Podcast Summary: Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

Episode: The Viral Hijabi Pole Dancer (w/ Neda Momeni)
Air Date: October 3, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Nicole Byer sits down with Neda Momeni, a nurse practitioner and viral pole dancer known on Instagram as "HijabiLuscious" (not "Hijabelicious," as both note with laughter). The conversation dives into Neda’s experiences with childbirth, Muslim dating culture, estrangement from her parents, the transformative power of pole dancing, and the wild ride of going viral on the internet as a hijabi pole dancer. Along the way, the two share candid stories, joke about cultural quirks, and offer up hard-won advice for dating in the modern world.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meeting & Connection

• Nicole and Neda met at Luscious Maven, their favorite, inclusive pole studio in Los Angeles, bonding over shared classes and instructors.
• Neda gives credit to their mutual instructor Veronica, describing her as “super cool,” and the kind of person whose friends are automatically cool by association (03:06).

2. Pregnancy & Giving Birth

• Neda describes the complexities and fears of her geriatric (over 35) pregnancy, emphasizing both her medical background and personal anxieties.
  • “I was a labor and delivery nurse for five years... but I feel like in some ways that made it worse because I knew too much.” (03:43)
• She provides a visceral, candid account of induction, epidural, water breaking, contractions, and the realities of bodily functions during labor.
  • “The pain really hurt when my water broke... once that water broke, then that sends your body into like, okay, this baby wants to come.” (05:48)
• Discusses the aftermath: sleep deprivation, pushing for nearly three hours, and the difficulty of post-partum pooping.
  • “Pooping after delivery...I needed my husband to hold my hand. It was painful.” (11:19)

3. Relationship History & Muslim Dating Culture

• Neda recounts her journey from a nearly-married 24-year-old on a Muslim matchmaking site to meeting her husband the “non-traditional” way at age 29.
• She discusses the pressure in her community to marry quickly and not “date” in the Western sense, leading to rushed and sometimes mismatched unions.
  • “On paper...you’re either a husband or you’re not. Which, in theory, weeds people out.” (16:23)
• Reflects on why people often choose partners who mirror their parents, quoting a therapist:
  • “Your nervous system is going to choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.” (12:57)
• Shares the tactical nature of matchmaking—including her humorous but frustrating dealings with a Muslim matchmaker who ignored her preferences (27:48).
  • “I am not paying you to give me people who see me as second best!” (29:06)

4. Meeting Her Husband & Love Stories

• Details accidentally meeting her now-husband through friends, losing patience with traditional introductions, and making the bold first move:
  • “I took his phone and I put my number in it and I said, now you got another pussy in your phone. And now we’re married.” (30:43)
• Talks about their break-up and reunion, and the influence of familial conflict:
  • “Something in my gut told me he’s the right person—but at the wrong time.” (31:41)
• Recalls their second-chance romance, complete with “halal” (and not-so-halal) hijab-fluttering sunset kisses (35:18–36:17).

5. Estrangement from Parents & Personal Growth

• Discusses going “no contact” with her toxic parents and how jarring but freeing it was:
  • “My worst panic attacks was when I was out of danger.” (20:27)
  • “I had to fight to keep that. No contact. It’s not like my parents just accepted that.” (38:09)
• Credits pole dancing as a transformative, healing, and empowering force during this difficult life change.
  • “I needed something to take me out of my comfort zone... So I showed up to the first class prepared to be the joke here. I didn’t expect to stay.” (41:15)

6. The Pole Dancing Journey & Viral Fame

• Neda entered pole classes seeking escape and stumbled into a supportive, empowering community at Luscious Maven.
  • “Everybody was just so welcoming. They wanted to know who I was.” (41:43)
• Explains the unexpected virality of her videos as a hijabi pole dancer—drawing both harsh criticism and outpourings of support.
  • “It attracted a bunch of other women...Jokes on them. They made me popular.” (44:10)
• Shares details of online harassment, international insults, and why nothing could hurt worse than her parents’ abuse.
  • “None of you are saying anything that comes close to my abusive parents’.” (46:18)
  • “I did learn insults on an international level...There was Russian pole instructors that were talking shit. They said, ‘you look like a fat cow on ice.’” (46:57)
• Narrates her infamous pole fall during the pandemic, with dark humor:
  • “My neighbor called and goes, ‘Did you feel that earthquake?’” (48:48)

7. The Realities of Social Media & Pole Culture

• Talks about online hate, body image, and the moral judgments she receives, often from within the Muslim community and beyond.
  • “People come on the Internet not trying to accept you as a person...they’re looking to dump.” (43:57)
• Reflects on safety, community, and differing approaches in pole instruction.

8. Dating & Relationship Advice

• Cautions against over-curated dating profiles and the dangers of dating as a “performance.”
  • “Don’t treat your dates like it’s a job interview. Don’t tell people what they want to hear.” (54:06)
• Encourages authenticity—even if it means showing off your “annoying bitch” side.
• Advocates for treating bad dates like open mics—don’t over-invest, just train for the main show (the one that counts) (54:47).
• Warns against getting “diplomatized” (i.e., staying for great sex with a bad partner).
  • “Don’t let that dick deceive you too early.” (56:18)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Your nervous system is going to choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.”
  — Neda, quoting her therapist, (12:57)

• “Now you got another pussy in your phone. And now we’re married.”
  — Neda, on meeting her husband, (30:43)

• “I walked in to learn some hoe shit... Learning some hoe shit is what I need right now.”
  — Neda, on starting pole as self-care, (40:33)

• “If people want to see you as a hoe…they’re going to find reasons.”
  — Neda, on others’ moral outrage, (43:26)

• “None of you are saying anything that comes close to my abusive parents.”
  — Neda, on developing a thick skin, (46:18)

• “Did you feel that earthquake?” / “I sent her a video. I said, you don’t know this about me, Lois, but I needed a pandemic hobby.”
  — Neighbor Lois & Neda, after her home pole fall, (48:48, 49:12)

• “Do not let that man put his best D forward before he puts his best self forward. That’s how you get diplomatized.”
  — Neda, on dating with clear eyes, (56:18)

• “Don’t marry somebody that you wouldn’t divorce.”
  — Advice from Nicole’s friend’s mom, (56:49)

• “You are the same person as a friend as you are here.”
  — Neda about Nicole, affirming sincerity, (60:31)

• “I called out sick for this podcast.”
  — Neda, closing with a laugh (62:08)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Pregnancy & Birth Stories — 03:33 - 12:22
• Relationship History, Muslim Dating, and Parents — 12:23 - 25:33
• Meeting Her Husband & Love Story — 25:33 - 37:25
• Estrangement and Starting Pole — 37:25 - 41:15
• Pole Community & Going Viral — 41:15 - 47:15
• Online Hate and Resilience — 47:15 - 48:48
• Pole Safety, Competition, and Advice — 48:48 - 55:24
• Dating Advice — 53:00 - 56:42
• Nurse Practitioner 101 (and drug talk) — 57:41 - 60:08

Tone and Atmosphere

The episode is candid, bawdy, and full of humor, with both Nicole and Neda swapping raw stories and punchlines. Neda brings a warm, unfiltered blend of vulnerability and boldness—openly detailing trauma, triumph, and Instagram trolls, often wrapping up each heavy point with a joke or an empowering mantra. Nicole’s warmth and self-deprecation keep the mood light, affirming listener experiences with laughter and realness.

Final Takeaways

• Be Authentically Yourself: Both in dating and in life, putting up a filtered version of yourself is exhausting and unsustainable.
• Resilience is Key: Whether in dealing with trolls, toxic family, or the physical challenge of pole, Neda’s journey is a testament to perseverance and self-love.
• Community Heals: Finding your people—on the dance floor, on the pole, or simply with a supportive partner—can be transformative.
• Don’t Settle or Hide: Whether seeking love, breaking free from expectations, or performing in a hijab on a pole, you owe yourself the truth.

Follow Neda: Instagram @HijabiLuscious
Studio Shoutout: Luscious Maven, Los Angeles

Recommended Segment for New Listeners:
Neda’s full origin story, meeting her husband, going no-contact, and the healing power of pole dancing — 25:33–41:15