Never Dated (w/ Kim Chi)

Summary

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Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

Episode: "Never Dated (w/ Kim Chi)"
Release Date: October 24, 2025
Guest: Kim Chi – Drag Queen, Makeup Mogul, Author

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Episode Overview

This episode features the hilarious and candid Kim Chi, renowned drag queen from RuPaul’s Drag Race (Season 8), makeup brand founder, and author. Host Nicole Byer and Kim dive into the realities of dating (or, in Kim's case, not dating), the complexities of relationships, personal insecurities, and the highs and lows of drag life, all delivered in their trademark witty, open-hearted style. The episode covers everything from board game compatibility to lap dance shenanigans, and offers a refreshingly honest look at why romantic connections—and being single—can be so complicated.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Kim Chi’s Romantic Resume: Never Dated

• Kim's Dating Status ([04:10]): Kim reveals she's never dated anyone, not out of disinterest, but because no one has ever reciprocated her crushes.

  • "I've never actually dated anyone." – Kim Chi [04:10]

• Trauma & Rejection ([04:25]): Past experiences with unrequited crushes and the fear of being hurt have kept Kim from pursuing romantic interests.

  • "Every single guy that I’ve had a crush on has never, ever been interested in me...So then I don’t want to get hurt. Even if I like someone, I’ll never act on it." – Kim Chi [04:25]

• The Apps Aren’t Helping ([06:00]): Kim tried Hinge with zero matches:

  • "In over a month, I have, like, not gotten, like, a single ding on my profile." – Kim Chi [06:20]

• Frame of Mind: Kim shares that she’s open to dating, but mostly out of curiosity. She questions if she truly wants it, given she’s never experienced it, and reflects on how media shapes desires for relationships ([13:17], [13:39]).

  • "Because I’ve never dated, I don’t know: do I want it or not?" – Kim Chi [13:17]

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The Nuances of Relationships and Single Life

• Comparing Singlehood to Coupled Friends ([05:02], [13:39]):

  • Kim notices all her drag sisters are “booed up” and feels like the odd one out.
  • They discuss the social pressure to be in a relationship and how some couples seem unnaturally dependent.
  • "At the end of the hangout, they go home together and then you’re like, just riding in a car alone, listening to sad music for no reason, and you’re like, huh, I wonder what it’s like." – Kim Chi [13:39]

• Unhealthy Relationship Magic ([15:39]):

  • Nicole and Kim riff on people staying in relationships for great sex, even when emotionally miserable.
  • "A lot of people stay in very bad relationships ‘cause they be fucking...But ooh, the dick liked me." – Nicole Byer [15:39]

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Life, Career, and Drag

• Drag Origins & Stage Name ([16:03]): Kim Chi became a drag queen by accident after going out in drag for Halloween and immediately getting booked for shows.

  • "Next thing you know, I was hosting every single one of their parties." – Kim Chi [16:46]
  • Kim’s drag name almost became “Lucy Lube”—much to her and Nicole’s delight ([17:08]).

• Family Acceptance ([18:48]): Kim initially told her mom she worked in makeup, not drag. Her mother’s pragmatic approval came down to income:

  • "She asked me how much money I make...and she was like, 'Keep living your dream'." – Kim Chi [18:52]

• Success in Business ([03:19]): Kim reflects on seeing her face on cosmetic displays in stores:

  • _"Every time I pick up my prescriptions, I peruse and I go, ‘What’s new?’" — Nicole
    "It’s really cool...the store calls, like, ‘What are you doing here?’ ‘Oh, just perusing.’" – Kim Chi [03:19]

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The Wild World of Internet Wellness & Conspiracies ([08:51–12:17])

• Falling Down the Rabbit Hole: Kim shares how following fitness accounts spiraled into seeing wellness and then QAnon-esque conspiracy content.

  • "From fitness accounts...to wellness...then people promoting raw milk and the carnivore diet...slowly going to a QAnon, like MAGA, like all that, you know, it’s wild." – Kim Chi [09:13]

• Dating Conspiracy Theorists: Both marvel that conspiracy theorists are rarely single—hypothesizing shared bizarre beliefs are their glue ([12:17]).

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Cooking, Books, and Cottage Cheese Evangelism

• Kim’s Cookbooks & Writing ([28:30], [29:19]):

  • Has two books: a YA novel and a cookbook blending global flavors for the American kitchen.
  • "It’s a novel about a Korean American queer kid using the power of his drag queen superheroes to stop his mayor from demolishing the public local library." – Kim Chi [28:35]

• Cottage Cheese Advocacy ([21:23], [25:26]):

  • Expert-level defense of 'Good Culture' brand cottage cheese:
    • "It’s dense. It’s almost like...ricotta cheese." – Kim Chi [25:48]
  • Rants about food trends and shares a pizza crust recipe—surprisingly good, she claims ([27:49]).

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Life On Tour: Drag Stories and Shenanigans

• Lap Dance Fame ([33:14]):

  • Tale of being recognized during a lap dance, and the illusion suddenly shattered:
    • "I just wanted you to be a piece of meat...and now you’ve humanized yourself." – Nicole Byer [33:48]
    • "At least wait till, like, after the lap..." – Kim Chi [34:03]

• Tour Antics ([34:15–38:34]):

  • Tales of wild hookup logistics by unnamed queens, with twinks waiting in hotel lobbies and elaborate sexcapades.
  • Meet and greet avoidance stunts—a queen faking being early to skip it:
    • "She started flipping out and saying, like, all of you guys were late...but meet and greet hasn’t even started yet." – Kim Chi [37:20]
  • Observations about newer drag queens lacking professional decorum compared to theater queens ([38:43]).

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Board Games, “Litmus Test” Dates, and Friendship

• Kim’s Ideal First Date ([44:59]):

  • Board game café (RIP to the one in Glendale)—wants a date who can keep up and enjoy games.
    • "If they can’t comprehend, like, a simple rule, I know they’re not the one." – Kim Chi [45:51]

• Nicole & Kim on Games ([47:25–52:28]):

  • Hilarious stories about Mafia, Secret Hitler, and monikers—the social deduction genre is their jam.
  • They both despise Animal Crossing:
    • "I would rather get waterboarded than play Animal Crossing." – Nicole [52:06]
    • "I fucking hate Animal Crossing." – Kim Chi [51:20]

• On High Standards ([46:02], [54:33]):

  • Nicole notes Kim’s high standards aren’t negative but a reflection that “if you can’t fit into my very fun world, not worth it.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "Give up." – Kim Chi’s advice for single people [53:30]
• "If you’re truly single out there, gay and available, slide into my DM. Because not that many people slide into my DM, so you might have a chance." – Kim Chi [53:37]
• "Show me who you are as a person, and I will decide if it’s for me or not." – Kim Chi, on what to send in DMs [54:28]
• "This is the litmus test. If you can listen to me talk for an hour, go ahead and slide on in." – Nicole Byer [53:59]
• "Tim Nook can suck my dick." – Nicole Byer [51:57]
• "I would rather work at McDonald's." – Kim Chi, on Animal Crossing [52:10]
• "You got to find someone to match your freak." – Nicole Byer [12:28]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 03:19 — Kim Chi on seeing her makeup in stores
• 04:10 – 06:20 — Kim’s personal dating history (or lack thereof)
• 13:17 – 13:39 — Do I even want to date? Media & relationship expectations
• 15:39 — Staying in bad relationships for the sex
• 16:03 – 17:31 — Drag origin story & stage name choices
• 18:48 — Telling her parents about drag
• 21:23 – 28:03 — Cottage cheese stanning and recipe talk
• 28:30 & 29:19 — Kim’s books: YA novel and cookbook
• 33:14 – 34:03 — Being recognized during a lap dance
• 34:15 – 38:34 — Backstage and afterparty tour shenanigans
• 44:59 – 47:02 — Kim’s ideal first date: board games
• 47:25 – 52:28 — Board game talk, hating Animal Crossing
• 53:30 — Kim’s advice for singles: “Give up.”
• 53:37 – 54:48 — Kim invites respectful (or not) DMs

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Takeaways

This episode masterfully balances heartfelt honesty about self-protective habits, humor about dating and drag-world politics, and niche passions (board games, cottage cheese)—all filtered through Nicole and Kim’s irreverent comedic lens. Kim’s vulnerability about her life offstage, her refusal to settle for less, and her refusal to apologize for high standards make this a standout episode for anyone tired of dating clichés. As Nicole says, if you can enjoy their conversation, maybe you really do stand a chance.

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Books & Brands Mentioned:

• "Donatella Hamachi and the Library Avengers" by Kim Chi
• "Kimchi Eats The World" by Kim Chi
• KimChi Chic Beauty (CVS, JC Penney, Ulta.com)

To connect with Kim Chi:

• "Slide into my DMs...Show me who you are as a person and I will decide if it’s for me or not." – Kim Chi [54:28]

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Transcript

[A]

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description.

[B]

This is a headgum podcast.

[A]

I was looking ahead on my calendar, and I realized that the holidays aren't as far away as a thought. That's that time always gets so busy. So I'm gonna get ahead of the game and shop for looks that'll take me from now into the holiday season. Lucky for me, Macy's big fall sale is happening now with 40 to 60 off fall essentials. That'll take us from to then. Anne Klein and DKNY have some adorable dresses I've been eyeing, so it's the time to buy. Macy's also has tons of luxurious cashmere in so many colors, which, honestly, I think I might just start wearing now. I might also pick up a new Calvin Klein suit from a friend as a gift. There are so many holiday parties coming up and we'll want to show off. Macy's big fall sale is happening now through October 26th. Shop@macy's.com or in store on tour.

[B]

We went to, I think it was like, a Swinging Richard or something, or it was like, some, like, strip club. And then the promoter bought lap dances for all the queens. And then all the queens were getting, like, their hot lap dances from, like, their gogo dancers. And mine looks down at me and he goes, you're Kimchi, right? And I was like, no, you're kicking me out of the fantasy. And then I was like, yes. And he was like, I'm a huge fan.

[A]

I'm like, no, no.

[B]

I just wanted you to be a piece of meat that's all beautiful and sexy just dangling in front of me.

[A]

I just wanted to objectify you. And now you've humanized yourself as a person with a TV in your home.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Ooh, baby. Welcome to another episode of why Won't yout Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come at my night table and tell me. That was my Metformin for my diabetes. My guest today is a drag queen superstar that you know from RuPaul's Drag Race Season 8. Her new cookbook, Kimchi Eats the World, is available now. You are Also on the RuPaul Christmas special, I'm so years ago.

[B]

Oh, my God. But don't go out of your way for that Christmas special.

[A]

They only did one they said one.

[B]

And done, and then they'll play it year after year.

[A]

You know, it's kimchi. Also, you have a makeup line. You've done so much.

[B]

Yes. Oh, my God. Someone once told me our goal to success is creating as many passive incomes as possible. So I'm trying to, you know, I mean, it's smart.

[A]

Yeah, it's very smart. Kimchi Cosmetics is in cvs.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Every time I pick up my prescriptions, I peruse and I go, what's new?

[B]

It's in CVS. JCPenney, and now also sold on Ulta.com.

[A]

Ooh, I love. What did that feel like, to walk. To be able to walk into a store and see your product with your name?

[B]

Especially when I go to, like, I was just done work the world tour, and we go to, like, a lot of small towns, and I would just always work into the CVS just to see. And then there will be my face in that store, and it's really cool. And the store calls like, what are you doing here? And then I'm like, oh, just, you.

[A]

Know, just perusing, just making sure, you.

[B]

Know, things are displayed correctly.

[A]

You know, just dragging the display right near the entrance so people see it immediately when they walk in.

[B]

That's what I would do. It's always in the back, but that's totally fine. All the good stuff is in the back.

[A]

I agree. The good stuff is in the back. The cheap stuff's in the front, so that you need to be in the back. That's where all the cool kids are.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Kim, can I ask you a question?

[B]

You can't ask me anything.

[A]

Ooh. All right, I'm kidding. It's a standard question. Are you single? Are you dating? Are you married? Do you not want to say, no, I'm single.

[B]

I've never actually dated anyone.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I know on season eight, you talked about being a virgin and not wanting to, or you just hadn't dated.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you not want to date, or has the opportunity never arose?

[B]

Opportunity never arose because I never wanted to be, like, thirsty about it, you know? And I think it has to do with my past trauma, where every single guy that I've had a crush on has never, ever been interested in me. And I've had crushes in guys of, like, various, like, appearances and different, like, places in their life. You know, they've never been interested in me. So then I don't want to get hurt. Fair. So then even if I like someone, I'll never act on it.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

But also, that no one ever approaches me either.

[A]

Wait, really? Even after Drag Race, no one's like, slid into your DMs and been like, you think?

[B]

But no.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And it was also kind of crazy because, like, all my, like, drag sisters, they're like, all booed up. Like, none of them are single anymore. And not only booed up, like, you know, Monet just got engaged. You know, like, Bob is like 2,000 partners, like one in every zip code. You know, Naomi's always with like, some like, hot, you know, like a new man, like up the hour. And I'm like, you know, I haven't even kissed anyone since Pandemic.

[A]

Do you want to or are you just like.

[B]

I'll not be opposed, you know, okay. But it just hasn't happened.

[A]

I also, growing up, had crushes on people who did not reciprocate the feeling. And I did the opposite. I was like, if first you don't succeed, I will try, try, try, try, try. Until I wan. I loved chasing people. Well, not loved. I guess I was just like, well, this is what I just have to do if I want to be in a relationship. I just have to chase somebody. And now in my old years, I've cooled down.

[B]

You know what they say, they're like, always date someone, like, who likes you more than you like them. And I'm like, but no one likes me. So like, Kim, it's not like a one with me. It's just, you know, like a fact. And then I even like, signed for Hinge. Uh huh. And I was like, okay, I'm not going to like, like, anyone. I want to see, like, if anyone is like, interested in me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

In over a month, I have like, not gotten like a single ding on my profile.

[A]

Interesting. But I do think on the apps you have to do a little bit of work because I think when you swipe and you heart people, I think it shows your profile to more people. And I think when you're, when you're being. What's it? Passive. When you're being passive on it. I don't think they show your profile to people.

[B]

But then if I like someone, they have the upper hand. And that's why I'm single. Yeah, we solved it. We got to the bottom of this.

[A]

Because you think of dating as upper hands and like a game. Like, you're like, Mario.

[B]

I don't know, maybe I have like a hard time, like, showing my, like, true emotion and feelings, you know, but it's like, I just don't want to get hurt, you know?

[A]

No, I get it. It sucks getting hurt. It really does. Breakups are bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I had a breakup where I was sad. I was so sad I had to go on antidepressants.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I said, yum, give me that Lexapro.

[B]

I mean, I know a lot of friends on Lexapro, but I actually know a lot of people that drop Lexapro.

[A]

That what?

[B]

Dropped Alexa Pro too.

[A]

Oh, I was. Yeah, I dropped it. I was on it for like, I don't know, like six months. I was on 5 milligrams, just a touch. And then I was like, I think I'm okay. Let me come off of it. And you know what? It was a nice little. It was a gentle bassinet cradle.

[B]

You know, I have a couple of really good gay friends. We were like, gonna go to, like an outing for, like the weekend. And because they were planning on, like, doing drugs and all that, they, like, stopped taking Lexapro so they could feel like drug to the maximum. And I was like, oh, you know, nothing will stop the gays from, like, getting their money's worth.

[A]

I've never heard that before.

[B]

You know, I've never been on Lexapro, so I don't know, like, what that is.

[A]

Like, I guess it does dull your emotions a little bit.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But that is really funny and very. I don't want to say smart, but it is smart to, like, if you want to feel something, come off of it for a little bit, have a nice weekend and hop right back on.

[B]

And I don't condone this in any way. I do. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Self diagnosed, self douche. It. Do it, do it. Believe in yourself. Yeah.

[B]

Do your own research. Just kidding. This is how America ended up the way it is now.

[A]

The whole do your own research is so wild. It's so wild. I. I believe scientists and doctors and stuff.

[B]

No, Every time I go on the Internet, there's so much, like, misinformation. For some reason I ended up in. Okay, so I started following fitness accounts. And then from the fitness accounts, I started getting, like, wellness, you know, content. But then from wellness content, it started going into people promoting raw milk and like, carnivore diet.

[A]

It's a very slippery, slippery slope.

[B]

And yeah, slowly going to a QAnon, like MAGA, like all that, you know, it's wild.

[A]

Did you know Tylenol causes autism? Did you hear.

[B]

You know, pregnant woman, like, stick it out or is that what. It's crazy.

[A]

It's wild. And then all the press conferences are like. But also it kind of doesn't it's like, what are we doing?

[B]

Why are people who's never been pregnant, like, making these decisions?

[A]

I don't know. It's a bunch of men who are like, listen, we're gonna say something and see if it sticks. Also, the rapture was today while we're recording.

[B]

You know, if there's one thing like Trump has inspired me, it is that it doesn't matter what it is. If you say it enough, people start to believe it.

[A]

They sure do.

[B]

So among my friends, I started spreading a rumor that Monet got a bbl.

[A]

You're not the only one. Meatball also says this.

[B]

Guess who started the rumor? And we just started repeating it until people started believing that it was real.

[A]

That's honestly one of the funniest rumors you can start about somebody. It's so. Did you know Monet had a bbl? Did you know? Did you hear?

[B]

If you say it enough, people will believe it.

[A]

But also you look at Monet and you're like, that's a bbl.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Every time I see it at ass, I'm like, it's a nice ass. Where'd you get it from?

[B]

It's like, let's diminish all your hard work by claiming bbl. Just claiming a little BBL allegations.

[A]

I love it. Also, the carnivore shit is wild.

[B]

It is crazy.

[A]

I watched a lady, she was like, I'm on a plane. Yes. She was on a plane with her husband and she brought frozen meat that.

[B]

Oh my God, the Asian lady.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That lady's fucking crazy.

[A]

Nuts to me.

[B]

She even. I saw another video, she said, this is when I knew she was like, crazy. She was like, since I started doing Carnivore diet, I never have to wear sunscreen anymore.

[A]

Ew. And I'm like covered in oil. Like, what?

[B]

Which I'm like, that is crazy. You either have to be rage baiting or you're like so far gone.

[A]

Yeah, well, you know what? I think a lot of it is rage bait. And I think it's like they get their money when, like people are interacting with the post or whatever. I don't think this bitch is just eating hunks of Butterfly.

[B]

But then there are people in the comments saying, like, I started Carnivore diet thanks to you, I started drinking raw milk, you know, like, blah, blah. And I'm like that.

[A]

It's just so wild. Raw milk really gets me though. I'm like, you want to just like be under an udder and drink that.

[B]

Anti vaxxers, like Raw milk. All these people. Like, we created these technology for a reason, so humans can live longer.

[A]

Yes. And they're like, never mind. What if we shorten up that lifespan? Because, honestly, the no vaccine thing really kills me because I'm like. So, like, you want the plague? I don't want the plague. I don't want it at all.

[B]

No.

[A]

The bubonic plague with rats in the street. I don't want it.

[B]

Why do you have years of research for you to be like, oh, I looked it up on Google. I don't need it.

[A]

I googled it and I found a very strange article that says, I don't need the vac. But it's like. And then there's measle outbreaks. And. And I'm like, what are we doing?

[B]

And these people, they're never single. Lighter.

[A]

So I'm like, oh, maybe that's.

[B]

That's.

[A]

You got to get deep into the right shit.

[B]

And then, you know, I feel like all these crazy, like, conspiracy theory people are always booed up. Have you noticed that?

[A]

Yes. Because you got. You got to find someone to match your freak, you know? Two little raw milk drinkers sitting in a tree just getting sick from raw mill. D Y I N G. Dying. Did I spell that right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. D Y I N G. Yeah.

[A]

Hell yeah. Wait, Kim. Okay, so do you want to date at all or no? You know, I know you don't want to get hurt, but, like, I'm open.

[B]

To the idea of dating, but also because I've never dated, I'm like, at this point in my life where I'm almost 40, like, I feel so sorry for whomever I'm going to be dating first because the trauma and the things that are going to have to carry on, you know, like. And I was like, does anyone deserve that?

[A]

I think somebody deserves it. I think you deserve somebody if you want it.

[B]

I don't know if I want it, though. And the thing is, because I've never dated, I don't know do I want it or not.

[A]

That is actually a very interesting perspective to have to be like, I've never done it, so, like, I actually don't know if I want it. I've been told that I want it. Movies and television show, you know, what a relationship is, and it's like, everyone should want this. But it's like, actually, I don't know.

[B]

And it's like when you hang out with your friends that are couple and then like, at the end of the hangout, they go home together and then you're like, just riding in a car alone, listening to sad music for no reason, and you're like, huh, I wonder what it's like. But then you also see people that are like, so dependent on other people where like, they didn't. They got lunch with their friend and then they called their partner after lunch and then told them like, everything they talked about and everything they did in the past two hours. And I'm like, why do you need to like, yeah, why do you have.

[A]

To report back to this person? That is weird.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And then also couples who are together all the time.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Where like, you call your friend to be like, let's hang out. And then their partner is there and you're like, huh? You never said that your partner was coming. Also, I just want to hang out with you, my friend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'll never understand that.

[B]

Because the conversation dynamic changes when your partner is there. Oh, of course.

[A]

Because you can't talk shit about the partner.

[B]

That too. Yeah.

[A]

Because sometimes you're like your partner.

[B]

See, I never talk shit about anyone's partner. If they bring it up, I'll listen. But I will never, ever, ever.

[A]

Sometimes I'll be like, yo, your partner did something weird. You want to hear about it?

[B]

Like, one of my friend is dating this guy and all of our friends all collectively hate him. We hate him so much, we think he's like scum of the earth. But none of us will ever say that to her, you know? But then after, like the hangout, we're all just like, oh, my God, can you believe he did this today?

[A]

I will say there is a beautiful camaraderie when a friend group hates hate bonding.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where it's like, you just get to talk shit about this person that you hate. But I get that. I'm not gonna tell a friend, like, oh, your partner sucks. But I might be like, oh, that this thing didn't. Didn't you think that was a little weird? Oh, no. Oh, okay.

[B]

You know, at this point, it's like, you gotta be smart enough to like, no. You know, like. And also, I don't know their sex life. You know, they might be miserable in their day to day life, but maybe the sex is so amazing that like, none of that matters to them, you know?

[A]

Yeah. A lot of people stay in very bad relationships cause they be fucking. I've stayed in things because the dick was nice. I've seen in relationships where I was like, this person actively doesn't like me. And I've said that so many times on this podcast. But I'm like, ooh, the dick liked me.

[B]

If the dick good, you know, maybe.

[A]

If the dick good. Gotta stay. Kim, how did you get into drag?

[B]

I'm an accidental drag queen. So, you know, gay men were very inspired by strong female figure. So, you know, like, the gays will jump at a chance to get in drag. So for Halloween, my friend and I, we bought a bunch of, like, makeup from cvs, practiced our makeup for a month, and then we went out. And then the first time we went out, we ended up getting booked for our show.

[A]

Wait, you just, like, went out in drag for fun and then come do a show?

[B]

We went to a club, and there was a drag show happening. We didn't even know that there was a drag show. And then the host was like, you ladies look amazing. Do you want to perform here? And we're like, okay, I love this.

[A]

Where was this?

[B]

It's in Berlin. Chicago.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then we got booked again after that. And then after that, we, like, stumbled into another, like, gay party. And then they asked me to host their party, and then next thing you know, I was hosting every single one of their party. And then that's just kind of how it happened.

[A]

And is this. Were you performing as Kim Chi, or were you performing as Disney Princess?

[B]

So Disney Princess only happened the first night I went out because I was dressed up as a Minnie Mouse. So I'm like, let me just come up with, like, a dumb Disney name. I'm not even a Disney adult, so I don't even know why. So Disney Princess was the name. But then I was like, all right, I need, like, a better name if I'm gonna be performing. And it was between Lucy Lube.

[A]

Lucy Lube. Okay.

[B]

Or Kimchi. And I think Kimchi stuck around.

[A]

Kimchi is such a fun name, but Lucy Lube is very funny to me.

[B]

I met Lucy Liub, and I told her, like, my name was Almost Lucy Lube, and she's like, I'm actually really upset you didn't pick Lucy Liu.

[A]

I met Lucy Liu once at Comic Con, and she walked past me. I went, hi, Lucy Liu. I'm Nicole Byer. And she went, okay.

[B]

I saw Lucy Liu at my Korean grocery store once buying, like, k barbecue meat.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

I didn't. I, like, left her alone because, you know, like, I'm sure she's just shopping.

[A]

She's trying to be a normal person.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

I would have been like, ooh, what kind of meat? I'm Nicole Byer.

[B]

Lucy Liu girl, can I come over?

[A]

You gonna cook for Me, Lucy Lou.

[B]

I'll do all the grilling. All you gotta do is eat, you know?

[A]

Are you a makeup artist? Were you makeup?

[B]

I was not, no. I was a graphic designer.

[A]

Oh, what does that mean, graphic designer?

[B]

You know, like, design for, like, publications and like, logos. Yeah, logos and like flyers and menus. You know, commercial art.

[A]

Okay, commercial art, yeah. All right, so wait, but hold on. In my research, it says that on your season of Drag Race, you won the first challenge. We came with a small cash prize, and you sent it to your mom and you told her that you made it through makeup work. So did you tell your mom that you were a makeup artist and not a drag queen?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then when she found out you were doing drag, what was that like? Was she.

[B]

She asked me how much money I make during this, and then I told her and she was like, keep living your dream.

[A]

I love that very Asian parent. You know, I mean, I think it's very, like, I don't know, ethnic parents, because like my dad, he did, but when he was alive, he was like, make money. So I think. And he didn't really want me to, like, get into comedy or acting or anything, but like, if he was alive now, I think he'd be like, nah, keep doing it. Make money. That's good.

[B]

If you're not struggling, you know, by.

[A]

All means, by all means. Have a nice time, do whatever you want.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you make your costumes?

[B]

Not anymore.

[A]

Or did you used to?

[B]

I used to, yeah, Because I was like, poor drunk, you know, but nowadays, you know, like, there's so many people who can make it faster, better, and quicker and cheaper, you know, like, Danny Godoy makes like so many of my pieces.

[A]

About to say good, makes incredible pieces. And Godoy taught me how to sew.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh my God. You were there.

[A]

Wait, were you there?

[B]

Yeah, I was there, but I didn't have anything to work on, so I was answering emails very early. Oh, well, I was trying to leave you for rush hour. You know how that goes. Fair.

[A]

Whatever. You could have hung. Vicki came over. It was a nice time.

[B]

That's why I left early. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I've actually never met Vicki.

[A]

Wait, you haven't?

[B]

No.

[A]

Vicki's great.

[B]

I learned.

[A]

I learned how to make a pant pattern and then a shirt pattern that I made on my own.

[B]

Have you made anything since?

[A]

Yes. The same pants and shirts with the same pattern.

[B]

You know, if, if, if it works, you know, it works.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuz you know what a perfect fitting pants is? Hard to come by.

[A]

Yes, it really, really is. These are good jeans. These are.

[B]

They're your good jeans.

[A]

They're my good jeans. She has good jeans. They are from Target, but I didn't get them from Target. I got them from Poshmark because I'm not allowed to go to Target. And they never gave me an end date for our black people protesting of Target. And I haven't set foot in a Target since. They were like, we don't do that anymore.

[B]

Yeah, same.

[A]

I. I miss it. I really miss. I miss Target.

[B]

Only thing I miss Target for is they carry my brand of cottage cheese, you know, and they're so hard to find for some reason.

[A]

What is your brand of cottage cheese?

[B]

Good culture. Oh, and every time I go to any other grocery store, they're always sold out and Target had them on. But obviously I don't go to Target anymore.

[A]

We don't do Target. Okay, wait, what do you make with cottage cheese?

[B]

I just like, eat them. I like to eat them like straight out the tub with some like, crackers.

[A]

We have to take a break. This message is brought to you by today's sponsor, Chamberlain University. Sometimes the idea of going back to school feels impossible. Life is busy, you got bills, maybe a full time job, and the thought of starting something new, it's a lot. But if becoming a nurse or leveling up in healthcare has been in the back, the back of your mind, Chamberlain University makes it, what? Doable. They're not just a school. They're the number one largest nursing school in the country with flexible programs built around your schedule. You can choose from fully online programs, hybrid options, or even attend classes in person, on evenings or weekends. Whatever works for your schedule. They got a path. Plus, you're not doing it alone. Chamberlain has a whole community of students, faculty and alumni. Over 177, 000 of them cheering each other on. There's real mentorship and care built into everything they do. And classes start every eight weeks. So if you've been waiting for the right time, this could be it. Take the first step at Chamberlain. Edu Chamberlain University Belong to something greater. Certified to operate by Chev this podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform that helps you stand out online whether you're starting something new or growing what you already have. Squarespace makes it easy to build a beautiful site, book clients and get paid all in one place. If I were to build a website, I'd use Squarespace because it actually does everything for you. You can start with the Blueprint tool. Just answer a few simple questions about your goals and your vibe and it gives you a polished layout that you can customize with drag and drop editing. It will look like you hired your own designer. And if you're someone who offers services, maybe you teach, coach, do makeup, whatever it is, you can list your offerings, let people book appointments and get paid directly through your site. Squarespace also makes it simple to grow. You can use their email campaigns to reach your audience, share updates, or promote what's new, all while keeping your site and your look totally consistent. And with their library of award winning templates, your site is going to look amazing no matter where you start. Go to squarespace.com date me for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Date me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You know that moment when the weather finally cools down? You're like, ugh, it's layering season, baby. That's when I reach for my quince. They're a go to cozy quality essentials that actually last and don't cost a Fortune. I'm talking $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters, premium denim that fits like a dream, and those wool coats that look designer but cost a fraction of the price. And the quality honestly, just as good if not better than the expensive stuff. What I love is that Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middleman so you can get that luxury feel for half the price. It's the kind of wardrobe upgrade that just feels smart and effortless. I have been living in my Mongolian cashmere sweater from Quince. It's the second year I've had it and it still holds up like it's new. So okay, if you're ready to build your fall uniform, find your fall staples at quince. Go to quince.com/date me for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada to a that's Q U I n c e.com dateme to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com date me and we're back. I just cut cottage cheese. The. The consistency is. You don't find it upsetting?

[B]

Okay, that is a common thing. Yes, but what is? Is it too squishy?

[A]

Yeah, it's too squishy and runny at the same time.

[B]

See, I get that. But good culture cottage cheese, it's not like that at all. It is dense. It's almost like it's like a texture of, like, ricotta cheese.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

And it's not runny at all. You open it, turn it upside down. There's nothing that runs from it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then you can blend it, and then it turns into, like, a consistency of cream cheese. Cause it's thick.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And has, like, a sour tang that feels like cream chees cheese. Except it's way healthier and it's high in protein.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

So I just don't think you've met the right cottage cheese.

[A]

I don't think I have either.

[B]

Like, the only ones that I would recommend personally, if you don't like the runny consistency is good culture and Nancy's.

[A]

Nancy's.

[B]

Nancy's like, the brand that I go for when good culture is, like, gone. And it's.

[A]

Who's Nancy?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

She just has the good cottage cheese.

[B]

But try culture cottage cheese. The skim one. It is.

[A]

Okay. I mean, this is a very glowing endorsement for cottage cheese.

[B]

I'm not paid or sponsored by them. Like, I just really like a culture.

[A]

It'd be really funny if you were in a brand deal with a cottage cheese company and they're like, just mention it casually on any podcast that you do.

[B]

Have you heard of Good Culture Cottage? See.

[A]

I keep seeing cottage cheese recipes where it's like, you can have dessert without all the calories, but then I'm like, okay.

[B]

I'm like, we don't have to go that far. You know? You know, it's kind of. Cottage cheese is what, for, like, white people. What cauliflower was supposed to be five years ago. People have so much expectation on cauliflower, where you have to be a pizza crust, you have to be rice, you have to be chipped, you have to.

[A]

Be like, and is she really that versatile?

[B]

And I think cauliflower is just like, I can't take this anymore. Cottage cheese step into the ring. And now people are, like, blending cottage cheese with anything and everything.

[A]

Yes. I did see someone make a cottage cheese pizza crust, and I was like, this has gone too far.

[B]

You know, with that being said, I have made that recipe. It is delicious.

[A]

I'm dying. That's so funny.

[B]

You just take two eggs and one cup of cottage cheese, you blend it up, put it in parchment paper, and you bake it at 400 degrees for 25 minutes, and then you get the perfect wrap. That. Why do I know that recipe on top of my head? Because I made it wrong.

[A]

Because you're sponsored by big cottage cheese. You wrote a Book I did. Was it hard?

[B]

Not at all.

[A]

I wrote a book that's mainly pictures, and I found it to be daunting and exhausting.

[B]

Honestly, I feel like the hardest part for me is even, like, trying to convince people that I wrote a good book.

[A]

Well, this is the time to convince the people that you wrote a good book. What's it about?

[B]

So I actually have two books. One is a young adult novel called Donatelle Hamachi in the library. Avengers.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's a novel about a Korean American queer kid using the power with his drag queen superheroes to stop his mayor from demolishing the public local library.

[A]

So this is based on basically real life?

[B]

Basically, yeah.

[A]

I mean, it's wild how they're like, we want to get rid of all sorts of educational things.

[B]

Yeah. So I was up in my feelings, like, reading articles about how a lot of public libraries were getting defunded. So then I tweeted about how much, like, libraries meant to me. And then that tweet ended up going, like, viral among, like, the librarians. And a lot of them were messaging me saying, like, thank you for speaking up for us. And then I got that book deal and then that book cap.

[A]

And when did it come out?

[B]

It is out now, along with my cookbook, Kimchi Eats the World.

[A]

And. Okay, what is your favorite recipe in Kimchi Eats the World?

[B]

It's like asking me to pick a favorite child. A lot of the.

[A]

I think a lot of parents could.

[B]

Do that, you know, Actually, you know what? Yeah. My. My mom.

[A]

Did you have siblings?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How many?

[B]

One brother.

[A]

I have one sister. And she was the favorite.

[B]

Yeah, my brother was definitely the favorite.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you just have to live with that. Are you younger or older?

[B]

Older.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And I feel like, break my parents in for everything, you know?

[A]

That's wild. I'm younger. So she was there, and then they were like, we like her more. There's a new one. We still like this fresh one.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

See, growing up, like, my mom never let me drive even. She wouldn't even let me learn how to drive. And if I accidentally missed a bus on the way to school, she yell at me, scream at me. Come to find out, after I went to college, my mom drove my brother to school every day.

[A]

That's rude.

[B]

Isn't that rude?

[A]

That's rude. Have you ever asked your mom about that? Been, like, why?

[B]

I have, actually. And she's like, oh, you know, the past is in the past. We gotta move on.

[A]

And I'm like, I like when parents are like, yes, I did this mean thing. I inflicted a little bit of trauma. But the past is in the past. We have to move. We got to be bigger people and just move on.

[B]

We gotta learn and grow, learn, grow.

[A]

And it's like, ma', am, I'm in a lot of therapy because of you. Wait, okay, so what's one of your top recipes? Okay, so, yeah, favorite.

[B]

I really like the anchovy pasta recipe. I also like Korean bibing guk recipe, a lot of the rest. So the concept of book is all the food that I've eaten around my travels, and then how to recreate those recipes in, like, an American kitchen using American equipments.

[A]

Like a Vitamix, sort of.

[B]

But I would not stop you from using Vitamix if you want to.

[A]

It's like, I don't know anything about cooking. What is, like, a simple recipe for someone who's just, like, a novice at cooking?

[B]

Pan con tomate. It is very simple, but it's very delicious.

[A]

It's very hard. And what is that?

[B]

So you take a tomato. You grate the tomato, and then season it with, like, a little salt, pepper, and some olive oil. And then you get a nice toast, and you take a whole clove of garlic. You rub the garlic on the toast, and you just top it with the grated tomato mixture. It sounds simple as hell, but it is so good.

[A]

It doesn't sound simple. Grating a tomato. I've never done that before. That sounds crazy.

[B]

Literally, just take a grater tomato, and go.

[A]

You're like, bitch. It's super. Like, literally, you just go back and.

[B]

Do you have a cheese grater at home?

[A]

I have many.

[B]

Yeah, you can just, like, slap it and then just grate it.

[A]

All right, Maybe I'll try it tonight.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because I did buy a bunch of tomatoes from Costco.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I'm, like, trying to enjoy tomatoes as much as as possible before the tomato season is over. Which is, like, any day now.

[A]

Any day now.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Have you ever had sugar bomb tomatoes? Yes, that's what I just bought, and I ate a bunch of them this morning.

[B]

So good.

[A]

They're so tasty.

[B]

Oh, my God. I also like scrambling tomatoes with my eggs.

[A]

Oh, see, I don't love that because it. It reminds me too much of ketchup, and I don't like ketchup on my eggs.

[B]

I get it. I get it.

[A]

Do you do ketchup on your eggs?

[B]

I do not know. I'm a purist when it comes to my eggs.

[A]

Okay. But I will Slice up a tomato with my scrambled eggs. Just not heated up.

[B]

Absolutely valid.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you so much. I have a question. So you once were recognized during a lap dance. What was that like?

[B]

Oh, yeah. On tour, we went to. I think it was like a Swinging Richard or something. Or it was like some, like, strip club. And then the promoter bought lap dances for all the Queensland. And then all the queens were getting, like, their hot lap dances from, like, their gogo dancers. And mine looks down at me and he goes, you're kimchi, right? And I was like, no, you can't get into fantasy. And then I was like, yes. And he was like, I'm a huge fan.

[A]

I'm like, no, no.

[B]

I just wanted you to be a piece of meat that's all beautiful and sexy just dangling in front of me.

[A]

I just wanted to objectify you. And now you've humanized yourself as a person with a TV in your home. Y. That's so funny. I love that so much. To be like, I know exactly who you are. And it's like, maybe you just.

[B]

It's like, really? At least wait till, like, after the lap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Yeah. After you're done, be like, hey, I'm a fan.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

That's so funny to do it during.

[B]

I know.

[A]

What other shenanigans do you get into on tour?

[B]

Me personally, I don't get a lot into, like, a lot of shenanigans because I don't really, like, go to a club or drink or, like, do drugs, but I get to witness everyone else crumble.

[A]

Crumble.

[B]

And I have recollection of everything because.

[A]

Because you're sober.

[B]

Because I'm sober. And it is very entertaining. Oh, my God. Which story?

[A]

Yeah, tell a story and you can omit names.

[B]

Oh, yeah. This one, Queen, she somehow she has, like, everybody saved on their phone with the city name. So then when she goes to that city, she'll type in the city, and then all of her trays, like, pop up. And then she'll, like, message all of them. And then they all show up to the hotel. And at one point, I literally. I'm not joking you. I saw 30 twins in the hotel lobby. And I'm like, where did all these twins come from? Like, who told them where we're staying? And they were all going to our room to party. And also come to find out she rented three different rooms to put different twings. And she was going back and forth between, like, different rooms, fucking different twings.

[A]

What a operation.

[B]

Isn't that crazy?

[A]

That is wild.

[B]

I'm like, how do you even have the stamina?

[A]

I often wonder about that.

[B]

And then in one of the cities, she picked up up another twink. And then she's like, she's joining the tour. She's going to help us, like, run the meet and greetings thing. And we're like, we don't.

[A]

We don't need help.

[B]

We have, like, actual staff, like, do that. And of course, they weren't. They were just, like, following from, like, city to city on our bunk as our little, like, boy toy, I guess. And then when she was done, she was like, all right, you got to go now. And he just kicked him off the bus, and then he had to find his own flight and on his way home.

[A]

Wow. Honestly.

[B]

Oh. And I walked into a tour bus again in the afternoon, and I caught him washing his dick in the sink.

[A]

Well, you know, you gotta keep it fresh, I guess.

[B]

I guess. Yeah.

[A]

Wash it. That's. Honestly, that's pretty wild to just be washing your dick out in the open. You could at least go in the bathroom and close the door.

[B]

Yeah, it was just, you know, like, just.

[A]

And did he say anything? Was he like, uh, oh, or was.

[B]

It like, just, like, turn around and, you know, like, zip. Just pants up.

[A]

And I'm like, I kind of love. I would love to walk into a hotel, like, reception area and just be like, oh, am I in the twink waiting room? What's going on? Why are there so many of them here?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Is it a twink convention?

[B]

And then also, like, so many queens, for some reason, really hate doing the meet and greet. Like, they, like, hate it with passion.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's kind of. They pull some stunts to try to get out of meet and greets. And that's also entertaining to watch. Like, this one time, this queen just decided to. We all, like, get ready and then, like, walk to the meet and greet together.

[A]

Because the meet and greet's before the show.

[B]

Yeah, before the show. Yeah.

[A]

Which I think is crazy.

[B]

But so then she decided to get dressed early and head to the meet and greet on her own. And we weren't even, like, late, so we were just, like, all still getting dressed. And then she started flipping out and saying, like, all of you guys were late. I've been waiting for hours. And we're like, meet and greets at 6. It's 5:55 now. She's like, I can't do the meet and greet because all these other queens are very unprofessional. And then she gets out of drag and Then goes into her room and locks it, and we're like, the meet and greet hasn't even started yet. Girl, why are you flipping out? And then because, like, the promoter is, like, too scared to confront her about it, they decide to hold, like, a group meeting and confront all the other queens. Like, we need to, like, have a meeting about your timeliness. And we're like, none of us were late. She's just pulling stunt because she doesn't want to go to the meet and greet.

[A]

Honestly, I kind of love it. Create your own reality. Get out of something. Everyone else was late. I was here early, ma'. Am. You were here before the start time. Yeah, early. And everybody else was later, so I shan't be doing it. I love that.

[B]

And now I just saw, like, the new queens, you know, like, it's up to you. It does. It only looks bad on you if you don't show up to the meet and greet to the fans. So if you don't want to show up, I guess, you know, don't show up, but don't, like, drag other people into it.

[A]

Yeah. If you don't want to do something, just don't do it.

[B]

Don't make it my problem, you know?

[A]

Also, it's like, if you're selling tickets, it's like, it's a show with a meet and greet. You kind of are obligated to do the meet and greet.

[B]

It's also really interesting, like, witnessing, like, queens that come from different backgrounds and how they deal with. With all of this. Like, a lot of the queens that come from theater backgrounds are super professional, super punctual, and super on time. And a lot of the queens that come from, like. And this is. And don't come for me. It's not all of you. Like, a lot of the queens that's never had, like, a real job, but it has only ever.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Especially like a lot of young queens, like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That just turned 20.

[A]

One house to drag Race.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To the real world. And then you don't have professional decorum.

[B]

They have, like, no work ethic, you know, so then they'll be late. They'll complain about the dumbest things, you know, they'll just not show up to things.

[A]

That, to me, is kind of wild because, like, when you sign up to be a performer, that's. That's what it is. You are a performer, and you have to be on. And you gotta do the meet and greet and you gotta perform, and you're not feeling it. You might've had a bad day. But if you have a show that night. Guess what?

[B]

Sing a sad song and just turn it around.

[A]

Sing some Celine Dion.

[B]

Yes. Bye.

[A]

My myself don't wanna be myself anymore. I hope Celine Dion hears that and then sends a cease and desist.

[B]

Yeah. I recently have meme of like, this one girl, she thinks of Celine Dion and Celine Dion like rolls. Rolls apart the window.

[A]

It's. It's so funny to me. She's like, none of that. None of that.

[B]

Over it.

[A]

I love it. Celine Dion's so funny.

[B]

Oh, she's an icon.

[A]

So much. Have you seen her live?

[B]

So I've tried to see her live three times and every time, like the day before, the day of, like, she had to cancel for one reason or another. I want to see her life so bad, but I just never got to.

[A]

I saw her in Vegas and it was incredible. I loved it so much. She told little, little stories in between the songs. Ugh. It was delightful. And the voice. The voice is there.

[B]

My biggest, like, worry in life is like, me dying or Celine Dion passing away before I get to see her perform live.

[A]

No, that shan't happen. You'll see her.

[B]

I hope so.

[A]

You'll definitely see her. Kim, we have to take another break.

[B]

Let's do.

[A]

Ooh, baby. There's a new way to experience one of the most iconic love stories of all time. The new Audible original Pride and Prejudice is not just an audiobook. It's like being dropped right into Elizabeth Bennett's world. The performances are so rich and detailed, you feel every spark of chemistry with Mr. Darcy. It stars a full cast with Marissa Abella from industry and Black Bag as Elizabeth Bennett and Harris Dickinson from Baby Girl and Where the Crawdad sings as Mr. Darcy. Plus Marianne, Jean Baptiste, Will Poulter, Bill Nighy, and Glenn Close as lady Catherine Deberg. Marissa Abella brings you right into Elizabeth's stubborn, complicated mind as she faces family expectations, social pressures, and those messy first impressions. With Mr. Darcy. And with an original score by a Grammy nominated composer, it feels vibrant, modern, and fresh. Whether you're brand new to Pride and Prejudice or revisiting a favorite, this is such a delightful listen. Listen to the new Pride and [e-mail] janeaustin that's audible.com janeaustin this show is brought to you by betterhelp. On world mental Health Day, we take a moment to say thank you to the people who really make a difference. Therapists. Because therapy, it changes lives. I've had those moments in therapy where I finally say something out loud and think, think oh, so that's what's been going on. It's powerful to have someone who listens, asks the right questions and helps you untangle the mess in your head. Especially if it's affecting your dating life. Better Help has helped over 5 million people worldwide find those moments with licensed therapists who care and show up. They've been doing this for over 12 years and their matching process makes it easy to find the right therapist for you. And if it's not a good fit, you can switch it anytime, which is super important because you need to find someone who meshes with you and that's okay. So if you've been thinking about trying therapy, take this as your sign. This World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you are ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. My listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com date me. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com/date me fall dating season is here. And listen, if you invite someone over and make them dinner, you will look like a catch. Especially if you cheat a little and let Green Chef do all the hard work for you. Green Chef recipes use fresh, organic, seasonal produce and responsibly sourced proteins so you can feel good about what you're eating. And they've got so many options from Mediterranean, gluten free, plant based, most protein packed, even gut and brain health meals. They have over 80 dietitian approved recipes every week so you can switch it up based on your mood or your schedule. The other night I had their Greek sirloin steak and oh my God. Oh baby, it was so good. It had this creamy lemon basil caper sauce that I wanted to pour all over everything. It came with roasted summer squash, tomatoes, feta, almonds and I felt like a fancy Little Chef. And it only took what, 25 minutes. Make this fall your healthiest yet with Green chef. Head to greenchef.com 50Date Me and use code 50Date Me to get 50% off your first month. Then 20% off for two months with free shipping. That's code 50Date [e-mail] 50Date Me because honestly, nothing sexier than someone who can make a healthy meal that actually tastes good. And we're back. Okay, what is if you were to go on a first date, what is your ideal first date with somebody?

[B]

Not a movie because you don't get to talk to that person.

[A]

Ah, okay.

[B]

I mean, my ideal first date would be. I mean, I'm such a nerd. I would like to go to, like, a board game cafe.

[A]

Where's there a board game cafe in la?

[B]

There was one in Glendale, but it closed, like, during Pandemic. But the other cities have one. Why doesn't LA have a. You know what, there's board game stores that you could go, but that's a little too nerdy and, like, not beautiful.

[A]

Yeah. But if it's something you're into.

[B]

Okay, let's pretend I wasn't in la. I was living in a city that had a board game cafe. Okay. I like to go to a board game cafe. I play a lot of board games. So if they're not familiar with board games, I teach them. And if they can't comprehend, like, a simple rule, I know they're not the one, and we will part ways.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

But if they ignite something in me and if they, like, if they understand the rules right away, if they give me, like a fierce challenge, we could go on a second date.

[A]

I like that. I feel like you have very high standards and I feel like a lot of people don't because. Well, I think it's fun that you're like, if you can't comprehend simple rules, you're not for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because that probably is a thing that carries on into other parts of their life. Do you know what I mean? So it means, like, the whole person just isn't good for you. I think that's a fun way to think.

[B]

And also, if you're going to be dating, we're probably have to play a lot of board games together. Just because I love board games.

[A]

What is your favorite board game?

[B]

Right now? I'm really liking this game called Fromage.

[A]

Fromage.

[B]

And then also this game called Combio Cambio.

[A]

Don't know.

[B]

Oh, we'll play. You will love it.

[A]

I like playing games with you. You're a very, very fierce competitor, Nick.

[B]

Last time we played Mafia, Nicole killed me first because we. The game started and I jokingly asked Nicole, are you Mafia? And Nicole's like, no. And then she killed me that night. And I was like.

[A]

I was like, get her out of here. And I did so good, truly, till, like, the last, last three people. And they were like, it's definitely you. And I was like, I me. And I get so well, no, I'm not gonna tell my secrets, but I do love Mafia and Bob was the one doing the, like, narration and I. Mafia's so fun.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I Love lying to friends.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Then you're like blood on the clock tower.

[A]

Oh, I've never. I've never heard of that one.

[B]

Okay, so it's a social deduction game, just like Mafia, but way more intricate. Everybody gets the role.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And even when you get killed in this game, you're not out of the game because you still participate as a ghost.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

So everybody's lying until the very end of the game and like it. Sometimes you want to be killed on purpose because you might have a role that you find out information when you get killed. So it is really fun.

[A]

Oh, that does sound fun.

[B]

It is such a popular game that there's even, like, conventions and things for it to this game. Yeah.

[A]

We played. What was it? Oh, Secret Hitler, where you were a fascist.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And boy, oh, boy, were you lying and just gaslighting in a way that I was like, this is wild. I think you won too.

[B]

Oh, I always win. Except for that one mafia game we played.

[A]

I was like, get her killed the first night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was funny because it was like Monet's friends from high school or something were also there, and they just did not trust me. I was like, y' all just met me. What do you mean? Come on.

[B]

Like, I'm in a send uwu. You're also good at monikers.

[A]

I do like monikers. That's the game with the cards, right?

[B]

Yes. We still. It's like a game where you, like, impersonate, like, celebrities and things.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

We still talk about your impersonation of Harriet Tubman to this day.

[A]

So iconic, holding a lantern. Monikers is such a fun game.

[B]

Oh, my God. Well, we should play it.

[A]

What's your favorite, favorite favorite game?

[B]

I would say probably Combio, because it's really easy to introduce people into it, but there's a lot of elements. It's a game of memory, deceit, speed, and betrayal. And every single person that I introduced game to all went in and bought their own deck, and everybody loves it.

[A]

Okay, well, maybe I'll buy it. I have a game that I love that nobody likes.

[B]

It's called Pizza or Pizza. How do you play it?

[A]

It's got little cards, and then you have to, like, get them into a shape of a pizza, and it's. It gives you a letter and a category, and you have to. Whoever says whatever the thing. It's like actors with the name of a. So if you're like Alan Alda, you get a point.

[B]

I would love to play that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Also, I really like this game called Fromage. You're a cheesemonger in France, and you're, like, competing to be, like, the best cheesemonger.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's really fun.

[A]

It sounds fun. I used to play this game on my phone. Oh, I can't remember the name of it, but you had to make, like, hamburgers for people, and then the customers would get so mad at you.

[B]

Oh, yeah, exactly which game you're talking about. Yeah. I don't know what the game is.

[A]

Called, but I loved it. And I worked in a restaurant for such a long time, and I was like, why am I putting this stress on myself?

[B]

Yeah. The games were like, Flo's Diner and things like that, where you have to, like, serve angry customers. And I'm like, this is not relaxing.

[A]

It's not relaxing in the slightest.

[B]

And, yeah, this is same with the game where, like, enemy chases after you, like, Pac man and things like that. I do not enjoy those games.

[A]

No.

[B]

Why am I being chased?

[A]

No. I'd rather get together with friends and lie.

[B]

Also, I don't enjoy games with, like, farming or fishing. I don't want to do menial labor on my day off.

[A]

Let me tell you. Animal crossing. I hate animal crossing.

[B]

I fucking hate animal crossing.

[A]

I played animal crossing during the pandemic because people were like, it's a good way to connect.

[B]

But I went to my island.

[A]

Never got a house.

[B]

Also, we'll go fishing.

[A]

We'll get boots.

[B]

Fishing is the reason why I quit Animal Crossing because I'll be on my friend's island. We'd all be fishing, and my friends would catch, like, the biggest, like, most succulent fish.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I'll be getting these stupid little guppies.

[A]

I never had a guppy.

[B]

And then it shows you, like, a stupid pun. And every time I'll see that pun, like, it would make me, like, irrationally angry. And I'm like, this pun doesn't even make any sense. Sense.

[A]

I hated it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I simply hated it.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Tim. Nook can suck my dick.

[B]

I'd rather build Legos.

[A]

Me, too. And I'm not a Lego girl.

[B]

Yeah. I'd rather do, like, underwater. Underwater basket weaving.

[A]

I would rather get waterboarded than play animal crossing.

[B]

I'd rather go work at McDonald's.

[A]

I would rather walk into traffic than play animal crossing.

[B]

I'd rather. I don't know. There's a lot. There's a lot of things I'd rather.

[A]

So many things. Yeah. I'd rather wear shoes that are too small. That actually is A nightmare when your shoes are too small or like they rub your foot the wrong way.

[B]

Yeah. Or because I have a wide foot. Same if the shoot is like narrow on the sides and it's just like rubbing on the side.

[A]

Oh, and it's just so uncomfortable. Did you know Pleasers has wide shoes? Yes, I do, and it made me so happy.

[B]

Oh, what. What size foot are you?

[A]

I am an 11 in normal shoes. A 12 in pleasers. Okay, 12 wide.

[B]

Okay. Oh, yeah, because you do a pole dancing.

[A]

Sure do. But right now I can't do it because I hurt my arm.

[B]

I went to a pole competition this weekend.

[A]

Oh, you did?

[B]

Yeah. One of my best friend was competing in it and my God, everybody there is so talented. It was like going to a drag show where everyone is talented. Like, everyone actually had, like a legit skill, you know?

[A]

That's so funny. A drag show where everyone's actually talented. I'm dying to know which queens you don't think are talented. But we'll save that for. Well, Kim, we've come to the end.

[B]

No.

[A]

Do you have any advice for single people out there?

[B]

Yeah. Give up.

[A]

I love it. Just give up. You heard it here first.

[B]

I did the fuck up and so will you. But if you're truly single out there, gay and available, slide into my dm. Because not that many people slide into my dm, so you might have a chance.

[A]

Okay, so wait, for real? Is that. Would you want that. Would you want people to slide into your DMs?

[B]

Yeah, if you've. If you made a disfarmed this podcast, you're clearly somewhat interested.

[A]

This is the litmus test. If you can listen to me talk for an hour, go ahead and slide on it.

[B]

Yeah. Come on down.

[A]

Well, I hope that someone does slide into your DMs. And also. Okay, let's. Let's be very specific. You want it to be respectful or do you want, like, hogs? Do you want dicks? Do you want dick pics?

[B]

Let me see what you. You know, I don't want to censor anything. Show me who you are as a person.

[A]

Ah.

[B]

And I will decide if it's for me or not.

[A]

I fucking love that. I really. You're like. You really have high standards. And I feel. Yes, because I feel like you're like. I haven't been into a relationship because I don't want to get hur. 1, 2. I have not met anyone who's worthy of me. That's what I'm inferring.

[B]

Oh. I mean, I guess I guess maybe that's why I'm single. And don't be scared to slide into my DMs. Worst thing I can do is ignore you.

[A]

I love that. Kim, do you have anything you want to promote?

[B]

Yes, Please purchase my books, Donatella Machine, the Live Revengers, and Kimchi the World. My makeup is widely available on Kim Beauty.com, cVS, JCPenney, Ulta.com and also love me. I. I am also available for sale.

[A]

I love that I'm also available for sale. If you like this episode of why won't you date me? You could like it, you could rate it, you can subscribe. Give me 5 stars on Apple podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me? Podcastmail.com I'll read it. Please keep them a little shorter because Mars, my wonderful producer, has had to tailor some of these just to be a little shorter. So this person writes, dear Nicole, you asked us to keep it short, and at 5:2, that's all I know how to do. So I decided I'd write you a sexy haiku. Let's tend to our farm making sweet love and moonshine. Your nice man can watch. Xoxo champagne crotch. That was nice.

[B]

Poetic.

[A]

That was nice. I liked it. It was short. It was poetic. It was literally a poem, a haiku.

[B]

Is their number in there too?

[A]

My number?

[B]

Their number?

[A]

No, their number's not in there. Just Xoxo champagne crotch. Oh, you better slide into Ken's dms. She liked that haiku.

[B]

Slide it in. Come on down.

[A]

Come on down. I don't know the. I know the song, but I don't.

[B]

Know, but it's kind of hard to sing.

[A]

Yeah, wait. Come on down. All right.

[B]

Goodbye.

[A]

Oh, you've been listening to why won't you date me with me, Nicole Byer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kanovskaya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue with guest research by Lindsay Kempf. Our VP of content at Headgum is Katie Moose, and our thieve music is a race by Mike Comate. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye bye. That was a Headgum podcast.