Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

Episode: I Want You to Watch (w/ Heidi N Closet)

Date: February 6, 2026
Guest: Heidi N Closet, Drag Queen and Producer
Main Theme: Love, Dating, Drag, and Openness—Funny, honest insights into relationships, queer love, the drag world, and self-acceptance

Episode Overview

Nicole Byer chats with iconic drag queen Heidi N Closet about love, relationships (open and otherwise), the messiness of dating, and life before and after Drag Race. Together they explore red flags in dating, stories from their past work lives, the joys of self-acceptance, fandoms, body image, and why sometimes you have to stop looking for love to find it. Expect big laughs, lots of honesty, and a peek into being Black, queer, nerdy, and proud.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Banter: Watching, Being Watched, and Drag Persona

• [02:55] Watching vs. Witnessing:
  • Nicole asks if Heidi enjoys watching people.
  • Heidi replies, “I'm more of a partaker versus a watcher...I put on a spectacle.”
  • Nicole jokes she’s more of a “workhorse” in bed—“I think I'd just be putting in the grunt work.”
  • Heidi: "There’s some people out there that love workhorses, let me tell you. And that's for somebody out there that wants to see it." [03:28]

Drag & Pop Culture: Anime, Cartoons, and Fandoms

• [05:22] Becoming an Icon:
  • Nicole introduces Heidi, celebrating her Drag Race legacy.
  • Pokemon, Sailor Moon and Cartoons:
    • Heidi’s top animes: Pokemon and Hunter X Hunter [06:17]
    • Nicole loves Jigglypuff and has a tattoo to prove it.
    • Sailor Moon’s power and identity—Heidi would be Jupiter, Nicole says she relates to Mars/Sailor Moon.
    • “She’s probably the most powerful anime protagonist of all time.” — Heidi on Sailor Moon [06:55]
  • Dubbing vs. Subbing: Neither likes to read subtitles when watching anime.

Drag Race Memories: The Nicki Minaj Moment

• [08:12] Untucked, Nicki, and a Legendary Line
  • Nicole recalls Heidi’s iconic “Why do you hate my hair and makeup?” question to Nicki Minaj in Untucked.
  • Heidi recounts being set up by production, being ill that day, and the cast’s collective memory that Nicki said she hated her “face.”
    • “I was set up that day! ... In our heads we’re like, how’s that face? That’s why I said face back then. I was about it. I’ll do it, honey.” [09:35]
  • “One of the few people who—I won’t say came for her—but had a moment with her, I mean, and had a successful career after!” — Heidi [09:37]
  • Discussion on Nicki Minaj, public perception, and hypocrisy.

Heidi’s Dating Life: Queer Love & Open Relationships

• [10:52] Four Years, Open, and Happy
  • Heidi shares she’s in a happy, committed, open relationship—four years together [10:57].
  • LA dating is “messy,” and her relationship began amid classic gay friend drama and jealousy.
  • Story of a jealous friend sabotaging budding romance with lies and drag gig revenge.
  • Transition from friends to lovers, the end of a quarantine-era situationship, and “friends became relationship.”
  • “I love that the long story short was still kind of long.” — Nicole [13:42]

Open Relationship Details

• [19:04] Monogamy to Openness
  • Started monogamous, opened due to demanding travel and their desire to stay fulfilled and fair.
  • “I want my partner to be satisfied, whether I’m there or not. Don’t bring no love home.” — Heidi [19:40]
  • Basic rules: Don’t fall for side partners, repeats are okay, no attachments. Teamwork if actually looking for a sugar daddy.

Pre-Drag Fame: Odd (and Terrible) Jobs

• [14:41] Gas Station Stories
  • Heidi recalls working night shift at a gas station, forced to clean up epic, mysterious bathroom messes (“shit on the toilet…floor…mirror…plunger…”). Recalls not being paid enough: "I called my manager...there’s a bunch of shit in this bathroom and I get paid $7.25 an hour. I do not get paid enough...it will be here waiting for you." [16:45]
  • Nearly chose sex work over retail: “Looking back at it, I should have just been a prostitute.” — Heidi, humorously [15:00]
• [17:43] Hospital Janitor:
  • Brief stint, fired over a false claim by a conservative coworker. Heidi jokes: “That’s a lie. I don’t dust at all.” [18:34]

Sex and Drag: Fandom, Touring, and DMs

• [24:54] Have you had sex in drag?
  • Heidi: “No. Never. I couldn’t. ... I’ve had a wig on for the straight men who need that… but Heidi’s a virgin. Trevin [my actual name] is the slut.” [25:31]
• [25:49] Life after Drag Race:
  • After season 12, people were “too shy to slide into my DMs,” now there are men in multiple area codes, even countries.
  • “The trade in New York, honey, goes crazy…”
• [27:26] Menses in Different Cities:
  • Favorite gig cities: UK, Portland, Florida, New York, and Bergen, Norway – story of meeting a “Viking man.”
  • New York couple with a signature sex “finisher” move—described with gusto.

Self-Acceptance & Body Image

• [29:48] Embracing the Gap:
  • Nicole notes Heidi’s signature tooth gap.
  • Heidi would never close it: “My mother passed away when I was very young and she had a gap. … It’s to symbolize her and our connection. I would never close my gap.” [31:07]
  • “If everyone’s the same, no one’s special. And you know what, if my little gap makes me a little different, that’s fine. I’ll be that.” [31:29]

Dating Red Flags & Relationship Advice

• [32:29] He Tried to Fuck My Agent:
  • When they try to sleep with your agent… (specific story withheld/bleeped).
  • “What are y’all both gonna do? You’re both bottoms, baby. Just rub their butts together. Bump a purse.” — Heidi [34:09]
• [50:07] Advice for the Single:
  • “Stop looking. Get yourself together first. Love yourself first and do everything you want to be doing…that person will come to you.” — Heidi [50:15]
  • Nicole: “Once you know what your things are, it makes it easier.” [50:52]
  • The importance of communication and knowing your own needs.

ADHD Life, Living Together, and Being Real

• [41:00] ADHD Insights:
  • Nicole shares how diagnosis and medication changed her life, ability to finish tasks.
  • Both discuss neurodivergent habits, like leaving keychains/objects in odd places, and the struggle to finish projects.
• [45:05] Farming & Traveling:
  • Nicole the “farmer” with veggies and fruits; both laugh about leaving things out for days at a time.
• [46:34] Drag Gear:
  • The truth about pads, chestplates (“it’s so heavy!”), sweating/glistening under drag gear, and Botox.

Sex Talk, Fetishes & Being Open

• [52:52] Watching/Performance in Bed:
  • More on being watched vs. watcher, and how there’s “somebody out there who wants to see it.”
  • Discussion on foot fetishes, water sports, and bedroom messes (“Do it, but I’m not putting no toe in my mouth!” “If that does it for them, I’ll pee on them. I will not be peed on.” [57:09])
  • On TV’s 90 Day Fiance: Tarps, squirting, and what’s considered “thoughtful." [58:07]

Wrapping Up: Would You Date Me, Projects, and Upcoming Work

• [58:49] Would You Date Me?
  • Heidi: “Honestly, I would date you. You seem like my type of energy, very sweet, loving, and I like your energy. ... If I was a straight man.” [58:49]

Heidi’s Plugs:

• Mind the Gap Productions:
  • Focused on uplifting Black, brown, and queer stories, along with nerd culture.
  • YouTube: Heidi N Closet
  • Instagram: @HeidiNCloset / TikTok: @TheHeidiNCloset
• New Projects:
  • High D&D: Dungeon & Dragons series featuring guests and kiki.
  • Black and Blessed: Conversations on blessings, careers, and the intersection of queerness and religion.

Nicole’s Plugs:

• Comedy specials on Netflix
• Podcasts: Best Friends (with Sasheer Zamata), Newcomers, 90 Day Bae (Patreon)
• Tour dates via NicoleByerWasTaken.com

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I think they'd be like, well, she's a workhorse. ... And there's some people out there that love workhorses, let me tell you.” — Heidi [03:28]
• “Looking back at it, I should have just been a prostitute. ... I would have made more money and cleaned up a lot less shit.” — Heidi [15:00]
• “That's a lie. I don't dust at all. Like, how dare you sit here and lie on me.” — Heidi [18:34]
• “Don't bring no love home. ... The end goal is home is us.” — Heidi on open relationships [19:40]
• “I was set up that day!” — Heidi on her infamous Untucked moment [09:35]
• “My mother passed away when I was very young, and she had a gap. ... My gap came because it's to symbolize her and our connection. ... I would never close my gap.” — Heidi [31:07]
• “What are y' all both gonna do? You're both bottoms, baby. ... Just rub their butts together, baby.” — Heidi [34:09]
• “Stop looking. ... Love yourself first. ... That person that is attracted to you is going to come.” — Heidi’s advice to singles [50:15]
• “Sometimes you’re thoughtful and sometimes you’re a ho.” — Heidi [58:38]
• “Honestly, I would date you. ... If I was a straight man.” — Heidi [58:49]
• “If everyone’s the same, no one’s special. … I’ll be that.” — Heidi on uniqueness [31:29]

Important Timestamps

• [02:55] – Watching vs. being watched; sex performance in/out of drag
• [05:22] – Pokemon, anime, and fandom chat
• [08:12] – RuPaul’s Drag Race/Untucked & Nicki Minaj memory
• [10:52] – Open relationship discussion, how they met
• [13:59] – LA living vs. small town beginnings
• [14:41] – Gas station tales; worst parts of the job
• [17:43] – Hospital janitor gig and conservative manager drama
• [19:04] – Monogamy vs. openness in queer love
• [25:49] – Sex life post-Drag Race; men in area codes
• [27:26] – Favorite touring cities, signature “finisher” in bed
• [29:48] – Iconic dental gap, family connection
• [32:29] – Dating red flags: trying to sleep with your agent
• [41:00] – ADHD stories, habits
• [46:34] – Drag gear: pads, chestplates, sweating/glistening
• [52:52] – Watching and being watched; foot fetishes, water sports
• [58:49] – Would you date me?
• [59:00] – Upcoming projects: Mind the Gap, High D&D, Black and Blessed

Tone & Style

Playful, raunchy, honest, and deeply real—Nicole and Heidi riff, roast, and reflect with immense warmth, vulnerability, and humor. Pop culture, queer representation, and self-acceptance intertwine seamlessly with stories of exasperation, delight, and sex positivity.

For Listeners:

This episode is a crash course in Black queer joy, loving yourself first, surviving and thriving through weird odd jobs, and why being different is the best thing about you. Plus, you’ll walk away giggling—with some new advice to keep your dating (and drag!) game strong.