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- [00:00]
A
Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description.
- [00:07]
B
This is a headgum podcast.
- [00:11]
A
Okay, dating confession time. Have you ever been on a perfectly fine date and suddenly thought, wait, what if they're not the one? Then your brain goes into overdrive. Like, do I even like them? Should I feel more butterflies? What if I'm making a mistake and now you're just, oh, spiraling. It happens. But if thoughts like that are constant and stressful, especially when everything seems fine, you might be dealing with something called relationship ocd. And it's not about being neat or organized. OCD can actually latch onto anything you care about, like your love life. And this creates a non stop loop of doubt, anxiety and reassurance seeking that can just feel. Oh boy. Exhausting. But the good news is, OCD is treatable. No CD is the world's leading provider of OCD treatment. Their licensed therapists specialize in erp. That's exposure and response prevention, which is the gold standard for ocd. It's all virtual and they work with insurance for over 155 million Americans. You'll get face to face sessions plus support between visits so you're not white knuckling it alone. So if you think you might be struggling with relationship OCD, don't wait. Visit nocd.com and book a free call with their team. That's n o c d.com if you've been thinking about upgrading your space, this is your sign, baby. Macy's is having their big ticket sales event and it's the time to snag the cutest comfy stuff you've been eyeing. And they have your whole home covered. We're Talking up to 60% off furniture, mattresses and rugs during their lowest prices of the season event. And that Radley five piece sectional, it is just $2,179 right now. And. And that's the kind of couch that you can have sleepovers on or fall asleep on while your date watches Lord of the rings for the 100th time. And you said, not today, Satan. I've been looking at new rugs too. Because listen, nothing pulls a room together like a rug that says, yes, I'm grown, but I still have what fun. Macy's has them for 55 to 65% off. They've also got outdoor furniture up to 60% off, white glove delivery and great financing options. This sale is only running until September 15th, so don't sleep on it or do on your brand new mattress, which by the way is also 20 to 60% off. Hello. Honk shoe. Honk shoe. Honk shoe shop. The big ticket sales now@macy's.com or in store. Your home deserves it.
- [02:43]
B
For me, it was never about, do I want to be with somebody who's transitioning or, like, even being with a woman. I think it was more just like. It was just like, am I bi now? Like, am I in a. Like a. I'm kind of in like a hetero relationship? Like, this is crazy. Like, and especially. Cause, like, my. I have this mural company called Very Gay Paint, and the whole brand is gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. And I'm like, and now I have a girlfriend.
- [03:09]
A
And I have a girlfriend.
- [03:09]
B
Yeah. I was like, uh, oh.
- [03:14]
A
Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Bye. Ooh, baby. Welcome to another episode of why Won't yout Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single. Even though you could come on my purse and call it a labubu. My guest today, 20 years from now, when they're, like, looking back at podcast history, they'll be like, wait, what's a labubu? Anyway, my guest today is a comedian, a clown, co author of a very gay book. He's one half of the mural. Mural. Mural.
- [04:06]
B
I go swallow.
- [04:07]
A
Mural duo. Whoa, am I okay? Mural. Duo. Can you say it? Mural duo.
- [04:18]
B
Mural duo.
- [04:19]
A
That sounded normal. Very gay paint whose designs that you've seen all over Instagram and on the Trixie Motel. I'm sorry. So excited. It's Jensen Tito. Mural.
- [04:32]
B
Mural. Duo.
- [04:34]
A
I. You. Have you ever said a word and, like, been like, am I having an aneurysm?
- [04:39]
B
Yeah. Abs. Or like, you start to say it and you're like, that's not a word. I'm not saying a real word. Mural.
- [04:45]
A
Mural.
- [04:46]
B
I'm like, maybe if you make it Southern.
- [04:48]
A
Mural duo.
- [04:49]
B
Okay, that actually did come out better.
- [04:51]
A
It did?
- [04:51]
B
Yeah.
- [04:52]
A
It didn't sound like I was swallowing my tongue. Ooh, Nameplate divas.
- [04:57]
B
Oh. Oh, my God. Yours is. Yours is like, the upgraded version. That is cute.
- [05:02]
A
Thank you. It's double plated. And when I had it made, the guy was like, are you sure? Do you need it double plated? And I was like, that's what the girls had growing up. That's what the girls had. Like, when I'd visit the city, all the girls had double plated diamond nameplate necklaces. And I was like, that's what I want.
- [05:20]
B
Yeah. You're like, I want to hurt my neck.
- [05:22]
A
Yes. I wanted to break my neck. Wait, Jenza, can I ask you a question?
- [05:26]
B
Yeah.
- [05:27]
A
Are you single? Are you married? Are you dating? Don't wanna say. Cause that's also an option.
- [05:32]
B
I'm partnered.
- [05:33]
A
Ooh, okay. Where did you meet your partner?
- [05:37]
B
Grindr.
- [05:39]
A
Yes.
- [05:40]
B
Yes.
- [05:42]
A
I love that you just came out and said it. Cause I do crowd work when I do standup shows, and I like to talk about relationships because I love love, and it makes me happy. And sometimes people get really cagey about being like, oh, I met my partner on Grindr.
- [05:58]
B
I feel like, yeah, there's like a stigma around it, obviously, but I'm also like, Grindr for gays is like, now Tinder.
- [06:05]
A
It is. Because you got sniff.
- [06:06]
B
Because we have Sniffy.
- [06:08]
A
I love Sniffies.
- [06:09]
B
Yeah. Sniffies is a. When I show my straight, like this girlfriends, Sniffies, they're like. There's everywhere. They're like, which one's yours?
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A
Which one?
- [06:18]
B
I'm telling you.
- [06:20]
A
Wow. My God, your divas are wild. No, which one's the.
- [06:24]
B
Actually, I did. My. My friend was going through it, and then she clicks on one. She goes, ooh. She's like, this one's nice. Do you like this? And I was like, that's my.
- [06:30]
A
She goes, that is so funny. Yeah, I've seen. Have I seen my friend Evan's penis? I feel like I have.
- [06:41]
B
Should I?
- [06:43]
A
He'll be like, nicole, no, I don't want to be on your project.
- [06:46]
B
You're like, well, just send a picture.
- [06:47]
A
Just send a picture of your penis, please. Maybe I haven't seen it. He's one of my best year gays, and we went to college together, and I was a virgin in college. And I was like, hey, will you take my virginity? And he was like, sure. And I said, great. You can't touch me. I will wear a leotard and no kissing. And he was like, well, how. How do you want this to work out? And I was like, with me not being a virgin.
- [07:15]
B
Oh, my God. That's like performance art.
- [07:20]
A
You know what? Maybe I'll, like, have a gallery installation where I'll make him do it.
- [07:25]
B
Yes, you should recreate that. That's beautiful.
- [07:28]
A
Because we never did it. So we would be doing it for the first time.
- [07:32]
B
Okay. I think The Elysian Theater, October 31st.
- [07:36]
A
Yes. Halloween. Halloween night. The spookiest thing of all, Nicole Byer fucking her gay best friend. Wait, okay, so you met on Grindr? How long ago?
- [07:47]
B
Oh, My God. How long ago? Three years ago, almost, actually. So how we started dating was. It was the heat wave in 2022. I don't know if you remember. It was awful. So bad.
- [07:58]
A
But, oh, yes. I slept in my car one night because my power went out, and it was really hot. And the person I was dating at the time, we got into a great big fight. And then he was reluctantly gonna let me come over, but then I ended up not coming over. Cause I said I'd rather be hot than have negative vibes at me.
- [08:14]
B
And you love your car. So that was.
- [08:17]
A
I love my car. It was me and my D dog in my car with the air blasting.
- [08:23]
B
But so it was the same time. And they had texted me. They were like. I was like, oh, what are you doing? They're like, I just woke up. And I was like, oh. They're like, yeah, I woke up on my bathroom floor, and I was like, what's up? And they're like, yeah, I passed out because I don't have AC in my house. And I was like. And we had hooked up maybe twice.
- [08:38]
A
And I was like.
- [08:39]
B
I was like, just come over. I don't want someone, like, dying. And I was like, just come and, like, just chill. I'll be working. Just chilling the ac. And then they came over, and they were like. They were having, like, a heat stroke or something.
- [08:51]
A
Oh, no.
- [08:52]
B
Their body was so hot. And I was like, you're not okay. I was like, we need to get you, like, electrolytes. And they wound up, like, staying with me for, like, three days. And I just, like, kind of took care of them. And I was like, well, I think I might be in love with you. Huh.
- [09:06]
A
That's really sweet. That's so sweet. Oh, my God. I wonder if that's the. It's. Is this a real thing? Have you seen Back to the Future?
- [09:18]
B
I was so long ago.
- [09:20]
A
Okay, well, Marty goes back in time. He is, like, spying on his mom, falls out of a tree, gets hit with the car of his grandpa. They bring him inside. His mother's nursing him back to health, and he's talking to Doc Brown about it. And then he was like, I think my mom wants to go to the dance with me. And Doc Brown's like, oh, my God, it's the Florence Nightingale effect, because she was taking care of him. And I wonder if that's Mars. Can you look up if the Florence Nightingale effect is a real thing or from Back to the Future? Nightingale effect. Anyhoo.
- [09:53]
B
And can you see if she's Seen her friend's penis? Can you look that up?
- [09:57]
A
I've seen.
- [09:58]
B
Thank you.
- [09:59]
A
But, like, I guess they were. They were trying to make the argument that you take care of somebody and then you start loving them.
- [10:06]
B
I mean, I guess that kind of makes sense if it, like, hits your. I don't know. I'm like, is it instinctual to then, like, you've sort of taken care. And so now it's like, oh, I feel more attached to it. Because also, I'm like, it's very sweet. And also, some people could be like, that's some codependent behavior. And I'm like, I don't.
- [10:26]
A
Yeah, it says it's a trope, but it doesn't say that. It's, like, a real fact. I see. I see. Made up by a movie, and I have just carried it as fact. I don't know if that's codependence. I think that's compassion.
- [10:38]
B
Okay.
- [10:39]
A
I think it's really, really loving and sweet that while this person was, like, kind of at their lowest. Like, sick. Not probably not fun. Like, maybe pops of fun. You know, when you're sick, you're like, oh, I'm funny, but I better sit down. But, like, being able to see, to see that and still be like, no, I really like this. I think that's compassion. I think that's romance.
- [11:04]
B
Okay, well, I will take that. And also, I was very like, they're so cute. And while they were, like, truly steaming all night, and I was like, oh, my God. And they kept trying to grab my dick in the middle. And I was like, we're not.
- [11:17]
A
We're not doing that. You're too high. But maybe they kept waking up being like, well, if I go tomorrow, at least I'll have one last fucking me.
- [11:27]
B
Yeah, exactly.
- [11:29]
A
That's so funny. And it's been three years.
- [11:32]
B
It's been three years. We had a breakup. Were back together pretty recently.
- [11:38]
A
And the breakup was recent.
- [11:39]
B
The breakup was pretty recent.
- [11:40]
A
How long was the break?
- [11:43]
B
Maybe three and a half months.
- [11:44]
A
That's a solid amount of time.
- [11:46]
B
Yeah.
- [11:46]
A
I've only taken a break for a month. And then we talked for most of the month. So it wasn't a real break.
- [11:52]
B
Well, I mean, I'm saying we talked most of that three and a half months. And we were still sleeping together, but we weren't together.
- [11:58]
A
You were taking a break from the title of being together isn't Relationships are Funny. Like, that's such a funny thing we all do where we're like, we're taking time Apart. And it's like, okay, so Tuesday and Wednesday, I don't see you.
- [12:11]
B
Yeah. Literally.
- [12:12]
A
What are we.
- [12:13]
B
It's like, I used to see you on Tuesday and Wednesday, and now I don't. So things are different.
- [12:18]
A
I like that. I think this. This sounds. Wait, do you live together or. No.
- [12:21]
B
No, not anymore.
- [12:22]
A
Ah. Oh. Interesting. Was the break to kind of, like, reassess the living situation.
- [12:27]
B
It was to kind of reassess everything. They also. This isn't part of why we broke up, but they're also transitioning. And so it was. It was just like, a lot of. Like, we have a lot to figure out individually and the. There's just so much, you know.
- [12:43]
A
Yeah. And as a person who's the partner of someone transitioning, that. That's a huge. That's like. You have to really be like, okay, this is the same person. But, like, it isn't the same. It's fundamentally. It's the same person, but they're, like, owning their truth and coming into their power of who they really are. And it's like, and where do I fall in that? And I think that's an interesting thing. So. Okay. Do you watch 90 Day Fiance?
- [13:11]
B
No.
- [13:12]
A
Okay. It's garbage, and I love it. There's this one couple, Aaliyah, and I call him the Burger King man, because he looks like the Burger King man, but he also looks like Chaz Dean from the Way system.
- [13:28]
B
Oh, my God. Okay. Okay.
- [13:30]
A
So he was dating Aaliyah when Aaliyah was identifying as a man. She then transitioned to Aaliyah. And then he kept being like. He just wouldn't make a choice as to whether or not he could accept this new identity. And kept dead naming her and kept being like, well, you're not the person I fell in love with. And I kept watching it being like, how could you? That's not. I was like, you gotta answer some questions for yourself.
- [14:00]
B
Yes.
- [14:01]
A
Before you start projecting it onto that person. Because when someone makes a choice. Yes. It includes you, but, like, you have to make a choice if you're okay with that choice.
- [14:11]
B
Yes. I was gonna say. Cause that sounds more like he was having difficulty with his identity now that he was with a woman.
- [14:18]
A
Yes. And I think people kind of start projecting, but it is, I think, a very nuanced conversation, because some. Some people are of the school that's like, well, you love the person. Right? So you love that person. It's like, sure, I can love that person. But people change. Sometimes people don't transition, and they change.
- [14:37]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [14:37]
A
So it's like a transition is a change. So it's like, do I accept this change? Is it too personal? If I can ask if that, like, did you. Did you ever have, like, I don't know if I want to be with someone who's transitioning.
- [14:50]
B
For me, it was never about, like, do I want to be with somebody who's transitioning? Or, like, even being with a woman. I think it was more just like, what does. Am. I was like, it was just like, am I bi now? Like, am I in a. Like, a. I'm kind of in, like, a hetero relationship? Like, this is crazy. Like, and especially because, like, my. I have this mural company called Very Gay Paint, and the whole brand is gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. And I'm like, and now I have a girlfriend. Have a girlfriend. I was like, oh, mural, duo.
- [15:31]
A
Mural.
- [15:34]
B
So that was really, like, the only. Honestly, I was. I was, like, mostly excited. I was like. I was like, this is like. I just. It made me feel so queer. And that was. I was like, you know what I mean, Jensen?
- [15:47]
A
That's so funny. Isn't this so. It made me feel so queer.
- [15:54]
B
I was like, I feel so, like, of the now. Like, I feel so queer and, like, present. I don't know. And also, I don't know. I'm just like, I'm so grateful for trans people. They're like, the greatest people alive.
- [16:09]
A
Well, I mean, if you think about it, when people, like, nobody chooses to be trans, it's one of, like, the hardest things that you can be. And then it's like, yeah, you kind of have to be cool. Yes, the world is so mean. Yes, the world is so mean. For no reason.
- [16:26]
B
Oh, my gosh. My mom's response was so funny. I was like, oh, just so you know, like, Angel's, like, coming out as a woman. And my mom goes, as long as he doesn't get bigger boobs than me. I mean, she. And I was like, that's amazing.
- [16:42]
A
I genuinely love that so much. To mention boobs, misgendering and then correcting yourself is because your mom is not. She's not a spring chicken. Right? She's your mother.
- [16:59]
B
Yeah.
- [16:59]
A
I don't know how old she is. I don't know why I phrased all.
- [17:02]
B
Of that like that.
- [17:03]
A
But I think my point is people get so wrapped up and they're like, I don't want to learn new things. But I'm like, it's not that hard. You just get a piece of information and then make adjustments.
- [17:14]
B
Yeah.
- [17:16]
A
I think I've talked about this before, but I went on a date with this guy, and he had asked me if I had siblings. I said, yes or no? Yeah. He was like, do you have siblings? And I said, yes. And I was like, I have one sister. And I said to him, do you have siblings? And he goes, yeah, I have a brother. Ugh. Had a brother. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. He's like, eh, he's not dead. He's just a they. Them now. I was. And you know how like, like, on a date or, like, you're hanging out with someone and then, like, you're eating and you just, like, really start eating? Cause you're like, I don't care about this person. I'll never see you again in my whole life.
- [17:53]
B
Yes. You're like, I have to focus on my fettuccine.
- [17:56]
A
Yeah. I was like, let me just finish this meal, because as soon as we're finished, this can be finished.
- [18:01]
B
That is so nuts.
- [18:04]
A
And I was like, ugh. Maybe you just. You just talk about them like you're talking about them like we are right now. So it's like, oh, I. I saw them go shopping. Like, I was like. And then this guy was like, yeah, yeah. I think that's, like, a better way. I'm just so old, and it's all so hard and weird, and he was my brother for so long. And I was like, well, they're still your sibling, and I think it'll be okay.
- [18:28]
B
Yeah, everything's actually. I'm going. It's all better now.
- [18:32]
A
Yes.
- [18:32]
B
Actually, it's way cooler. Yeah, it's cooler.
- [18:35]
A
They're probably a more fun person. Yeah, they're probably, like, much more open with who they are because they discover who they are. And this is the man who haunts me. He sits on a street by my house and reads books outside and sips coffee and chain smokes. And I see him all the time.
- [18:52]
B
Oh, no.
- [18:53]
A
And his feet don't touch the floor, and he looks like a little gummy bear.
- [18:57]
B
He's just going, ah, jeez, everything's so hard. Just read. Hey, you're reading.
- [19:06]
A
You're reading.
- [19:06]
B
Just read about it.
- [19:07]
A
Pick up a book about progressive shit. We. Ooh, we should take a break.
- [19:11]
B
Yes.
- [19:18]
A
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- [23:01]
B
Oh, my gosh. I got into clowning in grad school. So I went to grad school for, like, experimental physical theater.
- [23:11]
A
That's.
- [23:11]
B
I love that mural in Philly. And at the end, it, like, all leads up to, like, clowning. And so it's like the smallest mask, and so you put on, like, this little nose, and then you just get up in front of the audience. And then actually the first exercise we did, the guy who runs the program comes in. He's like, put on your noses. And then he sits down, he goes, make me laugh.
- [23:42]
A
This is. I'm having deja vu. I think this is just like a college corset, like, actors go through where a small man is like, make me laugh. Because that's. That's insane. I paid so much money to this institution. That's. This is it.
- [23:58]
B
Did you go to acting school?
- [24:00]
A
Of course I went to acting. Yeah. I went to the American Musical and Dramatic Academy. Some people call it Scamda.
- [24:12]
B
Where is that?
- [24:13]
A
It's in New York City. Ever heard of her?
- [24:15]
B
Oh, I love New York.
- [24:18]
A
But I never had anyone say, make me laugh. But I did have a teacher named Randolph Pearson who would be like, what did he say to me? Ms. Byer. Yeah, that's his voice. Ms. Byer, I don't find you exciting or dangerous on stage. And I think this. That comment has colored my personality. I think I'm just like.
- [24:41]
B
Well, I was going to say, I'm like, I Feel like that's the opposite of what you are on stage.
- [24:45]
A
Because there was this girl in my class, her name I won't say. And he cited her as being dangerous. And I was like, she's actually crazy. Like, she's sick in the head. That's why you don't know what she's gonna do. She doesn't know what she's gonna do.
- [24:59]
B
She's a personality disorder.
- [25:01]
A
Yes. She's bipolar. We don't know what we're gonna get. But that stuck with me. So tell me about this man who said, make me laugh.
- [25:08]
B
He's fine. He's just like. They went to this school in France and then they came back and started this like, program here. So it was just very like. Especially like, people go to this guy in France named Golia and he has a drum and if you're like not doing well, he just starts like banging the drum. And it's really like, like, it's like so anxiety inducing and nerve wracking. And you're like, like you're just like, he's like banging the drum like you're about to get kicked off stage. So I think that's like kind of the vibe that they were coming in with was like, make me laugh.
- [25:42]
A
My initial thought was if that man drummed at me, I'd be like, day one.
- [25:51]
B
Which probably would have saved the show. Perfect. Dangerous. Exciting.
- [26:00]
A
So this is. So wait, you didn't study in France. You studied from a man who brought it from France?
- [26:05]
B
Yes, yes. Important.
- [26:07]
A
Much like the UCB bringing improv from.
- [26:09]
B
Chicago to New York.
- [26:14]
A
But I think bringing something from France could really get lost in translation.
- [26:20]
B
I gotta head out.
- [26:22]
A
I gotta go. I just can't finish this podcast. That was really awful. She can't even say mural. Do you have you clowned professionally?
- [26:34]
B
I guess, yeah.
- [26:35]
A
Can you clown professionally?
- [26:36]
B
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, you can. It's a lot of like Cirque du Soleil shows. And then a lot of people from LA get pulled into Las Vegas to go perform at these Spiegel World shows, which is like. They have a show called Absinthe.
- [26:49]
A
Oh, yes.
- [26:50]
B
Okay. Yeah, that's like where a lot of the clowns get pulled in and they're like hosting or like doing crazy clown bits.
- [26:57]
A
Wow, that's wild.
- [26:59]
B
Yeah.
- [27:00]
A
You want to do theater, move to New York. If you want to be in the film and TV is move to la. You want to be a clown, go to Vegas.
- [27:06]
B
Go to Las Vegas. Las Vegas, Nevada.
- [27:09]
A
That's. That's interesting. But you never felt pulled to, like, do that. Wait, where did you meet your partner? From Very gay Paint. When did you guys meet?
- [27:16]
B
We met in Philly.
- [27:17]
A
Okay.
- [27:17]
B
In school after, like, just hanging around in the theater scene.
- [27:22]
A
Oh, yeah. And then. Okay, so you're both theater kids. How do you transition from, like, wackting to where's my paintbrush bitch?
- [27:32]
B
Well, you've seen our videos. I mean, that's what we're saying and doing.
- [27:35]
A
Yeah, I pulled it straight from a video. Where's my paintbrush bitch? We.
- [27:43]
B
I was in the pandemic, actually.
- [27:45]
A
Oh, really?
- [27:46]
B
Yeah, we lived together in this tiny little studio in Silver Lake, and we had gone away to, like, to Vegas to be with, because his parents also live there. And then we came back and we were like, we're gonna lose our minds. And Nick was just like, can I paint something on the wall? And I was like, yeah, I mean, we don't have anything else to do. And he painted this mural from Pinterest and then posted it. And then we started doing more around the house, and I started helping him. And then a friend was like, can you do that in my house, actually? And then another friend was like, hey, actually do that in my house? And then we just started, like, a Instagram, and we were like, it'd be so funny if this, like, actually passed, how many followers we had. And, oh, my God, it, like, took off like wildfire. It was crazy.
- [28:33]
A
That's fun. What? Like a thing where it's like, this thing I want to do so I don't go crazy. You do it. And then people are like, oh, but I love that. I want that to be in my house. That's the dream.
- [28:47]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [28:47]
A
Where you do something just for yourself. And then other people go, I want that. I think that's why I love self expression. And I. So I was in Madrid last year, and I was walking around and I, like, screamed, and my friend Poonam was like, what? And I was like, these teenagers look like teenagers from America, but they're speaking Spanish. I'll explain. Instagram and stuff has, like, allowed teenagers to. To all look homogenous. Like, they all look the same. They're all doing the same shit. And it, like, bums me out because I'm like, I think you find so much joy in, like, being an individual, and you were being an individual, or Nick was being an individual by being like, I'm gonna paint this on the wall. And you were like, I'll support it. And then it morphed into something really fun, and, like, you guys kind of created a mural trend.
- [29:41]
B
Yes.
- [29:41]
A
Not kind of. You did. You really popularized people painting murals in their homes. And I have friends who have murals in their homes inspired by you. You and Nick. And that's fucking cool because you were being an individual who started a like. I don't know. I think there's something so fucking special about that.
- [30:00]
B
It's crazy. It's like I never would have also too. It's just like with life, you really just have no idea what could possibly happen.
- [30:10]
A
Yeah.
- [30:10]
B
Never would have thought that we would have a mural company. Like, him and I are both like, idiots. Clown. Like stupid. Just like. Well, now I'm bi, but gay boys. Yeah. So now I'm bi.
- [30:23]
A
Yes, you are authentically very queer.
- [30:26]
B
Yeah.
- [30:26]
A
The queerest of them all. Gay too. Bi.
- [30:31]
B
Oh. But also with the teenagers thing, I. I feel like TikTok has really made. Yes. Everyone is so homogenous and I feel like everyone is trying to look 28. Like all the mid-30s. 28. All the like 19, 20 year olds. 28. Everyone's trying to hit 28 right now.
- [30:51]
A
I think you're actually very right. Everyone is like business casual. 28.
- [30:55]
B
Yes.
- [30:56]
A
And I've really. I've always kind of dressed like this, but I've really leaned into my look is first day of kindergarten and I've decided that. That it is what it is. That's how I look anytime I dress up. I'm like, I don't have it. I don't.
- [31:16]
B
Yeah. It's like you and Sarah Squirm are sort of like going to the same.
- [31:19]
A
Yes.
- [31:20]
B
Kindergarten class.
- [31:20]
A
Yes. I would say we're in rival classes.
- [31:23]
B
Yeah.
- [31:24]
A
We're like. Hers is like really quirky and mine is like kind of. And it's like, I don't know where, like, people are like, you're copying her. And I'm like, no, I'm not.
- [31:31]
B
No, no.
- [31:35]
A
That's such a compliment. I love the way she dresses. Oh my God, it's so fun.
- [31:39]
B
Yeah. Same with you. Look at this jumpsuit. Hey.
- [31:44]
A
It's from a company called New Works.
- [31:47]
B
Hell yeah. Paint it.
- [31:49]
A
I think it's unisex. I don't. I don't know. But you know who has unisex jumpsuits that are great? Big Bud Press. My God. They also give you like an hourglass. Or at least for me they do.
- [32:00]
B
Yeah.
- [32:01]
A
Because it's snatched.
- [32:02]
B
It cinches you in and you're like, oh, va va voom. That's what we use for when we paint.
- [32:07]
A
Oh, do you?
- [32:07]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [32:08]
A
They have money. Those jumpsuits are expensive.
- [32:12]
B
They're not cheap.
- [32:15]
A
I love that. So being business partners and also being in a relationship, was that hard?
- [32:21]
B
Oh, it was awful. It was. And with all the, like. Because at one point, variegate paint was, like, really big, like, just on the Internet, and with, like, all of the opportunity coming in, like, there was, like, a lot of money coming, and, like, there was so much pressure to, like.
- [32:38]
A
Keep that up, keep going at, like, an 11 or whatever.
- [32:41]
B
Yes.
- [32:42]
A
Otherwise the opportunities go away. But I think there's something to be said with, like, slow and steady does actually win the race. You don't fucking burn out. Like, you can just keep working and life will be okay. How did the opportunity to paint RuPaul's house come up?
- [33:02]
B
One of our friends.
- [33:02]
A
What a way to say that. How did the opportunity to paint RuPaul's house come up?
- [33:08]
B
It was. It was, like, really beautiful. I loved it. Oh, okay.
- [33:11]
A
Perfect.
- [33:13]
B
It actually came up through a friend who we first painted for, who she's so funny. She. When she first reached out to us, she, like, angled, like, my partner and I are, like, repainting my house. And then, like, thinking, like, they're together, you know, like, really framing it like that. We get down there and now we're, like, really close with both of them. And it was like, y' all are both, like, deeply straight women that were just like. But I was like, that's how she's such a businesswoman. I really respected it. But she does socials for this guy, Martin Bullard. Yes, that's that.
- [33:47]
A
That designer interior designer.
- [33:49]
B
Yes. I love that man. And he was doing this project, and she was like, hey, like, these gay painters. And he brought us in. We didn't get to meet her. But the house is crazy nuts.
- [34:03]
A
The house is big.
- [34:04]
B
The house is. I was also like. I think it was like a six bedroom that they turned into a one bedroom, five closets. I go, yeah. No guests. Absolutely not.
- [34:16]
A
That is iconic. There's not even a second bed in the home. That is so funny. A one bedroom, five closet. I would kill to see a listing like that. And they're like, we didn't adjust it at all. It staged the way that this person lived. It is a one bedroom, five closet. What an icon. But I. I'm so deeply jealous of people who have, like, costumes and stuff that they can keep. Like, Sarah Jessica Parker has every single outfit Carrie Bradshaw wore from season one to through. And just like that.
- [34:53]
B
So she's got, like, a. She's got Like a warehouse.
- [34:55]
A
I don't. I assume.
- [34:57]
B
Where do you put that?
- [34:58]
A
Who knows? And she lives in New York City. Can you believe that is. That's money.
- [35:02]
B
That is money.
- [35:03]
A
Here's a question. When glass breaks, what do you say?
- [35:06]
B
Uh, oh.
- [35:09]
A
Isn't there, like, a thing? People yell, okay, I heard a glass break. And then I presented that question to the table, and they were like, I don't know. And I was like, I think it's halibut. And they were like, what? And then I texted my nice man in my life, and I was like, hey, what do people scream when glass breaks? And he said, mazel. I said, oh, that's one. Yeah. And he goes, what did you say? And I said, halibut. And he just said, okay.
- [35:39]
B
It sounds really sweet.
- [35:41]
A
It's really nice. This man has accepted that I'm gonna text him weird shit all the time.
- [35:51]
B
Wow, that is so fun. That is dangerous and exciting, to say the least.
- [35:56]
A
Halibut.
- [35:56]
B
Halibut. That is. See, that is fun. Choosing fun. I love that.
- [36:00]
A
Yeah. Yeah. I always choose fun. And if something doesn't. So Kim Cattrall once said, I'm not gonna do anything that's not fun for even five minutes. And I really, really live by that. I really, really like that. Let's always have a nice time.
- [36:15]
B
Yes. I think about that a lot too. And I'm going, like, that is such a privilege in life to get to live, like. And I'm really working towards that.
- [36:23]
A
And I'll say this. I've been in situations where I'm like, this is not fun. But then I'll just do things that are fun while I'm at this situation. That's great.
- [36:32]
B
Oh, yes. That's inspiring. I love that. Yeah.
- [36:36]
A
Because it's like, how can we turn this around?
- [36:38]
B
Yes. See, I get such a bad attitude, and I'm like, I fucking hate you.
- [36:45]
A
But here's the thing about a bad attitude. If you're with somebody else who also has a bad attitude, you guys get to talk shit together.
- [36:52]
B
Yeah, that's true.
- [36:53]
A
And that's a nice time.
- [36:54]
B
That is.
- [36:55]
A
I love talking shit with somebody.
- [36:57]
B
I know.
- [36:58]
A
The other day, I was talking so much shit, I was like, am I a hater? And the answer is a little bit.
- [37:05]
B
Everyone is, no, because we don't want the toxic positivity. No, we don't want that. That would be terrible.
- [37:12]
A
That's awful.
- [37:13]
B
No. So, no, everyone could be a little bit of a hater.
- [37:15]
A
I have a question. What kind of car do you drive? Because you seem to not like driving.
- [37:19]
B
I drive a Toyota Prius C. It's a 2012.
- [37:23]
A
It's a little hatchback.
- [37:24]
B
Still hatch.
- [37:24]
A
I like that car. That's zippy.
- [37:26]
B
It's zippy. It feels like a go kart. And it gets 50 miles per gallon.
- [37:30]
A
That's nice.
- [37:31]
B
I am, like, it costs, like, $30 to fill up.
- [37:33]
A
Oh, that's nice.
- [37:34]
B
It's. I love that car.
- [37:35]
A
That's really nice.
- [37:36]
B
I used to have a Hun. When we were rich, I had a Hyundai.
- [37:39]
A
When we were rich, we were rich.
- [37:41]
B
I had a Hyundai Tucson. And it was so.
- [37:43]
A
Oh, that's nice.
- [37:44]
B
It was so safe.
- [37:45]
A
But I like the Prius C. Me too. I like a small car I just found. Maybe you'll remember this. A Geo Tracker. You've seen it. You've seen it. It's like a Jeep Wrangler, but smaller.
- [37:59]
B
What?
- [38:00]
A
And it's a brand that's not made anymore. And the sister car is a Suzuki Sidekick.
- [38:06]
B
Oh, my God.
- [38:07]
A
They stopped making them, I think, in 98, but I found a 96. And. Okay, do you remember west coast customs?
- [38:13]
B
Yes.
- [38:14]
A
So I like. They do, like, restore, and they customize cars still. So I reached out to them and I was like, wanna do it? But then they ask a lot of intricate questions, and I was like, I don't know what suspension is. So in the little box, it was like, what kind of suspension do you want? I was like, I want it lifted. Is that suspension? Big wheels? I hope they get back to me. I hope so.
- [38:40]
B
Is that the one? Are they, like, in Burbank?
- [38:42]
A
Yeah.
- [38:42]
B
Is that.
- [38:43]
A
Yeah.
- [38:43]
B
Okay. Yeah.
- [38:44]
A
Yes.
- [38:44]
B
Buy that. Like, REI or whatever.
- [38:46]
A
Yes.
- [38:47]
B
Okay. Okay.
- [38:47]
A
I don't know if they have, like. Like. Okay. So my perfect date would be either going to the car museum or going to west coast customs and getting to see, like, custom cars.
- [38:59]
B
Yeah.
- [38:59]
A
I love cars so much.
- [39:00]
B
Oh, my gosh. Okay. You like cars.
- [39:01]
A
Do you want to hear what I want to get done to the car, please? Okay. I want to paint her purple, and I want to airbrush the sides, and I want purple carpeting inside, and I want lilac R and. Yeah, that's it.
- [39:16]
B
I mean, that's beautiful.
- [39:17]
A
Isn't that gonna be fun?
- [39:17]
B
Do you want something, like, airbrushed? Like, do you want, like, an image on the side? Like, or do you want just like.
- [39:24]
A
Oh, my God, Maybe I'll do flames.
- [39:27]
B
Do flames in the. And then on the hood. Do. Do the Grinch.
- [39:34]
A
Imagine I pull up, and they're like, the purple Grinch mobile. What is this? What Is she trying to tell us? And I'm like, I hate Christmas.
- [39:44]
B
I'm a little bit of a hater.
- [39:47]
A
Real quick, real quick. We gotta take a break. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you've ever had the thought maybe I should make a website, consider this your sign. Whether you're starting a business promoting your drag Persona or just want a place to show off your work, Squarespace makes it easy. Their templates gorgeous and so easy to use. I played around with their blueprint tool. You just tell it what you do, like comedy coaching, tarot readings, whatever, and it builds out a whole site that actually looks legit and there's no tech skill required and you'll be actually proud to send people there. It's like having a designer bestie on your side. And if you're offering any services like private sessions, group workshops, or paid consults, you can easily handle it all in one place. Scheduling, payments, email reminders. It's all built in there. No more juggling. Five different apps. Squarespace just makes you look like you have your life together. Go to squarespace.com date me for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use Offer code Date me to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. Quick time to choose a meal deal with McValue, the five dollar McChicken meal deal, a six dollar McDouble meal deal.
- [41:07]
B
Or the new seven dollar Daily Double meal deal, each with its own small.
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A
Fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets.
- [41:13]
B
There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's. Price and participation may vary.
- [41:17]
A
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- [42:04]
B
Oh my gosh. I think it would be wake up pastries. Oh Coffee.
- [42:13]
A
Okay.
- [42:14]
B
From stereoscope. Have you been there? Best coffee.
- [42:15]
A
No. Where's that at?
- [42:17]
B
In Echo Park. Oh, yeah.
- [42:19]
A
Near here.
- [42:19]
B
By Low Boy. Close to here. Yeah. Oh, so good.
- [42:24]
A
By low Boy.
- [42:25]
B
So good. And then I think what we would do is, like, take some mushroom chocolates.
- [42:30]
A
Ooh.
- [42:30]
B
And then go to a park. Go to, like, a. Maybe go to Echo Park Lake. Like, somewhere there's a little water, a little green. And then I would want to see, I don't know, maybe some art. Some art would be nice.
- [42:45]
A
Okay.
- [42:46]
B
Any kind of art I could get down with.
- [42:48]
A
Okay.
- [42:49]
B
And then a really nice dinner. I love to eat. I love fancy.
- [42:55]
A
I also really like fancy dinner. I love fancy dinner. I love yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy food. What are your top three restaurants?
- [43:04]
B
Major domo.
- [43:05]
A
Yes. That pork shoulder is one of the most decadent.
- [43:10]
B
The bossam, I think that's what.
- [43:12]
A
Yeah.
- [43:12]
B
Yes.
- [43:12]
A
It's decadent. It is rich, and it's so good.
- [43:17]
B
It's so good. And they give you, like, so much of it. It's like a huge. It's like a log.
- [43:23]
A
It is so nice.
- [43:25]
B
So good.
- [43:25]
A
David Chang had a show on Netflix, Dinner Time with David Chang. And I got to do an episode. The way he could just whip something up is like, I don't understand.
- [43:36]
B
Chefs are crazy.
- [43:38]
A
And I worked with his chef, this lovely man, Jacques Torres. The way he whipped things. Like, he made. I don't like lamb, but he made me lamb that I was like, it was the best lamb I've ever had. His potatoes were so good. He was like, the secret is more butter than potatoes. I'm like, you try to kill me. It was so good.
- [43:59]
B
I'm like, he's French, right? Yeah. Yeah.
- [44:01]
A
Okay. So major domo.
- [44:03]
B
Major domo. And then there's this all you can eat sushi place in K town called Here Fishy Fishy, which is. It's like so high quality.
- [44:11]
A
Oh.
- [44:11]
B
It's only like 50 bucks a person. It's so good.
- [44:15]
A
I've just gotten into sushi.
- [44:16]
B
Really?
- [44:17]
A
Yeah.
- [44:17]
B
Newly into sushi.
- [44:18]
A
Yes. I didn't like the texture of it, but once I got past the texture, I like the flavor.
- [44:23]
B
Yes.
- [44:23]
A
But I don't. Here's the thing I don't like about the drapey's.
- [44:26]
B
The ones that look like they're in beds over rice. Yeah, yeah.
- [44:34]
A
You know the ones where the fish go to sleep? They're like. I don't like when they put wasabi in between.
- [44:40]
B
Oh, yeah, that's.
- [44:41]
A
I.
- [44:42]
B
You don't like wasabi?
- [44:43]
A
No, because I think it's like horseradish.
- [44:45]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [44:45]
A
And I don't need that. I really like the rice and the fish part.
- [44:49]
B
Yeah.
- [44:50]
A
But I kind of just have to deal with the wasabi part.
- [44:52]
B
This place just doesn't do that here. Fishy, fishy. It's just all little sleepy fishies on their bed.
- [44:58]
A
Oh, my God. That sounds like fun.
- [45:00]
B
It's perfect.
- [45:01]
A
I also think of. I like. My therapist talks about reframing a lot. And I think at first I was like, ugh. It's just like fish. It's like. And then now I think of it as the fish in bed and makes me happy.
- [45:14]
B
Then you eat them while they're sleeping.
- [45:16]
A
Yeah, they're sleeping and suspecting. I never suspected.
- [45:24]
B
It's so good. You should go. There's like K pop music videos playing.
- [45:26]
A
That's fun.
- [45:27]
B
So fun in there.
- [45:28]
A
Okay. What's your third?
- [45:29]
B
Oh, my God, my third. There's a spot in Lincoln Heights that I went to that's just like this weird little Italian restaurant run by like, a lot of just. I think it's just a team of Hispanic men.
- [45:43]
A
Love that.
- [45:43]
B
And they are just whipping up, like such good pasta. And I got an artichoke salad. They put an entire ribeye steak on top of it for $7. And I was like, I love it here. Actually, that's why I decided to move to Lincoln Heights.
- [46:00]
A
That's really funny, because the seven dollar ribeye, you said I'll be eating good in the neighborhood.
- [46:05]
B
Exactly.
- [46:06]
A
I love that.
- [46:07]
B
Yeah. So I think that place is like Trattoria Dali.
- [46:11]
A
Oh, okay.
- [46:11]
B
What it's called.
- [46:12]
A
I would like to go there. I'll tell you my favorite restaurant of right now. Sizzler. Sizzler. I talked about it on a different podcast, but I went to the Sizzler and had the best experience. I am going again tonight. This will be my second time to the Sizzler in two weeks.
- [46:31]
B
No.
- [46:32]
A
Yes. It is in Atwater. It's in Atwater.
- [46:36]
B
Oh, it's by the Costco. Yeah.
- [46:38]
A
It has an A rating. Okay.
- [46:40]
B
Okay.
- [46:41]
A
All right. So the health inspector said Sizzler for everybody. I love it. The salad bar is actually very good. They have the ripest watermelon I have had. No, it was delicious watermelon. I don't know who their source is, but then when they refilled it, just as red, just as juicy, just as good. The ranch, not too ranchy. Also, they have an ice cream fucking machine. No, you can get a soft. A cup of soft, serve a Cup of soft serve.
- [47:06]
B
You can just self serve it.
- [47:07]
A
Yes. I had two cups. Almost shit my brains out on the way home. I'm a dude again tonight.
- [47:11]
B
Oh, my God. I live so close to it. I got to go before you move.
- [47:14]
A
You got to go before you move.
- [47:15]
B
I had no idea.
- [47:15]
A
Here's the move. If you like a steak, I think their steaks are pretty good. And they go, how do you want it cooked? And I said, medium rare. And they said, you know, that's gonna be pink in the middle. I say, yeah. And then when it comes to the table, a server goes, cut into that and let me know if that you want that. Because I don't think people know how to order their steaks at Sizzler. But, hey, we're all learning. And I like that they teach. It's a teaching restaurant, but I think you'll have a really nice time.
- [47:42]
B
No, that sounds amazing. And I do think most people that go into a Sizzler are wanting well done, and they don't know that.
- [47:47]
A
They don't know. They went the jerky, and then they got the sizzler sauce and A1 steak sauce.
- [47:51]
B
Sizzler sauce.
- [47:52]
A
I don't. I don't know.
- [47:53]
B
I don't know about Sizzler sauce, but.
- [47:55]
A
The steak was very well prepared. That I didn't need sauce.
- [47:57]
B
Really?
- [47:57]
A
Yeah.
- [47:58]
B
Okay. Honestly, I think.
- [48:00]
A
And it was not very expensive, right? I believe it was $40 for a steak. I think I got a baked potato with it. All the salad bar you can eat because you can go back for seconds. Thirds, fourth, fifth. You can live there. There's no time limit.
- [48:17]
B
But the watermelon is really coffee.
- [48:19]
A
The watermelon was so good. Oh, also the strawberries were. They were, like, big and sweet. And I feel like usually when a strawberry is big, it's not sweet. Yeah, these were big and sweet.
- [48:27]
B
Damn the sourcing. Yeah.
- [48:29]
A
And there was a very tall man walking around with a thermometer making sure everything was at temperature for human consumption.
- [48:36]
B
What the hell?
- [48:37]
A
They're making sure you're safe.
- [48:39]
B
Run.
- [48:39]
A
It is as if Sizzler is paying me. I have mentioned this on so many podcasts.
- [48:45]
B
You just, like.
- [48:47]
A
Love the Sizzler.
- [48:51]
B
Do you like a Chili's?
- [48:52]
A
Love a baby back ribs? Come on. I love Chili's. Well, here's the thing about Chili's. Love Chili's. My favorite meal at Chili's was a chicken Caesar salad. Pita lava cake. Yes. I am on the hunt for an upscale lava cake. Do you remember when they were all the rage yeah. And like the late August.
- [49:14]
B
Yeah, totally.
- [49:14]
A
It's left the menu. It has. And I'm looking for one.
- [49:18]
B
I know. I'm like, I haven't encountered one either recently.
- [49:21]
A
A good one is good.
- [49:23]
B
Yeah.
- [49:23]
A
Where it's like dense cake and then like, oh, the yummy.
- [49:26]
B
Did you ever get a pizookie at BJ's?
- [49:31]
A
Yes, I have. I fucking love a pizookie. My God, a pizookie's a nice time. A big, thick fucking cookie where they pull it out 10 minutes before it's supposed to, so it's gooey as hell. And then they plop ice cream on top and you say, hey, girlfriends, dig in. I'll tell you, this Chili's has one not as good as BJ's. The original BJ's Brew House for a pizookie is delicious.
- [49:59]
B
Extra ice cream.
- [50:00]
A
Oh, my God. Halibut. Yes, halibut. Jensen, we have reached the end and we did leave the topic of dating rather quickly and fast. And I think we touched on it enough. Do you have advice for single people?
- [50:17]
B
Oh, do I have advice for single people? I would say, much like the thing we talked about with Variegate paint, Follow your joy. Do your own thing.
- [50:28]
A
Yes.
- [50:28]
B
And something will come to you.
- [50:31]
A
Yes. I like that. I was watching a video. I think his name's Jowow. I don't know. He says in the top of his Instagram how to pronounce his name. And I looked at it and I went, well, I still don't really know. J O W O. Wow.
- [50:44]
B
Sounds like Jowow. Yeah.
- [50:46]
A
Okay. Jowow said, he's like, no man is ever too busy to hang out with you. Because hanging out with you, if he really felt you wouldn't be. Wouldn't be a burden. It would be like a joy. And I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah. If you are ever finding yourself hanging out with someone and it's a burden, that's not it.
- [51:05]
B
That's a clear sign. Get out of there.
- [51:08]
A
Yeah. That person should be your joy.
- [51:10]
B
Absolutely. They should not make your life harder. They should make it easier and more fun.
- [51:14]
A
More fun. Let's have fun. Yeah. Find someone who wants to skip with you. I fucking love skipping.
- [51:22]
B
She loves to bounce. She loves to skip.
- [51:24]
A
I really do.
- [51:25]
B
She loves to drive.
- [51:26]
A
I just love to move that body.
- [51:28]
B
Yeah.
- [51:28]
A
Jensen, I also ask, how did you meet my friend Tessa? That's not what I always ask, but it popped in my head. I don't even know how you guys met.
- [51:41]
B
I met Tessa because through. Basically through story Pirates which is like, oh, okay. This, like young adults.
- [51:48]
A
Like, it's like a non profit where you take kids stories and then.
- [51:52]
B
And then you, like, put them on stage in front of them. Yeah. And I went to this, like, party where Tessa was. Tessa's also a story pirate. And I was like, like, oh, my God, I love you. Tessa's amazing.
- [52:03]
A
I love her. I describe her as a Care Bear.
- [52:06]
B
Oh, absolutely.
- [52:07]
A
She's just. She's such a Care Bear. And she's also very good in, like, peril. I don't think she would say that. Like, if bad shit's going down, she's very good at being like, no, no, I got this. I'll. I'll figure this out.
- [52:18]
B
No, if anything ever actually like goes down, I'm calling Tessa.
- [52:22]
A
Same. Well, okay, here's what I actually ask all my guests. Would you date me?
- [52:27]
B
You know what? I would date you. I would date you because I think we would have a lot of fun. And then we'd be like. And that was the fun we had. And then we'd go somewhere else and.
- [52:40]
A
That was the fun we had.
- [52:41]
B
We'd be high five. We'd be like, have a great rest of your life.
- [52:44]
A
I like that. I also think so.
- [52:46]
B
Yeah.
- [52:47]
A
Yeah. Okay. I accept it. Well, Jensen, do you have anything you want to promote?
- [52:53]
B
I mean, variegate paint. Yeah, Very good paint on Instagram and TikTok. High risk for murals. And then also, here's a question.
- [53:01]
A
Do you. If say I live in. Okay. I moved to Wyoming. Ew. And I want a mural done. Will you fly out to do it? How do you.
- [53:12]
B
Yeah, we'll fly out.
- [53:13]
A
Do I have to fly you out, though?
- [53:14]
B
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Which people have done. And we love them for it. It.
- [53:19]
A
Do you sell templates?
- [53:21]
B
We actually threw wall pops and floor pops. Now sell, like, wall decals.
- [53:26]
A
Ah.
- [53:26]
B
These like floor tiles that are peel and stick and then also wallpaper.
- [53:31]
A
I love that I said you have anything to promote and you didn't say any of that. I had to pull it out of you.
- [53:38]
B
I actually always forget about the very gay paint of it all. That's so funny because I'm also a clown. And we have a show coming up at Red.
- [53:46]
A
Yes, yes.
- [53:48]
B
Red Cat's a very cool, like, theater space in LA. And we have a show coming up November 13th, 14th, 15th called Mommy.
- [53:54]
A
I love that. And then do you have a website where all this is aggregated I.
- [53:58]
B
On my Instagram? Jensen. Titus. That's sort of like people's new website, huh?
- [54:03]
A
Yeah.
- [54:04]
B
Yeah, that's where it is.
- [54:05]
A
I do have a website. It's called Nicolebuyer was taken.com, because Nicole Byer was taken. And then the lady who owned it was like, pay me money for it. And I was like, US dollars. Get real. But yeah, it truly just sends you back to my Instagram where my link tree is for my live shows and whatnot.
- [54:24]
B
Exactly.
- [54:24]
A
What is this? This comes out in September. September 5th. I don't have any shows coming up. Oh, Jensen, you teach clown as well, right?
- [54:33]
B
Oh, yeah, I teach clown. I'm gonna be teaching clown. More clown101.
- [54:38]
A
Is this how we say that? I teach clown.
- [54:39]
B
I teach clown.
- [54:41]
A
I teach clowning.
- [54:42]
B
Nicole, you. I think it goes either way. I teach clowning. I teach clown. Because clown is like a performance.
- [54:47]
A
Like state. Okay. Oh.
- [54:50]
B
Oh, my gosh.
- [54:51]
A
Wait. Teach me a little clown.
- [54:52]
B
I want you. Well, it starts off too. It starts off a little intense and vulnerable. You just have to stand in front of people and not. And just look at them and be seen by them. And then I would have you run in and. No, no language. But you'd have to save the show. So you would just have to, like, like, make something work.
- [55:10]
A
And I couldn't speak in English.
- [55:12]
B
No, but you could use gibberish.
- [55:15]
A
I don't know. That sounds like fun. Maybe I'll take a clowning class. A clown class. Well, well, Jensen, we've come to the end. If you like this episode of why won't you date me? You could like it, you could rate it, you could subscribe. You can give me five stars on Apple poodcasts. And if you write me something nasty, hitting on me to why won't you date me? Podcastmail.com. i will read it. Please send them. They bring me joy. And people are creative. Nicole, I will fly you out to Milwaukee. Ew. For the finest in Midwestern duck viewing. Now I'm in. We will look at mallards. Oh, mergansers, teals. And maybe an American coot. I didn't know there were so many different types of ducks. Then we'll jump into Lake Michigan for a swim. The cold lake water will make your nipples hard and you'll shiver. Just then, a group of mermen will swim up from the depths of the lake, gather around you and fuck you, warming you through your soul. How do mermen fuck? I guess you'll find out after you've had multiple orgasms. We'll swim to the shore and lay on the beach. Then a duck will come. Then a duck will come and lay in the crook of your arm and you'll never have been happier. This is really nice.
- [56:32]
B
Wow.
- [56:33]
A
Wait, this might be my favorite one.
- [56:34]
B
That's a blend of, like, romance.
- [56:36]
A
Yes.
- [56:36]
B
Horny.
- [56:37]
A
Yes. Freshly fucked. And then like a duck waddling up, quacking and then napping.
- [56:42]
B
Yes.
- [56:43]
A
Don't you love how I just added so many more specifics? Well, that's it. Goodbye. Oh, you've been listening to why won't you date me with me? Nicole Byer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kanovskaya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue with guest research by Lindsay Kempf. Our VP of content at Headgum is Katie Moose. And our thief music is arranged by Mike Comate. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye. Bye. That was a Headgum podcast. Quick time to choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6.
- [57:33]
B
McDouble meal deal, or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal, each with its.
- [57:37]
A
Own small fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets.
- [57:40]
B
There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's. Price and participation may vary.
- [57:44]
A
Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson.
- [57:46]
B
And I'm Dan o'.
- [57:47]
A
Sullivan. And this is the Outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Head Guys.
- [57:51]
B
You know, we're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that.
- [57:57]
A
Every week we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't. But all of them are going to help explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of.
- [58:08]
B
Things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas gay bars.
- [58:14]
A
Who knew? Who knew the mob's involved. All that and more. Subscribe to the Outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday.