← WHOA That's Good Podcast
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- [00:00]
Host
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Sadie Robertson Huff
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Host
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- [00:10]
Sadie Robertson Huff
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Host
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- [00:35]
Sadie Robertson Huff
What boundaries did you set in your dating relationship? And this was a really great question. Honestly, we kind of went a different route than just having, like, if you're talking about physical boundaries, which we can talk about other boundaries too. I guess there's a lot of different boundaries, but physically speaking, we. We didn't say, like, we're not gonna do this, this, and this, and we are gonna do this, this, and this. Like, here's the boundary. Because I do feel like when you have a boundary, like, you typically just go to the boundary line, right?
- [01:04]
Christian Huff
You teeter that.
- [01:05]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Yeah, yeah. And then you just cross it and you feel bad. It's like all this stuff and like, we just wanted to not make it such a. Like there's a line, but more just like we have a relationship with God and like, we're pursuing God and we're pursuing God's plan for our life and for our relationship. And God's plan is purity. And God's plan is one man, one woman. And I will say, like, that wasn't our. That wasn't what our past looked like, you know, but we had an opportunity when we came together for our future, different than, like, people that we dated in the past. And we both wanted God's plan. We wanted to pursue that. And so together we made a decision, hey, we're gonna do that. And that looks like purity, and that looks like this.
- [01:49]
Reeves Huff
And
- [01:51]
Christian Huff
that was that boundary in the sense of, like, you know, just conversations of, before I pursue you, I'm going to pursue God. And then out of that relationship, that's going to cause me to love you the best that I can. That's going to make me be more patient with you and more loving and gracious. And if I get those two mixed up, then I'll start, you know, putting you on this pedestal that you can't live up to. So I think that was the boundary that we really talked about a lot.
- [02:13]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Yeah. So the biggest boundary is definitely, like, loving God first and then loving each other. And that's still true. Like, I hope that's always our life. That we love God first and we love each other, and then we love our family and our friends and people.
- [02:25]
Guest Speaker 1
You know, one thing that we learned looking back is that we were. We were able to remain pure in our relationship. And we abstained from having sex before marriage, but with how much of a struggle that was at times. And, like, we made mistakes, and it was really hard because both of us had not remained pure before we were together. But looking back after we were married, it was like, man, if we had started dating, when we initially tried to start dating, had the Lord not stopped, that, we would have for sure. And we kind of touched on earlier. We had had some personal struggles. We would have. I don't know that we would have been able to do what we set out to do and remain pure. And the point that we would have started the relationship, I wouldn't have built such a strong stance about that because it was in that time, in between when we had tried to date and it didn't work. And then we ended up dating. I had really pressed in on some of the struggles in my life and started surrendering a lot of that and working on that part of me. And something I came to kind of stand on, I guess, is that. And this is big. I love sharing this. If you're willing to go outside of marriage in a dating relationship to have sex, then you don't hold the covenant of marriage highly. As highly as you ought to, the way that God calls us to. Because if you're willing to go outside of marriage with that person in the dating relationship, then you're willing to go outside of it when you're married, too.
- [04:20]
Host
Wow.
- [04:22]
Guest Speaker 1
And when I heard that, I was like, okay, so it's on the same level as wow. Because it's not about the fact that it's that person, like, you're gonna be married anyway. I think that's a huge excuse today. And it's honestly a lousy excuse. Because when you think about it like
- [04:39]
Guest Speaker 2
that,
- [04:41]
Guest Speaker 1
if you don't value marriage, value marriage. Like, value the covenant of marriage. You're willing to go outside of that in the dating relationship, then you'll be willing to go outside of it. What does it hold at that point? Cause you already did it. Even if it's with the person you're gonna be married to.
- [04:56]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Yeah.
- [04:57]
Host
Wow.
- [04:58]
Guest Speaker 1
So whenever we ended up dating, I went into it with that understanding. I. Oh, this is way more important.
- [05:03]
Reeves Huff
And he really did lead that too, in Our relationship, which was really huge.
- [05:08]
Guest Speaker 1
There was moments where I was weak and you were strong, it's true.
- [05:12]
Reeves Huff
But you led it from the beginning, like, you did, and it was huge because I definitely. I mean, I had never experienced sex in a beautiful way before. Like, you know, and because it was outside of marriage, it was outside of the will of the Lord. And so it was never. It was never what it was intended to be. And so even that was another reason I was scared of commitment. Everything was just. I was like, I don't know if I can. I'm not. I don't know if I'm strong enough to, like, follow the will of the Lord in this area. And I remember, like, praying. I was like, God, like, I need you to send me a man who actually will, like, love me how you want him to love me, and in that sense will, like, lead us away from this. Like, and. And so I had never experienced it in a beautiful way. And then with Reeves, it was truly, like, from the beginning, he. He led that. He was like, like, the Lord says this, and if the Lord says it's not good outside of marriage, it'. And so we are going to fight
- [06:01]
Sadie Robertson Huff
and take it seriously.
- [06:02]
Reeves Huff
It's going to be a fight our entire relationship, and it's not going to be easy, but we're going to fight this. And now being on the other side of it, like, after marriage and truly, like, I don't know if it's like. But after our wedding, like, everything, I truly. Now it's like, looking back, it all makes sense. Like, you know, it makes me, like, I wish I could go back and tell, like, little me. And now, like, I do tell girls. Like, I'm like, you. I know you don't. You're not here, so you're not me. You haven't experienced it. But I'm like God, like, he says it because he loves you. Like, it's truly protection that he doesn't want you to go. Like, to do that. And it's like, on the other side of it, it makes so much sense. Like, it's like, this is why he says to wait. Like, this is why.
- [06:44]
Sadie Robertson Huff
You know, I wish more people, like, would have told us that when we were young, that it's because of a. Like, it's a good thing and because he loves us, that he has and because he loves us and because what he designed is good and outside of it is not good. Like, it's. It's not like, it's actually not good. Like, it does. It hurts you. Like, it Literally hurts you. Like, just, you know, knowing some of your story and, like, pain that's come from it. It's like, that is really hard. And even, like, me and Christian have been open, talking about our past struggles. Like, it hurts. And so then to have it in a beautiful way, the way it was designed and to be good, and it protects your heart and all the things it's like, man, I wish people weren't just like, don't have sex before you're married. Because then you're just like, why I want to, you know?
- [07:28]
Reeves Huff
Yeah.
- [07:29]
Sadie Robertson Huff
But then to hear what God has for, it's like, oh, wow. Because it's so much better because it's, like, actually beautiful, and it's a gift. And so I'm so glad that y' all spoke to that, because it is true. And also, like, just take note as you're listening, because some of you might be listening and be like, man, I've already messed it up.
- [07:44]
Reeves Huff
No, the redemption.
- [07:45]
Sadie Robertson Huff
No, like, there's so much redemption. Like, even if you're in a relationship right now with the guy you're gonna marry and y' all are engaged and you're having sex, like, it's still. It's not too late to, like, stop, pump the brakes and be like, hey, let's practice right now what this looks like to actually purs. God says is good and wait and, you know, sustain from that and step into marriage pure. Because right now you asked for forgiveness and turned and repented, and there's a redemption story for you. So, like, I just believe it is never too late to be washed in the blood of Christ and be pure in his sight. And no matter what relationship you're in, and coming from all of us who I would say we all went into marriage purely. And that's not because we did everything perfect, and that's not because we abstained from everything, but because repented before Christ and got pure before stepping into our wedding night. There's freedom for you, friend, considering where
- [08:38]
Guest Speaker 2
we both came from. Right? So Preston had sexual experiences before marriage. I did not with men. And so that whole arena was new to me, but we both came into it with history, with watching porn. I came into it with a history of sexual abuse, all of that. So that automatically sets us up to low key, have some dysfunction around the topic. But we were ignorant to the way that dysfunction would manifest because I think we assumed, oh, when we're engaged and we dating, we. We feeling hot. You know what I'm saying? Like, we ready to go.
- [09:17]
Guest Speaker 3
And I didn't I bothered.
- [09:18]
Guest Speaker 2
I didn't realize. Nobody warned me that sex would be difficult. Nobody warned me that sex would be triggering. Nobody warned him that maybe he would not get it at the frequency that he was expecting. And you know what I'm saying? So it's like he's like, I'm. I'm abstinent. I'm giving my life to the Lord. I'm putting flesh to death. I'm not having sex with all these girls. So surely when I get married, the Lord is going to reward me. But the Lord happened to set him up with somebody that was sexually abused. So it's like all of this tension, and it was like, no one warned us that maybe sex is a thing that God will actually use to sanctify y'.
- [09:54]
Reeves Huff
All.
- [09:55]
Guest Speaker 2
It won't just be all rainbows and butterflies. And that's not to say that doesn't exist, but I think we have realized that that's something you have to work for. It doesn't just happen just because you said, I do.
- [10:06]
Guest Speaker 3
That's so true. That's so true. I think, you know, if young couples would truly be discipled by the church to know that, you know, sex might not look like how you think it may look like. I think that we would save a lot of people a lot of heartbreak, a lot of disappointment. Because I think in the same way, you know, women fantasize about their marriage day, men fantasize about, you know, how much sex they're gonna have with their wives. And when I disciple young men now, I have a framework to disciple them and say, man, like, you don't know how your wife's past trauma is gonna show up in your marriage. So ask the Lord to help you be that husband before it actually comes. You don't really know how marriage is going to.
- [10:54]
Guest Speaker 2
And he doesn't know how his trauma might show up. Because you can think having. Wanting your wife sexually every moment of every day is healthy when there might be a measure of lust in it. There might be a measure of idolatry in it, where your wife is not someone to love or to die for, like Ephesians 5, but an object to feed from. I think when that's the perspective, because it can look natural on the surface, when it could still be rooted in trauma, rejection, abandonment, and an unhealthy neediness. And so I think we both realize, like, oh, we both have issues around this subject that we pretty much needed some therapy for before this whole thing started.
- [11:36]
Guest Speaker 3
And I also think that, you know, I think a lot of men. We have to just deal with the reality that society and wrong teaching has kind of informed us how we should look at the opposite sex and how we should treat women bodies. And this is the reason why when we get rejected in marriage, it's so. Is so disappointing because society tells us that women should never reject us. And so it doesn't give us a real full reality of a holistic relationship inside of the context of a marriage to say, no, your wife is a, is a, is a complex, nuanced human being just like you are. And her body is. Even though like, like our bodies are not our own about her, like y' all coming together is still a privilege that you shouldn't automatically feel like you, you have the right to when. And so I do think that that society teaches us that no, you should never get rejected. But that's not reality. And so I think a lot of men going to marriage just, I'mma do this, I'm gonna do that. First of all, you probably don't know how, especially if you grew up in, you know, like in church your whole life.
- [12:48]
Guest Speaker 2
I thought you gonna say something crazy.
- [12:50]
Guest Speaker 3
No, no, I'm just saying, like, it's so like there needs to be some humility there. You know, you need to talk to some older men to be like, man, like, you know, every woman body is different first of all. And so I just think that we real honest conversations, transparent conversations. And we shouldn't just let people think that like this is how it's going to be in marriage. Like prepare people well.
- [13:13]
Sadie Robertson Huff
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- [14:40]
Guest Speaker 2
And I want to dispel just. If there just so happens to be somebody listening that has the lie in their mind that you got to try it before you buy it. You know, like I need to. I need to watch certain things or I need to practice in certain ways so I can show it with my spouse in a way that's important. Impressive. I think it's satanic and it's not even a thing. Sexual immorality is not godly or holy. And I think you have to recognize that marriage is a covenant, a lifelong commitment between two people where you are continually learning how to be one. And so even sex is a part of that learning, a part of that cultivation. Because truthfully, my body is not the same body as it was 11 years ago. So he's still learning me. His body is not the same. And our bodies won't be the same in 20 years. So there will be ebbs and flows of us continuing to learn how to please each other. And so I think if you see it as no, this is a ride we're on rather than a destination, then you'll have a proper perspective.
- [15:43]
Guest Speaker 3
And then I also, that's so good. But I also want to just expose the enemy and this ideology that we have to try before we buy it. Because sex outside of marriage, or even exploring things outside of marriage, the enemy tells us that we got to, you know, keep this guy happy that we're dating. So let me do it. And what you're really doing is you are accumulating experiences that will not show a will when you actually get married. Like, say it one more time, you are accumulating experiences that actually will not be good when you like, this is the reason why men who watch pornography get so disappointed, because you're vicariously living through men who are not being rejected through porn. And so when your wife reject you, you, you, you, or when she has the body or when she or her body changes. Like, like, like, like perversion has skewed your outlook. And it's, it's, it will affect how you show up, you know, having sex with multiple people. Now you, you, you had sex with him because you're trying to keep him, because you think he, he your husband. And now y' all didn't work out. Now when you actually get married, you're comparing this guy to your person that God actually wanted you to spend the rest of your life with. That's what the enemy wants. The enemy wants to affect your marriage. Before you actually say, I do.
- [16:56]
Christian Huff
Well, I was going to say too.
- [16:57]
Guest Speaker 2
That's what.
- [16:58]
Christian Huff
Well, I was saying the thing before we got married, that was what our pastor would talk about, was that when you're dating, the scheme of the enemy is like the playing field he's on. He's going to get you to try to have sex with your girlfriend or boyfriend every single day. And then when you get married, he's going to try to keep you from having sex with your spouse every single day. Every single day. So it's, it's, it's like, it's still the same problem, like involving sex, but it's a different strategy that the Enemy plays. So when you're dating, yes, he tries to get you to, to feed your flesh in that. But then when you're married, it tries to keep you.
- [17:34]
Guest Speaker 3
This little old church mother said that to us one time. She said, when you ain't married, he wants you in everybody bed. And when you is married, he only wants you in your own. It is true.
- [17:44]
Sadie Robertson Huff
It is true. It is true. But I feel like there are so many people listening right now who are like, okay, this is me, right? I'm in this relationship. We're not married, we're having sex, or I'm watching porn, I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know how to break up with the guy. I don't know how to make it right with the guy. I don't know how to stop watching porn. Can we give some advice?
- [18:06]
Guest Speaker 3
Yeah, absolutely. And I, when I just said what I said, that was in the back of my mind because I don't want people to condemn themselves if they had sex before marriage or if they watch pornography. Because I've done both, right? I was not a virgin when I got married and I struggle with pornography. The beautiful thing about the gospel to Jesus Christ, he is a redeemer of all things. Like he literally one we both have broken pass right she came from a life of homosexuality. I came from a life of just being promiscuous and God bringing us together is to say, you know what? I can take broken things and make it beautiful. That's the gospel. Right. But at the same time, don't think that you have to remain there. If you are there, God is calling you out now, and he's calling you to himself. And don't have shame. Like, you know, like Jesus, like, literally endured the shame of the cross so you wouldn't have to deal with it. But know that God is calling you to something higher and greater and so that you can experience more fullness of life.
- [19:10]
Sadie Robertson Huff
That's great.
- [19:10]
Guest Speaker 2
Yeah. I think, you know, spend time in texts related to sexuality and sex, whether that's Romans 1, Galatians 5, First Corinthians 6. Like, those texts. Get those in your system. But I also want to speak to the motive behind sexual immorality, which could help. Like, if we uproot that, then your behavior will change. Right? So like, Tim Keller in his book about idolatry, talks about surface idols and root idols. So surface idol could be sex, money, fame, da, da, da. The root idol might be rejection, fear, all of that. Usually there's a root idol at work when you are in sexual sin. That might be comfort. That might be fear of acceptance. That might be, you don't want him to leave. But at that root is you don't trust God to be what you actually need. And one of the ways that you excavate an idol is see and research and study how God is actually the thing that you want. So if you want comfort, first, Corinthians 6 says that he's the source of all comfort. And so when God, Even in John 4, when he's talking to the woman at the well who's had five husbands, the way he deals with her stuff is by revealing that he can make her. He can quench her thirst. That's how he deals with it. Not with shame, not with condemnation. He simply says, I have water to drink that you don't even know about. But once you drink it. And guess what? She did drink it in the spirit. That's why she left her bucket and went, hey, I just met this man that just told me everything I ever did. So, like, get in the texts, but also let God be God, and that like you, your affections will change, your desires will change, and even the way you deal, which your temptations will change because you're filled now.
- [20:56]
Sadie Robertson Huff
And I remember whenever his pastor said that, and he's our pastor, but your pastor before we got married and before I went to that church. And he was saying like, oh yeah, whenever you're dating, you know, you always want to have sex. When you're married, you never want to. And it scared me because I was like, oh, well, if we get married, like is that going to. You know, and it's not. Again, like there's so much beauty in it too. Like when. Because marriage, like sex is meant for marriage, it's designed for marriage. So this beautiful thing that God has created, there's so much good. It's just that the enemy does definitely come after it. And because of past and because of perversion and because of things, you are going to need help navigating this territory. Because you've already done things or seen things or heard things and continue to. Because the world is like, you don't even have to seek it, you'll just see it. I mean, we were driving on the interstate the other day and it's like this billboard and it's just all these girls butts straight up.
- [21:50]
Guest Speaker 2
And I'm like, it's the lotion. Yes, I seen it. The, it's like glittery lotion.
- [21:56]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Yes. And I was just like, okay, not cool. You know, like the wife's sitting in the car with the kids and you're seeing like perfect butts on a billboard. Like you don't even have to go look at it.
- [22:07]
Reeves Huff
It was diverse.
- [22:08]
Sadie Robertson Huff
It was just there. It was diverse. It was a very diverse group of people. And I say that to say like, yeah, the enemy is real, but God does have a good design and he is a redeemer and can make things beautiful. So that's why you have to have these conversations.
- [22:25]
Guest Speaker 2
Want to affirm something? Cuz I know depending on sometimes our denominational theological context, you could feel like we're putting the devil on too much. But Ephesians does, you know, like when I, when I had to, I did a study on Ephesians, a Bible study. And when I read through the book, one of the commentaries was saying how a lot of times we detach Chapter 6 about the armor of God and spiritual warfare. We detach it from chapter five, which is about marriage, you know. But Paul is making one full point, which is, husbands, love your wives like Christ loves the church, giving himself up her, washing her with the water. Wives, submit to your husbands like Christ, like the church submits to Christ. And chapter six is how you fight against all the opposing forces that keep you from walking in your position. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. And so to say that there are principalities and powers that want to separate your unity is to affirm scripture. Because if marriage is a picture of the gospel, if sex functions within the context of that marriage, helping the oneness, cultivating the oneness, this. You cannot think that there are not devils with plans and strategies to keep y' all disunited. Why? Because he that hinders the proclamation of the gospel through your marriage.
- [23:39]
Guest Speaker 3
Teach us.
- [23:40]
Guest Speaker 2
So it's like we're not. We're not just being, you know, charismatic, we're being biblical.
- [23:46]
Sadie Robertson Huff
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- [26:23]
Host
You know, thinking when you were. You started this by saying kind of like, this is something that no one wants to talk about. But in one way, yes, it is kind of one of those things that, like, you don't really want to talk about. But another way, it's like what everybody's talking about all the time. You know, if you. If you look at the Internet or you look with TV or you look at anything like, talk, they're talking about sex, everyone about it all the time.
- [26:44]
Sadie Robertson Huff
You actually can't go through a day. There's a statistic that something crazy, but I mean, if you're honest with yourself, you can't really go through a day where you don't see something that's, like, overly sexualized. Whether it's like on the Internet, on social media, in a magazine, at a store that you see in a song that you're listening to. Especially if you're listening to any secular music right now, you're gonna hear about sex. So actually, yes, you're right. It's always talked about and it's always out there. I just don't think it's talked about in such a way that's really talking about what it's meant to be and what it was designed to be. Because that's become a controversial thing. And the customers that they talk about, and I think a lot of people are wrapped up in. In the church, like, shame of, like, oh, well, I've already lost my purity. And so I can no longer look at God's design for sex as an option for me. But I just want to go ahead and state from the beginning, I believe that's a lie, because I think that some of us think, oh, we've lost our purity, because, you know, Maybe we're not a virgin anymore. Maybe you've already had sex with other people. But I believe under the blood of Christ, all can become pure again. And can God can restore that original idea and concept for sex in your life, whether you've had sex before or not? And so you may have heard about
- [28:04]
Host
sex from the church, and it may have been in a harmful way. There may be ways that the church misrepresented God's Word. And I think that that does happen a lot and has happened. And so I know a lot of people have a lot of hurt because of that, because of things that were taught to them. Or even if you grew up in Bible class or a Christian school, there may be things that were taught to you that actually aren't really what God's Word says. And so that is why we always want to go back. We always want to go straight back to God's Word. Because you can listen to a sermon or you can read a book, or you can do. But unless it directly goes by God's Word, then you really have to test and approve whether it's from God.
- [28:44]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Absolutely. And I do think that there have been so many harmful things put out from the church when it comes to sex, and if that's brought shame to your life, I just want to say that it's. That is not the message of Jesus. That is not the message of the cross. That is not God's intention for sex. And so if you've heard an analogy that was horrible, we're actually going to talk about some of those horrible analogies. If you've heard things spoken over your life that alluded to anything other than the power of the blood of Jesus can heal you and restore you all things, and it's not truth. And so we're going to go over just some of these things that we've written down. One of the things that I do want to talk about, though, the beauty of looking into God's perspective of seeing sex is that it has been the same concept since Genesis 1. We abide by the same truth. And I think that what's so powerful about the Bible is that the truths do not change like these things. We talked about this in another podcast. So the idea for sex and marriage is the same idea we're talking about now, the same idea we're talking about before Jesus, after Jesus said, we're all saying is a good idea, that sex is good, and this is why it's good, and this is what God is designed for it. On the other hand, culture's view of sex has changed a lot. It's continuing, continuing to change. And that's why I think that it's kind of scary that 80% of people find out about sex from peers, Internet, TV, because they're finding out about all new ideas, all new concepts. And it's just constantly changing.
- [30:04]
Host
It's constantly changing like there's nothing to hold on to whenever something is just constantly changing.
- [30:09]
Sadie Robertson Huff
And when something changes like that, you don't know if that's a good thing. I mean, it hasn't stood the test of time, as opposed to God's UFC stands the test of time. That this is a good thing and that there's blessing that come from, there's beauty that come from, from it. There's a sacredness and intimacy that comes from it. And it doesn't do harm, it does good, it brings life, you know, and so I do think that that is significant that we should know One of
- [30:30]
Host
the biggest lies that the enemy does tell us today. You know, what you see on television and what you read in books and all the things it's like that lie that sex means nothing, that it's just like something you can do and forget about and the next day it doesn't matter, it doesn't mean anything. And I think deep down we all know that's not true, you know, but we want to, to pretend like that's true. We want to live like that. But deep down we know that that's not true. I think it has, you know, it has consequences that are emotional consequences and also has, there's physical consequences. Like you could get pregnant out, you know, and be a single mom. There's, you could, there's transmitted diseases that come from sex, from, with multiple partners, things like that, that are actual real life consequences. So this isn't like something that's just like, oh, there's no consequence to it. This is like, or playing a game or whatever. And I think deep down we all really know that. But that is a lie that I think the evil one really tries to tell us.
- [31:26]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Because if it bonds you emotionally, physically and spiritually, then I think it has consequences for all of those things as well. I think it's damaging emotionally, I think it's damage. It can be damaging physically and also spiritually as well, you know. And so I do think that that is important to know. It's like, why is this God's design? Why does God say only one man, one woman? And here's the thing, like, I always love to say this, like God does Not give you a rule or a command to ruin your life. He gives you commands to give you the fullness of life. And so if God ever gives a command that feels harsh or that feels David ply says it feels negative, then what God is doing is he's either trying to protect you or he's trying to call you to something better. So either God is trying to protect you from something, or he's trying to call you to something better, for something. And so God's boundary lines are never too harm you. Obviously, God's boundary lines are to protect you. And it's a beautiful thing to be under that. And I think, as we just talked about, you know, the world's gonna say, oh, well, it's just for your satisfaction. It's just for your pleasure. Like, do it. You do you. It's gonna feel good. It's gonna be good. All these. All these things. What's the harm in just one night or whatnot? But, you know, we are a people that are created just to be satisfied. We aren't a people created for satisfaction. We're a people created for love. And we are a people created to be fully known and to be full. And so even when we engage and indulge in that satisfaction, we might find, like, a temporary moment of satisfaction or a temporary moment of feeling good. But in the end, it does not lead us to life, it does not lead us to feeling good, but to be fully known and to be fully loved. That is what actually leads us to the fullness. In the context of marriage. I love Song of Solomon. Paints like a beautiful picture, marriage and the wedding night. And this is what the book Meaningless Souls is all about.
- [33:20]
Reeves Huff
And it's.
- [33:20]
Sadie Robertson Huff
And it's just so beautiful because, you know, when we look at, like, sex in our culture, yes, everyone will say, well, it doesn't matter. It's fun, it's good. But then think about all the problems that we have with sex in our culture, like the MeToo movement, you know, like, how many women have been damaged and have been harmed and men from just abusive sex and sexual things and perversion and all these different things. We have, like, all these things in culture that actually show us the harm that this does when it's not done, handled properly. But Song of Solomon paints this beautiful picture of this husband with his wife on their wedding night and is so cool to read. And if you read it and you don't fully understand it, that's how I encourage you to listen alongside Matt Chandler on Million of Souls. If you listen online or read his book because he just like lays out exactly what it's talking about. And he pursues his wife in a sexual way on their wedding night with. With tenderness, with love, with care. He sees her fully. He acknowledge everything about her. He loves her. He does not push. He does not. He's not quick. He is just. There's just such an ease to it and she is mutually giving it back. And it's just this like, beautiful, beautiful thing. And like, that's the picture of what it looks like inside a marriage. It's not just like a quick, like, physical satisfaction thing. It's not a selfish thing. It's actually a really, really selfless thing. And sex is looked at as so selfish in our culture. It looks like it's just for me, but in marriage, that's selfless and it's beautiful and it's done with care, which then makes you feel more loved, which is actually what you really desire. And so, yes, like, will it bring temporary satisfaction if you have sexual marriage? Yes, it will. Like, will you get pleasure from it? Yes, you will. It will also do harm, yes. But in marriage, there is that satisfaction, that pleasure. But then there is fullness and there is the thing that your soul really craves, which is to be, like, deeply loved.
- [35:17]
Host
Yeah,
- [35:20]
Sadie Robertson Huff
I know y' all feel me when I say that. Hydration sounds simple and easy, but it really impacts your energy, mood and focus. Especially in the summer when you're outside more. Maybe you're chasing kids, working out, running from thing to thing. You don't want to have to be dealing with headaches, muscle cramps, or poor hydration. And that is why I love Element. It is a zero sugar electrolyte drink that actually tastes great and gives your body a solid dose of electrolytes that you actually need without the sugar, food dye, or shady ingredients that you find in so many sports drinks. And can we Talk about Elements? 12oz sparkling cans. They are slim, cold, crisp, and perfect for those slightly rushed moments like school drop off or a long work day or whenever you just want something refreshing to sip on. They come in pineapple salt, lemonade salt, black cherry salt, and orange salt. Each can or convenient stick pack has sodium, potassium and magnesium. So you're getting real hydration support in a super easy and delicious way. Christian loves this stuff, y'. All. He always has his element cam with him. He is a slim can kind of guy. I actually kind of like the stick packs. I'm like an on the go person. But it's really good no matter what kind of person you are. So get a free 8 count sample pack of elements. Most popular drink mix flavors with any purchase@drinkelement.com Whoa. You can find your favorite element flavor or share with a friend. That's drink element. Lmnt. Com. Woe. So let's talk about some of the harmful analogies of the church. So there have been some terrible analogies thrown out that the church has thrown out. As far as sex goes, I think when we've tried to handle the sex talk for people not wanting to just say it the way it is, they try to paint an analogy about it. And sometimes it just goes so south. And so I just want to bring up the rose analogy. If y' all have ever heard it, there is a TikTok going around. Matt Chandler did about the rose analogy that was so well. Handled that a lot. Love how he said it. And basically this pastor Matt was at this church, and this pastor came up and he held a rose, and he was like, look at the rose. Isn't it so beautiful? And he was talking about, like, a virgin, basically. If you've never had sex, look how pure this rose is. Like, how beautiful this rose is. And he's like, now everybody, like, pass it around the church. So, like, passed it all around the church. And then the rose came back to the pastor, and then he was like, who would want this now? Now, like, look how damaged it is.
- [37:35]
Reeves Huff
And.
- [37:36]
Sadie Robertson Huff
And, like, he was just, like, so rude about it. Like, this is basically what you're offering your husband by the time you get to your wedding night or your wife by the time you get to one night. If you've had sex outside the marriage, like, you're damaged, You're. You're no good. It's less beautiful, it's less pure, it's less holy, all these things. And Matt Chandler, like, with tears in his eyes, was like, Jesus would want the rose. Like, yeah, like, you've missed it, dude. Like, Jesus would want what the rose. Like, how could you even say that? And I just want to say, like, if you. If you believed an analogy like that, I am so genuinely sorry. Because. And if you've ever said something like that, that is taking away the power of the cross. That's like saying, oh, the cross is powerful enough for every other sin. But that. Are you kidding me? The power of the cross can redeem all things, can make all things new. And so it doesn't matter what you've done or how far you've gone, it doesn't matter who you've slept with. Or what your hidden sins are when you bring that to the cross, when you come under the blood of Christ, when you confess that, repent from that turn. The old is gone, the new has come. And we're going to read some verses just over your life that speak that truth. So if you've heard anything that is in opposition to what we're about to read, then it's an opposition to the word of God, which is the truth of God's word. And I just think this is so important. Important because we have so many people walking around with so much guilt and with so much shame and sexual brokenness, and they're taking that into their marriage because they think they have to, because they're like, oh, I. I'm. I've done this. I feel so sorry for it. And I'm like, no, walk into your marriage pure and holy because God's made you that way. Like me and Christian. Like I said, we did not have perfect past, but we walked into our wedding night pure before the Lord. We were excited, you know, because we have been made new. And so I just want us to believe that for ourself. Like I said, we Already read Romans 3:23, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. So we're all in this boat no matter what you've done. I'm going to read Isaiah 1:18. The. Mom, if you want to go ahead and get Ephesians 1:7.
- [39:42]
Host
The other day I actually heard a guy was telling his story and he and his wife and they talked about they went through some really hard years and he had really gone astray. And he talked about, you know, know, the sexual sin was a big part of that. And he said, I didn't even understand the scriptures about like, purity of heart or breasted are the pure in spirit. I didn't even think that was like, for me, like that. That was not.
- [40:04]
Sadie Robertson Huff
It's like you read over it.
- [40:05]
Host
He thought that was not even available to me. And he's like, now I know because I have repented and confessed and turned and given my life truly to Jesus and allow his. His blood to cover me. Like, I now understand what those scriptures talk about. There is a purity of heart. There is. I can have that. I can access that. That is not just for, like, someone else who has lived this pure life. This is for all of us.
- [40:29]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Yep. I'm going to actually start with first John. Just after she said that. First John 1:9 says this. So this is it right here. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and he is just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us of our unrighteousness. So if we confess, he's faithful, he's just to cleanse us of our sins and forgive us. Now, what can that do? What's the power of that? Well, I want to read Isai. I love this so much. I've always loved this verse, verse 18. And it says, come now, let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be washed as white as snow. And I just love that, that, like your sins are scarlet, your sins are real, but they are going to be washed as white as snow. And I remember the first time I went on a ski trip after I got out of really broken relationship, and I looked at the snow and I just remember getting like a emotional, like, whoa. Like, I've been looking at myself as, like, damage. I've been looking at myself as guilt and shame. And that is how God sees me. Under repentance, under redemption, as white as that snow. And then get this. When the sun hits that snow, it like glistens. It's like the most sparkly, beautiful. It's like diamonds. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, not only does he just see me this pure, like, look at it glistening and glowing in the light. And I just thought about, like, man, when Jesus, like the Son of God, because of what he's done for us, when we're seen under the light of Jesus and the blood of Jesus on the cross, we are glistening as white as snow. And so what a powerful thing to believe of yourself. And that's not far out. That's in the word of God. That's the truth of the word. Mom has some more verses to read as well.
- [42:07]
Host
All right. Ephesians 1:7. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the riches of his grace. Grace which he lavished upon us in all wisdom and insight, making known to us the mystery of his will according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ. So it's just about that. Yeah, it's. It's a. It's. It's Jesus plan. It's. God planned for us that Jesus would come for us, that he would offer us grace. And it's. It's his wisdom and his insight. He knows it all. He knows everything. He knows what we've done. He knows what we've been through. But he wanted to. He came for us and he wanted to. To die for us so that he. We would know the lavish love that he has for us.
- [42:47]
Sadie Robertson Huff
So good. And if you want to turn to second Corinthians 5:17, one of my favorite verses, and I'm going to read Acts 2, verse 38 over. Y', all, this is so good. Peter's talking. And Peter says, repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Spirit holy. And so I just love that so much because it's like, hey, if you repent of your sins and you're baptized into Christ, like, you're cleansed of all this, you're going to receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. And so there is nothing, no sin that, like, is going to exempt you from being cleansed when you come under the confession and the repentance and baptism to then be able to receive the fullness of Christ. And so once again, like, you're not too far gone to get back to the original design that God had for you. You know, you're not too far gone to get. Get back to the fullness of the picture of sex and marriage that God has for you. Yeah.
- [43:45]
Host
Second Corinthians 5:17 says, Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come. So, yeah, that's just that idea that you can be made totally new, a new creation.
- [43:59]
Sadie Robertson Huff
That makes me want to dance. I love that verse. I'm like, the old has passed away, the new has come. Thank God for that. And when you believe that over yourself, it will change everything about who you, you are. And then we asked the question online, like, what kind of questions do you have about sex? And the flood of questions made us realize, wow, people really do need some guidance around this. And again, not that we're, like, the ones to guide you. I think you should again go see a pastor counselor. Like, let someone walk with your story in your life. But we'll go ahead and talk about it. So let's first talk about. You mentioned, like, the will of God for your life. What is, like, the will of God when it comes to sex and relationships? Because some people might be like, what is the difference in, like, worldly and godly? And maybe they just think, oh, don't have sex, you're married. But why? You know, because I think. I think a big thing that the church could do better at is just explaining, like, the picture that God actually created from the very beginning. The Bible talks about, like, you're becoming one with that person. And it's like you're God's intention was that you become one with one person, you know? And so that's really Adam and Eve, they came together as one and they were fruitful and multiplied. They had kids and stuff. And also it talks about how, like, they were naked and they felt no shame. And I think that is like a. That's like a picture of what God had for sex, is that two people would love each other so much, they would become one together. What God joined together, let no man separate. And then out of that. That being one with someone, they felt no shame, you know. And so I think opposite than that in the world is, like, you have sex with all these people and you don't realize that, like, you're attaching yourself to them in some way or to some capacity. And then there can be a lot of shame from that, you know, and there can be a lot of hurt from that. Like you said, like, not just, like, mentally, but physically and, like, all the different things. Things. And I think, like, when you think about sin in general, when it comes to, like, the Bible, I think sometimes when we say, like, oh, it's sinful or it's a sin, then people just think that you're being judgmental or God's being so judgmental and trying to, like, not let you have fun. Like, what? We can't get drunk? We can't party? We can't have sex. Like, it. It feels like, okay, fun sponge. Like, do you just not want us to have fun in life? This is just, like, judgmental. But actually, like, if you really read the Bible, it's not out of, like, this heart to just judge and dictate and, like, don't have fun. It's all out of the context of love. Like, this is how much I love you. This is what I created you for. You shouldn't have to feel shame. You shouldn't have to have a hangover the next day and have a headache. Because, like, that was your idea of fun. You can actually have joy and laughter and fun and love and feel no shame and have, like, freedom. And I feel like when you understand the context of, like, God's design under that umbrella of, like, oh, he's looking out for me. Like, because the road, you know, to sin leads to death. Like, these things don't lead to good things, but the path, you know, of God, like, it leads to life, you know, And I think that's really the umbrella you gotta look at it under. And I think, you know, people ask, like, how do you get out of thinking. Let me read it. Exactly how do you get out of the mindset that sex is bad once you're married? And I think that's the problem is that we talk about. It's like, before marriage, you think sex is bad, but sex was never bad. It's always the design of sex that God created is always good. It's just outside of that design in marriage, it's wrong, it's hurtful. And so I think when we grow up thinking, like, sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad, then you get into marriage and you can't get over that idea that, like, you've always said it was bad when you really have to say, no, the design that God created for sex in marriage is beautiful and it's good, and it's always been good, but outside of that design, it's hurtful.
- [47:54]
Guest Speaker 1
You know, the trap I think a lot of people get into is, like, especially in engaged relationships is that, you know, we love each other, we know we're going to get married, we even have a date on it. And like, so, you know, the temptation's just so strong. Like, we just, we're going to. And I don't see why that's a problem.
- [48:15]
Sadie Robertson Huff
People might click on this podcast and they're, they're like, they never heard about God's will for sex. They're like, wait, what? Like, why are Christians, like, so don't have sex before marriage? Like, why? Because it's so normal and, you know, it's a natural response from your body, like, that's what you want to do. So why are we saying, yeah, you shouldn't?
- [48:36]
Reeves Huff
Okay. Yeah. I kind of wanted to give a perspective on, like, a. The female side of that too, I guess, because, like, everything Christian said I agree with. And I just feel like so often in the world, like, what we see, like you were saying, like, on the movies we, like, watch and the books we read and just so many different things. Especially, like, for me, like I was telling y' all the other day, I, I was like 13 years old reading books I should not have been reading, you know, and as a 13 year old, like, I had no idea that that was even necessarily wrong. I was just, I don't know. And, and that gave me such, like, a skewed idea of what, like, sex should look like or what a relationship should look like, and then just different things like that. And so many times in those, like, books and movies and TV shows that we're watching, you don't see, like, you never see the effects of it, like, there's so many. I always think of, like, Nicholas Sparks movies. Like, I love them, don't get me wrong. But, like, you see them, like, they're in a relationship and all, and. And it's this great thing. But then a lot of times, like, then another person comes along, and then they cheat on that relationship with this person. And then there's so much sex involved and there's all this. And then at the end, it's like, oh, and we're happily married and we love each other, and it's great, you know, but they don't show, like, the effects of all of that, like, baggage that was in there too, you know? Like, they don't show how it feels to go from this to this and how it feels to have had that situation you're in. You know what I'm saying? What I'm saying. That's so true. It's like you only see the good. Like, you see. Like, oh, like, they got. They. They wanted this person.
- [50:04]
Sadie Robertson Huff
They got what they wanted.
- [50:05]
Reeves Huff
They wanted. They had sex. Like, okay, it was. It was great. It was passionate. It was like, that's what it. That's good. Like, that looks good, you know, and that's what we. You grow up seeing. And so, I mean, like you said then after Christian, that's what I was thinking is the Bible says, like, when you have sex, you become one with someone. And so when you have sex, whether that's in marriage or outside of marriage, you are becoming one with a person. And it was never meant to be torn apart, you know? And so when you have sex with people, just whoever. When you have sex with people and it is torn apart, like, that wasn't how the Lord intended it to be. And it hurts. And it does cause shame, and it does. That does stay with you, like, for. I mean, there's so much redemption in it. But they're like Christian said, there are consequences to that. And. And I just think that the Lord, he didn't want us to have to face that pain, and that's not a pain that we had to endure, you know?
- [51:00]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Yeah.
- [51:00]
Reeves Huff
And. And so when we do it, it's like, in this moment, it seems good because that's what we've seen, and that's what culture teaches. But then you don't see the after effects until it's your own life. Like, until you're the one living it and you're the one who became one with this person. And now they're not a part of your life anymore. And it's like, wait, like, hard. This is hard. And like, this was. And. And especially because I even. I grew up in the church, and I knew all of the things. And at. To a certain extent, though, like, culture had become. Or to a full extent, like, culture had become what I believed more than what I was being taught in church, even. And so I even got to a point where I thought sex was good, like, even outside of marriage, like, because I hadn't surrendered my life to the Lord. So it did feel good. Like, it was what was right in that time to me, you know, And. And then I realized through that, and especially looking back, I can see there was so much heartache and pain the whole time, even in the midst of when I thought it was good, you know, even when I thought, like, I convinced myself this is good, this is right. There was so much heartache and pain the whole time. There was underlying shame, even if it wasn't at the surface. Like, it was still deep within me. And. And I know for sure, like, when Reeves and I, we. I had a lot to. Even when we started dating, I had to, like, rewire my brain almost to, like, how a godly relationship is meant to be without that aspect in it.
- [52:25]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Yeah.
- [52:25]
Reeves Huff
You know?
- [52:26]
Host
Yeah.
- [52:26]
Reeves Huff
Like, and to learn how to be loved and to love without that aspect. And, like, and that was just in their dating relationship. That was before marriage even. Yeah. Like, having that huge shift and mindset was so much. Because you're just taught that without that, like, there's something missing. I feel like. And that's how I had felt is if this I wasn't, like, that was how I felt validated. That was how I felt, you know? And then in a godly relationship, to learn, like, that is not, like, what the Lord intended for me to feel or to, like, be felt like I was needed for. Like, I wasn't needed for that anymore. Like, I was just desired because of, like, who I am as a child of God, not for what I could give. You know, it was just like, that's huge.
- [53:08]
Sadie Robertson Huff
I think that's what's so huge when people say, like, is it worth the wait? I think it's like, those kind of things are so worth it because you. You get to love each other without giving each other something that is not really. Because sometimes I feel like, oh, if I just have sex, then they'll stay or then they'll like me, or they don't have to worry about them looking at other people, places. But to, like, go, you know what we're actually gonna Fall in love with each other, and that's gonna be strong enough. That's gonna be even stronger than, like, a physical connection. That's gonna be like a soul connection, because we actually love who each other is.
- [53:42]
Host
And then you.
- [53:43]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Then you trust that person so much more. And I think, shame, like, when we talk about shame, it's not just, like, physical shame where you're, like, you're naked and you don't feel ashamed. Like, you don't feel embarrassed. It's. It's so much more than that because you can get to the place of, like, like you said, having sex outside of marriage and thinking, this is good. This feels good. You're not feeling shame. You're feeling confident. You're doing the whole thing. But it's like, it's more than that. It's. It's. I trust this person. I love this person. I tell this person my insecurities.
- [54:08]
Host
He.
- [54:09]
Sadie Robertson Huff
I. I know his insecurities. We. We're walking this out together, you know? And people say, like, oh, how could you get. What do they say? Like, if you have a test drove a car, like, how do you know that it's gonna work? It's like, like, because it's so much more than that. It's like, when you have an emotional connection, you love each other so much, then, like, that just is easy. Like, you know how to drive a car. You'll figure it out.
- [54:31]
Christian Huff
Like, I can look back at my life throughout middle school, high school, like, years when I was so wrapped up in that. Like, there was always a sense of, like, shame in it, but the shame was never conviction. Like, I can think about being in high school and all of my worldly buddies that were just crazy. Like, we would always talk about pornography, but it was always, like, you always felt gross and you always felt bad for, like, why am I so. Like, like, why is this such a huge. Like, why am I so attracted to this? Like, why do I always want to go do this? But then, like, this is just being completely vulnerable. I can remember times in high school, this might be tmi, but I'm just going to share it. Like, I would literally be doing homework. Stop doing homework. Go watch porn, come back, finish homework. And I'd be like. I was like, what am I do? Like, this is just terrible. Like, why am I doing this? Like, But I'm saying that to say there was something in me that's like, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but it was the shame aspect of it. And I felt dirty. I felt gross, whatever. But there was no, like, conviction from it. Like, the shame hadn't translated into conviction until after I really got serious about. About my relationship with Jesus. So I'm saying that to say, like, you might be listening to this and. And you might be making these decisions, and you're wondering, like, why do I feel somewhere deep in me that this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this. Like, when it feels natural, I'm just going to push back. Like, that's. That's the spirit. Like, that's something in you that's contrary to what you were designed to do.
- [55:59]
Sadie Robertson Huff
Something in, you know, there's something more for you. There's something better.
- [56:03]
Guest Speaker 1
Yeah.
- [56:03]
Christian Huff
Like, there's the physical body. There's your soul. There's your spirit. There's your spirit. Like, there's something else inside of you that is. It's, you know, it's. It's contradicting to what your flesh is wanting you to indulge in. Because that's not what you were created to. To do. That's not what you were created to, you know, to just fully engulf yourself in. So if you listen to this and you're like, why do I feel like that? Like, it's. Because that's not what you were created and designed to do.
- [56:30]
Sadie Robertson Huff
I'm glad you brought that up, because someone says how to avoid lust in your marriage. People always say marriage doesn't solve lust or pornography or anything. And I think this is really important because so much of what we're talking about as far as, like, not feeling shame in marriage, not struggling as much with lust in marriage, not struggling with pornography, it. It all comes like, if you're able to. And if you're listening to this post marriage, and you're sitting there and you're struggling with this, and there's still, you know, redemption and hope, and there is always redemption and hope to be found. Because Jesus is. Is always, you know, he. He rose from the grave. He's alive, okay? So if he's alive and he will always be, then there's always a chance for hope and redemption. So, like, hear me say that. But a lot of what we walked through, like, we found freedom in this before we got married and got to a good place with this before we got married. And these were all things we talked about openly. I don't know about y', all, but I assume so. We talked about this so openly before we even got engaged that by the time we got married, because people are saying to like, was it awkward on your wedding night? It Wasn't awkward on our wedding night. It was awesome. You know, it was like, oh, man. So worth the wait. This is so beautiful. This is God's design. We had an amazing, you know, that. That's all been amazing in marriage. But a lot of that was because we talked a lot about that before we got married. We dealt with a lot of that before we got married. That was hard to do. That was uncomfortable at times. That was hard to hear from both ends, but it set us up really beautiful for marriage. And so I think, like, the more honest you can be before marriage, the better you're going. The better marriage you're going to have, and the more open you can be before marriage with confession, whether that's to your friends, to the person you're going to marriage, a counselor, man, you're gonna be set up so much better for marriage. And so, like, you don't struggle with it as much, or if you do, it's just open. It's not hidden. Because I think that's the biggest thing, like not hiding. Hiding anything. Yes, because hiding things, you. You will tend to continue to hide them and dig a deeper hole. But when it's open, it's just out there and you're gonna struggle, but you confess and you move on.
- [58:39]
Reeves Huff
You know, I think it's so important too, with, like, when we're talking about this, I feel like so many people, the people listening to this, there's probably so many different stages of where you're at, you know, like, there's probably single people listening, married people listening, engaged people listening. Like, there's all of that, I'm sure, and I don't know what, like, we don't know what the relationship they're even in looks like. And so I would also, like, with what I'm about to say, like, because of how I was pursuing the Lord and Reeves was pursuing the Lord, like, that's why our relationship was how it was. But I'm very thankful even for in our dating relationship, he really was the one who was like, he led with that in the sense of we are going to be completely open book and honest about out everything, pretty much, because I really struggled with that. And so again, for people who are listening who did mess up before and who have messed up, that was having sex before marriage, that it messed up a lot of me. Like, it messed up a lot of, like how I, like addressed things, how I. It just. It was just the. The relationships were just wrong. And so they were handled wrong in every way, you know, and so then Being in a relationship where that wasn't even a factor. It was like, I don't know how to handle things correctly because I was handling them all wrong before. And. And so I. I truly had to. Like, we had conversations where I was like, I feel like I have to relearn everything about, like, a relationship when I'd been in plenty of relationships before. Like, I was like, I feel like I have to relearn how to do this the right way. And. And he really helped every step of the way. But he was the one who started off with being completely open book and vulnerable. And I'm so thankful now. I was talking to someone the other day how our relationship truly did and has started off open book. And, like, I feel like that's so important in a marriage, and it just is so. Because it's just not. You're not meant to carry things on your own. Like, you truly are one. And so, like, you should feel the comfortable space to be fully open with your person, you know? And so we definitely, in our dating relationship, started off just like, okay, well, here's. Here's me, here's who I've been, here's who I am, and here's who I want to be for you, you know? And that was like, both sides. We had multiple conversations. I'm sure y' all did, too, where you just, like, sit down and it's like, here it is. And then, I mean, our whole dating relationship, it just. That was. It just started like that. And Reeves always had, like, you could probably speak about it, but, you know.
- [60:58]
Christian Huff
And then Reeves started singing because all of me loves all of you.
- [61:05]
Reeves Huff
Where did that even come from?
- [61:07]
Christian Huff
You said all of me, and it just made me start thinking of that song.
- [61:11]
Sadie Robertson Huff
You know, this is kind of funny because this is going to be one of those, like, probably, whatever. But again, I'm just addressing things that people in the world say and putting a truth behind it. People say, like, you know, after you fight, like, the sex is the best. You know, it's like, oh, yeah, after a fight or whatever. But I really actually think the truth of that is that when there's vulnerability and honesty and openness, it leads to better intimacy because you're not trying to be intimate with someone that you're hiding something from. And if you're hiding something from, like, that will be felt, you know? And so I think when you're open, when you're honest, it does create a better intimacy because you. That person knows you fully and loves you. And so when you confess, sometimes you Think this is gonna be bad. And it might be hard. You might have a genuinely, like, hard conversation and it might lead to a fight or whatever, but those things lead to greater intimacy because they lead to you knowing that person more, trusting that person more, loving that person more. And so, like, I just want to make sure that we're painting the picture clearly that, like, we're not just saying, like, oh, sex is bad. Like, that's. That's the opposite message. We're saying that we're actually saying it's so good, God created it, so beautiful. And it's good when you are living fully free and when you're living fully known. And that's what makes it so incredible.
- [62:31]
Guest Speaker 1
You know, my life before I started following Christ was just really rough. And I was in a com. A crazy, like, party atmosphere. And. And pornography became a thing when I was like, 10 years old. So if you imagine I'm 27, so it's seven, like 17 years ago. Like, I mean, however long that I was, I was watching it multiple times a day. And so, like you talked about in the story that you said it's a coping mechanism. So you have to identify and understand. And I would encourage you, like, if this is something you struggle with, and I'm not just talking to guys, this is girls too, because there's a statistic that somewhere around 80% of girls struggle with this. So if you look at clinical studies like pornography, the dopamine and the serotonin in your brain is so high that it's one. It's equivalent to. It's either like cocaine or methamphetamine. So the addiction levels are as high as, like, that. That might sound crazy, like, I'm never going to do meth. Well, the chemical reaction in your brain is about the same when you're watching porn. So I just say that at first to identify how serious this is. And it should be serious to you when you are watching pornography. It's a coping mechanism. And so when you're. When you're dealing with stress or anxiety, trauma, memory, like, bad memories, and then, I mean, to be even more specific, like abusive relationship, any kind of wound like that, you're gonna run to your. Go to coping mechanisms every single time. And so I laid out the context of my history because whenever I started following Christ, I was at lsu, whenever I was living this super crazy lifestyle, and I moved to West Monroe and I started. Started seeing psych. I mean, I guess it was a psychologist. And he had an addictive history and like, drug addiction and that's what I was battling. Alcohol, drugs, pornography. So I started having to bring all these things to light because I had met Jesus and I was like, okay, there's some ser. Like, I was still falling into these patterns of living, living. And so that's where I learned all these things that I think are imperative to know. Like, if you're true, like, really struggling with pornography. And that's lust included, they're kind of hand in hand. You have to know what you're dealing with. And so if you think that whenever you get married, the problem with pornography is going to be solved because you can have sex, it's not true. And you may have heard that before, but I just want to tell you from experience it's not true. And the temptation doesn't just go away ever. And I'll be fully honest to say, like, I have to take every single day seriously. And I don't know if you feel the same way. Like, and I, like, I have to wake up and I can't be off guard. And that means that I don't have full access to Internet. And I, like, just recently, I just felt under attack. And we haven't been. We haven't even had tv because things like one thing in your mind can lead to another. And the things that you consume have a huge part into where your mind is going to just kind of autopilot during the day. And so I just want to. I wanted to go back into that because if you're struggling with that, it needs to be addressed, especially if you're in a relationship that's approaching marriage. Because. Because how do you think if the way that you deal with stress and anxiety or whatever is running to pornography, how do you think you're gonna deal with stress and anxiety in a marriage? Because that's a whole new level of stress. Because now you have somebody that is looking to you to lead. And if you have kids, you have human beings that are relying on you to live. Like, if you think whatever is going on, I'm not saying things aren't stressful before, all that happens in your life, life, but I. I mean, you. You're going to have to step it up even more. So you got to, like, if you're listening to this and you're struggling with it, like, start talking to somebody now. Like, start making changes in your life now. Because I have to wake up every day and just say, you know what? I'm going to seek after the Lord and God be with me and guard me from temptation, because I know it's it's around every corner.
- [67:23]
Sadie Robertson Huff
And I think that, like, with our culture, that's like, flaunt your body, brag about your sex life, brag about how many people you've had sex with. Like, because that is cool and that is this amazing thing. It's so countercultural to hide your body innocence. Not fully. I mean, modesty is so relative to what you believe modesty is. But, like, respect your body, respect your marriage, respect and honor those things. And I think you have to. To just look at it in such a different way. Like, my body, do I. Like, why would I want that attention? What do I. Why do I think I want that? Why do I want all these people that don't even know me to see my body unclothed? What does that give me? But then to think about opposite and be like, actually, I'm going to honor and respect myself enough that I don't need that kind of attention, because that's actually not going to get me what I really want. I actually desire to be respectful. I desire to be loved. I desire for people to look at me in the eye and respect what I'm saying. And I also desire for, like, our marriage to be intimate and, like, for just us and for, like, you to see me and me to see you and no one else. And like. And so I think it's so tempting to want to just flaunt, to want to just give. But I think that's whenever we're doing our life for ourself. It's so selfish, you know? And selflessness, I think, is really when you get to discover the power of, like, what love is all about, you know? And so I just think if we would stop for just a second as people and say, like, why do I want to watch porn? Why do I want. Like you said, you got to get to the bottom of that. Why do I want to take pictures of myself and send them to people? Why do I want to post inappropriate pictures?
- [69:05]
Reeves Huff
What.
- [69:05]
Sadie Robertson Huff
What do I feel like I need? And am I actually going to get that by doing this? And you probably get down to the bottom of it and say, no. Yeah, like, I gotta switch. I gotta switch gears. And so I don't know. I think that when it comes to talking about it openly. Yes. In trusted spaces where you genuinely are asking, and maybe it's confession, maybe it's asking advice, maybe it's like, hey, guys, like, do you think this is healthy? Like, yes, open it up. You need that kind of stuff. But also, like, there's a boundary and you don't actually need everyone to know about that part of your life. It's meant to be sacred, it's meant to be special, it's meant to be intimate, and it's meant to be with one.