distract me by wanting to play stick or me opening up, giving them treats. So I went there. I was like, I'll go for like an hour and just really bang it out. I was there for hours over caffeinating myself, enjoying a pastry. This place, they do like beat poetry at night. They had a guy playing ambient keyboard in the Actual coffee shop. My coffee shop era. I'm back, baby. So I'm this. And this means, this means other changes too. I'm gonna start going and like thrift stores, even though it's hard for a big guy and buying like old retro, like kind of cool T shirts that like, you know, like Joe's Conoco, like car repair, you know, like kind of that irony. I might start wearing dicky pants. I'm going full 90s indie rock, coffee house vibe. This is my new era.

[Eric Edelstein]

I think it's so exciting. Steve, I think you're leading a brigade here. Yeah, I'm back. I think for some reason the 90s are deeply coming back.

[Steve Burke]

They are. We need them to. The 90s will come back and save us.

[Eric Edelstein]

I think they will. Well, and I think part of it is going back to old times. They're always about nostalgia. But the 90s was the last time. Pre cellular telephones, pre smartphones that are maybe making a stump. And I think people look at that time and I'll tell you what I would do if I was a coffee shop is I might ban phones.

[Steve Burke]

You know, there is a tea shop in Los Feliz in great little city. I call Los Angeles. I don't know if you've heard of it. They have a tea shop on Vermont Street. They don't allow. They don't allow cell phones.

[Eric Edelstein]

Man, this is a nice beefs going into a coffee shop these days is. People will be. People have heard me at this. I don't know. People will be conducting meetings.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Talking at full volume on their computer, on their phone. And that's what's going to lead to me getting a misdemeanor, possibly a felony depending on how good my attorney is.

[Steve Burke]

Assault, battery.

[Eric Edelstein]

I. I would ban it all. Yeah, I would truly ban it all. And I think that's part of why the 90s are coming back. So if the 90s comes back, bring with like, hey, we didn't have phones in the 90s. It's not allowed here.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, we all got along fine. It's like also, there is something about accountability I think with like being analog. It's like, hey, I'm going to meet you at 8:45 for a cold beer and some onion rings. And if you don't show up, then you screwed your friend over. Like with cell phones, there's like, hey, running late, Traffic. Sorry. Oh, something came up. Like, you know, it just feels like it's like cell phones are almost an exc. Excuse. But I think, Eric, the coffee shop, you, you You're. You're getting to something here. I think it symbolizes analog. Getting back to the basics. Sitting in a coffee shop, pondering the world, maybe having a read.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, buddy, I'm huge into books again. I'm ashamed of how few books I read last year.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

And as I've been off Instagram in this calendar year, I've been reading so many books.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah. Yeah. Are you. Do you. Do you read? You're with a non fiction though, right?

[Eric Edelstein]

Mostly, yeah. I mean, I love A Prayer for Owen, Meanie and some fiction. I'm really looking for fiction. So people have good fiction recommendations, throw them in the comments. But right now I'm reading a wild book. I've been on a crazy tangent on the last days of Marilyn Monroe.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, goodbye, Norma Jean.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's not good, Steve.

[Steve Burke]

Goodbye, Norman Jean.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, I. Yeah, I don't think.

[Steve Burke]

Do you think she was killed? Yeah, you do you think she was. You think she was assassinated?

[Eric Edelstein]

Absolutely, I truly do, because I read this James Patterson book, and he's a huge author, and then they kind of hinted at it at the end, and I'm like, hold on, what? You're just dropping hints? Then I got a book from an LAPD detective, and it is a wild, wild ride. But in terms of the 90s coming back, I went to the Dodger game last night. Oh, multiple Dodger relievers, you know, they have that fun intro song when they come running out. And one. I'm gonna you in a second what your intro song would be. But multiple Dodger relievers are playing like 90s grunge when they run out. I heard Candle Box, Steve.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, Candle Box.

[Eric Edelstein]

I mean, we think it was Candle.

[Steve Burke]

Candle Box was like the death throws of the grungera. It's like, hey, guys, we got this band called Candle Box. Like, hey, guys. Actually, grunge is over. Like, damn it.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, we were just right there. The candles on fire. Oh, yeah. So what would be Steve Berg's song? You're a reliever running out of that bullpen. What song are you gonna play?

[Steve Burke]

You know, there's a song called By a synth funk band in the 80s called. I think they were called New Shoes, but, you know, the song goes.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh,

[Steve Burke]

my baby, I can't wait.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's an song, an incredibly important Portland band.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, really?

[Eric Edelstein]

We claim New Shoes. Yeah, New Shoes is a Portland band.

[Steve Burke]

The song I Can't Wait by New Shoes is a song I. It's like one of my favorite songs in the world, and I've loved it since I was A kid. It makes me so happy. Everyone put on new shoes and I defy you to not have it turn your day around. It is. It would be my intro song for anything I do.

[Eric Edelstein]

And they're not just a one hit wonder. There's some good stuff there.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, I love like synth, like that Synthy kind of 80s funky. When they were just getting like hip to like, like the new like keyboards and stuff. I like funk a lot, man. I listen to like a lot of that era of funk. So it's. It's just good fun. It makes me happy. You can. It's really toe tapping. It's good to rate the leaves to. It's good to do your taxes to, you know, I mean like, it's good to make like a pad tie to like. I mean, I could pair synth. It is versatile music. I could pair synth punk with anything or a funk and pumpkin.

[Eric Edelstein]

Steve, I'm pulling dried pieces of rice off my shirt. Can you see that?

[Steve Burke]

Eric, I.

[Eric Edelstein]

How do they get there?

[Steve Burke]

You know, I. You know what's amazing? Here's why we're friends. Because I pulled dry pieces of rice off the couch this morning because I had a little. I made myself a little fried rice dinner last night. It was delightful. And I had rice all over the place. Susie's always like, you leave rice everywhere you go. It's like a trail of rice. You know where Steve is because you'll find a rice, a rice path.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, it's so good.

[Steve Burke]

But that's how we get back to where we started, you know, it's our rest.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, that's it, man. That's it.

[Steve Burke]

That's how we find our way.

[Eric Edelstein]

Well, Steven, are you ready to take some calls?

[Steve Burke]

Eric, I've never been more ready to take calls. Let's see if we can help people.

[Eric Edelstein]

Help some people.

[Steve Burke]

Let's see if they can help us too. Because it's a two way street on weird hair day.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, it's a two way street. And we're both driving Porsches. Let's go right now to our first caller.

[Steve Burke]

Well, hello, my friend. It seems you have found your own. We do that again. Well, hello, my friend.

[Eric Edelstein]

Don't. Don't edit that. No, that was good.

[Steve Burke]

We like, embrace the mistakes. Embrace.

[Eric Edelstein]

Sometimes you get a wrong guitar and it's the right note.

[Steve Burke]

I tripped over my own tongue.

[Eric Edelstein]

We're keeping that. That tongue's beautiful, friend.

[Steve Burke]

We're keeping that first take. My name is Morgan.

[Eric Edelstein]

Don't edit that.

[Steve Burke]

This is my buddy Eric and I'll start.

[Eric Edelstein]

Welcome to Weird Here to help. Now you know you're really a part of it now.

[Steve Burke]

What is your name and word?

[Eric Edelstein]

Colin. Do you want to do the intake? You probably know better than I am. It's daylight savings time. It's an hour earlier.

[Steve Burke]

I lost an hour earlier.

[Eric Edelstein]

Steve Dabble. He took. He dipped a toe in the psilocybin pond this weekend and we're all get to benefit from it. So Steve, you want to take two? But Morgan, do not edit a thing of that.

[Steve Burke]

I beg of you. That was. That was perfection. But we're gonna do it. No, no, no minor chords just for me. This one's just for me. Well, hello my friends. Since you find yourself on another episode of Weird, here to help with Eric Edelstein and Steve Burke. What is your name and where are you calling from? If you would.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Hi, I'm Casey. I'm calling from San Francisco.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, my love, the bay.

[Steve Burke]

Let me just tell you. So you were talking to two San Francisco heads. Eric and I have owned that city a couple times.

[Eric Edelstein]

I think that city owned us, but.

[Steve Burke]

Well, that's probably true.

[Eric Edelstein]

I think that city owned us.

[Steve Burke]

Eric and I have done some day drinking. We've gone to different haberdasheries, We've gone to other places that we won't mention on the air. But we love San Francisco and we love you, Casey. Right away. Casey, a quick question for you and without thinking about it too hard, if you could bring one book, one TV show slash movie, and one album to a deserted island where, you know, other humans existed, what would they be?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Okay, so I am a longtime listener, so I have put a little thought into this. My sisters and I love you guys, by the way.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, we love you.

[Eric Edelstein]

We love you. Give your sisters a hug. Say it's your giant man.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I will, I will. So album Joni Mitchell's Blue.

[Steve Burke]

We are team Joanie over here.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, I got to see Joanie. I've seen her twice now. It's heaven. She's the damn coolest. Thank you, Randy Carlisle, for bringing her out of her show.

[Steve Burke]

A Canadian queen.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, completely. Oh, and blue. Like, come on.

[Steve Burke]

I love blue. It just works.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I know. Yes. I'm not big into movies, so I'd have to pick my favorite TV show, which is just the Comfort show. Gilmore Girls.

[Steve Burke]

I love the Gilmore Girls.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Rehearse it a million times when we

[Steve Burke]

walk all alone in the valley.

[Eric Edelstein]

And you know, Luke was an incredible minor league baseball player that had injuries.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I did not know that.

[Eric Edelstein]

Luke go on ebay. They fetch a pretty penny. Luke has Baseball cards.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Also, Luke was surging toward the majors, like dominated aaa. Then the poor guy had injuries. So all he did, he just turned that hat around and went on television.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, he did play baseball.

[Eric Edelstein]

He was a big time Yankees prospect.

[Steve Burke]

And Luke was good, you know, also in terms of. In terms of Lorelei's boyfriends. I'm always on team Luke till dad die.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, come on. Yeah, yeah, we love Luke. Gilmore Girls rules around the edges. Coffee hat back.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Absolutely. Slinging up Denver Owens for the people.

[Eric Edelstein]

Well then you get to see Melissa McCarthy just kind of start to take. Take off on that show. It's all great. And then most importantly, most importantly, a true hero and friend of the pod friend of ours. Joel. Joel Gion. Jonestown Massacre.

[Steve Burke]

Absolutely.

[Eric Edelstein]

The only television show with a vision to talk about the Brian Jonestown Massacre. Gilmore Girls.

[Steve Burke]

That's true. Very true. Joel. Joel is a hero to this show. Now you. You leaving out one crucial thing, but what about a book?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Book would have to be When Breath becomes Air by Paul Kalanisi. He was. This gets a little deep. He was a neurosurgeon or training to be a neurosurgeon. And then he found out he himself had cancer. And like he. It's a memoir on his reflections about life and the meaning of life. And I love it. It's amazing. It sticks to like, so amazing.

[Steve Burke]

That sounds great, Steve.

[Eric Edelstein]

We should start compiling listener book recommendations.

[Steve Burke]

I agree, I agree.

[Eric Edelstein]

And there's a whole bunch of buzz in the Patreon of people wanting a Steve Berg book club club, which I think is how the cult begins. And I think we're all in for it.

[Steve Burke]

I'm.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm number one in this culture. Watson dude.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah. I mean, yeah. Wackadoo Book club.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm cult member number one. And I'm like, happy to be like your right hand man, your muscle. Someone didn't sign me directly. You gotta go up in the hills. Where you want me to go? Steve, I'm here.

[Steve Burke]

Okay. Text. Thank you. Thank you.

[Eric Edelstein]

I booked text.

[Steve Burke]

Casey. What? It seems that you have come here with an issue in your life. How can Eric and I potentially help you?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yeah. So I never thought I'd have a reason to. To write into weird here to help. I'm not super into like supernatural or paranormal, but we do anything weird, though.

[Steve Burke]

We do anything weird.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yeah, well, I know, but this is where it's leading to this, so.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, wow.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Until it was two weeks ago.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, I'm getting excited.

[Steve Burke]

It's coming. It's Coming. It's coming.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

So at work, which is where I'm at right now, we use Microsoft Teams. Are you familiar?

[Steve Burke]

It's like a Zoom for work.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

It's similar to Zoom. It's Microsoft's version. Exactly. And I use it all day long because I don't work with. I work with people all over the country. Nobody in my office. I'm, like, always on my computer. And starting about two weeks ago, just suddenly, during calls, my co workers would ask, on various different calls in various different conference rooms, nobody in the conference room with me. People would ask, like, my co workers would say, do you hear that? Or is that coming from you, Casey? And I heard nothing. Like, I heard nothing at all. And they describe it as, like, yelling, screaming, even like a loud snippet of, like, a conversation between people coming from my audio.

[Steve Burke]

Do you have a ghost in the machine?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I don't know. So it only lasts a few seconds. Yeah, but it. It happens so frequently now that people. Because I. I double checked when I got your invite to the podcast. Like, it's happening so frequently. My co workers just aren't telling me now because it just only happens for like, a split second or two, and then, you know, so they just, like, ignore it now.

[Steve Burke]

So I'm understanding really, really, really quick, before you go any further, just, I want to make sure I'm understanding the mechanics of what's happening here. So you are a Microsoft Team, and through the computer, you're getting these audio auditory interruptions, right?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yes.

[Steve Burke]

Okay. Okay.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yes. And I don't hear them.

[Steve Burke]

You don't hear them.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

My boss has tried to record it on her end so that I can hear it, but she hasn't been successful in, like, getting a recording.

[Eric Edelstein]

Of course I don't want to be heard.

[Steve Burke]

It eludes the recording.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

I will say this. As we know, I got a Groupon for colonics, and I have a doctor. I don't. I don't know if she's really a doctor. I'm calling her a doctor.

[Steve Burke]

I don't know if that's just, like, common knowledge.

[Eric Edelstein]

All right, maybe it's more on the Patreon, but anyway, I got a colonics via. She told me I'm willing to accept her on this, and I think. I think the term doctor with her. I'm happy to call her that. I think. I don't think there's a medical degree, but I really like her and I like what's happening there. She says that angelic beings and aliens are using ChatGPT to communicate that they found a way to sneak through. And her sword chat GPT 4.0. And they're doing the updates as quick as they can to try to keep these things out because they're giving sacred wisdom. But she's like, they're in there and all this stuff is using. I can hear people already getting outraged hearing this, and yet I want to believe, saying that I know aliens and angelic beings have realized they can now communicate through technology and they want to help. I like Steve, and I, in a big way.

[Steve Burke]

I would be curious about the source of this lady's information. Is this. Is she.

[Eric Edelstein]

Insert the thing yourself and never look back, buddy.

[Steve Burke]

We'll talk off the air about why this is a horrible idea.

[Eric Edelstein]

We'll talk on the air. My life's an open book, and it's. It's cheap pulp fiction. It's the one you find at the dollar store. But here we sit.

[Steve Burke]

Okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

And I sit when it's in there.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Okay. So it continues. Yeah, it continues because with just the, you know, just my laptop, I could totally chalk that up to just like an it glitch. Like something's wrong with my computer.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah. Crossing streets.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

The same week this started happening at work, I was in the middle of Golden Gate park, my daughter's soccer practice. Great place completely. Nobody around me. Nobody around me at all. Talking to my sister. We're like, midway through the call, and she goes, casey, are you okay? What was that? I was like, what? She was. I heard screaming. There's nobody near me. There is literally nobody near me. And she heard screaming.

[Steve Burke]

But you can't hear it.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I don't hear it. And then it's happened one other time on the phone with my sister, on my personal cell phone. There's no connection. No connection between my personal cell phone and the laptop. So that's when we. Because we're listeners. Because we're listeners. My sister's like, oh, my God, you have to call.

[Steve Burke]

I'm gonna truly know.

[Eric Edelstein]

There's, like, 10 people in the world that have answers, and Steve Berg is one of them.

[Steve Burke]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna ask.

[Eric Edelstein]

Intake, Steve Intake. Enlighten us all. Get us going, buddy.

[Steve Burke]

I'm ask some paranoid questions. Okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, this is exciting.

[Steve Burke]

What you are, your job. Is there any kind of sensitive, like, information? Like, are, like, are you working, like, for the CIA? No, but I'm saying, like, are you. No, like, but, like, is what. Is what you're doing pretty innocent. It's not like top secret stuff. Like, it's.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

It's Pretty innocent. It's pretty innocent. And I, I, Yeah, yeah.

[Steve Burke]

I mean, this, you know what it sounds like, Eric. So obviously, like 60 Minutes has been doing different pieces. I think they did one a week ago, though, is getting some global popularity. But this thing, Havana syndrome.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Steve Burke]

Like, it almost sounds like there's like an energy weapon being directed more than it's like, supernatural.

[Eric Edelstein]

They have caught a straggler and then they just bought an energy weapon from Russia and it worked. Like, there's a whole bunch of very strange stuff. But I wonder, I mean, maybe she's got a little, a little psychic passenger right now, Steven. Because if it was just in the, in the, in the teams meeting, that's very weird. She's a Golden Gate Park. That company ended their run.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah. I also ate mushrooms there when, when I was 23. Great experience.

[Eric Edelstein]

Added to the list. Added to the list. We're not surprised when you say you eat mushrooms so much, you had it on your porch this weekend and talk to dogs.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

So here's just the last wrinkle because, you know, I've been thinking about this after, like, when, before I was going to submit and I was listening to, like, different history podcast and particularly one on Irish folklore. And I am. And they talk about the banshee.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, yeah.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

And I got nervous. I mean, some people describe it as a male scream, some as a female.

[Steve Burke]

The screaming banshee.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

And I am also, when you hear about, when you read about the banshee, it particularly, you know, is attached to Irish families that have a last name starting with O. Mick or Mac. And I'm an O. O. I'm like, what am I being really?

[Steve Burke]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're my people. I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm a huge part Irish.

[Steve Burke]

We can't, like, it's a little out of my depth. I'm not going to speak for Eric in terms, to actually diagnose what's happening. I wonder, should we treat this like a fairy encounter? I am a, I am above all other things these days. I am very into Celtic folklore, Scottish folklore, Norse folklore. And if, if it sounds like you are too, if you know about the banshee is not, like, common knowledge. Everyone's heard about it, but heard of it.

[Eric Edelstein]

But what is it? Steve, explain. Well, it's those of us that don't know about the fae and banshees.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Please help.

[Steve Burke]

Well, a banshee is just really, to put it simply, a manifestation of the fae realm. There's, like, different kinds of manifestations of the fae, there's, you know, there's brownies, sylphs, willow wisps. And the banshee is one of them. Right? Am I right about that, Casey?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yeah. I think it's even like, possibly ancestral spirits or something that are warning you. Like, giving you a warning sign about death is what they say.

[Eric Edelstein]

You don't believe that in this show.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Family death? Yeah.

[Steve Burke]

It also could be. It could be a death of your part of your life. It could be a metaphorical debt.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, I like that. We're moving on to new things. Maybe you're about to get a promotion.

[Steve Burke]

That's exactly right. It could. It could be that.

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It's going good.

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[Steve Burke]

But please go on. Casey, what are we gonna say?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Oh, I mean, I didn't go too deeply, like, because again, I know I'm not like super up on Irish folklore myself, but.

[Steve Burke]

Right. It is. So. Okay, well, you know, we should have

[Eric Edelstein]

done this meeting on. On teams.

[Steve Burke]

We should have done it on teams to get a little table.

[Eric Edelstein]

But I won't lie, I'd be a little scared. I don't want anyone. I'm having a nice little Monday morning here. I don't want a banshee following me around the rest of the of the week.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, you want any wood elves coming out of that bookshelf? Behind you.

[Eric Edelstein]

No.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yeah. So, I mean, I guess my question is, am I haunted or do I just need to call it? You know, I.

[Steve Burke]

Okay, here's. Here's the thing. Like, I will say I am. Obviously, I'm. While I love this stuff and love the stories and traditions, I am, you know, skeptical. Very skeptical. I'm not a skeptic, but I'm skeptical. But I will say I. I'm. Here's what I'm.

[Eric Edelstein]

Danger.

[Steve Burke]

The fact that your sister heard it away, like, not via technology, when you guys were at Golden Gate park is startling to me. And that you. And that you cannot hear it, which is so weird, actually. I don't think I've ever heard anything like this. So if you want. If you want. I want to say, you know, because we don't know exactly how to diagnose this problem without, you know, us picking apart a computer and all stuff and talking to an IT person, we maybe could treat. We can give you advice potentially to treat this like a fairy attack.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

What does that mean? How do. How do I do that?

[Steve Burke]

Well, here's. Here is what I'm going to tell you.

[Eric Edelstein]

I got attacked by a fairy once.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, you did.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. You got to really clear your energy. You got to seriously do it.

[Steve Burke]

It's true.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's a psychic disturbance.

[Steve Burke]

It's true.

[Eric Edelstein]

And. And like, do you. Do you meditate or have any kind of mindfulness practice?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I try.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I'd say every day.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, I love it. Well, you know, we're big proponents of that there, but that's a great way to kind of tap into yourself and however you view. However you view the great beyond and all those good things that come from Irish folklore and to begin to counter attack the banshee attack.

[Steve Burke]

I also think the first thing I would do. This is truly the first thing I would do if I felt like a

[Eric Edelstein]

big plate of fries.

[Steve Burke]

Well, that would be after this, Eric. I love french fries with various dipping sauces. Actually, yellow. I'm into yellow mustard these days. My fries. Like Carl from Sling Blade. I'm the real Carl.

[Eric Edelstein]

Things that don't surprise me for 300 people.

[Steve Burke]

But here's what I think you should do and do today, and that is get a hunk of iron, the most pure iron you can find. Iron is a repellent to every manifestation of the. Of the fae. In fact, in Ireland, a lot of times, people will put on their porch iron knockers. I have been told by colleagues and professionals to take a railroad tie. Four railroad ties, and. And hammer them into all four corners of your property. That's supposed to keep the FA away. But I do think the first order of business for you is to get a piece of iron. And I'm talking about do it today. You can go to a hardware store and just go, hey, sir. Hi. I'm looking for just a hunk of iron. And you will be able to find it. It's easier to find, you think? And I would ask for the most pure iron you can possibly find. And I would get a couple pieces, put one in your front door, maybe take one to work and set it on your desk. And if you want, if, like, you're out and about, keep a. Buy a piece of jewelry with that's made of iron and wear it. And I'd be curious to see what results you get from that.

[Eric Edelstein]

And I would bring in the iron and also set some intentions. Like put on. Put on Joanie. Yeah, put on some Joanie with Brandy Carlisle Live stuff that's recent because Joanie's so dialed in right now. And like, meditate with your husband. Like, the best times I have are my wife and I'll wake up early and meditate together. But you're just kind of checking in with the best part of the. The ethereal self. And so I would put on some Joanie, put in some iron, and read whatever texts are sacred to you wherever you are spiritually. It could be. It can be Joni's book, it can be anything else. But, like, read that kind of stuff and just let that stuff know that it isn't wanted here anymore and you are releasing it with love. And then I say, for down the road, we're going to try this stuff. And, you know, people can laugh. I really do believe in a lot of this iron stuff. Steve is a skeptic and he believes in it, but I think that there's a lot of science that's undiscovered and we don't necessarily know why. And there's power in geodes if it doesn't clear up. I think we need to do a meeting with us on teams and confront the ghosts. Do a little. Right.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah. Well, and now let's. Let's go to the. Let's do a. Let's maybe come up with a couple practical material ideas. You could do one. I would say. So in terms of your. The. Your work laptop, are we. What kind of security? We got a Norton antivirus. You got a VPN cooking on this thing?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Oh, it's pretty. It's pretty secure. I can't say I Would have worked, but it's pretty secure.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, she can't say, I don't want it.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I don't want it.

[Eric Edelstein]

She's Steve's handler. Wait, I hear there's.

[Steve Burke]

Are you my handler?

[Eric Edelstein]

Burke has a giant head. Steve Bird has a giant hand.

[Steve Burke]

Okay. Okay.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

So, yeah, I don't want to put all my personal information.

[Eric Edelstein]

I appreciate that. We're all about playing.

[Steve Burke]

We're playing. But I, I. But something. But you. Yeah, it sounds like. So you're certain? Like, there's a firewall. There's an internal. Have you talked to the IT person, Joey? It. At your place, Joey? Yeah. You haven't?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

We have like a. It's centralized and it's a big deal. It's a big to do. It depends on who you get. And then, like, you know, the person's probably going to think I'm like, I don't.

[Steve Burke]

Your boss is hearing. But your boss is hearing this. And like, I. Yeah. I mean, there's got to be a way. See, I would love to be able to document these voices because, I mean, like, I mean, like, when, you know, like, so when people are hearing this, are they describing it? Potentially? Like, it's like, like you were turning like an AM radio dial and you're hearing different snippets of conversation. Or is it like a consistent voice? Like, what details can you give us about these sounds and voices?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yeah. So I haven't gotten a cons. The reports haven't been consistent. But the most consistent thing that people have said is that it sounds like yelling or screaming.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, God.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

But then other people have said it sounds like a loud conversation, like a snippet of a loud conversation. So I don't know.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah. I mean. And no one else's computer is eliciting this kind of phenomenon.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

And if I mute myself, if I mute myself, it doesn't happen. So, like, it's. It's definitely coming from my computer.

[Eric Edelstein]

That's bliss. And that's where the Golden Gate park thing gets even more terrible.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah. This is really. I mean, like, I feel pretty stumped. This is also, like, because of the golden. Like, if it was just yet you're working through your computer. I'm like, well, there's some kind of, like, it's tapping into, like, someone else's conversation or you've been hacked in, someone's messing with you. But the fact that your sister.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Feedback or something, you know?

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, yeah. Because things will happen. Like, you know, like, have you ever been on the phone? I don't think it happens. As much. But like all sudden you, like, you would hear a snippet of someone else's conversation. Like the, the wires are being crossed somehow. Like, I know there are technical glitches that, that can happen. Right.

[Eric Edelstein]

But I just turned on my turntable recently and I heard Korean radio coming through.

[Steve Burke]

It's because you probably had a Korean transistor from like 1957 that you bought, like, probably.

[Eric Edelstein]

I had to get a preamp for it, but it was really freaking me out. In between every song, I'd hear this and it sounded like Morse code.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

And it really scared me, Steve.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah. That's scary. That's scary. You, you're definitely being tracked, Eric, in for a good.

[Eric Edelstein]

Well, yeah. By you.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, by me. Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

I think you're my handler.

[Steve Burke]

I am definitely a great handler.

[Eric Edelstein]

Really great.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah. It couldn't be a nicer handler, to be honest. Casey. I, I, okay, like, look, I think you're gonna have to do a, like a, a, a three fold type of defense system here. I think hedging your bets in case you're having a fay attack and because you are Irish and you, this is, they're after you in some way and it may not be bad. I mean like, and I, I, I

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

know it may not be bad. My family has like being ghosts and things, you know, like I have family, family members that swear by this kind

[Steve Burke]

of, you know, have you, well, have you, have you talked to them about what's going on? Do you feel comfortable? You should reach out to Uncle Ted or Auntie Marge or whoever it is who's had these.

[Eric Edelstein]

Reach out to Uncle Seamus first, actually.

[Steve Burke]

Reach out to Uncle Seamus. Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Good.

[Ad Host 2]

Steve.

[Steve Burke]

That wasn't bad, was it?

[Eric Edelstein]

That was good.

[Steve Burke]

I mean, it was.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. No, I think talking to some family members because they say, oh, this is wild, here's what's going on, or, oh, we had this before. You're gonna have to take a one way trip to Kilkenny, Ireland and figure this out.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Which I can't recommend.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I wouldn't mind that. Yeah, no.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah. You're gonna have to go stand on the ferry mound, draw some blood and then squeeze your palm and put a little blood right in the ferry mound. In Ireland, it may take that.

[Eric Edelstein]

Or at the Jersey Mike's in Omaha with Steve.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, I love Jersey Mike's. Mike's way every time, baby. Give me that. I would pay an extra 5. That shredded lettuce. Why, how can iceberg lettuce just shredded up like that be so good?

[Eric Edelstein]

For now though, it got, it got Bought by.

[Steve Burke]

I know, I know.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm gonna have that. Weird. Bad.

[Steve Burke]

I'm upset. I know. I'm upset about it. It's already. It's already gone on hill. But yeah, I'm living in a bygone era of Jersey Mike's. So here's what I think we should do. I think you have to have a meeting with the IT person and just say like, my boss is hearing this. Like it's not.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

It's.

[Steve Burke]

I am actually not. Other people are complaining about this and. And I would love to hear what the IT person's take on. It's like, oh yeah, this happens. It's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But like ask them. I think. I think you're going to need to do a little homework, Unfortunately. I think 1. What do we do in case this is a Fae encounter? You get. You're going to want to get the iron. I would actually. It'd be amazing if you get this hunk of iron, put it on your desk and it just stops. And maybe carry some around just for at least a couple of weeks. Plus irons. It's fun to have a hunk of metal, you know, on you. I think next, I think you have to talk to the IT person and just get their take on this stuff because this could be a thing that he or she has run into and there's an easy fix. It's like doing an update to 5.49

[Eric Edelstein]

ZF and I think doing the update too.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, do an update. Eric's bigger. Eric is big on staying.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm a huge update guy.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

He's like, according to the colonic doctor in quotes that I met recently, she says these things are trying to communicate and that you do the update and the people that are actually the. The tech wizards that are doing this know about this. And each update is designed to get it out. So she's going back to like chat GPT 4.0 because she wants to talk to them.

[Steve Burke]

Eric.

[Eric Edelstein]

So perhaps this isn't someone I should be allowing to put a hose inside me.

[Steve Burke]

Eric, did you say you self insert the hose?

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Steve Burke]

Why? Why?

[Eric Edelstein]

It's cheap. It's in the Valley.

[Steve Burke]

I don't know if this is the place.

[Eric Edelstein]

His colonic of like two nurses putting him like, yeah, that's a leading actor colonic. I got a character actor colonic. It's on Hollywood Way. Welcome to join. I think if we hammered her on where her doctor credentials are, I don't even think it'd be like, yeah, you know the upstairs clinic In Grenada. I'm just gonna call her a doctor, but she swears these beings are trying to communicate through tech. And I want to believe, but she says the. The update helps with this. So I think completely delete teams in conjunction with Reinstall. Completely delete teams, reinstall it. And then you have that iron, and you're going to set intentions with it.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're going to be playing Joni Mitchell. Play, you know, free man in Paris, Loudly play the Coyote song.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, I love the Coyote. Coyote.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, no, it's great. It's.

[Steve Burke]

What a riff.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. Play Coyote song, say intentions, and then completely delete that version of Teams and then reboot it. And I think you might have some luck.

[Steve Burke]

I love you.

[Eric Edelstein]

Don't. We're going to check back in here with you, and we're going to get on teams with you and really quick. And we're going to Ghostbust in person, which this whole podcast has been building toward. We finally may have a chance to do it, and I'd love to take

[Steve Burke]

a minute really quick, Casey, if you would help me out. Actually, we're going to help Eric out and say, eric, you got to go to a new colonic person. I think first off, the self insertion is highly questionable. It's. It's almost like it's only legal if you self insert.

[Eric Edelstein]

Well, she's probably not credentialed.

[Steve Burke]

Probably there's a person that's telling you aliens are talking through your. Your. Your laptop to you.

[Eric Edelstein]

What if this works today? What if this doctor in quotes is how we solve her problem? I think. I think if she knocks out teams, reinstalls it with the iron with intention with Joni Mitchell, I think there's a really good chance you're gonna. I don't hate on my doctor on Hollywood.

[Steve Burke]

I. Well, I don't doubt. Eric, look, your methodology. I think your advice is sound, but that's coming from you. I'm not. I'm not gonna give this shady ass doctor the credit for what you just. You said you. You deserve credit, Eric. That was good advice.

[Eric Edelstein]

All right. All right, you two. I'm willing to admit you might be right.

[Steve Burke]

Okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

Thanks, Casey.

[Steve Burke]

Thank you. You have helped. Checks in the mail. We're. We're gonna get Eric to a proper doctor. One without self insertion. All right, you ready to go? Just stick that hose up your butt, kid. I mean, what.

[Eric Edelstein]

That's what she said.

[Steve Burke]

I'm sure it is what she said. This is not. I don't think this is how. Like when Jake described You an actual nurse is the operative word.

[Eric Edelstein]

He had said he had two nurses.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Newer residuals. Must be nice. Well, I just die and everything. I think I got to put that hose in myself.

[Steve Burke]

Look, we can send you to a proper colonic on the we're here to help hq. Visa card.

[Eric Edelstein]

Jake will pay for it.

[Steve Burke]

He'll pay for it? Yes.

[Eric Edelstein]

Casey, look, you're helping us. Yeah.

[Steve Burke]

Casey.

[Eric Edelstein]

So thanks.

[Steve Burke]

In the mail. You just help us. But I'm.

[Eric Edelstein]

Truthfully, the last insertion was not easy.

[Steve Burke]

I will say again, this is. This is one that kind of stumped us because it's really hard to, like, for sure, diagnose where the problem is coming from. But do we think. I think we gave you a little bit of information to maybe at least an opening gambit.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I think it's good. It's a good motivation to meditate, regardless.

[Eric Edelstein]

You'll love it. But also, as you know, you're in with us now.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

So if this stuff doesn't work, we're going to go right to the belly of the beast and we're going to go into Microsoft Teams with you and see if that entity comes up. And Steve Berg is probably top three most equipped people on this planet to deal with this. John E.L. tenney, Steve Berg, and the new Chicago Pope. Those are the big three for dealing with paranormal stuff.

[Steve Burke]

That's a good company. Thank you.

[Eric Edelstein]

They do exorcism, Steve. You know this.

[Steve Burke]

I could exercise somebody easy.

[Eric Edelstein]

You have to exercise yourself easy, kid.

[Steve Burke]

Okay, so, look, I think I kind of. I'm gonna go ahead and call this a to be continued. This is a part one, Casey. We're definitely gonna have to maybe can you, like, try these protocols we gave you on the material and immaterial side, see how it works and get back to us in a month? I would like to do this. Call the part 2 rather soon, if you're okay. So can you reach back. Reach back out to our producer and let's get you back on in two to three weeks, if that's okay? Because this is an ongoing problem. I don't want you to, you know, be languishing out there in trouble with weird auditory voices. So this is a part one. We are not done with this. That's the opening gambit to see how it works. But you're going to follow up with us. Is that okay?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Awesome. Yes, absolutely. Thank you both so much.

[Steve Burke]

Thank you, Casey. And thank you for helping me with Eric with our little, you know, intervention here.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, I appreciate this. You, too. I. I feel like Casey Maybe this whole thing was just to get me to quit going to the Valley.

[Steve Burke]

That's exactly right, Casey.

[Eric Edelstein]

And Casey, thank your sisters too. Tell them we really appreciate it.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

And we'll see you next time in San Francisco.

[Steve Burke]

We'll see you in Chinatown. We love Chinatown. All right, Casey. Oh, how good does the gum sound?

[Eric Edelstein]

Bye, Casey.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

You're.

[Steve Burke]

Welcome.

[Eric Edelstein]

Hello, caller. We are guessing you're weird or weird adjacent. You are on weird. Here to help with Eric and Steve. Caller, what's your name? Where are you calling from?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Hi, I am Stephanie, and I'm calling from a Mountain west flyover state.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, I love the anonymity too. We can respect that Stephanie's not your real name. That's great.

[Steve Burke]

I have to guess. Mountain west flyers.

[Eric Edelstein]

Don't guess. She wants anonymity. Idaho really drops.

[Steve Burke]

It's Idaho or Wyoming. I can see Steve.

[Eric Edelstein]

She wants anonymity. She's not gonna get.

[Steve Burke]

Give me a little hint, is there?

[Eric Edelstein]

Don't indulge this call.

[Steve Burke]

Don't indulge sandwich.

[Eric Edelstein]

This is a safe place.

[Steve Burke]

I am calabrious. I gotta.

[Eric Edelstein]

He knows the sandwich in every Mountain West.

[Steve Burke]

I do.

[Eric Edelstein]

Great.

[Steve Burke]

Are you guys known for it?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

A pocket sandwich is actually chislick. It's not a sandwich. So Chislick is the state food.

[Steve Burke]

Wait, is that Checkles of Baki with chislick?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

It's like steak tips. Oh,

[Eric Edelstein]

now all Steve Berg wants in this world.

[Steve Burke]

Are we smoking those or are we, like. Is there, like. Are we brining those the day before and then slow cooking them? What's going on with these chips?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Look, every restaurant has, like, their secret recipe and everyone says theirs is the best and they're all right.

[Steve Burke]

And how do we spell that? How do we spell that? Stephanie, I'm sorry. I know that we're going off.

[Eric Edelstein]

You broke it, you bought it. Guys, I'm googling chislook right now. Oh, I know what state you're in. Okay, I'm not. I'm not really. I'm not revealing it. I know what state.

[Steve Burke]

Okay, tell me off the air.

[Eric Edelstein]

I've been in that state. It's a good one.

[Steve Burke]

I can tell.

[Eric Edelstein]

I like that place.

[Steve Burke]

I can tell already. It's definitely Idaho.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, it's not Idaho. Well, I'm not. I'm not narrowing because she wants anonymity.

[Steve Burke]

Steve, you're right, you're right, you're right.

[Eric Edelstein]

We' here to midwife her through this and you're getting the four steps trying

[Steve Burke]

to yank your baby.

[Eric Edelstein]

You don't do that anymore. Steve.

[Steve Burke]

I love a mystery.

[Eric Edelstein]

We don't use leeches to pull out the good humors anymore. Okay, we're, we're. She's allowed to eat chisel. Like she gave us a nice hand. I think I know where it is now, but this caller clearly wants anonymity because something big is going on. But first caller, so we know you a little bit better, give us your desert island album, movie slash premium television show and album so we get a little taste of who you are.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, give us a taste.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yeah, I'm really loving prize fighter from Mumford and Sons right now. That's been on repeat. So I would definitely take that. My kids and I have been rewatching Harry Potter, so I think I would take Harry Potter and Pride and Prejudice.

[Eric Edelstein]

Great stuff. Pride and Prejudice.

[Steve Burke]

That is a great book.

[Eric Edelstein]

You got some good taste there, friend. You're elevating at a high level there.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, look, we could, you know, mince words in the Mumford and Sons thing, but that's okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

No need, Steve. People love them. People love him. You know, I just went to a 600 seat theater, Brian Jonestown Massacre, and they didn't sell it out. So our friendship doesn't fly.

[Steve Burke]

That's true.

[Eric Edelstein]

People love Marcus Carlisle. Loves him, brings him out all the time.

[Steve Burke]

I mean, I don't know how much was to respond to that honestly, or should I just lie?

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, don't ever lie, Steve. Don't ever lie.

[Steve Burke]

Sometimes you got to. Stephanie, I'm so. I'm good. I'm going to put the chips look obsession aside for now. I will deal with that later on my own time. But I will be making chisel.

[Eric Edelstein]

He's going to be free.

[Steve Burke]

Basically. I'm having chisel tonight, baby.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, new way to make red meat. That's exactly the way to Steberg's very soul, but taller. You want anonymity? Chiswick's the only clue we have what is going on? What's getting weird in your life and how can we help?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Yeah, I think this might also give away some clues. So where I live, rose quartz is really common.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, boy.

[Eric Edelstein]

Love rose quartz.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, boy.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm writing rose quartz. Rose quartz, boys.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, boy. That is the piezoelectric effect. It is a conductor of electricity, AKA the vehicle the supernatural travels through. Go ahead.

[Eric Edelstein]

And for people that are like, that's pseudo science, blah, blah. What do you think powers a watch?

[Steve Burke]

You absolutely.

[Eric Edelstein]

PZO electric watch is powered from quartz.

[Steve Burke]

Yes. Thank you.

[Eric Edelstein]

The most reliable watches, you just replace a battery. But like this watch has like 20 pieces of quartz in it. Because it's science, you moron. And it can help people too. So leave us alone in the comments. Right, so, yes, you got a lot of rose quartz and Chiswick where you're at. So what's going on?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Well, so my yard in particular, we can't, like, go anywhere without finding really beautiful large pieces of quartz all over my yard.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, you got a business, man, guys like Eric and I will pay top dollar for.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, yeah, paid an obscene amount of money with geodes. Especially my drinking era.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, you did.

[Eric Edelstein]

You did a few cocktails, get on ebay. I'm buying Starlight and giving it to Billy Joe Shaver.

[Steve Burke]

Eric used to leave precious stones on my porch. My back hurt. What a beautiful thing. What a guy. I love you, Eric.

[Eric Edelstein]

Hey, is your back better?

[Steve Burke]

It is. Well, I played video games for 12 hours yesterday, so it's actually really hurting right now.

[Eric Edelstein]

But your back was better.

[Steve Burke]

It was. I mean, you made welcome. You made precious stones.

[Eric Edelstein]

I can't believe. I'm sorry. I'm naive. I didn't know you could just find rose quartz in a yard of a Midwest flyover state. This is so cool to me. You must live on sacred ground. If I may.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Well, I guess that's the question. Right? So how do I. What do I do with the quartz? Right now, the yard is just for gardening and keeping my kids contained. But the park across the street, like, every time I go for walks, I see rose quartz there too. And I did send some pictures of what we've dug up so far. Like, my kids love to bury it in the sandbox and then find the treasure again. So how do I not waste this opportunity?

[Steve Burke]

Okay, first one of help.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're here to help.

[Steve Burke]

I do.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're kidding. We're geode boys.

[Steve Burke]

Give me a taste. Yeah, we're famous for our geode love of geodes.

[Eric Edelstein]

We are, though. We're like Hank on Breaking Bad.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, my God. Willy Nilly throughout the yard. Look at that.

[Eric Edelstein]

Are you kidding?

[Steve Burke]

We are looking at a yard that is just Willy Nilly haphazardly has rose quartz strewn about. Like, you couldn't mow that lawn.

[Eric Edelstein]

I mean, look at that, buddy.

[Steve Burke]

The clippers on your lawn must be get shredded to heck.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I don't know. That's my.

[Steve Burke]

I mean, you ain't run, you ain't playing, you ain't playing Flash deal with the geodes. This isn't barefoot grass. I mean, you would shred up those feet.

[Eric Edelstein]

I didn't know this was possible. You Must feel so, like protected and happy in this home.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Definitely. And I just don't know, like, how do I utilize it more? How do I protect it? How do I, what do I do?

[Steve Burke]

I think, I think potentially we are a bad way to embark on a business pitch boom. Eric, you like?

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, I know where you're going and I love it.

[Steve Burke]

Sure. Eric and I are song and dance, man. We're artists. But you know what? We're also businessmen. There's nothing wrong with turn to profit if you're honest and fair and don't start busting unions like all the billionaires do. Eric and I are about to. We're about private equity, we're about getting health care for the people, about having stock options in the business. You are on the precipice of starting a massive rose quartz business right out of the gate. What I'm thinking you do is you start collecting these things. You make it a family affair. It's a family run business. You get yourself a wheelbarrow, the kids one, you're cleaning up the yard. So it's going to be much better to mow and mulch and, and you know, and aerate the yard and you can run around. But I think you should start collecting these and either a, take them to a stone polisher. My grandpa was a stone polisher. He was a farmer.

[Eric Edelstein]

No. What?

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, he had a. How do I know?

[Eric Edelstein]

Not know this?

[Steve Burke]

He had a workshop in his basement and we would go visit him. We would polish stones. And you, you can get these, these grinders, polish them, make them shiny. And my grandpa used to sell them to like buddies. He used to make belt buckles and stuff. Like.

[Eric Edelstein]

No.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Do you have any of these belt.

[Steve Burke]

I do, I do in fact.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, Steve.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, Eric. I can get, I can get you one. I can get you.

[Eric Edelstein]

Can you show us real quick?

[Steve Burke]

No, they're not. They're all at my mom's house. Everything's.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh my gosh. How did I not know this? I love it.

[Steve Burke]

But I think like, I mean, rose quartz. Here's the thing. It is not just a rock that has no value. Like, I have a big piece of rose quartz in my living room downstairs. And it is precious to me and I was given to me, but I would have paid top dollar for this. I think you need to collect these and in bulk get them polished by a professional. Or you invest in a stone grinder which, which is like a spinning wheel that you plug in and you start polishing these babies. And then I mean, like, you could drive a semi truck full of this rose course to Sedona and make three thousands of dollars. Like any. I mean, like any kind of new age shop. Like, like. I mean, you could start an online ebay store, like a little Etsy shop where you sell polished rose quartz. I mean, this stuff is free. You were sitting on a virtual gold mine. Potentially, Eric.

[Eric Edelstein]

Potentially better than gold because healing powers of gold. Yeah, it does have some.

[Steve Burke]

It also drives, though. It makes people.

[Eric Edelstein]

Rose quartz is. Oh, gold fever is a very real thing.

[Steve Burke]

Absolutely. I've had it once. Uh. Oh, not good. I had to go to the ER

[Eric Edelstein]

Rose quartz is known as the stone of unconditional love, and it is widely used in crystal healing to promote emotional balance, self love, and deep inner healing. They say it is believed to strengthen the physical heart and improve the circulatory system. Skin care, Steve. We have a rose quartz roller in our refrigerator right now. And you roll it on your skin like that and I swear you feel really great. So it's used in facial rollers to improve skin health, reduce wrinkles, and increase circulation. You can make your own rose quartz rollers and those things sell like hotcakes online. It also, some believe it can increase fertility, though it has no scientific backing. So it just hasn't been proven yet by science. But it may. And then they also say how to use rose quartz. Place it on the heart chakra during meditation, and it has environmental harmony. Placing large pieces of rose quartz in the home, especially in the bedroom, can create peaceful, loving environment. I think we're in on the ground floor of a fantastic new business here. Yeah, we are willing to promote on weird here to help. We're not even taking a cut. Well, we just believe.

[Steve Burke]

I think they're a finder fee.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, no finders fee. Steve. We're going to our greater angels today. Okay? Elon, we are going to help this incredible small business. I believe everything happens for a reason, Steve. She found this rose quartz. We're going to start polishing it. As your incredible sainted grandfather did we bow to our ancestors here, Especially anyone related to Steve Berg. But I've bought rose quartz on ebay before.

[Steve Burke]

I bought it.

[Eric Edelstein]

A lot of it comes from China. It's expensive. And the idea of getting real rose quartz from a flyover state, which by the way, that state is not. It's a great state. I think I know where you're at.

[Steve Burke]

I am so serious about, like, if I had quartz in my backyard popping up out of the. I would be like, I'm rich. I'M rich.

[Eric Edelstein]

We'd be leading men.

[Steve Burke]

I would be leaving this podcast. I would hang up the acting jacket. I would be. I. I'm sorry, Eric. I got rose quartz fever over here. I would be. I would be making money hand over fist.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'd be going to new race rose quartz in your yard. We got a good thing going to

[Steve Burke]

be at the farmer's market. I'd have. I mean, seriously, you could go to a farmer's market. You could drive up to like, like some kind of like, closest city to you. Go to Denver, Colorado. Open up a little kiosk at a farmer's market and get ready to count cash for days.

[Eric Edelstein]

Counteract that energy coming from the airport. I mean, call her. Right before you, we had another caller that is basically having a terrifying ghost or fae in her Microsoft Teams meeting. And the first thing Steve prescribed was sacred geodes. We're getting iron.

[Steve Burke]

Iron.

[Eric Edelstein]

We have prescribed rose quartz before. Yeah, I do have it in the corners of rooms here. My wife hates it, hides it, puts it away. But I'm like, can't argue with results. We're doing fine with the rose quartz. So I truly think start polishing this. But like, you have a healthy chunk of rose quartz there to start this fun little business. And I think the idea of, like, our listeners, they've heard us prescribe rose quartz. So the idea of people getting it from you are now a big time friend of the pod.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

And to get it from a magical yard harvested by you and your magical family, sent with great intention, this. It'll just be a fun little side hustle. And as Steve said, yeah, we're, we're artists, character actors, but we also love a side hustle. We love about 10 eBay listings going right now. Some Ohtani Japanese cards. And I think rose quartz can be your ohtani cards. Like, I think this could be an incredible thing also.

[Steve Burke]

I mean, like, you know, you may. It may behoove you to send a sample. It may behoove you to send a sample to the weird hair to help P.O. box.

[Eric Edelstein]

We're paying for.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, we'll pay you back for the shipping and.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, no, no. We're paying for the rose quartz.

[Steve Burke]

We're first.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm happy to pay because I bought them on ebay.

[Steve Burke]

Fine, we'll.

[Eric Edelstein]

The rose quartz.

[Steve Burke]

We'll pay for the rose.

[Eric Edelstein]

He's just trying to get free rose quartz.

[Steve Burke]

I will.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, in the name of science, give me these things in my yard. Elon, over here.

[Steve Burke]

We're gonna pay you for the Academy

[Eric Edelstein]

it doesn't matter, Steve.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I think it would be good to pay it forward, too. I don't want to maybe, like, yeah, Chance running out. So I think sending some out to the pod, just a sample of good energy.

[Eric Edelstein]

You would love it. I'd be most honored to have a piece of rose.

[Steve Burke]

I would, too. I would.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm gonna put it in the windowsill, and I'm gonna be honest. I put out my stones in the full moon.

[Steve Burke]

I do think also you can make. You could like to gamify this, which kids? You know, like, look, I don't have kids, but I'm a great. I'm like a professional uncle to my nieces and nephews. When I gamify anything, you know, like, put a little game behind, like, chores or whatever or something we're doing, it motivates these kids. So I would go out and purchase a wheelbarrow, small wheelbarrow that you get at a pawn shop that's going to run you about $29. I know because I bought one. And you fill this thing up, you're like, all right, little Teddy, it's your turn. How many can you collect? Your yard is going to be squeaky clean. You'll be able to run around barefoot, play flag football, you know, hacky sack to your heart's content without jagging up your feet. You don't want them all bloody and cut up like you're Bruce Wilson Die Hard. But also, you're going to be collecting all this rose quartz that I'm telling you, is basically just a. A wheelbarrow full of gold. I'm not joking. Like, and you could, since you could probably collect bulk, you could take this to a stone guy and basically what he'll do, he'll probably do it for free. He's like, I just want a cut of the sales. Or you can get your own stone polisher, which sounds intimidating. They're not very expensive. I've looked into it, and it's also not hard to do. You just need a little water.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

That sounds fun.

[Steve Burke]

You need a little water and maybe like a baseball game on the transistor radio in the background. And then you're just sitting there, you know, having, like, a cool drink, polishing stones, making that sweet cheddar.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, that's living right.

[Steve Burke]

That's living right. So now.

[Eric Edelstein]

And also, we've told our listeners about rose quartz. I truly think our listeners would be fired up to get some rose quartz.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, they wouldn't.

[Eric Edelstein]

I hearing this story. Sometimes when you're buying things, you're buying a story.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're looking at stickers for my wife's new dog hair brand. And like part. Part of that is the story. And I think people loving to get this rose quartz from your family in this magical yard of yours is. Is a thing that will really fire people up.

[Steve Burke]

I sort of think we need to help come up with pitch a couple names for this new.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, Steve, you're right.

[Steve Burke]

So Stephanie does any. Is there any kind of like special like, like so like, like. I don't know how into you this business thing you are. I am very into you starting a business because I want you to be pay for your kids college using course you found in your backyard. I'm sure you'd be into that, right?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

But maybe my husband already has a little side hustle with like a laser engraver. So we could even create little.

[Steve Burke]

You're halfway there. You already have.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. You could even laser engrave the rose quartz, put a cool little logo on it.

[Steve Burke]

Absolutely.

[Eric Edelstein]

What is he laser engraved? What is your husband laser engraving?

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

He makes like cribbage boards out of wood or trophies with acrylic.

[Eric Edelstein]

You married well, Stephanie? Yeah, married really well.

[Steve Burke]

I bet you she's an American badass. That man deserved a plate of Chiswick tonight. Hey. Okay. I mean, I call triple A tonight, change my tire. Big deal.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm a song buddy.

[Steve Burke]

I'm a song and dance.

[Eric Edelstein]

Tow drivers, by the way. I know Steve knows this, but like, if you always tip them because they have a really hard job. Derek Waters taught me that. His brother was a tow truck driver. They don't. People don't tip him.

[Steve Burke]

Always tip your. That's. That goes.

[Eric Edelstein]

That's not psychotic.

[Steve Burke]

To not tip people like that.

[Eric Edelstein]

Hey, I didn't know until Derek told me 20 years ago.

[Steve Burke]

You weren't tipping him. Are you serious? Before you were just like, thanks.

[Eric Edelstein]

I was a wayward read, Steve. I. I was raised by the Gonzaga basketball team.

[Steve Burke]

That's true, that's true, that's true.

[Eric Edelstein]

All right.

[Steve Burke]

You're a stowaway with a little Mustang I love.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Steve Burke]

Hopping the train for the corn cob pipe.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, please. Come on. Cancel Christmas. Like, I love the idea. If we can even integrate the laser engraver with this and do a fun logo for you or like worry stones or. You know, I think our listeners would love to have these rose quartz in the corners of their rooms just to keep that energy flowing, put on some good music. You put those big rose quartz chunks in a corner of each room. You can put on Mumford and Sons. Steve, And I aren't going to judge anyone else's music because we have obtuse, weird taste. Steve and I really think this is the beginning of a really fun side hustle. And as you know, you're stuck with us. So we want to. We want to promote this business on weird here to help. I want to give our listeners a chance to buy this rose quartz before.

[Steve Burke]

And before we start pitching names for this incredible business, I'll be taking off betraying the S and P within 18 months. You could also maybe I might even commission you to make some kind of, like, sculpture out of this rose quartz. Your husband, because the kids. Well, mostly for you, Eric, because I want to replace the demonic baphomet.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's not my wife. Long beach flea market.

[Steve Burke]

Eric. That's bath.

[Eric Edelstein]

Brother Ram. I went to Central Catholic High School. Our. Our. We were the CC Rams.

[Steve Burke]

Is baffamet on your.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's not baffamet. You're gonna have to talk to Jess Ronin. Well, I will.

[Steve Burke]

I love Jess.

[Eric Edelstein]

She loves this Ram. We decided on task, however put up the ramp.

[Steve Burke]

It's Bath.

[Eric Edelstein]

She didn't trust me to put up that. Ram, you know this.

[Steve Burke]

It's Bath. Moving on.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's not Bath. I don't dabble in that.

[Steve Burke]

I'm a good court. Court is adjourned. So now we're gonna. Let's.

[Eric Edelstein]

That court's.

[Steve Burke]

Let's pitch names. Incredible business. Stephanie, do you have. Is there any kind of, like, family significance? Like. Like a fun thing you guys say? Like, let's. Let's start with names. But I'm gonna pick your brain a little.

[Eric Edelstein]

Stephanie Rosen's quartz. Is there a rose in your family? Oh, yeah, like the Titanic.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

The only thing I could think of is, like, garden of quartz.

[Steve Burke]

Oh, my God.

[Eric Edelstein]

And that looks here for three minutes, pitching you a bunch of ideas for yucks. Garden of quartz, is it? Oh, you actually literally have a garden.

[Steve Burke]

Of course. Like a new Times Roman font. Ooh.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, right. I'll tell you what. Steve and I have our issues. The kid knows his fonts.

[Steve Burke]

Look, I go at the end of the day. I know my fonts. Always. We always circle back around. Agree on that.

[Eric Edelstein]

So, yeah, we're in the new Rome. So use Times Roman font.

[Steve Burke]

Absolutely. Now I garden, of course.

[Eric Edelstein]

Steve, that's perfect.

[Steve Burke]

Are we moving on? I mean, is that it?

[Eric Edelstein]

I mean, let's think of anything else. Like, is there a family name or anything associated with courts or where you're at? Or, like, you know, maybe we could choose.

[Steve Burke]

I mean, like, you know, if there's something like fun, like, you know, like. Like a Judge Wapner take, like, the people's Courts. Like, at the People's Court.

[Eric Edelstein]

That's not bad.

[Steve Burke]

You're just saying that to be nice.

[Eric Edelstein]

I want. No, I wanted. I actually was looking to make fun of you.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

But it's pretty good. Mock you and then the people's Courts.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah, People's Courts.

[Eric Edelstein]

That's really.

[Steve Burke]

Damn. Well, you come up with one. You're good at this. This is where you live. Courts. You know,

[Eric Edelstein]

rose knows rose nose, rose

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

knows rose knows, like, Bo knows quartz and roses. And everyone gets a rose with their quartz.

[Steve Burke]

Quartz and roses. I like that a lot. God. See, you're way better.

[Eric Edelstein]

Or even a pressed rose, like, you can start pressing those roses. Literature in your Harry Potter books. It's always kind of cool and fun and goth, you know, it doesn't love a pressed flower.

[Steve Burke]

I mean, like, I feel. I'll be honest. I think the. Would you say garden of quartz? Was that the first one? I feel like that's the one to beat right now.

[Eric Edelstein]

On the rose.

[Steve Burke]

On the rose.

[Eric Edelstein]

But I. I think garden of courts. Sometimes just the first answer is, too.

[Steve Burke]

It kind of is. I think garden.

[Eric Edelstein]

She has a garden of quartz, and everyone gets excited.

[Steve Burke]

I think quartz of rose is a

[Eric Edelstein]

strong story here, Steve. Yeah. We are selling a mythology and this magical quartz garden being collected by this magical family of laser engraved. Laser engravers and children. Yeah. It's all we need.

[Steve Burke]

I also think it doesn't.

[Eric Edelstein]

Let's not spike the ball here.

[Steve Burke]

Doesn't hurt to. To add a little seasoning on top of a story thing. Like, I would almost say, like, you look. Is it shady? Sure. But it's business. And business isn't, you know, it's not for nice guy to finish last. I think you tell a story where, like, mere me, my family, we have this beautiful property. I got two healthy kids. We got a dog, cat. We've been always enjoying playing on the yard until one day, little Timmy comes up with a cut on foot, and overnight, rose quartz was. Rose quartz was popping all over the yard. So you. You create a little backstory. Yeah. To, you know, to sauce up the whole business a little bit.

[Eric Edelstein]

We're sauce guys. Yeah. I love. I love sauce up. Steve.

[Steve Burke]

Yes.

[Eric Edelstein]

Did you just come up with that?

[Steve Burke]

I did. Let's TM that right now. Morgan team that. Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

How are you this good on a Monday morning? Also say this, caller, if you get down this road and you want to help in telling the story, I'D love to volunteer to do a voiceover, Eric.

[Steve Burke]

Eric's a professional voiceover guy. You don't. Yeah, Eric.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, for real, I love it. From a magical garden in a Midwestern flyover state, a family exploring their backyard tapped in to magic, huh? Do we like that, Steve?

[Steve Burke]

With bellies full of chislick. You know, hearts full of dreams. Welcome.

[Eric Edelstein]

We're always just going to go back to the chislick and sauces and it's how we got here, so we're grateful.

[Steve Burke]

Now, in terms of the chislick, if I'm just, you know, some haphazard eastern Nebraska boy, am I, am I smoking this Chiswick or am I just like, am I cooking it like a steak and then. And then chopping it up like a chopped cheese sandwich or.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, a chislet.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

I think it's more like kebab style. Like, I think you grill it already, like.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, wow. Yes.

[Steve Burke]

So it's just a fun word for kebab, basically.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, no, it's different. It's. It looks like. It almost looks like burnt tips, too.

[Steve Burke]

I feel like I went to a high school with a guy named Jeff Chislick. Or it might been Seaslak, but like, I think it might have been, actually.

[Eric Edelstein]

Well, caller, it's been amazing having you. Okay, so as you know, we're now deeply ingrained. We're a part of this. Steve is not taking a cut of this.

[Steve Burke]

I mean,

[Eric Edelstein]

a name for this business. We have a voiceover when you are ready to start doing commercials.

[Steve Burke]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

And like, we're just excited to be in on the ground floor. And we want to be your first client. We want to pay you for some rose quartz.

[Steve Burke]

I would like a. I would like

[Eric Edelstein]

a sample from Morgan. I will PayPal you for your first rose quartz order. And I'm so excited to put the this in the corners of my home and my wife cannot move it also to replace them. Yes, we're going to bring in Johnny L. Tenney to see if I have a bathomet.

[Steve Burke]

Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric. You have a bath statue.

[Eric Edelstein]

I do not have a bath. Staring over. It's staring at you, Steve.

[Steve Burke]

Staring at me. Right? I can't do this anymore. It's staring right at me, right?

[Eric Edelstein]

It's. It's a Ram Central Catholic rams, class of 95. Portland, Oregon. Vancouver, Washington. Washington drove across the river. Okay, caller, this is just the beginning. This is only chapter one. But we love you. We're excited to be get those things. Go give your family a hug and then give them a wheelbarrow and put them to work.

[Steve Burke]

Absolutely. It's a family affair. It's a family business. Pay for that college in a little something. You can take a nice little vacation to Omaha someday.

[Eric Edelstein]

Stephanie, it was an honor and thank you for sharing your magic garden of quartz with us today. And we're here to help.

[Steve Burke]

Absolutely. I'll be having seeds, like, later this week. I'll let you know how it goes.

[Eric Edelstein]

He's not kidding.

[Steve Burke]

I'm not kidding.

[Eric Edelstein]

Bye, Fred.

[Steve Burke]

Bye, buddy.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Bye.

[Steve Burke]

Peace out, sister.

[Eric Edelstein]

That was a Hitgum podcast.

[Caller (Casey/Stephanie)]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[Steve Burke]

Sterling K. Brown.

[Eric Edelstein]

And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum. Each episode, we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This is us. That's right.

[Steve Burke]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with

[Eric Edelstein]

different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Yeah. Are we gonna cry? Yes.

[Steve Burke]

A little bit.

[Eric Edelstein]

Are we gonna laugh a lot?

[Ad Host 2]

A whole lot.

[Steve Burke]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to. That was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.