An Honest Conversation about Marriage: Sex, Saying Sorry, and Loving Each Other | Sadie & Christian | Preston & Jackie Hill Perry

Summary

WHOA That's Good Podcast — Episode Summary

Episode Title: “An Honest Conversation about Marriage: Sex, Saying Sorry, and Loving Each Other”

Guests: Preston & Jackie Hill Perry
Hosts: Sadie Robertson Huff & Christian Huff
Date: September 24, 2025

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Overview

This episode brings together Sadie and Christian Huff with Preston and Jackie Hill Perry for a vulnerable and theologically rich discussion on the complexities of marriage. The conversation tackles real challenges—dealing with anger, learning how to apologize, navigating sexual expectations, the power of confession, and how to guard your heart and relationship from pitfalls both obvious and subtle. The couples speak candidly, offering personal stories, scriptural wisdom, and practical tips, always circling back to the centrality of grace.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Handling Anger in Marriage: Honesty with God and Each Other

• Preston’s Story About Unrighteous Anger (01:28)

  • Preston describes an incident with a merchandise manager that left him feeling “unrighteous anger,” and his tendency to seek comfort in anger rather than in God.
  • Jackie calls attention to his anger and suggests prayer, which at first he resists.
  • Quote:
    “We want our anger to comfort us more than prayer, and God does… but you actually deserve God’s anger, but because of the person of Jesus Christ, you’re not receiving it. That’s the gospel. That’s grace.” — Preston (02:54)

• Inviting God into the Emotion (05:17)

  • Being honest with God about anger is healthier than refusing to talk to Him during it; God can handle our honesty and wants us to come to Him with how we truly feel.
  • Quote:
    “He just doesn’t want us to be alone with it. Feel whatever you feel—just feel it with Me.” — Preston (05:17)

2. Navigating Marital Conflict: Fixing vs. Presence & Communication Styles

• The ‘Fix It’ Trap & Power of Presence (08:19)

  • Preston admits that he once tried to “fix” Jackie rather than simply being present with her, realizing he was motivated partly by selfishness to restore her good mood for his own comfort.

• Communication About Moods (10:33)

  • Sadie shares how explicitly telling Christian when her bad mood isn’t about him eases tension—communication prevents misattribution of blame.

• Background & Upbringing (13:23)

  • Sadie and Christian’s different family backgrounds influence how they approach conflict and discussions. What felt like a normal “intense discussion” for Sadie was perceived as serious by Christian due to his family’s avoidance of disagreement.

3. The Language of Apology & the Role of Humility

• Apology Languages (15:33)

  • Jackie needs “a plan” for reassurance after apology, while Preston is satisfied with a simple “I’m sorry.” They emphasize learning and practicing the other’s language out of humility.
  • Quote:
    “Humility says the way they receive ‘I’m sorry’ or comfort from you is not the way you receive comfort.” — Preston (16:47)

• Hard-to-Say Sorry (18:27)

  • Both couples admit saying sorry can be difficult, and that humility must be deliberately cultivated.

• Scriptural Accountability (20:41)

  • Jackie notes that, for her, accountability to scripture (“God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble”) motivates humility more than just the desire to love her husband well.

4. The Power of Confession in Marriage and Friendship

• Confession: Timeliness and Appropriateness (21:59)

  • Confessing sins or feelings to your spouse brings healing, but there’s wisdom in knowing what, when, and to whom to confess—sometimes a spouse, sometimes a trusted same-gender friend.
  • Preston’s Insight (23:50):
    “There’s no need for a trial if you confess. You just make your life easier when you confess.”

• Importance of Community (28:38)

  • Jackie: “Your spouse is your community, but your spouse cannot be your only community.” Wise friends are critical for advice and spiritual growth, and spouses should be confident in each other’s friends.

5. Sex in Marriage: Expectations, Past Baggage & Biblical Wisdom

• Reality vs. Ideals (31:29)

  • Both couples dispel myths around the ease and perfection of sex in marriage, speaking honestly of how personal and cultural histories (abuse, porn, previous relationships) can influence intimacy.
  • Jackie: “Nobody warned me that sex would be difficult…or triggering.”
  • Preston: “Men fantasize about how much sex they’ll have; women about the wedding. Both are often disappointed by reality.”

• Sanctification Through Sex (33:09)

  • Sex isn’t just for pleasure; it’s a tool God uses for sanctification and intimacy-building, sometimes exposing deep wounds, needs for healing and therapy, and the need for real discipleship.

• Cultural Lies & Gospel Truth (39:25)

  • The “try before you buy” mindset is challenged as Satanic. Having sexual experiences outside of God’s boundaries stores up baggage, not blessing.
  • Jackie: “Marriage is a ride you’re on, not a destination. Even sex is part of that continual learning.”

• Redemption Despite Brokenness (44:00)

  • Preston and Jackie affirm God’s power to redeem sexual brokenness from one’s past—“God can take broken things and make them beautiful…Don’t stay there, but receive grace and press onward.”

6. Guarding Your Heart in Marriage: Practical Boundaries and Addressing Comparison

• External Boundaries (51:27)

  • Preston never maintains close friendships with women who are not mutually close with Jackie, and vice versa, out of respect and to avoid temptation.
  • Strong community with accountability partners is essential for protection.

• Internal Boundaries: Comparison & Content Consumption (55:13)

  • Jackie discusses how romantic comedies and certain cultural portrayals of women fuel her covetousness and shame, creating discontent about her own personality and marriage.
  • Sadie echoes this, noting how watching James Bond movies led her to insecurity because of unrealistic female representations.

• Affirming Each Other (57:07)

  • Regular affirmation helps counteract the negative effects of comparison—naming what you love and appreciate about your spouse prepares a defense against dissatisfaction.

• Guarding from Covetousness and Shame (56:13)

  • Jackie points out that women in particular can get trapped in comparison, which damages self-esteem and relationship satisfaction.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Honest Anger:
  “No, I don’t want to pray. He deserves my anger right now. And it’s like, no, like, you actually deserve God’s anger, but because of the person of Jesus Christ, you’re not receiving it.” — Preston (02:54)

• Apologizing and Humility:
  “Humility is something you have to practice…it really isn’t merely love for Preston and respect. That’s not a big enough motivator for humility for me…God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble.” — Jackie (19:44)

• On Confession:
  “There’s no need for a trial if you confess. And so you actually just make your life easier when you confess.” — Preston (23:50)

• Sex and Sanctification:
  "No one warned us that maybe sex is a thing God will actually use to sanctify y'all. It won't just be all rainbows and butterflies...you have to work for it." — Jackie (33:09)

• Challenging “Try Before You Buy”:
  “You are accumulating experiences that actually will not be good when you get married…Perversion has skewed your outlook and it will affect how you show up.” — Preston (41:12)

• Guarding Your Heart:
  “I don’t have a relationship with women that doesn’t include my wife.” — Preston (51:27) “Guarding your heart in marriage is not just about sexual temptation, it’s about avoiding covetousness and comparison too.” — Jackie (56:13)

• Affirmation in Marriage:
  “There’s something so powerful about affirming your spouse and what you see in them and love about them.” — Sadie (57:42)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:28] Preston’s story about unrighteous anger & being comforted by anger.
• [05:17] Bringing your real emotions to God; honesty vs. avoidance.
• [08:19] The "fix it" impulse and the importance of presence in marriage.
• [15:33] Learning “apology languages” and humility in conflict resolution.
• [21:59] The power and practice of confession in marriage.
• [28:38] The importance of community and mutual trust in friendships.
• [31:29] Real talk about sex, past baggage, and the need for honest discipleship.
• [39:25] Addressing “try before you buy” and the redeeming work of Jesus.
• [51:27] Guarding your heart–external boundaries and respecting your spouse.
• [55:13] Guarding against internal comparison and covetousness.
• [57:07] The importance of affirmation in marriage.

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Takeaways

• Be Honest: With God, with each other, and within yourself. Don’t fake piety—God can handle your truth and brings healing in response.
• Love Requires Humility: True connection in marriage means learning how your spouse receives love, comfort, and apology.
• Cultivate Community: You need friends outside your spouse for full spiritual and relational health.
• Sex is Complex & Redemptive: Don’t believe cultural myths, and don’t despair over past mistakes—God’s grace is available and real.
• Protect Your Marriage: Set strong external boundaries, and don’t overlook the internal dangers of comparison, shame, or dissatisfaction.
• Affirm, Don’t Compare: Continually name and celebrate the good in your spouse to counteract cultural pressure and insecurity.

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Final Note

This conversation is full of real-life struggle, gospel hope, and actionable wisdom. Both couples model grace, humility, and the importance of truth-telling—both with each other and with God.

Transcript

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[Sadie Robertson Huff]

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[Christian Huff]

Wound is healed. We're just asking about the wound, trying to reopen it.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Story about when the merch guy failed you and kind of what it, what, what it produced in you.

[Preston]

So I, so I have. He actually wasn't my main merch guy. He's my merch guy that I work with when I'm in la. And he, you know, he's actually of a different faith. And I was working with him, trying to like, lead him to the Lord, actually. But the day of my event, he was supposed to ship all of my stuff to the particular city. And then the day of my event, he told me, like, half of my stuff is not going to be there. And so I was like, livid. And he gaslit me the whole time, you know, act like it was my fault, you know, told me that I was being harsh and I'm like, bruh, you, you didn't make my merch. And I just remember having such, if I'm just being honest, unrighteous anger.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah.

[Preston]

And you know, I like, I didn't feel like doing the event mainly because a lot of people, you know, are looking forward to my merch. And my wife had to like, gently remind me.

[Jackie]

I don't remember.

[Preston]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why I'm actually here. And to have righteous anger.

[Jackie]

I'm pretty sure I said it was the devil.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

It was funny because, well, it's just, it's nice to hear someone just have like a real moment right before an event. Because it's true sometimes, like, things like that really do happen. And you're just like, oh, my gosh. It throws you off, and you need someone to, like, speak the truth in love. Oh. What was, like, funny to me was that you went to Jackie, and Jackie's like, have you prayed about it?

[Preston]

Oh, yeah, that's what she said.

[Jackie]

That sounds about right, that he said, I don't want to pray about it.

[Preston]

She said, oh, that sound. He manifested. Yeah. Because I do think that when we are angry and we are sitting in our anger, I think we want our anger to comfort us more than prayer. And God does. And so, you know, I think a lot of times when someone wrongs us and gaslights us, we want to, because we're made in the image of God, and God is a God of justice. I think we want justice. I think that's a natural thing. But I think the way we try to get the justice is ungodly. We want to get justice by being mad at them instead of praying to the God who created you and them. And so I think it's frustrating when somebody that's godly comes along and reminds you, did you pray? No, I don't want to pray. He deserves my anger right now. And it's like, no, like, you actually deserve God's anger, but because of the person of Jesus Christ, you're not receiving it. That's the gospel. That's grace. And so you owe him the same grace that has been given to you.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

So that is really good. I'm like, not to look at you. It's like when the pastor's like, don't look at the person beside you. Like, hello. That's really good. Well, the anger thing that you want. What did you say? You want anger to comfort you more than God.

[Christian Huff]

Yeah, that was the part when we were at lunch that I said. That was what stuck out to me.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah, yeah, you said it first.

[Christian Huff]

Thank you. But no, that is so good. I think for me, the thing that I can wrestle with is it's like, how. So in a situation maybe where, like, you are angry at whether it's a person or angry with the Lord, and then in a split. So basically, we're at Passion this past year, and you got to speak at the first one, then you get to speak at the second one because you had the flu, super sick, we're doing the whole thing, and I get in this place of, like, where I'm angry at the situation, kind of angry with the Lord and kind of asking him why. And then five seconds later, Sadie's like, well, can you just Please pray. So it's like shifting that anger to.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Like, you did not want to.

[Christian Huff]

No. Well. Well, part of it, too, is like. It's like a. It's like how to not feel shame of like, you're mad, but then it's like, God, please heal. Because then it.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

To me, it feels like. It feels fake to me. You were like, it would feel fake for me to pray right now because I'm still so mad.

[Jackie]

That's fair.

[Preston]

Yeah. That's actually a very real emotion. Yeah.

[Christian Huff]

But I can wrestle with that.

[Preston]

Yeah. And I also think that it's important and I have to. This is actually me speaking to myself to know that God, actually, he can handle all of our emotions. It's not like he doesn't want us to come to him with our anger. He just doesn't want us to be alone with it. It's like, you can feel whatever you feel. Just feel it with me. That's all God wants.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

That's cool.

[Preston]

It's like, be angry. Come to me with your anger. You know what I'm saying? Like, when you deal with that stuff on your own, you gonna be messed up. And so, like, I come to God, be like, I'm angry, Lord, I don't want to pray. And I literally feel my heart becoming more softer doing the prayer, which is, you know, because I came to the.

[Jackie]

Lord, because I think it's. I think it can feel fake when you come to the Lord without the honesty, you know, so oftentimes I will open it up with, Lord, I don't want to do this. I honestly actually don't want to talk to you.

[Preston]

He has done it.

[Jackie]

I do that all the time. I actually don't want to talk to you. I feel away. But you are Lord. You are king. You are true. Like, you got to remind your soul of what is true about him. And then something just. It's not to say that the anger abates. It just doesn't have the same sting, you know, like, because I. Because I think especially when we see anger as, like, some anger is flesh. So in the same way where you can be overwhelmed by lust, you can be overwhelmed by anger. So when it feels like that, ah, I'm like, oh, this is. This is flesh at this point. And I got to put that to death. But you put it to death through his power. And so I just. I am just a fan of telling God the truth. Be here. But you told me to.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

So, yeah, I love that. Well, it's with psalms, like, you see that all throughout the psalms Like, I, I've been so struck by reading the Psalms lately about just how real they really were with God and some of the prayers that they prayed against their enemies. It's like, I can't believe you said that to God, cuz that's so crazy.

[Jackie]

Dash their heads against the rocks, Lord.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

It'S like, okay, show me how you're really.

[Christian Huff]

Jeremiah tells God he deceived him.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Like, I know, but like, that's cool that the Bible obviously has it in there for a reason so that you can learn how you can talk to God. But keeping in there what is true about God because God still is good and he still is holy and all that is true. And it begins to shift your perspective. And like you said, your heart begins to soften even as you pray that with the real. I love how you said it's not that you're faking it. If you're not coming to him, fake you go to him, you tell him the honest and the real stuff and then he softens your heart. And why. I wanted to start with that question and even that story when the context of relationships is because in marriage, when two believers are married and you're trying to, you know, iron, sharpen iron, it can be really hard when one person is really going through something and the other person is like trying to help them. But it feels like no matter what you say, it's just gonna be annoying, you know, like, how do you be there for your spouse and actually be helpful and not annoying, but still speak truth, you know?

[Preston]

Yeah, this is, this is, this is us.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

It's hard.

[Jackie]

He's the trying to be there but irritating me person. So.

[Preston]

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I feel like we have this, this in, in a couple of different ways. I think a lot of times, especially early on in our marriage, when Jackie will be going through something, I will want to try to talk her out of it. And then I started to.

[Jackie]

I think I'm not gonna say better word. A more specific word would be fix it.

[Preston]

Fix it?

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah, fix it.

[Preston]

Because I love her. And then, you know, like when we're good and when she's getting in a good mood, you know, we have like great conversations, we laughing and stuff like that. So it's kind of like. And so the one. The Lord had to kind of convict me, like, you're selfish. You just, you just, you just want your Jackie back and you actually don't. Like you need to be concerned about her, not just her for.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah, right.

[Preston]

So that's one. And then two. I think What I've also learned is just learning how the power of presence. Because I do think that a lot of times when people are going through something, they don't need words, but they just kind of need you to know. Like, they need assurance. Like, when Baba says that, you know, it's not good for men to be alone, like, it's so true. Like, and so I think a lot of times when people, you know, are going through something, they don't need you to try to find the right words to get them out. They just need to know that you're there. And so, you know, I've learned that sometimes coming around her and just cracking a joke or just being light or just talking lightly and just helping her, because I'm temperamental.

[Jackie]

That's really what I can be. Hot and cold very quickly.

[Preston]

Yeah. Yeah. And then two. Also not personalizing it. I think we can make things so personal in our marriage, and we can so easily feel like your mood is indicative of how you like me.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah.

[Preston]

And how you're showing, you know, and that's because we love each other. Right. And so we can. We can make it so personal.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yep.

[Preston]

And I think that God just kind of wants us to be like, you know, chill out.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah. That's something I had to work on with you, is, like, just saying to you whenever I'm in a bad mood, this is not about you.

[Preston]

You know, like, she says that a lot.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah. I just got to communicate it. Because if not, of course, like, he'll feel like it's about him, you know, because we're together all the time. So he probably thinks he said something or just something that made me mad. But it's like, this has nothing to do with you right now. I'm just not even ready to talk about it, you know, or. Or I am and what. Whatever that looks like. But I feel like that's been really helpful to, like, communicate and not keep the other person guessing why you're acting a certain way. Because clearly you can tell I know I'm not being the way I normally am.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

And I'm gonna get back there.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

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[Christian Huff]

Yeah. What you just said is so true, though, because it is. Like, a lot of times it is. Our first instinct is to want to try to fix it because. Yeah, you do. And it is selfish. And I think for me, the motive is like, comfort. It's like it's comfortable when we're not arguing, when you're not sad, when I'm not. Like, when it's just.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah.

[Christian Huff]

When we're just jiving.

[Jackie]

Peace.

[Christian Huff]

But then again, you know, there's not always going to be that feeling.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

You know, I feel like we've come a long way from when we've been.

[Christian Huff]

For me, it's just the comfortability part.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Because, like, in we grew up. Obviously you all grew up in, like, different homes, you know, so I grew up with parents who they're. If I don't think you like the Enneagram, but I will use the Enneagram for the sake of this story.

[Jackie]

No criticism.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

They're an 8 wing 7 and a 7 wing 8. So, like, big personality, like challenger enthusiast, all this stuff. So they have passionate conversations. Okay, I like that word. Yeah. You know, because I didn't view it as, like a bad thing. They would argue because they would Both feel really passionate about something or. But it wouldn't be, like, fighting. It was just, like, intense discussion, I guess. I'm not even trying to make it sound better than it is. It just didn't feel bad. It just felt real. His parents are not like that at all. Everything's just good. It's just like, they wouldn't even get into a conversation that would feel like, challenging to one another. I feel like I've never seen that in their relationship, and I feel like that's true. Your childhood. And so when we got married, I.

[Jackie]

Wouldn'T think that's a different dynamic.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah. I would not think what we were having would be, like, a bad thing or an argument over it, But I would just come back at him with something, you know, that's overstimulating, start a discussion, and he's like, whoa. You know, Because I'm a lot different than, like, his mom's personality type, you know? So I feel like, used to, you'd be like, oh, I just want everything to be good, and this is, like, intense interest. I'm like, no, it is good. Like, it's fine.

[Preston]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

So we've come a long way.

[Jackie]

How long have y' all been married?

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Five and a half years.

[Jackie]

Okay. That's a long time. Yeah, to me, it is.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

I think so. Yeah. So that's. That's enough time to come a long way.

[Christian Huff]

It is six years in November, because.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

I feel like I have chilled out a lot. But also, you've been okay with going, like, to have those conversations, because to me, and I want to get into this, the whole apology language that y' all talk about, because I heard you say. And I want y' all to share in your own words, but, like, sorry wasn't really what you wanted. It's not what I want either. I'm like, no, let's talk about it, and let's get to the place where it's better. Whereas he just wanted to say sorry and it just be better. I'm like, it can't be better yet until we talk about it. Which felt intense, you know? So talk to me about the apology language and just learning how the other person is.

[Jackie]

Yeah. So we have. I guess people would call it marriage counseling. I think it's marriage discipleship from one of my mentors, her husband, who's now, like, becoming real cool with Preston or whatever. And they were just working with us through some stuff, and they gave us this framework of apology language, which was like, you basically take a test to see what apology, I guess Serves you best. And his was like, he can handle sorry. He just wants the thing to be acknowledged. I'm sorry that I hurt you. Me. You can say sorry. That's cool. I want a plan. Right. So it has to be sorry.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Same.

[Jackie]

It has to be sorry in proximity to how are we moving forward from.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

This point on, how we're not going to get here again.

[Jackie]

Correct. Like, I need. Because to me, I need the assurance and the security that we're going to move in a direction where I don't have to feel this way again. And I think it. It. I just. I think we need those frameworks to help our communication. Because I really think the biggest issues in any marriage is how you communicate, why you communicate when it's all about. It's the talking. It's that.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

And so, yeah, it's really good advice.

[Preston]

Yeah. I think with the apology language, one of the things that the Lord had to show me when we. When I first learned it, or when our mentors first started teaching us is just, you have to have humility quick, Preston. Because I think with the apology language, it can kind of seem unfair how the other person wants you to apologize because that's not the way you receive it. And so for somebody who wants apology with a plan, it can kind of feel like that's doing the most. I say I'm sorry, you know, but I think humility says the way they receive I'm sorry or how they receive comfort from you is not the way you receive comfort. So you have to be humble to say, you know, like, my apology, it's not that my apology isn't enough, but if she needs a plan to feel safe, that's what I should do in order to love her.

[Jackie]

And truthfully, both apology languages require humility because. Whereas you gotta humble yourself to think of a plan. And it's not like I need an XL sheet. It's just simply, like, how we moving forward.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

That takes humility. It takes humility for me to say sorry in the first place.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

You know what I'm saying? Like, I can be arrogant in that way where I'm like, Like, so I. Our marriage, I've had to do a lot of work to say, I can understand how that hurt your feelings. I'm sorry.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

You know, isn't that crazy? Like, I. I remember when we first got married, I didn't know it was hard for me to say sorry until you're married and then you're like, oh, my gosh.

[Christian Huff]

Still hard for you.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

It is still hard.

[Christian Huff]

What do you mean when we first got married?

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

I'll like go on walks. I just remember when we first got.

[Christian Huff]

Married, we would argue and I would.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Like, go on a walk. I'd be like thinking to myself, so stupid that I can't say sorry. What is. What is that? You know, right. And stubbornness. But yes, I still sometimes struggle. But I have gotten a lot better.

[Preston]

She's gotten a lot better too.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

And you remember.

[Preston]

Do you remember, like the second year of marriage, like the first, like one of the. I don't know if it's the first time you said, sorry, I'll never forget you.

[Jackie]

Probably. Obviously you did not.

[Preston]

It was like a second year of marriage.

[Jackie]

I don't remember.

[Preston]

And we were in the. We had a little smart. Our apartment was probably the size of this.

[Jackie]

It was like 750 square feet. I remember the floor pan.

[Preston]

It was so small. So we in our living room, it's hot. And I just remember her. Like, I thought that she was about to confess something to me. The way she was looking like you about to say something really hard like, well, I'm nervous. And she was like, I just wanted to say sorry. It was so. And then she said something along the lines of like, I'm just tired of you being. You've been apologizing a lot of lately, and I want to apologize to you. And after that, it seemed like it.

[Jackie]

Became easier because humility is something you have to practice. And I say humility because a big driving force for me isn't. It's going to sound bad, but really hear me out. It really isn't merely love for Preston and respect. That's not a big enough motivator for humility for me. I'm just being honest. It's. God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble. That is it like, it's in my brain where it's like your pridefulness towards him is an assault at me. So I'm going to resist you if you continue to move like that. That scares me. So it's like, okay, like. And you died on the cross. Like, seriously, like, you, you died on the cross. You, you. Philippius said he. He did not count equality with God to think, but emptied himself. Like, I, I. This is like, this is. This is a low level of emptying to be like Christ.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

So it's so true, man, when you. It's. It's the greatest thing ever when scripture is your accountability. And I feel like a lot of people don't view it like that because they don't read The Bible enough to know the words that it says. When you know the words and it does. It. It. I don't want to say that haunting would be a bad word, but it's in you. You're like, oh, I know what I'm. I know. I know what I'm doing in my relationship with the Lord that's keeping me back because of my pride or because of my stubbornness, because of my jealousy. Like, I don't want that. And I heard y' all talking about confession one time, and just, like, how quick you are to confess now. And the same with us. I mean, I feel like we have gotten to a point where we confess things so naturally, because we know, man, if we confess our sins to one another, like, will be healed, you know, like, that's how we become more like Christ and used to, like, I was so scared of confession because it felt like that conversation y' all probably had in your apartment where it's like, it's awkward, it's heavy. You don't know how to say it. Whereas now I can say, hey, I just want to let you know I was feeling this way, or this was what was coming up in my heart. Even confessing, that has nothing to do with you. But saying, like, hey, I was jealous of a friend today, and I hated the way it made me feel and the way that I spoke or whatever, you know, because, you know, it's making you better for sure. Talk a little bit about the power of confession in marriage. Marriage and the openness.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Preston]

Yeah. You want to go first? So, I mean, yeah, like, for us, we've. We've learned to, one, confess quickly, to not, like, let things sit, but also, two, you know, I've learned how not to confess so quickly because I do think that, like, sometimes I can confess things or even just say things so quickly where I'm processing. And I'm dumping so much on her.

[Jackie]

Like, in real time.

[Preston]

In real time. And so sometimes my. Like, I'm the type of person, I confess quickly all the time, but sometimes I just want to confess and get it off my chest, and it can be too much for her.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah.

[Preston]

And so she needs to process what she confessed. She needs to sit with it, you know? And so I think, one, giving each other grace. But I also think confessing quickly just doesn't give room for the devil to have a foothold in your marriage. Right. And so, like, one thing I learned about, you know, just not even marriage, but the Christian faith is that we have an accuser, which is the enemy who always wants to take us to trial. And there's no need for a trial if you confess. And so you actually just make your life easier when you confess. And so just bringing it to God first, I think is a, is a big deal, because I do think not just confessing to your partner, but how we confess to our partner, the right language in order so they can receive it well, matters. And so after we confess to the Lord, like, make sure you confess confessing, you know, and then also, too, I just want to say this too. I, I, I don't think that confession with everything with your spouse is beneficial. I do think that you need strong, like men need strong brothers in the faith that, that, that they can confess certain things to. Because some things can just be too much. It's like, okay, you confessing too much.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

I agree.

[Jackie]

There's an example of that. Like, we went through a season where you were on tour and I was at home. Yeah. And, you know, it's kind of a thing when Preston is by himself. Women be in his face and stuff like that.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

I'm like, why is that? It's crazy. And so he would come home and share all the stuff, which is, I think, respectable, you know, and honorable. But it was sometimes where I was like, all right, now, like, I done heard this about 12 times. It's actually, it's giving me anxiety at this point. So I was like, you need to go play PS4 with somebody and have these conversations. You know what I'm saying? So. But I also think being, being sensitive to the Holy Spirit because someone can hear what he said and say, oh, like, they can wiggle their way out of honesty and transparency because it's like, oh, well, if I don't have to tell my spouse everything, then cool. I think the Holy Spirit will also identify things where it's like, no, but that you do say that.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Y'.

[Preston]

All.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Anytime I get a good quiet time, it is such a blessing. But when I started using Mr. Pen for Bible journaling, it was like a glow up to my quiet time. Their pastel highlighters, gel pens, and those transparent sticky notes are such a game changer. And the best part is nothing bleeds through those delicate pages of the Bible. Mr. Pym was started by Christian teachers right here in Louisiana. Hey O. And they got over 1 million 5 star reviews. So, you know, I'm not the only one that's totally obsessed. So I put together this little bundle with all my favorites to make it super easy for you to get started. And let me tell you this makes for the best gift for the women in your life. They will love it. They cannot believe that the highlighters will not bleed through the pages. Okay, I want to show you a little bit of what's in the journaling kit. There's so many fun things. You have highlighters, and I just have two here as an example to show you. Their colors are so, so cute. They even have these Bible tabs that have the books of the Bible on them so you can find it faster. Sticky notes, all the things. And I actually want to show you in the Bible, like highlighting a verse. So I'll take the green highlighter and it'll show up really nicely on the page that you want it to show up on. And then I'll show you the next page so you can see that it doesn't bleed through. So here's the page that it's on. Nice and green. And then on the other side, it is totally clear. So it didn't mess up the next page. Here's something else special just for you. You can actually get 10% off my favorite supplies and journaling Bible whenever you use the code Sadie10 at check checkout. So just go to SadiePens.com and you will be directed to my favorites. That's SadPens.com use the code Sadie10 at checkout and check out the bundle with my go to journaling supplies so that you can grab exactly what I use and make it your own. I think when you confess to true friends who have wisdom and the Holy Spirit in them, sometimes they help. You know what?

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

What you should share and whatnot. For instance, Christian and I have great groups of friends. Like, we're all married, you know, and so the girls are all friends and the guys are all friends. It's a pretty small group. And the guys, you know, have a Bible study, and we have our Bible study, and, like, that's kind of our confession. We actually used to call it confession hour because it would just. It was just the place that you really could share. And I remember one time I was opening up to the girls about something, and they're like, hey, you should go talk to Christian about that. I was like, you think I should talk to Christian about that? I don't know. Because it just felt like the thing that maybe I should just tell the girls. And they're like, no, I think you should go talk to Christian about that. And two of them had examples in their life that they went and talked to their husband about something really similar, and it was very helpful. And so I did. I went home, and I was so nervous. It was so funny because, like, some things you confess, and it's like, it doesn't make you nervous. And then some things you're like, oh, I really do feel nervous. But I knew the Lord. Like, I had felt just confirmation. That's what I was supposed to do. And we had the best conversation, and it actually grew our relationship so much. I was super thankful for that, like, godly wisdom for them to tell me, like, that's something you should share.

[Jackie]

That's important.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

But I'm also thankful for the. That, you know you have men in your life that you can confess things to, because I do. I agree. Like, I've told him things that I'm like, if you told me that, it would make me feel anxious, and I would go. My mind would go into crazy places. But I feel like I don't want you to not feel that you can share that, because I need to be strong enough in the Lord to handle that. If you felt you needed to confess that to me, I always want you to feel the freedom to be open in our relationship. I never want you to feel like you have to hide something because I couldn't handle it. But I also love that you have your guys that are helping you and praying with you and all of those things. So I think it is both. And I think that's so good that you spoke to the wisdom in confession.

[Preston]

A couple of years ago, Jackie said. I think it was a podcast or something, and Jackie said something great. She said, your spouse is your community, but your spouse cannot be your only community. And I think that's so true, because I think what spouses need is a community to help them be better husbands, better wives, better fathers, better mothers. I think it really takes a community. We say it takes a community to raise a child, but it takes a community for all of us to be better. But I also think that it's very important for our spouses to be confident in the people that we have in our lives. And so your spouse, like, you, being confident in the men of God that he has that he calls friends, gives you confidence that if you're not confessing stuff to me, you're confessing stuff to people who are pointing you back to God and pointing you back to me.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yep.

[Preston]

You know, and so I think that's what we need in marriage.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

That's great. I think y' all did a whole podcast on guarding your heart in marriage. Is that true?

[Jackie]

Yes. Don't remember what we talked about.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

I'm like, I don't remember what y' all talked about either.

[Jackie]

The title sounds similar.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Guarding your heart and marriage, which I.

[Preston]

Don'T even remember that title.

[Jackie]

Well, maybe I don't even remember the title.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

I was gonna say ye. And this is my plug for their podcast. If you don't listen to the periods, I know what you're doing because it's so good. Most of pretty much everything we brought up has been based off things we've heard y' all say on your podcast. So shout out to the amazing content that you guys are putting out and conversations y' all are having, because these conversations are really, really important, and y' all do not shy away from the hard stuff. There is another title that I will bring up, and it was because, hey, I feel the freedom that y' all normally do not hold back. The title was what we wish we knew about sex. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Jackie]

That got like a million views or something.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

It did.

[Jackie]

Cause it's got sex in it.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

But here's the thing. Here's the thing. This is why I want to bring it up, because we did a podcast one time about. Well, I don't even remember our title, but Reeves and Lydia, about basically what we didn't know about sex. We had our friends on who have been very open about their previous past and different things, and then they came together and dated purely and got married. And it was a beautiful story. So we talked about the past and what they wish they knew, and y' all did too. That was one of our most viewed podcast. That's one of yalls most viewed podcasts. Yes, it has sex in it, but more than that, I think people really are like, they want to learn. They want to know, like, how do you do this God's way? How do you do this a biblical way? How do you have something pure marriage, all of those different things? So it's like, yes, the world's putting out so much content on that, but anytime the church talks about it, I think people are like, oh, I actually want to know. Can y' all speak a little bit to the subject? Because I feel like that's something that would be very helpful for people.

[Jackie]

Yeah, I think I low key think we should do a part two. To be honest, I low key think you should too. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that might be a good idea. Planning Mike.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

I was gonna say it's not low.

[Jackie]

Key, but I think considering where we both came from. Right. So Preston had sexual experiences before marriage. I did not. With men. And so that whole arena was new to me, but we both came into it with history, with watching por, I came into it with a history of sexual abuse, all of that. So that automatically sets us up to low key, have some dysfunction around the topic. But we were ignorant to the way that dysfunction would manifest because I think we assumed, oh, when we're engaged and we dating, we feeling hot, you know what I'm saying? Like, we ready to go. And I didn't.

[Preston]

Hot bother.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

I didn't realize.

[Jackie]

Nobody warned me that sex would be difficult. Difficult. Nobody warned me that sex would be triggering. Nobody warned him that maybe he would not get it at the frequency that he was expecting. You know what I'm saying? So it's like he's like, I'm. I'm abstinent. I'm giving my life to the Lord. I'm putting flesh to death. I'm not having sex with all these girls. So surely when I get married, the Lord is going to reward me. But the Lord happened to set him up with somebody who was sexually abused. So it's like all of this tension, and it was like, no one warned us that maybe sex is a thing that God will actually use to sanctify y'. All. It won't just be all rainbows and butterflies. And that's not to say that doesn't exist, but I think we have realized that that's something you have to work for. It doesn't just happen just because you said, I do.

[Preston]

That's so true. That's so true. I think, you know, if young couples would truly be discipled by the church, to know that, you know, sex might not look like how you think it may look like. I think that we would save a lot of people a lot of heartbreak, a lot of disappointment. Because I think in the same way, you know, women fantasize about their marriage day, men fantasize about, you know, how much sex they're gonna have with their wives. And when I disciple young men now, I have a framework to disciple them. And say, man, like, you don't know how your wife's past trauma is gonna show up in your marriage, so ask the Lord to help you be that husband before it actually comes. You don't really know how marriage is going to.

[Jackie]

And he doesn't know how his trauma might show up. Because you can think having, wanting your wife sexually, every moment of every day is healthy when there might be a measure of lust in it. There might be a measure of idolatry in it, where your wife is not someone to love or to die for, like Ephesians 5, but an object to feed from, I think, when that's the perspective, because it can look natural on the surface, when it could still be rooted in trauma, rejection, abandonment, and an unhealthy neediness. And so I think we both realize, like, oh, we both have issues around this subject that we pretty much needed some therapy for before this whole thing started.

[Preston]

And I also think that, you know, I think a lot of men, we. We have to just deal with the reality that society and wrong teaching has kind of informed us how we should look at the opposite sex and how we should treat women bodies. And this is the reason why when we get rejected in marriage. And so, so disappointing because society tells us that women should never reject us. And so it doesn't give us a real full reality of a holistic relationship inside of the context of a marriage to say, no, your wife is a complex, nuanced human being, just like you are. And her body is. Even though our bodies are not our own, y' all coming together is still a privilege that you shouldn't automatically feel like you have the right to when you want it. And so I do think that society teaches us that, no, you should never get rejected. But that's not reality. And so I think a lot of men going to marriage just, I'mma do this, I'mma do that. First of all, you probably don't know how, especially if you grew up in, you know, like in church your whole life.

[Jackie]

I thought you were going to say something crazy.

[Preston]

No, no, I'm just saying, like, it's so, like there needs to be some humility there. You know, you need to talk to some older men to be like, man, like, you know, every woman body is different, first of all. And so I just think that we didn't need real honest conversations, transparent conversations. And we shouldn't just let people think that, like, this is how it's going to be in marriage. Like Prepare people well 100%.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Now I feel like you have to do part two.

[Jackie]

I think we do.

[Preston]

Oh, my goodness.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

So good, because it's so helpful. I mean, I remember we had Brandon and Brittany Lake on the podcast one time and they were like sharing about. I don't even know if they shared about it on my podcast or while I was prepping for the podcast, I listened to them talk about this and Brandon was sharing how he had like an unrealistic expectation of what marriage was going to be based off of movies he had watched and like, not even just porn, but like, just movies, you know, and you have this idea of, like, when you come home to your wife and she's going to want you, and all of a sudden, then when she does it, it can feel so disappointed and so hurtful. And I remember you listening to that and being like, man, I can really relate to that, you know? And, like, we had never heard someone else say that before, you know? And then especially someone else in. In the church is being, like, real about it. And it actually led us to a really good conversation. And I also remember when we got married, like, just a couple weeks in, we were like, you know, we have all these questions and all these, like, what the heck? And because you're, like, told your whole life not to do it, and you, like, flee front, flee front. And all of a sudden, it's like, okay, that can be kind of a hard thing to navigate. And I remember you were like, should I call? It was one of our, like, mentors who's a pastor of ours. And I was, like, so embarrassed. Like, oh, I don't know. He's like, I think I'm just gonna do it. So Christian called him. And before Christian even said anything, he was like, let me guess what you're about to say. And he was like, do you know how many of y' all's friend group has called me and said the same. Asked the same questions right after they got married? And from a pastor, it was really cool because he like, we have to be willing to talk about this stuff, you know, because if we're not, people are lost and confused, and all they know is what not to do in dating, but they don't know how to do it right in marriage. And that is a hard thing. Yeah, there's just something about fall that just feels fresh. Right? New classes, new routines, new friendship. It's like the whole season is begging you to reset your priorities and get grounded in who you want to. To be. And that's why I love what Covenant Eyes is doing. Their Victory app helps you stay accountable with your screen time and protects your heart from the stuff that doesn't line up with the life that you're trying to build. Pornography and inappropriate content is everywhere, but you don't have to face it alone. Victory helps block harmful content, monitors your screen activity, and sends reports to an accountability partner that you choose, like a friend, a mentor, anyone. And the best part, it's not about shame or guilt. It's about growing healthy. Healthy and staying focused on your faith and your future and your goals. I think this is Incredible that they have this, y'. All. The truth is, so many people, girls and guys, struggle with pornography, struggle with their phone being an issue for them. And you don't have to struggle alone. And in fact, you don't have to struggle. You can actually overcome this. I mean, my husband is a living testimony of overcoming something like this. And it really started for him with accountability. And so I just encourage you so much. I can't recommend Covenant Eyes Enough. Go to Covenant Eyes.com Sadie to learn more and start your journey towards freedom today. That's Covenant Eyes.com Sadie.

[Jackie]

And. And I want to dispel just if there just so happens to be somebody listening that has the lie in their mind that you got to try it before you buy it. You know, like, I need to. I need to watch certain things or I need to practice in certain ways so I can show it with my spouse in a way that's important, oppressive. I think it's satanic, and it's not even a thing. Sexual immorality is not godly or holy. And I think you have to recognize that marriage is a covenant, a lifelong commitment between two people where you are continually learning how to be one. And so even sex is a part of that learning, a part of that cultivation. Because truthfully, my body is not the same body as it was 11 years ago. So he's still learning me. His body is not the same. And our bodies won't be the same in 20 years. So there will be ebbs and flows of us continuing to learn how to please each other. And so I think if you see it as, no, this is a ride we're on rather than a destination, then you'll have a proper perspective.

[Preston]

And then I also. That's so good. But I also want to just expose the enemy and this ideology that we have to try before we buy it. Because sex outside of marriage, or even exploring things outside of marriage, the enemy tells us that we got to, you know, keep this guy happy that we're dating. So let me do it. And what you're really doing is you are accumulating experiences that will not show a will when you actually get married. Like, say it one more time, you are accumulating experiences that actually will not be good when you. Like, this is the reason why men who watch pornography get so disappointed, because you're vicariously living through men who are not being rejected through porn. And so when your wife reject you.

[Jackie]

Or when she has the body or.

[Preston]

When her body changes, like perversion has skewed your outlook and it will affect how you show up, you know, having sex with multiple people. Now you had sex with him because you're trying to keep him, because you think he your husband. And now y' all didn't work out. Now when you actually get married, you're comparing this guy to your person that God actually wanted you to spend the rest of your life with. That's what the Enemy wants. The enemy wants, wants to affect your marriage before you actually say, I do.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah, yeah. That's so real. Okay, so let's talk about that for a second because there are people listening.

[Christian Huff]

Well, I was going to say too.

[Jackie]

That's what.

[Christian Huff]

Well, I was saying the thing before we got married, that was what our pastor would talk about, was that when you're dating, the scheme of the Enemy is like the playing field he's on. He's going to get you to try to have sex with your girlfriend or boyfriend every single day. And then when you get married, he's going to turn. Try to keep you from having sex with your spouse every single day. Every single day. So it's still the same problem involving sex, but it's a different strategy that the Enemy plays. So when you're dating, yes, he tries to get you to feed your flesh in that, but then when you're married, it tries to keep you.

[Preston]

This little old church mother said that to us one time. She said, when you ain't married, he wants you in everybody bed. And when you is married, he don't even want you in your.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Your own.

[Preston]

It is true.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

It is true. But I feel like there are so many people listening right now who are like, okay, this is me, right? I'm in this relationship. We're not married. We're having sex, or I'm watching porn. I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know how to break up with the guy. I don't know how to make it right with the guy. I don't know how to stop watching porn. Can we give some advice?

[Preston]

Yeah, absolutely. And I, when I just said what I said, that that was in the back of my mind because I don't want people to condemn themselves if they. If they had sex before marriage or if they watch pornography. Because I've done both, right? I was not a virgin when I got married and I struggled with pornography. The beautiful thing about the gospel to Jesus Christ, he is a redeemer of all things. Like, he literally like, he, like, like one. You know, we both have broken pasts, right? She came from a life of Homosexuality. I came from a life of just being promiscuous and God bringing us together is to say, you know what? I can take broken things and make it beautif. That's the gospel. Right. But at the same time, don't think that you have to remain there if you are there. Right. God is calling you out now, and he's calling you into himself. And don't have shame. Like, you know, like Jesus, like, literally endured the shame of the cross so you wouldn't have to deal with it. But know that God is calling you to something higher and greater and so that you can experience more fullness of life.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

That's great.

[Jackie]

Yeah. I think, you know, spend time in texts related to sexuality and sex, whether that's Romans 1, Galatians 5, First Corinthians 6. Like, those texts. Get those in your system. But I also wanna speak to the motive behind sexual immorality, which could help. Like, if we uproot that, then your behavior will change. Right. So like, Tim Keller in his book about idolatry, talks about surface idols and root idols. So surface idol could be sex, money, money, fame, da, da, da. The root idol might be rejection, fear, all that. Usually there's a root idol at work. When you are in sexual sin, that might be comfort. That might be fear of acceptance. That might be, you don't want him to leave. But at that root is you don't trust God to be what you actually need. And one of the ways that you excavate an idol is see and research and study how God is actually the thing that you want. So if you want comfort first. Corinthians 6 says that he's a source of all comfort. And so when God, Even in John 4, when he's talking to the woman at the well who's had five husbands, the way he deals with her stuff is by revealing that he can make her. He can quench her thirst. That's how he deals with it now, with shame, not with condemnation. He simply says, I have water to drink that you don't even know about. But once you drink it. And guess what? She did drink it in the spirit. That's why she left her bucket and.

[Preston]

Went to the city.

[Jackie]

Was like, hey, I just met this man that just told me yesterday. Did so, like, get in the texts, but also let God be God, and that like you, your affections will change, your desires will change, and even the way you deal with your temptations will change because you're filled now.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

And so I think that's what I.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Would Say, that is good. I remember listening to your book, Gay Girl, Good God, and the part where you talked about, like, does, like. But do I love God enough to, like, trust him? You know, because. Because it wasn't that you didn't, like, love your girlfriend or you didn't love that. It was just that you love God more. And you had to make a decision based off that love for God and that trust that God was really gonna have you if you broke up with your girlfriend. And I think that's the thing that a lot of people have to come to. Like, okay, I might love this person, but we're living in sin, and I love God more. We have to address the sin. Like, we have to uproot that. And I'm not saying you actually have to break up to do that. Sometimes you get counseling and help and you can change things. Like, we've seen people on Instagram, like, share their story about how, like, they're living together, then they stop living together because they, like, realized, like, I need.

[Jackie]

To go to the courthouse.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah. And they're like, got engaged and got married. And, like, you can change. And to your point, like, we're the same way. We have those past stories. And that's why I'm like, man, I'm so thankful for God's redemption. And God really can redeem things. And I remember whenever his pastor said. Said that, and he's our pastor, but your pastor before we got married and before I went to that church, and he was saying, like, oh, yeah, whenever you're dating, you know, you always want to have sex when you're married. You never want to. And it scared me because I was like, oh, well, if we get married, like, is that gonna. You know, and it's not. Again, like, there's so much beauty in it, too. Like, when. Because marriage, like, sex is meant for marriage. It's designed for marriage. So this beautiful thing that God has created, there's so much good. It's just that the enemy does definitely come after it. And because of past and because perversion and because of things, you are going to need help navigating this territory. Because you've already done things or seen things or heard things and continue to. Because the world is like, you don't even have to seek it. You'll just see it. I mean, we were driving on the interstate the other day, and it's like this billboard, and it's just all these girls butts straight up. And I'm like, is it the lo.

[Jackie]

It's the lotion.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yes.

[Jackie]

It's, like, glittery.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yes. And I was just like, okay, not cool. You know, like the wife sitting in the car with the kids, and you're seeing, like, perfect butts on a billboard. Like, I don't even have to go look at it. It was just there. It was diverse. It was a very diverse group of people. And I say that to say, like, yeah, the enemy is real, but God does have a good design, and he is a redeemer and can make things beautiful. So that's why you have to have these conversations.

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[Jackie]

And I want to affirm something, because I know depending on sometimes our denominational theological context, you could feel like putting the devil on too much. But Ephesians does, you know, like, when I. When I had to, I did a study on Ephesians, a Bible study. And when I read through the book, one of the commentaries was saying how a lot of times we detach Chapter 6 about the armor of God and spiritual warfare. We detach it from chapter five, which is about marriage, you know? But Paul is making one full point, which is really cool. Like, husbands, love your wives, like Christ loves the church giving himself up for her, washing her with water. Wives, submit to your husbands like Christ, like the church submits to Christ. Da, da, da. And chapter six is how you fight against all the opposing forces that keep you from walking in your position. You know what I'm saying? And so to say that there are principalities and powers that want to separate your unity is to affirm scripture. Because if marriage is a picture of the gospel, if sex functions within the context of that marriage, helping the oneness, cultivating the oneness, you cannot think that there are not devils with plans and strategies to keep y' all disunited. Why? Because he held that hinders the proclamation of the gospel through your marriage.

[Preston]

Teach us.

[Jackie]

So it's like, we're not. We're not just being, you know, charismatic.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

We're being biblical.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

That's all I'd say.

[Preston]

This is the reason why the enemy fights young men so much with porn. Like. Like, he literally like. Like one. He doesn't want them to put that armor on. He wants to, he wants them to go into marriage with all of these expectations and these perverted thoughts about what sex is. You know what I'm saying? And I think that's why I think porn is so evil. It is destructive. It is evil. And I think that we need to just, I just hope it's eradicated.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yes.

[Christian Huff]

It's the worst thing ever.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

It is. So to conclude, because we're starting to run on in time, and I hate that because this is such a good conversation. And it's funny because I brought up guarding your heart and marriage, and we were like, I don't remember that podcast. But now I actually do want to talk about guarding your heart and marriage, because like you said, there is a very real enemy that's not making the enemy too much. It's just being biblically true. When you think about, because sometimes you hear people like, Billy Graham is like, he never got in an elevator with another woman. There's extreme guarding your heart and marriage, and then there's some little things. How do y' all guard your heart and marriage? Knowing the context of your past, knowing that we're all human and subject to sin? Like, what are some practical things y' all do to guard your heart?

[Preston]

Yeah, well, for me, I, I, I don't have a relationship with women that, that doesn't include my wife. Like, and so it's no, it's no relationship that I like a close relationship that I have with women that she's not close with. I, I, you know, that's just my own conviction now. I know people who have different, you know, testimonies of, like, you're a man and she was my best friend in college and, you know, but I, I think it's healthy if she your best friend in college and you get married to another woman. She needs to be your wife best friend, too. I think your wife has to have a comfort, and I think it's very important for one, your spouse to be comfortable with all the people that's in your life, especially if it's of the opposite sex. I think that's one way that you guard yourself in marriage. But I also think one way you guard yourself in marriage is real true discipleship. Because like I said earlier in the last podcast, it can be a lot for your wife or your husband to just bear all the weight of your challenges or temptations. And so you just need a community to help point you back to Christ, because that's actually going to help you guard Your heart and marriage and love your spouse. Well, and so, you know, all the things, you know, like I like, for example, like when I was touring when Jackie was. Was pregnant, you know, I had great friends who, like, literally was like, I came over there because you was talking to that girl in the corner too long. I came and got you. They pulled you away. And so that. That accountability is also great for me.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

So true. And I think to just speak to that too, of not having women, you know, in your life that your wife doesn't feel good about. I think it's too, like respecting your spouse enough to. When they don't feel good about someone. Someone being like, okay, like, I respect that and make those changes because there's been people like, we're constantly around amazing, beautiful people, you know, but then there are some people that I'll just go, I don't feel good about them. And the way that they talk to you, you know, and it's not like a jealousy thing, it's just like a. It feels like a discernment thing. And whether I'm right or wrong, what I've appreciated in you is when I've said those things to you, you're like, yeah, like, heard, you know, like, like follow them on social media. Even though we are friends, I don't feel good about the way she puts herself out when you're around, you know, like, I think those are like, honest conversations you have to have.

[Christian Huff]

Yeah. Yeah. And if I shamed you for that, then that'd be good.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Well, then it may be helpful. Why? Why do you want to.

[Christian Huff]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

But I think that that's a hard thing in marriage. 1. People don't feel comfortable enough with their spouse to say, hey, I'd rather you not follow, because maybe they feel like they're being dramatic or they're being whatever, controlling or. Yeah, or they're being controlling. But you trust me enough and I trust you enough to know if we feel that way, it's okay. Done. You know?

[Preston]

Yeah. Respecting you, respecting your spouse, because I'm gonna tell him myself. I did something early on in our marriage that, That I thought was innocent, but looking back on it, I had to just, you know, like the time I jumped on the back of a. Oh, you were.

[Jackie]

We weren't even engaged.

[Preston]

Oh, we were. We were dating. Wow. Yeah.

[Jackie]

He's just being naive.

[Preston]

I was just being naive.

[Jackie]

Like this one, we worked at this non profit and one of the volunteers, she had like a. A little motorcycle. And Preston, he can Be like a. He could be like a child. I say that respectfully. He's like, oh, I want to get on. And he just jumped on. But you on her butt because she. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, I don't want the optics.

[Preston]

She's like, I don't. I don't like.

[Jackie]

Yeah, like, so I didn't even shame him because I knew genuinely he just wanted to have fun. He wasn't thinking nothing about that girl, but. Well, I was gonna say, I think that's crazy.

[Preston]

I thought we were married.

[Jackie]

No, he's dating. Guarding your heart in marriage is also not just around sexual temptation. I think it's around many things. But one thing I was expressing, I feel like I, too, I've been talking to Preston a lot about covetousness because I've been reading about it and seeing how covetousness is at a root of a lot of our sins. And I was sharing with him how this is me being very honest and transparent, but I think it would be helpful. I was. I was realizing I was talking to a friend who really loves rom coms. I can't stand them. Like, I just don't like him. And I was, like, processing, why don't I like romcoms? And I was like, I think it's because they portray why wives and women in ways that don't resonate with my. My personality and my experience. Therefore, it makes me feel shame. And so one way I'm. I've been seeing, like, oh, content. That presents wifeness in a way that is just super, like, hyper feminine and affectionate. And it makes me. I. I want to covet it, and it makes me discontent with myself and my marriage. Like, I am not a good enough wife. I. I am not a this, I am not a that. And so I think even guarding shame, guarding yourself from covetousness, guarding yourself from comparison, because that will affect how you show up. It affects your freedom. I think there are so many women in particular that struggle in ways they don't have to struggle because they are always comparing themselves to other people.

[Preston]

You know what I'm saying?

[Jackie]

And it's making you discontent.

[Preston]

Can I say one thing too? I think in guarding our heart in marriage, you're talking about. I think it's very important for us to remember that we. We have to protect our other. We have to protect our spouse in marriage as well. Because I think the enemy, like what Jackie said, the enemy always wants to remind us of what we are not doing or what we Aren't. But, like, I'll always want to remind her of, like, okay.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Preston]

You're not like, the super, like, what? Rom com show.

[Jackie]

Oh, babe, good to see you.

[Preston]

Yeah, but that's not. I knew that when I married you, and I love you, and, you know, but also. Also, like, you're super thoughtful. Like, I have good credit score because of you. And I have good health because of you.

[Jackie]

And great skin.

[Preston]

And great skin because of you. Like, you, like, literally, like, care about my skin routine more than I do. And so, like, all hyaluronic acid.

[Jackie]

Hyaluronic acid.

[Preston]

And I'm like, man, like, one. I'm sick of all these steps. But you're a great wife.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Yeah. It's something so powerful about affirming your spouse and what you see in them and love about them. Like, words of affirmation is obviously a big thing, but. But that's so true. Like, you said something the other day that I didn't even tell you. It meant a lot to me, but you were like, you are really good at that. And I was like, thank you. That means so much that your spouse sees you and acknowledges and you hear something that they love about you. Whenever you say, you're such a great mom. I saw you do these specific things. You feel so seen. And I love that point about the rom com because it's not something that you probably wouldn't have come to that unless you really thought about, why does this bother me? And, like, you got to the root of that, and then that's where the shame is coming from. Similar experience. Christian's family loves James Bond movies, and I had never seen them. And so we watched one, and I was like, oh, yeah, that was great. I loved it. It was like the more recent one then it was like a rainy day. So you're like, oh, let's go watch the James Bond movies. Well, at the end of the day, I was feeling, like, really just, like, insecure. It was weird. And I'm like, why do I feel this way? And I thought about it. Why do I feel this way? Why did I not like that so much? It was because in every single movie, the women, like, the woman is always, like, very scandalous, hyper sexualized. Like, that is every role in, like, every role, the woman got casted in James Bond. Like, there's nothing more to them than them being, like, the super sexual person. And then I'm like, I'm not like that, you know, And. And then you're like, and he loves this movie. And I'm not like, you know, you get in your head, and that's just real. And then I had to say to him, like, I. I can't watch stuff like that because this is how it makes me feel in comparison to how those women are, and I'm not like that. And when you like a movie, like, that makes me feel like I need to be that way, you know? And so we had, like, a really good conversation about it. Whatever. But to your point, it's not just, like, the obvious things, you know, it's the things that you're like, huh? Why do I feel that way? And asking yourself that question and then trusting your spouse enough to go to them and having those conversations. Conversations. And it makes you stronger. It makes you see each other more. And then again, he's like, I don't want you to be that way. Yeah, I would never want you to be that way. And it's like, okay, well, then let's not watch movies like that that make us feel like we need to be that way, you know, Makes you better. So, y', all, this. This podcast is so good, man. I. If I was listening to this at, like, 19 years old, it would have helped me so much.

[Jackie]

Good.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Navigate the next seven, eight years for sure. And I'm just super thankful for y' all being willing to come on and talk about stuff like, being the real deal.

[Jackie]

We appreciate it.

[Preston]

Got sit on your little pretty couch.

[Sadie Robertson Huff]

Y' all are the best.

[Jackie]

Sam.