Podcast Summary: "I Was Raised in a Cult Believing I'd be Dead by 12"

What It Was Like – Hosted by Julian Morgans (Superreal)

Guest: Floor Edwards (Author, "Apocalypse Child: A Life in End Times")
Date: January 17, 2026

Main Theme / Purpose

This episode explores the psychological and emotional reality of growing up in the Children of God (aka The Family), a notorious apocalyptic cult. Host Julian Morgans interviews Floor Edwards, who spent her childhood believing with absolute certainty that the world would end in 1993 and that she'd die a martyr at age 12. Floor shares her vivid memories of community, fear, indoctrination, and eventual escape, reflecting on how such upbringing shaped her worldview, sense of safety, and relationship with spirituality and family.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Roots and Life inside the Cult

• Family Background & Constant Movement (06:01–08:46)

  • Floor’s parents (Swedish mother, Californian father) met inside the cult, influenced by the counterculture of the 60s/70s.
  • Life was transient: “I lived in, like, 24 different places by the time I was 12 years old...we would live in campgrounds, we would live with relatives, but I just remember constantly being on the move.” (06:41, Floor)
  • The cult encouraged members to be loyal not to their families, but to the leader and the movement.

• Community Living Dynamics (07:45–08:46)

  • Early years in California spent in trailer park campgrounds or with relatives.
  • In Thailand, lived in compounds: “There’d be like 30 to 50 people living in a home at once.” (07:59, Floor)

Childhood Indoctrination & Apocalyptic Fear

• Internalizing Fear of Death (08:46–17:23)
  • Prophecy: David Berg (Father David), the cult leader, prophesied the world would end in 1993.
  • “I was five or six when I started to realize, like, I was gonna die. And that became my entire...the bane of my existence.” (08:46, Floor)
  • Floor obsessed over death, picturing herself as a martyr and hoping for “a quick death”: “I would stay awake at night just in my head, just thinking of all the possible ways to be a martyr for God…I would pray that I would die painlessly…and I would get shot in the place that would make me just die quickest.” (01:36, Floor; 16:12, elaborated)
  • Fear and terror went unaddressed: “It was blasphemous to question anything...I never told anyone what I was scared of…I just learned to just shut up and kind of keep to myself.” (17:46, Floor)

Cult Structure, Rituals & Controls

• Everyday Life & Routine (19:33–20:46)

  • Extremely structured, almost militarized daily schedules.
  • Practiced “word time,” received direct teachings from Berg. Schooling was minimal and only increased to avoid outside suspicion.
  • “Father David kind of painted this picture that we were an army preparing for the end of the world. So he kind of ran it like an army.” (19:44, Floor)

• Sexual Practices and Indoctrination (24:10–29:05)

  • “There was a wide plethora of traumatic catalysts...it was kind of like a buffet of trauma to these young kids...For me, it was the death idea that was traumatizing.” (24:33, Floor)
  • Sex was normalized and spiritualized among adults; children often witnessed its presence secondhand.
  • Recruitment via “flirty fishing”—women encouraged to use sex with outsiders to ‘show God’s love’ and bring in money: “Essentially they were prostituting themselves for God.” (26:52, Floor)
  • No birth control; constant pregnancies (“My mom would get pregnant again, she was always pregnant, bringing home a baby every year.” (28:18–29:05, Floor))

Internal Contradictions & Attempts to Hide

• Training for External Scrutiny and Police Raids (29:33–33:21)

  • Compound houses had high walls and barbed wire—“We always knew we were being watched.”
  • Children rehearsed responses to authorities: “If someone asks you ‘Are you in a cult?’ we were taught to answer, ‘What’s a sect?’...It was definitely a moment of like, why are we hiding this?” (32:18, Floor)

• Inconsistencies in Rules and Reality (33:32–36:41)

  • Strict controls on clothing, hair, and music (e.g., jeans and pop stars were forbidden as ‘devilish’).
  • Cognitive dissonance: “It was much more of a doctrine of fear rather than a spirituality.” (36:41, Floor)

Leaving the Cult & Aftermath

• Shifting Beliefs and Awakening (36:48–44:01)

  • In her teens Floor realized she wasn’t religious but maintained a private, label-free spirituality: “A big part of the downfall of a group like this was this idea that what you believed, everyone else needed to believe.” (38:40, Floor)
  • Leadership collapse after Berg’s death in 1993 led to fragmentation and the end of the cult’s strict regime.
  • New ‘Charter’ let families splinter off: “We were basically abandoned in Chicago...My parents had no education, really. They’d been out of the world for 20 something years...We had to figure out how to survive.” (44:03, Floor)

• Deprogramming & Defining ‘Cult’ (46:50–49:27)

  • Floor and her sisters began asking questions and seeking normalcy.
  • Floor’s “aha” moment came from a magazine quiz: “Did you grow up in a cult? Take this quiz and find out now...I answered yes to all five.” (48:36–49:27, Floor)

• On Forgiveness and Family Complexity (51:13–55:22)

  • Reflection on her parents as both victims and perpetrators: “If you look at something and you just think, ‘Oh, that’s bad,’ that is not an intelligent way to look at something.” (51:13, Floor)
  • Writing her memoir was a process of understanding and forgiveness, crucial to her healing: “I realized I was not responsible for my trauma or my past, but I was responsible for my own healing.” (53:37, Floor)

Trauma and Ongoing Effects

• Legacy and Support (55:22–57:33)
  • “Trauma never really goes away. It’s kind of like grief.” (55:31, Floor)
  • Community among former cult children remains, but healing is self-driven.
  • To others healing from cult trauma: “It was a personal journey for me of realizing, like, I was not responsible for my trauma...I was more responsible for creating my own story.” (57:08, Floor)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I was never going to live to be an adult. We were supposed to die at the age of 12...I would stay awake at night just thinking of all the possible ways to be a martyr for God.”
  —Floor Edwards (00:28, opening anecdote)

• “I always say if you grew up in the 60s or 70s, you know that you could do one of two things. You join a cult or you join a band.”
  —Floor Edwards (06:19)

• “I thought honestly, like I was a kid, but I was just like, you would laugh it up like, oh my God, this is really funny because these adults were very, very much encouraged to just, you know, have a lot of sex.”
  —Floor Edwards (24:33)

• “As a child, I had two choices: death, or I had to become like a...I mean, literally, like, if you became a woman, you just...became a baby maker...I was terrified of both.”
  —Floor Edwards (42:37)

• “I opened up a magazine, and there was a quiz in there and said, did you grow up in a cult?...I answered yes to all five.”
  —Floor Edwards (48:36)

• “I realized I was not responsible for my trauma or my past, but I was responsible for my own healing.”
  —Floor Edwards (53:37)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Childhood & Constant Movement: 06:01–08:46
• Prophecy & Fear of Death: 08:46–17:23
• Day-to-Day Life Structure: 19:33–20:46
• Sexual Norms & Trauma: 24:10–29:05
• Raids, Secrecy, and ‘Training’: 29:33–33:21
• Early Critical Thinking: 33:32–36:41
• Spirituality After the Cult: 36:48–39:12
• Disintegration of the Cult: 39:12–44:01
• Awakening & Deprogramming: 46:50–49:27
• Reflection on Family: 51:13–55:22
• Legacy, Trauma & Healing: 55:22–57:33
• Advice for Others: 57:08

Flow, Tone, and Takeaways

The episode balances dark and surreal memories with a disarming humor and self-awareness from Floor, as well as empathy and curiosity from Julian. Floor’s matter-of-factness about her trauma and her analytical, at times even amused, tone invites listeners not just to be shocked by cult life, but to understand its complexities and aftermath.

Further Resources

• Book: Apocalypse Child: A Life in End Times by Floor Edwards
• Instagram: whatitwaslikepodcast
• YouTube/TikTok: @whatitwaslikepodcast