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Adam Tex Davis
And now it's time for who Smarted? Aww. What an awesome 5 star review for Whosmarted. Thanks, Raquel from Utah. Oops. Hey, smartypants. Gosh, you caught me in a restaurant bathroom reading Whosmarted reviews on the toilet. I know, it's kind of gross. Here, let me wash my hands and my phone. Then I'll be right with you. There, that's better. Come on, let's get out of the bathroom.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Um, you might want to flush again. Some of my friends didn't make it to the sewer party.
Adam Tex Davis
Huh? Oh brother. A talking roll of toilet paper. Why am I not surprised?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Hey, this is who Smarted, baby. You should know by now. Anything goes and everything talks.
Adam Tex Davis
So true and so weird, but also so great. What should I call you?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
I'm a toilet paper roll. I don't have a name, but a lot of people call me tp.
Adam Tex Davis
TP for toilet paper?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Aren't you a smart one?
Adam Tex Davis
Okay, okay. Slow your roll. Get it? Roll.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Uh huh. You gonna flush again or what?
Adam Tex Davis
There we go. Anyway, I'll see you around, tp.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Catch you on the backside, Trusty.
Adam Tex Davis
Um, right. Actually, while I have you here, I was thinking there is a lot the smarty pants and I don't know about toilet paper or tp. Like, who invented toilet paper? How long has it been around? What's it made of? And what was life like before toilet paper?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Sure, I can answer those questions, Trusty.
Adam Tex Davis
Great. Then it's time to get rolling with another big whiff of science and history
Theme Song Singer (Brian 'Squeaky' Cleen Suarez or Adam Tex Davis)
on who's smarted, who's smarted? Who's smart? Is it you? Is it me? Is it science or history? Listen up everyone. We make smarting lots of fun. But who's smarted?
Adam Tex Davis
All right, tp, let's start at the beginning. How long has toilet paper been around?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Believe it or not, toilet paper has been around for a long, long time. Longer than most people probably think. And it all began here
Adam Tex Davis
in the Chinese restaurant where I was having lunch.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
No, not the restaurant. Ancient China. Use your teleportation app to take us to 6th century China.
Adam Tex Davis
Hang on, TP. Here we are. Ancient China. Around 600 CE. Also, you can stop holding on to me now. TP. We made it.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Sorry, I can be a little clingy. Anyway, welcome to the birthday place and time of toilet paper.
Adam Tex Davis
So wait, you're telling me toilet paper was invented thousands of years ago?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Sure am. And it sure was. It's believed China had TP way before anybody else. In fact, during China's Tang Dynasty, which Lasted a few hundred years, starting in the year618. A Middle Eastern traveler even remarked about their toilet paper.
Adam Tex Davis
Really? How do you know? Were you here to hear him?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
No, trustee. I was born last month. Luckily for all toilet paper historians, there's a written record of what he said.
Adam Tex Davis
Oh, so what did he say?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
He said the Chinese do not wash themselves with water when they have done their necessities. But they only wipe themselves with paper.
Adam Tex Davis
I see. So you're saying other parts of the world just used water to clean up after they did their necessities?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Well, I'm not saying it. He said it. But. Yeah. But the truth is, in other parts of the world, they used all sorts of things instead of toilet paper.
Adam Tex Davis
Ooh, smarty pants. See if you can guess which of these items did people historically use instead of toilet paper. Ready? Go. Leaves, hay, grass, stones, broken pieces of ceramic, sponges, seashells, corncobs. Did you get them all right, smartypants? Because all of those answers were right. Wow, they sure used a lot of things to wipe the old derriere.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
They sure did. And while some of them might sound odd, they did manage to get the job done.
Adam Tex Davis
I gotta say, a few of those things don't seem super comfy.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Which is why toilet paper seems so fresh and fun and fancy. No more corn cobs and hay for the ancient Chinese. By the 14th century, in what is today the Zhezhang province of China, 10 million packages of toilet paper were made each year. And that's just in one region of the country.
Adam Tex Davis
Impressive.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
And get this. Each package has between 1,000 and 10,000 sheets in it.
Adam Tex Davis
Most impressive.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Not only was it a lot, the sheets themselves were huge. Each sheet of TP was 2ft by 3ft wide.
Adam Tex Davis
Wait, what? Did you say 2ft by 3ft? Smarty pants? That's like the size of a welcome mat.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
I know, I know. Pretty crazy stuff, but these super fancy ginormous toilet paper sheets were used pretty much only by royalty in the imperial courts. Regular folks who weren't royals but could do a bit better than corn cobs and rocks had toilet paper made from wool, hemp, and other natural fibers.
Adam Tex Davis
I'm no diva, but I would definitely prefer wool over a handful of rocks or broken ceramic pieces any day. But when did toilet paper start to look more like what we use today?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
That took a while longer. It wasn't until 1857 that an American named Joseph Gayetti invented what we consider to be the first modern toilet paper similar to what you find in stores and bathrooms today. But it wasn't sold in a row. It was sold in a package of individual flag flat sheets. You had your own little stack of tp.
Adam Tex Davis
Oh, ok. Still beats seashells, smarty pants. True or false? When Joseph Gayetti invented the first modern toilet paper, his name was printed on every single sheet. The answer, True.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Yep. For some reason he thought it was a good idea to have people in the 19th century wipe their butts with his name.
Adam Tex Davis
Hmm. I don't know how I'd feel about someone wiping their butt with my name. Then again, if it was trusty paper, you wouldn't even have to change the initial Trusty paper tp. Get it?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Got it. Good one.
Adam Tex Davis
Alright, now that we're on a roll, when and where did toilet paper go from a stack of sheets to a roll of continuous perfectly perforated squares?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Well, the where is.
Adam Tex Davis
Any guesses, smartypants? Where was the toilet paper roll created? Tp?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
If you said the usa, you're right. Yep. The first toilet paper roll was created in the United States by the Scott Paper Company. But other parts of the world took a little longer. For example, Europe, where they didn't get rolling with the TPR until 1928.
Adam Tex Davis
That's 38 years later. I wonder what took so long. Anyway, I'm guessing the Scott Paper Company made their way over to Europe.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Nope. The first European roll was created by a German man named Hans Klenk. He started a toilet paper company called Hakla, which is still a huge company in Germany today.
Adam Tex Davis
I see. So does Hakle mean toilet paper in German?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
No, it's actually just a combination of the first half of his first and last names. Hans, Clank, Hakla. But funnily enough, it actually came to mean toilet paper. See, when TP first hit the shelves, people were actually embarrassed to buy it. So the Hakla Company came up with a clever slogan. Ask for a roll of Hakla. If you don't want to say toilet paper.
Adam Tex Davis
Of course, today people call toilet paper a few other names. There's TP, of course, and toilet tissue, tissue paper, Bathroom tissue, loo paper, Bath bog paper, Smarty pants. Do you have any fun nicknames for toilet paper in your home? Call them out. Nice. Now look around to see if anyone is staring at you for yelling out names for toilet paper.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
And for the true toilet paper fans, if you're ever in the German city of Dusseldorf, be sure to visit the Hackla Toilet Paper Museum.
Adam Tex Davis
A toilet paper museum? Really? Is it flush with information?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
That's right, smart guy. Believe it or not, it provides an excellent visual history of the many toilet paper innovations over the years.
Adam Tex Davis
Hey smartypants, which of these is a real item you can actually find at the Hockley Toilet Paper Museum? A chocolate flavored toilet paper b a two pack of TP where one is designed for going number one and and the other for going number two or c Glow in the dark toilet paper. The answer is coming up right after this quick break and a word from our sponsors. Hey smarty families. I've had the Skylight calendar in our kitchen for about a week and I'll just tell you what changed. It became the one source of truth before this, keeping track of who, what, when and where with sticky notes, group text, and hopefully me remembering to get the groceries. Now everyone checks the same screen. The meal planning feature alone has saved us from the nightly what's for dinner spiral, and I can pull recipes right into it. Skylight is the calendar I Didn't know I Needed Skylight is designed to bring families together for more time. It syncs seamlessly with Google Calendar, Apple Calendar, and Outlook with customizable daily, weekly and monthly views. The tasks feature helps kids build healthy routines and independence. Brushing teeth, homework, and chores become fun and rewarding. Assign each family member their own color and the excuses disappear. If you're not 100% thrilled in four months, you can get a full refund. Now you know I love an adventure, but Skylight has helped me make organizing the family less of a safari. Families are better when they're working together. Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch calendars by going to myskylight.com smarted go to myskylight.com smartED for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. That is my S K-Y-L-I G-H-T.com smarted. You know what I love? TaskRabbit when we moved our whosmarted office, how did we find our mover TaskRabbit When I've got errands piling up and zero time to run them? TaskRabbit Ikea furniture assembly that's about to drive me mental. I Call me a tasker. I've been blown away by how helpful and awesome they are every single time. TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area for moving furniture, assembly, home repairs, mounting a tv, yard work, you name it. You can search based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews and these taskers have put in the request. Over 3.4 million pieces of furniture assembled 700,000 home repairs one and a half million moves and counting. I love TaskRabbit, smarty pants. And you will too. When life happens, your to do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task@taskrabbit.com or on the TaskRabbit app using promo code SmartID Taskers book up fast, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That's $15 off your first task using promo code smarted with the TaskRabbit app or@taskrabbit.com
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Adam Tex Davis
Now back to who's smarted. Okay, smarty pants, which of the following will you find at the Museum of toilet paper? A chocolate TP B Specially made TP for number one and number two, or C TP that glows in the dark? The answer is B.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
In the 1960s, Hackla sold a two pack of toilet paper called the Duo Roll. The two ROL in the package had two different textures. A soft one for doing number one and a stronger one for doing number two.
Adam Tex Davis
Whoa. That's actually kind of a great idea.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Which reminds me, TP wasn't always the soft, cottony, 2, 3 or even 4 ply luxurious bathroom tissue it is today. The early versions of TP were rough on your bum. And I mean rough. It wasn't until the 1930s that a company called the Northern Tissue Company came out with splinter free toilet paper. It was a real game changer.
Adam Tex Davis
Splinter free? Are you saying that before that people got splinters just wiping their.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
But of course, TP wasn't as finely processed as it is today. So back when it was on the rougher side, you might get a teeny tiny little wood chip stuck in your.
Adam Tex Davis
But luckily, toilet paper's come a long way since then. But what is it made of? I mean, I assume it's made of paper since it's called toilet paper. But how exactly is it made? And how do they make it so soft? Smartypants, do you have any ideas well,
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
thankfully we've come a long way from corn cobs and rocks and wool today. Toilet paper is generally made from pulpwood, a type of timber that's pretty soft, so it's used specifically for making paper
Adam Tex Davis
products since it's called pulp wood. Is it mashed up into a pulp and then flattened out to make toilet paper?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Bingo. Not to mention a lot of other stuff happens between the time it's a tree to the time it's tp. First, the wood is, as you said, made into a fine pulp. Sometimes TP is also made of existing recycled paper, which also needs to be moistened and mashed into into a pulp. Then the moist pulp is flattened and rolled into huge sheets where bleach and other substances are added.
Adam Tex Davis
But all these substances are safe for my bum bum, right?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
You bet your bottom. They just help to make the grayish pulp clean and soft and white so it can become the TP you know and love. At this point, the huge bleach white sheets of pulp are flattened and dried, and at this point, they're already stirring, starting to resemble toilet paper.
Adam Tex Davis
What about all the little designs on the tp? Tp, like flowers or waves or cool little patterns?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Those get added toward the end of this process. And they're not just there to make the teepee look cute. Those designs also add texture, making the paper stronger and more durable. From there, the rolls are cut down to size, packaged, and shipped off to the stores.
Adam Tex Davis
Well, me and my butt are definitely very thankful for you, tp.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.
Adam Tex Davis
But there is one more thing I need to know. An age old question that has confounded generations of toilet paper users. Perhaps you can solve this toilet tissue conundrum.
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Uh, sure. What is it?
Adam Tex Davis
When it comes to putting a toilet paper roll in its holder, should it spool out from the top or the bottom? Smartypants, how does your toilet paper spool out? Overhand? Underhand, something else?
TP (Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Ooh, that is a question that gets asked a lot. And the answer is whichever way makes you happy. When it comes to tp, sometimes you need to start at the top to reach the bottom, and sometimes you need to work from the bottom up. But either way, the soft, gentle, strong, occasionally scented goodness of today's toilet paper is sure to make you smile from rear to rear.
Adam Tex Davis
Wow, that was beautiful. Tp. No ifs, ands, or. A super fun shout out to super smarty fan Simeon in Chattanooga, Tennessee. You wrote in to say you love that Whosmarted lets you learn stuff but not like school. Instead of division, you're learning how much poop is elephants make in a week, which is clearly better. We couldn't agree more. Thanks for listening, Simeon. This episode Toilet Paper was written by Phil Forgot to Flush Jeremy and voiced by Mike out of TP Pervetti and Jerry Colbert. Technical direction and sound design by Josh Wash your hands, Hun. Who Smarted is recorded and mixed at the Relic Room Studios. Our associate producer is Max Tuplay Kamasky. The theme song is by Brian Squeaky Cleen Suarez with lyrics written and performed by Adam get the Plunger Davis who Smarted was created and produced by Adam Tex Davis and Jerry Colber. This has been an Atomic Entertainment production.
Theme Song Singer (Brian 'Squeaky' Cleen Suarez or Adam Tex Davis)
Who Smarted.
Podcast: Who Smarted?
Date: May 25, 2026
Host: Adam Tex Davis (with guest character "TP" the Toilet Paper Roll, voiced by Mike Pervetti)
Theme: The surprising, hilarious, and history-packed journey of toilet paper, from ancient innovations to modern bathroom bliss.
This lively episode of "Who Smarted?" dives deep (but not too deep!) into the fascinating history and science behind toilet paper. Host Adam Tex Davis—with the comedic guidance of a wisecracking, animated toilet paper roll named TP—takes curious listeners on an interactive adventure from ancient China to modern America and Europe. The episode is packed with jaw-dropping trivia, quirky anecdotes, and the classic "Who Smarted?" mix of humor and educational fun.
"Believe it or not, toilet paper has been around for a long, long time. Longer than most people probably think. And it all began here..." (TP, 02:29)
"A Middle Eastern traveler even remarked about their toilet paper." (TP, 03:16)
"The Chinese do not wash themselves with water when they have done their necessities. But they only wipe themselves with paper." (TP quoting the traveler, 03:47)
China’s TP Boom
Transition to Modern Toilet Paper
"For some reason he thought it was a good idea to have people in the 19th century wipe their butts with his name." (TP, 07:09)
"Ask for a roll of Hakla. If you don't want to say toilet paper." (TP, 08:29)
Toilet Paper Museum in Düsseldorf, Germany
"Which reminds me, TP wasn't always the soft, cottony, 2, 3 or even 4 ply luxurious bathroom tissue it is today…" (TP, 14:14)
The Era of “Splinter-Free” Toilet Paper
"Back when it was on the rougher side, you might get a teeny tiny little wood chip stuck in your…" (TP, 14:48)
"You bet your bottom. They just help to make the grayish pulp clean and soft and white so it can become the TP you know and love." (TP, 16:02)
"Should it spool out from the top or the bottom?" (Adam Tex Davis, 17:01)
"The answer is whichever way makes you happy." (TP, 17:15)
"All of those answers were right. Wow, they sure used a lot of things to wipe the old derriere." (Adam Tex Davis, 04:15)
"I don't know how I'd feel about someone wiping their butt with my name…" (Adam Tex Davis, 07:16)
"Splinter-free? Are you saying that before that, people got splinters just wiping their..." (Adam Tex Davis, 14:42)
The episode is playful, pun-filled, and packed with quick-witted, good-natured banter ("Hey, this is Who Smarted, baby. You should know by now. Anything goes and everything talks." – TP, 00:49). It invites audience interaction with quizzes and encourages laughter while never shying away from scientific facts and cultural trivia.
This episode delivers a delightfully fun mix of history, science, and laughs, turning a topic as everyday as toilet paper into a memorable learning adventure. From splinters to super-soft, “Who Smarted?”—with a little help from TP—ensures listeners will never look at their bathroom roll the same way again!