Dating with Borderline Personality Disorder (w/ Makhyli)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer
Episode: Dating with Borderline Personality Disorder (w/ Makhyli)
Release Date: April 17, 2026

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EPISODE OVERVIEW

This episode of “Why Won’t You Date Me?” features Nicole Byer in conversation with Makhyli, an artist and actress known for her work with the pop group Boys World and now as a solo musician. The heart of their conversation centers on the messy realities of dating—specifically, how living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) impacts relationships, communication, and self-perception. The pair share laughter, vulnerability, and hard truths about young love, creative life, mental health, and the nuance of companionship.

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KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

1. Dating and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

• BPD in Relationships:
  • Makhyli candidly describes how BPD often triggers intense abandonment fears in relationships, causing her to spiral into irrational worries even in a stable, multi-year relationship.
    • “My brain will literally make up scenarios in the moment when I know I’ve been with this guy for three and a half years. This is, like, impossible. But he knows how to talk me down. And honestly, in the back of my head, I know I’m being ridiculous as well, but I feel like I’m just such a fun girl. I’m just a girl.” (00:07, 41:13)
  • Diagnosis brought community and self-awareness, but day-to-day challenges remain:
    • “It’s great because I feel like I am able to compartmentalize, and…see, oh, there’s millions of other people who feel like this as well. But in terms of actual reality…no, that doesn’t help at all. I struggle every single day, but at least I’m honest.” (41:54)

2. Messy Dating Stories & Setting Standards

• Setting Non-Negotiables:
  • Makhyli shares how she made a “Build-a-Boy” Google Slides, rigorously mapping out her standards and desires before dating seriously.
    • “I made a Google Slide...I want him to look like this…If I can do my research, maybe this will work.” (04:35)
  • Sticking to her standards ultimately “manifested” the right relationship for her.
• Bad Dates and Lessons Learned:
  • Both share vivid stories of low-effort dates (“he didn’t even offer to get me my own sandwich...we had to share a fry”), and the importance of effort over money in romantic gestures. (05:08–07:14)
  • Nicole reflects on tolerating messiness—like dating a man who lost a banana in his car—acknowledging it as a moment for personal growth.
    • “Who loses a banana in their car? ...That’s a true indictment on me for sticking around as long...That’s on me. I done fucked up.” (08:13–08:43)

3. Partnership Dynamics

• Complementary Strengths:
  • Both Nicole and Makhyli discuss relationships where their partners provide structure and practicality—grocery shopping, cooking, planning—while they bring the “vibes” and spontaneity.
  • Mutual admiration for partners who “do the things” without resentment, solidifying partnership as balance.
    • “I think I bring the vibe...He brings the structure, you know. And I realize that is what I need. And that’s okay.” (13:01)
• Honesty and Communication:
  • The hosts praise the directness shown in the show “Love on the Spectrum,” wishing for a dating culture with less game-playing and more truthful communication.
    • “I wish we all lived a little bit more like that…just a little bit more truthful.” (15:03)

4. Navigating Creativity, ADHD, and Work/Love Overlap

• ADHD Realities:
  • Both share their ADHD experiences, difficulties with routines, and “life hacks” for managing everyday tasks (autopay, large keychains, object permanence). (44:28, 55:12)
• Working with a Romantic Partner:
  • Makhyli records and produces music with her boyfriend, noting both the positives (intuitive understanding) and challenges (accepting criticism, separating creative/work and relationship conflicts).
    • “I think it’s hard to work with me in general, partner or not...But he loves me, so I think that covers it up, you know?” (37:11)
  • Navigating relationship vs. roommate vs. creative disputes and the importance of communication and compartmentalization. (38:07–39:14)

5. Manifestation, Astrology, and Personal Growth

• Manifestation:
  • Makhyli credits manifestation and intentionality—not settling—for finding her ideal partner, even linking moments back to specifics in her “Build-a-Boy” document.
    • “I literally was like, yeah, I saw him in my head and he looked like this Tarzan type of guy...when I met him, I was like, you’re the random man that was in my head. Isn’t that crazy?” (51:03)
• Astrology:
  • Both discuss their birth charts and rising/moon signs, keeping an open but lighthearted attitude about astrology’s roles in self-perception and relationships. (53:43–54:27)

6. Advice for Single People

• Non-Negotiables and Self-Knowledge:
  • “Single people should not waver on what they want…kind of like what I did…really say, what am I going to not stand for? And what do I need in a relationship?...Just having those…non-negotiables. Really just sticking by it.” (50:08)

7. Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• “You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.” (53:31, Nicole)
• Makhyli: “I’m not gonna cut myself short… I think I’m very spontaneous. I think I’m whimsical, but also really damaged as how I express my emotions…I’m a very specific type of girlfriend, if that makes sense. And it’s a lot.” (39:50)
• Nicole (on sticking through bad situations): “If I felt personally attacked every time an audience didn’t like something I said, I would be so sad all the time.” (34:49)
• The pair affectionately discuss their mutual quirks and ADHD-driven hacks, relationship foibles, and the joys of embracing oddities (the saga of mouthwash, salt-and-pepper shakers, lost bananas, and more). (55:11–56:00)

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IMPORTANT SEGMENTS & TIMESTAMPS

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|--------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:07 | Makhyli’s BPD experience in relationships | | 04:35 | “Build-a-Boy” slideshow and manifesting standards | | 05:08 | Bad dating story (shared fries & effort over money) | | 11:44 | Dynamic differences in Makhyli’s relationship | | 13:01 | “I bring the vibe, he brings the structure…” | | 15:03 | Wanting more honesty in dating, inspired by “Love on the Spectrum”| | 41:54 | Daily realities of BPD post-diagnosis | | 50:08 | Advice for single people: non-negotiables | | 51:03 | Manifesting the right partner | | 53:31 | “You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.” |

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TONE & STYLE

The episode is lively, funny, and honest, with both Nicole and Makhyli bouncing between self-deprecating humor and deep emotional truths. Nicole’s signature comedic candor puts Makhyli at ease, leading to candid confessions about mental health, dating disasters, and real-life adjustments. Both speakers embrace vulnerability and a sense of community for listeners living with BPD and/or ADHD, and the show maintains an empathetic, upbeat tone despite heavier topics.

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FINAL THOUGHTS AND PROMOTIONS

• Makhyli plugs her new single “Need You,” inspired by her fear of men and general paranoia, as well as upcoming shows and her work in Dhar Mann videos. (62:10–63:28)
• Nicole’s classic closing segment features a fan’s horny letter and her signature question: “Would you date me?” With Makhyli’s response:
  • “100%. You know why? Cause I feel like we’re the same and I love myself.” (67:19)

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LISTENERS’ TAKEAWAYS

This episode is a must for anyone navigating romance while managing BPD or ADHD, for those who love Nicole’s raw humor and for anyone wrestling with setting standards versus settling. The conversation is a both a pep-talk and a frank look at loving oneself and others, celebrating the messy beauty of being “just a fun girl.”

Transcript

[A]

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description.

[B]

This is a Headgum podcast with bpd. A lot of times your issues come out more when you're in a relationship because a lot of it is triggered by abandonment. So now you have a partner and you're automatically thinking they're leaving, they're out the door, they're texting three other women right now, you know, and so my brain will literally make up scenarios in the moment when I know I've been with this guy for three and a half years. This is like impossible. But he knows how to talk me down. And honestly, in the back of my head, I know I'm being ridiculous as well, but I feel like I'm just such a fun girl. I'm just a girl.

[A]

I'm being ridiculous. I'm making things up, but I'm fun.

[B]

Come on, it has to count for some.

[A]

We talk a lot about messy dating stories on this show, but you know what's making dating even messier? Lawmakers across the country trying to strip away our access to sexual and reproductive health care. Planned Parenthood believes your body is your business and you deserve the freedom to make your own choices. Whether you need birth control, STI testing, gender affirming care, or an abortion, their health centers are there for you. But right now, politicians are actively attacking Planned Parenthood and trying to control our futures. Millions of people are at risk of losing essential care, especially those in black, Latino, rural and low income communities. Healthcare is a human right, which is why I'm so proud to support them. Here is a fun behind the scenes fact about the pod. I pay all my guests for coming on, but when they don't want to accept the money themselves, I asked where they'd like me to donate their fee instead. And Planned Parenthood is consistently the number one organization my guests choose to support. And together with people like you, me and the guests on this podcast, Planned Parenthood can fight every day to build the future we deserve. Supporters like you power this work. Donate to support Planned Parenthood now@planned parenthood.org defend thing. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Hi. Ooh, baby. Welcome to another episode of why Won't yout Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single. Even though you could come all over my face and say, uh, oh, you have weird freckles.

[B]

My guest today, I was not expecting that.

[A]

Okay. My guest today is a talented artist, actress, and former youngest member of the hit pop group Boys World. She's in her solo music era and her brand new single, I Need you, Cat and Mouse is out now. I'm so excited. It's Makile.

[B]

Best introduction ever. I'm hyped now. Oh my gosh. Hello.

[A]

I try to get people like in the mood and like, excited.

[B]

Excited. I'm ready. No caffeine needed.

[A]

No caffeine needed. Heard it here first. I'll pump you up. I've also been listening to a lot of Martha Wash as of recent. You don't know Martha Wash?

[B]

I don't. Tell me.

[A]

Okay. She is, I would say, the godmother of house music. So like everybody dance now. That's Martha Wash. Oh my gosh. And then any other house music that you can think of where there's like a powerful singer noted is Martha Wash. And then in the music videos, they would replace her with like a thinner woman. Are you serious? She was also in the group. I think it's two tons of fun.

[B]

With another woman.

[A]

And they sang It's Raining man.

[B]

No way. Uh huh.

[A]

Get into her.

[B]

She's great. Ooh, I will after this. Don't worry.

[A]

Okay. When you were in the girl group, you didn't date at all?

[B]

This is very interesting. Cause I felt like, oh my gosh, I have such a career on my hands. Do I have time for a guy? But then I was like, I can make time. But then I was like, ugh. But for the right guy, not. Okay, let me get into it. I'm pretty intense when it comes to what I want. Okay, Now I decided I'm gonna manifest this man. I call it, I call it Build a Boy.

[A]

Build a Boy.

[B]

You know what I mean? So I wrote, I made a Google Slide, I had notes and I was like, I want him to look like this. Be this tall. He needs to be into this, this, this and this. Like, I put hobbies, I put the date, the type of dates I wanted to go. Because if I'm gonna do it, I wanna do it right. You know what I mean? Cause I also have a fear of getting my heart broken. So I'm like, if I can do my research and see, you know, do my part, maybe this will work.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know? So I did go on a few dates during the group. Some I'm not proud of, but they weren't my fault. But I should have left. That's what I'm not proud of.

[A]

Okay, what happened? If you Want to talk about it?

[B]

I want to talk about it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think some people should be put on blast. Okay, I'm. I won't say their names, but there was this rather greasy guy. He was very greasy. And I feel like that's a first impression. Sure, yeah. If you're not washing your hair, what do you think? I'm thinking of you. You know, you can't take care of a relationship, so then second impression. Your car. Your car should be. I understand. Maybe a water bottle or two.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But nasty dirt and cans and candy wrappers. Like, where am I? I felt like I was in a trash heap, so I kept that quiet. And honestly, after that, I thought he was gonna make up for it. I was delusional. We pull up to McDonald's years ago, and I'm sorry, but that's not gonna cut it for me. At least Chipotle. At the very least.

[A]

At least something mid range.

[B]

And you know what? It doesn't end there.

[A]

He.

[B]

He got a fry.

[A]

Did you have to eat in the car? Did you get to go inside?

[B]

Oh, I wasn't gonna eat in the car. I was scared of what was gonna be under those seats. So we went in. He didn't even offer to get me my own sandwich, my own anything. We had to share a fry. We shared a fry, and he got it for himself. I had to ask for a fry on top of that, so that really pissed me off. And then we went to La Brea Tar Pits, and I'm pretty sure we got in for free. So I was like, you know, it's not all about the money, but it's about the effort.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know what I mean? So that was the first time I was, like, going to text my girls and come and get me. But I also sometimes can be a people pleaser, so I was like, oh, this is great. And then I'll just block them. And, like, you know, I don't like confrontation.

[A]

I get that.

[B]

So I'll just disappear off the earth. And he never heard from me again.

[A]

Was he, like, fun and interesting or, like, was he, like, bad personality?

[B]

Ooh, a little cheap. Ooh.

[A]

And then didn't put the effort in.

[B]

You know what? Can't even remember.

[A]

Can't remember his name.

[B]

He probably had the personality of, like, a hand towel, probably. But I feel like I would have remembered if you had something else that was redeeming or maybe I just couldn't get over the cheapness and the dirtiness.

[A]

It is one thing to be cheap. It is another thing to Be cheap and dirty. Yeah.

[B]

And no personality.

[A]

Didn't even think to clean up your car just a tad bit. Because there is a way to be whimsical about not having money 100%. To just be like, here, I thought maybe we could just share a French fry. And I brought a picnic blanket for us to eat at.

[B]

Park it out.

[A]

Creative. Just make it a little sweet. Because it's like, I don't think poor people should. Indeed. I think it's just like. It's the way you present it, the effort.

[B]

That's all I want.

[A]

Right. I dated a guy who tell me had the filthiest fucking car I had ever gotten in. When I got in, it was just like, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. It was just water bottles everywhere. Just like chip bags that were empty everywhere. And then there was a smell.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

And then I dated them for a while.

[B]

Seriously? Uh huh.

[A]

And then like two weeks later, he found what the smell was, and it was just a rotting banana.

[B]

No, he.

[A]

He found a. We were in the car and he was like, oh, what is this? Oh, my God. Oh, it's this banana that's been. He was like, I lost this banana. And I was like, you lost this banana? Banana? Who loses a banana in their car? Whoa.

[B]

Yeah. That's another level.

[A]

And I think that's a true indictment on me for sticking around as long to stick around. For a man to find a banana in his car, that's on me. I done fucked up.

[B]

I'm glad you can see it now.

[A]

Hey, thank you.

[B]

It's growth. I see it now too. And I also.

[A]

Therapy.

[B]

Yeah. I'm also not the cleanest. Let me put that out there. Same adhd.

[A]

But if I lose a banana, I'm

[B]

gonna find that banana.

[A]

I need to find the banana.

[B]

I'm gonna find. I'm not gonna let a banana roam in the car.

[A]

Although today I had a cold brew.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

In a can.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I set it on my car. I don't know what I needed to do. Oh, maybe I need to throw something out from my car.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then pulled away with the can still on my car.

[B]

No. And it spilled.

[A]

I don't know where it is. But I got down the street and I was like, I think I left that can in my car. So then I gently pulled over and I looked and I was like, it's not there. Oh, God, I don't know where it is.

[B]

A cold brew on the loose. That's hilarious. Yeah. But I have few and far in between dates. I'm not like Like I said, too much social energy. I feel like sometimes dating is a performance and I, you know. Yes, razzle dazzle, I'm getting ready and all that. So I think when I found my boyfriend, I was like, oh, I'm not performing, I'm chill. Like I had this other day and gosh, oh no, I. I wanted to be so quirky. Like, I just wanted to be so quirky. But the guy was the opposite. I might have been like a pastor's kid or just very.

[A]

You met him where?

[B]

I met this guy on a dating app.

[A]

Oh, okay. I had an era.

[B]

I was in the group and I was like, girls, let's just swipe. Not thinking. And so I wore one of those, those cartoon spinner hats, you know, like the rainbow ones with the spinny thing.

[A]

I wore one of those.

[B]

I thought it would be so cutesy and fun.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

And he showed up in Slack's like, turtleneck, like about business. And I was like, oh, oh, we're not a match.

[A]

And you were like, dee dee, dee dee, yo.

[B]

Exactly. Like, I doodled on myself because I wanted to come off as fun and vibrant. And this was weird. Why did my mom decide to do this? She decided to be at the thrift store that we were shopping at for the date, I think because she was gonna pick me up anyway. And she was like, oh, I'll just browse around. So I'm like trying to, you know, be schmoozy with this guy and date him and walk around and I see my mom at the shoe rack and I'm like, this is so awkward. Like I can't handle it. And so I figured out a way how to get out of that quick.

[A]

Wait, how old were you?

[B]

I was probably, what, 20? Is that bad?

[A]

No, 19.

[B]

18. I was younger.

[A]

I was probably 18. I don't think that's bad. But I do love that your mother was like, I'll just hang around.

[B]

Yeah, she. She knew it wouldn't last.

[A]

You know, I'll just keep my eye on things.

[B]

I'll pick her up after. And so she knew. We both knew immediately. I feel you can kind of tell within the first few minutes.

[A]

Oh, absolutely.

[B]

You know, so I should have said, I'm too silly, you're too serious, let's part ways. But I didn't.

[A]

But sometimes opposites attract and there's sometimes it. Yin and yang.

[B]

That wasn't the case here.

[A]

Yeah, you were like, no, no, it was just, it was a little too buttoned up straightly. Yeah.

[B]

And now with my boyfriend now we're opposite, completely opposite in the ways that matter. And that makes sense. We actually have the same birthday.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

We are both Aries. March 29, same year. So you would think that we're a lot more similar. But he's like, mysterious and, like, chill. Yeah. He's like the anchor. And then I'm like, you know, but that works. It works.

[A]

With the nice man in my life. It's very much like he. He is silly, but he very much is like, I will grocery shop. I will do the things we need. Really?

[B]

He'll do the things?

[A]

Yes. Because I'm like, me too. Before I met him, I couldn't even tell you the last time I cooked in my place. I just. Cause if you cook, you have to go to the store. I know. You have to get the things. And then if you get extra things, those things will go bad if you don't cook them soon enough. And then you gotta do the dishes. And I'm like, yeah, a recipe.

[B]

And it's a lot.

[A]

So he cooks, he goes grocery shopping, and then I do the dishes. Okay. Which means I just put them in the dishwasher.

[B]

That's good enough.

[A]

So we're all doing our part.

[B]

Yeah, we're queens. We're princesses. And that's what he's like too, when we talk about getting a house and he's like, I'll just decorate the whole house. Cause, like, honestly, I think I'll turn it into like a circus in there. He does all the things. I think I bring the vibe.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, I'm just here to bring vibes. And he brings the structure, you know, And I realize that is what I need. And that's okay. We all have different needs. I agree.

[A]

There's this. I was on Instagram again, and there's this video or it's like a trend where it's like, hi, I'm Dave and I planned our vacation. I've seen this. And it's like, I'm Cindy.

[B]

Yes, that's us.

[A]

I plan. Da da, da, da, da.

[B]

I'm Cindy.

[A]

I'm Cindy. And I'm like, that's me in our day to day. I'm very much like, hello, I'm Nicole. And it's like, did you do X, Y and Z? Sure didn't. No, I won't now. What? Yeah, sometimes he has to or not has to. He gets the opportunity to wake me up. Oh, my. Because we share a Google calendar. And he'll be like, oh, hey, do you. Do you have to be up for this thing that's in 15 minutes. I'm like, yes, I do. Thank you so much.

[B]

You're so right. I love it. I love it because, like, I am not a person who I can't do everything. I have my strengths, and I have my weaknesses, and I feel like that's what partnership is, having someone else who, you know, balances the scale.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I don't cook and clean.

[A]

I clean. Okay, but I won't.

[B]

You won't cook? Cook. What do I do? Oh, my God.

[A]

Like, what do I bring to this relationship? Yeah.

[B]

Why are you actually with me?

[A]

You bring the vibe. You already said it.

[B]

Yeah. That's all I need.

[A]

I've been watching Love on the Spectrum. There's a new season.

[B]

Stop. I watched it all binged in one sitting.

[A]

I watched it. Yeah. Can we talk about it one day? I. The thing I like the most that's represented is how honest they are with one another. Oh, my God. I was gonna say the same, because they don't.

[B]

They don't sugarcoat.

[A]

Yes. Because, like, a social norm is like, how are you? But I actually don't want to know. I'm carrying it as a formality.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

But when they're like, how are. Or not them, the people depicted on the show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. When someone says, how are you? They're like, oh, well, you asked, so I'm gonna answer the question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I wish we all lived a little bit more like that. Just, like, a little bit more truthful.

[B]

Every day I think about that. Like, I remember there scene, Logan was on the phone, and she was like, oh, like, what are you up to? What are you doing? And he was like, I'm sitting next to my lamp. Yes. And I'm like, yeah, thank you. I want to know what you're doing sitting next to your lamp. And I wish we could just be upfront, just be honest. Especially with dating, I don't like all the games and beating around the bush. Like, okay, I'm speaking to myself too, because I do the same thing, but can we just take away the mask, you know? Like, I feel like the world would be a better place.

[A]

Agree. Because it's like, I've gone on second dates where I did not want to go on the second date, but I didn't want to be rude, but I love when they're like, are not there on the show, and someone will be like, oh, I don't. I don't really feel it. Yeah, can we just be friends straight up? And of course they're. You Know the person receiving it is disappointed, but they're like, okay, that's what that person wants.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just like it.

[B]

It's so inspiring. I cried many times. Cuz I also was like, the communication was just so amazing. Like, even with. I think it was Logan again. Logan's my favorite. I'm sorry. I love Logan. I like him. He, like, was getting overwhelmed and he was feeling a little bit defensive. And me, I would have just lashed out on my family. Like, you're annoying me. This is too much. He took a step outside. He's like, let me ground myself. Let me talk to myself and come back. And then, boom, he's better. I'm like, why can't I just be like Logan?

[A]

Because it's hard. It is so hard to be like, I need to just take a moment. Yeah. And I wish I could do that in the moment. Instead, I will get so frustrated, overwhelmed. And I'll be like, well, nothing matters anymore. Blow up. He's like, girl, chill the fuck out. Yeah, yeah, you're fine.

[B]

I'm the same. I harbor it.

[A]

I cannot remember their names, but one girl is into beads and jewelry.

[B]

Maddalen, maybe. I know she doesn't like you getting her name wrong.

[A]

No, she doesn't. That's not her thing. Yeah, Maddie. She doesn't like being called.

[B]

She doesn't like being called Maddie. So she's Madeline. So sorry. Please forgive me, Madeline.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But I loved when she was like. And now it's time for her partner to show us his NASCAR collection. Yes. And I was like, that is what we should be doing.

[B]

And she was so pumped for him on the side. Like, that's my man.

[A]

The nice man in my life. Plays video games. Don't play video games. And I'll be like, how is your game? And he'll be like, good. And he gets really excited. And I'm like, it is my job to. I don't have to get as. As excited as him, but I have to, you know, or not have to. I want to be supportive.

[B]

Good.

[A]

And I want to ask questions because I want to understand why he likes it.

[B]

Do you find that natural to you, or do you think I should ask questions about this?

[A]

I do not find it natural.

[B]

Okay, me either.

[A]

I don't find it natural at all. I don't know, Mars, do you find it natural to ask questions about something you're like, that you're not into?

[B]

Yeah. Just because I don't talk much myself.

[A]

So if it encourages them to talk and continue the convo, then. Yeah. It's easy.

[B]

I like that perspective.

[A]

I do it because I'm like. I want you to know I'm invested in the things you like. Because I would like that back.

[B]

Oh, it's selfish.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

Okay. Okay. I can respect maybe.

[A]

I think it's like, if I want to talk to you about my salt and pepper shaker collection, I don't want your eyes to glaze over, and I do want you to ask questions.

[B]

That's important. Wait, do you actually have one? A collection? No. Is it those little houses? No.

[A]

Well, I do have those. Okay, so I have little spice houses. You do? Where you put the spices in the little house and then.

[B]

I know what you're talking about.

[A]

And I don't cook.

[B]

Yeah. Wait, so what are you doing? Just for funsies.

[A]

Just for funsies.

[B]

Okay, whimsical.

[A]

I have la crusette, the. The shallot color. Oh, I don't cook.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They're just like, for fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I like money for fun. And they're so heavy. And I'm always like, every time I, like, move them around because that's all I do. I move them from drawer to drawer. I am not cooking. I'm not. I refuse. But yeah, I have so many salt and pepper shaker that I collected from, you know, different places and, you know, bought from Etsy and ebay. And one night I did say, would you like a tour? He was like, sure.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And then he did ask questions, and I was like, this is what I want.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's so important, because there's nothing worse than, like, talking about something you're excited about, and someone's like, uh, huh, sure. Okay.

[B]

No, it's the worst.

[A]

Great.

[B]

It breaks my heart actually. Like, please. No. Yeah. And that's why sometimes I'm like, I do want someone with similar interests, but not all the time. Like, I feel like you need a little bit of different. Something's a little bit different about you guys, you know, and that's how I feel because, like, me and my man are. We're so similar, but he's into, like, tedious type of things.

[A]

Ooh, like what?

[B]

Well, he can do, like, procreate and he can, like, edit, and he's actually kind of good at art and, like, stuff that kind of takes patience and sports too. And I'm not the most into that. But you know what? Now I can name a few players off the Minnesota Timberwolves, you know, and so I'm like, I'm learning here. I think it's important I agree.

[A]

I also. Wait, let's take a break first.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Oh boy. I used to have to pack a separate huge bag just for my makeup whenever I went on the road, but lately I'm just so over it. The heavy caked on look is just not for me anymore and it takes forever to do a full face. I just just want my skin to look healthy and fresh and not have to use five different products for it. Jones Road is the first brand I found that actually gives me that healthy glow without all the effort. The secret is their best selling miracle bomb. This is the great no fuss multitasker that basically replaces half of my makeup in my bag. I just use a little on my fingies, swiping on as a highlighter, a bronzer, even a blush. No brush is needed and I'm done in under a minute. It's all clean beauty too, so it's actually nourishing your skin instead of clogging your pores. Plus, you have got to try their new lip recharge. It is a powerful hydration treatment, but gives you that soft shine of a gloss. Get modern day makeup that's clean, strategic and multifunctional for effortless routines for a limited time. My listeners are getting a free shimmer face oil with their first purchase when they use Code Date me at checkout. Just head to Jonesroadbeauty.com and use code Date me at checkout after you purchase. The last three heard about them. Please support my show and tell them I sent you. Now that it's spring and we're actually leaving the house for weddings and trips, everyone is taking a million photos and if you wear glasses, they are literally the main character of your face in every shot. I used to put off buying new frames because going to a store, dealing with the upper upsells and spending half my rent on glasses was an absolute headache. But Warby Parker has completely changed the game for glasses. Once you use their virtual try on, you will literally never buy glasses the old way again. I was going through the website, I picked out a bunch of metal frames, I picked out a bunch of plastic frames. I use the virtual try on feature and then I was just like, I think I need bigger glasses. I love a big frame and they tell you whether they're narrow, whether they're medium, whether they're wide. So I truly only tried on the wide ones and I found a fabulous pair. Prescription glasses start at only $95, so you can actually get stylish frames at an affordable price. It's the perfect Time to upgrade your glasses for spring. Buy one prescription pair and get 20% off any additional prescription [e-mail] date me that's 20 off additional prescription pairs when you go to W A r b y parker.com Date Me Mother's Day is right around the corner and if you're looking to find something that isn't just another last minute candle or a bouquet of flowers that's gonna die in a week, let me tell you about the gift that feels like a hug. Lola Blankets. It is the world's number one blanket for a reason. It's made with this incredible ultra soft faux fur and a therapeutic four way stretch that feels expensive. It doesn't shed, it doesn't pill and it's machine washable. So it's going to actually last for years. Whether your mom is I don't need anything type or she just loves a cozy home. She's going to have that oh my God reaction when she touches this. I have the large size blanket and it's my absolute go to for getting cozy on the couch. Plus it's purple. For a limited time my listeners can get 40% off select Lola blanket products with Code Date me at checkout. Just head to Lola blankets.com and use code Date me after you purchase they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support my show and let them know I sent you. Again, that's 40 off your order@lola blankets.com using code date me this Mother's Day wrap. Mom. In the everyday luxury of Lola Blankets. Bebop boo bop. We're back. Back to sports.

[B]

Oh gosh.

[A]

I'm not a sports gal. I, it's not for me, people running and jumping. All right. But I, I went to a baseball game last year. You did? Yes.

[B]

Oh my gosh.

[A]

And I learned things.

[B]

What baseball game?

[A]

It was the Dodgers versus other people. Right. And the Dodgers won.

[B]

Fun.

[A]

And then I just like picked out things I liked about being at the game.

[B]

Me too. Okay, tell me what you like.

[A]

Okay. I really like the people who drag this thing across the dirt. Oh. I don't know what it's about really.

[B]

Is it to make it smoother or rougher? What are they dragging for?

[A]

I think they're making it smoother.

[B]

I think I know what you're talking about now. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I just like that job. Like are they getting paid?

[B]

It's interesting.

[A]

Is it just like a hobby? Do they just want to be near the Dodgers?

[B]

Right.

[A]

I just like thing. I like finding things that like maybe aren't Central to the. To the thing I'm at and finding

[B]

so similar, because that's what I was doing when I went. He brought me to, like, the Lakers game or something. And instead of, like, you know, focusing on the game, I was thinking of, like, backstories for each of the players. Yes. And I was like, I think that one has mommy issues. And I think that one's vegetarian. Like, I just, like.

[A]

You think that one's vegetarian? Yeah.

[B]

That's what interests me. So as long as you find something, I agree. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. And it's like, it makes the conversation, I feel, like, a little more interesting because I have such a different perspective.

[B]

Like, we have different perspectives.

[A]

I'm not watching the game, per se. I don't really understand, you know, why they're walking people or whatever, what's happening. So it's like, what about this thing? And then everyone's like, oh, I didn't think of that. Or I didn't notice that. And I'm like, great, now we're having a fun time. Yeah. I feel included.

[B]

Yeah. Our brains are so quirky. Wait, so when you were younger, you hated sports, too?

[A]

I just didn't really see why.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why? We. This is a thing we had to do.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I remember they used to make us run the mile.

[B]

Oh, gosh. The mile.

[A]

Which is like, for what?

[B]

What do we. Yeah, why?

[A]

Yeah, what are we trading for timing it? For what? Why?

[B]

To make me sad. Yeah.

[A]

So I used to just sit down in the middle and be like, I can't. You would sit.

[B]

Protest test.

[A]

And then they'd be like, you have to. And I'd be like, I have to. Why are you so funny?

[B]

Oh, my God. Did you have to do the pacer test when they, like, beep and you have to run to the other side and then run back within a certain time? And if you don't, like, you're done. And you go back and forth, back and forth until you, like, collapse.

[A]

In school.

[B]

In school.

[A]

No, I never had to do that. We used to have to do this thing called the Presidential Fitness Test.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I was like, why is the president involved in this?

[B]

Thinking about that. That's wild.

[A]

Why? And then part of it was you had to see, like, how far you could, like, reach. So you put your little feet in this box.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I was like, why is. Did you have to do this in Canada? We didn't have a Presidential Fitness testing.

[B]

This is so weird what's going on here.

[A]

And it's funny that you had to do it because you're younger than me. So I know by the time you went to school they'd be like, well, this is useless.

[B]

They didn't think it was dumb. Maybe now they do. I wonder if kids are doing it now.

[A]

Probably. I don't know. Mars, can you look up if the Presidential Fitness test is still a thing in schools, can the president do it?

[B]

You think the president could do what we were doing?

[A]

I think our current president can't do much.

[B]

Oh, Dee. Oh, my gosh. You said it.

[A]

I mean, it looks like he was recently reinstated for 2025 and 2026. Five part assessment.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

What is. What is the assessments, please?

[B]

Oh, yeah, refresh us.

[A]

All right, give me a second here. I'm just trying to avoid all the AI results. Oh, geez. Oh, God. They're all numbers. Oh, my goodness.

[B]

Complicated curl ups or partial curl ups?

[A]

Is that this curl ups? No, I think it's sit ups.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I'm not athletic.

[A]

There's the shuttle run testing, which sounds like kind of. Yeah, I think. Yes. Yep. So maybe I did have to do it and I just opted out.

[B]

Block that out your head.

[A]

There's the endurance run. Yeah, I think that's like the mile.

[B]

Okay. Pull up.

[A]

Testing. Yep. Never did 1v sit reach. So that sounds like that's the reaching thing.

[B]

This is dramatic. Yeah, I think those are like the five things.

[A]

I wonder if it got reinstated because the. The draft age is now wider, so. Oh, yeah. So they gotta make sure the kids are flexible enough to. I don't know.

[B]

Gee. So like, grandparents can go into the war?

[A]

Not grandparents. I think it's 42 or something like that.

[B]

Wow. Skin up there. Oh, my mom could not do that. 42.

[A]

And most 42 year olds. I'm like, you can barely work your phone.

[B]

That's so true.

[A]

Okay, how did you get into. How did you figure out your sound?

[B]

My sound now?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. My sound now is very different from the group. And I think, not that it's intentional, I just think I am very different from the group, you know? So it kind of worked out. The thing is, my boyfriend's a producer, and as the group was ending, I was like, okay, what am I gonna do now after? I don't wanna be living on the streets.

[A]

Sure, I get that.

[B]

Right?

[A]

That's so fun.

[B]

So I was like, let me see what he has in his vault of beats. And I was going through them and I was really nervous to record with him. I don't know, I just was like, this is awkward. This is my boyfriend. I don't want him seeing me. Don't look at me like I was shy. I was so shy. So eventually, I recorded my first song, Breaking Bad, and I was like, no pressure. Let's just talk our shit. Let's just really feel it and not judge ourselves. Okay. So I think that was a moment where I was like, oh, wait, this is hard. Wait, I'm not. I'm not a super squeaky clean pop girly. And that's fine. You know, I'm not gonna force it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I love where I am, and I'm excited to see where I go.

[A]

I. Okay. So I told you before we started recording, I found you on Instagram, where it was truly like, hey, do you want some alt black? You know, girls who make music? And I was like, yes. Yes, I do, because I really like Rico Nasty. Me too. I love that she started, like, kind of, like screamo rap and has moved into, like, an R B, poppy kind of thing. And I like that she hasn't limited herself. And I feel like you coming out the gate haven't really limited yourself.

[B]

I haven't doing everything, and it's.

[A]

It's very exciting. I think it's a hissy fit. Yes. I love that song. No way. I think it's so fucking fun. Thank you.

[B]

I had so much fun making it. Seriously, how do you.

[A]

Okay, full disclosure. Oh. I just learned a couple years ago that songs have meaning. So how do you go about writing a song?

[B]

Oh, my gosh. You know what? It's actually not even that crazy. I write it in one specific way. What I do, I go through life. Let's say, oh, my gosh, Grapes under the grapes on the table. You know, I see that. I'm like, ooh, inspiration. I write it in my notes app. I keep a long list of notes in different categories. So I have, like, really, really vulgar kind of fun, but, you know, still sweet and, like, different eras and different vibes, and I just pick those little inklings that I get. I find the track, I'm like, these could marry really well. And then usually I go from personal experience. Like, hissy fit was because I got recently diagnosed with bpd. So I'm like, I've always felt insane, you know?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Like, always. And I'm like, you know what? It's time to sing about it. I'm sure there's other people who feel, like, feel that way too. So I felt like this was the time, and hissy fit was the perfect beat to do it on. You know what I mean? Mm.

[A]

So you write the song and then get the beat and then match the lyrics to the beat?

[B]

It depends, you know what? For that song, Hissy Fit, specifically, the beat was ready. It was made. I decided I want to add a few little things. But immediately when I heard, no, no, no, no, no, no. I heard, I'm in the mood for a hissy fit straight off the gate like that. I was like, I know that has to be in it. And then from there, the rest just kind of fell. Maybe one day I should go live and show the audience how I make a song. A lot Gatekeep don't teach people. No.

[A]

Okay, maybe not. No, you could do that, you know? Cause I do think it's interesting, because I'm like, how the fuck are songs made exactly? Is it the chicken or the egg? Like, what comes first, the beat or the lyrics? But you're like, they both coexist, and then you kind of marry them together.

[B]

They just get sent down from the universe. I don't know. It's weird.

[A]

Now, do you still work with your boyfriend? Does he produce?

[B]

Yes. He's done everything. And also, I didn't even know that he was a producer at first. It just kind of worked that way. But another thing is, he, like, he does graphic design. He does a lot of editing. We're just both in that creative world. And so it's not that I'm like, absolutely not. I'm not gonna work with anybody else, but I do feel like I found my, like, creative flow. Kind of like Billie Eilish and Finneas or like, people who have their specific producer kind of go to. He just knows me. Like, if I'm like, oh, my gosh. I was making a song and I was like, I want it to sound like Godzilla. Like, give me Godzilla. And he knew exactly what I wanted. It turned off. It was horrible. It was, like, terrible. It never came out, but he got it, you know?

[A]

Wait, what happens when you make a song and you're like, ooh, this is bad? Do you, like, try to fix it or do you just go, that's a wash. We don't need it?

[B]

You know, what if I think it has potential? Maybe, let's say the plot or what it's about? I'm like, let's keep working on it. But also, with adhd, I just. No onto the next. This is boring. Move, move, move. You know? So it really depends. If I feel like it has some potential, I might give it a second chance. But I believe songs should Just kind of come out. They should just feel good, you know, I don't want to force anything too

[A]

much that makes sense.

[B]

You know what I know, you know, like, just go with it.

[A]

Cause I have ADHD too, and sometimes I'll try a joke and I'm like, well, everybody hated that one. No, we didn't like it. The audience hated it. I didn't feel good. And then sometimes I'll just, like, leave it alone.

[B]

Wait, I need to have a question for you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So when that happens, do you feel, like, personally attacked and horrible or you're like, it's just the joke. They just didn't like that joke.

[A]

If I felt personally attacked every time an audience didn't like something I said, I would be so sad all the time.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

So sometimes if I go, wait, no, that was a good premise. Everyone backstage laughed, right? My friend, I, like, ran it past. She was like, it's funny.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Then I go, all right, let me work backwards and try to figure out how I make this work for non comedic people who can, like, see the nugget. Because, like, comedy people will be like, yeah, yeah, that's. That's a good genius. Genius.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But then an audience will be like, all right, so you have a premise. You don't. There's no, I don't. I don't really get it. You're wording it funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I taped a special and my friend was watching and she was like, people aren't getting the joke when you want them to because you're missing a little bit of exposition. So if you just say this word here and move that word over here, people will get it.

[B]

It's fixed. Yeah.

[A]

So the next time I did it, it fucking hit. And I was like, I love. I've been telling this joke for two years and it hit somet and sometimes it didn't, but all it needed was just little tweaks, a little massage.

[B]

Have you always been, like, funny in your life, like, growing up in school? Is that just you?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, I love that.

[A]

I came out just like this, out the womb, and I was just talking about this with my best friend. I was like, teachers hated me. No, they hated me so much. Really, because I was a busybody. I had so much, many opinions. I had thoughts, I had. I had feelings, and everyone needed to know it. And I was like, I didn't come here to learn. I came to make friends and I came to talk. Okay, so, yeah, valid teachers really didn't like me. You had 80 you've had ADHD? Yeah. Your whole life.

[B]

I was the opposite.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I was a very goody two shoe. Like, I cannot step out of line. It's weird. I feel like my ADHD didn't, like, creep up on me until adolescence. And I'm like, oh, why is everything so hard? Oh, my gosh. I'm a very big, like, procrastinator. Do things last minute. I'm a very, like, impulsive, all or nothing type of girl. So I feel like that's where mine comes in. Well, talking with people like you, I feel, who have energy, I feel like it really comes out more. And you can see the hands going. It's wild. So thank you for pulling that out.

[A]

Hey, you're welcome. I love it.

[B]

We're like. We see each other. You know what I mean?

[A]

Is it hard to work with a partner?

[B]

No, I think it's hard to work with me in general, partner or not. And so I think for him, you can ask him. He's probably like, this is hard. But he loves me, so I think that covers it up, you know?

[A]

That covers it up. Well, this is hard, but I love her, so I'll trudge through.

[B]

I think in general, when you bring your work and your love life in anything, it can be tricky. Cause I'm like, he'll tell me straight up that line was really bad that you made. And I have a hard time, you know, accepting that. And so I'll be like, what are you talking about? Even though I know in my head that was terrible, you know? And then five minutes later, I'll be like, let's scrap it. So that's something I need to work on. But I think in terms of, like, I mean, I basically live with a guy, so we have, like, all day to come up with ideas and things. But I think also sometimes with relationships, then you kind of forget you're like, oh, we're creative, so we're not just in a relationship. So it's a balance I'm trying to find.

[A]

Yeah, it must be a balance. Cause when you live with someone, you have, like, roommate issues.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And then you have relationship issues. And then when you work together, it's like, oh, then we have, like, creative issues that we have to work through. So how do you find ways to, like, compartmentalize to be like, can I talk to you about, like, a relationship? Do you just straight up say, can we talk about relationship stuff? Or have you not figured that out yet?

[B]

You know what? You're clogging me. This is my first Relationship. Okay. I decided, look, a lot of guys are stupid to me.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

You know what I mean? And so I got my first relationship when I was 19, and I'm 23 now.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Wild. I know it's not that old, but I feel very old.

[A]

So young. When I was 23, I was like, well, death is around the corner.

[B]

Yeah, right?

[A]

And now I'm 62.

[B]

Oh, stop.

[A]

I'm old as hell.

[B]

No. I'm like, I need retinol. Oh, my God.

[A]

No, no, no, no, you don't. Black don't crack.

[B]

You're right. You're so right. Okay, back to what you're saying.

[A]

What was that?

[B]

Right?

[A]

Oh, shoot.

[B]

Oh. Compartmentalizing.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

Yes. We're a mess. Oh, my gosh. Good luck, editors. Oh, my God. Okay. I feel like sometimes I'm like, look, I feel like you hate me and you did nothing to make me feel like that. But this is a relationship thing. And then I'll be like, I'm gonna write a song about how I think you hate me. And you're gonna produce it and you're gonna record me as well. So I feel like you have to have a partner that's just so free and down for whatever. And I think that's him. I always say I don't think I could fit with anybody else. Unfortunately, I'm a very specific type of girlfriend, if that makes sense. And it's, like, a lot.

[A]

What kind of girlfriend are you?

[B]

I'm not gonna cut myself short. Okay. I definitely think I'm so fun. I think I'm very spontaneous. I think I'm whimsical, but also really damaged as how I express my emotions. You know, I have a hard time expressing why I feel these things and sometimes thinking before I speak. He knows that therapy is a great thing that I'm into.

[A]

Love, therapy, love.

[B]

I need more, honestly. But, yeah, I feel like just. I'm glad that he came into my life when he did, because that is really when I was at the pinnacle of my mental health struggles. And so I. With bpd, Borderline Personality Disorder, it's different for everyone. But a lot of times people suffer with. Since, like, sense of self. They don't really. Sometimes you feel a different way, different days and not, you know. And another thing is abandonment. Like I said, we suffer from that as well. Another thing is very intense emotions, like, quick. Like, really quick. And we don't have as much processing to filter them out and, like, not get there so quickly. I just thought I was very emotional in general. But I was like, oh, it's actually deeper than this, you know? And you actually have a diagnosis with bpd. A lot of times your issues come out more when you're in a relationship because a lot of it is triggered by abandonment. So now you have a partner and you're automatically thinking they're leaving, they're out the door, they're texting three other women right now, you know? And so my brain will literally make up scenarios in the moment when I know I've been with this guy for three and a half years. This is, like, impossible. But he knows how to talk me down. And honestly, in the back of my head, I know I'm being ridiculous as well, but I feel like I'm just such a fun girl. I'm just a girl.

[A]

I'm being ridiculous. I'm making things up, but I'm fun.

[B]

Come on. It has to count for something.

[A]

I think it does. Since you got that diagnosis, have you felt like it's been easier to reason through things? Are you still spiraling out and then being like, oh, yeah, maybe it's the BB bpd?

[B]

I wish I could say it was so much easier in that my life completely changed. It's great because I feel like I am able to compartmentalize, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, it's that. And I think it's also cool that I'm able to see. Oh, there's millions of other people who feel like this as well. And I feel like with posting about it, with hissy fit and stuff, I have found a community that's like, oh, my gosh, that's me too. But in terms of actual reality. And every day. No, that doesn't help at all. I struggle every single day, but at least I'm honest.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I'm open about it. So I feel like there's only. It's only up from here.

[A]

I agree. I think. Yeah. I think it's good to just be like, here are the things that are wrong with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I. With my adhd. Like, I. So, like, today I was supposed to make an appointment.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And. And the lady was talking to Meg and she kept saying Eastern Standard Time, and I just never put Pacific Standard Time. So then the time got all messed up and I was like, well, that's it. What can I do?

[B]

I'm the same.

[A]

I mean. And I just emailed and I was like, I'm really sorry. I really should have clarified what I meant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it's like, it is what it is.

[B]

It is what it is.

[A]

You can't be on it.

[B]

Exactly. You have to move on. That's what I did. Literally. I was supposed to be in emdr, like, two days ago, and it was emdr.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Let me not be, like a scientist about it and get this wrong. But it's basically like, it fixes your brain with, like, some different, like, beep, beep, beep. Something like. And you hold these devices and a lot of people who suffer from, like, trauma and things like that.

[A]

Yeah. So it's therapy.

[B]

Therapy.

[A]

I could have just said that. Okay.

[B]

I over complicated.

[A]

Hey, listen, it's okay. We got there.

[B]

Yeah, we got there. Well, I'm sorry. Say what you're gonna say. Before we were talking about something. I was like, on it.

[A]

Who knows?

[B]

Wait, I remember. Okay. We were talking about how we're forgetful. Oh, with appointments.

[A]

This is crazy.

[B]

But I was saying with EMDR, they were like, oh, my appointment time, 4pm it was 4pm and I was logging in. Oh, what's your email? Here's my email. We'll send you a link. Never got the link. Did I follow up and say, oh, give me the link? No, that was it. You know, I'm not about to do all that. I'll just wait till next week.

[A]

Yes. I also. I find it hard to open my mail because if I open it, then I have to do something with it. And then if I do something with it, boy, oh, boy, I'm gonna be here all day. I don't know. Yeah, I simply don't know.

[B]

It's overwhelming.

[A]

It is overwhelming.

[B]

I feel you now.

[A]

Like, all of my payments are on autopay because I was like, I simply. I can't be held responsible to remember the date to pay these things.

[B]

Kidding me.

[A]

Oh, my God. It's just so, like, little things are hard. Like, my keychain is huge because I kept leaving it in the door. And it's just like, I've learned in my old age to do, like, just dumb little tricks.

[B]

Tricks. It's the tricks. Little life hacks. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. That's like me. I just started learning how to drive. I'm 23. Well, okay, I have a little bit of excuse. Cause in the girl group, we had, like, one driver, and she was like. She was the driver. She took control. She drove us everywhere. Before that, my mom was the house mom. So she drove us everywhere in a big van. Okay, still not an excuse, but I mean, kind of.

[A]

I have a driver.

[B]

Why would I drive?

[A]

Why would you learn.

[B]

Exactly. Okay, so now that I'm out in the real world, I'm like, I guess it's time. I got, like, three different permits. They all expired. And then I failed my driver's test once. Really embarrassingly. I did, like, a critical error, and then.

[A]

Wait, was it the road test?

[B]

Yeah, I'm really good at the, like, written test.

[A]

What did you do in the road test?

[B]

I still don't completely know, which is really bad. But basically, I think I. You know when you're all the way on the right lane and you need to turn left? I think I went across every lane.

[A]

No, no, we can't let her on the road like this.

[B]

And I had no idea. I got to the end, I was like, oh, so tell me. Give me my license. And they said, you failed.

[A]

So that's wild that you got all the way to the end and you thought you passed. And they were like, sorry about it. You didn't.

[B]

So embarrassing.

[A]

I tried to get my motorcycle license. No way. I fell right off the motorcycle during the test. And I was like, like, I fail. And they were like, yeah, you fail. And I was like, you sure? And they're like, yes. And I was like, better buy a motorcycle. So then I bought a motorcycle, wrote it maybe, like, two or three times. And then I was like, I have to sell this. Oh, no. I actually can't ride this. I don't know if the gas in here is still good. Like, it was.

[B]

Oh, no. Wait. What got you into motorcycles?

[A]

I just think they look so cool.

[B]

They do.

[A]

And I was on Insta. I love Instagram.

[B]

You love Instagram?

[A]

And I found this, like, black female, all motorcycle.

[B]

That'll get you.

[A]

Yeah, I'm just like, I love black women who are doing fun things. Right. Can you blame me? And they had, like, colorful bikes and, like, fun helmets with, like, ponytails on the back. And I was like, I want to be a part of this. And you know what? I should have, like, sought them out and been like, teach me how to ride. I was like, I'll do it on my own. And then fall down and then.

[B]

Did you get hurt?

[A]

My knee sometimes hurts.

[B]

Oh, still. Oh, no. You were at the doctor.

[A]

Well, I went to the doctor, and they were like, well, take some Advil.

[B]

No.

[A]

And I said, okay, because I went out and bought, like, a little compression thing.

[B]

Got you.

[A]

And was icing it. And they're like, that's what you could do. But, you know, thinking back, I probably should have had an X ray.

[B]

Oh, yeah. The healthcare system come on.

[A]

That's bad. Not good. Recently I took a little getaway to Joshua Tree with two of my besties and Clyde. And let me tell you, oh, what a treat it was. What a dream it was. Now, we love a hotel for traveling, but for a trip like this with friends, hotels just don't give us the space we need. I love my friends, but a bathroom for one is not great when three women are trying to do our skincare routine all at the same time. Okay, so we decided to book a stay on Airbnb and it just makes it for a way better trip. You could find the coolest, most unique spots to stay in. We found a home on Airbnb that had an actual vintage Airstream in the backyard just for lounging, plus this gorgeous outdoor soaking tub. I was looking online and you can literally find houses shaped like UFOs or ones with giant telescopes in the living room for stargazing. We had so much fun cooking a big group dinner together. Then we lounged around LAUGHING until like 2:00am which you literally cannot do when you're all split up into separate hotel rooms. Next time you're planning a getaway with your friends, do yourself a favor and book a stay on Airbnb. Getting dressed used to take me forever because I could never find the perfect balance between an outfit that looked really cute and was actually comfortable. I love fabrics that feel expensive but actually let me breathe. Quints fixed all of that for me because all the clothes they make are flattering but feel luxurious. Quince makes it incredibly easy to refresh your everyday wardrobe for spring with pieces that feel as good as they look. They use all these amazing premium materials like a hundred percent European linen, organic cotton, and ultra soft denim. Their lightweight linen pants, dresses and tops started just $30. They are so breathable, effortless and easy to wear on repeat. The best part is everything at quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middleman. So you're paying for quality and craftsmanship and not brand markup. I bought the nice man in my life. These really cute short sleeve button downs with like a little polo collar. It's olive green. The other one is this creamy color and he looks so sophisticated and handsome. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com date me for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.com date me for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com date me. Here's a question. Do you have any advice for single people?

[B]

I do, I do. I think single people should not waver on what they want. I think so many times we're like, oh, it's fine, I'll just settle for this. But eventually within the relationship, that's gonna piss you off. And you're gonna be like, I shouldn't have settled. So kind of like what I did, I'm acting like I'm the model, but what I did is like really say, what am I going to not stand for? And what do I need in a relationship? Cliff. I feel like that's why you kind of have to know yourself just in terms of what you will put up with and what you won't and then stick by that. Because I feel like a lot of times we know and we know that the person's not gonna change, but we're just like. We're just here like maybe one day and don't try to change people. Cause I know if someone tried to change me, it's not gonna work. You know what I mean? So I feel like just having those. What? Non negotiables. Yeah, yeah. Really Just sticking by it.

[A]

Wait, we never really talked about your Google Doc or Google Slideshow.

[B]

Google Slideshow.

[A]

So did you get everything you wanted?

[B]

I did.

[A]

I was wild.

[B]

No. Yeah, I did. Cause I was like. And I didn't even realize in the moment. And you know what? Before I met my man, I was like. I had a vision of Raven Simone. I literally was like, yeah, I saw him in my head and he looked like this Tarzan type of guy. Okay. And I was like, he had brown curly hair. He had a mole.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

His skin was like glistening in the sun. And at the time I was like, like, eh, like whatever. It's just a random man in my head. But then when I met him, I was like, you're the random man that was in my head. Isn't that crazy?

[A]

I do love when that happened. That's never happened to me. Tarzan has never been sent to me.

[B]

You never strut in your life? No. But on the sly, let me say some things.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was like, I want him to be like spiritual. Believe in like something like manifestation. I'm very like manifestation. Woo woo. Type of girl. So I did want him to be into that. I'm open to learning. No teaching, because I love to info dump.

[A]

I'm open to learning. No, actually I'm not.

[B]

No.

[A]

Everything I'm into teaching okay, so you're into teaching?

[B]

Yeah, so I teach him about it. He needed to be. He need to love down black women, black people, black culture, black, black, black feminine women. Like, he needed to have the same morals and beliefs as I did. I put dates like. Like picnic date, movie date, arcade date, face mask date. And we've done them all, actually. Face mask date? Yeah, like bake cookies. We both do face masks.

[A]

Oh, I thought like face masks. And I was like, oh, okay, Covid, role play. That's a no. Some role play. I'm going to intubate you now. Oh, God.

[B]

Different face masks.

[A]

So did you share these dates with him or he just happened to take you on these dates?

[B]

No, no, it happened. And you know what? Oh, my gosh, this is wild. I put a rose quartz in my pocket when I first went on the first date, because I was like, this will do it. I don't know. Something about. I thought that the powers of the rose quartz would.

[A]

Well, I think that's like, the love.

[B]

It is the love stone. So it was valid. And I mean, it did do it. You know, I owe it all to the rose quartz. And you know what's funny? I told him that I manifested him and I thought he was going to be like, that's weird. What's wrong with you? But he's so into it. So that's when I knew. Okay, we're locked in.

[A]

I can't remember who said it on this podcast, but they were like, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person.

[B]

Wait, what does that mean?

[A]

Well, you were like, I thought me saying I manifested you would have a negative reaction, but you didn't say the wrong thing because he's the right person and he heard you and was like, oh, okay.

[B]

That's so romantic. I have a Pisces, Venus rising and moon, so I'm very like, lala. I love love, and everything is just so magical. What about you?

[A]

I'm a Virgo. I believe Virgo Rising. And I think I have a Gemini moon. Whoa.

[B]

I'm a little scared.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I don't know. That's a lot of Virgo. And then the Gemini. I hear Geminis can be. Ooh, you don't know what they're gonna get. Is that true or is that, like, a stereotype? Do you have, like, a different vibe depending on where you go or, like, when you're at home? I feel like everyone does.

[A]

I'm pretty good at, like, reading the room and being like, okay. Doesn't seem like everybody's fun here. So let me tone it down. I guess I'll be a little quieter.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, it's a stereotype then.

[A]

I think so. But also, I don't. I don't really know too much about astrology.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The only reason why I know that is because I've had my chart read.

[B]

You have?

[A]

A couple times.

[B]

Wait, do you know your Venus then?

[A]

Then, no, maybe not.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

But once I did get my chart read, and I gave them the wrong birth time. No. And I was sitting here going, huh, that's me. Yes, that is me. And then I got home and looked at my birth certificate because it's just in my room. And I was like, ah, that up.

[B]

Oh, no, your birth certificate's just in your room, just chilling.

[A]

Well, I had to get a copy of it for something.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So then I was like, I don't want to lose it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So now it's just somewhere where I can see it. Because, again, you gotta have little tricks and stuff.

[B]

You do. That's called object permanence. I heard with, like, ADHD people, like, if we don't see something, it doesn't exist. You know, like, if something's in your, like, refrigerator behind the ketchup, and you're

[A]

like, oh, yep, that makes a lot of sense. Because I have stockpiles of things in a cabinet, right? Because the door closes, and then I go to CVS and I go, I don't have those things. And then I put them in the cabinet. I go, I have three of those things.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

I have so much deodorant.

[B]

Oh, that's not a bad mouthwash.

[A]

I have so much toothpaste. Every time I go, I'm like, I don't have toothpaste. And I don't know why I think that. Because I do. I have so much.

[B]

At least your breath will never stink.

[A]

Hey, thank you.

[B]

You know, if there's ever, like, an apocalypse, I'll go to your house.

[A]

Please come to my house. I have all the toothpaste. Cause that's gonna be the one thing we're worried about. The apocalypse. We have to brush our teeth. I. I use this. I think it's called thera breath. Me too.

[B]

Is it pink or do you use the orange one?

[A]

I use the pink one. Did you ever notice the story of.

[B]

I read the story. Every time when I brush my teeth, I'm reading it.

[A]

It's like, my daughter had the worst breath in the whole world. So I said, I better create something to Help this bitch out. I was like, I can't believe this. One on the side of the bottle.

[B]

Who said okay to this?

[A]

It goes out to everybody. If I was his daughter, I'd be like, dad head. I'm gonna walk into traffic. Why would you put that there? Everyone knows I just have stanky breath.

[B]

Not anymore.

[A]

That's a wild thing.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Bravo. Because I. Yeah, read that, and I keep buying it. And I do think it works.

[B]

It's convincing. It works.

[A]

100.

[B]

I use that. I use peroxide. Do you use charcoal ever?

[A]

No, but I've heard it's good.

[B]

I don't either. I don't know why I asked. Just curious. You know I use baking soap.

[A]

Oh, you do? I do a tongue scraper. I do the thera breath. I do. I think I use crest question mark.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Who's to say it's in a purple packaging? Because I like purple.

[B]

Oh, you do like purple.

[A]

Love purple.

[B]

Your teeth are really nice. Did you have braces?

[A]

I did.

[B]

Gorge.

[A]

Thank you. So good.

[B]

Do you wear retainers?

[A]

No. Well, I have a permanent retainer.

[B]

Oh, look at you.

[A]

But I. My teeth basically looked like this when I had braces. I feel like I got braces because my sister had braces.

[B]

Oh, you just wanted to join in.

[A]

I was like, too. You can't spend thousands of dollars on her and not me.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And then I didn't wear my retainer, and my teeth have now shifted.

[B]

No. Oh, another story. But I was the same way. I had braces, but I didn't. I wanted my teeth to be wrecked. I liked my teeth how they were. They were like spongebob teeth. They, like, bucked out. And I'm so serious. But my mom was like, maybe because I was trying to get into modeling, and she just was looking out for me. She's like, maybe we can think about. Fine. Fine. But then I fell in love with them, and I just don't like the idea that you have to wear retainers the rest of your life. I don't think that's fair.

[A]

It's jail.

[B]

Are you serious?

[A]

But I guess it makes sense. It's like the. The braces are moving the teeth, so the teeth can just move back to where they said they wanted to be.

[B]

I hate that, though. And, like. Cause I don't have a permanent one, so I have to keep up with those things.

[A]

I'm so sorry. God bless.

[B]

Thank you. You're welcome.

[A]

That's tough. What do you do on your anniversaries?

[B]

You know what? Since it was my first relationship. I used to be really too much when it comes to anniversary. Every single month we're doing something. But now it's interesting because we have the same birthday. So then we like, celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. And then on our anniversary, we also celebrate, celebrate. So what? What happens for that is he planned something, but sometimes I plan something on the same day and I'm like, what are we supposed to do? What we have to fight it out. But you know what I've started doing is getting Groupon. So you can go whenever.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, okay. It works. That's why I just went for my birthday. Went to rock climbing, because I could go whenever I need to and the same thing. I'm not going to scheduling, so I'm like, let's just go now. Like right now. And that's what we usually do.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

What do you think of anniversaries?

[A]

For my first anniversary, we, like, we went to Vegas. It was like a big to do. And now we're coming up on year two, and I was like, maybe we just go to dinner this time sometimes.

[B]

It's a lot, you know?

[A]

It is.

[B]

I understand. Wait, do you feel like year two? When is it considered long term?

[A]

Honestly, I was in the streets for a very long time. I think. I think a year is long term.

[B]

I think so too. A lot of people don't make it to a year.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's long term.

[A]

This is the first person I've made it to a year with or two years. This is the longest relationship I've ever been where the person was like, we are in a relationship.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Oh. I've had situationships where they're like, I will not be your boyfriend. And I go, okay, so I pledge my allegiance to you. You're my everything.

[B]

No.

[A]

And they're like, don't do that. And I'm like, I'm gonna. So, you know, I've let those go on for a minute. But, like, this is the first time where someone's like, no, we're together and I'm proud of you and I'll hold your hand in public.

[B]

Oh, you deserve it. Thank you. Do you ever feel like when you think or do you not think of this, like, long term, as in marry forever and having to be grandpa and grandma sitting on the porch in rocking chairs. Does that scare you or are you just, like, going day by day?

[A]

I go day by day.

[B]

Okay. Because

[A]

I don't, like, I don't want kids.

[B]

Kids. Okay.

[A]

I don't want grandkids.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But like, the Thought of, like, being old is a little scary just because, like, shit goes wrong and, like, my bones already hurt, and I'm like, oh, my God, getting to 80, 80, 80. And then just, like, hanging around and being like, the world is still full of bullshit.

[B]

Like, oh, my God, wait, I'm not looking forward anymore.

[A]

Oh, I'm so sorry. No, your old age will be so fun. You're gonna have a great time. You're gonna love it. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, I. I feel that, though, especially, like, with how things are going now. I'm like, wow, what's it gonna be like then? But I don't want to be alone either.

[A]

I don't want to be alone either. And, yes, it would be nice to grow old with my partner like that. That sounds nice.

[B]

Okay. I think so, too.

[A]

Just being like. All right, let's go get that early bird special.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Danny, let's take a nap. That Denny's.

[B]

I love it. No, I agree. For sure. Okay. I'm manifesting that I'll grow old with someone.

[A]

Well, we have come to the end.

[B]

No, we yapped for an hour.

[A]

We had a lovely time.

[B]

I loved it.

[A]

Do you have anything that you want to promote?

[B]

Always. Okay, let's do it. I just put out a song. It's called need you, and it is inspired by my fear of men. I'm just a very paranoid girl.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I go out, I'm looking. I'm looking over my shoulder. I feel like. I don't know what it is. Just always growing up, I've been afraid of one being kidnapped. Really deep fear of mine. I've never been kidnapped, but I think a lot of women feel that way. And I just wanted to speak to it. A couple of lines are, me start performing right now. No, but it's.

[A]

Go for it. I'll be back.

[B]

Boom. Hey, boom. But you.

[A]

Boom.

[B]

I took your number. Cause I'm scared.

[A]

You swing.

[B]

Trying to keep the peace so you won't swing. Oh, you're throwing me off. Sorry. You did your best.

[A]

I really did. I don't have rhythm.

[B]

But you're great at other things.

[A]

Hey,

[B]

love you.

[A]

That's like. If you like it, I love it. You're great at other things.

[B]

Yeah. You have your strengths.

[A]

Thank you. We all have our strengths.

[B]

Exactly. But, yeah, that's what I have going on at the moment.

[A]

Do you have an album coming out or.

[B]

I mean, I have. Okay. I have a show coming up as well.

[A]

Oh, yes. Tell us.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I couldn't even tell you. I've kind of been avoiding it. I'm scared. It's my first solo artist show.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's called We Find New Music, look it up. I'll be there. But actually, don't come. Don't look at me.

[A]

Don't come.

[B]

Don't look at me.

[A]

When you get on stage, everyone turns their back and they're like, that's what you told us to do.

[B]

Right. But I always am working on an album. I have, like, so many songs in the vault. I also make music for single think, like, music, television, video games. So I'm working on that too. I act as well, so I'm always busy.

[A]

I love that you're in Dhar Mann videos.

[B]

Stuff. You knew?

[A]

Yes. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

You knew. Yeah, I do that as well.

[A]

I love Dhar Mann.

[B]

Know what? You watch?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wait, why? Just curious. Are you the demographic?

[A]

I don't know. I stumbled upon these. So if you don't know. Dhar Mann. Dhar Mann videos are, like, like, slightly religious, but, like, are they kind of. Oh, my God. Maybe they're not religious. It's like, right and wrong.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it's morale. Yes. Yes. Morale videos. That's what I meant to say. Not religious. Yeah. They're morality videos.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Where the pendulum swings so hard with, like, people being comically evil and then other people being, like, comically good. Like, one of my favorite videos is, it's this. This woman who's fat, and she's dating a man, and he's like, God, I hate you. You're fat.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And then she's sad. No. She goes on another date with somebody else, and then that guy's there with, like, a hot, thin woman, and then he's like. And then she goes to the bathroom, and then the guy that broke up with her leans over to that guy and is like, wait, why are you dating such a fat lady?

[B]

And he's.

[A]

He's like, because she's great and I love her and she's really beautiful, period. And he's like, huh.

[B]

Couldn't even fathom. Okay. That's a Dhar man in a nutshell.

[A]

I love Dhar Mann. How did you meet Dhar Mann?

[B]

You know what? They found me.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

And I think once they find you, they hold on tight, you know? So I'm. I'm locked in that Dhar Mann universe. I actually was there yesterday.

[A]

Really?

[B]

And I think, you know, usually at the end. Isn't it a happy ending? Usually?

[A]

It's always a happy ending, you know, where the bad Guy gets there. Come on. Bad.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Is that it? Come up bits.

[B]

Never heard of that.

[A]

Is it Come up it.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

I just go with it.

[A]

We gotta end this.

[B]

Okay, wrap it up.

[A]

Well, if you like this episode of why won't you date me? You can like it. You could follow it. You could rate it 5 stars on Spotify and Apple podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me podcast gmail.com I will read it. This person writes. Nights it's dark outside and I'm still in my university computer lab. But keep procrastinating. Over my shoulder, Nicole can see my computer screen clearly. Not working on my semester project, she leans in and whispers in my ear, her warm breath bringing my skin to goosebumps. My nipples harden, my clitoris throbbing. You can't play until you finish your work. She smells so good. I'm already distracted. How am I supposed to focus now? I spin around in my desk chair. Chair pull Nicole to me, kiss up on her stomach to the base of her throat. Oh my goodness. As I suck gently at her lips and rub my thumbs over her nipples. This is wild. She tells me I really should get back to work. But nobody's around and I need inspiration. Nicole is my muse tonight. I finger her against the desk excruciatingly slow, taking careful note of each face. She makes each cry for Deeper. Faster please.

[B]

This.

[A]

This is horny. I know I will likely not see her again around my campus, so I savor her hunger as I take my time rubbing myself against her thigh and half hoping someone will walk in on us as we enjoy each other. Finally we both come. And just as I hope I find the inspiration to finishing my paper, here's hoping I get an A. Wow. That was a horny and I liked it. Goodbye date. Oh, do you want to ask if she would date you? Oh, I ask all my guests this and I've forgotten it a couple times and today I forgot it. Would you date me?

[B]

100%. You know why?

[A]

Why?

[B]

Cuz I feel like we're the same and I love myself.

[A]

Honestly, that's the best answer I've ever gotten.

[B]

I'm. I'm. I'm speaking the truth. I. We're very similar.

[A]

It scares me. We're similar and I love myself. So yes, I love it. Goodbye.

[B]

Bye. That was a Headgum podcast.

[A]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that was Us now on Headgum. Each episode, we're gonna go into a

[B]

deep dive from our show.

[A]

This is us. That's right.

[B]

We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

[A]

Are we gonna cry? Yeah. Yes. A little bit. Are we gonna laugh a lot? A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that. Was us on your favorite podcast app. Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify.

[B]

New episodes every Tuesday.