We Are Family

Summary

We're Your Girls – Episode: We Are Family

Release Date: March 28, 2025
Hosts: Taryn Delaney Smith & Tiffany Singleton
Description: Two best friends, one mic (okay, maybe two), and endless laughter! 🎙️😂 Tune in every Friday night for the ultimate dose of real talk, hilarious shenanigans, and heartwarming sisterhood.

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1. Spray Tanning Adventures in LA

The episode kicks off with Taryn sharing a humorous and relatable experience about getting a spray tan in Los Angeles. She recounts her initial attempt at Palm Beach Spray Tan, highlighting the challenges of timing and preparation. The story takes a comedic turn as Taryn narrates her discomfort during the tanning process, especially after a recent Brazilian wax.

Notable Quotes:

• Taryn [07:11]: "You can't sweat. You can't take a shower. She and I have a whole Kiki."
• Tiffany [10:06]: "Burning."

Through laughter and vivid descriptions, Taryn emphasizes the lengths she went to ensure a flawless tan for her upcoming premiere and commercial shoot, ultimately ending with a successful and satisfying result.

2. Exploring Greek Life and Sororities

Transitioning from tanning tales, Tiffany and Taryn delve into a discussion about sororities and their role in fostering community among women. They reflect on personal experiences and perceptions, debating the benefits and drawbacks of Greek life.

Notable Quotes:

• Tiffany [16:00]: "Pageants are sporty, but it's not a team sport. There's only one."
• Taryn [17:13]: "You do."

The conversation highlights how both hosts found their sense of sisterhood through pageantry rather than traditional sororities, acknowledging the structured yet competitive nature of both environments.

3. The Importance of Community

The core of the episode revolves around the significance of community in women's lives. Taryn shares her journey of building a community in New York, emphasizing the challenges of feeling lonely and the strategies she employed to cultivate meaningful relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• Taryn [28:04]: "When you feel loneliness for the first time, I would say the opposite of community is bereft to be lonely."
• Tiffany [31:29]: "Being a lone wolf when we met."

They discuss the different facets of community—from sororities to friendships—and how essential it is for personal growth and a sense of belonging. Tiffany shares her transformation from a "lone wolf" to someone who now cherishes a close-knit group of friends.

4. Building and Maintaining Relationships

Continuing on the theme of community, the hosts explore the dynamics of building and sustaining relationships. They touch upon the balance between protecting one's peace and being an active community member, acknowledging the fine line between self-care and social participation.

Notable Quotes:

• Tiffany [34:07]: "There is a level of recognition that to be in a village, you have to be good at being in the village."
• Taryn [35:27]: "A lot of the time, it's like just show up. Just go."

The discussion includes personal anecdotes about overcoming social anxiety and the importance of stepping out of one's comfort zone to engage with others meaningfully.

5. Navigating Conflicts in Relationships

A significant portion of the conversation is dedicated to handling conflicts within relationships. Taryn and Tiffany share their experiences with disagreements, emphasizing the necessity of communication and understanding to maintain healthy friendships.

Notable Quotes:

• Taryn [41:00]: "If you want to have a real friend, is somebody that you can safely talk through something difficult with."
• Tiffany [43:35]: "Then it's all about you and what you want and what you need."

They discuss techniques for resolving disputes, such as active listening and decentering oneself during conflicts, illustrating their points with stories of past disagreements and how they overcame them.

6. Announcing the We're Your Girls Book Club

Towards the end of the episode, Taryn and Tiffany excitedly announce the launch of their very own book club. They introduce the first book selection, Quicksilver by Cali Hart, describing it as a "romantasy" novel with a gripping plot and a touch of "smut."

Notable Quotes:

• Taryn [48:22]: "We're starting a book club. We're so excited to do this with everyone."
• Tiffany [50:57]: "Quicksilver by Cali Hart."

They outline the book club's guidelines, encouraging listeners to participate by reading along and sharing their thoughts via Instagram. The hosts express their enthusiasm for engaging with their community through this new initiative, aiming to foster deeper connections through shared literary experiences.

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Conclusion

In this episode of We're Your Girls, Taryn and Tiffany seamlessly blend humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions about community and relationships. From the trials of spray tanning in LA to the complexities of maintaining friendships, the hosts provide a candid and engaging conversation that resonates with listeners seeking both laughter and meaningful dialogue. The announcement of their book club adds an interactive dimension, inviting the community to participate and grow together.

Tune in next Friday for more real talk, laughter, and heartwarming sisterhood with We're Your Girls!

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Instagram: @WearYourGirlsPod
Hashtags: #Sisterhood #FridayVibes

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Cause we're your girls. Hey.

[B]

Cause I like how you do. Diva. I've got to say. Yeah, you look really good. The tan is tanning, the toes are toe in.

[A]

I had a job. I had a job in LA last week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I always joke I had to be. There's LA pretty that you have to be LA pretty. Which is basically the same as being ready to go on stage for wow.

[B]

Taryn, I've got to say that's my phone. That's really.

[A]

Let's say it's my brother. Oh, hey Travis. Hi. You're actually live on the show. You're on air.

[B]

Hi Travis, Good to see you.

[A]

What's your favorite thing about being my brother? Go speak up.

[B]

My favorite thing about being your brother.

[A]

This is an easy answer. Quickly now. I'm on the spot. I can't do it. Love you. Bye bye. Oh, so good to talk to him. Can't believe he couldn't come up with a single thing to say about being him being my. His favorite thing about me being his sister. My brother is quite funny, but he has a dry sense of humor.

[B]

We love a dry sense of humor.

[A]

He's much drier than me. I'm more of like a fart joke gal.

[B]

And you know, I do love your fart jokes. I have the sense of humor of an 11 year old boy. The stupidest things make me laugh. If Karen does a fart sound with her mouth, I'm done in, I'm gone.

[A]

That or like someone or something on roller skates unexpectedly. That shit is so funny to me. Like if somebody rolls through on roller skates and you weren't expect you're going to look at me and tell me that a baboon in roller skates, is it funny?

[B]

Speaking of baboons, you know my new girl, Ching Ching the monkey.

[A]

What the fuck?

[B]

I know y'all have seen these videos and you not about to make me look crazy, you know. Ching Ching, my girl, my girl.

[A]

Is she a baboon?

[B]

Yes. And if you saw her.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They open up the pomegranates in front of her in her face. She's like I have to move my eyebrows.

[A]

She, she's like, she's your profile photo for me now. We love monkeys. We love baboons. We love gorillas, orangutans. I think they are so funny. Their eyes are so expressive.

[B]

They are they people. They just don't want to pay taxes. And I'm convinced.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Unlock that.

[A]

Have you seen the ones that I sent you?

[B]

One.

[A]

A bonobo, and he. And he runs across, and he's like venom. And they're. And they run with their hands in the sky, and they go. Their call, their monkey call is you and me. I love monkeys. They're my favorite animal. My favorite animal is a camel, but monkeys are right up there.

[B]

Giraffes are my favorite. That's how you know God has a sense of humor. Because. Why is their neck six feet tall?

[A]

Because you're scared of. You told me once that you have.

[B]

This fear of extremely large, overly large things. So you would think a giraffe would scare me, but they're beautiful to me, they're like one of the last funny creatures on earth.

[A]

With their eyelashes, all of it. It's incredible.

[B]

Their children fall out six feet tall.

[A]

I was just gonna say that. It's crazy. They give birth standing up.

[B]

It's crazy. And then they just walk off like.

[A]

That didn't just happen. That's kind of how I was born. Yeah.

[B]

My mom does tell my birth story. She says that she was in labor for a very short amount of time, and I kind of just slid out soon as the doctor showed up. And he was like, here you go. And walk right back out the door.

[A]

Really? I hope my labor's like that. Well, I'm not pregnant, guys. Don't worry. That's not why I'm not drinking today. I'm not drinking because we're shooting this in the morning. I have got to beat these pregnancy rumors.

[B]

You've got to. But I mean. Svetlana, come on.

[A]

Okay, so I've been lifting on. That's her new nickname.

[B]

I can't. I can never say it. Svetlana.

[A]

Svetlana. Because I'm svelte.

[B]

She's very svelte.

[A]

I'm lifting. I'm training. What can I say?

[B]

You look good.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

The reason I joke about I have got to break these pregnancy rumors is I've started. I started getting a lot of DMs of people asking me if I'm pregnant, which I just want to say I'm looking at the camera right now. Don't ask people if they're pregnant.

[B]

Yeah, that's rude.

[A]

Stop commenting on people. They will tell you if they're pregnant. Okay, I get it. I understand. It's well meaning. But if someone's not pregnant, it makes them feel weird. Like, oh, do I look pregnant? Somebody outright just said, I can tell you. And then when I said I'm not pregnant, she messaged me and she said, oh, you're looking pretty plump these days. A woman. I don't say that. I didn't respond. I didn't block her though, because she, she.

[B]

I'm sure she meant well.

[A]

I went and looked at all her messages and she's always responding like, I love this shirt on you. Or I love what you're wearing. I love you. I was like, you know what? That. She didn't mean that.

[B]

That gives someone's. Well intended mother in law.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Like, oh, you're not pregnant.

[B]

Well, just you're looking very plump.

[A]

That's inappropriate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And don't comment on people's bodies. I'm over it now. It's okay. But for like a month there, I was feeling really weird about it. I was like, I just was really frustrated about it. We're going off on a tangent.

[B]

It's okay. We're back.

[A]

I didn't tell you about getting spray tanned in la.

[B]

Please tell me.

[A]

Because we started talking about monkeys.

[B]

I don't know how we got there, but we're rounding it back so you're looking hella tan. You just came back from a trip.

[A]

I went to la. Okay. And I went to a place called Palm Beach Spray Tan.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

Yeah, pbs. I know why you like Palm beach spray tan. Tell me why.

[B]

I'm from Palm Beach.

[A]

She's from Palm Beach.

[B]

Okay, keep going.

[A]

So I pull up, my husband's annoyed because it is gray in la. I have a premiere on Wednesday and then I'm shooting on Friday. And I'm like, I cannot be. I'm not getting any sign because I go to LA the one week that it is completely gray and raining the entire time.

[B]

What are the odds?

[A]

I basically. Translucent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At this point. And I have to do premiere and I have the commercial that we're gonna shoot. So I have to get a tan, obviously. And I miss spray tans. I used to. I grew up on spray tans, baby. So I was ready to get one. I'm like, I can't wait. Because I know when you get a spray tan, it can take the. The. It can take you from a 4 to a 12 easily overnight.

[B]

An elite feeling. Truly.

[A]

You look better. You feel better. You kind of smell like Fritos, but it's okay.

[B]

I call it the pretzel smell.

[A]

Ooh. But you get over it because you look so good and you just put a little perfume on.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

I went to Palm beach spray tan.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

I go into the first one, but I'm wearing. I'm. I'm ill prepared. I'm wearing yoga pants because I decided last minute. I walk in a girl named Mikayla. Hey, Michaela. At Palm beach spray tan. That's my girl. Okay. I'm. I'm also about to send an email to their CEO because of how amazing my experience was. So Michaela was like, she comes in, she got gum, and she's like, oh, yeah, yeah. No, the leggings, you can't do. I said, I know. Are you sure I can't just put them on? She goes, are your legs showing in the dress? I said, they are. She goes, I couldn't live with myself if I let you walk out of here knowing your PA Your spray tan is going to get messed up.

[B]

So for those who don't know, you can't wear anything tight to a spray tan. You want to walk in with like, no panties, baggy sweats, baggy top, because you can't smudge the tan.

[A]

You can't smudge the tan. It's really important. And then it processes for like four to eight hours afterwards. So you got to have time. You gotta have time.

[B]

You can't sweat. You can't take a shower.

[A]

She and I have a whole. Kiki. Finally, I'm like, are you sure? She's like, go back to your hotel. I'll be here till 8. See you soon. I go back to the hotel. Turns out I map it. Traffic, by the way, in LA, awful.

[B]

Diabolical.

[A]

Everything is 30 to 40 minutes away. It does not matter if you're gonna go around the block. You map it. You're like, oh, great, it's around the corner. I'll get there in a moment.

[B]

No, you won't.

[A]

No, you won't. So then I go back to the hotel. I change into baggy clothes. I find out there's a Palm beach spray tan, same company, but a closer one, around the corner of my hotel. I feel bad to not go back to Michaela. Yeah, it's just more convenient. And seeing how everything in L. A is like being Frodo headed to Middle Earth, I have to go to the closer location. It's like going to Rivendell versus Mordor. Mortar.

[B]

Mortar.

[A]

If you don't Watch Lord of the Rings. Just skip that joke.

[B]

Sorry. Not for you.

[A]

Moving on. I get to Rivendale. I eat Palm Beach.

[B]

The closer option.

[A]

The closer option. There is the sweetest guy. What is his name? I think his name was Jake.

[B]

Jake.

[A]

Forgive me if your name wasn't Jake, but you know who you are, and I really appreciate you. He was like, hey, Queen. And I was like, hey. I told him the whole situation. I was like, I have an event in three hours. And he goes, no, no problem. We're gonna do a darker tint so that, you know, it processes faster. And he used all this. And he goes, also, what's your favorite scent? I was like, coconut. He was like, cool. He put coconut scent in my.

[B]

Yum.

[A]

In my tan. This was the best spray tan in my life.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

You go into a machine and the lady's talking to you. She goes, welcome to Palm Beach. Pray 10. Ding, ding, ding, ding. The door's closed. You're locked in. It's like being in a cryo chamber.

[B]

It is.

[A]

I feel like Captain America. I'm about to be frozen, unfrozen to be a superhero. I was like, here we go. You do one hands up, then you turn, you're butt naked. And I'm freshly. I am freshly Brazilian. Waxed. So you have open sores down. I.

[B]

You're a walking biohazard in this chamber.

[A]

I just got a Brazilian wax. Any wax that's listening to this is probably aghast. You're not supposed to do anything for, like 24 hours. I didn't have time for that. So my vajiji was out. I said, you've seen. You've seen worse times. You've been through worse, girl. Okay, so my vagina was waxed out like this. That's getting spray. Spray tan comes up your legs. Ding. Here we go. One, two, three. Two, one. Music's playing. The room's feeling. You're holding your breath. Holding your breath. I'm anxious because I'm like, what if I breathe in while I pass out? Here comes gives to my vagina. It's like hellfire. And it's my vagina. My vagina's getting sprayed. It's burning. It's burning all the way up.

[B]

Burning.

[A]

Yeah, Because I just got wax.

[B]

Ow.

[A]

I really shouldn't have done that. No. The producers losing it. I can't say enough. Don't listen to this advice. Don't do this ever. Don't do this ever. Don't ever do this. I can do this because I've been around the block. Okay. I've been getting spray tan since I was 17 years old, Butt naked in a room full of people I didn't know. Okay.

[B]

You know, the pageant girl way or the model way?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You haven't seen what I've seen.

[B]

You don't know what she knows.

[A]

You don't know what I know. So goes up your body, gets the face. That's what you're. I'm already, by now, I've been holding my breath too long.

[B]

I know, like, I can do it.

[A]

And then at the last minute, I'm like, I gotta breathe in. Of course. Goes up my face. Great job. Now enjoy a 30 second dry. And then fans come on and you're just getting blasted with a F. And you're standing like this in the weirdest. You don't want your palms to get tan, so you got to stand with your palms up. And I'm saying, my vagina's like this. At least she gets some relief.

[B]

They look great.

[A]

And now I'm like, oh. And I go to get out to the door, won't open. I'm like, all right, turn around. Three, two. I'm like, oh, no. I'm trying to get back in place. And I'm trying to remember. I'm trying to remember the right pose. I'm like, is it the Egyptian one?

[B]

Don't put my palms because they have the little diagram.

[A]

Yeah, and you're supposed to do it. You're supposed to do it just right. And I'm like, oh, my God, I gotta do it. So anyway, I get back in place. It's already begun going back up. It gets right in my butt.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Nice and cold in my freshly waxed butthole. Luckily, she has the buffer of my cheeks. So this is my butthole, properly protected and covered. Goes up my back. Bow, we're ready now. And I'm done. Please enjoy a 30 second dry. I can feel my butt getting blown open. I'm like, whoa, whoa. But I know I look good. I'm like, I can feel the moment that tan. I look down at my abs because my abs have now been tanned. And I'm like, this is me.

[B]

I'm back.

[A]

I'm back, baby. It smells great in there.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Open the door. I step out. I'm discombobulated. But then I look in the mirror. Who's that? A tan goddess. I look like I just came back from an entire day in Maui. My God, I looked amaz. And then they give you a wipe to wipe the tan off your nails. Get off under your feet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I brought slippers from the hotel in my purse so I could slide those on instead of my sneaks.

[B]

Smart.

[A]

I put back on my wavy sweats.

[B]

Smart.

[A]

And I'm leaving. And I look at Jake, and I said, thanks so much. And he goes, you look great, Queen. Have a great time tonight.

[B]

And they all look fabulous, perfectly tan and taut.

[A]

And then. Anyway, at the end, I called Mikayla back, and I just wanted to let her know that I appreciated her time so much, and I'm sorry I didn't go back to her location. Yeah, you made my day. She was like, I am so glad that we were able to help you.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Thank you so much. I had the best experience at this place.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

All right. That was the whole story that I.

[B]

Had to tell you.

[A]

Thanks for complimenting me, though.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

You look great.

[B]

You look great. I did not get my tan on the way out, which bummed me, but I did get sun, so it's okay.

[A]

Now, I think a lot of people would be surprised because you have the most beautiful, perfect ebony skin year round, year round. I mean, come on, Deb. It's. It's.

[B]

I will say my winter shade is a little different because I look a little paler, a little sour. But you.

[A]

You do spray tan.

[B]

I love a spray tan.

[A]

Tell us about it.

[B]

So I didn't start spraying until I started competing in pageants, which was in my late 20s or. No, early 20s. What am I saying now I'm old.

[A]

You're not even in your late 20s.

[B]

Started spraying probably at 21 for my first pageant. And I remember I was competing with a bunch of black girls, and I DM'd them and was like, what do I do? I've never gotten a tan. I've never, like, sprayed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is this even a thing that I should do? And they're, like, absolutely resounding. Yes. So I call up my girl Jan. Okay, so, boo, we love Jan, the girl. You know Jan. She sprays all of the Miss New York queens. Have you gone to Jan?

[A]

I go to Maria.

[B]

Who's Maria?

[A]

Maria's my girl.

[B]

We love Maria. Maria, Jan, Maria.

[A]

I'll see you at the end of the month.

[B]

See you soon, Queen. So I go to Jane. Jan is. She's fabulous. So she hand makes all of her sprays. Like, she love that. Maria does the perfect little doses, and.

[A]

That'S how you got. You got to go to somebody who does.

[B]

Who, like, knows the science and the art of color and, like, color theory and spray Tanning, so I felt so safe. So she puts in my, like, special mixture. She does, like, a clear coat on top to seal me in. And she adds gold flecks to the tan. Because as a dark woman, I want to shine. I want to glow. So I'm in there, butt, ass naked, completely just open for her. She sprays me by hand. Gets all up in the nooks, all up in the crannies. Labia gets color, too. She doesn't miss. She does. And that's what I love. Cause I'm a lippy girl. What can I say? What can I say? So she sprays me down.

[A]

I've been shot.

[B]

Don't know why I just said, someone will enjoy that. Anyway, she sprays me down front to back. I walked out for the first time. Addicted to spray tans. Yeah, Absolutely addicted. I've never looked better. I've never looked healthier. I've never looked, like, slimmer, trimmer. Never looked more like how I wanna look. That's it. Yeah. So I will say, I'll give it to the black girls of the pageant world. Like, they really did put me on to the spray tan game. Nice segue into where we're going next.

[A]

Today we're actually talking about communities.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Communities of women. Communities we've been part of, communities we're not part of or would like to be, et cetera. What that looks. And I'm glad you actually started in talking about pageantry, because that is very much a community that we are both part of. It's how we met.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm not gonna talk about pageants today, but what I am gonna talk about is, for me, like, I wasn't in a sorority. And whenever people would ask me, like, why aren't you in a sorority? Why aren't you joining? I went to St. John's University. There was Greek life there. I always felt like I got my fix. Like, I was. I had my fix of sisterhood through competing. I got to feel like I was part of a group. I got to be. I got to take part in something that felt like a team sport in some ways, but it absolutely wasn't.

[B]

I mean, pageants are sporty, but it's.

[A]

Not a team sport. There's only one. There can only be one.

[B]

That's a good point. That's a good point.

[A]

But you still feel like you're part of something and you can make friends. Right? So I can totally see the allure of, like, a sorority, because I can't sit here and say, I don't believe in them when I know damn well I was.

[B]

In our very own way.

[A]

Very own way. We were part of one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

@ the same time, I do not think I would do well in a sorority. 1. It would just kill me that a lot of my girlfriends that were in sororities now, mind you, anyone listening to this, if you're pro sorority, don't take offense. This. We both weren't in one, so we're just going off of what we've heard. What I've been told, one is you have to pay dues. You have to pay to be in it.

[B]

You do.

[A]

And then, like, so I'm imagining myself, okay, I paid my dues, like, crazy amount of money a month to be part of this thing. Then there's a queen bee who gets mad. Like, this one friend of mine, she kept getting in trouble because she would not go to a meeting. She's like, oh, I'm really stressed. I have to study. And she wouldn't show up to the meetings, and then she would get in trouble. And shame that there was this kind of a toxic environment. This is not true in all sororities. Calm down. This was just true in hers, okay? In hers, it wasn't. It was kind of a toxic environment. She's getting in trouble. And I used to always be like, aren't you paying to be in this? Yeah, right. This doesn't sound fun at all. You're in trouble all the time. For her, it doesn't seem like it was something that was good for her. But I've also met gals, especially in the pageant world. There's a direct pipeline sorority. Oh, for Sorority to Miss America, Miss USA Pipeline.

[B]

For certain. For certain.

[A]

And so a lot of those girls loved being part of Greek life and being in those communities.

[B]

I think in one capacity, I would have thrived in that environment.

[A]

Because you would have been treasurer, or.

[B]

I just would have ran the motherfucking show. There's, like, no in between. Okay. I would have either been, like, comedic relief for everyone to not be so stressed, and I just would have been defiant at all turns. So I'm catching the heat when they should be catching it, or I just would have ran with an iron fist of fun. Like, there's no. I don't think there's a good in between for me, but I think I would have loved sorority life. I love the idea of, like, I.

[A]

Would have just had a hard time with the rules and with.

[B]

Yeah, but that's what I mean. I would have enjoyed it if I didn't have to follow the rules. And if I just show. It would have worked for me. It would have worked.

[A]

You can't be part of it and not follow the rules and structure.

[B]

Why not?

[A]

Because. Because you can't do that.

[B]

I think if anybody could pull it off.

[A]

I'm kicking you out of the sorority. Me? I'm the president. Too bad you're kicked out of the sorority.

[B]

I'm going to start my own.

[A]

You're asked. That is exactly something you would do.

[B]

1,000.

[A]

You would literally be like, I'm going to go start my own sorority.

[B]

And then everybody will come and then.

[A]

We have a war. Yeah, we, the Alpha Kalpha Delta Boos are really upset.

[B]

And thus the Tri Alpha Alpha Sigma Thetas would have thrived.

[A]

Oh, no. And then I'd be throwing. Girls, we've got to throw a party.

[B]

Wait, Taryn, you know this is the plot of Monsters University. That's literally what they do.

[A]

I've never seen it.

[B]

The spin off to Monsters Inc. Do.

[A]

They go and make their own?

[B]

The. The fraternity. The riff raff. Monsters can't get into the big one and so they go start their own. And they compete in the Monsters University games. And they prevail.

[A]

That's amazing. Yeah, mine would not go like that. We're not the scruffians or the ruffians.

[B]

No, we're the scruffy and ruffians. Yeah, but then he ends up on. I'm glad you said it because we don't have rules.

[A]

We're the top sorority.

[B]

No, but you're all short. My sorority would be what? With tall glamours on.

[A]

Oh, we want to talk about my.

[B]

I want to talk about mamas.

[A]

You want to talk about mamas?

[B]

This is what I would do.

[A]

Strategically, she's exactly why we shouldn't have been a sorority because I already want to fight you.

[B]

I would have recruited all the tall bitches. Come to my sorority. We've got longer beds. Okay? You've already got a better night's sleep on my team. All right? We don't have rules. You just get to.

[A]

And I look at all my 5, 6 and unders. All right, you goblin. Who wants to go, huh? Good. Happy Monday. I'm in a bad mood. I am in a very bad mood.

[B]

I've got to say, I would hate to be a part of.

[A]

Because tonight I just found out. Guess who's throwing a mixer on our turf. The Delta Kappa Alpha. Exactly. And we, the Delta Kappa, we have got. We have got to throw a better party. I recognize that there Is somebody listening to this right now who was in Greek Life? And they're like, this is what it looks like.

[B]

This is what it's like at all in our minds. This is what we've got to work with. We have Monsters University in the house. Bunny to work with. I love Assumptions. I do love that movie, too. Another movie where the Riff Raff group starts their own story. And they prevail, too.

[A]

Anna Faris.

[B]

She's a good one.

[A]

We were just talking about her.

[B]

Love her.

[A]

Okay. As you should well know at this point, Soapbox is presenting this week's episode, which is so much fun because you know that I love Soapbox products. I love the smell.

[B]

It's giving.

[A]

They smell so good. I'm holding the bottle right now. Listen to this. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Which one do you have? Diva.

[A]

Diva. I have the Coconut and Shea deep moisture conditioner. Yummy.

[B]

I've got the Mane Tamer leave in conditioner for weightless hydration.

[A]

Ooh. I like your. I like your advice. Weightless hydration.

[B]

For weightless hydration.

[A]

Weightless hydration. And also nourishes, softens, moisturizes, and it really does. And I also love this. The smell is strong in the way that you really smell and enjoy it in the shower. And then when you get out, the whole bathroom smells good. My skin smells good with the body wash. My hair smells good with the hair wash. Everything's good. It. Everything's good. But at the same time, it's really good on sensitive skin.

[B]

I love it because it has no harsh ingredients or chemicals. So it's really fabulous. Like you said, on skin, on hair. My hair's. She's dry. She's thirsty. Yeah, she needs some help.

[A]

Oh, yeah, me too.

[B]

But Soapbox got her covered, babe.

[A]

Yeah. And she's cruelty free, which is always a bonus.

[B]

Don't forget that. You can check Soapbox out at Target and other retailers nationwide.

[A]

Thanks so much for listening to the ad break.

[B]

But, yeah, so the community aspect of it, like, the head diva aspect, I would have absolutely hated, but the sisterhood aspect of, like, going there, waking up every day with the same people. You're in it together as freshmen and, you know, navigating campus together and dating and boys. I love having dating and boy drama in a house full of women. There's nothing more fun than kikiing over there.

[A]

It would feel like we were all little elves. Yes. Living in a shire.

[B]

One of my very good friends pledged in. Well, I'm from South Florida, and so everyone either goes to FSU or UF which are the big state schools, and they're like, top in the country for Greek life. And so I was back home, did not go to college, but would call all my friends FaceTime every day and, like, beg them for any morsel that they can give of, like, what their rush experience was like and like, what living in the house was like. And I've got to say, I have no regrets about going to college. But my one, like me, me, me. Little sad thing is that I didn't get to rush even after all of this time. I probably would have dropped out of college anyway.

[A]

Why do you say that?

[B]

I'm a free spirit. I just would have got tired of doing the same thing every day. Papa's a rolling stone Papa was a rolling stone. What can I say? I definitely would have dropped out to move to New York because that was the ultimate dream. Yeah. But it would have been fun just for, like, maybe 19 weeks to do the thing. We should do it. We should just go back to college for nine weeks, Take over a sorority.

[A]

I loved college.

[B]

Start our own.

[A]

College was great. I love college. I. So I disagree with you here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As somebody, I went to college, and you and I are very similar people.

[B]

You like academic.

[A]

You would have liked college from the standpoint that it was a way to scholast for me scholastically, like, push myself, and I was free.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I didn't actually love education in high school because it was so structured, and it was like, this is the way you have to fit into a box. As a neurodivergent peoples, that is very difficult for us to do. But university, you really are curating your experience. What do you want to focus on? I didn't go to college right away, though. I went to a community college and Go, Otters. Go South Seattle Otters. Don't piss me off, because the otters.

[B]

Are coming for you. Okay. Nothing makes me laugh more than that.

[A]

The Otters. You hold back your laugh. She always laughs at my community college.

[B]

Makes me laugh because they don't have any sports teams, but it's very cute. I love that. Community college kiddos, unite.

[A]

Let's go. The ladies. That next to me, one of my really good friends. She was like, 53. That was my homie.

[B]

I did one semester at community, and the one thing that I remember was that I had a teacher, a math teacher, and he made a joke, and he said, what was the difference between an old bus stop and a crab with boobs? Ask what one's a crusty bus station and the Other one's a busty crustacean. I paid for that joke. And I didn't finish the semester.

[A]

I loved community college. I will personally say I did. And mainly because of that, I went to university later. So when I was 21 and I was entering college for the first time, I was 21 in 101 classes. And I used to feel really weird about the fact that I was older than my peers by quite a bit. But in community college, I love the fact that homegirl next to me was 53 and a mom with kids. Also my favorite people to talk to because they were so encouraging and so wise. Like, they had such great things to contribute to the conversation because they'd actually lived experiences. Actually lived. Yeah. I mean, community college is great. There's this huge array of individuals that you're going to school with, and it is so great. I'm a huge proponent of community college. It makes me sad if there. I don't know if there's still a stigma about it. I'm not really in circles anymore in which young people are talking about going to college.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But when I went to community college, I remember when I graduated, my high school did this thing where on, like, the last day of school, all the seniors, they would call universities around the nation, and they would get up and you get to come down when they call your university. Oh, yeah. And I was one of the last people standing because I was gonna go to. And they. And then they were like, South Seattle Community College. And I hate that there was. I remember.

[B]

Stigma. Yeah.

[A]

Being me. I, like, made, like, walked down there with my head held high and, like, I wanted to be in a good mood about it, but. But looking back, I'm like, man, it's so funny that there was this stigma that people felt weird or odd or bad that they were going to community.

[B]

College and they were going off to school.

[A]

Yeah. And I remember a friend of mine, very well intentioned at the time, had said, oh, I just, you know, I love you so much. I don't want you to feel like you're being left behind. And I remember being like, you know, it hadn't occurred. It hadn't occurred to me until this moment. Where are you going? Oh. And. And I. And she was right. I did end up feeling a little. As I. The year went on and all my friends had gone to universities and they were becoming part of these communities, I suddenly realized that I was not part of a community.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anymore.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anymore.

[B]

That was the hard transition, I would say. It wasn't so much watching my friends go off to school and being left behind. It wasn't knowing that my community left and now quite literally was the only one that was still home.

[A]

Yeah. And I was trying to forge a new one.

[B]

And because the drive wasn't like, I need to go to school. I wasn't motivated by like, I have to go to school and get this education. I was motivated by moving to New York. I was more so devastated that I didn't have anyone with me anymore, you know.

[A]

And you only realize the importance of community the moment you don't have one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you feel loneliness for the first time, I would say the opposite of community is bereft to be lonely. I will also say it's a rite of passage though. Everybody at some point or another in their lives, you will feel that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Frankly, if you, you're living, if you're growing, if you're changing, if you're trying new things, it is normal to experience loneliness and feel a loss of community and have to find a new one.

[B]

And I would say it's necessary also. You have. I would say, yeah, I would certainly say it's necessary. If you go through life constantly surrounded by people and interaction and feeling completed by others, the moment that it happens to you that you're not surrounded by people, it's devastating. And it's better to happen when you're younger, I would say also so that you can recover and see how to recover from it.

[A]

And how interesting. So going back to Greek life. Greek life is really, I think, the existence of the recognition that young people need to find a community and want one. There's a market for it. Young people want community. And no matter where you are, especially if you're, if you're going, if you've left home. And so when I moved to New York, I was very lonely from the standpoint that now I'm trying to. I'm now going to university, but I'm also trying to find my community there because I didn't anticipate the fact that I would be the only person in my one on one classes that could go to a bar. I was like, oh crap, you are wearing Velcro Skechers. Just kidding. Do you know how to tie your shoes yet?

[B]

I'm like, oh no.

[A]

Girl's like, I don't know. I'm just drinking cranberry juice. And I'm like, do you need my help?

[B]

Do you have a uti?

[A]

You may have a uti. When I moved to Paris was another time that I remember I. I actually had a level of. I desperately sought community and couldn't really find it. And even to the point of, like, looking up, like, expats that lived in Paris and, like, expat Americans that lived in Paris communities. But that weather wasn't for me because they were all, like, triple my age in retirees. And I was like, okay, starting life.

[B]

Over for the third time.

[A]

Blissfully onto the third marriage. Yeah. And so that was another time that I really was like, okay, community is so important. So when I came back to New York, I was like, okay. One thing I really want to focus on doing in my. As I move into my mid-20s at the time was building a family in New York. I was like, I need to make community here. And I got really good at that. I would say I think I'm a really good community builder.

[B]

I would say so.

[A]

But I learned I had to figure out how to do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And through friendship, through bringing people into the fold, through nurturing those relationships the.

[B]

Way intentional about going out and seeking. Seeking relationship. Yeah.

[A]

But not just relationships, like just going out with people or whatever.

[B]

No, I mean, like, yeah, in depth.

[A]

In depth.

[B]

Wanting to get to know people, like, bringing them into your fold.

[A]

Yeah, totally.

[B]

Yeah. I would say it wasn't something that I intentionally sought out, but something that found me inadvertently. I found my community, even though I wasn't looking for it. So it's interesting to hear you say, like, you went through periods of life where you were seeking community, because even though I was lonely, I never really thought, oh, I need people around me. I was always just. Yeah. I was always just so focused on, like, building myself and building my career, essentially. But through meeting you, I have now inadvertently built community. And now I would say at 25, 26, I'm in the place where I'm actively seeking my. My group.

[A]

Yeah. That's been cool to watch you do. Yeah.

[B]

I was very much a lone wolf when we met.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you were.

[B]

I wasn't. I'm never mean, and I wasn't, like, stand standoffish or cold, but I just wasn't driven by having this vast group of people to surround me with or just even a best friend at the time.

[A]

Yeah. It's giving in the incredibles when he goes, I work alone.

[B]

I work alone.

[A]

I work alone, buddy.

[B]

Fly off, buddy. I work alone. Yeah.

[A]

Fly home, buddy.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I work.

[B]

Fly home. I was very much Mr. Incredible. Yeah.

[A]

Doing your own thing. Doing my own thing. But it's been fun to watch you build your own community. It's been really cool to see. And I'll always be like, you know, well, like, I remember when we threw our launch party for the show, I was like, so who. Who's on your. I had my list of people that I really wanted to come, and I'm like, who's on your list? And you had all these people. All these people that you were like, so. And this is a girl that I connect with in pr, and this is another gal, and this is another person I compare notes with. And it was really exciting for me to, like, look at Tiffany. Like, look at the. The network you've built so intentionally and so thoughtfully. That's really cool.

[B]

But also without thought. I think that's what's getting me in this moment. Like, I didn't. I've never thought about up until now.

[A]

Thoughtful.

[B]

I was inadvertently thoughtful, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. Like, I wasn't seeking it out, but it just kind of happened. And now I'm looking, and I'm like, oh, wait. I do have a very intentionally created group of people that I love that I didn't really think about wanting until I had them. And now I can't imagine life without him.

[A]

I saw a quote the other day on the Internet, because I go there sometimes. It was basically talking about. And I'm gonna butcher it, but it was basically talking about how we are in a age in which we are always like, protect your peace. I'm gonna do me.

[B]

It's just how I am.

[A]

It's just how I am. Cut out people that, you know, make you feel bad. Which I still. I still agree with that to an extent. You should protect your peace. Don't hang out with people that make you feel bad about yourself. None that's changed. But I recognize that what this quote was talking about is, if you take that too far, you're just gonna be alone. There is a level of recognition that to be in a village, you have to be good at being in the village. That means sometimes going to stuff and events you don't want to go to, showing up to dinners and birthday parties that you're not in the mood that day. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, we are in kind of an era where people are like, I just have to take care of me, and, God, I just got to do me today. So I'm gonna stay home. I'm going to skip that. I'm going to flake out.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Being a flake makes you a bad village member. I'm sorry.

[B]

There is a certain level of flakedom that will get you ousted.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you can't be upset at the people at the Village when you are ousted. You can't be surprised when that behavior does show that you don't want to be a part of the village.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

And I'm preaching to the choir because I'm quick to be like, oh, I don't know. Like, not tonight. Oh, I'm tired. Like, oh, I need to return my peace. And then I had to realize I'm alienating the people that I do actually love because I'm constantly protecting my piece. Like, at some point, girl, your piece has to take a backseat. Not all the time.

[A]

Not all.

[B]

Sometimes.

[A]

And I. I feel like I've kind of watched you grow out of that, which has been cool to watch. Yeah.

[B]

Because I was the first person to stay home and felt no guilt about it either. I'd be like, I'll catch you next time, but I love you. And now I find that it's more fun. And we say this all the time. It rarely do we leave the house and go out and not end up having fun.

[A]

No.

[B]

It is always in the lead up. It's always in the days before. It's always in the getting ready that you.

[A]

Yeah. Like the four hours before when it's time to start getting ready. And I'm like, I really don't want to go now.

[B]

It's agonizing, the thought of having to leave the house and traipse across town to go to where you go. But the moment that I walk in the door and see my peeps, I'm like, oh, I'm locked in. I'm here.

[A]

Exactly. And so if you are somebody who you start to get in your head, social anxiety wise, I totally get that. I feel. I know.

[B]

Shocking. Yes.

[A]

I get social anxiety. You didn't think so. Now you know. Alpha Kappa Day with dues, we get social anxiety toos.

[B]

Barry, Good. Thank you so much.

[A]

I'm the sorority president, actually. The only way out is through.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

So a lot of the time, it's like, just show up, Just go. Especially if it's a relationship where it's people that you want to have a relationship with. You want to be part of their village or you want them and yours, you got to go to. You got to go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I will say, nine times out of ten, you're gonna. Once you're there, you're like, okay, I'm glad I came. I'm gonna have a good time.

[B]

This happened recently. I went on, I'll Say. Well, I'll give one example. Last year, you know, my new friend group that I love, love these queens. I had never gone on a girls trip before. Oh, I was the first person to be like, I'm not a girls tripper. I don't think that's for me. And, you know, I was adamant about not being a girl's trip.

[A]

Don't look at me like that, because.

[B]

I'm gonna just give you a look or two. I was adamant about not being a girls tripper, and I made up in my mind. Okay, you know what? I can't say that I'm not a girls tripper unless I actually freaking go.

[A]

You're really good at that. She is very good at. You said you interrogate the feeling.

[B]

My new favorite saying. Quote or shout out to Maya, you know who you are, girl went out to dinner with a new friend that I actually was like, oh, God, I'm exhausted. I don't want to go out. But I went and had the best time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Maya said she interrogates all notions of womanhood, of womanhood in general. The notion of wanting to be a mom, the notion of needing to be married, the notion of friend groups and what that means to her. And I. It was just so profound in the moment. I wrote it down and was like, this is going to stick with me for life. And it has. Since she said it, I interrogated the notion of, why don't I like girls trips? Why am I not a girl who can go on a girls trip and have fun? So we go through the process of planning this trip, which is three, four months. No, I'd say longer than that. Like, five months of planning. And right before we leave, there's a blow up in the group in my. Immediately I'm proven right. I'm like, oh, this is what I was looking for. This is why I don't grow on girls trips.

[A]

Like, now, remember, you almost didn't go.

[B]

Almost didn't go. I mean, we're like two weeks out from the trip and everything is paid for. And I'd already made up in my mind, like, I'm not gonna go. Why? Because I was looking for a reason to not enjoy this experience.

[A]

Yeah. And a lot of that, I think.

[B]

Deeper down is a protective part of yourself 1000%. Because I've had some. Some friendship traumas. We all have. We all have. So I was protecting myself in that moment. But then, of course, when it came down to it, I said, you know what? I'm gonna go because I can either learn and grow. Or I can stay and not go and maybe not get the lesson out of this. The lesson would be, I'm right, girls, trip sucks. And that didn't seem like what I wanted. No. So I'm like, I'm gonna go. Ended up having the most amazing time. And these are now my homies. These are my girls.

[A]

We love them. They all came to the podcast party.

[B]

Yes. And they're so supportive. We're all going through life together, and now I've learned. I love a trip.

[A]

Look at you.

[B]

I love going on trips with people I don't know.

[A]

The lone wolf has found a pack.

[B]

Has found a pack. And it's fun. And I like to bop between packs, too. I think that's something fun to touch on. Like, community doesn't always have to look like. You don't have to be a part of the same communities, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. Like, you can be a part of a church community, but you can also be a part of a community of girls who like to go out and party on the town. But you can also be a part of a community of people who like to work and don't really leave the house, or knitters. But that's. That's the multifaceted aspect that's very specific.

[A]

There's.

[B]

There's a crochet. There's a crochet.

[A]

There's a group of women listening to this right now, knitting, like, woo. I see you divas shout out.

[B]

I love that crochet group. But it's. That's been my new, like, lesson in learning and growing in friendships is that people and groups do not have to satisfy the same needs.

[A]

In my life, different people satisfy different needs.

[B]

Correct. And that's been so important because growing up, like, we hear, you know the term best friend. A best friend is the person that you love, and they're the person that gets you above all people. And, like, if you beefing with your best friend, then you're beefing with everyone. And then I've learned that doesn't make me feel whole and fulfilled, even in romantic relationships, because you will fall out with that person inevitably. And when you do, it feels like it's the end of the world because you're like, damn it, I messed up my life. Yeah.

[A]

I've made this person my universe.

[B]

Correct. And now you don't. You don't know how to. I didn't know how to, like, center my universe the first time that we beefed. Right.

[A]

And so it's like, which we won't get into. We won't talk about it, but we have beef.

[B]

We have things.

[A]

They've never had a beef. Yes, but let's talk about that, because I remember when the first time we ever had a fight, we had to also kind of talk through the fact that this is a natural and healthy part of being part of a community having relationships, conflict, which I had not.

[B]

Been a part of many communities and relationships, so I did not know how to do that.

[A]

And when you're scared of. When you're scared of conflict in a. Because the things are so good, and I'm so happy being a friend. When you're afraid that a single conflict will tumble the house of cards, then you cannot have a meaningful, deep relationship with somebody. You just can't. My hairdresser, I said to my hairdresser, I'm just. I have this friend who I want to talk to about something, but I'm really just not looking forward to the conflict, and I would rather just avoid it. And she said, then it sounds like that's not really your friend. And I backpedal. And I said, oh, no, no, no. That's my friend. I just. I just. This person doesn't really do conflict. And she said again. I mean. And that sounds like somebody who is a periphery acquaintance, but if you want to have a real friend is somebody that you can safely talk through something difficult with, and you recognize that there's no risk of them not wanting to be your friend anymore. Like, there. There has to be that net of safety, otherwise they can still be someone you know and you're cool with, but that's not really a close friend. And I was like, oh, wow. And I had to examine myself. Maybe I'm not giving them the opportunity to be a good friend to me because I'm like, I don't want to have conflict with them. Yeah, right.

[B]

Yeah. Which is how we are for certain, most of the time.

[A]

But we're learning we don't want to have conflict with each other.

[B]

We hate conflicting with each other.

[A]

Oh, I know. It's so. Oh, my God, I hate fighting with you.

[B]

I can't stand it.

[A]

I don't know if there's anyone I hate fighting with more.

[B]

My mom and then you, for certain, but for different reasons.

[A]

I'll fight with Wendell now.

[B]

She's at the.

[A]

I hope she calls me right now so I could fight her. I'll fight with my mom anytime.

[B]

I do.

[A]

I mean, I don't like fighting with my mom. I love my mom, but I love Also, I have a really safe relationship with my mom, so I do feel like I can. I can butt heads with her and it'll be okay.

[B]

And you can recover.

[A]

I hope I have that with my daughter. No, I don't want to be fighting with her.

[B]

I know. I don't want the constant be. Not that we constantly beef.

[A]

My husband's walking by. He's my number one favorite person to fight with. Love, y'all. I love my husband, though. I'll say that. I love my husband. And I. I don't know. I. I know some. There are probably married couples that are like, we never fight. I. I get that. Me and my husband, we fight. Yeah. But I love my husband so much. And We've learned over 10 years how to fight.

[B]

Ooh, that's a big friendship thing.

[A]

Relationship, learning how. Relationship thing. Learning how to fight.

[B]

And it doesn't look the same with every person.

[A]

My husband's like.

[B]

He's like peeking to listen to the ambition.

[A]

Big on. Big on. I think in any relationship, married, friendship, you have to learn how to have conflict.

[B]

And I think the conflict or the style of conflict is specific to the person. Like, Tati and I can, like, we kind of nitpick at each other sometimes. Like, she'll say something that pisses me off, I'll say something that pisses her off, and then we'll be like, how.

[A]

Do we fight anyway? I don't want to talk.

[B]

We don't. Because we. I think because we don't nitpick, it usually builds up. It's nine things that we've been upset about for months. And then Taryn and I is one beef.

[A]

What do I do?

[B]

No, Taryn and I's one big beef. Tati gets brought up a lot. We couldn't have it by ourselves.

[A]

We had to invite a facilitator in.

[B]

The conference room of Taryn's building. It's 11 o'clock at night. I stayed till like 2am Alec is like, where the fuck are you, Taryn? Taryn's downstairs.

[A]

I said, I'm having a meeting.

[B]

Poor Ty. It was just. But it wasn't bad. We didn't scream and yell at each other.

[A]

No, we don't ever do that.

[B]

No, no. That's not our M.O. at all. But we aired our grievances and it was the most uncomfortable conflict. I think of my life even now thinking about it.

[A]

I hate it. It was terrible.

[B]

But we got some good ground.

[A]

But it took us.

[B]

We took some great ground.

[A]

But here's my thing. So I'm the type I want to make up right now. I want to. I want you to say what you have to say. Say what I have to say, and then I want us to make up right away. And you want space.

[B]

I need space.

[A]

My other. My other best friend, Gabby, who listens to the pod. Love you, Gabby.

[B]

We love you, Gabby.

[A]

She's similar. She wants space. And I have always. Even when we were kids, I would chase her around town. Like, I literally. One time we were in a fight, me and Gabby, we both grew up in West Seattle. And I took the 128 bus down to her house, not telling my mom where I was going. I went and bought her a vanilla chai latte. Cause that's her favorite.

[B]

Oh, me too.

[A]

And then I went to her door and I knocked, and she didn't let me in. And I left the copies on her step. And I was like, I'm sorry, Gabby. In her defense, she might be watching this and she might not remember this, or she might remember it differently, which I'm totally open to. She's gonna call me and be like.

[B]

What the fuck did she say?

[A]

Why are you saying that? If I. All I remember is that I was sorry and she just wasn't ready yet. She just needed more time to be upset about whatever stupid thing we were in a fight about. Yeah, I think we were juniors in high school or something. And I didn't have a car, which is why I took the bus. Gabby was my ride everywhere.

[B]

And you were hoping you'd make up partially. See if we're gonna ride back.

[A]

He was my ride everywhere. So the fact that I was on the bus initially, it's funny riding down there, like, about to go tail between magic with melanche jumping. Try to be like, let me go say I'm sorry. But. So that's another thing is, like, that's really hard about fighting is respecting the. The other person. Oh, it's hard. You're mad. Let's do basis. You're mad or you're hurt. Usually that's the same thing with women. That's the same thing. You're mad and you're hurt, and you're trying to respect what you know about that person, what they need. You should be doing that if you're in a fight. What I don't suggest, and I think we all do this when you were younger, is you don't take any of that into consideration.

[B]

Then it's all about you.

[A]

It's all about you and what you want and what you need. And you really can't do that. And I think the biggest skill that anyone should hone. And you're either listening to this, nodding along, saying, yes, I've done this, or you're listening to this, going, oh, I could work on this. And I would give you this advice because I've had a lot of all my friendships. I'm really proud of the fact that, like, all my friendships I've had for. I've been friends with Gabby for, like, over 18 or 19 years. Like, you know, I plan to be friends with you for the rest of my life. Like, you know, we will be. To have friendships of that longevity, you have to be able to decenter yourself in conflict. And it's. I. That's so hard. I'm not. I haven't mastered that. It's really hard to not think about. But this is how I feel right now, and this is important. That's so hard. And I don't have the secret to it. I'm just saying if you can try and focus on it.

[B]

Yeah, it's helpful. It is.

[A]

Because then we can go, this is how I'm feeling. And then you can say, yeah, well, this is how I'm feeling right now. And you have to be able to take a deep breath and be like, okay, I have to accept Bruce. I think we just gotta let him out.

[B]

Hi, buddy. Hi, B. Hi.

[A]

Sorry, I'm getting interrupted.

[B]

Don't lick my spoon or my spoon straw. Come sit.

[A]

No, he's gone. It's really hard.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

To center someone else when you're upset.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Again, I don't do it right all the time. I fail at this all the time. But I've noticed our conflicts. I mean, conflicts that we've had go better when I'm able to do it. Same in my marriage, I would say.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ooh, man. It's hard, though, girl. The point of this whole conversation is being in a community is not always all sunshine and rainbows. It's work.

[B]

It's work. It is varied. It's intrinsic, but also deeply community based.

[A]

It requires you to decenter yourself from. What is this community doing for me? How do I feel? It's not always about that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sometimes it's about valuing the fact this friendship, this community means so much to me that I need to. Oh, here comes my dag, and she's about to ruin the whole set. So for people listening, my great Dane just walked in to the frame, and he's gonna figure out where he can lay.

[B]

Come on, Brucie.

[A]

Well, this seems the Goodest place of ever to rap. But we. Here we go.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

He's gonna lay down. Good boy. Lay down. Good boy.

[B]

And settled.

[A]

Okay. He doesn't like that. All right, let's actually get to our announcement.

[B]

So with community in mind, we have listened, we've read the comments, and we're so excited to share that we're starting a book club. So the rules of book club. His little stick. Lol. You got it, buddy. And he's comfy. You can put that there. Eggs.

[A]

Good boy.

[B]

As long as you don't drool. I'm gonna put.

[A]

Yeah, just pull your pantal away, Bow. Okay.

[B]

Bow. Okay.

[A]

Hi, everyone. The dog has decided to join the podcast. We're back.

[B]

And with bully sticks. Okay. We're starting a book club. We're so excited to do this with everyone. We've chosen the book. We know the rules.

[A]

Well, Tiffany chose. I'm gonna be really clear. I did not choose this book, okay? Because if y'all don't like it, it's on Tiffany. So the way Tiffany chose the book that we're gonna read as book club, okay. We're giving you about a month to read it, because everybody has busy lives, and you might not be able to start it right away. Okay. But we're gonna be following up, and we want, as we read this book. This is a smut. It's spicy. Those are my only requirements, that it had to be smutty. If that's not you, no pressure, but if you're ready for a little bit of smut, let's do it. Any comments you have as you read, send them to our Instagram reyourgirlspod. Okay. DM us, we will be reading along, and we're gonna do a special episode where we just recapped the book. All right? And it's just for you. It's for our smut girlies, for our book talk. Our romantasy girlies. We love you, and we're gonna do this together. You locked in.

[B]

Also, we love the divas who've never read a smut. I think one of the most exciting things about the book integration into the pod was connecting with people who haven't read smuts before, like Tracy, our producer, and like Shosh, our manager.

[A]

Tracy, are you gonna read it?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yay. Trace is gonna read. You're gonna have to at least jump in for a little bit and tell us what you think.

[B]

Oh, Tracy, prepare to blush, baby, because it's about to get nasty.

[A]

Shosh, are you gonna read it?

[B]

Yay.

[A]

All right, everybody in in studio is gonna read it.

[B]

Okay? So we, our task was to find something that was raunchy, a little dirty, but still have plot because we don't want to lose everybody to something that has zero plot.

[A]

Yeah, we're not gonna read the one that you guys recommended about the sentient.

[B]

Force fork or the sentient door for that matter. Sorry, didn't make the cut.

[A]

That becomes a man.

[B]

That was a good one. And I will find that one because that could be added to the list. It was a part of a series. Okay, so drum roll please for this month's book club announcement. Quicksilver by Cali Hart. So for all the booktok girlies, y'all have heard of this one before, but funnily enough, Taryn and I can't stand a trend. So we know nothing about it.

[A]

I haven't. I don't know anything about it. She's gonna read us the.

[B]

The synopsis. So this will be a surprise. It's being read in one of my other friend groups and they ate it up, down, sideways, left and right.

[A]

They loved it.

[B]

They did. And I waited to start it because I think I was going to tell you about it anyway, so this kind of worked out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, here we go. Reading the synopsis.

[A]

By the way, if you hear any weird sounds, it's my dog chewing on his little bone. Ignore him. Love you.

[B]

Get your cows off me and the bully stick.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Does it?

[A]

It does.

[B]

Okay, here we go. Quicksilver by Cali Hart. Do not touch the sword. Do not turn the key. Do not open the gate. 24 year old Sarah Spain is good at keeping secrets. No one knows about the strange powers she possesses or the fact that she's been picking pockets and stealing from the undying Queen's reservoirs for as long as she can remember.

[A]

Okay. We love a thief.

[B]

We love a thief. I should also say this is romantasy. That's why this is plot. In the land of the unforgiving desert there isn't much a girl wouldn't do for a glass of water. But a secret is like a knot. Sooner or later it's bound to come undone.

[A]

There's a lot going on. There is in here. I'm trying to follow. There's a lot going on. There's not much she wouldn't do for a glass of water. But like a knot, sooner or later it's bound to come undone. I don't know where we're sending metaphors. This is like a run on Here we go.

[B]

When Seris Fae comes face to face with death himself. She inadvertently reopens a gateway between realms and is transported to a land of ice and snow. The Fae have always been the stuff of myth, of legend, of nightmares. But it turns out they're real. And Serris has landed right in the middle of a centuries long conflict that might just get her killed. This is your ship.

[A]

It.

[B]

Oh, all right.

[A]

The first of this does sound like something that I would like.

[B]

It sounds good. The first of her kind to tread the frozen mountains of Evilia. Good God, I hate when they have crazy names. The frozen mountains of Evilia. In over a thousand years, Serris mistakenly binds herself to Kingfisher, a handsome Fae warrior who has secrets and nefarious agendas of his own. He will use her alchemist's magic to protect his people, no matter what it costs him or her. Death has a name. It is KingFisher of the Eight Pill Brutes of the Agent Gate. His past is murky, his attitude stinks. And he's the only way Serris is going to make it home. Be careful of the deals you make, dear child. The devil is in the details. That's what you're in for. Divas.

[A]

A lot happened in that.

[B]

Quite frankly, I didn't keep up.

[A]

She went to sand. To a land of ice. She's gotta make a deal. But she's also an alchemist.

[B]

There's a knot somewhere in there.

[A]

He's a fisherman. Yeah, but there's no boats.

[B]

None.

[A]

Nary a boat. You kept up.

[B]

This is good.

[A]

Yeah, I did. I did. I did.

[B]

Okay, so that's the book. We haven't read it either.

[A]

We don't know what to expect. If it sucks, then we're all gonna just.

[B]

We're all in together. So we're gonna be putting.

[A]

But there certainly will be sucking.

[B]

Oh yeah. Yes. You should also read the trigger warnings. If you have have those. Those are none of our business. But be gentle with yourself. If it's a book that you may not like, that's okay.

[A]

Oh yeah, that's okay. When we'll do Next time Next one and give us feedback.

[B]

You know, I was gonna say. So we will be adding guided book club questions and conversations and thought starters to our stories on highlights. So when the time comes for the final episode where we're talking about it and reviewing it, we'll all kind of be in cahoots about what's going on around here.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Oh yeah. So I think that about does it. Diva.

[A]

All right, what are we talking about next week?

[B]

Next week.

[A]

Oh, look, he has his elephant.

[B]

Oh, it's sweet. Hold on. Next week we have a special guest.

[A]

And it's not this dog.

[B]

I blacked out after I said it.

[A]

I'm like, can you go away? I love you so much. Would you just want to sit up here? Come on.

[B]

Come on, droolie.

[A]

Good boy.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

From the back, he looks like Dobie ears. I have to take a picture. Oh, I missed it. There we go.

[A]

Hi, lovey. I love you.

[B]

He's so cute. Okay, so next week we have a special guest. We're not going to tell you who, but we are so excited to have them on the show. So make sure you tune in. Grab your glass of wine. We didn't drink today. We had water and coffee. But best believe we'll be back with the owlk very soon.

[A]

We will. And we're gonna try to control the dog more. Please have some decorum. You know what? We're gonna leave next week's topic a surprise this time, okay? Just know we have a special guest. Can't wait to have three divas on this couch. Love you all so very much. Thank you for loving the show. We are loving your feedback. We're loving reading your comments. It means everything to us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. And remember, we're your girls. Cause we're your girls. Hey.

[B]

Cause I like how you do. We're youe Girls is hosted and executive produced by Taryn Delaney Smith and Tiffany Singleton. Management by social Media. Produced by Good Mess Media. Follow us on all platforms at WearYourGirlSpod. To wrap this baby up. Thank you so much to our partners at Soapbox. We love you. Go ahead and upgrade your healthy hair routine. Take care of your hair divas.

[A]

Don't forget to check them out at Target and other retailers nationwide.