Podcast Summary

Podcast: Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

Episode: Surviving Beergate & Escaping Trans-Chasers (w/ Dylan Mulvaney)
Date: March 14, 2025
Host: Nicole Byer
Guest: Dylan Mulvaney

Episode Overview

In this engaging and candid episode, Nicole Byer sits down with Dylan Mulvaney — viral TikTok creator, actress, comedian, and author of the new memoir Paper Doll: Notes from a Late Bloomer. Together, they dive into navigating dating as a trans woman in the public eye, surviving the fallout of "Beergate," the complexities of queer and trans romance, the absurdity of online hate, and how humor and friendship are powerful tools for resilience. The conversation veers effortlessly between heartfelt, hilarious, and deeply insightful, giving listeners an honest look into Dylan's world and the broader social landscape around gender, dating, and fame.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Perils and Pitfalls of Rentable Fashion (02:46–04:17)

• Nicole and Dylan banter about the hazards of renting clothing from services like Nuuly; Dylan recounts her “Amish” dress malfunction, noting the sometimes well-worn state of rental pieces.
• Quote (Dylan): “Sometimes they send you the woman that came in the last outfit. I mean, I feel like they’re just delivering them with them at this point.” (03:21)

2. Musical Theater Roots and Why ‘Wicked’ is Sacred (04:07–05:29)

• Dylan discusses her lifelong love of musical theater, sparked at age 3 by ‘The Grinch Who Stole Christmas,’ and details her obsession with 'Wicked' — having seen it live 13 times and the movie six.
• Nicole admits she hasn't seen "Wicked", enjoying instead being out of the cultural loop.

3. Touring with Book of Mormon, Pandemic, and Gender Transitions (04:54–05:48)

• Dylan shares how being in the national tour of ‘Book of Mormon’ was a turning point, feeling at home performing nightly even in the “wrong body.” The pandemic pause catalyzed Dylan’s decision to begin medical transition.
• Quote (Dylan): “It’s either you bake bread or you transition.” (05:30)

4. Love, Sex, and Emotional Connections Abroad (05:52–06:45)

• Dylan reflects on being an “emotional lover” who avoids casual hookups in the U.S. and instead connects more while abroad – last pre-transition hookup being in Australia.

5. The Gay Cruise Experience and Gender Affirmation (06:59–08:02)

• Dylan headlined a gay cruise but left after four days, finding it healing that no one wanted to hook up with her — a gender-affirming experience amidst a sea of gay men.
• Quote (Dylan): “How gender-affirming to have the hot crowd of gay men... not even a sound being made... I was a ghost on that ship.” (07:45)

6. Transitional Dating: From Gay Men to Trans Women’s Realities (08:07–10:07)

• Both Nicole and Dylan swap stories about falling for gay men and the joys and challenges of post-transition dating—Dylan misses the rapport but acknowledges the changed dynamics.
• Nicole relishes the idea of negotiating fun couple activities her boyfriend is indifferent to, while Dylan is still in “fake lashes by dawn” mode.

7. Dream Partners and Dual Citizenship (10:58–12:00)

• Dylan jokingly lists her top dating criteria: not wanting to be murdered, a hot British passport, and ideally a penchant for musicals.
• She shares her favorite musical isn’t ‘Wicked’ but ‘The Color Purple’ (starring Cynthia Erivo), and how the show led to a post-breakup hookup.

8. Navigating Embarrassing Stereotypes, TERFs, and Transphobia (13:15–19:31)

• The conversation highlights the persistent stereotypes (e.g., infantilization), online hate, and defining moments like “Beergate” — a transphobic backlash Dylan experienced after partnering with a major beer brand.
• Quote (Dylan): “There was a trend to shoot at beer cans with a machine gun in my name. This one’s for you, Dylan Mulvaney.” (19:40)
• Dylan shares candidly about mental health struggles during this period, mentioning ayahuasca therapy in Peru as a turning point.

9. How Dylan Got Her Groove Back—Post-Beergate Healing (21:32–23:45)

• Post-controversy, Dylan reinvented herself as "the kissing bandit," reclaiming joy through flirtation and fun — especially at the Hollywood bar Davey Wayne’s.
• Discussion on the weird triumph of being widely hated—Nicole relates with her own viral Bahamas mishap.

10. Writing ‘Paper Doll’: Truth-Telling and Vulnerability (26:12–27:28)

• Dylan discusses the challenges of writing her book, balancing humor with deep honesty about sex, family, trauma, and resilience.
• Both she and Nicole joke about using life tragedies to get out of deadlines.

11. “Trans-Chasers” and the Minefield of Modern Dating (37:36–40:01)

• Dylan unpacks the reality of “chasers”—people who fetishize trans women—and the difficulty of sussing out genuine interest.
• She reflects on the “tricks” chasers use, the exhaustion of navigating dating apps, and the complexity of romantic preferences.

12. The Ideal Partner, and the Dilemma of Labels (54:02–55:14)

• Dylan and Nicole agree on knowing your worth in dating, and remaining open-hearted about love without boxing oneself in with rigid labels.
• Quote (Nicole): “Date anybody who sparks something in your soul... Someone who makes you feel really nice. You deserve to feel nice all the time.” (55:06)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Transitioning During the Pandemic:
  “It’s either you bake bread or you transition.” — Dylan (05:30)

• Cruise Epiphany:
  “How gender-affirming to have the hot crowd of gay men... not even a sound being made... I was a ghost on that ship.” — Dylan (07:45)

• On Surviving Beergate:
  “There was a trend to shoot at beer cans with a machine gun in my name. This one’s for you, Dylan Mulvaney.” — Dylan (19:40)

• Nicole on the Ironic Triumph of Being a Villain:
  “That’s iconic. I made so many people mad.” — Nicole (23:22)

• Dylan’s Type (Niche):
  “My type is a man that has long spider fingers that probably plays the piano, journals right when he wakes up, sips his little espresso, and when you open your eyes, he starts eating you out.” — Dylan (28:52)

• On Advice for the Lovelorn:
  “Know your worth. I’m only sleeping with and/or going on dates with people who are worth it.” — Dylan (54:02)

Fun Timestamps & Segment Highlights

• 00:00–01:47 – Ads and intro music.
• 01:57–02:46 – Nicole introduces Dylan Mulvaney.
• 04:07–04:54 – Dylan’s theater origin story; Nicole confesses never seeing 'Wicked.'
• 05:29–06:18 – Transitioning after Book of Mormon and the pandemic.
• 07:10–08:02 – Life-changing, lonely gay cruise experience.
• 13:15–15:27 – Far-right stereotypes and TERFs explained—Nicole and Dylan break down the myths.
• 19:04–21:14 – The fallout and recovery from “Beergate”; ayahuasca and self-reinvention.
• 26:12–27:01 – The struggle and delay in finishing her memoir.
• 37:36–39:12 – Spotting and dodging "trans chasers" in modern dating.
• 54:02–55:14 – Final advice for singles and the importance of emotional resonance.

Episode Tone & Dynamic

The conversation is unfiltered, quick-witted, vulnerable, and full of warmth; both Nicole and Dylan weave comedy and candor as they deconstruct the highs and hardships of queer dating, online fame, and identity. They balance serious insights with humor, and the chemistry between them makes for an engaging, thoughtful listen.

Additional Memorable Moments

• Dylan’s “royal” Irish romance adventure (44:59–48:14): Includes dance battles, secret royalty, and a storybook love affair in Dublin (“He reversed Aladdin’d you!”—Nicole, 48:26).
• Advice for single people (54:02): Embodies the episode’s spirit of self-worth and boundary-setting.
• The episode's closing banter: Nicole and Dylan joke about dating each other, swapping brow artist and bungee class horror stories, and shout out Dolly Parton’s surprise UCB visit.

Final Thoughts

This episode of “Why Won't You Date Me?” is a must-listen for its honest, hilarious exploration of the complexities and joys of dating, especially as a trans woman in the social media spotlight. Dylan Mulvaney’s journey is inspiring, and her chemistry with Nicole Byer creates a space for vulnerability, resilience, and joy.

For more:

• Dylan’s book Paper Doll: Notes from a Late Bloomer is available now (61:34).
• Follow Dylan on social media (if TikTok still exists), and Nicole on all platforms for more laughs, wisdom, and behind-the-scenes stories.