Fran Gillespie

Summary

What's Our Podcast? with Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney

Episode: Fran Gillespie

Release Date: August 27, 2025
Host: Headgum
Summary by Podcast Summarizer

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Episode Overview

The debut episode of What's Our Podcast? features comedians Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney, alums of Saturday Night Live and former roommates, as they attempt to answer the question: what should their podcast even be about? To help them solve this existential riddle, they bring in their close friend and frequent collaborator, Fran Gillespie (SNL writer and performer). The episode is a self-aware, meta-experiment in podcasting—mixing rambling improvisation, insider comedy talk, affectionate roasting, and spontaneous concept-building.

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Episode Structure

• [00:00–11:59] – Hosts riff, introduce themselves, toy with the podcast’s meta premise, and warm up
• [12:00–22:45] – Guest Fran Gillespie joins; intro banter, SNL stories, and group dynamics
• [22:45–31:00] – Theme song debate; Fran pitches idea: “Auditions” as a possible podcast format
• [31:00–55:56] – The “Auditions” pilot, including personal stories, awkward auditions, and mock script readings
• [55:56–end] – Debrief, self-rating, further goofing, and loose wrap-up

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Meta-Premise: Making a Podcast About Making a Podcast

• The episode opens mid-banter, emphasizing the lack of a defined format.
• Beck and Kyle explain their hook: “We don’t know what our podcast should be about, so each week a guest tells us.”
• Humorous comparison to Smartless:

  “It's kind of like Smartless, but instead of the guest being a mystery, it's the subject of our show that's the mystery.” (Beck, 02:09)

• The hosts are playfully anxious about the spontaneous format and their own ability to “just talk on a microphone.”

2. Hosts’ Chemistry and Self-Deprecation

• Much of the early conversation is Beck and Kyle gently mocking each other’s habits and podcasting inexperience:
  • “Dude, we're figuring this whole fucking rhythm out right here.” (Kyle, 06:28)
• They acknowledge newness, working out “the rhythm,” and nervousness about the undefined format, but turn this into comedy.

3. Introduction: Fran Gillespie

• Fran is introduced as an SNL colleague and close friend who “grew up” with Beck and is one of the three’s “world” of funny people.
• Amusing group-dynamics banter about being “sisterless men,” familial quirks, and sharing cramped office quarters.
  • “There is something about sisterless brothers…there’s, like, aggression. There's, like, physical play.” (Fran, 15:13)
  • The group jokes about not knowing “basic makeup stuff or clothing names,” and Fran tries to “trick the sisterless boys.”

4. Theme Song Debate

• A running bit involves playing multiple versions of a theme song made by Beck & Kyle and soliciting brutally honest (and comedic) feedback from Fran.
  • “There’s some sort of low tone that is actually making my molars chatter...almost, like, unlistenable.” (Fran, 19:06)
• This segment exemplifies the show’s collaborative, half-serious approach to all creative decisions.

5. Fran’s Podcast Pitch: “Auditions” [23:20]

• Fran suggests the podcast focus should be on “Auditions,” given all three have experienced the trials and tribulations of acting tryouts.
  • “The podcast is about auditions. Because...did you guys meet at the Commit Us auditions?” (Fran, 23:20)
• They discuss the overlap between “auditions” and “tryouts” (sports vs. arts), and how the process is equally humiliating and revealing in both.

6. Developing 'Auditions': Segment Ideas

• The trio brainstorms formats:
  • Sharing “most embarrassing auditions.”
  • “Sliding doors”/“near misses” — auditions that could have profoundly changed their lives.
  • Reading sides from particularly strange or uncomfortable auditions.
  • “There’s something about, like, biggest...something where, like, you either, the...somebody won it and you maybe had a chance.” (Kyle, 25:52)

7. Launching an Auditions Pilot (Mock Podcast Segment) [30:29]

• They re-introduce themselves as if “Auditions” were the real podcast, parodying industry lingo and opening rituals (slating name/height).
  • “You could slate your name and say how tall you are.” (Fran, 28:49)
• Warm, funny mock-theme:

  “Auditions, that's what it's all about. You told us auditions is our podcast. That’s what we’ll talk about with Beck and Kyle and our guest, Fran Gillespie.” (Beck, 30:29)

8. Stories of Audition Horror and Humiliation [31:12–41:00]

• Fran confesses that auditions “always humiliate me,” leading to self-sabotaging lack of preparation.
  • “I think always humiliates me…because I can't really separate the human level of what's happening, which is just so humiliating…” (Fran, 31:23)
• They tell stories of embarrassing or surreal commercial auditions, e.g. Fran being asked to lick a (real) toilet lid for a Hotels.com spot.
• Beck recalls screwing up (“fartsmoan” instead of “smartphone”) at a callback and losing the role to his friend.

9. Sliding Doors Moments

• Kyle shares the story of his first “TV audition” (for Greek on ABC Family)—his fantasies of success, his nerves upon seeing a more famous actor, and bombing the performance.
  • “All of a sudden I’m in some room with other actors a similar age, one of whom was a little famous, was on Seventh Heaven…” (Kyle, 38:48)
  • The request for a glass of water became a running joke; it’s both “relatable” and “dooming” in the eyes of a casting team.
• Fran tells of being a finalist for the Lena Waithe role on Master of None before joining SNL.

10. Mock Audition Scene Reading [43:07–52:08]

• Fran produces sides from an especially uncomfortable self-tape, involving a post-coital scene and a sudden suicide mention, which she performs with Beck.
• The reading quickly devolves into raucous, self-aware commentary about the ridiculousness of audition sides, industry tropes, and their own inability to play such dramatic beats with a straight face.

11. Reflection and Debrief [55:56–end]

• They wrap up by reflecting on the “podcast within a podcast” structure, what worked, and their own performances.
  • “I’m going to give myself an 8...8.5 just because I had fun.” (Beck, 58:05)
  • “I’ll give myself a 7, too.” (Kyle, 58:16)
• Considerations for future structure: jump into the guest’s pitch/segment more quickly, and keep the up-top banter lean.
• Gratitude and affection for Fran’s unflappable, honest presence.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Early Meta-Premise
  “We don't know. And we wanted to start a podcast, and the space is flooded...but nobody, as far as we could tell, was looking for their podcast in their podcast.”
  (Beck, 01:52)

• On Sibling Dynamics
  “There is something about sisterless brothers...there's, like, aggression...a full not understanding of just, like, basic terms that men with sisters know.”
  (Fran, 15:13)

• Theme Song Roast
  “There's some sort of low tone that is actually making my, like, molars chatter...almost, like, unlistenable.”
  (Fran, 19:06)

• Pitching Auditions
  “The podcast is about auditions.”
  (Fran, 23:20)

• On Preparing for Auditions
  “I can't really separate the human level of what's happening, which is just so humiliating...I spend very little time prepping.”
  (Fran, 31:23)

• Audition Horror
  “It was like, so the hotel's so clean you could eat off the toilet...and they had a toilet lid there and they encourage you to lick it.”
  (Fran, 33:49)

• Sliding Doors
  "I almost wonder if it should be...just a free for all...I feel like we'll hit all of that if we just start talking about our audition experiences."
  (Kyle, 27:28)

• Audition Reflection
  “I was going down to San Diego...and incidentally, I was thinking about the Facebook event page...I lived in this future where I had it, and like, everybody was coming over to support me...”
  (Kyle, 38:07)

• On Not Getting the Role
  “I tested to be the Lena Waithe part on Master of None, and it was just Lena and I.”
  (Fran, 53:10)

• Self-Rating and Debrief
  “I thought the auditions podcast was decent. I thought we had good stories...I found myself being sillier than maybe I needed to be.”
  (Kyle, 57:27)

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Memorable and Funny Moments

• Ongoing gentle sibling rivalry; poking fun at each other's conversational styles.
• Theme song critique, with Fran's hilarious, unfiltered reaction to the "tooth-rattling" bass.
• Repeated riff on being “sisterless” and their collective lack of knowledge about “basic makeup stuff.”
• The reading of a post-coital, suicide-referencing scene for an audition self-tape—a masterclass in awkward group comedy.
• The group’s universal recognition of the “sliding doors” heartbreak of auditions that could have changed everything, but ultimately didn’t.
• Self-aware rating and criticism of their own performances throughout the episode.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Notes | |-----------|----------------------------------------------|--------------------------------| | 00:00–11:59 | Opening Banter & Premise Setup | Hosts riff, explain format | | 12:00–22:45 | Fran Gillespie Introduction & Group Chemistry | Candid SNL & sibling dynamics | | 18:44–22:45 | Theme Song Critique | Fran’s brutal feedback | | 23:20–31:00 | Fran Pitches “Auditions” Podcast | Segment brainstorming | | 31:00–41:00 | Audition Horror Stories / Sliding Doors | Humiliating/funny anecdotes | | 43:07–52:08 | Mock Audition Scene Reading | Script read + spontaneous riff | | 55:56–end | Debrief & Self-Rating / Wrap-up | Reflections & closing bits |

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Conclusion

The first episode of What's Our Podcast? is a boisterous, self-aware exploration of comedic chemistry and creative uncertainty. Beck, Kyle, and Fran meander through the process of figuring out what their show should be, land on the universal misery (and comedy) of auditions, and demonstrate that—format or not—the secret is just being themselves, busting each other’s chops, and telling stories no one else could.

For fans:

• Expect future episodes to be equally meta, unscripted, and guest-driven, with a heavy emphasis on real-life comedy experiences, candid stories, and playful mockery among close friends.
• Watch or listen for more moments where the search for a podcast topic becomes the podcast itself.

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Watch on YouTube

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Transcript

[A]

This is a Headgun podcast.

[B]

What's our podcast? What's it gonna be about? Tell us. What's our podcast? What should we talk about with Beck and Kyle? Did we start? We started, right?

[A]

We're rolling.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Wow. First, here we are, Kyle and Bex. Sweet little podcast.

[C]

I've not said anything yet. Because you've just been talking the whole time.

[B]

I will. I thought we were gonna talk. I didn't know that we were taking turns. I didn't know that it was like.

[C]

Get used to it, folk.

[B]

Oh, please. I didn't. Oh, please. You're gaslighting me. You're fucking gaslighting me right away. I'm right out of the gate. I didn't do anything wrong. Who are you looking at? Who are you looking at? This is a. Stop looking at them. That's. That's completely.

[C]

And we're live.

[B]

Yeah, get used to that, folks. A lot of he. He said, he said. And Kyle doing certain looks that you can't hear on the podcast.

[C]

That's a good point.

[B]

Yeah. Come on. Think about our. I mean, you can obviously watch this podcast.

[C]

That's a good. Yeah, that's a good point. Just to keep in YouTube, to keep it audible.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I'm Kyle Mooney.

[B]

I'm Beck Bennett.

[C]

And this is our podcast called.

[B]

What's our Podcast?

[C]

It's a podcast about us trying to figure out. Trying to figure out what our podcast should be about.

[B]

Yeah, that is true. We'll bring on people, people, guests, to.

[C]

Potentially help us figure out what the. What the podcast should be.

[B]

Should be about.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or what it should be. Yeah. What it should be about and what it should be.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Because we don't know. And we wanted to start a podcast, and the space is flooded with all sorts of stuff. You know, everybody's got. Everybody's doing their thing, but nobody, as far as we could tell, was looking for their podcast in their podcast.

[C]

We think this is a completely original idea.

[B]

Oh, 100%. It's so. It's probably the most original podcast idea out there, but it's kind of like Smartless, but instead of the guest being a mystery, it's the subject of our show is a mystery. So I was initially interested in calling this Smartless 2, but. 2. Because there's two guys, and in Smartless, there's three guys.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's like Smartless.

[B]

No, but it's braver, I think. I think it's more braver.

[C]

I mean, the.

[B]

Because we.

[C]

Is it fair to say I didn't I didn't mean to interrupt you. Go ahead.

[B]

Well, it's br. It's braver is what I was saying. And it's because immediately.

[C]

First three minutes, going after Smartless.

[B]

No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

[C]

I know.

[B]

I love those guys. I love that. I love the. I love the gang. This. It's why I got into podcasts. Oh, I do listen. I do listen. If Smartless is out there listening, I do listen. And I love.

[C]

That's cool.

[B]

That's cool. But so the. Just to let everybody know what happens is we'll have our guest on. We don't know. Know what? They're going to be pitching us as what our podcast should be. We're going to have a guest on, and they are going to say, this is what I think your podcast should be about. It'll be the first time we've heard it, and then we will talk about why it should be our show, what they think should happen.

[C]

Yeah. Well, maybe we should sort of explain why we're doing this, because I think it's unfair to say that we think this is the most creative idea ever. I think there's also some sort of genuine emotion and feeling that, like, we don't know what. We've talked about doing a podcast, but we don't know what it should be about. And so we thought, yeah, there. Maybe we can have people help us. I also feel like, yes, we've never. This is not. I don't consider this a strength. I don't consider, like, just talking on a microphone to be something that I'm great at.

[B]

Sure. Yeah. I mean, I. Yeah, I don't know if I am or not, because I've never done it.

[C]

Right.

[B]

I could get good at it.

[C]

Absolutely. I would like to hope. I would. I would think that we will get better, assuming we do this for a while.

[B]

I mean, there. There are. There are showers and growers and I mean, like, as people like, typically not.

[C]

Because I thought you're talking about something else.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not talking about Cox. Okay, you're talking about Cox now. We're both talking about Cox. How did that happen right away?

[C]

Is your goal besides growing as a.

[B]

Podcaster And a human.

[C]

And a human. Do you feel like at the end of this, I. I hope to find a subject that's like, oh, that should be our pod. Our podcast should be about that. Do you think it's possible that we will learn from either guests or from ourselves? Like, I think we should just stick with this thing. That some.

[B]

That maybe. I don't think that's the goal for me is that, like, I think the goal is to. I mean, we. In a way, we will figure out what the podcast is by searching for what it should be about.

[C]

Right.

[B]

But I don't know if we're gonna land on a topic and then stick with it. Do you think that's possible? I mean, that would be great.

[C]

I think it's possible. I don't. Yeah, I don't know that it's. That it's something I'm, like, losing sleep over or anything like that, but we are coming up with this and making it on the spot. We did. I'm not trying to brag.

[B]

No, you can brag.

[C]

But the. This. What's our podcast type title?

[B]

Title? Show art.

[C]

Show art. Yeah, I just did that probably what, 15 minutes before we started recording.

[B]

You just, like, you just. You just straight up just started writing on a post. It.

[C]

I was like, there's like, we need some title art. Okay, hang on. Do we have a pen? And I'm like, I. Because, like, that's.

[B]

Everybody was freaking out.

[C]

Give me one second. Oh. Give me one second.

[B]

I'm sorry, brother. I didn't know. I honestly didn't know you were talking. I didn't know. I didn't.

[C]

It's all good. Some people don't notice when I'm talking.

[B]

A lot of people don't notice when you're talking. And that's kind of like what we're going to learn about you.

[C]

And it's all good. It's all good. I was just.

[B]

Dude, we're figuring this whole fucking rhythm out right here.

[C]

I was just gonna. All I was gonna say is that I love to create.

[B]

That is really sweet.

[C]

And that's an example of me creating and. Oh, and why don't we go and. Can we go and. Let's. Why don't you. Let's. Why don't we go. Let's go ahead and hear podcast theme song.

[B]

What do you. Oh, fuck. Wait. What happened to you? What happened? Are we putting these on? Is this how we hear it through here?

[C]

Maybe Casey's back there.

[B]

What's our podcast? That's. What's it going to be all about? Tell us what's our podcast. What should we talk about with Beck and Kyle? Yes.

[C]

Cool. What? And is that a B or C? That was A.

[B]

Okay, I think that's. That's a good one.

[A]

Do you want to hear B?

[C]

Yeah, let's go with B. We go. Beck and I made a Couple handful of options here.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know if you guys can tell, but me and Kyle made this song. What's our podcast? That's me right there. What's it gonna be all about? Tell us what's our podcast. What should we talk about with Beck and Kyle?

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Wow. That is kind of sexy.

[C]

Like Optimus Prime.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. With Beck and Kyle. With Beck and Kyle.

[C]

Autobots, roll out.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do it like you. You do it much better than me.

[B]

Autobots, roll out.

[C]

Well, no, do Optimus.

[B]

Wait, what does he say? See, I gotta put my podcast kind of similar. I think it's podcast. What should we talk about with Beck and Kyle? That is. What is the. What would you say is the direction for that read of. With Beck and Kyle?

[C]

With Beck and Kyle. I think that's. That might have been sort of like Nickelodeon esque. Like just sort of like we're weird and goofy.

[B]

Yeah. Nickelodeon Interstitial video.

[C]

Yeah, I think that. Man, I'm getting.

[B]

Getting a lot of.

[C]

Getting a notification that we got to record our podcast on my Google.

[B]

Just to let everybody know, this is our first time recording the podcast.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And so we have a timer right now that we were gonna make this section 10 minutes long.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And now it's. Now we're going on to 11 minutes and.

[C]

Wait, should I. Should we look at the. To see if there's anything we wanted.

[B]

To talk about base on. Yeah, we have a little clip.

[C]

Yeah. We haven't talked about how. How long we've known each other and stuff like that.

[B]

I think a couple.

[C]

How do you feel about starting a podcast? Personal strengths, weaknesses? Kind of. I kind of went into that a little bit. You didn't really bite.

[B]

Wait, what?

[C]

Wait, how do you feel about your code? What do you think their strengths and weaknesses are? That could get. That could get a little bit awkward, sir. That could get a little bit weird if we went into our strengths and weaknesses.

[B]

I'm kidding, dude. That was like a.

[C]

No, that's good for the show. That's exactly what our listeners want. Something like this. And I've officially passed away, folks.

[B]

Let's move on.

[C]

Okay, so we're gonna have. We have a guest coming in to help us figure out what our podcast should be about.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Her name is.

[B]

Wait.

[C]

Should we wait until she. Wait until she.

[B]

Before we get there, I will say on a sweet level, we've been friends a long time. We're doing something new together, and I'm very excited to do it with you and I. Yeah. That's all I have to say, I feel.

[C]

Yeah, I feel the same way. And it's scary because it is. Like you said, it's untreaded water. Is that the phrase? Uncharted. Uncharted territory. Territory.

[B]

Uncharted water and territory.

[C]

The dark shit.

[B]

Uncharted territory.

[C]

I feel like opening the show was very difficult, but I think we found something.

[B]

Oh, What? These last 15 minutes?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

I think it was great.

[C]

Okay. And I do feel bad about sort of just playing to the camera too much.

[B]

Yeah, that was really bad.

[C]

But that I am kind of like. I accept that. I accept that. I accept that.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

But I do think you kind of got to a good point that maybe it will draw our listeners to see what was happening on the video feed.

[B]

Yeah. Because we are filming, and you're going to want to listen and watch every single episode separately.

[C]

Yes. If you can single them up and play them at the same time, it's going to be totally wild, man.

[A]

Your camera's over here, by the way.

[B]

Dude, you don't know how to podcast.

[C]

In a podcast studio. The wide shot.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is fine, too. But it's like, if you want your.

[B]

Private moment, it's okay. Yeah. If you want to do one of these kind of things where you're kind.

[C]

Of like, that is something I should have clarified before. And it makes full sense. But that's going to play on the wide, right? Yeah, it plays on the wide. Okay.

[B]

Oh, this is gonna be. Dude, this is gonna be fun.

[C]

Things I wish I knew about 15 minutes ago. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our show. Okay, my question is, should we introduce our guest now or should we take a break and introduce.

[A]

She's right outside.

[B]

Oh, she is.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Well, we don't know how to do this podcast.

[C]

Yeah, this is so. This could be awkward. This. We have our first guest on the very first episode of what's our podcast.

[B]

With Beck and Kyle. Wait. Oh, what?

[C]

I thought it was gonna be Beck.

[B]

Bennett and Kyle Mooney with Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney.

[C]

Well, I thought I was gonna say Kyle Mooney with Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney.

[B]

Perfect.

[C]

That was good. We need to give you a proper introduction. This is Fran Gillespie, our very close friend and collaborator who worked with us at Saturday Night Live and is also a very close pal.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

Anything you want to add?

[B]

Fran and I grew up together.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

We all worked together at Saturday Night Live for years, shared an office together, and Fran is one of the funniest people in the world. I guess, you know, As a performer and a writer and.

[C]

Has anyone ever said that to you before? Fran, in the world, like, I don't know.

[A]

I do feel like in intros, people tend to be hyperbolic. And so in the world, I feel like maybe on a podcast or in a show, because. Yeah, I feel like it sort of rolls off the tongue. Maybe in the world.

[B]

Yeah, well, yeah, maybe just like our.

[A]

World, you know, like, they don't qualify. Because walking it back is actually gonna feel uncomfortable.

[B]

By world, I meant, like, the three of us in this room. I'm sorry. I did not.

[C]

And, Fran, I do wanna apologize for backing.

[B]

I'm so sorry.

[C]

He's a little newer at this than I am.

[B]

I really am.

[A]

And it's both your first podcast.

[C]

Yeah. But, like, I kind of, like, I kind of come from a family.

[B]

You come from. I come from a family.

[A]

You actually come from versions of the same family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is the three brothers.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Which I think is not a coincidence. Oh, three brothers.

[C]

You think that we are. Like, we've melded ourselves?

[A]

Well, I gotta say, I feel like. And this is not an insult, but I feel like there is.

[C]

It's pretty small, buddy.

[A]

I feel like. What is it?

[B]

Is that. It's pretty small, buddy.

[A]

This is not an insult, but it's.

[C]

The smallest one I've ever seen.

[A]

Can't do much down there.

[B]

It's not an insult.

[A]

Not an insult. But there is something about sisterless brothers. Oh, sisterless men.

[B]

And. And what is that something? Well, and you don't. You don't. You don't have to. If you have it on the tip, you know, ready to fire.

[C]

You got to be ready to fire.

[B]

What is it? I kind of gave you a second.

[C]

And you didn't say it right away. You always got to have something ready ready to rock.

[A]

Like, now, you both have had partners for many years, so maybe this has changed. But, like, don't know basic makeup stuff or names of clothes.

[B]

I thought you say, like, don't know how to wipe clean the toilet, by the way, there's food from last year.

[A]

On your counter, but absolutely, that's part of it. I think men who have brothers and not sisters, there's, like, aggression. There's, like, physical play. That doesn't really happen when you have sisters. And. And there's also sort of like a full not understanding of just, like, basic terms that men with sisters know. Like. Like the ballet or, like, different types of maxi pad.

[B]

Oh, and we know we've got Ultra. You've got slim yes.

[A]

How about wings? How about wings?

[B]

Oh, did not know about wings.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Extra wide.

[C]

I believe yellow is one as well.

[A]

Yellow. It's just sort of.

[C]

Oh. I was like, give me the yellow, Max Pets.

[A]

I'm like, okay, okay. They already have pee inside. Normally you pee in them.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But it is. I find both of you have a quality of sisterless.

[C]

Yeah, that's fair.

[B]

Yeah, that's fair.

[A]

But that's not a lack because you both have brothers, and so there is also, like, you grew up sharing and, you know, whatever.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you're both. Oh, no, sorry. Your middle and your youngest. Yeah, sorry.

[B]

And we both had a mom and dad.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you had a lot of siblings.

[A]

Yes, that's true.

[B]

You're one of five.

[A]

Yes, that's true. And so I do think that there is. And I had many brothers, so I. I feel like us sharing an office, there was not. I hadn't ever seen there. There's. There was not, like, things I didn't know would happen because it was tight quarters for the three of us. And I feel like I was never. I was never shocked.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Now, do you think if we were to, let's say, call up your brother, Colin Gillespie.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

How many maxi pads do you think he could rifle off?

[A]

A lot. Literally every single flavor.

[C]

Okay. And.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there are. And we didn't. So, Kyle, I didn't know that there were flavors.

[A]

I'm tricking you.

[B]

Oh, you're tricking. You're tricking us.

[C]

She's tricking us.

[B]

Trying to trick the sisterless boys.

[C]

Trying to trick us on our first episode.

[B]

Are these the kind of tricks you play on sisterless Guys?

[C]

That's actually a good name for the podcast.

[B]

Yeah. We can be sisterless.

[A]

This is also. I live with a sisterless man, so these are also observations.

[C]

I think it's all good.

[A]

And I would say.

[C]

Please go ahead and finish talking.

[A]

Well, I would say that I. That you two are my closest male friends. And then I also live with sisterless. So it's observations I've made over the.

[C]

And I want to say, like, I'm not insulted. I think it's.

[B]

You're not assaulted.

[C]

I'm insulted.

[B]

Okay. And your eyes are closed for the people who can't see what's happening right now.

[A]

He's closing his eyes because he's fighting back tears.

[B]

He doesn't want to be in reality anymore.

[C]

You always come with such an amazing energy. You tell it like it is. And I love. I'm not insulted.

[B]

It's like A little. It's like a guy, a little kid putting on his invisibility blanket. He doesn't exist.

[C]

It's easier for him to get started with the show. So, anyway, Fran brought.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So, Fran, before. Before we get into. We should get into the. Your. Your pitch for what our podcast should be about. As you can see, you see, we're sort of. We are figuring it out, and it's. Some of it's. Some of it's good, some of it's not so good. So we have. We. There's. There's work that has to be done. Oh, you know what? Before we hear your pitch, can you weigh in on which theme song you like the best?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[C]

Okay. We got a.

[B]

We're listening to all of them. Let's see. Here we go. That's a good reaction. What should we talk about with Beck and Kyle? Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Okay. There's some sort of low tone that is actually making my, like, molars chatter.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. And.

[C]

And I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'll take the blame for that one.

[B]

Yeah. And that's. I think that's Kyle on his machine right here.

[A]

It's, like, so violent.

[C]

And I didn't. And I had no. And when we. When we listened to it, we weren't feeling that violence. But now that we know that it's.

[B]

We were kind of thinking something easy, chill, casual, like, just there.

[A]

There's just one sort of, like, very low tone.

[C]

Can we just take down the bass a little bit in Franz headphones, maybe?

[B]

Yeah, bring up the. Bring down the bass. Bring up the treble.

[A]

I did like it, though.

[C]

That was a.

[B]

That was a.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Truly, the only difference is at the very end, just so you're aware.

[A]

Oh, God.

[C]

Okay, so here's b.

[B]

What's our podcast? What's it gonna be about? Tell us. What's our podcast. What should we talk about with Beck and Kyle?

[A]

Okay. I'm not noticing one difference.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

But there is a very low tone.

[C]

Okay. And we're gonna fix that.

[B]

Still rattling your teeth.

[C]

We will fix that later.

[A]

Almost, like, unlistenable.

[C]

Okay, okay. And that's a fair critique. We've never done this before. That's fair.

[B]

We've never made a podcast song before. We don't know exactly what comes up.

[C]

And I will take the blame for that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'm not insulted.

[B]

Yeah, Kyle. That's fully. Kyle. I'm the one singing.

[C]

Why don't we say we go ahead.

[B]

And hear the line?

[C]

Option C, maybe take down the bass a little bit. Maybe take the.

[B]

It just kind of started the bass.

[C]

Down a little bit in France.

[A]

Yeah, we can't.

[B]

Yeah, we can't.

[C]

Okay, let's leave the bass where it's at and sort of go ahead and listen to options.

[B]

Rolling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What should we talk about with Beck and Kyle?

[C]

Okay, so this seems like Fran.

[B]

For the listeners who can't see what's happening. Fran is kind of just, like, stuck in space, just kind of, like, frozen. Well, because she's feeling it. She's. She's going through it.

[A]

It's interesting.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. And we can take. If you want to. We can take the headphones off. Unless there's. That was perfect.

[A]

It's interesting because they're all really, really similar.

[C]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

They are the same song.

[C]

The only difference is with Beck and Kyle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I feel like, just generally, you guys probably have, on average, like, 200 things to do every day because both of you are dads, and, you know, let's just take this one off the table.

[C]

Well, we've done it. We've recorded it.

[A]

I know, but you.

[B]

I think, to Fran's point, it's not. What's our podcast song? The podcast. Right.

[A]

What?

[C]

Oh, that's the point she was making.

[B]

No. I thought you said you shouldn't spend every podcast trying to figure out what the song is.

[A]

No. Oh, my God. Definitely not.

[B]

Okay, good to know.

[A]

But no. You really were gonna ask every time?

[B]

Every single guest? No. No. We don't know. I don't think so. I think just you.

[C]

Okay. We just wanted creative input or thoughts. But you've said it. You came in an honest way, and again, like a truthful way that I think is really cool.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Why are you mad?

[B]

Don't. Don't be mad at Fran. She's our friend. She's our first guest.

[C]

This is not mad.

[B]

You almost.

[C]

This is not mad.

[B]

Me and Fran are sitting over here both scared of you right now. Like, whoa.

[C]

We've never really seen this. I don't know why people think I'm mad.

[B]

Sisterless bro. Sisterless man. Sisterless man.

[A]

Sisterless man.

[C]

All right, let's go ahead and talk about what you. We want to know what. We want to know. Fran, you have an idea for our podcast. We want to know what it is.

[A]

Honestly, face it, I'm trying to just. I really actually don't care, but I am trying to tell you, like, you. You're. You're sitting in gold with all three of those. So I would say just move On.

[B]

And that's why.

[C]

And that's why you got the answer we want.

[B]

And that's why. That's why you're here. You're a pro, and you. You bring it.

[C]

Yeah. Okay. So, Fran, you have an idea for what our podcast should be about. Is that right?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

What, may I ask, what is it?

[A]

Okay. The podcast is about auditions.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Because.

[B]

Very cool.

[A]

And let me. Because I might be wrong. Did you guys meet at the Commitus auditions?

[C]

Yes. In fact, can I.

[B]

Hang on.

[C]

Check this.

[A]

You met. So they went to USC together, and the first week of school.

[B]

School.

[A]

They both auditioned to be in the improv group. Commit Us Interruptus.

[B]

That is correct.

[A]

Give us money and corrupt us.

[B]

That's. That's in the song. We sang a song before every show. It's kind of. It's kind of like that's what we're doing right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

This was. We were already on the troop, but this is a flyer for auditions.

[A]

Oh, my God, that is so cute. Oh, my God, that is so cute. So Rutherford. And who's the other guy?

[B]

That's Billy.

[C]

Good one, silly Billy. Goodwin.

[B]

Silly Billy.

[A]

Good one, silly Billy. Now, so I thought audition because it's how you guys met, but also you guys in your lives. Now. I went back and forth between audition and tryout because obviously tryout is affiliated with sports and audition is affiliated with the arts. But also, this is a tryout or audition episode.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because it's the first one.

[B]

Wow, that's perfect.

[C]

It's such a great parallel. Yeah.

[A]

Because Beck played sports, I played sports, and Kyle played sports.

[C]

Kyle played sports.

[B]

Oh, you played sports. Like, no real sports.

[A]

Sports tryouts are also really, really funny.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, auditions are obviously like.

[C]

And I don't even think they can be treacherous.

[A]

Treacherous. This is such well worn territory. But, like, a huge part of getting on SNL is the audition process. But also auditions are humiliating. You guys have both been in commercials and shows, and, like, auditions are so, so embarrassing. So part of auditions, I thought is. Is like the sides. Like, out of context sides.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, sure.

[A]

And maybe your most embarrassing audition or your most embarrassing audition sides.

[C]

Well, this is a good.

[A]

Someone who's prepping for an audition, you read the sides with them, that sort of thing.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

This is. We could start kind of coming up with what our segments are because you just started pitching some. I feel like I have a pitch for a segment.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Or something to talk about, which I don't even know that I know the answer to in regards to auditions. But, like, there's something about, like, biggest. I want to say blown audit, but something where, like, you either, you know, like, the. Somebody won it and you maybe had a chance or something like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Or there's something like near misses or maybe. Or maybe near misses or maybe even, like, farm. Like, it's like, well, I put myself on tape for this thing, and, like, they ended up going with da, da, da, da. Like, I'm not even close to that.

[A]

I. Fully a near miss. Where you think, like, I know we've all had this because we definitely, definitely all put the time in. In our 20s where we all were just, like, doing the work and had no money. And I'm sure there were moments in our 20s where it was like, fuck, if I get this, it will change my life. And then you don't get it. And you're like. It's like a sliding doors where you're like, if I had gotten that.

[C]

Oh, I've got a good one.

[B]

Okay, wait. Yeah, if I had gotten that.

[A]

If I. It could be called sliding door. And it's like. Because I have one of those, too, where it's like, if this had happened, my entire life would be different. Fully. Fully.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I know that, like, people say, like, oh, you get on SNL and it changes your life, which it does. I know it has for the three of us, but, like, if we got something before that, like, how would our lives be different? I mean, my entire life would be different.

[B]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[C]

I almost wonder if it should be, because we've talked about most embarrassing, most memorable, and that was sliding doors slash near misses. But it's almost like, maybe we just do a free for all, like, kind of audition. Like. Like, Like. Because I feel like we'll hit all of that if we just start talking about our audition experiences.

[A]

Yeah, totally. And then also, just as a little piece of prep, I brought insides from an audition that embarrassed me.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Great.

[B]

Great. So now it's for the podcast that. Are we gonna, like, just hear me out.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We could just start talking about auditions or. But we're gonna go in. We're gonna go into the podcast about auditions now. We're literally figuring this out.

[C]

I. My.

[B]

Because, yeah.

[C]

My thought. Yes. I think there should be a separation. I think we should reintroduce the show. Like, this is, like. Because we're talking generally about it now. We can. Once we. Once we make the distinction that the new podcast is starting, then it's like, all right, guys, let's talk about podcasts. I want To. I want to hear Fran, reader sides. I want to hear your near misses. But, like.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Is that answering your question?

[B]

Yeah, I think so. Because I want to start talking about my auditions, but I'll wait for the actual podcast of it. Does that make sense?

[A]

I think yeah. So we're gonna. We're gonna then say, okay, welcome to auditions.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Or you know how you start a podcast? You could slate your name and say how tall you are.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

Like, auditions could start, and then it would be like. And will you shave?

[C]

And then at the end of the.

[A]

At the.

[C]

At the. At the end of the show. At the end of the show.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Fran, you got the part. Thank you for being on our podcast. That is so disgusting. Yeah, that was. I just always want to say that my most wildest dreams. Send this to. To our producers. Okay.

[B]

Oh, perfect. And then are we going to insert auditions into the.

[C]

Yeah, sure. Do you want to. I mean, I know you. I know. I kind of have an idea how you feel about the theme song stuff. Fran.

[A]

No, we can play the theme song.

[C]

Well, we have it. Well, we have. We can do a special version that sort of tailors it to our new show.

[A]

Yeah. You know what you could do is play version A and then just off the cuff, add, like, it's auditions.

[C]

Yeah. I think you're like, what you hear. Okay. Did you guys get my text message? I got it. Should we. Are we starting with theme song, or are we cold open?

[B]

I think we start with the theme song.

[C]

We could. Because we could go, hey, I'm Kyle Mooney. I'm Beck Bennett, and this is auditions. No, you may be right. Let's start.

[B]

Over. Start over. Start over. Okay.

[A]

Sorry, I just thought you guys nailed it.

[B]

Oh, great. Perfect. Very cool. Auditions. That's what it's all about. You told us. Auditions is our podcast. That's what we'll talk about with Beck and Kyle and our guest, Fran Gillespie. Wow.

[C]

Wow, this is so exciting.

[B]

What's up, everybody? This is the auditions podcast where we talk about auditions.

[C]

Yes. Being an actor is.

[B]

Hi, Fran. Thanks for being here.

[C]

It's a tough business.

[A]

Yes, completely. I'm so happy to be here to talk about this specifically, because they can be harrowing.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, they can be harrowing. They can be chilling, really scary, spooky stuff.

[C]

Yeah. Have you always had an interest in. Have you always had an interest in acting and theater? How did you get involved?

[B]

No.

[A]

I. Yes, I guess I always had an interest, but auditioning is something that I think always humiliates Me, I also think it's because I can't really separate the human level of what's happening, which is just so humiliating to be human to human. Sort of like, you know, here, here I am and this is me doing this. I also think that because auditioning humiliates me, I spend very little time prepping.

[B]

Ooh, yeah, the old. The old self sabotage. I could have gotten it, but I didn't prep.

[A]

I just don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about it at all. And I also think, like, there are different levels of auditions where, like, commercial auditions, I think can be particularly.

[C]

Yeah, I have. Yeah. A lot of Beck and I both come from sort of the commercial acting background, as do, I guess, most improv and sketch people coming up in the mid aughts.

[A]

Yes, it was because you sort of like heard the myth of like, oh, my God, this person booked a commercial and then they were set financially for like a year. But that never really happens.

[C]

I will say I've been on both sides of the audition. I have been the auditionee and been the person helping to choose who is chosen. And it has given the whole process a more dynamic perspective.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Maybe lessened the fear and in total. But yeah. I'm curious, is there a significant audition, like right out of the bat that this sticks out? This is something I immediately think about when the word audition is said.

[B]

And it could be good or bad.

[A]

Well, a really, like, off kilter. But I don't really think about it because it wouldn't have really changed my life. But when you. When you think about, like, humiliating, I. It was like a hotels.com or some sort of commercial in that area. And it was like, so the hotels so clean you could eat off the toilet and they had a toilet lid there and they encourage you to lick it.

[B]

Oh, damn.

[C]

And did you lick it?

[A]

I think I got as close as possible.

[B]

And were they like, you licked it? Oh, my God, she actually licked it.

[A]

Oh, she's an actual toilet lid. You know how sometimes like a prop in an audition will be like.

[C]

And just a piece of cardboard.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or like it was a toilet lid.

[B]

I mean, this is maybe a weird idea, but I feel like in the audition it could have been like. And bring something to lick. Yeah, like bring something you feel. Bring your own prop to lick.

[C]

Similar things have occurred before. Bring like a. Something to eat or something.

[B]

I. One of the. For me, the worst my commercial audition flub that comes up is me and Sean Clements. Me and Sean were auditioning for, like, a Iron Man Galaxy.

[C]

I think I got that part with Sean.

[B]

He got it. Oh, did you guys do it together?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

An Iron Man Galaxy, huh?

[B]

Like a flip phone. It was a smartphone, and in the audition, it was me and Sean in the callback, and I said, fartsmoan.

[C]

Fartsmoan.

[B]

Instead of smartphone. Instead of smartphone.

[C]

That's pretty bad.

[B]

And he, like, he made fun of it. He had, like, a response that got a big, like, in character. In character. Like, okay, man. Yeah. I think we got bigger problems. This guy's saying fartsmo or something. Got a huge laugh. And then he got the commercial with you. I forgot that he got it.

[C]

I don't. I.

[A]

Well, at Kyle's audition, he went in and he was like, I heard somebody said fart fartsmoan.

[B]

And he took down his pants and ripped ass and then he got it. That's how he always gets it. It's like some people just.

[C]

It does sound like a crazy audition. I was thinking about these auditions that I'm not going to try to reference the previous, whatever, 45 minutes we were talking to Fran. But there was this notion of auditions that felt like they could have changed your life.

[A]

Yes, Completely.

[C]

I had one that. And often I think in reality, they probably won't change your life. Life. I bet in that sliding.

[B]

When you're in your 20s and you don't have any money and you're like, okay.

[C]

And I. And I'm excited to hear if there's one. I had my very, like, first, I think, TV audition. Like, not a TV series audition, not commercial. A person had seen me perform at our friend Nick Rutherford standup show and was like, I want you. I'm, like, nervous to, like, mention the series or anything.

[A]

I think we. You just can.

[B]

You can. Yeah, right.

[A]

You're like, naming the show, especially we.

[B]

Need to go viral. As soon as.

[C]

I was given the opportunity to audition for an episode of Greek, which was a Show on Classics, ABC Family, I believe, in probably 2008.

[B]

Clark Duke.

[C]

Yes, exactly. It's about college kids. And I think whatever stage performance I had done, I was probably, like, being a little awkward. And, like, it felt like this character that had. Was like a guest star for the. For the episode.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Was sort of awkward. Ish. And I remember. And I remember being so honored that I was getting the chance to audition for a TV episode and reading the sides and being like, I really think I could do this. And I got the sides on, let's say a Thursday or a Friday, and the Audition was on Monday.

[B]

Yeah, the whole weekend.

[C]

I had the whole weekend. And incidentally, I was going down to San Diego, I think, to see family. But on the train, I was reading my lines, but I had already begun imagining this universe where I had. Because this was something that was happening back then was people would post, like, Facebook events that, like, we're doing viewing party of my episode of the OC or whatever it was, and, like, would invite folks to come to their house to watch it. And, like, I, like, went so far as to, in my head, you know, type this out the time, maybe come up with some bits for, like, what the, like, event.

[B]

Wow, you were thinking about the Facebook event page. Slowly.

[C]

I lived in this future where I had it, and, like, everybody was coming over to support me and learned the lines over the course of the weekend. I think I did prepare as well as I could. My manager at the time was like, call me if anything comes up. Call me after the audition. I want to know how it goes. And this was on one of the big studios. It was at Warner Brothers or something like that. And I get in there, and all of a sudden I'm in some room with other actors a similar age, one of whom was a little famous, was on seventh Heaven. Who.

[B]

You're aware of who was on. Who lived on my. The floor of my dorm. Yes.

[C]

And I was like, oh, he's here.

[A]

Wait, was it the blonde guy?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And so now I'm. Now the nerve. I'm starting to, like, feel the nerves because, like, okay, this is a real. This isn't mine necessarily.

[B]

You realize that you might have some competition. Yeah.

[C]

And that it's a real thing.

[A]

And this wasn't a callback. This was just the first audition.

[C]

The very first audition and also, very first audition of my life as a tv. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I get brought into the room, and it's like a kind of conference room style, like a table with a director, a couple producers, et cetera. And I have. I have the lines, and they're like, all right, whenever you're ready. And I'm like, may I have some water?

[A]

Oh, no. You asked them.

[B]

You asked them.

[A]

Why did you need water?

[C]

Cause I was like, my mouth is going fully dry. And I was like, thank you so much.

[A]

You know what? It's so.

[B]

I bet that's, like, so charming, though.

[C]

And then I read it, and it was just, like, so flat and, like, you know, you can just feel like they're like, okay, yeah, yeah, let's. Okay, let's do it.

[B]

Cool.

[C]

Let's do it one more time. And yeah, you know. Yeah, I would say, you know, maybe you're just a little prouder on that second line. And yeah, let's, let's, let's go for it.

[B]

I know how to do that.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

I know how to do that. I can do. Yeah, I know how to do that.

[A]

Can I get some more water?

[B]

Did it again.

[C]

Probably did just as badly. And then, like, called my manager after I was like, that did not go good.

[A]

At least you knew. At least you knew. You know, you saying, can I have some water? Is so like being on the other side and watching auditions and being. And casting things. When people ask for like, actually can I go to the bathroom? Or like, do I have time to like, go do this? You're always like, absolutely. But then you're also sort of like, why the fuck did they choose to do that? Like, you're, you're always gonna be like, if someone has a basic need and is like, I'm sorry, I'm like, don't feel well. You're like, absolutely. Head on home. And then you're like, the fuck?

[B]

What was that?

[C]

Well, you're never gonna be in our TV show.

[B]

You can't handle showing up to this 10 minute audition without.

[C]

Well, and the reality is like, I do.

[B]

You wait a long time.

[C]

I think it's very. I think it's decently likely that at the end of the day they're like, then the guy asked for water.

[A]

Yeah, no, I mean, like, occasionally I do think that you can be like, that was strange. If it's like a full outlier. But it is so funny. And even when you're like getting ready to shoot something and people have been sitting around all day and it's like, here we go. And someone's like, do I have time to go to the bathroom? It's like, right now. Yeah, of course.

[B]

That's your boy right here. That's me coming at you right now. Yeah, I wait until they call me. I'm like, let me just get this out real quick.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, I mean, I try not to, but I always.

[C]

And you guys would have experienced this. And I know you were doing commercial audition, I imagine. I imagine mostly in New York. Is that right?

[A]

Yeah, I never did.

[C]

Beck and I were pretty much exclusively in la. I really loved the culture of commercial auditioning. Like kind of the, the moment when you're brought in before you audition with all the other actors for them, for the casting director to go through what the bit is and like, I'm sure both of you have heard me say this before, but, like, it would be like a guy being like, he's. He's. He's seen a bunch of actors over the course of the day. So he's like, all right, so here's what it is. You're going to sit down in the seat. You're driving along. Cop cars driving right past you. He sees that you're in the Doritos. Guys, this should be dry. Think the office. Okay. You're chewing them. And. And everybody's gather. All the actors are gathered around watching this. And, like, there's always, like, two dudes who are like. Like, like very overtly and loudly, like, hilarious. That's so funny.

[B]

And also, this is a really great spot. Really great spot. Love the spot.

[A]

I also think there's always someone that at the end will be like, thank you. And you're like, what? This person is nothing.

[B]

Okay, wait.

[C]

Go ahead, please.

[B]

No, no, you, you, you, you, you, you. No, no, no, no.

[C]

I want to hear what sides.

[B]

Okay, so this is the part in the podcast where we always.

[C]

Oh, yeah, maybe we can do. Can we bring up one of those instrumentals? Casey or Anya. Thank you. Fran Razer. Sides. You didn't like that? I actually thought that.

[B]

I think it was in my head.

[C]

It played well.

[B]

Yeah. That was, like, straight off the dome.

[A]

I did like the energy.

[B]

Okay, now, do you want us to read with you?

[A]

Yes. But I actually need to just go through this because here's what embarrassed me about was calling for it to be, like, post coital. And, like, what does that mean? It means, well, you've only ever been pre coital, so. Oh.

[B]

And we all.

[C]

It's all good.

[B]

We know what coital's all about. Yeah. Coitus interrupt us.

[A]

Yay.

[B]

This is our comedy group. Post coital.

[C]

It'll do anything at these auditions. All right, go ahead.

[A]

Okay. It just was sort of like, I'll say this, and I'm going to say the name, but I won't say the show, even though it's since been canceled. And it was like, hey, I mean, I don't act a lot. I. My. I primarily am a writer. So it's like, hey, they requested you. And you feel excited.

[B]

You're like, oh, I'm going to get this. Mine to lose. Then they requested me.

[A]

Oh, my God. They requested me. You don't know why. You don't know how. But then I get the sides, and it's like, this is the. And this is, by the way, in the Time of. Of when you tape at home. What the fuck is that?

[B]

The pandemic Covid face mask was my answer. Social distance.

[A]

God. Remember when we were purelling our soup?

[B]

No, no, Fran, stop.

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

Just mix a little in. You can eat it.

[A]

Okay, so I'm gonna read for the woman, but let's just not say the names of the characters, okay? I'm gonna say.

[C]

How many characters are there?

[A]

2. Because it's post coital. What do you think it was?

[B]

Orgy. Good old Kyle Orgy Mooney.

[A]

He's so post coital. So guy, girl, goat.

[C]

All good. All good. All good.

[B]

That's why they call him the Beast.

[C]

All good. Don't worry about it. I'm all good. They can talk about. They can talk. All that trash they want. I'm all good.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Do you want me to read stage directions?

[A]

I'll read the first stage direction.

[B]

Just let her.

[A]

It says, Ross rolls to his back under the sheets, panting. Reveal. Woman looking flushed and drained and satisfied.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So I'm doing this as a self tape.

[B]

Wait, drained. What does it say? Flushed, drained and satisfied. So that's about me every single day of my life.

[C]

That's good, by the way.

[A]

I do want to.

[B]

That's how I start my day.

[A]

This is just the reason this is an outlier and stands out to me is not because of the writing. It's just because, like, for me to be, like, at home with Neil taping me and me being, like, here I go looking satisfied. It just is really, like, it really.

[C]

I don't want to put you on the spot. I know we're about to. Can we see a satisfied face?

[A]

Oh, like when I. When I come after sex with Neil?

[B]

Yeah, Kyle. Is that what you mean, when she comes after sex with Neil?

[C]

I was talking about after you've had sex with Ross.

[B]

It's a good point. This is auditions, not.

[C]

Should the podcast be tips on your auditions.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Because Ross is the character that you've just had sex with, and he's drained. You.

[B]

Remember, Ross has drained you.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

You want to imagine Ross, he just.

[A]

Absolutely pumped you dry, draining you. Oh, my God, dude, he's done you so good that you're dry as hell.

[B]

You're dry as hell. You're like Kyle Mooney at his first audition asking for a glass of water.

[A]

You know when you get done so good that you've passed wet and you're dry? Sorry.

[B]

Oh, no, it's perfect.

[A]

Okay, so Beck, you're gonna read for man, and I'm gonna read for woman.

[C]

Oh, it doesn't even call him Ross.

[A]

Okay. I think there's actually.

[C]

I'm really obsessed with the roster.

[B]

I've got some.

[A]

Well, by the way. Oh, no, his last name is Ross.

[C]

Okay, so his name is Man. Ross.

[A]

No, stop.

[B]

His name. Can I say his name?

[A]

No. I was gonna reveal the names, and now I'm like, I'm just gonna call man and Woman.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Because it is a show.

[C]

Got it, got it, got it.

[A]

By the way, I want to reiterate, this is not a critique of the writing. It's just. Can you imagine feeling like it would, like, back up against your kitchen wall?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Like doing this as a self tape and being like, I just have to get this. I'm sweating right now.

[C]

It's difficult and it's embarrassing.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Amongst other things. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so we're reading from the same.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I have the first sign then.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. That was like old times. You must have cut down on the cigarettes.

[B]

Should I read stage directions or. No.

[A]

She roots around her purse, pulling out.

[C]

Our first podcast.

[B]

So, okay, so wait, this is where we're going?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so you say your first line, pulling out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because that.

[A]

Okay. Sorry. Fuck.

[B]

Okay, here we go.

[A]

That was like old times. You must have cut down on the cigarettes. Already lighting one.

[B]

We gotta hold off on the furniture a little while.

[A]

Now we see wider. Their mattress is on the floor. Still the only furniture in this vast, undecorated room. Can't hold off too long. You only have one mattress in the house? And we just desecrated it.

[B]

I don't know what to do, Kit.

[A]

You just did it.

[C]

Damn.

[A]

Isn't that what you do when you don't know what to do?

[B]

Usually it helps.

[A]

Now I'm offended.

[B]

It's not you.

[C]

It's moving too fast for me all of a sudden.

[B]

All of it. It's like the gods are coming for me. This magic shit, the money shit. I work my whole life to be the master of my own fate, not just another fucking sheep. I taste freedom for five minutes, then wind up right back where I started. Just surviving in a bigger house.

[A]

So end it all.

[B]

Don't be a smart ass.

[A]

I tried, you know. No shit. Still keep her with me. She roots around her purse, pulling out a pistol.

[C]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

She. Ross recoils. Whoa, don't point that at. Don't point that thing.

[A]

You sure? Lasts longer than the buildings and the trophies and the sex. Okay, let's.

[B]

That's not fun. And then Ross says, that's not funny. Ross is Hurt.

[A]

So basically in the sides, roll around after just being effed and then say, I tried to kill myself and pull out a gun. It's just. By the way.

[B]

And they're like, we want Fran for this.

[A]

Yes. As someone who's not like a true. Like, it's just so. It is so much for me to do that I'm not capable of. And that's why it's sort of like, whoa, there's so much like, you guys are both married to incredible actresses for me to sort of be like, okay, so we start where I'm completely satisfied, and then like, three lines later, I'm like, I tried to kill myself. You know, pull a gun out of my person.

[C]

That's not fair.

[A]

I can't do it.

[C]

Yeah, that's not fair.

[B]

That's not fair.

[C]

Also, like, I feel like your character, your real thing is like, oh, man, you fucked me so hard, you're jumping around. Meanwhile, the guy's just like, I just can't. He's, like, just talking about what his business. What is.

[A]

Yes, he's got it.

[B]

He's talking about mo money, mo problems.

[A]

And it's like, just talking about his business. It. It really.

[B]

And obviously, women talk about sex, want to talk about business. I don't understand.

[C]

You know, furniture talk was hilarious.

[A]

So nobody.

[C]

That's the first thing that. That hit me. I was just like, who after sex talks about, like, how good the sex was? I don't. I'm sorry. Maybe that happens a lot. But, like, man, we got to get. We got to get a new ottoman. Ottoman. Because you driven that. You drove that thing into the ground when we just had sex.

[B]

It's also like, if you've destroyed the mattress from the sex, what kind of. What was happening? What fluids are on the mattress, and it's pretty disgusting. Oh, God, this house stinks. I gotta get a new house. How you've been. I'm trying to kill myself.

[C]

I don't. I don't. I don't need to get into my sex life.

[B]

But, like, yeah, no, we don't want. It's not what this podcast.

[C]

And I'm relaxing a bit. Sorry. What was the stuff you were saying earlier in terms of sliding doors? We should. We should wrap this up.

[B]

Yeah, we gotta wrap it up.

[C]

Maybe we can go kind of rapid fire here. Parts that you. You feel like you auditioned for that you didn't get that maybe our audience would be aware of or that you really wanted.

[B]

Oh, that I really wanted. If you have one, start with you. I'm Gonna think about it for a second.

[A]

Okay, I have.

[B]

Oh, I go, go, go, go.

[A]

B.

[B]

No, it's too close. You don't want to say it's too close. Home. I don't want to say it. Yeah, you go, you go, you go.

[C]

I don't have it yet.

[A]

Okay. Mine that I know. Both of you know. Before I worked at snl, I tested to be the Lena Waithe part on Master of None, and it was just Lena and I. Yeah. Which is very interesting to think about now.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because the part is so Lina. And I'm sure they were always the person that they wanted, but it's very funny to think about.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I wanna. I have something like that, but I'm like, it's. It's a show that's on the air.

[C]

I think I know what it is.

[B]

Yeah. I probably talk.

[C]

Very popular show.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I remember auditioning for New Girl for the part that I think went to Lamorne.

[A]

You know what? That is fully life changing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If you had been on New Girl, your entire life would be different.

[C]

With that being said, I don't think I got. I did not get called back or anything like that.

[B]

I just had the first round for this thing that I'm referring to. It was taped. I taped a callback, like a chemistry read. And then they wanted to test it and I said no. And then the show went on to be something huge. And I said no, because I was leaving SNL and Jesse, we were having. We were having a baby. Jesse's having. We were having. I forget the. Jesse's pregnant. We were having a baby. And she had a show that she was going to shoot and I wanted to be there, so I took myself out of it.

[A]

I think that it all definitely works out.

[B]

Yeah. No, this is better.

[C]

I mean, dude, we're hosting a podcast.

[B]

I know if I got that show, I wouldn't have been able to do the podcast. Yeah.

[C]

And it's going really well.

[B]

Yeah. No, and this is.

[A]

I gotta say, for an hour. Jess would have met someone else probably.

[B]

She's very. She would have been there with our son and she would have been like, I need a daddy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And she would have found one because, you know, people love her. And I would have been out of the picture. I would not have known my son as well. And that would be sad.

[A]

Yeah. To not know him. God. See, it is good.

[B]

Yeah, it is good. I made the right choice.

[C]

I'm very happy that I ended up here with you guys. And then I didn't get the Greek part, which could have led to.

[B]

Well, I don't think the Greek part would have made any difference on your life.

[A]

But I'm a one day roll on Greek.

[C]

I don't know that that gives a couple days.

[B]

I'm glad. I'm glad that we all did.

[A]

One day for water. One day for shooting.

[C]

One day for water. Well, this has been very exciting. You got something else you want to throw about auditions?

[B]

No, I think this is, this is perfect.

[C]

Well, congrats. You passed the audition.

[B]

Yes. Yes. You got the part of Frank Gillespie on auditions, the podcast. Thank you so much for being here, Fran. We really do really do love you.

[C]

Get that theme song going.

[B]

Oh. For the end of the. Oh, Auditions. That's what it's all about. You told us auditions. It was our podcast. That's what we'll talk about with Beck and Kyle. Wow.

[C]

And we're back.

[B]

And we're back to our very first.

[C]

Episode of what's our podcast.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Our delightful guest and friend.

[B]

And friend. And friend.

[C]

Our friend Gillespie.

[B]

Our friend Gillespie. That's what the whole world could call her as friend Gillespie because she's a friend of the world.

[C]

Absolutely. How so?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How do you feel generally?

[B]

I feel good. There was a moment when Fran said auditions, and we, like, we haven't practiced how to respond to the prompt, and I started sweating. You can look back and see it like, my head beads sweat.

[C]

Like, oh, we've got to do an episode about auditions. Or like, oh, I didn't react big enough to Fran's pit.

[B]

Not, I didn't react big enough. Just like, how do we do this?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, how do we transition? Do we just talk about. Should we just, like, is it because, you know, we had talked initially about it being like an icebreaker almost, like, so auditions is the podcast. Let's talk about auditions and we just have a conversation.

[C]

I thought the auditions podcast was decent. I thought we had good stories. And, like, I think that would make a good podcast for me. Like, my main critique, and it's on myself, is I think that because like you said, we're such good buddies with Fran, like, I found myself being sillier than maybe I needed to be.

[B]

Yeah, I think you were a little too silly.

[C]

It's okay if you think that.

[B]

No, I actually don't. I thought you were perfect.

[C]

What do you rate yourself out of 10 today?

[B]

I'm going to give myself an 8.

[C]

8.0.

[B]

8 point. I'm going to go even 8.5. Just because I, I, I just, I had Fun.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I. That's.

[C]

I think it was fun.

[B]

I think it was a lot of fun.

[C]

Yeah, I'll give myself a 7, too.

[B]

I thought you were great. I thought you were a 9.5 brother. I like, I loved watching you goof and riff and respond to everything, dude.

[C]

That's just because I'm playing off of you, dude.

[B]

And that's because I'm playing off of you, dude. No, and Fran, too. Don't.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, like, of course Fran brings in energy.

[B]

Are you kidding me? Yeah. Inspiring me, dude.

[C]

Push myself further.

[B]

Let me tell you something. You are enough. You are a nut.

[C]

I'm a nut. You are a nut.

[B]

I'm trying to tell you. You're a nut, dude. Yeah, I thought it was. My only thing was, like, with the podcast, I'm wondering if it's like, we talk, we talk, we talk. Podcast is auditions. Play the song and we go right into it.

[C]

Rather than taking a break.

[B]

Rather than talking about auditions because, like.

[C]

We talk too much about it leading into the.

[B]

I think. So that's fair. Because I'm like, I just want to. I want to get into it. Yeah. You know, I want to immediately go, okay, why did you pick.

[C]

I do agree. I do agree with you. But, like, we did speak broadly about it. I think we. We left. We didn't spoil anything. Full out on. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I hear that. That's a good point.

[A]

Oh, my other thing is I did absolutely. I did absolutely zero research. I don't know if this podcast exists already.

[B]

Oh, auditions have no idea.

[C]

Well, that's okay if it does.

[B]

Yeah, it's fine. We could.

[A]

Believe me, I know.

[C]

Audition Hell Stories with Miles Redler. It's really good. Audition Hell Stories. Hey, I'm Miles Redler, and I'm here with actually, one of my favorite actor. You go by one person, Both of you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Ladies and gentlemen, the Face.

[A]

That's right. We audition as the same guy.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Okay. See that, That's. And that's what you and you can come to expect on what's our podcast. The bits don't stop. Even when we're wrapping up, we're still creating.

[B]

Still creating. We're still finding the podcast and thank you for joining us.

[C]

So you really, like, be the best.

[B]

Kyle, where are you going? Kyle, where are you going? I don't know if that's. I don't know how. Is that how we thought it was.

[C]

Going to be the end of it?

[B]

Oh, yeah, me neither.

[C]

Thanks, guys.

[B]

Thank you. What's Our Podcast is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney. The show is produced and engineered by Casey Donahue and Anya Konofskaya with production support from Marika Brownlee, Rachelle Chen and Ali Khan. Our executive producer is Anya Kenovskaya. Katie Moose as our VP of Content at Headgum, our theme music is made by us. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[A]

That was a Headgum podcast.