What It Was Like

Episode: Lighting Bushfires Made Me Feel Less Alone
Host: Julian Morgans (Superreal)
Date: September 21, 2025

Main Theme

This episode features a rare and deeply intimate conversation with "Steve," a convicted bushfire arsonist in regional Australia. Steve shares his traumatic childhood, the roots of his arson behavior, and the way bushfire lighting became a desperate attempt to belong and be seen. The discussion aims to move beyond demonization, exploring the intersection between trauma and crime, and attempts to empathetically answer: what drives people to become bushfire arsonists?

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background: Who are Bushfire Arsonists?

(03:06–07:19)

• Host Julian Morgans describes the context: arsonists are blamed for devastating Australian bushfires, but their stories are largely absent from public discourse.
• Cites research: up to 50% of bushfires in Australia are deliberately lit (Australian Institute of Criminology, 2008).
• Remembers infamous cases like Brendan Sokolok and notes the mental health complexities often involved.
• Julian’s goal: to find an arsonist willing to talk and explore the "why" behind the crime.

“No one's really just sat down for sort of like an empathetic conversation with a bushfire arsonist. So that was my goal.”
— Julian Morgans (05:04)

2. Introducing Steve: Upbringing and Trauma

(07:19–13:12)

• Steve’s early life: typical small town, family with divorced parents, joined local fire brigade hoping to bond with his father.
• At age 12, his life dramatically changed after being sexually assaulted by his best friend and another older boy.

“I was actually raped by my best friend. The mental anguish and the mental path that it took me on became really dark.”
— Steve (12:49)

• Became withdrawn, angry, and isolated throughout adolescence, bottling up trauma for seven years.

3. Coping and the Fire Brigade's Influence

(13:12–21:12)

• Found a sense of purpose and value in the fire brigade:
  • Learned skills, felt needed for the first time, had a surrogate father figure in the fire captain.
  • Firefighting camaraderie was a rare positive force.
• Steve describes the fire brigade as a place where he finally belonged.

“As part of the fire brigade, I felt I belonged, and I had that feeling of importance and belonging.”
— Steve (11:40)

4. Lighting Fires: Beginnings and Motivations

(28:20–34:38)

• Steve started lighting bushfires before turning 18, driven by boredom, loneliness, and unresolved anger.
• Would drive his mum’s car into the bush, light matches, throw them out the window, then hurry back to activate the fire station and be the local hero.

“Throw some matches out of the window... then I went home and waited.”
— Steve (28:49, 29:16)

• Key motivation: the positive feedback and camaraderie of responding to the fires he secretly created — a way to temporarily escape from his pain and feel significant within a community.

“I felt on top of the world... I was now with the guys and I felt like they were part of my family.”
— Steve (31:26, 31:30)

• Steve insists he was not a "pyromaniac" attracted to fire itself; it was about the emotional reward of belonging.

5. Escalation, Guilt, and Frequency

(34:39–38:17)

• Arson became Steve’s coping mechanism after conflict or emotional stress, similar to someone turning to alcohol.
• Estimates at least 10 fires, possibly more, as fires often spread unpredictably.
• Does not believe he ever killed anyone or destroyed property, but acknowledges likely harm to wildlife.

“Did I want to hurt people? Definitely not. Did I hurt people? Maybe not physically. Possibly mentally.”
— Steve (38:05)

6. The Day He Was Caught

(44:09–48:31)

• On the day Steve was apprehended, he lingered at the scene and was seen by a council worker who recorded his mum’s car number plate.
• The police investigation led to Steve's confession, breaking through his emotional "mask" to reveal a scared, traumatized young man.

“The policeman that I was speaking to... took every single mask off and got to me and found that I was this scared little boy.”
— Steve (47:19)

7. Legal Outcomes and Therapy

(49:38–52:17)

• Steve narrowly avoided prison, being sent for psychological evaluation and mandated therapy.
• Therapy lasted five years, far longer than court-ordered. He credits his counselor as a "guardian angel" guiding him toward self-understanding and recovery.

“My counsellor, I felt, was my guardian angel who come down to help me.”
— Steve (51:55)

• Only in therapy did Steve disclose his childhood sexual assault.

8. Healing, Reflection, and Letting Go

(54:16–56:46)

• Steve wrote a cathartic letter to his abuser, burned it rather than sending it, and felt released from years of guilt.

“The burning of it is a symbolizing of release. Let’s just release to the atmosphere. Let’s just go.”
— Steve (56:24)

• He is now able to discuss his past openly, hoping his story helps break the stigma and aids others dealing with trauma.

“If my story can even help one person understand their story, then I've done well.”
— Steve (56:50)

9. Aftermath: Stigma and Advice

(57:39–60:27)

• Steve’s arrest was front-page news. He was expelled from the fire brigade — the loss of his one positive identity.
• Recovery was long, requiring "time, patience, and dedication."
• Advice for others: reach out for help, whether to a counselor or a trusted friend.

“If they're a true friend, they take you as you are, regardless. And these days, I'm happy who I am. I enjoy being me.”
— Steve (59:38, 60:02)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Age 12, that was a major turning point in my life... I was actually raped by my best friend." — Steve (12:40, 12:49)
• "At that stage I was just like a rag doll... I was the smallest kid in high school for two years." — Steve (17:42)
• "It was the only mechanism that I thought was available." — Steve on firelighting as coping (36:17)
• "That environment [fire brigade] really changed my Persona... Outside that environment, all the negative thoughts came in." — Steve (33:16, 33:30)
• "These days I can talk about it, no problem at all. Occasionally I might get emotional, but that's understandable... If I didn't show emotion, there's a lot more wrong than right." — Steve (56:31, 56:50)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Context and statistics on arson: 03:06–07:19
• Steve's childhood and assault: 07:19–13:12
• Joining fire brigade and sense of belonging: 13:12–21:12
• First fires & motivations: 28:20–34:38
• Arson as emotional escape: 34:39–38:17
• Getting caught and police interview: 44:09–48:31
• Escaping prison, therapy journey: 49:38–52:17
• Letting go of trauma (the letter): 54:16–56:46
• Public shaming, aftermath, advice: 57:39–60:27

Conclusion

This episode offers an unflinching, compassionate look at the life and mind of a bushfire arsonist, reframing the narrative from one of villainy to one of trauma, loneliness, and the desperate search for connection. Steve’s story refuses easy condemnation, illuminating the immense complexity that sits behind headlines and public anger.

Content Note:
This episode discusses child sexual assault and may be distressing for some listeners.

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