The Ultimatum: Queer Love S2 Couples Exclusive - What's the Reality?

Summary5 min read

Podcast Episode Summary: "The Ultimatum: Queer Love S2 Couples Exclusive"

Podcast Information:

Title: What's the Reality?
Host: And Love Media
Description: A weekly discussion on love, relationships, pop culture, and reality TV, blending authentic conversations with humor and heartfelt insights.

Episode Details:

Episode Title: The Ultimatum: Queer Love S2 Couples Exclusive
Release Date: July 9, 2025
Guests: AJ & Brittany, Dana & Megan from The Ultimatum: Queer Love Season 2

Introduction and Welcome

The host warmly welcomes the audience and introduces the special guests from Season 2 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love—AJ and Brittany—followed by Dana and Megan. The atmosphere is friendly and upbeat as guests exchange greetings and compliments.

Life After Filming

[01:35] Brittany:
"With us, we focused on just, like, loving each other, being attentive, just being, like, really honestly, just setting more boundaries with my work life."

[02:28] Brittany:
"Setting boundaries. Closing my laptop after a certain time. Prioritizing date nights and our intimate moments."

Insights: AJ and Brittany discuss the challenges they faced post-filming, including work-life balance, setting boundaries, and prioritizing family time. They emphasize the importance of nurturing their relationship amidst external stressors like tenant issues and the loss of close friends.

Navigating Friendships and Loss

[03:23] Brittany:
"This person was my best friend for years... she can't support that best friend because we are in a... we're a woman marrying each other."

[04:26] AJ:
"But that's not a friend that you lost. That's not a friend."

Insights: The couple shares a poignant story about losing a long-time friend who couldn't support their wedding, highlighting the challenges LGBTQ+ individuals may face even among close relationships. They reflect on how such losses have strengthened their bond and reaffirmed their commitment to each other.

The Ultimatum Experience

[07:02] Brittany:
"We've been together for at that time about four and a half years or so. And in lesbian world, that's a long time."

[08:33] AJ:
"If we didn't do it, we weren't going to make it at all. So it was like almost like a do or die situation."

Insights: AJ and Brittany explain their decision to join The Ultimatum, driven by a need to solidify their commitment amidst uncertainties. They discuss the intense nature of the show, describing it as a "pressure cooker" that tests relationships through various challenges and trial marriages.

Setting Boundaries on the Show

[19:01] AJ:
"We talked about what we were okay with... remembering who you are... representing your family."

[20:06] Brittany:
"If you're gonna go all the way with someone, then you better just leave with them. Like, don't even think, like, yeah, yeah, yeah."

Insights: The couple delves into how they established clear boundaries before entering the show. They emphasized the importance of honesty, trust, and maintaining respect for their existing relationship despite external temptations. This proactive approach helped them navigate the show's dynamics without compromising their bond.

Dealing with Temptations and Conflicts

[20:57] AJ:
"She was the first girl that ever did that, so... made me linger, so it was different."

[21:16] Brittany:
"I was like, I didn't know Martin and I was just... I wasn't that bothered."

Insights: AJ recounts how a fellow contestant, Mel, showed interest in him, challenging his commitment to Brittany. Brittany shares her experience of not being personally affected by Mel's advances, attributing it to their strong relationship foundation. They navigate these interactions with maturity, reinforcing their loyalty to each other.

Reunion Reflections and Emotional Impact

[53:54] AJ:
"My takeaway, honestly, like, was Marie's being Marie."

[54:17] Dana:
"I feel like I wish I had handled that differently."

Insights: During the reunion, tensions arise as past interactions and trial marriages come under scrutiny. AJ and Dana reflect on their experiences, expressing mixed emotions about how certain relationships unfolded on the show. They acknowledge mistakes and the emotional toll of navigating complex interpersonal dynamics in a reality TV setting.

Lessons Learned and Relationship Growth

[45:50] AJ:
"Being in a relationship with Marie showed me all the things that I never want in a relationship."

[46:24] Dana:
"Our relationship is the best one I've ever been in."

Insights: Both couples share profound lessons gained from their time on the show. AJ emphasizes the importance of mutual respect and setting non-negotiable boundaries, while Dana and Megan highlight the value of vulnerability, communication, and personal growth. These insights have fortified their current relationships, making them stronger and more resilient.

Engagement and Future Plans

[62:33] Dana:
"We have the best finger bunny."

[62:42] Megan:
"We're teeter tottering between Seattle and maybe international."

Insights: AJ and Brittany announce their engagement, sharing joyous plans for a destination wedding potentially in Seattle or internationally. They express excitement for the future, balancing their personal aspirations with their love for each other. Dana and Megan also discuss their engagement, emphasizing their desire to enjoy the phase of being engaged before moving forward with wedding plans.

Final Reflections and Closing Thoughts

[69:03] Dana:
"It's so hard to see."

[73:10] Megan:
"Rebuilding from the ground up reminds me why I love you so much."

Insights: The couples conclude the episode with heartfelt reflections on their journeys. They acknowledge the challenges they've overcome and celebrate the growth and deepened connections that have emerged from their shared experiences. The host commends their resilience and reinforces the podcast's theme of authentic love and relationship dynamics.

Notable Quotes:

Brittany ([01:35]):
"With us, we focused on just, like, loving each other, being attentive, just being, like, really honestly, just setting more boundaries with my work life."
AJ ([05:25]):
"Our relationship has definitely gotten stronger. If we were able to conquer the ultimatum, I damn sure know we'll be able to conquer anything that comes."
Dana ([45:50]):
"I think being in a relationship with Marie showed me all the things that I never want in a relationship."
Megan ([62:42]):
"We're teeter tottering between Seattle and maybe international."

Conclusion: In this episode of What's the Reality?, AJ & Brittany and Dana & Megan offer an intimate look into their lives post-reality TV, sharing the triumphs and tribulations that have shaped their relationships. Through honest conversations and emotional transparency, they exemplify the podcast's mission to blend relationship insights with the realities of life and love in the spotlight. Their stories underscore the importance of communication, boundary-setting, and unwavering commitment in nurturing lasting love.

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Transcript1,136 lines

[00:01]
Unknown Speaker 1
Substance use disorder and addiction is so isolating. And so as a black woman in recovery, hope must be loud. It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable. It is the thread that lets you know that no matter what happens, you will be okay.
[00:21]
Unknown Speaker 2
When we learn the power of hope, recovery is possible, find out how@startwithhope.com brought to you by the National Council for Mental well Being, Shatterproof and the AD Council. What's the reality?
[00:35]
Unknown Speaker 3
What's the reality?
[00:38]
Unknown Speaker 4
Hey, y'.
[00:39]
Unknown Speaker 3
All.
[00:39]
Unknown Speaker 2
And welcome back to what's the reality? Today I'm sitting down with two of yalls favorites from the Ultimatum Queer Love Season 2, AJ and Brittany. And later, I'm talking with Dana and Megan.
[00:52]
Megan
Hello. Hey.
[00:53]
Unknown Speaker 4
Hi.
[00:55]
Megan
No, don't get all shy now.
[00:58]
Unknown Speaker 4
Let's try that again.
[00:59]
Unknown Speaker 3
Hey.
[01:00]
Dana
Hey.
[01:01]
Unknown Speaker 4
Thank you.
[01:02]
Unknown Speaker 2
Welcome to us, the reality.
[01:04]
Unknown Speaker 4
How are y'?
[01:05]
Unknown Speaker 3
All?
[01:05]
Unknown Speaker 4
We are great.
[01:06]
Megan
You guys are stunning.
[01:07]
Unknown Speaker 3
Great.
[01:08]
Unknown Speaker 2
I'm so happy you guys are here.
[01:09]
AJ
You're freaking stunning. Like, it's so different seeing from, like, TV to now.
[01:13]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[01:14]
Megan
You're just.
[01:14]
Unknown Speaker 4
You're just.
[01:15]
Unknown Speaker 2
Okay, well, we can do this the whole interview.
[01:17]
Unknown Speaker 4
We really each other up.
[01:20]
Unknown Speaker 2
So you guys are fresh off the reunion.
[01:22]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yes.
[01:23]
Unknown Speaker 2
And I just want to thank you for stopping by and giving me the tea first period. So catch me up. You guys shot a year ago.
[01:33]
AJ
Yes.
[01:33]
Unknown Speaker 2
What does life look like for the two of you guys since.
[01:36]
Unknown Speaker 4
So, yeah, it was actually even over a year.
[01:38]
Unknown Speaker 2
Over a year?
[01:39]
Unknown Speaker 4
A year and a half.
[01:40]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Oh, gosh.
[01:41]
Unknown Speaker 2
I couldn't have waited that long.
[01:43]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah.
[01:43]
AJ
Funny story, though, when we were filming, we were watching your season in our travel marriages.
[01:48]
Unknown Speaker 4
Your season just dropped.
[01:49]
AJ
It just dropped. And we were watching your season left, and I was just like, what would it be like just to meet this woman? And here we are.
[01:56]
Unknown Speaker 4
Here we are. Yeah, I watched it as soon as I got back. I was like, have a lot of reality going on right now. But, yes, to fill you in for how this year has been since we wrapped up, it's been an interesting year.
[02:11]
Unknown Speaker 3
We.
[02:13]
Unknown Speaker 4
With us, we focused on just, like, loving each other, being attentive, just being, like, really honestly, just setting more boundaries with my work life, B.
[02:25]
Unknown Speaker 3
Because.
[02:29]
Unknown Speaker 4
That was definitely an issue. So I think once. Once the show, like, how I really did learn a lot. I'm like, okay. Damn. Like, I really was neglecting my baby. Like, and that wasn't fair to her, especially, like, that was something I'm really passionate about, and she didn't want to stop me from pursuing that. But anyways, work life balance has been A lot better. Setting boundaries. Closing my laptop after a certain time. Prioritizing date nights and our. Our intimate moments.
[02:55]
AJ
More family time. Yes, for sure. And I think it's been, like, outside of our relationship, it was other factors, like, other struggles that hit us. Like, we own a home, had tenant problems.
[03:08]
Unknown Speaker 4
Tenant from.
[03:09]
Unknown Speaker 2
Like, life is life.
[03:10]
AJ
Life was life. And really bad. And lost best friends.
[03:13]
Unknown Speaker 2
Yeah, that's not fun.
[03:15]
AJ
It's not even the reason. It makes it even worse. So I think you want to say. Or honestly, just because I'm nosy. So, yeah, go for it.
[03:24]
Unknown Speaker 4
This person was my best friend for years. I actually met her right before aj.
[03:28]
AJ
Two months, to be exact.
[03:29]
Unknown Speaker 4
Two weeks, to be exact. But I've always. I've always been out and proud. Proud lesbian. And I. That's just. That's just who I was. Then we meet agent together. D D. Whatever. Great. Then when I got back from filming, I let her know that we got engaged. And then a few days later, she's like, let's talk. And I got to talk to you. And I said, okay, making it really weird.
[03:55]
Dana
I go.
[03:55]
Unknown Speaker 4
We have her dinner, and she shares with me that she can't come to me and AJ's wedding.
[04:02]
AJ
Exactly my face.
[04:03]
Unknown Speaker 4
And I said, why? You have a date. You have a date already that, you.
[04:08]
Unknown Speaker 2
Know, you getting a baby, somebody dying.
[04:10]
Unknown Speaker 4
And I'm like, you know, a date. Let me know.
[04:11]
Unknown Speaker 2
Yeah, what's.
[04:13]
Unknown Speaker 4
But it was heartbreaking to hear that she said that just because we are in a. We're a woman marrying each other, that she can't support that best friend. My baby came home crying, absolutely shattered.
[04:27]
AJ
And I just put her on her couch and said, you're gonna be all right. Like, it's gonna be all right.
[04:30]
Unknown Speaker 2
But that's not a friend that you lost. That's not a friend.
[04:33]
AJ
So, yeah.
[04:34]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[04:34]
Unknown Speaker 2
It's unfortunate, but very.
[04:36]
Unknown Speaker 4
I. And I think this last year since filming to. I think that God was just working mysterious ways and removing people out of our lives that had. That maybe that. I don't know. I. Maybe, like. You know how you would say we don't always hear things that are being said in other rooms or whatever? And I'm not saying that's what she was doing or other people we've lost and throughout our last few years, actually. But I'm just thinking we're entering a new chapter in our life, and maybe that's just what was.
[05:03]
Unknown Speaker 2
Can't bring everybody.
[05:04]
Unknown Speaker 4
Can't bring everybody.
[05:06]
AJ
Booster's got to fall off of the rocket ship at some Point of the atmosphere.
[05:09]
Unknown Speaker 4
So overall, it's been a good year. We've been really happy and just focusing on our financial health, our mental health, our physical health and all of that, and our spiritual journey.
[05:22]
Unknown Speaker 2
How's the relationship going?
[05:24]
Unknown Speaker 3
Beautiful.
[05:25]
Unknown Speaker 2
Strong.
[05:26]
Unknown Speaker 4
You answer that.
[05:26]
AJ
Period okay. I think it's been amazing. Like, I think our relationship has definitely gotten stronger. And we've been tested so much with outside factors that allowed us to really hone in on, let's take time for each other. Let's set time aside. I know there's a lot of stressors in our life, and even then it's like, the show's coming, There's a bigger stress coming on the way, and we kind of just got to a point like, hey, like, we just need to take each day as it comes, and we don't know what's on the other side of the door. I really could care less of what is on the other side of the door. All I want to know, are we okay? Are we good? Is home secured? And if that's secure, then I. If we were able to conquer the ultimatum, I damn sure know we'll be able to conquer anything that comes. Comes at us after this.
[06:13]
Unknown Speaker 2
Absolutely. I cannot stress how important this, like, alone time, this bubble is. Like, stay in this bubble as long as you can. The real world, this outside social media, like, ignore it. And it's easier said than done. But I promise you, if I have one advice for y', all, ignore it.
[06:33]
AJ
I'll try my best.
[06:34]
Unknown Speaker 2
Literally, do your best to ignore it. Because it's.
[06:37]
AJ
It's a lie.
[06:38]
Unknown Speaker 2
It can be. It can be. Some of the most insane people live on the Internet. So true that.
[06:45]
AJ
Just true that some of them live right next door to you, so some.
[06:48]
Unknown Speaker 2
Of them are friends.
[06:49]
Unknown Speaker 4
Right.
[06:49]
Unknown Speaker 2
Okay, so let's talk about your season. What led you guys to do the ultimatum and what was going on in your relationship at the time? Like, what did you ultimately decide that this was the reason we needed to go on the show for, I believe.
[07:02]
Unknown Speaker 4
Just at that time. We've been together for at that time about four and a half years or so. And in lesbian world, that's a long time.
[07:11]
Unknown Speaker 2
You know, I heard after two weeks, you're already.
[07:14]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah.
[07:15]
Dana
Married with kids, Got everything, got the bed, everything.
[07:21]
Unknown Speaker 4
So, I mean, I think it's just. I was in a place where I was ready for that. I. I've already felt comfortable with where my. Our lives have headed, where my life is headed and all the things that we had. We've been living. Living together. For a long time. We have two fur babies. The time was right, and I felt like within the last few years. Yeah, a few years. But prior to filming, we didn't really talk much about marriage anymore. When we first got together, we're like, oh, I can't wait to marry you. I'm here right now. All that was so exciting and so, like, oh, I'm ready, like, But I'm like, logical. I'm like, no, like, take your time. And then as the time went on, it just kind of started talking. She wasn't really as excited anymore. Didn't really bring it up. Kind of got nervous around it. I'm like, okay, well, dang. And I think then when we just saw, like, I don't know, we were just a little delusional, a little crazy, and saw the casting, we were just. Well, we got tagged in it, really, and multiple times. And then I was like, all right, let's just. We talked about. And just jumped and. And did a crazy way to get a great reward.
[08:28]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[08:29]
Unknown Speaker 2
Okay. I have a question for you, because you issued the ultimatum.
[08:31]
AJ
I did.
[08:32]
Unknown Speaker 2
So that means you've seen the show.
[08:33]
AJ
I did.
[08:34]
Unknown Speaker 2
And you were okay with sending your person out? Because I'm trying to wrap my head around that. I'm like, could I send my man out to possibly find.
[08:44]
AJ
Go ahead, connect the dots.
[08:46]
Unknown Speaker 2
I'm finding it. And to, like, pos.
[08:49]
Unknown Speaker 4
To be in a marriage with someone else, insane.
[08:55]
Unknown Speaker 2
Knowing how fine your partner is, knowing.
[08:57]
Unknown Speaker 4
What they bring to the table.
[09:00]
Unknown Speaker 2
Where was your head? I need to. I need. I need to. I need to know. Did you. Were you at any point being like, I might not get her back before you left, or were you like, I know she coming home.
[09:13]
Unknown Speaker 4
I knew what was at stake. I knew that that can essentially happen to either one of us even. Cause we both partaked in the same way that we dated and. And did all this. I guess my. I. I mean, absolutely. I was terrified. I was like, oh, like, this is a wild way to get. I don't know. It was just wild in general. But I think that what kept me going and pursuing this. This experience and getting to this point was what's meant for me will be. And if she gets tempted by whoever's in this thing with us, then it just is what it is. I think I was very secure with myself and secure with our relationship at that, I think, at least. And it turned out well in our favor at the end. But I. I know it was insane. I don't know what the. I was thinking to Be honest. I was just like, how.
[10:06]
Unknown Speaker 2
How much did you fight it? How much were you like, no, I'm not doing this?
[10:09]
AJ
Oh, a lot. Really? Absolutely. A lot. Like, I think for me, I was generally like, you want to go where?
[10:14]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[10:15]
AJ
You want to do what?
[10:15]
Unknown Speaker 2
Had you seen the show?
[10:16]
AJ
Oh, absolutely, yeah. And I laughed at people that did it.
[10:19]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[10:20]
AJ
I was like, bitch, you stupid. We did that. And I was. I was laughing and I ended up being the stupid bitch.
[10:27]
Dana
Yeah.
[10:28]
AJ
I mean, honestly, I, you know, I generally. I saw her concerns and where she was coming from and she. And where our relationship was heading. It. Honestly, if we didn't do it, we weren't going to make it at all. So it was like almost like a do or die situation. Like, I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't, because I will lose you. And if. If something like this, because you can't remake that type of experience in the real world, if something like this is going to help us find the answers we need. Shoot your shot.
[11:02]
Unknown Speaker 4
I shot.
[11:03]
AJ
We shot an arrow in the dark and it just happened to land. And we were blessed to get the opportunity. And then obviously, what it did for us. Overly, overly grateful. Yeah, Forever. Like, forever grateful to the experience.
[11:18]
Unknown Speaker 4
And. Sorry, no, you're done.
[11:20]
Unknown Speaker 3
Oh, yeah.
[11:21]
Unknown Speaker 4
But no, to. I was gonna say. I feel like.
[11:26]
Unknown Speaker 2
Can we turn her mic off, please?
[11:29]
AJ
Please do.
[11:30]
Unknown Speaker 4
My bad. But I was gonna say, I think this really brings out the inevitable in couples. I think that it fast forwards. It's like when they call it a pressure cooker. It essentially is because when couples are together and they kind of dilly dally through life and you really don't know if you're gonna get married or not, or maybe it doesn't happen for another three to five years. If you didn't do this, I think it allows you to kind of put your relationship to the test. And if you can pass, we can. Each couple can pass that. That means you're meant to actually get married. And it essentially throws at you so many things of temptation and then communication and conflict resolution and hand yourself. And. And when you're happy, you're sad, you're mad, you're. I don't know, a little tickle pickle when you kind of flirt with another girl or whatever. And, you know, I don't know. So I think that I don't have pickles. I didn't know. I don't know.
[12:18]
Dana
I don't know.
[12:19]
Unknown Speaker 4
Like, the gay term for that, actually.
[12:20]
AJ
Like the plastics. Tickle plastics. Maybe I don't know, I don't know.
[12:24]
Unknown Speaker 4
What came to my mind. Essentially. I feel like it brings out the inevitable. I think it brings out what would happen. When I watched it, I'm like, damn. Well, honestly, they probably should or shouldn't have been together. Like, and it brought out, like, if they were got tempted in this, then they would have got tempted later down the line, maybe next year, two years.
[12:38]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[12:39]
Unknown Speaker 2
It was in you. It was inevitable.
[12:41]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[12:42]
Unknown Speaker 2
AJ, you mentioned that one of your biggest fears in marrying Britney was that the idea of eventually disappointing her or not living up to her expectations. Where does that fear come from?
[12:52]
AJ
At the time? I think the fear came from watching her be so successful. And I hate even bringing it up because my mom, I think my mom has always been. My parents are very successful and they have always been equals going through life. And my mom has always been like, brittany's a nurse. She does this, she does that. What you doing? Like, and I'm just like, I have my own way of doing things. I don't want to live desk to desk 9 to 5 for the rest of my life. Like, And I think people, generational parents like how I have. They think you go to school, get a degree, you work 40 hour work weeks, then you, you know, take a vacation for two weeks, and then that's it for 50 years. For 50 years, right? So hearing my mom say that, in the back of my mind, I think that watching Britney hit so many milestones. Okay, she got a car, she got the house, she got this, she got that, she got this. And then I'm like, at one point I was a provider for her, and now I'm the backseat. Like, it was scary to think that she could just wise up and say, hey, you ain't really pulling your weight. Like, somebody, I'm gonna find somebody that's gonna match me. And I think that fear really was like, something that I felt at the time that could potentially happen. And I am happy that I got to a better place with that. I think from our castmates and sitting with even her trial marriage with Marita, I got to a place where she's like, look, bitch, she just wants you and you only. And she will literally give up her business if it meant losing you. And hearing that from Areita, I don't. I haven't heard that from Brittany. And it was like the light bulb went off. Like, wow. Like, if she's willing to give up the one thing she started for me, that showed me everything, it was like, okay, like, she would be willing to do that for her kids. It's not the business before our kids. It's not the business for our family. It's not the business for AJ like, and it's not that I want to sit here and be selfish, because I always and, like, told her, go for your dreams, Go for the stars. Land on the moon. Like, reach as far as you can. But I just didn't feel the balance. And so it scared me to think, where. Where. What does this mean for our relationship? Are you just going to be the 24 hour CEO and I'm just going to be at home with our kids, taking them here, taking them there, and then we don't have a relationship?
[15:15]
Unknown Speaker 2
Was this, like, something that you always kind of knew once your business started going that she felt this way and were you like, well, I got to get this going, or, like, was she on the back burner?
[15:29]
Unknown Speaker 4
I don't think she told me that I was neglecting her or putting her on the back burner. I think it was more so she was afraid to tell me because she didn't want to take away from, like, what I was doing because she knew the importance of it. I think that kind of came out later. I think what. What she communicated to me before getting on the show was just more like, oh, I just want to level up to your level, and that's that. And then once we got into it and into our own trial marriages and stuff, then it came out, like, honestly, like, it's not just that. I also needed this too, and I didn't really maybe notice that, or maybe she didn't even know either until thinking about it. Yeah. So I think I was scared.
[16:12]
AJ
Honestly, I was really scared to tell her because I don't think she should have to choose between me or her business. Like, you created something out of nothing. Like, she's literally like. I don't really know the correct term. Like a first generational Caribbean family. Like, not really sure what the term is, but she was raised by her grandparents. She's had to do it all by herself. Where I. And I would admit I had a silver spoon in my mouth. My parents did majority, if not everything, for me. And, you know, the one thing I did was I got a scholarship, played soccer. So my parents were able to help me because I didn't have. They didn't have to pay for college. So, you know, I had the help where Brittany just got it always on her own and made something happen out of literally nothing.
[16:58]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[16:58]
AJ
And so I think it was just. I didn't want to take that away from her or make her feel bad for being a CEO or a business owner. And I didn't know how to express that ever, like, until the show. It kind of forces that out of you.
[17:12]
Unknown Speaker 2
So, okay, what is your business, Juan? Oh, how's it going? Because I feel like I keep hearing about this.
[17:18]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah. And I realized they. It didn't maybe show much talking about what it was and what it is. I own a medical spa, so I'm a nurse. I don't think that was also mentioned too much either. I'm a registered nurse. I own a medical spa called Vitalux Ivy Lounge and Med Spa located in Orlando, Florida. And we do IVs and facials and everything, skin care and everything. And yeah, I. Right now it's going. It's going great. It's going really nice. I have a team of an esthetician, I have some nurses and virtual assistant, social media marketer. So it's getting there. I'm delegating, which is great because I wore all the hats and I was running me dry and. But it's going really, really beautiful. I think what, what pivoted me in the, in the show was like, damn, I gotta set up operations. I gotta set up like systems and workflows so I'm not the one having to do every little bit of it. And I think that is what was draining our relationship. And I always knew that I wanted to set it up and create that work life balance someday. I think I was just lacking the how to get that structure and how to structure that. And I had failed mentors and failed this and all that. So I think I just was in hyper focused in trying so hard, working my ass to the gristle. Whatever the word. Is that the word? I don't know. Gristle, Gristle, whatever.
[18:39]
AJ
It's a word today.
[18:40]
Unknown Speaker 4
I guess so. But just doing vocabulary. Normally I have vocabulary.
[18:47]
AJ
Not today.
[18:48]
Unknown Speaker 4
But I just worked so hard because I really wanted to get it to the point where I can have that.
[18:53]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[18:53]
Unknown Speaker 2
So, yeah, honestly, that would probably make me go get six jobs too. I'd be like, hold on a minute. That's really dope though.
[19:01]
Unknown Speaker 3
Thank you.
[19:02]
Unknown Speaker 2
That's really, really dope. So what would you say was Yalls, like, biggest fear going into the experience?
[19:07]
AJ
Sex.
[19:09]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[19:10]
Unknown Speaker 2
Did you guys go into the experience and set boundaries?
[19:14]
AJ
We talked about what we were okay with.
[19:16]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[19:17]
AJ
And we also acknowledged that lesbians are different and moments can happen with us where I feel like in normal heterosexual relationships, like something has to kind of. I'm not Saying it can or can't happen. But something kind of has to build where lesbians, we tend to be a little bit more closer. We're a little bit more friendlier, like, and a kiss can happen or something. So like, I think we talked, like, as in, if these things happen, let's talk about it. Won't be thrilled. You won't be thrilled, whatever. But you know, just remember who you are. Remember, like, you're not just representing yourself, you're representing your family. And potentially, like, if you want to explore that, just let me know. Like if. If it's just a straight text, I want to explore this and let me know. So.
[20:06]
Unknown Speaker 4
And I said. And I think we also said. I'm like, look, if you're gonna do something, then stand on that.
[20:10]
Megan
Like, if you're.
[20:11]
Unknown Speaker 4
If you're gonna go all the way with someone, then you better just leave with them. Like, don't even think, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.
[20:20]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[20:20]
Unknown Speaker 2
Well, aj, hey, you were quite the commodity, really. Oh, really?
[20:25]
AJ
Oh yeah. This news to me.
[20:27]
Unknown Speaker 3
Uh huh.
[20:28]
Unknown Speaker 2
So you had three women wanting to be a tri wife. I'm gonna come back to you.
[20:34]
AJ
Okay.
[20:34]
Unknown Speaker 2
Brittany, how'd that make you feel?
[20:36]
Unknown Speaker 3
Oh.
[20:40]
Unknown Speaker 4
Honestly, I wasn't that bothered it came off that way. It came off like. I was just the editing.
[20:45]
Unknown Speaker 2
It was like, ch.
[20:46]
Unknown Speaker 4
You're like, side eye, side eye, side eye. I'm like, dang. I wasn't that.
[20:49]
AJ
I mean, no, she was. Don't play.
[20:52]
Unknown Speaker 4
I was more just sad that I. I missed you and I guess. But overall it didn't. I wasn't. When I said I wasn't surprised, it's just because I already. AJ is such a. Like charismatic and so like everything you say, for even friends and family and just in general, you're so good with your communication skills. So I. Part of me was not. And you're fucking gorgeous, so that's why I. Part of me wasn't surprised.
[21:16]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[21:18]
Unknown Speaker 4
So it didn't make me feel that bad. It seems like the other girls were.
[21:21]
Unknown Speaker 2
More pressed on when you watched it back and you saw the game. She was spitting to everybody. I'm gonna say everybody, cuz. Everybody. How is that how she got you?
[21:32]
Unknown Speaker 4
Actually, no.
[21:33]
Unknown Speaker 2
Take a sip.
[21:33]
Unknown Speaker 4
Uhhuh.
[21:34]
Unknown Speaker 2
I'm coming your way.
[21:35]
Unknown Speaker 4
Actually, no.
[21:38]
Megan
How did.
[21:38]
Unknown Speaker 2
How did she.
[21:39]
Unknown Speaker 4
Not at all, actually. I actually went up to talk about it.
[21:44]
AJ
Talk about it. Talk about it.
[21:47]
Unknown Speaker 4
I did go up to her. We were at a club and I just, you know, you don't see. She looks obviously gay, so I Kind of, like, was like, all right, bet.
[21:55]
Unknown Speaker 2
Obviously, gay is crazy.
[21:58]
AJ
Don't even get her started. About, like, dick pics for hands.
[22:02]
Unknown Speaker 4
Like, I never said this is sexy.
[22:05]
AJ
It's gay hands. I've never heard that. Let me see. And she's like, babe, look at the veins. Like, look at the words.
[22:13]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yes.
[22:14]
Megan
What the hell does that mean?
[22:15]
Unknown Speaker 2
Really nice hands.
[22:16]
Unknown Speaker 4
That's what I'm saying. Like, right.
[22:18]
AJ
I it up with being a hand model one day. But whatever.
[22:20]
Unknown Speaker 2
That's okay.
[22:21]
Unknown Speaker 4
But wait, where were we?
[22:23]
Unknown Speaker 2
Talking about you. How you.
[22:24]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yes.
[22:25]
Unknown Speaker 4
So basically, yeah. And it kind of started from there, but I. But I think that. What? I already peep game, though. Like, I'm. I'm not. I'm. You can't finesse me. I'm not a type of finessing type of.
[22:37]
Unknown Speaker 3
Okay.
[22:38]
Unknown Speaker 4
Because she would try to use her.
[22:40]
Unknown Speaker 3
No.
[22:40]
Unknown Speaker 4
And I just. I would just be like, nope, cut. Like, I don't know. I just don't.
[22:43]
AJ
She was the first girl that ever did that, so. So definitely made me linger, so it was different.
[22:48]
Unknown Speaker 4
Doesn't use that on me. Okay. Never have. So. Yeah.
[22:53]
AJ
But I will say, I think there's, like, a lot of speculation, like, why the were you two in a straight club? First and foremost, I work downtown. And during this time in my life, it was. I was, like, turning 24. 5 or 20. It was like, my birthday weekend, and it was a party that was going on, and all my friends were there, and I was, like, emceeing the night. And so, yeah, I was there for that reason. Brittany was there for a different reason, and she came up to me as. I was absolutely hammered. And when I tell you, the only thing I remember was her telling me she thinks I'm cute. Which I responded, cute or cute? Cute, like a dumbass. And you said Q. I said cute. I liked it. Right. I was so confused because I was looking at her, and I was like, she's gorgeous. But, like, what's the point here? She's like, I like girls.
[23:48]
Unknown Speaker 2
I was like, oh, okay, we can chat.
[23:50]
Megan
Okay.
[23:51]
AJ
Wow, this is happening.
[23:53]
Unknown Speaker 3
Great.
[23:54]
Unknown Speaker 4
And then we just exchange information.
[23:59]
Megan
That's that.
[23:59]
AJ
Yeah.
[24:00]
Unknown Speaker 2
Okay, so back to you.
[24:02]
AJ
Okay. Come on, bring it.
[24:03]
Unknown Speaker 2
You got game. It's clear.
[24:08]
Unknown Speaker 4
Please tell her about herself. Please tell her.
[24:10]
Unknown Speaker 2
Listen, I was watching, and I'm like, okay, you found. I think you find a way to communicate with people that, like, unlocks something that I feel like they've never thought would be unlocked. And I think you have this talent of reaching people in different ways. I felt like you connect with everyone on their level. Like, you meet people where they are, if that makes sense. And I think that attracted so many people to you. Is that, like, how you just kind of move around the world, or were you. Were you spin game?
[24:40]
AJ
So I will say that I'm number one. I'm a military brat. I've moved around a lot. I've been to, like, tons of schools growing up. And I think the number one thing is, how do you make friends? Especially losing your friends to making friends, being every single other year, you're always a new kid. I think that the thing that my parents have always instilled in me is just, like, your morals and your values and, like, you know, you want to connect with people that have the same morals and values as you. I think that the connections that I made, I think that they. I feel as though that they were missing something that I brought from their relationship and thought that I was the missing piece of that. It's almost like seeing somebody, like, you have 90% of what you want, and you see somebody who looks like 100%, but they might be 10%. So I think that they saw that and was like, oh, this is 100%. This is what I want. And it's not. I'm not exactly what you want, per se. I think you like the idea of me, and that's fine. But I think that I just tried to find someone that was going to help me get the answers I needed out of the experience. Yeah, I learned quickly that I wasn't there for sex. I know it looks like I talked a lot about that, but it truly. We had a lot of deep conversations. Like, I talked about Black Lives Matter. We talked about. I talked about with Pilar, her parents, and how they felt about her being gay. And then I've talked with Marita about her. Her family. So we had a lot of deep conversations that never made it, unfortunately. But I think that in doing so, I think people could find something that they like and try to say, oh, I like you because of that. And it's like, no, like, let's keep talking. Like, you might find something that you don't like. And honestly, like, I think it was just the experience that I just really wanted to try to figure something. Like, try to see who was really meant for me to do the experience with that's gonna help me get my answers.
[26:37]
Unknown Speaker 2
Did you feel at all blindsided? Like, at the table when all the girls started?
[26:41]
Megan
What.
[26:42]
AJ
When I tell you I was heated.
[26:44]
Unknown Speaker 2
Did everyone truly think that you were gonna, like, did they all each individually think that they were your pick.
[26:51]
AJ
So here's the thing. I never told anyone. It's me and you to the end barrel. Like, I never said that to anyone. I think that some people put a lot of eggs in their baskets early on and was like, aj, Instead of asking me where I stood. And with some people, I think that if you just simply. Instead of going and asking everyone else, come to the one person you may have the problem with and ask me where I am. I truly took the experience for what it was, and people probably just got mad because of, like, they didn't know where they stood instead of just asking me.
[27:26]
Unknown Speaker 3
Right.
[27:26]
AJ
So I just think I was blindsided, honestly. Like, I was so, like, where did this. What is the word? A coup Come together? Because what the hell?
[27:36]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[27:36]
AJ
And then Marita, to say what she said. And I love Marita. Like, we're cool, and that's my baby. Like, Brittany knows that's her wifey. So we all, like a throuple now as our wifey. Wifeys. But Marita, in that moment, and we've talked about it, she's apologized, but we. In that moment, it was just, like, so left field for her to be like, I didn't know these conversations were happening.
[27:59]
Megan
Girl, you was in a conversation.
[28:00]
Unknown Speaker 2
I thought you were gonna pick her.
[28:03]
AJ
The. Well, I will say that I had a lot. I think that Marita has a lot to offer. I don't think she had what I needed at the time. I think our trial marriage would have been fun.
[28:17]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[28:17]
AJ
But I needed something a little bit more serious. Something someone that was gonna help me figure out those answers that I was searching for. And I think also the age difference between me and Marita.
[28:29]
Unknown Speaker 3
Okay.
[28:30]
AJ
I've been there, done that in the past, obviously before Britney. So I just don't think that that would have been. I don't really know what I would have gained as far as the show.
[28:43]
Unknown Speaker 2
Kind of made it look like you guys were gonna, like, link up, and that was gonna be, like, the flirty, fun couple of the season, and that you guys were gonna do that thing. So that was, like, a shocker to me. Cause I was like, okay, you do want something different. You are looking for, like, something real, which I thought was pretty cool. Brittany, how did it initially feel when you were paired up with Marita by default?
[29:04]
AJ
That's a great question.
[29:08]
Unknown Speaker 4
I was very. The first night, I mean, it looks great on camera, but I was extremely anxious because I was just like, okay, this is not what I mentally prepared for all week. So what the heck? And I mean, luckily, out of everyone, it was Marita. If I got defaulted with someone, I think that Marita was just so loving and warm and made everything comfortable for me and just comfortable for us because it was both what we were not expecting. But it was difficult. It was difficult because at that moment, I was just very in a weird place because in my eyes, from watching the choice, it seemed like AJ made such a heartfelt choice and was just what was best for her and seemed happy and. And then I was just like, okay, so it's what's up for me. And I also was thinking, damn, am I going to get what I need out of this? Because I'm not with someone that I chose right off the bat or like. So I think that's where that stemmed from me feeling very. Just empty with. And I also was like, oh, my God, I'm sleeping next to someone tonight that I don't even know. We, like, me and. Me and Marita only Talked for like 10 minutes the very first day when we're all dating each other, and that was it. So I didn't know shit about her. I didn't know anything. I didn't. And I was like, okay, I guess I'm gonna find out. So. Yeah.
[30:30]
Unknown Speaker 2
Did you feel regret in that moment? Like, damn.
[30:34]
Unknown Speaker 4
Like, coming to the show in general? Yeah, actually, I think I felt in the moment, what the fuck? Why did I come here? Because now I feel like my. I'm not gonna get what I need again. That was only within the first, like, 24 hours. After that, me and Raider were great.
[30:50]
AJ
We.
[30:50]
Unknown Speaker 4
We really just like, connected and it was good from there on out. But initially, like, I was like, wow, am I really not gonna get what. I just gonna have a good old time, get what she needs. I don't know. We could go fall in love. It could be this. It could be. That can be said. I don't even know because. But then I'm like, all right, well, what. What's up for me?
[31:07]
Unknown Speaker 2
Right?
[31:07]
Unknown Speaker 4
And I brought us here.
[31:08]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[31:09]
Unknown Speaker 4
So it felt like, okay, well, just.
[31:12]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[31:13]
Unknown Speaker 4
So, yeah.
[31:14]
Unknown Speaker 2
How did it feel watching her pair up by default with Marita?
[31:18]
AJ
I was like, how the. That's gonna work? Like, she literally chose me right? Then ends up with my ex.
[31:25]
Unknown Speaker 4
Right?
[31:25]
AJ
I was like, oh, I know we're all in the tea, but this is good. Like, I was like, I didn't know what to think. But I honestly, I. I think Brittany struggled. And you can correct me if I'm wrong, I think she struggled with the idea of not getting picked for a minute. And I had to remind her. I was like, I think you're a mirror to a lot of people, and a lot of people can't handle the truth. Like, I am one of those people that. She tells me the truth a lot and she lets me know, hey, like, these are areas you could do better. And I think in a lot of her conversations with a lot of people, like, I don't know if that they were ready to handle that part. And I think her not getting picked just even proved how strong as a. Of a woman she is. And to me, I was like, the fact that you didn't get picked, like, just shows me like people, I think they had just had their own idea and what that looks like. And everybody had a choice at the end of the day. But I didn't want her to wallow in that because it was like, you really could have changed. I know. You changed my life. So I know people weren't ready maybe for that.
[32:27]
Unknown Speaker 2
That's a beautiful way to put it. Did you receive that or.
[32:31]
Unknown Speaker 3
No.
[32:31]
AJ
Took her a while.
[32:32]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[32:32]
AJ
But we got here.
[32:33]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
[32:35]
Unknown Speaker 2
During your trial marriages, you guys both decided to meet up a bunch. Who initiated those meetups and what were y' all talking about?
[32:44]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah, it was twice. Okay. And we. The first time was just genuinely after I was crying on the couch and all of that. And I was just distraught. I felt like I just needed something to ground me. That was also right after not having our phones for almost 10 days or something. Over seven, less than 10, something like that. And having just no one. Nothing and nothing but really. But myself. So being in a. Getting in the trial marriage with Marita and not even knowing her, I think I just felt like this sense of like extreme emptiness. And I think I just needed someone to just be like, Like, I like, I don't know, to be familiar. You got this. I like and just something. So I think that's what I needed. Just that grounding a hug and. Yeah. Just know that I don't know you love. I don't know. Just, just, just know that we're not like, I don't know.
[33:42]
AJ
Yeah.
[33:43]
Unknown Speaker 2
I don't really know the rules, like behind the scenes rules, but do they tell you guys, like, stay away from each other, don't contact each other?
[33:49]
AJ
They say it's best.
[33:50]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[33:50]
AJ
I mean, and I understand because of the integrity of the experience, but I personally, it's not that I'm like, the hell with the rules. Like, I personally, I'm just somebody That I came in this experience with you and to just say four years, four and a half years to throw that shit out the window. I still gave Grace to say, this is my trial marriage. Wife, let's have a conversation. I'm okay if you need to talk to your ex because that's your person.
[34:20]
Unknown Speaker 2
I get it.
[34:21]
AJ
But I also want to let you know, like, are you okay if. Because my person's not okay. My person's not okay.
[34:27]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[34:28]
AJ
And four and a half years, no matter what, how many years, I would never tell anybody. Oh, shut them completely out. Like, like really, like, I want us all to have a great experience and really get what we need out of this. And you will, because it's not like you're going to sleep in their room and it taint the experience by any mean, but we're Caribbean. And I just wanted her to know, like, hey, I'm here, but I'm not here. I'm here in the sense you got this. But right now you need to lean on your child marriage partner because I'm going to try to do the same. Because if we keep like, if, if, if we keep trying to like, come together, we're not going to get anything from what we need to get. So I think we just needed that initial push and a reminder like, hey, you got this, you're good. But. And then the second time, second time, same thing. I think it just was like, it's still sinking in because it was all in the same week.
[35:20]
Unknown Speaker 3
Okay.
[35:20]
AJ
It's only the first, the first week. And we were just like. And I, I. Oh, the first time.
[35:24]
Unknown Speaker 4
We were, I think I was cursing your ass out.
[35:25]
AJ
Oh, yeah, she wrote me a broke up letter.
[35:27]
Unknown Speaker 4
I did. Oh, I did actually. So that was this really never read. I don't remember the first and second time distinctly, but I remember the first time when I think that's when Bridget said she saw us walking. I remember Bridget Nashley. And I was, I was just so upset. I was like taking it out on.
[35:46]
Unknown Speaker 2
Her and I was like, a breakup.
[35:48]
AJ
She was ready to leave the show.
[35:50]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah, I was upset. I was pissed off. I don't know, maybe it was just letting it all out on her. And I'm like, well, damn, she didn't really do anything that she wasn't supposed to do. But I was just, I guess so hurt and, and bothered and, and then, yeah, I thinking about it now maybe, yeah, I was feeling some type of way about all the. And then I know what, I don't know what the dates were like Me and Angie didn't get to talk about how her dating week went. So all I'm hearing is that the choice when all. All these girls are saying, oh, hey, you did this. That's why I was like, okay. Like, so I didn't know what to think, really. So that's why when finally got that time to talk to her, I was.
[36:25]
AJ
Let her have it out. I was transparent. I think, for me, like, I made it known to my child marriage partner, Marie, Hey, Brittany's not okay. Are you okay? Because you're my priority right now. But I want you to know, out of respect for you, my person's not okay. And four years, we're calling each other exes. That is true, but I just need to make sure she's good. And if you don't respect that, then fine. Like, I. What am I supposed to. You know what I'm saying? What am I gonna do? But she was my priority, and Brittany knew that. And I would just remind her, like, this is the time that we need to find these answers. Lean on your child marriage partner and figure that out.
[37:00]
Unknown Speaker 2
I think it was brought up at one of the parties that, like, I don't remember which person said it, that Marie was robbed of her experience in the summer.
[37:10]
Brittany
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[37:40]
Unknown Speaker 1
Substance use disorder and addiction is so isolating. And so, as a black woman in recovery, hope must be loud. It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable. It is the thread that lets you know that no matter what happens, you will be okay.
[38:01]
Unknown Speaker 2
When we learn the power of hope, recovery is possible, Find out how@startwithhope.com brought to you by the National Council for Mental well Being, Shatterproof and the AD Council. Do you feel like she was robbed of her experience by you visiting her?
[38:18]
AJ
Absolutely not.
[38:19]
Unknown Speaker 4
Absolutely not.
[38:19]
AJ
Absolutely not.
[38:20]
Unknown Speaker 4
Might I add all of the instances I believe AJ Was transparent with Marie the entire time. And if. And actually Marie encouraged AJ To. To see me, she's like, please see her. I actually saw. The first time we saw. I Saw Marie, too. Marie hugged me. She's like, oh, I'm so sorry. Please go spend. Like, go. Please talk. Like, I want you guys to talk. So that's why I'm extremely confused with all of the. How Maria's feeling and made it sound like AJ robbed. Robbed her experience. She gave the green light every single time. I told Marita afterwards. I guess I didn't know how to say it, but I was absolutely clear with Marita, and Marita knows that.
[38:58]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[38:58]
Unknown Speaker 4
But I think the weird part is, is just that Marie, I. I never interfered with their trial marriage. Like, once me and AJ had those moments. That was that. That was that. Like, I truly wanted her.
[39:15]
Dana
We.
[39:15]
Unknown Speaker 4
Like, I felt every. I felt all the closure I needed to really lean in and be there for Marita. 100.
[39:20]
Unknown Speaker 2
I feel like you can see that on the cameras too. Like, you lit up after. Like, you just. I felt like you came back to your body. Like, after a while. You were cooking and laughing and giggling and, like, you just. I could tell, like, you needed that time.
[39:31]
AJ
Exactly.
[39:32]
Unknown Speaker 2
And you can see, like, a whole switch in you.
[39:34]
Unknown Speaker 4
Exactly, exactly. And that's the part that I just don't understand where Marie's coming from or whoever Marie shared that with, who that would make them say that AJ robbed her of an experience because I truly left them alone. Like, if anything, we would see each other in Crossing, but AJ's with Marie and she's like, respect me and my wife. And I said, both respect me and my wife, and I'll have Marita on my arm, and that's that.
[39:53]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[39:54]
Unknown Speaker 4
So I just genuinely. And I say that because of the reunion that got brought up. Yeah. A lot. And thrown in our face. Like, we saw each other. But I want for the record, every single original couple saw each other multiple times. So I don't want ever anyone to come to me and say, oh, we were the only ones that said it on camera, which is why it got shown. But I. To be honest, if we didn't sit in our interviews and say, well, yeah, I saw Britney twice, or whatever, then, like, we were honest. Like, I had nothing to hide. Like, nothing to be transparent. That's the word I was looking for. So I just don't get why it got painted so negatively in our favor.
[40:32]
AJ
Interesting.
[40:33]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah.
[40:34]
Unknown Speaker 2
Aj, what was your trial marriage like with Marie and what was your biggest takeaway from your time with her that you applied to your relationship now with Britney?
[40:43]
AJ
My trial marriage with Marie was hard, I think. Like I told you earlier, I think people like a certain idea of what you could possibly bring. But at the end of the day, I'm not your person.
[40:58]
Unknown Speaker 2
Right.
[40:59]
AJ
And I think for Marie, I would always hear, I don't have the relationship you and Brittany have. And I never understood what she would mean by that, because I am just a person that I have. Not to say Marie doesn't have morals or values, but I have morals. I have values. They're really deeply instilled in me. And I think that for Marie, I think she took that out on me because she wanted the same respect from her partner and didn't receive that. And so it's almost like you don't understand me because you're not going through what I'm going through. You don't see me because you're not going through what I'm going through. And I'm literally like, girl, even if we were twins and pushed out the same coochie, I'm still not going to understand.
[41:45]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[41:45]
Unknown Speaker 2
I'm never going to feel as your.
[41:46]
AJ
Twin, I still wouldn't get what you're going through.
[41:48]
Unknown Speaker 2
Right.
[41:49]
AJ
But not to say that we can't sit and talk and converse and. And learn and grow and, like, try to understand each other. But in the moments I would ask her, what do you need from me? How can I show up better for you? I. It would be. I don't know. It would be. I'm not. I don't. I'm not sure. Okay, well, do you need space? Yeah, space is fine. Space is good. Cool. I give you space. And I think the frustrating part for me was for someone to tell me that I don't get the same experience that you got with your partner. I found out later that Marie was seeing her ex, even though she told me differently. She said, I've only talked to her on the phone twice. She was seeing her ex. And again, still, even though seeing her ex still didn't get the same level of respect that she wanted. Because I think at one point in time, you look at your ex and what is your ex doing? Your ex is doing whatever they want to do, so that's fine. But you don't take that on me. At that point, she shut out. She shut me down, shut me out. And I just. At that point, I can't fix you in three weeks. I'm not Captain Savior.
[42:56]
Unknown Speaker 2
Was that early in the three weeks or, like, did it kind of.
[42:59]
AJ
So, yeah, this was, like, week one, I think. I think what really set her, like, the turning point that set it all off was me and Marie were walking. This was off camera. But me and Marie were walking to the pool. It's gorgeous pool, like city view. Miami was beautiful. Rooftop. We're walking outside and I'm in La La land because I'm still working my 8 to 5. I had my laptop with me. And she's like, let's go outside. And we went outside and we see two girls in the pool. And I didn't think anything of it because I was like, it's Miami lesbians everywhere. And we walk past them and then we sit down and we like, sat on a level that the pool's up here and there's a level down here so you can't see what's going on. And she says, that was Mel and Dana. And I said, was it?
[43:45]
Unknown Speaker 4
Oh, shit.
[43:47]
AJ
I would have spoke because that's what we do. I don't care what room. We were taught you walk in a room, you speak. Right. So after that, she said, I will be right back. I said, okay, I'll be here. 15 minutes go by, 20 minutes go by, 30 minutes. I get a text, hey, I'm not coming back. But if you wanna stay outside, great. I said, so I grab my stuff, I go downstairs. I said, what happened? And that moment was the flitch, the switch where she's like. It was a spiraling effect. And that's when she started shutting me out. Doesn't wanna talk. I got cussed.
[44:20]
Unknown Speaker 4
Out.
[44:21]
AJ
Off air. Like, completely cussed out. And we were supposed to go to a date night and we had to reschedule the date night.
[44:27]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[44:28]
AJ
And I think you see the conversation we had on the couch because she comes back from going to the bookstore to, to rejuvenate. And we had this conversation and she's like. She wouldn't even look at me. Wouldn't even talk to me.
[44:43]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[44:43]
AJ
Like, what kind of person would do that after being with your person for 10 years and being in a relationship with them before? And I'm like, babe, I get you. Like, I understand. Like, that's hard.
[44:53]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[44:53]
AJ
But I'm not your per. Like I, I, I try to show up and she just wouldn't want to let me in. Didn't want to trust me. So you hear me say, lean on me. Trust me. Let's work this through. And it's okay. I give her grace. Because I think at the end of the day, what she went through was extremely hard to watch. Extremely hard. I would never wish that on anyone. But I can't give her grace in the sense of, you don't get to blame me, you have to look at your partner and say, why are you not speaking to me? Why are you not talk to them about that? Because me and Brittany's relationship has nothing to do with your relationship. And all due respect, to be honest with you, but just. I can't. What do you want me to do? I can't. What do you want me to do?
[45:43]
Unknown Speaker 2
So how do you feel that is making you show up in your relationship?
[45:50]
AJ
I think because me and Brittany have always sown the seeds of respect, boundaries. What are your non negotiables like? That was one of the major things that I've told Brittany. I think being in a relationship with Marie showed me all the things that I never want in a relationship and how, and how I truly want to show up for Britney and how I can want to continue to show up for Britney. I think I learned honestly more from Marita than I did Marie. Like if I'm being honest, like Marita is like a very strong factor of why I got down on one knee.
[46:24]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[46:25]
AJ
So no, no shade, no harm, no foul. I just think that with someone like that I just can't. If you, if you don't meet me halfway and I don't know right. What are you supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?
[46:40]
Unknown Speaker 2
Right. That's powerful. I feel like every time I watch Ultimatum and I watch like the reunions or I hear you like you guys talk about, it's always like they taught me so much, they taught me so much. And I'm sitting there, I'm like what did you learn? But like I actually feel like you learn something, you've applied it, you're like, you're knowing where you want to go with your relationship. This is the first time in all of my Ultimatum knowledge that I've heard somebody say they've actually learned and applied things to their current relationship. But I have the same question for you. How was your trial marriage and is there any takeaways that you're bringing into your relationship now?
[47:16]
Unknown Speaker 4
With AJ Me and Marita's trial marriage was amazing. It was really great. We just leaned into each other, vented, talked about just our entire relationships and our lives and etc and I got to understand her and she got to understand me and how we operate and how we function and think. I think that we. What I've learned from Marita was just like to just not maybe take life too seriously. Not be as I'm not. I'm a pretty free flowing type of person anyways. I'm not extremely type. I'm not Type A. Like, really. I mean, I know I'm a Virgo, but I think what Marita just taught me was just, like, waking up every day, and she's genuinely just happy and always talks about the positives and doesn't dwell on negatives, and I needed that.
[48:14]
Unknown Speaker 2
She seemed, like, so bubbly and so fun.
[48:17]
AJ
Yes, she is Cinderella. For real.
[48:20]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[48:21]
AJ
You know, you remember the first Cinderella wakes up, the birds are coming in, making her dress. That's that. Love her to death, but she is singing with the birds. That's so funny.
[48:31]
Unknown Speaker 4
It honestly was blissful to. To experience her. She's great.
[48:33]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[48:34]
Unknown Speaker 2
So overall, I'm hearing she's still a friend.
[48:37]
Megan
Oh, absolutely.
[48:37]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[48:38]
AJ
Yes, sir.
[48:39]
Unknown Speaker 4
That's our wifey.
[48:40]
Unknown Speaker 2
Still a friend.
[48:42]
AJ
You ask her. But no, no, I think that I. My last conversation with Marie was. It obviously wasn't shown, but our last conversation was, look, the ball's in your court. Because at this point, I completely stopped trusting her because of the fact that I found out that she was literally telling her ex that I'm unsupportive. I'm not there. I. And I'm not there because I'm walking my dog three times a day. Like, I work from home, so how am I not there?
[49:08]
Unknown Speaker 3
But.
[49:09]
AJ
And to hear all those things and never be told that because you go to the changeover, you see all the things she said.
[49:15]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[49:16]
AJ
I was super, completely, like, blindsided in that too, where I lost all trust. And I said, you know what? It's whatever, but we're only gonna have conversations on camera only.
[49:26]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah, I feel that.
[49:27]
AJ
So I think my last conversation was the balls in your court. You literally live 20 minutes from me in Orlando. If you want a relationship, you'll find the time. And no crickets. She said she's. She gave a space. She's like. From the reunion, what I heard, she's like, it was boundaries giving us space.
[49:43]
Unknown Speaker 4
And I said, okay, whatever.
[49:44]
AJ
Like, not. I don't need to beg nobody to be in my life.
[49:47]
Unknown Speaker 2
Right, right, right. I want to talk about the oxtails.
[49:53]
Unknown Speaker 4
I'm sorry?
[49:53]
Unknown Speaker 2
I want to talk about oxtails.
[49:54]
AJ
Oh, my God.
[49:55]
Unknown Speaker 2
Because it's gonna be the vein of my existence.
[49:57]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[49:57]
Unknown Speaker 2
No way to talk about this real quick. You're a chef, apparently.
[50:01]
Unknown Speaker 4
Oh, that's news to me.
[50:03]
Unknown Speaker 2
You were cooking on that show, teaching our girl how to season chicken.
[50:08]
AJ
Get it in there.
[50:09]
Unknown Speaker 4
Okay.
[50:10]
Unknown Speaker 2
Why was that? Was that a boundary for real?
[50:13]
AJ
Absolutely.
[50:14]
Unknown Speaker 2
Were you feeling certain?
[50:15]
Unknown Speaker 4
Joking.
[50:15]
AJ
Let me tell you, this girl.
[50:17]
Unknown Speaker 4
Serious.
[50:17]
AJ
Let me tell you.
[50:18]
Unknown Speaker 4
Not serious.
[50:19]
AJ
No, Serious, though.
[50:21]
Unknown Speaker 4
Well, kind of. Because even in like at home and everything in our lives, like, she's like.
[50:25]
Dana
You cannot make oxtail.
[50:26]
Unknown Speaker 4
Like, she's always there.
[50:27]
AJ
But watch this.
[50:28]
Unknown Speaker 4
Don't share it. No one else can come.
[50:30]
AJ
Babe.
[50:30]
Unknown Speaker 4
What?
[50:31]
AJ
Let me watch this. When I first met you at your house for Wind Down Wednesday that you invited me to, this is our first time ever hanging out, ever. What the fuck did you have cooking?
[50:42]
Unknown Speaker 4
I just made this on my own time. I had no idea she was gonna come over. This was much earlier in the day. I had a slow roasted, like, what was it? Beef roast. Slow roast for the bitches coming over.
[50:56]
AJ
To probably crunch on cookies. Do you make beef roast?
[51:00]
Unknown Speaker 4
Not like I made it.
[51:01]
AJ
Right. Okay. So she was hustling. You don't think that's a boundary?
[51:04]
Megan
I don't think I made it.
[51:05]
Unknown Speaker 4
Look, it was just something to make and I'm still here.
[51:10]
AJ
Yeah, it's a boundary.
[51:11]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah, I guess it is a love.
[51:13]
AJ
Clearly love language.
[51:16]
Unknown Speaker 2
Have you made it since?
[51:17]
Unknown Speaker 4
I have.
[51:18]
Unknown Speaker 2
Okay.
[51:18]
Unknown Speaker 3
I have.
[51:18]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah.
[51:19]
Unknown Speaker 2
She redeemed.
[51:20]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yep. Yeah. I made in our child marriage.
[51:24]
AJ
What? The oxtail.
[51:26]
Unknown Speaker 4
I made it when we went to. We went home on our off days to go to Orlando.
[51:29]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[51:30]
Unknown Speaker 4
And I made it more of mine.
[51:31]
AJ
It was wasted. I love my little white girl, but like, it was wasted.
[51:35]
Unknown Speaker 2
She said what? She said so much flavor, right?
[51:40]
AJ
And told us off camera. She was like, it was really spicy.
[51:43]
Unknown Speaker 4
I was like, we're getting red and sweating. I was like, no, And I didn't make it spicy, but I guess it was spicy to her.
[51:50]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[51:51]
Unknown Speaker 2
Okay, well, who do y' all hang out with most now from the cast?
[51:54]
Unknown Speaker 4
If anybody, I would say.
[51:57]
Unknown Speaker 3
What?
[51:57]
Unknown Speaker 4
Why did you hesitate like that?
[51:59]
AJ
I didn't hesitate. I was like. I was watching.
[52:00]
Unknown Speaker 4
I mean, I'm totally fine. Okay. Anyways, who we hang out with most would be a toss up between Marita because she's two hour drive from us, and also Megan and Dana. Big daddy.
[52:12]
AJ
That's my big daddy. We really should have been in a trial marriage. I'm being honest. That would have been a cute mask on mask.
[52:19]
Unknown Speaker 4
But yeah, them. Them two, we love Haley and Pilar. They're just literally far as heck flight in California. So we were happy to see them while we're here this time.
[52:29]
Unknown Speaker 2
Okay, let's talk reunion.
[52:31]
Unknown Speaker 3
You ready?
[52:33]
Unknown Speaker 2
How was first of all, how was the experience for y'?
[52:35]
Unknown Speaker 3
All?
[52:37]
AJ
I think nerve wracking. Like, I watching the episodes back, I didn't know what to really expect, how people really were gonna come. And like, I'm not looking for anybody to speak on my behalf by any means, but, you know, the bonds you create, and, you know, you just want to protect the people that you care about. And I think that I was nervous because I didn't know how people were gonna literally paint you and what they. What they truly feel now that it's been a year, so. Because I think the reunion was a space for people to really put. Like, you said, puff out they chest, say it with hs, but never say it to your fucking face when you see them in passing.
[53:13]
Unknown Speaker 2
So people get bold, I think, after you watch. You watch it and, like, you kind of. I don't know, get mad at yourself a bit for not saying the things that you should have said, then your family's all in your ear, and then you've had a year to process, and then you get on the stage, and now you're feeling bold and you're feeling. Yeah, you're feeling ready to battle. So the reunion is a tough. It's like that little. What is that? Like, gladiator circle? Like, right in the. The lion's den.
[53:40]
AJ
Lions and sheep.
[53:41]
Megan
Yeah.
[53:42]
Unknown Speaker 2
So things seemed a bit tense with Marie during the reunion. Aj, when she was asked about your child marriage and said, AJ did the best that AJ could, period. What was your takeaway, and how'd that make you feel?
[53:55]
AJ
My takeaway, honestly, like, was Marie's being Marie. Like, I think that she. I don't know if she really gained anything from this, to be honest with you. And it has no fault on mine.
[54:07]
Unknown Speaker 2
Like, after a year.
[54:08]
AJ
After a year, like, I think that, you know, she got engaged, things happened for her. It was great. It didn't end the way she would hope. But I think I really didn't know how to take it because it just kind of just seemed like I almost, like, in a sense, I don't even want to be here. So I just kind of want to, like, say what I need to say. I ain't got no beef with you. Letting you know I ain't got no beef with you. But, like, subtle digs, in a way, because you got beef, right? But don't want to present the meal. Like, come on.
[54:38]
Unknown Speaker 4
So I couldn't take her serious. I wasn't sure if she was saying that, like, actually saying that, because that's how she felt or if she's being sarcastic, which I wasn't sure. I was listening. I was trying to hear her out, and then I'm thinking, oh, Asia did the best she can. I'm okay. So she's not Blaming AJ for the okay or going in a good direction. And then it flips and says, like, again, she's still blaming AJ for taking away her experience or.
[54:59]
AJ
Well, she kind of blamed you or.
[55:01]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah, no.
[55:01]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yes.
[55:01]
Unknown Speaker 4
At the. Yesterday, she's blaming me. Like. Like, you know how in the. In the show itself, she was, like, kind of blaming AJ for the lack of Mel talking to her or whatever. And then today was. Or yesterday it was painted towards me and Marita. She said, me and Marita. Oh, you guys just don't get it because you guys had a trial marriage, a best friendship. I'm like, first of all, me and Marita had a true trial marriage, as everyone else did.
[55:24]
Unknown Speaker 2
Right.
[55:25]
Unknown Speaker 4
But what does that have to do with that?
[55:28]
AJ
Me and Marie?
[55:29]
Unknown Speaker 4
Like, I don't. I don't understand what me. And now she's, like, pointing another finger at someone else, yet the person who's ignoring you, who. You really have the issue, sitting a few seats down.
[55:38]
AJ
Not even across from her or. Yes, across from her.
[55:40]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yes.
[55:41]
AJ
So.
[55:41]
Unknown Speaker 4
So.
[55:42]
Unknown Speaker 2
So I'm guessing we're not surprised that Mel and Marie didn't make it.
[55:46]
AJ
I said that when I exited the ultimatum. They asked me, do you think they should be getting engaged? I said, hell no. And no disrespect, but watching Marie go through this experience, watching Mel go through her own experience, I told. I literally said, I think you guys just need time. Yeah, you need time. Whether that was an OTF or whatever, you need time. And I, like, there's. If you get engaged, great, awesome. If that's what you really think is gonna help. But y' all need time.
[56:16]
Unknown Speaker 2
Do we know how long they were engaged?
[56:18]
AJ
Did they say five months?
[56:19]
Unknown Speaker 2
Do you guys think there's any salvaging the relationship with Marie?
[56:23]
AJ
I honestly.
[56:24]
Unknown Speaker 2
You're shaking your head now.
[56:25]
AJ
No, because I just. I can't get to a place of, like, trying to help someone that doesn't even want to be helped. And if you didn't even take the time to want to have a conversation, and we're 20 minutes down the road in the same city off camera, what is there to salvage now? So, honestly, again, no shade, no harm, no foul. Like, wish her all the best, to be honest with you, but, like, it is what it is.
[56:54]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[56:55]
Unknown Speaker 4
I also told Marie in one of our cocktail parties, like, I'm like, Marie, we're so similar in ways that I wish, like, we got the opportunity to know each other.
[57:04]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
[57:05]
Unknown Speaker 4
Because I hearing her, like, way of thinking, it made me think how I felt years ago before I Worked on myself. And before I, before I took the time, I was like, okay, let's not blame other people for their things that they have good going on. I did that a lot. I did that even with you, with how she said she has a silver spoon in her mouth. I was angry at her for that.
[57:24]
Megan
I was like, you don't get it, you don't understand.
[57:26]
Unknown Speaker 4
And I would just be so angry and projected on her when realistically I'm just mad about my own childhood. So it just, I had to. And I did that with friends, with whoever, and I had to really take a look and focus on where is this coming from? Why is this happening? Why am I doing this? And I did a lot of self work in throughout the years and she let me in.
[57:46]
AJ
She didn't just shut me out, she let me show her like what trust looks like because I've seen it from my parents, so.
[57:54]
Unknown Speaker 4
So I just wish. And I told Marie that meant multiple times and I. I not like her. Me sharing my story would have changed hers. But I. I just felt like, I don't know, like there's more to. I don't know, just that's not the way to go about it. And I wish I could have talked to her and we could have talked about it in vulnerable space. But we. She never really. We. I don't know, it just never happened. I don't say she never did talk to us, but I guess I didn't reach out either. I was always loving when I saw her, but it kind of gave cold shoulder so I left it alone.
[58:21]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[58:22]
Unknown Speaker 4
And that was that. I'm a lover girl, so I did want to talk to her throughout, but it didn't seem like that's what she wanted at that time.
[58:31]
AJ
So I just left that be period.
[58:33]
Unknown Speaker 2
Okay, well, that's that on that. Moving on. So a lot of drama came up between Ashley and Marita. What are Yalls thoughts on that?
[58:45]
AJ
It's because I think like, and I mean, I think our friends come to us and ask us for advice sometimes because of maybe what we have and what they want to achieve one day too. But I think that I feel as though Ashley could do better with just being accountable because she'll say something, retreat, say she didn't say that, then come back with I'm being accountable. And I think that it can come across as just say what, you just own it. Because I think at the end of the day you're 31, you gotta be a big girl. You can't, you can't move through life like this. And I'm not. Again, I don't have a daycare. I'm not running a daycare business all day, every day. So I'm not gonna raise you. But my whole point in that heated moment, in that moment was, Ashley, just be accountable. Because there are receipts, there are facts, and facts are facts. Feelings are feelings. You're feeling. I get it. But understand that there's a fact, and you have to acknowledge that. Cause that can't go away. So I truly just wish they both have their relationship, hopefully separate, but they'll do what they want to do. They always do.
[60:16]
Unknown Speaker 2
Do you believe Ashley or do you think she was lying?
[60:22]
Unknown Speaker 4
I do believe Ashley was lying. Since you're asking, I will answer. I do.
[60:36]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[60:36]
Unknown Speaker 4
I just think that there's more to the story that wasn't maybe mentioned on either. I lived this. These moments with Marita throughout once the show wrapped. From my understanding, it seems that Ashley. I don't even want to speak on their behalf. I don't know.
[60:55]
Unknown Speaker 2
But just from your perspective.
[60:57]
Unknown Speaker 4
From my perspective, I don't feel like that was the full truth and all that. How it laid out and all it transpired. I don't think that that was all factual.
[61:09]
Unknown Speaker 3
No.
[61:11]
AJ
Can I ask you a question?
[61:13]
Unknown Speaker 3
Go ahead.
[61:14]
AJ
I know you said on your show that you were the only black couple. Like, we had to experience that a little bit. Like, can you talk about your experience for us? Because I. Yeah, it was.
[61:26]
Unknown Speaker 2
Don't get me wrong, I loved my homegirls. I loved, you know, the camaraderie and the friends and everything that we built, but is a bit lonely. It is lonely. Whereas, like, certain things that I wanted to say, share, couldn't really relate. No one there to tell me to push my hair down.
[61:47]
Unknown Speaker 4
There was a lot of things that.
[61:48]
Unknown Speaker 2
Like, I just didn't have that sisterhood and then. But as far as, like, couples go, we kind of all still related to the same shit because men are men, and they were all trash on my season. So we all were able to relate to that. But as far as the sisterhood. Yeah, that lacked.
[62:09]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[62:09]
Unknown Speaker 2
And they're my girls.
[62:11]
AJ
Yeah, absolutely.
[62:12]
Unknown Speaker 2
There's that underlying thing that you just.
[62:14]
AJ
Don'T got that peace, love and hair, grace.
[62:16]
Unknown Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[62:17]
AJ
I feel that. I feel like we had each other and. Yeah, no, I feel that.
[62:22]
Unknown Speaker 2
Do you guys feel a sense of closure now that the reunion is over?
[62:26]
AJ
Oh, yes. Thank God. It's a full circle moment.
[62:31]
Unknown Speaker 3
A long time.
[62:32]
AJ
Yeah. Full circle moment.
[62:34]
Unknown Speaker 3
Okay.
[62:35]
AJ
So I think that we're excited because we actually can now talk about our engagement. Yeah, we're excited that we can.
[62:42]
Unknown Speaker 2
What are the wedding plans? I'm so nosy.
[62:45]
AJ
Destination wedding where we're not.
[62:50]
Unknown Speaker 4
We're teeter tottering between. Well, Seattle, because that's our favorite city. And then maybe international. Or out. Out of either the US but probably Seattle if going to be.
[63:00]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[63:00]
Unknown Speaker 4
Like in the States, which would probably make the most sense for our guest. We don't go too far. We would love to do it in the next. Not necessarily. Like, we don't have, like, a timeline. Like, we don't have a date. We're like, oh, we're going to do it next this date. But we have, like, a timeline probably within the next 12 months. Maybe year, year and a half, depending on how things work out or things go. You should.
[63:24]
AJ
I'm sure you can give us some tips because I'm sure you're planning. Congrats.
[63:27]
Unknown Speaker 2
Y' all are barking up the wrong tree because we don't know what the hel going. We don't know. We got 29,000 plans and we haven't put nothing to pay for.
[63:40]
Unknown Speaker 4
I wanted to tell you congratulations times two, times two. The bun in the oven. Thank you. Thank you. So welcome.
[63:53]
Unknown Speaker 2
Let me see your ring again.
[63:54]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yes.
[64:04]
Unknown Speaker 4
No.
[64:04]
AJ
You try to be one of the girls, and it just never works.
[64:09]
Unknown Speaker 3
Thank you, baby.
[64:11]
AJ
I'll wait for Ollie.
[64:12]
Unknown Speaker 4
Gorgeous. Stunning.
[64:14]
AJ
Thank you.
[64:15]
Unknown Speaker 3
No.
[64:15]
Unknown Speaker 2
I'm so excited for you guys. And I really did enjoy watching you guys journey on the ultimatum. And I'm so grateful that y' all made time to come hang out with me. And what's the reality? You guys are welcome back any freaking time.
[64:27]
AJ
Come on, big sis.
[64:28]
Unknown Speaker 4
And I gotta make you some oxtail. You know, Listen, I'm so serious.
[64:33]
Unknown Speaker 2
Listen, if I call you, like the baby's craving.
[64:35]
Unknown Speaker 4
All right.
[64:36]
Unknown Speaker 2
I'm on the next plane out. I'm not kidding. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Thanks again. Y' all are lovely. Wonderful. So thank you again.
[64:45]
AJ
Bring Ollie so I can have some mask energy.
[64:47]
Dana
Okay.
[64:48]
Megan
Yeah, I think we would get.
[64:50]
Unknown Speaker 2
I think we'd have fun. I think.
[64:51]
AJ
Oh, absolutely.
[64:57]
Unknown Speaker 2
Welcome to the PODC podcast. Dana and Megan, how are y'?
[65:01]
Unknown Speaker 3
All?
[65:02]
Unknown Speaker 4
We're good.
[65:02]
Dana
We're good.
[65:03]
Unknown Speaker 4
You look good.
[65:03]
Unknown Speaker 2
We're smiling.
[65:04]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yes.
[65:05]
Unknown Speaker 2
Post reunion.
[65:06]
Megan
Yeah.
[65:06]
Unknown Speaker 4
We're smiling, so that's a good sign.
[65:08]
Dana
Fresh out.
[65:09]
Unknown Speaker 2
Fresh out.
[65:10]
Unknown Speaker 4
The reunion.
[65:11]
Unknown Speaker 2
So thank you guys for joining me. So since you guys filmed over a year ago now.
[65:15]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[65:16]
Unknown Speaker 2
What have you been up to?
[65:16]
Dana
What's life looking like, man, it's been a Year.
[65:20]
Megan
Where do we start?
[65:20]
Dana
Yeah, where do you start?
[65:22]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[65:23]
Unknown Speaker 2
Like, take me back to the camera's Cut that.
[65:25]
Megan
Yeah.
[65:26]
Unknown Speaker 4
So.
[65:28]
Megan
Like, we finished off and, like, we knew was gonna change. Like, when we came back home, like, there was work to be done, and, like, we didn't even, like, go back to work for months.
[65:40]
Unknown Speaker 3
Wow.
[65:41]
Megan
Like, we were. We were up.
[65:43]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[65:44]
Megan
Yeah, we were up.
[65:45]
Unknown Speaker 2
Like, how?
[65:46]
Megan
Like, it was just a lot. Like, a lot happened with both of us. Both of us, like, we were very. Like, we changed. You know, it shapes you. It changes you. It traumatizes you. Like, you. And you're like. You're faced with, like, looking in the mirror, you know, and it's a lot. And so we're just, like. We have to process a lot, talk about a lot, be honest about, like, a lot of stuff. You know, it's like, when you want to be with somebody and you want it to be, like, for real and honest, and you want it to be, like, a good life together. You want to show up and you want to talk about those things. Like, you want them to know the worst things that you've done.
[66:25]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[66:25]
Megan
And you want them to know just the truth because you want to trust who you're with.
[66:30]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[66:30]
Megan
And I think both of us, you know, we lost a little bit of trust in one another.
[66:33]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[66:33]
Dana
Unfortunately, when you break something so badly, Right. And you burn it to the ground, quite literally, it's like the scariest place. But in a weird way, it was like. Like, the only way from here is up. Like, we had nothing to lose at that point because we lost everything. And yet, still, it was, like, the one thing we knew weirdly, like, right after we'd kind of gotten back together, you know, for our second trial marriage. It was like, we still wanted it. We didn't know why. We didn't know how we were gonna do it.
[67:11]
Megan
We didn't wanna let each other go.
[67:12]
Unknown Speaker 3
We.
[67:13]
Dana
We didn't want to want to lose it. And it was like, okay, so where does that leave us? Like, we have to work.
[67:19]
Unknown Speaker 2
Right. Right.
[67:20]
Dana
At the end of the day, we put in the work and, like, it's like we created an entire new relationship.
[67:26]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[67:26]
Dana
Literally. Like, we're just. We're different people now. Our relationship is a total different one. But it's the best one I've ever been in. And, like, it's the happiest I've ever been. And, like, it's just crazy. Like, but I'm so proud.
[67:39]
Unknown Speaker 2
Like, wait, tell me how it's different. Tell me how it's different.
[67:43]
Dana
When we were together before, we had no problems. We were happy as shit, mind you. But it's kind of that ignorant, blissful happiness where you're just like, I'm so in love with you. I don't care about any of your problems. I don't care about any of our problems, your flaws. I don't want to open any cans of worms that I don't need to. And so we didn't have any problems. We were happy as hell. We went on that show and it was like.
[68:06]
Megan
Like, what did we do?
[68:07]
Dana
What the fuck?
[68:08]
Megan
It's like, what did we do?
[68:09]
Dana
Who are you? What is happening?
[68:11]
Megan
What?
[68:12]
Dana
Because we. We had never. We'd never been challenged. We'd never really been in that circum. Any sort of circumstance to experience each other in a difficult time. But, like, really getting to know somebody in their worst, in their best, and they're most scared, in their most vulnerable. It's like the feeling of surety that you can have with knowing them that way is like, you really can feel like, I do know you. Like, if I'm gonna choose his life partner, I really believe I actually fucking know you in a way.
[68:44]
Megan
Yeah.
[68:45]
Dana
In a way that, like, I don't know that a lot of couples maybe ever do.
[68:48]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[68:48]
Dana
Ever will could, you know? So it's like. That is one thing that I will say is, like, one of the very few takeaways that are, like, positive from. It is like, Like. Yeah. It just gives you this sense of, like, understanding of somebody that you really want to have.
[69:04]
Unknown Speaker 3
But.
[69:04]
Dana
Yeah, I think we're just. We're more vulnerable now. Our communication's, like, amazing. We're just more real and honest and, like, it's. It sounds corny and just, like, kind of simple, but it's not. That's something that people don't have.
[69:16]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[69:16]
Dana
That you don't really realize. The average people don't have, like, a good communication, a good, like, sense of, like, actually knowing who the other person truly is.
[69:25]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. I love that. That. Yeah.
[69:27]
Unknown Speaker 2
Are there any wedding plans?
[69:29]
Dana
We talk about it here and there, but, like, you know what's crazy? We didn't realize how much being engaged would, like, change. Like, we love being engaged if we didn't think it would feel different, be different, like, we'd act different. We, like. We love it. We're like. We could just be engaged for a really long time. Like, we're so happy, and I don't know what it is.
[69:47]
Unknown Speaker 2
I love being engaged.
[69:48]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah.
[69:48]
Megan
I knew that. Congratulations, by the way.
[69:50]
Unknown Speaker 4
Congrats you.
[69:51]
Dana
So you know what I mean? There's, like, you don't feel away, but it feels a way that you're like, this is fun.
[69:56]
Unknown Speaker 2
You don't want to rush out of it. It's a great space to be in.
[69:59]
Megan
Like, when we came back and I had a ring on my finger, I'm like, this feels so different. Like, I feel like I'm in, like, a different category than the rest of the world because I'm like, exactly. I'm off the market. Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Like, yeah, exactly. So it felt very different, like, having a ring on my finger. Finger. But, like. And it felt proud. Like, it's like, damn. Like. Like, we graduated. So, yeah, definitely a proud feeling. Like, it kind of was, like, sense of, like, an accomplishment that we did together, and, like, we made it to the next level. And, like, it's something. Something I get to wear. Something we both get to wear.
[70:36]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah.
[70:37]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[70:37]
Unknown Speaker 2
Y' all are so cute just looking at each other. Okay, let's talk. Let's talk the show a little bit. Can you talk us through what led you guys to making the decision to going on the ultimatum?
[70:49]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[70:49]
Dana
So we actually loved the first season. We loved Mal specifically. Like, we just. We find her so impressive in the way that she carried herself, behaved. We just thought she was cool. So we had both been following her, you know, since the show. She was kind of recruiting with the casting team for the second season, and we just jokingly were like, they were.
[71:13]
Megan
Like, let's do it. They're probably not gonna take us.
[71:16]
Dana
Yeah, it was like, you know, we never thought.
[71:18]
Megan
Damn.
[71:19]
Dana
Never thought we would even do if it did go smart, but we didn't think it'd go anywhere. They called us, like, the next day, I think. And for a long time, it really.
[71:26]
Megan
Was still a joke to be the next step and the next step and then the next step.
[71:30]
Dana
Call you back.
[71:30]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah, we'll call you back.
[71:31]
Dana
Like, we'll talk to you. Yeah, we'll do the interview. Like, just. We were just dicking around, kind of, to be honest with it, and then it kind of just really. We could tell it was getting more serious, and then we're like, this could be a thing.
[71:42]
Unknown Speaker 4
Do this.
[71:42]
Dana
Like, should we do this? Are we crazy? Like, and I think we thought, again, very naive. Very, like, happy, drunken love. We were just, like, nothing could tear us apart. Are you kidding me? Like, there is not a person who could walk in this world ever come between this. Like, no one, nothing.
[72:03]
Megan
And, like, Our story kind of does apply to the show. Like, you know, you saw about, like, the family stuff and how it's.
[72:09]
Dana
Well, that was the second reason why we. Once we got to my relationship, like, wait, are we gonna actually do this?
[72:14]
Unknown Speaker 2
We.
[72:15]
Dana
We really talked about the pros and cons of it and what we really wanted for the show, which is just so unfortunate now.
[72:21]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[72:21]
Dana
You know, once you see everything is, like. We were hoping for it to be kind of a way to give exposure to Megan's family and really kind of open their eyes. Like, we're normal. Like, we're just, like straight couples, you know, we're. And, like, for them to kind of see how we are behind closed doors.
[72:38]
Megan
Because I think that's the case.
[72:39]
Dana
They don't really know what we're like, you know? And, like, at the time, we were really proud of our relationship. We did have an amazing relationship, Truly.
[72:46]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
[72:47]
Dana
It just wasn't developed. It wasn't as strong as we thought, you know?
[72:51]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[72:52]
Dana
And so, yeah, that was our hope for it. And so I think that's why now I think there is even another layer of, like, kind of, like, disappointment, because it didn't have its initial purpose, what we'd hoped for, and now it's maybe gonna have the opposite.
[73:10]
Megan
Well, we don't know that.
[73:11]
Unknown Speaker 4
No.
[73:11]
Dana
And we don't know.
[73:12]
Unknown Speaker 4
We don't know that.
[73:13]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[73:14]
Unknown Speaker 2
So, Megan, Dana was the one that issued you the ultimatum. How did you initially feel about that? Especially now, hearing that you guys were on cloud nine. Now I'm like, does it kind of feel like it was out of the blue?
[73:26]
Dana
Yeah, you don't see that on the show. We're on cloud nine at all. Yeah. We look like we hate each other. It's crazy.
[73:32]
Megan
Like, I understood because, like, if I'm being honest, family has always been an issue with, like, people I've dated. And, like, this time around, like, with Dana, I wanted everything to be real. And what I mean by that is, like, a lot of times in my culture, you kind of date somebody, and then once you know that you're serious with them, then you bring them around. And that's usually, like, a year, maybe two years before they, like, come around. And I was just, like, I had, like, a toxic relationship before Dana, and I'm like. Like, as. I. Like, I want them to know as I go and, like, even sharing, like, my relationship with them, I just kind of kept finding a little bit of resistance. And, like, I wanted to bridge the gap between, like, me being gay and, like, my family. But that gap was, like, bridging a lot slower than I wanted it to be. And so I'm like, if we go on the show and they see, like, how we are, how we behave, like, with one another, and, like, I also wanted to, like, provide representation of, like, you know, being Lebanese, and it's not, like, it's, like, frowned upon and it's shameful, whatever. Like, I just wanted to show them, like, what they don't see every day.
[74:48]
Unknown Speaker 2
Do you feel like you proved a lot to yourself in that on the show as well, seeing as, like, you weren't really ready for marriage? But was it because of you personally or more like, your family kind of baggage?
[75:00]
Megan
I mean, I think it was both.
[75:01]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[75:02]
Megan
I think, like, I was scared because for so many years, like, I was. I didn't talk about it. I always kept it to myself. And then it's like, when you have something real with somebody, you want to. Like, you want to pursue that in real life, and, like, it's gonna. Like, you want to bring around your important people. Like, it's. You gotta do real things. You can't just, like, live in fantasy.
[75:29]
Unknown Speaker 2
Land because you issued the ultimatum. I'm wondering, because you guys just described how happy you were and how blissful you were. And so for you to be issued something like, now we're talking about marriage, but then it's like, okay, am I feeling this personally, or am I dragging this family baggage with me? So I just want to know, like, when you. I know you wanted to do the representation and, you know, show your family this, but what was it for you personally that that kind of either caught you off guard with the issuing of the ultimatum or kind of. I don't know.
[75:59]
Megan
Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I think I am a little bit, like, arrogant at heart, and I'm like, you're issuing me the ultimatum, Me? But at the same time, like, I had to check myself and just, like, be honest with how I was, like, moving in our relationship. Like, I wasn't taking the steps confidently to kind of, like, stamp it. Like, hey, like, we're really doing this.
[76:25]
Dana
Whatever.
[76:26]
Megan
Like, it just wasn't because, Dana, you could feel that.
[76:29]
Dana
It was like. I think because of the show, that's, like, the igniting, like, factor. It was like, I don't even need to marry Megan. It wasn't like, I don't have this. I don't even think I ever saw myself. It wasn't about getting married in my whole life.
[76:42]
Megan
It was just. It was more so, like, it was more so like just living authentically. Like, I couldn't, like, be as. As authentic as I wanted to and was slowing her down. Like I was slowing the relationship down, you know, like there were like roadblocks.
[76:56]
Dana
Because it was less of a ring on the finger than I needed. The commitment of, like, you are going to accept not only yourself, but us together for a lifetime in a serious life.
[77:07]
Unknown Speaker 2
And that's how it started.
[77:08]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[77:08]
Unknown Speaker 2
And then you get on the show, right?
[77:10]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[77:11]
Dana
And then. Exactly.
[77:12]
Megan
Then you get on the show.
[77:13]
Dana
Then you get on the show. So you go on a show and everything you thought, not what you thought.
[77:18]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[77:20]
Brittany
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[77:51]
Unknown Speaker 1
Substance use disorder and addiction is so isolating. And so as a black woman in recovery, hope must be loud. It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable. It is the thread that lets you know that no matter what happens, you will be okay.
[78:11]
Unknown Speaker 2
When we learn the power of hope recovery is possible, find out how@startwithhope.com brought to you by the National Council for Mental well Being Shatterproof and the AD Council. So what were some of you guys, like, biggest fears going into the experience?
[78:27]
Dana
Everything that happened.
[78:28]
Megan
Yeah, our worst fear was exactly.
[78:31]
Dana
Our first year was exactly what happened actually to the, to the T and more. So like, I won't lie, I. Like, we thought Megan was, you know, like we were worried. Like, I was worried about Megan and I kind of like had I had the idea that Megan would do something because I think Megan is a lot of the times, like a little bit attention inclined and I know her and she's kind of like, I think I'm.
[78:54]
Megan
Also like a little easily influenced.
[78:56]
Dana
Easily influenced.
[78:56]
Megan
Like, I just, I try to understand people so much and it's not even like an excuse to like what I did, but I really just try to have an open mind that. Yeah, I don't see that I could be like kind of changing my actual opinion on things. You know what I mean? Like, it's like I kind of take on your Characteristics. Because I'm trying to understand you so well.
[79:16]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[79:17]
Megan
And that's where I catch myself.
[79:18]
Unknown Speaker 2
Did you guys set boundaries for.
[79:20]
Megan
Yeah, and we. We broke them.
[79:22]
Dana
You know what's crazy? I was like, megan, you better not even. You better sleep with a T shirt. I want you to sleep in your sports bra. Look at me now. I was worried about a sports. I was worried about her being in her sports bra. Jokes.
[79:37]
Unknown Speaker 4
That was the least.
[79:38]
Megan
Literally.
[79:39]
Dana
Jokes. Girl, you can be in your sports bra all day, just not every, like.
[79:43]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[79:44]
Dana
So we had boundaries, mind you, I think for, you know, anyone who's not on reality tv, you have no idea what you are getting yourself into. No matter how much TV you watch, no matter how much you watch podcasts about, you know, you don't know what you like.
[80:01]
Megan
Well, she knows.
[80:02]
Dana
Well, you know, but people who have not been on reality do not truly. They could not fathom what it is like, especially with us, you're separated from, like, the person you're. You're completely cut from communication with, like, your whole. Megan was my everything. She was my best friend, my. My world, my family. Like, I don't live with my, you know, where my family's at. She was my everything. I have surrounded my life around her pretty much since I've met her.
[80:23]
Megan
Just a little bit of context to, like. So we're both from Michigan. She moved to Detroit, which is an hour and a half away from her hometown.
[80:31]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[80:32]
Megan
So all her family and her friends were all out there.
[80:35]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[80:35]
Megan
And, like, I'm from the Detroit area.
[80:37]
Dana
So she was like, megan's my world.
[80:41]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[80:41]
Megan
Like I said, everything. Like, she was kind of away from everybody.
[80:44]
Dana
Yeah. So for me, it's like this person to become. And, you know, this was also part of our problem.
[80:49]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[80:50]
Dana
We were extremely codependent.
[80:51]
Unknown Speaker 2
Right.
[80:52]
Dana
I was.
[80:53]
Megan
We were just having so much fun. We didn't want to stop hanging out.
[80:55]
Dana
Yeah. And I think we. We both lost sight of a lot of ourselves and the things we wanted and the things we needed because we were so codependent on each other. We were so stuck and attached and like, mind you, we were happy and in love. But, like, it was. We didn't realize how much both of us were sacrificing, maybe, like, needs and wants and, like, our own hobbies and our own interests and our friends and having different outlets and the show.
[81:21]
Megan
That's a huge difference.
[81:22]
Dana
That's what the show, I think originally, like, off RIP showed us that started to click the changes into, like, the changes. That's when, like, the problem started was when we both realized, like we got separation, we kind of liked it.
[81:35]
Unknown Speaker 2
We're like, yeah, a little bit of freedom.
[81:37]
Dana
Yeah.
[81:37]
Megan
Because I didn't like it.
[81:39]
Dana
Not like. Well, no, I actually, no, I didn't like it. For me, I didn't like.
[81:42]
Megan
No.
[81:43]
AJ
Really?
[81:43]
Megan
No.
[81:44]
Dana
Maybe. I. Yeah.
[81:45]
Megan
So nobody knows I went to the hospital. Like, I. Yeah, hospital. Oh yeah. Girl, I thought I was dying.
[81:50]
Unknown Speaker 4
Like.
[81:51]
Dana
Like we have a little bit of a. A drama queen over here. But it's okay.
[81:55]
Unknown Speaker 2
Wait, why would you go to the hospital?
[81:57]
Megan
Because I, like I felt like. Like I was just trying to hold on. Like, even though I, like, I know what we signed up for, I.
[82:09]
Dana
It's not what you imagine it to be.
[82:10]
Megan
Like, I just like. Like I'm getting emotional. But like, I did not want to let you go. Like, I didn't want to.
[82:16]
Dana
Like, I don't want you to let me go.
[82:17]
Megan
Yeah, it's just. It's just hard. Cuz it's like you love someone so much and it's like the first time you like want to spend your life with someone. I don't want to let you go. Like, it's like.
[82:25]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[82:26]
Megan
You know, and just to kind of like watch. Watch it happen and like you're dating other people and like you're laughing and you're having a good time. It like it's. It hurts, you know, and it like.
[82:35]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[82:35]
Megan
I was trying so hard to like keep myself together. Like I was doing the things that kind of made me feel like myself. Like we would, like, we would have really long days. I would work out at 11 at night, every night. Just to kind of like find that sound, that sense of like grounding.
[82:52]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[82:53]
Megan
And just like remind myself who I am. Because that's what made me feel normal. Like when you're stripped from your phone and you're in a hotel for a week and like you gotta have a buddy to like literally walk you use the bathroom, go to the gym, whatever.
[83:07]
Unknown Speaker 3
It.
[83:07]
Megan
It removes you from yourself. And it's like I'm working out. Like, I work out hard and I didn't realize how much energy I was expending. I just fucking felt so depleted.
[83:18]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah.
[83:18]
Megan
I couldn't handle it anymore. I started freaking out. I was like, you know, like my. I felt like I was having a little bit of like low blood pressure and they insisted on taking me to the hospital. And like I ended up sleeping in the hospital. Like, it was just. It was a lot.
[83:31]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[83:32]
Unknown Speaker 2
You know, in your trial marriages to Mel and Haley, it Was clear that you both developed what seemed to be real feelings to your trial wives.
[83:40]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[83:43]
Unknown Speaker 2
What was that something that you guys expected to happen?
[83:46]
AJ
No.
[83:46]
Dana
Hell, no.
[83:47]
AJ
No.
[83:47]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
[83:48]
Megan
Never expected it.
[83:49]
Dana
I was so obsessed with you at that time, I just didn't even think that I could give a. About anybody.
[83:57]
Megan
You didn't have any room.
[83:58]
Dana
But what you forget or what you.
[84:00]
Megan
The.
[84:01]
Dana
I guess maybe just don't anticipate at the time is how removed you're gonna be from that person. And when you had somebody so close and you're in such a, like, vulnerable state.
[84:09]
Unknown Speaker 2
Trauma bomb. Scared.
[84:10]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[84:11]
Megan
It's like.
[84:11]
Dana
Like you will cling on to a roach. Okay.
[84:14]
Megan
I don't. Like, literally, but, honey, I.
[84:16]
Unknown Speaker 2
So if you remove all of that.
[84:18]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[84:19]
Unknown Speaker 2
Do you think that you would have still developed the feelings for the person that you were?
[84:24]
Megan
I think. Why? Okay, so here's what it is. We talked about it. I think you're forgetting, but it's okay. Okay, so Dana and I are very opposite. Like, our core values are all the same, but the way that we move is just very opposite. Like, we don't operate the same. And, like, when we first got together, yes, like, we were very happy, you know, and we had a lot in common. But the stuff that we didn't have in common, we were not, like, pursuing those things anymore.
[84:50]
Unknown Speaker 3
Okay.
[84:51]
Megan
And so there are parts of our personality that we repressed.
[84:54]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[84:54]
Megan
And so going on the show, we. I don't. I mean, you don't know us, but you kind of know us from the show. But we picked partners who were not, like, like us. You know, Mel's not like me, and she's not like Haley.
[85:08]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
[85:08]
Megan
And I think part of the reason why we connected, like, so deeply with them is because, like, when you are not, like, fulfilling yourself completely, you're gonna, like. I don't want to say, find it somewhere else like you're cheating, but it's gonna feel so good because you haven't had that in a long time.
[85:28]
Dana
Well, like the 10 thing you always say.
[85:30]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[85:30]
Megan
Yeah. It's like, you know, you have your 90 and then your 10. But I think it's. It was more than the 10. Like, I think I wasn't for sure. I think there are certain ways that you needed to be fulfilled that I just, like, could not give you.
[85:41]
Dana
Yeah.
[85:41]
Megan
Or that, like, communication issues, whatever. And I think that's why we bonded so well with our child partners, you know, because it was a. Parts of our personalities that.
[85:50]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[85:51]
Dana
It's like the thing you didn't get from your partner. Yeah, we found partners that had that one thing. So that kind of makes them seem like. Like, everything. It's like the 10% that you don't have in them.
[86:00]
Megan
Yeah, but, honey, you don't want. I know, but you don't want to take away that. Like, they're good people, too.
[86:06]
Dana
That's kind of feelings real.
[86:08]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yes.
[86:09]
Dana
All the feelings were real. I think it was real for everybody. I really can't imagine that it's not. And it doesn't take away that. They were both great to us, and they were what we both needed.
[86:20]
Megan
Yes, we.
[86:21]
Dana
I absolutely needed Mel and Megan absolutely needed Haley at that time in our lives. And that's just what it is. Unfortunately, we put ourselves in that position to have that circumstance while being in love with someone else and wanting to create this relationship. And that's just a choice that we made that we have to live with. That had repercussions. We made that choice.
[86:41]
Unknown Speaker 2
So, Dana, why did you get matching tattoos with Mel? Did you really forget that you and Megan spoke about it?
[86:48]
Dana
So I really. I really.
[86:49]
Unknown Speaker 2
Because when you said I forgot, I.
[86:50]
Dana
Was like, yeah, no, I really. I know. And I know.
[86:53]
Unknown Speaker 4
Did you?
[86:54]
Dana
Yeah, I know, because we. So we've talked about. We talked about getting tattoos all the time. Like, since we've known each other, we're just always like, megan doesn't have any tattoos, and I have tattoos, and we just always are like, we're gonna get tattoos of this maybe or that. But I did not specifically remember. And we've already talked about it, but I didn't specifically remember talking about getting tattoos after the show or, like, about the show. But Megan is like, we definitely talked about that. And I'm like, okay, you know, we probably did. I'm not saying we didn't. I just didn't remember that we talked about that specifically, but I honestly just never thought Megan was gonna get a matching tattoo with me, because I just don't think she.
[87:25]
Megan
I don't have any tattoos yet.
[87:26]
Dana
I don't think she's gonna get a tattoo.
[87:28]
Megan
Yeah, but I would have.
[87:30]
Unknown Speaker 2
Do you still have it?
[87:32]
Dana
I did get it covered up. I did. But I think for me, it was more so, like, it's almost like keeping an old wedding ring, and then you're, like, married to someone else. It's like, what do you need that for? Type of thing. Cause honestly, as much as I. I loved to portray it on the show and at that time, out of avoidance that Mel was just my friend, she was not just My friend, you know, at that time, I could not. I couldn't admit it to myself. It wasn't even like I thought I was lying. It was like I genuinely was telling myself, Mel was my friend. I do not like her like that. It is not real, all of these things. Because that's what I had to believe to convince myself that it wasn't. Because I couldn't handle the thought of being emotionally invested in someone. And I wanted to be with Megan. That never changed. I never had a time where I didn't want her. And I didn't know how to understand that, how to understand my feelings for her. My feelings for, like, it was too much for me. I avoided all of it as much as I could. And I think the fact that she is not just a friend, keeping that tattoo and being with my partner, knowing how much that hurt her and disrespected.
[88:40]
Unknown Speaker 2
Her, yeah, that was so.
[88:41]
Dana
It wasn't something that I couldn't have, like, kept.
[88:44]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[88:45]
Unknown Speaker 2
Did Mel get her tattoo covered up?
[88:47]
Dana
I don't know. I haven't asked her.
[88:48]
Unknown Speaker 3
Really.
[88:48]
Dana
I saw her yesterday, but honestly, I didn't look.
[88:51]
Unknown Speaker 3
I.
[88:51]
Dana
If she did, I'm happy for her. If she didn't, good for her. I think. I think unfortunately it probably doesn't mean the same things because I think the idea of it is all tainted. You know what I mean? Because I think both of us can't look at it in a happy light anyways because it hurt people we, like, love so much. It's almost like. Like, how can you.
[89:10]
Unknown Speaker 2
It's just take so much pride in it.
[89:12]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
[89:13]
Unknown Speaker 2
You both had really emotional send offs with your child marriage partners. How did it make you each feel seeing that on the show?
[89:22]
Megan
Like, if I'm being completely honest, like, it's gonna sound weird because, like, I. I'm a really big, like, communication person and I didn't communicate it with Haley, but. But like, it's like, when things are going so good, like, Haley and I did not have any problems. We were very much on the same wavelength. And, like, it was so nice to have a great trial marriage with her. Towards the end, like, I'd say like the last maybe like four days. Three, four days. And like, each day is very long. You know, I kind of, like accepted it for what it was and I was ready to, like, move on. I told her if things don't work out with me and Dana, I will leave single. I never told her I wanted to date her.
[90:15]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[90:15]
Megan
And unfortunately, like, it didn't make the cut. We Talked about it on reunion, and she agreed.
[90:20]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[90:20]
Megan
And, like, I think that's where things get a little bit messy, because I think our trial marriages meant different things to us. And, like, it doesn't take away from, like, the good times that we had, but it also doesn't have to, like, define your future. Like, just because you had an amazing time with this person, it doesn't mean that you have to choose this person. And for me, like, I really maximized my time. Like, I made some really big decisions with her. You know, like, we went very far. And then I just realized that, like, I knew what I wanted. And I think it's part of the process. Like, it's part of leaning into it.
[91:01]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[91:02]
Megan
But I just. I figured out what I wanted.
[91:04]
Unknown Speaker 2
How tough was that, watching it back, knowing that more was said, knowing that we won't get to see.
[91:09]
Megan
Yeah.
[91:10]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[91:10]
Megan
I think it's. It's disappointing because, like, I look like an asshole. You know? Like, she was kind of, like, we. We were very different after the fact, you know? And, like, me saying, oh, I'm not in love with her. You know, like, that whole thing, that was the part that I wish I communicated to her. And, like, I don't know if it would have changed anything, because it probably wouldn't have happened on camera anyways. Like, I understand how important, like, footage is.
[91:34]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[91:34]
Megan
But certain private conversations, like, I'm not gonna.
[91:37]
Dana
Out of respect.
[91:38]
Megan
Yeah, out of respect. I'm not gonna have that on camera.
[91:40]
Dana
I agree.
[91:41]
Unknown Speaker 3
You know.
[91:41]
Unknown Speaker 2
So, Megan, you originally seem to feel that there was more going on physically and emotionally between Dana and Megan, but were repeatedly told that it wasn't similar to you and Haley. Now, having watched the show, how do you feel about all of that?
[91:57]
Megan
The first thing Dana and I talked about was that, like, our trial marriages were the same, but in a different font.
[92:04]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[92:05]
Megan
You know, like, a lot. I am a big, vocal person. Like, I don't want to leave anything unsaid. Like, I want to leave it all on the floor. And I think I. I was able to kind of vocalize what I thought our trial marriage was. Where Dana is more of, like, I need to sit back and process this before I call it what I think it is. And I think that's where we differ that.
[92:28]
Dana
But I think, like, I just was not accountable. I was so unaccountable for so much of, like, just watching that back. I was genuinely, like, mortified. Like, I didn't want to believe it either. Like, I did not want to acknowledge what was going on I did not want to accept it. I did not want to be a.
[92:47]
Unknown Speaker 2
You didn't want to accept what you had going on with your child?
[92:50]
Dana
Yeah, I didn't want to accept it.
[92:51]
Megan
It's hard. It's hard to accept. Like, it's hard to, like, be in love with us. Like, it's hard to be in love with each other and then, like, also have this other, like, connection. Like, it's love going on.
[93:05]
Unknown Speaker 2
Believe almost, because you guys came into the experience so strong.
[93:09]
Megan
Yeah, it.
[93:10]
Dana
We were shook. Like, it shook us that, like, what happened, happened.
[93:15]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah, we couldn't.
[93:16]
Dana
Like, we couldn't believe what we did, let alone what the other person did. Like, it was such a. Like, shock. I just. Everything was such a disbelief. And it was like. It's funny because our trial partners felt the same way, too. Like, and. But then it was also, like, they both were in a different place about it. Like, I think me and Megan were both a lot more shocked about our behavior, but I felt like. Like they were more, like, stood in it. You know what I mean? And it was like. I think it just goes to show how much we were, like, we didn't know each other at that time the way we thought we did. I think that's a big part of it.
[93:52]
Unknown Speaker 2
Dana, do you think you were unfairly being, like, too tough on Megan about her relationship with Haley, given the connection that you yourself built with Mel? You seem to kind of, like. Kind of like you're saying you kind of downplayed yours.
[94:06]
Dana
And then I really, absolutely, like, watching it back, I'm like, oh, my God.
[94:11]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
[94:13]
Dana
I think, because I felt like. Like, what I told myself then was like. But I, like, didn't want it to be a thing. I didn't. Like, I fought it off. Like, I tried not to like, this. I, like, avoided her. I rejected her. I, like, you know, like. And poor fucking Mel, too, right? I felt like I let her on. I felt like I used her. I felt like I was so unfair to her. And, like, two, try not to hurt her. And then guess what, though. I still was hurting everybody. And it's like in my head, I kept thinking I'm, like, trying not to hurt everyone. I'm trying. But that's exactly what I did. And then I didn't want to acknowledge it for what it was because, honestly, because I felt like I had been selfish and. And it was like I couldn't. I just couldn't face the repercussions of, like, losing her and that I had hurt Mel. I think Realizing that I was gonna lose her and like break her heart and also like hurt Mel. What was that all for? Yeah, like, it just, I think having.
[95:14]
Unknown Speaker 2
That in the back of your head, did that make you go harder on her because you felt like you had.
[95:19]
Unknown Speaker 4
So much harder on her?
[95:21]
Dana
Yeah, I don't. I don't know. I was so hard on you. I'm so sorry. I mean, we mind you, we have like talked through all of this also don't see is that I did tell Megan the truth in Miami, like the night after we started, we got back together. It's not on camera. So Megan actually does know everything. But what I didn't do was like I downplayed everything still. Like, oh, it's like it was a mistake and I like, you know, we shouldn't have done it and you know, like, whatever. Like we shouldn't have been intimate because I don't feel that way about her. And you know, it wasn't like, you know, I had feelings, but just like a little bit.
[95:55]
Megan
And it's kind of like, how can you be accountable to somebody when you're not being accountable?
[95:58]
Dana
Accountable to myself. And that was the problem. That's why I couldn't be honest with Megan because I, I did not want to believe it because then I have to acknowledge that I hurt Belle. I have to acknowledge that I have feelings for two people. What do I do with that?
[96:10]
Megan
You got to deal with the fact that you fucked up too.
[96:12]
Dana
That's. Again, you have to. Yeah, I just, I don't think I had the capacity to sit in that at that time and then deal with my partner is also feeling that like it was just so much. And you don't. You can't see the big picture. You're so tunnel vision when you're there. But yeah, that like. But yeah. Oh my gosh, I was, I was so hard on her.
[96:31]
Unknown Speaker 2
How was that for you watching Bath Megan?
[96:33]
Dana
It was hard.
[96:34]
Megan
I mean, I just wanted to be like. I wanted to yell at the T. Really.
[96:38]
Unknown Speaker 2
Hold up, hold up.
[96:39]
Megan
Wait, hold on.
[96:40]
Unknown Speaker 2
Right?
[96:40]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah.
[96:41]
Megan
And yeah, I mean like, I can't go back and change it. But yeah, of course.
[96:45]
Unknown Speaker 2
Was that tough to get over?
[96:46]
Megan
It was like. It's just kind of hard to answer the question because when you watch it, it's like, like we've done so much work from when it happened to like when you watch it that those, it's not going to. You're not going to have those like raw pent up emotions like before. Like I, I understood why she Was behaving that way.
[97:06]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[97:07]
Dana
We punished each other enough. By the time that we got home, the last thing we wanted to do was make the other suffer any more than we already had that. Thank God for that, because that is how we were able to get to such a point of, like, empathy for one another and understanding and finding that truly our situations were so much more similar than we even realized at the time. And that's how I got the safety from Megan to be accountable without fear.
[97:42]
Unknown Speaker 2
So during the trial marriage to each other, how hard was it to get over the fact that you had built these really strong connections with other people?
[97:51]
Megan
Yeah, I mean, like, it was an adjustment. It's hard because it's like, you live with someone for three weeks, you're filming for, like, so many hours of the day. You have habits with them, you know, and when you're with someone else, you don't do those things anymore. So it was a transition that we had to, like, get used to. And then Dana and I were also different people.
[98:13]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[98:13]
Megan
By our trial marriages.
[98:14]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[98:14]
Megan
So it was definitely an adjustment.
[98:15]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[98:15]
Dana
It was like rent, getting to know each other on top of it.
[98:18]
Megan
Yeah, exactly.
[98:19]
Dana
Like, we had to. Feelings.
[98:21]
Megan
Yeah. We had to see if we were still a match. Like, are we still compatible?
[98:24]
Dana
Like, you still like me.
[98:26]
Unknown Speaker 2
That's hard to see through pain.
[98:27]
Megan
Yeah, that's very hard to see.
[98:29]
Dana
That is a great way to put it. It is so hard. And that's also why sometimes it's hard. It was hard to see her pain because I was so stuck in mine, and she was so stuck in her pain. She didn't have the, like, availability to. To feel my pain.
[98:44]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[98:44]
Dana
And so we could not, like.
[98:47]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[98:47]
Megan
You know, it's like we were speaking different languages. It's like, I want you to see my pain before I can acknowledge your pain.
[98:54]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[98:54]
Unknown Speaker 2
So, Megan, what part in the experience did you. Your tables kind of turn, and you're like, I'm ready to propose. I'm ready to be engaged.
[99:02]
Megan
I hurt her so bad. And when somebody is just willing to just sit down and hear you out, like, despite all their pain, and they want to move forward with you, like, however that looks like. And like, Dana also, like, you know, became accountable in her actions, too. It's just like, damn. Like, you don't meet people like that. Like, some people just get up and they walk away. They don't want to understand it. They don't want to understand it. But she wanted to understand how, like, we weren't showing up for each other. Like, the stuff that was going to make our relationship better is what she was willing to do. And I was willing to do that too. And I'm just like, damn. Like, we're really rebuilding from the ground up. Like, this is it, you know? And it just kind of like, it's so weird. It just came, like, full circle. It just reminded me, like, why I love you so much. Like, why, like, what we have is so special.
[99:58]
Dana
Like we said on the show, like, you wanna see that? We said it all the time on the show. Like, we were just like. Like, I feel like I'm, like, falling in love with you.
[100:09]
Megan
Yeah. We felt like we were falling in love with each other all over again.
[100:11]
Unknown Speaker 2
I love that.
[100:12]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[100:12]
Megan
If, like, we used to talk felt.
[100:13]
Dana
Though it was weird.
[100:14]
Megan
Yeah. We used to compare it to, like.
[100:16]
Dana
When we first met.
[100:17]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[100:17]
Megan
Certain, like, dates we went on times of the year. Like, it was.
[100:20]
Dana
We had to get to know each other again. Like, we were genuinely so different after that experience.
[100:26]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[100:26]
Dana
That, like, it felt like I almost didn't, like, recognize her a lot of the time.
[100:32]
Megan
Cuz you also got to think, like I told you, you. When you're like, the. The things that we were expressing with one another, like, we couldn't express. Like, the things that we didn't express with one another, we were expressing with our trial partners. So when you're used to expressing those things, we come together. It's like, yeah. Do we still have anything in common?
[100:51]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[100:51]
Megan
So we gotta, like, can we talk.
[100:52]
Unknown Speaker 2
About these things that I just spent three weeks talking about with someone else? Are we still on the same level?
[100:56]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[100:57]
Megan
And we could.
[100:58]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[100:58]
Megan
And it wasn't that like. Like, we just weren't compatible. It was that we weren't giving each other enough space.
[101:04]
Unknown Speaker 2
You didn't take that next step.
[101:05]
Megan
Exactly.
[101:06]
Unknown Speaker 2
Open up those doors that you guys had.
[101:07]
Dana
We were trying to be what exactly thought.
[101:10]
Megan
Yes.
[101:10]
Dana
Not new. Or actually were what we thought the other person wanted us to be.
[101:14]
Unknown Speaker 2
Y', all, I'm curious. Are there any secrets or, like, BTs behind the scenes, is there anything that.
[101:20]
Dana
Wasn'T air that I guess to keep it on us? Because I don't think it's fair to expose anybody else's stuff. Stuff again. Going back to Pride night.
[101:27]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[101:27]
Dana
We went out to Miami. Pride. Mind you, we weren't supposed to. They're like, we're gonna give you guys a night off. Just don't hang out. We're like, yeah, okay, so what time are we meeting?
[101:35]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[101:36]
Dana
Everybody link up. We'll see.
[101:37]
Megan
And like, we took maybe, like, an Uber full of the people you would not think would be.
[101:42]
Dana
Literally, they're outside.
[101:43]
Megan
No, like, the people in the Uber, you would not think that they would all sit in one car and AJ.
[101:47]
Dana
Uber to Pride together. Mind you. Mind you, if you watch the show at that time.
[101:51]
Megan
No way.
[101:52]
Dana
Me, Megan, Mel, and AJ should not have been here.
[101:54]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[101:55]
Dana
We don't. They don't. I mean, AJ and Mel, Megan and Mel.
[101:58]
Unknown Speaker 3
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[101:59]
Dana
We were in an Uber. Like, nothing was. We were on. I don't know. We were on that day cloud. We were just happy to hear Free. Anyway, so we all go to Miami. Pride, that was a shit show. This was like, two days before proposals. So everyone's at the end of their trial marriage. Everyone hates everyone, everyone's pissed. We just had a cocktail party that went. Obviously, that went crazy.
[102:19]
AJ
So.
[102:19]
Dana
So it was just. We just were like, we'll see what happens. Things gonna happen. But me and Megan got into it with Mel bad. I'm trying to think if there's anything else that I would like.
[102:32]
Megan
I mean, it wasn't really, like, tea. We just did something we weren't supposed to do.
[102:35]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
[102:36]
Dana
But I mean, that would have been crazy if they brought cameras there, because that was a crazy night. Yeah, everyone got into it, pretty much.
[102:43]
Megan
It's like we all just got out of date.
[102:45]
Unknown Speaker 2
Barely made it to the proposal, literally.
[102:48]
Dana
Yeah, that was a crazy night. Everyone got into it.
[102:51]
Unknown Speaker 2
Who do y' all still talk to, like, the most from the cast?
[102:53]
Megan
AJ and Britt.
[102:54]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[102:55]
Dana
Yeah, we talked to AJ and Britt, like.
[102:57]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah, every tweet, we.
[102:58]
Megan
We talked to, like, Marita here and there, but we mainly talked to AJ and Britt. Like, we went to AJ's 30th birthday last year.
[103:05]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[103:05]
Megan
We visited them in Orlando to, like, an event she hosted, and it was really nice. You saw them? Oh, yeah. So we saw.
[103:13]
Unknown Speaker 3
We.
[103:14]
Megan
The first. Well, we went to Saint. Yeah, we went to St. Pete with all our friends, and we invited AJ, Britt, and Marita, and so they got to meet our friends, you know, and it was.
[103:24]
AJ
It was cool.
[103:24]
Megan
Like, everybody meshed really well, too.
[103:26]
Dana
Yeah, they did.
[103:27]
Unknown Speaker 3
That was cool.
[103:27]
Dana
Yeah, we have, like, the best finger bunny.
[103:29]
AJ
Wait, that's so cute.
[103:30]
Unknown Speaker 2
Okay, so when the show ended, Haley and Mel said they didn't want either of you in their lives. Have you seen or spoken to them since filming, like, before the reunion?
[103:41]
Megan
So I have not spoke to Haley.
[103:43]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[103:43]
Dana
The entire time we ran into Mel when we were actually with AJ and Brit. In Florida.
[103:50]
Unknown Speaker 4
Okay.
[103:51]
Dana
And it was like no one spoke. We acted like we didn't see each other type of thing. We felt bad about it and we were just like, we don't. We like should have learned from the show. Like you kind of saw that was a theme where people were talking about the non acknowledgment. So we're like, you know what? But like it's no beef. We should have said hi. I'm going to reach out and just say like, hey. Should have said hi. Yeah, I apologize. Hope we can be, you know, hope we're good. She didn't respond. Which fair. Then two months later she did respond and then we had a phone call. We kind of just were like, hey, like I hope all is well type of thing. And it was fine.
[104:30]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
[104:32]
Dana
And that's honestly it though. Yeah.
[104:35]
Unknown Speaker 3
So. Okay.
[104:37]
Unknown Speaker 2
Dana, were you surprised that Mel and Marie broke up since the show?
[104:44]
Dana
I mean. No, I'm not surprised they broke up. I think they both just deserve to be happy, truly. Like you guys don't get to know everyone. Like we know everyone and see everyone how we see everyone, our relationships.
[104:57]
Unknown Speaker 2
We don't see the full dynamic, like the real dynamic.
[105:00]
Dana
Watching all those couples back, I'm like, that's not how they are.
[105:02]
Megan
They're like way better than them that like all the different.
[105:05]
Dana
It was so weird. I'm like, they're like really good together. I don't know, it's just weird. So I think like I will say for them, I do think that was one of the only couples that I would say individually. They're such amazing people. Both of them are. They are like both so big hearted and like caring and thoughtful. But I just don't think they were good for each other. I think they were great for each other at a time in their life when they needed each other and they were that for each other and that's great. And I think maybe they just it was that time had passed type of thing maybe. And I still think they could be great friends. And I believe they are or were before the reunion. And you know, I hope they get back there. I think when you've known someone for that long, it's like should at least try it, right? And I know they were good friends to each other if anything. So yeah, it's sad. I don't think it's surprising, but I think it's sad. Just it's a time of your life and I think, I think when you leave somewhere like that you like, you feel like you need that person because it's like, you just went through.
[106:03]
Unknown Speaker 2
They're the only understand.
[106:05]
Megan
Nobody gets it.
[106:06]
Dana
You can't talk to a lot of people about this.
[106:08]
Megan
Like, we have. We have amazing friends, and it's very hard to get them to understand what we went through.
[106:15]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[106:15]
Megan
That's why, like, we also value AJ And Brit so much because, like, they get it. There are things that you don't need to understand.
[106:22]
Dana
And they know us in real life. So it's like, when you're feeling so, like, misunderstood and unseen and, like, no one, like, they don't get, like, you know, they. They know us.
[106:32]
Unknown Speaker 2
These relationships are super important, and they.
[106:33]
Dana
Know how I was on the show, and they know what it's like to be on the show. So having them has been, like, truly a big part of also getting through all this. Like, it's life changing, having good, true support.
[106:45]
Unknown Speaker 2
I know you guys are fresh off the reunion, and you survived. You're here. This is for you specifically. Diana Marie seemed, like, very clearly angry at the reunion, and you got visibly upset after she came at you. What was going through your head?
[106:59]
Dana
That moment when I watched the show, I died. I didn't. I couldn't even imagined it as bad or, like, remembered it as bad as it was to watch. And, like, specifically, like, the pain that she was in, Like, I'm literally gonna cry.
[107:18]
Megan
Like.
[107:18]
Dana
Like, I literally had to go get one of the producers to, like, hold me because I was like. Like, literally, like, poor Marie. Like, what did she do? Like, and it's like, no one deserved anything that happened.
[107:31]
Unknown Speaker 4
Right.
[107:31]
Dana
But, like, it. I care. Me and Marie. Like, you don't see. Me and Marie actually had a friendship. Like, we talked a lot. Like, we. We did have a friendship. It was real to me, and I do care about her, and I. I did care about her the whole time, and I. And I knew she was gonna be hurt, and it killed me. Like, but it's one of those things where it's like, you don't. At that time, you don't know what to do. Like, it's like a rock and a hard place. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't want to be cold or, like, not have a friendship with Marie. And I didn't think initially when I started a friendship with Marie that what was going to happen happened. And it just. It was a really uncomfortable position to be in, unfortunately. It just was, like, it sucked. You know, I wish I did things differently, but I can't go Back, but watching her, like, killed me. And, like, I was just so ashamed and, like, just so, like, just angry at myself, like, because, like, I couldn't believe that, like, I had heard her like that and, like, I just felt for her. And, like, the first thing that I wanted to do was say sorry to her.
[108:27]
Unknown Speaker 2
Yeah, you did apologize.
[108:28]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[108:28]
Unknown Speaker 2
And I think she received that.
[108:30]
Dana
She was too angry to receive it. And like, there's this part of me that, like, I don't know and I feel like it's like, selfish because it's for my own sake that, like, my own conscience maybe, but, like. Like, I want her to know, like. Like how much I, like, wished I did things differently or how bad I feel like I don't want her to feel like I. No one cared for her. You know?
[108:51]
Unknown Speaker 2
Marie seemed to think that you'd owed. Owed her the truth.
[108:54]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah.
[108:54]
Unknown Speaker 2
How do you feel about that?
[108:57]
Dana
I still think in the future, if I were in the same situation, I never feel like it is someone else's place to tell you something where the person that you love is hurting you. Like, I don't think it's anyone else's place to tell you. I do think maybe at a point it could get them if they're not going to.
[109:17]
AJ
Right.
[109:17]
Dana
But I knew Mel was going to have a chance to tell Marie and I expected her to tell her.
[109:21]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah. Yeah.
[109:22]
Dana
Taking that away from Mel would have been so disrespectful, and I would hate for someone to have done that to me. If someone had told Megan anything before I could, I would have felt that that was unfair because it's for me to share. That's my story to share. That's my person to give that ownership to. That wasn't for me to take from Mel. But I do see how. Where she's valid in that we had a friendship too. I was also hurting her because she cared for me and thought I cared for her, and I did care for her, but she felt that from me. And I think that's where she felt that I had ownership towards her and I was responsible for that. And I think that's valid. I just think that I wish she had a little bit more understanding that, like, it would have been, in my opinion, wrong to take that from them. Yeah, I just feel it would have.
[110:15]
Unknown Speaker 2
When the topic of how far things went with UML came up, you were quick to shut it down. What made you feel the need to set that boundary so firmly in that moment?
[110:25]
Dana
The moaning video, just like. Like, that's like, private, mind you I know I went on a show, but, like, it's like you just don't expect. You're not. You're not prepared for. You can't prepare for that feeling. When that got brought, it was just, like, so triggering, that one. It feels like it's anyone's business what happened other than mine and Mel's and who we choose to share it with and who we feel we owe that to. It just felt like it was constantly everyone else's business. This is, like, something sexual nature. It's private, it's intimate. So for me, I think it was just frustrating that, like, they're so caught on the specifics of what happened, because something happened. It was wrong, it was hurtful to people. They know the truth. And for me, that's all that matters. And, like, I'm. I'm just not gonna keep revisiting it.
[111:10]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[111:10]
Unknown Speaker 2
Megan, how'd you feel in that moment?
[111:13]
Megan
I mean, it was. Yeah, it was hard to watch.
[111:15]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[111:16]
Dana
Yeah, it was hard to watch. It was hard to watch. It was hard to watch for myself. And then on the second layer of, like, knowing how other people are gonna have to feel watching that and, like, knowing how it's perceived and, like, knowing the question. Just an audio. You don't know what to. I mean, you don't know what to think.
[111:35]
Unknown Speaker 2
Yeah, it's.
[111:36]
Dana
It's like no one wants to hear that. No partner wants to hear that. I would die.
[111:41]
Unknown Speaker 2
Megan, having watched the show, do you still stand by Dana, that nothing happens?
[111:46]
Megan
Well, I mean, nothing happened. Yeah, it's not nothing happened. It's just, like, to the extent of what people are saying, like, I know what happened. You told me. Exactly.
[111:54]
Unknown Speaker 2
And what was what we saw and what, like, we heard? I guess.
[111:58]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[111:58]
Dana
Like, it wasn't what everyone thinks it is, but it wasn't nothing. Right. Like, I think that's where I. I don't know if I said it was nothing on the show or something, so I don't know where the idea of nothing. I think I said something along the lines of at one point where I was like, yeah, it was this, but it wasn't, like, sexual like you, like, speaking to, like, sexual, like, Megan. And that was wrong to say, but mind you, Megan did already know the truth of what happened at that time. Me saying that was me, like, being a petty, like, just trying to, like, take away from it being literal sex.
[112:31]
Unknown Speaker 2
Right, Right.
[112:32]
Dana
I said it was not sexual like you, but I just meant it wasn't.
[112:34]
Megan
Yeah, no, it was sexual, but I.
[112:36]
AJ
Don'T want it Wasn't sex.
[112:37]
Megan
I'm not gonna describe, like, what it was exactly that she was doing, because I do know, and she did tell me.
[112:43]
Unknown Speaker 2
What were the receipts, by the way?
[112:44]
AJ
Did we ever get playlist?
[112:46]
Unknown Speaker 2
The playlist was the receipt.
[112:47]
Dana
The fucking.
[112:47]
Unknown Speaker 4
The.
[112:48]
Dana
The love playlist. It was that me and Mel had.
[112:50]
Megan
It was a love playlist.
[112:51]
Unknown Speaker 3
Just.
[112:52]
Megan
It was just like the whole Spotify thing came up.
[112:55]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[112:55]
Megan
And then, like, you can look at what was recently played and, like, it was the albums, like, the type of albums. Like, the name of the albums, the songs in the albums. Like, they were like a little sus. And then, like, the love playlist.
[113:07]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[113:07]
Dana
I was telling them. I was like, do I need to get my accountant? Where's the receipt?
[113:12]
Unknown Speaker 4
What?
[113:13]
Dana
Yeah, receipts.
[113:14]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[113:14]
Dana
Like, when that. I mean, I was so shocked by, like. I just remember being like, what the hell? Like, and I thought that you guys were like. I thought Haley was just trying to stir up. Because, like, there was a lot of things Haley did. And at this point, I don't feel the need to, like, speak badly on her. But if, like, I'm telling my story, I'm telling my story. Like, there's a lot of things Haley did to, like, stir the pot. Stirred the pot a lot of the times for me, specifically, which fair. Because, you know, now we all know she had feelings for Megan. She wanted. She wanted Megan. You know, I think that's natural to kind of, like, shoot your threat down. Like, you know what I mean? You're gonna get rid of all enemies. So, like, I think that. I thought it was that, you know, And I didn't realize. I didn't even think Megan was behind.
[113:59]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[113:59]
Megan
Yeah, I was behind.
[114:01]
Unknown Speaker 4
Oop. I'm like.
[114:02]
Dana
But now. But now, like, looking back, I'm like, how did I not. Like, my girl is. Dude, my girl's investigator Sam. She's on my head. Like, I should have known it was you.
[114:14]
Unknown Speaker 2
So, Megan, you mentioned your parents now have met Dana. What was that first conversation?
[114:21]
Dana
Like, the first one was, did you.
[114:23]
Megan
Meet before the show?
[114:24]
Dana
Well, okay, so we did meet before the show.
[114:26]
Unknown Speaker 4
Okay.
[114:26]
Dana
Like, very brief.
[114:27]
Megan
It was just very, like, superficial.
[114:29]
Unknown Speaker 4
Like, they didn't.
[114:30]
Megan
The biggest thing. It's like, my parents weren't taking it seriously, so they never really, like, knew who Dana was. They just kind of saw her. Yeah, it's kind of, like, in passing.
[114:41]
Unknown Speaker 3
Okay.
[114:41]
Dana
You know, mates. No, no, not really.
[114:45]
Megan
They just didn't, like, they didn't care to, like, know anything.
[114:47]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[114:47]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah.
[114:48]
Unknown Speaker 3
Right.
[114:48]
Megan
And then, like, when we came back.
[114:50]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[114:52]
Megan
We would just, like. I would bring her over and we would just sit down.
[114:57]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[114:57]
Megan
And we would just, like, shoot the. Like, we would talk. Like, we would just, like. I want. I brought her around more intentionally, and then that's when, you know, now she has a relationship with my parents.
[115:08]
Unknown Speaker 4
Like, she.
[115:08]
Megan
Like, they know each other.
[115:10]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[115:10]
Megan
They talk to each other. They're comfortable with each other.
[115:12]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[115:13]
Megan
And, like.
[115:14]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[115:14]
Unknown Speaker 2
How they react to the news that you two are engaged?
[115:18]
Megan
They think I'm insane.
[115:20]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[115:20]
Megan
They're like, you did this on tv. Like, my. Like, the culture is, like, when it comes to, like, romance or relationship, everything is, like, private.
[115:32]
Dana
Very.
[115:33]
Megan
And yeah. So they're like. They're. They think I'm crazy for, like, doing it on tv, like, broadcasting it to the world.
[115:39]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[115:40]
Megan
But, I mean, what can they do right now?
[115:42]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[115:43]
Unknown Speaker 2
Are you guys worried about them watching? Like, your parent, your family or parents watching?
[115:47]
Megan
I mean, I think we're definitely concerned.
[115:51]
Dana
That's why it's part of the sexual nature. Part, like, hurts.
[115:54]
Megan
Yeah.
[115:54]
Dana
And, like, is so dis. Like, I'm so disappointed in myself, and I'm so, like, angry, I think, in that way about that, because it's like.
[116:01]
Unknown Speaker 2
Like, there's more to your relationship. It's just, like, overshadow everything.
[116:07]
Megan
Expect the drama to be a factor. Like, you know, like, we thought we were gonna be okay. Like, we're not gonna have these issues, whatever. And, like, it's sad.
[116:15]
Dana
It's more so just sad. And it. It's so sad watching it.
[116:18]
Megan
And it's sad to see your kid, like, falling apart, too.
[116:21]
Dana
Like, you know, you don't even get to see, like, happy moments, at least to kind of, like, you know, like, balance it a little bit. Like, it's like, like, damn.
[116:29]
Unknown Speaker 2
But you know what the happy moment is? You guys are sitting almost two years later, but this is the proof. This is the proof. And, like, that blimp in time is gonna suck. It really is. And it's gonna be a bit embarrassing and not how you wanted your family to see you. But in actuality, this is relationships, and this is reality. And it's not easy. And it would have been nice to go on there and just skip around in flowers. And this is our love. And. But that's not the reality. And so as much as it's gonna feel like dance, I wanted them to see a perfect image of my relationship. This is your relationship.
[117:04]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[117:04]
Unknown Speaker 2
This is it. Today you're holding hands, you're engaged, you're happy, you made it through. And I think if you just keep continuing to show not only your family, but the world, this version of love, all whatever you thought it was gonna be doesn't matter because you're here for sure.
[117:18]
Megan
And we say that too. Like, not exactly what you said, but.
[117:21]
Dana
Like, not as good as it is.
[117:23]
Megan
It took us, like, it took everything falling down, like falling apart, burning down. But like, we really do believe that we are so strong now and like, we're so proud of ourselves and like, we have a lot of amazing things in life that have happened.
[117:37]
Unknown Speaker 2
Do you guys have any regrets about doing the ultimatum?
[117:40]
Megan
I will say though, Mel did a lot of special things for Dana. You know, like they had their special thing and I had my special thing with Haley. And like, I think that they could have been really good friends to us.
[117:50]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[117:50]
Megan
But sometimes the line gets blurry when certain things happen.
[117:53]
Dana
If we could regret. Yeah, I would say that's what we say the most. We wish that we had not crossed the emotional and physical boundaries with them.
[118:05]
Unknown Speaker 2
So for the sake of a friendship.
[118:07]
Dana
Have had them in our lives because they ended up being such special, monumental people to both of us. And we now have to love them from a distance. And that's sad, I think, in capacity. So I think that if there was something that, like, one thing we could just really like, wish we could change, I would say that it's that actually for both of us that we just wished we handled that differently. Because I think now we realize we didn't have to go there.
[118:35]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[118:36]
Dana
I don't think there was ever a point where I thought I was like, I wanted to be with Mel. So it's like, I didn't need to do that. I didn't need to do that and hurt all those people.
[118:46]
Unknown Speaker 2
So what's next for you two? Where are we at with it?
[118:50]
Megan
I mean, we eventually want to have a wedding.
[118:53]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[118:53]
Megan
I think we want to see like, what the world looks like now that, you know, we can wear our rings and we're allowed to say we're engaged or whatever.
[118:59]
Dana
We just want to enjoy that for at least a little bit. Cuz. Yeah, we've been in like, hiding.
[119:03]
AJ
We.
[119:03]
Dana
We love, like, we.
[119:05]
Megan
We really want to like, love the phase of being engaged. Like we don't want to be engaged and then jump into a wedding right away. Like, we are enjoying it. We're also thinking about moving. Like, that's like we really love.
[119:15]
Dana
That's kind of our next horizon. That's what we're.
[119:18]
Megan
Yeah.
[119:18]
Unknown Speaker 2
Where are we thinking?
[119:19]
Megan
In the works.
[119:20]
Unknown Speaker 4
We.
[119:20]
Megan
We want to Be somewhere, like, in a warmer climate.
[119:23]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[119:23]
Megan
We're doing city life.
[119:24]
Dana
We're. We're doing research based on, like, a couple different things. Obviously, also being gay is, like, factoring into that because of.
[119:32]
Megan
We want to be, like, in more, like, accepting areas, you know?
[119:35]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[119:36]
Dana
Yeah. So there's just a lot of factors that go into. But we're definitely. We are like, city girls, so it.
[119:41]
AJ
Needs to be a city.
[119:42]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[119:42]
Megan
We were thinking, like, Florida. Somewhere in Florida.
[119:45]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[119:45]
Dana
We thought about Texas. I'm originally from Texas. We're thinking about there maybe probably not here. It's a little too crazy for us here.
[119:54]
Megan
Like, move for a cup, move here for a few years, and then we want to settle down with our families, come back, you know, we'll probably definitely.
[120:01]
Dana
Come back to Michigan when we settle down. Like, we're going to need our parents, help us raise kids. You know, we don't know what we're doing.
[120:08]
Unknown Speaker 2
You guys seem like you have, like, the tools, the want, the eagerness to make this work, and I just wish you guys the absolute, absolute best. Honestly, I love love. I love it. And I'm just. I'm rooting for you guys. I really, truly am, because I can feel the love from across the couch. And you guys haven't let go of hands in an hour. I don't know how long I've been sitting here. But you guys, it's obvious how much you guys love each other, and I'm happy that this experience brought you guys together and is keeping you guys together. And I hope you guys keep continuing to cultivate this love and this friendship, because it really is truly beautiful.
[120:41]
Dana
Thanks. I appreciate that. It's always nice to hear that, especially, like, after seeing all that.
[120:45]
Unknown Speaker 2
It's like, we watched it, I watched it, but it's like, it's love, it's relationships, it's up, it's downs, but at the end of the day, it's you. And you have to look at each other at the end of the day, no one else. When the TV goes off and Instagram goes down, it's you two. So just always remember this is the core, and this is. This is what matters the most. I'm grateful you guys came here, and hopefully you guys feel like you got a chance to kind of sit down, say what was not said, and for.
[121:12]
Megan
Sure, what are your thoughts?
[121:13]
Unknown Speaker 2
Like, ask me something. What do we want to know?
[121:17]
Megan
So you watched the show before, like, meeting us, and now you met us. We got to talk.
[121:22]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[121:23]
Megan
And I feel like you have, like, two perspectives yeah, the one before you met us.
[121:29]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[121:29]
Megan
And then now the. Now that you met us. Like, were there any, like, disconnects? I mean, obviously there's, like.
[121:36]
Unknown Speaker 2
I wouldn't say disconnect. You're a lot more outspoken in person. She is than you perceive, to be honest.
[121:42]
Megan
Yeah, that. And I'm just like, damn, where did all this. I'm not that much.
[121:46]
Unknown Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah.
[121:49]
Megan
I'm usually like, the one.
[121:50]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[121:50]
Megan
You don't gotta ask me a question. Like, I'll speak up.
[121:53]
Dana
She's aggressive in real life.
[121:54]
Unknown Speaker 2
That did come as a shock. Girl. I knew you're gonna be.
[121:57]
Dana
Yeah, listen, I'm like, I'm spicy. I'm spicy.
[122:00]
Unknown Speaker 3
Don't get me wrong.
[122:02]
Dana
At the time. At the time also, like, it was like, I've. I have significantly, like, this year, like, grown to kind of, like, work on that, like, aggressive side of me. But, like, in real life with me.
[122:14]
Megan
And her and today, she's, like, on one, like, today, like, she wants to talk.
[122:17]
Dana
She wants to tell you.
[122:19]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[122:19]
Dana
I didn't take my.
[122:20]
Megan
She took it a little too late.
[122:21]
Dana
I said that backwards.
[122:22]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[122:22]
Dana
But I did take one. I knew. But, yeah, I think, like, in real life, like, the behavior, it's. I'm the more timid, kind of, like, people pleaser, and you're the aggressive.
[122:33]
Unknown Speaker 2
That's not what it gave.
[122:35]
Dana
Not angry. Angry is the wrong word. Megan is like, very, very. I'm just very spoken.
[122:39]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah.
[122:40]
Megan
I'm very, like, extroverted, outspoken. Like.
[122:44]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[122:45]
Megan
I'll create the vibe in the room. I'm not waiting for the vibe. Interesting type.
[122:47]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
[122:49]
Unknown Speaker 2
Did you. Did you feel that you were portrayed.
[122:51]
Megan
That way on the show when I was there? I felt that way.
[122:54]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[122:54]
Megan
They didn't really, like, portrait. Yeah, I felt. Bro, I felt like the whole time I was cuddling with Haley, like, I wasn't even talking. You know what I mean? Like, you didn't even get.
[123:01]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[123:01]
Megan
None of this personality. No, I am. Am like, a natural leader. Like, I. You know, I don't know. So me. You said that I wasn't what you expected.
[123:12]
Unknown Speaker 2
Okay, no, but in the best way. You were, like, very soft and gentle on tv. You're still very soft and gentle, but just more personality. Like, more humanized, I think. Like, whereas, I feel like. I don't know, I could probably count the words on one hand that you said out loud. So I don't know.
[123:26]
Dana
But that's so true.
[123:27]
Unknown Speaker 2
It's just. It's nice to see that side of.
[123:29]
Dana
You that is True.
[123:31]
Unknown Speaker 2
I love this dynamic, too.
[123:32]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[123:33]
Dana
In real life, we're like lover girls. Like, all the couples I feel like can't stand us. Like, we were out last night and, like, they're just like, guys. Like, no pda. We said no pda.
[123:41]
Megan
I don't care.
[123:42]
Dana
We said, I want to get weird. Just, like, that's just how we are. So, like, I think it's funny on the show. It doesn't seem like that at all.
[123:48]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[123:49]
Dana
But, like, we're very, like, yeah, we can't help it.
[123:52]
Unknown Speaker 2
On that note, let's wrap this up, you guys. I just want to say thank you so, so, so very much again. I'm obsessed with you guys love. And I want you guys to keep fighting for this because I think it's worth fighting for from.
[124:04]
Unknown Speaker 3
Thank you.
[124:04]
Unknown Speaker 2
Just meeting you guys here and watching you guys, you guys journey. So keep fighting for it. Keep loving each other, Keep showing up how you are, and hopefully we'll have y' all back here on what's the reality with some more updates.
[124:18]
Unknown Speaker 4
Yeah.
[124:18]
Unknown Speaker 2
Maybe about the move or whatever you.
[124:19]
Unknown Speaker 3
Guys have going on.
[124:21]
Dana
Absolutely.
[124:21]
Unknown Speaker 3
Yeah.
[124:22]
Megan
Thank you for having us.
[124:23]
Unknown Speaker 4
Thank you. Appreciate it.
[124:24]
Dana
We're so excited to meet you.
[124:25]
Unknown Speaker 2
Yay. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of what's the real reality? Be sure to follow us on all social platforms@hathereality pod and I will see you next Wednesday.
[124:46]
Brittany
In the summer, all of Oregon is our playground thanks to our incredible park system. That's why it's so cool that Oregon lottery gameplay, like video lottery or cash pop, help support tons of parks projects statewide, like accessible trails at Silver Falls state park or upgrades to your favorite dog park in Newburgh. It's just one way a little lottery play for many Oregonians can add up to a lot of good the Oregon Lottery. Together, we do good things. Lottery games are based on chance and should be played for entertainment only. Must be 18 or older to play.
[125:17]
Unknown Speaker 1
Substance use disorder and addiction is so isolating. And so, as a black woman in recovery, hope must be loud. It grows louder when you ask for help and you're vulnerable. It is the thread that lets you know that no matter what happens, you will be okay.
[125:37]
Unknown Speaker 2
When we learn the power of hope, recovery is possible. Find out how@startwithhope.com brought to you by the National Council for Mental Wellbeing, Shatterproof and the AD Council.