Why Won’t You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

Episode: "I'm Bi Now" (w/ Jenson Titus)

Release date: September 5, 2025
Guest: Jenson Titus — comedian, clown, muralist, co-founder of "Very Gay Paint"

Episode Overview

In this richly candid and often hilarious episode, Nicole Byer welcomes comedian and artist Jenson Titus. They discuss the fluidity of queer identity, the joy (and challenge) of dating partners who are transitioning, building a business out of a pandemic hobby, and the irrepressible power of finding your own lane in both love and creativity. Expect laughter, authentic moments about relationships and queerness, and even a deep dive into salad bars and clown training.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jenson’s Dating Life & Relationship Journey

• Meeting the Partner

  • Jenson is “partnered,” having met their girlfriend on Grindr three years ago, which Nicole cheers for its honesty since “people get really cagey about being like, oh, I met my partner on Grindr.” (05:41)
  • They connected during the summer heat wave of 2022—Jenson's now-girlfriend ended up staying over for three days due to lack of AC and a bit of heatstroke, sparking their relationship (08:22).

• Navigating Breakups and Transition

  • After dating for three years, they had a breakup for about three and a half months, though still stayed in touch and were intimate – highlighting the complexities of "taking a break" (11:46).
  • Jenson’s partner is transitioning, and they discuss the personal and relational adjustments that come with such a journey. Jenson shares it wasn’t about “do I want to be with someone who’s transitioning?” but more about what their own identity means now:

    “It was just like, am I bi now? Like, am I in a…hetero relationship? Like, this is crazy…My whole brand is gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, and now I have a girlfriend.” (15:00)

• Reflection on Queer Identity

  • Jenson describes feeling even "more queer" and grateful for trans people:

    "It made me feel so queer and present…I'm so grateful for trans people. They're the greatest people alive." (15:54)

  • Nicole weighs in on the importance of compassion, learning, and adaptation when a loved one transitions, recounting stories both personal and from reality TV ("90 Day Fiance"). (13:10)

2. Humor, Clowning & Creative Expression

• How Jenson Became a Clown

  • Entered clowning through grad school in experimental physical theater; describes a high-stress “make me laugh” initiation from their teacher (23:10).
  • Discusses the anxiety-inducing, rigorous French clown tradition, and how it made its way into U.S. theater circles.
  • Nicole and Jenson riff on clowning as a legit career (“Can you clown professionally?” “Yes. Cirque du Soleil, Spiegelworld in Vegas, Absinthe...”), and the joy of “dangerous, exciting” performance (26:35).

• Transition from Theater to Mural Art (Very Gay Paint)

  • The company started during the pandemic; what began as a creative outlet to stave off boredom in a Silver Lake studio became an Instagram sensation:

    “We started doing more around the house…I started helping him…Then a friend was like, can you do that in my house…It took off like wildfire.” (28:00)

  • Nicole highlights how the authentic expression of self resonated with others and even started a trend. (29:40)

3. Building a Relationship & Business: Challenges and Joys

• Relationship Complications

  • Being romantic and business partners added pressure, especially when viral success brought more money and scrutiny:

    “It was…awful. At one point, Very Gay Paint was really big, and…there was so much pressure.” (32:20)

  • They stress the importance of pacing yourself (“slow and steady does actually win the race…You don’t fucking burn out.”) (32:41)

• Major Opportunities

  • A connection through another client led to painting RuPaul’s house—Nicole marvels at its opulence: “A six bedroom turned into one bedroom, five closets. No guests. Absolutely not.” (34:03)

4. Pop Culture, Personal Style & Queer Community

• On Style and TikTok Homogeneity

  • Both lament that TikTok/Instagram has made all teens look alike (“everyone is trying to look 28 right now”—30:30), and extol the joy of dressing like the “first day of kindergarten.”

• Restaurant Talk & Joyful Rituals

  • Jenson’s perfect date: pastry and coffee from Stereoscope (Echo Park), mushroom chocolates, art viewing, ending in a fancy dinner (42:03).
  • The two discuss LA dining:
    • Jenson’s faves: Major Domo (Korean), Here Fishy Fishy (sushi), Trattoria Dali (Italian, Lincoln Heights; whole ribeye on artichoke salad for $7!) (43:03)
    • Nicole raves about Sizzler’s salad bar and the glory of soft serve (46:11), and the hunt for the perfect lava cake.

5. Advice, Quotes & Memorable Moments

Relationship Wisdom

• "Follow your joy. Do your own thing, and something will come to you." — Jenson (50:28)
• Nicole shares Jowow’s dating insight:

  “No man is ever too busy to hang out with you…if hanging out with you was a joy, it wouldn’t be a burden.” (50:46)

• “Find someone who wants to skip with you. I fucking love skipping.” — Nicole (51:14)

Family Reactions to Transitioning

• Jenson recalls his mother’s response to his partner’s transition:

  “As long as he doesn’t get bigger boobs than me.” (16:25)
  — Nicole and Jenson laugh at the blend of misgendering and familial love, appreciating people’s capacity to adapt.

On Learning Pronouns and Change

• Nicole: “People get so wrapped up and they're like, I don't want to learn new things. But I'm like, it's not that hard. You just get a piece of information and then make adjustments.” (17:03)

Comedic Gold & Callbacks

• Mural pronunciation banter, full circle: “Mural duo…I was like, am I having an aneurysm?” (04:06)
• Nicole’s Sizzler ode: “The salad bar is actually very good…ripest watermelon I have had…two cups of soft serve, almost shit my brains out on the way home…” (46:40)

Timestamps by Topic

• Jenson on coming out as "bi now"/relationship fluidity: 02:43, 15:00
• How Jenson met their partner on Grindr, heat wave story: 05:37, 08:22
• Transitioning partner, identity reflection: 12:27, 15:00
• Family reactions to coming out & learning pronouns: 16:09, 17:03
• Complications of business & romance (Very Gay Paint): 32:20
• Painting RuPaul’s house: 33:01
• Discussion of style, TikTok effect, queer self-identity: 29:40, 30:30
• Clowning and theater origins: 23:01, 23:59, 26:33
• Favorite restaurants, dating rituals, Sizzler talk: 42:03, 46:11
• Relationship wisdom/closing thoughts: 50:17, 50:46

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It made me feel so queer and present. I don't know…I'm so grateful for trans people. They're the greatest people alive.” — Jenson Titus (15:54)
• “You just get a piece of information and then make adjustments.” — Nicole Byer (17:03)
• “Find someone who wants to skip with you. I fucking love skipping.” — Nicole Byer (51:14)
• “If you are ever finding yourself hanging out with someone and it's a burden, that's not it.” — Nicole Byer (51:05)
• “Follow your joy. Do your own thing, and something will come to you.” — Jenson Titus (50:28)
• “The queerest of them all. Gay too. Bi.” — Nicole (30:26)

Closing

Jenson plugs Very Gay Paint (@verygaypaint), their clown show “Mommy” at Red Cat (Nov 13-15), clowning classes, and their Instagram as the hub for all things Jenson Titus.

Nicole, as always, encourages listeners to rate, subscribe, and court her via email with the best—often wildest—pick-up lines.

Bottom line:
This episode is a joyful, real, and decidedly queer ride through love, art, and authenticity. Both Nicole and Jenson bring their signature unfiltered humor to serious topics, making for a conversation that’s as affirming as it is riotously fun.

For more: @nicolebyer | @verygaypaint | @jensontitus
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