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- [00:00]
A
Actor and comedian David Koechner joins the.
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We'Re out of Time podcast. I knew when I was 13 years old I'm going to be on Saturday Night Live because I decided when I was 13. It's such power to decision. Did I tell anybody? No, because I'm from a small town. You don't tell small town people their dreams because small town people oftentimes don't have dreams. When she was born, my fifth kid, I thought, you know what? I'm going to make sure I'm never out of work. So I started doing standup. I've done improvisation all my life and sketch, and I've always, always done live. I'm. I had turned 60 and I was on a TV show that was doing well, that got canceled. So now I've got nothing and divorced. And thank God I had stand up now also. What I did, I got two DUIs in six months. Guess what? I got work. You know why? I created it 14 years earlier. I've never been out of work.
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Thank you for listening to the we're.
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Out of Time podcast with Richard Tate. If you haven't already, please follow the podcast rate and review.
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A
And if you're getting value out of we're out of Time, share it with someone else. You know, if someone has a problem with substance use disorder, please call one call placement. That's 888-831-1581. And if we can't help you, we'll make a referral to someone who can. Please, we're out of time. David.
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B
Yes, sir.
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A
Nice to have you here. How do you say your last name? Koepner.
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B
Okay, that's how you should. Now, let's go through it. It's K O, E, C, H, N E, R. I say Kechner, which is incorrect. It's a German name. The Germans say Kirschner. It should be, at the very least, Kochner or Kochner. I'm from a small town in Central Missouri of 2,000 people. You walk through the Catholic cemetery, you're going to see at least 60, 70 Catholic families. Schmidt, Kuttenkohler, Kniep, Kirchenmaier. Okay, so what's the disconnect? Who forgets how to say your last name? At what point do you go? How do we. Let's go with Keckner. Nowhere in the English language does the oe make the short e sound, but apparently my family does. Keckner. That's wrong. That's why no one can say it. I've been in show business for 30 years, right? So It's Coke. It's Keckner tribute. Koechner, at the very least. Kohler toilets, we all know that one, right? So the problem was when I got into show business on Saturday Night Live was my first big break. So that was 1995. At that point, I could have changed it up to Koechner. Right. And then all my. I went 36 first cousins on my dad's side. I didn't have the temerity to change it.
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A
If you wanted to work, you could have changed it to Ramirez.
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What I should have done.
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Yeah.
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Was change it. My mother's last name was Downey. Wow. David Downey. Put a junior on there.
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God, that would have been so cool. Thank you for coming today, because I got to tell you, my. My favorite guests, and I've had a lot of guests, and I love them all, okay? That's not true. I miss them.
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Rigorous honesty.
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Well, I mean, look, there's a couple people whose. Whose thing's never running. Okay? Right. But I think that that's my fault, not theirs.
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That's very kind of you.
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Well, it's also very true, but the cool thing is, is that my favorite people are comedians.
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B
Really?
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It's the best time. I've had Nick Thune.
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Yep.
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I've had Jay Moore.
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B
Yeah.
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And I've had Jimmy Shin, so. Have you worked with Ricky Gervais?
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No. I know. Really?
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God damn it.
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Right?
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God, I love him.
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He's brilliant.
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So you did the Corral thing?
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I did the Office.
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What's the Office?
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It's a TV show.
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I know, baby. Everybody loved it. Yes, but I don't watch tv.
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B
Neither do I. So. Of the Office. Right. She was on nine seasons. I've watched three episodes. And I'm not an elitist. I have five kids.
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Right.
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So my time. Look, you know, I like to watch. I'm intellectually curious, just like you. Right. If it doesn't feed me, then I don't care. I'm. I'll search for an hour for a documentary that I really like.
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Really?
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Yes. Rather than going on this bad movie. This bad movie. You know, whatever. So I don't. I watch the news a lot less. Less now. Right. Because it's just like. Come on. If I don't. Whatever, I'll stop there. Because if I go into it, we'll talk revolution. But. So, no, I haven't seen it. I host, so I do stand up a lot now, and I'm glad I didn't. We into that. If you want to.
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I. I get.
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Okay. I'll Say this. So my oldest is 14. So my old youngest daughter is the age of your oldest daughter, okay? Correct. Unless you have more kids you haven't told me about. They would have found.
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I'm aware of.
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They would have found you through ancestry. Anyway, so when she was born, my fifth kid, I thought, you know what? I'm gonna make sure I'm never out of work. So I started doing standup and I called my agent, I said, I'm start doing stand up. The next day she had 11 gigs for me. Now, the first one was three months out. Wow. So I just started putting together a small act. Now, remember, I've done improvisation all my life and sketch, and I've always, always done live no matter where I am. If I was on TV or whatever, I'd still be doing live shows somewhere in town all the time. So there's no fear quotient there at all. The difference between stand up sketch or improv is you and I are in a scene. Right? Right. So now I'm doing stand up. I'm in the scene with the audience. That's it. But they don't get to talk. So I put together a show. Slowly, you build your minutes right? Till you have an hour, and then you have it. And thank God, because coming out of the pandemic, I had turned 60 and I was on a TV show that was doing well that got canceled because of the pandemic. So now I've got nothing and divorced. And thank God I had stand up. Now also. What I did, I got two DUIs in six months. So now I'm just out there. But guess what? I got work. You know why? I created it 14 years earlier. I've never been out of work. I've never collected an unemployment check in my life. I started working for my dad when I was seven years old in a manufacturing facility in Tipton, Missouri. I know how to work. Did I like it? No. But I mean, I'll never not have work.
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Well, you like what you're doing now?
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Oh, yes.
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Right? Yeah. It's not work if you love it.
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B
But not, not doing that when I was seven years old, working with my dad in a metal fabrication shop. Right.
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Oh, you didn't like that? That wasn't a good time?
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You'd rather be out playing baseball?
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He didn't. He didn't show you a good time?
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You know, in. In the end. Yeah, Probably. Probably the biggest thing in legendary success. Right.
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Probably the best thing or one of the best things I've heard anybody say came from Jimmy Shin's dad. Okay, let me see if I can remember it. Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men.
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Yes.
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Weak men create hard times.
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So it begins.
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Did I get it right?
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Yes, you did. I've. I've heard this. Now, his dad had loaned him that advice loan because it's something we all had to have. It's like a book that his dad, you know, didn't come up with that quote. His dad did embed that quote in his mind. I've heard this quote, and it's so true.
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Well, it's probably some ancient.
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Oh, yeah, it is Confucian.
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Yeah.
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In its origin, it seems.
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It seems.
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Yeah. Because it's true, though. It's true.
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So, listen, I love to have a good time, and I can't talk about drug addiction and fentanyl and death nonstop.
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B
Right.
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But we got to get into it.
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Okay.
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How long are you sober?
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Since Thanksgiving Day. This last year, right? Yes.
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So you're going to have a year. How many rehabs you've been to?
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Three. How many of them worked? None. For me.
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For you?
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Yeah.
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Well, you weren't ready.
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Oh, I was always ready. I wasn't capable.
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What rehabs you go to? I won't.
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Two and two in Arizona, one here. That's now closed, but yeah.
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Okay.
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Now, does yours do a 12 step?
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A
We make it mandatory for the affordable center that I've got that takes HMOs and everything because they don't typically have the money to pop for therapists and that kind of stuff. But it's optional for the people at Carrera because Carrera is where celebrities go and where the wealthy go. And, you know, it's just. It's 165 bucks a month. Right. So a lot of these people have big lives, right. They ain't going to aa.
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B
Well, it's just. Okay, I hear you. In my experience. Yeah. That's the only thing that works. That and antibuse and abuse. Yes. Dyselfrium.
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Right.
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I'm on it. I have to be. So what? My. My sponsor told me, dave, you're a hardcore alcoholic. I'm kind of like, oh, is there. So I'm a. I'm a deeper ship. So it's harder for me to get my serenity. And he's right. And I tell you what, it works. And you can, you know, can. You can cheat if you want to, but I call my friend of 40 years every day. Either I send him a video or we do it on FaceTime, or I take my Pill. Now, you take this pill long enough, you can't. You can't. If you take it. If you stop taking it today and I drink tomorrow, it'd be the same effect. You'd violently throw up. Right. So I don't know how long it would take to get it out of my system. By now, I'm guessing a month.
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I won't tell you.
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Oh, you do know. Oh, you know. Okay. It doesn't matter. My friend will never allow me to not be talking to him that long, you know, so. Which is good. And I have no resistance to it. The beauty of it is then, you know, in aa, we say we haven't found something that takes away the desire for alcohol as of yet. Well, we have. The desire is there. I can't do it. So I never think about it, because, as you know, that's true.
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At some point, you could stop taking it.
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I actually can't because my buddy who I love would go, I'm coming to see you.
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So I do want to say one thing, because you're right. I love aa.
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Yes.
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Okay. I've probably been to well over a thousand meetings. Easily. Okay. But it's not the only thing that works.
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Agreed.
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Yeah. There are some people that are so sick and they're getting sicker now all the time. And I think a lot of that is the social media. I think a lot of that is the pandemic and other things that I won't get into. But I'm not sober today, I don't think without the foundation I got in aa.
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Agreed.
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But, you know, I had three guys last month or two months ago, I don't remember. And all three of these guys at Carrera all own soccer teams.
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B
Wow.
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Not in the same league.
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Sure, sure.
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Okay. But they all own soccer teams.
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Highly successful.
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Highly successful. These guys are not going to aa. They're not. And so then it's about, you know, some people in AA would say, well, welcome, men.
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Okay.
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The old timers.
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Yeah.
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Trusty old timer will say that.
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Right? Yeah.
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Okay. And I'm like, no, because these are people that deserve it, too. They.
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Yes.
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Right. And plus, you know, a lot of these wealthy people when they. When they get sober, create so much good in the world. I've seen it so many times, you know, it just. It's great. It's great. So tell me how long you've been trying to get sober?
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Oh, probably 20 years.
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Okay.
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At least. Yeah, I drank for 50.
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What'd you drink?
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Beer.
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What?
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Yeah, yeah, beer. In the end.
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No, no, no, no.
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No, please. Really.
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You drink beer?
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Yeah.
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So you were pissing all day long?
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Sure, I piss all night.
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Why don't you just take shots?
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Because that. I like that. Nice, fuzzy. Here we go. Here we go. It's trains pulling out, but it ain't moving too fast. If I wanted to move the train to move faster, I'll wait till after 11 when I'm really drunk, and I'll go call somebody who might bring me something by that. I'll go, well, God damn it, I guess we're gonna go all night. Really?
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So you do the blow, too?
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Of course.
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Now everything's laced with fentanyl. All of it. Can you imagine?
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I've got five kids, dude. I'm. I'm terrified.
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How old are your kids?
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Charlie is 26, Margo's 23, Sergeant and Audrey are 19, and Eva's 14.
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You've had the talk with them, the fentanyl talk.
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This ring right here. Where you at?
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Let's see the ramp.
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B
Okay. That's a guitar. Okay. My buddy was a guitar player, and he couldn't beat narcotics, right? His deal in the end, after he'd been through everything, was he was pills, right? And so he'd crush him and snort him. And I. I flew him out for his birthday one year cup, three years ago, and. Because I was doing a show in North Carolina, and we're sitting there and I bought it, and I was sober at the time because you know how sobriety goes as a. Thank God you've got good sponsors. Go, Dave. Relapse. Part of it. So I've been relapsed. I guess I've been sober for 10 years. In constant relapse. I guess that would be the funny way.
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A
So funny.
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An alcoholic would understand that.
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I was so. For 25 years. No, I wasn't going.
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I was attempting. Anyway, my buddy was. I could tell. I bought him a nice steak for his birthday at a nice steakhouse. Money. And I'm seeing he's not eating, and I said to him, get another drink, because it was some kind of thing smoked under glass, one of those places.
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A
Oh, that's cool.
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And I want to watch this, right? That's what an alcoholic will do, is like, I want to watch you drink because I can't do it, because then I can remember. I don't want to do that anymore. Because once you have your first drink, the lies begin. Correct.
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A
You start somewhere in your second. For me, it was somewhere in the second drink. Typically in the last two thirds.
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B
Yeah. Anyway, he said, I'm Coming off pills. So he was trying again to be sober. He said, man, I don't know. Sometimes he was in Texas. He goes, sometimes I feel like some of this, that I gets laced. Because he said, I've woken up hours later and I don't know where. I was in a different room. I said, wow. A month later, he was gone. So his ash, some of his ashes are in here. This is a cremation ring. So my kids know that and trust me, I'm one of those dads. I'm all over them. If they said, if you could do. If you could tell your dad one thing, what would it be? They'd probably say, leave me alone.
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A
Let me ask you a question.
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B
Yes.
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Okay. You're sober now less than a year.
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B
Correct.
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A
Which means your children of various ages have seen you at your worst. How are they emotionally because of that experience?
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B
I've read a lot about this too, and you've seen it. And I know that I've caused them a lot of pain, but gosh darn it, I mean, they're pretty darn good. I was also. I rage. All this anger that came from your childhood, that's there. They have it in spurts. I have it and whatever. And so, if anything, I'm a cautionary tale to them that they see in their home. Right. And they want the best for me, and we have a really open, honest relationship. But emotionally, I would say, as near as I can tell, they're very regulated.
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A
Did you ask them?
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Oh, we talked to. We talked about this.
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A
But I mean, you.
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That specific question.
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The question is, hey, kids are hardwired to love their parents, right? Okay. I know that my drinking had some effect on you. Can you tell me what that was and what's still here?
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Aha. Interesting. I've never asked them that specific question. What I have done is say, I owe you apologies. If you need an apology from me for anything, ask me. And they have. And I don't defend it. I say, I know what you're talking about. I apologize for that. And then you have to do the steps to make amends. That's the part, right? You've got to do the amends.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And they haven't kept coming back. I mean, there's. I would say our house, as far as I can tell, is pretty honest.
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A
Do you have a good relationship with all your kids?
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B
Yes. Here's the thing I love. I'll tell people, you know, I'm alcoholic. And they are divorced. Divorced. And they go, do you talk to your kids? They cling to my heart every second. Every morning. I text them every morning and every night, though they might be sick of it because a lot of times they don't respond.
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A
Are you kidding?
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B
But guess what? After three days, they go, dad, what's going on? So there is a comfort they have in knowing Dad's thinking about me. Right? But just suffice to say, I've got a good, honest, true and loving relationship with all of my kids.
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A
Are your kids proud of you?
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B
Yeah, yeah. Yes, they are. To the extent. I mean, all we can say is most days. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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A
When was the last time you did cocaine?
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B
It would have been probably sometime in. Let's. That summer of last year.
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A
Okay, listen, check this out. Okay. I hope you never relapse.
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B
Oh, no, I. Yeah. Thank you for saying that.
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A
I hope you never do.
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B
Yeah.
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A
I wish you nothing but the best. You are. You are the salt of the earth. Okay? You cannot do cocaine anymore because you're gonna die.
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B
Agreed.
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A
No, no, dude, you're gonna die.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Okay. Because you don't have the tolerance for it. A. You're gonna do. You're gonna do it like it's cocaine.
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B
All of it.
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A
All of it. Because that's how we do it, right? And you are snorting it, right?
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B
Of course.
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A
Okay. You're gonna die because you don't have the tolerance for it. And it's. Even if it's not a lethal dose to you, it will be, right? You can't do it.
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B
Yeah, I agree. Well, the likelihood of that is it's never gone.
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A
You can trying to get sober for 30 years.
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B
Yes. But it would only come after I'm drinking.
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A
And I just want to tell you something, okay. Because this cup coming off mean spirited and heavy handed.
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B
Oh, no, no. It's got to be tough, right?
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A
Well, we got to have an honest conversation. But it's not like I didn't lose 25 years to drug addiction. Okay. I've only got 21 years in recovery. What do I have, 21 or 22? March was 22.
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B
Wow. Congratulations.
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A
Thanks.
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B
I wish, I wish, you know. Yeah.
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A
Anyway, you say, what was your big break? The moment you knew that you were going to be able to do this thing?
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B
Well, there's two parts to it. Number one, my big break was Saturday Night Live in 1995. But I'll tell you this, and it's strange and it's not arrogant and I'm not a. I'm not a narcissist and I'm not a person that is a. Is full Of I knew when I was 13 years old I'm going to be on Saturday Live because I decided when I was 13. It's the such power to decision. Did I tell anybody? No, because I'm from a small town. You don't tell small town people their dreams because small town people often, oftentimes don't have dreams. So what are they going to do? They got to it on yours. Right. Even after I came back to that town, they'd still try to on me actively. I didn't say anything bad to anybody, but they'd try to find something bad that they remembered from my childhood and introduce it to me when I'm 30, 40 years old. Like, why? What, I didn't score enough points at a basketball game in eighth grade? Do I give a. That's what you have on me. Okay. Like that. Okay. So when I got snl, I knew I was gonna get it. So. Okay, great. Now here's the other thing. You must constantly still always have the next goal. Right. All I wanted after that was the respect of my peers, which I have. But that's kind of a very, you know, shotgun goal. It's not, it's not a sniper. So you have to have the next specific goal. Then I just wanted to work. It was that I wanted to work. If you look at my resume, I've never not worked 225 credits. Proud of it. Great. That's a body of work. Fantastic. Still don't have exactly what I need, which is enough sustenance for my. My piggies. Right. To keep raising these kids, make sure they get what they want and have that. I have something for my retirement. Now look, I'm very fortunate and I have, I make enough. But I've got a lot of people that I support in my life, you.
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A
Know, so that's how we get our self esteem. Who?
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B
Yeah, yeah.
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A
I mean, if you're like me, that's how you get your self esteem.
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B
Yeah. Yeah. 100. Helping others, being of service.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Constant. I've got a. I've got a tin platter, not a silver platter. Would you care for something off my tin platter? Yeah, there's a lot of rest there, but it'll be fine. Oh, you. The rest won't touch your lips. But yeah, I, I love providing. I do. It's the reason I get up.
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A
I want to get back to that guy who died.
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B
My buddy. Yes.
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A
Your buddy. Have kids?
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B
No.
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A
Wife?
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B
No.
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A
Okay, well, now we know why he's dead.
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B
Well, okay, well, also he was a gorgeous man and women just ran to him without his pursuit is almost like a. A penance. Aren't.
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A
Aren't. So we're like, he needed to go.
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B
No, he didn't. He was my best. I know what you mean. You know, it's so bad.
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A
It's so horrible, isn't it, that I don't know how to even take it in.
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B
Ah, yeah, there are. I've lost a couple of good ones. And when you do, the grieving never ends. And it's okay.
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A
Tell me about another guy that you lost to a drug overdose.
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B
Oh, that's just the one. The other one was to cancer. He's older. And there it goes. I don't have multiples.
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A
Tell me. Give me the most horrific story you've ever gone through while drinking and using.
- [22:50]
B
Oh, like something I did while I was doing that. Yeah, I'm very fortunate. Well, I got two DUIs, and that's the. That's the most horrible thing that's ever happened to me. I've never. Huh. Did you go to jail overnight? Yeah, the first one was overnight. Second one wasn't even overnight. Second one wasn't a dui. You mother. You just. You go. You. Me. The second one, the guy goes. I'll just say this. The arresting officer told the judge, this is the nicest man I've ever arrested. Okay. Not resistant. Did everything they asked. They never gave me a breathalyzer. I. I had driven for two and a half hours. I was three miles from my hotel. They should have said, we're gonna take you home. They did a field sobriety test. I passed it as far as I could tell. The thing I didn't tell them was this. So I drank on the plane, and I drank because I spoke to my ex wife, right? That's called a trigger. And so I'd had that, and I'd been six months sober again. So then I was off the pill. I wasn't taking the regular on the reg. On the Riz.
- [23:58]
A
What pill?
- [23:59]
B
The sulfur, the antibes. So drove two and a half hours. Now, I dare say if I'd had my last drink right before I drove and I didn't, then I would be sober. But the guy says to me, takes me downtown. Do you want to take a Breathalyzer? And I'm like, why are you asking me? He says, well, I don't think you'll have to drive in this state for two years. And the consequence of not taking the sobriety test, the breathalyzer, is you can't drive in the state for Two years. I'm like. Well, it sounds to me like he's telling me refuse the breathalyzer. Correct. Now you're a lawyer. Refusing a breath. Refusing a breathalyzer is an automatic dwi. That's right. Well, what the. Didn't tell me that part of the math.
- [24:45]
A
Right.
- [24:45]
B
I should have blown. I'm gonna get a good goddamn DUI anyway. Well, let me get it earned.
- [24:51]
A
Right.
- [24:52]
B
Anyway. That's right. We'll never know. I know. But anyway, blah, blah, blah. So that's the worst, that's my worst story. I don't have. I never hurt anyone. Right. I guess the worst thing, it continues whether I'm drinking or not. I talk too much. That's my horror story.
- [25:07]
A
Now, I, I forgot to ask you.
- [25:10]
B
Yes.
- [25:11]
A
You're in the comedy clubs all the time. There's gotta be a lot of drug abuse there.
- [25:17]
B
Always.
- [25:18]
A
Always.
- [25:18]
B
Yeah.
- [25:19]
A
What's going on there?
- [25:20]
B
I'm sober.
- [25:22]
A
It doesn't trigger you.
- [25:23]
B
Oh, no. I, I, you don't have that choice. The choice isn't yours whether or not you can drink. Because if I drink, I'll violently throw up. It really. You. It blocks the enzyme that processes alcohol.
- [25:38]
A
Right.
- [25:38]
B
So if I drink and I've never tested it, I'd violently throw up. The closest I've gotten is once for a two week period. This is five years ago. Six years ago, when I first attempted to take the pill on a regular basis. I stopped, which is what planning and scheming. Which is what an alcoholic does.
- [25:55]
A
That's right.
- [25:56]
B
I'd already moved out of my house and so I quit drinking. I quit taking the pill, then waited a week to see if I could take it. I was able to drink one pint of an IPA. I was okay. But within 20 minutes I threw up. Not violently like you would. That's after just two weeks. Right. Now I've been taking this pill regularly for over six months. Seven months. Right. So it would take that long to get out of my system. So it's not available. You don't wake up and think about stealing a car. It's the same thing. I don't wake up. And it takes away the scheming and it takes away the bargaining because you can't. That's right. It's gone. It's not available to you. That's right. I don't care where I'm. People can drink in front of me. I don't care. What I'll do is I notice this, which we all notice. I can tell if someone's had one Drink. You're like, wow, why would you do that? You're not as good a person as you were when you're sober. But you think you are, don't you? So the one thing I would tell my 10 year old self is this, David, don't, don't, don't ever drink. It'll take you. And it did. Now the sad part is several times when I've had these things, late at life, late at night, early morning, I had a revelation or two. I believe I would have had them anyway. George Harrison had said that he's had revelations while he's in an altered state of mind. Right. So sadly I have too. But I hope I could have gotten there. Straight edge. Number two, what advice would I give to a young performer? If you're asking for advice, you're asking permission. I never asked advice one time in my career. Now I might ask, should I do this or should I do that after I did it. But for the long term thing of how do I do this if I, if you're asking me how to do it, you're asking the wrong person. You should be asking yourself because that's the only person has the answer you need. Now, having said that, I'll give you two pieces of advice. Read the book Outliers from Malcolm Gladwell. It's basically the 10,000 hours theory. How do I become an expert, a master at the thing I want to do? If you can't read that book, then off you're not ready to do anything. Go do what you do. But you're not going to do anything. You're not going to. I shouldn't tell you what to do. Read the book yourself. Find out. Now, number two, listen to On Writing by Stephen King, the audiobook, because he narrates his own audiobook and it's delicious. You say, well, I'm not a writer. Well, yes you are because you write in the mind of yourself. Creativity, basically. That's what he's addressing.
- [28:29]
A
The 10,000 hour principle. That's what you gave these guys? Well, yes, I guess the first, I guess the journey starts with the first step.
- [28:38]
B
You've done 10,000 hours easily.
- [28:40]
A
I don't have, I don't have a therapist working for me that doesn't have at least 10,000 hours hours of treatment experience. Most have 20 and some have 30. You don't, you know.
- [28:54]
B
Takes time to be a master.
- [28:56]
A
It takes time to be a master.
- [28:57]
B
Yeah, and you should love it.
- [29:00]
A
If you love something, you have no problem doing 10,000 hours easily.
- [29:05]
B
It's What I want to do anyway.
- [29:06]
A
That's right.
- [29:06]
B
Yeah. Lisa.
- [29:08]
A
All right, man. I want the rant. I want the rant.
- [29:12]
B
I'll give you a rant.
- [29:13]
A
I want the rant. So something that just pisses you off. Okay. Or aggravates you. And the example that I always give are the bicyclists with the shorts that get in your way and don't move out. And they're like, you. This is my road to. Okay. I hate that.
- [29:33]
B
All right. Getting cut off or. Some of the person I hate the most is that person that merges late to happen this morning on my way here. Right? You. You're not getting in the late. There's a line. Get in line. Get in line or get a. Or develop a goddamn machine that puts you where you wanted to be because you don't cut in front. You don't get a cut in late. Oh, you forgot. Then get off of the next exit and come back and get in line. Get in line. You don't get to cut the line. There's a line for a reason. We're all in the goddamn line. I don't want to be in line. Then don't get in line. Start your own goddamn line. You think you're the goddamn king? No one's king. We're all equals here. And your job is to make sure everyone gets an equal chance in life. In life, everybody gets a chance. Open the goddamn door. Invite everybody in.
- [30:27]
A
I'm sorry for cutting you off. I apologize. I didn't know you felt that way. I. I wasn't holding you up.
- [30:38]
B
I did try to cut in.
- [30:40]
A
I. But I wasn't holding you up.
- [30:41]
B
Yes, you did. You got one car in front of me.
- [30:43]
A
Oh, okay. That's true. All right. Hey.
- [30:47]
B
Nothing exists as it seems.
- [30:50]
A
Where can people find you?
- [30:53]
B
Instagram. David Keckner. K O E C H N E R. Same for all of the other social platforms that I. That have destroyed this country where you plant. Where are you playing next? I don't know when this is going to go up, but I do have a website. David ker dot com. So all those dates are. I'm doing 50 this year, baby. 50 dates. Really? 50 cities. Yeah.
- [31:16]
A
Fantastic.
- [31:17]
B
Yeah. And I'm doing five movies. Dude, I got to earn.
- [31:20]
A
When are you. When are you coming? When are you doing the Comedy Store? Because I never going back to the improv.
- [31:27]
B
You don't. You don't. If you do a date there, you're doing 15 minutes. Nobody gets their own show unless they built it for this audience. Specifically. So I typically don't do things in town because I'm on the road. So if I've got a night off, I'm not going out.
- [31:38]
A
Oh, that's great.
- [31:39]
B
Yeah. And in town there can be 10 or 20 comics playing that night. So everyone's doing 12 to 10 minutes. And I don't invite people to come out to just see 12 or 10 minutes.
- [31:48]
A
I like. I like. I. I wish I could go to the Comedy Store again.
- [31:52]
B
You.
- [31:52]
A
Can I get anything to go forgive them? I. No, that was the I know D at the Comedy Store. I saw Sam Kinison, and it was the best show I've ever seen in my life. God, he's the greatest.
- [32:05]
B
He'd give you a rant.
- [32:06]
A
He was the God I'd give it, Sam. All right.
- [32:11]
B
Hey, gang. Dave Koechner from Show Business. See you next Tuesday. And some of you are.
- [32:23]
A
See you next Tuesday.