Podcast Summary: "Esther Calling - First He Loved Bombed Me And Then It Was Over"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
• Host/Author: Esther Perel Global Media
• Episode: Esther Calling - First He Loved Bombed Me And Then It Was Over
• Release Date: June 9, 2025

Introduction to Esther's Emotional Journey

In this poignant episode of Where Should We Begin?, Esther Perel opens up about her personal experience navigating the tumultuous waters of a deeply challenging relationship. Sharing her story candidly, Esther delves into the emotional aftermath of ending a relationship that once held immense promise but ultimately left her grappling with feelings of worthlessness and distrust.

The Beginning: From Hope to Heartbreak

Esther recounts the initial stages of her relationship, highlighting the intense emotional highs that characterized the early months. She reflects:

"In the last couple years, I had a relationship that was basically an emotional roller coaster of, like, the best of everything at the beginning, and then kind of really just turned into absolutely nothing." ([00:00])

She emphasizes how this relationship stood out to her amidst a period of personal uncertainty about finding love again. At 42, after a decade-long previous relationship and several short-term dates, Esther felt a surge of hope and uniqueness with her younger partner.

Rapid Progression and Red Flags

The relationship progressed swiftly, with Esther and her partner moving in together after just two months. She notes:

"We moved in really fast... talking about babies at like, a very early stage in our relationship, maybe like two months in." ([04:44])

This rapid escalation initially felt exciting but soon gave way to unsettling changes. Esther began to sense a shift in intimacy and communication, leading her to question the sustainability of the relationship.

Recognizing Manipulative Behaviors

As the relationship progressed, Esther encountered aggressive and dismissive responses whenever she attempted to address emerging issues. She describes:

"When I would want to talk about something, it just felt like a dismissive, aggressive... you're just being insecure." ([07:21])

This behavior escalated, especially following the death of her father, compounding her emotional vulnerability and making her question her partner's true intentions.

Impact of Her Father's Passing

The simultaneous stress of her father's illness and subsequent passing profoundly affected Esther's emotional state. She shares:

"It's complicated. I'm close. He was always in my life. He's a big presence... I saw how sad he probably was as a person." ([13:58])

Her father's death not only intensified her grief but also mirrored the emotional disconnect she experienced in her romantic relationship, highlighting patterns from her past.

Unpacking Familial Patterns and Self-Reflection

Esther draws parallels between her relationship dynamics and her upbringing, particularly her relationship with her father. She reflects on:

• Emotional Suppression: Her father’s inability to express love and emotion influenced her own challenges in seeking and receiving affection.

  "He was constantly telling other people how much... I never, to your face, never heard that myself." ([15:44])

• Conflict Dynamics: Growing up with an angry and aggressive father, Esther learned to protect herself by becoming withdrawn, a pattern that resurfaced in her adult relationships.

  "I lost myself in the entirety of that relationship... just let my own, like, interests and joys and who I am as a person just be very, like, bottom of the totem pole." ([03:36])

Navigating Trust and Self-Worth

Post-breakup, Esther struggles with trusting others and herself. She articulates:

"I don't know how to bounce back. And I don't know if I can trust anybody ever again." ([02:26])

This internal conflict is compounded by societal pressures and the fear of appearing overly sensitive or confrontational, especially when seeking support from friends.

The Role of Friends and External Support

Esther discusses the complex dynamics with her friends, who are aware of her ex's manipulative behaviors but face challenges in conveying their concerns effectively. She explains:

"They were really trying to protect me and trying to be part of my life, but didn't know how to, like, do that well." ([46:00])

This protective instinct from her friends sometimes leaves Esther feeling misunderstood or pressured to move on before she is emotionally ready.

Understanding and Breaking the Cycle

Through months of no contact, Esther gains deeper insights into her relationship patterns and the underlying reasons for her emotional struggles. She reflects on the necessity of self-compassion and the importance of acknowledging her feelings without self-condemnation:

"Clarity and compassion is something I've been thinking a lot about. Compassion and asking for compassion, but giving it to myself." ([52:26])

Conclusion: Embracing Self-Compassion and Healing

Esther concludes her heartfelt narrative by underscoring the significance of self-compassion and the gradual process of healing. She acknowledges the enduring impact of past relationships and familial influences but expresses a commitment to fostering healthier relationships in the future.

"I think I've just lip service to. Doesn't work. Yeah." ([52:26])

Notable Quotes:

• "I feel destroyed from it and that I'm, like, worthless and incredibly replaceable." — Esther ([00:00])
• "I lost myself... just let my own... be very, like, bottom of the totem pole." — Esther ([03:36])
• "Clarity and compassion... giving it to myself." — Esther ([52:26])

Final Thoughts

This episode offers a profound exploration of Esther Perel's personal challenges in overcoming a manipulative relationship and the deep-seated patterns stemming from her upbringing. Her vulnerability and self-reflection provide listeners with valuable insights into the complexities of emotional recovery and the importance of self-compassion in healing from past traumas.

Note: Advertisements, introductions, and outros present in the transcript have been intentionally omitted to focus solely on the substantive content of Esther's story.