← WHOA That's Good Podcast
WHOA That's Good Podcast
You Don't Have to Compare Your Reality to a 15-sec Social Media Clip | Sadie, Rebecca, Freddie & Mya
00:53:49
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- [00:00]
Sadie
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- [00:48]
Freddie
Whoo.
- [00:48]
Sadie
At checkout. That's vitalproteins.com with the promo code. Whoa. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. My dad works in B2B marketing.
- [01:00]
Maya
He came by my school for career day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.
- [01:09]
Sadie
My friends still laugh at me to this day.
- [01:12]
Rebecca
Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn.
- [01:15]
Sadie
You'Ll be able to reach people who do.
- [01:16]
Rebecca
Get a $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com results. Terms and conditions apply.
- [01:25]
Sadie
LinkedIn, the place to be. To be. What's up, sisters and friends? Happy Monday, everybody. This is gonna be such a fun podcast. We actually have done part one of this podcast back in July. It was really cool because I don't. I think we named it like the Tales of Motherhood, but it should have been like the TMI of motherhood because it was just all the realness and all the things at the time. Rebecca pregnant with Xander. Maya was pregnant with Mila. Collins was about four months old. And Honey and Haven, you know, were. Were just going for it. I can't remember. I guess they were two. Wait, no. Honey had just turned three and Haven had just turned one at the time. So now here we are, and Rebecca is five weeks out postpartum with Xander. How old is Mila now?
- [02:21]
Maya
She's gonna be five months on the 15th.
- [02:23]
Sadie
Okay. That's crazy. Five months, five weeks, and then Collins is coming up on a year.
- [02:28]
Maya
So crazy.
- [02:30]
Sadie
No, it's so. It's so sweet, though. I know. It's so sad, but it's about to get so fun, too. It's both. The whole thing is both. And then honey and haven, you know, 18 months, three and a half. We are very busy. I actually went and got a massage this morning, and my shoulders were so tight and, like, so many knots. And she's like, you know, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm holding. I'm a mom who are, like, a combined over £50. And so, yeah, so we're all in the thick of it. And, um, we asked if you guys had any questions revolving around pregnancy, motherhood, postpartum, and y'all sent in so many great questions. I mean, honestly, this is so good. So I want us to get into those questions, but first, just want to have a little check in with everybody where we're all at. So, Freddie, how. How's everything been? Collins turning a year.
- [03:19]
Freddie
What.
- [03:20]
Sadie
What are your highs and your struggles right now?
- [03:22]
Rebecca
So our highs would be she's crawling as of today, we're almost to walking, but she's crawling. And that just has given her so much independence. Like, I can. This morning, I walk to my room to get ready, and normally she follows me, but today she just wanted to, like, hang out in the living room, and it was like, wow, I can get ready on my own. Like, I'm not having to pick her up and hold her. Now when she wants me to hold her, she'll, like, reach up, which is really sweet. She's laughing way more, which is fine. But our lows right now is she's getting up pretty early, and now she's at the phase where when she's up, like, she will sit up in her crib and she will try to get out. Like, we're not just laying down anymore. So it's like I'm watching the monitor going, oh, gosh. I don't want her to get out of her crib. Which we probably should lower the bed. We just haven't done that yet, so that's partly on us. But you're busy. You, like, don't really have time to do those things sometimes, so probably need to get on that. And we're teething.
- [04:20]
Sadie
Oh, yeah, that's a low.
- [04:23]
Rebecca
Yeah, it's just all like, I know when she's teething because she's really clingy. And she's just fussy for no reason. And I think we're starting separation anxiety.
- [04:33]
Sadie
Oh, yeah, that's hard.
- [04:35]
Rebecca
I'm not. I'm not ready for that one.
- [04:36]
Freddie
More, like, attached, too, because, you know.
- [04:39]
Sadie
When they're mom and stuff, what that means. Yes. How long?
- [04:44]
Rebecca
She kind of, like, looks at me sometimes when I'm not holding her. Like, why are you not holding me? So we're getting to that phase, which is sweet. It is. But then it's like when I need to go do something and the screaming can happen. It's just. Yeah, look at me like that.
- [04:58]
Sadie
Don't look at me. That's so real. That's so real. That's sweet. How's it. How's Mila doing? Highs and lows right now.
- [05:06]
Maya
Okay, highs would be. Mila is finding her voice finally. So she's starting to coo. She's starting to laugh, which I just, like, love so much because I feel like I'm, like, finally seeing, like, her personality, if that makes sense.
- [05:20]
Rebecca
Yeah.
- [05:20]
Maya
Because I feel like she was such a sleepy baby, like, for the first few months. Like, that girl can sleep. Like, she still to this day, a privilege.
- [05:29]
Rebecca
That is a blessing.
- [05:30]
Maya
It is a blessing. It is a blessing. But also I'm like, well, this is fun. Like, you know what I mean? So I love to see her laughing and cooing and finding her voice. And I have been like. I feel like she should be, like, cooing by now. Like, why isn't she doing this? But now she is, so it makes me excited. So she doesn't do it all the time.
- [05:52]
Freddie
Say that, though.
- [05:52]
Sadie
Because I remember googling, like, what to do with the three week old.
- [05:56]
Rebecca
Yes.
- [05:57]
Sadie
Because I'm such a steward. And I'm like, what should we do? Because you just sleep and sit there. Should I play a game? You can't play a game. You don't even care.
- [06:06]
Maya
Well, and then people ask you, like, oh, what's their personality? And you're like, yeah. Like, am I supposed to know what her personality is? I have no idea. She just sleeps all day and burps and poops.
- [06:16]
Sadie
It's funny.
- [06:17]
Freddie
It's kind of like coming from, like, the first time mom. Because you. You know, when they sleep so much, you worry. You're like. Like, something is wrong. I need to wake them up. But then once you have multiple, you're like, oh, my gosh. Like, this is such a great thing, you know? I remember, like, worrying about, like, having to wake him up, like, checking his, like, breathing to make sure.
- [06:37]
Sadie
Everything was still breathing, you know, under her nose.
- [06:40]
Freddie
Like, realize it's such a privilege. It's so true.
- [06:43]
Sadie
Like, when Honey was walking fast, I was like, yes. Like, trying to get her to walk. And then Haven started walking at Tim.
- [06:48]
Freddie
I was like, what?
- [06:49]
Sadie
Like, no, we didn't have to do this so soon.
- [06:52]
Maya
Wait a minute. It's funny you said that, Rebecca, because I was at the doctor, and I was like, she's just sleeping so much. Like, should I be worried? And they're like, well, how. How many hours would you say? And I'm like, like, 95% of the day. And she's like, oh, yeah, baby should sleep, like, 23 hours. And I'm like, oh, got it.
- [07:07]
Freddie
Cool.
- [07:07]
Maya
Yeah, that made me feel better.
- [07:09]
Sadie
That's so funny. Okay, what's the lows right now?
- [07:11]
Maya
Lows are we are getting over a huge roller coaster of weeks on end of Mila being sick and not testing positive for anything, which I wouldn't want her to, but in a sense of, like, we are not getting answers for any of her health problems. And we were having so many, and they just felt like they were stacking on top of each other, and we just kind of felt like, man, I don't know what we. Where we go from here. Like, what are we doing wrong? Like, what do we do? What's wrong with her? But I feel like we're finally figuring out what it is. Finally we're on the rise or on the uphill. So I hope that this is what's working. So we are just now kind of learning within the last week what's kind of been going on. So hopefully we're. That'll be a positive now. But it has been a rough few.
- [07:55]
Sadie
That was really hard on you, like, emotionally as a mom, because when you don't know what's going on with your child but you know something's wrong, that.
- [08:02]
Freddie
Is so they can't tell you.
- [08:04]
Maya
They can't tell you anything, and you know something's wrong. And then trying to convince someone else, like a doctor or convince anyone, like, something is wrong, you're like, I don't know how else to explain it, but I know something's wrong. These are the problems. And it's not this, this, this, this, or that. Like, we've already done those things. What can we do now? You know, it's. It's hard to advocate for someone that can't tell you what's wrong. But I've learned a lot in that process of, like, advocating for Mila, because I feel Like, I've never. That's never been really my personality, like, advocating for myself. So it's been like, whoa, who is this person, like, actually advocating for, like, someone. So it's been a good growing thing for me, too.
- [08:44]
Sadie
There is, like, such a new confidence that comes over you as a mom. You're not afraid of confrontation for your kid. You know, you're not. You'll do anything.
- [08:50]
Freddie
That is so true.
- [08:52]
Sadie
And it's so. I've seen that in you, Maya. It's so cool because I remember whenever, like, I was first starting to get to know you, and you told me that about yourself. You're like, I don't really stand up for myself. And I really wanted you to know within, like, your job and everything. Like, please tell me, like, if you. What you like, what you don't. Like, like, I want to know. Communication is, like, so important. But you've done that so well with Mila. And I remember Freddie and I talking about one day and remember Stefan? I can't remember. We were like, I hope my my knows that she's, like, doing such a good job as a mom. Like, because sometimes you can feel like, you know, do people think I'm overreacting? Do I know Affirming you, like, you're doing a great job. That's what you're supposed to do. Like, you're the one to do it. And I know that's been hard, but you've done so good.
- [09:30]
Maya
That means the world to me. Truly.
- [09:32]
Sadie
Yes. Okay. 18 months, highs and lows. 18 months with Haven has been so fun. She has been, like, so different than I thought she was going to be speaking to the personality because as a baby, she was so easy. Like, just ease, all ease. And everyone told me that they're easy, baby. They're a hard toddler. And it's not that she's hard necessarily. She's just wild and, like, she's so funny. Like, truly hilarious. And everything she says is so aggressive. And that's what's been so funny. Like, truly, like, we'll be like, what is a cow saying? She's like, moo. What is the horse? Say nay. Like, nothing is chill. Like, nothing is ease. Like, everything is full speed. Like, we're not walking, we're running. And so I feel like the high and low goes hand in hand of, like, it's really fun, but it's also, like, really, really, really busy. And she's so mommy attached, like, which is very sweet, like you said, but, like, really hard because no one else can do Anything, you know? And we were just on a trip for, you know, 10 days, and it was just like, so, mommy. And I'm like. And it's, like, funny because I remember before I had kids being with, like, Zane or John shepherd, and they'd want y'all, and I'd be like, I can't wait to have my own. Who, like, just wants me. And then you're the mom. You're like, oh, I really wish you'd actually go see other people, you know? But it's really sweet, and I love that. But it also is. Is, like, hard. And then honey is, like, three right now. And I will say kind of similar in, like, she's so funny. Her personality is so just loud right now. Like, she just says the funniest little things that I. I wish I wrote all of them down. Like, I was telling Rebecca about us in traffic the other day in New Orleans, and I was driving, and I was having to go pick up Christian, and I got lost, and I was stressed because New Orleans driving is so stressful in general. And it was rerouting kids in the car. Yes. With two kids. And honey was, like, talking my ear, and it was trying to reroute me to Bourbon street. And I was like, no, I am not driving down Bourbon Street. If I get stuck on Bourbon street with my two little ones, one, I don't even want to go out down Bourbon Street. So then I, like, intentionally missed the term, which then was, like, putting me even further away from Christian. And I'm seeing, like, the time on.
- [11:41]
Maya
The map go up.
- [11:41]
Sadie
I'm like, oh, my gosh. So I'm like, honey, you have to stop talking because I'm lost. And then she goes, you're not lost, mommy. I said, I am lost, and I'm stressed out, and I just need you to be quiet for a little bit. She said, mommy, we will make it together because we are Anna and Elsa. Like, just like that. It was, like, so funny. So, like, the fun is fun, but the sass is sass. Like, it is like, whoa. Your words can, like, be really funny and also, like, daggers. And so I feel like some of the punches pack a little bit heavier right now because you're like, that was intentional. Yeah, that hurt. So that's kind of what we're going through.
- [12:19]
Maya
Isn't it crazy, too, to think that, like, your kids words can hurt you? Like, you know what I mean? Like, never did I ever think, like, not that Mila's speaking, but, like, I'm thinking about, like, honey, and I'M like, yeah, that would probably hurt my feelings.
- [12:30]
Sadie
No, Honey has hit me with some power punches and yeah, it's crazy because you, you think in your mind she's three years old. Yeah, but I'm like, but it still is kind of like brutal because I'm like, you knew that was going to hurt me and you chose to say it. So that's new for sure. If you're like me, then you might have thousands of photos in your camera roll just stuck there on your phone. If you're looking for a way to keep those awesome memories alive from gathering dust on your photo app, then you need to check out Aura Frame. Aura Frames were named the number one digital photo frame by Wirecutter because they make it easy breezy to upload and display unlimited photos and videos right from your phone. You can even preload an aura frame with a personalized message for a one of a kind gift for someone that you love. The high resolution displays makes your photos look like real print and they'll appear instantly on the frame whenever you upload from anywhere in the world. Those cute vacay pics don't have to wait until you get home. Plus, the Aura app gives you complete control over who has access to frame and you can also invite as many friends and family members as you want. This is a gift that truly keeps on giving. I've gotten it for several people for Christmas and my mother in law just got one. She just got one for her mom for her birthday. So this, this is just always a win. If you just want a solid win as a gift or frames is where you should be shopping. So save on the perfect gift by visiting or frames.com to get 35 off or as best selling Carver matte frames by using promo code Whoa at checkout that's Aura A u r a frames.com with the promo code who this deal is exclusive to our listeners so make sure that you get it now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Rebecca, you have your hands full. Three kids. What are some highs and lows at the moment?
- [14:19]
Freddie
So it's like such a chaotic but sweet season, you know. And I just, you know, I the third one was kind of like a little surprise on plan. So I didn't know how I was going to handle it, but it was really a lot better than I thought it was going to be. And, and the older siblings are handling super well and Holland is like the sweetest big sister and she, you know, and she didn't want to have a brother actually at first she, like, convinced she was having a little sister, but then now she loves everything about having a little baby brother. And she's so helpful, and I love seeing that. And, like, Zhang, too, you know, and just the dynamic. It's really sweet. And sometimes I look at ourselves, I'm like, wow, this is really, like, complete. I feel like, you know, in a way, it was, like, it wasn't planned, but then I can't see any, like, work, like, change anything now, you know?
- [15:17]
Sadie
Do you think it was complete before Xander? Did you feel that?
- [15:20]
Freddie
Yeah. So I thought so. But now, like, I look at us, I'm like, wow, it really is. And I'm like, holland is the second child in the middle child. She cannot, like, be the baby. She. You know, and it really helped her step into this. Like, she has, like, responsibility, and she really has done better and just not as. You know, she's kind of. And, you know, I don't know if you've seen her lately with, like. She's really kind of, like, out of her shell more.
- [15:48]
Sadie
Yeah.
- [15:48]
Freddie
And playing, you know, and so I.
- [15:50]
Sadie
Just see that she played with Honey and Haven the whole night. And it was so funny because she wanted Honey to hug her so bad. And Honey, if. If someone wants her to do something, she's not doing it.
- [16:00]
Freddie
Oh, she was so upset when y'all left.
- [16:03]
Sadie
I know.
- [16:03]
Freddie
Honey didn't give me a k. Kiss and a hug. I know.
- [16:07]
Sadie
But then I sent Haven in there, and Haven was, like, hugging her and, like, kissing her. And Holland was cracking up. She thought it was so funny, but she was still like, Honey. And Honey's, like, out the door. And Haven's, like.
- [16:19]
Freddie
She was like, I'm so excited. I'm seeing my cousins. Like, you know, and she used to.
- [16:24]
Sadie
Not be like that.
- [16:24]
Freddie
Yeah, she. It's been, like, really sweet. And, you know, Honey and Ella was talking about having a sleepover or something, and then they all came over to me and said, said, we're gonna have a sleepover, but Holland doesn't want to. And then Holland was like, no, I want to. I just want to do it at my house. And then Honey, you know, Honey was like, well, we can. Maybe me and Ella can do it. You don't have to do it. And then she was like, no, I want to do it.
- [16:52]
Sadie
I just want to leave at my house.
- [16:54]
Freddie
The three girls are hilarious. But, yeah, so it's been really sweet, but obviously, it's so hard, like, and, you know, break down to individually, Zhang's been, in a way, kind of like, Back to. I think he has PTSD from when I had Holland and just how needy she was. And so he's been kind of saying like he now he can express himself. He tell us at night, you know, he doesn't get enough attention and all that. And one day he. He. Which I'm glad he can tell that to us. And he told John Ray one day he was kind of having a. You know, just a hard day with. You know, we were. We weren't available for them. And he said, I really just want to have a normal like breakfast that we used to go eat breakfast all the time. So John re took him in the morning to go get breakfast like at 7 in the morning. And it was just like he wanted to do that because, you know. And so it was kind of. It was really sweet. But I know it's hard for him, you know.
- [18:02]
Rebecca
Yeah.
- [18:02]
Freddie
But he is handling really well. And with Holland, she is regressing with her potty training, which I've read before, like everyone's tell always how you don't start new big life changes till you know at the same time. So like we started potty training kind of like right before Xander was born. And now she was doing so good and now she is kind of regressing. And then we actually had a funny story.
- [18:33]
Sadie
Rebecca came in today, came in fresh. I was like, oh, you're in it, Rebecca. Are you sure you're ready to do a whole talk on motherhood? And then we were like, but this is motherhood.
- [18:44]
Freddie
I was crying last night. Like sat crying. But now I can crying, like lap crying. Share the story.
- [18:52]
Maya
It's so real.
- [18:52]
Rebecca
That is motherhood in a nutshell.
- [18:54]
Maya
Yes.
- [18:55]
Sadie
Last night I was crying. Crying actual tears. Today I will cry out of laughter.
- [18:59]
Freddie
So last night Xander had like just a blowout, you know, and it was like a bad one that leaked through his like clothes onto my shirt and then onto like just everything on the couch, you know. So I was changing him and all that. And then I looked at Holland. I can tell she started doing her little pinch up like. Like to like her thigh get really tired. I just know she has a poop.
- [19:29]
Sadie
Every child, every mom knows their kids fruit face.
- [19:31]
Maya
Yes.
- [19:32]
Freddie
Yes. And so I was like, wait, Holland, look, look. Are you about to poo? She's like, no, no. I was like, no, baby, it's okay. Cuz I know. She's like always like try not to tell me when I'm busy. I was like, no, let me go get daddy to bring you a little potty in Here, so you can poop right here. And then she said, okay, okay. And so John Re brought the potty in. And then she, like. So then she took out her underwear and then sat on the potty. And then we realized she already pooped on her panty. But it was like, kind of like a soft one.
- [20:08]
Sadie
I only love it because I already.
- [20:09]
Freddie
Know it was everywhere. It was like, I guess she ate something bad. I don't know. But we didn't. John Reed didn't realize it, and so he stepped on it.
- [20:18]
Maya
Oh, it gets worse.
- [20:19]
Freddie
It got all over his foot. And John Ray is. Does not handle like, that kind of stuff well. Like, he would literally gag just, like, from like, a booger.
- [20:29]
Sadie
Like, most.
- [20:30]
Freddie
Like a runny nose.
- [20:31]
Maya
He's.
- [20:31]
Sadie
I don't know what y'all says.
- [20:32]
Rebecca
No, Parker is not.
- [20:34]
Freddie
Are you serious? Like, our dog used to have, like, eye booger. He like, like. I'm like, you are so weird. And so he. I knew he was, like, stressed, but I was kind of, like, wanted to laugh. And then he was like. Like Shar. Kind of just like screaming at Harlem. Basically was like, you know, like. And then he's like, screaming, screaming at me, saying, like, well, we really need help, and this helps. Like, then I feel like.
- [21:04]
Sadie
Then you take it personal as a mom.
- [21:06]
Freddie
You're like, I feel like I can handle it. I can handle it. I'm like, why can you handle this? I'm like, just clean out this explosive flow out. And then. So then I was like, you don't need a freak out. Like, you know, don't freak out just because she, you know, she poop. And then it's freaking her out. So Holland started kind of getting anxious, like, thinking like, she's in trouble. And like, she said, gross out by her own poop. And she accidentally stepped on her poop, too. She was like. Then she started running around trying to wipe it off. We have two people, Johnny and her, kind of freaking out. Running around with poop and smearing all over the rug.
- [21:54]
Sadie
Oh, my God.
- [21:55]
Freddie
Screaming. Well, I wasn't screaming in my account. I just said, johnry, you need to calm down. You don't need to, like, because you're freaking her out. And then he just scream in my face like, I am calm. I was like, you don't need to talk to me like this. And then he literally. He had a paper towel in his hand. I want to say it was the one. He was wiping the poob. We don't know for sure.
- [22:23]
Maya
Oh, no.
- [22:24]
Freddie
And he threw in my face And I just was like, I just lost it. And then I set the baby down, took a Holland. I was like, I know this.
- [22:38]
Sadie
Can you tell what you said?
- [22:40]
Freddie
Oh, yeah. And I said, said I picked Holland up. And I said, you don't beep beep in my face and you don't like. And I just pick Colin up, pick the baby. And then we went to the bathroom and I was like, trying to rinse her off. And so that was a rough night.
- [22:59]
Sadie
But.
- [23:00]
Freddie
But we cleaned up everything. And then I didn't want to talk to John Ryo. I was like, no, for the rest of the night. And then so end up Zane, like, hold John Rhee at the end of the night. He was like, I thought it was funny that you threw paper down the poopy paper down mommy's face. And what does that word mean? Like, that mom said, oh, no. Oh, my gosh. And I was like, I feel so bad because, you know, like, this is just like your kids is. They're watching you for everything, you know? And I told John Reed, I was like, why are you setting an example for John Reed that you can throw things in a girl's face? Like, you know, and then he was like, well, you were the one that said a bad word. And that our son is worried, like, wondering what that word is about. He might send us school today. So we were just, like, it was just so humbling. It was just a humbling experience.
- [23:59]
Sadie
We're all laughing because we've all been there.
- [24:01]
Maya
We have all.
- [24:01]
Sadie
Like, when you were this morning, I was like, like. Or this afternoon was like, you do not have to come on this podcast. Like, if you're still upset about it. She's like, I think I can laugh about it now. I'm like, only if you can laugh about. But just to give you comfort. Like, we've all been there. Like, we've all felt that. Like, I literally told her last night, we had a very similar situation where Haven all of a sudden, like, was holding her diaper and said, poo poo and then threw it. I was like, oh, no. And then honey pooped in her pull up and she doesn't poop. And her, like, she's fully potty trained. She just sleeps in a pull up. And then Christian's mad at her. And then Christian gets so mad at her that she's. She feels guilty. I was like, we. This happened to us last night too.
- [24:38]
Freddie
Each other.
- [24:40]
Sadie
We handled it.
- [24:41]
Freddie
And I'm like, yeah, yeah.
- [24:48]
Sadie
My family is full of storytellers as you guys probably know if you've ever listened to this podcast. Preserving a lifetime of memories and stories is a big task, but Story Worth is here to help you so that you can hang on to those awesome moments for years to come. Each week, Storyworth will email your loved one a thought provoking question that you get to help choose and you'll be able to ask things like what's the bravest thing you've ever done? Or what's the furthest you know you've ever traveled? And all your loved one has to do is just respond with a story, long or short, doesn't really matter, whatever they want to put into it. You'll get a copy of their responses as they're submitted over the course of a year. And then Storyworth will actually compile all of the amazing stories and photos into a beautiful, fun keepsake book so that you get to revisit those memories for generations to come. With more than 35,000 five star reviews on trust Pilot and millions of stories preserved over the last 10 years, it's clear that families are loving Story Worth just as much as we do. Honestly, this is such a great gift. I talk about this with podcasting all the time, but before podcasting I don't feel like I asked as many intentional questions. And I'm so glad I have even asked my family members intentional questions because I know their stories now. I actually got my grandpa Story Worth and we got his book at Christmas and he printed it out for the entire family to have and it's such a treasure for us. Us. My great grandma's actually working on her Story Worth right now, which is so special for our family to have. So help your family members share and capture their stories this holiday season. With Story worth. Go to storyworth.com woe today and save $10 off your first purchase. That's story Worth S T O R Y W o r t h.com wo to save $10 on your first purchase. Storyworth.com Whoa. It's totally real. Which leads me to a question many people have about mom guilt, which I think that mom guilt goes in like so many different directions. Like you can feel guilty for saying a word you shouldn't have said. You can feel guilty for doing an action you shouldn't have done. You can feel guilty for not even doing something wrong but like needing to go to work and your kids are home or feeling like what if I, you know, I fed them formula, I didn't breastfeed or I did this too long and not that. Or I didn't know they were sick. Like, there's so many different things. So what have yalls run ins with mom guilt been, and how have you began to overcome it? Or have you overcome it? Freddie, you want to kick us off? Yeah. I think the counselor.
- [27:08]
Rebecca
The counselor. The counselor.
- [27:09]
Sadie
You have to be a counselor right now. You can be the same.
- [27:11]
Rebecca
I struggle with mom guilt. I think it's so odd because I. And I don't know this, like, to be true, but I. I just think, like, I wonder pre social media, like, how moms felt about mom guilt. Like, is it induced by social media?
- [27:27]
Sadie
Totally think so, because it.
- [27:29]
Rebecca
There's so many things I see. And the first one that kind of came to my mind was, like, this mom that said she was, like, checking her emails during bath time, and her child looked at her 10 times during bath time, wanting to make an emotional connection and she wasn't looking back and how she was emotionally neglecting her child. And I was like, oh, my gosh, Have I emotionally neglected my child? And so it just has caused a lot of. And that's just one example, but many things like that. But I don't know. I think there's so many, like, different areas of mom guilt. For me, it's more so, like, I want to be present when I'm with my kids right now, just one. But, like, eventually, when we have more, I want to be present with all of them. And sometimes I struggle with, like, going to work. Sometimes I don't. We've talked about this. Sometimes I'm like, thank goodness I get to go to work. And sometimes I'm like, I wish I was staying home. But most recently, there was an event where Collins was coughing really, really bad. And I just thought, like, she had a bad cough. I didn't really think about it because she wasn't acting weird. And Parker was like, you. Why have you not taken her to the doctor yet? Like, her cough is really bad. You need to take her. And so I was like, okay, maybe I'll take her in the morning. He's like, no, you. You, like, need to take her. And I kind of was like, all right, well, nothing's like, she's fine. Like, she's gonna be okay. And it came back RC and then I was like, oh, my gosh. I totally missed it. Like, I'm her mom. I'm supposed to know when she's sick. And I just brushed that off. And if he would have not said, like, you need to take her, what could have happened? And so I started spiraling into this mom guilt of, like, man, I really missed the mark. And then I just had to go, okay, wait. Like, I was able to stay home and take care of her. Like, I canceled my day. I put her first once I knew, and I was there and I was present, and I held her and I rocked her, and I did all the things that I needed to do to take care of her. And just because I didn't think something was so severe doesn't mean that I'm a bad mom. But it's, like, instinctual. It's like, that's where my mind goes. It's like, I'm a bad mom. I did something wrong. I missed something. I'm a bad mom. And so. So I say all that with the social media part to go. I think a lot of the times social media makes me think I'm a worse mom than I actually am. Because if I'm just comparing to myself and my standard, then I'm not as harsh on myself. If I know I'm lacking as a mom today, I can just go, okay, well, I need to put my phone down or I need to be a little bit more present or whatever, versus social media telling me I'm a bad mom because I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing.
- [30:00]
Sadie
That's real. No, that's so true. I think social media plays a huge. I think it's become, like. It is a true feeling you feel, but it's become, like, such a bigger deal and like a. Almost like a buzzword, kind of like mom guilt. But I feel like with social media, yeah, it makes you feel guilty for things you shouldn't even feel guilty for, because that's not even, like, what makes you a good mom. That's just something that. That mom did.
- [30:20]
Rebecca
Yeah.
- [30:20]
Sadie
A good idea, but not, like, the standard for all moms or motherhood. And what it has to be my thing with mom guilt, like, I used to feel feel guilty for, like, working and stuff. And then actually Dr. Amen on this podcast, like, switched everything for me. Whenever he said. He said, guilty moms will raise confused kids. He was like, be a confident mom. He's like, be confident in your decisions. He's like, if you're gonna work, work, and be confident in what you're doing and how you're doing. And when you get home from work, if your kid's sad that you're right, don't start feeling guilty. And I should have been so, like, mommy went, georgia, and let me tell you what I did, and let me tell you what I got to be a part of. And it's so cool because yesterday I got home and honey said, what was your favorite part of your day? Which I always do. And she, you know, tell me. And then she said, what was your favorite part of your day? And I told her something that I got to be a part of. And she went, no way. Just like that. And I was like, isn't that cool? And then she was like, can I do that with you one day? And I was like, yeah, you can. And then she said, yeah. Cause kids should do that too. And I was like, you should. And like we had a conversation about it. And I was like, that reminded me when Dr. Said that, like, I thought about that in the moment. I was like, be confident in what I did today. It was really fun and exciting. And then she was excited for me. And so I think about that with Mom. Like, mom was always. She never like, felt like. I never sensed that. Like, sorry. For trips she went on. Like, she told us about them. And when I remember them, I don't think my mom was gone. I think my mom was a part of this or that or whatnot. And you know, it's so cool because now I see like the fruit of what she was doing. And so that was super, super good advice. But yeah, mom guilt can come in different ways. I think right now I don't feel guilty about those things. The thing I feel truly guilty about is my attention span because that actually is how I need to be a better mom. And it's like with my phone and stuff, like, I don't want to be on my phone with my kids. But so often because I'm tired, you know, like, that's just what I resort to. And so those are the things I catch myself for. And in that, that's like a healthy sense of guilt where it's like, I actually shouldn't be doing that, you know, as opposed to like a non realistic expectation I'm putting on myself. And to social media. I just want to say too, as someone who like does social media for a living, Rebecca, you can probably speak to this too. Like, I'm posting a reel today about like watching Christmas movies as a kid. Kids. And like, that is not the way it goes down. You know, like, I'm clipping pictures of like us watching it and the popcorn and the cookies. But like last night when we watched Christmas movies, it was like an argument for what movie we're gonna watch and all this stuff. I'm like, you don't see that in the Real. And, like, is it wrong for me to post a cute thing on family?
- [32:46]
Rebecca
No.
- [32:46]
Sadie
But it also, like, you shouldn't think that that's how perfect it is. Like, you have to also remind yourself there is a reality behind this 15 second clip with music in the background. You can't hear the baby screaming. You can't hear honey mad that we're not watching the grinch for the 100th time. Like, you can't hear all of that, you know?
- [33:04]
Freddie
Yeah, absolutely.
- [33:06]
Maya
And with the social media thing, like, I think I can kind of speak. Like, I was so excited about breastfeeding. Like, this might be tmi, I don't.
- [33:13]
Sadie
Know, but not tmi. No, I think TMI on this particular podcast, love it.
- [33:17]
Maya
Well, you know, I was excited about breastfeeding. Like, so excited. One of the things I was looking forward to. And, like, I remember, like, it was so hard to get Mila to latch. It was so hard to get her to stay to latch. It was hard. It was. She was crying, I was crying. Isaac was stressed. Like, we were. Everyone was stressed in these moments. And I remember one night in particular, like, I. It was like a 2am feeding. I was trying to get her to latch. She wouldn't latch. I'm, like, hard as a rock. I, like, am leaking everywhere. Onto my nightgown, onto Mila, onto everybody except for, like, where it was supposed to go.
- [33:50]
Sadie
That is so surreal.
- [33:52]
Maya
I remember just. Just, like, being so. Just, like, crying and just so, like, upset at myself. And I remember laying in bed and, like, getting on Instagram because I was like, I just need to, like, forget what just happened. And, like, the first video that popped up was like, a mom that was talking about, like, breastfeeding is the only way. There's a connection with you and the baby, and it's the most peaceful thing. And I was like, oh, my gosh. That was, like, not peaceful. That was not. Me and Mila were not connecting. Like, we were not connecting at all. And I remember after seeing that video, I told myself I was like, oh, like, I'm gonna continue to, like, breastfeed. Like, we're gonna keep doing this. And, like, for weeks after that, I was, like, pushing for us to breastfeed. And finally one night, I just had a breakdown and I, like, could not do. I had mastitis, clogged ducts, like. Cause she wasn't. She was not, you know, getting anything. She was hungry. She hadn't gained any weight. And I just remember Isaac being like, why don't you just exclusively pump this one time? And just give her a bottle and see how she does. I'm like, no, I can't. Like, she's not gonna. Like, no. Like, I can't. She's not going to connect with me. Like, she's going to connect with the bottle. Like, not me. And I remember, like, just go take a bath and I'll get the bottle ready. And I was like, okay. And after I came back, I was like, okay, let's just try it. Like, she's probably not even going to like it. And then she like immediately latched the bottle, drank the bottle, was so happy. It was the first night she slept through the entire night. And I was like, okay, Lord, thank you. I appreciate that. And that's just such a social media thing of like, I saw one video after night that was so hard that it like made me stubborn to any other idea or open to any other idea for weeks. Which like, was so difficult. Like I could have. It could have easily have been resolved.
- [35:31]
Sadie
But.
- [35:32]
Freddie
But you're like, that's the only way.
- [35:33]
Maya
That's the only way. Yeah.
- [35:35]
Freddie
Yeah.
- [35:35]
Sadie
Every situation is so different too for moms and breastfeeding. And I think like social media moms who breastfeed are like so proud of the fact they're breastfeeding and they should be because it's a beautiful thing. But it's like share so much and it. It is hard for the mom who's like, I want to that, but I. But it's not like that. And it. And I really got to see that with having two kids be so different because honey, it was so hard not happen and everything going wrong, going wrong. Like what you said. And then with Haven, it was. It was easy. It was a peaceful connection. It was like really like you felt that bond, all that stuff. But with Honey, that was so different. And so I had to give up my stubbornness as well. And then honey was so well fed. She was so chubby and so happy and that actually the time that I was feeding her bottles were peaceful because it was like so enjoyable. And then with hay, even breastfeeding was like that. And so, yeah, it's cool to have. I think having multiple kids, it does kind of alleviate some of the mom guilt because you realize how much of it really wasn't your fault and how much is just preference or personality because every kid's so different.
- [36:36]
Freddie
And I was, yeah, I was going to add to that too. Like, I feel like mom guilt comes with like people thinking what is the perfect way to do certain things. But like really it should just be measured by your love. Like so if you just think about if you love on them doesn't matter. It's just like they feel your love does, you know, it's not about the method you do it, you know, and from other people sender, you know, and I feel like, like you working and coming home but. But you become yourself like that show your kid, that's a way to show them love, you know. And if you just know that you are giving them love, it you shouldn't feel guilty of, you know, what you're, how you're doing it.
- [37:19]
Sadie
That's so it's like we bring up comparison a lot and a lot of it I think you have to ask yourself like, is this really mom guilt? Like right now I feel guilty because I'm not being a great mom because I'm on my phone, whatever that is. Like okay, good healthy mom guilt. Or like am I actually just comparing myself to someone else? Is this the fear of man? Is this the fear what other people are going to think of me as a mom? Because a lot of times I don't think when you say mom guilt, it's actually mom guilt. I think a lot of times it is the fear of what other people.
- [37:44]
Freddie
Other people think of you are as a mom for sure.
- [37:47]
Sadie
And it's like you don't have to prove it to anyone.
- [37:48]
Freddie
Maybe just know. So like you are doing your best and you are showing your kid love then you know, so truly kind of, kind of like cancel out all the noises, you know.
- [38:00]
Sadie
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- [40:09]
Freddie
Topic that is the most like huge. Like it's like Republican and Democrat motherhood. Yeah.
- [40:21]
Sadie
Well, this is. I know we all have differences because I know Freddie and I sleep train so differently and so I know we all probably do. And so I think this is good to like say it because again, it feels like that. And on social media it's like, I can never tell people you can't post.
- [40:37]
Freddie
That because you might get canceled.
- [40:39]
Sadie
So here on this podcast, we're willing to be canceled. For all you moms listening to know there's someone out there like you.
- [40:46]
Freddie
Liberal. Not liberal. I'm sorry. Independent.
- [40:50]
Sadie
Okay. Rebecca, did you sleep train? Do you sleep train? What does that look like in Yalls house?
- [40:54]
Freddie
Okay, so we did not sleep train. But if you know my personality, you know, like, I'm just not that, you know, like routine kind of person. And I feel like also we were able to not sleep train. Like, I know people that they have to be on certain things. Yeah, they have a certain, you know, they have to keep a routine, then they have to do it. And no, you know, I Don't disagree with any of that. But we did not. But all three are kind of different. But Zane was so easy. We had this like snoo bed. Basically. It's like a bassinet that rocks and then swaddle you and sends your like, distress signal. And like, I think it's crazy. And I even. Yeah, but she didn't even use it.
- [41:44]
Sadie
Honey did not like it at all. And again, kids are different. Even loved it.
- [41:48]
Freddie
So. And then Holland didn't like it either. And she was a stomach sleeper. And so she slept on her stomach. But, you know, that's another like controversy. And I got it from someone sleeping, all the different things. And it was also someone that was like, I don't want to tell you this, but you know, this is like there's an underground mother club of belly sleepers, you know, because now they're like telling you you have to like sleep on your back and all that, you know. But you know, we waited till after a while, but I'm like, either she's gonna either be more unsafe sleeping or she's gonna be belly sleep in her crib, you know, because I would have just held her all night, you know, so it was like one or the other. And with Dender right now we're kind of in the sleep. I mean, he's sleeping like every two, three hours.
- [42:46]
Sadie
That's just crazy time.
- [42:47]
Freddie
Wherever he can sleep, there's no sleep.
- [42:49]
Sadie
I remember telling Fred that. I remember it was like week one and you heard like her sleep. I was like, it's going to be a while.
- [42:56]
Freddie
It's kind of like the car seat, car ride, sleep kind of stroller sleep kind of deal right now.
- [43:03]
Sadie
It's hard, especially in that day. And I remember telling you this, Freddie, because I knew you were going to be more of a sleep trainer than I was. I was like, I know you're probably not going to want to take this advice from me because I clearly did not sleep train my kids, but I will say this is not the time to sleep train. It was like week one, I think for me. Yeah. Again, different kids are different. Honey is. Is like such a night owl. Which is funny. I know people are like, you let her stay up that late, but then she sleeps late. And also whenever again, your lifestyle. We're not in school right now, we'll have to change that one day. But we travel so much with her and she comes to conferences with us. She comes to things flexible people are always like, I cannot believe how well behaved your kids are. They're Open night and hanging out. And I'm like, thankful that our lifestyle like that is at home because it's the same on the road, so it works for us. But I get it's different for other people.
- [43:49]
Freddie
I think it's just depending on how your lifestyle fit in, you know.
- [43:52]
Sadie
And then haven't goes to sleep earlier, but she'll sleep anywhere. Like, she'll fall asleep on me. She'll go, she'll sleep anywhere. But she is like great in her bed. She like goes down her bed, wakes up in her bed. Whereas, like honey, it was so hard to get her to do that. So every baby's different unless you're like very disciplined with that. But I remember someone gave me the book Baby wise to read. And this, this is controversial because people love that book. But I was like, I'm not reading it because I knew the premise of it and I knew I wasn't gonna do it. And I was like, I don't want to read this. And then finish feel like I'm not doing a good job again. Whenever it's like, that's just not the way I want to go about it. And my kids honestly sleep great. Like, I'm really proud of how they sleep. But I do remember one thing, again, controversial of the co sleeping thing. I remember one of my best friends was telling me that she co sleeps with her baby. And this is when I had honey and I was like, I cannot believe you do that. Like, that is crazy, all this stuff. And then I had Haven. And Haven honestly co slept with us a lot. She slept in our bed a lot. And I of course, read a lot about it and the safe ways to do it and felt peace in it. I mean, and I thought about how many people around the country, I mean around the world sleep with their baby and for generations. And like, yes, use wisdom. Yes. Be safe. Yes. Read about it. Like, I'm not trying to promote something that's not safe, but that worked. And so I think, yeah, you have to like, take the pressure off and like, think practically too. Like, why is that a rule? Why is that a rule? Yeah, and a lot of times it's because bad things have happened. But how did that happen? It wasn't safe. You know, that can kind of thing.
- [45:22]
Freddie
Yeah, for sure.
- [45:23]
Maya
No, definitely.
- [45:29]
Sadie
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- [46:54]
Rebecca
I feel like I'm such a type BA mom. Like, I'm not an A mom. I'm not a type B mom. I'm like kind of somewhere in the middle because I wanted to sleep train, but I also didn't know when to start. And some people tell you to start, like week two. I could not. I don't think I could have done that. Like, mentally, I don't. That is not for me. But we were very loose with it. Like, I remember about three months in, I'm still getting up every three hours and it was rough. Like, I could not sleep. But also, Sadie, I remember you telling me, like, sleep when the baby sleeps. I couldn't do that. I could not nap during the day. I was like, not doing it. So nighttime was my only time. So I was like, really struggling for sleep. And I remember going to my pediatrician and I was like, she's still, like waking up every three hours. And she was like, how old is she? Like, how much does she weigh? Like, asking all these questions. And she was like, she's trying to be in a routine and this is now a routine, you getting up every three hours with her. And I was like, oh, okay. So now I felt a way to start sleep training. And I remember she told me, she said, three nights is really hard, but you Just gotta do it for three nights and then you'll be in the clear.
- [48:12]
Sadie
Let them cry it out.
- [48:13]
Rebecca
Let them cry it out. And I was not against crying out, not for it. Like I didn't have a stance. I know people are very opinionated. Like babies cannot stand self soothe. People say like it's impossible for them to self soothe. And I don't really stand by that. I think babies can learn to do that. So I was like, okay, I can do this for three nights. And I did it. And truly that fourth night she slept like it was exactly three night.
- [48:36]
Freddie
How many months was it?
- [48:38]
Rebecca
Four months. We were like at four month mark, she was sleeping through the night. But she was the same way as Haven. Like she could fall asleep anywhere. So I am glad that we didn't start that till later on because when you do like traditional sleep training, it's like they are sleep by seven in their cribs, dark room, very strict. And we just, it didn't fit our lifestyle. Like we want to be able to hang out with our friends and stay up late and do things like that. So when we do, we just like put her down in like the pack and play at someone else's house. Like we do that a lot at SA and then we'll just wake her up.
- [49:14]
Sadie
She goes down so easy.
- [49:15]
Freddie
She is like this. Yeah, she's so.
- [49:17]
Rebecca
It's so great that I feel like we did what fit our lifestyle. Like we did a little bit of both. And I'm so glad because she, she does sleep great, but she's also very flexible.
- [49:26]
Sadie
In my opinion that that's so healthy because it's like when we're home, they do have a schedule. It's not everyone's schedule. It's our schedule. It works for us. But like it's also flexible enough to that when we need to do something else, they are flexible. And like, I think that's a gift. I think looking back because I want to hear your thoughts. Maya too. Looking back on like the early days and all that stuff, someone actually did say, like, what would you tell yourself? And I think this is what I did tell myself going in with Haven as opposed to like what I did with Honey was like just to enjoy it a lot more and not try to put the pressure because you do go in hot the first time. You're like, I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do this and we're gonna try. Thank you.
- [50:04]
Freddie
That's how you do.
- [50:05]
Sadie
And then you like don't do that because it's like, what is even happening with my life? And everything's crazy. And I think with Haven, I just let myself enjoy it. I just kind of went with it. And so that way I'm not like putting the pressure on it. I can just wake up when we wake up, go sleep when I go to sleep. And yes, it's hard and you cry and postpartum's postpartum. But I enjoyed it so much. Know, some of that was just the difference of the two, but a lot of it was just the pressure I put on myself with sleep training and stuff. What about y'all?
- [50:32]
Maya
We, Isaac and I are both night owls and we also have a crazy schedule of he's a coach, so we have late games. You know, he coaches 30 minutes from here. So then there's another drive, you know, to get back home. And then, you know, we. We serve at youth group on Wednesday nights. Like, you know, and then you just want to hang out with friends too. So we're both night owls. We've always been night owls. And so they're has not been any sleep training for Mila. She is also a night owl, loves being up and if she's tired, she'll go to sleep whenever she wants. And so really she has the training, I guess you could say, quote unquote, that we do have is that she lets me know when she is tired. Like I can tell whenever it's a cry of I'm tired and I just want to be like laid down to go to sleep. And so. And if I do that, she'll go straight to sleep and she loves it. And so I think that's the quote unquote training that we do have is that she knows to let me know when she's tired and then she can go to bed when she wants to. But she is a night owl, but she's also a morning person. Like if she does happen to wake up and it's like 3am I go in there to put. She likes to fake cry. So that's the stage we're in right now.
- [51:40]
Sadie
That's funny.
- [51:41]
Maya
So soon? Yes, so soon she'll let this fake cry out. She just wants me to go in there and put her pass back on her mouth. So I put it back in her mouth and then she'll start laughing at me. Like she's like, haha. And it falls back out and she's just smiling, her legs are kicking and she's just laughing and I'm like, it's 3am like it's not morning yet. But she's like, yeah. And then, you know, I wake her at Isaac, my husband takes her to work, so I usually get her or takes her to daycare on his way to work. And so she usually gets up at 6 and so like even though she stays up kind of late, she still gets up at 6 but is like happy eyes, can be, loves it. She pretty much can knows when she's supposed to wake up too. So she, that's all about your baby.
- [52:20]
Sadie
What they need, what your family does. And it's funny because we're all kind of similar. But then like our sister in law, Mary Kate, she is like kids asleep by seven, they're up by seven, like sleep training. And it works so great for them.
- [52:33]
Freddie
It would not work for me because I don't want to get up.
- [52:36]
Sadie
We are just now eating dinner at 7 and yeah, no one's up at 7, but I am now I'm trying to do better at that, but not typically.
- [52:44]
Freddie
I think it changed.
- [52:44]
Sadie
It works for them.
- [52:45]
Freddie
Yeah, it changed too, like, because with Zhang, like now he's in school, so we have to kind of adjust to that, that sleep schedule, you know. And it also, it's like doesn't hard to just try everything because I, I remember with Holland I was so desperate, I was like, I'll try anything. Like I'm not opposed to anything. So I read everything different. Took like sleep less like consulting classes and all that. So we tried different thing and see what worked, you know. And so really at that point you just want to survive and you're like, okay, I'll try, you know, know and see which ones stick.
- [53:20]
Sadie
Yep, do what works for you. I know we're running out of time, so I would just briefly mention this just for encouragement for all of you people listening. So someone said what to do if you're terrified of pregnancy, motherhood and motherhood, but you've always wanted to be a mom and I just wanted to encourage you because one of my best friends, she was so scared to be a mom and she was so scared to have a baby. Really. She was scared of the pregnancy part and the labor part and all that comes with it. And she is truly one of the best moms I know now call her for mom advice all the time. And it's just amazing to see how she's really worked through that fear. And I remember her working through it before she even got married. Like she, this was before she even got married. She would always just be like, I'm so scared of being pregnant one day I'M so scared of being a mom. And I remember her working through that when in our friendship, before we even met our spouses. And it's so cool now to see her married and be such an incredible mom. I learned so much from her. And so, like, work those thoughts out with the Lord, you know, no matter what stage you're in. And also just I hope you hear. And us, I think everybody's a little scared. Everybody's overwhelmed. Everybody's like, not quite sure, like, am I doing it right? All the different things. Like, even in art, this conversation with some of my best friends and sister, we're like, should I say that I co slept? Like, should I? You know, because you're nervous, because you don't want to do it wrong. But I think even your heart's desire to do it right just shows you're a good mom. You know, just even being willing to ask the questions, have the conversations, pray the prayers, and God really will equip you with everything you need to be the mom that you are. Like, if he put the baby, knit the baby together in your womb, then he made you a mom for a reason. And so lean into him. Let the spirit help you be the mom that you are. And you're going to do a great job and you're going to need friends to ask questions to, and you're going to need the spirit every single day. But that's just. That's what being a mom is, friend. And so just want to encourage you. I hope just hearing our stories just let you take a deep breath and know that you're not alone. You're doing a great job. And for those who don't have children yet, but desire them, start praying into it now. Start asking questions. It's so fun to listen to podcast like this and think about the mom that you're going to be one day. And yeah, we love doing these kind of podcast. I'm glad we did a part 2 per usual. Send in any questions if you want a followup because, you know, I'm sure we'll have many more stories to tell. But thank you, guys. Y'all are amazing and I learn from y'all every day.