Jax Taylor Breaks Silence: Divorce, Fatherhood, The Valley & Redemption After Vanderpump Rules

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Jax Taylor Breaks Silence: Divorce, Fatherhood, The Valley & Redemption After Vanderpump Rules"

Podcast Title: We're Out of Time
Host: Richard Tate
Guest: Jax Taylor
Release Date: July 8, 2025

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Introduction

In this poignant episode of We're Out of Time, Richard Tate sits down with Jax Taylor, a well-known personality from Vanderpump Rules, to discuss his tumultuous journey through addiction, divorce, fatherhood, and his path to redemption. The conversation offers deep insights into the challenges of living life in the public eye and the personal battles that come with it.

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Finding His Niche on TV

Jax opens the discussion by reflecting on his career in television, stating, "TV is where I was supposed to be. I think I found my niche. I think I'm good at what I do. I love being on TV." (00:00). He acknowledges the duality of his public life, noting that fame has brought both highs and lows. Jax recognizes that his audience is fascinated by his struggles, often witnessing his "spiral" (00:00), which he admits isn't beneficial but underscores the complexities of fame.

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Public Struggles and Addiction

Delving into his darkest moments, Jax shares his long-standing battle with substance abuse, admitting, "I've been using and drinking for, I don't know, 20 plus years." (03:00). He candidly discusses how his addiction became more pronounced following his separation, leading to behaviors he deeply regrets, including verbal abuse fueled by drugs and alcohol. This period marked his lowest point, which was magnified by the public nature of his struggles.

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Divorce and Its Impact

Jax speaks openly about his divorce, emphasizing the necessity of the separation despite the emotional pain it caused. "I don't regret getting a divorce or going through a divorce. No, because it needed to be done." (04:02). He reflects on the challenges of co-parenting and the strain his actions placed on his relationship with his ex-wife. The divorce not only affected him but also had repercussions for his son, who he describes as the "light of our lives" (04:39).

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Fatherhood and Relationship with His Son

A significant portion of the conversation centers around Jax's role as a father. He expresses deep love and commitment to his son, who has autism, stating, "He's the one thing that Brittany and I did right." (04:35). Jax discusses the importance of being present and supportive, aiming to be the father his son needs while rebuilding his relationship with his ex-wife.

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Rehabilitation Journey

Jax recounts his experience with rehab, highlighting the initial resistance to fully engage in the program due to the ongoing filming of The Valley. "I couldn't dive into why I'm here right now from that, from working..." (12:32). He admits to slipping during his first attempt, primarily due to maintaining control through his phone, which he regrets deeply. This setback reinforced the importance of structure and commitment in his recovery journey.

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Mental Health and Therapy

The conversation shifts to mental health, with both Jax and Richard sharing their struggles with anger and bipolar disorder. Jax reveals he is on bipolar medication, emphasizing the need for ongoing therapy to manage his emotions effectively. "I'm on bipolar medication. I've been on it since the first day I've been sober." (05:44). Richard reinforces the necessity of therapy, sharing his own regimen of thrice-weekly sessions to maintain mental stability.

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Steps Toward Redemption

Jax discusses his efforts to make amends and prioritize his son's well-being over his personal desires. He is committed to being a good father and co-parent, stating, "It's all about that little boy now." (15:22). Richard encourages Jax to continue his path of rehabilitation, emphasizing the importance of consistency and kindness in rebuilding his life and relationships.

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Embracing Sobriety and a New Life

Jax shares the positive changes sobriety has brought to his life, including improved physical health and better time management. "I feel the best I've ever been. Alcohol and drugs took a huge, huge toll on me." (17:47). He highlights how replacing old habits with healthy routines and surrounding himself with supportive sober friends has significantly enhanced his quality of life.

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Conclusion

The episode concludes on an optimistic note, with Jax expressing gratitude for the opportunity to share his story and inspire others facing similar struggles. "I feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing now. I want to help. I want to talk, I want to be around it." (37:26). Richard commends Jax as a beacon of hope for those battling addiction and emphasizes the transformative power of accountability and continuous personal growth.

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Key Takeaways

• Acknowledgment of Struggles: Recognizing and admitting personal battles with addiction and mental health is crucial for recovery.
• The Importance of Structure: Establishing a structured daily routine aids in maintaining sobriety and mental stability.
• Prioritizing Family: Focusing on co-parenting and being present for one's children can provide motivation and purpose.
• Continuous Therapy: Ongoing mental health support is essential in managing emotions and preventing relapse.
• Making Amends: Taking responsibility for past actions and striving to make positive changes can lead to personal redemption and improved relationships.

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Notable Quotes

• "TV is where I was supposed to be." – Jax Taylor (00:00)
• "I've been using and drinking for, I don't know, 20 plus years." – Jax Taylor (03:00)
• "I don't regret getting a divorce or going through a divorce. No, because it needed to be done." – Jax Taylor (04:02)
• "He's the one thing that Brittany and I did right." – Jax Taylor (04:35)
• "I have a hard time being comfortable in my own skin." – Jax Taylor (24:22)
• "I'm not going to ever stop going to therapy for the rest of my life." – Jax Taylor (35:07)

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This episode serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the possibility of turning one's life around through honesty, support, and unwavering commitment to personal growth.

Transcript

[Jax Taylor]

TV is where I was supposed to be. I think I found my niche. I think I'm good at what I do. I love being on tv. Has it made my life better and worse? Sure. I mean, but anything you do makes your life better and worse. You know, you're going to have your highs and lows. People love to watch what I'm going to do next. They don't care. They love to see the spiral. Now, is that good? Probably not. My biggest regret is how I handled it. I don't regret getting a divorce or going through a divorce. No, because it needed to be done. It ran its course. I think my codependency issues are a problem. I think being lonely is an issue. Learning to adapt to loneliness, I have a hard time with that. Being comfortable in my own skin is tough for me right now because, again, I'm new into this. I don't have years under my belt. I need structure. I thrive on it.

[Richard Tate]

Thank you for listening to the we're.

[Jax Taylor]

Out of Time podcast with Richard Tate.

[Richard Tate]

If you haven't already, please follow the podcast rate and review. And if you're getting value out of we're out of Time, share it with someone else. You know, if someone has a problem with substance use disorder, please call one call placement. That's 888-831-1581. And if we can't help you, we'll make a referral. Please, we're out of time.

[Jax Taylor]

Jax.

[Richard Tate]

Taylor.

[Jax Taylor]

How you doing?

[Richard Tate]

Good, man. How you doing?

[Jax Taylor]

I'm doing okay today. I'm doing okay today.

[Richard Tate]

We shot your podcast this morning.

[Jax Taylor]

We did. We did. And I appreciate you being on there. It really means a lot to me. Can you hear me from here? Yeah, you can move the mic. Just for you to.

[Richard Tate]

So let me ask you a question. Are you still wearing the same clothes, or did you change?

[Jax Taylor]

I didn't. I didn't change. I came straight wearing the exact same clothes.

[Richard Tate]

I didn't change either.

[Jax Taylor]

Okay. Glad we're wearing the same thing. So I was literally, what, 15 minutes away? So I came right over here.

[Richard Tate]

No, dude, you did great. All right, let's start from the beginning.

[Jax Taylor]

Let's shoot.

[Richard Tate]

Do you think being on TV all those years amplified everything, the highs, the lows, and set the stage for what came next?

[Jax Taylor]

Are you speaking figuratively on the highs or the lows?

[Richard Tate]

Give it to me.

[Jax Taylor]

Give it all. I think TV is where I was supposed to be. I think I found my niche. I think I'm good at what I do. I love being on tv. I love Doing what I do, it's fun. Has it made my life better and worse? Sure. I mean, but anything you do makes your life better and worse. You know, you're going to have your highs and lows. But no, I think for the most part, it's been a fun ride. I've been very, very blessed, you know, to get to do what I like to do.

[Richard Tate]

Good for you, man. Good for you. All right, let's move on. Your rock bottom really played out for the world during season two of the Valley.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

What was it like experiencing your lowest moment so publicly? And I hate this question. And the reason I hate this question is it's not specific enough. So I don't know what happened. And there's a lot of my viewers that aren't going to know.

[Jax Taylor]

Right.

[Richard Tate]

So tell me what happened.

[Jax Taylor]

I've been dabbling. I'll start from the beginning. I've been dabbling. Well, not dabbling. I've been using and drinking for, I don't know, 20 plus years. Okay. And I thought for the most part of it, I had it under control. Could you tell that I was on drugs and alcohol prior to me this. This blow up? Absolutely. You know, I wore it on my face, literally. Physically, you could tell that I was on. Didn't really start to really play a role and affect me until, you know, my separation from. From my ex wife. I was using.

[Richard Tate]

You leave her or did she leave you?

[Jax Taylor]

She left me. She left.

[Richard Tate]

Why? It hurts so bad.

[Jax Taylor]

Yeah. But you know what? It had to be done. It had to be done.

[Richard Tate]

I did.

[Jax Taylor]

Listen, listen, I want to make it.

[Richard Tate]

Very clear, though, it still hurts me to this day.

[Jax Taylor]

Yeah, it definitely hurts because, you know, you spend 10. I was with her for 10 years.

[Richard Tate]

And she's the mother of your child.

[Jax Taylor]

Right, Right. But I have to make it very clear that it's something that had to be done. I wasn't devastated. I was. I was devastated of how it ended. Okay. But it needed to be done. It ended with me doing drugs, getting high and spiraling out of control and being verbally abusive, which is something that I regret. My biggest regret.

[Richard Tate]

Film.

[Jax Taylor]

My biggest. Partially, partially on film. My biggest regret is how I handled it. I don't regret getting a divorce or going through a divorce. No. Because it needed to be done. It ran its course. Okay. How I did this, though, how I came about with this verbal abuse and how I got there, I. Drugs and alcohol played a huge role in my anger. My anger from the situation just spiraled because it was like I felt like I was. I don't know the right word. I didn't have control. And I'm a control freak.

[Richard Tate]

Let me ask you a question. Let's get to. Let's get to the root of what I give a about.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

How is your son doing?

[Jax Taylor]

He's doing good. He's doing really, really good. You know, my son has autism and he's just. He's the light of our lives. It's the one thing that Brittany and I did Right.

[Richard Tate]

So he'll be. So he'll be gifted in certain areas.

[Jax Taylor]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

And he'll be challenged in other areas.

[Jax Taylor]

And that's totally fine.

[Richard Tate]

That's totally fine.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

Yeah. Don't.

[Jax Taylor]

Yeah, it's okay. Like I said, he's. He's. He's everything that we. We wanted.

[Richard Tate]

He's perfect. He's perfect. Joining me now.

[Jax Taylor]

Thank you.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

So what I'm most concerned with, because you get angry like I do. We're a lot alike. You're me 15 years ago, literally. And I hope you get to where I'm at because where you're at is exhausting.

[Jax Taylor]

Exhausting.

[Richard Tate]

It's exhausting.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Jax Taylor]

Not even for me. For the people around me, it's exhausting for everybody. For my team, it's exhausting. For my friends, it's exhausting. For my ex. Wife, everybody, it's exhausting.

[Richard Tate]

Are you on antipsychotics?

[Jax Taylor]

Anti. I am on bipolar medication. Okay.

[Richard Tate]

What are you on?

[Jax Taylor]

It's called Lamol. Lam. Something like that.

[Richard Tate]

Yeah. When you're on that.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

Just start to notice how long you been on it?

[Jax Taylor]

I've been on it since, well, the whole days I've been sober, so.

[Richard Tate]

Okay.

[Jax Taylor]

But I've been upping it, so I've been on it for 200 plus days.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

@ about now you should be able. Before you rip somebody's head off. Yeah, you get a little beat.

[Jax Taylor]

Exactly.

[Richard Tate]

You can actually decide whether or not you want to go for it now.

[Jax Taylor]

You're right.

[Richard Tate]

Now I feel it too. Right. Don't take that for granted. Don't beat up on people unnecessarily.

[Unknown]

They hate it.

[Jax Taylor]

Right.

[Richard Tate]

Especially when you're somebody of note.

[Jax Taylor]

Right.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

The more in the limelight you are, the more gracious you have to be.

[Jax Taylor]

And I need to remember that.

[Richard Tate]

And you need to always remember one thing when you're angry. You know what you never do? You never press send. Ever. It's ever. You don't rage. Text.

[Jax Taylor]

That was a huge part of you.

[Richard Tate]

Don't threaten. You don't do any of that. Because then people, People are gunning for you.

[Jax Taylor]

You got to remember, I wasn't on the medication long enough to. To when I was on. That. That was.

[Richard Tate]

You got to remember that these people are judging you on your worst day.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

And nobody gets judged on their worst day because that's just lame. But you're going to be fantastic.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

This is just. It feels like you're in a storm right now. On my life hand, it feels like.

[Jax Taylor]

I'm in a storm because you understand, my life is on television. That's right. Everything. I'm in the public eye, no matter what I do. If I sneeze right now, it's on television. But, brother, it's your choice and it is my choice. I'm not. No one put a gun to my head. I.

[Richard Tate]

But it's computer courage.

[Jax Taylor]

Exactly. So. So I've never heard that before. Computer courage. Usually your keyboard warrior. Computer courage. That's interesting. I like that.

[Richard Tate]

That's all that is.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

But anytime you look, man, anytime you want to be someone in life, you got to get up to the plate, right? And when you go up to take your swings, people are going to throw at you.

[Jax Taylor]

Of course.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

That's. That's life. Right where you and I are in the game of life and we're doing well.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

I think what the issue here is is that people like, look, you're. You're polarizing. My guess is that half the people love you and half the people can't stand you. Is that a fair assessment?

[Jax Taylor]

People love to watch what I'm going to do next. They don't care. They love to see the spiral. Now, is that good? Probably not, but they. I think people are keyboard warriors. The same people that are writing on the Internet. The same people are going to ask me for a picture when they see me on the street.

[Richard Tate]

What I. The one thing I want to convey is there's a difference between what you're doing in the reality TV world.

[Jax Taylor]

Right.

[Richard Tate]

And what you're going to do in your personal relationships. And the reason I say that is. And this is where. This is a long winded way of getting here. The only thing I care about is the only thing you should care about, which is what's the best. What is in the best interest of the child.

[Jax Taylor]

Right.

[Richard Tate]

And if you're going to do a Jerry Springer thing with your ex.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

You're going to have a sick kid.

[Jax Taylor]

Understandable.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Jax Taylor]

Understand.

[Richard Tate]

And I want. And I want nothing but the best for you. And you know what, man? Here's. I'LL tell you. I'll tell you something. This is. This is. I always loved Kobe Bryant, but no one can shoot us out of a game faster than Kobe. Nobody. He was on it. He didn't care. And he would shoot us out of games, like. And I just be like this. Oh, my God. You know, when I really fell in love with Kobe Bryant after he retired because he taught me how to be a better dad, he leaned into that. Dude. If you lean into that and you try to be the best dad you can be, which means get down on their level. No phones, connect. Really care about what they're saying. If you don't understand it, just go, wow. I mean, you know, it's like, that will. That will completely change your life. And it doesn't matter if we think we're good dads. Once people ask me if I'm a good dad, I always tell them, you're going to have to ask my kids. Yeah, right, right. Because my experience is going to be totally different than their experience. You ask my parents if, you know, if they're good parents. They'd be like, of course. We're the best parents.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

That's the way to rehabilitate your image.

[Jax Taylor]

And then that's what I'm trying to do right now. I don't care about myself or our situation. It's all about that little boy now. And I'm. Listen, I'm very open about it. I'm very aware, and I'm very. You know, I know I did wrong. I'm 100% aware of that. I take full accountability to everything that I've done because I was wrong. Watching it back, it's shameful of how I feel.

[Richard Tate]

And I feel like, you know what?

[Jax Taylor]

And I said this a hundred times. My feelings are extremely warranted. Absolutely warranted. I'm allowed to have those feelings. It's how I handled it. And I've said this a thousand times. If I could go back and change anything, it's how I handle the situation. I should have just went, you know what? It's time to end the marriage. I can end it that way, but I can be aware of how I handled it.

[Richard Tate]

You can Cannot put a woman in apprehension.

[Jax Taylor]

Right.

[Richard Tate]

You cannot scare. You're a scary guy. People tell me I'm a scary guy, and you're a scary guy.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

I mean, we're big. We're big. Our personalities are big.

[Jax Taylor]

Our.

[Richard Tate]

Our stature is big. If you had a daughter, you would not want them doing that.

[Jax Taylor]

No.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Jax Taylor]

Right. Hence the reason I'm trying to get as much help as I can right now because nobody will ever have. Nobody can ever see that side of me ever again.

[Richard Tate]

And that's what.

[Jax Taylor]

And I don't want to see myself, bro.

[Richard Tate]

They're gonna see it. If you ain't in therapy three times a week on my life. It's gonna happen again because you're wired for that. You and I are wired for that. I believe you. Your intention is to never do that again. But it's gonna happen. And then when it's happening, it's gonna go in slow motion, and you're gonna be like, I can't believe this. But you can't stop it, right?

[Jax Taylor]

Right?

[Richard Tate]

Does it sound like I know who you are?

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

I'm you.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

And I'm telling you, I was way worse than you. Way worse.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

And it's all about becoming an elegant man. How was rehab, though? How was the rehab experience?

[Jax Taylor]

I just. To be honest with you, I just. The first time, I didn't dive into it. I didn't take it seriously because they were filming, and I was so in my head that they were working and I was stuck in prison. Like there was a filming going on during this time. Okay? So they're traveling, they're having fun, and I know they're talking about me, and I know everything's going on. So I couldn't separate why I'm here right now from that, from working, because I know they're talking about me and this and that, and I couldn't dive into why I was supposed to be there and do the steps and do all this. I know what to say. You know what I'm saying? I know what to say, and I know what to do. But I wasn't invested like I should because I slipped two weeks out, right? And then I had to go back. I wish. I wish I didn't have my phone that time. That was my fault. I asked for it, and I should not have had my phone. That part I do regret. Everything else.

[Richard Tate]

Yeah, that was your fault. But, you know, they shouldn't have given you that. They shouldn't have given you the phone.

[Jax Taylor]

And I. Again, I was on there on a voluntary basis, so it's. It's.

[Richard Tate]

Everybody's there on a voluntary basis.

[Brittany]

Okay?

[Jax Taylor]

I was. I'm just saying I. I shouldn't. Of course we make mistakes in life. I wish I didn't have my phone. I.

[Brittany]

Up.

[Jax Taylor]

There's nothing I can do about it. Can't put toothpaste back in the tube. Okay? So I Wish I could kept my phone. I wish I would have stayed away from that. I would have.

[Richard Tate]

Looking back at the rage, texting, surveillance, and even physical incidents, what do you hope your son understands about that chapter in your life?

[Jax Taylor]

He's obviously, he's gonna hear about it one day. You know, he was in the other room when I threw the bar stool and I threw the table, which is again, if I could go back and change one thing in my life right now, that would be it. The way I handled that, it was anger, it was rage. It was the fact that I just. I couldn't. I just couldn't deal with it. And again, the drugs and the alcohol just. I saw red. I just saw red and I saw nothing else. And again, how could this be happening to me? I'm Jack Stale. Why did. Why are you, like the fact that it was my friend that she. She hooked. I think the main thing was the reason I got so upset is because I know the guy. He was a friend of mine. It wasn't like, oh, it was just other guy, whatever. It was a friend of mine that she was sleeping with for months.

[Richard Tate]

But weren't you. But weren't you sleeping around?

[Jax Taylor]

Not until I found that out.

[Richard Tate]

Oh, and then you. And you did it.

[Jax Taylor]

Yeah, I'm very. No, I. Listen, I did it too, but I wasn't one of her friends. And again, as a guy, I was just like. I brought this guy into my circle. He was my friend. Okay, so there was a little to me, it was a little like, who do I be mad at? Do I be mad at her? Do I be mad at him? Or do I be mad at myself? And at the end of the day, now I can look back, I'm mad at myself. Why? Because I pushed her away into this guy. That's what I did.

[Richard Tate]

Because we didn't. Because we didn't. We lost the people that we loved because we didn't put them first.

[Jax Taylor]

Right? And I can look back now, which I was so, so angry before. I couldn't even. Like, I couldn't even breathe. But now I can look back on it and I made peace with that. I made peace with that.

[Richard Tate]

You want to know why we have to take viscerally, like in our soul, why we need to take responsibility for how we screwed up? Because if we don't, we're gonna die alone.

[Brittany]

Yeah, I know.

[Jax Taylor]

It's important for me to. To have her think highly of me, the father of her child. It is important to me. And I'd be lying to tell you if it wasn't. If I'm not working hard for her to care about me again the way she used to. Not to be in a relationship again, not to be married again, but to care about me and to be like, you know, this is the father of my child and I do care about him and I'm able to go to parks and stuff with him and be around him. Even if I have a new person in my life, I'm comfortable. Like how you are with your ex wife. I want to get to that part. It doesn't. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm sure there was an uphill thing, but I want to get there. That's my goal. My goal is to be the person that she wants me to be.

[Richard Tate]

You're a father now, right?

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

True or not true? You didn't even know what love was.

[Jax Taylor]

Until I had my son. That's 100% true. That's 110% true. Until I had my little boy. It's like, it's like almost where it takes your breath away. It takes your breath like you can't. I'm a tearing up right now thinking about it. Like when he was born, it was the most, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. And watching her give birth was a whole nother thing. Like wow, how women can do this is insane.

[Richard Tate]

This, this woman's the most important person in your life.

[Jax Taylor]

She is. Whether or not we're married or not, she is the most important person in my life.

[Richard Tate]

That's right.

[Jax Taylor]

Along with my son.

[Richard Tate]

But it's knowing. And the way you get that is by accumulating little wins, little wins, little wins, little wins, little wins. So that way you don't sabotage your success. Right now what you're doing is you're like a scared little boy who's saying this is too good for the likes of me. And then you're sabotaging it. That's ridiculous.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

That's a lie that you're telling yourself. You've got a five year old kid running a 45 year old man. All you have to do is recognize that that's my okay and you're good. But you don't know that yet because you don't have the tools to do that. So now you're over 200 days sober. How does life feel different today? And what are the biggest day to.

[Jax Taylor]

Day shifts as far as physical health and all that? I feel the best I've ever been. Alcohol and drugs took a huge, huge toll on me. And I find now that I'm sober, I find that I have more time in my day. I. That's a lot. I feel like sometimes I'm like, where's all this time from? Where did I used to. Being hungover and sleeping since now I just feel like I have more time.

[Richard Tate]

You're great at time management.

[Jax Taylor]

I am very, very good at time management. I can't. I need structure. I need to get up in the morning. I need to make my bed. I make my coffee, I check my emails. I make my phone calls, go to the gym. If I don't have that, if I miss one of those things, throws off my whole day.

[Richard Tate]

Yeah.

[Jax Taylor]

And I can't tell you how important it is. This sounds stupid. Making your bed in the morning, something so silly like that can throw off my whole day. I need structure. I thrive on it. I need to make sure I'm at the gym and I'm so tired. My time management is. That's a bugger with me. If you're not on time for things, I can't handle that.

[Richard Tate]

If you're not early, you're late, you're not really late.

[Jax Taylor]

And I thrive. I'm control. I need control. And that's a huge kill. It can be a problem for me. That's exactly why when I was in rehab we have talked this. They allowed me to have my phone and I was texting and rage texting and stuff like that. Because that was a sense of control for me.

[Richard Tate]

Okay. But I want to talk about that for a second because that's what I'm talking about. You are being judged on your worst day. At the end of the day, you're a 44.

[Jax Taylor]

You're going to be 46 next week.

[Richard Tate]

You're a 46 year old man.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

We're responsible for our own behaviors.

[Jax Taylor]

100.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

This is the mother of your children.

[Jax Taylor]

Correct.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

I assume they're horrible.

[Jax Taylor]

Who? Who's horrible?

[Richard Tate]

The texts back and forth, they weren't great.

[Jax Taylor]

Horrible. They weren't great.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

And what I call that is a vicious cycle.

[Jax Taylor]

Right?

[Richard Tate]

We just. And you can't stop.

[Jax Taylor]

I was looking for a reaction and that's what I was looking for. I was looking. I wasn't. I know people out there like, God, what a vicious person. It wasn't about being vicious. And I know it looks that way. It was looking for. I was looking for an outreach from her. You were hurt. I was hurt. And so was she. She was hurt too. But I was looking for a sense of. Does she care. And I mean, sending rage texts is not going to make anybody care. They're going to make them crazy. But in my head, that's how I could control the situation. I wasn't there with her, so I was like, okay, if I send these texts, am I going to get some kind of reaction?

[Richard Tate]

I couldn't believe that this woman wanted to be with another man. You were like, I'm sorry, What?

[Jax Taylor]

Yeah, okay.

[Richard Tate]

Yeah, I did the same thing.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

I owe my ex five years. I literally stole five years from her.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

Because I just couldn't believe that this woman would want to be with anybody other than me.

[Jax Taylor]

That's how I felt. That's.

[Richard Tate]

Of course that's how you felt.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

You're just like me.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

I'm telling you, bro, the way out of this thing is to be kind to me. Everything.

[Jax Taylor]

But it takes time. And I, like, I look for it. Look, listen for this for a second. I am a very. I'm a creature. What can I throw at this to make this go away? How much money can I throw at this? I'm. I'm a creature of. How can we make this go away? And this is a disease, as you know, that you can't just make it go away. You gotta work.

[Richard Tate]

How simple this.

[Jax Taylor]

And. But it goes with my ex, too. Like, my friends are telling me, like, I've been. I'm doing. So I'm. I'll be like, oh, my God, I'm sorry. The last couple months, like, it's going to take time. Not a couple months. You've done a lot of damage.

[Richard Tate]

When somebody leaves us that we love, it's so painful. It feels deeper to us than it does to normal people. Right. And when that happens, we actually lose control. And that's why we do the rage texting. Everything you've done, I've done. I've sat in therapy with my ex, talking about my rage texting before. This ain't a gotcha thing. You feel the spirit and intent of this thing. You feel that my heart's in the right place. Right.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

This is something that hurts.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

You love that woman. Yes, you might have grown apart, and yes, you might not have been meant to be together any longer, but you still love that.

[Jax Taylor]

Of course. She's the mother of my child. Of course I do.

[Richard Tate]

You love that woman whether or not she was the mother of your child. You just do. And you want to know what? She loves you too. Here's the difference. We could go back over and over and over again. She can't we it up?

[Jax Taylor]

Right.

[Richard Tate]

It was our fault.

[Jax Taylor]

Correct.

[Richard Tate]

And we lost two good people. That we're going to feel that wound for the rest of our lives now. It gets better, but I still feel the wound.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

So the truth is you just loved her so much that you just snapped. And it hurts so bad and it felt like a betrayal.

[Brittany]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

And that's it. The end.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

And now you're going to be making a living amends, which is you're going to be a good co parent. You're going to be a good father. And you're going to make that your priority overwork over anything.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

Because every father wants the same thing. For their children to be proud of him. That means the way they live their life. And we want to. We must make certain that our children are okay in the world when we are gone. The end. That's it. That's our job.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

You can do it. You're. You're gifted in a lot of ways. You're just angry.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

And we all want love. And right now you don't have it and I don't have it. There's only one difference between us, okay? It's affecting you right now like it used to affect me. And right now it doesn't affect me because I'm too busy and I prioritize my children and helping people. No one's going to want to be with me, dude, right now.

[Jax Taylor]

Right.

[Richard Tate]

I'm not. I'm not available for anybody. Right? Does that not. I mean, that's still. I mean, I still get lonely.

[Jax Taylor]

Yeah. I think my codependency issues are a problem. I think being lonely is an issue. It like learning to adapt to loneliness. I have a hard time with that. I think I. Being comfortable in my own skin is tough for me right now because again, I'm new into this. I don't have years under my belt.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Richard Tate]

So these women typically don't. They don't come back to us because when they lose.

[Jax Taylor]

And that's okay for me.

[Brittany]

Right.

[Jax Taylor]

Okay with that.

[Richard Tate]

And. And bro, whether it's okay or not, it's. It's the way it is. Because the way I rationalized it was, hey, I took five years from that woman and we only get one go around here.

[Jax Taylor]

Exactly.

[Richard Tate]

I owe this woman everything. Like there's nothing I don't. That I won't do for her. And there's nothing she won't do for me. And our kids are thriving. And you know, I get the best parts of her. The only thing I don't get to do is be with her intimately.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

And that's okay.

[Jax Taylor]

I didn't leave it that way.

[Richard Tate]

And that's okay.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Jax Taylor]

I didn't look at it that way. You know what? You're right. If I play my cards right, I would like to get to where you are, to where, you know, I.

[Richard Tate]

Because where you're not pining for her all the time.

[Jax Taylor]

I'm not pining for her, but I'm looking for her approval. Is that.

[Richard Tate]

Yes. Because you respect her and she taught you how to live. She was your mother. She wasn't your girlfriend. She was your mommy. Okay, the other one, please. Yeah, the other one was my mommy.

[Jax Taylor]

No, I'm. I'm not questioning you. I'm thinking about, like, why didn't think about, like. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

[Richard Tate]

They want a real man. You look like a real man. I look like a real man. On paper, we are great catches in reality.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

We're kind. We kind of suck.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

That's just where we are. All right. Know the Know thyself. But here's the good news. The good news is you get happier and you get. Your head gets clearer and you get more strategic, and you know where you're going and you know how to get there. And if you don't know how to get there, you figure out how to get there. Dude, you're the. If you stay sober, your life is going to be so good that you're not going to recognize it in three years.

[Jax Taylor]

And I have to be totally honest with you, I'm not worried about the sober part anymore. I'm worried about everything else. I'm worried about the mental health part. That's what I'm worried about.

[Richard Tate]

Okay, well, then go to therapy. Because you're not in therapy, so you need to be in. Look, dude, I'm in therapy three times a week, and I own arguably the finest clinical team in human history.

[Unknown]

Yeah, Okay.

[Richard Tate]

I go three times a week because we know the room. We're a little nuts.

[Jax Taylor]

Right?

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

And you don't want to change that because we want to embrace our insanity because it's a gift, but it needs to be moderated. Otherwise you. You rage, text somebody who's the mother of your children who's going to out you to the world. How's. How is it with you and Britney now?

[Jax Taylor]

You know, it depends on the week. Right now it depends on the week. I've done a lot of damage. I've scorned her. I've done a Lot of hurtful things to her. And it's going to take time for her to actually, you know, care about me again. As far as being a father, I think it's going well. I think that part's, you know, I'm always there when she needs me, I move down the street from her. We're co parenting. I see my son maybe between two and four times a week. If she needs me, I come and get him. It's not like, you know, anything there. It's loose and it's very loose right now. The divorce is still going through. You know, we, we have a finalization coming up next month or this month actually. So it's going as well as it can be. Right?

[Richard Tate]

So children will not be affected by divorce if their lives don't change.

[Jax Taylor]

And his life hasn't changed.

[Richard Tate]

Let me tell, let me tell you what I mean by that, though. I know you're going to hate this part, okay? Eight houses as the crow flies. My children are in that house with their mother. And she's even got her beautiful man, who I love more than anything in the world living there. He's fantastic and a fan of yours, by the way.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

When I got, when I left the house, okay, I made the decision that they would not move out of that house no matter what, because they shouldn't. It's your child's home.

[Jax Taylor]

I don't play. I don't want her to move out of that house.

[Richard Tate]

I just. It gives me such self esteem, man.

[Jax Taylor]

I want her to be in the house. I don't want to uproot my kid from his school, from his life, from his pool, from his life. I don't want any of that. It has nothing to do with that.

[Richard Tate]

Great.

[Jax Taylor]

Now let me, let me. Now, in the beginning, I did not do this, by the way. You got to remember, too, I was spiraling out of control, doing cocaine by myself, okay? Drinking by myself. When she decided to leave, which. This, this, it's the thing. She, she got an Airbnb and left. Went down the street. I was unaware of this, okay? I would have. And I said, you know what? I'm staying in the house. Go get an Airbnb down the street then. And I didn't even fathom the fact that, like, you know, this. I'm uprooting my kid and all that other stuff. I didn't even think I was high as a.

[Richard Tate]

You were high?

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

But you're not high now.

[Jax Taylor]

No, I know. That's exactly why she came back to the house. I'm like, take the house. I'm clean now. I have a level head on my shoulders.

[Richard Tate]

That's right.

[Jax Taylor]

I'm so sorry that I did made you jump around from a Airbnb. Airbnb. Because I didn't give a. I did not care. All I cared about was myself.

[Richard Tate]

No, all you cared about was continuing to use control. No, Continuing to use and use. Yeah, well, when you're using, you don't have it. It's got you.

[Jax Taylor]

Right, of course.

[Richard Tate]

So that's. That's.

[Jax Taylor]

And I'm not blaming the drugs and alcohol, but it played a huge role in my actions. It did. It. I already have anger issues. The reason it's made it even worse.

[Richard Tate]

That's correct.

[Jax Taylor]

Okay. And as you know, it's not when you're using, it's the next day for me that I go off the rails. No pun intended.

[Richard Tate]

Listen, your relationship is better with her now.

[Jax Taylor]

It's getting there. It's. It's. It was terrible. We're getting there.

[Richard Tate]

Listen, she wants consistency. Yeah, okay.

[Jax Taylor]

So do I. So do I.

[Richard Tate]

No, no, no. Yeah, but we've never had it. And so we want.

[Jax Taylor]

Look, dude, I tell her every day. I go, listen, I don't want to argue with you. I don't want to fight with you. Please tell me what you want from me and I will do it. What else can I do? What can I do to make you happy? Tell me this. Things I need to do. I will do it. I have no problem.

[Richard Tate]

I'll tell you right now. She wants you to honor your financial commitments. She wants you to be a good father, and she wants you to be pleasant and kind.

[Jax Taylor]

Well, that's two out of the three.

[Richard Tate]

That's all she wants. Hand of God.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

Just like my old lady wanted. That's all she. Dude, all they want us to do is be a human being. That's all they want from us. And we struggle, but we're gifted in so many ways. But I told you, there's a yin and a yang to everything. And we struggle in certain areas. But I'm telling you, it doesn't last if you don't want it to. But you got to start going to your therapist three times a week.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

And if you need a referral to somebody real.

[Jax Taylor]

I do.

[Richard Tate]

Fine. Then I'll make it.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

Because you need nurturing. He needs Nika.

[Jax Taylor]

I haven't had good success with female therapists, but we'll try it.

[Richard Tate]

No, this is what you want. You don't want a man yet. You're not. You're not ready for that yet.

[Jax Taylor]

Really?

[Richard Tate]

You know I want you. No, because you treat women like. Okay, so are you brutal? What?

[Jax Taylor]

You said you're brutal.

[Richard Tate]

Maybe I did the same thing. I did this.

[Jax Taylor]

I mean, you're not wrong. Of course you're not wrong.

[Richard Tate]

I would never say anything that was wrong. But that's not who you are. Let's. Let's get something straight. That's not who you are. That was your behavior, but that's not who you are. You just struggle. You want love like anybody else. You just don't know how to speak someone else's love language.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

Because we want to be loved a certain way, but they want to be loved completely different. I was once with a girl who showed her love. Her love language was she would cook for me. Well, I don't want somebody cooking for me.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

I'm just telling you, you just don't know how to get there.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

I know the way. Okay, the only person in your way right now is you. If you can just somehow call me every day and say, hey, dude, not like a sponsor. And don't use the word mentor. Hate that word.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

Just call me every day. I'm not a big shot. I'll straighten you out.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Richard Tate]

Because you should be making a lot of money. You should have a joy of living, and you should be in a place where you can just look into a camera and say, yeah, I up. That was a bad day. You want to judge me on my worst day?

[Unknown]

Do it. Okay.

[Richard Tate]

I'm sorry. I can't. You know, I'm making my amends. I'm making a living amends. I'm do. I am genuinely sorry. And that's all I got. Hate on. That's the message. Got it.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

You've been open about being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, dealing with a few panic attacks, as I do.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

And now being on medication, plus going to therapy in AA three times a week. What's been the biggest eye opener in that process?

[Jax Taylor]

Just being open and honest with who. Who I am and finally being out loud about it and talking about it and being okay with not being okay. I hate to say that, but, like, being, like. Just to be able to go out there and be like, I have a drug addiction. I haven't. I was so embarrassed. So embarrassed, you know? And I tried to think. I tried. Everybody knew I was doing it, and I was like, no, I don't. Like, literally everybody knew. Like, Jax, you literally wear it on your face. I'm like, no, no, no, I don't Have a problem. And now I can look back because, like, I know for a fact, and I don't know you're pro to say this, but I know for a fact I will never touch alcohol and drugs again. I know that. I have no interest in it, I'm not triggered by it, but so now I can look back and be like, what the was I doing? Why didn't I stop this years ago?

[Richard Tate]

If you stop working out, will you look like this in three, four months?

[Jax Taylor]

No.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

If you don't keep working on oh.

[Jax Taylor]

I'm going to always work on oh, I'm not, I'm not. I don't want it. No, no, I don't. I want to make it very clear. I'm not going to ever stop going to a for the rest of my life. I love it. I told you, I have it like it's a drug to me. I love going and meeting the guys and my sober friends. I've shifted from my drunk friends. Now I have a sober group of friends. We have a great time. They care about you, right? They care about me. They check in, how you doing? What things are we're going to do. We go out to dinners earlier, we're home earlier. You know, I allow myself to go out. I give myself a 45 minute window. Usually when I see my friends on drink number two, I'm gone. I just don't like being around it anymore because to me it's disgusting. I just don't like it. So I like to be home on my couch watching my shows, but I'll give myself a 45 minute.

[Richard Tate]

But you're feeling better right now?

[Jax Taylor]

I feel great right now. As far as my. As far as my health.

[Richard Tate]

I want to ask you a question. I need you to be self reflective.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

When I ask people sometimes in rehab at the end, at the end of their first 30 days, I'll say, how you doing? I think you need a little more time.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Richard Tate]

And they'll say, no, no, I'm doing great.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Richard Tate]

And that's kind of how the vibe I'm getting from you right now. I'm doing great.

[Brittany]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Jax Taylor]

Well, you asked how I'm doing today. That's right. It's a day by day thing.

[Unknown]

That's right.

[Richard Tate]

That. Thank you. Snapshot in time. But really what typically happens is when somebody gets sober, their life is so shitty that when it's not shitty anymore, it feels great. But great is great, not shitty. Feels great. It's just not great. It just feels great because it's not anymore.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Richard Tate]

So I'm just telling you, the longer you stay sober, the more gifts you're going to get, and they're going to come from everywhere, and pretty soon you're going to start expecting miracles. I expect them. I was just on a call this morning, and I said, okay, this is going to happen, and this is going to happen. They're like, how the hell do you know? I said, because I expect miracles. That's why. And I know when I get off this podcast, I know those miracles will have happened, okay? That's the way life works when you're sober and you're doing the right thing every day. Hey, man, thanks for coming today. I really appreciate it. This is a great time.

[Jax Taylor]

I loved being here. I mean, I really respect you, and I really appreciate you having me here. And it's. I love talking about this. This is. I feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing now. I want to help. I want to talk, I want to be around it. I want to just be in it. And I think this is part of it, and I think I'm hopefully on my way to doing that.

[Richard Tate]

I think you're an excellent example to people that have been following your career. And now that you've come out the other side, I think that gives a lot of people hope. So thanks for doing this, man. You're going to save a lot of lives, and I really appreciate it. Where can people find you?

[Jax Taylor]

Instagram @MrJax Taylor. I do have a podcast called in the Mind of Jax Taylor. Comes out every Thursday. And, yeah, that's about it. See you next Tuesday.