I Was Good at Faking It. But God Wasn't Fooled | Sadie Robertson Huff & Lacy Abercrombie

Summary

Episode Summary: "I Was Good at Faking It. But God Wasn't Fooled" with Sadie Robertson Huff & Lacy Abercrombie

In this deeply engaging episode of the WHOA That's Good podcast, host Sadie Robertson Huff sits down with her good friend and fellow influencer, Lacy Abercrombie. Together, they delve into personal stories of authenticity, faith, and transformation, providing listeners with heartfelt insights and powerful testimonies about overcoming pretense to embrace genuine spiritual growth.

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Introduction to Lacy Abercrombie

The episode kicks off with Sadie warmly welcoming Lacy, highlighting her presence in social media, women's conferences, and her humorous TikTok and Instagram content. Their lighthearted banter sets the stage for a candid conversation ahead.

Notable Quote:

• Sadie (01:31): "We have an incredible guest on the podcast that you'll probably recognize because she's probably made you laugh on TikTok or Instagram..."

The Genesis of Jesse Beth

Lacy introduces her online persona, Jesse Beth, a satirical character she created to critique shallow Christian practices and judgmental attitudes within the church. Initially, Jesse Beth gained popularity, allowing Lacy to gain a significant online following.

Notable Quote:

• Lacy (06:11): "Jesse Beth was birthed out of people wanting to put us in a box and believe about us without knowing anything."

Spiritual Awakening and Shift in Content

Two years prior, Lacy experienced a profound spiritual awakening that prompted her to retire the Jesse Beth character. She realized that while her online presence was growing, it lacked depth and authenticity. This moment of conviction led her to embrace genuine discipleship and incorporate gospel messages into her content.

Notable Quote:

• Lacy (16:10): "I was just living a life in chaos, pretending... but God intervened and changed everything."

Personal Struggles and Redemption

Both Sadie and Lacy openly discuss their personal struggles with addiction and the facade they maintained to appear “perfect” in the eyes of others. Lacy shares her journey from an 11-year secret pornography problem to two and a half years of sobriety, emphasizing the importance of confession and discipleship in her recovery.

Notable Quote:

• Lacy (14:04): "I was hiding my pornography problem until I was 21... that grip was so strong."

The Power of Discipleship and Mentorship

Lacy recounts a pivotal moment at a women's conference where, despite initial self-doubt and a failed performance, she received unwavering support from fellow Christians. This mentorship was instrumental in her transformation, highlighting the significance of having a supportive faith community.

Notable Quote:

• Lacy (24:24): "Kristen stayed till I felt confident. That was my first glimpse of the Lord wanting me to do this."

Understanding Authentic Faith vs. Hypocrisy

The conversation shifts to a theological discussion about hypocrisy, drawing parallels between their lives and biblical figures like the Pharisees and Judas. They explore the importance of aligning actions with faith, emphasizing that true love for God is demonstrated through genuine behavior and not mere appearances.

Notable Quote:

• Sadie (32:35): "Jesus calls them hypocrites... it's about your relationship with God, not the crowd."

Encouragement for Singles and Embracing Singleness

Towards the end of the episode, Sadie invites Lacy to offer encouragement to single listeners. Lacy shares her perspective on singleness as a gift rather than a temporary season, advocating for a deeper relationship with God and trusting Him to fulfill personal desires.

Notable Quote:

• Lacy (64:34): "Jesus is the dream. He redefines who we are as people. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Humor as a Tool for Healing

Both hosts discuss the role of humor in their lives, particularly as a coping mechanism for past traumas. They agree that laughter is essential for maintaining joy amidst struggles and that integrating humor with faith can be both healing and uplifting.

Notable Quote:

• Lacy (57:25): "You have to laugh, otherwise you'll cry. Humor is essential for healing."

Closing Reflections and Personal Insights

The episode concludes with heartfelt exchanges where Sadie and Lacy express gratitude for each other's support and candidness. They reflect on the transformative power of authentic faith and the importance of community in sustaining one's spiritual journey.

Notable Quote:

• Sadie (55:58): "Our relationship with the Lord is so much deeper, so much greater."

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Key Takeaways:

• Authenticity Over Pretense: Both hosts emphasize the importance of living authentically rather than maintaining a facade to meet societal or online expectations.
• The Role of Community: Mentorship and supportive faith communities are crucial in personal transformation and sustaining one's faith journey.
• Humor and Healing: Integrating humor with faith can aid in healing from past traumas and maintaining joy amidst life's challenges.
• Embracing Singleness: Singleness is portrayed as a valuable state for deepening one's relationship with God, rather than a temporary phase to be overcome.

This episode serves as an inspiring testament to the power of genuine faith and the transformative journey from pretense to authenticity, offering listeners both laughter and profound insights into living a life true to one's spiritual convictions.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

What's up, friends? Happy Wednesday, everybody. I hope you're having a great week, but per usual. Oh, it's about to get so much better because we have an incredible guest on the podcast that you'll probably recognize because she's probably made you laugh on TikTok or Instagram or any women's conference that she's just up there crushing it. And so we actually have our good friend Lacy Abercombi here today. Thanks for being here.

[A]

Hey, thanks for having me. It's fun to be here.

[B]

It is so fun that you're here. You've, like, been integrated in the Louisiana lifestyle.

[A]

I had crawfish and you're wearing camo. Well, yeah, I. I went to go find the bathroom, and Liv was like, you're good. People like you. You know your way around. You're in the gamma. I'm like, no. Yeah. People really think I work here. I'm in Duck Dynasty. I am a duck in Duck Dynasty. I'm a duck hunter.

[B]

What do they call it? I don't see that in you. Except for your camo shirt. That's very cute and cropped.

[A]

I don't know. Okay. I will say I've never called the duck.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that what you called up?

[B]

To be honest, I've never actually called a duck either.

[A]

Bringing the duck. Like, bringing the duck.

[B]

I know. I've. I've flown a duck call, but never to a duck.

[A]

Did we ever tell you the story about the time we blew a duck call behind 2 mama just to see if she would notice when we were at ELO conference, know we. Well, we were just. Well, they gave us some here for some reason. Oh, we were blowing, blowing, blowing. And then finally she turned around and she said, you think I would notice a bad duck? We were.

[B]

That is funny. That is so funny. I love that so much. Yeah, you had crawfish. You do look so cute, by the way. And that is your brand, right?

[A]

Love your neighbors. Yeah. Love your neighbor. It's an important message. I like to wear it and do it.

[B]

Duh.

[A]

You got to do both.

[B]

I love it. That is so good. Well, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast. Like I mentioned, people probably recognize you from social media or at a women's conference or at a youth conference or anything. You've kind of been speaking around or hosting things. But your story is incredible, and we're going to get to all of those things. You have so much wisdom to share, and your heart for the Lord is so radiant. But first, I have to ask you the question I ask everyone who comes on the podcast. What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given? Boom.

[A]

And so this is such a hard question because, like, I've been. I feel like I've been given so much advice and wisdom from people who are older than me that have, like, done it way better, that I'm like, I could just go on and on and on. But I genuinely think the best piece of advice I've ever been given is to log off the Internet.

[B]

That's good. Yeah.

[A]

Because, like, for some reason, people like us when we have a platform or we think, like, we think we can't log off the Internet. And I remember, like, last year was the first time I logged off for a long time. And you've logged off for a long time, too. And I remember whenever I felt like I was supposed to log off because I was reading through Joshua and it kept saying, consecrate yourself. And I was like, who, me? Yeah. And then one of my friends lovingly was like, you know, you can log off the Internet. And I was like, but what if. I'm like, how will people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What if they forget? And the Lord was like, yeah. So I logged off the Internet, and it was the best thing I've ever done. And I highly recommend logging off the Internet if you. If, like, anything that we're, like, holding in our hands like this. And we think that we can't let go of it. It's an idol. So it's like, log off the Internet. I feel like that's a. So everybody listening, just log off.

[B]

It's so good. And coming from someone who. Yeah, like you said that that's like your thing, you know, it's to give up some sometimes that thing. But if you. If there's anything in your life where you feel like, if I got rid of that, then who would I be? Then it's.

[A]

You got to get rid of it.

[B]

Yeah. Then you got to get rid of it. Then you gotta readjust.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I talk about it all the time, and it's so cool because I don't know if you experience this, but, like, you think when you get off, it's gonna be like, oh, people are gonna forget, or it's gonna mess up the algorithm and blah, blah, all the fears that you have, all the fears. And then you get back and you're like, actually, no, nothing happened. Like, it's fine.

[A]

Yeah, nothing changes. But then you come back on. You' kind of don't.

[B]

Yeah. You don't love it as much. No, it doesn't hold the same value.

[A]

But then when you feel it creeping back up that love again in that weird.

[B]

It comes back because I. I would delete it. I'll have such fresh perspective. I'm like, oh, I'm like, never going to go back to that zone. And all of a sudden, I look at my screen time six months later, and I'm like, I'm back. Time to get back off. So that's so good. I love that. So, okay, I came to know about you because I thought you were making fun of me because I think people tagged me or something. And o. Okay, it's rude. But it's also funny because I stand by this. Some of the things that you say, even as a joke, are really. Are really good. Okay, so some of it I take as a compliment. But. But no, and I know you're being silly, and this is why.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you have this character called Jesse Beth, which I do want you to tell us all about. But this is a. This is a funny thing. So one of your Jesse Beth videos was about, like, Jesse Beth was doing a message on, like, the Barbie movie and comparing it to, like, it was like gospel Barb. Well, at our LO Conference, we did, like, Barbie theme. Yeah, well, that was a target. But you did it before we did the Barbie theme.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I saw the video before and still decided to go through with the Barbie? Because I was like, no, it's great. It's good. Okay. It's still good. Okay. But you really aren't making fun of me.

[A]

No.

[B]

And I could tell that once I saw the videos. But tell me about the character Jesse Beth and how you really got started on the Internet being known.

[A]

Yeah, well, Jesse Beth was birthed. Perhaps her. So her name's Jesse Beth. It's short for Jezebel Bathsheba, unfortunately.

[B]

Obviously, I can imagine making fun of me.

[A]

It's obviously not. But if I can imagine them, like, editing this and bleeping out Jesse. But Jezebel Bathsheba. And she. She's a women's conference speaker that you love to hate. And the only reason that I created Jesse Beth is because I was Jesse Beth.

[B]

It's fair.

[A]

Yeah. I heard a giggle from back there. I know it's funny. But I. I was her. So I used to, like, just. Jesse Beth is theologically shallow. She has nothing, no weight behind what she says. And she's, like, very judgmental. So she's the girl who, like, pulls you aside in the lobby and she's like, hey, girl, I just. I noticed you're wearing a tank top. And I just wonder if a cardigan would look cute with that outfit. Like, it's just. She's very. She's. She's everything you don't want to be. Yeah. And she's not loving and she's not kind, and she was birthed out of. People would ask me, you know, dating advice. I remember specifically one girl, she was like, I really have a crush, and his name was Manny. And I just pulled the book, like, nearest to me and put my finger in it, because you know how we, like, preach with our Bibles finger, you know, And I started preaching a message on how he's a man, knee of God. And it just kind of became this thing, like, I just have this voice that I can go into, and it's, like, real breathy and, you know, and I turned. You gotta have the key. Yeah.

[B]

The keys in the back.

[A]

Like, if the band could just come up, that'd be. And. Because if the, like, pad isn't playing, then the spirit can't fall. And so all those things at once, like, basically just took all the things that people think about and, like, put us in a box. I say us because I know now I do it too. Put us in a box and believe about us without knowing anything. Because people will take, like, a snippet of a sermon or a Snippet of you being on stage, and they'll just completely take it out. And you're like, okay, that's not even what I meant. And so that's where Jesse Beth was born. And I just started, like, taping inanimate objects to my face. When I told your dad that last night, he said, so why were you doing that? That was his one question. I'm like, why were you? I'm telling you all about this weird character I played, and you're concerned about why I'm taping weird stuff in my face. He's like, I don't understand. I'm like, it's a fake mic. That part really got him. He was. I don't understand. I'm like, okay, so that's kind of how Jesse Beth was born. And so basically, like, two years ago, two Febr ago, when I felt the Lord really convict, because unfortunately, my platform started growing before my character was ready. And so I just started blowing up on the Internet, and I had no depth to me at all. And so Jesse Beth was taking over, and I was going viral, and I was like, this is a dream come true. I'm a Kardashian now. This is perfect. And pride and all the. All of the worst parts of having a platform got to my head and about two years ago is whenever the Lord just put me flat on my face and. And was like, why are you doing this? What is this for? And it was for me. And so there was a big shift in my content. You'll see, like, two years ago, now, they have gospel messages in them. And that's. Barbie was one of those. So that's. You actually thought it was good is because. And there's a message.

[B]

Some of them are really good. When you talked about how all you girls on Instagram, you say, like, I ate this, and I'm all that. I was like, eve ate first the apple.

[A]

And you're like.

[B]

I was like, dang, that was actually really good. Like, I would have definitely wanted to preach that.

[A]

Like, well, it's funny. People will comment and be like, why is this actually good?

[B]

Yeah, no, it is good. So I love that your content shifted because you're still funny. And you can tell that it's like. You can tell it's not your normal person because of the way that you're, like, the outfit you're wearing and the hair that you have and the way you're talking and the keys are underneath you. And so it is kind of a joke, but the content is actually really good. And you can actually learn from it. So you're laughing and learning. Friends, I want to invite you to something that is truly so close to my heart and even more so lately, and that is Scripture Translation movement with the Illuminations 12 verse challenge. To be honest, and I've said this before, but I cannot imagine my life without the Bible. And the reality is there are so many people in the world who don't have that wisdom to turn to, don't have that comfort, don't have that hope that we have in Jesus. So I feel so blessed to have God's Word within my reach every single day. But right now There are over 3,000 different people groups, which is about a billion people who don't have access to scripture in their heart language. And that's why I've been partnered with Illuminations and am so proud to be partnered with them. They're an alliance of eleven Bible translation ministries working together to end Bible poverty in our generation, which is so wild. That used to seem absolutely impossible, but now it actually could be done by 2033. So how cool is that, what God is doing around the world? Here's what I want you to do though, because we have to be a part of this. We gotta take the 12 verse challenge for 35amonth. You can actually help fund 12 verses of scripture every year to people who don't have access to it or little access to the Bible. Together we've already helped fund the equivalent of four gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John for a people group that had never had the Word in their language before. And now we are going to do it again. I actually just got to go to Canada and meet with so many of these people who are on the ground doing this work and they're literally risking their lives like walking for days to different countries to deliver the Word. They're actually been imprisoned because of them delivering the Word to these unreached people group. And so they're giving their everything. I think y' all, that's the least we can do to join in in the way that we can serve and maybe that is by giving a month. So this is how we're going to join the movement. Pull out your phone right now, click the link in the show notes or go to 12vc.com sister and commit to the 12 verse challenge again. That's the number one, the number two VC.com sister we're going to be in this until everyone everywhere has access to God's word. Visit the number12vc.com sister to join the movement today. I Feel like it's so cool to see that God took this gift that you had. And you, you know, before you had your character, you kind of blow up with it. You realize, okay, this is not fulfilling. But now he's like, okay, now that you've stewarded it, now that we've shaped it a little bit, we pruned some things off. Like, no, you still get to do it. Still go make people laugh, still go do the thing. What. What aspects of Jesse Beth did you. Because you said, like, I. I was her. What aspects of her did you relate to so much?

[A]

I think, for many years of my life, you know, and it's. It's like, it's. It's a sad thing. Like, I actually grieve the years of my life that I. That I pretended. It was a long time, though, that I pretended to, like, love the Lord. So I just thought that when I came to know Jesus for the first time, I did. I wasn't discipled. So discipleship is key, because otherwise, if. If. If we just accept Jesus and say, yes, pray the prayer, but we don't know what to do after that. I didn't know what to do after that. I just was like, okay, I'm gonna pray the prayer, and that's kind of it. And then I just go back into my home that was full of chaos.

[B]

Disorder, relatable to so many people.

[A]

Yeah. And then you're like, well, I don't. So I'm just gonna keep. Like, people already know I'm a Christian, so I just got to keep being this Christian. So I'd, like, go to youth group, and I would memorize the lyrics of worship songs so that I could close my eyes during them because everyone else was closing. I didn't understand that I was worshiping a risen savior. Like, I just was like, I. I gotta do. I gotta do this thing. Well, that bleeds into every part of your life, and it's so hard to unwire. And so it was like, just. I was just. It was so deeply woven in me to pretend. And so one of those ways, like, I would post scriptures on my Facebook. I remember that I didn't even know what they meant. And I. You know that the Facebook memories come back.

[B]

Oh, they haunt us. I'm like, 11 years ago. I know I don't need to see it.

[A]

I'm like, that is not who I am in Jesus name. Even two years, like, reminding me. Delete that. How we scrub that. But I would post scriptures on Facebook that sounded good because I'm like, okay, everybody else, this is what I see people doing. And I'm trying to do the right thing and play the part. And so Jesse Beth, Like, I think there was just a stark realization. Like, I think Jesse Beth at first was born out of deep hurt. Like, I was wounded from just church relationships and things that I had done at a church and just who I had been at the church. I think it was birth. And I've only learned this recently. This is in the last, like. Like five months.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That I've learned that. I think Jesse Beth was actually born out of hurt. And when it started blowing up and going viral, I was like, oh, people love this. People want this. People need this. Without really considering, is this causing more pain to the church? Am I building up the body? Like, is this something that's helpful? I didn't consider those things because I just was like, I'm famous, so it doesn't really matter what's happening. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

And didn't you kind of start to realize that people who were identifying with Jesse Beth and loving it were hurt by the church?

[A]

Were hurt?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was A lot of people who had, you know, walked away from the church, and a lot of people who weren't believers anymore was a stark realization. Like I said two years ago, that was whenever I was like, something has to change. Because it was like, when you have a platform, it doesn't mean you have an anointing.

[B]

Come on, girl.

[A]

That sucks. You know, I mean, a lot of we. And when I got my platform, I was not living out of anointing. I was not living the Holy Spirit. I was not being indwelled by the Holy Spirit and moving by Him. You know what I mean? I didn't even know how to do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Properly. And so. But I was pretending. And so when I say that Jesse Beth came from me being her, it's because I knew all the things to say and I knew all the judgments to make, but I didn't know why I was making them or why I was saying them or why my eyes were closed during worship. I didn't understand. I just wanted so badly to, like, look like all these other Christians.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And do what all these other. I'm like, they look so happy and fulfilled. Why am I not see. Because there's a deep mist, man.

[B]

That's so real. The way you just articulated that is so good. And honestly, I feel like it relates to so many people because a lot of people are in that space with church where they know the right thing to say. They know the right way to act. And I've actually been studying this in the Bible because I was like, who in the Bible did that? Well, first the Pharisees. I mean, Jesus calls them out so many times. There's one verse that got me. I was reading it the other day, and it was. It's like the chapter where it says, like, seven woes to the Pharisees. But before it gets to that, he, like. Before he gets to all the, like, bad stuff, and he's like, you hypocrites. You hypocrites. It's so interesting because Jesus says to the people, he says, these Pharisees, he says something about how, like, they know the law of Moses. And he said, listen to the things that they say, but don't live the way that they live. They don't practice what they preach. And I was like, ooh, isn't that crazy? Because, like, I was, like, in my own life, checking myself, because in the past, I feel like this is. Back in, like, my teenage years, I got a platform also before my character was formed. And there were certain aspects of the way that I knew what to say. That was the right thing to say in the right space. But I couldn't live it in my life because I hadn't been transformed. And so I'm like, in relationships that are not healthy, but relationship goals on the Internet and, you know, all the different things. And I just was thinking about me when I read that, and I was like, man, what would Jesus have said about my life at that time? It would have been the same thing. It would have been like, yeah, she's saying good things. Listen to what she's saying, because she's talking about the Bible and she's giving good advice, but don't live the way she's living. And, like, that's so convicting. And there's no fruit, like. And at the end of the day, I mean, he says about the Pharisees, they got their reward, you know, like, the applause of man was the reward. And you've been on stage before. Applause last for a second, and you get off, and then you're faced with, like, who you really are and eternity. We're faced with the Father himself. Like, we want to. This is not about the crowd. It's about your relationship with God. So I can totally relate to that. And then the other guy that I was like, oh, this is real. This is not. Not to get too deep too fast, but this is just real. Is Judas. He totally, totally acted like he had it all together those three years, and he. Even that verse, whenever it's like right after, you know, Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus, and then she pours out her oil and Jesus, like, we should give this money to the poor. It's like, oh, what a. What a religious thing to say. What a spiritual thing to say. And it says, he didn't say this because he cared about the poor, because he was a hypocrite. Well, that was obviously written hindsight 20 20. That was not written at the time. That was written later when they found out who Jesus, Judas character really was. Then fast forward to the, like, next page, and it's, you know, Jesus washing the feet of Judas, knowing he was about to betray him. Then what does Judas do? He goes and betrays him. But it's so interesting to me because even in that passage, it says that Jesus says, you know, whoever I give this to is the one that's gonna betray me. And after he gave it to Judas and he said, go do what you're gonna do. And it says none of the disciples knew what he was talking about because that's how much you can fake it. That not even your closest friends can know, that you're not living a true life, you know, And. And so I just think that the message you're preaching and sharing and being vulnerable about and honest about is a life a lot of people are living. Not realizing the seriousness and the gravity of where that leads to, the weight that leads to. It's a scary place to be. And so 16 minutes into the podcast, I would just say from two people who pretended, acted it out. I mean, when Jesus actually called the Pharisees hypocrites, if you study that word, and I do not know Greek, I do not know the meaning of words, but that one I do. It literally is translated to an actor on a stage. Like, if you're being an actor on a stage, stop acting like, come clean, tell somebody. Get real. And I understand that you had a very get real moment that began to change everything. Literally faced in front of a mirror. But I want to hear how it shifted, because clearly you're actually sold out for Jesus now. Clearly your relationship with the Lord is so real and so authentic. What changed?

[A]

Sorry. You know, there's. There's such a. Sorry. When we're talking about Judas and, you know, the weight and the responsibility, I just. It's like, I just don't want people to listen to this and hear what we're saying and feel shame, because it's not shame. Our Hearts and I know yours is the same, is that people are living half alive. I grieve, I'm crying, I'm emotional because for half of my life I lived half life and there's so much that I missed out on for so many years of my life and I know nothing is wasted. But I also know that I, I lived in so much sin while telling a different story. And you, you know, you ask like what shifted, what changed? And for me what's crazy is that I was invited to a women's conference, an event in Florida. And I remember when I got the email and I saw the lineup of speakers, I actually was like I don't think they meant to send this to me because I was, I remember texting one of my best, best best friends a few days before that and saying I think I'm done like with ministry. I don't think I'm, I don't think I'm meant for it. Which I really wasn't at the time but I was just done because I wasn't getting opportunities. And that was all it was about for me, you know, that's all it was about because I was living for me. I was chasing mean and just I'm like how do I get, how do I make myself more known? How do I elevate myself more? And I got this email and I was like this is crazy. I said yes, didn't even pray or think. I was just like absolutely, I'll be there. And I'll never forget it was in February and there's this great like snowstorm and my flight got delayed three times and then canceled and there was no way for me to get to this conference. And I was like well I guess I'm just not supposed to go. And on the other side of my I guess I'm just not supposed to go were the faithful prayers of that women's conference team. Kristen, Patricia, Chrissy, Amy, on their faces in prayer meeting with the Holy Spirit specifically Kristen told me when I got there, she's like the Holy Spirit told me you had to be here. And I was like okay know cuz then I'm like okay, cool and I'm here. They ended up sending me a car service that drove in the ice snowstorm four hours to Houston to fly out of Houston like cuz they were like we're stopping at nothing. And I think I look back and I'm like God stops at nothing when he needs his children to do something or see something or realize something. And I've lived that and so in that I remember, like driving to Houston and being like. Like, this is so. I'm like, with a driver. I'm like, what is happening? You know? And I get there and I was doing Jesse Beth Live for the first time. So I'd never gone on stage and like done it, but it was an SNL style monologue. So it was just like this 25 minute, you know, and they had given me a ton of content to go from. They have amazing sense of humor. That church is just. It was incredible. And so I get up to like, practice and I totally bomb it. And I was like, I don't want to do this because doing comedy to an empty room, mic checking. I'm like, this is humiliating. No one laughed. I'm like, I'm not doing this. And one of their women team members, her name's Pat, She. She was like, why don't I just come? Like, what are you doing after this? Like, you. You're really stressed. Why don't I just come wherever you're going to be and we'll just go over it until you feel confident. And I just remember that was like my first glimpse of like, the Lord is like really wanting me to do this. Lord is really present for her. She came to my hotel and stayed there till 1:30 in the morning. Yeah. Wow. Just help. Until she was like, until you feel confident, I will be here. We had a whole conference. She had a whole conference to run the next day. You know, she was waking up hours later. Yeah. Yeah. And it was such an impactful thing for me because she did. She stayed till I felt confident. I felt confident. Fam.

[B]

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[A]

The next day, I go and I'm hearing from all these amazing leaders, like Lisa Harper, Christine Kane, irene Rollins, Christy McLellan, Kristen Bonham, like, all these amazing speakers. And I'm just sitting there, I'm like, these are. These are the. I mean, this is the Mount Rushmore of the Christian faith. These women have paved the way. Like, they are amazing. And I'm just sitting there kind of floored. Like, wow, how? And then I'm about to go up there and just make fun of all of them. And I was like, this is not going to be fun. Well, my set, I was going on after. So Irene Rollins came up and she shared her story about alcoholism and how it almost ruined her family and her marriage and her life and her ministry. And she is. She was at the time, seven years sober. She's now nine. And I was really struggling with alcohol at that time. And my dad was actually in the hospital fighting for his life because of alcoholism as well. And so my dad's a functioning alcoholic. My brother's a recovering alcoholic. And then I was. I wasn't an alcohol. I wasn't, like, reaching for a bottle at 9am, but I was drinking too much. Like, I would go out and I would. I would be getting drunk. And when Irene shared. I remember the feeling, the Holy Spirit feeling that. But you. You don't know what it is because you're not walking in it. But feeling like, I should probably tell somebody, I'm not telling anybody. That's embarrassing, humiliating. People will judge me. And I was supposed to be on the stage in 20 minutes. So they have this worship set after Irene chairs. And I go up to her and I'm like, I'm just gonna ask her to pray for my dad. Dad, like, what's the harm in that? You know? So I kneel down to ask her, and I'm like, hey, can you pray for my dad? He's in the hospital, really struggling with alcohol. She's like, yeah, of course. And so I'm like, kneeling. She's sitting in a chair, and I'm kneeling beside her, and she lays her hand on my head and starts praying for me to be free. And I was like. I mean, just lost it, you know, I'm just sobbing. I remember snot, like, falling out of my. Oh. I wasn't asking her to pray for me. But the Holy Spirit, like, the. The. The thread woven of that whole weekend was just the Holy Spirit. Like, you just look back, you see I'm like. All of these moments, like the Mike flight getting canceled to me getting there from Houston, to all the things I'm like. And the last drink of alcohol I had taken was before I got on that plane. And now I'm two and a half years sober, so it's still the last drink of alcohol I've ever took. But, wow. When she started praying for me to be free, I think she was praying for more than just freedom from alcohol, you know, in that moment, there was so much that I needed freedom from that I didn't know. Know.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And I'll never forget. Supposed to be on stage 15 minutes, and I'm wearing the bright pink blazer and that. That, like, really. I'm wearing a pink, flat brimmed hat. I look the part, you know what I mean? And I go into the bathroom, and I don't say when. When I say that I heard the Holy Spirit. I heard from the Holy Spirit. I don't say that lightly. It's terrifying. It's not something I'm just like. I just. It's not like I heard God say. It's. It's such a. I was so scared out of my mind. Like, I. I was in the. In the greener bathroom, and, you know, I was like, I gotta clean up my face because I gotta be on stage. Like, what a line, you know? And I'm in the bathroom, and I'm patting my eyes, and I'm looking at myself in the mirror, and I'm like, this is the most sober I've ever been. I'm coming. Like, I'm looking at myself and I'm Coming to the realization, like, I am a fraud. I'm a fraud. And so I heard the verse, the voice of the Lord say, do you love me? Me and my gut. I'm like, yeah, I'm at the conference. I'm doing the thing. I'm wearing the outfit. I'm about to go on the stage. Like, of course I do. This is what you do. And again, it was like thunder. It was just. It was actually terrifying. Do you love me? And I just fell to my face on the bathroom floor, you know, next to the little basket of mini deodorants and toothpicks. So real. And I just. Forehead to ground, I was like, no, because the evidence of. Of loving the Lord is fruit. There's there. I mean, I'm. I'm just like, I don't think I do. And I don't even think I know how. I don't even think I know what that means. And so real. Then I just felt him ask, like, will you love me? And I said, yes. And I. I don't think I understood in that moment what that meant and the responsibility and the weight and the obedience that's required of us, but I meant it, and I still do. And so it's beautiful. Went on the stage a few minutes later. That's. That was the moment that changed everything for me. And no one on the. I get on the stage and I'm making everybody laugh. No one knows that. Just a few minutes ago, I was in the bathroom just sobbing, crying out to the Lord, you know, and asking him, you know, to really help me. I'm like, I don't even know what to do. And so that's what shifted for me, was that moment in the bathroom. But that. What came after was the Holy Spirit had prompted the woman that's now my mentor, Amy, to FaceTime me. Like, a couple days after the conferen, she FaceTimed me, and she's like, hey, I think we should read the Bible together.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And I was like, I've never done that. Really? You know, I know some. I know, like, Jeremiah 29:11. I know a little bit of Romans 12, maybe one. But I'm like, I've never done that. And she's like, let's do it together.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And she called me every day for a year. We read the whole Bible in a year, every day to be like, hey, did you do. And she'd send me a picture of hers, and I'd send her a picture of mine back. She is the. She was the discipler that she was the Paul to my Timothy.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That literally. She, she was like, you have a calling on your life, Amy. She hasn't. She does not want any kind of fame or fortune or platform. Nothing. She was just like, I see that you have a call in your life. I know God wants to use you. Well, get up and let's go. And she just allowed me this safe place to confess my sin. And I just as my sin as it came up to here. Because once you're in dwelt with the Holy Spirit, he convicts you of your sin as it comes. Yeah. And I would be like, oh my gosh, I didn't even realize I need to say this out loud.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She gave me a safe place to confess and challenged me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hard stuff. But that was. That changed. Discipleship changes the Holy Spirit. Meeting you changes everything. And then the discipleship that comes after that. It is the greatest turning point of our lives. If someone is like, hey, I'll take you with me. That's what Jesus did. He showed them the way. He just walked with them. He's like, follow me and I'll show you how to do it. I'm like, that. It changes your life. It changed my life. It literally changed my life.

[B]

That is the. That is the most beautiful story. Honestly, like, I can relate to so much of what you just said. Like, when I look back at my story, it's actually so similar. And some of the parts that people don't even know, I don't even talk about all the time. But like, that deeply, deeply changed me. And to speak to the. The tears earlier and the no shame. This is one of the most beautiful aspects of the moment with Judas and even with Peter is that that Peter and Judas were both about to go and deny Jesus. Both of them.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Jesus knew that. And where their hearts were at. Jesus called it even before. And he gets down and he washes their feet. And so like when you say there's no shame, there's really no shame. The. The Father loves you, right? Like, regardless of what you are doing or about to do, he loves you and is pursuing you and to the level of humility to get down on his knees and. And wash your feet and purify you and cleanse you and make you right before him like that' Jesus is extending no matter what you're currently doing or about to do. And it's so beautiful because he offers the same thing to Peter that he offers to Judas, that he offers to John and James and all the other people there. And then two people do go on to deny him. You know, Judas does what Judas does. Peter does what Peter does. But then in Peter's story, there's this moment of redemption, and. And it's the words of, do you love me? And Jesus totally redeems Peter, denying him three times. And it's so interesting that that was your story, because back I think I was 19 years old, I was struggling kind of some of the hypocritical lifestyle I was living starting to catch up to me. And I had, like, gotten out of it, but I still felt guilty for it. And I was now getting, like, asked to speak places, and I didn't really feel like I should because of, like, where I had been, because I had never told anyone. I still hadn't confessed. Totally. So I did. I just never felt, like, worthy of being able to, like, preach the gospel in front of people, because I just knew what my past had looked like. And so by the grace of God, someone, actually my security guard on the tour I was on was like, hey, my wife's a counselor. Would you take a call with her? Like, I think she would just want to encourage you. I know. So random. And, like, he didn't know.

[A]

Yeah, he's a security guard.

[B]

Like, I'm not telling him what I'm going through. I'm just, like, there. And anyways, she calls me. I'll never forget. We were at Winter Jam, and so these are, like, big arena rooms. And I had, like, 10 minutes to encourage people. And this is, like, my first thing I had done in, like, ministry. And so I'm, like, walking around the stage, mic check. And. Which I hate mic checks, by the way, because it feels so awkward.

[A]

And you do a little freestyle, maybe try.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. I don't do what I'm gonna, like, actually say anymore now. I'm just like, check, 1, 2. We good? How we doing? All right, thanks. Because it feels so awkward to, like, act like you're preaching or act like you're doing. You're like, you can't do it. So I agree with you on that. So anyways, I'm walking around the stage and on this phone with this lady that I don't know. And she's like, hey, I want to take you to John 21. And she says, you know, Jesus sitting by fire, Peter. And he says, do you love me? And she literally, I'm not kidding, challenged me with that. And she said, do you love him? Yeah, literally. She's asking me this. That's why with your story, I was like, Whoa, this is so crazy. And I was like, yes. And then she's like, hey, I just want you to see Sadie. Like, Peter and Jesus had to establish a relationship, a true relationship, before Peter ever went and did anything for Jesus or in ministry. And so she was like, before you, like, go into ministry, like, you need to make sure that you really love him and your relationship is pure. Sure. So I call a mentor of mine. I was living in Nashville at the time. This mentor lived in Huntsville, Alabama. It was about an hour and a half away. I was like, hey, I'm living in Nashville now, kind of struggling honestly. And I would love. We actually had this wedding that I knew she was going to, and I was like, I would love to see you. I know you're going to that wedding. She was like, why don't you drive down to Huntsville and we'll ride to it together? Somewhere in Alabama, I can't remember. I was like, sure. So I drive down, and we're in her car, and this is so funny, but her air conditioning didn't work that day. And it was hot. It was very hot. And she never turned the radiator on, which mattered, because it was awkward. It was, like, silent and hot. And all of a sudden, I'm, like, starting to sweat, probably because there's no heat and there's no air in the car, and because there's no music, and I'm feeling weird, and I'm like. But all of a sudden, I started to feel like I need to confess. Like, I need to tell her that, like, the way I've been living. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. I've never done this before, you know, no one knows this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I start to confess, and I'll never forget. She just reaches her hand over and holds my hand. It was so sweet. And I was like, this is like. It was so crazy. And she said, you need inner healing prayer. And then I felt embarrassed, but she was like, no, like, you really do. Like, you need inner healing prayer. And, like, we're going to get. You're going to get past that. Like, do you. Jesus has forgiven you, and we're gonna make sure you forgive yourself. Which. That was the hardest part.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

So anyways, I did. And for the next year and a half, every Saturday night, I drove to Huntsville, and I learned from her, and we studied the Bible together. And I went to her church the next morning because her and her husband are pastors. And I went to all, you know, two or three services. Can't remember what they had at the time. And I just learned. And that was truly some of the most pivotal, if not not the most pivotal time. I won't even say that was the most pivotal time in my faith journey was the confession and then the discipleship. Okay, y' all. I learned this the hard way. Hydration isn't just about drinking a lot of water. It's also about balance electrolytes. Because whenever I'm running around after my girls trying to work out or even just recovering from being sick, I to need. I need to put back everything that my body's losing. I was so sick last month, y' all. My whole family was. And I can't even imagine how much worse it would have been if I wasn't hydrated. And that's why I love Element. It is a zero sugar electrolyte drink mix or sparkling water that gives your body exactly what it needs. Sodium, magnesium, potassium. Without any sugar, artificial colors, or sketchy ingredients. Each sick pack or sparkling can can give you a meaningful dose backed with real science, not just trendy buzzwords. An electrolyte imbalance can lead to headaches, fatigue, brain muscle cramps, you name it. And Element is used by everyone from Olympic athletes, special force teams, and, you know, parents like you and I living our best life, or maybe a college student out there. Literally, it's used by everyone. So no matter what your day looks like, hydration matters. And Element makes it so easy. Element is truly something Christian. And I drink on a very regular basis. If I am dehydrated, I feel it so fast my legs start cramping. I just don't feel good, especially in this pregnancy. And that's why I love Element throughout the pregnancy because it has such simple ingredients. And one thing that even my doctor has recommended to me is magnesium. And so it even has that. It's just been great for me this whole time. So get your free Element sample pack with any purchase@drink element.com Whoa. Try element totally risk free. If you don't like it, they'll refund your order, no questions asked. That's drink element.com woe. D r I N K L M N T Com Woe. I had no idea what God was going to bring me into after that. I never saw myself speaking at passion. I never saw myself like that was not the goal. That was not in mind. I couldn't have even dreamed that for myself. But thank God that he took me through that so that I would feel ready. And not that you ever really feel ready, but you know, he's in You. And you trust him enough to know, okay, if you're going to put me there and you're in me, me, then when I open my mouth, you're gonna give me the words to say, there's an overflow. What, like, this word is active and alive, and it's in me. And when I speak, it's gonna come out the way that you want it to be. Because it's not about me. It's about the people in the room. It's about you. It's about so much more. And so your story is so relatable to me for so, so many reasons. And I just look at. I'm so grateful God has elevated your platform and, like, so grateful for the way that you are showing up to different things and speaking and hosting and because, like, your voice is so needed. Your honesty is so refreshing. Your humility is so refreshing, and your humor is also so refreshing. You actually remind me a lot of Lisa Harper, because I was with her.

[A]

What a joy.

[B]

You were talking about this Judas thing recently. And I said, man, like. And the hypocritical thing, I said, what would God have thought of me back in the day? And she said, he would wash your feet just like you washed Judas feet. And it was like, man, like, sometimes, like, we're so much harder on ourselves than God is. Like, he gets down on our level. He sits by the fire and cooks breakfast and says, do you love me? You know, I want to ask because I know you have had a tough story. Your upbringing was tough. You know, I want you to share a little bit about that. And then I do want to get to asking you, like, where does your joy and your humor come from? You know, know, how did you find that in the midst of your story? If you want to share a little bit.

[A]

Yeah. So my story is a little. A little wild, a little crazy, and it's by the grace of God that I am what I am and am here today. But whenever I was seven months old, my parents got divorced. So before I could even speak, they were separated. I've never seen them in Covenant. I've never seen them, you know, coherently, at least as a baby, I guess. But my dad's a functioning alcoholic and has been my entire life. And so my dad just got divorced out of his fifth marriage. My mom's on her fourth. And the inconsistency and instability that comes with those decisions, you know, for your children, it's. It's very, very, very difficult to navigate, you know, growing up. Like, I went to a Lot of elementary schools. I had a lot of stepmom, stepdads, step siblings, who were all amazing. But it's just a lot like moving from house to house, like, and just I, I, I feel like I never had a real deep sense of belonging because I was always going new places, you know what I mean? And that was really hard. And it felt like my whole life was like meeting new people. I'm like, and now you're my mom and now you're my dad, you know? And so I, I didn't really ever feel like I had a place of belonging. And because of that, I think that I was exposed to pornography when I was 10 years old. It was by complete accident. That's usually the story, but it changed my life. I was sp, I mean, I just, like, see that you feel that rush. It's hard to get away from that. So that entered me into an 11 year secret pornography problem. I didn't confess that till I was 21.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Out loud. I never told a soul I lived in secret sin. And what a grip that has. And so from, so from 10 years old is when 10 years old is when I moved in with my dad after my mom having custody of us our whole lives. And I knew my dad, like we would have every other weekend. We'd go to Blockbuster, I'd get Mary Kate and Ashley movies out the wazoo. And my dad was my dad. Like, I just have so much compassion for him. Like, I look back and I have so many sweet memories of him. Like, brushing my hair. I would sit on the windowsill and he would like, try to blow dry my hair. God bless him. I mean, it was so sweet. Like, those are some of the fondest memories. He'd let me wear his like 2 XL T shirts. And I'm just this little tiny girl. Yeah. And those were the best moments. And he, I know that my dad did everything he could to be the dad that he, he felt like he should be, but when you're wrestling your own demons and my dad's mom passed away when he was 10. And then his dad was physically abusive to him. Dad had no way of knowing, you know? And so I just have so much compassion for him as well, because everyone's being a parent for the first time, you know what I mean? And so when we moved in with him, it was like I, I was already struggling with pornography. And then I, I had this dad that I just didn't feel connected to emotionally. And when you're 10 and in the fifth grade, it's like, it's a big year. It's a big year to be a girl. Your body's changing, your hormones changing, you're crying for no reason. You're like, I don't understand what's going on. And then you find out why you're crying so much and you're like, okay, no, I don't want to be a girl anymore. This is the worst. And. And I. I just remember, like, going to school in this town that I lived in. And it was a very wealthy place, and we grew up very, like, poor. I mean, we didn't have much. And our first, like, my first, like, real encounter with the Lord was whenever I was younger, my mom married. Her second husband was super involved in a church.

[B]

Church.

[A]

And so we would say the Lord's Prayer every night before, like, before bed. So we'd all, like, hold hands, which is a little bit odd. But I was like, okay. And so. And that man actually would physically abuse my mom. And so my brothers and I had a really skewed. We were like, is this who God is? And we'd go to this church and they would just. It was, it was. They would scare you into accepting Jesus because they would preach so much about hell. And I'm like, well, I just. I know I don't. I don't know if I want to go to heaven, but I know I don't want to go to the fiery pits, you know. And so that was our first, like, encounter with the Lord. And so. So that's kind of all I really knew about him. I knew my grandma really loved the Lord and there was, like, scripture all over her house, but I didn't have a relationship with God. So at 10 years old, I don't know who I am. I don't know really know the man I live with. I have my two brothers and it's just kind of. We're all like, ride or die, you know, We've been together our whole lives. And so I go into this school, it's very wealthy. I'm used to, not wealth. And we, like. We did the Goodwill before. It was like, popular to do the Goodwill. It was like, kind of stinky to do the Goodwill. And that's. We would like Salvation Army, Goodwill, Will. And I. I go into. And I remember I was washing my hands in the bathroom, and this girl comes up next to me and we're looking in the mirror and she's wearing this blue long sleeve Hollister shirt. You know, the ones with the little. The bird right there. And I just thought she had straight hair and I never had a straightener. And I just thought, wow, she is so cool. And we're washing her hands and she, she looks at me and she says, your cheeks are kind of big.

[B]

What?

[A]

I was like, I'd never, I'm like washing my hands and I'm like. And she like walks away and I'm like looking at myself, I'm like, what?

[B]

What?

[A]

Because I never really considered that my cheeks were big. And now I know they are. By the grace of God, they're perfect, you know, and all my, like my dimples, like, it's great, you know, you, you know, it's ridiculous. At 10, we're not thinking. I wasn't thinking about my body. And so that comment spiraled me into thinking about what I ate all the time and binging and making myself thr up. And so that spiraled me into an eating disorder. So by the time I was 16, I mean I was addicted to porn, I had an eating disorder, I was self harming as just an escape for myself. And then I had tried to take my own life three times and I'll never forget the third time, the final attempt, like driving home as if I was going to see like these buildings for the last time and I'm never going to see this again. And obviously it didn't work. And whenever I came to, my dad had sat me down and I used to wear a bangle bracelet, like a big thick wooden bracelet to hide my self harm marks. And my dad sat me down, it was by his bedside. And he just said, do you know why I keep this by my bed? And I said, no, it's an odd souvenir, you know. And he said to remind myself how much I failed as a father. And I was 16 and so broken and so desperate that it was like all I really wanted, I think was just a hug maybe. But I think in my life up to that point it had felt like everyone had always made my pain about them and it was about me and I wanted somebody to make it about me. I think all my life, like just in all the things that experienced, in all the trauma, I just wanted someone to like lock eyes with me and be like, I love you and I care for you. And I think that there was just so much pain and so much to like. I had six brothers and three sisters, step in half included at that time when I was 16. So like we would, they would have, dinner would be ready and I would literally shuffle down the stairs, make my plate and shuffle back up and no one knew if I came or went. You know what I mean? And so I didn't really have, like, I didn't feel like I had much going for me anyways.

[B]

Hmm.

[A]

But my dad told me that he said, is this is too much for me? You're too much for me. I don't really know what to do. And I'm like, I don't. I look back, I'm like, I don't really know that I would have known what to do either as a parent with that, you know, and so I understand now. But then at 16, when you're looking at the man who's supposed to, like, love and protect you and care for you, and he's telling you, like, I don't know how to do that. It's really painful and it's marking. And. And so he asked me if I. You know, he's like, I think you need to live with your grandma for a little while. And so I go live with my grandma. And I'm just thinking, this is a nightmare, because I thought was Avril Lavine. Like, I was very, like, punk rock, like, angsty, angry teenager or really dark eyeliner, black nails. Like, I was like, I'm really angry. And I'm going to go into Bible and biscuits. That's where I'm going to go. She's going to open the door, have her Jesus apron on and be like, do you know the Lord is your savior? And I'm going to be like, no, girl, get out of my way. So praise God for Joyce Marie Seals. My grandma. My nanny is what we called her. And when I got there, she was so pretty up. Like, she just, she. I. I actually believe that my nanny walked hand in hand with the Lord. I actually genuinely believe. Like, I don't think I've ever met anybody who was just so in tune with the Holy Spirit. And I would give anything to study the Bible with her now, you know, to just sit down across from her, her quiet time, and just like, tell me everything that God is teaching you. But that day, she, she. She didn't say anything to me. She was so prayed up. So for three days, she just let me have my shell space. I'm like, that's unheard of. She's like, you know what I mean? She just wants to come in and be like, you need Jesus, you know? And so by the third day, I was so bored. I had no laptop, no phone, nothing. I'm like, I would talk to a brick wall if one entered the door, you know? And so she Comes in to bring me lunch, and she, like, sits on the edge of the bed, and she's like, hey, I just have something I want you to read. No pressure. And she just slides it across the bed, and she's like, read it if you want. If you're. You know. And I loved poetry. I loved reading. I love writing. Like, it was my favorite thing, but. So she walks out of the room. I pull it over. Spoiler alert. It is the Bible. And it's open to Psalm 139. And, like, I had just said before about, like, you. You. I shuffle down to dinner, and no one knows if I come or if I go. And then I'm reading Psalm 139 that says, where can I go to flee from your spirit? Where can I go to hide from your face? If I ascend into heaven, you're there. If I go to the depths, you're there. And you encircle me. The CSB says, you encircle me. You place your hand on me. Your thoughts about me outnumber the grains of sand. When I'm. When I wake up, you're. You're still with me. You're everywhere I go because you care and you love me so much. You knitted me together in my mother's womb. Every day of my life was planned out. Before I breathed a single breath. I was just, like, shocked. And I knew that it was for me.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Like, and it wasn't just a L. Like, it wasn't just, like, a. Like, a love. Like, anything I'd experience. It's like, this is. Talking about a love of. That is way beyond. I mean, David literally says it's too. I can't understand it.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And I'm like, oh, this is for me. So I go across the hallway, and my grandma had this horrible orange, shaggy carpet. I will never forget it as long as I live. And I'm looking at the carpet, and I go across the hallway to her room, and she's crying, and her arms are open. And I always tell people, like, that's the first time I think I feel like I physically met Jesus. Like, I. I hugged her and I was home. Like, it was. She explains the gospel to me. I accept it. I'm like, yes, I. I definitely want this. This is amazing. And that's, like, when I came to know Jesus. Like, and she. So then at that moment, literally, I get saved. And she's like, so I have to tell you something. I'm like, okay. And she's like. And I. My mom had. Had. I have two older brothers. So my mom had already had two other babies. And she said, when your mom was pregnant with you, I placed my hands on her belly and I said, amy, this baby is your mission. And she is going to tell thousands of people about Jesus.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And my mom loves telling that story of you may or she will tell you. Like, that's my missionary baby right there, you know. But when she said, I've only known the Lord for two minutes. So I'm like, let's not get ahead of ourselves, nanny. Like, let's relax.

[B]

She was patient with the three days.

[A]

I have to tell you that I knew this whenever in 1993, you know, and so just to see the fruit of her prayers, like, you know, she wasn't alive to see that fruit, but I just know, like she knew it. Oh gosh. I'm like, what a prophetic word. What a holy spirit. Like it was just the most holy moment and to live in her, in the, in her pr, like her answered prayers now she was waring in prayer for me, you know, and so it's really, really sweet.

[B]

So that's why that is so cool. That is the most beautiful and amazing thing. And to think about her waiting those three days, like, as a mom, you, you just want to deal with it. You just want to say something. And like your grandma just was like, okay, just wait, I'll wait. And then she's like, okay, now that you know, I've known this, you were knit together in the womb, racing, like, that is just so beautiful. Gosh, friend, your story is amazing. And well, friends, if you've been craving your next adventure, but life has you on the go 24 7. Audible makes it so easy to bring a little thrill, inspiration or mystery into your day. Whether you're in a car, on a walk, or just trying to multitask, you can listen anytime, anywhere. Audible has titles that cover it all. From the edge of your seat suspense, far off fantasy realms, to heart pounding horror and story that stir your soul. There are grouping listens like the Last Thing that He Told Me by Laura Dave, thought provoking titles like Raising Passionate Jesus Followers by Phil and Diane Comer, and even lights on adventures like Outlaw by Ted Decker. You'll find exclusive Audible originals, the newest releases, bestsellers, and a whole world of captivating titles. And with over a million audio books in the app, there's always something new to discover. Plus, every month, members get to choose one title from the full catalog to keep. I actually just got to choose my title for the month and I chose the Nightingale, which I've had so many people tell me about and recommend to me. And so whenever I had my little one for the month for free, I just got it and I'm already loving it so much. So whether you're into Thrills, Truth, or something totally unexpected, Audible makes it easy to tap into your adventurous side wherever life takes you. So start listening and discover what's beyond the edge of your seat. New members can try Audible now free for 30 days and dive into a world of new thrills. Visit audible.com whoa. Or. Or just text whoa. Wh o a to 500. 500. That's audible.com whoa. Or just text wo to 500. 500. I. I wanted you to share your story because perspective, like, you know, I don't know how you see yourself in the mirror, but from an outsider, you are beautiful. Literally. You have the best dimples, your hair's rocking. The, the tan is always nice. The tattoos are, are cool. You have the coolest style. You are literally hilarious. You sing really good, even though half the time you're joking. But I'm like, okay, she's actually, like, really, really good and should actually do a record. Like, you have all of these different things going for you. So when people see you and they see you preaching and they hear just like how empathetic you are and how kind you are and how filled with wisdom you are, you. You never think someone like you has the back story that you have, have. And that speaks to the power of the gospel. It speaks to the power of Jesus and by the grace of God, by the hand of God, by you being discipled and truly surrendering your life to him. Like, you are who you are. And like, I just want people to know that because it is so beautiful. Like I said before, I think I said this in the prayer, like, the world does not need another perfect looking influencer. It's like they need someone to be human to say, hey, like, it's pretty rough. And. And actually, even after I give my life to the Lord, it was really rough. And then like, I was snotty face on the bathroom floor in a green room with the mini deodorants, looking at myself going, you're about to go on stage and you don't feel like you can because, like, that's real.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But yet Jesus is so real and, like redefines everything, rebrands who we are as people. And it's like the coolest thing ever. And so I am just like, so I just like, rejoice that you are who you are and that you're doing what you're doing. So I got to be with you at therefore gathering, which was so fun. And you really are so funny. Where does your humor come from? Do you even know Trauma, I think.

[A]

Yeah. I'm pretty sure that, like. I mean, there's, like, a study somewhere that shows that people who.

[B]

It's nice when you say that.

[A]

I mean, you can't. Like, you can't. I don't really think I can chalk it up to anything else. You have to laugh. Like, you have to laugh. You have to be able to, like, make light. Like, we were actually talking. Your. Your parents and I were talking about this.

[B]

My dad is that person.

[A]

Yeah. That's why we connected. And Corey was like. Your mom was like, I mean, y' all gotta. Y' all gotta go sit over there.

[B]

This is the same thing.

[A]

But it's like, you have to laugh, otherwise you'll cry. So I'm like, I just. I think that. I just. I think I used humor. I realized I could meet people off. I was in the theater, like, all of, like, my middle school and high school, and I realized I could make people laugh. And I was like, wait a minute. And so it's kind of cool. I was like, it's kind of cool. And I love to make people up. There's so much joy. I think people forget. I think, like, we have this idea that God is, like, up in heaven with a finger. Like, you are in trouble. And I just don't think that. And I see, like, in the Gospels, watching Jesus talk, I'm like, he was a little sassy. I think he was a little sassy. He had some moments. He would say something. I.

[B]

But, yeah, like, that would have been awkward to sit there and hear.

[A]

Yeah, I think that he. He was a little bit sassy. He was a little bit sarcastic. And I think that Jesus would want us. I mean, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Like, I don't. If I can't laugh, I can't do anything. If I. And I love making people laugh. So I think it came from enduring so much as a young person that now as a. As an adult, I'm like, I just want to. I want to make people laugh. That doesn't mean you get to get away with not healing. You know, I'm in therapy, and I love therapy, and I'm all about it.

[B]

We love therapy.

[A]

Everybody should go. I love therapy. And there's a deep healing that has to come. But also, like, that doesn't Mean, healing has to come at an expense of joy. They both can exist in there and they, and they, when they coexist. It's so good. Beautiful. Yeah, it's fruitful.

[B]

That is like the, I love that about my dad. Sometimes I don't understand it about my dad. I'm like, are you laughing? Did you really make that joke right now? But also, like, it's helpful and we're walking through a really hard thing with my dad's parents right now. And the way that my, my dad has handled it, like, I've seen him cry, I've seen him laugh and I, it's hard for me to see my grandparents in the state they're in. So I like wait till my dad's going and then I go with him because I'm like, how do you make them laugh right now? And he does. And it's such a gift to be able to do that. So that's amazing. I know we're like running short on time, but you're so amazing and people are going to hang with us because I have to hear more. Okay. And I know you speak so powerfully into this season of singleness or the, I mean, one time my friend was on here and she said, it's not a season, it's my life, so don't, don't call it my season. She's like, this is me right now, literally. And so anyways, I don't know how you call it, but can you speak a little bit and encourage people? Because I've prayed with you about this. I've heard you talk on stage about this. I just like seeing you step into that and give so much truth. So to the single ladies out there, give them a little encouragement from what you found in your own journey.

[A]

Well, before I give the encouragement, I just want to make sure that I honor you because something that, that is so important to me is that people know who Sadie is. Off, offline, off camera. Like, we had a moment in that green room and it actually, I do think it was a, it was a life altering moment for me in a green room with all of these amazing people, you included. And I want to make sure that I honor you because we were in that green room and I had felt, so I, Brena had just spoken. I'd felt the holy spirit convict me heavily and I was like, I have to go confess right now, otherwise I won't. And so I go back to the green room and you were, you were doing something at a different table. I go over to two of My friends who I'm like, I'm going to confess to them. I don't know them super, super well, but I'm like, I, I, I think we can, you know, in the club, we're all fam, like, everybody, we got to confess.

[B]

S. You will be healed.

[A]

So, yeah. And so then you, you come over to us and it was like, okay, I'm just going to confess to everybody. I said, I need to confess sin. I'll never forget you literally go, okay, let's do it. And I was, was like, I just, I want to make sure that people know that you are, you are boots to the ground. Like, you are a woman of, of great character. And that moment for me, you didn't just, you didn't just stop and say, let's do it. You actually intentionally listened as I confessed my sin. And then you said, let's pray, pray. And you didn't do a drive by prayer of like, I only got 30 seconds and I gotta go on to the next thing. It was like we were the only four people in that room. You stopped and each of you, Brenna and Lauren as well, you, you stopped and you prayed for a long time. A long time, you laid hands on me because you realize the importance of those things. So I just want to make sure that I honor you and I want people to know that you're not just doing this on the Internet or on the stage. You're doing this but behind the scenes in the green room. You're doing this with your family. I know that that's who you actually are. So thank you for that moment in the green room with me.

[B]

That was such a beautiful moment. It was so sweet to me. I'm like, it, yeah. If it's not like you, you get in those settings and in some green rooms, you know, it feels like green room. And then some, it's like, no, like we are here and there are people out there and we're about to minister to and like, what a beautiful place to confess in. And I actually heard Christian Stanfield said this one time because the app asked him, like, how do you deal with the tension of like being human and making mistakes, but also leading worship, like every Sunday? And like, like, how do you just keep going sometimes when you feel like you're living in it? And he said confession. He's like, sometimes I'll walk off stage and be like, hey, can I confess this to you before I lead the next song? You know? And so when you did that, I was like, let's go. This Is so real. Like, I just loved it. And so thank you for saying that. But that I. I equally love that moment.

[A]

It was. It was very special. And right after that, I got to go on stage and talk about singleness. And so I was confessing back there a few things, but one of the things was that I was, like, finding my value in what this person was thinking about me, and it was a man. And. And I was like, I just don't want to live like that. I don't want to. I don't want to place my worth or value in that. And then I got to go on stage after that and talk about singleness and. And what a gift it is. And. And then I said on the stage, I was like, just so y' all know, I was backstage crying two minutes ago about this. So, like, let me just be frank. It is hard, but one of the things I deeply, deeply, deeply believe in my gut is that single. I think in the church, we think singleness is a disease that needs to be cured, but I actually think it's a gift that needs to be stewarded. And when you are, like, all of my mom friends who are amazing. You're a mother as well. Like, you guys are incredible. Like, I look at your life, and I'm like, I could never do that. And God moves, would give me the grace if that's what he wanted me to do. But I'm like, wow. Like, the other day, I'm FaceTiming one of my really good friends, Brenna, and I'm like, telling her about this really hard thing, and I'm crying, and she has two children like. Like, hanging on her that are just talking. So. And she's listening to me, and I'm like, I could never do that. I don't. How do you do it? But what it is, is, like, you know, Paul talks about it like, it's better to be single because your attention is undivided. You have one devotion. I'm like, when. When you think about that. And this is not. I'm just not. I'm not even just saying that. This. Like, when you think about. I get to spend hours with the Lord when I. When I get to. Like, when I get to open my Bible, no one gets to tell me when I get to start or stop. I can go for hours.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Other people, you have a husband or you have children or you have both, and you have. You have things that you have to tend to. Dishes need to be washed and people need to be fed, and husbands need. You got to Help them put their outfit together. Cuz they don't. They look a fool if you don't like. There's just all these things that need, need to be done. And Paul was clear. He's like, it is a gift because you have undivided un. Like just a devotion. And I, I think that that really clicked in my brain. I was like, wait. So I. It's not that I don't want to be married. I do. I would love to be married. I would love to be a mom, of course. But I think the verse that people misconstrue and take out of context when they're talking about singleness in relationships is, delight yourself in the Lord and he'll give you the desire of your heart. Girl, if you want to get married, you're going to get married. You will have a husband. You have. And I'm like, I don't, I don't see in scripture ever that it's promised that I'll have a husband.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I do see that the Lord will, will give me the desires of my heart when I delight in him. When I delight in him, he becomes my delight. And then he gives me himself. Wow. So it's like he is so at the end of it, it's like Jesus is the dream.

[B]

That's beautiful.

[A]

He's the goal, he's the mission. So that's my encouragement is.

[B]

I'm like so good. I'm so glad I, I asked you that because it's so, it's so rich. I remember when Christian and I started getting serious. I, I was like, had already said I love you and I really meant it. And I was like, oh, shoot. Like we are walking towards, you know, marriage. I like pumped the brakes for a second. I was like, hey, I need three days where I don't talk to you and I need to like, pray.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he was scared to death. He was like, I wish I could say. I also prayed and fasted, but I was like praying that you would not hear from the Lord that we were not supposed to get married. And I read that verse about your heart being divided. And I was like, lord, Lord, I don't want my heart to be divided, but I also love this person. And it, and Paul did say, if you burn with passion, then get married. So I'm feeling that. I'm feeling like I want to get married because I love him so much. But also like, what does this mean, God? You know, and, and how do I hold that? And it's so beautiful because I did feel the confidence to pursue. Yes. Getting married to Christian. But then, like, like, I have noticed and obviously, zero regrets. My husband is amazing. I love my family. My kids are the most amazing thing in the whole world. Yeah, but you got to get up early if you're going to actually sit there and read. You know, you got to stay up late if you're going to read. Like, it's different. I remember the first. Oh, I went through a time where I was like, not reading, not doing, because I. I can't. When do you do that? And then.

[A]

No, literally, when do you do it?

[B]

Early. I'm like, try to wake up early after doing all you did the day before. I can't. I'm too tired. And so I just remember wrestling with that and then seeing friends on Instagram who were single and they're like, spent two hours in the word. Like, my quiet time was so good. I'm like, oh, okay, okay, great. That's great. And I put a lot of pressure on myself for a little while in that, and I. I kind of just. Yeah, it was. It was hard, but it's so beautiful. I've gotten to, like, a really sweet place with it now, and I feel like God is so kind because he's like, know the husband and the kids. It's a gift from the Lord, obviously, and it is ministry. And I realized this about, for me, with my relationship with the Lord. I was like, you know what's cool is that back in the day, when I spent, you know, every Saturday driving an hour and a half to Huntsville and studying and all that, that was so good and so beneficial. And when you look at it, that was the time I was, like, doing the most in my relationship with the Lord. But where I'm at now versus where I was was seven years ago when I was doing that. I love the Lord so much more.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Our relationship with the Lord is so much deeper, so much greater, so much like. And so I think about it, even with me and Christian, when we were dating, we talked on the phone every single day for hours. We texted non stop. We thought about each other every single second of the day. Like, that was our thing. But I love him so much more now than I did when we were dating. And it looks a little bit different. The pursuit looks a little bit different. And if I get an hour, oh, I'm gonna read and I'm gonna pray and I love it and I'll receive all of it. But a lot of times it looks like the 20 minutes to work, you.

[A]

Know, and I'M like, also meeting with God.

[B]

Meeting with God when.

[A]

When you're with your kids. I love the videos that you post.

[B]

Of your 247 relationship.

[A]

Yeah. And even at. Therefore, I'm sitting behind Christians there, and you're. And I'm like. I'm like, this is still. This is still ministry. This is beautiful. This is still meeting with God. Like, you're. When you're teaching your children, when you're teaching your girls, when you're. When you and Christian are like, you're two sinners living under one household, learning how to love each other. Like, that's also a ministry that's also meeting with God that's honoring him. And so both can be so beautiful and stretching.

[B]

Both are, again, full.

[A]

And both are a gift.

[B]

And that's why I love that Paul doesn't say it's one or the other.

[A]

It's totally.

[B]

This is the beauty of this, and this is the beauty of that, and there's beauty in both. And a relationship with God doesn't just look like quiet time. Oh, thank you, Jesus. It looks like a 247 thing. And so, friend, you have given so much wisdom. When I think of a woe, that's good episode that is truly marked by the definition of, whoa, that's good. It will be this one from here on out. Because everything you said was like, whoa, that is really good. There's so much depth to it. And who you are is just amazing. The very last thing I want to ask you, and I actually am sincerely curious, what do you get at Chili's that makes you love it so much?

[A]

Like, why do you.

[B]

Like, I need to know, because I don't know what to do. Get.

[A]

Well, I think the most famous thing that I would. I would recommend to anybody, like, going. If they're like, I don't know what to do, would be a triple dipper. Because you get a little bit of everything. It's. It's technically an appetizer, but you get a little bit of everything. The southwestern egg rolls, the big mouth bites.

[B]

Oh, solid.

[A]

The honey choli chicken crispers. That's like a solid lineup.

[B]

That was like, when I was in high school and used to go to Chili's Lot. That was the lineup. That is the lineup.

[A]

And Chili's. Everyone's like, why do you love chili so much? And I'm like, it's just.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's classic. It's American. It's home. It's. It's perfect. Like the mug.

[B]

The.

[A]

The mug that they give you, the Diet Coke, and I'm like, it feels like home.

[B]

I love it. You're amazing. Thank you so much for going on the pod.