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WHOA That's Good Podcast
Is It Really a Dating Dealbreaker or Am I Being Too Picky? | Sadie Robertson Huff | Ben & Donna Stuart
01:05:16
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Transcript158 lines
- [00:00]
Donna Stewart
I can say to my new Samsung.
- [00:02]
Sadie Robertson
Galaxy S25 Ultra, hey, find a keto.
- [00:04]
Donna Stewart
Friendly restaurant nearby and text it to Beth and Steve.
- [00:07]
Ben Stewart
And it does without me lifting a.
- [00:09]
Donna Stewart
Finger so I can get in more.
- [00:10]
Sadie Robertson
Squats anywhere I can.
- [00:12]
Ben Stewart
1, 2, 3. Will that be cash or credit? Credit. 4 Galaxy S25 Ultra the AI companion that does the heavy lifting. So you can do. You get yours@samsung.com compatible with select apps. Requires Google Gemini Account results may vary based on input. Check responses for accuracy.
- [00:31]
Donna Stewart
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- [01:08]
Sadie Robertson
What's up? Everybody happy? Well, that's good. Wednesday. I hope you're having a great week. But y'all, it is about to get so much better because we have two of my favorite people on the podcast and I am like, not gonna lie, some major flex for me to be able to say. This might be the first podcast they have ever done together as a couple. Which is so fun because they both been on my podcast, I think twice. We have Ben and Donna Stewart on together. So welcome guys.
- [01:37]
Ben Stewart
We did it.
- [01:38]
Donna Stewart
We made it. We did it together. All of us. Look at us.
- [01:42]
Sadie Robertson
Yeah. I mean, y'all, it really is funny. Like, so many people are so intrigued by Yalls relationship. Do y'all know that?
- [01:49]
Donna Stewart
No, no.
- [01:51]
Sadie Robertson
It's true. Like, okay, when we like me and Christian, see y'all have passion together. Y'all are sitting in front of us and like, you know, every now and then it's like, give each other a hug or something. Like, that's so sweet. Like, that's so cut. See them like be together and like, so cute. I think because we read Single Day Engage Married, it helped our relationship be what it is. So then to see the author and his beautiful wife, who's also our friends and mentors, like to see their love and Yalls love for the Lord, Yalls love for each other, your family. Like, it's just sweet. And so I'm so glad to get for other people to get to know y'all as a couple too.
- [02:27]
Ben Stewart
I appreciate that.
- [02:28]
Donna Stewart
Thank you.
- [02:28]
Ben Stewart
That's good. I'm happy to hear that. Yeah, it's real. It's not fake. We didn't, like, make up stuff.
- [02:33]
Donna Stewart
We do like each other. Yeah, we do have a fun story. It is kind of wild and crazy and fun. But, yeah, it's crazy that we haven't really done this together much, I think. I don't know. I mean, maybe Sadie's going to open a door for us that we've never. I mean, something new.
- [02:52]
Sadie Robertson
Hey, everyone, watch it happen. Ben and dad are going to be in the podcast trail after this as a couple. It's going to be awesome. But no, I'm so excited. You know, it's funny you mentioned your story. We're going to talk a lot about y story, but I have to ask you, like, been writing Single, Dating, Engaged, married. Was that written based off of your experience or was that written a lot of hindsight? I gained a lot of wisdom. This is what I wish we would have done and how we would have done it, or is a lot of it truly true to how you and Donna went from single dating, engaged to married?
- [03:26]
Ben Stewart
Yeah, I would say it came out of, for me, three things. I'll do it fast. One is when I was single, I was the last of my friends to get married, and I had to sort of develop my own theology of, like, what is singleness for? And so that first chapter came. I wrote it not as a chapter of a book. I wrote it as a manifesto for single Ben of, like, what am I here on earth to do? And I just wanted that clarity from my own life. And so that came from my personal life and then a lot of the dating material. I never set out to write a dating book. We just had the privilege of standing in front of college students for over a decade, and it was the decade when all this technological shift was happening. So you think about when we first showed up at Breakaway. Facebook had just come out, which sounds crazy, but then we just watched the act of dating get so much more complicated for people. And so it came out of that concern. But then, yes, when I sat down to write it, my college buddies thought it was hilarious because all my college dating was a complete mess. But I really felt good about the way we dated. I was like, I would tell people to do it the way we did it because it came out of conviction. So that's a long way to answer your short question. But it came from those three places. Really wanting to honor the Lord with my singleness, a real compassion for young people who I'm watching struggle with some real challenges. But Then, yeah, a real gratitude that we. I do think we did it right.
- [05:06]
Sadie Robertson
That's sweet. I love that. I think that's really cool to hear. And I think it's also cool to hear you say, like, I did not do it right other times. And then when Donna and I met, we did it right. Like, it was a beautiful way to do it. And it's obviously blessed many people. I mean, Christian and I. Christian had never dated a girl in a pure way before. He had never dated a girl in a Christian context before me. And so he really leaned on those pages to understand how do I even do this? You know? And so, like, what a gift. You know, what a gift. It's. It's so cool. Now that we're gonna get to kind of go into your stories. It's interesting. And I just want to say this because we just ran the data of this podcast, like, what podcasts do the best, what perform best. Almost 50% of our top podcasts were anything to do with relationships. Dating, marriage, sex. Anything around the umbrella of relationship was 50%, always, like, the highest ones. And so, I mean, this topic is something that so many people need help navigating and super grateful for Yalls voices in it. So I'm just going to start at singleness. Tell me, both of you guys, how y'all treated singleness back in the day and what are ways you would have done it differently? What are things that you. You're like, hey, I actually like how I did it in that area.
- [06:26]
Donna Stewart
Yeah. I mean, we both kind of were a little bit older whenever we got married, so. And according to, like, the time that we're. Yeah, now it's average, but I was 26 when I got married and Ben was 28, so that was considered, like, older. So we were both single for a minute. And, yeah, I. I would say that, you know, you're kind of always, like, looking around and seeing who's doing the same things that you're doing and care about the things you're doing or care about the things that you care about. And for me, I was surrendered into the ministry relatively early in life. And so my senior high school, into college, into, you know, past that was all just trying to do ministry. And so I was seeing a lot of guys do ministry, too, but it never was working. And. And it was interesting because it's just like I felt kind of stronger than them, and I didn't want to be the stronger one. Yeah, I kind of wanted to be led in that. And I just hadn't met Anybody who. Who was like that. And. And I wasn't drawn to anyone like that. I traveled with a band, and all my band was like brothers, and so they were. It was great. I had a great community. I loved love, love, love to serve with the gifts that I've been given. So I was just. I felt like the Lord just had me on a mission. And yes, I dated here and there, and yes, we both came with. With backgrounds that we had to ultimately talk about later. But I think relatively, I had a heartbeat for the Lord and I wanted to bless him with. With my life. And so, yeah, when I met Ben, when I saw Ben for the first time, I was like, whoa, who's that? And. And then I. We just kept meeting again and again, and I was like, gosh, I really hope it's this one, because nobody is like him whom I've met so far.
- [08:16]
Sadie Robertson
Wow, that's so sweet.
- [08:18]
Ben Stewart
Yeah, I was not thinking that. That's not. I. I had just. You know, I think it's not just. I think this is true. I mean, there are two. The two greatest longings of the human heart are intimacy and impact.
- [08:36]
Donna Stewart
Right.
- [08:37]
Ben Stewart
I want to be known and cared for and loved, and I want to be a part of something bigger than me and worthy of my life. Right. I mean, everybody wants those things. Belonging and mattering. You want both. And the belonging piece can be deep friendships and community. But, I mean, you even look in Genesis 1, it's friendship and community, but it's also that male female romance. I mean, that's coming out early in our Bible. But I realized, for me, all my dating relationships were such chaos, and I didn't have the awareness to know a lot of that was coming from some broken wiring in my own head, from family of origin, stuff that I hadn't really processed. So I just realized, you know what? I'm going to go hard on the purpose side. If I'm created to know God, I'm just going for it, man. I can't figure the girl thing out. I'm going hard at this. And so that First Corinthians passage where Paul was like, singleness exists to secure an undistracted devotion to the Lord. I'm like, if that's what singleness is for, then that's what I want to do. I want to get real good at leveraging the freedom singleness allows. And so I wasn't sure if I was going to go in the business world or go into ministry. I ended up going into ministry. But as I did that, I remember Sadie the first sermon I ever preached in ministry, my pastor came to me and said, hey, I want you to preach on a Sunday. And I was like, okay. And he said, I want you to preach on parenting. I was like, What? Like, I'm 21.
- [10:03]
Donna Stewart
I'm like, hypothetical child.
- [10:07]
Ben Stewart
So I listened to a Tony Evans sermon and tried to preach like Tony Evans, which was a huge mistake. But the thing I did right was I started looking at the couples in our church and particularly I was looking at their children. And I saw who has healthy, well adjusted children. And I went to those parents and asked each one if I could interview them. And what I realized in retrospect, asking me to do a sermon on parenting was ridiculous. But God did it in his own sense of humor to get me in front of really godly, healthy, mature couples in our church. I sat down with a pen and paper, interviewed them all. I didn't even realize I was doing Philippians 3. Scope out those who walk according to the pattern you've given us and imitate their example. And so by my mid-20s, I suddenly was surrounded by mentors with really healthy relationships. And so I was chasing the Lord, building a youth ministry and the Lord was surrounding me with godly wisdom so I'd be ready for a healthy relationship.
- [11:10]
Sadie Robertson
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Plus, even whenever I'm on the road, AG1 is super easy. With AG1 travel packs, I just toss a few in my bag or even in my purse because they're so small and I am covered no matter where I go. Our family loves AG1, Christian and I both, and Christian's dad is probably the biggest AG1 fan. I was like, he should be right here saying all of this because he has been doing it so consistently for over a year now and feels absolutely, absolutely amazing. So it's been really cool to see other people in our life love it as much as we do. When it comes to my health, I want to make sure it's something I can trust. And that's why we choose AG1. With science backed ingredients and real benefits, we can feel AG1 makes it easy to support overall wellness every day. And that's why we've been partnered with AG1 for so long. And AG1 is offering a Lululemon exclusive everywhere belt, bag and AG1 welcome kit with your first subscription while supplies last with your Lululemon membership. So make sure to go check out drinkag1.com Whoa. To get this Lululem again. That's drinkag1.com Whoa. You know, people ask me about singleness in, you know, asking to give advice and I always have to be honest and say I did not do singleness well. I wish that I would have treated it like that. And that's why your book was really impactful for me reading it, even though I had started dating Christian by the time I read it. But I opened up my mind to like, okay, I like tried to just rush past the singleness stage. I just always wanted to be in a relationship, always wanted to be dating someone, like never. I didn't want to be single. But it's actually so interesting because I look back at the pocket time I was single and the way that I devoted myself to the Lord was so different. I just, you know, you're not distracted. I'm not in the chaos of the confusion of the early days of a relationship when it's not the one and all the different things that come with that. And I always really try to encourage people, like, please take that time. And bringing up the verse that you brought up, it's actually so funny because at Christian and I's wedding, my grandpa, Pebble Phil, he opened it up with a prayer. He was supposed to just do a prayer. Okay. We should have really nailed down. You're supposed to just a prayer. Yeah. We didn't expect the side sermon he was going to give. And we get down to the aisle and I just, I'm so nervous. So many people there. And he goes, brother Paul said, it is better not to marry. Least you burn with passion. And I was like, why that one? Why do we have to read that one? Like, that's great for the singleness stage. Of your life. Don't read it at our wedding. Like, let's go further first Corinthians 13. Like, come on. And so it's so funny. But. But I do remember actually reading during your book, it kind of caused a little, like, pause in Krishna's relationship, and we took three days not to talk to each other. And I was, like, praying through that verse, like, God, if I would be more devoted to you alone, then, like, I will be willing to lay down this relationship. But if Christian and I together could reach more people, could make more impact. Could. Would I be a better person? Like, all the different things, and, like, then give me the peace to continue, you know? And I remember Christian being so scared during that time because I thought he was praying the same thing. Said he was worried for what the Lord was saying to me during my prayer. He was distracted by what. What my prayers were being answered by. But I think he was. I think he was praying too. But I. I do remember, like, genuinely praying that prayer. And so even though I was dating Christian at the time I read that, it did give me that pause to say, okay, what. What would singleness look like for me? And is that something I actually need to pursue longer? Or is Christian the one? And is this it? Should we further our relationship and just bringing more purpose and meaning into it? Because the truth. People listening to this podcast, like, the. What you just said is such good advice. And what most people honestly have not thought about. Like, they think about dating all the time, thinking about seeing us. They never thought about, like, why. Why do I want this? Why do I desire this? What kind of impact do I want to have? What is a relationship for other than just, like, the feelings that you want to have or the rel. You know, what you've seen and what you want to be in? So I just think that this is so good because it's drawing people to think deeper about why we do care so much about relationships. Why is it the number one podc? Why are people so intrigued by it? Because it's what our hearts desire and long for. And so take us to when you guys started dating. Everyone loves a good dating story. Ben, I know you weren't thinking what Donna was thinking, but what were you thinking and how did it begin to escalate?
- [16:46]
Ben Stewart
Yeah, well, I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was like, my eyes are fixed upon the Lord, you know, And I was great at just studying the Bible. I wanted to mentor. I, at first, had really resisted being a youth pastor, and then finally, I was like, the Lord has let me invest in these kids. My heart broke for them. God had to melt my heart for these young kids. I got to shepherd, and so I was really loving being their pastor and teaching them the Bible. But in that same season where I had gotten those mentors in my church, I was also calling youth pastor mentors at other churches. And so in my singleness, I was developing this circle of friendship and a circle of mentors. And then one of those mentors asked me to preach at his church, at his church's youth thing. So we were like sister churches. And it was because of that mentoring that I ended up preaching. I didn't really travel and speak, but I ended up speaking at this thing that Donna's band was leading worship at. And I was there. Like, I just felt like I was so focused in my life. I wasn't interested in dating, but speaking there once turned into speaking there once a month. And so suddenly I kept getting put in proximity to this girl, and I was really happy with my armor. Like, I was at this point where I was like, you can't phase me. But I found myself thinking about her. And I literally thought of it like. Like an arrow got through the armor kind of thing. I was like, I don't be thinking.
- [18:21]
Donna Stewart
About this.
- [18:25]
Ben Stewart
But I ultimately had to acknowledge, I think I'm interested in this girl. It doesn't make sense because I know I'm about to leave town. I was looking at seminaries all around the country, and I was like, so the timing of this is ridiculous. But then when I searched my heart, I was like, but I'm not the guy I was a couple years ago whose dating was always a tragedy waiting to happen. I was like, I think I'm a healthier person.
- [18:50]
Donna Stewart
Yeah.
- [18:51]
Ben Stewart
And so I sort of slowly, we would go to dinner with our group of people afterwards, and then a big group is going to a movie. And I made sure the seat next to me was not taken. You know, my buddy Chris sat there and I was like, hey, boss move.
- [19:07]
Donna Stewart
You know, like, it was like a late night movie. It was like one of those. It was one of the Lord of the Rings. So it started at midnight, and it goes for four hours.
- [19:17]
Ben Stewart
Yeah. So we started doing stuff like that. And I just had to realize, okay, I'm interested in this person. Now what do we do? And on the mentor side, I'll say this too. I didn't know. Again, my. My parents were good at many things. They got divorced when I was young, though, so I didn't really have A healthy picture in front of me. And so when I finally turned to, like, okay, I am going to now, like, ask her on dates. Like, this is happening. One of the first ones I did was I called a guy that I wanted to be like. I mean, he was, like, the picture to me of a godly man. Shane Bernard and I had, like, lived in his basement one summer. He. And we would just watch him and his family, and we'd go to bed every night, the two of us, like kids. Be like, I want to be just like Steve. So do I. Donna and I. I asked her on a date. I said, what if I took you rappelling?
- [20:07]
Donna Stewart
Very cool.
- [20:07]
Ben Stewart
Like, kind of a fun date. And so we went out to Austin, and I said, I got a guy who's setting up this whole ropes course thing he's got, and he's just hooking us up. But I had called Steve, and I was like, dude, will you take us rappelling for this date? And will you just watch us and tell me what you see? Because I want to do this right, and I don't really trust my own discernment. And then it turns out Steve knew Donna, too. He was like, great job, man.
- [20:39]
Donna Stewart
Yeah, well done. It's crazy that keeps happening to us. Like, we had people who knew us both, but we didn't know each other. In fact, it was so interesting when, you know, after we started dating, and we were, like, kind of learning each other's story and how we knew each other. Two times we were in the same room. One time we were at the same table, and we didn't see each other at dinner. At dinner, there were eight people there, and two of them was us. And we couldn't. Like, the Lord would not let us.
- [21:07]
Ben Stewart
Never talked.
- [21:08]
Sadie Robertson
Like, wow.
- [21:09]
Donna Stewart
I was like, yeah, you know, we went to that one, and he named the restaurant. I was like, yeah. And we sat at a round table. He goes, yeah, it was this and that. And I was like, yeah, but you weren't there. He's like, you weren't there, but we were there. So it's just like the Lord in his goodness, he had mentioned that he, a couple of years prior, wasn't doing okay. A couple years prior, I wasn't doing okay. So, like, literally, God wasn't letting us meet each other until we were okay to meet each other. And we both had grown so much in our walks with the Lord and had gotten really. Honestly, I just. I was okay being single. I had gone, you know what, God? You don't owe me anything. Singleness is how I might go out, you know, or you may let me meet somebody and we get married. But that. That's not a guarantee. And so I had gotten to a place where I was okay. I also got to the place where I didn't want to pursue anybody. I wanted to be pursued. And that's really hard whenever you're leading everything because you're just like, I'm gonna do it, and I'm gonna make it happen. We're gonna do this, and I'm leading the band and I'm leading this, and. But what was really beautiful was whenever I did start, you know, showing attention and. And I was definitely drawn and attracted to Ben. His buddies were like, whatever you do, do not push. You just wait. Just wait. Just wait. And I was getting that from Ben in a beautiful way, too. He just wanted. We were going at the pace that I think was best for both of us. Like, me not to push and him to make. To take the initiative and to be the one who walked us into the next day. So it was good. And I appreciate. I needed that. I needed that from my heart, and it's really been great for our marriage. So.
- [22:48]
Sadie Robertson
That's so sweet. Yeah, it sets that foundation. I can relate to you a lot, Donna, because I was the same way. Like, not even trying to or meaning to, would take, like, the leadership role. And that's part of my personality and part of leading.
- [23:01]
Donna Stewart
Hello.
- [23:01]
Sadie Robertson
And leading different things and then, like, stepping into relationship, and that would be how it was. And that was really early on. Whenever I. I knew Christian was the one was. He was telling me things about the Bible I had never heard. Like, I was like, what? Like, tell me more about that. And. Hey, have you listened to this podcast? I haven't. Have you read this book? No, I haven't, like, started to, like, lead even just the conversations we were having. And then I always joke about the time I tried to break up with him, and he stopped me. He was like, stop. Just stop. And even just him saying just stop, like, just stop talking was, like, so attractive to me. I know that, like, not. Not everybody would like that to me. I was like, wow.
- [23:42]
Donna Stewart
And.
- [23:43]
Sadie Robertson
Because whenever I pitch an idea, I can pitch an idea. So I'm. I'm thinking. I'm.
- [23:47]
Donna Stewart
I'm.
- [23:47]
Sadie Robertson
I'm breaking up with you for the most godly best reasons of, like, we're gonna be too busy, and I'm not gonn best girlfriend for you because I'm going on tour and I don't want to. It's your, you know, junior year of college, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, stop talking. Like, just stop. And then he's like, you know, says his line, if it's a win for you, and if it's a win for the kingdom, it's a win for me. And that's how our relationship's going to be. And I was just like, okay, now instead of breaking up with you, I think I'm going to marry you. But it was like, just so. Like that was what I was craving. But I did need someone like that. Friends, let's talk about Liberty University fan the Flame people. Liberty is a Christian university that's been so important to my family and me. Their mission over the past 50 years has been training champions for Christ. My brothers went there. My sister Bella is still currently taking online classes from Liberty and it is very near and dear to our hearts. For that reason, I actually also took some online classes from Liberty and I know you will love it just as much as we have. The experience was so great for all of us. My brother went in person and and absolutely love their campus. My sister's done online high school and then she graduated from college. Now she's getting her master's. So she's obviously had an amazing experience. And whenever I had a little extra time on my hands during the pandemic, I took some classes as well. And it was just great for our schedule. So whether you're interested in taking classes online or looking for an in person experience, Liberty has something for you. With over 350 residential study programs to choose from, Liberty can help anyone turn their passion into a career path. They also have a beautiful 7,000 acre campus, state of the art facilities, and even Division 1 sports programs. Liberty offers a wide range of scholarships and financial assistance to help you achieve your dreams on your budget. And if all that sounds like it's worth a closer look, then Liberty might be the place for you. If you're a transfer student or a high school student, second semester sophomore, junior or senior, Liberty invites you to check out College for a weekend. It's a three day event that lets you test drive life as a Liberty student by attending classes, exploring the campus, watching sporting events and connecting with other students. The next one is coming up April 3rd through 5th, so check it out. To learn more about Liberty University, go to Liberty. Edu Sadie and because you're a, well, that's good podcast listener, you're going to get your application fee waived. So friend, don't wait. Go to Liberty. Edu Sadie now and get Started on your future today. Someone did send a dm, and this is a DM we get all the time. It's something we've talked about so many times on the podcast. One of the number one questions we get asked is, how do you know when the person is the one? So how did you guys know that y'all were the one for each other?
- [26:31]
Ben Stewart
Yeah, that's a good question. You know, I'll tell you guiding principles, I think, for me. And then you can fill in with color commentary.
- [26:38]
Donna Stewart
Color.
- [26:38]
Ben Stewart
But, you know, I mentioned a lot of, like, you want to be running the same. Cause, you know, because if you link your life up together with somebody, you go, what direction is your life going? And so that's where I think you've got to get a relationship with God. Right First. Because if someone says, I want to honor Jesus, he's my Lord. You don't want to marry someone who says, he's not mine.
- [27:00]
Donna Stewart
Right?
- [27:00]
Ben Stewart
Because whatever you value most in the world will shape your values, and your values will determine what decisions you make. And those decisions build a life. So you go, let's make sure we both really lockstep on the major values. So for me, it wasn't just, I want to marry someone who is technically a Christian. I was like, I want to marry someone who is chasing the Lord. And I think you said it with Christian. What drew you to him is he was a peer to you. You were running at the same pace. You know, you're used to running and having people follow you, and there's a place for that. And you have mentors in front of you and people following you. And sometimes people want to marry someone following them and be like, I'll help save them or I'll help bring them along. No, you want to be lockstep with someone where you run together, where you are on mission to gather. And, I mean, you look at the one healthy marriage, the one healthy marriage in the New Testament, we're presented, it's Priscilla and Aquila, and their names are constantly interchanging in the texts, which is not normal normally. Like, in the disciple list, Peter's always first. Why? Because he was the top guy. With Priscilla and Aquila, you're like, they were both on mission, they were both running. They were both helping make things happen. And you go, they were peers, and they were running together at the same pace. And then you want to see godly character. Can I trust you? And for me, again, coming from a divorced home, I was kind of shocked to realize, wow, that's the piece that takes time. For me, it was pretty easy, pretty fast to see Donna was chasing the Lord. But I just realized when you marry someone, you go, do I trust you with our money and our children, but with my heart? If I start sharing more of myself with you, do I trust you? You? And that was a lot of us is. It was kind of, you know, for me, it felt like a bit of an embarrassing thing how long it took me to trust. You know, chemistry came fast. Donna was the only girl I knew that could make me laugh and do it consistently. So I was just like, God, like, she's interesting to talk to. I can talk to her for a long time. And we both love the Lord. But where I got stuck is that one. So to answer your question, how do you know those are kind of three guiding steps? And then there's some other principles I could say too. You know, you look at Song of Solomon and you go, their intimacy looked like springtime. Are we helping each other grow? Do I sense in myself a growing sense of commitment? That was the best advice I got from a friend. Everyone would say, oh, you just know. And I'm like, no, don't.
- [29:31]
Donna Stewart
You don't.
- [29:32]
Ben Stewart
How do you know? And he said, ben, every relationship I was in before, as soon as we had, like, a disagreement, there was a part of me that was like, I knew this wasn't going to go good. He said, but with what ultimately became his wife, he said, whenever we had a place of disagreement, I discovered in myself a desire to resolve it.
- [29:51]
Donna Stewart
There was a fight for there. I want to fight for this.
- [29:53]
Ben Stewart
And so we saw that, like, hey, if there's a disconnect, we want unity. And so a growing sense of commitment, a growing skill of communication to overcome barriers. I think if you don't have those in a relationship, you're not going to make it to marriage. And I think in dating, we saw that we both want this and we want. And we can resolve our problems in a healthy way.
- [30:16]
Donna Stewart
I also think that's good. We both really wanted each other to be who we fully are in Christ. And I didn't want him to not be who he is, and he didn't want me to not be who I am. But what we ended up because we were blending, also ministry, because we met on stage and I was leading worship and he was teaching. Actually, he just started. I think it might have been one of the first times outside of your youth group.
- [30:45]
Ben Stewart
Oh, yeah, for sure.
- [30:47]
Donna Stewart
And the first time I heard him preach, it was kind of sad. I Repent. But basically what happened was he said, open your bibles to Genesis 1:1. And I was like, eye roll. Like, I've heard this so many times. But then he taught Genesis and I was like, never in my life have I heard it taught like that. Just like what you said about Christian. He was pulling things out of the word that you didn' and it was making you better. It's same thing with Ben. And I was like, whoa, okay. I don't know how he got there, but I totally agree that that's what it says. And I want to be better and I want to go back and read my word more. And that is huge. If he or she in your life, listener, if you see that this person makes you want to go back to the scriptures and go back to God more, that's a good sign. Now, it doesn't mean that they're going to be the one for sure, but it definitely is somebody who looks like somebody you want to be and somebody you want to be with.
- [31:48]
Sadie Robertson
It's very.
- [31:48]
Donna Stewart
And so I wanted to be more in love with my scriptures and more in love with my God after meeting you.
- [31:55]
Sadie Robertson
Yeah, so that's so true. That's so good. I can say same thing for us, you know, we. I'm just thinking back to a conversation that my friend group had at one point whenever one of our friends went through a breakup. And it was kind of an interesting conversation because one of our friends was giving her advice and I was kind of giving her another angle of advice. And we. It was like an interesting conversation. So basically our friend went through this breakup and one of our friends was saying to her, I mean, you can't be too picky, you know, and that is 100% true. There are a lot of friends that have that walked through. I'm like, you are being way too picky. Like, there are some of those things that you have to like, you know, your list is way too long, way too tight, like a little unrealistic in some sense. And so from, you know, the perspective of my friend, she was hearing, you're being a little too picky. But my perspective, I was like, well, actually, those things, in my opinion, are the things you should be picky on because those things matter when it comes to your marriage. Because those problems are probably not going to change. And if it bothers you that much now, it's really going to bother you when you're married. And that. We just had a really good conversation. But as people are looking at a future spouse, like, where how do you know, the difference in like, okay, I'm being too picky and unreasonable or like, no, I'm holding to the things that I value and that I'm really looking for. Can you speak a little bit advice into, into that dynamic?
- [33:21]
Ben Stewart
Yeah, yeah, totally. I mean, I'm curious to hear what you would say. I can go first on that. But I mean, I do think you want. When it comes to a cause, I am chasing the Lord Jesus Christ. Like, if you are a Christian, you don't want to go. What's the minimum amount spiritually we can agree on? You just don't want to do that. Well, he assents to the existence of a deity. Like, no, don't do that. Like, it's going to determine how you all make financial decisions, how you raise kids, how you make every decision. And you're talking about the deepest things of a human heart. Why do you think you're even here? What do you think life's about? Like, you don't want to scrimp on that one. So I would say keep your standards high. And are they chasing knowing God and do they have a God shaped character? And that doesn't mean they're perfect, but it means this person wants to be shaped by God. They have wisdom. Wisdom is I want to know how I'm meant to work in the world. And so I'm humble enough to learn, I'm humble enough to repent when I do it wrong. So they're not perfect, but they're perfectable because you're watching. This is a person who's learning and moving. They're not going to be in the same place. They're not going to have the same struggles years from now that have made no progress. They might have similar temptations, but they're making war on those. So you want to see that. What a lot of people do is they put chemistry, which I would put last. They put first.
- [34:52]
Sadie Robertson
Yeah.
- [34:52]
Ben Stewart
Are they funny? Are they cute? Are they smart? Does he like the things I like? And you go, there's a lot of bend in that world. I mean, and there's some things that some people make those all their deal breakers. And you go, you know what, man? Like, you can't really tell on date one. I mean, this didn't happen with us dating. But I remember when I was looking for friends when we first moved to College Station, I was going on, we called them friend dates. And I remember I met this guy and I was like, so what are you into, man? He was like, I just love gardening and my first Thought was, yeah, we're not gonna be friends. I couldn't possibly care less about gardening. And then I was like, what else do you do? And he's like, I like to tinker on cars. I'm like, oh, man. Like, I. We are not at all like. But as I got to know him, the dude loved God, had a heart for people, and we became deep friends. Deep friends. And I realized I don't. Cars are not a deal breaker. Gardening is not a deal breaker. And so I think charm is deceitful, beauty is fading. And so I think if you put too much weight on that, those are the things that don't last can change. So I tell people not to get too hung up on that stuff, you.
- [36:04]
Sadie Robertson
Know, that's so true. And, Donna, I want to hear what you want to say to this too, but I was just thinking about. We talk about this a lot. Like, high school friendships are a lot of times very different than, like, your friendships later in life, you know, I mean, I'm only 27, so 10 years out of high school, not very long. But I think back to, like, the way that you do. Because I was thinking about. I was looking around in my friend group and I was thinking, I don't think we would have been friends if we went to the same high school school. Like, my friends now, you know, I don't think we would have been friends because we're so different. Because we would have all been in different hobbies and different things, and I would have done this and you would have done that, and we wouldn't have found the same click. Because in middle school, high school, it's mainly based off of, like, do you play sports or are you musical or are you. It's like the kind of chemistry thing. But then later in life when you meet people, it's based more on, like, what do you value? What? Like, it's just deeper. It's just so much deeper, so much better. It's mainly, oh, we ran into each other at work or this or that. It's like, more important things. And so you have deeper relationships. And so that is just so interesting thinking about that. That is so true in relationship that sometimes we put chemistry first. But it's also very true in friendship, too. But it's so much deeper and long lasting when it's not just based off that. Like, Donna, me and you are such good friends. But, like, if we went to the same high school, we would have lived such different high school lives, you know?
- [37:23]
Donna Stewart
Totally. We played different sports, we did different things. Things.
- [37:26]
Sadie Robertson
It's just interesting to think about but so, so cool. Like how your relationships later are just much more meaningful. So Don, I want to I want you to speak into that too about the Picky, Practical all the things Picky.
- [37:36]
Donna Stewart
Practical.
- [37:42]
Sadie Robertson
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- [39:18]
Donna Stewart
Some people try to do they try to pull them into oh well, they're going to like this or maybe they'll be more like this in this way and you're kind of like trying to change them a little bit and you just can't change anybody. You've got to just know like, no, you want to be with somebody who you feel like you want to change for. You don't really want to go in and go, well, maybe they'll, I don't know, go to church with Me later. Or maybe they'll. Whatever. A lot about what Ben was saying earlier, just. You just don't want to try to change somebody. I just. I don't know. I've watched so many people try to drag people around and into what they want to do or into where they think that they're supposed to go, and. And you just. You just can't. I would also say you have to be okay just being yourself. Like, if. If. If that person is, like, not into some of the things that you're doing, but they love that you love it. Just let. Let that. Like, if they love that you love it, that's cool, because then you're. It's like, I don't. I don't even know how we would. Like. I think Ben and I love the same types of music, but he, like, really likes rap and I don't. And I really like, like, singer songwriter stuff, and he's like, meh. But then we kind of. We kind of like, land in some. In some spaces that are like, we both like this and we both appreciate. You know what I mean? And it's kind of like that on. On all levels. Like, just if you can. If you can find. I don't know.
- [40:56]
Ben Stewart
Well, I think about. We were trying when we were dating to, you know, find stuff to do. And at that point, I was running a lot. And, like, a real stress relief for me. This will sound crazy is I would go on long runs at night through the woods.
- [41:13]
Donna Stewart
No.
- [41:13]
Ben Stewart
Because the adrenaline rush was so high because there was, like, deer and all. And so I would just be out there, like. Like, I just loved it. And so I was like, I want to share this with you. We went running together at night through the woods, and like, she hates.
- [41:29]
Donna Stewart
I run when I'm chased.
- [41:31]
Ben Stewart
So I laugh now. And I'm like, yeah, that was. If I would have been like, well, sorry, my girl's gotta run. I realized, I don't care. I'll run by myself. That's not a deal breaker. And how ridiculous to miss all the amazing things we've been able to do in life. Totally over something like running.
- [41:48]
Sadie Robertson
Yeah, see, that is so true.
- [41:50]
Ben Stewart
You're dating, you're evaluating. So you're like, do I care about that? No, I guess I don't really care about that.
- [41:55]
Sadie Robertson
Yep. I think that's the thing. Some people put, like, a lot too much weight on the things that aren't really, like, weighty decisions. You know, it's like. I mean, people. Someone asked me this morning if me and Christian work out together. And I was like, no, we don't work out together. Me and Christian do not work out together. Because me and Christian's workouts look very different. First of all, I don't work out near as much as Christian. But also, like this morning when I was doing a little 10 minute Zumba, Christian don't want to do that. He was making fun of me, laughing, because it is hilarious, honey. Even walked in and said, you look funny, mommy. I'm like, I know, but that's the way I like to work out. When I go into Christian and he's sweating and he's pumping it and he's. I'm like, I just. That, no, not my thing, but that's okay. Like, there's so many other things we do together that we have so much fun in. And, you know, where you play pickleball or play whatever other sport, that's fun. But like, yes, that is something. Christian cares so much about working out, but he didn't put the expectation on me to have to do that too. And there are things, like, one thing that I had to give up is I love playing cards so much. Like, I am a. I love nerds.
- [43:01]
Donna Stewart
I love cards. I will play cards with you.
- [43:03]
Sadie Robertson
Maybe we would have been best friends in high school, Donna.
- [43:05]
Donna Stewart
We might have been.
- [43:07]
Sadie Robertson
We might have been and could have been, which would have been really fun. But I love playing cards. And like, Christian gets so frustrated at cards. Like, it's not fun to him at all. And I would always be like, please, please play with me. And it would never end well. And so finally, I need to stop asking him to play cards. Like I said, find someone else to play cards with, you know, so there are some things you just have to compromise on and settle. I gotta ask you all because in the this new edition, you talk about breakups, which I think is so important. And I'm so glad you're touching on that. I want to know for yalls story, did y'all ever break up? Was that a part of your story?
- [43:43]
Donna Stewart
We. We took a pause. We took a massive pause.
- [43:46]
Sadie Robertson
That was two different reactions.
- [43:50]
Ben Stewart
I wouldn't call it a breakup in a classic.
- [43:52]
Donna Stewart
No, it was a pause.
- [43:53]
Ben Stewart
We, for us, we got to a point where I was looking at seminaries all over the country. I was like, the only thing I do know is I'm not going to live in the town that she lives in. That's the only thing I know about my life. And then her band was getting traction and traveling, and so we just looked at this summer And I said, I'm trying to hand off these kids that I love really well, you're going to be in. I was on tour, 14 weeks of touring. I said, let's not expend all this emotional energy of, like, trying to get near each other, because I just didn't even know, like, is this going to work? And I think, in retrospect, Sadie, I was like, I think part of it was me is the constant input of, like, call, call, call. Find each other. Find each other. I was like, I need a chance to meditate, think, am I ready to get married? Am I ready to. Is this. My processing speed was slower, so I asked Donna to slow it down, and I came up with a way to do it. I said, can we physically write letters? And then I realized if I just leave it there, it's going to be like a 5 to 1 ratio. So I was like.
- [45:09]
Donna Stewart
I was like.
- [45:10]
Ben Stewart
And alternate, like, you write one, then I write one.
- [45:13]
Donna Stewart
Because I knew response, like a response letter.
- [45:16]
Ben Stewart
I was like, I just knew that would slow it down. And again, it was kind of a humbling thing. I was like, I just need that time. I just need that time to think there's too much life change. And what I discovered in that time was, wow, I look forward to her letters. I'm checking the mailbox constantly. And I. I miss her when she's gone. But it took me, like, a month to figure that. I'm like, what are these feelings? I think I miss her.
- [45:46]
Sadie Robertson
I love the processing.
- [45:52]
Ben Stewart
Ask five or six people about this, and. And Donna was gracious enough to give me that time. You know, it's funny, I. I mentioned that in the book, and someone asked me that once, like, when do you enter the. The letter writing stage?
- [46:04]
Donna Stewart
Right?
- [46:05]
Ben Stewart
It's like, what, Wait, like, we think we're ready for the letter stage? And I'm like, it's not a stage.
- [46:09]
Donna Stewart
No, that was our. Our thing.
- [46:11]
Sadie Robertson
That was our thing. Yeah.
- [46:12]
Ben Stewart
It's not prescriptive. I.
- [46:14]
Donna Stewart
It helped. It was helpful because it did what it did, is it slowed everything down. There was not that instant gr, which, honestly, like, people right now, you can text and meme and you can send a DM and you can do whatever, and it's like constant communication all the time. It's like, you don't know what it's like to just take a break and evaluate and see what happens whenever we're not always able to get ahold of each other. Or like, do I miss them? Do I want to be around them more? Do I Have things I need to process with them because I don't want them to miss out on the things that are going on in my life. And that was basically what it was.
- [46:48]
Ben Stewart
If you.
- [46:49]
Donna Stewart
No, go ahead.
- [46:50]
Ben Stewart
If you read Song of Solomon in the Old Testament, the book of romance, every chapter is the same. The lovers are separated, there's yearning, and they long to be back together, and they find their way to each other. And so if you think about this ancient document about love, it's separation, experience of yearning, overcoming the distance. And we needed that experience. And that constant bombardment, you know, it's one of the tragedies of modern life, is meditation has gotten to be in such rare supply because attention is the coin of the economy. And so I think there's a place for reading books and podcasts, and I'm a big fan of, like, absorbing information. But then I think, you have to take a walk in the woods. You gotta go pray and think and journal. And I needed that time for us. So I wouldn't call it a breakup.
- [47:42]
Donna Stewart
No, it wasn't. I was actually. Whenever.
- [47:43]
Ben Stewart
I didn't even call it a break, you know, some people were like, we're not breaking up. We're taking a break. You're like, that means you're too scared how you're breaking up.
- [47:48]
Donna Stewart
For me, I was like, I just.
- [47:49]
Ben Stewart
Need to slow this thing down. Like, this train's going too fast, and I'm scared.
- [47:52]
Donna Stewart
I was actually thinking about a specific moment that it wasn't a breakup, but I thought it was over. So it was one of those, like, oh, I broke it. I broke it. Well, I remember it was actually November 15th. I have it down. I can tell you what I knew. I knew exactly what it was because it was right for it. Because then we got engaged like. Like, not even a month later. So it's one of those, like, oh, I did something. And. And this goes back to the. Can we trust each other? Can. Is this. Because we were literally at that point, everything was so tense, and I think he was thinking about getting the ring, and it was just like. And then I had. I had made a decision that wasn't, like, wrong. It just wasn't what we had agreed upon. Yeah. And so. Because we were trying to figure out during that engagement, and we weren't engaged yet, but we were. Were kind of marching that direction. I had made a decision that wasn't best, and it wasn't what we had agreed upon. And so because of that, whenever that came to the light and we had to talk about it, he Was angry, and I was. He was right to be. And I was crushed because I was like, I did it. I'm the one that broke it. And then I had to go through this whole thing about, like, you know how you feel whenever you feel like you broke something. Something, and you feel the. The pain of it, the shame of it, all of the things. And to go like, this thing that was awesome is broken because of me and the Lord in his goodness. Actually, I wrote a song that day. It's all about blue skies and all about how God's not beating me up, and I don't need to beat me up anymore. And Ben wasn't doing that. And it was all this stuff. And then we ended up that being this, like, almost like the last hill to climb before we're like, we made it. We made it through that really terrible thing. That wasn't that terrible, but it was. It was for our relationship.
- [49:36]
Sadie Robertson
Yeah.
- [49:37]
Donna Stewart
And we got past it, and the Lord was good, and we were gracious to each other and. And we forgave each other, and we were honest, and we were able to, like, speak the truth in love with each other and kind of come to more of a. I understand you. You understand me. You were worried about these things, and I made you worry about those things, you know, like, kind of coming together and then realizing we survived it and now we're stronger.
- [50:00]
Sadie Robertson
Yeah.
- [50:00]
Donna Stewart
And then it wasn't even a month later and we got engaged.
- [50:04]
Sadie Robertson
I love that. I love. Hey, is it out? Can we listen to it?
- [50:09]
Donna Stewart
Yeah, it's out there. It came out in 08.
- [50:11]
Sadie Robertson
I love that. I love that. It's like both your stories speak to how to break up, even though you didn't break up in a healthy way. But one of the things I love about the letter story is, like, the ghosting is such a thing nowadays, you know, And. Or. And, like, when people want to take time, they're not clear to the other person, that I need to take a minute to figure out life because this is going too fast, and it scares me. You're not articulating that. You're not using your words. You're just not speaking, not saying anything, letting hang. Which then causes so much confusion on their side, so much heartbreak on their side. It's such a terrible thing, you know, to do or to experience. Now, I will say in the past, I did that. I regret that. I hate that about the. Whenever I look back at the past story. And so I have to say that to just be honest. But when I read. When I Listened to that. I'm like, man, that's so clear. Because it's, it's true to where you were at. You really didn't need a break. You really didn't need to, like, think about not a break. But you needed time to meditate. You need time to think, but you also want to give her clarity. Hey, I actually, it's not about you. I still like you. You're so amazing. But I need to slow things down. And so I think the clarity is so beautiful. And then on the other hand, like, an actual moment where I, I, I broke this, like, I messed this up. But then, and he was angry and all things. But then to, like, work it out and to talk it out and to come to the other side of it, because I actually think that's so healthy and so important in relationships. I think back to Christian, and I'm having some, like, big, hard conversations in dating where we were upset with each other, not happy, like, frustrated that the other person did whatever they did. But then in marriage, you have the same things that happen, and you overcome them and you build that foundation in dating. And so, you know, someone asked me the other day about our dating life, because they were asking me, they're currently dating someone and asking me, like, should it be this hard? And I was telling her, you know, I remember dating someone, and it was a very hard relationship. We just constantly were fighting, constantly upset. And I remember his sister saying to me, sadie, it shouldn't be this hard. And in my mind, I thought, really, because I thought relationships were hard. Everyone, I really tells you, relationships are hard, blah, blah, blah. And then hindsight, you know, thinking back to his sister saying that, I was like, she was so right. Because even though there were hard moments in Christianized relationship, there wasn't. It wasn't hard in the sense that I was confused or emotional or always felt upset or hurt. Like, we got through hard moments. But the relationship and the dating process wasn't necessarily like, like hard or a struggle or a lot of, like, tears the way that it had been unhealthy relationships. So I think I'll paint a beautiful picture of doing that in a healthy way. Ben, was that something that you got asked a lot about in the breakup world? Is that why you decided to write about it?
- [53:06]
Ben Stewart
Yeah. You know, I wasn't dying to write a chapter on breaking up either, but that was part of why to re release it as just so many people experience that. And you go, so how do we do it? In a way that, you know, it was critical for me, Sadie, I again look back at the kindness of the Lord. My sister is about two years younger than me, and so when I watched her come to college, I had a group of guy friends that were joking about, we're all going to date your sister, you know, and I will never forget this lunch. And I was like, like, no, you're not. Like, I'll kill you. You know, and they thought I was doing that, like, macho brother thing. Like, no one dates my sister. And I was like, I'm not doing that. I just. I've seen the way you guys treat girls, and I don't trust you because you don't care about them. You use them, and I don't like that. And you play with their feelings, and I don't like that. So it's not that no one's good for my sister. I just don't respect you guys. But I'm realizing I'm like, I need some new friends. But I remember a guy, as he was walking out, said, will anyone be good enough for your sister? And I sat there at that table for a long time because I was like, yeah, of course. And then I was like, all right, well, how would I describe him? And I was sitting there thinking about, like, well, I would want him to treat her like the Bible says that she's made in the image of God and therefore has dignity. And so to treat her with dignity. And if y'all start dating, dating's an evaluation. You're either gonna get married and you honor and care for her, or you're not. But if y'all.
- [54:49]
Sadie Robertson
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- [56:13]
Ben Stewart
End up not. I want the net effect of your time with her to be that she was honored and respected by a brother in Christ and was better as a result of the encounter with you. You. And then I felt like the Lord was like, yeah, is that how you treat girls? And I was like, no, it's not. And. And I really, like, I don't know that I spoke a vow, but I felt in my heart like I don't want to disrespect women out of fear or fear of an awkward conversation ever again. So when it came to Donna, I really did want to be what Ephesians says, speaking the truth in love, we will, in all things grow. So when I wrote this chapter on breaking up, it's like, how do you do that in a way that honors people? Because it honors God to care about the people he loves and bled out for. So it was my best attempt to help people navigate a sad and a hard thing with dignity and grace.
- [57:10]
Sadie Robertson
That's great. I love that. It's beautiful. It's so needed. We're almost out of time, but I want to end it on a fun story. Tell us how you proposed. Ben and Donna. Were you surprised? I gotta hear the fun, the fun facts. We.
- [57:26]
Donna Stewart
We were the. We were in the world before, like, proposals were like, the thing in. In the, in the, like, go and, you know, rent an island and get.
- [57:36]
Sadie Robertson
Get a period. So true.
- [57:39]
Donna Stewart
That's a thing now.
- [57:40]
Ben Stewart
Yeah. And ours was chaos. But I was.
- [57:42]
Donna Stewart
But ours. I. Is beautiful.
- [57:43]
Ben Stewart
Yeah. I. I realized, I thought it took, like, months to get a ring, you know, Like, I just thought the pro. I'm like, I don't know, they go, like, mine a diamond or something. But, like, I realized you could get it faster. I was like, oh, my gosh, like, we could get married, like, way faster than I thought. Like, once I realized she's it, then I just hit the gas. Like, how fast can this happen? And, like, called her parents and, I mean, I literally drove to her dad's up in Oklahoma. And then her mom was leaving the country for months. So I drove through the night, literally watched the sun set and rise. I pulled over in a parking lot, and she called me because we talk at night. And she's like, what are you doing? I'm like, oh, I'm just hanging out in my mind. I'm like, in my car, inside of the car.
- [58:29]
Donna Stewart
It was so. I was being so.
- [58:30]
Ben Stewart
And then, like, a police officer comes and, like, starts banging on the door. Because it's like, midnight, and I'm in some, like, random parking lot. She's like, what's going on? I'm like, oh, I think, like, one of my neighbors is stopping by. I should probably go.
- [58:41]
Donna Stewart
Officer Jones.
- [58:41]
Ben Stewart
Yeah. And this dude. I'm like, literally, like, oh, man. So drove down, picked up her mom, drove her mom to the airport and was like, oh, my gosh. So tired. So I was like, lord, please let me not kill the potential future mother in law.
- [58:54]
Sadie Robertson
Oh, my gosh.
- [58:56]
Ben Stewart
But then, Abel, I got a ring. And I've told. I just recently told this whole story. I'd never really told it deal. But I had got a ring in Dallas. But then some buddies of mine at a church, you would probably know. We're like, you gotta talk to our guy in New York. And their guy in New York sent me a ring. And it was a better ring for less money than the Dallas guy. And so, anyway, long story short, I was like. They were like, you gotta get it appraised. And I was trying to call all these appraisers. They were all already out of town for the holidays. And everyone kept saying, you're gonna have to go to Patty Giolet. She's the best appraiser in the business. And so I went to Patty Giolet. She looked like the girl that makes the suits and the Incredibles.
- [59:39]
Donna Stewart
Yeah, the Incredibles.
- [59:39]
Ben Stewart
And she's like, gets the ring from me and comes back and was like, where did you get this ring? I'm like, what? And she's like, it's been worn before. You can see the tangs here. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And she was like, it doesn't match the paperwork that you have. And I'm like, what does that mean, Patti? And she goes, I don't know if it's real. I'm like, what do you mean, you don't know if it's real? And she was like, the fake's coming out of Russia these days. And I was like, the fake's coming out of Russia. And so literally, this, like, real austere woman, suddenly we're, like, side by side at a microscope. And she was like, I want to take this to Gia Headquart in New York and put it under the ion microscope. And I'm like, patty, I'm in love.
- [60:17]
Sadie Robertson
I want to get married.
- [60:21]
Ben Stewart
I was like, I respect that this is important to you.
- [60:23]
Donna Stewart
Meanwhile, I'm like, why is he not picking up?
- [60:25]
Ben Stewart
So I was trying desperately to get to Houston, and then I get calls from a friend who's a police officer that was like, don't worry, man. It's probably a blood diamond. Someone probably was murdered for it. I'm like, oh, my God.
- [60:36]
Donna Stewart
Are you serious?
- [60:37]
Ben Stewart
Then his sister grabs the phone. It was like, just give it to her. She'll never know. I'm like, what do you say? I don't want to start a relationship with life. It was all so chaotic.
- [60:46]
Donna Stewart
Sadie.
- [60:47]
Ben Stewart
Finally, I just sent the blood diamond back. Went to the Dallas guy because he was a believer, and he was like, dude, I'll take care of you. Through a complete miscommunication with his staff, he accidentally gave me a better ring that I could afford.
- [61:03]
Sadie Robertson
Oh, my gosh.
- [61:05]
Ben Stewart
And then I was driving to Houston and realized on the way, oh, man.
- [61:10]
Donna Stewart
I haven't really come up with planned nothing.
- [61:12]
Sadie Robertson
Oh, my gosh.
- [61:15]
Donna Stewart
But here, I'll take it from here. So our first date was the Two Towers. It's the second movie of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. And that was the date that he was like, hey, a big group of us are going to go see this movie. If you want to come, it'd be great if you came. And so I asked my best friend, who was pregnant at the time with her first, and I was like, come with me to this movie. She's like, absolutely not. I was like, like, you're the worst friend ever. Come with me to this movie. She's like, no, I can't. It's too late. I am married. I am pregnant. I am not going to that movie. So I had to go by myself to this movie for this, you know, group of guys, because I was the only girl. And I show up, and there is a seat available that he had made available for me in the movie. We had had a couple of, like, moments where we. I don't know. It was kind of like he would say something, and then I would say something back, and then it was like, we would argue a bit, and then it was over. And I was like, okay, this. What is. What is the going on anyway? One of the things that had happened was when I had a band and so I had a card with my band's number on it and if he was a youth pastor. And so there was a moment like in the past where I had given him my card and he was like saying that he had my number. I was like, you don't have my number. He goes, I'm pretty sure I have your number. I was like, no, I do. I didn't give you my number. Anyway, he's like, okay. And I'm like, what is this guy saying? I gave him my number and I didn't. Anyway, we get into the movie. There's a moment in the cave where Legolas, the Orlando Bloom has like. They forgot to put his contacts in. So he has brown eyes, but the elf has blue eyes. I was like, oh, they left their. Left his contacts out. He goes, you know what you're talking about. I was like, I'm pretty sure I know what the elves eyes look like. So when he comes up over the hill, he's got these blue eyes. And so Ben's like. Ben's like, okay, fine. Anyway, finally the movie's over. It was an interesting moment. There's actually the Gollum scene really got me shook up for some things. But then we get to. I know it's just a long time ago. Anyway, we get into the. Where I'm leaving, driving back 20 minutes back to the. To the woodlands and he lived in spring. And I get a phone call and I think it's one of the guys that I knew at the deal who was checking up on me because it was late. I pick up the phone and he says, well, the elf may have blue eyes, but I definitely have your number. And I was like, anyway, so that's when we start talking. I know, so good. Anyway, so we're like talking on the phone. He invites me to another thing. I think it was for your brother. It was like a crawfish boil or something like that. Anyway, so we were going to go to a New Year's Eve party or something like that. So that's how it started. Started now a year later, after we had taken our paws in the summertime and written letters to each other, had the big November 15th blow up. And then it's the night of Return of the King, which is the last of the trilogy, we're going to the movie. So it's the same. It's a replay. So it's a replay of the first day. No, I think it's wonderful.
- [64:20]
Sadie Robertson
That is sweet. Ben's dying right now. That. That is sweet. You see?
- [64:25]
Donna Stewart
So good.
- [64:27]
Ben Stewart
We basically recreated our first.
- [64:29]
Donna Stewart
Recreated our first.
- [64:32]
Sadie Robertson
That is very sweet. See, this is the thing that the people written the islands are missing is intentionality has to do with their relationship. So Christian and I's proposal, you know, was pretty grand, and it was beautiful as far as, like, when I look at the video, I'm like, that is like, people are like, how do you know? You're engaged, you're wearing a white dress, blah, blah. And I did know because. Because of the way that he had told me that day. Like. Like, he. It was all, like, set up. He's like, go put on your favorite dress you've ever worn. So as soon as he said that, I knew it was happening because, you know, people always ask, were your nails done? Yes, my nose were done for, like, a solid three months, because I thought it was gonna be before that. But one of my favorite parts about our proposal that's, like, not in the video that, like, no one knows because it's not like the public thing. But, like, when I got in the car for him to take me there, it was. Was my. Like, my dad had gotten me this old Bronco whenever. Whenever I. I think, when I turned 18, and I'd always wanted, like, an old Bronco, and in. So he picked me up in the Bronco and then in. It was like, letters from my whole family and his family. And it's like. But that's the thing that you love, you know, it's like the intentionality and, like, the thing that they know about you that no one else says that they know. You're gonna love this, you know?
- [65:47]
Donna Stewart
Totally.
- [65:48]
Sadie Robertson
And so I love Yalls story. I think that is so sw. It's great. It's so sweet. It's so great. Well, look, y'all need to do more podcasts together because y'all are so much fun to hear your stories. I mean, obviously you have so much wisdom and so much insight, both of you. But to also just hear the type of people you are and the way that you live your life, it's so refreshing. I think this is why when I said at the beginning, like, people are intrigued by your relationship, and when. Even when Christian and I are around y'all, we love to see all together, because there's so many things in the world now where, like, you don't know if it is true, if it is, if it is real. You know, it's like, people can say good things for, you know, 15 seconds, but, like, how are you really living your life? And so to see that the truth that comes out of your life and out of your mouth when you speak really does come from the heart. It really is coming from your life. It's the. It truly is the way that you live. You guys can't help but answer every question with. With the word, with. With Jesus, with the relationship with him. And it's beautiful. It's just absolutely who y'all are. So thank you for being who you are, and thank you for continuing to help people navigate singleness, dating, engagement, breakups, and marriage. We appreciate it. Thank you, guys.
- [67:00]
Ben Stewart
Love you guys.
- [67:00]
Donna Stewart
We love you guys so much.
- [67:02]
Sadie Robertson
We love y'all.