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- [00:01]
Mom
Hey honey, it's mom. Did you know if we switch to Verizon we can get four phones for $0 plus four lines for $25 a line. Call me back me again. That's just $100 a month for four lines on unlimited welcome plus four phones. No trade in needed. Call me it's mom. America's best network Verizon. That's the one we're talking about.
- [00:20]
Verizon Announcer
I'll send you text America's best Network based on RootMetric's best overall mobile network performance US 2nd half 20254 new lines on Unlimited welcome and Autopay. See verizon.com for details.
- [00:30]
Progressive Insurance Announcer
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.
- [00:50]
OnDeck Loans Announcer
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- [01:28]
Narrator
There's a question that sits beneath every story like this one. A question that most of us will never have to answer personally, but one we can't help to think as we listen. How does a human mind hold on? Not for a day, not for a week, not through a single traumatic event that passes and leaves a scar, but day after day after day, for months that bleed into more months in a small room in chains. In a country where nobody is coming to rescue you. Where every morning you wake up not knowing if this is the day it ends or if ending would even be a mercy. 15 months. 462 days. How does a person endure that without simply stopping? The science of human resilience has been studied extensively. Researchers who have examined prisoners of war hostages and long term captives have found something that might seem surprising. The key to long term survival is not the will to fight. It's the ability to adapt, to mold oneself psychologically to new conditions. Those who perish are frequently those who are unable to do this. And somewhere around the 12 month mark Nigel Brennan found something that looked from the outside like giving up, but was in fact the opposite. He stopped fighting the reality of where he was. Psychologists have a name for this. They call it radical acceptance. It's the practice of letting go of the need to control, to judge and to wish things were different from what they are. The psychologist who developed the concept put radical acceptance rests on letting go of the illusion of control and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now without judging. When you stop resisting or denying reality, you free up mental resources rather than staying stuck in, why is this happening? Or this shouldn't be happening? You can move to what can I do about this? Or how can I cope? Crucially, and this is the part that matters, radical acceptance is not resignation, it is release. Accepting reality doesn't mean you agree with it or condone it or even stop wanting it to change. It means you stop wasting energy fighting what already is and redirect that energy towards surviving it. Nigel wouldn't be giving up. He would do something far more difficult. He would accept that he could not control when this ended and who ended it or whether it would end at all. And in doing so, he stopped spending what little psychological energy he had left on a battle he couldn't win and started spending it on the only battle that mattered, getting through today and then tomorrow and then the day after that. However, before he even made it to that point, those days would become far tougher after the pair's failed escape attempt.
- [04:33]
Singer
I'm looking at the moon in the sky this shouldn't come as a surprise but I can't sleep War in my mind I'm trying to fight a war in my mind I don't know who's the winner tonight but it ain't me.
- [05:02]
Narrator
Chapter 10 if you run again, we'll kill you.
- [05:06]
Nigel Brennan
We come screaming around this corner and the axle of the back axle of the car snaps. So we're sort of out in no man's land and the other RAV4 or whatever it was I can remember, we're pulled out of the vehicle. As I go to get into that, UpMed's obviously cranky as a hornet, smacks me on the head again with the butt of his pistol as I'm getting in the vehicle and then we're driven around for a period of time. You know, at one point we go to a petrol station and get petrol. It's just like, oh, my God, this is where what is happening. We're finally taken to a house where there's a Family living, because there's shoes at the front door. And, you know, once we get in the compound, so there's. There's people in the house. We can hear them. We're taken into a back room and then interrogated for hours. Like, how did you escape? Whose idea was it? Who helped you? Why did you do it? Just, it's like, because we're scared, man. Like, we thought you were gonna kill us. Like, what? We've looked after you. It's just like, well, have you. Have you really looked after us? And then at one point, one of the young guys sort of walked in with a bag of chains. And I was just like, oh, my God, are they gonna beat us to death? They're just gonna start torturing us. And then I'm told to stand up and come over to. It was sort of like a colonel, we sort of called him. He was cranky, didn't speak English, and he basically just used to snap his fingers at me, and he's like, stand up. Sit down. Didn't say those words, but I sat down. And then he opened up a box with padlocks, and he put chains around my ankles so I couldn't open my feet much further than that.
- [06:54]
Narrator
The pair are both shackled with no hopes of ever running again. Later that night, they're bundled back into a car and driven to yet another location. And the following morning, Nigel wakes up to a sound that he knew meant the rest of their time in captivity was about to get even harder.
- [07:10]
Nigel Brennan
I woke up in the morning to hear, like, I woke up from Amanda screaming. And it was just like, right, so now it begins. Like, now is the terror that we're about to experience. And was very aware that once they had finished with her, they were going to be walking through my door. And tried to ready myself for that. One thing that I did do was I managed to get my pencil and create a small hole in my mattress. And I slipped the pencil into the mattress because having even the most simple object was such a powerful tool later on, in my experience. But sure enough, you know, I'm not sure how long they were with Amanda and hearing her scream. And Abdullah walked in, and he didn't say anything. He just put his finger on his lip and stand up, which I did. There was another three guys that walked in with AK47s. They took a cloth, and I was then completely blindfolded around my head. And then my arms were pulled down to my sides as someone then started to go through every single seam on my clothes around my arms. The bottom, that was then taken off. Same with my singlet. That was then taken off. They went through my pockets and my jeans, all the seams. They were then pulled down to my ankles, obviously to where the chains were. Same thing with my underpants. And then they were pulled down. So I'm now standing there, pretty much arms are pulled down by my sides. Feels like there's about five or six of them in the room. And I'm like. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get punched in the solar plexus. And sure enough, as I brace, just get smacked straight just below the ribs, which I managed to sort of deflect, was like, I think they're gonna realize what I've done. And braced again. And then got punched again straight in the same. Same spot. And then what I wasn't ready for was the next thing, which was the knee straight between the legs and just went straight down on my knees, you know, onto the cold tiles, naked, to then feel an AK47 put to the back of my head and cocked and the trigger pulled. And Abdullah, right next to my ear said, if you run again, we'll kill you.
- [09:58]
Progressive Insurance Announcer
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.
- [10:18]
Mom
Hey, honey, it's Mom. Did you know if we switch to Verizon, we can get four phones for $0, plus four lines for $25 a line. Call me back. Me again. That's just $100 a month for four lines on unlimited welcome plus four phones. No trade in needed. Call me, it's Mom. America's best network. Verizon. That's the one we're talking about. I'll send you text.
- [10:39]
Verizon Announcer
America's best network based on RootMetric's best overall mobile network performance. US second half 2025. Four new lines and a limited welcome and autopay. See verizon.com for detail.
- [11:01]
Narrator
The failed escape had changed everything. Up until this point, as brutal as the captivity had been, there had been a kind of transactional logic to it. Nigel and Amanda were worth money alive, cooperative, kept in a manageable condition. They had value. That calculation had provided a flaw, a grim but sort of real limit on what their captors would do. The escape attempt blew that floor away. They were moved again and again, location to location, building to Building the kind of constant relocation designed to disorientate, to prevent any possibility of another plan being formed. To ensure that nothing they had observed and memorized about one place could ever be useful again. The kidnappers most potent weapon is the fear of the unknown. And their captors now wielded that weapon deliberately and systematically. They were of course, chained and they were beaten. And then came more of the mock executions. A mock execution is categorized as psychological torture. It involves making a victim believe that their execution is imminent or is actually taking place. Blindfolding them and telling them they're about to die, holding a gun to their head and pulling the trigger. It leaves, of course, no visible wounds, no broken bones, no marks. But some survivors of mock executions say that they were left feeling like they were already dead. Many relive these near death experiences in nightmares and flashbacks for the rest of their lives. Some survivors have reported pleading with their torturers to simply kill them, preferring real death over the constant threat and intolerable terror of not knowing whether this time was real. Think about that. Think about what that actually means in that moment. Blindfolded, hands bound, waiting. Every single survival instinct in the human body fires at once. Your adrenaline, fear, the terror, the complete and total certainty that you're about to cease to exist. And then nothing. Silence. And the slow, nauseating realization that you're still alive and that they can do it again whenever they choose. It would not be the last time they faced it. Chapter 11 using their holy book as
- [13:36]
Nigel Brennan
a Weapon look, from that point on, you know, for the next 11 months, it was just, it was a battle, like a real battle. That's, you know, I embarrassed. We had basically completely embarrassed our captors in front of, I guess, their community by escaping and they had lost face. They were embarrassed, I'm guessing. So they were going to get their pound of flesh for it. So, you know, I can remember even the next a few weeks, it was just intense. Like being woken up in the middle of the night with a torch and five AK47s, like literally in my face and I'm just like, what's going on? And then they would just walk out.
- [14:19]
Narrator
So psychological torture?
- [14:21]
Nigel Brennan
Oh yeah. It's just like I don't want to sleep. Like I'm, I'm scared to sleep. So I used to, like, I used to spend more time awake at night and then trying to sleep during the day because it felt safer. But like, I didn't get to see Amanda at all, apart from when we were transported and she was pretty much in the backseat and I was in the back of a. Like, the Toyota Land Cruiser. But that was the only time I really got to see Amanda. And from then, you know, the simple privileges that I took for granted, like fresh, clean water, you know, I was now getting water with mosquito larvae swimming around in it. It's just like, this is going to make me sick. I know it is. And getting a toothbrush and just squashing them on the side to try and kill them.
- [15:08]
Narrator
At this point, Nigel had any and all creature comforts that he had taken away from him after he was searched. Everything else he still had, his camera bags, cameras, books, everything was either destroyed or taken away from him. And he simply had nothing. And in a world where you don't have your freedom, what you must try and hold onto is your mind keeping yourself busy. And the one item that Nigel wanted back, that he thought he may have a chance at getting back was his Quran. Not because he wanted to be some sort of religious scholar and a good Muslim, but because of what it represented.
- [15:47]
Verizon Announcer
And.
- [15:47]
Nigel Brennan
And I can remember we went to one house, and I was sort of pleading with them to have my Quran back in that. And they said, matt, it got lost at the mosque because for me, it was like, I don't know. For me, it gave me some sort of comfort. And I knew if I had the Quran, I could potentially use that as a weapon as well. So it took about three months to finally get it back. And then I started to read it from COVID to cover. And I think, what, in the remaining eight months, I probably read the book a hundred times. I called it my bible to survival. You know, I started to look at it of ways of questioning my kidnappers about what they were doing to us. So, you know, I would find surahs where it talked about, you know, when you say the profession of faith, you're a Muslim, and therefore no other Muslim can stand in your way. So I'd sort of have these religious chats with them and say, well, I don't understand. Here in the Bible, in the Quran, it says this. And then they would flick through, you know, a page and find a surah and say, well, here in the. The Quran, it says when you hold the slaves in your right hand, you can do as you wish to them. They're like, so before you were Muslim, you're a Christian, so therefore you're our slave. And I was like, well, hang on. Here in the Quran, it says this. And they're like, Noah, 100%, you are Muslim. 100%, you are like, you have studied this Book. It's just like, yeah, I'm trying to find a way out. This is my Rubik cube, man, trying
- [17:18]
Narrator
to crack this puzzle.
- [17:25]
Nigel Brennan
After the escape, I was told, like, you are not allowed to do exercise. You are not allowed to stand up. You are either sit or lie down. The only time you're allowed to actually stand on your feet is when you pray or when you go to wash before prayer. And again, that had some comical sort of outcomes. I can remember, you know, I started passing blood every time I went to the toilet because I'd had, like, bouts of fever where I was so dehydrated and I hadn't gone to the toilet for, like, six days. It's just like, I'm gonna unfortunately have to start pushing. And obviously that created the bleeding and stuff like that. But I can remember talking to my captors and saying, I'm bleeding every time I go to the toilet. And they're like, yeah, this is normal in Somalia. And it's just like, well, it's not normal in Australia, right? And I was like, can you get me some Anusol? And they're like, what? It's like, oh, it's a suppository. And they're like, what? So just go to the chemist, like, if you can, please just find some Anusol for me. And I was there one night on my mattress, like, knees up to my chest, pants down, sticking this suppository in. And Abdullah races in, pulls back the mosquito net, and he's like, are you exercising? And I'm like, no, I'm sticking this up my ass. And he's like, oh, that's disgusting. And I was just like, well, give me some privacy.
- [18:49]
Narrator
Jesus Christ. So now, with his Quran back, he knew it was again his opportunity to use it to his benefit, to slowly allow him to regain some semblance of control, even if only in the slightest, he would use their own holy book against them to yet again be ever
- [19:13]
Nigel Brennan
so cunning, again weaponized myself and said, hoyef, I want you to teach me Arabic. And they were like, no, it's too difficult. And I said, well, it's your duty as a Muslim to teach me. And they're like, no. And I said, well, hang on here. In the Quran, it says when a Muslim asks for your help in the religion of Islam, it is your duty. Duty to. To help them. I could almost see them just say, you.
- [19:39]
Narrator
It's really regretting having you convert. This is for sure.
- [19:43]
Nigel Brennan
Yeah. And. And they were like, okay, well, teacher, I said, so I need paper and pen. I need a pencil and paper because you're going to have to say it phonetically and I'll write it and then I can learn it. So I got them to start teaching me verses of the Quran, which enabled me to then, you know, draw and create. And it was weird. In the last few months of captivity, maybe in the last four months, you know, I had my crossword puzzle and I created a scale from the crossword to give me a ruler. And I started designing houses because I'd done technical drawing at school and had a love for architecture. And so I literally had like a shard of mirror, which was my eraser. If I made a mistake, I would just slightly scratch the paper to. To get rid of the lead pencil. And it's like, okay, I'm going to design a house. So the first house I designed, I called it the greenhouse because it had a 15 meter by 5 meter internal garden. And I was like, so I can plant five plants that way and 15 marijuana plants that way. Like, had done the math on how many pounds I could get because it's like, I'm going to owe people money after I get. I'll build the greenhouse. That'll make some money back. But it became like this obsessive compulsive thing that I did from morning to night to literally, like, I can't tell you how, you know, 14 hours a day from when you wake up, from morning prayer to when you can go back to sleep at last prayer of trying to fill your day with something when you're in four walls with nothing to do. Like, like I said, you know, I'd read Mandela's book over a hundred times, but I would do that for an hour every day, knowing what the next page is going to say. But it was a part of. It was a part of my routine.
- [21:37]
Narrator
We've spoken before about routine when it comes to these types of situations. When we spoke about British journalist Sean Langan's ordeal in series one. Routine gives you purpose. It gives you structure. It allows the days to pass by quicker and focus the mind. And Nigel's mind was certainly focused as he comes up with another idea yet again involving that holy book, but also
- [21:59]
Nigel Brennan
began to use the Quran again as a weapon. And I'd been writing numbers in the back of the Quran about things that I wanted to question them about or things that I thought I wanted clarity on and those sorts of things. And Amanda didn't never, she never got her Quran back. And I, I basically convinced them. I said, oh, you know, Amanda's, our sister and the religion of islam, and she needs a quran. And she should be radiant because they were like, we don't believe she's muslim. I said, well, let her borrow my quran. And finally got my quran back after she'd had it for a few days. And obviously, you, know, looking through it, See if she'd left a note or anything in it. And I'd noticed numbers that she had written down in on the same page as me. And I was like, oh, she's obviously got some questions as well. So I went to those pages, and I'd noticed that she'd underlined Single words on each page. So she'd literally written a. We can communicate through this. And it was like, right. It's unlike donkey kong. So basically, you, know, giving this book to our captors so that we could communicate.
- [23:06]
Narrator
They're delivering the messages for you. Yeah.
- [23:08]
Nigel Brennan
Which is like, oh, my God. It's. If they catch us, they will kill us.
- [23:13]
Narrator
As much as nigel and amanda were getting their small wins, Some sort of semblance of a quiet control, they were always reminded who was truly in control. As nigel recalls the trauma of having to listen to his friend Being tormented and being powerless to help.
- [23:35]
Nigel Brennan
There were times where just my belief in humanity Was really tested. Like, can remember a period. I think it was one evening, and we were down. I think it was down near kashmir. Hearing them close amanda's door and then hearing a plate sort of skittle across the floor. And her saying, no, no, no. And then just her screaming for hours. And then again readying myself for them to walk through my door and do the same to me. And finally falling asleep and then waking up the next morning to her screaming again as they were torturing her, you know, And I think that went on for hours again that day, and then hours again the next day. It's just like, what is wrong with human beings? Like, how could you do this to another human? Like, just for the greed of money. Like, and I understand why they did what they did. You know, when you live in a country and you earn less than a dollar a day, Then kidnapping does become, I guess, an option for people who are so impoverished. But having to sit there and listen to that Was just absolutely heartbreaking. And there was a part of me that, you know, after we were released, it was just like, I have survivor's guilt. I feel guilty that I didn't protect you better, that I. That I didn't say something to them. And I said that to amanda, and she said, I'm glad you didn't. Glad you didn't say that to them because they would have used that as a weapon against you. And they would have tortured me further.
- [25:14]
Narrator
Of course, as we know, the pair's ordeal would eventually come to an end. However, not before threats were made that instead of going home, they would in fact be sold to the feared Al Shabaab. And going with them could mean almost certain death.
- [25:30]
Nigel Brennan
I can remember talking to my sister. So like I spoke to my sister on day 11, I think it was 11 months before I got to speak to my family again, which was my brother, which was. Which is a bit concerning because Ham, my brother, can be pretty gruff and abrupt. And if you. I was was saying, you know, the kidnappers think we can just pull a million dollars out of her ass. Like they're joking. It's just like. Who put Hamilton on the phone?
- [25:57]
Hamilton
Yes, mate, I'm in a room. I'm in a room with Hamilton had guns. I'm very sick. I haven't been
- [26:09]
Mom
able to sleep.
- [26:11]
Hamilton
They have me locked in a dark rest. I'm chained and I'm part of isolated for the last nine months.
- [26:17]
Nigel Brennan
But I spoke to my sister, it must have been a couple of weeks before we were released. And she just said, look, Nige, if anything goes to plan, you'll be released tomorrow. And it was just like, oh my God. They're the words I've been waiting to hear for pretty much over 400 and 400 plus days. And then the next day for nothing to happen. And then Ahmed come had come back to the house after not seeing him for weeks. And he said, so your family has lied to us.
- [26:51]
Narrator
And
- [26:54]
Nigel Brennan
we are now in discussions with Al Shabaab. They've offered to pay $2 million for you.
- [26:59]
Singer
Yes.
- [26:59]
Hamilton
Nige, I'm going to tell you a few things. Okay?
- [27:03]
Nigel Brennan
Okay.
- [27:04]
Hamilton
Okay. The conditions, they haven't been at deterioration. I'm locked and chained in a room 24 hours a day. My health is really bad. I'm passing blood. It hurts when I go to the toilet. I'm battling with dysentery and fever. I'm extremely weak and my mental health is not very good. I know you're doing everything you can to get me out of here.
- [27:33]
Nigel Brennan
Nige will never give up. You know that, don't you?
- [27:36]
Hamilton
I know, I know, I know. I love you all so much. I'm so sorry.
- [27:40]
Nigel Brennan
Nige.
- [27:40]
Hamilton
Don't.
- [27:41]
Nigel Brennan
Don't fret about that, okay?
- [27:43]
Hamilton
You're making me cry.
- [27:44]
Nigel Brennan
Don't do that. Honestly.
- [27:45]
Hamilton
Nigel continues I know you're Doing everything you can. Please, please, please, please try and talk with Adam. Try and talk and negotiate with anything. Something like, I don't know how much longer I can last here. I'm so sorry. I love you all.
- [28:15]
Nigel Brennan
So we're going to unsell you to them. They have a bigger network. They'll be able to hold you for years until they obviously get what they, you know, what they demand for you. And it was just like, no, this is not happening, this cannot be happening. And Amanda had told me this via the Quran. She'd said like she'd heard from Ahmed that they had been discussing on selling us. And I can remember thinking with the messages that we were sharing, it's just like mine were light and fluffy. I love you, I miss you. We're going to be great. And she's like, they're going to sell us. And I was just like, I don't want to hear that. To now hear this out of Ahmed's mouth was just like, oh my God. But at the same time he'd been talking to me about, said, if, if we were to release you, there are a number of promises that I need you to make. And I was like, yeah, what are they? And he's like, well, if we, would you be able to pay extra money once you were released? And I said, yeah, of course. I've got a house I can sell. Might take a little bit of time, but you know, I would happily do that. And he's like, well, if you could do that. And pretty much, I think one of the other conditions were, you know, bring people to the religion of Islam. So yeah, easy love, that's, that's a no brainer. Not talking about what we had endured during our kidnapping. And it's just like, yeah, of course I'm not going to talk about that. So he'd come up with these five. I can't remember the other two offhand, but he'd been talking about these promises and I was like, yeah, absolutely, I can promise that. I can promise you the world. I can over promise and under deliver. That is my motto. But then he'd been talking about this on selling and we'd moved back to Mogadishu by this stage. We were staying in that house. I called it the rat house because there are rats in it and stuff like that. It was pretty filthy and was in my room was sort of early afternoon and Abdullah came in and he's just like, stand up. And I was like, what's going on? He's like, no talking.
- [30:32]
Narrator
Little did Nigel or Amanda know at the time. But their over 15 month ordeal was about to come to an end. But in keeping with the chaos of their lives for the past over 400 days, it wasn't going to be a simple handover.
- [30:46]
Nigel Brennan
What's going on? And then just bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. It's just like bullets flying. And then they're like, get out of the car. Get out of the car. So we jump out of the car and they're like, run to that gate.
- [30:59]
Narrator
Next time on what I survived.
- [31:03]
Singer
Moon in the sky. I'm looking at the moon in the sky. It shouldn't come as a surprise, but I can.
- [31:23]
Progressive Insurance Announcer
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.
- [31:43]
Mom
Hey, honey, it's mom. Did you know if we switch to Verizon, we can get four phones for $0 plus four lines for $25 a line? Call me back. Me again. That's just $100 a month for four lines on unlimited welcome. Plus four phones. No trade in needed. Call me. It's Mom. America's best network. Verizon. That's the one we're talking about. I'll send you a text.
- [32:04]
Verizon Announcer
America's best network based on RootMetric's best overall mobile network performance. US second half 2025 four new lines and unlimited welcome and autopay. See verizon.com for details.
- [32:14]
Nigel Brennan
Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.
- [32:22]
OnDeck Loans Announcer
Do you want to know the best part about being married to a woman? That there's no man involved. I mean, true, but I was gonna say that it's a sleepover every single night with your best friend. Oh, yeah, that part's cute too. I'm Taryn, she's Cami. We're married. And staying up is our weekly pillow talk out loud with you. We're giggling, we're gossiping, we're arguing. Classic marriage stuff. Just having fun being wives while we navigate growing up and building a family together. Then our sleepover grows. Our listeners call the Pee Pee hotline with their own gossip, burning questions, late nights, spirals, all the stuff they'd only tell their best friends. So it's a private sleepover, but you are invited. Staying up with Taryn and Cammie. New episodes weekly. Follow wherever you listen,
- [33:01]
Nigel Brennan
ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.
- [33:08]
Narrator
Com.