What Makes a 'Good' Wife? Four Generations Weigh In | Sadie, Korie, 2Mama & Mamaw Jo

Summary

WHOA That's Good Podcast: Episode Summary

Title: What Makes a 'Good' Wife? Four Generations Weigh In | Sadie, Korie, 2Mama & Mamaw Jo
Hosted by: Sadie Robertson Huff
Release Date: April 23, 2025

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In this heartfelt episode of the "WHOA That's Good" podcast, host Sadie Robertson Huff engages in a deeply meaningful conversation with three generations of women from her family—her mother, grandmother (Mamaw Jo), and great-grandmother. Together, they explore the multifaceted concept of what it means to be a "good" wife, drawing from personal experiences, biblical insights, and timeless wisdom.

Defining a "Good" Wife: Perspectives from Four Generations

The discussion begins with Sadie's mother addressing a common question the podcast receives: "How to be a good wife?" Sadie's grandmother shares her enduring marriage story, emphasizing love, respect, and mutual support as foundational elements. Reflecting on their own union, Mamaw Jo states:

"There is no part of you that is not an extrovert." [01:12]

This sets the tone for exploring how different personalities and generational values contribute to a successful marriage.

The Importance of Respect and Understanding in Marriage

A significant portion of the conversation centers on the importance of mutual respect. Sadie's grandmother recounts attending her first marriage game night, highlighting how attending events that made her husband happy fostered a strong bond:

"I went to everything Papa did because it made him happy... he did the same thing with me." [21:42]

Sadie's father echoes this sentiment, emphasizing that respect is crucial for both partners to feel valued and appreciated:

"Mutual respect for one another is a real key in marriage." [22:43]

Handling Confrontations and Communication Strategies

The family delves into effective communication and conflict resolution within marriage. Sadie's mother shares a poignant anecdote about miscommunication during pregnancy, illustrating the need for empathy and open dialogue:

"He literally has no idea how hard it is to be pregnant." [18:50]

Mamaw Jo advises on handling confrontations by listening and understanding each other’s perspectives:

"Confrontation, you want to speak your mind... and then listen to what's going on in your spouse's head." [29:22]

Sadie adds that avoiding the urge to "win" arguments and focusing instead on understanding can strengthen marital bonds:

"You don't want to be so right that you're wrong with people." [20:30]

Balancing Motherhood and Marriage

A central theme of the episode is the delicate balance between being a good wife and a good mother. Sadie's sister emphasizes the pressures modern mothers face, especially with the influence of social media:

"Paying attention to what everybody does on Instagram... you can't do it all." [58:29]

Sadie reinforces the importance of prioritizing and understanding that it's impossible to excel in every aspect simultaneously:

"You can't be good at everything... Give yourself permission to be." [60:12]

The Impact of Social Media on Marriage Expectations

The conversation shifts to the role of social media in shaping unrealistic expectations for marriages and parenting. Sadie's grandmother laments the anxiety caused by constantly comparing oneself to others online:

"You're doing that. You're doing that." [40:55]

Sadie's mother shares her struggle with feeling inadequate when comparing her efforts to her sister-in-law's curated online presence:

"I have to control my mind, and I have to control my heart." [58:29]

The family collectively agrees that stepping back from these comparisons and focusing on personal relationships is essential for marital happiness.

Advice for Preparing for Marriage and Parenthood

Drawing from their collective experiences, the women offer practical advice for those entering marriage or parenthood. Sadie's mother highlights the value of community and mentorship:

"When I was young, we had what we call coffee clutches... informational too." [70:10]

Sadie's father advises couples to find mentors within their community who embody strong, enduring marriages:

"Join them or form your own." [68:31]

Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, the family underscores the importance of community support, mutual respect, and effective communication in fostering a healthy marriage. Sadie encourages listeners to seek wisdom from trusted sources and to embrace the unique dynamics of their own relationships without succumbing to external pressures.

"Don't be afraid to look for a trusted friend... There are people out there who have written great things that can help you do that." [66:43]

This episode serves as a rich tapestry of generational insights, offering listeners invaluable guidance on cultivating a loving, respectful, and resilient marriage.

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Notable Quotes:

• Sadie's Grandmother:
  "However, I pouted... it's so much better to back off than it is to make a big deal out of so many things." [29:20]

• Sadie's Mom:
  "Life's different now with social media... you can't do it all." [50:37]

• Sadie's Father:
  "You can't expect your spouse to change... the Spirit and God are working on their life." [40:15]

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Key Takeaways:

• Mutual Respect: A cornerstone of a successful marriage, ensuring both partners feel valued.

• Effective Communication: Prioritizing understanding over winning arguments can prevent conflicts from escalating.

• Community Support: Engaging with mentors and supportive groups fosters marital strength.

• Realistic Expectations: Avoiding comparisons with others, especially through social media, reduces unnecessary stress and anxiety.

• Personal Growth: Embracing individual and marital growth without expecting fundamental personality changes in one another.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to deepen their understanding of marital dynamics across generations, offering a blend of personal anecdotes, biblical principles, and practical advice to inspire and guide listeners on their own marital journeys.

Transcript

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[Sadie Robertson]

I think overall we're not a family of introverts.

[Sadie's Mom]

I don't know.

[Sadie's Dad]

We're probably pretty extroverted.

[Sadie Robertson]

I think we probably are.

[Sadie's Mom]

You call yourself an introvert.

[Sadie's Dad]

I know that.

[Sadie's Mom]

You are not an introvert.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

You are not.

[Sadie's Dad]

I am.

[Sadie's Mom]

You need to look at the definition.

[Sadie's Dad]

There is no part of you that is.

[Sadie Robertson]

I have learned to act like an extrovert in my introvert.

[Sadie's Dad]

You were shy when you were young, but that's not the same. No, you're an extrovert.

[Sadie Robertson]

Mom. Think of me growing up.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

You were incredibly shy. You know she would not give an oral book report in class until she was in junior high. Seriously, it hurt her so badly.

[Sadie's Dad]

I say Sadie didn't speak at school until fifth grade.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Jake used to hide behind Jonial's leg all the time.

[Sadie's Mom]

I did not talk at all to anybody at school. I always would come home and say, I don't think people really know who I am.

[Sadie's Dad]

They know me.

[Sadie's Mom]

They did it.

[Sadie Robertson]

Then you'd get in my car and I'd say, no, they do not.

[Sadie's Mom]

Every day I just try to overcome my introvertedness.

[Sadie Robertson]

Oh yeah, right.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Yeah, right.

[Sadie's Mom]

What's up? Everybody happy? Well, that's good. Wednesday. I hope you're having a great week, but per usual it is about to get so much better, y'all. I have some very special guests that are some of yalls favorites and of course my favorites also. I will pre warn you listening to this podcast. I have had a cold. Well, it started out as a sinus infection and bronchitis. It has lingered into A cold. And this is day nine, so trust me, we had to get back to start recording. This is the best it was going to be. So if I cough, I am so sorry. We'll try to edit it out, but this is going to be such a great conversation. I have my mom, my grandmother, and my great grandmother back on the podcast, and I'm so excited. The last time we did a podcast, two Mama and my mom were on, and we talked about marriage and hard seasons and good seasons, and you guys loved it. So we thought, well, let's do it again, and let's bring the lady herself, Mama Jo, to the party. And we kind of wanted to title this how to be a Good Wife. We actually get a lot of questions about this, like how to be a good wife to your husband. All kinds of.

[Sadie's Dad]

I am.

[Sadie's Mom]

Act like you've been here before.

[Sadie's Dad]

So sad.

[Sadie's Mom]

Act like you've been here before.

[Sadie's Dad]

It's John Luke. Oh, my gosh. Sorry, kids.

[Sadie Robertson]

Wait until I know.

[Sadie's Mom]

All the sick kids are calling my mom right now. And I accidentally gave it to everybody, so there's always someone in the family that does that, too, and that was me this time.

[Sadie's Dad]

You never want to be that person, but it just cycles around. Sometimes it's you.

[Sadie's Mom]

I went to the doctor. I tested for everything scary. It was all negative. I said, party on. And then.

[Sadie's Dad]

And then we moved into a house all together for five days. Went to the beach in one house all together, five days.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yes. Yeah. I'm like, no one's gonna get it. And then when Haven got it, I was like, everybody's gonna get it.

[Sadie's Dad]

Yeah.

[Sadie's Mom]

Because everyone holds Haven. Haven was stealing everybody's lip gloss. I saw it happen. So it really actually wasn't me. It was my daughter. But anyways, yeah, we actually get a lot of questions about this. And so I printed out some of yalls questions you've sent in on the DMs. But before we get into all of that, well, actually, I will start with this because it is important we talk about this. Oftentimes we talk about the Proverbs 31 woman. And yes, we all want to be that. And one thing we don't want to be is the Proverbs 21 woman I was reading about this morning. It says in verse nine, and this is an amplified version, because amplified just adds the extra. And I'm all about that. It says it is better to live in a corner of the housetop in parentheses on the flat roof, exposed to the weather, in a house shared with a quarrelsome woman. And I was like, dang, that is just. That just says it how it is.

[Sadie's Dad]

When you said amplified version, I was wondering what they were going to amplify, because that verse is pretty, like, oh.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yeah, it's pretty extra.

[Sadie's Dad]

Anyway, it's like, wow, okay. Tell it like it is.

[Sadie's Mom]

There was nowhere to pack the punch except exposed to the weather. It would be better to live there than in a house of the quarrelsome wife. And I think that is probably true. You know, I think Christian and I talk about this all the time. I'm, like, so grateful for who you are, you know, that we get to be married to someone who, you know is intentionally trying to live a good life, because therefore, we get to live a good life in exchange when your spouse is pursuing God or pursuing being a good person. And so we're gonna talk all about that, and I'm excited about that. But before we do, Mem was not on the last podcast, so we didn't get to hear how her love story started. So, Mama, tell us about you and Pet Paw Shaq, how y'all met and how you fell in love.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Well, we met three years before we ever discovered each other.

[Sadie's Mom]

Really?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Yes. At that time, he was a basketball player for the Marine Corps, and I was dating the sports reporter for the base newspaper. And we double dated with my. With Shaq.

[Sadie's Mom]

I did not know that.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

I didn't know that he was dating at the time and just did fun things together. And the guy I was dating wanted to marry me, but I didn't want to marry him. So I left and came to Louisiana for a year to get away from him. To get away from. And when I went back, the first night I was home, my dad said, there's a game at the base tonight. Do you want to go? And I said, well, sure. So we did. And your papa asked to take me home. And that was beginning of 57 years together.

[Sadie Robertson]

Wow.

[Sadie's Mom]

That's so cute. I actually didn't know that you were going on double dates. So where did y'all live?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

We did.

[Sadie's Mom]

Where were you living at the time?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

In San Diego.

[Sadie's Mom]

In San Diego. And then what brought you to Louisiana?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Well, after. After your papa graduated from college, he went to work for a large business that was near Stillwater, Oklahoma, and we opened a franchise in Louisiana. And, of course, delighted that that one was open, because that's where our family was.

[Sadie's Mom]

Okay, that's.

[Sadie Robertson]

So that's why you came back to go to school, because your family was really here?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Yes.

[Sadie Robertson]

Mama's parents had moved to San Diego to help with the war during World War II. But their heart was in Louisiana. So she came back to Natchitoches and went to school at Northwestern.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

That's right.

[Sadie's Mom]

Wow.

[Sadie Robertson]

In her runaway years from California, your.

[Sadie's Mom]

Runaway from your boyfriend.

[Sadie's Dad]

That's funny because that's Rebecca too. Remember I always say about Rebecca, she didn't break up with anybody. She just moved. It was like she left like Louisiana to go to California and just kind of like that's how she broke up with somebody. And then when she came back from California it was the same thing. She just kind of just like moved.

[Sadie's Mom]

She's the ultimate like non confrontational person. She's like just going to move. Right. But are you going to tell them? Just going to hope it just fizzles out.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

That's kind of my personality. I'd rather remove myself and be part of a confrontation.

[Sadie's Dad]

So funny. And so you were tell about the fact that you were a cheerleader for the Marine Corps.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

I was that. That's how my association with the Marine Corps came about. I was at San Diego State and my best friend in high school, a guy had joined. He was in the Marine Corps and he and was in special services and it was his job to provide things to make life more pleasant for the Marines. The hard working Marines. And he asked me if I would be a cheerleader for the Marine base football team. And I was.

[Sadie's Mom]

That's so cool. I got to wear your cheer jacket.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Yeah.

[Sadie's Mom]

Remember we found that. That was so cute. We'll have to put that pict.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

And it was. That was the fun thing to do. We at that time military sports were like college sports. They played college teams and played each other. When your mom, when your grandmother was born. Peppa stayed with me until after she was born and then he left to join the team in Denver. They were playing in an AAU tournament toward the Olympics and we were. I was still in the hospital when Peppa left to go.

[Sadie's Mom]

My.

[Sadie's Dad]

Wow.

[Sadie Robertson]

Then he. Then he left for Korea and didn't see me for a year. Right?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

That's right.

[Sadie's Dad]

Yes.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

He went to Japan.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yeah.

[Sadie's Mom]

Wow.

[Sadie Robertson]

And I survived that. Those of you who worry about your kids and what's happening to them when they're one year old and you know.

[Sadie's Dad]

You survived that, had a great relationship with your dad. Despite him missing that first.

[Sadie Robertson]

I never held it against him ever. And I always knew the story.

[Sadie's Dad]

Yeah.

[Sadie's Mom]

Sweet. So tell me about what your dating time looked like with Pepball. What was dating like back in the day?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Oh, that was movies and beach, going to the beach, beach parties and There would be, oh, dances and of course. And you guys have no idea what we had. When I was young in San Diego, California, we danced to the big bands that you listen to now. They were. They were the ones we hired to play it at all of our dances. It was great. We had Jimmy Dorsey, Stan Kenton, all of the big, huge bands of the day we danced to.

[Sadie's Mom]

That is so fun.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

There was a place in San Diego called the Pacific Beach Ballroom. And that's what we did. That's. That's what it was for, was for people to go and dance.

[Sadie's Mom]

That is so fun.

[Sadie's Dad]

Think about those, like, Elvis movies where, like, they're dancing on the beach. The beach parties. Was it actually kind of like that?

[Sadie Robertson]

Nah, I never danced on the beach. But she was telling me the other day, because somehow we got on this topic of dancing and she was telling me that she and her cousin were the best two dancers. And I said, well, Mom. Cause the dancing in those days was so much better than what kids do today or what we even did when we were in high school. It was intricate, it seems like to us. And I said, how did you learn it? She said, well, we practiced at the house. She said, we danced around the house all the time. And I said, but it's like, it looks like you have to like we would go to dance lessons to learn that dance. And she said, it's just a rhythm. You have to learn the rhythm. So that is.

[Sadie's Dad]

Maybe that's where you got your dancing ability, Sadie.

[Sadie Robertson]

Maybe.

[Sadie's Mom]

So I get a lot for y'all. Dancing and basketball.

[Sadie's Sister]

Those are my loves.

[Sadie's Mom]

I love that so much.

[Sadie's Sister]

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[Sadie's Mom]

How did Pepa ask you to marry him?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

You know, I don't know that he ever asked me. I think from. From the day that we first started dating, this was someone I was going to marry, and he felt that same way. So we just went toward that end. He. We. This. This all happened in January, and we couldn't get married during a basketball season. That was forbidden. So after basketball, we planned our wedding after basketball season, which was about this time in April. Yeah, April 25th.

[Sadie's Mom]

That's so sweet. It is almost there in her. Isn't that sweet?

[Sadie's Dad]

And didn't you make your wedding dress?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

I did.

[Sadie's Dad]

You made her own wedding dress?

[Sadie Robertson]

And I still have it.

[Sadie's Dad]

It's beautiful.

[Sadie's Mom]

Beautiful. It is so beautiful. That is so cool. So much of like, how y'all got engaged and how you got married and then making your own wedding dress, it's just so different than it's done today, you know? I mean, that's why I wanted to ask because it's just evolved so much. It's so wild. It seems like it was a lot more, maybe less confusion, stress back in the day. It just kind of felt like if it was right, it was right and you just kind of got married. Where to?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

It wasn't. You just moved away.

[Sadie's Mom]

Great advice. What was it about Pepa that made you think from the beginning that he was someone you wanted to marry.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Well, you know, one of the things that really impressed me was my grandparents lived with us, and my grandmother was bedridden. And every time he would come to my house, he would go back first and speak to my grandmother and visit with her a little while before he came back to the rest of the house. And we visited together. But it was amazing. And just the fact that he loved his family and all of his brothers were just so important to him. His sister lived in Phoenix, which was not far from from where we were in San Diego. So we went there often. And I loved that relationship that I saw everything about him, everything about him. He was so concerned about my welfare always.

[Sadie's Mom]

That's so sweet. I love that.

[Sadie's Dad]

I think that's a good tip in looking for a husband is how they treat their family, how they treat your family, how they treat their moms, their, you know, their siblings and all that. I think that's a really good, good thing to notice.

[Sadie's Mom]

It's so true. I remember noticing that about Christian on our first date, because, remember, well, we had like a three day first date time period when he came to Nashville. And remember, I was talking to y'all and I was, like, not totally sure. And the next day we went, and when we did pottery, we were just talking. And he talked so much about his family and all of his cousins and how they live close to each other and how close he is with his mom and his brother's his best friend. And, like, that was when I started to really feel like, oh, wow, I was really interested because of how much he loved his family and how similarly he loved his family to the way I love my family. And I still see that, and I love that so much.

[Sadie Robertson]

And then her second point about always looking out for Mamaw. When I watch the Christian and Jackson and Asa, all of our men who've married in your generation, that is one of the number one things I see that they really look after their wives and not in a demeaning way, in a amazing way that they want the best things to happen to them and are so helpful with anything.

[Sadie's Mom]

Speaking of the other day, Christian, this is just funny because it was funny because of how mad he got. But why he got so mad was the sweet part about it.

[Sadie's Dad]

That was.

[Sadie's Mom]

So me and my mom were on a walk the other day at the beach, and first of all, I was so. I've been so sick and pregnant, and I was holding Haven because we forgot our stroller. So we decided to go on a walk to the coffee shop, but it was Like, a half a mile away. And on the walk, I started being like, oh, this might not have been a good idea. I was like, really?

[Sadie's Dad]

Besides the fact that you're sick, your back. You've also just been pregnant. You just really struggled with your back.

[Sadie's Mom]

I, like, pulled something in my back a couple weeks ago, and so that was really hurting. So Christian had. He had driven the car because he was gonna. I thought I wanted to walk. Then I realized I don't want to walk. So I called Christian, like, hey, can you come pick me up? He was like, oh, it would be, like, way too hard to come pick you up, because then I'd have to stop on the main road. And then I was like, okay, well, all right. That's fine. No worries. No worries. So then I was like, we'll be there in a minute, so hang out. And then mom was like, he has no idea how hard it is to be pregnant. He has no idea. And so I was like, I know. He literally has no idea.

[Sadie's Dad]

Which also, we had just had big conversation, which you'll see whenever you watch the show, that we actually just had this big thing about, like, empathy for pregnant. You know, when you're pregnant and that kind of thing. So we've been kind of talking about that. It's not like I just. Out of the blue.

[Sadie's Mom]

We've been talking about that. Christian has no idea, and he went through a. A thing during the show, filming the show to gain more empathy, right?

[Sadie's Dad]

Yeah.

[Sadie's Mom]

So mom was like, it didn't work. Like, he did not gain empathy. So mama the other day was like, oh, Christian's, like, the sweetest man. I was like, he is the sweetest man. And I was like, although, you know, he does not get what it's like to be pregnant. And then he was like, what do you mean by that? I was like, oh, well, the other day, whenever I was walking on the street, I had called you to come pick me up, and you said that it would be too hard for you to come pick me up. I was like, you just don't get it. He's like, your mom said that? Your mom said that? Did she really say that? So he goes up to mom. He's like, did you say that I don't have empathy for Sadie's pregnancy?

[Sadie's Dad]

And I just laughed and was like, you know. Well, you didn't know the background exactly.

[Sadie's Mom]

That is not a man who will move states. That is a man who goes straight to the source. That is true. He goes straight up to you. And then he got so mad. I Was like, why are you so mad? He's like, well, I do not want my mother in law to think I do not care for her daughter when she is pregnant. And then it was like, sweet because it's like, because he does value and like, he wants to care for me. And so that is like a, A big trait to look for in a man. Like, do they care about your well being? Like, are they, you know, going above and beyond to. To make sure that. Because you said this before we even started the podcast, Mama, when I said how to be a good wife, and all of y'all were like, oh, man, how I know.

[Sadie's Dad]

It feels like a lot.

[Sadie's Mom]

How do we even start talking about this? And you said, well, you can't talk about being a good wife without talking about the marriage. Like, it's big. It's not just one, it's two, you know? So, Momo, do you want to speak into that a little bit as we start talking about the topic of how to be a good wife? What do you, what do you mean by that? That it's about the marriage too.

[Sadie's Dad]

Wait, before we move on, I want to give this one tip because you mentioned that about, about me saying that about Christian. As a mother in law, this is just like an aside. I have found that, like, it. Your words are so important as mother in law. Like, when I say something about one of the sons in laws, like, they take it way more than I even expect. Sometimes I'll just say something like, I think it's funny. It's an aside. And then they're just like, oh, no, does she think that? So as a mother in law, be careful with your words for your son in laws, because they really do listen and they really do care about what, how you feel and what you say and that you think that they're doing a great job as husbands.

[Sadie's Mom]

So that is so true. Jacob is the same way. Like, they, they care so much about what you say about them and think, and I do too, about my mother in law. Like, you want your in laws to think you're loving your spouse? Well, you know, so that's really good advice.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Yeah.

[Sadie's Dad]

Okay. Sorry.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Marriage is. It's a combination of two people who come from totally different backgrounds always, and meshing together what you have and what your husband has and having respect for each of those things. I think primarily that's one of the finest things you can have in a marriage, is to have respect for one another, appreciate who they are and where they are in life, what they like, what they do, you know, it's like basketball. I was not a crazy basketball fiend, but I went to everything Papa did because it made him happy. And. And he did the same thing with me. He wasn't crazy about going to see my kids perform in an opera at school, but it was just. He absolutely loved it after we were there because it made me happy that he was there and enjoying that with me. So does that come anywhere close to what the answer is to that?

[Sadie's Dad]

I think that's really good. I feel like that that respect word is. Is so important because husbands want to be respected and want to feel that, and we want to be respected and feel that. So I think that is that mutual respect for one another is a real key in marriage. And it's easy to. You're with this person all the time, so, you know, you know all their faults, you know all their flaws, you know all of that. And so if you. If you're not careful, you can get in a pattern of not acting respectfully to one another because you're together all the time. And, like. Like, I just think a lot of times, for me, sometimes I notice this. It's like wives give themselves a little bit permission to treat their husbands worse than they would want to be treated. You know, you see it, like, on television or whatever, and it's like, women think they can talk to men a certain way, but then you're like, what if that. What if he said that to you? How would you feel? You know? And I think looking at it that way can. Can really kind of change. Change the way you treat one another. If you're like, oh, if he said that to me, I would be so mad. And so, like, then why do you give yourself permission to talk to him that way?

[Sadie's Mom]

When I had Alan and Dad and Sy on the podcast, I said something about how when Christian has a beard, I think he is not as fun. And I was like, I think it, like, makes him too serious. Like, I think it, like, boosts his testosterone. Like, there's something going on with the beard. And so I told him that. I was like, I think when you have a beard, you're just not quite as fun. And then dad was like, what if he said to you, when you're not blonde, you're not a spud, you know? And I was like, yeah, that would hit different. Yeah, that.

[Sadie's Dad]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

And I think, like, Mamaw said a little bit of it, too, and Cory did, too, that you. You'd have to. You have to know your spouse, and you will know everything about him. So the Other day, I've been trying to get Tupapa to hang his guitars that he. His guitar collection that's in my closet on the wall. And that's something really important to him. And so while we were hanging them, it's not that important to me. And my ring clicked on one of them, and I thought, oh, my word. He almost went unglued because those are so important to him. So, like, that. That's when I had to talk to myself, like, okay, I need to do this how he needs it to be done, not how I would put them up there and say, look, you guys. No, he wanted each done carefully and tell me what they mean and all those kind of things. So there are those times that we have to step back from who we are and step into who they are to get past a moment that could potentially be a fight, because you're so different in those moments. And so to avoid a fight, you just have to, like, take yourself out of it and say, okay, how does he want these guitars? How do I need to handle them? How do I need to hand them to him? All of those things so we can. We can get past some moment that could be trouble.

[Sadie's Dad]

That is so true.

[Sadie's Sister]

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[Sadie's Mom]

Someone actually asked the question, how do you handle a big confrontation in a healthy way? I was going to ask y'all, like, if you think back to when you first got married, maybe how you handled those things versus how you've learned to handle them, have you seen a maturity or growth? I'm sure you have. And how you used to handle versus now, and what advice would you give to that?

[Sadie Robertson]

I think we should start with Mamaw.

[Sadie's Mom]

The most mature one here.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yes.

[Sadie's Dad]

Well, she's already told us about confrontation. She just moves, so we'll see.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yeah. How did you.

[Sadie's Dad]

Whenever you're in marriage and you can't just move, what do you. How do you handle confrontation?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Well, I can tell you how I handled it when we first got married. And have I matured? Oh, absolutely. I pouted. I was the pouter, you know, And. And your papa would not have anything to do with that. He would say, now, how long is this silent thing going to last? Is it. You going to be over that by this evening, or is it going to take tomorrow or the next day? And of course, all of that would wind up laughing about the whole thing. I think the first time I got mad and left home, I drove around the block and that as far as I got. But confrontation, you know, you want to speak your mind and what's going on in your head, and then listen to what's going on in your spouse's head. And seriously, listen to that. By putting yourself in your hip pocket and thinking about him and what. What goes. What's going on with him? Too many times you have to just back off. It's just so much better to back off than it is to make a big deal out of so many things.

[Sadie's Mom]

That's good. That's good.

[Sadie Robertson]

I wanted Mama to start because I heard her tell that before. And it's always so hard to believe because, you know, I just, I. We never, as kids, saw that in them at all. We never saw Mama pout. We never saw Daddy you know, all we saw out of them was mom being a great mom and dad being a great leader of the family. So when I hear her say that, it just. It makes me so tickled to think. What? You were a powder. That's so amazing.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

I was a kid.

[Sadie Robertson]

That's right. That's right. We all did things when we were kids.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

I don't remember, really. I don't think that I really was a powder. I took that as we talked earlier, my shy personality, I think, into the early marriage. And I. I pretty much just. And my nickname growing up was me, too, because whatever my older sister did, I just said, me, too. So Daddy used to call me me, too. So I think I was that for the first five years of marriage until I was like, wait a minute. For me, growing up, I was 18. So just growing up and realizing, wait, I do have a voice, and I need to use that voice, especially after I had kids. So that's when I learned how to negotiate, give in, to weigh the odds. Is this worth the conversation that's going to, you know, take place, all those kind of things? And I do think that just comes with age and wisdom, too, and experience. You do something one time, it doesn't work. You. You don't do that again, like, okay, that didn't work. I think I'll try it a different way. So all that.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

That.

[Sadie Robertson]

That just comes with time. Like, you can't think that you're going to be who you are. Mama, were you 22 when you got married?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

I was 20.

[Sadie Robertson]

20. I was 18. Corey was 18. You cannot go into, even at age 25, thinking, I'm going to be this the rest of my life. Because you're not. You're going to grow and change and become somebody different. And you can tell yourself that. I mean, you can say, this isn't how I want to be.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yeah, that's so true for Christian. And I was not really a powder. But I'm always like, let's fix it. Let's do it. Let's talk about it. And I've learned to wait because sometimes. Well, every time you wait, you gain a lot of patience as you wait, or you see the other perspective a little bit more. But the other thing is, I would always kind of use a basketball analogy when you're fighting over the ball and you hear the bleachers saying, same team. And you're like, oh, wait, we're on the same team. And you don't realize it because you're so in the middle of it. And since Christian and I are both so competitive and confrontational. We will get in a fight over the ball, realizing we're on the same team, you know? And so I feel like we're quick to, like, get into the weeds of it. Like, looking at the ball, looking at the problem instead of looking up and being like, oh, we're on the same team. We're being defensive, both of us. We're both playing defense against each other. And that. That was more of our thing, where I feel like, like, now we've learned a lot and not being as defensive with one another or competitive towards one another in an argument, because we both have that same personality.

[Sadie's Dad]

Yeah.

[Sadie's Mom]

Like, some of our friends struggle with the silent thing. Like, they'll just not talk to each other. Me and Christian can't do that because we both talk too much.

[Sadie Robertson]

Daddy, you could never do that.

[Sadie's Mom]

Be a punishment to myself. But I promise I talk too much. Like, just be quiet. Just wait it out. Just think about what you're gonna say before you say it. And ultimately, it's like, you don't want to win the argument, because if. Like, what did. Elizabeth Hasselback. She said this on the podcast five years ago, and it really stuck with me, and it really stuck with Christian, too. You don't want to be so right that you're wrong with people. And I love that. It's like, you don't really want to just win the argument. Like, what. What is the goal in that? Then your spouse is not happy. Then you're both not happy. Then you won. Like, it. It's not winning something. You know, you still feel bad. You know, like, you. You don't want to, like, hit the jab. That like. Like, that's not the goal. That actually makes it worse. And so I feel like we've learned a lot in that aspect. Like, you don't want to hurt each other's feelings. You don't want to end up, you know, saying something in an argument that makes it worse or hurtful or hits a deeper wound. And so you have to be so careful with the words you say and the arguments you. You dive into. So that was kind of our thing. That's good. What about y'all?

[Sadie's Dad]

Yeah, I was think. I feel like y'all have all touched on so many things. So, like, what I was gonna say keeps changing as it goes around the room. But I think one of the things that. Well, for us, similarly, in that, like, we kind of go at it and go at it hard, and it feels like World War 3 or whatever for A minute and just realizing, like, okay, actually, everything's really good. It's just this one thing that escalated and became this big deal. And then just that reminder of, like, oh, actually. And then sometimes. Sometimes it's just, wait. Wait a minute. Pray for wisdom before you go in. And timing, I think, is important, but I mean, still, sometimes there's never the right time to have a fight, but you just gotta, like, do it because it's part of it. I think whenever I think one thing, I would encourage people that, like, arguing in a relationship is not bad. Like, negotiation is important. You have to do that because you are two totally different people and you're trying to figure out how to do life every single day together. And so it's important to do that when people. I've heard people before be like, well, you never fight. I'm like, there may be something underneath that, like, you actually probably need to every once in a while, get it out and figure it out. So it's not necessarily a bad thing. But it is bad whenever you do things that are hurtful in it, you know? So it's like learning how to argue is really important and how to think about the other person in the things that you're saying rather than trying to win the point. And I think for me, one of the things that I used to do that I've probably gotten. Hopefully I've gotten better at is just. I couldn't quit. Like, I would just be like, okay, and one more thing. And actually, it's like, two in the morning. Wait, I feel like I need to just say this one more thing. Because I thought about this after, you know, and so some of it is just like, all right, end it. Let it be. And if, you know, a few days later, you still feel like you need to say it, okay, bring it back up. But it might. You might. Maybe you don't. Like, the other person is actually getting it and learning it. And so one of the things early on, Willie was not in a family that, like, said they're sorry or did, you know, really spoke their feelings a whole lot. And so of course, he needed to learn to say sorry, which he has. But he used to be like, just let me process it, and then I will. But I wanted him to, like, say all the ways he could do it he was sorry and the ways he could change in that moment where he needed to, like, go away and, like. And you'll see. You'll see the change, you know? And so sometimes it's not about, like, solving it all or Getting all the right things said in that moment. You said your piece. Let the other person process that and. And then see ways that they hear you and change and. And understand kind of like what it is. And then if they don't, okay, let's talk about it again in a month or so. Yeah, but I think some of that is just kind of like, like trusting the other person that they're hearing you and the. The Spirit is working on. On them as well, and that things will. Things. Things are. You're being heard in that moment.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yeah. Ms. Tara always tells us, like, you're not their Holy Spirit.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yes.

[Sadie's Dad]

So good.

[Sadie's Mom]

You don't need to, like, be their Holy Spirit. You need the Holy Spirit. They need the Holy Spirit. And if you're two people who pray, pray to people who are pursuing the Lord, then trust that the Lord is working on those areas in their life. Because normally when you try to be their Holy Spirit, it's annoying. You know, it's like, it's just not gonna work. You can't change.

[Sadie's Dad]

Sometimes things are gradual. Like, change happens in me gradually. So you can't expect it to happen just because of one conversation or one thing.

[Sadie's Sister]

So true.

[Sadie's Mom]

And, you know, I'm interested to hear what y'all think about this, because you know how people say people don't change, you know, But I actually think you said this in the last podcast. You change, like, every 10 years. You're like a new person every 10 years. And then so many of the things that I thought early on in marriage that Christian would be like, and I'd be like, oh, will this ever change? And it actually has. Like, it changed when we had kids, because we had kids. He started doing things that I was kind of surprised by, in a good way, because, like, wow, you really stepped into that role as a dad and as a husband, where as I was kind of expecting that to maybe some of those things happen before, and it didn't. And then it just did naturally, because when he had kids, like, that's what God did in his life. And same for me. Like, I'm sure there's so many things he even talked about. For me, he's like, when we first got married, you were back to the extrovert conversation we were having before this. Such an extrovert. And now you're more chill. Like, you like to be home with our family, and, like, you're. I mean, I'm still an extrovert. I still have friends over all the time, all the things. But he's like, I'm Surprised by how much you've mellowed out, you know, a little bit. And so what do y'all think about that? That saying people don't change?

[Sadie Robertson]

I think people do change, but I don't think personalities necessarily change like who you are as a person today, Sadie. It's just like you really were as a person, personality wise when you were 12. But how we handle our own personalities changes by again, like I said a minute ago, when you, how people react to what you do and you say, okay, that's not the way to treat people or whatever, we learn how to be better people with the personality that God gave us. Because I really do think I still have that same shy personality, but I've learned how to live outside of that to accomplish the things that I want to accomplish. And so. And Corey is the same as she was literally as a third grade. You know, she likes to read, she's strong in her opinions, she's quietly stubborn. You know, all the things that she was. She still is, but she runs a company and she's on tv. I mean, things that we never would have dreamed about when she was 15, 10 with a stutter, with a little lisp, lisp, lisp. We never would have dreamed about. So. But those things are all still her. But she has learned where God has taken her. That's a different.

[Sadie's Mom]

So I think that's a really good point because in looking for a spouse, you shouldn't bank on them changing.

[Sadie's Dad]

Right.

[Sadie's Mom]

Because their personality is not necessarily going to change.

[Sadie's Dad]

Exactly.

[Sadie's Mom]

And if they do choose to mature in the things of their personality is up to the character that they have. So it's like, that's the problem. People think, oh, well, we'll get married and maybe he'll change. Yes, that's a bad call.

[Sadie's Dad]

That's a bad call. Yeah. I don't think expecting your spouse to change is not a good. But I will say this. I think the refining of who you are is what changes sinfulness. Things that are sinful in your life, that's what can change. That's the work of the Spirit and God in your life. You can change in things that are sinful in your life. Patience and kindness and gentleness, all those fruits of the Spirit can come out of you within your personality that God put in you.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yeah, that's good.

[Sadie's Sister]

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[Sadie's Mom]

Mama, what about you? 94 years of wisdom, she said. I'm just. Gre said something the other day that was so good and it doesn't necessarily have to do with this podcast, but I have to say it because it was like, whoa, that's good. So many of you have heard my birthday questions. I think every year on my birthday, I've done a podcast answering these questions. What's something you're leaving behind? What's something you're taking with you? So the other day, we're at Mama's house, it's her 94th birthday, and I said, mama, let me ask you your birthday questions. What's something you're leaving behind? And what's something you're doing taking with you? She said, oh, honey, this is going to be a hard one for me to answer, which is hard for everybody. So I said, yeah, take your time. And then she took her time and she said, no, I really can't answer that because I don't spend too much time thinking about yesterday, and I don't spend too much time thinking about tomorrow. And I was like, whoa, that's good. And then I said, that is such good advice. And you said, well, I don't really know if it is. That's just the way I live my life. I was like, man, I want to be like that. And I actually think that's good marriage advice too. You know, like, you just. You're. You're moving on, you know, like, you gotta put it to rest sometimes. But then some things are important, so you deal with it in the day. But then, like, don't spend too much time looking so much in the future. And I wanted to ask y'all kind of circling back to these questions. I do feel like, like I said, things have evolved so much. We do things so differently these days than even what I was thinking about.

[Sadie's Dad]

That as that piece of advice mixing with the people, changing advice and that being present. It's like, I think one thing that people can really struggle with is holding on to what somebody was in the past and not allowing them to change, you know? And so, like, living in the present is part of that is like, oh, like that they have changed. And. But sometimes you hold on to this, like, grudge or this perception of what your spouse was in the past, and you're. And you don't notice that, oh, they've actually changed. And things are really great. And I. But I'm still kind of living in this past past think are living in this future of, like, this is what I want them to be. This is this vision I have for them. And, like, I want them to be whatever it is, the T ball, dad or the this or the that. That's this vision trying to put them in that are hold them to what they were in the past. But living in the present is. Is. It really goes with exactly what you're saying.

[Sadie's Mom]

A lot of people struggle with that.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yeah, I'm so glad she said that, because that was. What was rolling around in my head, is that we have to allow. Allow our spouses to change. So I remember after Tupapa retired, one day he was unloading the dishwasher, and I was really, literally like, wait, you don't unload the dishwasher? Like, do you even know where those are gonna go? This is what my brain is saying. And then I'm like, wow, okay, this is a new person. This is like, this is two papa at home.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yeah.

[Sadie Robertson]

And he's unloaded the dishwasher. But would he have done that 25, 40 years ago? Never. He wouldn't have even, like, opened the door to the dishwasher. So I think sometimes, and I watch this sometimes with older people, they don't allow their spouses to become a different person. They're kind of like, wait, that's not who you are.

[Sadie's Mom]

They're still speaking. They're still like, oh, they don't help me with anything. Or they don't. And then you're like, they do.

[Sadie's Dad]

They actually do.

[Sadie's Mom]

Because that's what I was thinking about with Christian whenever we first got married, early married. He wasn't like the fix it guy. You know, he's not gonna, like, fix the thing or whatever. And then the other day, he was like, super gluey Haven's little jeep thing back together, and he was pumping all the tires back in the bikes, and he did all the dishes. And I was like, who are you? Like, you're the fix it guy. And he was like, I am on a roll today, you know? And so that was so sweet because I was like, that was not who you used to be, but now you are, you know? And that's what I mean by, like, when he became a daddy, kind of just stepped into some of these things that, you know, he love it. So that's just really cool. Another.

[Sadie's Dad]

Another little tip that this is. I feel like this seems very simple, but it is so hard to do in marriage. And it is. I think it's just so important. We learned this in marriage counseling, and it's something that Willie and I have, like, really stuck to, and it's helped. It's saved, I think, a lot of our arguments. It's never say never or always.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yes.

[Sadie's Dad]

And it's so important because. Because that's actually. It's never true when you say never or always. It's like, you never do this or you always do that. And it's so tempting to say that in an argument because you're trying to make your point of just like. But it's not true, you know, like, you never give me compliments or whatever. I'm trying to think of something. You never give me compliments. Like, well, actually, like, I do. Maybe I don't do it as much as you would like to, but it's not that I never do it, you know, and so I think that that is something that can be very, like, degrading. And in an argument, whenever one spouse.

[Sadie's Mom]

Says to the other, they're like, you.

[Sadie's Dad]

Always do this or you never do that. And so just like saving yourself from that trap, I think is just one little, one little argument.

[Sadie's Mom]

Always continue the argument when you say never.

[Sadie Robertson]

Always.

[Sadie's Mom]

If you say anything, you never or you always, then they will come back with, oh, wow, always. What about the time that I. And you're like, okay, yeah, I was gonna say about just the evolution of, of where things have gone with weddings and just the preparation of having a child and all the different things that like, y'all are probably looking at our generation being like, that's interesting, you know, but I think in the heart of it is like, you want to be like the perfect wife, you want to be like the perfect mom, you want to be like all these things and be totally prepared for everything. And it's totally stressful. It is such a high expectation you put on yourself, and it's very hard. So we have a lot of people asking the question of, okay, I'm about to get married in a few months. How do I prepare for the first year of marriage? And a lot of people having their first baby. How do you prepare for that? And you know, you've said it about all your grandchildren, me included. Like, seeing us prepare for these things, it's very extra, maybe in a sense. What would y'all say to our generation from how y'all did things as just encouragement for stepping into these new seasons of life and having this expectation of what it's gonna be.

[Sadie's Dad]

Relaxing.

[Sadie Robertson]

Relax, Relax a little bit.

[Sadie's Dad]

Actually, I think about that sometimes because. And I think it's all good intentioned. It really is. And so, but like, I like, what did we do with all our time when we were not like, preparing and having all these big things that, that your generation really does do? You know, I don't know what we did with all our time.

[Sadie's Mom]

You know what's weird? This is just an interesting commentary because Katie and I Were talking yesterday. Katie's one of my mom's best friends of, like, 30 years. And she was telling me about when she was pregnant and she was seven months pregnant, and she had all these allergies because she was hearing how I sounded her sinuses. And she said, and me and your mom were painting the room and we were doing all stuff. And she goes, but that was back in the day when you had to do everything yourself.

[Sadie's Dad]

Yeah.

[Sadie's Mom]

And I'm like, it's so interesting because y'all actually had to kind of do a lot more and, like, the preparation than we actually have to do. But we over complicate our prep.

[Sadie's Dad]

Yeah, I guess.

[Sadie's Mom]

Is that weird?

[Sadie's Dad]

Because, like, we painted our own baby room. We like, we went to the store and bought the crib. We didn't, like, order it to just come in. So I guess all those conveniences where, like, you can order things online and it just comes. And maybe that just gives you enough more time to do that other stuff. I don't know.

[Sadie Robertson]

Y'all talk about it because y'all come.

[Sadie's Dad]

From a different generation than I do.

[Sadie Robertson]

Some things are great, are definitely good that your generation has introduced to the world. But some things could be considered extra. Like, we never dreamed of a baby moon, of going someplace before we had a baby. We just had a baby. That was the thing. And whether that's right or wrong to do, I think it's a great opportunity for a couple to get away and focus on themselves before they add this new baby to the world. So those kinds of things, we might would say, oh, that's so extra. But it's also a good thing. That's a good thing. Had someone said that to us, we probably were like, okay, we'll go to hot springs. Like, we, you know, we wouldn't have done much, but maybe we would have done something. But I think the main thing is to just relax and know that everything's gonna be okay, that you're every. Every little move. I think even mama's even said that how she fretted about things when she had us. Every Mama's gonna fret about those things that first year. Year on your first baby, because you. Are you doing it right? What's happening? Are they breathing? Are we. You know, all those kind of things. But I think you need to back off some of listening to everything on social media. There are too many opinions on social media. And you just have to know your baby and do what works with your baby and you and your husband, because your little family is going to work together differently than my little family because of our personalities and the baby's personality. So, you know, paying attention to what everybody does on Instagram. And yes, there's some good suggestions, but my word, you can't do it all. Just do what you can do. And you know, I've said it before about social media. I didn't know what my neighbors did, you know, so I, you know, I had to just figure it out myself. And people for 2,000 years have figured or longer have figured figured out how to have a baby and raise them.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Yeah, you know, race the rudders, race the sails.

[Sadie's Mom]

Race the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching.

[Sadie's Dad]

Over.

[Sadie's Mom]

Roger, wait.

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[Sadie's Dad]

I will say I think people had more community and Memmaw can talk, speak about that than we do now in a way because our community is online sometimes and that can be really dangerous because you're taking advice from so many different people. And where then it was more like within your group. It was our house, church, it was our, our, our parents and family. People that we're actually, like, doing life with every day is who you're kind of helping do this thing, rather than like the millions of people online that may or may not have lives you actually want to emulate. Like, that's a lot of times you're, you're like, oh, I'm listening to this person. But, like, does their life really match up with what. How I really want my life to look. And so I think Memo, you can talk about that, about community and then also about, about, like, I know you had mom and, and Joneel within one year and one day of each other, and you were a young mom with pep, all in the military. And what was that like?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Well, it was busy, busy, but. And I have to speak to what you're speaking about with things today the way they are. And, and don't get me wrong, I, I am so, so I am so privileged to be able to use communication the way we have it today with the just simple ability of being able to put everything that you do on camera and instead of paying, like, what I read that when my kids don't have a whole lot of pictures when they were young because we were in school and didn't have any money, and when you had things, pictures Developed it was expensive. Where it cost you nothing today to do those things, to catalog everything in pictures. But there your lives today bring with it so many things, so much information. As Chris has just said, you're getting it from every direction. And to me that is the most confusing thing in the world. I feel like everything you do, you have to check it off on a box because, because people are expecting you to do so many things to get ready for a baby, to just prepare to be pregnant, preparing to have a baby. What do you do? What do I do with this? What do I do with that? And then you have all this stuff that you have been or been told that you need to do. When I had my first child was when Dr. Spock came on the scene and I was a reader and I read all of his books and then I thought, that's not how my mom did these things. That's not how I see people around me who have great kids do things. And I decided to reject the whole mess and just do what I felt was best for me and for my child. And, and I think that's what people today are so concerned about doing all of the. Checking all the boxes instead of, of just doing what is feeling right for them. So it produces so much more anxiety, so true. Than any of us had with not knowing which way to turn.

[Sadie's Mom]

It's so, that's so true. It's very well put. And I think the, the boxes cause so much anxiety and also you feel like judgment if you don't check a box. It's like because if someone were to say, well, did you do this? And you say no, you feel like you're a bad mom because you didn't do that. And so it's like this expectation that if you haven't done all that, these things, you're not a good mom. You're. You're not providing a safe space for your baby. And all those things are expensive and sometimes not practical and a little bit extra and sometimes just not necessary, you know, for you to have a healthy, happy, safe environment for your baby. And obviously as the mom, you want what's best for your baby. You're always going to want what's best for your baby more than, as I always tell myself, I love this baby more than anyone else in the world. So I'm gonna do what I think is best, you know, matter what the opinion is, because I love this baby. I'm their mother, you know, I have been given the God given instincts to be their mom, you know, but that takes Like, I'm saying that from really having to work through the anxiety and the pressure and the judgment of what will people think?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Exactly.

[Sadie's Mom]

And it's crazy because again, back in the day, you wouldn't have thought necessarily what would people think, because people didn't know what you were doing. But now it's like, people want you to share everything you're doing, and so you feel the need to, like, share or for you to be doing it just in case someone asked or they said, did you breastfeed or did you have bumpers in your crib or did you lay them on their stomach or, like, all the million things. And so I think that's. That's so true. And I do think, speaking to this, being the Good Wife, as, you know, this podcast, not trying to force that messaging, but I actually do think a lot of people struggle to be a good wife during this time because they are so anxious about being a good mom that it's like they can't even think about, you know, being present in a relationship.

[Sadie's Dad]

If we talk about that actual, like, the good Wife thing and what, what we're talking about, about social media and everything, that comparison, I think is like, that's the quote. Comparisons, the thief of joy. And I think that that is one thing that has robbed a lot of this generation of their joy, is that comparison. And, and I remember experiencing it as a w. You know, you look at other people's marriages and you think, oh, that's good, you know, and like, oh, I wish. I wish my marriage was a little bit more like this or whatever, and experience that on a small scale when I was a young married. But I can't imagine the big scale that you're experiencing it when you're seeing all these, like, amazing relationships online and they just look so great. And you think, oh, well, my husband doesn't, like, twirl me around and dip me when I walk out the door. Like, it looks like that's happening on Instagram, but everybody, you know, and so I can imagine that the pressure of that. So I think, yeah, just taking the pressure off of yourself and, And a lot of that is, don't compare yourself. Like, like mom said, it's like our relationship, your. Your marriage is different.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yep.

[Sadie's Dad]

Yours is different because you're different. You're two different people. All your circumstances are different. It's going to look different. And valuing the things in your relationship, not valuing the things in other people's relationships. And I think that that is something to, like, make a conscious effort to like be like, oh, I really value the things that Willie is really good at and I love those things and I value those things and those are the things that are important to us and our relationship. Not valuing the things that like somebody else says marriage looks like.

[Sadie's Mom]

Yeah, that's so true. Because like you said, everyone's stage of life is different, everyone's jobs are different and lives look different and environment looks different. And I was thinking about that with the comparison thing and we talked about caring so much about what your in laws think and wanting to make people proud and social media. I remember one of the like the collateral moments in my mental state of trying to be a good mom and try to be a good wife was like on Instagram, my sister in law who is the most amazing person ever, but she was like posting every day her meal. She would cook for Chance and she had a menu that she printed out every day and it was beautiful menu and then very well cooked meal. And I was like, you know, with a newborn and not cooking good meals and did not ever think about doing a menu for Christian. And I'm like, oh gosh. And then you're like, okay, she's crushing it. I don't feel like I'm crushing it. Christian is seeing her crush it. You know, like, and then you feel like the pressure of like, I need to do that. And then I'm like, I'm not in, I'm not in the place right now to be able to do that. Like I have kids right now. They haven't yet. So I had to like talk myself out of comparing myself to where their stage of life was, which was the newlywed. When we did get married, I did do more stuff that was cute and fun and cook. And now that our kids are a little bit older than newborn, I cook again and I love it and it's fun. I still haven't gotten to the menu level, but I do, you know, I do my thing. And so I think that that's just like a small example of what so many people face every day. It's. You see something in your mind. You're like, this person saw it and that person saw it and then what would they think about me compared to that? And no one else is thinking that, right? You're thinking that no one else is putting the expectation on you to do what they did. You're doing that. And I had to like, Christian is not looking at that, being like, Sadie should do that. My in laws are not thinking about that. Maya would never think about that. She's just posting what their marriage is, and it's sweet and it's cute, and it's great, and there's no bad intention in it. I have to control my mind, and I have to control my heart and how I receive it and how I look at it. And I think a lot of people don't take that responsibility to control their mind and their thought and their heart and get back to reality. Last question. Question I want to ask. I know we're running out of time, and this kind of wraps it all up, but it's a lot of what I was just saying, but how to manage priorities of being a good mom and a good wife? How do I balance it all?

[Sadie's Dad]

I would just say, like, you can't be good at everything. You know, even just talking about that. And the cooking. Kay was an amazing cook. She cooked three meals a day. I remember whenever I first started kind of becoming a part of their family, being like, how does she do this? What in the world. Because did not grow up with a mom that cooked three meals a day at all. I always say, provided you. No, we ate well. We were great, but, you know, it was limited, the menu anyway. And so I. I think that. And then there's a point where I was, you know, tried to do that, and. And did it for a little while, and then I had a bunch of kids, and I was like, I'm actually not good at this, and I don't really enjoy it, but I'm like, I'm good at other things, you know, And I think that that is one thing. Give yourself permission to be like, yeah, I'm just not good at that, but I'm good at this, you know, and in being a good wife, he can't be good at everything. And Bella's told me she's thought about this a few times before because there was a friend that came to visit, and this person is like, looks like on Instagram. She's crushing. And she is. She's an amazing mom. She has a great business, she posts beautiful things, and she is all those things. Her car is, like, trashed. You know, you look in her minivan and it's like.

[Sadie's Mom]

Like, hey, full of junk.

[Sadie's Dad]

And Bella commented on that, and I was like, yeah, that's a great example of, like, you can't do it all. Like, you gotta let some things go. Like, your car may be just junkie. With the first minivan that we had whenever y'all were little, I remember when we traded it in, we knew the guy who owned the Dealership. And he was our. Was the sales guy at the dealership. And he was like, yeah, we found like $4.23 in the DVD player of, like, change that the kids had, like, stuck in there, you know, And. And like, you know, back then. Now my car's clean.

[Sadie's Mom]

Because your car's very clean now. But just to speak to how bad your car was, even our pediatrician, like, this is true story. Our pediatrician, you know, they see a lot of cars, they see a lot of kids. So Ms. Jan, she's the nurse, and she was my nurse, and I was getting out our kids nurse. And she was walking me to the car, just helping me get to the car with the kids. And she opened the car. I said, sorry, it's so messy. She goes, I'll never forget your mom's car. Every time over that car, something would fall out.

[Sadie's Sister]

Like, she.

[Sadie's Dad]

It's so true. Like, you might be great at business, but you're not great at keeping your car clean. That's okay. You're not going to be good at everything. You can't be is totally impossible. So give yourself permission to be. And I remember, like, even things that I used to be good at that now I'm not. That I used to actually be not good at that now. Now my car is clean. But I remember whenever Duck Dynasty started and our lives got so busy, I was like the person that always, like, showed up at the hospital. I had the. I posted the showers, I had the gifts for people, for friends and things like that. And when the show started, like, I just could not do that extra stuff anymore. I couldn't be the one that was always at the birthday party and had the best gift and had the this or show up for everything, because I just didn't have the time. And I was like, I have to devote my time and energy to this right now because. Because this is what's important to our family right now. And so there's gonna be times when you're good, like cooking. There's times when you're good at this, times you're not give yourself permission to not be good at everything.

[Sadie's Mom]

That is so good. I received that last night. Christian played Nerds with us, which he normally does not play Nerds. Cause he gets too competitive in card games. And so we were partners. Well, I was really having to watch myself because he is so slow. But I was so glad.

[Sadie's Dad]

He's actually not very good at nerds.

[Sadie's Mom]

He's terrible. He' terrible.

[Sadie's Sister]

And I get.

[Sadie's Mom]

I'm his partner, and so I Was like trying so hard and I was like, okay, babe, go a little faster. He's like, I can't be good at everything, babe. I can't be good at MSA problem. He is good at a lot of.

[Sadie's Dad]

Things, which is why he's so frustrated about dirt, because he's not good at that, because he is good at.

[Sadie's Mom]

I was like, you know, you're doing so good. I take it back. I love you playing nerds. It was so funny. But to your point, yes, you cannot be good at everything. Anyone else, that was a good point.

[Sadie Robertson]

But I don't know that I'm ever going to be good at cooking. So, I mean, like, there are some things you'll get good at and not that, but I just, I wanna say this one last thing because I think sometimes people don't have the tools to be a good wife or a good mom. A good wife or a good mother. And maybe that might be their upbringing or whatever it is. And so don't be afraid to find, like when we were growing up, and I think Corey's generation too, our generation, we always had a weekly Mom's Day that remember you got bit one time, you may not remember that we were there and where we had trusted people from ch teaching us how to be good wives and mothers. And we read a lot of books and we used, like Mamaw said, we used our own wisdom to weed through the things that were important or not. So don't be afraid that if you don't have some of those tools that you need to negotiate with your husband or how to handle a 2 year old, don't be afraid to look for a trusted friend. Don't weed through everything on Instagram to find your answers, but find an older, wiser person to help you with that. Or read somebody that you know that other people have read and said, okay, this helped me get through that. Because we can't know it all. We are born with instincts. But there are things that we need to learn some tools on how to negotiate better or how to handle a crying baby in a grocery store or how to handle your husband as you're going through all the pregnancy things. And there are people out there who have written great things that can help you do that.

[Sadie's Dad]

That's really good. And that is one thing that we do have now podcast that you can learn from and things like that. But I think that one on one, like going finding mentors in your church or Bible studies or things like that and join them or form your own.

[Sadie Robertson]

Mom'S group and have people come over and. And invite somebody in to speak on a topic. And, you know, those kind of things are great.

[Sadie's Mom]

We've done that so many times, like, started groups and had pastors come and speak or, you know, just someone we look up to in town come and speak to us. And it's been so helpful. And they love it. You know, they're happy to do it for the most part.

[Sadie Robertson]

And sometimes it could be one thing, like Corey's point of the never say never or never say always. We heard that in a very early early marriage seminar. Probably we were 23, and that stuck with us, too. So sometimes it could just be one thing that can change the course of your marriage.

[Sadie's Mom]

When we first were all getting married, like, our friend group, Kaylee and Madison, actually started a little marriage TR group where they were inviting different pastors in to come speak into us. And Pastor Tom and Trina said that they. Like Trina said early on, she used to always ask him to do everything for her. And then she, like, made a rule to herself, like, okay, if he's sitting down, I'm sitting down, then I'm going to, like, I'm not going to ask him to do it. I'm going to do it, you know? And it's funny, because I'm so bad at that. I was bad at that when I was little. I made Bella do everything for me. So that just went on to Christian. But I think about it now, like, if he's sitting down, I'm sitting. Now I'm like, okay, I can go get the water. But he's so sweet. He wants to do it for you. But it's just little things like that, like, good advice that you're getting. Whenever you see someone in person who you trust, who you see the outcome of their marriage, they're 30, 40 years down the road. And you're like, I want to end up like that. So what are, like, little things I can do to help, you know, have a better marriage? Mama, do you have any final words?

[Sadie's Grandmother]

Well, I. I can. Let me go back to what you're just saying. When. When I was young, we had what we call coffee clutches. And all the neighborhood women would get together at someone's house at some point during the day, have coffee and talk about their kids and what they were doing with their kids and how they handled marriages, how they handled the things that were coming at them every day. And it was just. When I think back on that, I think about how valuable it was because you were getting away from your house to begin with and getting with another group of people who were in the same spot you were in, that had things that were valuable for you to know. And it was just such a good, good time to do that. It was social.

[Sadie's Mom]

It's good.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

It was informative, too.

[Sadie's Mom]

It's good.

[Sadie Robertson]

And I bet sometimes you walked away thinking, oh, my husband's pretty good and my kids are pretty good.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

That's exactly right.

[Sadie Robertson]

Yes.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

I could never say anything bad about your dad, Chris.

[Sadie's Mom]

No, never.

[Sadie's Grandmother]

And they all love to talk about half what problems they were having with their husbands.

[Sadie's Mom]

I have a friend group like that, and they've actually been on the podcast. We did a podcast a couple weeks ago about confession and friendship, and it was so good because that's what our time is, and we hang out outside of that, too. But that time, once a week around lunchtime, is our time to be intentional about sharing where we're at and how we're doing and marriage and family and kids and all the things. And it's so helpful. It's so beneficial, so strengthening, surrounding yourself with that group of people where, you know, yes, you're getting that naturally, but you're also getting that intentionally. You're asking the questions, you're sharing the things, you're willing to listen to. Feedback, I think is so important as you journey through life. And so thank you all so much for all of the wisdom. This was so good, so helpful. I knew I was going to learn a lot, and I did, and I hope you did, too. Thanks for listening and keep sending in great questions.

[Sadie Robertson]

Ra.