Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer
Episode: Hooking Up with Go-Go Dancers (w/ Adore Delano)
Date: September 26, 2025
Episode Overview
This episode features Nicole Byer in conversation with Adore Delano, a drag superstar known for her runs on American Idol and RuPaul’s Drag Race. The two dive into Adore’s love life, her transition journey, hilarious (and wild) hookup stories—especially with go-go dancers, reflections on sobriety, lessons from dating apps, and the emotional complexities of touring life. With candid, comedic, and heartfelt exchanges, the episode offers a raw look at personal growth, love, and the sometimes-chaotic-but-always-entertaining world of queer performance and dating.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Adore’s Relationship Status & Dating After Transition
- Relationship Update: Adore reveals she’s been in a relationship for 10 months, meeting her boyfriend (a trans man) after a period of intense online dating post-facial feminization surgery (FFS).
- Quote: “He got me right when I was like... I just got my FFS surgery... Hollywood is not the place to date. I put this much money into my fucking chin and you're acting like a goddamn dog. This is a mortgage, bitch!” (03:06)
- App Encounters: Adore recounts blocking people who only wanted to discuss Drag Race, noticing past high school bullies sliding into her DMs, and the significance of chemistry beyond notoriety.
- Quote: “A lot that would beat me up in high school were like, trying to ask me out. Isn't that funny?” (04:33)
> Timestamp: 02:37–06:45
2. Transitioning & Supportive Family
- Adore shares her unique journey transitioning as a teen and again as an adult. She discusses how drag allowed her to compartmentalize her femininity until she recognized “Adore is me, and I am her.”
- Quote: “With a lot of money and extensive therapy, I realized that Adora is me, and I am her, and she's not going anywhere.” (06:59)
- Adore’s mother is celebrated for her forward-thinking, unconditional support since 2004, despite their conservative Chicano background.
- Quote: “She even tells me, like, I knew since you were, like, one or two, like, it was just like you were a little girl. Like, you always were.” (08:02)
> Timestamp: 06:56–09:31
3. Facets of Surgery & Recovery
- Adore details her FFS experience: eight facial surgeries, cartilage from ribs for her nose, an extended recovery, and her mom (a nurse) limiting pain meds.
- Quote: “They cut my head. Like, lifted it, took the strip of my head that they cut out and implanted those hairs. Got ribs taken out for my nose... My mom’s like, you're fine. Take Advil. And I'm like, I'm dying.” (09:41, 11:02)
> Timestamp: 09:31–12:21
4. Hookups, Go-Go Dancers, and Wild Tour Stories
- Adore and Nicole trade stories about filming sex, go-go dancer flings, comparing notes with friends (e.g., Bianca Del Rio), and how touring provided a constant roster of situationships.
- Quote: “We filmed it, and then I showed Courtney, Bianca, and Darian… Courtney's like, you need to delete that. They're gonna get it on iCloud.” (17:10, also callback at 17:47)
- The pair discuss watching themselves back on video and the cringe/fascination that comes with it.
> Timestamp: 17:08–21:14
5. Showbiz, Dating, and Growth
- Both hosts riff on the surreal sensation of being young and suddenly famous, the challenge of distinguishing genuine connections from fan interest, and the difference between tumultuous flings and “shockingly healthy” current romances.
- Quote (Nicole): “It’s so healthy, it blows me away. And sometimes I'll be like, what if I stir up some craziness?... But it is wild to be like, oh, this Is healthy.” (14:04)
- Adore identifies her current relationship and first date as uniquely innocent and conversation-driven, in contrast with her roadie/Go-Go phase.
> Timestamp: 13:05–14:46, 28:19–31:16
6. Sobriety Journey & Mindful Drinking
- Adore discusses hitting rock bottom (in Australia under a full moon!) and quitting drinking cold turkey, emphasizing personalized approaches to sobriety.
- Quote: “I locked myself in the hotel room and I just didn't leave for three days… and then I never drank again. Like, something just spoke to me was like, you are losing everything.” (24:05)
- Nicole details experimenting with mindful drinking, recognizing patterns, and mutual commiserations about drinking to fill voids or as a habit.
> Timestamp: 23:38–27:55
7. Dating Wisdom & Self-Worth
- Adore urges listeners—especially trans women—not to settle, and to recognize self-investment (emotionally, financially, spiritually) as the bare minimum to demand in a partner.
- Quote: “Everybody...should be an investment to themselves. If you're not gonna meet me there and you don't add to my life... you're not adding shit to my life.” (38:10)
- The duo discuss red flags (butterflies of anxiety are not good), boundary-setting, and the necessity of learning from past dating mistakes.
- Quote (Nicole): “Winning somebody over is not a triumph. Meeting somebody halfway and them wanting what you're giving is. That's winning.” (39:56)
> Timestamp: 36:09–41:15
8. Drag, Idol, and Artistic Ambitions
- Adore reflects on getting into drag, hosting shows, incorporating singing as her unique mark, and her ambitions to do more acting—mentioning her latest film shot in South Africa.
- Quote: “Acting is what I want to make my main career... I use my career as an economic system to fund my acting career.” (45:13)
- Funny anecdotes about American Idol (Paula Abdul as the favorite judge, Idol’s “machine” quality) and comparing drag and singing careers.
> Timestamp: 41:27–45:12
9. Touring: The Glamour and the Isolation
- Both express the physical and emotional toll of touring, including exhaustion, the “loudness” of silence post-show, and how fame can feel alienating.
- Quote (Adore): “The silence is loud—louder than the fucking cheering. You take your lashes off and go take a bath. Like, just like, chill out.” (53:17)
- Nicole notes the value of having a partner to process experiences with, contrasting it to being single on the road.
> Timestamp: 48:24–55:02
10. Dating Advice & Compatibility Tests
- Unexpected advice: Take a date to a theme park! Adore explains it's a great way to gauge someone’s patience, decisiveness, and reactions under stress:
- Quote: “My favorite first... a first date to learn about somebody is going to a theme park. Let me learn your patience levels… are you mean?... are you cheap?! Always get the fast pass.” (57:55, 58:09, 59:01)
- Nicole realizes the brilliance of this approach, agreeing on its revelatory powers.
> Timestamp: 57:54–60:31
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Post-Surgery Dating: “My face already hurts, you can't hurt me.” (03:46, Adore)
- About Her Mom: “She's a golden one for sure.” (08:02, Adore)
- On Sobriety in Australia: “No, I locked myself in the hotel room and I just didn't leave for three days...” (24:07, Adore)
- About Filming Sex: “But like, we filmed this shit on a fucking laptop...like, the crunching of the laptop falling off the bed.” (20:21, Adore)
- Reflecting on Healthy Love: “It's nothing to...I can't compare it to anything. So it's kind of like, right? It's like chippy.” (14:30, Adore)
- On Dating Standards: “I'm not transitioning at 33 and be like, you know what? I want three kids. Like, bitch, give me, like, three decades. Like, I'm good.” (09:21, Adore)
- Dating Theme Park Test: “I stopped talking to a guy after [theme park date]... I hate you. Like, I'm never gonna do anything with you again.” (60:21, Adore)
- Kim Cattrall Wisdom: “I'm not doing something that's not fun for even a second.” (38:41, Nicole paraphrasing Kim Cattrall)
Timestamps for Major Segments
- Adore’s Relationship, Dating After FFS: 02:37–06:45
- Transitioning Journey, Family: 06:56–09:31
- Wildest Hookups, Touring Life: 17:08–21:14, 13:05–14:46
- Sobriety & Partying: 23:38–27:55
- Dating Reflections & Advice: 36:09–41:15
- Drag, Idol & Acting Ambitions: 41:27–45:12
- Touring Life, Loneliness: 48:24–55:02
- Theme Park Date as Compatibility Test: 57:54–60:31
Conclusion
This episode blends raucous stories, heartfelt insight, and practical wisdom on dating, self-worth, and surviving (and thriving) in queer nightlife and showbiz. Adore and Nicole’s infectious banter and realness offer a nuanced glimpse into love, growth, and the hilarious, sometimes-dysfunctional quest for connection—on Tinder, on tour buses, and everywhere in between.
Listen for: Adore’s wildest Canadian go-go hookup (17:10), candid sobriety talk (24:05), the case for not settling in dating (38:10), and why a theme park might be the best first (or second) date (58:06).