← WETSU: a BattleshipNJ Podcast
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- [00:00]
Marshall Spivak
Foreign quarters. All hands, man your battle stations. Welcome to wetsu, a Battleship New Jersey podcast. I'm your host, Marshall Spivak, CEO and executive Director of the Battleship New Jersey Museum of Memorial. This podcast is proudly sponsored by ELAC 825, the labor and Poor Cooperative of Operating Engineers Local 825, whose skilled members played a vital role in the recent dry docking of the battleship New Jersey. Today, I'm honored to welcome someone whose connection to service, both personal and public, runs deep. Assemblywoman Melinda Kane is a longtime friend of the battleship and a pillar of the South Jersey community. Over the past four decades, she has worn many hats. Educator, small business owner, devoted mother of three, including her son Ben, our own collections manager here aboard the battleship New Jersey, an Army wife to her late husband, Major Bruce Kane, an Army physician who passed away from cancer in 2008. But it is as a Gold Star mother that Melinda's story takes a profound significance in the wake of 9 11. Her son Jeremy, moved by a sense of patriotism and purpose, enlisted in the Marine Corps Reserves during his freshman year at Rutgers University, exactly five years to the day after the attack on 9 11. Following in the military footsteps of his dad and his grandfathers, Jeremy was assigned to 3rd platoon, 4th light armored reconnaissance Battalion based out of camp Pendleton. In 2009, he deployed to Afghanistan. On January 23, 2010, Lance Corporal Jeremy Kane was killed in action in the Hemlon Province of Afghanistan. While supporting combat operations in the face of an unimaginable loss, Melinda chose not to retreat into grief, but to channel it into service. She became deeply involved in the Gold Star organization, taps, and ultimately serving in public office. Her governmental journey began on the Cherry Hill Township Council here in Camden county, where she served for eight years, followed by six years on the Camden County Board of Commissioners, where she championed veterans affairs and served as a liaison to the battleship New Jersey. Today, Melinda serves in the New Jersey General assembly, representing the 6th Legislative District here in Camden County. She currently sits on several committees, including the Assembly Appropriations Committee and the Assembly Military and Veterans Affairs Committee, continuing her steadfast advocacy for service members, veterans and families like her own Assemblywoman Melinda Kane. Welcome to wetsu. It's a privilege to have you back on board the battleship New Jersey.
- [02:27]
Melinda Kane
Thank you so much. Marshall.
- [02:29]
Marshall Spivak
Your late husband, Bruce was commissioned as an army doctor. Can you share a little bit about his decision to serve and your experience as an army spouse?
- [02:37]
Melinda Kane
As an army wife. As an army wife, his decision was based on his. His family was very committed to education, but sadly, they lacked the funds to really pay for his medical school. And so his decision to join the army was based on financial. Financial reasons. And his father had served in the military as well as his uncle. So it was those two factors that played into his decision to join the military.
- [03:04]
Marshall Spivak
And he moved around quite a bit.
- [03:06]
Melinda Kane
He. He enjoyed some training with the army prior to our getting married, being in Hawaii. When we got married a week later, we moved to Fort Polk, Louisiana. I jokingly say that's where we honeymoon for the next three years. And anyone that had ever been to Fort Polk knows that that's not a place where you would honeymoon.
- [03:29]
Marshall Spivak
So I wanted to talk about Jeremy, you know, if you wouldn't mind sharing with us that. I know I knew him, grew up with him. But for our listeners, can you share the kind of person that he was and his passions? What inspired him to join the Marine? Cor.
- [03:44]
Melinda Kane
Jeremy, growing up, was a. Was a pretty quiet, reserved kid. And other than the fact that he had spent the first two years of his life on an army base and was always fascinated by the military, but I don't think any more so than his brothers were. But after September and on September 11, he was old enough to sit and watch the news with my husband and myself, whereas his brothers were shielded a little more. And at that point, as a young teenager, we saw a transformation in himself and socially, physically. And we just thought, well, that was just him getting older and not really understanding that in his mind, he was transforming himself to join the military. And it wasn't until a couple years later when he talked a little bit about that, but not really seriously, that we had any notion that he was considering joining the military. And it really was brought to our attention. And one morning when I received a phone call from a recruiter and that that person had called me on my cell phone thinking, or maybe even been the house phone, I don't remember anymore asking for Jeremy. And I thought it was a strange call. And I said, well, Jeremy's at school. He's at high school. Who is this? And he identified himself as a recruiter for the Marine Corps. And I said, why? Why are you calling here? And. And he said, oh, I thought this was Jeremy's phone. And I said, no, he's. He's at school. And he said, well, I. I want to speak with Jeremy. I've been meeting with him. Immediately he went into. I've been meeting with him, and your son wants to join the Marines. And I've had many conversations with him. And it. It just went to your Husband and I, you know, your husband. You and your husband don't know anything about your son like I do. And I've had many conversations with him, and I have a relationship that you don't have with him, and he want joined Marines and he doesn't want to talk to you about it. And. And it was just a horrific conversation to have that someone calls you and says that your son doesn't have a relationship with you, doesn't feel comfortable in talking with you, and that is basically meeting with your son behind your back and basically grooming him is how we looked at it, grooming him to join the Marines. And so I immediately drove to the high school to even see if Jeremy's car was there in the parking lot, because somehow I had fear that this recruiter would go to the high school looking for him. That's how. That's. That was the tone of the conversation. And fortunately, Jeremy's car was there and. And after that, we really had some serious conversations with him about his desire to join the military, separate from what the recruiter had been saying.
- [06:26]
Marshall Spivak
Yeah, I. Well, I think we were in a eighth grade on 9 11. And I remember that being at Beck Middle School, and they would bring the televisions, those big television units, if you remember, we all know them, into the classroom. Yeah, exactly. And bring them into the cafeteria and, you know, being able to watch the news and especially after, you know, a few years later, as, you know, Afghanistan started to unfold, Iraq starting to unfold, and, you know, even showing it at school, you know, just the things that were going on and how in tuned, you know, a young eighth grader was to what was going on. I certainly can understand that. I'm sure that was a. A difficult conversation to have after the fact. How did you sort of reconcile your. What you and. And your husband may have wanted for him versus his desire to serve?
- [07:14]
Melinda Kane
And it wasn't out of disrespect to the military or anything like that. It was clearly out of fear that the war was going on in Iraq and Afghanistan and that to have, you know, your son at that point, 16, 17, 18 years old, when the conversation started to want to go and go to war was frightening. And our plan for him and his plan that we thought was to go to college, and he had talked to us about a program in the Marine Corps to go in as reservist and to go to college and to train in the summertime to. And that that was the path that he planned on taking. But, you know, we had many serious conversations with him. And we had actually taken him to a. To a local therapist to talk with him to make sure that he really understood the ramifications of joining the military. And we were convinced that he was making as adult of a decision that he could at. At that age.
- [08:14]
Marshall Spivak
Yeah. Well, he listed in 2006, September 11, 2006, he deployed to Afghanistan in. In 2009. How much did you know about deployment in advance and sort of. How did you prepare yourself for what that might mean? I mean, obviously you. You. You knew the concerns going into it as we just talked about. So how did you. How did you sort of prepare yourself for that?
- [08:38]
Melinda Kane
Well, I thought Jeremy would not. Not be deployed until after he graduated from college. And he. During that time when he was at school, I just want to correct you, at some point, he had joined the Marines on September 11th of his freshman year. He was a student at Towson University at the time. And then he had transferred to Rutgers here in Camden. And when he had transferred, my husband. Right after he had transferred, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. And Bruce had subsequently passed away after a couple months after his diagnosis. And Jeremy had. His timing wasn't always the best, and had told me on Mother's Day, and it was actually the day of my husband's unveiling, that he was being deployed to Afghanistan rather than going to Rutgers. Horse senior year of college, but assured me that he would be safe, that he was going to Afghanistan and he would be doing communications. I did not really know very much about the Helmand province. It sounds kind of naive or ignorant at this point, but at the time, I didn't research it. We didn't know what we know now about what the Helmand province was like.
- [09:43]
Marshall Spivak
Yeah.
- [09:44]
Melinda Kane
And as a kind son that he was, he tried to shield me and his brothers as much as he could because he knew that our family had already endured the death of husband and their father and tried to shield us from as much pain as possible.
- [09:59]
Marshall Spivak
If you're comfortable talking about it, I like to sort of reflect on his last day of what I. What I've read and put together about it. And as you mentioned, as I talked about earlier, he was in the homeland province. He was guarding a passageway at a bazaar that they had came in to control. And there was a suicide bomber who tried to reach a building that his fellow Marines were positioned at. And Jeremy stopped that from happening. But unfortunately, that suicide bomber blew himself up and taken the lives of Jeremy and others with him. Was it any source of comfort at the time or maybe later, when you did find out the details of that, knowing, you know, that at the end of the day, you know, ultimately his sacrifice, his bravery, protected others, fellow Marines.
- [10:44]
Melinda Kane
In the end, that day, when any military family member receives the knock on the door, you don't know what to expect. You don't know how you will respond mentally, emotionally, physically. And denial is the first thing that you think of, and that's what you go through. But the first question that I had was, did he die immediately? Did he suffer? And they said that he had died instantaneously and that he had died along with two other Marines, a corpsman and another Marine, and that two other children who were playing in front of him at the bazaar were also killed. And there was some question whether the children were with the suicide bomber or not, or whether they were there as a distraction, or whether it was just a total disregard for human life and that they didn't care, the suicide bomber didn't care that there were two small children playing there. But the fact that the information came out within, within hours that Jeremy had saved the lives of his fellow Marines, and that also that he had a sense that this suicide bomber approaching him, that there was something off about him and that he had stopped him because he looked like every other person at the bazaar, and that he had stepped up to stop him and had done what he was trained and was willing to sacrifice his life, it did not surprise me because that's who Jeremy was. And in the conversations that my husband and I had had with Jeremy and we had asked him, you know, were you willing to die for your country? Were you willing to go to Afghanistan and potentially be killed? Without hesitation, he said yes. And this was him doing what he knew was expected of him if called upon. And he did that. And he was willing to die to save his fellow men.
- [12:29]
Marshall Spivak
After Jeremy's death, maybe not immediately after, but thereafter, he found purpose and advocacy and public service. Was there a certain moment or something that sort of happened to you when you sort of real. And you needed to sort of channel that grief into something more productive, more positive, maybe something even sort of bigger than yourself?
- [12:49]
Melinda Kane
I mean, I found comfort in talking about Jeremy and talking about young men and women like him who felt a calling to join the military, particularly in this area. It was not the norm for, you know, someone to. To. To join the military. The path was really go on to college, so even to talk about how you can have a calling to go into the military and to not look. Look down upon it and to be respectful of those who want to defend our country. So that was really the first thing that I felt very passionate about. And not to, not to say, well, what was wrong with your child? That he wanted to defend our country. We should be proud of young men and women like that.
- [13:35]
Marshall Spivak
I read that was reading an article from right after he passed in The Inquirer from 2010. I think you were quoted as saying, I want people to know he was from Cherry Hill.
- [13:47]
Melinda Kane
Yeah.
- [13:47]
Marshall Spivak
And to your point, especially pre 9 11, you know, there weren't too many young kids from affluent communities, especially in our neck of the woods, who were enlisting or volunteering to serve, maybe outside of some of the folks who went to the service academies. But you wanted, you wanted people to know that exact thing, that he was from Cherry Hill. This was his decision. He wasn't doing it for any other reason other than out of a sense of pride and patriotism.
- [14:12]
Melinda Kane
He didn't. He. You know, we never said to him, we're concerned how we're going to pay for your education. We never said anything to him about, you know, we think you need the discipline or anything. He, he called, he said it himself. He thinks that he would benefit from the discipline gained from being in the military. He felt that everyone had a right, had they should be giving back to their country. That that is part of just being a good citizen and was going into the military for all the right reasons and that we should be proud and we should encourage all of our children to. That we had done the right thing as, as parents and that we should be proud if this is the path that our children are taking. So I think that was really my first path and in grief was to find purpose to his death and to talk about who he was and other young men and women who were joining the military and in many cases were. Were dying overseas and to make sure that their losses that were occurring were that their loss was respected by the country that they were fighting for.
- [15:14]
Marshall Spivak
Yeah. You became involved in the Gold Star community and organizations like taps. You know, how, how was, how did your work in those types of organizations sort of your. Shape your experience of loss and teach you about resilience, maybe about your, your own or, you know, some of the things that you might have seen in some of your fellow Gold Star families.
- [15:34]
Melinda Kane
TAP Strategy Assistance Program for Survivors was a national, international, nonprofit organization for families who've lost a loved one while serving in the military. And they were extremely instrumental in helping me grieve and, and my, my sons is my sons Daniel and Benjamin. And, and it was just so helpful to be surrounded by other family members, other parents who had gone through what I went through. And I remember meeting with other family members and thinking, well, that's not me, I'm not a military mom, I'm not. And it took so long for my brain to even come to realize that that was me. And then what I was experiencing, there were others like that because there's so few parents, there are so few people who have lost a child under those circumstances. You're hard pressed to find, you know, a parent whose 22 year old son was blown up by a suicide bomber in Afghanistan. And yet I'd go to a national seminar and person I'm having breakfast with, her son was killed by the exact same circumstances. And what you talk about or what you're going through, you can cry, you can laugh, you can, you can talk about things that your deepest, most horrible thoughts and no one will judge you. And it was so helpful. It really helped me to survive and to be able to continue to parent my other sons. And it was through TAPS and meeting other family members that I knew that I could survive. And eventually I volunteered for TAPS as peer mentor and helping other parents as I had been helped. And then as time went on, I went to work for TAPS full time in the peer mentor program, training people how to mentor others.
- [17:13]
Marshall Spivak
Were you able to connect with the other parents or the other Marine or the other of the Navy corpsman who died?
- [17:19]
Melinda Kane
I'm very good friends and to this day I'm in touch with them and I see them on a fairly regular basis with the other parents whose sons were killed and other parents whose sons had served with Jeremy and had come home alive. And they still struggle. Even though their sons came home and they still, their parents still struggle, their sons still struggle. We were always worried about ptsd. It was two years ago, there was a young man who died by suicide. And that is our deepest fear, is that as time goes on, the wounds that they suffered physically and emotionally will continue to surface and there will be other losses, not on the battlefield, but at home.
- [17:58]
Marshall Spivak
Absolutely. Unfortunate reality of our time, this suicide rate amongst veterans, especially combat veterans, is incredibly high. Incredibly high.
- [18:09]
Melinda Kane
As time goes on, you must be okay, you're healed, you've, you've gotten older or you're working, you have a family, you have children, you look okay, you must be okay. And you're not necessarily okay. I know people think that, you know, in my case, it's been 16 years since Jamie has died. You know, last Memorial Day or the Anniversary of Jammy's death, someone said to me, oh, well, you must be fine, or why are you crying? You know, it's been so long. Is it still so upsetting? Yeah, it is.
- [18:39]
Marshall Spivak
You ultimately, your. Your password ultimately led you to run for office. So how did you sort of connect your journey through that tragic loss as a now a gold star mom?
- [18:50]
Melinda Kane
Well, somewhere along the way, I. I read a quote, and the quote was, if you're living the life you never thought you'd live, you might as well do the things you never thought you would do. And in the early days of grieving, took the. I made to say yes to things. And whether it be, you know, please come out for coffee or please join us, take a walk. And I was approached about thinking about running for office, that, that my message and talking about the military and talking about whatever it was that I was talking about at Memorial Day events, that that was the message to be shared and that I had something to say and that I would be a good person to. To represent at that time, Cherry Hill residents that I said yes. And I viewed Jeremy's death as an opportunity to live a life that I never thought I would live and to say yes to things and to possibly come through this in a different version of myself and ultimately an opportunity to be even a better version of myself.
- [19:54]
ELAC Representative
Operating engineers are the men and women that move mountains. And the engineers, labor, employer cooperation ELEC puts them to work. They create opportunities for the men, women, and union signatory contractors of Local 825 repaving our roads, keeping our homes bright and warm, and even building our favorite team stadium. We understand infrastructure. That's why ELAC and Local 825 are ready to get to work.
- [20:24]
Marshall Spivak
You spent eight years on Township Council, Cherry Hill. Then you spent six years on the Camden County Board of Commissioners. During your time as a commissioner, you were the liaison to the Veterans Affairs Department and as well as us here at the Battleship. What was sort of your. Your. Your best moments or the moments that you, you know, enjoyed the most of sort of helping run the Veterans Affairs Department and all the, the different things. Yeah, all the different things. I mean, I know all the different things that, that, that our. Our county VA does here, but from someone in your shoes, you know, how. How was that for.
- [20:58]
Melinda Kane
It was. It was an incredible opportunity because I took what I had experienced and said, how can we translate it to countywide? And one of the things was we had a countywide program in honoring Vietnam veterans. It was a welcome home weekend program because I know that Vietnam veterans were struggling, and the suicide rate was particularly high for those from the Vietnam era. So countywide, we had a program for that. Countywide, we had multiple programs on suicide awareness and prevention. We've had events dealing with issues, particularly for female veterans and how they differ tremendously from the men that have served in the military. It's just been, it had been an incredible six years to have the opportunity to look at issues that veterans and those serving the military are facing and to help those in Camden county in what they have been dealing with, and also to promote the Office of Veterans affairs and to make sure that those who have served are aware that benefits are available to them and how to file claims and how to receive the support and care that they have deserve and have earned.
- [22:19]
Marshall Spivak
Yeah, it's, I mean, I just, I find it amazing. And maybe not amazing, maybe that's not the right word, but, you know, the, the depending on, I guess, who you talk to, the lack of information that some of these folks have and know who don't even realize the things that they're entitled to. Then when you throw in the mounds of paperwork that goes along with the federal VA and the state VA and, and how the county tries to help, you know, our vets navigate through that, it's, it's always interesting to meet a veteran who simply doesn't have that understanding and certainly commend you and our VA department here at the county because they do a tremendous job.
- [22:59]
Melinda Kane
They do an unbelievable job. And so many veterans are either unaware of the benefits that they are entitled to or are frustrated by the VA system. The example that I give that personally touched me that I know that those that work at Veterans affairs, they, they laugh at when I tell this story because this is what they deal with on a daily basis. But for me, it was very personal. I had gone to Lowe's one A couple years back after Memorial Day. I'd gone to, to Lowe's to buy some flowers for my garden. And I went there because I know they always decorate the parking lot with a little Memorial Day area with flowers and a wreath. And I was walking through the garden shop and there was a gentleman there who was wearing a vest with his name on it, and it was a camo vest indicating that he was a veteran. And I, I, I, I stopped him and I said, excuse me, I see you're a veteran. And I said, are you a Vietnam veteran? And he kind of said, well, yeah, what do you think I am? Wasn't very happy. And I, I think he Just looked at me as some weird woman that had. Had approached him. And I introduced myself. I said, I'm Commissioner Melinda Kane. I. I'm the liaison to Office of Veterans Affairs. I handed him my card and I said, is there anything that our office can help you with? Have you filed a claim? Have you had any issues with any good. I filed a claim years ago, and I was denied. And I. I've given up with the va. They can't do anything for me. And I said, well, I just would encourage you. And I wrote down the name of Colonel Ted Gallagher, the director of the office of va. He said, I just encourage you to call Colonel Gallagher. And he said, oh, nothing's going to happen of it. And he softened a bit in our conversation, had a really nice conversation with him, sent him a text message. He texted me afterwards and said, well, I'll see something ever, you know, I'll. I'll contact Colonel Gallagher in the next year. And I followed up with. With Ted, and he said, yeah, I have an appointment with him. We'll see what happens. And the next year, I went back to Lowe's, and sure enough, there he was working in the. In the plant and flower department. And I. I went up to him and I said, do you remember me? And he goes, boy, do I remember you. He said, I got my. My letter. I believe it was Christmas Day or New Year's Day. Somebody got an email or letter. And he said, and every. Every month, I think of you when I get that check deposit in my account for $1100. And that's $1100 that I did not have before. And that allows me just to live on a little different life than I had. And I thank you for just encouraging me to revisit filing a claim.
- [25:34]
Marshall Spivak
And as I said, that's what that perfectly encapsulates.
- [25:37]
Melinda Kane
That's what the Office of Veterans affairs is on a daily basis. That's what the VSOs do all the time. But for me, it was just that ability to connect with someone in our community that had.
- [25:47]
Marshall Spivak
Had given up just by going up to him. You. You. You certainly changed his life there. So. Wow. I mean, that's just a great.
- [25:53]
Melinda Kane
I won't mention the fact that he took what I was buying and put a little marker through the barcodes.
- [25:58]
Marshall Spivak
The statute of limitations is up on that. Don't worry. You spent. As we talked about, you spent six years as a member of the Camden County Board of Commissioners, now a member of the New Jersey General assembly as a state legislator, and as we Mentioned you serve on the military? Veterans Affairs. You were sworn in just this January.
- [26:19]
Melinda Kane
January.
- [26:20]
Marshall Spivak
January 23rd.
- [26:21]
Melinda Kane
Which was the anniversary of Jeremy's death.
- [26:23]
Marshall Spivak
Yes.
- [26:24]
Melinda Kane
Talk about timing.
- [26:25]
Marshall Spivak
Talk about timing. I know this is all new for you in the. In the Assembly. You're still learning your way around the State House. I'm a former assembly staffer myself. And how are things going in the legislation?
- [26:35]
Melinda Kane
Clarify. When you say learning your way around the State House, we really mean learning.
- [26:39]
Marshall Spivak
Yes. Physically. And, yeah.
- [26:43]
Melinda Kane
I'm looking at.
- [26:44]
Marshall Spivak
You'll figure it out quite quick. The more spent, the more time you spend.
- [26:47]
Melinda Kane
My left hand. My right hand. Jeanette Alvarez here. Who. When you master finding your way around and figure out, is it what level you're getting off at the elevator? Or when someone says, when you find the vending machines, turn left. And you're like, okay, what vending machines? It is amazing.
- [27:05]
Marshall Spivak
It doesn't help that the building was built in the 1700s and has had different fibers.
- [27:11]
Melinda Kane
I think it's 11 or 13 different additions.
- [27:14]
Marshall Spivak
Yeah, something like that. But none of them actually go together with each other to make the hodgepodge of the State House complex that. It is, you know, a little bit different tact than being a commissioner, being a councilwoman. How have you found the experience thus far? And I know you're just getting your.
- [27:32]
Melinda Kane
It's three months in, and I've loved it.
- [27:35]
Marshall Spivak
We haven't hit budget season yet. That's why.
- [27:37]
Melinda Kane
I know. And everyone says that whenever I say I loved it, people go, oh, just wait. And I've had other points in my life, whether it be when you get married and people go, oh, just wait till you're married 20 years or when you have three sons. People go, oh, just wait till they're teenagers. So this is the same thing.
- [27:53]
Marshall Spivak
Yes, very much. So far.
- [27:54]
Melinda Kane
I've loved being in the assembly. And people go, well, just wait till budget season, or just wait till this happens or that happens. I've seen it as. First of all, I'm so grateful to have this incredible opportunity. Never in a million years would have thought that this is where I would be in my life. And so to have this opportunity, I'm incredibly grateful. I even. Just pulling up to the battleship today, when I got to the security gate and I went to introduce myself, I still have a hard time. I want to go. I'm commissioner like, I'm assembly woman Melinda Kane. I still stumble over that. It's been wonderful. And it's also an opportunity to. There are things that have frustrated me over the years that laws that have not happened or things why do we, you know, why hasn't this been able to happen? Or I wish this benefit would be in place. But to be in a position where to make things happen has really been very rewarding. Or to see the possibility to make change and to see how change is made within the state of New Jersey is fascinating. And to meet with individuals from various organizations at times it's heartbreaking, especially during budget season when people come to you with things that they do in their organizations that are incredible and knowing that the funding has been cut or will be cut, it's very difficult to hear what they're experiencing and fears that they have. It's very difficult to, to talk with residents and concerns that they have. But I feel like I'm at least doing what I can. My experiences in life I think have prepared me for being here. I'm not young. I've gone through a lot in life, whether it be as a parent, as a widow, as someone who's lost their child, as a former teacher, as someone who started their own small business and ran a business for over 20 years. I've just experienced a lot in life and all these things I can Helps me to connect with individuals, helps me to connect with business owners, helps me to connect with a lot of people. And I think that really helps. I know that helps.
- [30:00]
Marshall Spivak
I'll say two things. I'll say first, putting my staffer, my legislative staffer hat on for a second. People used to complain budget day or budget time or signee die which is the. That's portion of time in between the election and the end of the term where you know there's a lot of late nights at the state at the state house and people you were at state house till midnight, we're at the State House till 2 o' clock in the morning. Those are my favorite times.
- [30:23]
Melinda Kane
I'm excited.
- [30:24]
Marshall Spivak
Those are my favorite times. And everyone's just kind of hanging out and you're intermixing with your fellow staffers from all around the state. Democrats, Republicans, you know, all as people, nonpartisan people, it doesn't matter. Members, you know, members of the, of the legislature as well. Those are some of the of the memories that I have the most of during that time. But that's what everyone complains about. So I enjoyed it.
- [30:45]
Melinda Kane
It depends on your personality. Looking forward to it. Ned and I now know where the vending machine realize we never to go for a snack. I love learning new things. I'm open to new adventure, meeting new people and I Think it depends on your personality. And for me, it feels like the right fit, a good fit.
- [31:07]
Marshall Spivak
I will say, just going back to your. The point you were making earlier is I really feel, you know, being a member of the legislature in New Jersey or staffer in the legislature in New Jersey, you have more of a chance to really make a difference in whatever you're trying to do than in any other time. And I'll just give this one example. Like I said, I was a staffer in the, in the assembly, and one day I was watching 60 Minutes or one of those type of shows, and Elizabeth Dole was on, talking about all the work that she was doing with military families and wounded warriors and things like that. And, you know, I had some ideas, you know, for, for my, my boss at the time. And I said, hey, I need you to watch this. I want you to watch this. And from watching her on that 60 Minutes episode or whatever it was, we put together a package of bills, including a wounded warrior tax credit program, a program to provide respite services for family members who are caring for wounded warriors. We put a whole package of bills. And that's just from watching 60 Minutes. Right. I mean, seeing something on television, writing to all ask, draft the bill, dropping the bill, going through the committee process, really only in the legislature can you do something.
- [32:18]
Melinda Kane
Years ago, I had that opportunity with assembly leader Lou Greenwald.
- [32:23]
Marshall Spivak
Absolutely.
- [32:24]
Melinda Kane
When as a Gold Star mother, there were things that frustrated me and I was approached by several legislators, members of Congress with what have you experienced that you feel were lacking in laws? And I worked with. With and we came up with package. I believe it was either five or six different.
- [32:44]
Marshall Spivak
I remember while I was still in working life stage at the time. Yeah.
- [32:48]
Melinda Kane
Sat down and I had no idea what the process was and came up with with different things that were. Were missing were both star family members. And one of them was to extend the education package for families of the fallen is not just for education for the children of fallen service members at a state college, but that it also included siblings. Because I saw having the financial impact, the loss of Jeremy, how it impacted me, my career, how it impacted me financially. And that it really, you know, it was. It would not cost that much to the state if you included siblings into that, having ID programs issued for those Gold Star family members by the clerk's office. Because very often I would go to an event for Gold Star family members or from military and they'd say, can we see your ID Gold Star family members? You get no idea. You have a Gold Star pin. Well, what am I going to do? Say, well, here I have a pin. And so now clerk's offices throughout the state of New Jersey issue an id or making sure that Veterans affairs offices throughout the county that they have a representative in each office specifically designated as the Gold Star Family Liaison so that someone is aware of how to approach a family and how to deal with them. Just a variety of issues that was missing. And because of my experiences, it was able to hopefully to help other families.
- [34:25]
Marshall Spivak
That's great. Mentioned. You serve on the Assembly Military and Veterans Affairs Committee. Do you have any particular priorities or bills that you're, you're working on in that committee to help?
- [34:35]
Melinda Kane
There are a few. I know. Is it bad luck to share it or no?
- [34:41]
Marshall Spivak
No.
- [34:42]
Melinda Kane
One of the things that really stands out is, comes from a veteran in the community and an experience that he had with his service dog. And he was denied access to a health care facility because the volunteer at the facility would not let him in with his service dog. And he was so distraught that he left and went home and called the suicide helpline. And a few weeks later when he was retelling what had happened, he was still in tears. And I had said to him, I, I, I promised him at that point that I would do whatever I could to help him. And at that point I was unsuccessful. And at this point now drafting legislation that there will be IDs available, that when you would go to register your dog at your municip, should any other dog or pet that with that there will be an ID and back to IDs that will state, you know, and this is purely voluntary, but it states from your municipality that this is service animal. Service animal. Just so that you have something that looks, something that is something that's official, so that if you run into that.
- [35:50]
Marshall Spivak
Situation, especially when now these days you can just buy one of those vests and slap it on your dog.
- [35:55]
Melinda Kane
And that someone doesn't say, well, how do I know you didn't buy this on Amazon? This isn't a comfort pet. And so that you don't have to talk about why it is you need a service dog. And, and very often your wounds are not visible and you don't have to explain why you have a service pet.
- [36:12]
Marshall Spivak
Just switching gears for a second. You know, we're recording this here on, on the Battleship New Jersey, a ship obviously with steep types to our Navy and of course also our Marine Corps. And we had hundreds of Marines who served on board here as part of the ship's Marine detachment over her many years in the fleet. And this ship is support Marines in various ways and fibus landings in the Pacific during World War II, and of course, supporting our Marines and you know, fighting in the jungles of Vietnam amongst, you know, many other instances. You know, we're both the museum and memorial here. But the battleship also sort of serves as a place I've come to see firsthand as a place where people come to, you know, feel closer to loved ones, especially those who served in the Navy and the Marine Corps, really, any, any service branch, even if they didn't serve here on this ship. You know, how do you feel about sort of. And maybe it's not just this battleship, but any sort of ship in service or any sort of museum ship. You know, do you feel that that's sort of a real connection?
- [37:11]
Melinda Kane
Absolutely. It's connection to the military, whether it's a branch you served in or not. As you said, it's a connection to the military. And I know with the county, whenever we would hold a medal ceremony honoring residents who have served in the military and presenting them with various medals, county medals and service medals, whenever we would hold it on the battleship, that was always the ceremony that was the most meaningful and the most well attended and just very emotional just to bring back so many feelings for the veterans and for their families. And there were times that, you know, we'd be on the battleship here and it would feel like an oven and it didn't matter because just being aboard the battleship just had a very different feeling than holding a medal ceremony at some other venue. Just like holding our annual Pearl Harbor Day ceremony on board the battleship. It would be freezing cold. It didn't matter. The emotion is, the feeling was the most important thing.
- [38:17]
Marshall Spivak
Well, we turned the chillers on yesterday, so the H Vac is flowing. We no longer have the World War II experience here, going into, inside of inside the ship here. So, you know, just sort of coming to the end here, you know, is there a. Do you have any sort of message that you, you know, you mentioned being sort of full time as a mentor at taps. What is it that you share with, you know, parents who I guess are just sort of beginning that heartbreaking journey of losing somebody especially, you know, connected to, to military service.
- [38:48]
Melinda Kane
How you feel today is not how you're always going to feel, that that loss will remain, that pain will remain, but it will change. And that, that grief will change to purpose if you allow it. If you allow it to change to purpose without feeling guilty about it. I, I hope Jeremy would be proud of what I have done with my life. I know he'd be very proud of the lives of his brothers Daniel and Benjamin, and how we have all carried on as a family and honoring him every single day, but living our lives to the fullest. I mean, it's heartbreaking that he lived only 22 years and he has missed so much, but I think it would cause him greater pain to know that our lives stopped when his life ended and we are living our lives to the fullest. One thing that I know in looking at other parents who have lost a child is that you see tremendous pain, but you also see tremendous joy, because once you've experienced horrible, horrible grief, when you experience joy, it's. It's the most amazing feeling. And you want to experience that as much as you can, because you don't want to go, you don't want to feel that pain. And you just have such gratitude for what you have in life. And just so for those just beginning that journey, whether it's a military loss or any other kind of loss, just know that you won't be in that place forever, I guess.
- [40:07]
Marshall Spivak
Marily, my. My final question. What do you hope civilians better understand about sort of the enduring sacrifices made by our military famil families, not just, you know, in war, but those quiet days after that that follow just to.
- [40:20]
Melinda Kane
Be grateful, first of all, that there are those people that are willing to serve for our nation and to be incredibly respectful and to honor them for their service and their sacrifice. And that you may not understand, that you may not understand why they would do that, why they would serve, but to be grateful for that service and sacrifice. Sacrifice and to just to be respectful of that and to provide the support that they need always. And that come from our nation's leaders. And so it's very upsetting when there are cuts to our government for Veterans Affairs. It's. I don't know if American public really understands that there are times when veterans file a claim and that the wait time in some cases is over seven years. And that's horrible. That's horrible. That's inexcusable. And that was seven years prior to cuts on a national level.
- [41:10]
Marshall Spivak
Samuel woman and Gold Star mom, Melinda Kane. Thank you. Thank you for your sacrifice and certainly for Jeremy's sacrifice on behalf of our country and to your family, to Ben, certainly, and to Daniel, and thank you for the purpose and strength you've brought to public life in his memory. The support and resilience of military families like the Kanes are a quiet strength that's really behind our nation's military. We're deeply grateful for how you've transformed your loss and really turned it into a legacy of service. So thank you very much. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for joining us on wetsu.
- [41:45]
Melinda Kane
Thank you, Marshall. Thank you so much. And I just want to say one thing. I've not needed to use my Kleenex. Job well done.
- [41:51]
Marshall Spivak
Thank you. Thank you very much.
- [41:53]
ELAC Representative
Operating engineers are the men and women that move mountains. And the Engineers Labor Employees Cooperative elec, puts them to work. They create opportunities for the men, women and union signatory contractors of Local 825 repaving our roads, keeping our homes bright and warm, and even building our favorite team stadium. We understand infrastructure. That's why Elac and Local 825 are ready to get to work.