Dating as a Child Star, Proposing Naked (w/ Josh Peck)

Summary

---

Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

Episode: Dating as a Child Star, Proposing Naked (w/ Josh Peck)

Release Date: January 31, 2025
Host: Nicole Byer
Guest: Josh Peck

---

Episode Overview

This episode features actor, comedian, and podcaster Josh Peck joining Nicole for a lively, freewheeling conversation. The two dive into what it was like navigating relationships as a child star, discuss body image, share memorable relationship and proposal stories, and reflect on growth, mental health, and advice for singles. True to the show’s spirit, the exchange is hilarious, candid, and at times surprisingly heartfelt—with both Nicole and Josh trading stories about love, drugs, childhood, and the joys and absurdities of being human.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Movies, Pop Culture, and Childhood Influences

• Nicole and Josh riff on films they've (and haven't) seen, establishing a quick rapport based on shared and divergent movie memories.
  • Nicole hasn't seen Good Will Hunting, No Country for Old Men, or There Will Be Blood ([04:18–04:40]).
  • Josh reminisces about growing up with TV and classic comedies as his "friends," influencing his drive to perform ([33:22–33:33]).
• Playful banter about action films (John Wick, The Beekeeper) segues into a discussion of secret societies and movie tropes ([05:07–07:32]).

Quote:
“I want to be in some sort of action movie as like the D bop bop bop mechanical...the comedic relief, just insane. And everyone else gets to do the action and maybe they let me do it like one time.”
—Nicole Byer ([07:10])

---

Relationship Stories: Meeting & Proposing

How Josh Met His Wife

• Met at a Halloween party; Josh was a “waiter,” his (now) wife was Olivia Newton-John from Grease ([08:54–09:04]).
• Friend "Ani" played matchmaker, orchestrating the first conversation ([10:00–10:30]).
• First date happened after Josh returned from filming a dance movie in Paris—Battle of the Year with Chris Brown ([11:38–12:17]).
• Longevity Advice:
  • "Don’t leave. Stay. Stick around." ([12:28])
  • Value in fighting through difficulties together.

Quote:
“I don't know, we recognize the value in each other. Like, even when it got bad or like hard, I knew, like, no, this person's very, very special.”
—Josh Peck ([12:54])

The Naked Proposal

• Josh proposed to his wife naked, right before their trip to Paris ([18:45–22:53]).
• Wanted an unpretentious, intimate proposal—“I wasn’t the guy to do it in Europe” ([19:38–19:45]).

---

Life, Sobriety & Mental Health

• Nicole and Josh discuss ADHD, substance use, and how they manage or have managed each ([15:27–17:44]).
  • Nicole is candid about liking uppers for focus; Josh has been sober for 16 years ([16:24]).
• They joke about drug use within their relationship to ADHD and coping mechanisms ([16:10–17:44]).
• Josh discusses being “a gigantic teen” and growing up metabolically challenged ([23:15–23:37]), and shares his journey with weight, health, and self-acceptance.

Quote:
“I think I wasn't attracted to me. And that was the vibes I was putting out. Unfortunately.”
—Josh Peck ([25:51])

---

Body Image and Food Relationships

• Open exchange about body size, attractiveness, and the odd freedom that can come with being heavy ([25:46–29:32]).
• Food nostalgia: Nicole and Josh swap stories of childhood secret snacking and the hierarchy of vending machine snacks ([29:00–29:50]).
• They both discuss diabetes, medication (Manjaro), and the way food “noise” runs in the background of life and how medication can help ([40:20–43:00]).

Quote:
“After you hit a certain point, you just eat whatever you want. You’re already there...like, have a nice time.”
—Nicole Byer ([28:38])

---

Parenting, Childhood & Career

• Josh talks about moving from NYC to LA at 13 for showbiz, landing on The Amanda Show and then Drake and Josh ([32:57–33:17]).
• Shares about having two sons—“that’s enough souls to take care of” ([30:39])—and the wild joy of parenting.
• Nicole fondly recalls nannying boys and shares her delight in big, chunky babies ([30:56], [49:11–49:30]).

---

Dating, Apps, and Real-World Advice

• Josh started dating “properly” around 18 after losing weight, feeling he had to make up for lost time ([31:18–31:30]).
• Laments not being from the dating app era, instead recalling “meeting someone at yoga or the local Whole Foods” ([47:04–47:32]).
• Both champion starting conversations with strangers in real life.

Quote:
“You could write them the dumbest shit and they’ll be like, he’s so hilarious... and on the other side, if they’re not into it, you could be Shakespeare and they're not. It’s not gonna hit.”
—Josh Peck ([14:41–14:53])

• Nicole highlights the importance of intention, even if execution is a little wobbly:
  “I live by ‘intention is everything, execution might be lacking’” ([11:03]).

Final Advice for Singles

“Keep at it. The right person will find you. Double down on the things that you know are good.”
—Josh Peck ([46:59])

“Fall on your face. Be rejected. Put yourself out there. Fuck it up. Who cares?...Everyone listening’s going to be forgotten. Thus fall on your face. Be rejected.”
—Josh Peck ([48:15])

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Context | |-----------|---------|---------------| | 07:10 | Nicole | “I want to be in some sort of action movie as...the comedic relief.” | | 12:28 | Josh | “Don’t leave. Stay. Stick around.” (on relationship longevity) | | 14:41 | Josh | “If this person is down for you, you could write them the dumbest shit and they’ll be like, he’s so hilarious.” (on dating anxiety) | | 18:45 | Nicole | “How did you propose to your wife?” / “Naked.” — Josh | | 23:19 | Josh | “I was huge. I was a gigantic teen.” | | 25:51 | Josh | “I think I wasn’t attracted to me. And that was the vibes I was putting out.” | | 28:38 | Nicole | “After you hit a certain point, you just eat whatever you want. You’re already there…” | | 42:47 | Nicole | (on food cravings returning if off medication): “Yes. Yes. Sure does. It sucks.” | | 46:59 | Josh | “[For singles:] Keep at it. The right person will find you. Double down on the things that you know are good.” |

---

Highlighted Segments with Timestamps

• Movie Talk & Pop Culture Banter: [02:22]–[07:32]
• How Josh Met & Proposed to His Wife: [08:54]–[22:53]
• ADHD, Sobriety & Drug Stories: [13:41]–[17:44]
• Body Image, Weight, Food Nostalgia: [23:01]–[29:50]
• Parenting & Career Origins: [30:36]–[33:17]
• Advice on Dating, Real-World Connections: [46:59]–[48:49]
• Lightning Round & Sign-Off: [46:52]–[52:23]

---

Tone & Style

The entire episode is marked by Nicole and Josh’s quick wit, playful self-deprecation, and open-heartedness. Laughter and candid realness punctuate the show, making room for both vulnerable revelations and absurd asides—typical of Nicole’s signature style. Both balance honesty about life’s challenges (body image, health, drugs, grief) with levity, encouragement, and warmth.

---

For listeners curious about dating as a child star, body confidence journeys, honest takes on love, or simply a fun, inclusive, and raucous conversation—this episode is a can’t-miss.

Transcript

[A]

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description.

[B]

This is a headgum podcast.

[A]

If you've been thinking about upgrading your space, this is your sign, baby. Macy's is having their big ticket sales event and it's the time to snag the cutest comfy stuff you've been eyeing. And they have your whole home covered. We're Talking up to 60% off furniture, mattresses and rugs during their lowest prices of the season event. And that Radley five piece sectional, it is just $2,179 right now. And that's the kind of couch that you can have sleepovers on or fall asleep on while your date watches Lord of the rings for the 100th time. And you said, not today Satan. I've been looking at new rugs too. Because listen, nothing pulls a room together like a rug that says, yes, I I'm grown but I still have. What fun. Macy's has them for 55 to 65% off. They've also got outdoor furniture up to 60 off, white glove delivery and great financing options. This sale is only running until September 15th, so don't sleep on it or do on your brand new mattress, which by the way is also 20 to 60% off. Hello, Honk shoe Honk shoe Honk shoe shop. The big ticket sales now@macy's.com or in store. You your home deserves it. Quick time to choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal, each with its.

[B]

Own small fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's. Price and participation may vary.

[A]

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date. Please tell me why. Oh baby. Welcome to another episode of why Won't yout Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was still single. Even though you could come in a siliconed mold shaped like a light bulb, pop it out and be like, it's a light bulb.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

My guest today is a talented actor and comedian who many of us grew up watching Drake and Josh. Lately, he's been in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, How I Met your Father and Oppenheimer. I don't know why I said it like that. He hosts the Good Guys podcast, which you can watch on YouTube. It's J. Josh Pe wow.

[B]

Thank you. Are you microdosing?

[A]

No, no, no. But a lot of people think I'm on drugs.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

Yeah, it's wild. Like, I do take mushrooms and I did them. I do them all the time. But the last time I did them, I was with my boyfriend and I did them and I was like, ha, Having a nice time. And then later that night, he was like, did you take mushrooms? And I was like, yes. And he was like, no difference. There is no difference in you.

[B]

Oh, good for you. That's good. You have a good disposition. Hey, take a healthy default.

[A]

I don't know you do. Do I?

[B]

From what I. The last 10 minutes have been a ball.

[A]

I did truly. Come in, be like, nice to meet you. Democracy's great.

[B]

Oppenheimer.

[A]

Well, specifically Oppenheimer. It's a fun word to say, Oppenheimer. I didn't see the movie. I'm so sorry. God bless. I just wasn't a part of the Barbenheimer thing. I didn't want it because I was like, so everyone knows how to market a movie. We're choosing not to.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Do you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I was like, I'm gonna sit this one out.

[B]

Good for you. And have you avoided both films?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Good for you. You stand on business, Nicole.

[A]

Yes, I sure do.

[B]

And we already talked about that. You've never seen Good Will Hunting?

[A]

Sure haven't.

[B]

What other Paramount movies of the last two decades have you decided to sit out on?

[A]

Name four.

[B]

Four movies that you should have seen.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Titanic.

[A]

Oh, I did see Titanic. I've seen that several times.

[B]

Okay. Okay, fair enough. All right, let's move to the mid aughts. No country for Old Men.

[A]

Sure haven't.

[B]

No, There Will Be Blood.

[A]

Sure haven't. I think they're the same movie because I think they came out at the same time they did. And I think they're like, DVD covers. Look similar.

[B]

Yeah, they're the same movie, basically.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And no Barbie or Oppenheimer?

[A]

No, haven't done it.

[B]

Do you not like too intense of a movie?

[A]

No, I love movies. I love intensity. I just saw John Wick for the first time. Wow.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

I couldn't believe it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you seen the Beekeeper?

[B]

No.

[A]

Nobody has.

[B]

Jason, save them.

[A]

I saw it in theaters, but the Beekeeper is very close to John Wick. And then I learned that a lot of, like, action movies of the now takes a lot from John Wick, where it's like, he's avenging this, like, thing, and there's Like a secret. Okay. In the Beekeeper, there's a secret society of beekeepers. And they don't explain it. You just gotta follow it. You just gotta believe.

[B]

Yeah. You just gotta enter. Yeah. You gotta be on it and it's fun.

[A]

So I've seen John Wick 1, John Wick 2, and then soon I'll be seeing John Wick 3.

[B]

Those are my plans. Wanna hear something crazy about bees?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

If you have a bee nest in your house, right. You call someone. The guy comes over.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He goes, you wanna kill the bees?

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

You want me to just move the bees? You go, I'm a benevolent homeowner.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Let the bees live. So he creepy crawls and gets the queen. All he has to do is find the queen, moves the queen couple feet away into his little bee cage.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

All the workers come into the cage. He don't gotta clear nothing.

[A]

Really?

[B]

This is a brilliant business. You get the queen and you sit back, you scroll Instagram.

[A]

Have you seen the movie the Faculty?

[B]

No.

[A]

That's the premise of it. Hmm.

[B]

Say more.

[A]

Okay, so it's Josh Hartnett, Clea Duvall, Jordana Brewster, Usher Raymond.

[B]

Yeah, I'm in.

[A]

And so there's an alien invasion and then they're like, oh my God, if we get the queen, we get them all. That's it.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And then that's what? Then I don't wanna spoil it. But like, oh, Elijah Wood's in it.

[B]

Enough said.

[A]

But like it's a good movie.

[B]

Why is it always like it's like the Italian Job and never seen it. Oh, it's solid. Or like it's Fast and Furious.

[A]

Yes. Seen em all.

[B]

And it's like they always get one Ludacris or one Tyreese.

[A]

Yes. And that is what I'm campaigning for.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I want to be in some sort of action movie as like the D bop bop bop mechanical. As like the comedic relief, just insane. And everyone else gets to do the action and maybe they let me do it like one time.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

Right. I think that would be fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait, Josh, this is a dating podcast.

[B]

Oh, good.

[A]

Sorry, you are married.

[B]

I am sorry.

[A]

I'm also dating someone not for you.

[B]

I'm dating for the conceit of the pod. Like we're two in relationship people. What do we talk about?

[A]

We talk about relationships.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I was a person who had not been in a relationship for a very, very fucking long time, but now I'm in one. And now I'm better than everyone. Oh my God.

[B]

What.

[A]

It'S also so new.

[B]

How new?

[A]

It's hasn't been. Hasn't been a year yet, and you're.

[B]

Already talking about it. I know.

[A]

Isn't that wild? Bad choice.

[B]

No. A year is long. Long enough to be public with your relationship?

[A]

I think so. It's almost a year. When will this come out? January 31st. Yeah, it's almost a year.

[B]

Mazel.

[A]

Mazel.

[B]

Mazel tov. Mazel tov.

[A]

That's the full one?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why would you just say half to me?

[B]

It's better.

[A]

But you don't wish me a full well.

[B]

Listen, don't read into the Yiddish, please. Nicole, I'm not going to talk Yiddish semantics with you.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Teach me Yiddish.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Shabbat Shalom.

[B]

You. You should come over for Shabbat.

[A]

What is Shabbat? Dinner.

[B]

It's Friday night dinner.

[A]

I'll come to your house. But you live far away.

[B]

I live far as.

[A]

I'll have to go to the Burbank airport and fly on down. Imagine I did that.

[B]

Take a helicopter.

[A]

Wait, how did you meet your wife?

[B]

We met at a Halloween party.

[A]

What were you dressed as?

[B]

I was dressed as a waiter. She was dressed as Olivia Newton John in Grease.

[A]

Why were you dressed as a waiter?

[B]

I wasn't really dressed as anything. I just wanted to look handsome. I'm very vain, so I just wore n and was like, I'm a cute, charming waiter.

[A]

That's very funny.

[B]

Yeah. And she just looked hot.

[A]

Was she What?

[B]

She was in a black dress and a pink jacket. Come on.

[A]

Was she wearing the. The capris?

[B]

No, she wasn't even that committed. She was in a body con and a pink jack.

[A]

Okay, yeah, all right, I get it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So who talked to who first?

[B]

She says that she did not see me. She. That she saw me at the party, but she was like, meh. Not maybe not meh, but like, meh. Nonplussed.

[A]

Okay. Does she know who you were?

[B]

I don't know. She's like, you've never talked about this? She was like, there's clearly some stunning boy here, but I'm not interested.

[A]

Stunning boy. Stunning waiter over there.

[B]

As I remember it, we made plenty of eye contact. Like hard body karate eye contact throughout the night. Oh, and shout out to her friend who set up the alley oop for us. Oh, shout out Ani who was there.

[A]

So did Ani, like, give you each other's numbers or was she like, you guys should talk. What does she do?

[B]

Yeah, she came up and started talking to me.

[A]

Oh, this means your wife was like, I think he's cute. And then Ani was, like, on it. Because that's a good friend.

[B]

We all needed Ani.

[A]

Yes. I do that for people sometimes.

[B]

How would you do it? Um, I'm the random, stunning boy at the party, Ronnie.

[A]

I would be like, hi, how are you?

[B]

I'm good. How you doing?

[A]

I'm good. You look really familiar, but I can't place my little finger on it. Hey, diva, come over here. Doesn't he look familiar?

[B]

Oh, I'm uncomfortable.

[A]

Him. Him. I'm uncomfortable. I never said I was good at it.

[B]

Oh, it's solid.

[A]

I'll just help a friend out. I'm not good at things.

[B]

I thought you were pretty good.

[A]

Thank you. But listen, I live by intention is everything. Execution might be lacking.

[B]

Yeah, you might want to flip those. It's more the action.

[A]

Yeah, but as long as I, like, didn't intend for it to be bad, isn't that fine?

[B]

No, not in the court of law.

[A]

Okay. So you meet your wife. Connie's, like, really getting this going. Did you ask her out first or did she ask you out?

[B]

Oh, I asked her out first. And it was funny. I was going, you ready for that? You're gonna love this.

[A]

I'm gonna love it.

[B]

I was headed to go do a 3D dance movie with Chris Brown the next day in Paris, France.

[A]

Never in my life could I imagine that sentence coming out of anybody's mouth. Did it come out.

[B]

Yeah, you're like, now that I've seen.

[A]

That'S my favorite movie. I've watched it every night.

[B]

Barb and Hymer? No, thanks. Battle of the Year with Chris Brown. I'm in. And I told her I was like, this sounds cooler than I am, but I'm actually headed to go France for the next month. But when I get back, I want to see you. And I got back right around Thanksgiving. We went to go see one of the Twilights. We kissed.

[A]

Oh, my God. And that's it.

[B]

13 years. 13 years.

[A]

Oh, my God, that's so nice. 13 years is a fucking long time.

[B]

Long.

[A]

What's your key to, like, longevity?

[B]

Don't leave. Stay. Stick around.

[A]

What do you mean? Like, in the state or like, in the relationship?

[B]

In the relationship. I mean, it sounds a little bit overly simplistic, but. Yeah. Like, we've both fought for it. I mean, not that it's ever been, like, so hard, but, like, going through the natural things that. That people go through in relationships. We both. I don't know, we recognize the value in each other. Like, even when it got bad or like hard, I knew, like, no, this person's very, very special.

[A]

Oh, I fucking love that. Oh, my God.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I've only had one relationship where like, I was like, I'm gonna fight for this and it was not worth it. Yeah, sure wasn't.

[B]

Was it a one side fight?

[A]

You know, I think we were both fighting and we would, like, we butt heads a lot. Like, we just didn't see eye to eye on everything, but then we, like, wanted to be together. And then I would be like, well, we should, like, work on things. And they'd be like, yes, let's work on things. And then nobody would work on anything. And then we would fight again. And then I'd be like, let's work on things. So it was one of. I think it was maybe more one sided for me. And that was tough.

[B]

And would you learn from it?

[A]

I learned that two people have to. I feel like I'm like getting graded. I feel like two people have to, like, want the same thing. And if there isn't like a level of like, I respect you and I want to be civil and I want to argue in a civil way. And by argue I mean, like, oh, I just have a difference of opinion. But it's not like life or death. It's like, I can say that in a nice way and not hurt your feelings.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I think, Josh. I don't know, Nicole.

[B]

I think, you know, I think it's so corny. But I always say, like, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person.

[A]

That's what people been saying.

[B]

It's fucking true. And I always say that to. I mean, granted, Now I'm basically 40, so if, like, my friends are worried about text messages and shit, I'm like, dog, like, I. I have Achilles heel problems. Like, I'm. I'm going to the orthopedics. I can't help you with this.

[A]

But.

[B]

But in my 20s, people would be like, tripping out about, like, what do I text? I need to form, format the perfect text. I'm like, if this person is down for you, you could write them the dumbest shit and they'll be like, he's so hilarious.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

And on the other side, if they're not into it, you could be Shakespeare and they're not. It's not gonna hit.

[A]

You're absolutely right.

[B]

But I think that applies to a relationship in general. Like, when it's right, it's like, somehow you can find. I don't know you. Like, there's some glimmer of hope in every fight that, like. But this isn't the end. Like, yeah, we're gonna go through it right now. And yeah, I'm totally annoyed and turned off, but, like, there's something worth saving here.

[A]

Yeah, I think every. I have adhd, which is probably what you're picking up on when you said good vibes. It's just mental illness. I love it.

[B]

ADHD's not mental illness. What I have is mental illness.

[A]

No, isn't adhd? Mental illness is broken. And I take medicine.

[B]

Do you take Adderall?

[A]

No, I take Vyvanse. And it's time released, so you can't abuse it. Because I told my psychiatrist I liked cocaine. Ah. And she said, why do you like cocaine? I said, because you have a good conversation with someone, you clean your house and go to sleep. And she was like, what do you mean? And I was like, you go to sleep at the end of the night. It's nice because I can sleep. Okay. I can eat rails of coke and then go right to sleep because it's the one thing I have to concentrate on.

[B]

Well, not only that, but it has the same effect as Adderall or Vivax. Get your color. Yeah, but when you mix upper with upper, it's like two negatives equals a positive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You like cocaine?

[B]

No, not for 16 years.

[A]

Not for 16 years.

[B]

I'm sober, babe.

[A]

Wait, I don't know why I raised my hand. I was gonna try to do some.

[B]

Math and how six, 46 extra fingers pop out.

[A]

40 minus. So 30.

[B]

No, I'm 38.

[A]

Okay, 38.

[B]

I got sober 21. Okay, I'll make it easier for you. Hey, have you ever tried to snort your Vyvanse?

[A]

No. Because it's time released and I was told.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

I was told that if I snorted it, nothing would happen.

[B]

As a representative of the abusing of drugs community, let me tell you, there are workarounds.

[A]

Well, I'll tell you this. I like uppers, but they just help me concentrate more. I've never been like. Like. I don't know, I've never been like. Like up all night, like, just, like, doing coke. Sure, there's an end for me. I go, that's enough. We gotta all go to sleep.

[B]

That's incredible.

[A]

It's strange. It's. The ADHD is deep in my veins.

[B]

Cause that's the problem. Like, I've seen people successfully do cocaine, but it's like, A quarter of a bump and it's almost cute. And like they're drinking and they don't become like a nightmare.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Stalker.

[A]

Yes. Those people who can abuse drugs like that, those are interesting people to me.

[B]

Not interested.

[A]

Well, I like drugs in a way where. What, what, what am I doing? Like, I like doing something for a little bit of a time. Like, I get in phases where I smoke a lot of weed and then I go, I don't want that anymore. And then I'll be in like my little cookie phase and I'll be like, I don't want that anymore. I'll be in my mushroom phase. I'm like, ah, no. So I just cycle, which isn't probably not healthy. I don't know.

[B]

Well, whatever. It sounds like you're. You're managing it well. You're only slightly late this morning, but you're here. You're doing great.

[A]

Hey, thank you. I could go to sleep at 7pm and still have been late from this noon time fair. I don't. Mornings are not for me.

[B]

It's the afternoon.

[A]

You are correct.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

How did you propose to your wife?

[B]

Naked.

[A]

Wait, really? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait, why were you naked?

[B]

It's funny.

[A]

It is funny.

[B]

It's funny.

[A]

Was she naked too?

[B]

Yes, but she was in bed. And she'll love that. I'm telling this story. Sorry, babe. Again, another France story. I didn't think that they were connected with our first state. And when I proposed, I was going to France. The next day we were going together. I was gonna go do work at Paris Fashion Week. And by that I mean I was doing social media for a brand.

[A]

Whatever that pays.

[B]

But yeah, but no one was like, were you walking? And so I. So I was like. I knew we'd been together like five years, I knew I wanted to propose, and I knew I wasn't the guy to do it in Europe that doesn't show.

[A]

Wait, why me?

[B]

I eat at Denny's. I'm wearing Blundstones. It ain't me.

[A]

What are Blundstones?

[B]

They're the official boot of Canada. Your producer gets it.

[A]

I get it. You do?

[B]

They're an outstanding shoe. They're very utilitarian.

[A]

How long have you had this one?

[B]

These are. This is two and a half years.

[A]

You know, that's pretty solid.

[B]

They're properly beat up. In a good way.

[A]

They do look good.

[B]

Thanks. I like them.

[A]

I like them too.

[B]

Waterproof. Oh, they have a new suede pair that's out.

[A]

I'm not a suede girl. I like leather wow.

[B]

Say more.

[A]

I just don't like suede. I think it's too soft and I don't want to be touching my feet all the time.

[B]

Ah, gotcha.

[A]

Like, I'll just be like, ooh.

[B]

Do you have to be cognizant of when taking mushrooms, of what you're wearing because you don't want to pet yourself?

[A]

No, because this is how I am sober. Like, they're really, like, maybe I giggle a little bit more, but like, that's about it. Like, I'm never like. And then maybe I wanna hug a tree or something. And that's weird. But like, I've been weird sober, right?

[B]

My father in law, who's like a proper man, like, just dude, old school. Like, his name's Ken. So masculine. Oh, yeah, Ken. He's the best. And clearly, you know, he's got like four kids and their friends come around. And so he sort of observed that, like, eating mushrooms is sort of on trend. People are doing it more. And so he asked me, he goes, what? When this is mushrooms, like, what. What kind of feeling do you get from it? And I tried to chalk it up to. I said, you know, Ken, it's like I just remember looking at nature and sort of seeing like the cosmic geometry and everything. And he goes, you lost me. As soon as I said cosmic geometry, he was like, tell him.

[A]

He'll just. Hee hee.

[B]

He was like, go vote for Bernie Sanders.

[A]

That's very funny.

[B]

Like, what are you doing?

[A]

What are you talking about? Yeah, I would just be like, do you like to giggle? Yeah, if you want to giggle. Shrooms.

[B]

And you've never gone dark on the shrooms? No, you don't. You seem very light and wonderfully.

[A]

Yeah, I think I don't. I think like, my ADHD allows me to never really stay in a dark spot for too long.

[B]

Or anywhere.

[A]

No, I'm bouncing around, baby.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

It's nice. But also, but sometimes I'm like, am I okay? Other people get so sad sometimes. And I can be sadder than, like, I'll be in my house and I'll be sad and then I'll think of something funny. And then I'll just be like laughing in the shower. And then I'm like, hell, is my brain broken?

[B]

Clip it.

[A]

Wait. Clip it. Wait, so you're in Paris thinking of proposing?

[B]

No, we were on our way.

[A]

Oh, on your way?

[B]

On our way to Paris. And that morning I was like, I'm just gonna do it and then we'll have this fabulous trip. So. Yeah. It was like 7:30 in the morning and we woke up and we had to fly out like at 1pm and I just got on one knee and she was in bed and she said yes.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

It was nice.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Wait, so when you were. You're. You're a child star. Essential.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I guess social media wasn't huge then, but like, did girls throw themselves at you?

[B]

No. Social media didn't even exist.

[A]

But like when you went out in public, were girls like, oh my God.

[B]

No, I was huge. I was a gigantic teen.

[A]

Yep. What a way to say that I was a gigantic teen.

[B]

It's big. Metabolically challenged.

[A]

I can't. Such a wild way to say that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I.

[B]

Did I look like Hagrid's son?

[A]

No, you didn't.

[B]

I did.

[A]

No, you didn't.

[B]

Without facial hair.

[A]

No, you didn't.

[B]

Really big, scary big, like red line. Like there were cardiologists calling a hotline, being like, listen, I don't want to say anything, but this kid from Drake and Josh is not in a good place. I was on cholesterol meds at 12. Yeah. What?

[A]

Well, that means somebody cared about you. I. I was, I was 90 pounds heavier up until like a year ago. And I like, my friend was in the hospital last week and I was talking to his nurse and I was like, my blood pressure at one point was 200 over something. He went, oh my God. He's like, the ER is downstairs. And I was like, oh my God. It's not like that now. Wait, we have to take a break.

[B]

Quick.

[A]

Time to choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal, or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal, each with its.

[B]

Own small fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's. Price and participation may vary.

[A]

Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes to what kind of romance you're into. You don't have to choose just one fancy a dalliance with a duke. Or maybe a steamy billionaire. You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field. And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Discover modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood, the latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros, plus Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander. And of course, all the really steamy stuff. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com wondery that's audible.com wondery and we're back. I have no idea if I took my medicine today.

[B]

Good.

[A]

I have zero clue. I feel insane.

[B]

This is going great.

[A]

Is that. Wait. Okay. But people are attracted to fat people.

[B]

Yeah, Definitely. I don't think I was. You're so right. And I wasn't putting. I think I wasn't attracted to me. And that was the vibes I was putting out. Unfortunately.

[A]

I get that. Cause I fucked a ton when I was fatter.

[B]

And good times.

[A]

I had a great time.

[B]

I think so, too.

[A]

And sometimes I kind of prefer being a little fatter. I had a bigger butt. Like, I miss knocking things over with my butt.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Now I don't knock things over as much anymore. Sometimes I'll do it for, like, nostalgia. Like, I'll just, like, be in my house and be, like, still fat.

[B]

You say to your boyfriend, honey, can you move that dresser closer?

[A]

Can you move it a little closer so I can knock it over? Oh, my God, it's huge.

[B]

200 over 140.

[A]

Which is, like, not good.

[B]

No, that's. Yeah. Bad.

[A]

I had a doctor once say to me, she was like, are you seeing spots? I was like, no. She was like, do you have a headache? I was like, no. She was like, if you had any of those things, I would send you to the error. And it turns out I had all of those things. I had just become acclimated to them. Isn't that fun?

[B]

That's fun. You're like, yeah, my mushrooms, Doc. I'm supposed to see spots.

[A]

I'm on drugs, dude.

[B]

They're like, did you fast before this? What do you think?

[A]

Did you lose weight from, like, growing up? Is that a weird. That's a weird fucking question.

[B]

I totally did. It's a good question.

[A]

Cause sometimes you're chunky as a kid and then you, like, grow up.

[B]

I totally did.

[A]

Oh, my God. Dr. Byer in the house. This is a medical fact. Sometimes you're chunky as a kid and you grow up. Well, my doctor, when I was a kid kept being like, oh, when she hits puberty, don't worry. But I was, like, in it to win it. I was like, I'm gonna stay fat forever.

[B]

Yeah. I remember I went to summer camp, sleepaway camp. And every kid lost weight at sleepaway camp. Not your bully.

[A]

Wait, were you on TV at sleepaway Camp?

[B]

No, this is when I was, like, proper, like, still a civilian. Like, I was, like, 10 at sleepaway camp for, like, four weeks, and I came back fatter. I was just like, there's fruit punch in the cafeteria.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Are you kidding?

[A]

Oh, yeah. My. My mother never set me up for success. I was a vegetarian for one summer, and all I ate was French fries and milkshakes.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Like, ma', am, don't. Don't let her do that. Like, don't let me do that. But, hey, she was very supportive.

[B]

Is your. Do you, like. I come from a family of people who like to eat.

[A]

My mom was fat. My dad was thin, so it was, you know. Yeah, it was a toss up. What will I be fat or thin? Fat or thin? And I said, I'm a beef fat.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

I mean, being fat is kind of delightful. This will sound awful, but, like, after you hit a certain point, you just eat whatever you want. You're already there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, have a nice time.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You just make fun concoctions. I would get stoned and make, like, the. The most fun things in the microwave.

[B]

I. I would do it sober. I would.

[A]

Who am I kidding?

[B]

So would I. I grew up in an apartment complex where I would sneak down every night, and there was a vending machine. And as we know, the holy order of vending machines. Chips are on top.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Middle candy bars.

[A]

Candy bars.

[B]

Little further down, Pop Tarts. Maybe a pop Tart. Maybe a gummy. Ooh, an assorted sundry. And then at the bottom, maybe, like, a famous Amos cookie or like an Auntie Anne. You know, like, wow.

[A]

I'm, like, really enthralled. I'm like, yes, that is a vending machine.

[B]

Yes. I want to own one for my house. And so I would go and buy something from each level every night, and I would take it home, and I would eat and watch Howard Stern on E. And just be like, this is my life.

[A]

I would steal sleeves of Ritz crackers to hide in my room so I could eat them at night.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

Ugh. I love a Ritz cracker.

[B]

Oh, my God. So buttery, and there's no dairy in it.

[A]

And they're terrible for you. I just learned this. They're bad for dogs.

[B]

They're like grapes.

[A]

Well, they're not like grapes. They don't poison dogs. But I like. I, like, went online. I was like, are Ritz crackers good for my dog? Because I feed my dog a lot of Ritz crackers, and they're like, no. It has, like, hydraulic. I don't know hydraulics. I don't know.

[B]

Hydrogenated oils. Yes, hydrogenated, but there's. That's in everything.

[A]

But apparently those are bad for dogs.

[B]

So's living in a city. Clip it, clip it. They're animals.

[A]

You're right. Do you have an animal?

[B]

No. I got two kids.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

That's enough. I have enough souls to take care of.

[A]

Souls?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I guess they are little souls. They are girls or boys?

[B]

Two boys.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Are they rough and tough?

[B]

Oh, yeah. We be wrestling.

[A]

I love when little boys wrestle you.

[B]

It's so fun.

[A]

I used to nanny and I nannied two little boys, and when they would, like, they'd be like, oh, Nicole. Like, it was just so funny to me. Cause I was like, you're so tiny, I could take you out. Like, you think you're. You're so tough. You're not.

[B]

No, you. They're little wolves. Like, they want to. Yeah, they want, but they don't have it in them. No.

[A]

Wait, when did you start dating?

[B]

I started dating probably, like, properly dating. I'm trying to think right around, like, 18. I had lost a bunch of weight, and it was like, I felt like I had to make up for a lot of time.

[A]

Yeah. So you were out there. Fuck it.

[B]

Yeah. Hold on. I was out there. Full cliche. Like, it was bad. It was bad dating and. Yeah. Doing all the things and.

[A]

Did you grow up in la?

[B]

I'm from New York, but I've been in LA since.

[A]

Where in New York?

[B]

The city. Manhattan. Kiss Kitchen.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Are you from New York?

[A]

No, I'm from New Jersey.

[B]

What part?

[A]

Middletown Central. Yes. Oh, my God.

[B]

My people are from North Jersey.

[A]

See, a lot of people in North Jersey will consider us South Jersey, and a lot of people in South Jersey consider us North Jersey. But I was like, if you look at a fucking map, we are directly in the middle. I'm literally from a town called Middletown. Like, middle. We're in the middle.

[B]

Yes. Freehold adjacent.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

They had the good mall.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is fun. But I was like, I didn't know if you were from the city, because I feel like people from Jersey and the city call it the city, and everyone else is like, New York City.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I lived in Harlem or Morningside Heights. It was like 125th and Broadway for a while. Just, like, kept moving up.

[B]

Isn't it upper Manhattan now? I'm like, dogging something like that.

[A]

But I'm like, no, don't erase Harlem. Like, don't do that?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's where all the fun things happen.

[B]

Still.

[A]

The Renaissance and.

[B]

All of the fun things. I love it.

[A]

The Renaissance. So, wait, when did you move to LA?

[B]

I was 13. 13 years old.

[A]

And why did you move? To act or just to be in the sun?

[B]

No, I moved here. I got a TV show. I was on a show called the Amanda show with Amanda Bynes, and it was sketch comedy for kids, and that's what I did. And then I got my own show, and I never left.

[A]

What made you want to act?

[B]

I grew up with a single mom, and so my best friends growing up were, like, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Ace Ventura and Billy Madison and.

[A]

Never seen those.

[B]

Really? Which one? All three.

[A]

Wait, you named. What was the first one?

[B]

The Team Fresh Prince TV show.

[A]

Yes, that I've seen. Okay, that's a TV show. Yeah, I know, but the other two. Ace Ventura and Billy Madison. Never seen.

[B]

Okay, let's talk about the Adam Sandler legacy here.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Happy Gilmore.

[A]

No. Wow. But I have seen Big Daddy.

[B]

So good.

[A]

And one of my favorite scenes, maybe better, is. Do you know which one it is?

[B]

Hip, hip, hop, hip hop. Am I right? This is bullshit. You gave him the easy ones.

[A]

I once cried in a street, laughing, showing this to a friend who didn't think it was funny. I was, like, stomping my feet. I was like, come on.

[B]

Get rid of that friend.

[A]

My God, now I'm crying.

[B]

Rob Schneider, genius.

[A]

It is one of the funniest things, and I think it holds up. It's just so funny.

[B]

It's brilliant.

[A]

He bought.

[B]

He popped.

[A]

Mononymous.

[B]

This is the worst podcast episode ever. I ruined your show.

[A]

No, there was a worse one. Me and Bobby Moynihan do giant shots of vodka and then felt trapped and talked about loss, and I don't think any of it makes any sense. Oh, my God. Wow. That really made me so happy that you immediately knew.

[B]

I can't believe it. We really linked up.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Big Daddy's awesome.

[A]

And I've seen the Waterboy.

[B]

Waterboy's good.

[A]

The Waterboy is so funny.

[B]

Part of the Adam Sandler canon. Have you seen any of, like, the dramatic stuff? Uncut joms, Uncut Jones.

[A]

But I want to because I really like Julia Fox. Yes.

[B]

She's awesome, she's funny. She kills it.

[A]

I'm just shopped. These mirrors and uncut gems.

[B]

Uncut Johns.

[A]

She's so funny.

[B]

Yeah, she's good in the movie.

[A]

I did my makeup myself. Wait, I had a question. And it, like, fully Left me. Mars keeps trying to get me to come early to look over my notes.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

And I refuse to.

[B]

Who would ever.

[A]

In fact, I come later and later and later. Oh, you have a memoir.

[B]

I do. I wrote a memoir at 35. Is there anything more? Millennial.

[A]

I do love it. I had been approached to write, like, a memoir thing, and I said no.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

Because I was like, I don't know. I'm not old enough yet. Like, I haven't had, like, enough stuff. Stories. I didn't think so. I wrote a picture book about bikinis.

[B]

Oh, that is so smart.

[A]

Listen, it didn't sell well.

[B]

You still might either. You still got that advance, so, you know.

[A]

And no one bought my book.

[B]

I'll take 200k and a carton in Newport.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You pay me in my cartons of ciggies.

[B]

Yeah. I don't think books sell well unless you're, like, three people on Earth.

[A]

Yeah, well, it's kind of wild. Cause I was like, nobody reads books anymore. But then that Blake Lively movie came out that's based on a book, and apparently it's a very popular book.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that's. And is that, like, Is it. Am I allowed to say it's kind of a romantic novel? Was it? Slightly.

[A]

You're wrong.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

It's about abuse.

[B]

Gotcha. Right. That's what I was gonna say.

[A]

Well. But I will say it is shot like a rom com.

[B]

Not a rom com, but, like, wasn't it, like, there was. There's a big love story until.

[A]

Yes. So she, like, falls in love with this dude who, like, accidents keep happening because she's, like, in her head. She's not hitting my buck.

[B]

Oh, my God. It should not be this close to the chair. You bring up Blake Lively, I get crazy.

[A]

Was she in Deadpool? Was she Lady Deadpool?

[B]

In the newest iteration, Lady Deadpool loves Wolverine. I didn't see it.

[A]

You didn't see it?

[B]

See, now I haven't seen something.

[A]

Why didn't you see it? You're not a marvel head.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

I really like the X Men. And I was like, sure, I'll go see it so I can see my Wolverine. Because I love Hugh Jackman.

[B]

What's not to love?

[A]

I mean, there's nothing not to. There's nothing not to love.

[B]

I think that was right. I think that was right.

[A]

There's nothing you can't love. Everything about him is lovable.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

I love him so much. He does musical theater. He sings he dances. He seems so nice. Oh, my God, I love him.

[B]

He talked about in Howard Stern how he had to get in shape for the role and that he would. He would starve himself of sugars and, like, carbohydrate. But then right before he was about to shoot, he would drink flat Coca Cola that the glucose would, like, dilate his veins, so he looked even more vascular. And I just want to know who was like, I'll be on the Coca Cola duty to make sure it's flat. Who was like, his assistant.

[A]

His sad assistant's like, all right, let me take him out. Let me open it up. He's going to guzzle them down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, real quick. We have to take a break quick. Time to choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal, or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal, each with its.

[B]

Own small fries, drink, and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's. Price and participation may vary.

[A]

Did you know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families with greenlight. You can send money to kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance, and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications. Kids learn to earn, save, and spend wisely. And parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money with guardrails in place. Try Greenlight risk free [e-mail] wondery. I'll never understand people who can show restraint with food for work.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

You could pay me a million dollars and I still will be like, sorry, I didn't. I lost no weight.

[B]

But. But on the flip side, because you have lost so much weight, like, if people will bring up to me like, oh, would you ever put on weight for a role? I'm like, never.

[A]

No, never.

[B]

There's not a thing. Thing.

[A]

No, because I have. I'm type 2 diabetic, baby.

[B]

Are you on the Zempies?

[A]

I'm on Manjaro.

[B]

Ooh, you're famous. You're a celebrity.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

That's a higher end.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And how do you feel on it? How do you like it?

[A]

I've been on it for, like, almost two years, and my body now has acclimated to it. But before I be shitting, I be shitting all the damn time.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

But now my body is like, no, no, I get it. And Then it sucks. You still have to work out. You just eat. Like. So what it does for me is it quiets, like, food noise down, which is like a new term. But, like, I no longer go through life being like, when do I eat? When do I eat? When is food happening? That looks yummy. I want that. Like, I just don't think about it anymore. And then you eat, like, a little bit less. But I do these workouts with this man named Daniel. He has, like, a company called the Body Project, But I just do the free ones off YouTube, and they're 20 to 30 minutes. And I'm like, 20 minutes will not kill me. And then he also tells me I can sit down during them. And then he's like, take a break. Get water. Do whatever you need to do. If you want to sit and watch us for a while, do that. And I really like that. But then he's got this bitch wife, and she does videos, and she never tells me I could take a break. She never tells me I can do it, Mrs. Dan. And then she just, like, moves too fast. I hate her. She sucks. But Daniel. Ooh wee.

[B]

Do you stay away from her videos?

[A]

Yeah, I will not watch them.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

But sometimes she does the 15 minute ones, and I'm like, I only want to do something for 15 minutes, and then I'll suffer through it.

[B]

Oh, love it. I love this for you.

[A]

Listen.

[B]

Do you. You know, it's interesting I. What they're seeing now with, like, brain scans and stuff that, like, things like depression or OCD or ptsd. All the things, right? Like, they can actually kind of see it. They can pinpoint it. And what they've found is, like, there are certain modalities in which that can really alter the brain to kind of fix it, right? Cause it's hard. Cause no matter how much talk therapy or one does, it can be super helpful. But inevitably it's like, but the circuit is still broken. So I wonder now if one day you went off Mounjaro and you've given your brain a rest. I wonder if the food noise would come storming back.

[A]

Yes. Yes. Sure does.

[B]

It does.

[A]

It's kind of wild. Cause I've gone away. And then because it has to be refrigerated, and I think you can use it unrefrigerated. But, like, I listen, I'm gonna be part of a class action lawsuit in 10 years, and something's gonna be wrong with it.

[B]

It's gonna be worth it.

[A]

I know it. Yes, it's gonna be a Nice payout. But I just don't wanna not refrigerate it because the directions say it has. Anyway, so if I go away for like a week or two or whatever, I don't have it. And then it comes back. And then I'm like, ah, no. And it sucks. It sucks. Cause I'm like, oh, I might have to, like, be on this for the rest of my life. Or I have to, like, learn discipline. But it's like, different than discipline. It's not discipline. It's just like, I can't. My brain is what it is.

[B]

I think it's awesome. And I don't. I don't know. I'm all for life. I know RFK will be mad at me, but I'm down to clown. I went to a cardiologist. I've had high cholesterol my whole life. And so he was like, I would really suggest you take this incredibly small amount of cholesterol medication. He's like, you know the lowest dose. I'm giving you half of that. Just try. He's like, you're in reasonably good shape. You tell me you like to work out. This is absurd. How high your cholesterol is. I don't think it's your fault. I said, okay. I took it for six months. I came back, he came dancing into the room. He's like, it's down 100 points. Your cholesterol's down 100 points. Points. So you know how nuts that is. Like, it's working.

[A]

It's great.

[B]

I went back four months later, he walks in, no more dancing. He goes, did you stop taking the medicine? I go, yeah. And he goes, why? I go, because it was working.

[A]

I was like, I like that. Your doctor said, it's not your fault. Because I think more doctors need to be like, it's not your fault. It's genetics. You're just genetically like. I'm genetically predisposed to high blood pressure and high cholesterol. My daddy had it. He rode a bike all the time. He was a very healthy person. My mom, she liked the chips.

[B]

But like, what was her brand?

[A]

Lays. She loved Lays.

[B]

Potatoes.

[A]

Yes, the yellow Lays. She put Louisiana hot sauce on it.

[B]

She sounds like a much loved Coca cola. Oh, my God. Would she rip a couple darts too?

[A]

No, she quit smoking by the time I came.

[B]

Try to get her back on it.

[A]

She's dead. Imagine I dig my mommy up. Mommy, I'll kill you. Again with cigarettes.

[B]

Weakened at Bernie's, Lays. And a stogie.

[A]

Oh, man. It'd be really Tough to weaken at Bernie's. Her. Because she is cremated.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

I have to whirl her together like in the mummy.

[B]

Do you have her in an urn?

[A]

No. No. So she. This is funny. She died when I was 16, and my dad, like, simply. We didn't know what to do. No one, like, pregnant prepares you for that. So we put her in the backyard, and now someone else lives in that house.

[B]

What do you mean you put her in the backyard?

[A]

She got cremated. And then when someone gets cremated, they send you them in a box, and then you open the box, and then there's a thing in it. Like, a thing that you gotta cut open. And we were like, I don't know, put her in her bushes that she loves so much. So we put her in the bushes. So now she's still there. Wow.

[B]

So there's someone in New Jersey who's. Every time it's super windy, they're like, I'm tasting.

[A]

I'm tasting a. A woman who, like, lays potato chips.

[B]

In the mood for Louisiana hot sauce.

[A]

In hindsight, yeah. I probably should have put her in an urn.

[B]

It's fair. It's okay. People do the ocean. They do.

[A]

Should I go there and, like, scoop up some of the dirt?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The house was for sale, and I was gonna, like, go look at it, but then I looked at it on Zillow, and they had painted a bunch of walls, like, green, and I was like, were they doing green screen stuff?

[B]

Doesn't that hurt when people change your.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They made it so nasty. They, like, painted the cabinets white. And I was like, these were not meant to be white. They were meant to maybe be stripped and, like, sanded down and restained because they're beautiful wood. Yes. Wait, Josh, we only have two minutes left.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Isn't that wild?

[B]

Oh, no. Speed round. I'm ready.

[A]

Okay. What is your advice for single people?

[B]

Keep at it. The right person will find you. Double down on the things that you know are good.

[A]

Like what?

[B]

Like when people are always like, I don't know how I'm ever gonna find someone, or, it's not gonna, like, do the things you do, like, that you know are good for you, and good things will be born out of it. But I don't know. I wasn't around during, like, online dating or dating apps and whatnot. So, like, I would meet someone at yoga or, like, I would meet someone at the local Whole Foods. Like, that happened for me. Am I of a time gone by?

[A]

No, I think you're of a time that we need to bring back.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

I think that's like fun to meet someone at yoga or meet someone at the grocery store. I also think people are like, too afraid to talk to one another.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Like, I was wearing a really colorful outfit to the grocery store the other day, and I was like, I feel like someone's going to talk to me. But I chose this. And then, sure enough, a lady was like, oh, my God, I love this. I saw it on sale at TJ Maxx and I was like, I bought this full price. And that's why I was kind of annoyed.

[B]

You were like. I was like, balenciaga, man.

[A]

Come on, come on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then she was like, I like your aura. And I was like, I like your dress. And then we just, like, talked for a while and had I needed another friend, she probably would have been my friend.

[B]

That's funny.

[A]

It is fun. And I think we should all just talk more to people.

[B]

Listen, here's the thing to remember. Are you Mozart? No. Bet you're gonna be forgotten. So put yourself out there. Not you, Nicole. You won't be, but they will. Everyone listening's going to be forgotten. Thus fall on your face. Be rejected. Put yourself out there. Fuck it up. Who cares? You are. I already forgot about you. And the world as a whole has forgotten. Not about Nicole. Nicole's incredible. Nicole's in a once in a generational talent.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

When am I doing your podcast?

[B]

Please, come on. The Good Guys podcast. We can't wait to have you.

[A]

When am I doing it?

[B]

We're working out the dates. You're fancy, I'm around, I got kids, I go nowhere.

[A]

What changed after you had kids?

[B]

Oh, life just got so much better. I highly suggest. But you already mentioned you're not really into it, and I totally respect that.

[A]

No, I like kids. I. No, I love babies. Like, I love a big, meaty, chunky baby.

[B]

Oh, yes, the folds.

[A]

The folds. And I like when they're too big. Do you know what I mean? When, like, they're like in the 99th percentile and they're like half the size of their mother. Like, I love a big, nasty, chunky baby.

[B]

They're just glorious. The other day, my son, I was reading him this book and it was like a Raoul Dahl book. So it had like some British type phrases like jumper for sweater. And I said, oh, son, like a jumper is a sweater. And he goes, oh, yeah, sweater. Like when you come back from your walks in the morning and that there's a stain on the back of your shirt.

[A]

I was like, yep, kids are funny like that. That is very funny.

[B]

Yeah, Dad's a sweater.

[A]

You're a sweater. You're a jumper. Well, Josh, we've come to the end.

[B]

Thank you, Nicole.

[A]

I have a question. Do you have anything you want to promote?

[B]

Just the Pod Good Guys podcast, available everywhere with my co host, celebrity Ben Safer. Can't wait to have the great Nicole on.

[A]

Yeah, I fucking want to do it.

[B]

I can't wait.

[A]

Let me fucking do it.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Let me fucking do it.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Okay. I ask all my guests this. Would you date me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, you're f. Oh, like I said, we be ripping cigs.

[A]

Yeah. I get you off the wagon. Yes.

[B]

I'll give up my sobriety.

[A]

No, just kidding. I would. I would say keep going.

[B]

Yes. And I would say that to you as you ingested mushrooms. Keep going, Nicole.

[A]

Keep going. Reach for the stars. Yeah, I've never been, like. I've never been, like, tripping, tripping. Maybe I gotta take more.

[B]

Nah.

[A]

I once took them in Mexico and it took us, I don't know, an hour to get three blocks. We kept laughing at things. Like, at one point I was like, natm, can you believe money comes out of that?

[B]

You just become a Seinfeld bit.

[A]

Yes. Apparently a lot of my thoughts are Seinfeld bits already. I didn't know this. Well, I've never seen Seinfeld.

[B]

That's why he's a billionaire. Because all our thoughts are Seinfeld bits.

[A]

Yeah, the thing about airplane. Anyway, if you like this episode, automated telling machines, ATMs are crazy if you think about it.

[B]

Nuts.

[A]

They're just stacked with money.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You know what's even funnier to me? Those postmate little robots. I watched a video people beating one up and they had, like, the big eyes, so they kind of look like human like. And they were beating it up to get you the food inside. And I was like, this is the future. Anyway, if you like this episode of why Won't yout Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, give me 5 stars on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me because we're running low. So please submit them to why Won't you date me? PodcastMail.com I will read it. And it's gotta be nasty. Hi, Nicole. I sell my used underwear online to make money. That's nice. And if we were dating, I would make you wear underwear for me for clients.

[B]

Ooh, a Trick.

[A]

We would wear each pair one after the other and make them real nasty. Uh oh. Our pussy juices would mix together so we would become the most exclusive in demand used underwear providers. I like this. You're an entrepreneur. Okay, bye. Bye. You've been listening to why Won't yout Date Me With Me, Nicole Byer. This show is is produced and edited by Mars, with executive producer Anya Kenovskaya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue with guest research by Lindsay Kemp. Our VP of content at Headgum is Katie Moose. And our thief music is arranged by Mike Comate. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye bye. That was a Headgum podcast. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson.

[B]

And I'm Dan o'.

[A]

Sullivan. And this is the Outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum.

[B]

We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that.

[A]

Every week we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't.

[B]

But all of them are going to help explain why.

[A]

Why America is like this.

[B]

See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas gay bars.

[A]

Who knew?

[B]

Who knew the mob's involved.

[A]

All that and more. Subscribe to the outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday. What's up, everybody?

[B]

I'm Kyle Mooney.

[A]

And what's up, everybody?

[B]

I'm Beck Banner. And man. Ooh, we got something to tell you. Oh yeah, we definitely do. Yes. It's a brand new podcast on Headgum. That's right. And it's called what's Our Podcast? Yep. And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast should be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it. Yep. Guests like Mark Maron, Jack Black, Brittany Broski, Kate Berlan, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter. And Tim Balt, Landon Axler, Jory Joni McGree. And Dender. And Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday, so subscribe to what's our podcast on YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah, I'm gonna go do it right now.