Hosting a Sex Party (w/ Big Dipper)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

Episode: "Hosting a Sex Party" (w/ Big Dipper)
Release Date: September 12, 2025
Guest: Big Dipper (Rapper, podcaster, co-host of Sloppy Seconds)

---

Main Theme

This episode is a candid, hilarious, and insightful conversation between Nicole Byer and Big Dipper about queer party culture, sex positivity, body image within the gay community, boundaries at queer events, and honest reflections on modern relationships—including open relationships, compersion, and being true to oneself in love and life. They also touch on pop culture, personal growth, and the evolving landscape of dating in a tech-driven world.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bear Week & Queer Party Culture

[11:51-24:54]

• Dipper recounts his experience at Bear Week in Provincetown (P Town), describing it as a space for “bears” (larger, often hairier gay men) to feel validated and celebrated.

  • The town swells from 3,000 to 60,000 in summer, becoming a haven for queer joy, ice cream, fudge, lobster, and inclusive nightlife.
  • "Bear Week is just, like, confidence whiplash. You feel amazing, then you see someone hotter and feel like trash." —Big Dipper [21:54]
  • While the community aims to be inclusive, Dipper notes there are hierarchies even in queer spaces, e.g., muscle bears vs. chubby bears, and the dynamics when “twinks” (younger, thinner men) or bachelorette parties enter bear spaces.

• On outsiders at queer events:

  • Both reflect on the lack of respect from non-queer people who sometimes intrude on safe spaces, likening bachelorette parties at drag shows to straight women at Bear Week.
  • Nicole: “It’s wild when people don’t respect the space they’re in.” [27:51]

2. Boundaries at Sex Parties

[29:43-31:59]

• Dipper describes hosting a gay men's sex party and the awkwardness when a woman arrived planning to film a "funny" video about being excluded.
  • Dipper: “You need to tell her, you are threatening to make a safe space unsafe for a marginalized community.” [31:02]
  • The importance of protecting the privacy and safety of the attendees is emphasized.

3. Open Relationships & Compersion

[47:58-49:38]

• Nicole asks how Dipper avoids jealousy about his partner having sex with others.
  • Dipper introduces the concept of compersion: “I have that. Because in my mind, if we were dating... the fact that I could walk across the room and say, ‘Hey, my partner has a hole for you, wanna fuck?’ and the hot guy comes over... that to me is a deeper connection than just the sex.” [49:34]
  • Nicole reflects: “On a fundamental level, I do get it... In my brain, I immediately go, well, that means I’m not enough. They’ll always need something else...” [49:38]
  • Dipper reframes the idea of romantic sufficiency, describing building a fulfilling life through multiple deep connections, not just “the one”.

4. Sexual Health & Harm Reduction

[54:34-55:41]

• Dipper educates Nicole on doxycycline as post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) for STIs, which is increasingly common among men who have sex with men.
  • “If you have unprotected sex, there’s a window of time... where you can take a double dose (200mg) of doxy and it greatly reduces the risk of getting chlamydia or gonorrhea.” —Dipper [55:11]

5. Modern Dating, Self-Acceptance, and Communication

[60:14-72:38]

• Nicole and Dipper discuss being single, their journey with therapy, and striving for self-kindness over perfection.
  • Nicole: “You could be nicer to yourself because so many people love you. So why would you be mean to that person?” [60:32]
• Both share advice on finding happiness and combating the toxic aspects of instant gratification and social comparison fueled by technology and social media.
  • Dipper: “Finding something you can do that makes you feel good, that isn’t destructive...” [62:57]
• Conversation veers into relationship advice, with an emphasis on slowing down, clear communication, and not losing yourself in self-improvement.

6. The Role of Sex & Compatibility in Relationships

[65:33-68:29]

• They discuss whether sex should come before or after emotional compatibility.
  • Nicole admits that for a long time, she prioritized good sex, but realized many partners didn’t actually like her for who she was.
  • Her current relationship is rooted in deeper compatibility: “This person in my life loves me and wants to make me happy, and I’m happy watching Kraven in a hotel room.” [68:15]
• Dipper reflects on not yet meeting someone who genuinely captures his attention romantically, and how his standards and desires have evolved over time.

7. Podcasting, Friendship, and Community

[72:48-77:43]

• Dipper plugs his podcast “Sloppy Seconds” with Meatball, sharing how they met.
• They joke about Nicole wanting to “work” a sex party door, considering drag and inclusivity, and discuss queer community dynamics.
  • Dipper: “Currently the gay male ego is too fragile to have a femme energy in that space... But as we expand, there will be a place for you in the Drain Your Nut family.” [75:26]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Bear Week is just, like, confidence whiplash.”—Big Dipper [21:54]
• “Doing a little bit of something is better than doing nothing.”—Nicole Byer [22:56]
• “If we were dating... you get pleasure and we have this connection around. So what, the dick goes in you? I don’t care. That to me is a deeper connection than just the sex.”—Big Dipper on compersion [49:34]
• “Modern architecture... everything’s starting to look the same. We’re all starting to look the same, where’s the personality?”—Nicole Byer [17:13]
• “I want someone to do my retirement plan.”—Nicole Byer [70:19]
• “You have to meet me where I’m at... conversations around promiscuity, non-monogamy, STIs...”—Big Dipper [54:18]
• “Currently the gay male ego is too fragile to have a femme energy in that space.”—Big Dipper on why Nicole can’t work the sex party [75:26]
• “We fill our lives with family, work, friends. Why should one partner need to be all of that?”—Big Dipper [51:38]
• “You could be nicer to yourself, because so many people love you.”—Nicole Byer [60:32]

---

Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Topic | |--------------|--------| | 11:51 | Dipper describes Bear Week, queer identities & labels | | 21:54 | “Confidence whiplash” in gay spaces | | 31:02 | Boundary-setting at sex parties; privacy, respect | | 49:34 | Open relationships and compersion explained | | 54:34 | Doxycycline for STI risk reduction | | 60:32 | Nicole advocates for self-kindness | | 68:15 | Nicole on compatibility and being cared for | | 75:26 | Dipper on inclusiveness at gay male sex parties |

---

Tone and Style

• The episode is funny, fast-paced, and interwoven with pop culture references, warmth, and honest self-insight.
• Nicole’s humor and openness set the tone for frank discussions about sex, bodies, and healing—punctuated by laughter and playful banter.

---

For New Listeners

This episode offers a deep dive into the intersections of queer identity, body positivity, sexual health, boundaries and consent, modern love, and the importance of finding joy—in both sex and connection. Nicole and Dipper’s candid, comedic energy makes taboo topics accessible and unashamed. There’s plenty here for queer and straight listeners alike—especially anyone curious about sex parties, open relationships, and the ongoing work of loving oneself.

---

Listen to more from Nicole Byer and Big Dipper:

• Sloppy Seconds podcast (with Meatball): Big Dipper Jelly on Instagram
• Why Won’t You Date Me?: New episodes every Friday!

---

Transcript

[A]

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgun podcast. Okay, y', all. So you've seen the Tinder swindler on Netflix, right? That man was flying private, saying I love you, two dates in. And scamming women out of tens of thousands of dollars like it was nothing. Over 50 million people watch that doc. But what happened after the credits rolled? Two of the women at the center of the story. And let me be clear. These are surviv. And they're finally telling the whole truth. Pernelius Solholm and Cecilia Fihoy have turned their story into something powerful. Their new audiobook is called Swindled Never After. It's part memoir, part warning, part guide. And it hits way harder than the documentary. They talk about all the emotional wreckage, the financial fallout, the gaslighting, and what it really took to reclaim their lives.

[B]

And.

[A]

And they don't just vent. They give you actual tools to spot the red flags. Trust your gut and protect your peace. If you've ever trusted the wrong person, swiped on on the wrong match, or had someone say, babe, I pay you back next week. Mm. Yeah. This is for you. Swindled Never after the audiobook is out. Now go listen, stay sharp, protect your peace. And maybe keep that wallet closed. Mm. Fall is finally here. And you know what that means. It's layering season, baby. I love summer, but I live for a boot, a jacket, a little faux fur moment. Macy's fall fashion guide is the best place to start this season. They've got all the cutest, latest trends, and it's curated, so I don't feel like I'm digging through chaos. They've got all of your fall season must haves. I'm talking romantic sheer tops from Inc. Dreamy flowy dresses from CC and soft, touchable layers that feel like a hug. Yes, I will be draping myself in all of it. I'm also feeling bold this fall, so I'm leaning into animal prints. Roar. Give me a statement shoe. And if you're shopping for a man or just trying to get your man to dress better, Macy's has fall must haves for him, too. Things like bomber jackets, relaxed suiting, even vintage denim. Macy's makes it easy to try all the different styles this fall. They've got everything from soft knits to statement pieces that all actually fit you. Whether you're shopping for petite plus tall somewhere in between. Shop all the must haves now@macy's.com or in store Top.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Always a top.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Really? Have you ever bottomed?

[B]

I have.

[A]

That's such a rude question.

[B]

No, it's not. It's. Don't you. Why don't you sex me? Or whatever.

[A]

Why won't you sex me? Why won't you sex me?

[B]

That's actually what I walk around, bare.

[A]

Wings saying, why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Welcome to another episode.

[B]

George Bush doesn't care about black people. Remember that? I do, but are you Team Kanye now?

[A]

You know, that is. That's a very. You're trying to get me.

[B]

No, I'm not.

[A]

Yeah, you are.

[B]

An actual question.

[A]

I don't. I'm not with Kanye now. Like, now, now. He crazy.

[B]

Yes, agree.

[A]

But back then, I do think he had some apt, astute insight.

[B]

1,000%.

[A]

I don't think George Bush cared about black people. I still don't think he does. I think he likes painting. This is a new episode of why Won't yout Date Me? A podcast for me. Nicole Byer was trying to figure out why I was so sing. Even though you could come in my mouth and say, bitch, that's a tic tac. My guess today, I've done that. No, you haven't. No, you haven't. You came in someone's mouth and said, bitch, that's a tic tac.

[B]

No, it was something adjacent. Someone came in my mouth and I said, tic tacs. Sorry, Carl.

[A]

That's my friend. My friend is a rapper, podcaster, and queer icon. They're one half of the hit show Sloppy Suck. And did you bring gays to my home? Who left shoes at my house?

[B]

Oh, did they?

[A]

I don't know. I have two pairs.

[B]

I brought a bunch of gay dudes, too.

[A]

I know. I have two pairs of shoes. I cannot figure out who they belong to.

[B]

Are they white sneakers?

[A]

No, they're New Balances. They're not gays.

[B]

No, no, no. That's the straight contingency of your father.

[A]

It really is. It's Dipper or Big Dipper.

[B]

Big Dipper.

[A]

I call you Dipper.

[B]

Yeah, most of my friends do, but my stage name is Big Dipper.

[A]

How funny, Big Dipper. That's so funny to be friends with someone and be like, who are you?

[B]

What's your name? Hello.

[A]

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

[B]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

Thank you for being here. Can I tell you, one of the most wonderful things happened at that party you were at?

[B]

What?

[A]

So a gay was looking at me. I don't know if it was one of your gays, but there was a gaggle of gays at my house. It was delightful. It's how I like to live. And one of them was like, oh, my God, that man behind you is so hot. My God. And I turned around, I was like, that's my boyfriend.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I screamed at the wheel.

[B]

You're like, he's mine.

[A]

I was like, he's mine. I can't believe he's attractive to the gays and the women.

[B]

So was it a. It was a person you had just met at the party. Okay, got it. Cause I'm like, who's at your house? Who doesn't know that? It's probably the gaggle of gay guys that I showed up with.

[A]

There were so many people at my house, and there was, I don't know, a good 10 people I didn't know. And there was a black woman there who just started talking to me, and I was like, who are you?

[B]

And what was the answer?

[A]

I didn't ask, because I was like, you're being so familiar with me. And I was like, black people, they introduce themselves. They. A black woman to a black woman?

[B]

Yeah, I think most people introduce themselves.

[A]

No, just black women.

[B]

Just black people.

[A]

Just black people.

[B]

George Bush.

[A]

George Bush don't care about black people. You know, he cares about oil paintings. He's keeping Michaels afloat.

[B]

Do you remember when, like, Ellen. I mean, Ellen's so problematic on so many levels, but, like, when she just casually was like, and I'm friends with George Bush, it was like, oh, you've elevated beyond. And speaking of Kanye, it's like, I think that's all that happened is, like, he lost his mother. He was drowning in grief, and he elevated beyond the regular human experience.

[A]

And I'm worried about Oprah. She was at Bezos wedding, and I'm like, I know Oprah's, like, at a level, But I was like, is she ascending to madness?

[B]

Well, she sent her best friend to space. She said, gayle, I'm not doing that. But you.

[A]

That's so funny that she said, gale, I mean, would you go to space?

[B]

No.

[A]

Me either. No, there's enough problems down here.

[B]

Nar nar.

[A]

Aru nar. Did I do it?

[B]

Yeah, you did.

[A]

Boy, that was hard.

[B]

You did a great job.

[A]

That hurt my brain that day.

[B]

I know. Cause all you have to do is say the letters of the American English. R and R. Say R, N, R.

[A]

R and R. Yeah. I did Corniac's podcast. It Is called R and R. I had such a. Such a problem with it.

[B]

You know the other one? If you say these three words in our accent. Rise up, lights.

[A]

Rise up, lights.

[B]

It sounds like razor blades in an Australian accent.

[A]

Rise up, lights.

[B]

Just say, rise up, lights.

[A]

Rise up, lights.

[B]

What? Rise up, lights.

[A]

Oh, I can hear it when you say it. I simply cannot hear it when I say it's all right.

[B]

Do you do accents when you do acting?

[A]

What a way to ask that. When you do your little thing, your little acting. When you're doing your little. Haha.

[B]

Listen, you work so much, but not all of it is acting. Some of it is presenting, hosting, performing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So when you do acting. I will ask again. When you do acting, but have you done any accents?

[A]

No, I'm very, very bad at accents. Really, really awful.

[B]

I think you could do some Irish artity Sar.

[A]

Wait, so that I be stealing my lucky charms. I went over to Ireland, I talked to Sean, and he told me there's no more stew left.

[B]

Put her in a film with Saoirse Ronan, please. I love that.

[A]

Yeah. I can't. It's the same thing. I'm trying to learn how to sing.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I have a goal. I saw a Broadway show.

[B]

Which one?

[A]

I don't want to, like, put all the business out there.

[B]

Okay, that's fine.

[A]

But I saw a show. One of the leads was not where I wanted her to be.

[B]

And I said, but I see where you are.

[A]

I can do that better.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I listened. I was like, really? Like five minutes in, I was like, I can do this better. So I was listening to the song and I was like, I think this is actually something that can be in my range.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then by the end, I was like, ooh, the end song is kind of hard, but I think we can lower the octave or something at the end and it might be okay. So I have a singing teacher who. His name is Doug. Doug is wonderful. Wait, and this is an actual girl.

[B]

Can I say his last name?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it Doug Peck?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He's amazing.

[A]

I love. I think I can say Doug. Doug Peck.

[B]

Doug Peck. We love Doug Peck.

[A]

He's wonderful.

[B]

I know Doug from over a decade ago in Chicago doing musical theater. We used to be colleagues with all.

[A]

These people from Chicago that I know, Latkes, Matteo Lane. Which is just. It was funny once Doug told me that, I was like, oh, you're just good people.

[B]

Oh, he's incredible.

[A]

And I told Doug. Cause I had started singing lessons last year because I was like, I look like I can sing. I wanna sing. And it wasn't like hitting the way that I wanted it to, so I kind of gave up. And now I'm like, renewed with a goal. And I was like, doug, I think I need visual learning aids. And he was like, oh, I don't teach like that, but let's try to figure that out together. And then we figured it out.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

So then we made these little things I could take home and practice with. And it was just so nice that, like, in an hour he was like, yeah, I can try to figure out how you learn better.

[B]

And he's the best.

[A]

I said, my goal is by this fall. I'm. Make me a little tape. I'm gonna send it to them producers. I'm gonna say, let me do a limited run of the show.

[B]

You said, excuse me, do I have an offer for you?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But you are so good. You're very goal oriented.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, since knowing you, I've seen you, I'm going to do this. And then you, like, get the supplies for it and you find a resource and then you learn it. You did fall off on the motorcycle. Goal.

[A]

But I still have a motorcycle. That's right, I did. Well, I literally fell off on the motorcycle. Goal.

[B]

Okay, true, true, true.

[A]

All I could hear was Logan going, dave, I know.

[B]

That could be some internal body trauma for sure.

[A]

Well, I still have it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think the battery. I mean, I don't think the battery is dead, but I might get a automatic motorcycle so I don't have to worry about shifting.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Or I might get.

[B]

Is it up here when you shift?

[A]

It's on the handlebars and your left foot. It is. It's for a lady with adhd. Boy, oh boy, is it hard. You gotta balance and then you gotta hit things. Yes. Ooh, look at me. I could ride a motorcycle. Dipper, who you be fucking?

[B]

Oh, gosh. Well, I just got back from bear.

[A]

Week in P Town.

[B]

Uh huh. Provincetown, Massachusetts. Right on the tippy tip of Cape Cod. Yeah, Right by the curvature.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait, when did you become a bear? Does one become a bear?

[B]

Yeah. Well, first you are a cub and then you blossom into bear Dom. Bear hood.

[A]

And otter is just a thin, hairy man, right?

[B]

Yes. We like a lot of gables in the gables. Wait, Gables. Gables. We like a lot of labels in the gay community, which are of course Gables. Gables. No. When I was younger in high school, I was always chubby, but I was like, what are we gonna do with it? Where does it go and how does it settle? And then I went to college and all of a sudden I was like sprouting Apache beard and body hair everywhere. And I was like, what? What's happening? You know, like, I feel like it's like that scene in Beauty and the Beast where you're like, you know, he's like turning into the Beast. And I was like, what now? And then all of a sudden, sort of my senior year of college, it all sort of settled and I was like, oh, I'm covered in body hair and I have a beard. And then I was like, ah, I am a bear now.

[A]

I like that. I like that you equate it to turning into the Beast. Beauty and the Beast.

[B]

Also my favorite X Men beast.

[A]

How do you feel about Kelsey Grammer playing Beast?

[B]

Has he always. He was the voice in the Animated Series. Right.

[A]

He was the original Beast. And then Nicholas Hoult took over in the reboots.

[B]

Yeah. You know a lot more about these.

[A]

Movies, about X Men. I love X Men.

[B]

Well, it makes sense because Beast is like an intellectual. So Kelsey Gables, Kelsey grammar makes sense there. I don't know. I was never. I was more like into the idea. I think I just wanted a fuck Beast.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So I was more into the. Right. Into the idea of it than like the minutiae of, like, who was doing the acting, you know?

[A]

That's an interesting part about X Men that's not explored. And superheroes in general. The fuckability. The super fuckers. The people who are their chase. Super chasers.

[B]

The. I understand what you're saying. The mutant chasers.

[A]

It's like, I only fuck mutants now.

[B]

That's a million dollar movie idea.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Hey, Kevin Hollywood.

[A]

Hey, Kevin Feiges.

[B]

Oh, you really know all these people.

[A]

I don't think that's his name. I think it's Feige or Figis.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What do you know, Mars? I'm looking. Kevin Feiges. Feege. Feej.f e I G E. I should know this.

[B]

Oh, it's like the yogurt.

[A]

That's Faye Gay, isn't it? Faygay.

[B]

Famously the way to pronounce it.

[A]

Faye Gay, isn't it?

[B]

I thought it was phage.

[A]

Oh, I said it so many times and finally heard what I said.

[B]

Feyge. The Feyge yogurt.

[A]

I just did shows in dc.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I told a rosebud joke and a very small amount of the audience get it. And I was like, that's a recession indicator.

[B]

But D.C. is such a gay.

[A]

My crowds are gay. And I was scared. I Was like, there are straight people here. And there was, like, lots of couples. And I was like, it's gonna get bad if the gays can't spend money to come see me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's happening?

[B]

Where do you think on the, like, priority list is a Nicole Byer show when it comes to, like, circuit party ketamine, new teeth, male wig.

[A]

I think I'm above male wig.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But I know I'm below a circuit party ketamine. And what was the other thing you said?

[B]

New teeth.

[A]

New teeth.

[B]

Well, Meepo and I always will comment when someone reappears, and we'll be like, teeth and hair.

[A]

Teeth and hair. Went to Turkey. You got that turkey special. Teeth and hair.

[B]

That's such, like, an lady. Like, that was never in my system. Like, never in my. Anywhere in my brain. Even though, like, growing up chubby, like, not feeling sexual or, like, feeling good about my body until, like, my mid-20s, like, needing exterior validation to, like, someone to say to me, like, you're hot. And I was like, oh, you like this? Like, all of that. Never did I think about anything cosmetic, like, outside in until moving here. And people talk about it like walking the dog.

[A]

It is wild. And when I found out everybody was doing Botox, I was genuinely surprised.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I was like, wait, people our age, we're doing bo. What? And they're doing it, like, frequently in their lip keep. And it blew me away. But I agree with you. I sometimes look in the mirror and be like, well, I wish I was thinner when I was younger or whatever, but I would never be like, so I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna get surgery. It never occurred to me. I was like, I'll just learn how to, like, what I see.

[B]

Yes. That was the impulse. Now here, like, the amount of people with, like, very good hairline, slightly thinning bald spot up here, wig, you know, and, like, good. You used to get, like, you have a great set of teeth compliments now veneers. And you're like, what happened? What's happening?

[A]

You know what? I've been watching a lot of old movies. I miss people with fucked up teeth, baby. I miss people with interesting looks. We're all. I have talked about this on the podcast before. It's like modern architecture. Everything's starting to look the same. Yes, we are all starting to look the same. Where's the personality?

[B]

That shirt.

[A]

I know, isn't it?

[B]

That's all the personality. Oh, it's stone.

[A]

It's stone.

[B]

Did it come that way or you.

[A]

Had it stoned no, no, it came that way.

[B]

Who's. What brand is stoning shirts?

[A]

Oh, this is a vintage.

[B]

No, I understand. I just want to know the brand name of the vintage.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Do you want to look? No. I bet someone purchased that. I can look. Hold on. Oh, my God. It's someone's name.

[A]

That's my favorite kind of brand.

[B]

Vanna. It is the most. It is the craziest cursive.

[A]

She said, I don't want nobody to read this.

[B]

I think it said, like, Vanna. And then I think it's one of those capital GS in cursive, which is the most complicated one. I love that Gittel or something.

[A]

Maybe it's Vanna. Glory, glory, glory. Bill, what am I thinking of?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

But who's Anderson Cooper's mommy?

[B]

Another reference that I would never know.

[A]

Why are you Gloria Vanderbilt? There's no G in the last day, I got Gloria and Vanderbilt all smushed up. Another reference that I simply wouldn't know.

[B]

Why would I know Anderson Cooper's mother's name?

[A]

Because she's a fashion icon. She had jeans.

[B]

Oh, she had jeans.

[A]

She had jeans.

[B]

Gloria Vanderbilt.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

That's what you mean?

[A]

Yes. I interrupted you. You went to Bear Week in P Town.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

This episode is all over the place. But this is what happens when I like my guests.

[B]

Yeah, but, uh.

[A]

Oh, people would go back and watch Episodes and be like, wow, this one makes sense. She must have hated her.

[B]

No, no, I listen. I like when you jump around. It's fun. It's like me. It's like testing my brain as a listener to be like. Okay, okay, okay, got it. I'm back on the thread. Yeah, I went to P Town. Have you ever been to Provincetown?

[A]

No.

[B]

You would kill.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Ooh, maybe I can get you a gig out there.

[A]

I would love that.

[B]

You need help getting gigs, but I know the people who run the venue. You would kill. Okay, but it's amazing. It is this tiny little town that the population. I think the statistic. I'll probably say it wrong, goes from like 3,000 residents who live there year round to like 60,000 in the summer.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

It is crazy. People come in in droves off the ferry from Boston. It's like a pedestrian town. There's a main street full of stores. Everyone is gay. Everywhere you look, gay people. There's fudge shops and ice cream and lobster everywhere. And all of these.

[A]

Fudge, ice cream, lobster.

[B]

That's really what it is.

[A]

That's just so funny, that fudge ice cream. So you can't get a real meal there?

[B]

No, you can. You can find a burger. But, like, you go like, oh, there's fudge store. And like, oh, more ice cream to be had.

[A]

Or, like, is there a lot of soft serve?

[B]

No, it's. It's ice cream. There's some soft serve in the town. I don't think you should cancel your trip because there's no soft serve.

[A]

Okay. I went to a Dodgers game yesterday and I didn't get any soft serve. And I'm pretty upset about it.

[B]

Do you usually, when you go to.

[A]

A Dodgers game, I'd never been before. This is my first time seeing baseball in person.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It was crazy.

[B]

And did you have your hopes set on a soft serve? I'm trying to. Okay, got it.

[A]

I love soft serve. Do you not know this?

[B]

Take me out to the ball game. Take me out to the softer game. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Anyway, so fudge, lobster.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Ice cream.

[B]

Gay people.

[A]

Gay people.

[B]

And there are shows everywhere. The club, every sort of, like, bar or hotel also has a club attached to it. And every single night during Bear Week, every night there is a party from 10 until 1am sharp. And then everyone walks up the street to this one pizza place.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And then they stand out in the street until three in the morning and then they all go to bed. Like, it's one of those towns where it's like, this is what you do with this. You do a pool party and then you go to tea, dance and then you hike out to the beach if you want. It's great. And so during Bear Week, I describe Bear Week as, like, I go through, like, a whiplash, a confidence whiplash, okay. Where I'll look around on the street and I'm like, I wanna fuck all these people. This is really hot. Like, look at all these hot people. This is great. Everyone's smiling, everyone's making eye contact. I feel amazing about myself. And then you see people who are hotter than you, and then you're like, I feel like trash about myself.

[A]

But why?

[B]

It's this whiplash where you're like. Especially if, like, I wouldn't say I'm on a fitness journey, but I have goals. I lift weights and I have goals. To be, like, in that sort of muscly mountain.

[A]

I think you can call that a journey.

[B]

Sure, it's a slow journey, but it's a journey.

[A]

Sure. Who gives a shit?

[B]

I know, I know.

[A]

But truly, here's what I'm gonna say to you do not be hard on yourself about how slow or how fast you're achieving a goal or whatever. Doing a little bit of something is better than doing nothing. I have a friend who was like, I'm gonna walk 10 miles starting after dinner every day. Not 10 miles. It was something crazy. And I was like, why every day? Why not just on Sunday? Why don't you walk one extra block, right? And she was like, but I wanna walk 10 miles every day. And I was like, but that's an insane goal. So, like, why don't you just have a smaller goal? And then once you hit that, you're really excited and then you're excited to hit the next goal. So here's what I say to you.

[B]

Thank you. Okay, I'll take it.

[A]

Don't be hard on yourself.

[B]

I'll take it.

[A]

You're on a journey and it doesn't matter how long it takes you to get to the end results, because there is no end. We live for a long fucking time. Jesus Christ.

[B]

And then sweet release.

[A]

And then, yeah, then we fucking die.

[B]

No, I am a binger. That's like my. My way of consuming tv, of consuming food, of, you know, like, doing anything. And so I'm always like, I need to, you know, like, go hard.

[A]

I do that too.

[B]

Sports phrase, go hard in the paint when it comes to work.

[A]

They didn't say that at the baseball.

[B]

They didn't?

[A]

No, they just kept making.

[B]

No soft server.

[A]

They said, no soft server. They kept saying, be loud, be loud.

[B]

They wanted you to cheer louder for the Dodgers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why didn't you?

[A]

I did. And then when they, like, make noise, I kept going, ah.

[B]

That's what they're looking. That's actually the actual. The exact sound they're looking for when they ask you to cheer. So the whiplash happens to me every time I'm in these, like, bare spaces. Because, like, the bare identity grew out of, like, gay men who didn't feel like they had a place because they didn't feel, oh, I'm not this stereotypical good looking image. I mean, I've said this so many times when I was growing up. The, like, joke on a sitcom about, oh, no, you have a blind date. I hope he doesn't have back hair. You know, like.

[A]

And it just, like, you know, I have back hair.

[B]

I hope he's not fat. And I'm like, oh, I'm fat and I have back hair. And then meanwhile, it's like at Bear week, people will come up and, like, rub your back and be like, oh, you're so fuzzy, you know, it's like, so. But then you also, like, look to your left and there's all the, like, muscle guys who get more attention or like the. And so it is this challenging thing of, like, we're creating a space, but that.

[A]

That there's still like a hierarchy within space.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

That's interesting. I. That's not where my mind goes. Like, you know how earlier you were like, I never thought about fixing things or not fixing. Adjusting things on myself to, like, to adhere to society. When I'm in a space and, like, people are flirting and stuff, my mind doesn't automatically go to like, wow, that other person's hotter. I'm like, well, we're all in the same space. We're all being celebrated for the differences of ourselves. I'll find mine somewhere else.

[B]

Yeah, that's a much healthier. That's a much healthier mindset than me.

[A]

Being like, Cause it's bear week, you gon get fucked.

[B]

Right? Or they are. You know what I mean?

[A]

Or they are. Yeah. It doesn't, you know. Top.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Always a top.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Really? Have you ever bottomed?

[B]

I have.

[A]

That's such a rude question.

[B]

No, it's not. It's. Don't you. Why don't you sex me? Or whatever.

[A]

Why? Why won't you sex me? Why won't you sex me?

[B]

That's actually what I walk around bear wigs saying. Why won't you sex me?

[A]

Why won't you sex me?

[B]

No, I had a very chaser, heavy bear wig.

[A]

Oh, okay. So at Bear Week, everyone's a bear, but the people who admire bears aren't necessarily always a bear.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

So are they a little bear?

[B]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[A]

They're not turned away at the door.

[B]

No, there is actually a thing. I mean, Bear week's been happening for a long time in Provincetown. And then there are. I mean, okay, there's lazy Bear in Guernville. There is tbru, Texas Bear Roundup that happens in Dallas. There.

[A]

That seems like a trick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Roundup.

[B]

Yeah. Texas bear.

[A]

We're gay. You want me to fly to Texas to get round up?

[B]

There's like Pig Week that happens in Fort Lauderdale. That's for everybody. But a lot of bears go to it. I mean, there are bear events. There's mad bear that happens in Madrid. There's Siches Bear Week, which is a beach town in Spain. There are bear events everywhere. The big bear romp happens in the. In like Joshua Tree or in the desert. There was a San Francisco Bear. I mean, the list goes on and on. And so the conversation everyone loves to have is when the twinks start coming to Bear week to party, because it's a good time. And then we're like, oh, well, girl. Now all the Twinks are. And the funny thing is not to make it shets. Jets vs Sharks, Twinks vs Bears. But the Shets. Not to make it, like, a face off. But there is, like, a little bit of, like, you know, bear. A lot of bears carry around trauma.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

From, like, being the fat one in high school. And so there's always, like, a little. Oh, the little muscle Twinks aren't getting a lot of attention this week. And my, you know, fat ass belly with a little jiggle in my shake and cottage cheese on my thighs is, you know, I'm bringing the boys to the yard.

[A]

That is interesting.

[B]

Yeah, it's a funny dynamic.

[A]

It is a funny dynamic. It's also interesting that twinkle. It's interesting when people don't necessarily respect the space they're in. Kind of like bachelorette parties at drag shows.

[B]

Well, the bachelorettes came to Bear week.

[A]

They did?

[B]

Sure did. Why? Because they were like, oh, we want to go to a gay town. So they, like, rented a house and showed up. I saw multiple groups of, like, women in sashes. What's the sash about? The sash is about finding each other in a crowd.

[A]

What's the sash about? It is literally about pay attention to me. I'm the most important. Because, like, a.

[B]

Then wear a better shoe. Sorry?

[A]

Wow. You don't like a block heel from Aldo?

[B]

That is what it was.

[A]

I know exactly what shoe you're talking about. The thick strap in the front ties around the ankle about an inch and a half thick block that you can lock around at that point.

[B]

Just wear some toms. Like, what are you doing?

[A]

Ew. Wear some toms. But, yeah, it's like, women, white women like to take up space where maybe they're not necessarily needed.

[B]

But then someone came up to me at one of the parties, and it was like, I don't know. I saw a girl in here, and I was like, that's okay. We're at a nightclub. He was like, I don't know. I mean, you think you're trying to have a good time? And I'm like, it's okay. We're at a nightclub. And he was talking because we took Meatball's party. Fat slut out there. So we did a fat slut, which famously is a very mixed crowd, very inclusive, and especially in p. Town. We were like, we're gonna get a lot of. Because P town is a gay space.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Gay includes women and non binary people. Even during bear week there are year and trans. Yes.

[A]

Don't forget about our trans brothers and sisters.

[B]

There are year round residents. So like when fat slut happened, it was like townies. It was other, you know, it was people there just like for their wedding trip or whatever. And I was like, you can be annoyed if like the. Okay not to do a tangent, but I'm trying to stay on theme here on your show. Yes, tangents. Last night I was throwing my sex.

[A]

Party that you won't let me work.

[B]

Well, a woman showed up with her phone out.

[A]

What?

[B]

And she was like, I'm sort of like an influencer and I wanted to make a funny video about being turned away from the sex party. And I was like, no, leave. But then I was like, if we're rude to her, she might then film and be like, I just got turned away. So, you know, men can gather here, but I'm not allowed. And so what we ended up, I whispered to my friend who I, you know, throw the party with. And he handled it so beautifully. He was like, you know, like, we really value the, like protect the identity of the people who come here and we want to make it a. But I was like, you need to tell her you are threatening to make a safe space unsafe.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

For a marginalized community.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

But I was like, what?

[A]

That is actually unhinged.

[B]

She literally, I think the story was. And I was like sort of listening. Cause I was like, I don't want to walk out there. I think she had dropped. She was either with her friend Prior and he came to the party so she knew it was happening, or she had dropped him off and then sort of separate from him. Had this idea of like, I'll go in and it'll be this like funny video of like my point of view of getting turned away from a sex party.

[A]

I. I simply don't understand that. My. That's what I mean by like not respecting the space. It's so wild to be like, yeah, I'm gonna film the location.

[B]

Rude.

[A]

I'm going to film the faces of the people throwing it.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

I'm gonna. Maybe patrons going in might be in. Like, I. That's just so nuts.

[B]

He turn and like 90 seconds later she came back in and like tried again to like explain. No, no, no. The concept of the videos. And we were like, you ma'. Am.

[A]

That's another thing about Modern times that I don't like people being like, no, you don't understand. My video that I'm trying to do, it's my video. Well, you're not the main character in this part of the story. And that part where you came up with it, you're the main character. I love it. I love it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I'm saying I don't want to be a participant, and I'm allowed to say no.

[B]

I get stuck on Those videos on TikTok of people exercising their first amendment right to film in public. Have you ever seen these?

[A]

I'm not a TikTok, girly.

[B]

Okay, that's fine. Have you seen them on Instagram?

[A]

I don't think so. It has not been aggregated to me yet.

[B]

Well, now, after I say it in front of your phone, it's somewhere. No, it's just these. They're rage baiters. They set up on the street in front of a business, and they film into the business, and then the store owner walks out and says, we can't have you filming our customers. And they go, oh, we can't. It is so infuriating. And they are correct. They're allowed to film in public on a public street. And anything that can be seen from a public street, as long as they don't cross the threshold. And we're being filmed probably at, you know, whether a traffic. Whether, you know, a ring camera, a traffic camera, like, whatever you can. We could probably piece together your whole public day.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

From cameras somewhere.

[A]

Oh, yeah. That's when they're like, here are the last moments of Sidney who fell in a well.

[B]

Yes. Or like, did you see the amazing film Madame Web?

[A]

Did I. I've seen it several times.

[B]

Me, too.

[A]

I liked it. Me, too. Nicole Dipper. I really think they. When upon first screening, I really think these execs should have looked at each other and said, should we pivot to Rocky Horror, where we invite people to talk to the screen and, like, really, Em, how campy this is.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I think it would have done better.

[B]

Like, there are so many, like, weird moments or pauses in dialogue that we could, like, yell out, like, get the Pepsi. Or like, whatever. The product placement on that is crazy. She holds that can of Pepsi so much but never drinks.

[A]

She really does. And then when they're doing the CPR. 1, 2, 3, 4. I'm tired. Keep the rhythm. 1, 2, 3. I'm tired.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Her driving that taxi to the airport, getting on a plane, and being in another country within minutes.

[B]

Oh, yeah. She was like, wait for me.

[A]

Yes, yes. In the woods.

[B]

And then you went to the jungle and the spider people took you down into the water.

[A]

The spider people said, a white lady. Come on, please.

[B]

He was like, I birthed you. That's crazy. But anyways, how they find them? How? Oh, my God. Blanking on her name. Shosh from Girls.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

How she finds them on the computer is just. She taps into all the cameras everywhere.

[A]

Yes, she does.

[B]

Madame Web is watching you.

[A]

Madame Web is watching you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I loved Madame. Have you seen Kraven?

[B]

No.

[A]

I have talked about Kraven so much on this podcast.

[B]

What's its relation to Madame Web?

[A]

So Madame Web is in the spider universe. Sony had licensing to the Spider man villains.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So Kraven is a Spider man villain, but they do his origin story where he's actually the hero and Aaron Taylor Joy's in it. And he's so pretty.

[B]

Is it Anya Taylor Joy's brother?

[A]

I don't know. Maybe.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

He's also in Nosferry. Shoot. I think you mean Aaron Taylor Johnson. That's funny. I think I always call him Aaron Taylor Joy. Yes, you do. Aaron Taylor Johnson. I refuse to remember that.

[B]

That's okay.

[A]

But he's in it.

[B]

He's got enough money. He doesn't need you to remember his name.

[A]

He certainly does. And then also, Russell Crowe is in it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And he's so bloated that you're just, like, worried the whole time, like, is he gonna pop?

[B]

Russell Crowe is in this very formative queer film from Australia.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

From, like, I think the 90s, but it could have been filmed in the 80s. He's so. He plays like a young rugby player. Faggot, gay man.

[A]

I didn't say it.

[B]

He is so hot. And he's, like, taking care of his dad who had a stroke. You know, his dad's, like, writing him notes. Go get the guy. You know, like, it's like a rom com. It is.

[A]

What's the name of the movie?

[B]

Please Help Me.

[A]

Is it the Sum of Us?

[B]

Yes, that's correct. Oh, that will make you want to jerk off and cry at the same time. That movie. He's so hot in that movie.

[A]

Well, in Kraven, he's bloated. He's a little bloated.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's like he just had. Every night before filming, he just had a lot of salt. And it's not a fat joke. It's just. He seems bloated. Bloated. Just like a lot of drinking the night before, a lot of french fries and he does a Russian accent. But it's so nice. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I haven't heard of this movie ever. I should see it.

[A]

I genuinely love it. Dipper, we have to take a break.

[B]

That's fine. Don't yell at me.

[A]

Fall is here and I love a little wardrobe refresh when the weather changes. But I don't want to spend a ton just to feel cozy and cute. That's why I'm into Quince. Quince makes it super easy to look polished, stay warm and save big. Their stuff actually feels good and looks good. I'm talking 100% Mongolian cashmere starting at just $50. Washable silk tops, denim that fits right and coats that look designer without the designer price tag. And now it's getting a little colder and I'm excited to pull out my quince Mongolian sweater again. I bought it over a year and guess what? It still looks amazing. And it's one of my go to wears in the fall. Quince works directly with top tier ethical factories and cuts out the middleman, which means you get luxury quality pieces at a fraction of the price. It's become a one stop shop for me for all of my essentials. Keep it classic and cozy this fall with long lasting staples from quince. Go to quince.com date me for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E dot com date me to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com date me this show is sponsored by Better Help. Have you ever found yourself venting your personal problems to like your Lyft driver or telling your entire life story to the lady doing your nails? Same. But hey, sometimes you need to talk to someone who's actually trained to help. That's where Better Help comes in. Better Help matches you with a license therapist online so you can stop unloading on strangers or your group chat and start working with someone who knows what to do with your spiral. Just fill out a quick questionnaire and they'll match you based on your needs and your preferences. And if it's not the right vibe, guess what? You can switch therapists at any time. No awkward breakup conversation required. And they've got receipts. Over 5 million people have used Better Help and it's rated 4.9 out of 5 from over 1.7 million reviews. They've been doing this for over 1010 years and they know how to help you find your person. As the largest online therapy provider in the world. BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of Expertise. Find the one with BetterHelp. My listeners get 10 off their first month at BetterHelp.com Date Me. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com/Date Me. Persona Nutrition delivers science back. Personalized vitamin packs that make makes daily wellness simple and convenient. In just minutes, you get a plan tailored to your health goals. No clutter. P U no guesswork. P U Just grab and go packs designed by experts. Their free quiz asked me about my habits, like, do I sleep? Mm. Do I stress? Mm. Do I remember to eat vegetables? Mm. Mm. Rude, but also important. The vitamin planet gave me actually made sense and I didn't have to Google anything. Now I got these neat little packs for the morning and night and I keep them right by my toothbrush so I remember to take them when I'm doing my skin care and brushing my dang teeth. And it's made me way more consistent and I feel like a more put together woman. And if I'm ever like, wait, why am I taking this again? I can schedule a free consultation with a nutritionist. It's included. Go to personanutrition.com date me today to take the free assessment and get your personalized daily vitamin packs. And for an exclusive offer, get 40% off your first order. That's personanutrition.com dateme Take the free assessment. Now we're back.

[B]

Still yelling.

[A]

I love yelling. So wait, are you. You're not single? You are single.

[B]

Are you single? I'm chronically single.

[A]

Do you want to be in a relationship? It feels like no.

[B]

No. Yeah, it feels like no. But I would be open to it. I'm a holic. I'm a workaholic.

[A]

Yes, you do work a lot.

[B]

And I'm a binger. And so I don't know that in the current setup of my life, there's space for a relationship. And so it's been really easy to not look for one. I've had, like, I will say, 3ish, pretty formative relationships in my life.

[A]

Would you call them great loves?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But the first one was a secret, passionate love affair with a coworker when we were camp counselors. And so we were supposed to be, you know, overseeing the kids. And we were like, all living in these dorms and we were like the RAs. And so on our nights off, we would, like, sneak around.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

That was very cool.

[A]

How old were you?

[B]

I was. I don't know, 24, 25. And he was very different looking than I, like model good looking.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, you're like, oh yeah, abs are this many numbers. Oh no, they're that many numbers.

[A]

It's like when you touch an AB for the first time, that's defined. It's like, well, the body can do that.

[B]

Truly.

[A]

My God.

[B]

And I was like, yeah, cool. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Like, what are we doing? So that was. And I had known him when I was. I like met him when I was like in my early 20s and I was just sort of like. And then I'd sort of like matured into a more confident version of myself. And then I was like, oh, my little crush on you is reciprocated. That was cool. And then I sort of dated someone who was like a colleague, very similar to me.

[A]

I love it. You're like, I'm not going far to find anybody. I'm going to work. I'm clocking in and then locking in.

[B]

Not a colleague. I guess not a colleague. It was someone who did similar work to me in Chicago. Like we both worked in theater, we were both bears, we like socialized. So it felt very like boyfriend twin type of vibe. And that was sort of. And I was also at the height of my pothead era and so I don't remember any of dating him. But he has like, he's how devastating for him. Well, he's reminded me of like. Yeah, and you had pretty wild behavior. Like you would get up at 5 in the morning and go smoke a joint and then come back to bed and like smell like weed. And I really thought you were a burnout. That was short lived but fun. And we're still friends now. Okay. And then I had like my most adult relationship, which we lived together in New York.

[A]

Oh yeah? For how long?

[B]

Three years.

[A]

That's a solid amount of time.

[B]

Yeah. And we like, you know, visited each other's family and like, you know, we were like, we were doing really well. And he had said to me, he was like, this is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in because I am a communicator. And he had only been in like non communicative relationships before. So he was like, he was like, oh, we like, like talk about problems. I learned a lot about how other people don't process. Like I do. He would say to me like, I need a day and then we can discuss that. And I was like, well, don't avoid. He's like, I'm not Avoiding. I actually need a day.

[A]

I just need some time to process this. Can I ask why did it end?

[B]

I ended it to move here.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

And he wanted kids.

[A]

Ah.

[B]

And he was ready. He was 11 years older than me and he was ready to like, be like, I've done a lot of crazy stuff. He had lived in la, he went back to New York. He had done his like artist day. He had done all this stuff. And he was like, I'm ready to settle down. And I was like, I'm just getting started.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

We are still friends. I like that every time I talk to him on the phone, I'm like, gotta steal him back from his man. But not in a way that I think I'm like actively pursuing. No, just in a way when I talk to him, I'm reminded of like.

[A]

How good it was.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

How healthy it was.

[B]

And it wasn't out of. You know how sometimes you look back and you're like, oh, well. That I wasn't even being real. It was just out of convenience. This. I sort of thought it was. Cause it just happened out of nowhere. I was like, oh, now we're dating, now we live together. But like, it really was a very good relationship.

[A]

I think that's really sweet that that's one of the relationships that was formative for you. And I also think it's really sweet that the two of you remain friends after being like, well, we're just not gonna work because we want different things. But there's still love here. And it didn't devolve into anything. Like, you know, like sometimes people break up and they're like, fuck that person, that, this, that and the other.

[B]

And I'm like, yikes.

[A]

Like, I had a bad, pretty bad relationship with somebody for a while. It was a situationship. So, you know, whatever that is a relationship. And it wasn't good. But I refused to be like, truly badmouth this person. Cuz it's like I. I spent two years with them. So if I'm badmouthing them, what the fuck does that make me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A fucking idiot. And I refuse to be an idiot. I learned a lot.

[B]

And also like, I have not been in the. Like, he didn't cheat on me or lie to me or steal money from me. It's like sometimes when people are like, fuck my ex. And then you find out what they did, you're like, got it.

[A]

Yeah, got it. You threw a dog out the window, down the stairs and. And shot. Shot your coffee table. Yeah.

[B]

And it's three legs man, it was.

[A]

Like, oh, no, how will it ever.

[B]

No, I was just a friend of mine. After I left Bear Week, this friend of mine out there texted me a photo of me and my ex from 13 years ago. Like one of the first bear weeks he took me to. He was the first one that took me. And I was like, like, I'll show you the picture, it's super cute. And I was like, oh, I missed that. And I immediately texted it to him and he was like, oh my God, that's so great. Like, look at that. And then he said to me, he was like, man, I really should have taken advantage of like, having a lot more sex when I was like that age, when I was younger. And I was like, yeah, remember I was trying to pass your hole around town and you wouldn't let me? He was like, too shy.

[A]

Remember when I was trying to pass your hole around town and you were too shy? What a sentence.

[B]

When we got together, he was like, do you want to be my boyfriend? But I know you don't want to be monogamous. And I was like, correct. Because I was traveling a lot for gigs. I was out of town every other weekend. I was like, I'm trying to fuck whoever's in Denver.

[A]

How do you not get jealous about your partner fucking other people?

[B]

Oh God, I'm gonna butcher the word corp. What does it mean, cornucopia, when you derive pleasure from your partner's.

[A]

Oh, happiness.

[B]

Pleasure or happiness? It's like corporealism, no?

[A]

Oh yeah. Compersion.

[B]

Compersion.

[A]

Compersion. That is a pretty word.

[B]

Yes. So like, I have that.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

Because in my mind, like, if we were dating, we would have this and that and our history and our love for Madame Web and all of those things that have been the building blocks. So the fact that I could walk across the room and go up to some guy that you and I were looking at, we're like, he's hot. And I'm like, yeah. And I walk over and I say, hey, my partner has a hole for you. You wanna fuck? And the hot guy comes over and I go, have at it. And you look at me and you're like, cool, thank you. And then you get this pleasure and we have this connection around. So what? The dick goes in you? I don't care. That to me is a deeper connection.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Than just the sex.

[A]

On a fundamental level, I do get it. But in my brain, I immediately go, well, that means I'm not enough. It means that I'll never be enough. They'll always need something else. And one day they're just gonna leave me. But it's like, well, they could also leave me in a monogamous relationship.

[B]

Yeah, of course. I remember having dinner with my family one time and it was shortly after I broke up with this guy. And my mom was like, well, I just want you to be happy, you know? Do you think that you might want to try to date someone again? You know, it's like her and my dad have been together for forever. There was like, you know, my mom dated like one guy for a little bit and then they settled down and they got married. Like, it was like. And I said to her, maybe. But also maybe in a decade, I don't know, I sort of foresee having anywhere from five to ten good, solid, life altering or very impactful to my life relationships. And I think that is a positive view of a love life. I don't think one person forever is gonna make me happy. And so to me, you know, the like, am I not enough? Question. I'm like, well, no one is enough. I hang out with my friends to get this vibe. I hang out with a sexual partner to get that vibe. I don't wanna date the guy who fucks like a stallion, you know, and everyone's jealous of that's not my boyfriend. Like, I wanna have him in my phone to call him up and say.

[A]

Fuck me like a stallion.

[B]

Ring the alarm.

[A]

Ring me alarm.

[B]

Ring me alarm. But you know what I mean? Like, I want to call him up and be like, it's fucking time. But I don't necessarily.

[A]

It's morphin time. It's fucking time.

[B]

You know, I don't necessarily want him on my couch every night.

[A]

Sure, I get that.

[B]

And so I think, you know, to have a full life, we fill it. I have my family bucket and my work bucket and my this and my that. And so I don't think a relationship is necessarily different than that. I think just the parameters of what it means to date someone means one thing. I do think the conversion bit is a little more challenging when you're not organizing it together.

[A]

Yes. Because if you're in Denver looking for trade, then how is the conversion happening with you and your partner?

[B]

Exactly. Now, I'll tell you an example for me was I went out of town. So we were with this ex from. You know, it's so funny. This is from like over a decade ago. But the entire time we were together, we were open. I acted upon it way more than he did. We both knew that I also, like, I was younger. My libido was way more intense than his was. But, like, I remember one time coming back from a gig, and I was like, what was your weekend like? He was like, oh, there were these open studios in Williamsburg. So I, like, walked around, I had some fun. I was like, I saw a little twinkle in his eyes. Like, what do you mean? He was like, well, I went into this one gallery and the guy was there and he was really hot. We were sort of, like flirting and no one else came in. And he sort of slid back this curtain and revealed this back room. And I followed him back there and we fucked in the studio. And I was like, tell me all the details. And, like, it got me hot. And then we ended up fucking where.

[A]

You were like, let me hear about it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Also, that doesn't happen for straight women. I've never been to a gallery where someone slid a fucking curtain back and was like, let me fuck you. I feel like that only happens to gay men. And in Queer as Folk, I feel.

[B]

Like you could be accurate in that assumption. Have you ever had sex in an art gallery? No, I've had sex in three different art galleries.

[A]

Of course you have.

[B]

I remember in Chicago, I went by and this guy was, like, setting up his show, and when I went in the front door, I locked it behind me so I could blow him.

[A]

Entrapment.

[B]

He didn't know that was coming, but he left.

[A]

Entrapment. Don't. You can't.

[B]

Well, you could.

[A]

I didn't confess to that.

[B]

I locked it with a key and swallowed it. No, I like, flipped the deadbolt so no one would come in after me.

[A]

And after I blow you, you gotta wait till that. Shit. That's my kink. If you swallowed the key.

[B]

Oh, and then you gotta follow what you said. Out of the dookie, out of the.

[A]

Dookie, out of the dookies. Oh, my God.

[B]

So, yeah, I don't know. I'd be open to a boyfriend.

[A]

You.

[B]

Know, but you gotta match my freak, you know what I mean? Like, you have to meet me where I'm at. I've always said at this point, I feel like conversations around promiscuity and non monogamy and like, STIs and like, taking prep and you know about doxy. Do you know about this?

[A]

Ooh, what's doxy?

[B]

So doxy is doxycycline that a lot of people take for, like, acne or like, if you get an ear. Ear infection, it's like a pretty standard antibiotic, but sexual Health, like, medical providers are prescribing for promiscuous, mostly in the gay community, but just anyone who is having a lot of sex to have a store of doxy at home. And if you have unprotected sex, there's a window of time from like 24 to 72 hours where you can take a double dose, 200 milligrams of doxy, and it greatly reduces the risk of getting chlamydia or gonorrhea.

[A]

Ew.

[B]

And so, like, people take doxy all the time. They'll, like go have, you know, they're on their prep or they're on their HIV meds and then they go and have like, you know, unprotected sex and then they take their doxy and then they don't end up, you know, getting chlamydia.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

And if the whole crew of people at the orgy or whatever are all fucking drugged up, like, medicated up, not.

[A]

Yeah, medicated up.

[B]

Then the risk.

[A]

We're not partying and playing.

[B]

The risk is significantly lower across the board.

[A]

You're doing a public service. Yeah, tell me.

[B]

Oh, you'd be right here.

[A]

Yes, right here.

[B]

Do your research to figure out the dosage. But yeah, it's like a. It's an up to 72 hour window.

[A]

Typically, you know, that's what we need more of.

[B]

Sexual health education.

[A]

Sexual health education. Also just like finding cures for things.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Can we, like, AIDS still doesn't have a cure.

[B]

Well, don't get me started on the.

[A]

Well, it's not nice. We should find a cure for it.

[B]

Yeah. I'm just saying there's big money in not having a cure. Not to get all.

[A]

Because you could keep people on medication that they have to pay for. And some people have to pay out of pocket and whatnot.

[B]

I think they're close, though, on the cure.

[A]

Well, get on it. I think that's what they should use AI for. Use AI to find cures for cancer.

[B]

And AIDS and fixing the fucking.

[A]

The ozone layer.

[B]

There you go. That's the word.

[A]

But I think it's ruining the ozone layer more, bro.

[B]

What's happening down in Memphis is crazy.

[A]

Is it Memphis where they have the AI farm, where, like people don't have water?

[B]

Grok.

[A]

It's crazy. It's so wild. What are we doing? I talk about AI every episode. Cause I hate it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I simply don't like it. I think it's bad.

[B]

The challenge that I find is that we can't slip into the older generation Thing of the new thing is so bad that we fight it because we have to know. When cell phones first came around, there were people who were like, I'm not getting a cell phone. I take calls in my office and I take calls in my home.

[A]

It's like they were right. I agree I should not have a.

[B]

Computer in my pocket, but it's going that direction. So the question is how to embrace it in a way that is as ethical as possible, as environmentally protective as possible. And it's about these big restrictions need to be put on how it's used from like a top down level. But sadly, our top down right now is pretty shit.

[A]

It's not good. I'll say it.

[B]

It's not good. I'll say that.

[A]

I'll say that. It's not good. I guess I agree with you. But like, I've gotten. There's been like two videos recently where I was like, I shared it with someone. They were like, you know, this is AI. And I was like, oh, no.

[B]

Oh, you did it.

[A]

I'm getting fooled and I don't like that. I don't like that at all. I don't want to be fooled anymore.

[B]

What fooled you was the cat talking?

[A]

No, it was a lady falling off a fence.

[B]

Did she have all her fingers?

[A]

Upon closer inspection, the way she falls is not how people fall.

[B]

No, I always clock that there's something with the audio. It's always sort of crackly up top.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

That's the thing.

[A]

But it's gonna get to a point where it's not crackly up top. Everyone's gonna have their fingers and toes and it's gonna looks so real true. Oh, Lord. If you love a complicated slow burn romance, Pride and Prejudice is the blueprint. And now there's a brand new way to experience it. With a full cast audible original performance that brings the drama to life. It stars Marissa Abella, Eddie says Elizabeth Bennett, and she really pulls you inside her head. It's emotional, it's funny, it's dramatic. She is going through it with Mr. Darcy, played by Harris Dickinson. And you're like, girl, just kiss already. And guess what? The cast is stacked. Marion Jean Baptiste, Will Poulter, Bill Nighy, and Glenn Close as Lady Catherine Deball. Plus the music has an original score that gives a fresh and modern feel. But the story still hits. The drama, the misunderstandings, the SL build. It all feels so juicy. In audio form. If you've never listened to an audiobook, this is a great one to start with. And if Pride and Prejudice is already your fave. This version is like hearing it again for the very first time. You're in for romance, miscommunication, stubborn people with too many opinions. It's perfect. Listen to the new Pride and [e-mail] janeaustin that is audible.com Jane Austen. It's the kind of thing you'll want to rewind just to hear attention again. Life doesn't come with an instruction manual, but the Life Kit podcast gets you pretty close. Whether we're helping you tackle life altering questions or just your everyday pickles, we've got deeply human solutions to your deeply human problems. Listen now to the Life Kit podcast from npr. Dipper.

[B]

Yes?

[A]

Do you have any advice for single people?

[B]

I am single.

[A]

I know. Do you have advice for your fellow fucking people?

[B]

I guess, but in what context? To achieve what happiness? Do you for me? Cause I'm flailing. What are you talking about?

[A]

I do. You could be nicer to yourself.

[B]

Ooh, I thought you were about to say nicer to people.

[A]

No, I don't give a shit about people.

[B]

Don't again me being mean to myself.

[A]

No, I think you could be nicer to yourself because so many people love you. So why would you be mean to that person? That's.

[B]

That's true. Did Mary teach you that?

[A]

Listen, I've moved on from therapist.

[B]

I know, I know, but Mary did.

[A]

Kind of teach me that.

[B]

I feel like she did because I feel like I learned that lesson from you three or four years ago.

[A]

When we first started working together. She was like, what do you want out of therapy? I was like, to be better. And she's like, let's just accept this person that you are and work on maybe improving that person. I was like, oh, yeah.

[B]

It's like, what's better?

[A]

Yeah, what is better?

[B]

What is better? I don't know. Subjective.

[A]

It is subjective. I don't know. I know how I wanna be a better person. I would like to wake up just earlier, earlier than I need to, and take time for myself. Because the way I wake up is I wake up and I go, all right, I have to get ready in 10 minutes. And then 30 minutes will roll by. And then I go, oh, no. And then I'm like. Like a little hurricane in my house trying to figure out how to leave. And then my poor dog gets a short walk into, like, I'm walking later. And it's just like, if I just woke up a little bit earlier and took time for me, I think I would be happier. Yeah, but that's been really hard for me to do.

[B]

It's a challenge. I think it's really hard to. This modern age, we, like, consume so much and so much that we consume on that tiny little computer in our pocket is like, unqualified people giving us advice is people that will never interact in real life showing us what a better life they have. When we talk about, oh, is today a hellscape? I consider this all the time. I'm like, things are much better, but they feel much worse because we are consuming every tiny little piece of news. But also, back in the day, the only news we got was heavily filtered by the companies that owned the three newspapers or the three channels that showed the nightly news or whatever. So it's really hard to discern what's real and what's not and what's right and what's wrong and what's better and what's not better. So I think, like, to comment on your how to be better, but then also answer the advice question. I think it's like finding something you can do that makes you feel good, that isn't, like, destructive. I participate in a lot of behavior that makes me feel good in the moment, but then I don't like instant gratification.

[A]

And then you're like, wow, I'll stay.

[B]

Up and binge a TV show all night long, but then I'm tired the next day. And I love the binge. But then when I'm exhausted the next day, I'm like, what did I do that for? Same with food.

[A]

Yeah, that's food.

[B]

You know, And I'm just like, why not go the step beyond? And then, like, do the thing that I know is gonna make me feel good ultimately, not in the moment.

[A]

Cause that's hard. Instant gratification's a really nice thing.

[B]

And we're trained to look for it even more now than now, more than ever.

[A]

Something. And then people immediately like it. And you're like, ooh, how many likes do I get?

[B]

Yeah. And how many times a day do you look at that phone because you get a ding and it's a fucking ad.

[A]

Yes. And you're like, and then I spend more time on the phone. So I. I mean, I put a timer on my phone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I have to ask for more time on Instagram when it hits it.

[B]

Please, sir, can I have some more?

[A]

Yeah. And every time I'm like, 15 more minutes. I'm like, God, you little crackhead. Go read a book. Go do anything else.

[B]

Go read a book. My God, it's a lot.

[A]

I'VE been struggling through this book that I like, but it's like, it's really hard to sit and read for 45 minutes to an hour. So I'm reading an easier book because it's written like a text message and I'm like. So I'm like, with the bubbles? No, I just mean it's not written well. It's easy sentences, easy to read.

[B]

How do you find it? You Google easy book?

[A]

No, it's just a book that I've had for a really long time.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So I'm reading that. It is.

[B]

It's okay. You don't have to share. It makes you happy.

[A]

It's the Giving Tree. I'm just reading the Giving Tree over and over and over again. It makes me happy. I like the book, but I was like, that's how I'm going to ease into reading again. I'm going to finish this easy ish novel and then I'm going to go back to my harder one.

[B]

Yeah, girl.

[A]

Times is tough for the brain.

[B]

It is. And a new frontier. We've never been here before. We don't know how, like, corroded our technology zapped brains are.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. I have a question for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How do you feel about this? I have this mentality when it comes to men. I wanna fuck first and I wanna see if the sex is good and fun and exciting and then I'd be willing to, like, have coffee.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

You do.

[A]

That's honestly how I used to be.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I used to be like, I gotta fuck you on the first date to make sure dick is good. This, that, and the other. But I never dated anybody who actually liked me. If I were to really be real with myself and think about everyone I dated for more than three dates, for more than a month, not one of those men liked me. I was there. I was available. But they.

[B]

Good sexual chemistry.

[A]

Most of them, yes. Most. Most of the people I dated past, like, a month or whatever. Yeah. Yes. And then the. The person I dated a couple years ago, I was like, I think I'll wait. And then we waited. It was good. But then, like, that person also didn't. I don't. I. I think they liked me, but, like, we were not compatible. And then my current partner. I think we're compatible in a lot of different aspects. Sexually, non, sexually. And he is one of my favorite people to just, like, be with.

[B]

See? And that's why I'm like, reconsidering this philosophy.

[A]

Yeah. Because with him, it's like, everything's really good, you know? And it's not. It's like we have problems. Everybody has problems.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But, like, for the most part, I would say, like 97% of it is really fucking good.

[B]

Right. And you want to be like, I want to talk to you about Craven over and over again.

[A]

This man. We were at a hotel and we were at a bar. Before we got to the hotel, he was like, I can't wait to get in bed and watch Craven with you. And I was like, okay.

[B]

You were drenched.

[A]

Drenched. Soaking fucking wet. They had to get the mops out.

[B]

Ring the alarm.

[A]

Ring the alarm. Get the mops. And then he spent a good half hour trying to cast it to the hotel tv.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And then it didn't work. So then he just set up his laptop where we could both watch it. And then it was just, like, so sweet. And then he kept threatening to buy an HDBI cable. Hdmi.

[B]

Threatening?

[A]

Yeah. But he never did it, so that's why it was a threat. But it was just like, this person in my life loves me and wants to make me happy, and I'm happy watching Craven in a hotel room. So he was like, I want to make that happen. And I guess that means. That means so much to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, sex is a plus. It's like a bonus. But it's like being with someone who likes me and admires me and looks at me in a way that I'm just like, oh, my God. He really. He thought that was funny.

[B]

Yeah. Well, because that's the thing of the. Oh, you can always go out and find more stuff. You can always, like, you know, maybe your relationship isn't open, but you have an agreement that, like, oh, it's summertime. Let's have one night where we, like, bring in a third. Or let's do this or let's do that. You can always do that. But that, like, long term sort of connected chemistry, that's a harder thing to find. And so it's almost like, I think for me, in looking out into the, you know, the fish in the sea.

[A]

The fish in the sea.

[B]

I'm always thinking about, like, well, who's gonna. Like, I haven't met anyone that has really captured my attention, you know, and like, one way or the other, I'm also so impressed when people have been together for a really long time.

[A]

Same.

[B]

And then they go like, oh, yeah, I couldn't keep my hands off them. We, like, had to fuck again. I'm like, really? Sometimes when I go back, sick of It. I'm like, sometimes when I go back for thirds, I'm like, okay, that's.

[A]

But I think there's something to being attracted to somebody and then being best friends with somebody and then choosing to do life with that person. I think all of that makes that person more attractive and it makes you want to, like, never get your hands off of them. And it like, yeah, I mean, it.

[B]

Would be cool to be like, you know, a couple years into a relationship and then they're like, oh, I called the bank and I, like, reorganized our retirement. We're going to get a better interest rate. And I'm like, I'm gonna suck the dick right off your body.

[A]

Being with someone like that is nice. Like, my partner thinks of things like that and I'm always like, whoa, my God.

[B]

God, this is such like a 40 year old conversation. It's so funny. I used to do sex all the time, and now I want someone to reorganize their sexuality.

[A]

I want someone to do my retirement plan. Dipper, we have come to the end.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Would you date me?

[B]

You know, the first time I was on this show, I said no. Do you remember this? And no one has really said no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I said no. Cause I was like, I don't date women. And I think we're too alike.

[A]

Well, my friend Mitch, that was what he said. He was like, I think we would just, like, eat ourselves to death. We're too much alike.

[B]

Oh, my God, that is so funny. But, you know, we've grown closer over time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I feel like we've both, like, matured in ways that would be complimentary.

[A]

I think so too. Also, you say you communicate a lot. I'm getting there. Communication is very hard. I used to be a person that was like, oh, I need a day, or I wouldn't even say I needed a day. I would just be like, it's fine, it's fine. And then a day, day and a half later and be like, here's a wall of a text. It wasn't fine.

[B]

It wasn't fine. Yeah, I would date too.

[A]

But I'm getting into the mindset of, like, in the moment, I can say, hey, I didn't love that. Yeah, I didn't like that.

[B]

And there's a way about doing that, that when you communicate it, you're also. You've. You learn, at least for me, like, there's a way to be like, I didn't like that. And it's fighting versus, hey, I didn't like that. And here's why?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's, like, said with a loving tone or, like, an inviting tone of like, we're still here.

[A]

Talk about this.

[B]

Yeah. But I just want to let you know, don't do that again.

[A]

I once dated somebody where I had to do a lot of preamble before doing that. I had to go, hey, this is not a dig on you, your character, you as a person. But I didn't like when you did X, Y, and Z. And then somehow they would always turn it around on how they were a bad person and how they. And that is exhausting.

[B]

It's so exhausting because you're, like, now you've created a brand new issue when I'm just trying to talk about what happened here.

[A]

And it's like, why can't you just.

[B]

Say sorry and hear me when I say, if I didn't like you, I wouldn't be doing the work of trying to make this better.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

I like you. That's why we're talking about yes.

[A]

Oh, Dipper, you get it.

[B]

Maybe I am ready for a boyfriend.

[A]

It sounds like you are.

[B]

Call me. Call me. Gentlemen.

[A]

Well, where can people find you? What do you want to promote?

[B]

I'm on Instagram. Big Dipper Jelly. I have a podcast with Meatball, former guest of this pod called Sloppy Seconds.

[A]

It's such a fun time.

[B]

We've been doing it forever. Isn't it crazy to reflect back and be like, wow, we've been podcasting forever. I mean, you've been doing.

[A]

I can't believe how long I've done this show. And I can't believe I still like doing it. I really love doing this show.

[B]

I love podcasting. That was my one goal in moving out here. Because your co host on another show, Lauren Lapkis.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We went to middle school and high school together. She was my prom date.

[A]

Do you even pick of that?

[B]

No, because I did.

[A]

I'm sure Lauren does.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And it's a photo of her sitting next to an empty chair with my sport coat on it. Because I was a senior and she was a junior and I was gay. Duh. So there was no pretense that we were, like, on a date. And I was like, I'm bringing my friend, but I'm friends with everybody here. So I was, like, on the dance floor, like, having a great time.

[A]

She's so funny.

[B]

And she'll always text it to me. It's a photo of her with an empty chair, and she's like, just, you remember this?

[A]

Just you remember this? Were you out in high school?

[B]

No. I came out to, like, three people in my senior year. So some people knew and most people suspected, but Lauren had a bunch of successful podcasts. And so when I moved out to la, my goal was to start a podcast. And shortly after I moved, I met Meatball and I was like, hello, stranger. Would you like to start a podcast together? And that's how we started working together.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's so funny. You weren't friends before.

[B]

No. I met her in a nightclub backstage. We had a really nice conversation, and I've been sober for, like, 14 years. And I said to her backstage, she's in drag. Back when she used to wear leotards with the belly cut out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, okay, that was a nice era. We're both bears and we're having this coherent conversation. I was like, it's so great to meet someone and have, like a real, actual non, like, drunk conversation at a nightclub. She was blacked out drunk. Her superpower is that people don't know.

[A]

That she's blackout drunk until she's vomiting somewhere.

[B]

And then I hit her up the next day and I was like, let's have a meeting about this thing. And we started and it was like, months later. She was like, I don't remember that.

[A]

That's so funny. I don't remember that. I'll go to this meeting.

[B]

But then it was later revealed to me that prior to her drag career, she was a fan. She came to my shows, she bought my merch. We found old pictures of her tagging. Old pictures, tagging me, talking about in my Big Dipper jelly merch.

[A]

Oh, my. I'm obsessed, obsessed with that. I love that so much. Why won't you let me work a sex party?

[B]

I think because currently the gay male ego is too fragile to have a femme energy in that space. If my sex party evolves and we have like a queer or, like, more inclusive scenario, then yes, very jameer answer.

[A]

What if I do drag?

[B]

You're also too famous.

[A]

What if I do drag?

[B]

And do what? Then you're not gonna wanna work.

[A]

No. What if I do?

[B]

You would hang out.

[A]

What if I do drag at the door?

[B]

Oh, you wanna do drag at the door?

[A]

Yeah. Or I just look like Kenan Thompson and I take money in people's coats.

[B]

You look like Kenan Thompson. The problem is that men, when they're coming to these spaces, they're parked their car and they're, like, kind of nervous and they put their head down and they're like, they're not ready. Because we, you know, we do them in cool and interesting industrial and unique locations. So people are trying to zip on in there. If I do, I'm looking to expand the brand. I'm gonna turn the brand. Listen, I'm gonna turn the brand into a porn studio, and I'm gonna turn the brand into, like, a nightlife thing. So as we expand that, there will be a place for you in drain your nut family.

[A]

It's such a funny name for something. Drain your nut.

[B]

So proud of it as a branding position. It's so funny because it's like, it can become D, Y, N, which, like, is a weird three letters.

[A]

But it, like, it's like, what would Jesus do? What is drain your nut?

[B]

Drain your nut means so many things. Could be a party where you're like, dance your face off. It could become a gambling night where you drain your nut.

[A]

Drain your nut, spend your money.

[B]

Yeah. Or it could be what it is right now, which is a fuck party where everybody comes.

[A]

And where can people find them?

[B]

Drainy.com not on the show advertising the sex party.

[A]

I mean, maybe it'll become like a destination. People will come to visit LA to come to drain your nut.

[B]

Well, we do it in Phoenix and Palm Springs. Soon to be San Francisco.

[A]

Too hot.

[B]

Chicago. All these places have air conditioning. San Diego.

[A]

You heard it here first.

[B]

We do it everywhere.

[A]

All those places have air conditioning. Okay, well, if you like this episode of why won't you date me? You can, like, you can rate, you can subscribe. Give me 5 stars on Apple podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me? Podcastmail.com we're running low. Please send some. Don't send them to my to like, my Instagram or anything. Please send them to why won't you date me? Podcastmail.com Dear Nicole, if I knew I could get a chance with you, I would take a course to get licensed in hot air balloon flying. I would pick the prettiest purple hot air balloon and fly you up in it. Okay. I'd eat your pussy so good that you reach a new level of pleasure that makes you giggle uncontrollably.

[B]

Well, yeah, because you'd be up in the air, a new level of pleasure.

[A]

Oh, new level. That was smart. You got it. I didn't get that joke. With each giggle, your pussy eating would get better and better until we fill the hot air balloon with your juices. Well, that's gonna weigh it down. You trying to kill me? Who knows Maybe we'll give the airplanes above a good shot. From anonymous Gemini fan. Thank you. Anonymous Gemini fan.

[B]

Famously love to look down through the floor of the airplane.

[A]

Why don't they make. They have boats with the clear bottoms. Why don't they make planes with the clear bottoms?

[B]

It would be too scary.

[A]

I would love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Bye. Oh, you've been listening to why Won't yout Date Me With Me, Nicole Byer. This show is produced and edited by Mars, with executive producer Anya Kanovskaya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue with guest research by Lindsay Kempf. Our VP of content at Headgum is Katie Moose. And our thief music is arranged by Mike Comate. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye. Bye. That was a Headgum podcast. I'm Tig Notaro. I'm May Martin. And I'm Fortune Feimster. And together we're Handsome. What is Handsome? Well, it's a state of mind. It's how you feel. It's whatever you want it to be. Handsome is also a podcast hosted by us three standup comedians you may have seen on your tv. We swap stories, share life updates, and occasionally laugh until we cry. Every episode, we answer a question from a celebrity friend. People like Sarah Silverman.

[B]

It's Stephen Colbert.

[A]

It's Reese Witherspoon. My name is Mindy Kaling. Hello, Handsome Podcast.

[B]

It's Jen Aniston here, you gorgeous devil, you.

[A]

So if you're looking for a positive, joyful show guaranteed to make you giggle, check out Handsome. Jump right in with whatever episode tickles your fancy. Or start from the very first episode. Listen to Handsome on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Tuesday and Friday. And don't forget, keep it handsome. Hi, I'm Ilana Hope Levinson.

[B]

And I'm Dan o'.

[A]

Sullivan. And this is the outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum.

[B]

Now, we're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious various stuff like that.

[A]

Every week, we're gonna bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't. But all of them are gonna help explain why America is like this.

[B]

See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas gay bars. Who knew? Who knew the mob's involved?

[A]

All that and more. Subscribe to the Outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes.