← Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer
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- [00:00]
A
All right, let's get real about dating anxiety for a second. Have you ever been on a date that's going perfectly well, but then your brain just decides to sabotage you? Suddenly the, the spiral starts. You're comparing them to an ex or some random person, unhinged, thinking, wait, is this, is this guy really the guy for me? I mean, we all have doubts, but if these thoughts are constant and all consuming, you might have a relationship ocd. OCD isn't just the stereotype about being neat and organized. It can actually latch on to the things you care about the most, including your love life. It creates this never ending loop of anxiety where you're constantly asking for reassurance or analyzing every single interaction just to make yourself feel better. The good news is that it's highly treatable. But regular talk therapy isn't always enough. You need a specialized therapy called ERP, or Exposure and Response Prevention. And that is exactly what no CD does. NOCD is the world's leading provider of O C D treatment. In live, face to face virtual sessions, a licensed therapist will teach you how to take the power back from those intrusive thoughts so they don't sabotage your relationships anymore. They're covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans, and they even provide support in between sessions so you're never alone. So if you think you might be struggling with relationship OCD, don't wait. Visit nocd.com to book a free call with their team. That's n o c d.com we spend so much time on this show trying to figure out how to take control of our dating lives. But it's terrifying to think that there are people out there trying to take control of our actual bodies. Planned Parenthood believes we should have access to care and the freedom to make decisions about our health and futures. Whether you need STI testing and treatment, birth control, gender affirming care, abortion, or sex education. Parents, Planned Parenthood is here for you. But right now, lawmakers across the country are trying to block people from getting essential health care. They are actively trying to deny people birth control and are promoting abstinence only until marriage programs, which feels like we're moving backwards, not forwards. They want to control our bodies and our futures. Right now, millions of people could lose access to care, especially black and Latino people, people in rural areas, and people with low incomes. Planned Parenthood believes health care is a human right, period. And together we can fight to build a future where everyone can get the care they need, no matter who they are or where they live. Supporters like you power this work. Donate to support Planned Parenthood now@planned parenthood.org defend want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description.
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B
This is a headgun podcast.
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A
So you enjoy watching people?
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B
I feel that I necessarily enjoy watching people. I'll watch. I'm more of a partaker versus a watcher.
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A
So do you like being watched?
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B
I don't mind it. I don't mind. So they can if you wanna watch. Honey, I put on a spectacle. So is it.
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A
See, And I love that you know that about yourself. I don't think I'm putting on a spectacle. I think I'm, like, putting in the grunt work. I'm doing my.
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B
Yeah, of course.
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A
And I don't know if it's like. If anyone would be like, oh, man, that's hot. I think they'd be like, well, she's a workhorse.
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B
She's a workhorse. And there's some people out there that love workhorses, let me tell you. And that's for somebody out there that wants to see it. Trust and believe, honey.
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A
Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Hello, baby. Welcome to another episode of why Won't yout Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my nightstand and say, hey, that's an aspirin. My guest today is a drag queen who has crowned miss congeniality on RuPaul's Drag Race Season 12 and returned to slay on All Stars 8. She recently launched her own production company, Mind the Gap. Very, very, very good name. Featuring her new YouTube D&D show. Hi, DND. That's also very good. One of my favorite queens to pass through the franchise that is RuPaul's Drag Race, it's Heidi in Closet. Yay.
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B
Heidi, how are you?
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A
I'm fabulous. Thank you so much for coming back on the podcast.
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B
I know. Back. Back again. Well, back in the sense of I'm here, here in person on the show again. Now I'm not in person again. You know, she's back for the first time. Yes. That don't make no sense.
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A
But listen, I followed it, and that's the only thing that matters.
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B
If you say something with enough conviction.
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A
People won't question it.
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B
Honey, look at the president. Girl. Swindled half the country.
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A
It's wild. I don't like it.
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B
I don't either it's bad. It's crazy cray out there.
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A
Crazy cray. So you're doing.
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B
This is.
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A
You said Jessie earlier. Because I was like, this is Pokemon.
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B
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I was trying to figure out what to wear today. I was like, you know what? I want to be part of one of the most dynamic duo couples of all time.
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A
I love that. I haven't watched Pokemon in a very long time, but I loved it as a youth. Oh, I loved it. I have a Jigglypuff tattoo because you give Jigglypuff. I just love her. Jigglypuff. Jigglypuff.
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B
And then you wake up with markings all over your face and stuff.
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A
Yes, of course I love it. And then I met the voice of Ash Ketchum is this woman named Sarah. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna be awful. I'm gonna ask you a thing that millions have probably asked you to do. Will you do the voice for me and say, I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town? And she was like, yes. And she did it. And I was so happy, just so delighted.
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B
The spheres are sickening.
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A
Is Pokemon your favorite cartoon or anime?
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B
Oh, gosh. If it's not the number one, it's the number two for sure. Okay, it's up there.
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A
What's the dueling one?
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B
So it's her, Pokemon, and Hunter X Hunter. If you're an anime nerd, you know, if you don't, you probably only been watching anime for, like, a year or so. There's. Because there's this new wave of people who love anime now because, like, it's kind of, like, had, like, a renaissance of people falling in love with anime and stuff. And you can. There's, like, a divide between, like, the people who's been about it forever and the people who just got into it. Honey, if you just got into it, you might not know about Hunter X.
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A
Hunter, but I don't know about Hunter X Hunter.
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B
It's fun. It's cute. You should give it a watch. It's crazy.
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A
I like Sailor Mo Moon.
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B
Honestly, she's probably the most powerful anime protagonist of all time.
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A
Fighting evil by moonlight.
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B
Honey.
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A
Winning love by daylight.
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B
You better.
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A
Never running from a real. But you're like, is this still going on?
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B
You're eating it. You're eating it. What? What? Sailor Scout, would you be Mars? Okay. Fiery.
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A
A little fiery. A little angry. Annoyed with the people around you, but also in my heart of hearts, probably Sailor Moon. I've only watched The English dubbed where she's Serena and Luna's English. And I've tried to watch the other one. I don't like it.
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B
I try to watch. See, I am a dub watcher because, like. Cause I think I have adhd, so I can't focus. So. And I'm like already doing two or three things while I'm watching the anime. If I put it in the original and then I'm doing all these things, I'm gonna just be hearing stuff. I don't know what's happening. I'm like, what's going on? What's going on?
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A
What sailor scout would you be?
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B
I think Jupiter.
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A
Okay, I can see that.
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B
Yeah. I feel, I feel like she's so, like just. Yeah, she's fierce. She's fabulous. I love her. She's gorge.
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A
I think that's a good pick. But I also love what's her name? Chitty Chidi.
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B
Chibi. The little one.
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A
Yeah. She's adorable. Oh my God, I love it. Wait, Heidi.
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B
Yes.
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A
Recently you tweeted something.
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B
Oh God.
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A
At Ms. Nicki Minaj.
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B
Oh God.
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A
Mega Minaj was more than just my hair and makeup. You hated. It is one of my favorite moments of untucked.
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B
My God.
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A
Because you're sitting there, it seems like you're listening to the conversation and then you go, I have a question. Why do you hate my hair and makeup?
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B
I was set up that day.
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A
Were you?
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B
I was set up. I would call it production set me up that day. So I was so. So I just got out the hospital at like 6am that morning because I couldn't leave till I showed signs of getting better from my visit there. So I was, I was going through it there and then I had to like leave the hotel at like 7:30, 8:00 clock to go just to film. And of course, you know, we went through it and we did the show and everything and stuff and we got back there. She. So for me and the rest of the cast, we all remember her saying face. We remember her saying, I hate, hate your face. But we, we don't know, we, we think that maybe they had her line again or something to like, do not say face. Because in our heads we're like, how's that face? That's why I said face back then. And I was like, how I was, girl. I was going crazy in the back. I was like, I was like, honey, if she comes back here, I'mma let her know, I'mma ask her about it. And then about five minutes she walks back there. I was like, oh, y' all chesting me? Y' all want to see if I'm about it?
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A
I'm about it. I'll do it, honey.
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B
I'll press play, girl. And I did. So, yeah, I kind of, you know, one of the few people who I won't say came for her, but, like, had a moment with her, I mean, and had a successful career after. So I, I, I'm of illustrious manner, honey.
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A
I mean, you're on the right side of history. Homegirl lost her mind.
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B
It's kind of crazy.
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A
It's wild.
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B
I don't get it. I don't.
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A
How do you get it either?
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B
For me, personally, she is something that the far right. She's like the, the epitome of what they hate. Strong?
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A
Yes.
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B
Black?
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A
Yes.
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B
Immigrant?
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A
Yes. Yes.
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B
Girl, they don't like you.
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A
Yes.
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B
They don't want you, girl. You're literally the, the main Democrat and a woman.
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A
Yes.
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B
With money and power.
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A
It's one of those things where it's like, you're accepted until you're not. And it just, the moment hasn't happened where they're like, we hate you.
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B
Because she's saying the things that they want her to say. They'll put up with her. But not that long ago, they were saying how she would be a bad, like, she's like a horrible role model for black women. They literally were just saying that last year. So I don't know. I don't know. Maybe the check was cute. I don't know.
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A
They just be flipping and flopping, like.
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B
In the bedroom, honey. Flipping and flopping, honey.
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A
Well, speaking of the bedroom. Heidi.
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B
Yes.
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A
Are you single? Are you dating, or do you not want to say?
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B
I am currently in a very happy, committed, open relationship with my partner. We just celebrated four years last month.
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A
Congratulations. Congratulations.
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B
Thank you. Thank you.
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A
Okay. How did you meet?
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B
God, Messy gays in la. So basically, short story, long story short, basically, we had this mutual friend. They introduced us. I was currently talking to someone else at the time, and I was very, like, upfront about everything. I'm like, okay, we can be friends, but I'm also dating this person right now, and this mutual friend had a crush on them, and I knew that, so I was like, well, girl, you know, clearly are crushing me. We can be friends. Like, we'll. Even though you were trying to make us hook up, you were trying to get us hook up, which is crazy. I'm like, this is how I just moved out here. I'm like, this is how the gays out here get the Gays are messy. That's how y' all get down over here.
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A
The gays are messy.
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B
I'm like, okay, we'll meet. He was cute, whatever, and sweet. We hung out a couple times. They kept going back and forth whether they liked him or not. I was like, well, we're just friends. It doesn't matter. But it got to a point where, one, they were, like, seeing that we were together. So they would get on Grindr and see that we were, like, close to each other via the map. And they would just either show up or text us. Be like, hey, what y' all doing? I was like, okay, that's. We're just hanging. And basically, they got to the point where they were so jealous that they went behind my back to the guy that I was actually talking to at the time and told them that I was dating this person. And I wasn't at the time. I was. Because that was my friend at the time. I was like, girl, I'm not gonna do that to you. So I had to cuss her out. I may have had a friend of mine snatch some of her drag gigs away. Because, girl, you don't fuck with me. I do. And, baby, I don't give a fuck, honey. You cross with me. You cross me. You fuck with me, you're done. I don't. Honey. I mean, she wasn't working anyways, so, like, she wasn't. It is what it is. She lost maybe one gig. Baby. Honey. It wasn't much to snatch but.
- [12:46]
A
Drag her. And, you know, actually, she didn't have no gigs. One away.
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B
One gig, honey. That's why she got fired for demo anyways, anyways. Ho. So basically after that whole debacle came up, because they liked them, because they had told me that they had hooked up and it was a good thing. That's why they wanted us to meet or whatever. Come to find out they had never hooked up and that it was all basically a lie and stuff. And it seems like something that bears repeating with them and their. Their friend groups. So we X them out. And eventually me and the guy that I was talking to stopped talking. Cause it was like they were actually like my quarantine boo at the time. So they lived in Ireland, so it's like the future there wasn't that much, but we were, like, still, like, it was fresh out of quarantine, and we were, like, still close or whatever and stuff. So it was like that. And as a couple months passed, me and my partner now grew together. Closer and closer from friends. Friends became Relationship. And here we are four years later.
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A
Congratulations.
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B
Thank you. Thank you. I love that the long story short was still kind of long. I'm sorry, It's a lot more.
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A
It wasn't that long. I thought it was rather concise.
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B
Thank you.
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A
I thought it didn't go on many tangents.
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B
Not many.
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A
So just some? Just a couple. So do you live here in la?
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B
I do. I live near the Beverly Center.
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A
Don't tell these people where you live.
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B
Or maybe I do tell them where I live. I think it's called Beverly Grove is the area of town I live in. Technically, I'm like, okay, work. It still looks like WeHo to me. It's like the outskirts of WeHo.
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A
It's the end of WeHo.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Like, yeah, the outskirts is a perfect way to put it, but you grew up in a really small town. Rams. Ramsboat.
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B
Ramsdore.
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A
Rams Store, North Carolina.
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B
We call it the sewer, honey. Yes, ma'. Am. Yes. Go Rams. That's the elementary school.
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A
The elementary school. The only one, honey.
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B
And then there's a middle school and there's a high school. Go Wildcats. You are your host.
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A
It's very funny. So you were working at a gas station before getting drag raised.
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B
Yes.
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A
You said, ugh. So it wasn't a nice time.
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B
Well, because it was. To be fair, it was the lesser of two evil options. Basically, it was either become a prostitute or get the job at the gas station.
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A
Okay.
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B
So, you know, I decided to go work at the gas station. Now, looking back at it, I should have just been a prostitute.
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A
I mean, you could have made a little bit more money.
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B
I would have made more money and cleaned up a lot less shit. Gag. Gag.
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A
That really got me good.
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B
Yeah.
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A
How much shit did you have to clean up at a gas station?
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B
Let me tell you this one time at the gas station. One time at the gas station, baby. So I had. So I worked the night shift because at the gas station I worked at, it was a small town, almost all women worked there. And so that I was only male, so they would make me work night shifts, of course. Which is fine. Yeah, Completely fine. I cleaned up the whole. The whole place, whatever. Cleaned the bathrooms, got them all sparkling clean for the day shift. Whatever. I'm about to close up for the night, and about five minutes before this man comes in, he comes in, he says, can I use the restroom? I'm like, okay, work. That's fine. That's great. Yeah, let's do it. In and out. That's fine. He goes in, he's in there for a little bit. He finally comes out, he leaves in a hurry. So I'm like, okay, let me go make sure, you know, make sure it's still a little tidy up for the morning shift or whatever. I get in that motherfucking bathroom. There's shit on the toilet, there's shit on the floor, there's shit on the door, there's shit on the sink, mirror and the plunger. I'm like, what the fuck were you doing in here? So what did you do? I was the strong baby. I was making $7.25 an hour, honey. So I was, baby. I was like, you know what, I called my manager. I was like, Ms. Cheryl, you know that raise you just refused to give me the other day? Well, there's a bunch of shit in this bathroom and I get paid $7.25 an hour. I do not get paid enough to clean up all this shit. It will be here in waiting for you. Click. And went on home. And baby, I don't give a. I wasn't cleaning up all that. I had already cleaned up the bathroom. I was like, you can check the cameras, honey. I already clean. I ain't doing it again.
- [16:46]
A
I just, I wish, I wish we knew what was. If he was okay.
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B
Honey, the way he was moving, he was fine. He, he, he left with a quickness.
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A
He got the devil out and he said, I better hustle away.
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B
And it was dark sided too.
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A
It was horrible.
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B
I'm like, you, you couldn't just did this outside of somebody. This is crazy.
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A
Well, I'm also like. So were you hovering? But then how do you get it on the mirror, the plunger, the sand, like on everything?
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B
Like what was she? You just. I think it was a hate crime.
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A
Oh, maybe.
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B
I think he saw this young, gorgeous black, 65, voluptuous. He was an older white gentleman and he didn't like it. So he just went in there and wrecked my shit.
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A
And he said, I'm fucking leaving this girl. I love that you left it because 725 is not enough for that?
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B
Not that much. No, no. I cleaned up less shit when I worked at the hospital.
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A
How long did you work at the hospital?
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B
Like three months. But then I got fired, unfortunately, because this woman didn't like me. She lied on me. Yeah, okay, so she lied on me. So. So I was in environmental Services, which is like a fancy way of saying janitor.
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A
Okay.
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B
Huh, huh. Environmental services. So. And the thing is, so I was. We would go around the room, we each get our floors, we Go around. So not the woman in command, but the woman underneath command didn't like me. She was a very conservative woman. You know, she. I was a drug queen still. I was like a baby drug queen and stuff. So, you know, she doesn't really care for me that much. And she lied on me. So she said that I was dusting the rooms when there was patients in the rooms, which is. Cause you're not supposed to do that because the patient could have a respiratory problem and you don't want to irritate them. And I'm sitting there like, that's a lie. I don't dust at all. Like, how dare you sit here and lie on me.
- [18:34]
A
I don't do that at all.
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B
You can check my duster, baby. It's not cl. It ain't dusted. Shit, bitch. Like, how dare you sit here allowing me. But, you know, I can't tell the boss lady that, because then I'm like, well, girl, she got me. She got me.
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A
Girl, she got me. She got me. I don't do anything.
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B
I take the L, girl. I took the L. I've never been.
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A
Fired from a job. I've only just not returned.
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B
Well, I've walked out, been fired, just never showed back up. You know, I've done it all. The gambit, honey.
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A
Okay, can I ask about your open relationship? Was it always open or did you arrive at, like, a point where you're like, we gotta open this up?
- [19:11]
B
It started out as, like, just a monogamous relationship, but it quickly became an open relationship. Maybe like four or five months in between him working a lot and then me traveling and working a lot. It just didn't seem fair to either of us that we were not seeing each other often. And, like, we still have these bodily urges and desires and, you know, and we should. I, for me, personally, I want my partner to be satisfied whether I'm there or not. Don't bring no love home.
- [19:41]
A
Okay, so there's rules.
- [19:43]
B
Yes, of course there's rules. There's location. Baby, we're not out here looking for. Unless we're looking for a sugar daddy. Then we do, honey, it's teamwork, honey, on that one. But if we're not looking for someone that we want to fall in love with, we can have, I guess, repeats. But not necessarily like, okay, this one, I want him. No, nothing. No one we can get attached to, in a sense, because, baby, at the end of the day, home is us. We are the. The end goal. But like, honey, if you need to go get your rocks off for the night and I'm not around or I'm not in the mood to do it. Go do it and then come home. Honey, don't bring nothing home.
- [20:13]
A
Oh, so like you can. It's not just when you're away.
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B
Not just when we're away, but also neither of us are like super like out there. Like horn dogs trying to like suck and slurp and do all that stuff to every single individual. Now I'm probably the hornier of the two. And honey, honey, I get mine when I need to get mine. But like I'm also not like super crazy trying to like do it with everyone. So.
- [20:33]
A
Okay, real quick, we gotta take a break.
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B
We'll be back.
- [20:44]
A
I feel like the bar has been set so low for dating. But you know what they say the way to a person's heart is through what their stomach. And it's true. When someone puts the effort to cook for you a real meal, it's immediately impressive and honestly so hot. And hello Fresh makes it easy to learn and cook this year with recipes that feel good and taste delicious. You can choose from more than 100 recipes every week, including cuisines from around the world. They have bigger portions now to satisfy everyone and they'll provide you with wholesome ingredients like 100% antibiotic and hormone free chicken and sustainably sourced seafood so you can feel good about what you're feeding people and yourself. Personally, I have been trying to switch things up lately and open up my palette but I love how they have many high protein and GLP1 friendly options now so I can actually stick to my goals without eating boring food. They have amazing steak options like their butter basted sirloin steak with parsnip wedges and cream spinach. Oh baby, you can make that for a date. They're absolutely staying the night because when dinner tastes this good, nothing hits like home cooking. Go to hellofresh.com datemeat10fm to get 10 free meals plus a free Zwilling knife. A 144.99 value on your third box offer valid while supplies last. Free meals apply as discount on first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. Most people think their heart health is fine because their cholesterol looks normal. But did you know there are critical markers that are rarely tested for unless you specifically ask for them and you can't manage your heart health if you're missing half the info. It's National Heart Month and I have been thinking a lot about my longevity. I want to be around for a Long time. Okay. But looking at my family history, I realized that I was basically flying blind. I didn't know what was actually going on inside of me until I saw the results on the function platform. Function gives you access to over 100 lab tests, which is five times more than what you get at a standard primary care checkup. You get insights on everything from heart health to hormones and stress. Once you have your data, you can stop guessing. It shows you what's actually happening in your body right now so you can take control, own your health and start with your heart Function gives you access to 160 plus lab tests each year, including advanced markers for heart health, inflammation, stress hormones and toxins for $365 a year. That's a dollar a day. Learn more and join using my link. Visit www.functionhealth.com dateme and use gift code date me for a 25. Credit towards your membership. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I used to absolutely dread Valentine's Day. I hated walking into stores and seeing that pink aisles because it just made me feel like everyone else was in this, this perfect, happy relationship and I was the only one still single and struggling. But let me tell you the truth. Most of us are still figuring it out. Whether you're married, dating or single, nobody actually has the perfect roadmap. We're all just figuring out our own path. And that's where therapy really helps. It gives you the space to look at what is actually weighing you down. Maybe it's old patterns, or maybe it's just pressure that you put on yourself. Therapy helps you identify those blockers so you can clear them out and start enjoying your life regardless of your relationship status. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform of over 30,000 therapists. They do the matching work for you to find someone who fits your specific needs. And if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch at any time to make sure that you find the right person, which is super important. Don't just, you know, get one person and stay with them because you're scared to change. It's like dating. Date therapists. Sign up and get 10 off at betterhelp.com datemen that's better. H E L p.com date me and now we're back. That was so, so fast.
- [24:54]
B
Fast.
- [24:55]
A
We flew through those ads. Wow, Heidi, have you ever fucked in drag?
- [24:59]
B
No. Never. I couldn't. I don't think I could. I. I've, I've had a wig on. I've. I've worn a wig for the straight men that need that. Some straight men need that, and that's fine.
- [25:10]
A
You need that fat to suit.
- [25:11]
B
It does fall off in, like, a couple minutes, but, you know, as long as it stops. Cause you're not.
- [25:15]
A
You're not gluing it down.
- [25:16]
B
I'm not. Girl. Now, girl, girl, you was not about to take my. My wig and ball it in your fist and just be pulling. No honey is there to move. And don't put your hand in it, too, because I didn't brush it that well. It's not too much. Not too much. Yeah. I don't. I've never. I've never. Heidi's a virgin.
- [25:32]
A
Okay.
- [25:33]
B
Trevin. My actual name is. Is. Is the. The horn dog.
- [25:37]
A
Is the slot.
- [25:41]
B
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
- [25:43]
A
I was like, oh, no, you didn't like, slot.
- [25:46]
B
Oh, no, no. Yeah, we stamp sluts in this household.
- [25:50]
A
So after Drag Race, were people sliding into your DMs, and then, like, when you're touring or people throwing themselves at you?
- [25:56]
B
I think right after season 12, people were too shy to slide into my DMs because they saw me as, like, this very, like, innocent, sweet, loving, like, character.
- [26:04]
A
Yeah.
- [26:05]
B
So they didn't really see, like, oh, I want to fuck that.
- [26:07]
A
Interesting.
- [26:08]
B
No, but, like, as time's grown on and that, people have gotten to see more sides of me and stuff. People, you know, they get in the DMs and stuff and they call. You know, we got menses in different area codes and stuff. Other countries and stuff.
- [26:21]
A
That's fun.
- [26:22]
B
Yeah.
- [26:22]
A
Do you have, like, a favorite place that you like to travel to to perform and. Or see the man's.
- [26:28]
B
To perform. God, I love performing. The uk. I love performing, and I do love Portland, Oregon. It's a fun time. She's a good time to go party in the girl. The girls are crazy there. Florida, to party with the gays and stuff is also York. The trade in New York. Honey goes crazy. Honey, the honey. New York's man folk. Honey, men folk. But men folk in New York are crazy. And then there's this one in Bergen, Norway. Oh, I met.
- [27:01]
A
Me and never been to Norway.
- [27:02]
B
Me and my partner both met this. This Viking man, but.
- [27:05]
A
Oh, hey, Brett Brent.
- [27:10]
B
Well, it's B R E S C H T. I say it like that to him. He's like, that's not how you say it.
- [27:17]
A
But he's like, that's not my name.
- [27:19]
B
He's like, I'm like, I'm throwing gang signs on me. That goes crazy. Way.
- [27:26]
A
I love that. I love that you just have all these men's in different areas.
- [27:31]
B
It's not even that I have these menses. They. They possess a quality about them that is enough to get me out of my panties. And that's enough for, you know, they. There's couples here and there. There's this one couple in New York. They're. They're gamer nerds. Uhhuh. And they also love wrestling too, like me.
- [27:53]
A
Okay.
- [27:54]
B
So we just talk about that non stop. And then they have this move called the finisher. They. They have a finisher.
- [28:01]
A
So you're fucking you. You a couple that has a signature move.
- [28:06]
B
Yes.
- [28:06]
A
When they fuck you. Yeah, that. That's deeply wonderful.
- [28:09]
B
It's beautiful.
- [28:10]
A
Can you describe what the finisher is?
- [28:12]
B
Okay, so what you want to do. So you're going to be laying on your back at first.
- [28:18]
A
Okay.
- [28:18]
B
And then basically start rolling up like a fruit roll up where your posterior is somewhat at either an angle or. Okay.
- [28:27]
A
So I'm going that way.
- [28:28]
B
Uh huh. While the other one. There's one holding your legs like this and like everything is by your head and stuff. So whatever you're doing down there is whatever you're doing down there while the other one is coming from above and just putting it down. And you just kind of have to lay there and take it because they have you in the submission hall basically and you just. That's their finisher.
- [28:51]
A
That sounds nice.
- [28:52]
B
It's lovely.
- [28:55]
A
It's lovely.
- [28:56]
B
It's lovely. So good. Sometimes you want to be a pillow princess.
- [29:04]
A
Yeah. Sometimes you do. I would like that. Hold me down and just take it. Take it. Have your way with me.
- [29:12]
B
What's that clip from the 101 Dalmatians?
- [29:15]
A
Take it.
- [29:16]
B
It's.
- [29:19]
A
The animated one.
- [29:20]
B
No, the. The Glenn Close.
- [29:22]
A
I haven't seen that one in years.
- [29:23]
B
Crazy.
- [29:24]
A
Did you know she got to keep all of those costumes?
- [29:28]
B
Bitch, I about swallowed this mic. That's crazy. She looked great during those.
- [29:32]
A
She got to keep all of them. And I'm just like how she's so smart to put that in her contract that she like gets to keep them all also. I saw that on the Internet. I don't know if it's true. I like thinking that it's true.
- [29:44]
B
I hope for her, I hope it is. I hope it's true. It should be. It's what she deserves.
- [29:48]
A
So you are known for having a gap in your teeth.
- [29:52]
B
Am I?
- [29:53]
A
Hi, Heidi. I just want to be the first to let you know there's a gap in your Teeth.
- [29:59]
B
Where?
- [30:00]
A
So it's between the center teeth. There's two. No, no, in the middle, between the two front teeth.
- [30:07]
B
What is that? When did it get there? Oh, my God, Nicole. Did I lose it on the way in?
- [30:12]
A
Imagine.
- [30:13]
B
Did my tooth fall out? Oh my God. That's so embarrassed. That's so embarrassing. Oh my God.
- [30:18]
A
But was there at any moment growing up or like after you started having a career like that, you were like, maybe I'll close the gap?
- [30:26]
B
Me personally? No.
- [30:28]
A
Good.
- [30:29]
B
So when I was first born and first had teeth, my baby teeth, I.
- [30:35]
A
Was first born with a full set of teeth.
- [30:37]
B
You just came out. Just. No. So I think it was like second grade. First grade, second grade. I lost all four front of my baby teeth at the same time, but I didn't have a gap. But the first front two grew in first, so they grew into the gap. And for me personally, I would never close my gap. So my mother passed away when I was very young and she had a gap. So I don't know her. But I like to think that my gap, I wasn't meant to have a gap, but my gap came because it's to symbolize her and our connection. So I would. I personally would never close my gap.
- [31:07]
A
I love that.
- [31:08]
B
Even when the barbs come at me, being like, you need to fix your teeth, bitch. You need to fix your.
- [31:14]
A
Well, I don't. I think everyone kind of is starting to look the same.
- [31:18]
B
Yes.
- [31:19]
A
The same veneers, the same nose jobs.
- [31:21]
B
They look like Chiclets.
- [31:22]
A
The bleph plasties or whatever. The buccal fat removal. I'm like, I like when somebody looks different.
- [31:29]
B
It helps. The thing is, if everyone's the same, no one's special. And you know what, if my little gap makes me a little different, that's fine. I'll be that.
- [31:36]
A
But I also think it looks good.
- [31:38]
B
Thank you. I think it came in a great shape. Honestly. It did. The positioning.
- [31:42]
A
It's super endearing. I don't know. Is that wild to say to somebody? I find your gap endearing?
- [31:47]
B
No, it is. I love that because I can do so many different things with it. I can blow bubbles with my gap.
- [31:52]
A
Really?
- [31:53]
B
Uh huh. If I had a piece of gum, I could put a little bubble through it. I can spit things through it very far. I like to pretend I'm a Pokemon and use bullet seed and just. It's kind of. It's kind of. And honey. And it's.
- [32:08]
A
I like to pretend I'm a Pokemon. I do.
- [32:10]
B
I love that. Yes. It's kind of fierce. And then now you do have to be very careful when you're like, providing services of sorts, because I don't want to circumcise nobody.
- [32:21]
A
But it could be a side hustle.
- [32:22]
B
Honey, one good time, honey, one good time.
- [32:29]
A
Just to pivot back to dating.
- [32:31]
B
Yes, let's do it.
- [32:32]
A
What are some, like, red flags, girl?
- [32:35]
B
They try to date your agent. They try to fuck your agent, actually.
- [32:38]
A
Wow. I feel like that was a specific thing.
- [32:42]
B
Can you bleep names?
- [32:43]
A
Yes.
- [32:47]
B
You know who you are, you know where you are? Garbage. You try to sleep with my agent. So this man. So I first started talking to this man. Uh huh. Uh, we had talked for about four months at this time. Or whatever. And I was like, do you wanna start a relationship? I was like, okay, we can. And he. I was like, I would be down to start a relationship. He was a little hesitant about it. I was like, okay, that's fine. About two weeks later, he's like, maybe we should revisit us being in a relationship. I was like, okay, let's think about it, let's talk about it. We'll figure it out. Two days after that, I found out he tried to sleep with my agent. And I was like. And it was within the three. It was within the two weeks of me asking him to be my partner and then him being like, we'll wait on it. And then him coming back and being like, maybe we should. So I'm like, within that time you tried to sleep with my agent and now you're wanting to start a relationship with me? That's kind of crazy.
- [33:39]
A
That's nasty. I don't like that. That's moving dirty in the world. I don't like when people do.
- [33:43]
B
You know what excuse was when I. When I. Cuz I called him out, I was like. I was like, within the two weeks where I asked you about this, you've tried to sleep with my agent? What? What? What?
- [33:52]
A
What?
- [33:53]
B
Where do. Where's your. Where's your head at in that? He's like, well, I've known him for years. Since before you even moved out here to la. I'm like, that does not exonerate you.
- [34:03]
A
No.
- [34:04]
B
From trying to sleep with my agent behind my back. Yes. And then trying to start a relationship with me.
- [34:10]
A
Because what's like the end goal? Like what. What were they trying to do?
- [34:14]
B
Fuck that. Was it trying to f. Trying to get a nut. I'm like, baby, also, what are y' all both gonna do? You're both bottoms, baby.
- [34:21]
A
Just rub their butts together, baby.
- [34:23]
B
I mean, bump a purse. I don't, I'm not. I don't. Knock it. Honey, honey, if it's right, it's right. Honey, knock the. Rub the purses up against each other. But, baby. Okay.
- [34:39]
A
This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. I have so many talented friends who have these incredible professional looking websites for work and I'm nosy, so I'm always snooping on their pages. I'm like, oh my God, who did you hire? How much money did you spend on this? And then they tell me, nobody. I literally did it myself on Squarespace. And then I'm like floored every time. And it's perfect because you don't need to know a single thing about coding to make a beautiful functioning website. They have this feature called Blueprint. You basically just tell it what you want, your vibe, and it helps you build a custom, gorgeous, personalized website instantly. Plus, Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer your services and get paid. Whether you're trying to sell vintage clothes, book consultations, or launching a passion project, Squarespace handles the invoices and the payments. So you can just focus on getting that coin. Head to squarespace space.com date me for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code date me to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now go build something beautiful with Squarespace. If you're looking for your next great listen. This one comes from visionary creator Kenya Barris, the mind behind Blackish called Big Age. And it is a hilarious, heartwarming, audible original comedy about love, aging and finding your way in life's next chapter. The cast alone is enough to is enough reason to listen. Big Age stars absolute comedy legends Jennifer Lewis, Cedric the Entertainer, and Niecy Nash Betts. The story follows a recently retired couple, Dot and Butch Watts. They make a reluctant relocation to their new Floridian home, Sunset Gardens. Now, you might expect a senior community to be quiet, but this place is anything but relaxing. Embarrasses world Dot and Butch encounter a parade of unforgettable personalities who push their 50 year marriage to the limit. They're dealing with spiritually possessed neighbors, pesky pill pushing couples, and a ferociously competitive character known as the Stevenator. Plus, there's plenty of drama like Butch's flirtatious ex flame Ethel, played by Niecy Nash Betts. Through a blend of outrageous comedy and touching revelations, Big Age explores what it means to grow older without growing old at heart. Listen to Kenya Barris's new laugh out loud audible original comedy, Big age. Big age. Age does funny things. Go to audible.com bigageseries to start listening today.
- [37:14]
B
Wait, so. So let's talk about menzies. What's your type of menses?
- [37:18]
A
Well, the type of menses I am in a relationship.
- [37:21]
B
Yes, yes, yes.
- [37:22]
A
And the nice man in my life, he. So I guess before we got together, it moved past, like, physicality, and it was very much like, I just want someone who likes me.
- [37:34]
B
Yeah.
- [37:34]
A
And that. The bar is on the floor so low, girl. When you say, I want somebody, somebody.
- [37:38]
B
Who likes you, you can just walk on it.
- [37:40]
A
Truly.
- [37:41]
B
Not even step over. Walk on it, girl.
- [37:43]
A
Tiptoe, girl. Slide over it.
- [37:45]
B
It's not that hard.
- [37:46]
A
But when I met him and it was like maybe our second or third date, I was like, I think he, like, likes this.
- [37:54]
B
Isn't that fun?
- [37:55]
A
I think he really likes this. And I think it was maybe our third or fourth date. I was like, do you want to drive to Chino Hills to go to a Sonic the Hedgehog themed cafe? And he was just like, sure.
- [38:09]
B
Where is that?
- [38:10]
A
Wait, where's Geno Hills? Is like an hour north. And it was a pop up. It was not great. But then afterwards, we walked around a Barnes and Noble.
- [38:18]
B
Okay.
- [38:20]
A
And it was just like, cute. And we found out we could just spend time together and have a nice time.
- [38:25]
B
Y' all can do, like, nerdy things. Are you nerd? Do you like nerdy boys and stuff?
- [38:28]
A
Like, I do, like, okay, get into it.
- [38:31]
B
It's level. There's level to nerd them.
- [38:35]
A
I like a nerd. I like someone who knows things because I love asking questions, because I retain nothing.
- [38:43]
B
Okay.
- [38:44]
A
I will ask the same question in several different ways. And recently we watched Band of Brothers, which he said was a Christmas show. Oh, it is about World War II. The reason why this man thinks it's a Christmas show is because it snows in one episode and they fight through Christmas. And I said, the way a straight men's mind works is they're crazy.
- [39:08]
B
They're crazy.
- [39:09]
A
Mental illness, just red and rapid.
- [39:12]
B
I personally don't know if I could do a straight man anymore. Like, they. No, definitely not. I don't see how you do it. It seems like a lot of work. I personally like even just being around them for extended period of times.
- [39:23]
A
And just like, sometimes when I'm with his friends, I'm like, well, okay, that's enough testosterone for me, honey.
- [39:30]
B
It's at its limits.
- [39:31]
A
We got to go home and put some makeup on and a wig.
- [39:33]
B
Honey, I gotta go feel around. I gotta go tell myself I look pretty because no one here is doing it.
- [39:38]
A
No one's doing it, girl.
- [39:39]
B
Yeah.
- [39:40]
A
And that's why I love a gay bar. You walk in, compliment 18, people will say how beautiful you are, diva. And I'm like, yes. And I'm like, I am the diva.
- [39:48]
B
Love it.
- [39:49]
A
But he'll do silly things with me. Like, I have a bunch of fur hats, and one night before bed, I was like, hat party. And then we just tried on all my hats.
- [39:56]
B
That's so fun. That's so cute. Yeah.
- [39:59]
A
And it's like, I've dated men who'd be like, no. Or like, ugh. And, like, really be mad about this dumb thing I want to do.
- [40:07]
B
Like, what's like.
- [40:08]
A
And it's like, don't you just want to have fun? I just want to have fun.
- [40:11]
B
Just Kiki. Have a good time with the person you like. Is that a problem?
- [40:16]
A
Yeah. And, like, sometimes before sleep, like, sometimes he just lets me talk.
- [40:22]
B
Yeah.
- [40:22]
A
And then he has started saying, if I stop answering, I'm sleepy. And I go, okay. Some nights, he just.
- [40:30]
B
You just keep going. You don't even realize that he's done talking.
- [40:32]
A
Some nights, he'll start snoring, and I'm like, oh, I'm obsessed. Okay, well, I. I guess that's a wrap on that, Mama.
- [40:38]
B
I love you. Like, well, you're like, how long has it been? How's it been? How long?
- [40:44]
A
Sometimes, I don't know. Sometimes. And then the next day, I'll be like, hey, do you remember this? And he's like, no, not at all. No, go to sleep. But that's where I get my energy. It's awful. I have adhd. So, like, I'm on ADHD medicine. That kind of helps me.
- [41:01]
B
What does it do to you? Cause I, I. I think I'm undiagnosed, so I don't have any medication for it, but I definitely, well, feel like I'm in that realm.
- [41:09]
A
The doctor was like, if you get, like, a speedy rush, tell me immediately. And I was like, okay. So I took it. And then I remember smoking a cigarette, going to the living room, and opening my mail. And I was like, huh? That was four months worth of mail that I just got through and finished.
- [41:26]
B
Oh.
- [41:27]
A
And then I was like, well, that's kind of crazy. And I was like, well, I did have this to do today, so I just started doing things.
- [41:32]
B
Yeah.
- [41:33]
A
And it Blew me away that I could, like, finish a task.
- [41:36]
B
Oh, my God.
- [41:37]
A
But now I have to, like, kind of, like, walk myself through tasks. Like, if I start something, it's like, well, Nicole, before you walk away, finish this.
- [41:46]
B
Let's finish.
- [41:47]
A
Let's finish this.
- [41:48]
B
Yeah, I'm notorious for that. Like, girl. Like, I'll start projects, and it's just like, well, girl, I'll get it. Back to it. No, I get it.
- [41:54]
A
But then sometimes I'll do four things at once.
- [41:57]
B
Of course. Multitalented, multitasking. I mean, that's what we do.
- [42:00]
A
Then you get confused, and you go, where am I? Where. Where's my phone? And my phone will be in my hand, so you can. And I'll look around for my phone that's in my hand.
- [42:08]
B
Fully. Fully be on the phone. Actually talk to someone.
- [42:10]
A
Yes.
- [42:10]
B
That happened before.
- [42:11]
A
Oh, my God. And it's like, bitch, you're talking to me on it.
- [42:15]
B
Literally. Literally me.
- [42:16]
A
Like, keychain looks crazy because I leave it in the door all the time. So it's long. It's like this long. And it's got giant doll babies and stuff on it. And I left it in the door the other day.
- [42:29]
B
Doll babies? Yeah, like doll heads or like.
- [42:32]
A
No.
- [42:32]
B
What is this?
- [42:32]
A
Like, a Bratz doll?
- [42:34]
B
Okay, I didn't. Okay, I didn't. I'll show you my keys. I was confused and concerned for a second. I didn't know what.
- [42:39]
A
I know. It sounds crazy to be like, baby dolls, baby.
- [42:43]
B
Where the hell's my husband? Oh, she's a diva, though.
- [42:52]
A
Wait, can you believe. Looks like you leave this indoors.
- [43:00]
B
Just hanging.
- [43:01]
A
I'll open the door to my house.
- [43:03]
B
That's a lot.
- [43:04]
A
I know. And it. And it's like this.
- [43:07]
B
How do you open the door and not know that it's still there?
- [43:10]
A
I don't know. That's crazy, because I'll open the door, my dog will be there, or I'll be like, oh, I have to do this and this, and then I'll just close the door. But this has made it. So it's harder to close the door.
- [43:22]
B
Yeah, I'd hope so. I'd hope so. It's probably hard to turn the key to a little bit. It is.
- [43:27]
A
Sometimes it really is just so hard. And the other day, that nice man in my life was like, so can we get rid of the keys you don't need? And I was like, it up these. I actually need them. It's just keychains.
- [43:41]
B
I'm kind of obsessed. You know what? Do what you got to do. Do what you got to do.
- [43:47]
A
That's how I've just like learned to deal with having adhd. If it works, honey, doing little tip or I don't know, tips and tricks to like get like.
- [43:56]
B
See, I'm the type of person, I try to leave things in places that make sense to me. It might not make sense to someone else, but let me tell you something. I know exactly where it is. I can go grab it when I want it and if someone has touched it, it's not where I supposed to be. Because that. It. Yeah, I. Yeah, I feel that so much.
- [44:15]
A
And I've gotten like a little too particular sometimes because I'll be like, well, that pillow's not where that pillow is supposed to be. And if that pillow is moved, then that means that the thing that maybe I'll put something by that pillow that usually goes over there and then I'll lose it. Yeah, and it's just like you end.
- [44:30]
B
Up hiding something away from yourself.
- [44:32]
A
Yes. It's yesterday I put like a. It was really windy and I'm a farmer, so I've got a lot of farmer. I've got a. Yes. I've got vegetables, tomatoes, fruits, strawberries, cucumbers. And one of my pots fell over because it was windy.
- [44:48]
B
Okay. I trust. I have plants on the balcony.
- [44:50]
A
And then when it gets windy, it's like, well, goodbye. But I like swept it, put the broken bits in a trash bag, and then left it in the middle of the hallway inside the house. Cuz I was like, well, I'll trip over it and then I'll have to take it downstairs.
- [45:05]
B
You just walk around it? Yep, yep.
- [45:07]
A
For two days I walked just around it.
- [45:10]
B
Honey, when I come home from traveling, my suitcase sits right by the door for about two, three days. And then I finally unpack it. I'm like, honey, we got dollars to count. We got costumes that probably should need airing out.
- [45:23]
A
Airing out.
- [45:24]
B
Then them pads need to be airing out right now. Honey, I'll put them on the balcony. It's fine.
- [45:31]
A
Do you fried you. I guess you can't wash pads.
- [45:35]
B
You can.
- [45:35]
A
Oh, you can, you can, you can.
- [45:37]
B
It does eat away the. The life cycle of the pads. But you can wash them. Yes.
- [45:43]
A
God, that's so funny.
- [45:44]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's what gives me that beautiful curvaceous blond.
- [45:48]
A
Do you ever. Do you ever. Do you ever wear a chest plate?
- [45:55]
B
I have one. It's actually Jaida's that she left at my place like four years ago, but.
- [46:01]
A
She never, she never came back to scoop it up.
- [46:05]
B
She's been back to my place and she knows I have it, but she just. She has another one. So, like, it's her old, old one.
- [46:10]
A
So I don't need this, basically.
- [46:12]
B
So it's mine now. And I don't wear it for drag, but, like, I'll wear it every once in a while just to, like, feel the fantasy or something. Like, I was on TikTok Live the other night, and I had this. I have this outfit that, like, cuts like this, and it's like, I put it on to see what it gives, and it just barely covers up the nipples. I'm like, baby, this is a moment. Actually, this is kind of fun. It's a little heavy for me. I don't know.
- [46:33]
A
It's so heavy.
- [46:34]
B
I don't know if I can do it all the time. I don't know how girls like Jimbo and playing and all.
- [46:37]
A
I don't know how they do it. I think they do it because I have a chest plate that I bought for natural. Oh, no, I bought it. Well, I do have. They're tiny. You know, they're small, small breasts. So I have a. What are they, double E's or something? They're huge. And I got them silicone filled. They are so heavy.
- [46:56]
B
That's a lot.
- [46:57]
A
By the end of the show, I wore them for. I was like. I did a workout.
- [47:00]
B
That's back pain.
- [47:00]
A
That's crazy. But then I bought another. I have two chest plates.
- [47:03]
B
You have more than me. I love that. You have more breastplates than that.
- [47:07]
A
Bob the Drag Queen was like, who did you borrow that from, girl?
- [47:10]
B
Okay.
- [47:10]
A
I was like, I own this.
- [47:12]
B
These are mine, honey.
- [47:13]
A
And she was like, what do you mean you own a chest plate? And I was like, I own two.
- [47:17]
B
The girls can't take you, Nicole.
- [47:19]
A
I'm sickening. The girls can't take you.
- [47:21]
B
The hostile boots, mama.
- [47:22]
A
I also have hip pads and butt pants.
- [47:25]
B
So you be out here doing the drags, too?
- [47:28]
A
Well, if I want to make the Coca Cola, like a. Yeah, Coca Cola shape, I have the equipment to do so. To do something.
- [47:35]
B
I mean, we all should be ready to do so, but boy, oh, boy, it's a lot, right?
- [47:39]
A
It's so much. My God, I can't do it on the regular.
- [47:43]
B
For sure.
- [47:43]
A
And then you get so sweaty underneath, honey.
- [47:46]
B
I don't sweat. I glisten.
- [47:47]
A
Oh, that's nice.
- [47:48]
B
I don't sweat, especially when I get Botox.
- [47:51]
A
Where do you get Botox?
- [47:52]
B
Just on my forehead.
- [47:53]
A
Let me see it.
- [47:54]
B
Well, it's the bangs. And I haven't had Botox in a while because she's been filming some things, so she needs to be able to.
- [48:00]
A
Act and stuff, you know, act and react.
- [48:03]
B
Yes. So, you know, I haven't had Botox in a while. So the forehead can move right now, but sometimes the forehead can't move and.
- [48:09]
A
It'S like, okay, Botox scares me a little bit. I'm not. I don't love a needle.
- [48:13]
B
I don't. I hate needles. I hate.
- [48:15]
A
I literally, like, you just close your eyes and look.
- [48:16]
B
I literally close my eyes. I'm like, okay. I can't look. I don't. Like.
- [48:20]
A
Can you feel it?
- [48:21]
B
The. The. The Botox going in or the needle. The needle. They use a smaller needle, and so it's smaller. And like, you can definitely, like, you can feel it, like, break the skin or not break the skin, but, like, go into the skin or whatever. But, like, it doesn't feel like pain or anything. And that's coming for someone who hates needles, too.
- [48:38]
A
Okay.
- [48:39]
B
Like, it's bearable.
- [48:40]
A
And, like, because I'm arriving at an age where I'm like, I might need some Botox.
- [48:46]
B
Just, you know, I don't even do, like, a lot of Botox. Just in my mind's more like preventative Boto, because I don't want wrinkles in my forehead. And I've seen my uncle's forehead. Love you, Uncle Bernie. But.
- [48:57]
A
But the wrinkles are rampant.
- [48:59]
B
Not for me personally. They're not for me personally, but he looks fine with them. I personally don't think I want them. At least not until 50, 60. So I'm trying to, like, prolong as long as possible before I get those.
- [49:11]
A
I'm like, do I want wrinkles? What do I want to look like?
- [49:13]
B
Old?
- [49:13]
A
I'm scared of looking old. Cause I have kind of like a round baby face, and I'm like, am I going to look like an old, nasty baby?
- [49:20]
B
No, no. You're just gonna look like one of those dogs with the droopy cheeks. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. No, I think you'll look adorable. I think you'll look great.
- [49:30]
A
I hope so.
- [49:31]
B
You give me, like, one of those, like, old ladies that are, like, fashionable. She like. She dresses cutesy. She's a little. She's got some spunk to her, honey. She'll talk to the stranger on the street or whatever.
- [49:41]
A
I can't wait for that.
- [49:42]
B
Walking her dog or whatever. That. That's what gives me. That's what you get me.
- [49:46]
A
I truly can't wait for that. I hope I don't end up like. One of my neighbors is an older woman, but she, like, goes through trash and she talks to everybody, and she's very nosy, and I'm like, I want to be, like, fun. Yeah. I don't want to be digging through people's trash. That's just too much.
- [50:02]
B
I'm not doing all that. I don't even like digging through my trash.
- [50:05]
A
Me either. I don't like trash. Wait, Heidi, I have a question.
- [50:08]
B
Yes, babe?
- [50:09]
A
Do you have any advice for single people out there who are out there and they're looking?
- [50:15]
B
I would say stop looking. Stop looking. For me personally, what's worked for me is get yourself together first. Love yourself first and do everything that you want to be doing and focus that on all that energy that you're trying to focus on someone else, on yourself. And when the time comes, that person that is attracted to you, that is meant for you, is going to come and see how much love and time you put into yourself. And they'll want that for themselves, and they'll come to you because they see that in you. And then you'll be able to come together. That's my advice for someone who's single and looking. Stop looking. Work on you. Love you, period.
- [50:50]
A
I like that.
- [50:51]
B
Yeah.
- [50:52]
A
I truly think, like, once you kind of know what your things are, it makes it easier.
- [51:00]
B
The people will flock to you. They'll attract. They'll attract themselves to you because of how much love and work you put into yourself.
- [51:06]
A
And the thing I simply didn't know. I've never really been in a relationship before this one. I'd been in, like, a situationship that wasn't, like, super fulfilling.
- [51:15]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [51:16]
A
But I didn't realize how much y' all gotta talk. I, like, we gotta talk about.
- [51:22]
B
What are we gonna talk about now, Like.
- [51:24]
A
Cause it's like, oh, you did this. I did that.
- [51:27]
B
For me, my partner is the type of person, he's very sweet and loving, and he understands we've been gone. And so I'm like an introvert and an extrovert at the same time. When I'm around people and I'm out and about and stuff, of course. And when I'm in drag, the extrovertness comes out. But when I'm home alone, just chilling, I am a bit of an introvert. And he understands. Understands that. And sometimes we talk, and then there's sometimes that we'll just sit in silence together and I love that I need someone who I can sit in silence with because, like, I am a bit of an introvert at times, too.
- [51:58]
A
I also sometimes am introverted at times.
- [52:01]
B
So you get it. You get it.
- [52:02]
A
Because sometimes I'll be like, I just. I don't even wanna, like, the social battle, you know? Sometimes you'll, like, watch a movie and make jokes as the movie goes. Sometimes I'll go, I won't do that.
- [52:12]
B
I want to turn this off.
- [52:13]
A
I just want to turn my brain off and watch.
- [52:16]
B
Yeah.
- [52:16]
A
And he gets that. And then he also understand where sometimes at 11:30, I'll go, I'm gonna do a talent show. Here's how you tap dance. And I'm gonna teach you. And he'll always go, I'll give it a try.
- [52:27]
B
I'll see. I'll see what I can do. I'll see what I can do.
- [52:30]
A
But it's just really nice to have somebody who's there to ride with me.
- [52:35]
B
Yes. Ride the journey. Sometimes you'll get the Zoomies. Sometimes you wanna turn your brain off and just watch stuff.
- [52:41]
A
You like to watch tv?
- [52:46]
B
No.
- [52:47]
A
Oh, watch people?
- [52:48]
B
Yeah. Do you. I mean, let's talk about it.
- [52:53]
A
I've never done it in person.
- [52:54]
B
Never?
- [52:55]
A
No, I. I've only been in one threesome.
- [52:58]
B
You're missing. Oh, okay. Do tell. Do tell.
- [53:01]
A
It was.
- [53:02]
B
Was there a finisher?
- [53:04]
A
There wasn't a finisher, unfortunately.
- [53:06]
B
We gotta get you back in the saddle.
- [53:07]
A
Unfortunately. Hmm. Do I wanna tell this story? As long as you don't clip this out for social media, I'll tell it. There was a time where she was looking for money and I got married for money. And then I was like, this was before I got married for money. I was like, what if I, like, sat on people's faces for money?
- [53:28]
B
And we.
- [53:28]
A
So I put an ad out on Craigslist and met this man via the Internet. And we were emailing, and then I was out with my friend. I shouldn't put her name out.
- [53:39]
B
Whatever.
- [53:40]
A
I was out with my friend, and she was like, where are you going? And I was like, okay, funny story. I'm gonna go to this hotel and sit on this man's face for $150. And she was like, I'll come with you to make sure you're safe. And I said, all right. So next thing, she's naked too. We're, like, having a threesome with this man, and then he leaves. And then she was like, did he pay you? And I was like, yes. And she was like, where's my half. And I was like, damn. I thought you were just chaperoning to make sure I.
- [54:11]
B
She came and hustled the hustle. She.
- [54:14]
A
I couldn't. We should bleep her name. We should bleep her name. Can we bleep it with.
- [54:20]
B
Dang girl, not hustle the hustle.
- [54:22]
A
I couldn't. And then I had to give it to her.
- [54:25]
B
Of course, she did have to work.
- [54:26]
A
But then later, this was her karma. I found like two or $300 on the street. Just like a roll of $100 bills. And we were walking together and I shoved her out of the way and I grabbed it and she was like, hey, we were together. I was like. We simply walked. You were over there. I found it over here.
- [54:45]
B
I was right.
- [54:46]
A
So I made that money back. Plus some.
- [54:48]
B
Plus some honey. And that's how you do it over here. We gotta get. We gotta. That's. That's the thing. But we gotta get you into some watching, girl. We gotta get you to watch some stuff.
- [54:58]
A
But here's the thing about watching.
- [55:00]
B
Yes.
- [55:01]
A
Is it like a sports game where you're like. You cheer them on and you're like, do that?
- [55:06]
B
Well, it depends on the environment. Sometimes it can be that. And sometimes you're at a house party and you're just trying to. You're waiting in line to the bathroom and you just gotta sit there and watch them because the only bathroom available is in the sex room.
- [55:21]
A
It's really funny when I speak to people.
- [55:25]
B
Yeah.
- [55:25]
A
This conversation. My friend with my. My friend with my conversation with my friend Dipper. Y' all say sentences I've never heard before in my whole life.
- [55:33]
B
Yes.
- [55:34]
A
You know when you're just at the house party and the only bathroom's in the sex room and you just gotta watch em before you go to the. The bathroom. And you said it was just such ease. It's so funny to me.
- [55:42]
B
It's my truth. That's why it's so easy, because it's my truth. It was. It was my truth.
- [55:48]
A
So you enjoy watching people?
- [55:49]
B
I don't. I necessarily enjoy watching people. I'll watch. I'm more of a partaker versus the watcher.
- [55:56]
A
So do you like being watched?
- [55:59]
B
I don't mind it. I don't mind. So they can if you want to watch. Honey. I put on a spectacle. So is it.
- [56:07]
A
See, and I love that you know that about yourself. I don't think I'm putting on a spectacle. I think I'm like putting in the grunt work. I'm Doing my best.
- [56:14]
B
Yeah, of course.
- [56:15]
A
And I don't know if it's like. If anyone would be like, oh, man, that's hot. I think they'd be like, well, she's a workhorse.
- [56:20]
B
She's a workhorse. There's some people out there that love workhorses, let me tell you. And that's for somebody out there that wants to see it. Trust and believe, honey.
- [56:28]
A
That's nice to think about. There's somebody out there who. Who wants to see it.
- [56:33]
B
There's. There's people that want feet. There's people who want People sit on their faces. That's. No.
- [56:38]
A
I don't really understand foot fetishes.
- [56:40]
B
No. You can. Stuck on my toes. Oh, all you want.
- [56:43]
A
I think that's.
- [56:44]
B
I ain't putting no to my mouth, honey. To.
- [56:47]
A
It's like. It would be. I'm too ticklish for that.
- [56:50]
B
Okay, I see it. I see it.
- [56:52]
A
Yeah. I don't mind a foot rub every now and again. Yeah, that's fine.
- [56:56]
B
I crack up when I'm getting my toes, so it's hard sometimes. I'm very much the type of person, like, I. That's not for me. But if so, like, there's. There's things like toes.
- [57:07]
A
There's.
- [57:07]
B
There's water sports. You know what? Water sports.
- [57:09]
A
Peeing on people.
- [57:10]
B
Yes. I could never get peed on. Will I pee on someone? If that. If that does it for them, I'll pee on them. I will not be peed on.
- [57:18]
A
I think I can pee on somebody.
- [57:21]
B
Yes.
- [57:22]
A
I don't think I want to be peed on.
- [57:24]
B
No, no, no. If I wanted to go get wet, I would go take a dive in the pool or something. I'm not. It's also too much to clean up, girl. Yeah.
- [57:32]
A
Cause then I gotta wash my hair.
- [57:33]
B
Even after regular, like, hooking up, it's a lot to clean up, you know, with the sheets and stuff. Now you wanna put a tarp down or not put a tarp down now. My sheets are pissy.
- [57:45]
A
Well, then the mattress. If it goes through the mattress protector, if you don't have a waterproof one, good luck, girl.
- [57:51]
B
I could never. I could never.
- [57:53]
A
On 90 Day Fiance. There's. She told him she was a squirter, so he brought a tarp to Madagascar to have her squirt on it. And I was like, you know what? Kind of thoughtful.
- [58:06]
B
It was thoughtful.
- [58:08]
A
She didn't love it, but I was like, the heart was in the right place, you know?
- [58:11]
B
At least he's very thoughtful in thinking.
- [58:12]
A
Of what you know, but he did cheat on her. See, she ghosted him for five days. So he flew down to the, I think, Dominican Republic to go fuck his ex girlfriend. And I was like, in five days? That's not adding up. So he's not a good man, but his heart with the tarp was in the right place.
- [58:29]
B
People are complicated.
- [58:31]
A
People are complicated.
- [58:31]
B
Multidimensional. And you know what? Sometimes you're thoughtful and sometimes you're a ho.
- [58:39]
A
Sometimes you're thoughtful and sometimes you're a hoe. On that note, we've come to the end. I ask all of my guests this. Would you date me, Nicole?
- [58:49]
B
Honestly, I would date you. I think I would. You seem like my type of energy. Very sweet, loving, and I like your energy. I would date you if I was a straight man. Of course.
- [59:00]
A
Thank you.
- [59:01]
B
Of course.
- [59:02]
A
I love that. Do you have anything that you want to promote?
- [59:05]
B
Yes. I actually recently started my own production company, Mind the Gap Productions. It's a production company that focuses on highlighting black and brown and queer stories as well as highlighting the nerd dom that it is as well. So it's all the things that encompass me, black, queer, and nerdiness. So make sure you check out Mind the Gap Productions. There's a bunch of different projects we're doing right now.
- [59:27]
A
People find it on YouTube.
- [59:28]
B
You can find what our projects are on my YouTube channel, hidey and Closet, and then on all my social media platforms, it's Hiding Closet. Except for Tik Tok, it's the Hidey and Closet. And right now we're working on High D and D, which is a Dungeon Dragon series where I invite people over, we play Dungeons and Dragons and we kiki. But my next big project I think I'm working on is going to be a show called Black and Blessed, where I invite black people over and we. We talk about what's been blessed about in our careers and all the blessings that's come our ways. But I also want to tackle a very tough sub for our community, which is our relationship with religion.
- [60:01]
A
Yes.
- [60:02]
B
And I feel like that is something that we don't talk about a lot, but it should be talked about a lot, especially in the queer world, which also. Would you ever think about coming on Black and Blessed?
- [60:11]
A
Absolutely.
- [60:12]
B
Because you've been blessed.
- [60:13]
A
I have been blessed.
- [60:14]
B
I'm almost blessed.
- [60:15]
A
And I grew up in the church and my mother never, ever said a negative thing about a queer person. So, like, when I grew up and heard more talk from Christians, see how.
- [60:27]
B
Different some Christians are from us others.
- [60:29]
A
My mom would just be like, that's how they are, and that's how God made them. And that's fine.
- [60:32]
B
Exactly.
- [60:33]
A
And that's how I was raised. And then to find out people were raised, like, differently, I was like, that's crazy. That doesn't make no sense.
- [60:39]
B
It's. It's. It's kind of crazy.
- [60:41]
A
I would love to. Come on.
- [60:42]
B
I would love that. Well, that. That is all the immediate things that I'm working on right now. Would you. Do you have anything you would like to plug?
- [60:54]
A
I. How many episodes have we done? Over 400 at this point. No one has ever asked, would I like to plug anything? And that's so funny.
- [61:02]
B
You're welcome.
- [61:03]
A
Yeah, I guess I'll plug my other podcast, Best friends with Sasheer Zamada. Drag. Not drag her. I don't host that in Drag Her Newcomers with Lauren Lapkis. We're on hiatus, but we've got a whole back catalog. 90 day bae with Marcie Jarrow. You can find that on Patreon, My special, which is on Netflix. Netflix. It's still up. And then I have tour dates. And that's on my. My link tree. It's like Nicole Byer, link tree. Something. I don't know. My. My website is Nicole Byer was taken dot com. But if you write. Oh, if you like this episode of why won't you date me, you could like it. You could rate it. You could subscribe on Apple podcast. Give me a five stars. Write a review, please. Something nice. But if you gotta say something mean, that's. That's your heart. But if you write me something nasty hitting on me, I'll read it to why won't you date me Podcast at Gmail. Please keep it short, but also keep it creative and keep it nasty. Hi, Nicole. I'll have you come over in your underwear and lotion you up real good. There'll be a buffet of seafood. Ooh. I'll request you to make me a plate and sit on it with your juicy butt. Then feed me the mashed food. Love the show. And you, Jason, you. I think that's how I say your last name. If I mispronounced it. Come find me in history.
- [62:17]
B
Hit me.
- [62:18]
A
Goodbye.
- [62:19]
B
Goodbye. Not the mask. Crap. Boil.
- [62:26]
A
They're nasty.
- [62:27]
B
That's filthy. I live. That was a headgum podcast.