Trixie Mattel

Summary

What's Our Podcast? with Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney

Episode: Trixie Mattel
Date: July 1, 2026
Guest: Trixie Mattel
Platform: Headgum

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Episode Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, Beck and Kyle are joined by the multi-talented Trixie Mattel, famous for winning RuPaul’s Drag Race, her music, her podcasting, her cosmetics company, and her Palm Springs motel. As always, Beck and Kyle are searching for the core theme of their podcast, and this week, Trixie offers up “malls” as the focal topic, spinning the conversation into a nostalgia-driven and hilarious discussion on mall culture, theft, working retail, performing, and the generational shift in how we shop and connect. The episode is packed with both absurd improv, candid insights, and plenty of Trixie’s signature wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Patreon Launch & Show Format (00:33–04:42; 16:01–17:31)

• Beck and Kyle kick off with an extended Patreon pitch, jokingly positioning themselves as spiritual leaders and “doing the Lord’s work.” Multiple tiers are introduced, each with varying bonus content, Discord chat, and even family heirloom-style headshots.
• They reiterate the show's concept: inviting guests to suggest what the podcast should be about, and attempting that theme.

“Kind of like priests, we are communicating with God, and he is telling us that he wants us to do this podcast to spread the gospel.” — Beck (17:14)

2. Icebreaker Improv & Playful Energy (04:42–14:22)

• The hosts banter about whether anyone listens to the show in space, leading into a ridiculous series of improv scenes—including one where a backpack is designed to carry “150 nuggets with airtight sauce pockets.”
• The bit is both silly and a nod to their SNL sketch roots.

“I have an urgent urgency. I'm putting my balls over here, rub my balls all over his keyboard...” — Beck (11:15)

3. Welcoming Trixie: Introduction & Career (14:22–21:24)

• Trixie is enthusiastically introduced, with emphasis on her global status in drag, her entrepreneurial achievements, and her creative versatility.
• The trio acknowledges recording the intro after the interview, teasing upcoming revelations about mall theft.

“She’s won RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars… an incredible DJ, performer, musician, podcaster, host of many shows, renovator of hotels, CEO of her own makeup company.” — Beck (15:14)

4. DJ Life, Drag, and Club Culture (21:41–31:15)

• Trixie details her evolution as a DJ in drag: her set-up, the intersection of performance, music and visuals, and her penchant for engaging the crowd via the mic.
• Highlights include behind-the-scenes stories about DJ gear, dancing in impractical shoes, music festival touring, and how she integrates stand-up, visuals, and classic drag humor into her shows (esp. her new tour, Super Disco).

“I try to have some kind of visual elements too, but basically I will go in there in drag with my headphones in my computer or my flash drive and I'll plug in and play. And I always have the microphone. I talk a lot. I know some DJs don't talk. Yeah, I be talking.” — Trixie (26:47)

5. Alien Disclosure, Offstage Life, and the Aging Performer (31:15–36:35)

• The crew jokes about recent alien conspiracy trends, then pivot to tales of industry figures like Martin Short.
• They segue to aging out of couch-surfing and festival-camping lifestyles, bonding over the unglamorous realities of touring, and the luxury of now prioritizing comfort and boundaries.

“Three days for a house guest is perfect. You have the first day, we're all excited. The second day, where you are relaxed... And the third day is like, oh, I wish you could stay longer. But you don't wish it.” — Trixie (38:19)

6. Barbies, Collecting, and the Origin of Trixie Mattel (39:32–46:32)

• Trixie shares the origins of her drag name and deep love of Barbie, diving into toy history and the culture of collecting.
• Describes a harrowing experience saving her vintage Barbie collection from water damage.
• Discusses the anthropological importance of toys, valuable doll rarities, and the ongoing appeal of Barbie.

“Basically, it's like a little sculpture of—it's like a historical document. These little toys talk about how people dressed, what jobs they had, beauty standard, whatever... So it's very anthropological.” — Trixie (44:13)

7. Comics, Reading, and Generational Tech Habits (46:32–51:04)

• The trio swaps stories about reading comics, music, and their fraught relationships with phones and social media.
• Trixie talks about taking a three-month break from social media and the lasting changes in her habits.
• There’s a playful generational divide about online purchases and adaptation to Millennial vs. Gen Z internet usage.

“My audience is so young, that they rightfully hate me because, you know, millennials, it's the worst thing you can do, I think.” — Trixie (49:12)

8. Drag Queen Hustle: Career Multiplicity & Burnout (51:04–57:07)

• Trixie reflects on the drag queen work ethic, sharing how constant hustle, DIY spirit, and performing blend with the stressors of business ownership (her motel, cosmetics line, and more).
• Expresses a longing for the simpler creative days before the business side took over.

“My business owner Barbie, like capitalist version of myself, has died a little bit as the years gone on. I've had...a renaissance where I really miss just being an artist and being in charge of very little.” — Trixie (55:50)

9. Honoring the Performer, the Google Calendar, and Trixie's Motel (57:07–60:14)

• All three reminisce about their creative salad days, contrasting them with the logistical headaches of modern professional life—especially scheduling and endless Zoom meetings.

“Sometimes in order to achieve more, you do have to cut yourself and do a bunch of different versions of yourself, and some of those parts of yourself are not 100% performers.” — Trixie (58:32)

10. Performing, Music, and Artistic Identity (60:14–65:08)

• Trixie discusses integrating live music, comedy, and drag, and how audience honesty and vulnerability help her art and stage presence.
• Touches on the universal overlap between music and comedy, and the value of breaking performance “rules.”

“When you're honest with the audience, it really rarely backfires, even if maybe you're a little too earnest... You laugh with a lot of the same muscles as cry.” — Trixie (63:46)

11. Drag Makeup, Prosthetics & The Art of Transformation (65:08–70:08)

• Explains how her now-iconic drag look evolved from ambitious but clumsy beginnings.
• Shares insights on cosmetics, prosthetics, and the extremes of contemporary drag costuming (e.g., rubber boobs, latex suits).
• Jokes about the toll drag takes on the body compared to “bendy” 21-year-olds.

“I wanted to look as synthetic as possible...like nutcracker marionette carved. I wanted my face to be really erased. I wanted to not be recognizable at all.” — Trixie (67:12)

12. Iconic Drag, Comedy, and Cultural Representations (70:08–74:55)

• They recall key drag and LGBTQ+ cultural touchstones from their youth: RuPaul, John Waters, Birdcage, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and discuss generational awareness of LGBTQ+ film.

13. Scams, Stealing, and Loss Prevention (74:55–79:33)

• The team swaps stories about scams: podcast ‘Scam Goddess,’ levels of scam acceptability, and why neither Trixie nor Beck dare break the rules (“I would be the person who gets caught”).
• Trixie, drawing from retail experience, shares behind-the-scenes info on loss prevention and the changing strategies around theft in malls.

“There are people walking around the mall and in these stores all the time who are in plain clothes who are looking for thieves... They’ve got your ass.” — Trixie (86:49)

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Segment: MALLS! (78:12–109:46)

Setting the Theme: What the Podcast Should Be About (77:32–78:12)

• Trixie's suggestion: “malls”. She reminisces about working mall retail, playing Dead Rising, and mall nostalgia.

Notable Quotes:

“I think we need to talk about malls.” — Trixie (77:45)
“Buying a gift at the mall, it makes me feel something. You know, rather than going online...mall is the shopping community.” — Kyle (82:21)

Mall Stories, Retail Work, Loss Prevention (82:09–90:01)

• Trixie shares her formative job at the Mac makeup counter in Milwaukee, describing the unique “mall smell.”
• The group ranks food court classics (Sbarro, Panda Express, Cinnabon, Auntie Anne’s, Hot Dog on a Stick), and agree Panda Express wins the day.
• Beck and Kyle talk about specific mall culture, including apartments above malls (The Americana), and generational nostalgia.
• Trixie reveals behind-the-scenes retail tactics, including secret shoppers and how employees handle theft.

Malls as Spaces of Social Life (90:01–107:19)

• The hosts rattle off mall store names—Hot Topic, Suncoast Video, KB Toys, Wet Seal—in a display of shared national memory.
• Trixie offers insight into “strip” malls and the odd assortment of businesses they include.
• They discuss mall gyms, the peculiarities of LA-area malls, and their favorite spots (Century City, The Grove).
• There's a debate: can malls make a retro comeback? Trixie proposes events (like concerts à la Tiffany), while Beck and Kyle suggest high-quality restaurants or making malls genuine “foodie” destinations.

Notable Quotes:

“It was a way to meet other kids from like other schools and stuff. Like it was a place where it's like, oh, who's this?” — Kyle (105:01)
“Another shout out to the Egypt store...to stores in the mall that just have like an Egypt store.” — Trixie (105:34)

Working Retail: The Psychology of Selling & Dealing with Customers (92:24–97:05)

• Trixie explains the emotional labor of makeup sales, the line between helping and selling, and dealing with serial returners who scam the system.
• The group debates the guilt/shame cycle of shopping, being hounded by staff in stores, and how acknowledgment is a theft deterrent.

The Ethics and Drama of Mall Theft (97:05–101:00)

• Trixie describes loss prevention strategies, why staff don’t risk stopping thieves, and how department stores build legal cases before apprehending chronic shoplifters.
• Trixie admits: “If I ever tried to do something like that, I would be the person who gets caught.”

Malls: Food, Fantasy, and the Call for Revival (101:00–109:46)

• The discussion returns to mall food lore, nostalgia for performed mall music events, and the accidental “PR campaign” they’re giving American malls.
• The trio concludes malls offer a vital offline social connection—possibly ready for a generational resurgence.

“If you're really that analog, real-life offline bitch, I will see you at the mall, ho.” — Trixie (104:59)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Trixie on Wearing Drag and Family:
  “When you’re honest with the audience, it really rarely backfires, even if maybe you’re a little too earnest… You laugh with a lot of the same muscles as cry.” (63:46)
• Beck on Malls:
  “Malls are the shopping community.” (82:38)
• Trixie on Retail Experience:
  “You’re in the beauty industry, but you’re also in the self-esteem industry… you’re talking to it in a way that is not hurting feelings.” (94:40)
• Trixie on Artistic Freedom:
  “I want to honor the part of myself that is creative and try to just do more of that.” (57:07)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Patreon/Intro: 00:33–04:42, 16:01–17:31
• Improv & Warm Up: 04:42–14:22
• Trixie Mattel Guest Intro: 14:22–21:24
• DJing & Performance: 21:41–31:15
• Aliens/Era of Couch Surfing: 31:15–36:35
• Barbie & Toy Collecting: 39:32–46:32
• Generational Tech Debate: 46:32–51:04
• Drag Work Ethic: 51:04–57:07
• Nostalgia for Creative Beginnings: 57:07–60:14
• Drag, Comedy, & Music Fusion: 60:14–65:08
• Makeup & Prosthetics: 65:08–70:08
• Drag/Comedy Film Memories: 70:08–74:55
• Scams, Stealing, and Retail Security: 74:55–79:33
• Malls Discussion (Theme): 78:12–109:46
• Wrap Up & Trixie Plugs: 109:58–112:23

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Closing & Plugs

• Trixie plugs her DJ tour "Super Disco," upcoming live shows, and her podcast Bald and the Beautiful.
• The hosts urge listeners to join their Patreon for more wild, exploratory episodes.
• Discussion about the legendary Sbarro “stuffed pizza” and mall food nostalgia.

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Final Thoughts

With Trixie’s guidance, Beck and Kyle traverse the joyful, awkward, communal, and weird parts of mall culture, weaving in personal stories about performance, theft, youth, and social life. The episode is equal parts nostalgia trip, comic improv, and fun insight into the drag performer hustle. By the end, the “What’s Our Podcast?” hosts still don’t have a singular show identity—but with guests like Trixie, they make the journey count.

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The tone is playful, self-deprecating, and tinged with nostalgia, featuring quick banter, long riffs, real insights, and plenty of silliness. For listeners curious about drag, retail life, or mall Americana, this episode is a silly, heartfelt time capsule.

Transcript

[A]

This is a Headgun podcast. Hi, rockos.

[B]

This is JaneWickline. Kyle and Beck have very kindly allowed me to come on here to tell you about the upcoming run of my Off Broadway show in New York. I think they feel a certain fondness for me because I'm SNL's current freak that gets cut for time. Anyway, it's a musical comedy show that I perform with comedian Leva Pierce. It's called Dukes, and it's about friendship, desire, and beautiful women. And tickets are [e-mail] all hope to see you there. All right, back to you, Kyle and Beck.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Yay. Another episode of what's our Podcast. But first, a little special announcement from Beck and Kyle.

[C]

This is very big. This is.

[A]

It's very huge and big.

[C]

I think this is life changing for me.

[A]

Yeah, it could be. As long as it goes well.

[C]

Well, even if it doesn't, it is altering my life.

[A]

Yeah, it already has.

[C]

The big announcement is we are starting a Patreon.

[A]

Yes. You're saying to yourself, oh, yes, you

[C]

know, it was a risk. It was a swing to even start a podcast together back.

[A]

Yes, it was.

[C]

We didn't know what it is. We still are finding out what it is every single week when we come together with our guests. And when you and I sort of mess around on the microphone, let's tell

[A]

them what it is. For the first tier, Rocco basics here.

[C]

It's five bucks a month. You're gonna get a bonus episode every week. No guest. Okay. It's just Beck and I doing what we've been doing Since September of 2003 when we first met each other.

[A]

For that tier, we have slopping out, which is just the two of us hanging out with each other.

[C]

It's like our intro to our show.

[A]

Yeah, but it's longer. We can go into bits longer.

[C]

We can also be earnest, learn about each other's lives.

[A]

Yes. Catch up for longer. Or we also have. What's your podcast? Where we take ideas from our Patreon members at a certain tier. At the $10 tier, which is the next tier, we take your ideas and we try that podcast out. Right, but you can pitch those ideas at the $10 tier.

[C]

Yes, for 10. Once you get to the $10 tier.

[A]

Premium Rock.

[C]

We're calling Premium Rocks. Rocco Premium.

[A]

Rocco Premium.

[C]

That's where you actually get to pitch the ideas that we will do on our podcast. You're also going to get access to an exclusive chat. A chat room. The Discord. The Rocko Discord, where you can talk with other fans, other listeners, probably kind of do your own little bits. Make some friends. Maybe you can grab dinner or coffee with one of them sometime.

[A]

Also, with the $10 tier, you get access to, you get to see our. What we're calling our sillies.

[C]

Yes, these are. We came up making videos together, full circle. Because now you and I are just gonna make a little video. We already started. Get a little iPhone, make a little video, play some characters, do some bits,

[A]

just come up with an idea and pop it right off and just shoot it.

[C]

Yeah, why not? We don't need to labor over it.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. We just kind of have fun and pump it out to our Rockos. You know what I mean?

[C]

I know exactly what you mean. I love it.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

For 15 bucks, you get all that stuff, plus you get free access to our new ticketed livestream. So, like, we will talk to you directly. You can ask us questions. We'll be doing these quarterly throughout the year.

[A]

We might do poppers there. We don't know yet. It's only gonna be legal stuff, but we're gonna have fun.

[C]

We're supposed to do poppers.

[A]

Yes. And here's the thing. For Rocket supreme, if you sign up for a full year, you'll get a side headshot of me and Kyle. We don't know rave gear, but it's gonna be an amazing family heirloom that you get and you get, you know, frame it and put above the fireplace or that.

[C]

It is really gonna be fun. I think it's gonna be a place to see some really weird, wild, and

[A]

crazy stuff where we just get to do whatever we want without really caring. So, yeah. So go to patreon.com what's our podcast? And join today, please.

[C]

That's patreon.com what's our Podcast? And be in the Rocco Club with all your fellow Roccos.

[A]

Podcast. What's it gonna be all about? Tell us what's our podcast? What should we talk about with Beck and ky?

[C]

All right.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

We gotta pick it up. Yeah.

[A]

We gotta pick it up. Yeah. It's time to start the podcast. Yeah.

[C]

Start the podcast.

[A]

Everybody. Start the show. Start the podcast. Every one of my bros, his name is Kylo or Beck, depending on who was talking. Everybody pick it on up. Let's go. You, you, you, you son of a gun. It's Friday for us. For us, it's Wednesday or Thursday or Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday or Tuesday for the audience. I don't know. Which one do you think?

[C]

Do you think anybody listens to our podcast? In space.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. And Kyle's just sitting there staring at me. I asked him a question.

[C]

I wouldn't. I wonder. I want. Because. Well, what my. Where my head went is that they'd probably have to like download episodes because you probably don't get service up there,

[A]

but they're even closer to the satellites up there, so probably they probably use service on the.

[C]

On their. On the astronauts phones are. Is better in space than it is down here.

[A]

I mean, doesn't that make logical sense? They're. They're super close to the satellites, and the satellites is how we get WI fi. So can you actually look this up for us? Relle? Can astronauts use.

[C]

I thought it was like 5G towers and stuff like that.

[A]

No, but they. They connect to the satellites, you know, SpaceX or not SpaceX like Elon Musk's?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He's got the whole satellite. He's got all satellites. He's got more satellites than the. The freaking US Government and he's got his own WI FI system. Do they ask, can the astronauts use WI fi in space? They can.

[C]

There is onboard WI fi. And has anyone ever listened to our podcast? Yes.

[A]

Wow, look at that. The astronauts, they take comfort. They take solace in our. In our. Us figuring out what our podcast is. Well, they're trying to figure out space.

[C]

How you feeling about. How you feel about the podcast is going? How do you think it's going these days?

[A]

No idea. Absolutely no idea.

[C]

Do you want to do a bit do you want to do a bit to sort of get into the show?

[A]

Sure. Yeah. What are you thinking?

[C]

Maybe us. It's like a customer and a person working at a store.

[A]

Okay, I'll be working at the store.

[C]

You work at the store.

[B]

I'm the customer.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, hello. Can I help you get. Hi. Oh, hi. Do you.

[B]

Do you.

[A]

I need a new suit. Okay, well, this is a pretzel store. Oh, fuck.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, no.

[C]

What should I do?

[A]

Well, you need a suit. Well, I'm sure we could put some of these pretzels together to make a suit. That'd be great.

[C]

Yeah. It's my daughter's wedding.

[A]

Oh, when is it? It's next weekend. It's next weekend?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

In Thailand. Next weekend in Thailand? Yes. A suit made of pretzel Sounds great. Okay, well, you. Do you want like, we could make it out of pretzel sticks or classical pretzel shape.

[C]

Hmm. End scene.

[A]

That's perfect. That was a great scene. That was a great improv scene. Thank you, Rochelle. That's really Nice of you. How does it feel to do a scene like that?

[C]

I feel stupid, annoying.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Yeah.

[C]

I feel. I feel like I'm not representing my brand. Well, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Let's try another.

[A]

Oh, boy. Okay, let's do it.

[C]

Maybe we should switch. Maybe. Maybe I'll be the. Maybe I'll work. I'll be. I'll work at the store this time.

[A]

Great.

[C]

Hi. Welcome to Damien's. Can I help you?

[A]

Yeah, I. I'm really trying to find something to, you know, make me pop a little bit more and to. And to make me just kind of, like, sort of sink in with the idea of who I am.

[C]

Great. Well, you came to the right place. Of course. Damian's.

[B]

We're.

[C]

We're filled with all of the latest styles of backpack, and. Yeah, we'll.

[B]

We'll.

[C]

We'll be happy to find the backpack that. That best suits you.

[A]

Thank you so much. I need to be able to fit at least about 150 nuggets.

[C]

Well, you might like our super supreme backpack. This is. This has actually extra pockets on it. So not only the big. You could put nuggets in the big pocket, but the little tiny pockets that zip up, too.

[A]

That is incredible. Is there anywhere for my sauce.

[C]

Why are you smiling at me like that, sir?

[A]

I'm just asking if there's anywhere for my sauce. Nugget sauce, of course.

[C]

Well, yes, as I said, there's plenty of pockets and sections, but is the

[A]

sauce gonna start leaking through the backpack like it always does, or is this, like. Is this an actual. Because I'm asking you about sauce. You understand, right? Like, any.

[C]

Don't. Don't talk to me like. I'm.

[A]

Okay. Hey. No, but I would actually like.

[C]

You don't talk to me. This is. I've. I've been working.

[A]

I understand that you're working, and you're in customer service, and I'm just trying to be.

[C]

Had to set up this place. Do you think these backpacks just walk into the racks?

[A]

You had to. You had to bring all the backpacks into this backpack. They weren't just set up from the warehouse. Okay, well, I apologize.

[C]

I need somebody yelling at me about their fucking sauce.

[A]

I'm not yelling. I'm not yelling. I'm sorry.

[C]

What type of container. Are there containers for the sauce, or are you just pouring the sauce in?

[A]

No, I'm just pouring the sauce in. I'm looking for an airtight, waterproof, like, sort of side outdoor packet so that I can open the backpack.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Take out the nuggets. And open the other pocket and dip my nuggets in the sauce without the sauce. Sort of like just seeping into the backpack.

[C]

Okay, I hear you. Let me. Let me go to the. Let me go to the back. I'll be right back.

[A]

Okay, thank you. And I'm sorry. I'm just like you. Like, this has been very frustrating.

[C]

I'm sorry. I'm going to look in the back. Please don't touch any of the backpacks, okay?

[A]

Any of the backpacks.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, copy.

[C]

I'll be right back. Excuse me.

[A]

All right. Excuse you. You're excused. Said don't touch the backpacks, huh? All right, I won't touch the back. I'll touch about everything else with my cocking balls. I'll rub it on everything. Oh, get some pubes. Getting left behind by my old kakin bows.

[C]

Doing okay back there, sir?

[A]

Yeah, everything's fine. Not touching the backpacks.

[C]

Appreciate it.

[A]

Yeah, no problem. You freaking bastard. You're just gonna have my kakin balls all over everything.

[C]

You said 150 nuggets?

[A]

150 nuggets with salt? Yes, with the airtight, waterproof pockets, please.

[C]

Okay, I'll be out there in a second.

[A]

Please, I need to go. I have a. I have an urgent. I have an urgency.

[C]

No problem, sir. I'll be right out.

[A]

Thank you. I'm putting my balls over here. Rub my balls all over his keyboard and all over his, like, little. His little checkout gun thing. Oh, here he comes.

[B]

Zip.

[C]

Hi, sir.

[A]

Did you find the backpack?

[C]

Yes, it's our Donna Nugget backpack. As you can see, this has a special pocket just for sauce, and that should be actually able to hold at least 300 nuggets. So more than.

[A]

Oh, great.

[C]

Double.

[A]

Was that so hard?

[C]

No, but.

[A]

What?

[C]

Nothing. My computer just smells like your balls. Well, that's because it smells like your balls.

[A]

Oh. That's because I rubbed my balls all over it.

[C]

That's unfair.

[A]

Well, you said I shouldn't touch any of the backpacks, and I didn't.

[C]

I'm not going to sell you the Donna Nugget backpack. After all, I don't like the way you treated my computer.

[A]

I'm going to take the Donna backpack. And I know for a fact that at this mall, there's nothing you can do. And that if I'm not stealing more. I know there's nothing you can do. I'm just gonna walk out.

[C]

You know, you're right. I can't do anything to stop you. But what I can do is tell you something. People like you come into my. Come into Damien's backpacks all the time. You think you own the place. You think you could treat people like dirt. It's unfair. I work hard. I wake up very early in the morning. I Woke up at 5:30 in the morning to drive over to the warehouse, get there, bring these backpacks here by 6:30 in the morning. I drug my ass, dragged my ass to the back of our storeroom to make sure that you can get a Donna Nugget backpack. And I come out and you've rubbed your cocking balls all over everything in the store. And now you're stealing the Donna mc, the Donna Nugget backpack, just so you can put your sauce in the in.

[A]

And my nuggets.

[C]

Your sauce and your nuggets in the pack. It's unfair. I'm a person too. Do you know how much I get paid to do this?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

I get paid in backpacks.

[A]

That's not much money.

[C]

That's. No, that's not money at all. Yeah, I sell the backpacks, but not for much. Because if you want to get a good backpack, you want to go to the source, you want to go to Damien's backpacks, you don't want to find it on the street. Yeah, people think it's counterfeit.

[A]

Look, you know, I'm sorry.

[C]

You're going to take the backpack. Are you gonna let me have it? Are you gonna pay for it?

[A]

If you let me pay for it, I'll pay for it. Okay, here's my money.

[C]

These are seashells.

[A]

I don't know the difference.

[C]

Okay, I'll take them.

[A]

Thank you very much. And thank you for opening my eyes.

[C]

No problem.

[A]

See you. See you next time at the Batcave.

[B]

Hi, I'm looking for.

[A]

Sir, get out of here.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

What a great. That was a great improv. Yeah, you know, that was a really great improv. And we have a great guest, I feel like now.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Let's be honest.

[A]

Yeah, let's be honest.

[C]

We.

[A]

We did. We.

[C]

We were recording this intro after we've seen the guest.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I feel like what you were doing, which I think is cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, I think you're actually sort of pulling from some of our conversation that'll. That's about to occur.

[A]

I was, and I didn't want to ruin it, and so I stopped myself. It had to do with stealing from the mall. If you want to. If you want to find out what Trixie said about that, you're gonna want to Keep listening. Don't stop listening now, because we have Trixie Mattel coming on. She is, I'm gonna say top. The fourth most powerful drag queen in the universe. I think she was ranked that. I don't know if it was the universe, but the world. And she is. She's won RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars and also RuPaul's Drag Race. She is an incredible DJ, performer, musician, musician, podcaster, host of many shows, renovator of hotels, CEO of her own. Makeup or cosmetic? I don't. Cosmetics company. Makeup company. I don't know if there's a preferred word, because I don't really. I'm not that familiar with the space.

[C]

That's fine. I don't blame you.

[A]

What do you say? Cosmetics or makeup?

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

I was hoping it'd be something like that, but, yeah. So truth be told, we've already hung out with Trixie.

[C]

It's a great episode.

[A]

We had a fun time.

[C]

And pay close attention to what we're saying. It's going to be interesting to listen to.

[A]

Yeah. See if you can find. If you can find all of the clues, you will be able to unlock the digital. The digital lock and get access to the. I think it's about, what, a hundred thousand dollars?

[C]

Well, what you get is you get access to. Go to www.patreon.com what's our podcast? And join the Patreon at any of our tiers. $5, $10, $15, where you'll get access to more bonus content of Beck and I videos. Silly videos that we've made podcasts called what's your podcast? Where you, the listener, get to. Get to pitch your idea of what our podcast should be. And slopping out where you and I just fuck around. Sort of like today.

[A]

Yeah, we've never.

[C]

We've never put that on our. We've never done that. Where it's like, should we do a bit?

[A]

Yeah, we've never done that. But it was.

[C]

We introduced what the podcast was. It's. What's our. It's.

[A]

What's our podcast? I'm back Bennett. I'm Kyle Mooney, and we are trying to figure out what our podcast is. So we have a guest come in, like Trixie, and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about, and we try it. Yeah, we're exploring. We're like. We're doing. I guess you could say we're doing God. The Lord's work.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Bikes believe in God. What's that?

[C]

We both believe in God.

[A]

Yeah, he's great.

[C]

He's great.

[A]

Depends on the day. Yes. We're doing the Lord's work. We're doing the discovering.

[C]

We're doing Lord's work by doing our podcast.

[A]

Yeah. So if you want to support the Lord, go to our patreon and check out look up.

[C]

If you look up, Beck and Kyle, snl. Maybe see some of our old snl.

[A]

No, no, but seriously, kind of like priests, we have been. We are communicating like. Kind of like Mormon priests. We are in communication with God, and he is telling us that he wants to do this podcast to spread the gosp.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

So I believe.

[C]

I do believe that every time I get behind this microphone, the Lord is speaking through me. And this is my lot in life.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And our word is the gospel, so this is a great episode. Trixie Mattel. When you are living today, when you are going through your life, I want you all, everybody listening to. Look at somebody next to you. It could be a stranger, it could be a close friend and go, God, I love you, you sick son of a. Put your hands on their shoulders or put your forehead to forehead kind of a thing and go, let's start being people again. And then, you know, there's so much darkness around. Yeah. There's so much darkness. And you can just touch them and be like, I just wanted to. We say. You could say something like, we're people, and just go on with your day. You don't need to, like, do anything more. I want everybody to do that today,

[C]

and I would like everybody to.

[A]

We're running out of time.

[C]

Okay, give me one sec, because you got to do that.

[A]

I think I'm looking at the clock.

[C]

I want to do something.

[A]

Okay,

[B]

good.

[C]

I want you to just stop. The hustle and bustle of life sometimes gets in the way.

[A]

The rat race.

[C]

Yeah, the rat race of just acknowledging the fact that you are incredible. You're special, you're smart, good things are coming. It might have been a difficult week, a challenging week, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. And I think something will show you that very soon. And maybe it's this podcast episode that you're gonna be all right. And it's just been a real honor working with Beck.

[A]

I agree. Well, this is Trixie Mattel. Trixie Mattel. Hi. I'm Beck Bennett.

[C]

I thought I was Beck Bennett.

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[C]

Kyle Mooney.

[A]

Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good.

[C]

Thanks, buddy.

[A]

Yeah. And we host the show. What's our podcast here on Headgum?

[C]

This podcast is Brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick ass person online.

[A]

Like you skateboarding through the Internet or you like you're surfing through the web.

[C]

Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place.

[A]

I like that it's all in one place.

[C]

I know.

[A]

I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all, well, it's like, oh,

[C]

do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or to like another type of website to upload?

[A]

You know, it's all in one place.

[C]

The video or audio or like. No, I want it makes it easy. Make it easy on me, please.

[A]

Yes. And you can do all those things. Photos, videos, changing fonts, you know, I mean, the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. Their SEO tools, which. I know what those are. And their custom domains.

[C]

Oh, let's come up with a domain right now. Let's see. I wonder if it exists.

[A]

Www.friends meeting friends. Friendsmeetingfriends.com that's an original thing that we came up with. Friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out squarespace.com headgum for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code HEADGUM. Save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do.

[B]

Obviously, you know, I don't know anything about skating.

[C]

Yeah, well, you say that, but we think you are. You actually are the most knowledgeable person around.

[A]

But that's important and that's why you're here. I thought you were a skater. Okay, but you. But wait. Okay, okay, okay. I'm, I'm okay.

[B]

I thought you said Skate Queen.

[C]

Skate Tricks.

[A]

Mattel. Yeah, Skate Trixie Mattel. And I thought, how old are you guys?

[B]

Are you guys? About my age. I'm 36, 41. Okay, so do you remember maybe this is like the deep cuts, but you remember fingerboards?

[A]

Yes, absolutely.

[B]

And the tiny bmx. Yeah, like the. Oh my God, you have your little tools to change the tire or whatever on your little bike. I, the other day was just like, are people still doing that? Went on TikTok and was like, oh, they're doing it.

[A]

I think it's bigger than ever, right? Yeah, yeah. They're like, it's. Yeah. I never even got into like changing the tires or the wheels or anything. I just. I like that.

[C]

I like the idea of the person who doesn't care about doing tricks with a bicycle. It's more just like, I got to make it perfect. Just constantly tinkering with the little tools.

[A]

Yeah. Did you guys ever have shinny sticks? It's like hockey, but it's like you play on your knees on, like, carpet, like. Like kids, and they're like little plastic hockey sticks. And like, I think there was, like, a little soft puck and you would like.

[B]

And all your male relatives stand around.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And they pull down their pants.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the children. Yes. They get on their knees and they go around. Wait, wait. I actually don't know about this. Yeah, it was a cool game. Like, all the. All the men would get. Gather around. It was sort of like a coming of age thing.

[B]

I developed early.

[C]

Okay. Yeah, we didn't do that at my house.

[A]

Oh, we got to play shiny sticks with you.

[B]

Dude, like, loved me and treated me good.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Well, yeah, I'd love to try it. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, we'll do shiny sticks after the pod. If you're just joining, we're going to do shinny sticks after the pod.

[C]

We are here with Trixie Mattel. We didn't. I don't feel like we didn't get to do the.

[B]

Nobody ever introduced me because we just start talking and people see the thumbnail. They think I'm like Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins or Moby or something.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, sure, I see that. I see that. Yeah.

[B]

I'll take it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Have you met either Moby?

[B]

Moby was a guest judge on Drag Race when I was on it, like, 10 years ago. And one time when I first moved to la, I got invited to a party and I went and Moby was the dj. And I remember feeling like, oh, my God, I'm in LA now.

[A]

Casual.

[B]

And almost nobody in the room was like, that's Moby. And I walked in and was like, that's Moby.

[A]

We're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like. I feel like I heard stuff about him, like the parties that he had at his house and he DJed or something. But, yeah, that's all I have.

[C]

Mobi's parties are amazing.

[A]

Yeah, right? You know Moby's parties. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I was actually.

[A]

There was my friend Brandon and the Free Cops. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But now where do you.

[C]

Go ahead. Oh, speaking of DJ.

[A]

Speaking of Moby and DJing. You're a big DJ now?

[B]

I'm a huge DJ. Well, especially in drag. I'm about seven foot tall DJ. It was about as much DJing as you can get with the height.

[A]

Is that how high you get?

[B]

Well, yeah, because I got the big shoes on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And even though nobody can see my legs back there, I still wear the shoes. Yeah, I know.

[A]

Because you, that also, you know, you have that, it gives you that commanding power.

[B]

Of course. And also sometimes these double decker, like nightclubs, the people standing on the upside, like up there on the sides, they can look around the deck and they're not going to look over and see me in the Crocs.

[A]

No, no, absolutely not. That, that would be. I feel like that would be a big, big no, no in the drag world. Well, normally, you know, like, if you're like not going all the way and you're like, you just like ankles up like that, I feel like that would

[B]

be, well, ankles down drag. I mean, then we're getting too lazy. I always feel kind of. I'll do this thing where if my feet start to get like tired during the show, I'll take my Crocs and I'll hold them up behind the decks and the audience will clap and I almost feel like I'm asking their permission.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Have I done enough in the show so far to have earned a flat shoe for the last 30 minutes of the set? And usually they clap.

[A]

That's fun.

[B]

Or sometimes I'll walk to the front of the stage and hand it to someone in the front row and I'll take my shoe off and like Cinderella, they'll put the croc on and freak out.

[A]

That's incredible.

[B]

19 year day people freak out now.

[C]

How much are you. How. When can you, can you set the set? The, the environment, the vibe?

[B]

Those are the years.

[C]

Are you, are you on the mic during it?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I was gonna ask Strictly playing music and like.

[A]

Yeah. How much of it is a show?

[C]

What is a show? Like, what is a DJ event with Trixie?

[B]

Like, okay, so like my last, my new show, Super Disco, for example, we are gonna travel with. So I DJ the show live. It's like, you know, the show.

[C]

What's the gear?

[B]

Okay, so I play.

[A]

Kyle used to DJ a little bit.

[B]

Oh, you do?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, no, not as much anymore.

[B]

But I play a, a 9 mixer or a Nexus 2, which is like the standard. And then I play a platter on each side of the CDJ 3000s and if I'm, if I'm feeling fancy, I'll get a third. But usually I Don't totally use a third. Two is enough for me. And I'll play the show live. And also I do all the visuals from my computer too. So I marry my tracks that I'm gonna play to my visuals. So as I cue the tracks, the visuals cue at the same time.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

So the video. I'm also writing the. And I'm in drag. Wow.

[C]

What type of videos are being shown?

[B]

It'll be like just snuff films. No, it'll be.

[C]

That would be cool. All right.

[B]

I make a lot of the visuals. So sometimes it's like me on a green screen in my house lip syncing. Sometimes it's, you know, Sometimes we have 3D models of me, like, in space. Oh, that's so cool. My boobs out or doing whatever.

[C]

Oh, that's so cool.

[B]

Yeah. So I try to have some kind of visual elements too, but basically I will go in there and drag with my headphones in my computer or my flash drive and I'll plug in and play. And I always have the microphone. I talk a lot. I know some DJs don't talk. Yeah, I be talking. I like your hair. You know, five minutes later, I'm thirsty. You know, I just share.

[A]

I bet that people love that. I would imagine that's what they're coming for. That they want that they want to hear you.

[B]

They love it. And I get so, like, crazy and horny up there. I just start yelling, are you ready to show me your hard dicks and your wet. I just scream. And they. They love it.

[A]

Oh, God, that's.

[C]

Yeah, that's actually what you said to me when I became.

[A]

I. I actually was thinking. Yeah, I actually did. That did run through my mind.

[B]

When did you dj?

[C]

When did I d. Well, I grew up. Yeah. I had turntables. And then like, every once in a while I'll like, DJ at a friend's bar or something like that. But I still. I. I use records which are.

[B]

Use vinyl.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

But it's. It's fun, but it's also like a drag to carry around a bunch of records. You know what I mean?

[B]

Ultimate drag.

[A]

Not as much of a drag as,

[B]

yeah, Trixie show, but I think of, like, New York DJs and stuff running around like, on the subway with a bunch. And by the way, vinyl's not light.

[C]

No, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Back breaking.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And I'm like.

[B]

And you're trying to, like, find.

[C]

Yes, absolutely. That's totally true.

[B]

They're black records. It's dark in the club.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And then, yeah, you got your phone, your flashlight on your. But.

[A]

And, like, what if they're, like, dirty? Like, you just clean them before you

[C]

just, like, getting that dirty.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[C]

Drag them in mud.

[A]

Yeah, well, you know, the lint and stuff.

[B]

But I'm not good at eating the chicken parmesan.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you love the chicken parmesan. And you're saying that this is, like,

[C]

my thing with the records.

[A]

Well, I just. Because we just know you and we're just like. They're probably covered in marinara and stuff like that and maple syrup.

[C]

I struggle, though, with beat matching. Like, kind of. That is the difficult thing. Like, how can I properly transition this to this?

[B]

Yeah, I watch a lot of turntableism and that's obviously a completely different language for DJs. People who play vinyl and, like, scratch for a living. That could not be me. I just watch those people and I'm like, oh, my God. I had a track open for me for a few days. It's crazy because it's a track. I was like, sure, you can open for me. The Audacity. Right? But, like, you know, I was watching a bunch of old videos of him and he was like, you know, a prodigy of.

[C]

Yes. He was doing it when he was, like, 10.

[B]

Yes. And I was, like, asking him about all of that. I was like, would you even. He was. He was so young. He was like, I barely even, like, remember those, like, competitions.

[C]

Interesting. Now, do you have. Is there. Forgive me, this is a basic ass question. Does this. Does the set evolve? Does it change per show or is it the same? And, like, is there a song that it's like, okay, I know that when I drop this. And I also don't want you to spoil this for folks who haven't.

[B]

Well, it's just the Venga Boys for two hours. So.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Is it real? I love the Venga Boys.

[B]

I mean, I always have, like, my. When I make this,

[A]

it hits harder every year.

[B]

My new show, Super Disco, I travel with four dancers. So we have tracks in the set where I come out and we do the numbers. Yes, we do them. Okay, so, like, some of my remixes that I've done for other artists, we will do, like, choreography in front of the decks with them. And by the time the song is over, I go back there and cue the next song. Keep going.

[C]

Fun.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so we have, like, pit stops where I'm like, oh, this song is really going to hit. So let's make sure we put that in the middle. You know, I try to pick songs that I'm like, oh, this is going to be a fulcrum point where the energy is going to go up and you really can't go backwards. So, like, you know, try to save things for like, oh, this is kind of unbeatable. This track is going to be undefeated at this moment. Let's put it toward the end.

[A]

Cool.

[C]

Music is so incredible.

[B]

I don't know. I'm still on the fence about it.

[A]

Yeah, but, but you did you. But you're still on the phone. You, like, you don't really connect with it.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm. I'm not just like changing tracks. I'm still looking for a song I like.

[A]

Yeah, you're just searching for stuff. Yeah. Now this show, Super Disco.

[B]

Super just.

[A]

You're touring with it?

[B]

Yeah, just doing music festivals this year. This is my first spring without a big, huge tour. So I, I'm doing Lollapalooza and Bonnaroo and all the festivals with my new show, Super Disco. It's like a space science fiction fantasy. Basically, the story of the show is the audience has been enslaved by Dr. Kaching, who's like this fascistic, militarial, technology obsessed dictator, and the party's taken over by him. And then Trixie beams down from space and rescues the party from space from humanity.

[A]

Wow, that sounds sick.

[C]

Did that really happen?

[B]

It didn't. Well, I mean, it depends who you ask because are you guys watching all these alien programs now? They're saying, like, the age of disclosure and stuff. Oh, yes, I saw that people are getting abducted.

[C]

I don't know. I want.

[A]

Some people are getting abducted. Do we know about.

[B]

People watch these documentaries where these people are like, oh, I was in the work for the government for 20 years. And what they're not telling you is, oh, yeah, we have bodies. We chop them up. The aliens talk to us all the time.

[A]

Yeah, it's pretty. It's pretty.

[C]

I mean, I have. I know somebody who is very invested in. In that stuff. And I have heard and seen images. I can't speak to the validity of them, but. Yeah, but you're. You're like. It feels very real and genuine to you.

[B]

I just feel like we have so much information saying that, like, not only it's. It's not a question of will they come. It's like, no, they're here. When did they get here? And how long have we been lied to?

[A]

Yeah, and, and why aren't. Why aren't there. Why isn't There any more connection, though? Like, why aren't. Why aren't they taking over? Why aren't they. You know, they are. Maybe they are. Maybe they're just, like, doing it slowly and in a way that it's going to make it so easy when they decide to.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

Wow. And we are not. Just for the record, we are not. We are humans. We are humans, the three of us. It sounds like we're kind of in cahoots.

[B]

This is great.

[A]

But, yeah, yeah, no, we.

[B]

I'm more worried about. The headgum studio has four parking spaces. How do you guys negotiate that? There's 82 podcasts in here.

[A]

I know, but there's only four people in this entire office.

[B]

Three cars. Yeah, just her.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

We got in trouble with Martin.

[A]

She has drivers, too, so came after

[C]

us because there wasn't a spot for him.

[B]

Yeah, he came on here, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You guys probably know him.

[A]

We. We knew him. We know him from snl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, it was still like, oh, my God, Martin Shorts here.

[C]

And he was blaming me for not for taking his parking spot.

[A]

Yeah. Which is great. He's given us that Martin Short energy

[B]

from whenever he's a guest on something. He is, like, the best. Funniest.

[C]

He's so funny.

[A]

He's incredible.

[B]

Have you ever seen the movie Clifford?

[A]

Oh, yes.

[C]

Oh, yes.

[A]

And I watched it again recently.

[B]

It's Wild. And Charles Grodin, I believe, plays the dad, is incredible.

[A]

He's incredible.

[B]

Charles Grodden. Mary Steenberg Bergen. Is that how to say it? She's like. I don't know. Whatever that genre of character is, Mary plays it the best.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Beautiful, endearing, funny woman who believes the best in people for generations.

[A]

I mean, she does that in stepbrothers and, like, you know, it's like. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[B]

She's so good.

[A]

Incredible.

[B]

Martin Short. Like. Oh, my God, the scene where he is, like, sitting at the table and he's supposed to be nine or something, so they have him, like, this tall in every scene. And the practical effects, if you can call him that, are just like him sitting lower.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not like he's believably a child.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

But, oh, my God, what does he want? He wants to go to dinosaur world.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I forgot in the beginning, he, like, emergency lands the plane.

[A]

Oh, right.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

That's why they're in Chicago.

[A]

Right. Because he wants. Because he wants to drive. He wants to fly the plane. Yeah. They want yeah.

[B]

Because he wants to go to dinosaur world.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Right, right.

[B]

I love Martin.

[A]

I do too.

[B]

You guys know him?

[A]

Yeah. We'll introduce you one day.

[B]

Please.

[A]

Okay, Martin, we're gonna introduce you. Okay. We know you watch every episode. Dude.

[B]

I think he's cross dressed a few times, don't you think?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

How many times have you guys cross dressed? Probably a lot for.

[A]

Yeah, we used to. In sketches, Kyle used to play women. Yeah. In our. In our sketch group, he was. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you think that. What do you think that is?

[C]

I wonder.

[A]

It's maybe. What do you think?

[B]

Because you do have a beard.

[C]

Yeah, I. Yeah.

[A]

And sometimes he would play a princess with a beard. Right. We have. We have some footage of that.

[C]

I don't know. Maybe like. I. Yeah. I don't know. Slender at the time. I don't know. What was it?

[A]

It fit into a dress really well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember when we got dresses for female characters, you would put. You would fit into them really nice.

[C]

I definitely enjoyed it.

[A]

Ye.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

No alterations here.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then you look over at her and you're like, you need me help zipping that big back or what? You know, Truly.

[A]

No, You're a fantastic woman.

[C]

Oh, thanks.

[A]

Thank you. Wait, real quick, before the super disco is that you're not going to do any shows in la? Because I would love to see it, but I'm not. I'm not going to music festivals.

[B]

Not right now. I mean, I'm doing Lightning in a Bottle, which is Bakersfield, California. I. I've gone to the music festivals to work them. I will say, I don't want to be a traitor and be banned from music festivals. I watch like the TikTok coverage of people camping at Coachella and stuff. And I was like, that could never be me. I played Coachella last year. The tour bus with me on it pulled up, we did it and I went home. That's the way to do it.

[A]

Yeah. Get right out of there. Yeah.

[B]

But these people walking, it's like an hour to get into the festival. Not to mention these people are sleeping on the ground on a tent that's like half attached to the back of their Subaru. I don't know, but maybe when you're like 20, I think that's what it is.

[A]

Like, you're just. You can do it. You're down. You're down for anything.

[B]

I've been like, crashing on someone's couch at this point in my life.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

I'm not even staying in a guest room. Unless I absolutely have to.

[C]

But you know what?

[A]

I.

[C]

Like, there are people who are our age who are doing it, and it's. To me, it's sad.

[A]

See, that's wild. See, like, for me, I'm like, if I don't leave the house with the perfect, like, layering to meet the weather, I'm upset.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, if I'm a little cold and I could have worn, like, a long sleeve, like, jacket thing that would have made me perfectly comfortable. I'm like. Like, it's a wasted opportunity. I'm. I'm not happy.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, it's like the little things like that.

[C]

And I was talking about, like, there are, like, persons like us who are sleeping on people's couches and.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And I'm talking about leaving the house with, like, the perfect layering. Yeah. I mean, like, because, like, I'm talking about being uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I still haven't been it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's a Wait.

[A]

Now tell us about the people on couches. You mean a name name? Yeah, yeah. Who's sleeping on couches?

[B]

Martin Short.

[C]

You want me to name name?

[A]

Do you know people who are sleeping on couch? Do you like personal friends of yours?

[B]

I'm talking, like, if that's, like, out of necessity between living situations. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about I could never be the person who's like, do you want to just stay over? Here's the couch.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

It's never going to be a yes for me.

[C]

I think there are. I think there are people who are

[B]

like, I would sooner get possessed and just, like, levitate through the night, lay on the couch.

[A]

What I'm.

[C]

What I'm getting at is I feel like. I don't know at what age I made this sort of transition, but, like, you know, there's a moment where it's like, you're visiting somebody, you're going out of town, and to me, default is get a hotel room or an Airbnb. But I think there are folks who are like, our age who are still like, can I crash at your place? Can I. Can. Can I sleep on the couch? And to me, that is something that I think I. I think, Yeah, I guess 35, I'm saying, is the cutoff point.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

That's about where it changed for me, too. Where I was like, oh, no. I also like when people want to come visit me in la. I mean, I love when people visit, but I'm always like, a weekend's good.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

The week is a Lot. And people are always like, I'm gonna come for the week. I was like, you are right to my house.

[A]

Like. Like, while I'm doing stuff and I'm

[B]

busy, like, you think I can handle a house guest for a week? Like, do you know how much we can do in 72 hours? You get here on a Friday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm dropping you off at LAX on Sunday. We had a great time.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Quality over quantity.

[A]

Yeah. And you want to leave during the week is.

[B]

Three days for a house guest is perfect. You have the first day, we're all excited. The second day, where you are relaxed and just in the moment. And the third day is like, oh, I wish you could stay longer. But you don't wish it.

[A]

You don't wish it. This year, like, with. We had family visit us for Thanksgiving, and we visited family for Christmas, and we had people stay a day after the holiday.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just to be like, oh, I don't want to be like, rushing out, like, day after Christmas, we stayed. Day after Thanksgiving, we had people stay. And I won't. I will not recommend it anymore. I'm not. I. I'm not that person anymore. It's like, holiday's done. Let's go. Let's wrap it up. We don't need to sit around and, like, be all tired and, like, drag it out.

[B]

Like, December 28th. It's like, what are you gonna want? We're gonna watch CSI Miami. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I. I do think for holidays, especially if you're in relationships, you do need to be flexible. Like. Like, if you will do whatever you have to do. For sure. But I'm just saying, like, I would rather someone visit two weekends than one full week.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I think that's a. Like, go somewhere else for the week. If you want to stay a week, you can go some, like, take your own little trip and then come back on the weekend and we can hang out before you leave.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's disruptive.

[B]

It's very disruptive.

[A]

It's not fair.

[C]

Trixie. Mattel.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The factoid I saw is that Mattel is connected to the company that put out Barbie and that you have a

[A]

huge collection of Barbie's.

[B]

Yes, I'm a huge fan. I think. Well, I love toys, but Mattel, obviously, I love. I was a kid who loved Barbie.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So when I was like, 19, 20 doing drag in like, 2008. Nine. Right. I wanted to make a Facebook for my drag character. Cause, you know, I mean, before Instagram and all that, you try to promote your little shows on, like, Facebook or whatever. But you needed a last name.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

So I was already Trixie, but I didn't have a last name. So I was like, who's the manufacturer of this toy? And then made out my last name.

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[B]

It just kind of happened.

[C]

How did you land on Trixie?

[B]

So my.

[C]

You probably have told the story so much. I apologize.

[B]

No, it's okay. It's an origin story.

[C]

The adults hear the origin story.

[B]

I'm Batman, and my parents were shot. No, only his mom was shot, right? No, they're both shot.

[A]

They were both shot, yeah. Wow.

[B]

I just watched.

[C]

They're always rewriting it, so I know.

[B]

I just watched a bunch of DC movies. I watched the Justice League, which I loved. I watched the Zack Snyder cut, which was four hours.

[A]

Four hours. Did it. Did it. Did you like it?

[B]

I did like it.

[A]

You liked it better than the original.

[B]

But the thing is, if it was at the movie theater and they said, do you want to come see this movie? It's four hours. I would say absolutely. Not.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

But at home, I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And how are you on the phone? Are you taking breaks or.

[B]

I'm stretching. I'm cooking, doing some, you know, cutting my hair. I'm doing, you know. Yeah, I'm doing. I'm multitasking. Four hours is a lot.

[A]

Yeah, it's a lot.

[B]

What was I talking about? Oh, okay. So my stepdad, who I was not close to, used to call me a Trixie whenever I was acting too feminine or too emotional. And so it's kind of an old school slur for, like, acting like a little girl. When you're a little boy, you have a. I had a problem with being called that. So then when I was 18 and I started doing the Rocky Horror Picture show, you know, they do that at the movie theaters. Yeah. In Milwaukee, at the Oriental Theater. I got the role of Trixie, who's the lips in the beginning? The usherette that sells the popcorn. And so then it was like everyone was calling me Trixie, and I was like, oh, well, it's kind of like that's that name I used to not like. And now it's in the show. So I just kind of ran with it.

[C]

Oh, great.

[B]

And RuPaul was taken.

[A]

Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

[B]

Thinking real name.

[C]

I wonder if I. I don't know

[A]

if I. I mean, her mom made it up when she hosted. We were like. Everybody called her Rue. I feel like. Oh, y. Yeah. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wild.

[B]

Yeah, she was a great SNL host.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

She really, really ate. Is that really showed up? Has she done it twice or once?

[A]

I don't think so. I think just the one time when we were there.

[B]

The library sketch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That she reads to the kids. And also the Designing Women one.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

That was fantastic.

[B]

Because as much as I love RuPaul in Glamazon, I love just RuPaul when it's just like, a man in a wig with, like, glasses and a blouse. Yeah, love. Honestly, as much as I love, like, glamour Puss Drag, I love just, like, some guy in a dress and a wig.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Grab the wig off the wall, put it on.

[A]

Yeah, go. And it's kind of. It's kind of like.

[B]

It's.

[A]

I mean, when we were at snl, Kenan used to, like, play women.

[B]

They have her playing a women. Like, I think she plays 50, 50 at this point. Right.

[A]

Wait, who?

[B]

Kenan.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Well, they got him playing women about

[A]

half the time, but they stopped it because it was like, oh, I think we're done with that. Yeah. I mean, there was. There was.

[B]

He's played every woman.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He really has.

[C]

He's played everyone on the show.

[A]

Yeah, that's every other week.

[B]

They're like, so you're playing a woman again?

[A]

Yeah. He's like, throw me anything. I can do it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Absolute professional.

[C]

So you do have a massive Barbie collection.

[B]

I do. I had. You guys know, all these rains we've had, I had a harrowing Jumanji experience where my storage unit leaked water. And so we had to have my entire doll collection picked up by a company that is. Has to comb through it and clean it and test it all for water damage and mold and then return it to me. It's kind of an expensive endeavor.

[A]

Damn. How many dolls are we talking about here? How many Barbies?

[B]

Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds.

[C]

This is from the beginning through.

[B]

I collect vintage Barbies, so I collect, like, 59 to, like, 75.

[C]

I love that.

[B]

I collect mostly old Barbie, like, Brady Bunch era Barbies.

[C]

So do you feel and do you like how much. I guess research goes in. Are you, like, were you ever spending time looking at books or online being like, okay, I need whatever swims, you know, 56 swimsuit. Like, are you. Are you thinking about that stuff? Are you gr. I guess what could be.

[B]

Basically, I. When I would be on tour. You know when you're on tour and your brain starts to go numb? Because every day is like Groundhog Day, you're In, like, the same outfit, saying the same things every day. And you're like, I need something different. My brain needs, like, new input.

[C]

Right?

[B]

And I started. I read. I read basically every nonfiction book about Barbie there is. And I read. The more I read, the more I learned about the toy and the history of it and the cultural significance, because basically, it's like a little sculpture of. It's like a historical document. These little toys talk about how people dressed, what jobs they had, beauty, standard, whatever. So it's very anthropological, and that side of it I got very interested in. So then the more I learned about the history of the toy, the more I was like, oh, I want that. Well, now I want that one. And then pretty soon, it's like, 1 became 10 became 100 became.

[A]

Yeah. And then at that point, you're like, all right, this is a thing I'm now. Yeah. Is there one that's, like, apprised?

[B]

I have a few that I really like. I mean, my 1962 color magic Barbie, I really like. She came with this solution that you would apply on a cotton swab that would change the color of her hair in her outfit. It's pretty cool. Fashion queen Barbie, which is cool. She has plastic sculpted hair, and she came with wigs. It was, like, the first Barbie with wigs. Yeah, I like that. And then, obviously, because of, like, racism, et cetera, the black dolls are very valuable, and they were made in lesser quantities. So a lot of my black Barbies are really cool because they're just harder to come by in really good condition. You know, that's. What do you guys collect? Do you guys have toys or anything?

[C]

Yeah, I do collect toys.

[B]

What do you collect?

[C]

I mean, I, like, haven't. I've not been great about it recently, but a few years ago, I started. Yeah. Trying to grab some of the toys that I grew up with in the 80s and 90s and getting them, you know, mint in the box. So, like, you know, everything from, like, he, man, Ninja Turtles.

[B]

And even then they were saying the pronouns.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

My pronouns are she, Hulk, Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Are you guys superhero people?

[A]

A little bit. I mean, I grew up, like, collecting comics and, like, drawing comic book characters and stuff, but then I kind of, like, lost. Lost it. Lost touch with it.

[B]

I got really into it. Like, a few years ago, I was working on a show where I was just like, oh. I was staying in a hotel in London that had really bad wi fi. I got so sick of just, like, being bored. So I started walking to this comic Book store down the street and just buying comic books and reading them and I got crazy into it.

[C]

Interesting.

[A]

What are, what are you into?

[B]

Well, I read all of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So amazing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I read Watchmen. Pretty much blew my. Blew my brain off. Changed my life. That like, that is my. One of my. That's probably my favorite book. I read like once a year. It's just amazing.

[A]

Like the original.

[B]

Yeah, the original, like compendium of the 12. Yeah. Love. And then what else did I read? I read a lot of Batman for a while.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I just be reading.

[A]

Yeah. I never.

[C]

Yeah, it's like my older brother was super into comics when I was growing up and I like was in it's. He was into X Men mostly and like, I don't know, Marvel, whatever. Spider man and Spider people. Rare spider people.

[B]

Somebody was a spider.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I feel like I never really read them. I feel like I just liked the imagery and like looked at the pictures and played with the toys. But later in life I got into.

[B]

You draw the line at reading.

[A]

Yeah, I won't read it.

[C]

Well, it's complicated because the combination of the letters and I. I always get mixed up. Which is. Is it right to left or left to right? Like I. I. Yeah, it is.

[A]

It's a lot to. To handle and it's boring.

[B]

Do you guys be reading books?

[A]

Yeah, I'm trying. No, I haven't read a book since my son was born. I haven't finished a book.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I just like. And I. But I've also gotten kind of addicted to my phone, which I'm trying to stop as well.

[B]

Have you ever taken a real break from the phone?

[A]

No, not really.

[B]

I took a three month. No social media.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Once.

[C]

That's great.

[B]

Completely permanent. Re. Hardwire of the brain.

[A]

And do you still feel that?

[B]

I like struggle to figure out what to post.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I think my engagement is poor. I'm sure the people who represent me are mad at me because I. I'm like a poster now. Like I have no strategy, no plan.

[A]

Right, right. Well, that's. That was the first thing I thought it was like, if you're gonna take a break, you must be posting all the time.

[B]

Like somebody else post for.

[A]

Yeah. Somebody else post for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I got the brick.

[B]

You did?

[A]

I got the brick. But it's sitting on my dress.

[C]

But yeah, but it's like this week I haven't used it.

[B]

What do you mean, the brick? Oh, like a.

[A]

Like it's this thing that like Blocks you out of your phone.

[B]

Oh, I thought you were saying you got like a Nokia phone. You guys are hardcore. Yeah, get a BlackBerry. We'll see how bad you want to go on your computer.

[A]

Oh, yeah, God. I mean, I was at all.

[C]

That's the thing.

[A]

If it's not in my hands, I won't do it. I won't go on it. Right. But I mean, I'll go on my computer, but it's not as fun when you go on your computer.

[B]

It's boring.

[A]

It does not have. It doesn't stimulate you in the same way.

[B]

Do you guys get ridiculed by the youth online?

[C]

Probably.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Probably start reading. They are.

[A]

Yeah. I'm sure we're getting ridiculed.

[C]

I actively avoid reading anything, so I don't know what people are saying.

[B]

That's really. That's healthy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you get ridiculed? You ridiculed by the youth?

[B]

Oh, my God. My audience is so young that they rightfully hate me because, you know, millennials, it's the worst thing you can do, I think.

[C]

Yes, I know.

[B]

So one of the things they talk about is that it's like a super millennial thing to. When you make a large purchase, you make it on a computer and not a phone. Does that make you feel exposed? Like, I feel like a plane ticket or something. I'm like, oh, I do buy it on a computer.

[C]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

I often do. Unless I'm buying it on my Delta app.

[B]

Right, right. But.

[A]

But if I'm, but if I'm like, if I can't find the flight, then I go onto the computer. I know, you know, And I need like different airlines and flying different places or whatever. Yeah.

[B]

Like, I don't even think I would order an iPhone from an iPhone. I think I would do it on my computer.

[A]

Yeah, that's interesting.

[B]

Mental illness.

[A]

But do you do. Will you get. Will you like, shop for clothes on your phone?

[B]

Sometimes.

[A]

Sometimes. But you're like, I'm purchasing something, I gotta go on my computer.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I wonder if it's like, I'm America's most susceptible person to, like a targeted ad.

[C]

Really?

[B]

This jacket was from a targeted ad. If I see somebody remotely, it looks great. Thank you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If I see like a light skinned bald guy wearing an outfit and doesn't look like an idiot, I'm like, maybe that'll look okay on me.

[C]

Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, like, so basic to say, but like, it is targeting, like, they got me.

[A]

It is

[C]

because that you're getting specific things that, like, I feel like, you know, they say whatever that.

[A]

That.

[C]

That they. These things can hear you. Yeah. It's like they hear conversations. But I think some of the stuff I don't know that I'm saying out loud, but it's like, maybe I just spend enough time on an image and then all of a sudden I'm getting.

[A]

You're getting advertised all of the sort of product? Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

Oh, yeah. It's like you want to find out what men or women you're attracted to? Go to your. For you page, your recommended page on Instagram.

[A]

And I'm like, huh, that's what it is.

[B]

I kind of have a type, I guess.

[A]

Okay. Wow.

[B]

They're all here. I don't follow these people, but I guess I've stopped scrolling long enough that my phone's like, okay. Pervert.

[C]

Right, Exactly. We figured you out.

[A]

Yeah. God, yeah.

[B]

God forbid they're selling shirts or something. I don't buy it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Or like, sometimes the other day, this brand put out a Polly Pocket collab. It was like, do you want to. It's like, click here to buy this Polly Pocket hoodie. I'm like, yeah, I'm probably going to get that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

My number.

[A]

See, I feel like they like retro stuff that is like sort of like, like 70s looking. Like new products that are sort of have like a 70s sort of style. Whether it's like beach chairs or like glasses or like, I don't know, like skiing stuff and camping stuff. They got me.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Before you came in, I was saying how much like, like, you do. So you do a lot. Like, you, like, you're performing. You're like, you have a lot of business ventures, you have shows. You have, like, looking just like reading about you. I'm like. And I feel like I had this similar feeling when Bob the Drag Queen came on. And I'm like, drag queens work so hard. It's really impressive. Do you feel like you're just like, are you just always working? I don't know. This is a weird question, but.

[B]

Well, RuPaul been like, you better work.

[A]

She's like, that's what pops up in my head.

[B]

Multiple jobs. She's talking about going down to the employment office, putting your.

[A]

She.

[B]

I don't know. I be. I think it's cause of drag. We always are used to, like, from the beginning, we have to, like, make the costumes and mix the music.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Get yourself to the table.

[A]

Like, you're doing visuals and playing the music at your shows.

[B]

And I just would always rather depend on myself than Sometimes it's like, you probably should hire somebody else, but sometimes I'm just like, I just. I'll have peace of mind if I know I do it right. Yeah, and I used to be really. I mean, I'm still ambitious, I guess, but I used to be really ambitious in a way that was probably a little unhealthy, where I just was so like, I wanted everything and I wanted to just push myself as hard as I could. And I had a really hard time saying no to anything. So it was just like I always said yes and figured out later. And so I'm just a little crazy. That's why I have like, the makeup company and the motel and like a crazy person.

[C]

Yeah, tell us about the motel. It's in.

[B]

It's in Palm Springs. Yeah, it's the toast of Palm Springs. It's a pink seven room, like, boutique motel called the Trixie Motel.

[A]

Seven rooms, Incredible.

[B]

Yeah, all pink. It's amazing. It's the most beautiful thing in Palm Springs.

[C]

Damn. Yes, that sounds tight.

[A]

So. So you. You renovated it on your show?

[B]

Yeah, so I did two seasons of a show called Trixie Motel where we renovated this motel. It was right after Covid. I was watching the Simple Life. The Simple Life. The Simple Life and Very Brady Renovation. That show where the Brady Bunch actors renovate the Brady house.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know about that.

[C]

Wait, Simple Life, is that come. I remember it airing in like two.

[B]

I was watching that version.

[A]

Yeah, we revisited it too. It's great. It was wild.

[B]

Yeah, I watched that and I was like, kind of like channel surfing between the two. And I was like, wind drawn conzillo looking at. I was trying to find a Palm Springs property for myself. And there was a tiny pink motel that was zoned as condo. So it showed up on a residential search. And I was like, huh, that's kind of crazy. So me and my business partner David, we. We were like, let's go look at it. And it just kind of spiraled out of control. It was like a fun, funny idea to do the Trixie Motel until we were closing and I was like. Or like closing the purchase? I was like, oh, now we're like, really doing this, right? We hadn't even sold the show yet or anything really.

[A]

So were you just gonna do it as your own project outside of a show?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So you own this?

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

And who. So do you. How much are you involved in the operations of it?

[B]

And like, very little.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

My job is to show up, have drinks with guests, take pictures with Guests a few times a year.

[A]

A few times a year? Yeah. That's.

[B]

You know, if I'm, like, doing Coachella or something in the area, I will stop in and say hi to guests. That's cool. Like, one year I went on New Year's, or I went on Christmas Eve and just, like, went in drag and surprise the guest. Just like, it's very sweet. It's Dolly Parton at Dollywood.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not scooping the ice cream. I'm not riding the rides. I just do this.

[A]

That's. That's incredible.

[C]

Does Dolly Parton show up to Dollywood?

[B]

She does. She usually goes to the opening every year, and she gets it up. She goes on, like, a little parade through Dollywood in waves.

[A]

The idea of having a place like that that I have created, whether, like, typically fantasize about a restaurant, you know, like, you go in, could open one. You could. But it's also, like, so hard. I feel like, so many stories about, like. Like, we would have to be there, like, every day. And I've heard, like, hotels, motels are maybe a little bit easier, a little bit less intense, but still something like that. I would imagine, like, I would love to, like, create a space where somebody else ran it, but it was like, you know, sort of like my choices were helped create it, and I could just, like, show up and, like, hang out. You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, oh, yeah. What would you want to open

[A]

a

[C]

series of cages for who? Anybody who's being naughty.

[B]

Prisons. You apologize.

[A]

God does like to reprimand people.

[B]

I know. It is crazy. I will say my business owner, Barbie, like, capitalist version of myself has died a little bit. As the years gone on, I've had, like, a little bit of a renaissance where I really miss just being an artist and being in charge of very little.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I mean, but it is like, when I'm at the motel, I'm like, this is amazing. I'm like, there's nowhere in the world like this. This is amazing. People walk in and cry. They freak out. They love me. Or like, I love the makeup company. I love our products. I'm on the photo shoot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, this is amazing. I love these products. I love this company. But I do miss sometimes being, like, 25 and just, like, a little bit drunk all the time. Lip syncing at nightclubs and going home.

[A]

Yeah. Being like, you have one thing to do this week. Like, you don't have any money, but, like, if you can live doing what you love to do and just, like, yeah. Go out and have fun. And everybody's just excited to be doing it.

[B]

Yeah. I don't think any of us who are entertainers got into this. Cause we're like passionate about a Google Calendar or a Zoom.

[C]

No.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

But also we kind of have to.

[A]

You have to.

[B]

But sometimes I have been at places in my life where I feel like I am in HR and not the artist.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And I just. At this point, I just feel like, what should I really be honoring? And I love opening businesses and I love selling. I mean, when I used to work at the mall and stuff, I loved selling. And I guess as I get older, I want to honor the part of myself that is creative and try to just do more of that.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, like. Yeah, we had. So we came up making Internet video. We went to college together.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

We made Internet videos together. We had our friend Nick on here recently who was like. We were a four member group. One of the other members of the group. And like that. That sort of salad days period, that like, just pure hustle before, you know, when, like, we were just trying to put up shows.

[B]

Good, good neighbors.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is. You know, it was challenging. Right. And like, we didn't have money, but it was so exciting. And every performance opportunity was, you know, a chance to try something new or, like, it just felt very exciting and

[A]

just like you connect with an audience again.

[C]

YouTube was just starting, but I.

[B]

It's exhilarating and it feels like every day is like the biggest opportunity and especially when all of you have achieved nothing, at least in the drag world. We would be doing numbers, like, just trying to make each other laugh or trying to have a good thing to talk about. Hungover the next day.

[A]

Right. Like, every show was worth celebrating and going out and being like, we did it and, like, having fun.

[B]

It was like, so funny to go talk about how bad it was.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. We had plenty of this.

[B]

I mean, obviously it's fun to operate on a high level and get a lot of eyes on stuff, but there was like a simplicity that I think I really miss of. Like, this is you spend your whole day just getting the show or the thing was the only thing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And sometimes in order to achieve more, you do have to cut yourself and do a bunch of different versions of yourself. And some of those parts of yourself are not 100% performers. Like, I also can be on a Zoom talking about boring shit. Yeah, I don't love that. I'm trying to minimize that over time.

[C]

But I think you nailed it with the Google Calendar of it all.

[A]

That's like, that comes in and like the email comes in and I'm like, I don't. It like, it makes me panic.

[B]

I still don't know how to set up a zoom. I've never really. Never set up a Z. I got you. I. Microsoft Teams can go to hell.

[A]

Oh, I don't even know what that is. I can't even like the, the weird.

[C]

I don't like that. The saying that phrase out loud, actually.

[B]

Microsoft Teams.

[A]

I just imagine the sound like

[B]

today's episode is sponsored by Microsoft Teams.

[C]

You know? You know you're in trouble when somebody sends you a Microsoft Teams.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But that's what the.

[C]

I feel like the normies on. In the. In, like, kind of office jobs are probably using. I don't know.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And it's. It's a commendable skill set. I. The part of it I do like and obviously the drag queen in me, you gotta think the backbone of drag is dressing up and literally taking people's money like this. So a big part of drag is just money. It's collecting money.

[A]

Is that so?

[B]

I like putting my face on shit and selling it. I've always liked selling Trixie and selling Trixie shit. Yeah, I always like that. Yeah, because I always think, like, I don't know, I always. When I started drag, I just thought Trixie was the coolest thing ever. And I was like, oh, my God, the lunch boxes, the. You know, my dreams for what I could sell with my face on it were so crazy compared to what they are now. I would have never known about a motel or makeup company or anything like that.

[C]

Are there lunch boxes?

[B]

No. Nobody eats anymore.

[A]

Nobody eats.

[B]

We did lunch boxes, of course. Ozempic hit rare. Now people are using them for their insulin and like, they're. Yeah, they're just using them for medicine.

[C]

But, yeah, outside of the DJing, I got to listen to some of the other. The music you've made and like, it's really wonderful. I guess I was curious, like. Yeah, how. How has music played a part in your life? Forgive me for a general asked question, but, like, have you always made music?

[B]

Yeah. So when I was younger, I. My grandpa was a guitar player and he was a country musician and I thought I was going to be a songwriter, so I always thought I was going to write music and sell it to other people. Always thought that. And then in college, when I was in music school, I started doing drag and then I started making it Was like my part time job. I'd be making my rent and stuff. Cross dressing at night.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So then by the time I finished college, I was like, well, I'd be making enough money doing drag that I guess I'll just do that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I guess I didn't think till much later that I could like be DJing or playing guitar stuff in drag. Because at the time I was working in nightclubs, lip syncing and, you know what I mean, doing jumps on the microphone or whatever. So it took me a long time to kind of put the version of myself that would go home and play guitar for fun, connect that musical part of myself to drag. And then when I did, especially when I started DJing in drag, it was like, oh, my God. It was like, how have I. Sometimes as a performer, maybe you guys get this. By the time you try something later, you're like, why was I so scared? Something in my head was telling me to not try that.

[A]

Like, I had an idea of what

[C]

I wanted to create up walls for something.

[B]

You create the walls that no one else created. But sometimes it's like, because I hadn't seen drag queens do these things, my brain didn't let me imagine it.

[A]

Right. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then sometimes you add things. Like, I was really into like Old School, Sarah Silverman and like Bo Burnham at the time when I started playing guitar in my show. And for a while I was doing a show that was mostly stand up with my guitar. So when I started combining playing and telling jokes at the same time, I was like, how have I never done this? I've been playing guitar so much longer than I've done drag. How have I never thought of this? But I don't know what that is. Sometimes as an artist, you don't. You let yourself see like this far in front of you. I don't know what it is. Sometimes you get in your own way.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a comedian. I can't do this. Or like, I consider myself like an actor. I want to do that. You know what I mean? I make my own stuff I don't want to do. You have these ideas that get in your way. There is really no. You can do whatever you want.

[B]

You could do whatever you want.

[A]

It doesn't put you in a box and make you not able to do something else.

[B]

Yeah. And I used to be like, I'm not a drag queen, I'm a musician, I'm a comedian, I'm whatever. And now I just am like, I'm a drag queen because that Kind of means anything and whatever. It didn't really matter.

[C]

Right.

[A]

When you started doing, like, the. Your folk music, country music in your. In your act. Was that, like, is. Was. Was that. Was there. Were there any, like, bumps in the road at the start? I mean, like, because I don't always associate folk music with drag, but, I mean, your music is incredible. It's beautiful. Yeah. So, like, I was just wondering if was there from the audience. Was. Was there ever, like, what is this? Or, like, it was not used to seeing this. Yeah.

[B]

So, like, I would be doing these, like, standup shows where I would be. I had just been broken up with at the time. And so a big part of the show was about, like, being broken up with. And so music that was, like, funny but a little bit sad about that was kind of, like, working for me at the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then, honestly, I'd just be. I would be writing this music at home on my own time anyway. So it was almost like, I don't know, like, my side quest.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was like, well, I'm already making this and recording it. It was. Honestly, I always think of, like, depth of fandom and, like, if a tricksy person who loves me because of bald and beautiful or. Or whatever, maybe they want to hear my music, too. It's like, I don't know. That's my livejournal. That's, like, my deeper, weirder fandomness. That's my salt shaker. That's what level of a fan you are. You bought the weird item.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And so I don't know. I always think, because it was always autobiographical. It was. I just always feel like when you're honest with the audience, it really rarely backfires, even if maybe you're a little too earnest. And I'm definitely. I was guilty of being definitely too earnest at the time, but I just was like, this is what I really feel. And you do laugh with a lot of the same muscles as cry. And I was just so depressed at the time. And so I just started putting my sad white boy music in with my Barbie show and just kind of started floating it. But people do that all the time. I mean, I remember when I read Sarah Silverman's book the Bedwetter, she said that she learned guitar because when she was younger, somebody told her that if she wanted to do comedy, everybody who does comedy should learn how to play dance instrument. Do you guys think that's true?

[C]

Never heard that.

[A]

I don't think it's true, but it definitely helps, I think. And there is like, such a strong connection between music and comedy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, musicians kind of want to do comedy, and comedians want to do music.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's often like that. That connection is. Is very real.

[B]

It helps me with my stand up, too, because sometimes what you fear is dead air. And, like, when you can underscore for yourself.

[A]

Zach Galifianak.

[B]

Every special marries.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, and suddenly you're like, I am creating fear in the silence. And this is making that go away. And it adds showmanship. The audience thinks it's so planned out. Cause you can noodle a little bit while you tell jokes. It became a little bit of a helper for a while, for sure.

[A]

That makes sense. I have Trixie's. Your makeup for Trixie.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Has that. When you were doing shows, was it like, I want this look, and you had it right from the start, or did it really evolve over time?

[B]

Well, you know that thing where you have a lot of ambition but no skills yet? That was me. So I was, like, trying to do big shapes and big colors and precision, but you don't really have the skills. Makeup is really hard. I'm assuming you guys have done some makeup in your life.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Like, for our. Yeah, like, a little, like, you know,

[C]

I'm not typically applying it on myself, but getting applied to me, I'm doing a little bit.

[A]

I got a little correction stick if I got some. Some redness or whatever, and, like, a little powder, Put it on top. Moisturizer, some, like, corrector, and, like, some.

[B]

Some paint roller. Some Williams.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

Get in there.

[A]

Yeah. I like to go to Farrow and Ball. It's like a better color for my face.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As you guys get older, you're gonna have to start wearing the house paint. Well, also, for the men in entertainment, you got to go dark orange at some point. That's, like, what they do.

[A]

Yeah. Really everybody, but, like, really every. Like, not just Donald Trump.

[B]

I think everyone. I think, like, the older men in television, they just paint you like that lovely bronze.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You do get washed out a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've seen people spray tan to absolute hell. And then when I watch the footage, I'm like, wow, it does wash you out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've been on things where I'm like, damn, girl, you are a lacquered chair on someone's deck. And then in the video, I'm like, wow, you don't look like that.

[A]

Okay. Pretty solid.

[C]

I don't know. It sounds like a good look.

[A]

Yeah. I think you would be great. I think we should start spray tanning you. Would you be down to get spray tanned for the next one?

[C]

I would really like that. I actually think that this could be huge for you.

[A]

Yeah, we could even like, you know, they set up those like little tents. Are you going do it on the show? Yeah, we can do it on the show right here. I should spray him.

[B]

Have you guys seen each other naked?

[C]

But he's.

[A]

I feel like not, like not.

[B]

Yeah, not all the time.

[A]

Everything.

[C]

But I would love to get sprayed by you.

[A]

Yeah, I'll spray it. Yeah.

[B]

And if you don't have the spray tan, you could do like spray cheese, hairspray. Do anything else. Spray cheese, Silly String.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, no.

[C]

Okay, yeah, let's do it.

[A]

I think you'd look better with Silly String. Maybe I'll do. Yeah, yeah, we'll spray each other.

[B]

I always wanted to wear a lot of makeup. When I first started drag, I got really into like, I wanted to look as synthetic as possible. And I was very inspired by plastic and toys. So I wanted to look like almost like nutcracker marionette carved.

[A]

Oh, interesting.

[B]

And like, I wanted my face to be really erased. I wanted to not be recognizable at all. And so that's why I wear so much makeup. And over the years, it's just gotten so out of control. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. It's just so.

[A]

I mean, it's incredible. It is, it's, it's, it's like, it's awesome. It literally is.

[C]

Yes. Saying something that maybe everybody's said, but it is specific brand. It's like you're so recognizable. Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. That was a genius thought out thing. That was just me when I was younger, swinging for the rafters. I mean, I really wanted to look like My Little Pony and Barbie and Polly Pocket. So I just kept going and crazier and crazier and I mean, if you look back, I still look like shit sometimes. I do my own hair and makeup, so that's the bummer.

[A]

I always look perfect at that.

[B]

Yours look perfect. Thank you.

[A]

You're absolutely per.

[B]

Problem with that is you will mess it up. And then I watch footage of something and I'm like, oh, I messed that up. You know, I. I see them things that you see. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Speaking of, like, speaking of the. The sort of plastic, you know, sort of synthetic thing. Inspiring you. Do any, do any drag queens use prosthetics, like to like really like actually like give them sort of a fake sometimes and so it's beyond. It's beyond makeup. That's just an interesting.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, a lot of the girls wear those rubber boobs. You guys know about those?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That has gotten really out of control. I mean, it's fine. Everybody, like, for a while it was like. There was always. Every town had like, one girl who was like, oh, that's her and her breastplate. She's always wearing her boobs.

[A]

Yeah. I love it now.

[B]

I feel like they're so prevalent.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The big rubber boobs. I have a few pair, but I mean, I'll only use it if it's something where it's like so cleavaged out that you have to have something there.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

But they're so hot, you guys, if you've ever worn them. No, they are like.

[C]

I think so.

[B]

I think Ru had them on Pete in the episode of snl. She did?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Remember that? They're rubber. And if you guys imagine there's two styles, one is like a bib, like a baby bib. So it's like rubber, kind of like laying on your chest. Gross. The other one, you guys, is like a crop top tank top that, like, goes up your neck, so you're wearing like a silicone Mrs. Doubtfire skin. It's sick. Like, I hate when you're performing in

[A]

that and moving around under lights.

[B]

Yeah. And then there's the drag queens who wear the full body, like, latex suit with your hands and everything. Your feet in the latex.

[A]

How long does that take to get into? I have no idea.

[B]

Is that hard? I've never done that. And I don't even tuck because to me, if I'm doing anything where you're seeing that I'm already doing too much, I need to sit down. Like, I shouldn't be trying that hard. I shouldn't be eagle spread. It shouldn't be gynecological for me.

[A]

You've worked yourself past that point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You've done enough. Yeah. You're like, yeah.

[B]

And don't forget, I'm 36, which in drag is 70. It's a drunk 20 year old's game.

[A]

Yeah, it really is.

[B]

For bendable 21 year olds who are 80 pounds, who can throw themselves on the floor drunk and not be injured.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

I should be sitting down.

[C]

Where is the. Is there an. Is there like an iconic place to see a drag show? Like, it's like in LA or in.

[B]

In the world. Oh, yeah. I mean, there's so many good options. Obviously, the pageant answer is anywhere is good drag Is everywhere. It's all around. That's like. The good RuPaul answer would be like, it's all around us. But honestly, if you were in la, I would say it's always good. The precinct Sunday brunch is good. You could always go to Mondays at Mickey's to see Showgirls. That's like a very long running Southern California show.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You could go to Roscoe's in Chicago. You could go to play in Louisville or Nashville. There's a lot of options New York has, I think. I think it's really hard to avoid drag queens in New York at this point.

[A]

They're everywhere.

[B]

They're everywhere.

[A]

It's like, oh, my gosh. You walk down the street, it's like,

[B]

why are they so in your face about it?

[A]

I know, I know. And it's like, we're so happy for you guys. You're amazing.

[B]

Pride is in June. Why don't you sit home for a little bit? Okay. No, I mean, there's always a good option, but then again, don't you guys think it's kind of like comedy shows? There's always stuff, but it's really kind of like, it depends who you're asking about. What should you see?

[C]

Well, there's also. I wonder if this is true, too, in terms of comedy shows. Like, it evolves. Like, I feel like when we were doing it in 2008 or whatever, like, the scene felt very specific, but now it's like an entirely new generation of people. Every show or community changes. You know what I mean? And like. Oh, I don't even this.

[B]

You guys are old, irrelevant.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're not being invited to these events.

[A]

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. We have to, like, figure it out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I also don't want to see a comedy show.

[B]

Isn't that funny? Once in a while, I love to go to a drag show. Like, let's say four times a year. I go and I sit and I like. I love it. But then I'm good for a while.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Okay. Well, what about you?

[B]

What did you guys have? Like, what was your first memories of seeing drag queens, man?

[A]

I.

[B]

Maybe in movies. Like, my first memory was RuPaul and the Brady Bunch movie.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And.

[C]

Yeah. And I feel like the. Her. RuPaul's music video.

[B]

The.

[C]

You better.

[B]

Oh, supermodel.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So good.

[C]

And. Yeah. The John Waters movies.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

That was. Those are pretty balls out. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't even think kids today know about the John Waters movies. Like, in the way that I did when I started drag, where it was like, you watch Pink Flamingos and you're watching someone eat shit, and you're like, oh, my God.

[A]

Right, right. You know what I mean?

[C]

Right.

[A]

I think was. There is Nathan Lane in drag at the beginning of the Birdcage.

[B]

The Birdcage. I just watched that the other day. I forgot Calista Flockhart is in that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's an incredible cast. It is so funny. I love that movie so much.

[B]

Hank Azaria is Hank Azaria, who, like, that whole movie could just be about him. It's like. Yeah, you want. I don't want to say a bit part, but you want to talk. Like, every scene with him in it is like, I want to know more about that character.

[A]

I know. He's. It's so good, the fact that he, like, doesn't wear shoes and he has to wear shoes when they're coming over and he's like, keeps falling. It's just so crazy. So funny. I feel like that. That movie, like, really was like, oh, interesting fire.

[C]

I mean, the scene. The scene when Robin Williams character is with Harvey Fierstein and, like, the makeover.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[C]

That montage is like, implant. I. You know, he does. He does the Barbra Streisand bit. Like, it's. Yeah, I would say, incredibly iconic and embedded in my brain.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That is a. That's really good that. You guys ever see Priscilla, Queen of the Desert?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

No, I haven't.

[B]

That's an Australian movie with. What's the guy from the Matrix? Mr. Anderson. That's a great fu.

[A]

Yeah, that's the one I was trying to think of.

[B]

Wesley Snipes. Amazing.

[C]

Patrick Swayze.

[B]

Patrick Swayze. John Leg was like, amazing. These men, the performance they give. Soccer Channing.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And then also in the Birdcage, Diane Weiss. Jean Hackman.

[C]

I saw Diane Weiss at a restaurant in New York.

[B]

I was like, oh, my gosh, she is so amazing. I. Richard Hans.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And did you guys see her in that movie with Rosamund Pike? I care a lot.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh. It's this movie about. It's kind of about a real thing where they, like, scam. They make old people in the courts seem like they can't take care of themselves. And these companies absorb all their money and, like, put them in a home and keep them on drugs and, like, convince their family that they can't take care of themselves. It's like a real thing that happens.

[C]

Recent.

[B]

Whoa. It's like a thing that if you Google, like, oh, Scams where they will call you and be like, your mother's not well. We have to move her into a home. And part of our sign here, we're gonna liquidate her assets and then it'll be easy for you. And then they basically steal your estranged parents money or whatever.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

You know, that's crazy.

[C]

Fuck the scammers.

[B]

Fuck the scammers.

[A]

Can we just say I don't like

[C]

the scammers, people, if you're scamming anybody, we don't want you to watch the show or listen to the show.

[A]

We don't like the scammers and all the scammers. I think you guys are great. Just, I don't want to be scammed. So just like, just keep it. He like, keep it up.

[C]

Yeah, he's okay with him.

[B]

Did you guys ever listen to Scam Goddess?

[C]

No.

[B]

Lacy Mosley, she has like a podcast called Scam Goddess. She talks about scams, but one of her things is she's like, I want to talk about scams. But her like, her like oath is that she's not going to blow up anybody's scam either. So she's like, if you want to write in about your scam, like, we'll read about it anonymously. But like, we don't want to stop the scam. We want to talk about scams but. But not impede the scams.

[A]

Right, right, right. Because we're here to talk about them. We're not here to crack down on them.

[C]

You know, you guys are making, you're making me think, think here because I'm

[A]

like, because there is a level of scam, right?

[B]

What's an acceptable level of scam? Cuz I. I'm so goody goody. To me, if you even like steal at the self checkout, you should go to prison.

[A]

Yeah, I'm so goody. To me, the stealing at the self checkout is like, it's too easy. There's no like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, so yeah, you should go to prison.

[C]

To me, like, when I think scam, I it odd it implies, man, I've never. Okay. I feel like anything that has to do with like a phone call or identity or like, like just like a proper like narrative lie. Like, whatever. I'm a prince of. I'm. I'm Prince Marky and, and you need

[B]

like a whole narrative. Yeah, exactly.

[C]

Okay, but that, that sort of thing, like, well, to me those are villains, those people behind these things. Like, if there is like so much thought and effort and put into it, like, that's the type of scammer that I feel like I don't have a ton of respect for. Yeah, but what is a low level? You think just pickpocketing is a low level? Is a scam?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I don't. Like, I just. You know what it is? I know that if I ever tried to do something like that, I would be the person who get caught.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You understand, like, if I tried to fly with drugs or something, I would be caught. I'm not lucky like that. Like, I. You guys, I was driving the other day. I was driving the other day, and I picked up my iPhone to change songs. I thought to myself while driving, God, this traffic is really bad. I'm gonna turn on Bony Bear to calm my nerves. Bon Iver. Bony Bear.

[A]

I love Bon Iver.

[B]

Click. Cop pulls up.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

You changed the phone. We saw you on your phone. He pulled up on the bike with the phone and took a picture of me with the phone in the hand. So it's not like I can fight it, but I'm just telling you, I'm not lucky enough to break laws and get away with it.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So maybe that's why, for me, it's a scam. It's a no. And for me, for that reason, I'm out.

[C]

Yeah. I love the idea of the copy and like. Like Bon Iver.

[B]

Right, right.

[C]

Okay. Well, the reason you're here today, the

[A]

real review, to really get down to

[C]

it, is that Beck and I don't know what our podcast should be about, and we're hoping that maybe you have an idea of what you think we should make a podcast about.

[B]

Okay, I have one.

[A]

Okay, great, Great.

[B]

And I thought about this a lot because I was like, what? What is really open? I was playing. Do you guys remember the game Dead Rising?

[A]

Yes. I've never played it, but yes.

[B]

The zombie game where you're in the mall.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I've been playing all the Dead Risings in order in my spare time. Nostalgia gaming. Lately I want to play old games from high school. I don't know why. And I was like, God, this makes me think when I worked at the mall and how much time I spent in the mall. I think we need to talk about malls.

[C]

I love that.

[A]

Great. Yes. Fantastic. Okay, cool.

[C]

We'll be right back when we're talking malls.

[A]

Malls. Malls. Malls. Foreign. Is America's number one classic TV entertainment network, airing over 60 of the greatest TV series every week. Now MeTV presents the Golden Girls of Summer, showcasing the Best of the Golden Girls. Watch Dorothy, Blanche, Rose and Sophia Weeknights

[C]

on MeTV at 10pm 9 Central.

[A]

Log on to metv.com now to find out where to watch MeTV. Free over the air and on cable, satellite and select streaming services. MeTV is memorable entertainment Television.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Wow. Yeah.

[C]

Wow. The Cheetahs are loose.

[A]

The Cheetahs are loose.

[B]

You guys told me you don't want to do the improv shows, but then you're sitting here doing the, the warm ups, so then what?

[A]

Yeah, well, we like to do improv

[B]

warm ups, but not improv.

[A]

Yeah, not improv. Yeah, yeah, we love.

[C]

This is all scripted.

[B]

Yeah. Comedy sports.

[A]

Yeah, we like the sports.

[C]

Comedy sports.

[B]

Comedy sports.

[A]

Well, you know. Yeah, yeah, Yeah. That's how excited I am.

[C]

That's my warm up.

[A]

That's my warm up. Well, I'm warm. A good old wiggle jiggle. I've been really good, dude. I've been like, I've been shopping. I've been, you know, walking people watching. I've been, I've just been hitting the malls. Yeah. You know, trying to, I've been trying to get away from my. Researching. Yeah, yeah. Put down the phone and chop. URL. You know, I don't, I still don't know what that means in real life

[C]

that makes so much.

[A]

So up until this point, you've been seeing I, I. People use IRL and you just have been like, I don't know what that means. I haven't looked it up.

[C]

The, the Goosebumps writer. I thought he, it was him being like.

[A]

Yeah, irl. Oh, so every time you saw that, you thought somebody was saying that. They're like, I'm R.L. stein.

[C]

Yeah. You know, like AMA ask me anything IRL.

[A]

Yeah. No, no, no, no. You fucked that up. It's okay, brother. We all fuck up.

[C]

You know, I don't want to.

[A]

I know is that's when you go

[C]

into a, a big old place with lots of shops and stops.

[A]

Cuz that's, that's, that's, that's my idea of heaven. So let's start. Let's start.

[C]

Let's talk some malls.

[A]

Let's talk malls. Malls. That's what it's all about. You told us Malls. Our podcast. That's what we'll talk about with Beck

[C]

and Kyle and Trixie Mattel.

[A]

Thank you for being here, Trixie.

[B]

Of course. We heard you guys were doing this pot about malls. Oh my. Malls to the wall.

[A]

Let's do it. I mean, when, when was the last time you guys went To a mall.

[B]

Oh, gosh.

[C]

Well, you know what? I'm gonna. I'm gonna shout out one of my

[B]

favorite malls in Los Angeles, say Beverly Center.

[C]

They used to have a. There was a soup plantation that was very close to the Beverly Center.

[A]

Kyle loves soup plantation. He loves soup restaurants.

[B]

He's gone out yet?

[A]

Gone, yeah, it's gone.

[C]

But the Americana I frequent because they got a movie theater over there and it looks a little bit like Disneyland.

[A]

It's close to us and it is a really good vibe. It. Like, I, I'm a little bit jealous of the people who live there. You know, there are apartments there.

[C]

Have you been to the Americana?

[B]

Oh, I. There are several apartments that like. Or malls that sell like premium living situations at the mall. And sometimes I'm like, okay, when it's Christmas and you need to go gift shopping, that probably is awesome.

[A]

It's probably awesome.

[B]

My mother in law's gift. Let me go down to Yankee Candle, which is downstair. Pick up a carabiner or something.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Isn't that. I do genuinely feel like, forgive me for being old school.

[A]

Hey, it's okay. Malls are kind of old school.

[C]

Buying a gift at the mall, it makes me feel something. You know, rather than going online, like, yeah, I will. You know, you don't have the selection that you do being, you know, when you get to just browse the entire Internet.

[A]

Yeah. There's no community there. There malls are the shopping community, you know. And you guys worked in malls. No, no, no. Never. Have you? Oh, yes, yes, yes you have.

[B]

I used to work at the Mac counter at the Macy's in Milwaukee.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I will say it's something about working in the mall. You smell like the mall. I would go to like the, the clubs after work and people give me a hug and be like, you smell like the mall.

[A]

And is that perfume? Because there's so many perfume samples.

[B]

It is. You just smell. I think it's because they smell. I worked in Macy's, a department store. Definitely has a smell.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Clean.

[A]

Other than that, I'm thinking of Auntie Anne's. Like that smell like that cinnamon pretzel smell.

[B]

That. The, the. The food court is something I know

[C]

we've gotta, we've gotta rank our. Our, our food. Our mall food court establishments.

[A]

Okay, you want to do that now? Do you want to just like put

[B]

a pin on it with our sponsor?

[C]

Yes, yes, please.

[B]

Which is Sabar?

[A]

Yes. Sbarro.

[B]

We get, get you. Get you a New York slice.

[A]

An authentic New York slice. Like Malls would not exist without Sbarro, and. Is that how you say it?

[B]

All malls started with Sbarro. That just building off.

[A]

Yes, exactly. All malls started with Sbarro.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So thank you to Sbarro for starting all the malls in this country. We couldn't have the shopping community without you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I love the energy slice that there was, like, one I would never eat at the Sbarro at the mall, but,

[A]

like, once or twice, I have some

[B]

issues, which is they give you a piece of pizza that doesn't fit on the plate.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

What's going on there?

[A]

It's like, it's heavier than.

[B]

Corners are hanging off.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But I do. The baked ziti was always really good.

[C]

And that's like, essentially baked ziti on top of a slice.

[B]

It's like. No, it's just noodles.

[A]

No, just noodles.

[B]

And they have, like. Oh, you can get just a pasta. Just a pasta.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That was when I used to work at the mall, when I would some days be like. Like, it's today. Today's the day. And it was like a hierarchy of, like, depending on how bad of a day you were having at work, where you were gonna go for food. Like, if it was a tough day, you're like, they were going to Steak Escape or Panda Express. The really decadent Panda Express.

[A]

Panda Express, I think, is my mall food.

[B]

It's amazing.

[A]

It's amazing.

[C]

Sorry, can I ask. Can I go back to Sparro for a second?

[A]

Yeah, of course I'm asking.

[C]

This is an s. Yeah, yeah. They want us to talk about.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we gotta talk about them a little bit.

[B]

And we have an offer code below.

[C]

Do you. Okay. This is such an esoteric and specific thing to talk about. There was a specific type of sparrow slice that had, like, breading on top of it. It was like. It looked like, you know, like a crisscross pie almost. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[A]

Oh, yes, I do.

[C]

Stuffed pizza.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

That always intrigued me, but I never tried it.

[A]

I never tried it there. But there was. Little Frankie's in New York had a similar thing. It was, like, crust on top. It was cheese, and it was like a truffle pizza.

[B]

It was, like, not red sauce, right?

[A]

Yeah, like. Yeah, no, I think no sauce. Like, not even a white sauce.

[C]

We gotta learn, Rochelle. You got to do some research. I got to know what is happening with this Sbarro slice. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. If you could. If you could pull up some info, some. Some tricks.

[C]

What was your mall growing up in Milwaukee? What was it called? What was the one that you frequented? Was the one you worked at.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm. I mean, I'm from, like, the deep country, so I didn't move. Okay. I didn't move to Milwaukee till I was 18.

[C]

Gotcha.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I've learned that everybody thinks Milwaukee is in Minnesota. It's in Wisconsin. Just.

[C]

Hey, fucking idiots.

[B]

Everybody, stop it. Like, aren't you from Minnesota? And I was like, what? I think they think Minneapolis is Milwaukee.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. The m. Yeah.

[B]

And they're all, like, Native American words. They're not. Right?

[A]

Milwaukee.

[B]

Yeah, Milwaukee. I used to go to the Mayfair Mall, which was in, like, almost like Wauwatosa in Milwaukee. Native American words. And I started working there at the Mac counter, and I loved it. I mean, when you're like, 21 and you. I started working at the makeup counter. I was making $16 an hour in 2010, which I thought was crazy money.

[A]

That's incredible.

[B]

I was like, 20. Making that kind of money.

[A]

And then. Are you commission as well off whatever you sell now?

[B]

But that was, like, from Milwaukee. A very livable wage for me. I'm sure it was great. I thought it was living large.

[A]

Now you are. You're.

[C]

You.

[A]

You have, like, an inside to the mall, like, a lot. We haven't worked at malls, so we don't know what the. Is there anything from work, your time at working at a mall that's like. A lot of people don't know this, but.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

Oh, Craig.

[B]

Loss prevention.

[A]

What? Prevention.

[B]

Loss prevention. There are people walking around the mall and in these stores all the time who are in plain clothes who are looking for thieves. Oh, Especially at, like, a Macy's or a Nordstrom. There's, like, people who look like someone's dad. If you, like, see some guy who's like, oh, his wife must be in the shoe department. He's just. No, that's a secret shopper. He's got your ass. And he's waiting. He's got an earpiece. They're talking in the room about. About, you know, so and so over here putting fragrance in her panties and trying to get out of the store. They're scamming, they're scheming.

[A]

And how do I get that job?

[B]

Well, you would. Well, I would.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

If I could find it hard to be famous and do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, right. Aren't you so and so. What are you doing here?

[A]

Yeah, I'd be like, well, you know, I'm just. I'm a mall cop.

[B]

Well, I guess. No, they're.

[A]

I'm undercover, but that's not what.

[B]

Palt. Who?

[A]

Paul Blart. Paul Blart, Mall Cop. It was a movie. Yeah.

[C]

He's just looking out for. Is he looking out for thieves?

[A]

I think so. Yeah. He's on his little segue.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Well, Mall Cop is different from lp, which is loss prevention.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Loss prevention specialists are, like, under the radar.

[C]

They're like the guys in, like, the airplanes. Like the.

[A]

Yeah, the officers. What do they call them?

[B]

The tsa?

[A]

Well, no, remember the secret. They're undercover officers that go on planes. I don't know.

[B]

They feel like they have bridesmaids.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[B]

When she's like, I knew it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if they still have those. I feel like they got rid of those.

[B]

Did you guys watch Nathan Fielders? The rehearsal, Season two?

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

With the planes. Oh, my God.

[A]

Incredible. Those pilots, man. I really feel for those pilots now. Walking through the airport, I'm like, you okay?

[B]

I feel like, okay. He got a commercial license to fly planes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I've never committed to the bit once in my life. All of us are quitters. We're shallow losers. Like, if he was an actor, he'd be like somebody. If he's playing a prisoner, he would go kill someone and go to prison before he plays the person I was like, he is committing. I love.

[A]

He's like the Daniel Day Lewis.

[C]

Yes, yes. He's the best.

[A]

Yeah, He's a wonderful, wonderful.

[B]

It's like my. Go to programs when I'm not sure what to watch is put on one of Nathan's shows.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He's out of his mind.

[A]

It's definitely time for me to revisit Nathan for you.

[C]

You know what I like? I. Now, there are some stores that it's interesting to me because I feel like they only exist in malls. Right? Like, it's like.

[A]

Yeah. Like Indians. Like lids, you know? Yeah.

[C]

Now, do you remember KB Toys? Did you guys have.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I think so. That. That. Yeah. That's another. Yeah.

[B]

Store.

[C]

This. This. No, this is like a chill. Like a toy store. But it was like a Toys R Us, essentially, but it was called kbs.

[B]

Yes. Baby Toys.

[C]

Hot Topic.

[B]

Yeah, Hot Topic.

[A]

Spencer Wet Seal.

[C]

Walden Books.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

Barnes and Noble.

[A]

Barnes and Noble, huh? I'm always seeing, like, a Billabong or like, vans. Gap. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

West Coast. Suncoast video. Did you guys have that Suncoast video?

[A]

No.

[B]

Somebody wrote in and said that they bet that we Couldn't name a bunch of stores in the mall. So this is good because we're covering that.

[A]

We're covering that.

[B]

People think you guys are too rich and out of touch and famous to go to the mall.

[A]

No, we know what's at malls.

[B]

We know what's at.

[A]

Yeah, we know it's at the mall. Urban Outfitters. Yeah. All sorts of. All sorts of awesome stuff.

[B]

I also worked at a. I worked at the Brookfield Square in Milwaukee at the Ulta, which is another makeup store. And we had. It was like an outdoor. What do you call, strip mall. So this was like a. A strip mall where they also had a Michaels craft store.

[A]

Arts and crafts.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Golden Corral, the buffet restaurant. And I think it was like a Planet Fitness or something. Oh, yeah. Cause some of the malls had.

[C]

Have.

[B]

There's a. Did you know there's a gym in the. In the. In the. There's a gym in. What's the mall? We said earlier?

[A]

Americana. No, Beverly Center.

[B]

The Beverly center or the gym?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I've seen the gyms.

[B]

Who the fuck is going to the Beverly center to go to the gym?

[A]

I don't know. I think. I think that the brand. The Amer, not the Americana, the Glendale Galleria has like a. A Planet Fitness or a Golds Gym in there.

[B]

Not to mention the first, like, six floors of that mall being parking.

[A]

Yeah. Having to store till like the eighth floor, that's like 15 minutes from the minute you get there to get into the gym, to get through the whole parking garage. Find a spot, navigate the whole mall.

[B]

The escalators. If you guys are walking in from the street to get up to the Beverly center, it's escalators at Universal where they just go on.

[A]

They go on and on. I cannot stand the Beverly Center.

[B]

I can't stand.

[A]

I won't go there anymore.

[B]

I think Century City is lit.

[A]

Yes, you do.

[B]

Gotta go over the Beverly Hills. I like Century City Mall.

[C]

Yes, the Century. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, there's always. There's typically a movie theater attached.

[B]

Yeah, there's restaurants in there. There's a lot of stores in the Bear. In the Century City.

[A]

That is.

[B]

That's a huge mall.

[A]

I'm gonna say that's my favorite mall. Yeah, it's got good stores. It's got good layouts. Good. Good spots to sit, good people watching. It's easy to get in and out of. Then I would go, what about America?

[B]

The Grove.

[A]

Oh, the Grove. Okay. I like the Farmer's Market.

[C]

I saw a School of Rock there.

[A]

Yeah, I do.

[C]

That's where it has gone.

[B]

I guess there is an emcee.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I mean, there's a Nordstrom. I don't want to say. Fuck the whole thing, but the fucking Christmas with the kids and the little train going four feet.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Mario Lopez there doing the sort of, like, extra, extra thing. No, thank you. But those two restaurants.

[C]

Fountain.

[A]

Ah, the fountain that dances. It's incred. It does. It is. It is a special feeling that moving

[B]

forward, they do got that huge bookstore, that Barnes and Noble, that's like six floors.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, sometimes I'm like, I'm a book person and I go, but I read all my books on my iPad.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So I go in the bookstores and look at books. Don't buy anything, because I don't want to be on planes carrying around paper books.

[A]

Yeah, it takes up a lot of space in the backpack. Yeah, it takes up too much space. Is there. Now back to your time working at a mall. Was there, like, either a specific person or a specific type that you would deal with at the counter at the makeup count? Like, people maybe perusing but never buying? Or like, some. Like, any. Was there any, like. I don't know. Yeah. Somebody that stood out to you, like, oh, here comes this person. This is gonna be a lot. This is gonna be.

[B]

Oh, yes. I mean, there. Well, the truth is, I loved selling makeup in a lot of ways. I knew so much about makeup, and a lot of people felt like they didn't know what to buy. And I, like, liked feeling like I was helping them spend their money in a way that I thought was really good.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, I mean, that makes you an incredible salesperson.

[B]

Yes. We don't get commission when I was working there, so I. I had no reason to lie. So I'd be like, all right, for what you want, really, you should get this, this, and this. This is the best use of your money because this can do this. This can do multiple things. Like, I try to really not over sell.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But there was a woman who would come and get her makeup. There was a lot of people who came to get their makeup done. It was $50 minimum purchase, and you would get the free makeup application. So let's say you had an event.

[C]

I want to. So you spend $50 on product.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And then you get application of makeup. And is it that product you bought

[B]

or is it anything.

[C]

Anything in the store?

[B]

Let's say you came in and you were just like, I wanna get three bottles of My foundation I normally get, but since I'm doing that, I'm spending $50. I'm gonna make an appointment, and that way, since I have dinner tonight, I'll get my makeup done while I'm here. Some people, it was like, if you already have to buy stuff, we offer the service for free, so why wouldn't you? Not free, but you're already gonna buy stuff, so it is free. So you'd make an appointment, and then I would spend 50 minutes doing your face. And a lot of times you'd have to multitask. You'd have to stop and ring someone. And you don't just do their makeup. At Mac, they were big on showing and teaching. So you get the brush in their hands, show them how to use the products, talk about the technical data and how the product works. And selling is interesting because you're asking questions so that you can figure out how to tell someone why something is right for them, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So it's kind of psychological warfare. Selling right.

[C]

Right.

[B]

If you're coming at it from a good place, you really want people to not waste their money. I just never want people to buy things that weren't good.

[A]

It is a vulnerable position that people are in. They're like, I want to look good.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And you're like, I will help you do that. Not just like, I'm gonna sell you a bunch of stuff.

[B]

And you're dealing with like, you're in the beauty industry, but you're also in the self esteem industry. So you're talking about things like your skin texture, your pore sizes, fine lines, and you're talking to it in a way that is not hurting feelings. But you're also not. You're not. If you're not talking about, you're not really helping either. It's like a very delicate dance of how to talk about it. It's crazy to think about me being like 21 years old, being like, you know, we're getting older, right, ladies? Like, but there was this one lady and she would buy stuff. A lot of people would buy stuff and always return it on Monday. So they would just want their makeup done.

[C]

Oh, interesting.

[B]

And then come return it all on Monday. And it was above my pay grade, so I was kind of like, I don't care what you do. Like, yeah, I don't own this company. And tomorrow does. Yeah, Sbaro does. And so like, I'll sell you the product. But I always was like, wow, to buy. But to all the time buy stuff and come return all the of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It almost became, like, after a few times, I felt like a school counselor where I was like. Almost had to sit them down to be like, what's going on at home?

[A]

Right, right. Why are we doing your makeup every

[B]

week with your time, and you're returning all the products every week?

[C]

I have to. Are they scamming?

[A]

It's a little bit of a scam.

[B]

It's definitely a scam.

[A]

It's a scam. It's a. It's a. It's like. It's a legal scam.

[B]

It's a legal scam because we obviously can't resell return product either. So it all gets destroyed. You can't resell.

[C]

Yeah. So what, it just gets trash? Yeah.

[B]

It gets thrown away, damaged out.

[A]

Yeah. Right.

[B]

And so that was kind of crazy. Obviously, there's a lot of individuals at makeup counters, there's testers, a lot of people touching things, using things, who have no intention of buying anything.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You might just see someone come up, take a bite out of a lipstick, and keep walking. Q tips.

[A]

Kyle has done that a couple days. I'm sorry. I thought it was candy.

[B]

Yeah. Also, like, a lot of, you know, if you have time to lean, you have time to clean. So so much of your job and makeup is cleaning.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're cleaning. You're making everything look good, and then you turn your back for a second, someone comes in, puts their fingers in 10 products, and walks away. You just gotta get peaceful with the fact that, you know, I feel the worst for the people at, like, the Buckle who are just folding jeans all day.

[A]

Really.

[B]

Somebody just walks in and just takes every piece of jeans and throws it. I could never work somewhere where you fold clothes.

[A]

Yeah. That is something.

[B]

I can't even fold my own clothes.

[C]

We have to talk about. About this because this. There. This. There's an issue with this system. Here's because, like, I'm with you.

[B]

Like, that people, like, are inconsiderate.

[C]

But the problem is, is that, like, if you've got this pile of jeans all with different sizes, like, sometimes my gene is gonna be, like, right in

[A]

the middle, seven jeans down.

[C]

And like, to do. To. To sort of do the Jenga of it all or whatever.

[A]

Jenga.

[C]

Yeah. Like, kind of like not easy to put it back. It's gonna come back slope.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I don't know what. I don't know what.

[A]

So you're feeling guilty. So you. And you're like, I don't want to feel guilty when I'm shopping, but I Have to do this if I'm beginning.

[C]

If I was. If I want to get those jeans.

[A]

I think you got to talk to somebody. You got to be like, can you help me with the jeans? Yeah. Can you help me find my size?

[C]

But you got to find somebody that could be.

[A]

And then that person's going to be hounding you for the. The rest of your time there. Oh, like.

[B]

Like, make eye contact. Well, I'll tell you this. They're not trying to help you. Part of it is loss prevention. Like, if you acknowledge a guest, they are so much less likely to stick. Oh, the hello is really. I know you're here. I swear to God. The hello. If you've ever worked at a store, the training is like, if you say hello, they are so much less likely to steal.

[A]

I have left stores because four or five people have checked in with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, I am fine. I want to be left alone. I want to, like, look through this stuff and see if there's anything that interests me. And I've had to leave because people are just like, need any help? You look great in that. I'm just like, leave me alone. I can't.

[B]

It's like trying to get you to open a store credit card card.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. This is Orange Julius. What are you talking about?

[A]

I got. I.

[C]

Two things I want to say.

[B]

You got.

[C]

No, they. I mean, like, I guess I did. I. But I was.

[B]

Did you have a card?

[C]

Yeah, I was 22.

[A]

Oh, I remember those. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. And like, I. Yeah. Bought a pair of jeans, and they're like, you sign up for the card, they're free or something like that. I was like, okay. And so I signed up for the Macy's card card. And then, you know, I guess letters came in the mail, being like, you owe us whatever, 60 bucks. And I either read them and didn't care. I just thought it would disappear. And then, like, a decade later, I tried to buy a car. And they're like, your credit sucks. I was like, why? It's because of this Macy's card. That's probably like, they got you $59 that I never paid off. And then it just sort of disappeared from my brain.

[B]

They got your ass.

[A]

They got your ass. That's a scam. It's kind of a scam.

[B]

It's a scam. I don't know. They. But they also be. Like I said, they're trying to get you to open credit cards, and they're trying to make sure you don't steal the other thing. Is you can't stop people from stealing. So, like, if you work at a store, you're not being paid enough to chase someone to the park and tackle them. It's also, like, kind of illegal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So what we used to do at Ulta is like, let's say you stole a perfume. All I could do was walk up. If I saw you on the camera, put it in your purse, all I can do is walk up with the same perfume and go, go. Did you need help boxing anything up? Like, did you need help with anything?

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Do you want me to leave anything at the register for you? Like, you can't say, I saw you take something.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You can't chase someone out of the store.

[C]

You can't even just be like, I know.

[A]

If there's, like, a mall cop. If there's a mall cop walking by, can you be like, hey, this person's taking stuff? I guess, but like. But also then, like, you have to deal with that as the employee. And it's like, it's not your store.

[B]

No. Like, you're 20 years old. You're paid $10 an hour to. To fold jeans at the Gap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you Batman? Are you grappling, hooking someone for stealing? Like, no.

[A]

I mean, yeah. I mean, unless you are.

[C]

Unless you. Like, there's a scenario where you are Batman.

[A]

If you are Batman and you're working at the mall, then. Yeah. Then you could stop people. But unless you're.

[B]

When I was Gotham City Mall.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

When I was in high school, that's

[A]

how we gotta start.

[C]

And, like, me and. Me and my buddies like to play little jokes and little pranks.

[B]

Scams.

[A]

Yeah, scams. Scamming each other.

[C]

We used to like to go into stores and, like, go into Barnes and Noble and pretend to steal. So we would, like, oh, wow. We would, like, go into the shell and be like, all right, go, go,

[A]

go, go, go, go.

[C]

And then, like, run out. Just for the idea, just for the fun of, like, getting a reaction and be like, no, we actually didn't take anything.

[A]

Did you ever get chased?

[C]

Yeah, I think so.

[B]

Never let them know your next move. I do get hooked into TikTok knows I love this. I get hooked into watching body cam footage of, like, mall cops apprehensions.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Something they do a lot is, like, let's say they know you've stolen the cause at department stores, they have dedicated officers that will stop you. I'm not saying, like, if you go to Claire's, I don't think they're gonna tackle you. If you steal earrings. But I do think at a certain point, they might keep track of how much you steal. And then they'll wait till you've stolen over $1,000 and then they can legally charge it as a whatever. So some stores will wait for you to steal a certain dollar amount so that they can charge you for it more. Seriously. So if you get away with it, you have not permanently gotten away with it.

[A]

They're just making a case for you.

[B]

So think about that.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

I don't know. The mall is so wrought with the culture, the fantasy. I loved going to the food court. Something of those Anti Ants pretzels. They got my number.

[A]

Yeah, they really do. How do they do those free samples? And you just like Cinnabon.

[C]

That's another pretty iconic.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

For a while they had a lemonade. You could get a lemonade. A cup. And on the top of the cup, it was a trolley with all those nuggets with the cheese dip at the Antiennes. Pretzels. I was at the Pentagon city mall in D.C. eating one of those, feeling like. I don't know what you must feel like if you're like, a president of, like, the drug cartel. I just felt so high on life. Yeah, that thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Hot Dog on a Stick.

[A]

Hot dog on a stick.

[C]

Another one. Did you guys have that in your malls?

[A]

What? That's like the name of the. The restaurant. This hot dog.

[C]

You didn't have Hot dog on a. Rochelle's. Michelle's helping me out.

[A]

Is this a corn dog?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, that sounds like it's like, out of, like, Fast Times at Ridgemont High or something.

[B]

Hot dog on a Stick. It sounds like we'd be like, tell you what, you're gonna drop out of high school. You're gonna end up working at Hot

[A]

Dog on a Stick.

[B]

It sounds made up.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, malls are, you know, it's. They're all very special. They're all over. They all started by Sabaro. I think they should, too. But what do you think? What do you think it would take for malls to really come back?

[B]

Tiffany out here to sing? Like, we used to have concerts in the mall.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was. You need to make it an event space.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I also think that outdoor malls. I mean, maybe it's just because we're in California, but, like, I grew up in Chicago and there was an outdoor mall that was like the most pop. Like, outdoor malls are cooler than indoor malls, I think. I think they're more fun to go to.

[B]

They're more beautiful, claustrophobic.

[C]

And I think it's like stand up at the mall.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

Yes, stand up.

[B]

You guys could do your first live show at the Grove, dude.

[A]

I mean that's, that would be incredible. Yeah, I love, I think the tree

[B]

lighting ceremony, you guys hosting like New Year's Eve.

[C]

I think that malls need for them to come back in a meaningful way.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I think, I think that you need establish. You need at least like one or a handful of like really good restaurants or something or like kind of like elevated food or drink so that it's like you got this standard mall stuff. But then you also have like this. Oh shit, I want to go to Cheesecake Factory.

[B]

Is that of kind count?

[C]

I'm thinking a little, I'm thinking a little more elevated than Factory. I'm thinking something that's not necessarily chain.

[A]

But here's the thing, I'm also thinking like, you know, there are so many good. I mean I know we've. Some people are tired of the smash burger craze, but there are some small fast food, you know, they're like, they're burger places but they're not chains and they're making incredible food. But like if they were to put that in the, in the, the food.

[C]

If you could have like a foodie

[A]

destination, it's like, like this is the best burger in LA and it's in the mall. You know what I mean? Like I think that would be. I think that could do it too.

[C]

Or we can bring. You remember my cages idea?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

See some of those cages in there. But thank you. Go ahead, Trixie.

[B]

The only time I really have to go to the mall is when I want to. Cuz I'm not going to buy pants without trying them on. I be going to try on pants, but otherwise I just feel like malls need to come back. I was watching Wonder Woman 1984. In the beginning is like they also do this in Stranger Things. They show the glory of them all. At this time I just feel if the young kids are saying that the coolest thing you can do is nod up social media can that swing further even and be like if you're really that analog, real life offline bitch. I will see you at the mall. Ho.

[C]

Well that was the thing.

[B]

I'll see you at Sam Goody.

[C]

Yes, I love Sam Goody. And it was a way to make meet other kids from like other schools and stuff. Like it was a. It was a place where it's like, oh, who's this?

[A]

That's that's where we, like, interacted with girls. Yeah. Like, we'll meet you at the mall. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, because it's like kind of casual.

[A]

Yeah. It's like you could be on a date, but like a group date with other friends and like, see a movie and get some food and like. Yeah, yeah. I remember like going on a date, but it was like with the girl and all her friends and all my friends. And we were like, we'd be like, hey, hi, how are you? And then we'd be like, start walking around together as a. And that was like a date.

[C]

What do you. What do you think of me, by the way?

[B]

So, like, what do you think of all this sbaro, huh? You know what else? Other shout out to stores in the mall. The Egypt store. Malls that just have like an Egypt store.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Where they just sell like weird fake urns and like weird fake Egypt artifacts.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That feels like so in my brain as a kid being like, mom, you have to buy me this ninja store.

[C]

We have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or like, you have to get me this, this like, dagger sacrificial thing. I always wanted weapons, like flea markets with like a ninja sword.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You don't understand. I have to.

[C]

I want to start going.

[A]

I grew up going to Colorado with my family, and they were like, they had these stored, like wild west old, like, guns and knives and like canes that had, like, guns and knives.

[B]

Like canes. It's like a sword.

[A]

Yeah. Or sometimes it's like jewelry. You know what I mean? It's like very fancy and beautiful, but it's a. It's a gun. It's a gun sword. It's like, got brass knuckles in it too. And people would be like, oh, this is so cool. I want this stuff.

[C]

Do you guys remember Sharper Image?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Love Sharper Image.

[B]

See, like, when I was a kid, that store, I'd be like, we. It's a playing card with razor edges that I can throw. Like a, like ninja star.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Like, I remember being a kid and having my mom be like, no, we're not buying you that. It's dangerous. And I remember being like, you're a bit that place. Like now thinking back, I'm like, yeah, don't buy the kids weapons.

[A]

Right, right.

[C]

It felt like it was from the future because. Yeah, they'd also have, like, elaborate massage chairs.

[B]

Like a foot. Like a foot massager.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I love that name.

[A]

Sharper Image.

[B]

The Sharper. The.

[A]

The Sharper. Yeah. Well, you know, I think I Think we can bring malls back and we just have to keep talking about it and keep bringing people in.

[C]

I feel like you're in the. You're pretty much industry adjacent. You've got the motel.

[B]

Oh, my God. We just haven't opened the Trixie Mall. Maybe that's what's next.

[A]

I think that could be it. Yeah.

[C]

You're more suited for this than I think us at this moment in time.

[B]

Well, maybe. I mean, Elvira used to have a store on Hollywood Boulevard at that mall, and so did RuPaul.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Maybe the Trixie store. Maybe you guys could do a store.

[A]

Yeah, we sell makeup.

[B]

Really?

[C]

First, first thing we need. We need people to join our Patreon because they're. They're. We got really need you guys to start doing.

[A]

We really need that. Yeah, that's our mall.

[B]

We gotta start at home before we.

[A]

Yeah, right. Well. Well, you know, I'll as. As we say. I'll see you at the mall.

[C]

It's mall good.

[A]

It's all good. Don't get mauled. Go to the mall. It's all good.

[B]

And shout out to the. Shout out to the workers at the All.

[A]

Shout out to the workers. Shout out to all the workers. And thank you, Sabaro, for giving us a place to gather.

[C]

And to the little secret guys inside the department stores who are going to trap you and say, I saw what

[A]

you did and put you in one of Kyle's cages. Be careful.

[B]

If you're going. I'm just saying if you're going to steal, you need to. You need to do a good job.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I just saw this video of this girl and like, she got a pregnant at the mall. What they do is they'll wait till you go on an escalator. One will wait at the bottom and the other one gets on behind you. So like they kind of close in on you.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

And this one girl, she was like, I do not. They will deny that they have stole until last minute.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tell me why her boobs were square. Like, it was a box. She had like a box up here.

[A]

I gotta check these out.

[B]

And the video was like, I did not steal. And it's like the boob has a complete right angle. It's like a product, like in a box gift wrapped in her shirt. I just feel like there needs. We can't insult the loss prevention officer's intelligence.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

We need to be a little bit covert.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When we get caught. I think what you want to strive for is. That was good. Though.

[C]

Yes, we got you.

[B]

But that was slick, that sleight of hand, that thing where you pretended to adjust your bra strap and shoved it in your. Like, let's give a performance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't insult them. Don't be like, yeah. I mean, we need to do better than that.

[A]

So go to malls, steal, and do a good job. And it's kind of a game with the loss prevention people, and it's like, maybe that'll help bring malls back. Maybe, you know, people can't do that online, so give them something to work for. You know what I mean?

[B]

Like the.

[A]

Give them a show.

[B]

Give them a show. Make them feel like they caught the penguin. I mean, like a kin of crime.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

All right, well, go ahead and steal anything you want. Thanks for watching.

[A]

See? See you next time on Malls. Bye.

[C]

It really was an episode of what's our podcast with Trixie Mattel and Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney. And it was it. I. I'm going to say a full blast.

[A]

It was an absolute blast. Malls are incredible.

[C]

Kind of took me back to the good old days.

[A]

To the good old days of malls. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And. And us first starting our podcast.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I. I had an absolute incredible time. How about you, Trixie?

[B]

I really feel like malls have needed good PR for a while and that somebody should put us on a payroll of some sort, because the press that we just gave to malls.

[A]

I know, Absolutely. Sbarro. Send us a check. Okay, we'll talk about it.

[C]

Rachelle, did we find anything about this pizza slice?

[A]

Yeah, there was a stuffed pizza at some point.

[C]

And there's also strombolis at Sbarro.

[A]

Stromboli.

[C]

Which are.

[B]

Oh, that's like a hand pie, right?

[C]

Kind of.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes. I was going to say the word stromboli. Okay, good to know. Well, anything you got going on, Trixie, you want to tell our audience about.

[B]

Yes. I'm DJing my new show, Super Disco, and at a bunch of different prides. Lollapalooza, Bonnaroo. It's gonna be really fun. And then you can obviously see Kati and I doing Bald and the Beautiful live all over the country. It's exactly what it sounds like. We show up in Dragon Scream, so.

[C]

Wow, love that.

[A]

I want to go. Me too. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna stay tuned in for when you're doing shows in la, and I would love to come out.

[B]

Come on down. Do you, like, get on the list?

[A]

Yeah, love it. Love it.

[B]

On the list.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Thank you. Great. Lately, I've been not into guests, though, because I know you guys get this. When you have somebody who's a guest and it's like five minutes to curtain and they text you, where do I go?

[A]

Yeah, that is. That is. You nailed it, dude. We've been talking about this for decades.

[B]

I don't have guests anymore. I don't need a baby.

[A]

Yeah, it's like, where do I park? Or like, what time does it start?

[B]

On My way. Yeah, I hope so.

[A]

Right? Yeah.

[B]

Have you come back before and after? Can I sit on stage? Like, it's like if you give a mouse a cookie.

[A]

Right? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You gotta set firm boundaries.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just. Lately, I'm just like. It's another. It's another thing. I'm in drag, running around, getting a text. It's like, where do I park?

[A]

Yeah. No. And then afterwards, you gotta do a whole hosting thing, like when you have to leave the show through the front and every.

[B]

What if I have a bad show and I'm in a horrible mood? And then you would come back and say, hi, And I was like, no, I'm suicidal right now. You need to leave.

[A]

Right, Right.

[C]

Of course. This is everything.

[B]

Then you have a great show, and there's no one to come back and say hi, and you're in a room like, hello.

[C]

No, but seriously, we can get on the list.

[B]

Yes, of course.

[A]

Okay, cool. Okay, cool, cool.

[C]

Thank you, Trixie. And join. Don't forget to join the Patreon www.patreon.com what's our podcast? And Beck, congrats on everything, man.

[A]

Thanks, man. You too. We're doing it. We're doing the thing.

[C]

Yeah, we're doing the thing.

[A]

All right, see you guys. Next.

[C]

What's Our Podcast is a Headgun podcast created and hosted by Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney.

[A]

The show is produced and engineered by Rochelle Chen and Anya Kanowskaya with production support from Ali Khan and Ryan Lynn.

[C]

Our executive producer is Anya Kanevskaya. Katie Moose is our VP of content at Headgum. Our theme music is made by us.

[A]

For more podcasts by headgum, visit headcum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[C]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

[A]

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.

[B]

Each episode, we're gonna go into a

[C]

deep dive from our show.

[A]

This is Us.

[B]

That's right. We're gonna go episode by episode.

[C]

We're also gonna pepper in episodes with

[B]

different guest stars, writers, and casting Directors.

[A]

Are we gonna cry? Yes, A little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot.

[B]

A whole lot.

[A]

That's what I'm hoping.

[B]

Man.

[A]

Listen to that. Was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify.

[B]

New episodes every Tuesday.

[A]

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.

[B]

And I'm Jeff Tremaine.

[A]

Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show. Coming to.

[C]

Coming to.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.

[B]

And I'm Jeff Tremaine.

[A]

Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show now on Headgum.

[B]

I've learned a Jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes.

[A]

Every minute over is a minute. Apparently, there's only so much butthole you can take. We're gonna take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits back. Bad behavior and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions. Jeff.

[B]

I've noticed that every.

[A]

Every so often with guests like Spike Jones. I think let's commit to Jackass the Podcast.

[C]

What was it going to be called?

[A]

The Jackass Podcast.

[C]

Jackass Podcast.

[A]

Without you, the IQ drops significantly. Steve O.

[C]

There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass, that I would be in clown makeup right this morning.

[A]

Chris Ponus. That shot of your butt just cruising up, I'm like, yeah, I got that on tv. God bless us, Dave England. Yeah, when you come in and you're being really nice, I'm like, damn it. Something bad's gonna happen to me. We man. Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head and threw a punch.

[B]

The whole bar just stopped and wanted

[A]

to kill me, like. And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning.

[C]

I had to share a room with this guy.

[A]

I left a nice surprise in the

[C]

toilet for him every time.

[A]

Apparently, he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocket Cast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts.

[B]

Our new episodes drop on June 18th. Woo. Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday.

[A]

Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with our us on Instagram and Tik Tok @JackassThePodcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes.