← Who Did What Now With Katie Charlwood
Who Did What Now With Katie Charlwood
148. King Edward II - Bisexual Chaos Monarch
01:27:47
Almost to gay to function
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Katie Charlwood
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Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere acast.com hello delicious friends and welcome to who did what Now? The History podcast. That's not your history class with me, your host, Katy Charlwood, history harlot and reader of books. So I am not long back from London. I was there to see Dita Von Teese perform in a burlesque show. And I took my friend Paul because it was his birthday. And so we went to London. We saw burlesque. It was great. There was a woman with a whip who called Didi Derriere who's fantastic. Love her Faye Tozer Fae from Steps was. I'm gonna call it like the MC of the evening. And she was fab. And so that was its own thing. And we got dressed up, did our glad rags went out. My makeup didn't come off. Like, my lipstick stayed on even though I ate a calzone pizza. You're welcome. Anyway, the next morning we went to go see the Tower of London Purple. Because, like, we were just going around and I'm like, and this is where Anne Boleyn was executed. And this is where Roger Casement was held. You know who Roger Casement was, right? And then I'll just go into like a spiel because unfortunately I have retained information. And it's like in a video game where you get to a point and you're just like a cutscene happens. That's me. I'm just like, now let me tell you the lore. So that was a good time. Now I didn't get to see all the Tower of London. Like, I didn't get into the White Tower and I didn't see the Crown Jewels, because I haven't seen the Crown Jewels in probably since. I was like, I want to say 11. I think 11 was the last time I think I saw anything. I don't even know if I did that. Was I even in the Tower of London? Maybe I'm thinking of a different Crown Jewels. Is there a different Crown Jewels and Scotland somewhere? There might be. Is there? Anyway, so we did that. It was a good time. I came home and my pal and I, we made like some slight little videos on Instagram and TikTok, which are now on the Patreon, by the way, for all members, free and paid. I've started putting anything that I'm putting out there for free is just going onto the Patreon. Because I know some people are saying they're leaving meta and they don't feel like they want to be involved in TikTok. And so this is my option. So everything's going there. So on top of the actual paid content that people are gonna get that paid for, there's gonna be the free stuff there as well. So for everybody, yay. Now, again, this is. This is the thing. Okay? So because I made like videos with my friend, my male friend in it, some people came to the assumption that this beardy man is my significant other. I do not have a significant other. I want to clarify that. And he and I are not romantically linked in any way. That's not. That's a. That's a. That's A no situation here. And if you're like, women can't be friends. Like, bisexual people exist. Okay? So I kind of have to be able to be friends with people. Otherwise I. I wouldn't have friends. Okay. Because all my friends are hot, yo. Anyway. Ah. Anyway. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, katie, quit your jibber jabber. In fact me. In fact you. I will. But first we've got to get our source on. Our sources are. The Reign of Edward ii, New Perspectives by Andhony Mousson and William Dodd. The English Nobility in the Late Middle Ages by Chris Gibbon Wilson. King Edward ii, His Life, His Reign and Its Aftermath by Roy Martin Haynes. Sermons of Sodomy, A reconsideration of Edward II's sodomatical reputation by Ian Mortimer. Edward II by Seymour Phillips. The Besotted King and His Adonis by Peter Horne. Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Then let's begin. So this month has been a month, shall we say, and there's been a lot going on. Just so much. And the world out there, you know, it's scary and terrifying and bad things are on the horizon. And history, as a general rule, is quite depressing. And I've talked about some very sad things this month, and I thought, let's go. Wee bit fluffier, a wee bit lighter because, you know, it's 800 years old and also involves a king who may have been too gay to function, although I think he's more likely to be bisexual. But that is just my little tip in there. So let me tell you about Edward II of England, who was just known as Edward for a while. So he was born. Many people are. And he was born on 25th April, 1284 at Cynarfin Castle in Wales. And you might be thinking to yourself, why in under God was the English prince born in Wales? Well, his dad, Edward I, one of the Plantagenets, like, he was very well thought of during his era, right? He was seen as a decent king, although he was constantly at war with Scotland. Also, this is a lot of wars with Scotland. It's gonna be a consistent theme throughout this tale. So be prepared for lots of fighting the Scots. But not only that, he also conquered Wales. So Edward the First, he conquers Wales and there was like a basic Mottem Bailey, like, castle. It was near, like a Roman fort thing. And Edward I was like, I'm gonna rebuild this castle and make it like an administrative center is like, probably the best way to describe it. So wee Edward, young Edward, baby Edward Edward the Younger, Edward Ella. He is the son. He's one of the sons of Edward I and Eleanor of Castile. Now, Edward I and Eleanor of Castile, that was a political marriage. It was an arranged marriage. And generally, you know, the best you can hope for in those situations is for them to tolerate each other. However, it seems like Edward and Eleanor really, like, loved each other, to the point, and this is pointed out by many historians consistently, Edward the first didn't have a mistress when he was married to Eleanor of Castile. Like, there was no mistress. He didn't have affairs. He didn't shag about. Like, he was faithful to her, which is rare for a king to do at the best of times. But a medieval king, a medieval king who's 6 foot 2 and has, like, a lot of power, you know what I mean? Like, it's a whole thing. So Edward, anyway, he is one of the many children that Edward I and Eleanor of Castile had together, including Catherine, Joanna, John, Henry, Eleanor, Joan, Alfonso, Margaret, Berengaria, Mary, and Elizabeth. And then. Then it was Edward. Right? Now, there are records of three more children. If you are triggered by infant loss, you're going to want to step forward 30 seconds. Okay, so they had three other children. A stillborn daughter who was their first child. There was a son who only lasted a few days, and then there was a daughter who was born in Palestine. The record says Palestine. Now, she was born there. I'm assuming it was during a crusade situation, but she did not survive. And that is. That is that case. Now, as people from the past, especially infants, like, once you get to a certain age, like, once you. Once you pass infancy, your risk of dying is quite low until you get older, and then you've got war and, you know, diphtheria. So, anyway, Edward is one of these many, many children who are said to be so beautiful, right? So all of these kids that are born, every single one of them, that is the. The child of Edward I and Eleanor of Castile, they're, like, absolutely stunning. They're so beautiful that Henry III actually gives Eleanor, like, a higher allowance, shall we say. He gives her more money, specifically because she birthed beautiful children, like, because they were all so handsome and lovely. He's like, here's more money. Which is like, okay, dude. Okay. Now, Eleanor, allegedly bit of a local, and Edward I, he's meant to be, like, tall and blonde, and he's just, like, gorgeous. Like, totally gorgeous. And they've got gorgeous kids. They're just one big, sexy family. Now, Eleanor, she gave birth to, like, 16 kids in total. And I'll probably do an episode on her at some point as well. But after her last birth, her health started to decline. And so by 1290, when Edward is 6 years old, Elinor of Castile passes away. And Edward the first is so upset by this. He's heartbroken, he's depressed, and he like gets all these crosses erected all over for her. You know, it's a whole thing. And he doesn't remarry for another nine years. And for a king, like, that's a long time. Like, typically you remarry pretty sharpish. But I digress. As a prince of the realm, Edward, he grows up like traveling around all throughout, you know, the country that his father owns. Although country is a very loose term because how we see a country, the concept of a country is a very new one. Like, historically, when you look at how time works, because you wouldn't share fealty to like a land mass. It was to your king or your lord or whatever. So people would own areas. So you would be, you know, of the king, you would not be of like France, you know what I mean? It's anyway, it's the whole thing. So he travels round all these castles all throughout the lands and as a child and when he starts getting a wee bit older, he starts going to parliament, well, to visit parliament in London. And just because he has to learn how to like run it. So it's like, hey, exposure theory. And so when Edward the first, his father goes away on campaign, young Edward becomes regent for the first time. And he's like 11 years old now. He's, you know, stamping things and signing stuff. But he doesn't have any, like, real power because he's, you know, a child. But apart from that, he's like, you know, stamping things, signing things, he's having tournaments and he's really into breeding animals like dogs and horses. Like, he's really into greyhounds. And he asks his sister to like send him Hargry hounds because he's like, they're so wonderful, I should breed more of them. Now when Edward's 15, alliances start being worked out. And by alliances I mean political marriages. And he is betrothed to Isabella, so that's the daughter of Philip IV of France. Right. So he's betrothed to her. Meanwhile, his father marries Margaret, who is the sister, the king sister, Philip of France's sister. So his stepmom is also his aunt in law. It's, it's fun. Your family tree should not be a wreath, lads. Okay? It Shouldn't. Now, part of this is because they wanted, you know, French military on their side so that they could continue to try and take over Scotland. Now, Isabella, she's only like 4 years old at this point, and this is just like the marriage negotiation time. Which brings me to Braveheart. Anybody who uses Braveheart as his story in any fashion, like, they try to make a historical point with the movie Braveheart, need I remind you, they had the Battle of Stirling Bridge, which was the reason. The reason the Scots had any chance of winning, the reason that battle was a success was because it was on a fucking bridge, okay? And in the movie Braveheart, it's in a field, okay? It's in a field. And Isabella, who's played by that sexy French lady, and she's just like, oh, hello, William Wallis. I want a real man, not my big gay husband. And the problem is, like, she was like six at this time. Like, she was not the big sexy lady, okay? That's not a thing. So anyway, yes, rant over about Braveheart. Now, Margaret of France, she ends up having three children with Edward the first. And these children are Thomas, Edmund, and a daughter who she names Eleanor. Now, Eleanor doesn't live past the age of five, but, you know, I don't know if that was entirely her decision to name her, but there we are. Oh, so that means that Edward the First had two daughters named Eleanor. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Anyway, back to Edward ii. So when he's growing up, he has like an entourage. He has like a group of young male companions, and there's like 10 of them. All in all, the main one that I want to focus on and one that I need you to keep in your head is Peers Gaveston. Now, Piers is like the lowest born out of everyone there, so the rest of them have, like, higher standings in the nobility and whatnot. Now, he was noble, but the others were more like noblier nobles. And so his dad, he had been a Landover from Gascony. He'd fought for Edward the First, like, a good bunch of times, been held hostage and then escaped. And when he escaped, he went to England and he was like, hey, Edward. And Edward was like, hey, come here. And so Piers comes along with him. And because Piers is like the least noble of everybody here and he doesn't have anything to inherit, really, like, no lands, his main shot is to, like, gain noble favor and, like, work his way up, like that's his best option. Now, there are a few other people here, and so there were Other noblier nobles in this circle, like Judith Spencer and Gilbert de Clare, who becomes the Earl of Gloucester, by the way, anyhow, because Edward I is, like, so impressed with what Peer's dad was doing. He places Piers in the household of Edward at Carnarvon, and they become close, very close. Best friends, roommates, gal pals. Gal pals, guy pals. And it is chronicled that when Edward ii, when Edward of Caernarfon sees Piers Gaveston, like, he is, like, so much in love with him that he, quote, entered upon an enduring compact with him and chose and determined to knit an indissoluble bond of affection with him before all mortals. An indissoluble bond before all mortals. Now, does that just sound like, like a proclamation? Like, doesn't it sound like marriage? I am bonded to you beyond mortals. Okay, all right. Now, there is, like, a flip side of the coin of this, where it has been suggested that this is like a brother's bond, which is like. Okay, Jan. Okay. Anyway, Edward's life, like, through the reign of his father, Edward the First, like, it's a lot of campaigning against the Scots. It's just consistent, right? And so they'll go and they'll go and fight the Scots, and they won't really do anything. And then they'll, like, say they won or they'll do it until they run out of money. Like, when the treasury is empty, they're like, oh, shit, better go back now. Or, like, when they make a treaty. But, yeah, as soon as the treaty runs out or as soon as the, you know, they get more money again, or someone decides to just stand up and go fcking. No, Then they start going and fighting against the Scots. Now, open battle doesn't really happen a lot with Scotland because they know better. And it's a lot of guerrilla warfare. So they would, like, have, like, a skirmish, and then the Scots would flee into the hills, and the English would be like, oh, no. Oh, dear. And it would just, like, constantly go on like that. Right? Now, at one point, Edward thinks, I've done it. I have beaten the Scots into submission. And so he takes the coronation stone, you know, the thing they use in the ceremony to crown the king of Scotland or queen, whatever, let's be fair. And so Edward the first takes it, and being a dick about it, he takes it and he places it in Westminster Abbey underneath the coronation chair, right? So it's under the arse of whoever is crowned king or queen, which is just a shitty move. That's demeaning. If Nothing else, right? And sidebar. It's there for 700 years until a group of students from the University of Glasgow decide, fuck this, we're a game of soldiers. And they go down and they nick it, they just steal it. So as they're taking it, right, and they're dragging it out, it breaks in half. And so two of them, they end up taking it into one car and the other two take it into another. And they almost get caught, right, because there's a policeman nearby and he sees these cars just sort of hanging out near Westminster Abbey. And he's like, hello, hello, hello. What's this all about then? And there's a guy and a girl in a car and so they just start making out. They're like, nothing to see here, officer. We just Two Scottish students making out in a car. Well, just slobbering all over each other. There's no coronation stone or half a coronation stone in the back of the motor. And this is in 1950. So they do this and they end up, like, taking it. At one point, they hide it in a field because they're just like, who's gonna look for a rock in a field? So when, like, England realizes that the Scottish Coronation Stone is missing, right, they closed the border between Scotland and England for the first time in 400 years. But anyway, the students, they get the stone up to Scotland, they hire a stone mason to, like, fix it, and they put this brass rod with a piece of paper in it and they put it in the middle of the stone and then it's repaired. Now, we don't know what that paper says. None of us do to this day. Now they end up being caught and they end up being questioned, but they do not get prosecuted because it is a, like, political minefield. Like, there is no good outcome to this because it's like, well, you did steal it fast and it's just not worth it. Now, the stone was returned in, like 1996 and it's only really brought back down to England for coronations. So it's been there for one coronation. Yeah. Yeah.
- [24:53]
Katie Charlwood
Hello, listeners, meet Lisa.
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Acast Representative
Hey there.
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Katie Charlwood
Lisa runs an online boutique specializing in sustainable fashion. With Acast, she found a whole new way to reach eco conscious shoppers.
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Yep, I recorded a quick ad, targeted listeners interested in fashion and sustainability using acast's audience attributes, targeting features and set my budget. Before I knew it, people all over were hearing about my shop.
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Katie Charlwood
Now that's a smart way to grow your business. Hey, Lisa, what's trending right now?
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Acast Representative
Shopping sustainably and My sales, of course.
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Katie Charlwood
Start reaching your ideal audience through podcast ads with Acast. Visit go acast.com advertise to get started.
- [25:37]
Acast Representative
So Edward, he's 16 years old in the year 1300, and he goes on campaign for the very first time. And he's one of four commandals. Like, he has the rear force, which is, you know, he's there. He's not really doing anything because it's like the one at the back, but he is, you know, there. He's shown to be there. It's just to kind of show his commanding prowess or whatever, his ability to lead and to make him like battle ready, kind of like easing him into it. Now, Edward wasn't originally like the heir to the throne. His older brother Alfonso was. Could you imagine if there was a King Alfonso? The difference in history, like, who's this Alfonso? But anyway, there were all these like, seasoned commanders who are like, you know, making the real decisions and whatever. But Edward being there is more symbolic than anything else. And at one point they do, they always do, they like, besiege a castle, they capture the castle, and the Scots are there like, oh, well, and then just disappear into the hills as they want to do. And so, yes, another campaign doesn't really do much. And so the following year, Edward becomes the Prince of Wales and the Earl of Chester, which is just like another step of him being like trained into becoming like a battle ready king, you know. And so he, he gets these titles. So becoming the Prince of Wales is one thing, because that's a hereditary title. Becoming the Earl of Chester, like, the earldom was like a recognition of, like, him doing well, you know, for his wee besieging and whatnot. And so he's 17, he's traveling around the country, he's getting people to like, swear fealty to him as, you know, the Prince of Wales. And people are trying to get him to like, make decisions and do things. But because he's only like a prince and not a king, and because he doesn't really have any actual governing power, really, he doesn't really do much. Now later that year, he does go back to Scotland because, yeah, course they do. And Edward, he's got his first independent command. And so they are attacking from like the west and the east, and he has control of the whole Western army, like the entire western arm of the English forces. And it's not just like him and his soldiers and whatnot. His little, like, entourage are there, including Pierce. Of course he is. They're like, all by him. And so you Know, they go and do this, but they don't really do much again. But, yeah, the Scots, as per usual, do their wee fighting and then disappear. And so yet again, they end up having to leave. And Edward, this is very clearly him being, like, trained to rule and reign. That being said, just because your father was grooming you to become king, doesn't mean he likes you very much. See, here's the thing. His. His dad and him, they don't really get on the best because of what families do, but probably a bit more difficult when your father is, like the ultimate supreme ruler or whatever. So, yeah, he and his dad have a set to every now and again. Like in 1304, he ends up insulting an advisor to his father, Walter Langdon. And because word gets out that he's insulted the king's advisor, his. His dad just, like, takes a bunch of his money, reduces his funds, and reduces the size of his household, which means the majority of his companions are sent away, including Piers Gaveston. And three years after that, they have another fight because Edward is trying to get peers more land and power. And so he asks to give Piers, like, a county. And Edward the first is pissed at this. Like, you want me to just give this dude a county and direct quote, you lowborn son of a whore. Do you want to give away your lands now, you who never gained any? And so he does this. He screams at him, he threatens to disinherit him, rips out his hair and throws him out. And Pierce then gets sent into exile. Like, he is exiled because of this. Now, what's weird to me is the fact that he called him a son of a whore, considering the fact that he fucking adored Eleanor of Castile. Like, he loved her. So I feel like it was more of a, you son of a bitch. Although it's not really a direct quote because it's not in old English, but imagine it's in old English. Okay? So take that into consideration. But, yeah, I really think it's one of those, you son of a bitch type things, which shows you that phrases have been around for a long time. So the funny thing about Piers Exile is that he's given, like, a good amount of time to, like, make all of his arrangements. He is given an allowance, and, you know, he ends up being given, like, a bunch of presents, like, a bunch of stuff. So it feels like this wasn't really a punishment typically against Piers. It was more, like, to deal with Edward. So, like, the year before this happens, before, like, Piers gets exiled, Robert the Bruce declares himself king of Scotland. And Edward I is like, fuck you, I'm King of Scotland. And so war happens. Now, Edward, young Edward and a bunch of his mates, they get knighted, right? So they become knights, including peers. It has been sort of compared to the coronation of King Arthur, but obviously Edward the First isn't going to be doing this campaign himself, really, because he's 68 years old. Okay, Long shanks here is. I'm not saying he's pushing daisies, I'm just saying he's close to it. And so Edward, wee Edward, he's supposed to be running all these Scottish campaigns. And I just love the fact that, like, Edward I is so determined, he's so into, like, conquering Scotland. Like, he's hyper fixated on it, but because he's, like, so obsessed with it, he's like the son I don't like very much. Can you go fight Scotland for me? Thanks. So, yeah, Edward the First, not really meant to be, you know, fighting in the war, but he decides he's gonna do it anyway. And so 1307, after getting really mad and exiling Peel's Galveston, he takes his stuff, he takes his men and he starts heading north, ready to, like, do something, I guess. That being said, he gets dysentery and he dies just south of the Scottish border. Now, he had this whole thing, this whole plan of, you know what, I want my body to be brought up to Scotland, like, bring it with me. I want to keep campaigning after I'm dead. And yeah, yeah, Edward, Edward ii, he's like, no, I'm. I'm not doing that. And so he goes and he brings his dad's body down south to bury him at Westminster. And now, after all this, you know, just there's a lot of stuff going on in the background. Taxation, war, all that jazz. And so the general consensus is people are quite feeling positive about Edward becoming king. He's been groomed for it, he's trained well, he's been acting as a regent for a long time. He's been sitting in Parliament, he's been doing campaigns. And he's also sexy as fuck, apparently. And so his lords come in, they swear fealty to him, everything's going dandy. And then one of the first things Edward does is recall Pierre Gaveston. And so he arrives in England in, like, early August. So, like, Edward the First dies in July. Is it July? I think it's July. And then in August, Piers Galveston is back. Langston, the advisor that he insulted before Edward, gets rid of him, he's like, bye, bitch. And off he goes. So, yeah, Galveston's back and Edward makes him the Earl of Cornwall. He may not have actually told him he was doing it. He was just like, and now you're the Earl of Cornwall. And everyone's like, okay, what? Because Cornwall is very rich, because it has tin. And so it is, like, a massive honour and a massive gift to be given that. And it's really only meant for members of the royal family and, like, even to, like, this day, like, you're not supposed to just make a random person the Earl of Cornwall and not to be, like, tradition dictates, but, you know, so societal rules and whatnot. One of Edward's half brothers, like, they should have been given the Earl of Cornwall title. So he does this. And it. It unsettles quite a lot of people. Now Edward sort of does a workaround where he marries Piers Gaveston to his niece, Margaret de Clare. He's like, oh, and now you're a member of the royal family, I guess. And yet it becomes apparent, like, pretty soon that Edward's reign is not gonna be, like, the super best one ever. Like, he doesn't really do much to begin with. So, like, Edward the First dies in July. He goes up, gets the body. He just doesn't really do much until, like, September, when he goes back to England and arranges, like, his marriage and his coronation and obviously the funeral of his dad. Now, remember, he was betrothed to Isabelle of France, right? But, like, they hadn't got married yet, and, like, she's 12 now, and so, like, they have to get married and they don't actually, like, have children for a number of years. So it. It's not the best situation, but it's also not the worst situation because they're married. Mainly just because he's king now and he has to be married and he has to show that he is, you know, not gonna back away from an alliance, that he's not going to be irresponsible. Like, he has to show that he has strength in his convictions. And so they get married. Now he ends up having, like, illegitimate children. So this is where my bisexual theory comes in. Because he is, like, incredibly, incredibly infatuated, clearly, with Piers Gaveston, but he's also shagging about. Now, I don't know if this is any port in a storm scenario or whether he just, you know, will sling his meat hook wherever he can. And, like, this is the whole divine right of kings. So, like, he has been brought up to believe that God wanted him to be king, right? That's a thing that is a deep rooted belief, right? And he's just like, eh, eh, like you have responsibilities when you're like in charge of like, I don't know, thousands upon thousands of people. He's just such a lazy shit, right? Like he doesn't seem to understand pressure or urgency of any kind because someone will come up to him and be like, you need to make an important decision right now. And he'll still take a week to do it. And he won't show up to parliament, he'll postpone his meetings. And when he is ever presented with a series of options, like typically he would just pick whichever one was the easiest. He did whatever he wanted or whatever the last instruction was. So if he's being told like one thing and another person tells him something that completely contradicts the thing, he's gonna agree with the last person because he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that dude's right because he's like, done. And he has very little interest in actually ruling. He relies on other people to do like a lot of the important decision making for him. And he's super impulsive. I actually feel bad about calling him lazy now actually, because. And to like contradict him, you know, taking a long time to make decisions, he's really impulsive, but he's also easily bored. And it sort of creates a situation where people are able to take power from him. And under his reign, like the kingdom becomes, for lack of a better word, unstable. And like, he can rule. Like, he knows what to do. He has been trained in this since he was a nipper, but he's just not doing it. He just kind of chooses to let other people do it for him. And his hobbies, they're really looked down upon by the gentry because he's really into like digging ditches and breeding is like horses and dogs, swimming and rowing. And he's like super into the specifics of how castles are built. Oh, fuck. What if he's ADHD and I just called him lazy? I'm sorry, Edward ii. There are many reasons to dislike you, but not if you're neurodivergent. Shit. This, this is adding up in a way I wasn't expecting it to. I didn't, I didn't think about this when I was writing these notes down, you know, and so he's doing all this stuff which are seen as rural pursuits and seen as like, lesser than, and he just wants to go and like, you know, dig ditches and sht and he effectively just withdraws from politics. For a little while, you know, when things are going sour. And like, there's this expectation of him to like, keep like campaigning against Scotland. And he's like, nah, he's just not, not really interested in doing it. And it's like, why would you. Because you're just wasting money because you're not gonna do anything. And there's like, there's this like huge pressure to do so because you've got all these lords who have lands that are kind of theirs in Scotland or like in the very north of England and they keep getting attacked by the Scots or, you know, stuff gets stolen from them and they're just like, no, conquer Scotland and you know, get our stuff back. And he's like, yeah. So he does these, you know, attempts at dealing with Scotland, but it doesn't really go anywhere. I mean, in fairness though, it didn't go anywhere when his dad was constantly attacking. It's not going to do anything when he's doing these little like, token treaties and whatnot. And also his army, he doesn't have the same army as his dad. And a bunch of lords are like, we're not gonna go fight. And he. Okay, cool. I guess. And part of it is like, they hate Pierce Gaveston so much that they just refuse to do anything for the King because of it. And on top of that as well, he's not really great at campaigning. He's not good at leading the campaigns. Like at one point was it in 1313, they, they go to besiege Stolen Castle, which was like a stronghold, a Scottish stronghold at that point, and the Scots, they meet them in battle and the English cavalry, like, all the horses get bogged down and the Scots just rush in and just like slaughter them. And they don't have like the organization, they don't have like the planning and they don't, the archers don't even get ready to shoot. Like, it's just, just a shit show. And so Robert the Brucey lines up all his non combatants up on the hill and he does it to make it look like there's another army there. He's like, ahahaha, look, I have more army up here. And this scares the shit out of the English. And they, and, and they, they leg it. Now to give Edward some respect here, yeah, he refuses to abandon any of his troops until like one of his men is just like, mate, you're gonna die. Right? Like, you can't, you can't just like go down with the ship. And they like force him to go, they grab his horse by the reins and drags him out. Now, at least he wasn't a coward. I mean, can we agree on that? Like that's, that's something. Although I think that's the impulsiveness of always like, no. Meanwhile, a bunch of the troops, a bunch of his men, they end up drowning in a river and effectively looting happens. Stuff is plundered and. Yeah, yeah. And then of course the big elephant in the room, as if people aren't actually talking about it. The big issue with his reign is Piers Gaveston, like, and he's even more than like the favorite. So the concept of the favorite is an official position, like a companion to the reigning, you know, monarch. Right. That's the whole point is because they need someone that they can trust because they are above like all others and so they need to have this person. I've discussed it before with, you know, King James's favourite. And the problem of Pearse can be summed down to this one chronicler who says there were two kings, one in name and one in reality, which is basically saying that Pears had all the influence and was the one reigning.
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Peers is seen as a bad influence on the King. Now some of this is a result of classism and nativism which is, you know, he's low born, he's foreign, you know, he only got this position because the King likes him. Now that's one side of it. The other side of it is Piers was an arrogant prick. However, When Piers is given any kind of responsibility or power, he actually does, like, pretty well with it. And so when he's, you know, given a military command or what, like an administrative position, he does it reasonably well. And, like, Edward will give him, like, decisions to make and tasks to do because, you know, he just doesn't want to. And which kind of, you know, he gives Peels this power, which all it does is stir the pot. It just makes everything worse. A fact that's probably not appreciated by the lords because on top of this, he's calling them nicknames. He calls the heir of Warwick a black dog. He calls the Earl of Gloucester a cuckold's bird. Right, right. Like that. Edwards, don't piss off your nobles. Like, I know you know what happened to Caesar, okay? You don't fuck off the people that you're ruling. So in 1308, he goes off to France to marry Isabella. He's been king for six months, she's 12 years old. And when he goes away, he makes Peels regent, who is not. He's not royal, he's not anyone. Like, it would have made more sense to make one of his, like, full sisters or one of his half brothers regent in his place. Okay? And this whole thing is seen as completely unacceptable. And so he goes, he gets married, and when they come back and organize the coronation and it is this huge affair and so there's like all of these buildings put up, like temporary buildings, I don't want to say tents, but also kinda there's about 40 ovens and they've got these fountains that have red wine, white wine and pimento. Right, so which is like a spiced wine. And it sounds like it's like a super cool, interesting, like, thing to do, but there's not a lot of oversight. Like there isn't somebody, like, keeping it on track. Like, things are not going well, things are not being managed. And a temporary wall falls down, crushes and kills a man. And, yeah, the coronation itself. So this is where it becomes clear how much Piers is revered by Edward himself. So it is customary that various items of the king's regalia are brought in by, like, one of his lords or like a bunch of his lords. And Piers gets to carry in the crown. He's walking right in front of Edward and he gets to put the spur on the king's left foot. So the right one is put on by the brother of the King of France. So, like, it's a big deal. Okay. And so that's like his brothers, like, the next Ranking people should have been the one to do this, not Piers. Not only that, Piers is dressed fancier than the King. He's in purple, right? He's got pearls, embellishments, like, he is so gratuitous. Like, it's. It's. It's a thing. It's a thing. Tapestries are made and they have Gaveston's, like, arms is coat of arms on the tapestries. Not Isabella of France, not her coat of arms with his. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And so, like, all of, like, the Queen's relatives, they are pissed. They go back to France just, like, so mad, because they're like, you clearly are more interested in this man than you are with your Queen. And, yeah, yeah, that seems. That seems about right. And so it gets to the point, like, Isabella writes back to, like, Philip, complaining that she's being neglected for Piers Gaveston. And so in parliament, the nobles protest, saying that Piers is committing treason by alienating the King from his lords and his queen, right? And so Edward starts to prepare for civil war. Like. Like, imagine that. Like, I'm sorry, your Highness, but you clearly love this dude too much. Can you please calm the fuck down a wee bit and go deal with your Queen? Go deal with your bloody job and do what you need to do in private, mate. Like, just. Just calm it a wee bit. Like, that's. That's the thing. A wee bit of restraint, Eddie boy, a wee bit of restraint. And maybe, maybe you wouldn't be in such a mess. Like, maybe you would have had a paddle when you were up Schitt's Creek, you know what I mean? Now, there are some historians that argue that Piers Gaveston was just like, this greedy, so and so, and he was like, you know, demanding more power and more, like, funds from the King, right? And this was a whole thing. However, the other side of that is that Edward was just so madly in love with him, he just kept giving him power. So it just. It just gets to the point that Edward. Edward has to stop doing that. And so what he does, he sends Piers into exile. So Piers is exiled yet again and he. He is exiled as governor of Ireland. So not only is he being sent to Ireland, to the Pale, most likely, not only is he sent there, but he's also. How would I put this, given all of the income of the area, you are exiled. Please take this castle, this entire entourage of people and a fuckton of money. Get out. What a punishment for you. Like, this is a thing monarchs would do. They would just, like, Exile someone. Air quotes. And they'd be like, and now you're a governor of this land. The people of the land, well, they're just going to have to suffer through it. And, like, Edward thinks this is gonna appease, like, the nobles, but they are not impressed because they're like, what is this? You didn't send him anywhere. He's just over there and you gave him all this money. Like, what. What are you doing? And so the lords, they write to the Pope and they're just, like, explaining the situation and the Pope's response. What did he do after getting this information? He excommunicated Edward. Like, the Pope keeps, like, writing to Edward ii and he's like, can you just chill out, man? Can you calm it? What appears a little. Can you just say kulkani? You know what I mean? And Edward, he is making deals, he's doing tax reforms, he's, like, properly governing. And he's trying to get all these lords on his side specifically so he can get Pierce back, right? It gets to the point that, like, he manages to get enough people on his side, he gets Piers unexiled and also. Exactly uncommunicated. Like, he manages to. To do that. Oh, and did I mention we're only in 1309. He has not been king for a long time and he's already caused like this. Now, Edward had assumed that the Pope was going to un excommunicate Piers, and so he brought Piers back a month early. Like, they bring him back, they have Christmas together, and he thinks that he's. He's won, right? And the nobles, they are pissed as fuck. And so they request that a council of 12 ordainers be appointed who are able to issue ordinances to, like, fix a bunch of shit. And Edward is like, I don't trust this. And so he goes, okay, sure. And instead of 12 men, they select 21. And they pick a bunch of people who had served Edward the First as his ministers, and they basically exclude any man who had relied on Edward II for any sort of political advancement. So, yeah, It's March of 1310. They start writing this list, and which they complete in August of 1311. And effectively, it's just a big, long list of ways that they want to limit his power. And they're trying to get rid of people who are, like, influencing him negatively. So people like Piers, they want him exiled by November 1. They wanted all of Edward's income to go to the Treasurer, who would then decide what it should be spent on. Edward is forbidden from making war Leaving the country, appointing ministers, appointing a regent, using his seal without Parliament's permission. Like, they're basically taking all of his roles away from him. And. And this. This is like, honestly, I think what Edward would want because, like, he doesn't want to do that anyway. And I say that as if pride isn't a thing because, like, he is livid. Like, he is very unhappy about this scenario, and he just kind of ignores it, really. So Piers, he's exiled. He ends up going to France, which was a bad idea at the best of times, because, lest we forget, the French royal family hates him because, you know, of how he embarrassed, you know, Isabella at her own, like, coronation. Because it's like, hey, there you go. There's this situation. Like, his coat of arms is up there with the kings. Like, no. So, anyway, things don't go well for him, and he ends up back in England by Christmas. And so the nobles are like, guess we're gonna have to capture him. And so Piers and Edward are in this castle when a bunch of lords led by the Earl of Lancaster show up. They besiege them and they have to flee in a boat. So they run off together. And Isabella is just kind of left to run away herself to. And she's what, 16, 17 years old, and so she has to go do her own thing. Meanwhile, Edwin and Piers go off and hide in separate castles. And within a fortnight, like, Piers has to surrender because there's not many supplies. And the Earl of Pembroke comes to escort him to another castle for safekeeping. And the other castle actually belongs to Piers. And now there is a possibility that the Earl of Pembroke was being paid by Edward. So, like, this is like, okay. And so he finally, you know, out of supplies, someone comes in. He's going to take him elsewhere. But, yeah, they're traveling, and he's left alone in a house for a little bit. And then the Earl of Warwick hears this. He gathers 140 men and shows up and then takes him. And Piers is, you know, like, okay, because what else is he gonna do? And so he goes to War castle. A bunch of his enemies come together and they do this little mock trial, declare him a traitor, and they execute him right dead. And it's wild because Edward put everything on the line. The stability of his kingdom, like, all of it for Piers. Now, this is where the whole argument about, oh, they were blood brothers. Oh, they were just, like, really close. They were just good friends. That's why I think this is bullshit, because you don't go to that level of something, you know, for that. No, this is 100% head over heels, like, infatuation. It's adoration. It's all that jazz. And, yeah, it's. It's the difference in how he treats peers compared to how he treats Isabella or anybody else in his life. Like, yeah, no, he's, He's. He's really into that dude. And all I'm saying is if a king was to do that for a woman in his court, like, what he was doing for Piers, no one would be arguing that they're shagging, right? They'd be like, definitely, that's happening. That's a situation. Also, chances are there'd also be children, like, running around, which would sort of confirm this. But obviously there's no children in this scenario. Well, between Piers and Edward. But, yeah, that's that. I just. I'm just saying. Bisexual mess. Bisexual mess. Edward. And now with lover boy being, you know, a corpse, Edward is less happy with his lords now. So after this, Edward just decides to get new favourites. You have Dispenser the older and Despensel the younger. So Despenser the older. He had served like Edward I and Edward II in campaign, so he's. He's well known. And Edward the Younger had been a member of Edward's household since before Edward was king. So, like, he was one of those, like, in that circle. And he ended up being married to Eleanor of Clare, who is the sister of the Earl of Gloucester, who was another one in the circle. So 1314, all the way through to 1316 is just bad. There's heavy rainfalls across Europe and this leads to, what do you know, famine. There's a shortage of food, which is worse, absolutely worse, when things are not going well for you. So this creates economic instability. Now, we cannot blame Edward for the weather. We cannot. And it's happening all over Europe, not just in England. Now, remember, we cannot blame him for the rain, but we can blame him for his reaction to the rain. So it's already a struggle. Like, there's shortages, like, so much so that even the King will struggle to get food. And in 1315, there's a famine and massive unrest through the kingdom. You've got a rise in crime. What's that? Starvation leads to instability. Who could have known? And on top of this, year, they're being raided by the Scots because, like, yeah, they're also struggling, so they're going and trying to do what they can. So economically, things are not going well. And Edward, people are liking him less and less. And so One day, Edward, Isabella and their households are having this banquet and they're watching, you know, all these entertainers do their thing. And in rides a woman, like, on horseback, wearing a mask. And she hands him a letter and he thinks, this is funny. This is all part of the show. And so, like, open it, read it aloud. And so he opens a letter and starts reading it. It's just a big, long list of how he's a shit king, right, and how he's just, like, awful. So she gets arrested and, like, she gets questioned. Turns out one of his lords set this whole situation up and then she gets off, right? Good for her. Jesus. So, yeah, amongst Edward's detractors is the Earl of Lancaster, who just really thinks Edward's a shitty ruler, effectively. Like, Edward had this whole thing of anyone who had lands before, like, 1310, they should have those original lands back. And the people who currently owned those lands were like, no, let's not do that. And there is all this unrest amongst the lords. Like, the Earl of Surrey even abducts the Earl of Lancaster's wife. But, like, the story goes, allegedly that she's like, this is fine, I don't mind this. He's a terrible husband anyway, which could be true, but could also be propaganda. And so things are not going well and he starts refusing the Earl of Lancaster, he starts refusing to attend Parliament unless Edward's courtiers are dismissed. And all this does is makes him isolated off in his castle because they're just like, no, no. And so Lancaster is desperate enough about his position that he makes contact with the Scots and a bunch of men with some of the Scotsmen attack and rob a party of the King's men, which just so happens to include two cardinals and the Pope. He's just like, what the hell, Edward? And sees that Edward has no control over his country. And then around the same time, a dude shows up and says that Edward II is an imposter and that he is the true son of Edward I. And he says that Edward II is a son of a man who tricked his way into the household in order to make love to the Queen. And as a result, he. Edward, is truly lowborn. And this is, like, why he's such a terrible king. And Edward thinks this is a fucking hilarious story. And everyone is like, you can't let him say this. This is treason. And then people just assume that because he finds things like this funny that he's insane, like, he's gone mad. And it's like, no, this is just a stupid thing. This is clearly bullshit, meant to, like, insult me and remove my power. Like, this is clearly a ploy and he's just continuing to love his life and he's just, like, promoting his favourites, like Hugh Despenser the Younger. Like. Like, you'd think he would have learned from his previous favorite being beheaded, but no, apparently not. But, like, Edward is giving a lot of, like, shit to people in his circle. So Yuri Spencer, like, he wants as much land as possible because land means money, right? And so Edward gives him huge tracts of land and then you've got the Earl of Gloucester, Gilbert Clare, who has, like, a stronghold on the Welsh marshes. He's like the most powerful lord there and that's all along the sort of England Wales border. And so when he dies, there's this sort of, like, power vacuum there and the land goes to his three sisters. And one of those sisters is married to UD Spencer. And so he gets that and so he's working, getting more land through, like, all these different ways. And the other lords are distressed is one way to put it. And one of these lords is Roger Mortimer. So him and his nephew, Roger Mortimer, there's two of them, right? Yuri Spencer, he's, like, referred to as the King's right eye, but an eyesore to the rest of the kingdom. And these Welsh lords like having a wee bit of ants in their pants. Yeah. And they are grumbling and agitating is one way to put it. And so they get the Earl of Lancaster on their side. Now, to add just another, you know, flaming piece of trash into the dumpster fire that's happening. There's this Welshman, Llewelyn Wren, and he starts a revolt in 1316. It doesn't do well. He gets captured, he surrenders and he's like, do whatever you want, just leave my followers alone, it's absolutely fine. Needless to say, the Welshmen are like, pardon him, please let him go. You know, revolts happen. So Mortimer, he's like, please, you know, pardon him. The Bishop of Hereford, he's like, please, please pardon them. And several of the lords are like, saying, please pardon Llewelyn Bran. However, Despenser takes him off to Cardiff Castle, kills him without trial and takes his land. And needless to say, the Welsh lords are quite miffed about this. You could even go as far as to say they are cross. And so they start attacking. In early 1321, they are laying waste to Hugh Despense's lands, their breaking in, destroying all their shit, and they're flying the King's banner while they do it. And so it's sort of symbolic that they're doing it for the king and it's for the good of the realm. And Edward doesn't know what to do because he never does. And so some of his counselors tell me he needs to go to war. And some of them say a no, like, listen to them. We'll have a discussion. And of course, he listens to the last thing. And so the Welsh lords, they come heavily armed, and it's a very tense discussion. Edward doesn't know what to do about this, and he just keeps putting it off and postponing it, like, just procrastinating. And takes a really, really, really long time in negotiations. Like, he sends one of his men out to go and check some castle forticate fortifications, like, just in case they need to flee and be at war. And this guy's like, I'm gonna join the Welsh. Essentially, the King is just putting it off and hoping that everything's gonna resolve itself by, like, I don't know, magic or some shit. And he needs a plan, but, like, he needs a plan. The Welsh are really unhappy about this, and they threaten to set London on fire. And then so they have people mediating and they force Edward to accept the terms. The dispensers are accused of, like, a bunch of stuff, of restricting access to the king, making war, seizing too much power, which is true. They are found guilty and they are banished. Hugh, the older, he goes off to France and the younger, he stays, like, just off of Kent, and he becomes a pirate, really. He traps any ships that are coming his way and he just robs them. So he's just, like, being a pirate. Like, don't mind Edward II and his pirate boyfriend. Oh, who's this? The King and his pirate boyfriend. Anyhow, Edward just, like, doesn't have any sort of supporters now. He's ignoring the ordinances, and he is planning to overthrow the banishment of, you know, dispensers, like Hugh. Dispenser, the older one. Hugh dispensers the youngers. And he summons a church assembly to, like, deal with it. And he, along with his selected churchmen, decide that it's unlawful. Hugh the dispenser, like, the younger, he is offered protection. And quite soon after that, they're recalled. Like, don't mind the king's pirate boyfriend. He's fine. So by calling the churchmen, by getting these religious people involved, he basically circumvented having to get parliament's approval, because having religious authorities be the one making the decision, like, God comes first, King comes second. Like, that's kind of how it's supposed to work. Like, God is like the tip top. And so you're supposed to listen to the religious people because they're supposed to know what they're talking about. Again, this is the 1300s, so he's doing stuff and he's able to do stuff when it first suits him. And so, like, imagine being the only thing that you're good at, like, as a king, is bringing your boyfriends home, like. Anyway, so he orders that the Welsh agitators are arrested, including the Mortimers. And so they surrender and they are sent off to the Tower of London. Edward's army and the rebelling army meet at the Battle of Boroughbridge. Edward wins. The Earl of Lancaster is captured and he is declared a traitor and is beheaded. And so, like, they didn't like Edward, they were desperate. And so now he kind of has some revenge. And so he has this period of time now where he's actually doing pretty well. He regains power. Harvests are getting better. The Mortimers are in the Tower. They've both been sentenced to death. The older one dies in prison just because, like, being in the Tower of London is not the easiest thing. The younger one manages to survive for a bit longer, then his sentence is commuted to life in prison. Unsurprisingly, opposition to Edward and the two dispensers is on the rise again. This time it's led by Queen Isabella herself and the Bishop of Hereford. She's like, no, sir, no. Like, they have three kids in total as well. Like, they do manage to have kids. No, it's four kids. You've got Edward, John, Eleanor and Joan. And so this is where things get fun. So Isabella, the Bishop and a few other people help Roger Mortimer. So the one that's, you know, still alive, they drug the guards and he gets out of the kitchen, climbs up out the chimney and then gets off the roof by a rope ladder. Then he gets into a rowboat and rows away and eventually gets to France. So the dispensers, at this point, they have all the original lands, they have more land and they're getting even more. And a lot of this is, like, I'm gonna say it, illegal, right? Hugh the dispenser, the younger, right? He kidnaps an heiress until her land is given to him. And shockingly enough, like, the pirate boyfriend is kidnapping an air. Stop it. Anyway, so again, people are, like, not cool with this. And, you know, this isn't cool. And on top of that they're more on the queen side. And even Edward's old pals, like, they are starting to, like, side with the queen. Like, like, hey, look, it's a civil war between the king and his wife. Like, the dispensers see Isabella as the source of the trouble. And so they try to, like, you know, cause some issues between Harwin Edward, as if, you know, the seeds of discord has not already been sown. Okay, but they're trying to make it worse. And they try to get the marriage annulled, but, like, they've had children. Okay, that's not. Not a thing. She has produced heirs to the throne. No way, lads. And so they try and spread propaganda against her, like, specifically because she's French. And they're like, she's French. If the French invade, she's gonna help them and they're gonna take our land. And, yeah, they also, like, arrest a bunch of French people in England because they could be traitors. And she is not happy about this. And so she writes to her brother, King Charles iv, right. Who is the reigning monarch at that point, and they want to calm it down. And they're like, edward, come over, have some negotiations with the French crown. And he's like, oh, I'm super busy. And so he sends an envoy instead. They make no progress. And Isabella's like, I'll go. So she goes, and she does very, very well. She does some very good negotiating. And her brother says, listen, I'll give you financial support if you need it. You can live here. And she's like, that's wonderful. Now, they still want Edward to come over, and the dispensers are afraid that if he does, everything will just fall apart for them. And so, like, don't do that. Send your son instead. And he goes, okay. And so they send the heir to the English throne over to Isabella in France. He's 13 years old at this point. So Isabella is there with the heir of the throne, which, I mean, of all the things that you could have done, you thought this was the choice. Yeah, this is. This is not. This was not a good plan. Now Edward II doesn't, you know, realize he screwed up immediately, and he expects that his wife and son are going to come home at some point. Spoiler alert. They don't. They send all their men home. And he's like, please come back. And Isabella's like, no, I'm good. And he's just like. I don't know whether he's oblivious or whether he's just so self involved, but like, he doesn't realize that what's at risk here? She writes down that she knew that there had been attempts to destroy their marriage and she would return when the men responsible for it were gone. So Hugh Despenser, older and younger, like, once they're gone, she'll come back. And until then, she was going to consider herself a widow. Her brother would pay for her to live in France or give her an army to invade if she wanted one. I'm gonna have to do an episode on Isabella of France at one time, I think, because she's also fucking brilliant. And Ed was like, what? What are you talking about? My companions have always been good friends to you. And her brother was just like, yeah. And you. I'm the King of France. I'll help you out. You want to invade him, you can invade him right now. Edward II writes to his son. He's like, please come home and don't marry anyone without my permission. And all the bishops are writing to Queen Isabella going, get back here. Please come back. Dear God, come back. And she's like, no, not doing it. And so Isabella and Edward are declared enemies and formally banished from the kingdom. Now, that's funny, because, you know, he's the heir to the throne and she is the queen consort. And here's the thing. So at this point, Isabella's like, you know what? I don't have a husband anymore. You banish me, so I'm gonna start shagging Roger Mortimer. And so this is used to smear her reputation. And because, you know, the very Catholic King Charles is like, oh, no, you can't do this. And so she ref. He refuses to give her any money. And he says, go back to England. Go back to your husband. And she does leave, but she raises an army and a fleet because she goes to England and is like, I'm the queen. You want to be my army? Let's take over. And so this, along with a bunch of European allies that she had, like, made these connections with, and she's just like, Edward is panicking, like, you've got. You've got, like, his queen coming back and being like, go yourself, Eddie. And Isabelle shows up, and there's general chaos in London. And some Londoners just, like, behead two of Edward's men. Just like two random Londoners, not like a member of an army. They're just like, nope. The Queen takes London. She conquers London, and Edward flees. And so Isabelle is taking lands, giving them back to their previous owners. Like Hugh Despenser, the older tries to hold a Castle. However, the people who are living in the castle side with Isabella and they just like hand them over. So he is captured and he is sentenced to be hung. Drawn in quarters now. So that's the older Hugh Dispenser, you've still got the younger Hugh Dispenser, the pirate boyfriend. So Edward is like trying to escape and try to raise a army and he's like failing and he's captured along with Hugh Dispenser, the younger and a few others who are with them. So there's a mock trial for the younger and he is also hung, drawn and quartered and his head is displayed on London Bridge. And at this point, Queen Isabella has Edward seal and she's issuing documents in name from Edward. So she's trying to like increase her standing, she's trying to like keep power with the crown. And so in 1327 in January, churchmen and nobles all swear allegiance to Edward, young Edward, right, the heir to the throne. And they appoint a new government and Edward II is, well, effectively he's deposed, right, and this is the first time this happens in England. And now the 14 year old Edward III refuses to become king without consent from his father. And so a group of nobles all show up, right? They go to Edward II and they say, please just give him the crown, right? He's dressed all in black because he is the drama, right? He's sobbing, he begs for everyone's pardon and then he expresses joy that his son is going to be his successor and be king. And so Edward ii, he is, you know, captured, he's deposed and but he's technically a little bit of a threat. And so they end up moving him around a lot. But he's not doing well with this. He's not eating very well, he's not sleeping and he's constantly moving. And they're deliberately like the lords, they're deliberately trying to keep him in some sort of an unpleasant state. They want him to be on edge, they want him to be worried, they want him to know that he has no power and so he doesn't know of someone when they're coming to see him, if they're going to be like kind and nice or if they're going to be like violent. And so this is happening for a while and then, and then the news breaks that the King is dead. And this is where things get mysterious. So there's a lot of rumors going around about how he died. And again, you're gonna want to skip forward, like I'm gonna say 60 seconds if you don't like torture. So the theory goes, or allegedly is, Edward II was given a terrible torturous death where he was held down and a funnel was inserted into his anus. And then a white hot metal rod was inserted into the funnel which was in his anus, and it was twisted around and round until he died. And so the theory is the reason that the would kill him in this manner was because they didn't want there to be any outward signs of like, attack on the body. And by doing this there would only be internal issues. So if he was like stabbed or whatever, it would be like an obvious sign of, of murder, you know, of regicide, if you will, which is definitely a way to do it. But also, one, poisons exist and two, you can just smother someone with a pillow. Like, like that's, that's a way to kill someone and not really leave a mark. I'm just, I'm, I'm not advocating for like smothering, okay? I'm just saying it's a choice. The other theory that, you know, why this was done in this fashion was because he was, quote, a sodomite and they wanted to give him, you know, a befitting death because, you know, homophobia was the thing even back then. But here's the thing, if you're gonna do something that, you know, aggressive and that blatant, the whole point of doing it that way is so people know that you did it that way or that was how it happened. But those rumours don't come out until much later. So chances are he probably died. If he didn't, I mean, it's a very timely death of when it happened one way or another. Edward allegedly passes away on 21st September, 1327. Now how he died is a mystery. Now it could have been a murder or it could very well have been just from him being carted around, his sleep deprivation, if he was mistreated, if he had, like he's more susceptible to illness and, you know, bacteria and all these things. And yeah, there are so many things that could contribute to his death. He could have been ill, he could have choked in his own vomit, he could have had a nosebleed. So many things, but like, there's no evidence of something happening one way or the other. Anyway, Edward's body was embalmed at Berkeley Castle, where he passed away, where it was viewed by like, local leaders from like Gloucester and Bristol. And it wasn't taken to Gloucester Abbey until the 21st of October, and it was another two months before Edward was buried. Now the funeral was delayed. Now they think it's because they wanted Edward iii, who had been coronated at this point, for Edward III to attend in person. So they end up making this effigy for the funeral, which is like the first known one. Now, the idea is that because, you know, the body had decomposed to such a point, like, they had to do that. That being said, like, this is not the end of the story, right? Because he gets buried. It's. It's fine. It's seen as a very legitimate, like thing, right? However, there's a conspiracy. This story isn't over yet. There's a theory that the king didn't actually die. Instead, he fled. Now, how he did it, whether it was through Nobles, there's a theory that Isabella was involved with it, so that they actually got rid of him, you know, and he got to live as a hermit in. Somewhere else, and that his death was faked just in order to really legitimize Edward III as king. Now, who's to say how or what happened, because it's that long ago and we don't really know. So, yeah, there it is. Now there ends the story of Edward ii, who again, I'm convinced as a bisexual mess. If you liked my ranting of this story, which is probably less cohesive because I'm so tired after traveling. Yeah. Rating review 5 stars. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I'm very, very out of sorts today. Normalcy shall resume next week. And. And of course, I have a special bonus episode for you next week which I have been working on. And it will be more logical and more streamlined than this, I promise you. Anyway, thank you. You can follow me on the socials on TikTok. I'm Whodid. What now, Pod? I have KatieCharlwood on, like, the other ones. You can find me. Like, I'm all over the place. Also for reading. Reviewing. What? What am I saying? I'm clearly tired. So for listening, go listen to Gossip at the corpse cart, episode 78 with wine and Crime podcast. I'm a guest and I'm fun, so go listen to that for watching Ironheart, okay? Go show some support to this, you know, because don't pretend that you give a shit about anything nerdy, right? Don't pretend you care about Marvel motherfuckers. Right? Don't pretend you give a shit about any of that. Like, you can't watch Thunderbolts. Yeah, and then refuse to watch Ironheart. I'm sorry. No. Okay, if you care about it, watch it. I don't care if you don't even like it, just at least watch the first episode and show some support for this, because there's a whole group of people that are not going to be doing that. So you deserve to do it. Okay? So that's watching, that's listening, and for reading. You know what? You know what? I'm gonna. I'm gonna do it again. Queen James by Gareth Russell. Read Queen James by Gareth Russell. I don't have anything else to say on that. It's a great book. If you like, you know, the 1500s, 1600s. If you like that period of time, go, go read it. It's great. It's. It's actually. It is actually genuinely good. Now with that, I am going to say good night. Adios, au revoir, au vuidersen, my friends. Bye bye.
- [92:00]
Katie Charlwood
Hey, listeners, meet Russell.
- [92:01]
Acast Representative
Hey.
- [92:02]
Katie Charlwood
Russell just launched a fitness app and he needed to get the word out to busy professionals looking to stay fit. So I turned to Acast. I used their smart recommendations feature to easily find shows that talk about health and fitness. Booking sponsorships through their platform was a breeze. And just like that, my app was in their ears during their morning run. Sounds like a smart move. Russell, how's been business looking? Now sweat is pouring and so are the installs. Spread the word about your business with podcast ads on Acast. Start today at go.acast.com advertise.