WEIRD Here To Help: Fairy Ring Hoax & 90-Year-Old Nemesis

Summary

WEIRD Here To Help: Fairy Ring Hoax & 90-Year-Old Nemesis

Podcast: We’re Here to Help
Hosts: Eric Edelstein & Steve Berg
Release Date: June 5, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode of "Weird Here To Help" features hosts Eric Edelstein (character actor best known for “The Burrows” and “Ghosts”) and Steve Berg (“The Dollop”), who blend off-the-wall humor with listeners’ genuinely unusual dilemmas. The main topics include a hilarious plot to start a local “fairy ring” hoax and advice for a newly elected city council member being tormented by her 90-year-old nemesis. With organic banter, improvisational tangents, and heartfelt commentary, the duo offers both satirical and surprisingly functional advice.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Celebrating Success and Movie Pitches (00:31–09:13)

• Eric and Steve celebrate a new custom theme song, joking about their newfound fame (“I’m going to be taking a white limousine to Trader Joe’s…” – Steve, 00:58).
• They riff about Hollywood dreams, pitching a mock movie starring themselves as “big and tall models” who embezzle money and become honky-tonk singers.
• Tongue-in-cheek demands for future acting roles, jokingly requiring special food, improvisational freedom, and avoidance of “microplastics” on set, referencing their comedic persona as “two giant guys full of love that were picked on in junior high.”
• Tone is highly comedic, self-effacing, and peppered with bits about the realities of their creative careers.

2. Call #1: The Fairy Ring Hoax (09:32–41:00)

Introducing Mary Claire (09:32–12:18)

• Mary Claire from Chicago suburbs calls in, introducing herself through a light-hearted interrogation about her name (“Isn’t that like a place where you get your ears pierced in the mall?” – Steve, 09:56).
• The hosts ask for her “desert island” picks (movie: Blazing Saddles, album: Led Zeppelin IV, book: Lord of the Flies), bonding over classic tastes and a mutual admiration for Mel Brooks.

The Fairy Ring Discovery (15:36–23:01)

• Mary Claire describes finding a “perfectly round” fungus formation on a limestone prairie path, suspecting it might be a fairy ring.
• Steve, playfully self-certified as a “foremost fairy ring expert,” reacts with excitement (“That is great fungus!” – Steve, 17:15).
• They banter about supernatural possibilities, joking that “it’s either stoners or fairies, and same thing” (Steve, 17:22).

Hoax vs. Honest Folklore (23:01–38:00)

• Mary Claire asks how to interact with the fairy ring or learn more.
• Steve's Advice: Start a local folklore hoax—post fake sightings of elementals or gnomes on social networks like Nextdoor or the Ring app to see if the story takes on a life of its own. “You have this rare opportunity to create folklore.” (24:14)
• Eric’s Counterpoint: Warns that hoaxing may anger the fairies. Advocates for leaving a gift for the fae—“I think you need to leave those fairies a gift and an intention and try to get on their good side.” (25:26)
• Philosophy of Hoaxes: Steve invokes inspirations from folklorists and magicians, saying, “There's no such thing as a hoax. If you create a story and narrative... you are adding to that narrative structure by creating localized urban legend and folklore.” (26:36)
• Practical suggestions for escalating the story:
  • Graphic design mock-ups of “missing gnome” flyers
  • Enlist other residents to contribute stories
  • Leave traditional fae offerings (bread & milk, 38:12)
  • Safeguard with iron in your pocket “and that's just good science” (Steve, 39:03)
• Collaborative spirit: Mary Claire agrees to involve the hosts in her online postings as co-conspirators in this developing urban legend.

Notable Quotes

• “I believe the paranormal and high strangeness is manifesting from our mythology, our archetypes, and our stories.” —Steve (27:00)
• “Once you post on Nextdoor, on the citizen app, on the Ring, let us know, because we're going to start sprinkling this in too…” —Eric (36:20)
• “This is like what I dream about: to study folklore unfolding in real time.” —Steve (36:52)

Memorable Moments

• The collective pledge to monitor and comment on the viral fairy ring lore.
• Mary Claire accepts a “fair” 9% cut of any profits from the viral folklore (negotiated from 10%).
• Suggestion to offer classic fae gifts (“bread and milk”) and the running joke about avoiding fairy wrath.

3. Call #2: 90-Year-Old Nemesis (43:33–65:56)

Introducing Jessica from Kansas City (43:33–50:01)

• Jessica, newly elected to city council, calls for help with a malicious adversary.
• Side alleys: Steve and Jessica’s shared University of Kansas (“Rock Chalk, Jayhawk!”) and Kansas City barbecue recommendations, with vegetarian modifications.

Jessica’s Pop Culture Desert Island Picks

• Book: To Kill a Mockingbird
• Album: Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess by Chappell Roan (local pride)
• TV: 30 Rock (“Endlessly rewatchable. Just give me Tina Fey and I'm set.” – Jessica, 48:01)

The 90-Year-Old Nemesis Problem (50:01–65:56)

• Jessica details her arch-nemesis: a 90-year-old woman, “an energy vampire,” who targets her at public events with complaints and personal insults.
• Recounts being publicly roasted at events, being needled about her divorce, home purchase, and more: “She finds my joy and... will roast me to my face.” —Jessica (51:11)

The Advice

• Steve’s Approach: Mirror back her behavior calmly. “I have always had great success with just holding a mirror... Are you having a bad day?” (53:30)
• Eric’s Radical Take:
  • Enough “kill ‘em with kindness”; time to “fight fire with fire.”
  • “Next time she's like, ‘I'm 90,’ look at her and say, ‘You're 90? You don't look a day over 89.’” (55:49)
  • Suggests playful, pointed retorts tying her crankiness to historical villains: “You know who really did not like boisterous, happy children? Stalin. And he actually killed more than Hitler. So that makes sense. But then again, I know you know this because you were around during their era.” (Eric, 56:18)
• Psychology: They believe hitting back with sharp wit will earn reluctant respect and be more fun.
  • “I think it's good for you to have one person you don't have to try to win over and to get in the muck with her.” —Eric (57:17)
• Political Perspective: They reassure Jessica her shine and charisma are the real issue—“She’s jealous of you!”—and that building thick skin is a political asset.
• Memorable role-play: Eric imagines responses to intrusive questions about divorce:
  • “I was putting a tiny amount of arsenic in my husband’s every meal, and somehow he started to figure it out…” (59:35)

Notable Quotes

• “She’s not going to be won over by kindness. But if she says, ‘Why'd you get divorced?’ you lean in and say, ‘I was putting a tiny amount of arsenic in my husband’s every meal…’” —Eric (59:35)
• “And at the end of the day, she’s a dreadful person. If we don't win her over, we don't win her over. But you're going to learn a really fun way to deal with people like this for the rest of your political career, which we are now thrilled to be in at the ground level with you.” —Eric (63:10)

Closing Banter

• Requests for local political perks if Jessica rises in the ranks (key to the city, first pitch at a Royals game, “KU Hall of Fame” for Steve).
• Jessica promises to thicken her skin and keep the duo updated.

---

Memorable Quotes Recap

• On folklore and hoaxes:

  “You have this rare opportunity to create folklore.” —Steve, 24:14

• On strategy for the 90-year-old nemesis:

  “Next time she's like, ‘I'm 90,’ look at her and say, ‘You're 90? You don't look a day over 89.’” —Eric, 55:49

• On confronting negativity:

  “They are trying to elicit a reaction… Once you give that to them, they won and you lost.” —Steve, 53:30

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:31–09:13: Opening bits, showbiz satire, theme song gags
• 09:32–41:00: Fairy ring call, folklore hoax advice, fae lore, plotting the prank
• 43:33–50:01: Kansas City call, local culture, pop culture picks
• 50:01–65:56: City council nemesis advice—conflict, psychology, and political coping

---

Takeaways

• The show revels in blending the earnest with the absurd—the advice is intentionally tongue-in-cheek, but rooted in genuine camaraderie with their callers.
• Both “pranks for science” (creating urban legends) and “sassy comeback lessons” for public service showcase how humor can reframe awkward challenges.
• Listeners are encouraged to participate in harmless folklore creation—and to stand their ground with difficult people, with a wink and a joke.

---

Summary in One Sentence

A classic "We're Here to Help" episode: irreverent, weirdly wise, and full of big-hearted comedy as Eric and Steve plot a fairy ring hoax and teach a city councilor to roast her 90-year-old nemesis right back.

Transcript

[A]

This is a headgun podcast. Friends, are you weird? Do you need help? Then you've come to the right place.

[B]

It's weird Here to help.

[A]

Okay, Weirder. Weirder.

[C]

With.

[A]

And Steve, if Jake's willing to take off his judgment hat, we can really move something now. Oh, that is a nice sound. Are you kidding? Steve, that is a guest very special Weird Here to help theme by the great Michael Peliquin. How about that, dude? We have our own theme, Steve. It's going right to my head. It's going right to your head. We got our own theme. My God.

[B]

I'm going to be taking a white limousine to Trader Joe's from now on. Because once you get your own theme, it's basically you're writing your own check.

[A]

It's not drive yourself anymore.

[B]

Are you skinny models? No. Yeah. Look, I'm going to get a pool on top of a white limousine, drive around Omaha, because now once you have your own theme song, everything's different. Water tastes different.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I'm going to need a red carpet. Rule that for me when I go to the post office. Now.

[A]

I just think it's ridiculous you're taking a white limousine to Trader Joe's. I won't step foot in Trader Joe's. Now, as much as I love it, I'm having a rickshaw take me to Air1. Damn it. Air1.

[B]

You really?

[A]

Well, sorry, I'm going to have. I can't be drive or even use my own legs when I get my $24 smoothie. It's going to be incredible, Eric.

[B]

Now, let me just switch gears slightly because this is real time. This is real talk. You are on have a massively important role on the hit show the Burrows, which came out very recently. And, buddy, I am just so proud of you. I just told guys, I'm telling you off the air. My mother thinks you. She said, Eric is a star. And guess what? I'm like, mom, I've been telling you that for a long time, sister.

[A]

Oh, I love it.

[B]

And she's a tough customer. She's a very. She's. She's like an. She's like, into art house cinema. Like, she is a tough customer.

[A]

Oh, you know, I don't know if you've ever told me that, but that makes sense because my mom was, too. And then that's how you and I end up into David lynch and everything else.

[B]

That's exactly right.

[A]

Please, please thank them. But they have to be proud. We had a pretty magical night last Thursday for 13ft because you, my Friend soared so high in the finale of Ghosts. This has been a magic recurring thing. There's another side. Beautiful thing. I don't know if I'm allowed to say in the air with you in that, but, like, that's pretty fun. We were both on TV the same night, brother. That's our dream.

[B]

First off, it's rare that two buddies gonna be on TV the same night, but it's even rarer that two character actor buddies are on TV in the same night.

[A]

Two guys that look like this being on TV is a win. And we want to tell you because we're thrilled. We know people in the industry. Listen, our giant secret dream of doing all this is we want to be on your TV together, and we take a group rate. You call Brandy Gold. We're shockingly affordable. Okay.

[B]

Call Brandy Gold over at Taylor Works. Yeah.

[A]

If you need a duo for your project and think, oh, what about the big guy, little guy? It's been done. What about two giant guys full of love that were picked on in junior high? That's where you can make a lot of money. And we're here.

[B]

That's exactly right. Like, look, Eric, I even have a pitch for the movie that can be funded by, like, a Scorsese or, you know, an Ari Aster or something like that.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

Here it is. Here it is. Two former big and tall models in. In Cleveland, Ohio. They're pretty small level. They do catalogs. They embezzle a very small amount of money. They think that they're now going to get arrested and go to, like, some kind of crazy federal prison. So we go on the lam to western Nebraska and hide out. And in the meantime, we're singing. We're. We're going for our dreams and becoming honky tonk singers, buddy.

[A]

I love all this. I think worst shows will sell in Hollywood tomorrow. Like, that's it right there. And we get to. Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you and I is big and tall models, and we once pitched a show based on that, but nobody's done it. It's time. So whatever creatives are listening, let Steve and I be your big and tall models from heaven. And the other thing is, we're two slices of big pumpkin pie on set. You won't have any problems from us.

[B]

I mean, now do I get a little demanding with the crafty table? Oh, yeah, I have.

[A]

Well, he demands excellence. If that's demanding, then perhaps you shouldn't hire us. Because he wants brown rice that's crispy. And don't give him that other Bullshit. Don't give him Uncle Ben's. Don't give him in rice because we will fucking walk.

[B]

And I'll know. I'll know if you me on the rice quality. I am absolutely walking. I've walked before. I've walked up.

[A]

He'll do it again, and I'll be right there with him. I'll tell you what, here's some controversial. We don't like Microp Plastics. If a PA hands us water in a plastic bottle, they can go straight to hell and they might get a chuck back at them. Because we don't want to die early from your microplastics. Yeah, Valley Spring water. We want live alive water from a reservoir in Burns, Oregon. And if we don't get that on set, guess what? We fucking walk.

[B]

Okay. That's exactly. Damn right, Eric. Goddamn right, man. I'll tell you what. If I die of microplastics, that's bullshit. I'm going to die in a cool way, like taking my dirt bike over, like 18 cars like evil Knievel. Because you. You know how well I ride a dirt bike?

[A]

Oh, so well. And that's got to be a big dirt bike. But we believe in you, buddy, and that's absolutely going to happen. So, like, as long as you don't give us microplastics or unorganic bullshit food. And also, we do want to say on the script, and we want to improvise. Yeah. What is on that page when you hire 13ft? And again, we're going to be so full of what is on that page. That's just a starting point.

[B]

It's a suggestion.

[A]

No. And I'll tell you what I'll do is I'm going to get a suggestion from the crew. We come from improv. Hey, what's something you don't want to hear in an airplane? And then that's your script, and it's going to be all organically made in front of you. And I'm going to say this because I don't want to be jammed. I know I come from improv, but I've ended up. I'm a very serious actor. I don't want anyone making eye contact with me on that set.

[B]

If you look at Eric, prepare to have your face caved in. And I mean it.

[A]

Don't look. Eye contact. I'm not the friendly guy from Weird here to help on that set. I'm a pro that's avoiding microplastics. And I'll tell you what, if I hear anybody chewing gum or a lozenge I don't walk, I run. I leave that fucking set. What you're going to see is exhaust coming out of a 1995 Mercedes as I flee your fucking set. If someone disrespects me, a serious dramatic actor, chewing gum, putting in a lozenge, looking at me or saying, oh, actually, your line in the script is. Excuse me, script supervisor. Supervise this greatness of Steve and I.

[B]

Okay, Exactly Right. That's all you got to do. If you say I'm missing an is or the.

[A]

Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Did you tell Picasso to paint in the lines? No. You didn't. Okay. Do you tell Jordan? Oh, maybe don't pull up. No. Okay, you tell Ohtani. Don't pitch and hit at the same time. No, you don't. Okay.

[B]

He wasn't one. Dead or alive? I don't think so.

[A]

Oh, he was wanted. Dead or alive. Both of them. Okay, you want us live on your set, and these are just really basic guidelines, but we cannot wait to just kind of spread our love shining out with you on your set as a comedic duo. And we want to thank you so much for hiring us. This will be the last time we hear from you. I don't want notice.

[B]

I cannot wait to see hear this, this episode go live. Because, Eric, you and I will sit back, I might fly out to la, and we'll just look at the offers coming, and we'll go into Brandy's office.

[A]

Oh, my God. No.

[B]

Not enough money. I don't think that's, like, artistically going to be fulfilling for me. No, thank you. And then finally, that magical script will come in where it'll be just you and I taking suggestions from the crew. Hey, pa. What? Some of you might find the trash. Orange peel. That's what this scene's about, baby. Because we are artists. We got from the head.

[A]

I thought Mark Twain died. I swear it was in all the papers. Not interested.

[B]

Right? Not interested, pal. Bye.

[A]

Okay. Okay. Bye, Bukowski. We're getting a suggestion from the crew, and that'll be the only time they're allowed to look at us.

[B]

Go back to Cincinnati, kid. You ain't cut off for Holly. What? I'm telling you right now. Now.

[A]

With these two freight trains. Bye. Bye. All right, everybody, all jokes aside, we'll come in, we'll do whatever you want, but we don't have scale today. Incredible works.

[B]

Scale works, whatever. We'll come having head. We'll bring her own food.

[A]

You don't even have to feed us. Please. We know we're a Parody of ourselves. And Steve won't even talk about food on set. If you don't want him to.

[B]

If you want him to, he will. You know, I won't even eat. I'll come. I'll bring my puppies.

[A]

She'll groom your dog. We are here to help. And, boy, Steve, do we have a great episode today, buddy.

[B]

I'm excited.

[A]

Let's go. Let's chart it up. Listening. We got a mega hoax. We're about to start via this very podcast just to now. Thanks for tuning in, friends. We love you, we're grateful for you, and we're here to help. Hello, caller, can you hear us?

[C]

Yes, I can hear you.

[A]

Oh, amazing. It is so good having the show. You're coming in crystal clear. We believe in crystals. We believe in geodes. We are Steve Bergener Kettlestein, and we're here to help you today in a very weird fashion. Caller, what is your name or fake name and where are you calling from? Or fake location?

[C]

My name is Mary Claire, and I am calling from the Chicago suburbs.

[B]

Mary Claire, isn't that like a place where you get your ears pierced in the ball?

[C]

Oh, that would be Claire's.

[B]

Oh, Claire's. Okay. Okay. Is Mary Claire like a brand of some sort, though? Like a. Like a. Almost like an Avon lady type thing? Why does any Mary. There's a magazine, Marie Claire, which Steve

[A]

has subscribed to for years, and Steve also got his septum pierced at Claire's at the Omaha.

[B]

That's exactly. Exactly right. I got the Jazzercise because of Marie Claire's. I mean, I've been jazz sizing for 19 years.

[A]

Yeah, don't. Don't question this man's Mary Claire credibility. He's.

[B]

I'm doing the thigh master as we're. As we speak right now.

[A]

I can't tell you how many times Steve's called me. You want to go to Claire's and hop topic. And I'm like, yeah, I'm in. All right, buddy. He just kind of looks around at your earrings, but he can never quite make the leap.

[B]

I was thinking about getting a hoop earring just as I. Steve, you could pull it off.

[A]

And I love. I think that they're. The heroes, are the ones that do it in their 50s.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The guys that want to do it forever. Like Harrison Ford.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Morgan Freeman, who's quasi canceled, but like Harrison ford in his 50s. Like, I'm getting an earring. I'm getting Steve, and I know you want to have an earring right now. Sorry, Mary Claire, this is an intervention. Steve, do you want to have an earring for real?

[B]

I don't, but I kind of feel like I do as a bit like just to like see what Gareth and Jake would.

[A]

Just to piss off Jake and Gareth,

[B]

like not say anything. Just show up with a hoop earring and just. What? I know you guys time. I mean, I've had this for a long time.

[A]

Will you. For the bit? Do it. I'll pay for the. Normally I say Jake will pay. I'll pay for you to go to Claire's.

[B]

Well, I had my show up with

[A]

like a hoop earring like that. Awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because we would look like pirates. We'd be totally these.

[B]

We'd look like. We'd look like over. Like big and tall versions of Wham. Eric.

[A]

Done. You say that like. Are you kidding? There's now weird government leaks that are Nordics. Might be alien. Steve, let's just start leading into our alien earring pirate Persona. Okay? Mary Claire. Sorry we took you for the ringer there, friend. How could we help you today? We're here.

[B]

Wait, did we get. Did we get her popcorn?

[A]

That's right. We need. Thank you, Steve. God, he's on it on a Friday Trap.

[B]

Still trap.

[A]

We need, as you may have expected, your desert island album, book and movie slash premium television show. Those in any order. We're open. We're loving it.

[B]

Yeah. We had no rules here, man.

[A]

None.

[C]

Let's see. I feel like I'd want to laugh, so I say Blazing Saddles for my movie.

[B]

Great call.

[A]

Oh, are you an old soul like us, Fred?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Mary.

[A]

Oh, I love Blazing Saddles.

[C]

Any Meldrum, I'm in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that king is still with us. He's still one for one.

[B]

You're one for one.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I know. I love. Yes. Amazing. He's 100, isn't he? I'm surprised you haven't met him.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

No, we're going to try.

[B]

He's on the list. He's on the list.

[A]

Trust me. Johnny Pemberton went to the Mel Brooks.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Good documentary premiere. And he's like, are you here? I'm surprised the reaper isn't here. It's nothing but old people. Like I was not invited. How dare. The word is not going out to Hollywood. If there's. If there's a vital 99 or 100 year old senior, I should be there. It's only. I just keep working harder. Yeah. I only want to increase my fame in this world so I can meet more elderly people. That's True.

[B]

This is actually genuine. He means this.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Oh, man. Okay, so let's see. That was movie album. I'd have to say Led Zeppelin 4.

[A]

Great one. I just saw Robert Plant live, by the way. Robert Plant has still got it. Go see him with this band. It was so good. It was so fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And he was actually saw him at Ravinia with Alison Krauss last summer.

[A]

Oh, aren't they amazing?

[B]

Yeah, they're really good.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Jimmy Page practiced Crowley and magic and actually bought Alistair Crowley's house on Lake Loch Ness.

[A]

Anyway, some of that stuff. There's. There's a little rumor that some of that dabbling is why he and Plant don't. Because do you know the money they have turned down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To reunite. And the fact they still haven't done it. And John Paul Jones is still here. You get Jason Bonham, but plan ain't having it. Apparently. It might be some of that Crowley stuff. Might have been some of the, you know, Mr. Page's romantic choices. We don't know, Steve. We won't speculate because. No, I don't want Jake Johnson have to pay for an attorney. So you're two for two so far. Led Zeppelin for. So we got Blazing Saddles. So please give us a movie slash TV show.

[C]

Oh, no, Blazing Saddles was my movie.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you're right. I'm not here today. Yeah. Your book,

[C]

I like really on the nose, but I would say Lord of the Flies.

[B]

Oh, I love Lord of the Flies, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why is it on? Did I. Did I admit. Did I reference. I reference Lord of the Flies a lot.

[C]

Because it's desert island. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Desert Island. And two guys that were both in the hunt to play Piggy in the junior high version. Yeah, we're both Piggy. Jake and Gareth are the guys going after Piggy. That's exactly how. How everybody ended up here.

[B]

That's exactly right.

[A]

We have no problem with our pigment. Please, Seth.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I want to coach. I would have to speak for crack. Yeah. That could happen at any second from Jake and Gareth. We just live in fear of that crack on the head. So you're absolutely three for three of three legendary things. And we can tell why you're one of our glorious listeners because we are in tune with you, Mary Claire. So let me get the ship going here. How can we help you today? What is going on, sister?

[B]

Yep.

[C]

So, short version. I am calling to get your help in finding out if I have found a fairy ring near my house.

[B]

Oh,

[A]

this Is big. And luckily you are with one of the world's foremost fairy ring experts in ste. Bir.

[B]

One of them, I would say. I'm not trying to be cocky here, but I would say the expert on.

[A]

Would you put yourself above Tenny? I know I had to call you Johnny L. Tenney. And then I'm saying, Steve, I'm number two.

[B]

I'm number two.

[A]

When you talk fairy rings, Steve is always going to be in that top three. And this is not about a year ago. This is not a bit. So please. And this is a fae loving show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Please tell us what is going on. And I'm so excited to hear what Steve thinks.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Basically, I go for a walk every day with my dog. And on the Illinois prairie path, which is this like limestone walking trail that goes from limestone Chicago city proper.

[B]

Hold on, hold on. Limestone.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

It's a conductor of high strangeness.

[A]

Is it really?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

There you go.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Look at this, look at this.

[C]

Oh, okay. So the trail, people walk on it, people bike on it, run on it. And it goes all the way from Chicago out to the suburbs and kind of like spider webs out all over the place. And so the little arm that's by me runs right through my suburban neighborhood. So it's kind of bordered on either side by like a wooded area. And it has lots of wildlife. There's like deer and chipmunks.

[B]

Oh, that's fungus right there. Dude. That is great fungus.

[A]

I can see it. That's like a perfect. So like when I wear that.

[B]

Yeah, that's so bright. It's either stoners or fairies and same thing.

[C]

I actually thought like, it was so perfectly round that I thought a person had come along and made this.

[B]

I know.

[F]

It almost looks like.

[B]

It almost looks like. Like a. Like a cocaine czar. Like dumped a bunch of yak in a circle.

[C]

Right, right.

[A]

Why would you waste all that?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of discrete value of. That would be like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At least $700.

[C]

Expensive.

[B]

That's a lot of cash.

[A]

Yeah. And fungus on the ground. We don't want to bring that up to Steve because you might have PTSD over a T. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's fine, it's fine.

[C]

Everything's gonna find some morel mushrooms nearby.

[B]

Oh, my God, that's great. Good for you. Those are.

[A]

Cover yourself well, please. Yeah.

[F]

Well, it was exciting.

[A]

Let Steve jump on that grenade for all of us.

[B]

I know. Don't worry.

[C]

No ticks here.

[B]

Did you butter those babies up and eat them.

[C]

I did. I saved them. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They're filled, they're delicious.

[A]

And we love dry fry. For mushrooms, you put in the pan.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You don't need it with no oil. First let all that moisture and water come out. Then you add your oil, maybe a little bit of red, win some fresh garlic. Yeah, you're in high cotton.

[E]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Wayfair. I bought a robot vacuum on that cleans itself. It's a self cleaning robot vacuum and I love it. The thing goes around, vacuums the floor, then takes itself home to its little portal. I'm a fan of it. Wayfair's got everything you want. It's got outdoor seating, grills, it's got outdoor furniture. Over 20 million 5 stars reviews.

[D]

I really can't recommend it enough. You go on there and you get overwhelmed. The problem with Wayfair is they don't sell bigger houses because you just want to buy all the things easy to put together. It is always a seamless experience. You get the outdoor furniture, it's right there ready to go. There's not much to put together as soon as you get it. So look, you can also shop with Wayfair Verified your shortcut to the good stuff. Their team of product specialists vets everything by using a 10 point inspection. That's testing things like quality, materials, functionality and features and even how long it takes to build.

[E]

So look, patio season is here in these deals won't last. Head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for less. That's Wayfair. W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by booking.com booking.com helps you get it ridiculously right so you can find exactly what you're booking. For G man, you're on the road constantly. The hotel you're in, did the show book it or did you book it using booking.com?

[D]

you know what I've been doing, Jake, is I have to switch hotels so often that I've started asking the clubs if they'll just give me a buyout and then I'll find a hotel that's in between the places I'll go to booking.com I'll find a place that is kind of equidistant and I get a couple nights in the same hotel. They couldn't make it easier.

[E]

Well, I've got A question for the audience here. June 19, is that the date for the.

[D]

I believe so.

[E]

The live show in Omaha. We got people in the Midwest who are nearby who go, I want to take a little trip and see something. But where would I stay? Well, go to booking.com because it makes it easy to find a hotel or a holiday home. That's just. That's not just generically right or right for somebody, but ridiculously right for you.

[D]

Well, also, Omaha, a fantastic city surrounded by fantastic. I don't know why you said, thank you, Steve, but you just live there. But there's. You could get vacation rentals. You could turn it into a few days. I mean, who knows, Steve, if people

[E]

come to Omaha for this little trip and they book on booking.com and they turn it into a three day thing, what are a few things they should do besides see you guys live?

[B]

Well, obviously we have the best zoo in the country. In the world. I think maybe find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com booking.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Book today on the site or in the app. This episode of the Pond is brought to you by Quince. If you're wondering who makes the shirt I'm wearing right now, if you're going, Whoa. JKJ's arms and shoulders and chest look slimish, but his arms look bigish and his shoulders look thick.

[D]

Ish.

[E]

Oh, it's because of quints.

[D]

Summer.

[C]

Now.

[D]

Summer. So I've ordered some summer stuff from quints. I got these great green shorts and I got a like, kind of. I don't know what to call it. A cottony woolly top. I've never had anything like it, but the second I put it on, it was like a cloud was hugging me. But that's why we use quints all the time. That's why I wear quints all the time. Wore quints when I recorded my special because I wanted to look good. Everything at quints is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. Listen to that. 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories. They cut out the middle person. So you're paying for quality, not markup. Quints goes way beyond clothing. Custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware, premium bedding. What more do you want from these people?

[E]

I'm a big fan. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com here to help for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada.

[A]

A2.

[E]

That's Quinn's Q-U-I-N C E.com here to help. For free shipping 365 day returns quints.com here to help. I am truly a fan of these clothes.

[B]

Okay, so. So what's going on with the fairy ring? You got one. Okay, that's. That's definitely a fairy ring.

[C]

I guess like I. Okay, I wasn't sure if it was one or not because I. I looked up pictures of them and normally the, the fungus are kind of like your classic like capped mushrooms in a big circle. But it does look like fungus to me. So I guess I'm wondering is there something I could do or something I can put there to figure out if it is one or is there anything I can read or watch to learn more about fairy rings? What do I do now? How do I interact with this thing?

[B]

Here's what I would say. I would go the fun route because I mean look, there's no surefire method to interact with the realm of the fae. Obviously. One, we don't know if they're real. But two, if I'm you, I have some extra fun with this and I start a hoax. I start a local hoax. I'm not even, I'm not even joking. Yes, if you have nextdoor app or something like that, this is how you have fun with it. Because, and I, and I'll get to my point here. I'll get to my point because I'm gonna say there's no such thing as a hoax. But you're going to start one. You are going to go on next door app. Just hear me out. Check this out.

[A]

You go on next door app and

[B]

you say that I have been hearing rumors of weird elemental beings popping out of the fairy ring that is in this specific location. Then you wait and see if other people start reporting it. I guarantee you're going to get some responses like hey, you know, I saw like a little gnome walk out of that thing actually man. And you could create a little local stir and then study, study it from a socio cultural like point of view and see what happens. You had this rare opportunity to create folklore and this is wonderful. This is a wonderful way for it to bring the community together for a little bit of mystery and intrigue. I think because like look, you're asking like how do I communicate, sister, If I knew I'd be doing it right now, I wouldn't be on, I wouldn't be on this call. I would be talking to a fairy and breaking bread.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

I know I would do the me

[A]

in a hot second for a ferry. Wouldn't You. I mean, that sucks. That sucks. That. No, I appreciate your honesty, but I hurt to hear it.

[B]

Well, no, look, I got to get a paycheck, so I know I wouldn't, you know, I got to earn my stipend. So of course I'm going to do the call.

[A]

Comedy Slowly comes Out or Second City Education all paying off. Here's. I'm going to counter my friend here who, though he may not have a red nose and smeared grease paint on, is right now acting like a clown. Because if you hoax on next door, you know that's going to piss off the fairies. And I want to believe. I think Johnny El Tenney, the great man we've had on here with believes. And I think the last thing you want to do is start fucking with their fairy circle, their fairy ring, and have next door stoners coming down and fucking with him. I think you need to leave those fairies a gift and an intention and try to get on their good side. Because what Steve is doing is going to promote an army of fairies coming after you, your friends, your family, your job. You don't want that, Eric.

[B]

Listen, Jack, you just proved my point. By creating a hoax. You're going to disturb the fairies, AKA causing them to communicate with you. Like, I know, Like, I feel like if you. If you really want to commune with the fairies, you create a hoax. Because according to the great ritual magician, Timothy Allen Greenfield, there's no such thing as a hoax. If you create a story and narrative

[A]

talking about what is. You've said it twice now. What is this? There's no such thing as a hoax. And I know we've all felt deep in the work of Timothy Allen Greenfield. What does that mean? None of this sounds good. In this era of an assault on the truth, there's no such thing as a hoax.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay, okay. You're right. Like, in the grand scheme of things, hoaxing's not good. This is a small, localized laboratory setting where we can study this from a folkloric, sociocultural point of view. And I think this is a wonderful opportunity to create folklore. If folklore is innocent, it's not the kind of hoax words like, you know, someone in a position of power is misleading millions of people to do something potentially dangerous. This is a small community setting in the suburbs of the lovely city of Chicago. I think starting a rumor of fairies emerging from a fairy circle is awesome. And I also think it's your best chances of actually communicating with elementals. I'm not joking, because I see the paranormal and high strangeness as Manifesting from our mythology, our archetypes and our stories. I believe it uses our narrative structure to appear. And so you are adding to that narrative structure by creating localized urban legend and folklore. And I think it would be really fun to monitor and study when you put it down.

[C]

Another thing I was thinking you said that it is. I believe it.

[A]

It's pretty darn good.

[B]

Also incredible content for the show. If you are currently, like hoaxing on this, we will comment.

[A]

I will get a brand Champagne, Illinois, one of the burner accounts. We will say. I'll say that I was walking in three fairies grabbed my ankle and held me down. Maybe listen to some Steely Dan Deep cuts. I'm here to help. Okay. I don't necessarily agree with this approach, but Steve's my brother and my partner, so I'm in. If we're going to hoax, let's make this a great hoax. Let's see if we can't get some buzz. And our goal has to be getting picked up by at least a local town media outlet.

[B]

And it isn't really a hoax. There's already the fairy ring. It's just we're adding. We're. It's like the telephone game. We're adding a little story.

[A]

Maybe we're telling the truth. If there are no hoaxes, maybe the fairy ring is real and we're just going to get out there. We're going to get. Look, I think we could use some help from some helpful fairies these days. And maybe that's what this will start, starting in Illinois, then the world.

[B]

I mean, you could even put up some, like, little old school analog signs, like from the 90s. Have you seen this entity? And it's like a little. It's like a little gnome, you say, seen crawling out of fairy circle. And people be like, what the hell's going on? You could cause a little local stir. I wouldn't be surprised if seven days after you start doing this, local news picks it up.

[A]

That's what we want.

[C]

I love this. I'm a graphic designer, too, so I could make.

[A]

Oh, my God. Will you please make one of the fairies look, like, super. Just subtly.

[B]

Yes, yes. Maybe it's called. Yeah, maybe it's called like Burgalicious or something like that. It's like a Nordic fairy, you know?

[A]

Yeah, a Nordic fairy with incredible Nordic fairy before. Hey, junior high wasn't easy for any of us, buddy. That's how we ended up in comedy. Come on, buddy. Me too. Yeah, I was a theater kid. It wasn't easy.

[B]

Try to be overweight with a lisp.

[C]

On my ring app. Everybody. Everybody in my neighborhood likes to post on the ring app. So, like, next door. I don't really use next door a whole lot, but the ring app has, like, a social component to it, too. And everyone is always posting, like, when they saw coyote. Like, there's constant chatter about, like, people seeing weird stuff on there.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

So I think I'll post on there.

[B]

I'm. I am telling you, I swear to God, this. If you have an existing, like. Like, laboratory of weirdness, all you're doing is sprinkling on a little folklore on top of it. And, you know, as a person who is like a folklorist first, I am so deeply interested in studying everything that happens with this. So I would love it if you wouldn't mind like, personally connecting me to this. I will comment. I will add. Say, like, it's crazy. You say that. It's crazy. You say that because my wife was taking her daily jogging, and she said she saw this ring. And the next day, she said she was jogging early in the morning. It was right between dusk, Dusk and dawn. And she saw a little entity that looked like a gnome crawl out of the thing. And she goes, I must be dreaming. Maybe the edible I ate last night is just carrying over. Or did I see a gnome?

[C]

Oh, that's. I'm telling you.

[B]

Like, it could be this cascade of folklore, weird, localized telephone game, and we. This could go viral. I'm not even joking. Like, this could be. You might be a.

[A]

That's our goal.

[B]

Yeah. All I'm saying is, if you make a bunch of money on this, Eric and I get a 10% cut, which I think is beyond fair.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Mary, can we agree on that? We're doing a handshake right now.

[C]

8%.

[B]

No, I can't go lower in nine. I cannot go lower in nine.

[A]

I'll take it.

[C]

I could do nine. That's fine.

[B]

Okay, nine. Deal. Yeah, we're settling on nine.

[A]

That's pretty good, Steve.

[B]

So, look, let's talk about the approach.

[A]

Send the contract over to the Gold family at Talentworks.

[B]

Attention brings Randy Gold. Yeah.

[A]

Please. She's 13ft's midwife into the world. She is.

[B]

She is. Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

We love her so much. She's a dear. Maybe the best person in the world.

[A]

Might be, buddy. Might be.

[B]

She is. God. God bless her. I will say this.

[D]

Let's.

[B]

Let's just quickly go through the order of operations. I think we're gonna hit up this.

[A]

Yeah. The blind leading the Blinded.

[B]

Take one. So I think you need to, like, create a clear little narrative in your head of how you want to do this. And I don't want to give you my ideas because I've read too much fairy lore, and I don't want to infect you with, like, a fairy history. So I need you to come up with this. Think about it, like, you know, put some thought into it.

[C]

I want to be infected with fairy history.

[A]

Yeah, me too. That's why we're here, right?

[B]

Then read this. Then read the Secret Commonwealth. It's by Yates.

[C]

Come on.

[B]

Yeah, Steve, you should buy, buy, buy the Secret Commonwealth. It's the. The greatest book about the history of Celtic fairy faith, which I love. I read it cover to cover. Beautiful book. Amazing stories. All true.

[A]

Mary, you have. You have homework. Mary Claire, I'm upset.

[B]

I think the first thing you do, you have, like, a glass of wine and maybe some, I don't know, like, you know, some of that crispy rice with a little bit of raw salmon on top.

[A]

How do we get to food?

[B]

Ooh. Well, because you have to.

[A]

And I like to let you go for it, but, like, this just took a turn to crisp. Out of nowhere, brother.

[B]

How good does that sound right now, though?

[A]

It does sound so good with, like, that fresh pickle was all right. I take. I'm sorry. I'm trying to be skeptical, but it's not really me.

[B]

That's because you know what? Fucking right. It sounds incredible.

[A]

Crispy rice. You're right. I'm sorry. I was being. I felt an evil fairy influence come over me from Illinois trying to stop this and derail you, and I'm sorry.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's that. It's Jake Chicago energy seeping through you, working.

[A]

Oh, my God, you're right. We know an angry Chicago gnome, if that helps. Yeah.

[B]

So. But here's what I would do. I would. I would think of your narrative, make it clean so there's no inconsistencies when you start posting.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And then I would do the initial post. I know this is going to sound crazy, and I'm typically. I don't really believe in this stuff. However, this is what happened. And then you're going to create the story. It needs to come from you. I don't want to create the story for you because I'm too tainted by fairy lore, but I think you create the narrative over some. A nice crisp rose and that crispy rice I was talking about, because I do think what you're pairing it when you. It will bring about the creative juices. Then you get to your post. But I do think when you post, you do that kind of disclaimer. They're like, I'm not into the paranormal, any of that ghost stuff. Like you, you make it sound like you don't know about this stuff or like it, so play a little dumb.

[C]

No, not me.

[B]

But yeah, that's exactly right. I had heard about this fairy ring and someone seeing glowing light around it. Well, turns out I was taking my morning jog. Then you, whatever your, your narrative is, you place it in there, do it on the ring app and then monitor that thing like hell. Then you are going to get Eric and I attached to this ring app conversation.

[A]

Boom.

[B]

I am going to add on it in a very subtle way that seems very believable. Like, hey, I heard your story. It makes me feel like I'm somewhat saying because I thought I was losing my mind because I was walking my dog Rex the other day last Tuesday, whatever I saw, you know, So I think, like, I really think this is the rare. I mean like I'm so jealous because what I dream about is studying folklore in real time. And you are at this opportunity to create it. There is already the fairy ring. So you did whole cloth make this up willy nilly out of nowhere, which I think is disingenuous. However, adding to the folklore, that is a long tradition that's been going on for thousands of years. It's an. It's innate to humans to add their narrative to urban legends. Exactly. So all you're doing is you are carrying on a tradition that's been going on since man or woman have been, you know, drawing on wolf. This is.

[A]

Why do I feel like today is the beginning of a cult with Steve as the leader, starting out of suburban Chicago in a fairy ring. Well, look, it's my plan B. I just pray this doesn't end like Jonestown or Waco. But I'm a thousand percent in. Once you post on next door on the citizen app on the ring, let us know because we're going to start sprinkling this in too because I didn't realize my friend Steve apparently believes there's no such thing as a hoax. And yet he wants to be a hoaxer. So Mary Claire, thank you for bringing this about today. So this is only the beginning. We're with you on this. We're going to help this hoax happen. Done.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Mary, I'm. Please keep us involved because I. This is, and I mean this generally, this is like what I dream about is to Be able to study folklore unfolding in real time. I have been trying to find this opportunity. This is actually my chance. So I'm deeply invested. And along the way, if you need any help creating the narrative, I will taint it with my fairy lore knowledge. But this is one of the most exciting days I've had. Maybe. Maybe all year.

[A]

You've given my friend life. And for that, I want to thank you. And if this goes badly, I will give you my friend's cellular telephone number and home address. And he will be accountable for all this madness because I'm like, getting pulled into the raft along with him against all my better instincts. But I love the man. I'm in. And this is going to be wrong so much. No, we need a good hoax. It'll be a good.

[C]

Just make us some crispy rice.

[A]

Hell yeah. You know what?

[C]

Maybe I'll give them a gift of crispy rice.

[A]

Those fairies will. I believe the fairies will have their. Their opinion. They will be heard. So maybe. I can't wait to see that again. I'll give the fairies Steve Berg's address.

[B]

Well, this is actually a great idea. So traditionally, you know, with fairies, you do get gift to fairies, and oftentimes the. The most. Like the basic meal that they love historically is bread and milk is the safest thing to give them.

[A]

Is that true?

[B]

Give them something that they don't like, then bad things can happen. Bread and milk. You should leave a glass of bread and milk there as part of the. This narrative we're creating. So you're saying. I also found something. Bread, milk. And I looked at the symbology of that and it's a. It's a fairy gifting thing. Fairies. Are these real? Anyways, concerned caller, I hope the phone has some answers.

[A]

Yeah, just to get them on your side and cover your bases. Leave them bread and milk today.

[C]

Tiny, tiny little bowl.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

It's like. I mean, it size. It's like the size of a quarter. I have like a tiny bowl I could use, and then I even have a tiny little wooden cup.

[A]

That's right.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Anyway, okay.

[F]

Yes.

[C]

This is good. And Mary.

[B]

And this is one more thing before I let you go in case you start getting some, like, unwanted fairy visits. All you gotta do is carry a hunk of iron in your pocket and you'll be a. Okay.

[C]

Okay, Great.

[B]

And that's just good science.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, the unreliable narrator has spoken. He's creating a hoax in Chicago, Illinois of a fairy ring. And he says a hunk of iron will solve all legal or fairy anger problems. Ladies and gentlemen, another shocking episode of Weird. Here to help Steve O. What does it remind you of?

[B]

It reminds me of that great video that came out like 10 years about the neighborhood who was like, who was having. Who's being assaulted by the leprechaun. Have you ever seen that video?

[A]

No. What?

[B]

Oh, my God. It's. What? It's like a local news station. It's all these people say, like, man, we saw these leprechauns and stuff like that. It's amazing. This. It reminds me of this.

[C]

And there's the drawing.

[B]

Yes, yes. And this is exactly what you're doing. So you're basically just honoring that. Honoring that story. I'm telling you, I think we. I think we had something huge on our hands. I'm so excited, Mary.

[C]

You know, maybe Weird here to help can go live from the scene of the ring one day I will go

[A]

to that fairy ring, and in case any legal stuff goes down, Jake Johnson can hire us an attorney.

[B]

Yeah, that's exactly right. Jake and Jake and the Johnson brothers will get us out of this one.

[A]

Yeah, we're fine. We're above the law in Chicago. Done. Maybe. Hold on. Maybe we could send the van. Can we send that? We're here to help van to the ferry ring without disturbing it?

[B]

Oh, I don't. I think so.

[A]

Okay. We're all gonna be in touch. This is all happening today. Something big just started and we want to thank you for being the one that did it, Mary Claire.

[B]

Yep. Well done, Mary.

[F]

This is.

[B]

You really. You really made my week. This is beautiful.

[C]

He needed this for me.

[F]

What else?

[C]

What would I have done? What would I have done? Nothing.

[B]

What would I have done without you?

[A]

Potentially gotten much better advice, but here you sit. You broke it, you bought. And to be continued. Thank you, friend.

[B]

Thank you, Mary.

[A]

Great call.

[C]

Thank you, guys.

[E]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Mint Mobile. To get your new wireless plan for just 15amonth, go to mintmobile.com here to help. That's mintmobile.com here to help. Cut your wireless bill to [e-mail] here to help. That's it. There's no catch. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month new customers on first three month plan only.

[D]

These plans are $15 a month. A lot of people, when they hear that, they go, what's the catch? I'll tell you. There isn't one. That's it. They're using the same towers. They're the same largest 5G network. It's an award winning care team. So Mint Mobile is the catch. Choose from 3, 6 or 12 months plans and say goodbye to a monthly bill. And I'll tell you what, when you get Mint Mobile, you call your old provider and you say hey, I'm done with you. And you're gonna have it's the call's not gonna drop because you're again you can trust them, but it's easy. You sign up online, you get three months of premium wireless service for 15 bucks a month. Can't say enough good stuff about it. Just let's dance. Do some Mint to get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com here to help. That's mintmobile.com cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a [e-mail] heretohelp. That's it. There's no catch. $45 upfront payment required. Equivalent to $15 a month new customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on a limited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. CMIT Mobile for details.

[E]

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. You guys all know what Squarespace is. Squarespace is where you can build your own website. You want to see what they look like? Go to Garrett Reynolds dot com. I think another one that was from our show is Suits and wigs. Another one was the fake restaurant or the fake cooking class that woman went to Shark Bites or something like that. I think we've created a lot of fake websites. Our website helpful pod Squarespace. So yeah, we are fans.

[D]

They make it too easy to seem real and professional. That's, that's their problem because we all many of our pitches on we're here to help are hey, we could just make a Squarespace site. Places for merch, places for videos. They help you with the SEO tools. Yes, I know what that stands for. All these things. If you want your website to look legitimate, you want people to take you seriously. Squarespace. I'll never stop working with and using Squarespace.

[E]

So go to squarespace.com Gil sent me. Remember oh Gillybeans for a free trial when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, we are back on Weird. Here to help with the king of Omaha, Stevenberg. I'm Eric Caller. Welcome. What is your name or fake name which is accepted here? And where are you calling from today?

[F]

Hi friends. My name is Jessica, and I'm calling from the Kansas City area.

[A]

Oh, Stevie Berg carries a lot of water in Kansas City.

[F]

I went to ku, too, so we can talk.

[B]

Lawrence Rock Chalk, Jayhawk. Ku? Are you kidding me, Jessica?

[F]

No, I'm not kidding.

[B]

Hell, yeah, Eric, just give me 30 seconds on.

[A]

Done. Take over, Steve. Take over.

[B]

Jessica, where did you live when you went to school there?

[F]

All over. I lived on the west part of town, and then I lived on New Hampshire street for a while. Yeah, I owned a house on Alabama.

[B]

Damn, I love Alabama. I live. I stayed in a flop house in Alabama. It was not up to code, but, boy, we had fun.

[F]

It might have been the house I bought, so.

[A]

Sorry about that.

[B]

I made a lot of drunken holes in the wall. I used to, like, try to. I used to enjoy trying to run through drywall in college.

[F]

That explains a lot.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it does.

[A]

It really does. Yeah, the wall running.

[B]

I am a lot of. Well, God, I mean, already. Jessica, I couldn't be any more enthused to have you on one. I'm. You know, I love. I love the university of this with all my heart. And I love Kansas City. I'm a huge Royals fan. I love the blues scene there. Best barbecue in the US as far as I'm concerned. So, Jessica, how can my brother Eric and I help you today?

[A]

Hold on, Steve. We need her.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Number one Kansas City barbecue restaurant.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And I want to hear yours, too, Steve.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, I'll tell you then.

[A]

We want to hear your album. TV show slash movie and book. But I want you each to give me your number one place for Kansas City barbecue to start, please.

[F]

Okay, well, first off, if I answer this, everybody's gonna turn off the podcast because I'm a vegetarian.

[B]

That's okay, friends.

[A]

So am I. It's all great. I eat a little bit of fish, but. But I Googled this. There's vegan barbecue now in Kansas City.

[F]

Yes. So, yeah, you could get, like, the. So you can get the portobello sandwich at Casey Joe's, which is great. The Z Man with a Portobello sandwich. It's delicious.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Eric. Eric, you need to fly to Kansas City. Right? So the Z Man is the best sandwich in America, by the way. Like, it really is. It started out as a ga. As a barbecue place in a gas station. Oklahoma Joe's. And. Yeah. I mean, and it's just, you know, it's a. It's.

[A]

It's.

[B]

They're winning all kinds of wars now, but. Oh, my God, that's That's great news. So what? I'm sorry. Didn't mean interrupt you.

[A]

I just got excited and Char Bar has very famous barbecue jackfruit.

[F]

The jackfruit. Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, I looked into this.

[B]

Great with barbecue. Jackfruit is great with I. I jackfruit ribs one time, and they were. No.

[A]

Well, jackfruit just soaks up the flavor. And if you smoke it and brine it.

[B]

Agree.

[A]

You can turn it into barbecue. People don't realize this. Sometimes the true taste of barbecue is how well you barbecue vegetables.

[B]

I don't know about that, but yeah,

[A]

I mean, I want that. Joe's Portobello. Z Man. I want it bad.

[F]

Come to town, I'll take you.

[A]

Okay, done. Done. Jessica, it's on.

[B]

You would love. Casey, he would love it. Okay, so what about book and album?

[F]

Okay. Favorite book? To Kill a Mockingbird.

[B]

Great call. Great.

[F]

It's so hard to pick with music. How about Rise and Fall of the Midwest Princess by Chapel Roan? She's local. We love Chapel Roan here.

[B]

She's from Kansas City.

[F]

She's from, like, Columbia, Missouri. Okay, so, like a small town outside of Kansas City, but we claim her.

[B]

Well, you know, she's our girl. We're not. You know, you and I are not technically allowed to like Columbia, Missouri, since it's the home of the University of Missouri. Who is our mortal enemies.

[F]

She's from a small town, not in Columbia.

[A]

Okay, so probably be glad she's from a college town because that's probably how she into Chapel Rome. Let's be honest. Let's thank that college town.

[B]

A lot of culture, a lot of.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right.

[A]

Okay, what about movie or premium television show?

[F]

30 Rock.

[B]

Oh, great. Incredible sitcom of all time, easily with not even close. Anything else?

[F]

Endlessly rewatchable. Like, I. I don't need anything else. Just give me Tina Fey and I'm set.

[B]

My wife and I, like, we will. What happens is, like, we'll just, like, throw an episode on while we're eating dinner, and then we'll just end up watching for four hours, and we'll be like, we got to start this new show. But then we just keep on rewatching 30 Rock. I won't.

[A]

I also have to real quick say with Chapel Roan. So y' all know Jessica, I know knows this. She's like, does not like people coming up to her. Does not like people bothering her. She's earned that right, and I respect it. But it's so funny. We Saw her. My wife and I saw her recently at Kitchen Mouse, which is this delicious kind of vegetarian breakfast place.

[B]

Great place.

[F]

Place.

[B]

Great place.

[A]

I've never seen anyone in LA where people were aggressively trying not to make eye contact or come up. And I thought it was cool because she's got it out there now. Don't come up to her. Yeah. And normally what will happen, I've noticed in LA is people are actually not that cool here. They act like they're cool cause it's the industry, but they all find a reason. Oh, I'm sorry, Chapel. I'm actually friends with Mindy that did your makeup on some video five years ago. Or hi, chap. I actually know this. That did. I know Craig that did your PR on that album nine years ago. Nobody did that to her. She stood up, everybody averted their eyes like it was the sun, and they just let her go. Then we went over to Sunbeam Vintage, and she was there, and she, like, made eye contact with me, and I looked away like it was the sun of like, oh, no, I'm not bothering you. I'm not bothering you at all. I enjoy Pink Pony Club. It's all you. And it was really amazing to see everybody aggressively avoid bothering her, eye contact with her, because she set a boundary, and I think we have to respect it.

[B]

I bet she was checking you out. I bet there were vibes.

[A]

I don't. I don't want to say that it was awkward.

[B]

You know, Stranger Eric.

[A]

Yeah, you know I do. I'm America's stranger. You're right. But. But I thought it was very interesting to see how Chapel has bought herself autonomy now by saying, leave me alone. I thought it was very cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, Jessica, how can we help you today?

[F]

Okay, there's a reason I came to you guys. If there's somebody who could help me with this problem, it's Lil Stevie Berg and Eric Edelstein.

[B]

We're going to make this house hell yeah, Rocha. Hell yeah.

[F]

Okay, so I was just recently elected to city council in my little town in the Kansas City metro area.

[D]

How cool.

[A]

What?

[F]

So this was like, I don't want to say a lifelong dream, but I've always been interested in giving back, being a part of the community.

[A]

You.

[F]

I'm obviously like, I'm pretty upbeat. I love connecting with people. And so this win has been fantastic. I've been riding this high for like a month now.

[B]

Wonderful.

[F]

But along the way, during my political ascent, I have made an arch nemesis.

[A]

She.

[F]

She is the antithesis to everything I Represent. She just as soon as she walks in the room she sucks the air out and everybody just. You can feel it. You can feel the energy get sucked out. She's an energy vampire. I have no doubt. And she's 90 years old and as tiny as can be.

[B]

So she's like old fascist. Sounds like.

[F]

Yes. And she, she's also very involved. So we, the way I met her was in line for a pancake feed and she did nothing but complain the entire time. What about everything? Like we're here for pancakes. And she was complaining about kids being too loud as they were laughing.

[B]

Oh God.

[A]

Oh my God. And a pancake, pancake feed.

[F]

A pancake feed. And at one point she was judging a kid's like talent show and the entire time she was scowling. Didn't crack a smile once. And there's little kids dressed up, dancing, smiling, being silly like 2 year olds. And she's not smiling at them and just has her arms crossed. And like this woman seeks me out. She's like a heat seeking missile. She finds me, she finds my joy. And we'll just, just. She will roast me to my face. And so my, my question to you guys is how do I turn this ship? How do I get her to either like me or do I lean into it and just continue to fight with her? She's not within my part of the city, so I don't need her vote.

[B]

So what is her. No, she is another city council person in another sector, right?

[F]

No, she's not on city council. She's just a citizen. But she has made it her goal to make my life miserable.

[B]

Well, I think. You know what I do think oftentimes I have had great success in the past when someone's being a negative Nathan or a grumpy Gus, I will my. I learned this from my mom and I last. I'm like, oh, are you having a bad day? Like, like forcing them to acknowledge their behavior. Now she's a 90 year old woman, so maybe that self awareness, awareness won't be as easy to access. But I always think when someone's being. And we all come across these people, right? These kind of like just negative people who suck the energy out of a party out of a restaurant. You can feel it. I don't know what the science is behind it, but it is real. But I have always had great success with just holding a mirror. Not actually like. Because I always feel like when people like that are being negative to you and criticizing you and being a thorn on yourself side, they are trying to elicit a reaction, an emotional reaction out of you. I feel like once you give that to them, they won and you lost.

[F]

And that's been. My strategy has been to not give her what she wants. So I. She'll roast me in my face. She will say that, oh, the new people on city council, which is me, don't know anything about this town. Honey, I've lived here for 90 years. I know everything. You don't know anything. And I just kind of smile and just say, oh, okay, you know, well, to like to.

[B]

So here's for example, for an answer like that, I'd be like, well, that's really great, Lisa, whatever her name is. And I would say, like, I would sure appreciate if you would maybe help the younger generation like me understand Kansas City better from your point of view. What about Kansas City? Am I not understanding that you have knowledge about that? I can make me a better city council person.

[F]

I have put. I've. I've extended that olive branch. And she has said, well, I've reached out to this other person and this person, and they're worthy of these documents that I just don't share with anybody. So she's. I genuinely feel like it's me in particular that she's, like, wanting to bring down.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well, she's jealous of you. She's. She feels your sparkle, your energy. It's shining through this call right now. I don't think this will be your last elected office, friend. I think you're gonna keep moving on up until you are running the state of Missouri completely. And Steve and I can get traffic tickets and you'll have them waived.

[B]

That's exactly right.

[A]

Normally, we are a huge killing with kindness podcast, but you know what? I just woke up, Woke up on the other side of the bed today. And I know you've been trying to kill her with kindness. I think the only way to actually get through with her is to fight fire with fire. And the next time she says, I'm sorry, and this is very opposite of my usual advice. I know, but I already know, and I can tell. Like. Like, in another world, I'd be a politician. And there's that thing of wanting to win that person over. And when I go in a room and I can tell somebody somebody's sullen or surly or doesn't like me, I just have that thing where I have to win them over. But sometimes you just can't. And I think this person is, deep down, once wants you to try to kill him, kill her with kindness. So she can shoot you down again. So here's what I do. The next time she's like, I'm 90, and I'm. I would look at her and say, you're 90. You don't look a day over 89.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And like, you just have to sometimes get down on her level. Or the next time she's, she's playing with kids, you know, she's complaining about kids in a pancake feed. Be like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. You know, Also didn't like kids kids. Hitler. Yeah. You know who really did not like boisterous, happy children? Stalin. And he actually killed more than Hitler. So that makes sense. But. But then again, I know you know this because you were around during their era.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I would say wait her out, but somebody with that kind of hate, she's probably gonna live to be 103. And I think you've done everything you can. And also I, I'm, I will admit you saying you don't need her vote. Vote allows us to do this. Where I also think it's good for you to have one person you don't have to try to win over and to get in the muck with her, because you're gonna have to do that in politics. You're a bright, shining star. If Steve and I could buy a lottery ticket and you and your political future, we would. And we desperately need people like you in office. And we all know change starts at a local level. If you get frustrated about national politics, which we all do, go local. I think this is a great invitation for you to find that other side of yourself, that rough and tumble Missouri, Harry Truman style. This is a guy that became president, started local Missouri politics, and invited Judy in when he set off the first nuclear bomb. But that's not for here nor there.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

I think you got to fight fire with fire. And I think it's time for you to get into that. We all have that caddy nasty side of ourselves, and you do it under your breath so no one else can hear. But I think that's the only way her behavior will change. Because we tried kindness. It didn't work. You have to now get down in the muck with her and it will be so much fun for you.

[B]

Jessica, also, I would, I want to ask. So is she ever, like, disrupting? Like maybe you're giving a talk at one of these, like, pancake feeds. Is she ever disruptful or is she coming up to you, like one on. In a one on one scenario?

[F]

She will come up to me publicly. Not if I'm, like, giving a speech. She's not interrupting me. But I'll hold, like, outreach events. And she will come, and in front of my constituents and my other counselors, she will call me out for things. Like, she'll say, oh, you just have so much time on your hands. And she loves to ask me really personal questions that she shouldn't ask. Like, so, why did you get divorced? And are you dating? And did you buy that house that needs a whole lot of work?

[B]

She'll do this.

[F]

So again, I feel like it's. It's such a personal attack, but, Eric, I think you're right on the money. I think she might fall in love with me if I just start, like, going tit for tat with her.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah. Because as somebody that spends too much time and concern trying to win people over, I get it. And I understand everything you're describing at that person. She's not going to be won over by kindness. But if she says, now, why'd you get divorced? You just kind of lean and say, you know, I was putting a tiny amount of arsenic in my husband's every meal, and somehow he started to figure it out and he ran for the hills. That's just kind of how I deal with people I have an issue with. Or she's like, you have the house at the Fixer Upper? Like, yeah, actually, I did, but it came free. Nobody knows this, but I've actually curried some favor with some underworld Kansas City folks. I'm sure you know about that from the 40s, since you were, well, old back then. And then every single thing she says, you just lean in. And if she tries to report it or tell anyone, like, no, she's old and crazy. I'm the friendliest person alive. I'm elected official. I would never, ever, ever say that to her. Or, she's dating you. Next time she's like, are you dating them? I know you're a little bit older, but what do you know about polyamory?

[F]

I love this. It's. It's so different from my regular personality. I think I can have fun with that.

[A]

No. And because, you know, it's a spice of life, and you kind of need this.

[B]

Yeah. And Eric's right. I think that the, you know, the time to try to, like, win her over and, like, yeah, look, I mean, this woman is not going to relent. It sounds like she's got. She likes to find somebody and nitpick and nitpick, nitpick. And somehow you are in her crosshair. And so I think you need to put her in your crosshairs and just give as good as, you know, give as good as it gets. What's that? How does he say that?

[A]

That's perfect, Steve. That's exactly as good as you get. Yeah, but I think that's it. And like, it's when and you'll enjoy this. Yeah, like, it's. It's got to be kind of exhausting to always be on and always be friendly. And when you see her now, you know there is one person you're gonna lean in and get on her level. But hilariously, I will bet cash money this is how you win her over. Because it's the only language she knows and understands. She's threatened by your shine. She's threatened by your charisma and your ability. And when you get in there and show her, like, oh, I got a little bit of an edge too, sweetie. There's a steak knife here. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I can cut through that Kansas City barbecue. Okay.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

And you're actually, instead of dreading her, you're like, like, ooh, here is a chance for me to really get weird. It's going to be a whole bunch of fun for you.

[B]

Yeah, you're going to have a blast with this. Actually, you know what? And like, and you can do it in such a calm way. Like, I think never get, like, like emotionally aggressive. Be very calm and very grounded because that will be so much more effective if you're saying, like, these, these sick burns back that Eric's laid out in a calm, like, politician esque demeanor. Look out. You have just turned her into a pile of ashes.

[A]

Oh, I cannot wait. Or like, say, say we're actually going to be rededicating one of the Civil War battlefields nearby. As someone who is alive back then, would you feel comfortable coming by and speaking?

[C]

Love it.

[F]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. And then, you know, like, with her, most of our listeners are gonna hear you do Harry Truman jokes. Like, now I know you were Harry's peer and contemporary. What do you think Har have done on a local Missouri level? And, like, just shit like that. And you're just. It's the only way to win. And I know this is the opposite of most advice I give on here, but I know this kind of person and I also know that kind of person's response to somebody with. With some sparkle or sparkle, as Brittany would say on Vanderpump. Steve, you know this. But, like, don't let her dull your sparkle. And like, you're going to slowly win her over by tapping into this really fun dark side. And I'm excited to hear what happens next.

[B]

I have nothing better than that. That's so good.

[F]

Yep. I think, Eric, you are right on the money. This is what we're going to do. Let's see if I can win her. Win her over.

[A]

Yeah, you're going to win her over, but. But more than that, you're going to win yourself over by allowing yourself to let this side of you shine and figure it out. And I think you'll be liberated by it. And I think it's going to be a whole bunch of fun. And at the end of the day, she's a dreadful person. If we don't win her over, we don't win her over. But you're going to learn a really fun way to deal with people like this for the rest of your political career, which we are now thrilled to be in the ground level with you at.

[B]

And, and that's true, Eric, because, I mean, like, you're. I think you're going to have a long career in politics. And this is something, unfortunately, that goes along with it. Dealing with these neg, these negative people who actually have no rationale for the stuff they're saying to you. You. Other than just to be like a thorn in your side. They're going to keep popping up, unfortunately, because there are people out there like this. So to start now and kind of like garner and hone these skills, I think is going to do you a huge service going forward.

[F]

You guys are right. I can't wait to thicken my skin a little bit.

[A]

Yeah, thicken your skin. And also, as you keep moving up all Steve and I ask, we would just like the key to the city of Kansas City and to throw out the first pitch of Coffin Memorial Stadium. That's a great baseball stadium. Stadiums on the planet. I have a surprisingly good arm. Steve is an incredible athlete. So as you move up in your career, remember us, don't forget us. And then we want to throw out the first pitch of Kaufman. Does that sound fair?

[F]

Never forget you. Have you heard the news? They're building a new Royal Stadium.

[B]

I know. Look, I love Kaufman, but I think it's going to be. It's good. It's going to be good for the Royals organization, I think. I mean, like, look, I love old ball fields and I have a lot of great memories of Kaufman, but I do think going forward long term, this is going to be better for.

[F]

It's going to be on the streetcar line. It's going to be. I think it's going to be good for everybody.

[B]

It's going to be so much easier because it's a little inconvenient of a place to get to. You know what I'm saying? Especially when you have a couple barley. Barley pops. It's. It's not an easy drive, but I do. I do think that's going to help. It's going to be good for the team. But also, Kansas City, what a lovely city. They're so lucky to have you. I would also say, just on top of Eric's request, see if you can get me inducted in some kind of a University of Kansas hall of fame, even though I don't deserve it. I know know there's a lot of.

[A]

You do deserve it, buddy. You do.

[B]

You got Jason Sudeikis, you got Don Johnson, you got Rob Riggle. But let's not forget the old character actor Steve Berg, who maybe is more passionate about that school than anyone. So talk to the alumni, see if he can get me in there. I would really appreciate it.

[F]

Steve. Come to town. We'll get a plaque made and we'll just leave it somewhere. We'll put it on a tree.

[B]

Yes, Jessica, I'm almost in tears.

[A]

Finally.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you.

[F]

One of my buddies, a professor at ku. I'm sure he can help us make something happen.

[B]

Let's make it happen. By the way, what year did you graduate?

[F]

2010.

[B]

Okay, I'm like 10 years older than you. Yikes. I was 2000.

[A]

He was there in Fog Island.

[B]

Hey, I see your house is being done, huh? Why'd you get divorced? Eric look at Eric did to me. I've been turned.

[A]

See, look at that. We took a turn today. Friends, you can't just pigeonhole us. We're not always killing with kindness. Sometimes you kill them with evil. All right, Jessica, you're stuck with us now. We can't wait to hear what happens next.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Thanks, boys. Have a great day.

[A]

Take care. Bye, friend.

[B]

Bye. Bye. Rock Chalk.

[C]

Rock Chalk.

[F]

Jayhawk. Go K. You.

[A]

Weird Here to help. It's hosted by Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your [e-mail] hi,

[F]

I am Mandy Moore.

[B]

Sterling K. Brown.

[A]

And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.

[F]

Each episode, we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show.

[A]

This is us.

[B]

That's right.

[F]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[A]

Are we gonna cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot? A whole lot.

[B]

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify new episodes every Tuesday.