Getting Over an Ex | Sadie Robertson Huff | Lydia Walker | Liv Keinath

Summary

WHOA That's Good Podcast: Episode Summary - "Getting Over an Ex"

Host: Sadie Robertson Huff
Guests: Lydia, Olivia
Release Date: April 28, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Getting Over an Ex," host Sadie Robertson Huff delves into the challenging journey of overcoming breakups. Recognizing the profound emotional impact a breakup can have, Sadie introduces her guests, Lydia and Olivia, who share their personal experiences and provide valuable insights into healing and moving forward after the end of a relationship.

Opening Remarks

Sadie begins by acknowledging the difficulty of navigating breakups, emphasizing that it's a common reason people seek counseling. She underscores the importance of not minimizing the pain associated with breakups and the value of seeking support during such times.

Notable Quote:

Sadie Robertson (02:15): "Even saying 'get over a breakup' sounds insensitive to how hard it actually is to walk through something like that."

Personal Stories

Lydia's Journey

Lydia shares her experiences with multiple breakups throughout her life, highlighting how each relationship's end left her feeling devastated. She candidly discusses her initial reactions—turning to distractions like other relationships, drinking, and partying—to cope with the pain. Lydia emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's own role in a breakup and the necessity of seeking healing through faith.

Notable Quote:

Lydia (06:12): "Breakups are the worst thing you can walk through, especially when you do dating wrong."

Olivia's Experience

Olivia recounts her engagement and subsequent breakup, detailing how ending a long-term relationship was both heartbreaking and liberating. She describes the profound sense of loss when her envisioned future with her partner was abruptly taken away. Olivia also touches on her struggle with finding her identity outside the relationship and the steps she took to regain her sense of self.

Notable Quote:

Olivia (13:41): "Breakups are a pain like no other, whether you're engaged or just dating for a couple of months. It hurts so bad."

Insights and Advice

Understanding the Root Cause

Both Lydia and Olivia discuss how unhealthy dating practices can exacerbate the pain of breakups. They highlight the importance of self-reflection and understanding one's contributions to the relationship's downfall.

Notable Quote:

Lydia (07:18): "I was in that with them. And when you date wrong, breakups are really hard."

The Role of Faith in Healing

Sadie and her guests emphasize the necessity of anchoring one's future in faith. They discuss how surrendering past relationships to a higher power can facilitate healing and prevent lingering emotional pain.

Notable Quote:

Sadie Robertson (41:15): "Only Jesus can heal your heart. Your spouse is not going to do that for you."

Building Healthy Relationships

The conversation transitions to fostering healthy, godly relationships. Sadie shares her own journey of dating post-breakup and the importance of establishing a relationship's foundation on shared faith and mutual respect.

Notable Quote:

Sadie Robertson (54:59): "Guard your heart above all else, as the Bible advises."

Overcoming Emotional Attachments

Lydia and Olivia discuss the psychological traps of holding onto past relationships, such as believing "if it's not him, it'll be nobody else." They advocate for releasing these falsehoods and trusting in divine redemption and healing.

Notable Quote:

Lydia (59:53): "There is so much freedom to be found, no matter what it is. Those are lies in your mind."

Practical Steps to Move Forward

1. Surrender to Faith: Trusting in a higher power to guide the healing process.
2. Seek Support: Engaging with friends, mentors, or counseling to navigate emotions.
3. Set Boundaries: Establishing clear personal boundaries to prevent future relational pitfalls.
4. Reflect and Learn: Taking time to understand past mistakes and grow from them.
5. Embrace Healing: Allowing oneself to grieve and gradually move towards acceptance and new beginnings.

Notable Quote:

Olivia (16:24): "It took years, but it took intentional healing. It didn't just happen overnight."

Conclusion

Sadie wraps up the episode by reaffirming the transformative power of faith and community in overcoming breakups. She encourages listeners to trust in God's plan for their lives and to remain open to the healing and growth that comes from navigating heartbreak with grace and support.

Notable Quote:

Sadie Robertson (61:26): "Trust God with your future and know that He's got you. Just a beautiful thing."

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Key Takeaways

• Acknowledge the Pain: Recognize the depth of your emotions and allow yourself to feel.
• Self-Reflection: Understand your role in past relationships to prevent repeating mistakes.
• Faith as a Foundation: Anchor your healing process in spiritual beliefs to find strength and guidance.
• Healthy Relationships: Build relationships on mutual respect, shared values, and open communication.
• Letting Go of Falsehoods: Release limiting beliefs that hinder your ability to move forward and open up to new possibilities.

Final Thoughts

"Getting Over an Ex" offers a heartfelt exploration of the emotional turmoil that follows a breakup. Through Lydia and Olivia's vulnerable storytelling and Sadie's compassionate guidance, listeners gain a deeper understanding of the healing process. The episode serves as a beacon of hope, illustrating that with faith, support, and self-awareness, overcoming heartbreak is not only possible but can lead to profound personal growth and more fulfilling relationships in the future.

Transcript

[Sadie Robertson]

I think you're on mute.

[Olivia]

Workday starting to sound the same.

[Sadie Robertson]

I think you're on mute.

[Olivia]

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[Sadie Robertson]

What's up, sisters and friends? Happy Monday, everybody. I hope you're having a great start to your week, but I really believe it's about to get so much better. If you've seen the title of today's episode, how to Get Through a Breakup, then you're probably in the right place. Because assuming you clicked on this needing some advice getting through a breakup, or maybe your breakup was a long time ago and you just want a little advice on maybe you're still having some lingering thoughts or some pain from the past. Maybe you're anticipating a breakup, you know that needs to happen. Or maybe you're just here and that's not a part of your story, but you're hoping for some good wisdom in between. And I think we're going to give you all of that as we share our stories today. The truth is we actually have a counseling aspect of Ello where Freddie, you know, sees clients. And one of our biggest client clienteles, I guess, people who come in is because they just went through a breakup. And so I just wanted y'all to know that the reality is this is a very hard subject. It's a very hard thing to get over a breakup. Even saying get over a breakup sounds insensitive to how hard it actually is to walk through something like that. And it's so hard that we have many, many people come to counseling because of it. And I don't think anyone should rule out counseling. You know, this might be the start of a good conversation. And so I invited two of my friends who unfortunately had to go through some tough breakups to be the members of this podcast. But the reality is, most all of my friends went through tough breakups. I could have asked anybody. These two are willing, and so I'm thankful For that. But we have Lydia back on the podcast, and we have Olivia for her first time on the one let's Go podcast. And Olivia is, like, fresh off, fresh in the paint. Like, you literally just moved here, just started working for Los. Tell me a brief part of your story, and I'm like, would you ever want to share that? So thank you for being willing. You want to tell everybody a little bit about who you are?

[Olivia]

Sure. I just moved to Louisiana little over two months ago from downtown Chicago.

[Sadie Robertson]

So just a small change.

[Olivia]

Just a little bit of a culture shock. Yeah, no, it's been great. I have a background in events and marketing, and I'm doing operations on Team Lo now, and it's been a ton of fun. Yeah. I'm finally, like, just now getting settled in after a bit of a bumpy start.

[Sadie Robertson]

But, yes, we could have another podcast episode about moving somewhere, because that was a rough start. But I'm so proud of you for, like, making the move. I remember, like, in our interview process being like, man, she is so awesome. But I'm, like, nervous to hire you because I know how big of a life change that's going to be for you just to go from Chicago to Louisiana, and you did it. And you've walked in so much faith, and, like, seeing just what God has had for you has been really, really cool. And you, like, overcome some really hard things already. And so how do you. Friend?

[Olivia]

Thank you.

[Sadie Robertson]

Very thankful for you. And I'm super excited for this podcast. You know, it's actually funny because I posted this is years ago, like, nine, 10 years ago, one time, a breakup video on YouTube. After I went through a breakup, and I just addressed a breakup that I was going through because the relationship was very public, and I felt like I needed to say something. And so I share that breakup video. It ended up getting, like, a lot of views. I mean, at the time. I mean, not even just at the time, even for me now, that would have been a lot of views. And I was kind of surprised by that and didn't really anticipate that necessarily. But what I learned from that, because I met so many people after that who would come up to me that literally said, like, I just watched your breakup video, and it helped me so much go through my breakup or realize, like, have the confidence to break up with a person I knew I wasn't gonna marry. Like, that's actually how me and one of my best friends, Lainey, met. She came up to me to tell me she had just watched my breakup video, and she broke up with a guy she had been dating for, like, four years. And that's what really bonded us, was going through breakups. And so, you know, this is a tough thing to walk through. It's something that definitely really bonds you as a person when you share these stories. And we realize we are sharing stories today that are vulnerable and involve other people. And so we are going to honor. And one of the things we talked about, too, was, like, when we go back to reflect on this, we don't go back to the past pain or the feelings. We have so far moved past those things, but we do get to go back, and we're going to go back to testify a little bit to bring encouragement, to bring wisdom, to help you walk through what you're walking through. And so the point of this is to be helpful. I have my sister hat on. This is to be a sister and a friend as you walk through a very hard time of your life. And so let's just get real. Let's share a little bit about our breakup stories. Who wants to kick off this conversation? Lydia, you look like the girl to do it.

[Lydia]

I can kick it off. It's so funny because when I. When you asked me to be on this podcast, I was like, I talk about this a lot on here, I feel like.

[Sadie Robertson]

And you become our number one breakup girl.

[Lydia]

Yeah, I talk about it a lot, but it is because it's such a big part of my story. And what's like, led me to be where I am today. And I definitely know. I'm like, if this is something that's going to help other people. And like you said, Sadie, it does. Like, I was that girl who would, you know, when you walk through a breakup, to see someone else who's, like, gone through it too, and to hear their story, it does help you when you're in the hurting still. And so that's my thought process is if this can help, you know, one other girl, one other guy, which it will. Like, I'm confident it will. The Lord's going to use it then. It's so worth it to go back there and like to talk about it again. But, yeah, I've gone through a few breakups in my life in my. My time. I've gone through, you know, high school breakups and then into college breakups, which they, you know, they're similar but different. And I would say, I. Breakups are the worst thing. They are one of the worst things you can walk through, especially when what we were talking about before is, you know, when you do dating wrong, then breakups are so hard.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yes.

[Lydia]

And that's something in my story, is I never want it to seem like when I'm talking about this, that it was just the other person's fault. Like, it was me, too. And it took me a long time to get to that point, to even realize that or to even say that, you know, it would. You know, years ago, it would have been, oh, it was all them. Like, they were wrong. But now, I mean, it was me, too. Like, I was in that with them. And when you date wrong, breakups are really hard. And I went through a few breakups, and each one, after the breakup, you know, I'm devastated, I'm heartbroken. It's so hard. And I would always turn to the wrong things. I would always. My immediate response was either turn to other guys to get, you know, attention from somewhere else, turn to drinking, turn to partying, to drugs. Like, whatever it was, I would turn to something else to look for a distraction from the pain that I was feeling. But that pain just lingered. You know, the pain stuck with me because I wasn't. I wasn't searching to heal it in the right place, which is Jesus. That's the only right place to heal. I was searching to just fill that void with other distractions, which ultimately, that's what the relationship even was, you know, from the beginning was a distraction from what really mattered, which was Jesus, because I didn't have that relationship with him. And so breakups were hard because dating was wrong. Like, my dating life was wrong. So then the breakups were devastating to my life. My life would truly. And it sounds so dramatic, but if you've gone through it, you know, my life, I felt devastated when I walked through breakups. Like, truly, like, life is over. Devastated, don't want to get out of bed, Devastated for months, for years. You know, like, it lingered for long, long time.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yeah, that's so real. So much of what you said, we're going to unpack. Because I could go into so many different aspects of what you said, and we could linger on that for a little bit and be like, what does that practically look like? And we can. And share a little bit of that. But, man, that's so real. And I love how you said, you know, high school breakups are one thing, college breakups are one thing. They're all hard. So not minimizing whether you're younger or older. But I think one thing that does make it hard is when you get to the point where you have imagined the future with them a whole life. Because then when the breakup happens, you feel your future has been ripped away.

[Lydia]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

Which is why you feel so like out of control of everything. You feel depressed, you feel like you can't even. You don't know what you're going to do tomorrow because you were so used to the pattern of talking to that person, dating that person, having that person in communication.

[Lydia]

Yes.

[Sadie Robertson]

The future was all with that person. And so it's just like such a shock, you know, when you go through something like that. And we'll talk about later, like, because I love that point that you said when you date wrong. Breakups are hard. And it's so true because sometimes you hear people go through breakups and say, oh yeah, we're still friends. And you're like, how are you still friends? How can you be friends? But when you didn't date in a way that was honoring to the other person or to yourself, then you cannot be friends after because you've crossed too many lines, too many boundaries, too many things to be able to be in relationship. But if you date well and you date biblically and right, you should set yourself up in such a way that even when you do break up, it isn't this devastating blow. You don't have all these, you know, pieces to pick up is like, it's still hard, but it's not like the end of your life feeling like now none of us have that story. We're all, we, we kind of joked about this podcast saying like, the advice we're going to give is we're going to have to be honest that we didn't do it right. You know, and it's interesting because when you first go through a breakup, I'm the same way. You only see like what that person did, you know, you see so much more of that. You see a little of yourself, but more them.

[Lydia]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

Then the long life has gone on. And as I reflect back now, being married, having kids, man, I just see my own stuff. I'm like, I'm not really thinking about what they did. I did this so wrong, you know, and cuz now I'm like, I don't, I, I don't act like that at all in the relationship. That's right. You know.

[Lydia]

Right.

[Sadie Robertson]

And so you do kind of look back and gain a lot of wisdom as the years go. Friends, I want to talk to you.

[Freddie]

About something that is really important and that's marriage. Y'all know that I believe marriage is one of the most beautiful gifts God gives us. And it's where we grow, love deeply, and reflect his heart. But let's be honest, it is not always easy. Life gets busy, we get distracted, and sometimes the hardest stuff sneaks in quietly, especially when it comes to technology. And that's why I'm so thankful for a tool like Victory by Covenant Eyes. It is a software that helps couples protect their hearts and their marriage by adding a layer of accountability when it comes to Internet use. Because the truth is, pornography and inappropriate content are everywhere these days. And it doesn't just affect strangers out there. It can impact real marriages in subtle, heartbreaking ways. But with Covenant Eyes, you don't have to face that battle alone. Their software tracks screen activity and sends reports to an accountability partner who is a real person that you trust, whether that's your spouse, a close friend, or even a family member. It's all about creating a safe, open environment where you can be honest and grow together. This is not about guilt or shame. It's about choosing, healing, growth, and protecting what matters the most, your relationships with each other and with the Lord. I've seen firsthand how powerful it can be whenever couples walk in honesty and grace together. And Victory by Covenant Eyes makes it easier to do that than ever. Marriage is meant to reflect God's love. It's pure, faithful, and full of grace. And Covenant Eyes is a way to guard and to honor that gift. Like I mentioned, I've seen the impact of just accountability and honesty in marriage. And I think the thing people fear sometimes is just coming clean and being honest. But I think that it's when we do, that's whenever, like, freedom's around the corner and this is a way to.

[Sadie Robertson]

Get to do that.

[Freddie]

So don't fear this, friends.

[Sadie Robertson]

This is. This is a gift.

[Freddie]

This is something to dive into. So if you're married, engaged, or even just dreaming about the future, I cannot recommend Covenant Eyes Enough. Go to CovenantEyes.com Sadie to learn more and start your journey towards a healthier, stronger marriage today. That's CovenantEyes.com Sadie.

[Sadie Robertson]

Olivia, I know that was a big part of your story of a breakup feeling very devastating because of a future imagined. So share a little bit about your background and your story.

[Olivia]

Yeah, definitely. So very. I've done extensive field research. When it comes to breakups, I feel very qualified to be here. But I think, you know, the most impactful one was I was living in Denver after college and started dating a guy out there. And we were together for like, I think a year and a half.

[Lydia]

Ish.

[Olivia]

And then we got engaged and Then we were engaged for about a year and a half, and we, you know, had the whole wedding planned for, like, May of 2021, and I ended up calling it off in February of 2021. So definitely understand that pain of, like, you're not just mourning the. A breakup, but you're mourning, like, an entire future that you had built with that person. And we were very far down, you know, three months out. Like, I had a dress, we sent out, save the dates, we had a venue booked, all the things. But, yeah, ultimately, just, like, I knew deep down, like, it was not the right person for me. So I think, yeah, it was the hardest thing I've, like, ever had to do. And it launched me into, like, a horrible spiral of just, you know, being super depressed and kind of like Lydia said, just seeking any type of distraction, like dating the wrong types of guys, like, drinking, just doing anything I could to not realized that, you know, my reality was different now. And I, you know, I was 28 at the time, and I just really wanted to be a wife. Like, I wanted to be a mom. And it's scary looking back because, you know, I almost went through with it, and I almost made, like, a huge. Not a sacrifice, but I just almost made a lot of concessions just because I wanted that wife and mom title so bad. So I'm happy, looking back, that I didn't go through with it. But it was such a. I mean, breakups are a pain like no other, whether you're engaged or just dating for a couple months. Like, it hurts so bad. Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

So that is so real and so tough. And like, I love, like, what you just said about how you almost went through with it because of the desire to be a wife and a mom. And I think so many girls do that is because, like, they're. They want that picture of, like, I want to be a wife. I want to be a mom. But you do need to back up for a second and think, like, what does it mean to be a wife? It means to be married to this person, this spouse, and to be a mom. That means this person will be the dad to my kids. And so, like, yes, you want that future, but that future with the wrong person is not the future of the picture your mind is telling you, you know, because if it's the wrong person and it's. You're going to have the same struggles you're having now in the marriage, this is actually going to be harder, you know. And so I think one thing we have to say is that, like, breakups are the worst thing, they're horrible. They're terrible. But they're always worth it. You know, like, if it's not the right person, it is worth it to break up.

[Olivia]

Yes.

[Sadie Robertson]

So do you want to talk a little bit about gaining that confidence to break up? Because, yeah, breakups are hard in general, but when you bought a dress and saved the dates are out, like, you're. You're facing a lot of, like, a lot of pressure from what other people are going to think, other people being involved. Like, how did you gain the confidence to go, like, I'm going to do it.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

And after you did it, how did that feel? Did you hold strong? Did you like.

[Olivia]

Oh, gosh, yeah. I mean, I wish I could say that I. I was just, like, so in tune with the Lord and I just, like, had this peace about it, and it was all from him, and, I mean, ultimately it was from him, but I was just so lost at that time. Like, I just felt like I was searching for any type of, like, Guiding Light. But to Lydia's point earlier, I still wasn't even in our engagement. Like, we still weren't dating or, like, being together in a way, that was how God designed it. So I feel like there was such a cloud between, like, me and the Lord at that time. Like, I just felt like I couldn't really hear what he was, like, saying to me. So I was just, you know, I was going to therapy. I was talking to my parents a lot. But ultimately, like, physically, my body was just, like, telling me, I cannot do this. Like, I was just holding so much tension and, like, so much stress. And there was just one straw that broke the camel's back. Like, some little white lie came out or something. And that was just for me. I'm like, okay, this is it. Like, I cannot. I can't do this. Like, trust is such a big thing. And I just. I kind of, like, knew that I could not move forward. And I just used that incident to be like, okay, this is it. Like, I'm making this decision and, you know, there's always a way out. Like, I feel like a lot of girls are very deep into relationships. And just telling you from someone who's been there, like, with the dress, with the save the dates, with the venue, like, there's always a way out. And, yeah, it is so worth it. But to answer your question, when I broke up with him or ended it in February, it was. It wasn't like, a clean break. It was. You know, I went back out to Denver to give the Ring back a couple months later. And at that point, I was deep in the. Like, I was hopeless. I felt like I had no future without him. I was living away from all my friends and my life in Denver, and I just wanted it all back. And I was really starting to doubt myself, which is a really dangerous place to be. And, you know, thankfully, this was a God thing. Like, I pretty much begged to get back together. I was like, I'll come back to Denver. Like, we can get married. You know, I take it all back. Basically because I was just so scared of, you know, this future of being alone. Like, I felt like I couldn't do it without him. So I just completely went back on this moment of strength that I had to originally call it off. And thankfully, you know, he was just not on board with that plan. I think he kind of realized at that time, like, yeah, this actually was the right decision and we're better off apart. And I truly, like, thank God that he had that insight because it really saved us both from going down a path that wasn't the best for either of us. So that was. It felt like I experienced the breakup a second time a couple months later, which was really painful. But again, you know, I'm so thankful for it.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yeah. So that was, like, the close.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

That you're saying. I kind of did something similar in a breakup where I. Like, it was actually years later, we reconnected, like, kind of randomly ended up being in the same place at the same time. And then it was like, oh, interesting, interesting. And if. I don't know if you girls are like this, but I feel like a lot of girls are like this. Like, you will search for any sign. It's like, yeah, could this be a sign that we were at the same place, same time? Has everything changed? Blah.

[Lydia]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

And you could take yourself down a long Rabb trail of, like, the signs. And so anyways, it's like, oh, maybe this means I give him another chance. Blah, blah. Well, we end up going to lunch, and then all of a sudden, I'm like, right back in love. I'm like, oh, my gosh, like, everything's great. You know, we just need to time off, blah, blah. Well, what's crazy is, like, I had shared with so many people how our relationship was at this point. So, like, I had already come clean. Like, this is the way we were dating. It was not good. It was not godly. I was this way. He was that way. Like, very honest with, like, mentors and friends, and, like, had to be honest with Them to work past that relationship. And that was a huge part of me Getting past the breakup in general was, like. Took me, like, six months to finally be honest with someone about how our relationship really was. Then when I actually was honest, I was like, okay, there's no going back now because now everybody knows. Which was actually so freeing because I was just like, I'm not fooling anyone. Like, everyone knows the way it is. And so now everyone's, like, kept me confident in not being with this person. Well, then years go by and, like, you forget things and your feelings come back and only the good ones and blah, blah. And so I'm just like, oh, this is great. So I call a mentor who, like, knew everything, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, we just had lunch, and it was so good, and it was so perfect and blah, blah. And she's like, are you serious? And I'm like, yes. But it's all changed and all this stuff. And she said, okay, on a scale from, like, 1 to 10, like, how. How confident are you to, like, go into this? I'm like a 10. Like, so it's always 10. Because it's like, when you're like. I feel like when it comes to dating and butterflies and feelings and passion and maybe a little lust and maybe a little love or whatever it is, like, your emotions will just be like, 10. Like, I'm all in. Like, it's all fine. Like you said. I take it all back. We can get married. It's not just, like, let's start dating. It's like, let's get married. It's, like, all in. And she was like, okay, okay. And I just remember trying to convince her, like, how good it was. And I feel like a lot of times when you know something is not right, you, like, overcompensate for it. You're, like, trying to convince your friends, like, why this is good.

[Lydia]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

And they're, like, trying to listen. And I remember, like, seeing on her face, like, she's not sure about this. And definitely there were red flags. Like, a lot of red flags. She should have been questioning. Even things I was saying that made me feel so confident. It's like, why would that make you feel so confident? And anyways, it was probably two weeks later that we realized, actually, this is not what's best for either of us. We're different people now. We've changed so much. This is just not gonna work. And I just remember that being such an interesting learning lesson about me as a person for how I can go from know what's right to all of a sudden, like, just 100% diving back in. And actually, a counselor told me this at one point. Not in the context of a breakup. It was actually over something else. But she said, let's build your case. And she said not to argue it, not to. This. This case will go nowhere. You will never show this person. You will never show anyone outside of these walls. But I want you to build your case for truth. That way, when your mind starts telling you. Oh, because it was a manipulative situation. She was like, you know, truth, and you have it all written down. And so I built this case one time for a moment that I kept getting manipulated into, and I wrote down all the things that were absolutely true. Like, I told my counselor, we wrote it down. And then any time I would go back into that cycle of being manipulated, I would be like, okay, no, this is true. And, like, my mind is playing tricks on me because of I'm emotionally attached. Your mind is playing tricks on me because I have loved this person before or whatever it is, and I think that's really good for a breakup. Like, build your case. Like, you don't need to tell that person your case. This is not for the person to hear. This is not for the world to hear. It's not even necessary for your friends to hear. It's for you to know what's true and write down things that your friends have said, write down things your mentors said. Write down things that you know is true. Because when your emotions start lying to you, when a attachment starts lying to you, when a past situation or traumatic event starts lying to you, you will be able to stand firm on, like, this is what I know is true. Now. Can people change? Yes. Are there circumstances where people come back into the picture and it is the right time?

[Lydia]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yes. That is a lot of people's story. So I'm not saying, like, ignore that. There are certainly times where it is worth a second chance. In my case, it wasn't. In your case, it wasn't. Sometimes it's just not. Yeah. Okay, friends, you all know how Mother's Day rolls around, and suddenly we're all grabbing the same old gifts. Another sweater, another candle, maybe even the typical bathrobe. I mean, bless. But we can do better this year. Let's level up. Aura frames are such an awesome way to make your mom, your aunt, your grandma, or whoever the lady in this feel special. They are named the best digital photo frame by wirecutter. And it's easy to see why? You can send unlimited photos straight from your phone to her frame. No memory card required, and it only takes two minutes to set up. Plus, with the Aura app, you get to control who can send the photo. So it's all her favorite faces in one place. It's actually really sweet. I've given the aura frame to many people in my life. My grandma actually has one. And yesterday I was like, hey, for Mother's Day, I wanted to print out some pictures for you. And she goes, why don't you just send them to my aura frame? I was like, oh, yeah, perfect. So it really is the gift that keeps on giving. Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off, plus free shipping on their best selling Carver mat frame. That's auraframes a u r a frames.com with the promo code. Whoa. Support this show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Lydia, I want to talk to you about this because the reality is, like, breakups are so hard to get over. And so that's why you go back. Do you remember how long? Because you mentioned like months, years, like, how long did it actually take you to get over someone? And how did you get over them?

[Lydia]

Yeah, a long time. A long time. Which is almost embarrassing to admit, but really not, because I, I didn't get over them until I went to the right source wholeheartedly. Because. And really it wasn't even just one person. You know, like I, like I mentioned, I went through a couple of hard breakups and, and both of those people, you know, lingered in my mind for years.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yeah, honestly, like I talk about the mind lingering.

[Lydia]

They lingered in my mind for years. And both of those people, I did not date in a godly manner. I did not date in a pure way, you know, and so they lingered for truly years. And there would be times, I remember I would talk to my friends and like you said at the beginning, breakups definitely bond you with people.

[Olivia]

For sure.

[Lydia]

They bond you. And there'd be times I would just, I. I would just, I would be crying and I'd be like, will there ever be a day that he doesn't cross my mind? Like, will there ever be a day that I don't go back there? That and, you know, and I could, even in those moments, I could truly know wholeheartedly, like, it was right to break up. I'm thankful we're not together anymore. Like, that was not the person for me, but my mind would still just go back there every single day, truly, every single day.

[Sadie Robertson]

The reality is, even if it's wrong and it's hard, you still miss them.

[Olivia]

Yes.

[Sadie Robertson]

There was something you loved about.

[Lydia]

There was. There was, like. There was so much love there. And then. And. And so it was a long time, because even after my. That college breakup I was talking about, you know, I gave my life to the Lord. It was only really six to eight months. I guess probably after that breakup is when I surrendered my life to the Lord, truly, for the first time in my life. And that was real, you know, that. That changed my life, truly. Completely changed my life for the rest of my life. But I hadn't fully surrendered that breakup to the Lord, you know, I had surrendered my whole life. Yes. But the just individual pieces, you know, there were still, like, little things. We've talked about this, you know, you almost hold on to the pain for comfort, you know, which is such a crazy thing, but you do. You. You almost just hold on to that pain for comfort. And even a part of your mind, y'all might agree or not, but there was almost comfort in, like, the memory still being there and the, like, the moment still being there. And. And so I would think to myself, you know, will there ever be a day that this isn't my life? And I also. I even got to the point where I was like, you know, this is just going to be my life. I'm going to be 40 years old, and I'm still going to be thinking about him, and I'm still going to be thinking about what could have been, even though I knew it was wrong. Like, I'm still going to be thinking that, and that's just not the truth, you know, it doesn't have to be the truth. And I remember. I don't remember exactly when it was, but talking to you, Sadie, a few months later, probably, or maybe even longer than that later, and. And we were on our way to this, like, church event, and I was like. I said it to you. I was like, will there be a day that I don't think about him? You know, like, will there be a day that I find, like, he won't be in my mind anymore? And I remember you were like, well, have you truly surrendered him in that breakup to the Lord? And I was like, yeah, like, yeah, of course I have. You know, of course I have. And you're like, no, like, have you truly surrendered it to the Lord? And you told me about a time when I think a mentor told to do this too. And you, you told me about a time that you literally, like, late at night by yourself in your bedroom, got on your knees and like, through tears, surrendered him to the Lord. And you, you gave it to Jesus. And. And I had not done that. Like, because like I said a minute ago, there's a part of us that almost like, wants to hold on to those memories and hold on to the pain of it. And so you said that. And I was like, well, nope, I haven't done that. You know. And so I remember that night I got home and I was like, I want to surrender this. Like, I don't. In reality, I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. I don't want to hold on to the past for the rest of my life. I don't want to hold on to the good or the bad, you know? And so I did. I. I got on my knees in my bedroom by myself, and I threw a lot of tears, just surrendered. And I said, God, I don't want. I don't want to hold on to this. I don't want these memories to hold me down for the rest of my life. You know, whether it's good or bad, I. I want you to take this from me. Like, I want to be able to wholly give myself to someone one day, like, fully, you know, without this being a part of it. And even after that, there was so much freedom. But even after that, I will say, you know, was it just immediately, like, completely gone? No. And I've talked about this on here before, but even with Reeves, who's now my husband, you know, when we were dating, I. Especially when we're dating, like, I had to talk to him about it, about, like, memories coming up or different things, and I had to talk to him about that. Even through our dating, like, I was still learning to heal from past relationships and past things I'd walk through. And that was because with Reeves, it was the right person. It was a healthy relationship. It was a spirit led relationship, which was not what I had ever experienced before. And so even with him, I had more healing to learn because I was learning how to be loved well and how to be led well by a man who truly loved the Lord more than he loved me. And so, long story short, it took years, but it took intentional healing. It didn't just happen overnight. It took intentional surrender and talking about it out loud with my friends and my. Who was my boyfriend? My husband. Like, it took not holding it in. I think that's a Huge part of it is if you just hold it in on your own, if you just keep that to yourself, it probably will linger for even longer. You know, when I've in my life different scenarios, the most freedom that you find is when you finally choose to say it out loud to someone else, because that's when accountability comes in, and that's also when prayer comes in. You know, it's also when you have people fighting on your. On your side, too. And so for me, it was when I started to actually not just complain about it or not just, like, cry about it to people, but actually come to people about it, like, hey, I want to be healed from this. I want to find freedom from this.

[Sadie Robertson]

You know, I think if there's any relationship you feel needs to be secretive, then it's probably a lot of unhealth in that, you know, because there were certainly people I dated and broke up with, and we moved on fine again because we dated well, it wasn't secretive. It wasn't bad. It's the ones that you maybe, and we talked about this before this podcast. Maybe you bonded with them over a secret thing. You bonded with them over a traumatic thing. And so you attach yourself to them a lot of times sexually, a lot of times emotionally, you know, spiritually. It can be any kind of attachment that just maybe went too far outside of the context of what dating is supposed to be, where you dipped your toes into what marriage is supposed to be, which is why the breakup feels like such a rip, because you have attached yourself to that person so emotionally. So, you know, whatever it is. And so I think walking from that, you have to walk through that with God and with other people. You have to surrender that to the Lord. Surrender that attachment. Like, break it off of me, God. Break it off of them, Lord. Like, really let it go. And I mean, I remember the mind lingering thing, too. And I remember when you asked me that feeling like. Like encouraged to tell you, like, yeah, there will be a day where you're not thinking about that, you know, because I remember thinking the same thing. Will there ever be a day I don't think about this person? And I can't tell you when the day was I stopped. I just did, you know, And I will say a lot of work went into that. A lot of prayer, a lot of surrendering, a lot of taking thoughts captive, you know, like literally saying, like, nope, I would not think about that, Lord. Put a different picture in my mind, put a different thought in my mind. Put a redemption thought in my mind. And that was just a part of the walking it out process. And now, man, again, when we look back, we're testifying, we're giving advice, we're speaking into it from a place of overcoming those things. And I love how you are so honest to say, even in your relationship with Reeves, there were some things that hadn't been completely healed in your mind or in your heart that you even talked to him about. And I remember same for Christian. I remember one night being like, hey, this thing happened in a relationship and I'm bringing it into this one. And I know that. And it has nothing to do with you. It has something to do with a pastorship. And this moment is mirroring it. Even though you're not that person, you're not doing this. This is how I'm feeling. I remember us having some of the best conversations from those moments. And that's what made our relationship so strong, is overcoming some of those things together. But to the point of only Jesus can heal your heart. That is true. Only Jesus can heal your heart. Your spouse is not going to do that for you. Your future person is not going to do that for you. Jesus has to do that for you. And so many people wait for the husband to be the redemption story. And he's not the redemption story. He's a beautiful part of the redemption, but he doesn't heal your heart. Like Jesus can and will actually heal your heart.

[Olivia]

Yes.

[Sadie Robertson]

And I'm really thankful for the ways Christian has helped me through the process, but I'm also thankful that I didn't try to let him be that for me, because I don't think it would have ever worked out. And the truth is, after I went through a really hard breakup, I just went from guy to guy to guy, trying to find redemption through the next relationship, trying to, like, put a band aid on what happened in the past with a new person or, like, create new memories with this person. Like, just recreate what I used to have with a new person. And as long as I was comparing this person to our pastorship, it was always. It was never working. It was always failing. It wasn't fair to that person. It wasn't ever setting us up to be in a good relationship. And I'm thankful that pattern stopped before I met Christian, because we wouldn't have. I don't think our story would be what it is if I had gone into this thinking it was going to heal a past thing. I was already healed of the past thing. So I was able to go. Went whole. And I think again, like, If I look back to the ways I dated and broke up, what I would tell myself, Hindsight. I wish I would have stayed single longer. Because I wish I wasn't trying to use people to heal something that only God could. Because, again, it hurt them. I put them in the place of God. And anytime you put a person in the place of God, you will be disappointed, and you will put something on someone else that is never their weight to carry. And it's hard for both of you. Liv, I want to talk to you about that aspect because you're single right now, and I think a lot of people do. You know, when you go through a breakup, you even said it. I feared being alone. Could I do that? What would that look like? And your redemption hasn't come in the form of another person yet. What does that look like for you now in the healing process?

[Olivia]

Yeah, that's something that Lydia and I talked about, too. Like, at length, coming into this, just really wanting to make it clear that, like, you said, like, a husband is not the prize at the end of this story. Like, Lydia and I are both sitting here and, like, we both have whole hearts, and, like, that's the success. Like, that is the victory in that because of, you know, the confidence and identity that I have because of my relationship with Jesus. So I think, yeah, I am single, and I still do have that desire to, like, be married and be a mom, but it's not. It's not kind of like, my main goal in life right now. Like, I think before when I was dating, I was really just like. Like, I'll try this. I'll try this guy. Just that. And just, like, making excuses for these guys and, you know, convincing my friends that, like, they're actually better than what they seem, which is never true. Yeah, like, if you're convincing your girlfriends or your, you know, your close circle, like, that's just a sign. Like, just trust yourself that it's not right. And I think now I'm just so much more, like, content. I think that's a good word for it. Like, you know, I think you can still. Those two things can coexist. Like, you can still have that desire. But then I think it's just. There's just such a peace in knowing that, like, that's not why I'm on this earth to, like, be a wife. Like, I'm just here to, you know, love Jesus and love others, like, the way that we're called to. So it's been really great. And also because of my relationship with Jesus and that's come through all this, like, hurt and pain from these breakups and just learning a lot of things the hard way. I do have this sense of confidence because of that relationship with the Lord that allows me to do stuff like walk through the doors that he opens for me, like moving to Louisiana and like, taking this opportunity. Like, I never would have had that, you know, I never would have done that if I didn't have this confidence that comes from, like, a lot of mistakes and a lot of failing and trying to solve things on my own.

[Sadie Robertson]

That's so good.

[Freddie]

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[Sadie Robertson]

Do what they do.

[Freddie]

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[Sadie Robertson]

I think when we talk about a breakup being hard because your future gets ripped, it's because you put all of your future in the hands of this person, who, at the end of the day, whether he's your person or not, that cannot be the anchor of our future in a person, because life is fleeting. So I think what I hear you saying that's so beautiful is your future plans are in the Lord. It's anchored in the Lord. So therefore, if the Lord calls you from Chicago to Louisiana, you're able to say yes without it completely shattering your whole life. Because you're like, my future is in the Lord. So it's what he has for me, even though it might look different than what I had planned or what I thought, God, if this is your plan, it's better. So let's see what it is, you know, And I think that that's. That takes a lot of faith, takes a lot of trust to really anchor your future in the Lord. But, man, if you can, it helps so much. And anything in life, everything in life, not just breakups, not just dating, every single aspect of your life, if you can put your hands in the future. Because the truth is, life happens. You get, you know, you lose your job, you Covid hits, and the whole world shuts down. Like, future plans all of a sudden shatter in an instant for many, many people in many circumstances. And that's why, like, you cannot put all of your future in the palm of a person or the palm of a job or a situation or you're setting yourself up for shattering, you know, which is hard. All this is easier said than done, but it's able to be done through faith and through a relationship with Christ. I wanted to ask because you shared a little bit of this with me outside of the podcast, but your relationship with the Lord wasn't always so solid, you know, I know after you went through your breakup, you mentioned this just like we did. You went from like that to partying or like, you replaced it with other things. When was it that you realized this is not fulfilling?

[Olivia]

Yeah, I was kind of the queen of, like, having my one foot in both camps. Like, I really just wanted the best of both worlds, which is ironic, because when you live like that, you get the best of neither. And, yeah, so I, you know, was living in Chicago, was going through a breakup. You know, not the engagement, but another breakup, and just kind of started going to church because I had nothing else really. To do, and I needed friends. And then I got involved in a small group, which was amazing, and kind of opened my eyes to, like, cool Christian community. Like, I didn't really know that existed up until then. And I kind of felt this nudging to go to this program called Alpha, which is awesome. If you had the opportunity to do it, you totally should. And through that kind of, like, what you were saying, like, I just had this moment of. It just became real to me. Like, just having the relationship with Jesus just became real. And that's when, like, my heart started to kind of totally change. So not to say that, you know, from there, it's been perfect ever since, like, right. Coming out of that program, I was on this, like, spiritual high. I was like, this is awesome. And then started getting pursued by a guy who was, you know, not a super strong Christian, but really hit every one of my, like, weaknesses when it would come to guys that I would normally date. Like, super confident, athletic, competitive, funny. Just, like, we were great friends. And in my mind, I'm like, you know what? I can be Christian enough for both of us. He'll come to church with me, and that's fine. That'll work. It's all fine. And push came to shove, and it was not fine. And thankfully, he was kind of the one who put the end to that, because I would have hung on way longer because it's just old habits die so hard. I just wanted so hard to exhaust every option to make it work. Because I'm like, well, maybe, you know, maybe we can make it work. Like, maybe he'll start coming to church and whatever. All the things we tell ourselves. But. But yeah, so that was kind of a. An interesting experiment for me to kind of try dating, like, the right way, like, with this kind of new heart change in me, and which was, you know, I'm thankful for it. It still hurt. Even though I kind of knew deep down, like, yeah, this isn't. This isn't it. But I think you just have. I just have to, you know, continue to keep learning, like, what dating look on this side of things, man, that.

[Sadie Robertson]

Is so real and so good. I certainly experienced that too. Just another guy coming in and checking all the boxes of, like, what would get me and be like, oh, man, this is awesome. Because we were friends and everything, and it was actually in that relationship that I kind of let my guard down a little bit on, like, the things that I prioritized when it, or I guess knew were important when it came to dating, because I thought because this person was a Christian, that he was going to lead like that. But you cannot let your guard down and just assume the other person is where you're at or going to lead like that. Because again, kind of like you said, I would let it go a lot further because I wasn't strong enough at the time. You know, I let my emotions take control, I let all of that get in the way. And I've surprised myself and how I allowed that to go on. But at the same time, I'm like, well, I'm a vulnerable person, you know, like we all are. And so again, that was a secretive thing. I wasn't opening up to my friends, I wasn't sharing. And so therefore you're vulnerable to your emotions, you're vulnerable to this relationship. And so I do think, like, it is so important as women and men too. If you're listening to this, like, hold strong, hold strong to your convictions. Be on guard. Like you, it is your responsibility to guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of your life, you know, so it's like that's your job to do that. It's not your boyfriend's job necessarily to guard your heart at that point. Like, yes, he should guard your heart, he should care about your heart. But the Bible says above all else, guard your heart. Like you are taking a little bit that responsibility, a lot of that responsibility. And so I think one thing we've all talked about is we had, and I don't know how much we've said it on the podcast, more than we said it before. We had these certain things that were important to us going into a relationship. And then over time those things became less important. Not because they weren't so important, but because emotions took over or lust took over or whatever it was took over. And after the fact, when we broke up, those are the things we regret letting go of. Was the boundaries we set going in, was the conviction we set going in, was the on guardness we set going in. And I just think that too many times I would let them have my heart instead of guarding my heart. And man, I just can't stress enough. Like, go, if you're not in a relationship, like kind of write some things out for what dating is going to look like for you. Like, this is what I want it to look like. This is the expectation that I have in dating. Now, I'm not saying, like, make a list of how he needs to be and all because that's what we like to do. We like to make the list of like how he's gonna be? No, like, how are you gonna be? Like, how am I gonna act in a relationship? How am I gonna be treated? Allow myself to be treated? How am I going to, like, pursue this? Because that's gonna help you so much. It's kind of like building your case. It's like building out your intentions and then sticking to that. Because when Christian and I started dating, we started our relationship so different than any relationship I had been in, because I knew I have to do. We started out before we even went on a date. We read through Proverbs together, and I can't even tell you how helpful that was. It was so helpful because we both started out. I mean, Proverbs starts, fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. So we start out with a foundation of wisdom coming from the word. When it came to convincing my friends, like, my friends were unsure about our relationship not because of him, but really because of me, I never felt the need to convince them of who he was. I was like. Like this. The fruit will do the talking. Like, they will see. But more than that, I remember Lainey saying, like, at the time her dad said that, she's like, I don't need to see the person. I need to see how you are, because, like, you will tell me everything I need to know about the person. And I was, like, the best version of myself with him. Like, he was protecting my heart. He was affirming the things that I had come in feeling strongly about. He was right there with me and all those things, and then also leading me in some things. Like, I remember some of his convictions were actually stronger than mine. Like, I didn't necessarily have that as a boundary, and he was, like, adamant about that. And then I was like, that was very respectable to me, you know? And so I think when you start a relationship off with, like, your intentions of what this is going to be, you're able to hold strong. Not because you're having to hold it all. They're holding it, too. They're holding their weight. They're holding their conviction. They're guarding their heart. You're doing the same thing. Just sets you up so much better. Because we've taught so much about how, like. Like, we didn't date well. So our breakups are bad. So we do need to talk a little bit about how you do date well. So, Lydia, you want to talk a little bit about dating? Reeves? Well, and some things that y'all did that you feel, like, helped you a lot in the process of being where y'all are at.

[Lydia]

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[Sadie Robertson]

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[Lydia]

I think with Reeves, like you said, I just knew I knew one. I also, I didn't want to date Reeves until I felt like I was ready to date. Well, you know, and, and I really wasn't. Which we've talked about this before on the podcast, but when Reese first came to me and told me how he felt about me, I was not ready to date. Well, and even. And at that time, I might not have even admitted that, but I wasn't. And, and the Lord was so gracious in that regard to kind of keep us apart for a little bit longer. And then when we came together to date, did like you said, it was so different than anything I had ever been in before because it was truly with a foundation of Jesus Christ being like the center of that relationship. And so, I mean, our first date, the first day, we're sitting across the table from each other and we're talking about how we want to be pure in this relationship, how we want to honor the Lord in this relationship, how we don't want it to look like what it's looked like before, like we want this to be what the Lord wants it to be wholeheartedly, you know, and that was so different. You know, that would never have been a conversation in a past relationship at all unless it was a joke, you know, honestly. And. And so we were our first date, we were saying this, which we talked about it before, even our first date, but especially just that first date when it was like, this is really happening. We said this, like, we will date. Right? Right. Like we went into it saying that. And I've. I've said this before too. I really did. Even before Reeves, I remember praying because we as I was just weak. I was just weak. And I remember praying, lord, I need you'd to send me a strong man who will lead me how youw want him to lead me, and who will point me to youo and who will not. You know, when I'm weak, I need him to be strong, and when he's weak, I want to be strong for him. Like, I remember praying those Specific prayers and God will. He comes through when we're praying, things like that. You know, like, he wants that for us, too. And Reeves really was that person for me. And so throughout our relationship, it really was like, when I was weak, he was able to be strong. And when he was weak, I was able to be more strong. And that was, again, just the Lord's grace over both of us and in our relationship. And did we do it all perfectly? Like, no, of course not. We didn't do it perfect because we're humans and we're flawed. But we truly. I can say with 100% confidence, we truly pursued the Lord with everything we had in our dating relationship, with everything we had. And I never. I truly. Before Reeves, I really didn't think that that would be my story. You know, I really didn't think that that would be possible. And it was. But only by the grace of God was that possible.

[Sadie Robertson]

You know, I think it's like, it's the difference in going from how we all used to be, like, oh, they're Christian. They check the box. To being like, no, I. My relationship with the Lord is the most important thing in my life. So we need to establish this before even our second date. Like, that's where I'm at. And then when you hear that back from the other side, it's not just like, oh, they're a Christian. It's like they are pursuing the Lord. They are pursuing a godly relationship. Like, that's what they want. Then you're like, okay, because then I'm not gonna carry the weight of this relationship. Being pure. Like, you're gonna do it, too. And not even just pure. I'm not even just talking about, like, don't have sex. I'm talking about like, a pure in heart. Like a kind. Like a caring for one another's life and mental state and, well, being and being the biggest cheerleader and actually being a best friend. Not just, oh, we're best friends. No, like, they're your best friend. Like, all of the different things that's so, so, so important when you. When you make that jump from, like, oh, it's just a part of our relationship to it's our whole relationship. Yeah, it's a part of. No, it's the foundation of our relationship.

[Lydia]

Before the relationship begins.

[Sadie Robertson]

It's like. I mean, people quote that all the time when it says, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Well, if that's going to be a banner over your life, then who you marry is going to carry that with you. So I think going into a relationship going, okay, if. If me and my house are going to serve the Lord, is this person going to be a person that establishes the household of serving the Lord? And when you see that in someone, it's like, okay, this is a good relationship. Now. Sometimes you're going to date an awesome Christian guy, and that's still not going to be your person, and that's okay. That was a weird thing for me, was breaking up with someone who was great. Yeah, that was like. Because I'd only been through, like, oh, it was so bad. So we break up. I remember the first time, like, I broke up with someone who was actually just awesome and feeling like, oh, this is, like, so risky because he's such a good person. And what if I don't find, you know, another person that's so good? But, like, at the end of the day, I knew he wasn't my person. And that's where you just have to have faith in the Lord and go, like. Like, okay. Confidence in the things we hope for, assurance and the things we don't see. But if you haven't, like, if I don't have a piece about this, it's not right. I'm gonna trust you. And I remember breaking up with this person who was truly just, like, salt of the earth guy, so kind, didn't do anything wrong, in fact, did everything right. And that's what kind of even made me realize it's not right is because I'm like, I should be in love with you, but I'm just not for some reason. Well, then six months later, I meet Christian, and I know why. You know, he was my person. That's who God had for me. And chemistry wise, it was just there. Whereas this other person, he was a great guy. I just didn't have chemistry. Like, I just didn't like him like that. And I think a lot of girls are like, okay, well, I guess I'll break it with the guy I have chemistry with. You know, date the guy that's godly. And then they're, like, scared to break it with the godly guy because, well, what if, you know, he's godly? I think you do also need to be in love with him. Don't think, like, there's both.

[Lydia]

Like, God wants you to have both.

[Sadie Robertson]

You're gonna have, like, the godliness and the chemistry. Like, you actually get to love them and, like, want to marry them and have all the passion and all the love, but also, like, the godliness in the relationship. Like, both really are important. And so, like, wait for that. Like, you're worth waiting for that. The relationship is worth waiting for. And you can have both. And I know when you go through a breakup, it seems impossible. It seems so far out. It seems like this is ever going to happen. And you really just have to trust the Lord's timing. Because when you hear people's stories of how they met. I love hearing people's stories of how they met. I ask people almost every time they're on the podcast, how'd you and your husband meet? Because it's always like, such a God thing. Like, you're not looking. It just happens. It just, you know, and that's where you really just have to trust God with your story, you know? And that's what's gonna be amazing, Liv, as time goes on to just see what God has for you and how that unfolds. And what a joy to rest in the fact that God has your future. And knowing that you don't have to do anything to strive to find your husband, to search the world. How could you? But you get to rest in knowing that, like, you're making yourself available and God's gonna bring the right guy at the right time. But before that comes, you're whole before that comes, like, God's got you and just a beautiful thing. And so I think if you hear anything in all of this, and I hope you heard a lot, I hope you take a lot. I sure have. Can I say one more listening? Oh, yes. Before we wrap up, please do you.

[Lydia]

If you're the girl who's either in the relationship still because of, like, an attachment, or maybe you're in the post, like, breakup and you're hurting because of some sort of attachment, whether that was a boundary crossed or. In my story, you know, I walked through something really traumatic with one of my boyfriends, and I didn't realize it until years later, really and truly. But because of that traumatic experience that we had together, I. I put everything I had in his hands because I truly believed that it was. If it wasn't going to be him, it would be nobody else, you know, And I feel like a lot of people kind of put them might find themselves in a situation like that. I know that's a vague. A vague experience. But again, whether that's a boundary crossed or a traumatic experience that you go through together or whatever it may be. For me, I remember convincing myself, well, if it's not him, then no one else is going to love me because of this thing that we walked through, you know, and. And so for the longest time, that was why I stayed, you know, looking back, because the relationship was not good. There was a lot of hurt and pain, but I had convinced myself, if it's not him, no one else will ever love me. Or if it's not him, what if he tells. You know, like, what if he goes and tells everyone about this? Or what if, you know, just lies just would flood my mind. And I know that y'all have experienced some, like, similar kind of things, and I feel like a lot of people have. When you walk through something with someone or you've crossed a boundary with someone, the lies that flood your mind, they just begin to sound like the truth.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yeah.

[Lydia]

You know, and that was my story, was the lies began to be the truth in my life. And it was that, if it's not him, it'll be no one else. And then we broke up. And that's why that devastation was there, because those lies were my truth, that it's not him. So now I'm. Now I'm. You know, I'm ruined. Like, I'm damaged. I'm ruined. No one else is going to be able to look past this. And. And so for years, I even held on to that. I didn't tell anyone else. I. I held those lies to myself and to my chest. And, you know, and then Reeves was the first person I told about that, who is. Who is my husband now. And obviously he loves me.

[Sadie Robertson]

He.

[Lydia]

The lies were not the truth, you know, But I just want to say that for the girl who may be staying in a relationship because of a scenario that you might relate to, similar to that of, if it's not him, it won't be anyone else, because there's no one else that could forgive me or could love me. That's not true. And that's a lie straight from the enemy. And there is so much freedom to be found, no matter what it is. Like, it doesn't matter what it is. Those are lies in your mind, you know, and the breakup, like, you. I said it's kind of similar because, you know, you were engaged, like, you had it all. And so it's so hard to see, like, how could I really do this? How could I go through with this? But it's so worth it, because it is so worth it to be. To not even to be alone, like it's worth it. It's better than being with the wrong person, you know, that the Lord didn't intend for you to ever be with.

[Sadie Robertson]

That's so true. Lydia, I'm so glad you said that, because similar, when we talked about this, there were things in my mind that made me not break up because of attachments that I had, because of secrets that either we did and needed to keep or secrets that I told him that I was scared would get out if not, or just bonding things that. That he knew that I thought, okay, this bonds me to this person forever, and it can't not be him. And then the fear of, like, will someone else love me because of these things and all those different things. But even sometimes it's not even just your own mind that's telling a lie. I remember someone else actually telling me that. I remember someone telling me, no one's gonna love you, you know, because of that. And like, how could you be in another relationship? And so then it's like your insecurities affirmed because you're like, oh, man, if that person said it is true and still not true. Just because someone gives you advice doesn't mean it's good advice. You know, I think that's something a lot of people need to learn, is discernment and friendships and. And when someone says something, you know, they could be acting out of their own insecurity, they could be acting out of jealousy. They could be acting out of their own past, their own behavior. Doesn't mean it's true. And I remember that being, like, so scary to me. Like, would I be able to find someone that loved me because of the things that we had done? And, you know, like you said, there's forgiveness for every aspect. There's grace for every aspect. But because the blood of Jesus covers all, you know, one, God will forgive you. God will redeem it. God will make your story right. There's nothing that bonds you too close to a person that God cannot completely heal and redeem. Yes, literally, if he could roll a tomb and walk out of the grave dead to alive, he can redeem anything. He can resurrect any part of your life. And so you need to realize that. That there is hope in the future. Future. And then if God has a person for you in marriage, then guess what? If that person believes in the power of God too, he'll believe it over your life. And that was one of those powerful things about Christian and I in our dating relationship was hearing each other's past and realizing one. We can forgive each other for the past that we're bringing into this because we've both been forgiven, because we've both been healed, because we've both been Redeemed. And so in both of our stories, thinking, thinking, will someone ever love me again? Will somebody get over it? Will. Will I find forgiveness? We both did. But you find it in Christ first. And then if a person loves Christ, he'll find it in you too, because he sees you through the lens of Christ. And that's the beauty of having a godly relationship, is that you have God in the relationship. You have a redeemer in the relationship. You have the ultimate forgiver, the ultimate, the. The form of love, like grace and in and of itself. And so it's absolutely true for every friend out there listening, there is not one thing you have walked through that God cannot redeem in your life. There's not one thing that you and a person have done that is too far for God to make whole again. And if there is a. If there is fear is a. The reason you're staying in a relationship, then it is not a good reason to stay in a relationship. That is fear talking. That are those are lies talking, thinking, trust God enough that he has better for your life and trust God enough that he is better for your person's life and allow that person to go. I mean, the part of that surrender part is knowing that person's going to marry someone else. And that's hard to come to the terms with. But at the same time, you're going to marry someone else, God has something better for both of you. And so you have to trust God with your story. You have to trust God with your future. And know that interesting God, although it's hard, is the best thing that could possibly happen to life. And again, we're coming at this from a testifying perspective. You know, I'm so thankful to be married to Christian and have our girls and have another baby on the way, walking in a redemption part of the story. But I'm so thankful God redeemed me first. And I know God has that for you. The minute you trust him, the minute you give your life to him and surrender it to him. And so trust him with your future and know that you have a lot of sisters and friends out there who have walked through it, who have overcome it, and who God's gotten through. And he can do that for you. So thank y'all so much for just sharing your story. I know it's so vulnerable. It's so hard to come on here and talk about the hard things in life, but, man, it's so worth it. And the reality is we're all going through life together. We're all experiencing such similar things. And so much of your wisdom, man. Blessed me so much. I know. Bless other people.

[Lydia]

Thanks. Thanks.