How to Trick your Partner Into Better Taste (w/ Bobby Berk)

Summary

Podcast Summary

Why Won’t You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

Episode: How to Trick Your Partner Into Better Taste (w/ Bobby Berk)
Release Date: December 26, 2025
Host: Nicole Byer
Guest: Bobby Berk (Emmy Award–winning interior designer, Queer Eye, and new show "Junk or Jackpot")

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Episode Overview

This episode features Nicole Byer in conversation with Bobby Berk. They candidly and hilariously discuss the messiness of love, long-term relationships, "tricking" your partner into having better taste, and how living spaces and organization can impact romance. Bobby shares behind-the-scenes stories from his personal life and career—including his new HGTV show "Junk or Jackpot"—and offers advice for singles and couples alike. The tone is open, irreverent, and deeply relatable, with both hosts sharing personal anecdotes and banter throughout.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing Bobby Berk & "Junk or Jackpot"

• [03:32] Nicole: Brings up Bobby's new show, asking for the premise.
• [03:39] Bobby: The show helps people with overwhelming collections—"sort of like hoarders with money"—figure out what’s valuable, sell off treasures, and use those funds for home renovations.
  • "Some of them, it’s destroyed their relationships… I help them go through it… experts figure out if anything they have is actually worth anything." [04:30]
  • Inspiration came from John Cena and his own collecting habits.

2. Collections & Relationships

• [05:33] Nicole: Admits to hoarding clothing.
• [05:44] Bobby: Shares about a collector who turned her entire home into a fashion archive, impacting her relationship.
  • "Her home became… her business. Her girlfriend had literally, like, a little corner for her, poor girlfriend." [06:10]
  • Nicole: "I have so much fucking clothing." [06:21]

3. Organization and Couples

• [07:03] Nicole: Asks if lack of organization can cause fights.
• [07:11] Bobby: Admits to being somewhat Type A/Virgo but learned to tolerate hidden chaos.
  • "If the chaos is hidden, I've learned to let it go. Where before, I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking about that cabinet." [07:50]
• Both laugh about partners who make messes in specific (like water on the bathroom floor).

4. Bobby’s Relationship Origin & Secrets to Longevity

• [08:40] Bobby: Met his husband on Gay.com 22 years ago—pre-iPhone.
  • "Our first week dating, he actually had to use his student loan money to pay my cell phone bill." [09:02]
• [10:21] Bobby: The "serious" secret: "We prioritize each other. I prioritize him over everything and everyone else… We never poop in front of each other. I think that's a really big deal." [10:21]
• Hilarious detour about couples who are comfortable using the bathroom in front of each other.
  • Nicole: "When I'm shitting, I'm going for the gold. I'm like ratatouille." [11:07]

5. Traveling as a Couple

• [13:10] Nicole: Asks if they travel well together.
• [13:20] Bobby: Didn't use to; he's Type A, his husband is more carefree.
  • "Now he's just conceded, and he knows that my way is best." [13:40]

6. Bad Dates and Red Flags

• [13:47] Nicole: Asks about bad dates.
• [14:01] Bobby: Was a "serial monogamist," often dated men who needed a place to live.
  • Shares a story about a date where the man only talked about himself—no questions back.
  • "This guy was just like, me, me, me... I’m pretty sure everything you just told me was a lie." [14:44]
• They riff on the pleasure of catching someone in a lie.

7. Dating & Relationship Advice

• [19:55] Nicole: Asks for advice for single people.
• [20:11] Bobby: "Keep yourself open. Don’t allow yourself to be jaded."
  • Nicole’s mom: "It takes more energy to frown than it does to smile." [20:34]
• [24:32] Bobby: On “tricking” his husband into good taste:
  • "Just give him three choices. Two being really bad, and one being the one I would choose." [24:32]
  • Nicole: "That’s a funny way to trick somebody." [24:41]
  • Bobby: "What I do is trick. I’m a little trickster." [25:11]

8. Proposal and Wedding Story

• [25:28] Bobby: His husband proposed during a surprise sailing trip and wedding in Cabo—the day after taking (way too strong) pot brownies.
  • "I was scooting across the floor because the gravity of the earth was so strong… Dewey’s on one knee, then leans over the side of the boat and throws up. And then everyone throws up. So that was my proposal." [26:11]
  • "As the doors open, the wedding’s there, the wedding’s happening, friends are there waiting!" [28:13]
  • On not planning the wedding: "There was a split second where I was like, he stole my wedding from me… then that quickly turned to ‘thank God he did’." [29:12]

9. Gift-Giving, Romance, and Partnership

• [36:03] Bobby: Neither of them is particularly "romantic" by traditional standards.
  • "Our form of intimacy and the reason why our relationship works is because we put each other first." [36:19]
  • They don’t do holiday or birthday presents—prefer experiences together.
  • "If people are like, oh, well that must be nice to have money to travel—yes, but if you didn’t spend money on Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, anniversary gifts… girl, you could go on a vacation." [37:48]
  • "Don’t put stupid pressures on him or her or them or they." [38:06]
• [40:06] Nicole: Admits she sometimes just asks directly for flowers on Valentine’s Day.
  • Bobby: "If you want something, why make him guess and then be disappointed… just tell him." [40:22]

10. Home Design and Taste in Couples

• [23:39] Nicole: Asks Bobby about merging tastes as a designer in his relationship.
• [23:39] Bobby: "I have molded my husband into having good taste… His fashion sense is better than mine now… his home decor was non-existent." [23:39]
  • Uses the "three choices" trick as a way to shape his partner’s selections.

11. Moving in Together: Advice for Maximalists vs. Minimalists

• [49:00] Audience question: Advice for couples moving in together with different aesthetics.
• [49:28] Bobby: Try to agree on a color story, be willing to compromise, and, humorously, “whoever has the best taste wins.”
  • Shares an anecdote: "This woman was upset her boyfriend didn’t care about the home’s look—I was like 'marry him.' It’s great, you get to do what you want!" [50:22]

12. Red Flags in Dating

• [44:45] Nicole: Asks Bobby about red flags.
• [44:57] Bobby: "Narcissism… talking too much about themselves, always being the victim in a problem they created." [44:57]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On longevity in relationships:
  “We prioritize each other. I prioritize him over everything and everyone else… We never poop in front of each other. I think that’s a really big deal.” – Bobby, [10:21]

• On “tricking” a partner’s taste:
  "I have molded my husband into having good taste...I've learned to give him three choices. Two being really bad, and one being the one I would choose...What I do is trick. I’m a little trickster." – Bobby, [24:32] / [25:11]

• On bad dates:
  “This guy was just like, me, me, me... I’m pretty sure everything you just told me was a lie.” – Bobby, [14:44]

• On gifts vs. experiences:
  “If you didn’t spend money on Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, anniversary gifts... girl, you could go on a vacation. And the time you spend uninterrupted... just is worth far more than getting the perfect table for Valentine’s.” – Bobby, [37:48]

• On direct communication in relationships:
  “If you want something, why make him guess and then be disappointed... just tell him.” – Bobby, [40:22]

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Highlighted Segments & Timestamps

• Intro, John Cena’s inspiration for the show: [03:39] – [05:03]
• Clothing archival hoarding story: [05:37] – [06:32]
• Virgo habits and organization: [07:11] – [07:50]
• Meeting & early years with husband: [08:40] – [09:14]
• Secrets to long-term relationships: [10:21] – [11:07]
• Hilarious bathroom boundary discussion: [10:41] – [11:23]
• Traveling together, learning compromises: [13:10] – [13:40]
• The “three choices” taste trick: [24:32] – [25:11]
• Wild proposal & impromptu wedding story: [25:28] – [29:31]
• Gift-giving philosophy & experiences over things: [36:03] – [38:06]
• Advice for couples with clashing aesthetics: [49:00] – [50:35]
• Red flags in dating: [44:45] – [45:38]

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Takeaways & Advice for Listeners

• Prioritize your partner and the relationship over social conventions about romance.
• Be open and direct about what you want in a relationship.
• When merging tastes, compromise and gentle nudging can work—sometimes with humor and strategy.
• Don’t let gifting rituals or mismatched aesthetics become unnecessary sources of pressure.
• "Experience" gifts and uninterrupted time together can be more meaningful than objects.
• Red flags: narcissism, perpetual victimhood, and lack of curiosity or care about the other’s experience.

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Host’s Final Question:
“Would you date me?”
Bobby’s Answer: “Of course. Yes. Virgo power.” [51:14]

Promotion:
Watch Bobby Berk’s new show "Junk or Jackpot," now on HGTV, HBO Max, and Discovery+.

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This summary distills the content, tone, and highlights of the episode—bringing Nicole and Bobby’s humor and heartfelt insights for those who may have missed the episode, or want the best moments at a glance.

Transcript

[Nicole Byer]

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description.

[Bobby Berk]

This is a headgum podcast.

[Nicole Byer]

Quick, choose a meal deal with McValue. The five dollar McChicken meal deal, the six dollar McDouble meal deal, or the new seven dollar Daily Double meal deal. Each with its own small fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's for a limited time only.

[Bobby Berk]

Prices and participation may vary not by aldermic delivery. We never poop in front of each other. I think that's a really big deal. I think that I, you know, all my other friends that have been in really long term relationships all have that same rule. That's a fun place.

[Nicole Byer]

Like that's not a. I simply cannot fathom that.

[Bobby Berk]

Neither can I.

[Nicole Byer]

Because when I'm shitting, I'm going for the gold. I'm like ratchata. Like I'm fucking shitting it.

[Bobby Berk]

You're like, I'm shitting it. I am putting it in a Delta Airlines blanket and I.

[Nicole Byer]

And I'm gonna leave it for somebody. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Ooh baby. Welcome to another episode of why Won't yout Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single. Even though you could come in a mug and tell me it's a marshmallow. My guest today is an Emmy Award winning intuder designer who starred in the Netflix hit series Queer Eye. His new show Junk or Jackpot premieres today on hgtv. It's available to stream the next day on hbo, Max and Discovery. I'm so excited. It's.

[Bobby Berk]

Be book. Match your energy there. It's so good to be here.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm out of my mind. How are you?

[Bobby Berk]

You know what, that's my favorite type of people though.

[Nicole Byer]

Hey, thank you so much. I never want to be in my right. I love just being a full blown Looney Tune.

[Bobby Berk]

No, being in your right mind is boring and it's not fun.

[Nicole Byer]

I love it. I like this sweatshirt.

[Bobby Berk]

Thank you. You know, it's Abercrombie. It's comfy. It's like my Midwest roots.

[Nicole Byer]

I love that.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. I went through the closet today and I go, what can I wear today to look more Gen Z? And it was this.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I think you do look very Gen Z baggy.

[Bobby Berk]

Can we talk about how brilliant they were with the baggy Clothes. Because us millennials, we're like, oh, tight jeans, tight shirts. Let's. But then, finally, one day, I embrace this. I'm like, it. We've been wearing this the whole time.

[Nicole Byer]

It goes in, like, ebbs and flows. I've been seeing, like, teens who look like how I looked like when I was in middle school. And I was like, this is crazy. I love it. It's fun. I got my big shoes on. The teens are we.

[Bobby Berk]

I feel like you always got a little platform on, and they're always cute. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I like a big stomper. These look like Bratz doll shoes. I love that, and it makes me very happy. I got them at a thrift store for $50.

[Bobby Berk]

I think that's quite a steal.

[Nicole Byer]

No, it's not. Goodwill's losing their goddamn money.

[Bobby Berk]

But they look brand new, though.

[Nicole Byer]

They were brand new. They should be $2. I'm at a thrift store. What are we doing?

[Bobby Berk]

What are we doing? Goodwill is for profit. Do you know that? No, Goodwill's.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, no, I did know that.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. Goodwill's actually for profit.

[Nicole Byer]

Profit Savers is for profit.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But Salvation.

[Bobby Berk]

Salvation army is for Jesus.

[Nicole Byer]

It's for Jesus.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. Which is also for profit.

[Nicole Byer]

Jesus needs money. Wait, so your new show, Junk or Jackpot? You're helping people go through their homes?

[Bobby Berk]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

And it's not like hoarders, right? I mean, kind of sorta hoarders with money. Hoarders.

[Bobby Berk]

Oh, yeah. Horse. So we find people that have crazy collections.

[Nicole Byer]

That.

[Bobby Berk]

And this was created by John Cena. Cause John Cena had crazy collections of his own. And obviously he has a lot of fans who collect a lot of wwe. Is that what it's. I was on. They Collect a lot of wme. But I'm like, no, that's.

[Nicole Byer]

That's an agency.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, that's an agency. So he had this idea at dinner one night. He's like, this would be a great show to find these people whose collections have taken over their lives. Because he was actually selling a big chunk of his. One of his collections to fund a renovation.

[Nicole Byer]

What was the collection? Can you say, I don't. Don't tell that man's business.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, I don't. I don't.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't tell that man's business. That was a bad question. It was terrible.

[Bobby Berk]

And he wanted me to host it. So when John Cena asked you to.

[Nicole Byer]

Host something, you say, yes, please. Why not? And so we go, yes, Daddy.

[Bobby Berk]

And like, you can't study. He. So we go out, we find people with crazy collections. And it's. They've kind of taken over their lives. Not only have they taken over their homes, but they've taken over their lives. Some of them. It's destroyed their relationships. And, like, why won't you date me? Because you have too many Disney things in your house, and they need a change. So I go in, and there's either like, some big life event that's happened, or, again, like, a spouse has left them. And I help them kind of go through it. We bring in experts that figure out if anything they have is actually worth anything.

[Nicole Byer]

Antique Roadshow.

[Bobby Berk]

Yes. So it's like Hoarders meets Antiques Roadshow meets a design show. And pretty much every single one of them had treasures that are jackpots that they were just blown away by. And then we use those funds after I pry them out of their cold, dead hands, and I use those for the renovations. And we do. It's not like I don't redo their whole house, but I get their collection under control. I get the design aspect, the organization under control. And it's a cute show. It's a lot of fun.

[Nicole Byer]

That sounds like a nice time. I collect clothing.

[Bobby Berk]

We actually. One of our collectors collects clothing.

[Nicole Byer]

Really? Did she have any, like, fun designer finds?

[Bobby Berk]

So she has an archive. You might have even, like, rented stuff from her before. It's not too far from here. It's the Lido archive. And she has this massive house in the hills that is just filled with thousands and thousands of pieces. Like, Chapel Roan wears her stuff. Atsuko rented a dress for. It's just like. But it had taken over. It started out as just a few rooms in her home, and then her home became her entire home, became her business. And she recently had her girlfriend move in, and there was literally, like, a little corner in the house for her poor girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so some people are like, well, clothing is not a collection.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm like, no, it can be. I have so much fucking clothing.

[Bobby Berk]

The pieces she has were just amazing. And there were some dresses that were, like, worth 40, $50,000.

[Nicole Byer]

That's not my collection.

[Bobby Berk]

I'm not gonna give away if she sold some of those.

[Nicole Byer]

No, no, don't give it away. The people need to watch. Make them do some work. Make them pick up a remote. Do some. Some bicep curls.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

Some remote calisthenics.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I don't have any treasures in my house. And I know it. It's just. It's sweatshirts like this that says. What does it say?

[Bobby Berk]

Reading is something to cheer about. You know, it is as we were talking about Ru earlier. Reading is fundamental.

[Nicole Byer]

Reading is fundamental. Do you organization can, like, lead to.

[Bobby Berk]

Fights in a relationship or organization or lack of organization?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, lack of.

[Bobby Berk]

Absolutely.

[Nicole Byer]

Are you organized or are you messy?

[Bobby Berk]

I'm definitely not messy, and I am organized in some aspects of my life, but being, like, very a type Virgo that I am.

[Nicole Byer]

When's your birthday?

[Bobby Berk]

August 25th.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm August 29th. We're both. We're both Virgos.

[Bobby Berk]

That makes sense.

[Nicole Byer]

I love that for us.

[Bobby Berk]

But as you know, there's a lot of things, like, we don't let go of.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

And I eventually had to be like, you know what? I'm not gonna sweat if there's a pile of clothing on a chair in my bedroom. I'm not gonna sweat if this cabinet that. When I moved in and I shoved stuff in and I told myself, I'll.

[Nicole Byer]

Get to it, I'll get to it.

[Bobby Berk]

And I haven't. Five years later.

[Nicole Byer]

And that's okay.

[Bobby Berk]

I'm not gonna sweat it.

[Nicole Byer]

That's okay.

[Bobby Berk]

As long as visually, there is no chaos, I'm good. If the chaos is hidden, I've learned to let it go. Where before, I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking about that cabinet, and I would have to go organize it. And luckily, my husband is also, like, very. He's not messy at all, except with, like, water in the bathroom. I call him, like a duck. He just gets water everywhere.

[Nicole Byer]

The nice man in my life also gets water everywhere. And I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah, what on earth are you doing in there?

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, that's why I call him a duck. He's like. And I've seen him, like, when he washes his hands instead of, like, shaking them in the. He'll go like this. I'm like, that's insane. Did you not see the water go outside? I see it, but he doesn't. He doesn't.

[Nicole Byer]

I guess water evaporates and people are like, whatever.

[Bobby Berk]

And it leaves spots.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And then I don't like the spots.

[Bobby Berk]

Same.

[Nicole Byer]

How'd you meet your husband?

[Bobby Berk]

We met on gay.com.

[Nicole Byer]

Gay.Com? Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

22 years ago.

[Nicole Byer]

Damn.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

So you were sitting at a computer.

[Bobby Berk]

Yes. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It wasn't a moment 20 years ago.

[Bobby Berk]

No. We met three years before the first iPhone even came out. And it's funny. It's because 2007, three years before the.

[Nicole Byer]

First iPhone came out.

[Bobby Berk]

Our first week dating, he actually had to use his student loan money to pay my cell Phone bill because my cell phone got shut off because I couldn't afford to pay it. And I guess he was like. He saw potential. And so he's like, you know, this.

[Nicole Byer]

Is the first week of dating. This man's paying your phone bill.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. He was like, why aren't you responding to me? I'm like, I love that my phone got shut off.

[Nicole Byer]

You have finesse.

[Bobby Berk]

My best investment he ever made.

[Nicole Byer]

Why aren't you contacting me? I can't.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. Did you post it?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't have the phone.

[Bobby Berk]

No, I just don.

[Nicole Byer]

Sorry.

[Bobby Berk]

My T9. No working.

[Nicole Byer]

How did he figure out that your phone wasn't working? Did he, like, see you in person?

[Bobby Berk]

He. Yeah, he came by and you were like.

[Nicole Byer]

He was like, what the fuck? And you were like, oh, no, I'd be too poor.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, I was like, I'm. Yeah, I'm poor.

[Nicole Byer]

What was your first date? Do you remember?

[Bobby Berk]

It was a hookup.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Bobby Berk]

That's fine. He actually came over to my place, but almost didn't come up because he forgot his phone. And he was too shy and embarrassed to go to the doorman and say, hey, I'm going to apartment 32B. Cause in his mind, he was like, the doorman's gonna know. He knows what I'm here for. And so he sat out on the street Corner for like, 45 minutes before he finally got the balls to come up. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And then you've been together ever since?

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, 22 years.

[Nicole Byer]

22 years is such a long time. Like, what's your secret to, like, longevity and a happy relationship?

[Bobby Berk]

We prioritize each other. I prioritize him over everything and everyone else. Um, we never poop in front of each other. I think that's a really big deal. I think that I, you know, all my other friends that have been in really long term relationships all have that same rule. That's a fun place. Like, that's not a. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I mean, I don't want to be shit in front of my person, but.

[Bobby Berk]

I also have other friends that do. And I'm like, that is.

[Nicole Byer]

I think that's really wild.

[Bobby Berk]

That's disgusting. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And by like, shitting and, like, you just mean, like, door open, or do you have friends where, like, the kink is I'm watching you shit.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. Like, walk by and kiss you on the forehead as you're. You're doing your thing. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I simply cannot fathom that.

[Bobby Berk]

Neither can I.

[Nicole Byer]

Because when I'm shitting, I'm. I'm going for the gold. I'm like ratatouille. Like, I'm fucking shitting.

[Bobby Berk]

You're like, I'm shitting it. I am putting it in a Delta Airlines blanket, and I.

[Nicole Byer]

And I'm gonna leave it for somebody. Yeah. I'm working very hard. I don't want someone to kiss me.

[Bobby Berk]

And be like, all of you who thought random as shit. Just Google that interview.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I found poop in my blanket on Delta Airlines.

[Bobby Berk]

One of my favorite interviews you've ever done with Koda.

[Nicole Byer]

It's so wild that that happened. I was like, why me? Why did I do this? Or, why did I do this? Why did this happen? You know what?

[Kyle Mooney]

The Lord.

[Bobby Berk]

The Lord puts things in our lap.

[Nicole Byer]

He works in mysterious ways.

[Bobby Berk]

That will turn into really great interviews.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my God. I was just flying back from Chicago and it snowed. And you would think a place where it snows a lot, everyone at the airport would know how to handle it. Nobody knew how to handle it. Oh, no.

[Bobby Berk]

You never fly through Chicago in the winter.

[Nicole Byer]

My God.

[Bobby Berk]

You fly American?

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Bobby Berk]

United, yes. Houston in the summer. Chicago in the winter.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I have to go to Chicago in the winter because that's where my family lives. Thanksgiving. I wish I could make every.

[Bobby Berk]

The only times I've ever been stuck overnight because of storms. It's is over Chicago.

[Nicole Byer]

I boarded a United plane, and then we taxied for three hours, and I fell asleep, and I was like, did we land? You wake up, you're like, still snow. Then we got off the plane.

[Bobby Berk]

They have to.

[Nicole Byer]

They said, we're going to fix it. We got back on the plane because there was, like, computer problems, and the computer problem was just a sound going, stall, stall, stall before takeoff.

[Bobby Berk]

That's scary.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. I was like, stall, stall the plane.

[Bobby Berk]

When you fly every once in a while, do you ever hear that, like that loud beeping coming from the cockpit?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. What's happening?

[Bobby Berk]

And then it stops. And you're like, okay, they woke up.

[Nicole Byer]

I guess.

[Bobby Berk]

Thank goodness.

[Nicole Byer]

I guess we'll be okay. Then we got off the plane. They fixed the malfunction. We got back on the plane, and then it said, stall, stall, stall again. So then we got off the plane. Then I got on another plane. I boarded a plane three times.

[Bobby Berk]

Kill, kill, kill, kill.

[Nicole Byer]

Kill them all. Kill them all. Do you travel well with your husband?

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't used to.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, tell me about that.

[Bobby Berk]

Because I am again. Virgo.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Bobby Berk]

I fly a lot. You get it. There's, you know, where you need to be, how quickly you need to be there. Where you need you just, you know, to make your life easier. He is a happy go lucky. Like, doo, doo, doo. Let me go wander off. And then I'm like, it's time to board. If we don't get there, and if we don't get there now, we're gonna be in the line on the jet bridge. There's not gonna be any overhead. But now he's just conceited, and he knows that my way is best.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you remember, like, any bad dates that you had when you were in your, like, 20s?

[Bobby Berk]

So I was definitely one of those people that I would, like, go out on a date, and then I'd, like. I'd be in a relationship.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh. I was, like, very serial monogamous.

[Bobby Berk]

Well, looking back, it was always because I kind of dated losers that needed places to live, and so they come to spend the night and would never really leave. Yeah. Would never leave. So I. Everyone, like, went out on, like, date dates. I went out on a few. I remember this one date I went out on in New York, and the guy just, like, talked about himself the entire time. Never asked me one question about myself, and I'm like, oh, this is why I don't date.

[Nicole Byer]

I always think it's wild when you go out on a date with somebody and they don't, like, ask you a question about yourself. Because it's like, don't you want to get to know me?

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

You asked me out on this date. Don't you want to, like, know where I grew up? Anything?

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. No. This guy was just like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

[Nicole Byer]

And those people usually aren't that fucking interested.

[Beck Bennett]

No.

[Bobby Berk]

And I'm like. I'm pretty sure everything you just told me was a lie.

[Nicole Byer]

Ooh. And a liar.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I kind of, like. I kind of like it because then you can, like, ask clarifying questions, and then you have to, like, watch them scramble to try to answer it.

[Bobby Berk]

And it's like, I had a moment like that recently with somebody I was working with, and I just. I found out some information. I just knew that he was just lying out of his ass.

[Nicole Byer]

Really.

[Bobby Berk]

And so I kept asking him in different ways, and he kept answering in different ways and then trying to change the subject, and I'm like. I'd give it five more minutes, and I'd bring it up again, and he's, like, all squirming, and finally I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna let. I'm gonna let it go. I'm not. Gonn killing him. But I'm like, now I know he knows I know.

[Nicole Byer]

I just love it. I love catching people in lies. It's so fun. I feel like a little detective, you know? Bobby, real quick, we gotta take a break. You know when you're scrolling through social media, you see a cute couple and suddenly you start to spiral. You start thinking, why don't we look that happy? Do I actually love my partner? Or maybe you're on a perfectly fine date but your brain random starts comparing them to your ex or someone you saw on Hinge and you start panicking thinking what if they aren't the one? If those thoughts are all consuming, you might be dealing with relationship ocd. We tend to think of OCD is just about being neat, but it can latch onto things we care about the most, including our love lives. It creates a loop of doubt where you are constantly checking your feelings to make sure you love them enough. And it's exhausting, but it is highly treatable. With no cd, they use a specialized therapy called erp Exposure and Response Prevention. In live face to face virtual sessions, a licensed therapist will teach you how to take the power away from those intrusive thoughts so you can actually enjoy your relationship. Therapy with no CD is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans. So if you think you might be struggling with relationship OCD, don't wait. Visit nocd.com to book a free call with their team. That's n o c d.com I have decided to host for the holidays, which was a bold choice considering I am woefully unprepared. But honestly, the holidays are here and you can get what you need fast with Wayfair. Whether you need bedding, linens or just some cute decor to make it look like you have your life together, Wayfair is your one stop shop. Wayfarer is also a lifesaver when you're visiting family. You know when you go home for the holidays and you look around your family is home and you go oh, we need to update this situation. Maybe a guest bed is lumpy or the dining chairs are falling apart. You can literally hop on Wayfarer and order a replacement. And because the shipping is so fast, it arrives while you're still there. It is the perfect way to be a good guest and upgrade their life without lifting a finger. Plus they have everything from appliances to sofas so you can really spoil them. Get last minute hosting, essentials, gifts for all your loved ones and decor to celebrate the holidays. For way less, head to Wayfarer.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. We talk a lot about putting yourself out there in the dating world, but you also need to put yourself out there in the business world. Squarespace is the all in one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. They give you the tools to claim a domain, sell your expertise, and actually build a brand that pays the bills. I have so many talented friends, comedians, artists, coaches who finally decided to bring their side hustle online. They use Squarespace's features to sell their services, whether it be their online courses, one on one coaching, artwork or whatever. They can list it online, gate it behind a paywall, and now they have passive income. You don't need an expensive team to design and build your business. Squarespace has cutting edge design tools and you can start with their blueprint tool, answer a few questions and immediately get a website that fits your vibe. Or just select from their library of award winning website templates. In no time, you're going to have a professional website and be open for business. So are you ready to start? Head to squarespace.com date me for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code date me to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. We're back. Okay. So do you have advice for single people? I know you've been in a relationship for 22 years.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

So you haven't been single.

[Bobby Berk]

I forget what it's like to be single. I. I do know that I would be terrified to date in this day and age.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was tough in those streets. Yeah, it was like swiping sucks.

[Bobby Berk]

The lies, the deceit, the catfishing, the. Yeah, I would. I would be scared. Keep yourself open. Say yes. And I know it can be hard to keep yourself open, especially if you've had awful dating experiences, which. Which so many of my girlfriends have and boyfriends. But yeah, just keep yourself open. Don't allow yourself to be jaded. Which I guess is easier said than.

[Nicole Byer]

Done, but it is easier said than done. My mom used to always say it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile. And I always think of that when I'm like mad and I'm like, this is a little easier girl.

[Bobby Berk]

What I just noticed is you have this beautiful, completely smooth head. And when you just. Yeah, but it moves. And I was like, you don't even have Botox and You have a completely smooth forehead. I hate you.

[Nicole Byer]

That's really funny that you clocked that I don't have Botox.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

I was like, her whole forehead just moved when she did that. But when she stopped moving it, there's no wrinkles. I hate you. Black don't crack.

[Nicole Byer]

Black don't crack. Yeah, I just. I do. You do Botox?

[Bobby Berk]

I do, yeah.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Where do you put it?

[Bobby Berk]

Forehead. But I still move. Like, my husband's a doctor. He does it for me. And I don't do it constantly. Like, if I'm filming, I won't do it because I want. You know, we all know those people on TV that have literally no expression. Yeah. It's like Pam from True Blood. Remember? You obviously don't know me. My bitch face is the same as my happy face. That's just like, a lot of people know. So when I'm filming, you know, as long as I know when I'm filming, I will not do it before. But then, like, when I wrapped Junker Jackpot, I'm like, ooh, I got some Grand Canyons.

[Nicole Byer]

Gotta get some of that Botox. Fill me up, daddy.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Are you watching All's Fair?

[Bobby Berk]

No. What's that?

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. It's Kim Kardashian's new show.

[Bobby Berk]

Oh. Oh, no. Have it.

[Nicole Byer]

I'll tell you something. It's the most fun I've been having in a very long time, but Kim is filled to the brim with Botox, and her reaction shots are so funny to me.

[Bobby Berk]

She's like, I object.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And then I'm like, why are we using her reactions? She can't react to anything.

[Bobby Berk]

Oh, but I mean, it works.

[Nicole Byer]

I mean, it's working for me. I'm having such a nice time watching it. I can't recommend it enough. It is so campy. Everyone's in a different show.

[Bobby Berk]

I hear the reviews I read are horrible.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. People don't like it, but I'm having a great time.

[Bobby Berk]

People that talk about it, like, say, it's great.

[Nicole Byer]

I love it.

[Bobby Berk]

So I feel like a lot of publications want to hate Kim.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Bobby Berk]

I get it. But I hear a lot of people are enjoying watching it, so maybe I will.

[Nicole Byer]

A full suit with a thong showing. What are we doing? That's fun. That's really fun.

[Bobby Berk]

You lost me. You lost me. I don't get thongs.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't get them either.

[Bobby Berk]

No.

[Nicole Byer]

Why? My butt's hungry. So, like, I feel like if I'm putting something in there, it's gonna go, so I can't yeah, yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

No. Yeah. I just. Like, if I have underwear that's stuck in my butt, like, it's the most uncomfortable. Why would I want, like, purposely do that to myself?

[Nicole Byer]

And some people only wear thongs. And I'm like, what are you fucking? And I'm like, maybe they just don't have hungry booties. And, like, it's fine. It just, like, lays there.

[Bobby Berk]

But the most uncomfortable thing in the world to me is a pair of underwear wedged up my ass.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I simply don't like it.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't get it. See how you lost me as a.

[Nicole Byer]

Designer and having a partner. Did you come together on what your house looks like or is. Ugh.

[Bobby Berk]

Um. I have molded my husband into having good taste, both fashion and for home. When we met, he did not know how to dress. And now, honestly, he dresses better than I do. His fashion sense is better than mine. He's very stylish now. And his home decor, it just was non. Existent. He had, like a. And again, he was like a poor college student. You know, there was no money to do anything anyways. But even back then, as a poor person, I still figured out how to make things look cute. But. Yeah, so his. His design aesthetic is my design aesthetic. Yeah. He doesn't know that. Shh. Don't tell anybody.

[Nicole Byer]

Secret safe. Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

He thinks he's. Yeah. And I've learned that. Cause used to, he didn't care. He had no opinions. He didn't want to be a part of the decisions, but now he wants to. And so I've learned just to give.

[Nicole Byer]

Now he wants to.

[Bobby Berk]

I've learned just to give him three choices. Two being really bad and one being the one I would choose. And so that way. Yeah. Shh. Don't tell anybody. Shh.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't tell. That's so funny. That's a funny way to trick somebody.

[Unidentified Guest]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But then what do you do if he picks the terrible one?

[Bobby Berk]

He wouldn't.

[Nicole Byer]

But what if he does?

[Bobby Berk]

Because I've. No. I've molded his tastes. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. All right. I think that's so funny. Here's two disgusting options. And then here's. Here's the one that. Yeah, that's beautiful.

[Bobby Berk]

I do that in not just with him. So many different aspects of my life. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I love it. You're like, what I do is trick. I'm a little trickster.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

You learn how to steer things in the direction that you want them to go in.

[Nicole Byer]

Who proposed to who.

[Bobby Berk]

So I got us rings back because we got married in 2012. I got us rings in probably, like, 2009, but it was illegal to get married, so it's like, why? Yeah, we just didn't. So when it was technically legal for us to get married, he proposed. And it was a surprise proposal, of course, but it was also a surprise wedding the same day, and I had no idea. And the night before, we were at our friend's house in Cabo. And the night before at her house, there's always this big bag of weed in the freezer. It's just been there for years and we never touched it. Like, I'm not. I'm honestly not a big weed person. Like, it just. It makes me. Yeah, I'm not. It's not for me. I get very in my head. And that's not where. That's not a fun place.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't wanna be there. I guess so.

[Bobby Berk]

But that year, I'm like, I'm gonna make some pot brownies. And I was like, this weed's old, so I probably should use a lot because I assume that's. That's the way it works. And so I put a ton, and I boiled it in oil. I did it the right way, and I put the oil in these brownies and I made everyone eat a piece. Like, this big worst drug experience of my entire life. We almost, like, called an ambulance. We were so messed up. Like, I was scooting across the floor because the gravity of the earth was so strong, I couldn't stand up. My husband was, like, running around the house seeing bunny rabbits and throwing up. And it was just a horrible thing. And so we were supposed to go on this catamaran the next morning on the Sea of Cortez sailing. And I finally wake up, and I'm like, I can't get on a boat. I can't even walk. But everyone was like, no, we need to do this. And so I'm like, oh. You know? And that was a point in my life where I'm like, sailing on the Sea of Cortez was not at all a normal occurrence. So I'm like, okay, I should do this. This is a once in a lifetime experience. So we get on the boat again. We're all just messed up still. And the sail comes out. And the sail on the sail was the logo of my company, Bobby Burke Home. And then also wwymm. And I'm just like. I was still so high, I couldn't figure out what WYMM meant. And then I turn around and Dewey's on one knee, but then proceeds to lean over the side of the boat and throw up. And then everyone throws up. So that was my proposal. Everyone throwing up. Luckily, I wasn't. But then I, of course, said yes. And we go back to the house, and I'm thinking about when we're gonna have the wedding. And as the doors open, the wedding's there, the wedding's happening, friends are there waiting. Oh, my God.

[Nicole Byer]

What if you said no?

[Bobby Berk]

I'm still stoned. I mean, at that point, we had been together for eight, nine years. At that point, like, I wasn't going anywhere.

[Nicole Byer]

It would have been funny, though, if you were like, no, no, thank you. And then get back to the house and it's like, oh, you're all here. Well, I said no cake for everyone. Wait, was it all catered and stuff, too?

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my God, this is wild. Yeah, that's lovely.

[Bobby Berk]

Luckily, our friend whose family's house it is, she had also gotten married there before and divorced. And, like, her wedding coordinator was still around. Like, all the decorations that she used were still there.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, was it, like, a recent wedding? And then she was like, I have.

[Bobby Berk]

Her wedding had been like, four or five years before.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, okay.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, yeah. So not super recent, but, God, that's.

[Nicole Byer]

So funny to be like, huh? I have all this stuff here.

[Bobby Berk]

We can just read. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you want to wear my dress? We can do whatever.

[Bobby Berk]

It's like it was at the Palmia down in Cabo. Yeah, it was great.

[Nicole Byer]

God, that's so lovely. I love that you were proposed to and then married. Truly in the same day. That's so wild.

[Bobby Berk]

And there was a split second where I was like, he stole my wedding for me.

[Nicole Byer]

He stole my wedding from me.

[Bobby Berk]

Because again, I'm a planner. We're Virgos. And I'm like. But then that quickly turned to, oh, my God. And thank God he did. I don't wanna have to. I don't have to plan now.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't have to plan a wedding.

[Bobby Berk]

Weddings, I mean, weddings are for everybody else. Weddings are for family. They're for friends. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are some people who are like, oh, my God. The only thing I want is, like, to have a big, beautiful wedding. And it is for them, but for the most part, to me, I'm like, it's for all the guests. You plan all these things for the guests. And I'm like, I don't. I don't like people. Like, I don't want. Like, there is maybe a handful of people I want, and they were there And I'm like, that's it. Like I'm autistic. I don't like crowds, loud noises, dancing. Dancing, yes.

[Nicole Byer]

That's terrible. It's my worst nightmare.

[Bobby Berk]

I hate going to weddings. I'm sorry to all of our friends, but I hate going to weddings. And the moment everyone's like, it's time to dance. I'm like, jvn and Jonathan gave me such a horrible complex about dancing. Cause it's like interesting, like little scenes in between scenes where we'd be dancing. Those would be like 12 hour days. And Anthony and I were not the best dancers. We could dance but not, you know, not like them. And they would, they would make fun of us. And so now I'm just scarred. Now I'm. I won't, I won't dance.

[Nicole Byer]

I gotta say. Yeah, let's stop making fun of people dancing or singing or like showing joy because I don't know, you don't have to have rhythm to have a nice time. I love watching people with no rhythm dance. That's fun. Yeah, it's like.

[Bobby Berk]

And the thing is like back in the day I used to get told they're like, oh, you got like. Girls would be like, you got a lot of rhythm for a white boy.

[Nicole Byer]

And you were running with it.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. I was like, yes.

[Nicole Byer]

And then they were like, no you don't. You're like, oh my God. Okay.

[Bobby Berk]

All things just keep getting better.

[Nicole Byer]

I will say I do love at a wedding when it gets like a little late and then like back that ass comes out and I'm like, ooh.

[Bobby Berk]

We gotta, we gotta hit the dance floor. I have excused myself long before that. Really? Yeah. I'm like, my dog needs to go out there.

[Nicole Byer]

There. I love nothing more than drinking free drinks at a wedding, eating a nice ish dinner and then dancing. I think that's fun.

[Bobby Berk]

I don't even really drink anymore, so I'm just like, get me outta here.

[Nicole Byer]

I see. Yeah, Yeah, I drink.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Sometimes too much. I just had an adventure on Sunday where I ended up at a lady's house at 3am.

[Bobby Berk]

Were you invited?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yes.

[Bobby Berk]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

It would be wild if I was just like, let me in.

[Bobby Berk]

Ended up at a random lady's house at dinner.

[Nicole Byer]

Let me in, I'm drunk. No, I went to a second location with two nice 20 year olds.

[Bobby Berk]

We were, we had a seven hour layover in Hong Kong the other day on purpose because we wanted to go in and like have dinner with some friends. And I started drinking at pre drinks and then at dinner and then we went out and then at the lounge back at the airport. And then I got on the plane and I'm like, I'm just gonna take a little nap. And I woke up and I was like, why did they turn the lights on in the middle of the flight? No. I slept 14 hours. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I'm like, see, I love that. Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

So I'd still will every once in a while.

[Nicole Byer]

Every once in a while, you're like, let me have a nice time and I'll sleep it off on the plane.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, it was great.

[Nicole Byer]

That's lovely. I love falling asleep on the plane and then waking up being like, we did it. We landed. We all did it. Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

Like, now we just. Yeah. The best part of a plane is sleeping.

[Nicole Byer]

I agree. And some people really like to enjoy a plane and, like, watch a movie. I'm like, get real.

[Bobby Berk]

When I first started being able to sit up front, I'm like, oh, I'm getting every penny's worth. I'm gonna eat all the food. I'm gonna do, watch all the movies. I'm gonna do everything.

[Nicole Byer]

And now I'm like, I do wake up for the food. I don't know how it happens, but you're like, I will wake up. Give me my dinner. I want my chicken.

[Bobby Berk]

I've gotten to where now I'm even like, don't wake me up. No.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm always like, wake me up for the cookie.

[Bobby Berk]

Depends on the airline.

[Nicole Byer]

What airline do you want to be awoken for?

[Bobby Berk]

Cathay Pacific.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Bobby Berk]

Qatar Airways.

[Nicole Byer]

Ooh, that's fun. I haven't flown Qatar. I've seen. I've seen reels.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, yeah. Singapore Airlines, which partners with United.

[Nicole Byer]

I love it. You're like, not. Nary a domestic one can wake me up. No, the domestic divas are not good. They're very, very bad.

[Bobby Berk]

I mean, I only fly American in the States for the most part. And their food is not bad.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, it is. I'm not an American. Girly. Heard it here first. You American.

[Bobby Berk]

I love them. They take very good care.

[Nicole Byer]

They take garbage care of me.

[Bobby Berk]

Well, I'm sorry.

[Nicole Byer]

It's okay.

[Bobby Berk]

United takes better care. Or did you only fly United because you're going to Chicago?

[Nicole Byer]

So from LA to Chicago, there is no Delta. It's United or Southwest or American. And American Confed me too. Many times. So I will not fly them.

[Bobby Berk]

Who do you normally fly then?

[Nicole Byer]

Delta. I'm a Delta diamond diva.

[Bobby Berk]

So we were the safety video for Delta, the Fab Five and I.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, were you.

[Bobby Berk]

It was supposed to launch June 2020. Needless to say, no one was on a plane. We even filmed an episode that was just lived on their infotainment center. Like, we. We went into Philly. We. We made over a Delta employee at the airport. But I made them fly me to Atlanta on American to still the safety video. They were so pissed. And I ended up running into Doug Parker, the former CEO of American. And I was having dinner with him at some gala in Dallas. And I was telling him the story, and he's like, just a second. He pulls out his phone, he calls the CEO of Delta, and he's like. So I hear one of the Fab Five, he called Ed Bassett. I hear one of the Fab Five made him. Him made you fly him on me to come film your safety? Of course. Like, they're all friends. They're all. But he's like. Like hung up the phone.

[Nicole Byer]

I. I love that the. The sky daddies are all friends.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. They've all worked together at some point. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Coming up together, flying around.

[Bobby Berk]

I will usually only fly American. I'm concierge king with them. So.

[Nicole Byer]

Ah, you're the highest. I was Delta360, but they took it away.

[Bobby Berk]

Delta3. So. So when Delta, when we filmed that safety video, like, they gave us status and some miles, but they wouldn't give us 360. And I'm like, match what I have with American and maybe I'll just.

[Nicole Byer]

And maybe I'll go over there.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, but they wouldn't.

[Nicole Byer]

They're like, no diamond Ed really fucked up.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, big mistake.

[Nicole Byer]

Isn't that wild that I know Ed's name? Why do I know his name?

[Bobby Berk]

You fly a lot.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, but I've never met the man, but I'm sure.

[Bobby Berk]

I think he's in some of the safety videos and. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, probably.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. That's probably why, you know, he seems safe. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

He seems subconsciously have just seen him on the safety videos.

[Bobby Berk]

I can't say I don't know the name of the new American CEO, but the old one, Doug Parker. I know. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

What's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to you?

[Bobby Berk]

Getting proposed to while getting. Well, throwing in.

[Nicole Byer]

While throwing.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. Yeah. The most romantic thing that's ever happened to me. So my husband and I are not very romantic.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, we don't.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. Like again, like, our form of intimacy and the reason why our relationships work is because we put each other first. Like, I don't say, hey, I'm going out with friends. Peace out Like, I don't remember the last time we did something without each other. Like, we're always, like, because of work, we're not with each other a lot. But when we're with each other, we are with each other. We don't do separate things. Like, but we also, like, like, I haven't gotten him a present in 20 years. Like, we don't do birthdays, we don't do holidays, we don't do Valentine's. We don't put those societal pressures on each other that, that the world puts importance on or like, puts pressure. Like, oh, if you don't find the perfect restaurant or the perfect fifth for gift for Valentine's Day, he's a worthless man. No. Like, why are you judging him on that type of shit? Like, you need to judge him on if he shows up for you. Like, if he supports you, if he encourages you, not if he forgets stupid anniversary or Valentine's Day. Like, that is not the character of a man. Granted, those could be some tall tale signs, but I don't think so. So, yeah, we're not the.

[Nicole Byer]

So you've never really, like, celebrated Valentine's Day or like, like you've just never been like that?

[Bobby Berk]

No. Oh, interesting that we do not put those pressures on each other. Like, I'll randomly get him something, but. But to us, we don't want to spend money on things.

[Nicole Byer]

Sure.

[Bobby Berk]

If we spend money, it's on experiences, trips that we'll do together. Like, if people are like, oh, well, that must be nice to have money to travel. Yes. But if you didn't spend money on Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, anniversary gifts, Valentine's Day gifts, girl, you could go on a vacation.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I mean, you're right.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. And the time that you're getting to spend uninterrupted time with your significant other, no kids, no work, no friends, no family, just is worth far more than getting the perfect table for Valentine's. Don't put stupid pressures on him or her or them or they.

[Nicole Byer]

I like that. I think that's smart. I. For Christmas. When does this come out?

[Unidentified Guest]

December 26th.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, day after. So yesterday was Christmas. And I was like, what do I get this nice man in my life? And I was like, racking my brain. And. And we've been together like, almost two years. And I was like, I'm running out of, like, ideas to get him stuff. Because I get him stuff all the time. Like when I travel, I like going thrifting. That's one of my favorite things. So I'll like, Pick out a shirt or something.

[Bobby Berk]

If you see something that makes you think of him. Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Like, I. I got him a shirt. It says Miller Lite and it has glitter on it. And he was like, I think this is a women's shirt. And I was like, no, it's a boy shirt, and he wears it, but it's definitely a women's shirt.

[Bobby Berk]

Like, it's really tight, babe.

[Nicole Byer]

But, yeah, silly things, like, then we, like, giggle about it because, like, I got him this thing that definitely doesn't fit. Definitely was not made for him. But, like, he likes it because I gave it to him and I thought of him. Um, and then for Christmas, I was like, I genuinely don't know what to get him. And I think he's at the point where he's like, I don't know what to get her either. So I think we're just gonna not do gifts.

[Bobby Berk]

Yes. Don't put that. Those pressures on each other. I think those. Those are some of the pressures that can really ruin a relationship. Again, gifts are lovely if you're getting the gift, because it is just something that. Oh, this reminds me of the person I love. And I know that this is gonna make them smile.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Bobby Berk]

But not like, oh, God, I've gotta. I've got. It's Valentine's Day. Oh, I've gotta do better than all her girlfriends are getting. And no, like, that makes that person resentful. It makes you disappointed because your expectations are often always gonna be higher than reality. Just don't do that.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I will say on Valentine's Day, I do want flowers. And I'll text his sister to be like, tell him to get me flowers. And then this year, I'll probably just text him and be like, I would like flowers on tomorrow on Valentine's Day. I don't need. These are the ones I want circumvented. I could just be like, I want them.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. If you want something, why make him guess and then be disappointed that it wasn't exact? Just. Just.

[Nicole Byer]

Just tell him. Just tell him.

[Bobby Berk]

Just tell him. He's gonna be so much happier with that.

[Nicole Byer]

One of the hardest things I had to learn was like, oh, if I don't just say what I fucking want, how will he ever know? He can't read my mind.

[Bobby Berk]

Although I do, at 22 years, expect my husband to kind of know what he wants. I'm like, if I'm struggling with something, don't make me ask for help. See that I need help. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. After 22 years, he's like, why don't.

[Bobby Berk]

You just ask me? I'm like, why don't you just open your eyes?

[Nicole Byer]

Open your fucking eyes.

[Bobby Berk]

I'm like, like when you're driving, which never happens because I don't let it. You know, I'm the navigator. When I'm driving, you're just like.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm a bad navigator.

[Bobby Berk]

He is, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm so bad.

[Bobby Berk]

The only fights we have, not the only, but predominantly the only fights we have is in the car due to some navigational thing. Because he'll like. It usually happens in rental cars if there's like, not CarPlay or something where I can just have it on the screen and deal it myself. Someone has to like, yeah, he'll do this thing where he won't hit start. He'll just look at where we are. And he's like, oh, you need to turn left up here. And I'm like, and he won't be paying attention. And we'll miss that left. I'm like, just hit start. Just let her tell me. And then it's my responsibility if I don't hear her. But why won't you hit start? I don't want to hear it. He doesn't want to hear her.

[Nicole Byer]

Same. The nice man in my life doesn't want to hear it. I'm like, but they're telling you where to go and you'll miss an exit.

[Bobby Berk]

Why do you want this responsibility? Because you know you're going to miss it. You know we're going to get in a fight.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. It doesn't make any sense. Just let the lady tell us. Mine's a guy.

[Bobby Berk]

He hasn't done that in a while. Yeah, I, I, Mine's a South African guy.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh.

[Bobby Berk]

But for years I had it on Indian English because I love that accent. It's one of my favorite accents. But what I didn't know is when you have Siri on a different accent, it's also your voicemail.

[Nicole Byer]

Is it really?

[Bobby Berk]

It is. And so one day my friend Amy was just like, oh, my God, you're Indian. Voicemail is so weird. Why do you have that? I was like, wait, what? Oh, my God, that's really funny. My voicemail has had an Indian accent all this time. I'm like, I am so sorry. That's very funny. I just love it as my navigation. I think it's so endearing.

[Nicole Byer]

I wonder if my voicemail's a man.

[Bobby Berk]

Is what? Yeah, yeah, it's a man.

[Nicole Byer]

Leave a message. I don't know. I haven't, I don't know what a voicemail thing sounds like.

[Bobby Berk]

Like, if you're leaving a voicemail, I'm like, fuck you anyway.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, leave me. I like voice notes. I send people voice notes, long ones. And sometimes I'm like, is this a podcast episode?

[Bobby Berk]

Like, I historically hate them. I'm like, I. This is a voicemail. And voicemails, we don't. We're millennials. We don't do that. But recently, I've started to embrace them a little more.

[Nicole Byer]

I love them. Yeah, give me all the information.

[Bobby Berk]

I was more a speak to text person. I'm like, I will speak to text if I have something really long to do. But I have gotten a little voice this memoe. Now.

[Nicole Byer]

I love it because then you get to hear, like, the. The feelings people are having.

[Bobby Berk]

But I'm often in a place where I can't listen to it. I'm like, I need to just read it. And then I'm like, oh, well, you've lost my attention. And sometimes you'll forget to hit keep. And then I'm like, and now it's just gone.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm like, mine just stay auto. Okay. For the longest time, I. The whole keep thing. Keep just means you listened to it.

[Bobby Berk]

It.

[Nicole Byer]

Or is it like, keeping the.

[Bobby Berk]

So no, voice memos will just go away after two minutes unless you click on keep.

[Nicole Byer]

Mine don't.

[Bobby Berk]

Maybe that's a setting I can change.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe, huh? I simply don't know. But whenever I saw keep, I thought people were, like, keeping them and saving them.

[Bobby Berk]

No, keep us to keep it in the.

[Nicole Byer]

In the.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It just keeps it in. I thought they were, like, going to a special place and they were, like, saving them and listening to them again and again and again, which is psychotic.

[Bobby Berk]

I think one of the things that has made me embrace them a little bit more, though, is now transcribing so I can read it when before, like, the only option was to listen to it.

[Nicole Byer]

I want you to embrace listening to people's emotions and feelings in a voice note. I promise you'll have a lovely time. Get some earbuds. Put them in.

[Bobby Berk]

I'm like, I don't want to hear you. I don't. I don't. I don't watch video. I will watch everything with subtitles. If there's a news article that I click on it and it's actually a news video, I'm like, nope. Oh, I'm. I told. I'm. I'm on the spectrum. Like, I don't. I like. Like, quiet.

[Nicole Byer]

I get it.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I. I'M the opposite. Give me loud, give me noises, give me bangs. What's like a red flag in a person?

[Bobby Berk]

A red flag in a person?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

Narcissism. Yeah, yeah. We know some, like, biggest narcissists in the world. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Reading. Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. I mean, talking too much about. Oh, being the victim.

[Nicole Byer]

Ah. Always being the victim.

[Bobby Berk]

Always being a victim and a problem they created. We know some of those too.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, absolutely. Same person where I'm like, oh, my God. So you're the victim in this. You've created this situation and now I have to listen to you talk about it for 45 minutes uninterrupted.

[Bobby Berk]

You're the victim because you got called out.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, yeah. I think those are good red flags.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. People that are always a victim in a problem that they've created. Huge red flag. I'm like, that's a huge, big red checklist in the checklist of clinical narcissists.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I agree.

[Beck Bennett]

Hi, I'm Beck Bennett.

[Kyle Mooney]

I thought I was Beck Bennett.

[Beck Bennett]

No, no, no, no.

[Kyle Mooney]

I'm Kyle Mooney.

[Beck Bennett]

Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good.

[Bobby Berk]

Thanks, buddy.

[Kyle Mooney]

Yeah.

[Beck Bennett]

And we host the show what's our podcast? Podcast here on Headgum.

[Kyle Mooney]

But we want to make sure you heard about a very special episode with a very special guest that we just released. In the feed.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah, it's in the feed. It was sponsored by Squarespace because they were appalled. They were. That we didn't have a website for our show yet. They were like, you don't have a website?

[Kyle Mooney]

What are you guys, like kindergarteners?

[Beck Bennett]

They wanted to do something about that. So we built a flawless, beautiful, perfectly designed website live on the pod with our very special guest and very web savvy guest. Should we tell them who it was?

[Kyle Mooney]

We could play 20 questions.

[Beck Bennett]

I don't think we have time for that.

[Kyle Mooney]

Is it Person?

[Beck Bennett]

No, it's not.

[Kyle Mooney]

It's Finn Wolfhard. But Finn had a bunch of great ideas for the website. Beck, you had some amazing ideas for the website.

[Beck Bennett]

Thanks, man. You had some amazing ideas.

[Kyle Mooney]

Well, I was sort of driving the thing. I was sort of like clicking and.

[Beck Bennett]

And I was like, let's put a little. Let's put some widgets in there. I was talking about widgets.

[Kyle Mooney]

You kept on using that phrase, widgets.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah, there's all sorts of stuff there. And you might want to check out the hippo. Just go check out the website.

[Kyle Mooney]

Know that there's a hippo video and know that you're going to want to watch that. We had a lot of fun making this Episode. We had a lot of fun making this website. I think you're going to have a fun time listening to it and maybe watching it. Think of it as our a little Christmas present to you.

[Beck Bennett]

Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah.

[Beck Bennett]

This is a gift for you. Okay. It's just like it's a selfless thing we did for you.

[Kyle Mooney]

Thanks to Squarespace for making us build a website sponsoring the episode and for supporting creators across the headgum network.

[Beck Bennett]

Go check out the bonus episode. What's our website from what's our podcast on YouTube or wherever you listen to.

[Kyle Mooney]

Podcast podcasts, go to squarespace.com beckandkile for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Beckand Kyle yes, sir. To save 10 off your first purchase.

[Nicole Byer]

Of a website or domain. Kyle. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. Okay, listen, I know so many people who keep saying they want to make a big change. Go back to school, switch careers, start something new. And if you've ever thought about getting into health care or you are leveling up in it, you really should know about Chamberlain University because they've been preparing healthcare professionals for over 130 years, and they're the largest nursing school in the entire country. Learning is actually built for real life there. You can choose from online programs, hybrid setups, or even in person classes. If there's a campus near you. And classes start every eight weeks, so you don't have to wait a whole year to begin in. You can just start when you're ready. They have faculty and mentors who actually check in, guide you, and help you stay right on track, giving you real support at every stage. So if you've been feeling it's time for something different in your career, Chamberlain wants you to know you've got this and we've got you. Learn more at Chamberlain. Edu Chamberlain University belong to something greater. Certified to operate by chef. Well, Bobby, we've come to the end.

[Unidentified Guest]

I have a question for Bobby.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, can I ask?

[Unidentified Guest]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Unidentified Guest]

So I really liked Junker Jackpot. I watched the episode. I saw Screener yesterday and I could have watched 10 more episodes. It was so great, I really wanted to binge it. You're basically fixing a lot of these relationships between couples because otherwise they might have broken up if they couldn't live together. And so I want to know if you have any advice for couples looking to move in together, Especially. Especially if someone's a maximalist and the other person's a minimalist. Do you have any advice on how they could kind of integrate well while making everyone happy.

[Nicole Byer]

That's a good question. I should have asked.

[Bobby Berk]

So whoever has the best taste wins. I always say, if you can try to at least come together on a color story, you know, try to find at least a color that you guys can agree on and kind of try to design around that. That and be willing to edit. Be willing to give three choices, Two being bad and one being the one you want. Years ago, I was giving a lecture, and I had this woman, in the end, kind of ask a similar question. She goes, so I've been dating this guy, and it's amazing. We've been dating for years, and I know I want to marry him, but it drives me crazy because he has zero opinions on, like, the home and, like, what it looks like, and he could care less, and it's so important to me. And she's like, what should I do? I'm like, marry him. I'm like, that's great. Something that you really love to deal with. He couldn't care. Do whatever you want to do, babe. And she was like, oh. I always looked at it as a negative, but she's like, you're right. It's a huge positive.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. Durr.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. My worst fear is dating somebody who has input on how I decorate.

[Bobby Berk]

Yeah. Yeah. That's what was so great about doing the beginning. He had no input, and then all of a sudden, he got opinions. We're gonna have to n in the bud.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I would be so sad if someone was like, I don't like your leopard print wallpaper.

[Bobby Berk]

I'm like, I don't walk into your ors and tell you how to do surgery. You know, I could because I don't say no. Oh, and.

[Nicole Byer]

And we're. We're done. The timer has said we have finished. Bobby, I ask all of my guests this. Would you date me?

[Bobby Berk]

Of course. Yes. Virgo power.

[Nicole Byer]

Virgo power. And what would you like to promote?

[Bobby Berk]

Baby junker Jackpot premieres today on hgtv, hbo, Max and Discovery.

[Nicole Byer]

Honestly, I love Discovery. Plus, I think it's wild that it's still around and I still use it. Well, anywho, if you like this episode of why won't you date me? You can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, and give me five stars on Apple podcasts. And if you write me something nasty, hitting on me to why won't you date me? Podcastmail.com. i will will read it. And then keep them short, please. No, no novels. This person writes. Hello, hello, Hello. I would like to make you a purple food buffet. Purple cabbage, purple potatoes, plums, purple peppers, purple green beans. You have to eat them raw, though, because they stop being purple after they're cooked.

[Bobby Berk]

How dare they leave out eggplant? I mean, well, purple vegetables.

[Nicole Byer]

I would get the most purpley ones for you. Eggplant, purple cauliflower, purple grapes, maybe a purple artichoke. Passion fruit is purple, so you can have that too. Purple carrots. Ube figs, the purple kind. There's purple corn, too. Blackberries. Despite the name, I think it would be nice collaborate. I don't know what that means. Yep. And you're. You're gonna like it so much because it'll all be prepared perfectly for your taste buds by one chef. You keep talking about that. You like Wolfgang. I do. I love Wolfgang Buck. Even the ones you think you're not gonna like, you're gonna love. Also. Maybe we jerk it after. I don't know. Thank you. Goodbye.

[Bobby Berk]

That was a Headgum podcast.

[Nicole Byer]

Hi, I'm Nicole Byer. Hi, I'm Sasheer Zamada. And this is the podcast Best Friends. And we're here at Headgum. So this is just a podcast where we just talk? Yeah, we're best friends. Yeah, we talk, and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries so audience members can ask questions about friendships, and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes, we are professional friends. We are professional friends. Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, or wherever you get your podcast. And watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the. The middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You were? I'm really sorry. I felt the support. I was so. Okay. I was trying to be supportive. Yeah. But I was like, I don't know. Reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot. I think. You did good. Thank you so much. You're welcome.